Joey Is Turned Into a Toad
The CBB -> St Clare's House

#1: Joey Is Turned Into a Toad Author: Nineveh PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 5:27 pm


This is a “missing moment” from Joey's brilliant story Joanna Creates a Sensation. I bear no responsibility for this appalling idea, which comes courtesy of Joey and whoever suggested somewhere that they wanted to see this. Be careful what you wish for ...

Nineveh


***

It was surprising, thought Mary Lou, and a tribute to her brevet aunt’s remaining open-mindedness, that Joey Maynard had been so quick to accept that Helen’s eldest daughter was a witch. It was not every day that a grandmother’s dearest plans for a child – leader of an influential gang of Middles, success in modern languages, a brilliant year as Head Girl followed by Oxford and returning to Switzerland to teach before marrying a doctor from the San – were turned so completely on their head and replaced by a foreign school (Scotland was most definitely foreign), foreign subjects, a foreign language of Muggles and NEWTs and Knuts, and the need to come up with a convincing set of lies to explain Joanna’s imminent absence from the Chalet School. All in all, Joey had taken it rather well.

Of course, it was possible that someone had slipped up. Not Simone de Bersac, who even in her deepest howls had managed to conceal that a good half of her misery was her late acceptance that she was utterly and definitely a Squib, nor any of a succession of heartbroken Continental girls sobbing in music rooms. Absolutely and definitely not Mary-Lou herself, who was very careful these days about persuading people into accepting things. No, it seemed that Joey had simply taken the news well and, in her own inimitable style, was tackling it with the determination to make the best of things. But even the one and only Mary-Lou was sometimes wrong. Long, long before the despatch of Joanna's Hogwarts letter, Joey Maynard had known that her granddaughter was a witch; known it, moreover, from painful personal experience.

***

 


#2:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:37 pm


Laughing - this looks like an excellant beginning Nineveh - will be interested to see how it continues. Thanks

 


#3:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:40 pm


I never knew that about Simone. Is that OOAO's secret as well? Thanks for this, Nineveh?

 


#4:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:27 pm


interesting, Nineveh!

so I take it from the title that Joey was turned into a toad by someone who didnt quite know she was a witch yet!

 


#5:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:27 am


oh, I do hope so!!! Twisted Evil

 


#6:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:25 am


Ooh this looks rather fine, thanks Nineveh Very Happy

 


#7:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:32 am


Eagerly awaiting the next bit, Nineveh.

 


#8:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:07 am


Hurrah, you've started posting it, Nineveh!

I disclaim responsibility for this, too. It was Lesley who asked for Joey Maynard to be turned into a toad, and Nineveh decided to write about it. Ok, so I then "reminded" her several times about finishing it, but I think we should blame Lesley.

It's very funny. You'll all love it.

 


#9:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 2:29 pm


Laughing Laughing

Thanks Ninevah.

 


#10:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:02 pm


Thanks Ninevah! I look forward to more... *hint hint* ! Very Happy Very Happy

 


#11:  Author: Nineveh PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:11 am


Quote:
I never knew that about Simone. Is that OOAO's secret as well?
Well there's got to be some reason that Simone, Odette, and all the other wailing French appear to be suffering a greater culture shock - with a lot of similarities between them - than most other girls!

Section Two:

One of the hazards of a predominantly red-headed family is that whilst instant and unquestioning obedience is of course highly desirable, it is not the natural state of a toddler with a stubborn streak and a temper, and takes great effort on the part of parents and guardians to attain. Thus when three-year old Joanna and Jackie showed reluctance to come indoors from the threatening storm and preferred to stay playing on the rug in the Freudesheim garden, their grandmother, left in charge whilst her eldest triplet delivered the keynote speech at a conference over in Wien, did not think twice about being firm.

‘Now, twins, don’t argue, it’s time to go indoors. Jackie, pick up Teddy, there’s a good boy.’ The hand not holding the blue stuffed bear reached up sticky fingers to Grandmamma’s own hand. ‘Come on, Joanna, there’s no need to fuss, we can carry on playing in the nursery.’

