Publisher's Cuts Oops! with an epilogue 17/08/05
The CBB -> St Clare's House

#1: Publisher's Cuts Oops! with an epilogue 17/08/05 Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:25 pm


“I asked you to come in to discuss this latest book. I’m very sorry but this is another one which is much too long to publish as it stands. I had our reader go through it and she agrees that it has too much detail in it. We’ve marked up the chapters we think could be cut and also some long descriptive passages as well.”

The young woman looked crestfallen and took the manuscript he passed over, nearly dropping it as her arms took the weight of the 1,000 pages.

She started to look through, noting the many red lines, indicating which passages were due to be excised.

Her Publisher looked on with resigned patience. He had been through this before. She was inclined to try and explain every little detail. He still remembered the tussle he had had over that American girl looking on the Headmistress as a mother substitute. A whole chapter of their thoughts and emotions. Girls didn’t want to read that. They wanted adventure! Then there was that stuck up brat – what was her name? Ah, Eustacia, that was it. One book was plenty to devote to reforming her. They’d argued for hours over the other 12,000 words that took it into the next term. Then there was that nonsense of Jack and Joey getting to know each other and smooching around. Quite unnecessary. He was a Doctor, she was a Chalet School girl. Of course the silly chit would want to marry him. Then there was all that nonsense of the proposal. Girls would get ideas if they read all that flowery stuff. He was quite proud of his contribution there. “Solid lump of comfort” – it had a certain ring to it.

Then there were the characters – too many each time. She didn’t seem to want to let any of them go. Even when he insisted cutting out their story, she still wanted them included. There was that girl in the book where they took on another school, 'The New Chalet School'. Dorothy something – mousy and sallow, she was described! She didn’t DO anything except be a good girl. But the silly woman insisted her name should be left in.

It was just too confusing to carry each new character through into subsequent books as she wanted to. There would be hundreds of them. No one would want to read about what happened after they left school. All that argument about Simone growing up and being sensible. She was a perfect foil for Joey as she was. Why on earth she wanted to write about her at the Sorbonne, he couldn’t imagine. Who would read that?

If only she’d get it into her head that these were aimed at little girls, not literary critics! Who cared if it didn’t quite hang together when Cornelia fainted. It made a good strong end to a chapter. It was the same with Robin. She was a baby character, cute and cuddly. No point in worrying about her being too big to carry around.

The Author looked up in horror. “But it doesn’t make sense. Do you think it’s really likely that his Aunt would let him go just like that? You’ve taken out all his background as well. No, No and No! this time I won’t agree. They have to talk to her and the reader has to understand why she has that attitude. Anyway, it makes the Maynards look much too high handed. You’ve even taken out how they could afford it.”

Here we go again, he thought.

“No one will notice. He’s just a plot device to set the scene and link in with that crippled girl. The girls won’t care about his Aunt. They’ll be too busy getting excited about whether the crippled girl will marry the doctor. Quite frankly you’ll have to cut him out altogether if you feel so strongly about it. Change him to a girl and have another of those adoptions like the little Irish girl.”

They argued for two hours and, eventually she gave in, as he knew she must. After all he was a man and a Publisher. She was a woman and only wrote school stories.

“Anyway,” he said by way of consolation. “The readers will forget the whole incident as the series go on. It’s not as if you’re going to marry him off to one of the triplets.”

He saw the light gleam in her eyes and groaned. Some day he would have to fight her on that romance.


Last edited by patmac on Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:25 pm; edited 2 times in total

 


#2:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:40 pm


Thanks for explaining that for us Pat Laughing Laughing Laughing

Liz

 


#3:  Author: aitchemelleLocation: West Sussex PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:56 pm


LOL most enlightening! Thank you Very Happy

 


#4:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 5:06 pm


ROFL

Oh yes, that would explain a lot! Thanks Pat!

 


#5:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 5:59 pm


*giggles wildly*

Wonderful Pat!

 


#6:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 6:03 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Thats wonderful Pat thank you!! Does this mean bunnies are the gatherers of all those bits EBD wanted to include??

 


#7:  Author: JoyfulLocation: Manchester PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 6:05 pm


heehee!!!

 


#8:  Author: nikkieLocation: Cumbria PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 7:11 pm


Love it Laughing

 


#9:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 7:15 pm


Definitely explains a lot!

Thanks Pat. Laughing

 


#10:  Author: SugarplumLocation: second star to the right! PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:20 pm


Thanks Patmac!

 


#11:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:33 pm


Shocked brilliant !

it all makes perfect sense now.....

 


#12:  Author: RóisínLocation: Galway, Eire PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:40 pm


She should have selfpublished!
Cheers Patmac Laughing

 


#13:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 8:55 am


Thanks Pat. Wonderful! Laughing

 


#14:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:27 am


Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

thanks Pat. Excellent!