‘Don’t want to.’ Joanna’s dungaree-clad bottom remained firmly in contact with the tartan picnic rug.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ said Joey calmly, ‘but you must do as you are told. Mamma will be very disappointed if I have to tell her that Joanna’s been a naughty girl.’

Under the darkening sky, a lower lip began to tremble. Joey decided that enough was enough.

‘Jackie, go and wait in the hall. Joanna, get up now.’

‘Don’t WANT TO!’

The first flash of lightning cracked the sky, a sky that was suddenly a good five feet further away from Joey Maynard, and everything looked very … strange.

 


#12:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:33 am


More cliff-hanging to do! Thanks, Nineveh.

 


#13:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:37 pm


*snickers*

More soon please Nineveh!

 


#14:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 5:03 pm


Laugh out loud, Vikki, you know you want to.

 


#15:  Author: nikkieLocation: Cumbria PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 8:49 pm


Jennie wrote:
Laugh out loud, Vikki, you know you want to.

I soo did!
thanks nineveh

 


#16:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:11 pm


I laughed too - thanks Nineveh!

 


#17:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:01 pm


I like Joanna and Jackie being stubborn. Thansk, Nineveh.

 


#18:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:57 am


Brilliant!

Hoping for more soon! ;)

 


#19:  Author: BookwormsarahLocation: Cambridge, UK PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 4:21 pm


Wonderfully satisfying to think of Joey [1] becoming toadified, albeit briefly Laughing

[1] Maynard, not CBBer of course.

 


#20:  Author: Nineveh PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:31 am


Thanks all for joining me in sniggering at Mrs Maynard's pain ... here's more of it.

***

It was in black and white for a start. Blurred, too - it was hard to focus on anything that wasn’t moving. Joey screwed her eyes shut and then opened them again, but it was just the same. Her head ached dreadfully and she seemed to be much lower down. Had she been struck by lightening? It seemed to be the only explanation. A horrid shock seized her – what had happened to the children? However odd she felt, she must get up and look for them. But everything looked so funny, black and white and much, much bigger - and she had a very strange urge to stick out her tongue. Joey raised a hand to rub her eyes … and screamed.

‘Cro-ack!’

‘Grandmamma!’

‘Cro-ack! Cro-ACK! CROA-AACK! ACK! ACK!’

‘Grandmamma?’ The little red head swung from left to right. ‘Where’s Grandmamma?’

 


#21:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:39 am


Snigger, snicker, chuckle, chortle.

 


#22:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:48 am


You know, I'm enjoying reading this in short chunks even more than when I read the whole thing at once.

Thanks, Nineveh, it's great.

 


#23:  Author: LauraLocation: London (ish) PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 10:38 am


Oh gosh. You've made me feel sorry for Joey! What with your drabble and Ray's drabble, I might have to start liking her again soon Shocked

Thanks Nineveh.

 


#24:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:10 am


Poor Joey. I hope the kids won't get into too much mischief now they think they've been left to look after themselves.

 


#25:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:29 am


*sniggers* Oh poor Joey Laughing Laughing Laughing

Thanks Nineveh

 


#26:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:24 pm


*chuckles*

oh dear, what a shame. Joey appear to have met with a slight accident....

 


#27:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:48 pm


Jennie wrote:
Snigger, snicker, chuckle, chortle.



Hmmmmm....
How did I KNOW you'd like this one Jennie? Wink


*looking forward to the next bit!*

 


#28:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:59 pm


But if Joanna doesn't know where she is, assuming this
Quote:
The little red head swung from left to right. ‘Where’s Grandmamma?’
is Joanna, how is Joey going to become a human?

Oh sorry, become a human again?

 


#29:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:22 pm


Perhaps 'become a human' is the correct way to say it.

poke Vikki.

 


#30:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 5:28 pm


Jennie wrote:
Perhaps 'become a human' is the correct way to say it.

poke Vikki.



Owww!!!!
What was that for?

 


#31:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 1:24 pm


I felt like it!

 


#32:  Author: Nineveh PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:23 pm


I *love* the little stick-poking graphics.

A very short section, this.

*

It was to Joey’s credit that she did not panic. True, she seemed to have become, temporarily no doubt, disoriented, even perhaps delusional as a result of the lightning strike, but that was no reason to give way to hysterics and she hadn’t spent most of her life in close contact with the Chalet School for nothing. A passing delirium that she had turned into some sort of amphibian was no excuse to abandon her responsibilities, and it was clear that a young deluge was about to begin at any moment. Resolutely Joey crawled – moved, she corrected herself – towards her granddaughter, strenuously resisting the urge to flick her tongue at a passing bluebottle.

 


#33:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:28 pm


The trouble with reading funny things at work is that I suffer from a tendency to snort. Loudly.

Thanks (I think).

 


#34:  Author: BethCLocation: Worcester, UK PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 10:46 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing
Thanks, Nineveh!

 


#35:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 1:00 pm


I'm managing to supress the chortles with much difficulty.

A wide inane grin, my colleagues are used to, me sliding off my seat with mirth might raise questions Confused

*makes note to read this at home in future*

It's great Ninevah. Thanks.

 


#36:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:24 am


And what would a panicking toad do?!! Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#37:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:09 am


Just caught upwith this - wonderful!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing

(Did I really ask that Joey Maynard be turned into a toad? Oh well!)

 


#38:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:04 pm


You did, Lesley, many thanks.

 


#39:  Author: Nineveh PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:18 pm


Yes, it's entirely Lesley's fault. Herein, the final part.

*

‘Grandmamma?’ The lower lip gave way in a howl. ‘Joanna wants Grandmamma back now!’

And that was that. There was another crack – a second lightning strike? – and Joey found herself lying on the grass at the edge of the rug with her granddaughter looking on wide-eyed. After a nervous inspection of her limbs, which proved all present, correct, and nicely covered with human skin, she scrambled up, swung Joanna onto her feet, and swiftly collected the remaining toys and rug into a basket. Joanna, seemingly cowed by the experience of seeing her grandmother laid out flat in from of her by two successive bolts of lightning – for that was the only explanation – trotted meekly towards the house.

In the hallway, Jackie sat on the floor wrestling with his shoelaces.

‘I saw a frog!’ He exclaimed in a voice of great importance as Joey came through the doorway. ‘I saw a magic frog.’ He stretched out a foot towards his grandmother who bent down to untie the laces – and noticed a large wart on the back of her hand that had most certainly not been present half an hour ago.

‘Did you, liebling?’ she asked weakly. ‘We shall have to hunt for him after the rain and put him in the vegetable garden to eat the slugs.’

‘Slugs!’ echoed Jackie. Joey finished untying the second shoe and turned around to where Joanna was standing quietly behind her. It was absolutely impossible to believe what happened, but Joey was absolutely certain that it had. All in all, the arrival of Minerva McGonagall on the Gornetz Platz was to prove something of a relief.

 


#40:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:44 pm


What a disappointment, I was hoping she'd have some real adventures as a frog.

 


#41:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 3:34 pm


Thanks for this, Nineveh. It helped explain why Mary-Lou didn't go to Hogwarts.

 


#42:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:19 pm


Thank you for a rather magnificent tale Nineveh. By any chance, are there any other special childhood experiences of Joanna's you would like to tell us more about? Very Happy

 


#43:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:46 pm


Wonderful tale! Laughing And I totally refute all allegations that it was my fault! Laughing Wink tongue

 


#44:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:56 pm


Yes, it's definitely your fault, Lesley! Here is the evidence, from Page 14 of Joanna:

Joey wrote:
Quote:

Laura wrote:
Quote:

Lesley wrote:
Quote:

Could someone please turn Joey into a toad? Just for a day or two?



What do you mean, just for a day or two?! At least a week...



Does that mean you don't want any drabble for a week?

Can do. Smile

Joey (from the bottom of the pond).


Remember now?

Right, I'm off home - have a great bank holiday, all Brits!

 




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