 


#15:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:52 am


How clever - thanks Pat

 


#16:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 10:38 am


Fantastic, Pat! That explains so much.

So are we all channelling EBD's thoughts? What about those of us whe are writing crossovers?

Thank you!

 


#17:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 12:48 pm


Excellent! Laughing

 


#18:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:23 pm


Ally wrote:
Does this mean bunnies are the gatherers of all those bits EBD wanted to include??


'Tis all your fault, Ally. You made the bunny bite again.

The sheets of paper fell to the floor, some of them with the ink running where the author’s tears had fallen. They were gathered up for shredding and then the sack of strips were taken home by the cleaner who gave them to her Granddad for bedding for his rabbits. Her Granddad wouldn’t use any other author’s paper for his prize rabbits. This one used a nice soft thin paper which made the best bedding. He reckoned the rabbits knew. Whenever he used any other author’s paper, they kicked it out of the hutch rather than sleep on it.

People laughed at Granddad who was convinced his prize rabbits were very clever and understood every word he said. The rabbits were careful to act dumb whenever any other humans were about.

Granddad was a little short sighted, though he knew every rabbit by name, and he never noticed that the shredded paper was being untangled and whole sheets being carefully laid out in order.

The rabbits were very careful not to let anyone else see know they were in fact Superbunnies, having mutated some generations before. They realised that humans were not yet ready to accept their intelligence and feared what would happen if their secret was uncovered. They had read parts of Exile which had been cut and reasoned that if humans could be so cruel to other humans, they might well do worse to rabbits.

They carefully memorised the words on the sheets of paper as they sorted them and there grew an oral tradition, passed down through the generations. There was some confusion in the stories, of course. Some were incomplete, others were whole discarded books. Some made no sense at all, being mere fragments. Slowly the rabbits filled in the gaps.

They began to specialise, some producing humorous tales from several scraps, giggling as they did so. Some favoured the tragic and found themselves chased out the hutch so their tears would not make the ink run.

There was a group, however, who developed a whole religion based on being absolutely accurate to the original Author and looked with scorn on the more adventurous stories, declaring them to be heresy.

Inevitably, most rabbits mated with other rabbits with similar views and the traits were reinforced. There was enough interbreeding between the groups to keep the gene pool strong and avoid fanaticism. Except for one group.

The Leader of the Religious Rabbits had decreed that it would be a mortal sin to marry outside the Church of the Canon. Occasionally one left and joined another group who seemed to be having more fun but once he or she had left, there was no return and the gene pool dwindled, the intelligence dwindled and imagination declined. Somehow, it seemed that they were no longer breeding like …. ?Rabbits and this became the smallest breeding line.

Inevitably, Granddad died and the rabbits were inherited by the cleaner’s son. He treasured them as his great grandfather had done and, as his mother still cleaned for Chambers, the copious supply of bedding continued. When she retired and her daughter took over the job.

It was his son who first called them bunnies when he was little and they took to the name with pride, except for the members of the Church of the Canon, of course, who declared the word to be blasphemous.

Eventually there was no more bedding and the cleaner’s grandson proved to have no interest in bunnies or rabbits as he grew up and started playing football. One day, the bunnies heard a conversations which chilled their collective souls.

“They’ll have to go. I can’t cope with them. There’s some nice fat ones in there and we’d get a good price for them at the market. A lot of people are partial to Rabbit Pie. I’ll have a word with Fred in the morning. He’ll come and collect them, I haven’t time to wring their necks.”

The next morning, the hutch was empty. The shock had forced another mutation and the bunnies had become invisible and telepathic. They made their way round the country in little groups, snatching a meal here and a meal there, nibbling at ankles to attract attention and striving unsuccessfully to transmit their thoughts to humans.

They found that Libraries were a good place to find receptive humans and also second hand bookshops but, apart from an occasional rubbing of an ankle, no one seemed aware of them.

They eventually mutated again and this time found themselves able to discard their bodies and travel along telephone wires. This was how they found receptive humans. It seemed that sitting for hours at a computer, could sensitise humans to awareness of the bunnies and some even claimed to catch glimpses of them out of the corner of their eye.

Only the Church of the Canon refused to enter into this activity, concentrating rather on those who already held their views.

And so it is today. I wonder what the next mutation will be.

 


#19:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:29 pm


Pat you are seriously unwell! Laughing Wink

 


#20:  Author: Katie, MALocation: A Yorkshire lass in London PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:35 pm


The Church of the Canon made me laugh so much! I can't stop! Thanks Pat. Laughing ROFL Laughing ROFL Laughing ROFL Laughing ROFL

 


#21:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:35 pm


Pat! That was brilliant!

 


#22:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:45 pm


Laughing very clever thankyou Pat. I can just imagine most of that happening too! *must have an absurd imagination* Mind you, if my imagination is absurd, I dont know what Pat's must be, cause I dont see me coming up with something like that! Sorry Pat.

 


#23:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:52 pm


Thank you Pat ROFL ROFL ROFL

Norbert is bouncing right next to me, assuring me that is exactly how it happened.

Liz

 


#24:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:32 am


Shocked Laughing ROFL


thankyou Pat - absolute genius

 


#25:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:15 am


Pat, this explains so MUCH!!! 'Tis a revelation, in fact - how could we not have known! Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#26:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:06 am


So much becomes clear.

Brilliant Pat! Laughing

 


#27:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:09 am


So much becomes clear.

Brilliant Pat! Laughing


ETA I don't know why this feedback has appeared twice. Maybe because Pat is doubly clever?

 


#28:  Author: RóisínLocation: Galway, Eire PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:23 am


Ooh now I understand! How clever of you Pat; did the bunnies tell you to write this?

 


#29:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:10 am


O, o, o! What a fantastic way to start the day!

Thank you , Pat.

 


#30:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:35 am


Oh this is just ace!! *giggles madly* Laughing

 


#31:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:45 am


Brilliant! Thank you Pat. ROFL

 


#32:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:28 am


*sniggers loudly* That you Pat that was brilliant Laughing

 


#33:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:31 am


What a wonderful explanation, Patmac. The problem is, it's so believable that I'm starting to wonder whether I'm barmy.

 


#34:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:05 am


Fantastic! That explains a lot! Laughing

 


#35:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:01 pm


Jennie wrote:
What a wonderful explanation, Patmac. The problem is, it's so believable that I'm starting to wonder whether I'm barmy.


Join the club! Now I know why my ankles ache Confused

 


#36:  Author: aitchemelleLocation: West Sussex PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 3:34 pm


Fabulous Pat! Chortle chortle!! Laughing

 


#37:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:06 pm


Pat - have you been taking your tablets lately?!!!

That makes a very worryingly twisted sort of sense...

 


#38:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 2:10 pm


Shocked Laughing

thanks Pat. Am a little scared that that actually made sense to me!! Embarassed Wink

 


#39:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 2:22 pm


patmac wrote:
They found that Libraries were a good place to find receptive humans


You know, I had my suspicions!

Thanks Pat!

 


#40:  Author: AliceLocation: London, England PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 9:09 pm


I've just found these Pat, they're very amusing.

 


#41:  Author: nikkieLocation: Cumbria PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:29 pm


Thanks Pat-is there any more? Very Happy
Pleeeeeease!

 


#42:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:43 pm


Sorry, no more at present - 'tis as the bunny bites!

 


#43:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 5:00 pm


Sends large hamper to the bunnies Very Happy

 


#44:  Author: Tiffany PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:44 pm


I wonder why the bunnies have chosen now to make themselves and their true history known? Is it a sign that they approve of us, or that they are about to mutate again, and want us to be watching?

 


#45:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:50 am


Tiphany wrote:
I wonder why the bunnies have chosen now to make themselves and their true history known? Is it a sign that they approve of us, or that they are about to mutate again, and want us to be watching?


They didn't tell me and I never thought of a further mutation Shocked

If they tell you anything, Tiphany, or anyone else, do share it with us Wink

 


#46:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 8:17 am


There I was, hoping for some more. Now downcast and sobbing.

 


#47:  Author: SophoifeLocation: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:05 am


Just found this and I must say it had me stroking my nose in amusement...who am I kidding? I was laughing out loud!

Thanks kindly Patmac! Also explains why my forcefields (mostly) work...

 


#48:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 1:50 am


How on earth did I miss this? ROFL
Both episodes! Laughing

 


#49:  Author: Tiffany PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:04 pm


Ohhhh, I thought there was another episode when I saw it was bumped up! *sends bunny treats*

 


#50:  Author: Elle PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 2:22 pm


*sends bunny treats too*

I don't appear to be recpetive to the bunnies, but I hope the treats encourage them for others!!!


*wanders off to find more bunny treats*

 


#51:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 3:46 pm


I can't believe I totally missed this in August!! Shocked Shocked

Pat, it's wonderful and explains such a lot! Laughing Laughing Laughing

I do hope the bunnies bite again with a little (or a lot!) more explanation! Very Happy

 


#52:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2005 10:16 pm


Pat I missed this when I was on holiday, and didn't find it when I was catching up! Wonderful! And very wicked too!

 


#53:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Thu Oct 06, 2005 10:34 pm


Brilliant. That's three drabbles that have made me giggle in the last few minutes. Long may it continue! Thanks Pat.

 




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