The CBB :: View topic - Job Criteria

#1: Job Criteria - for Ali Author: CBB Secret Santa,

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:30 pm

This is meant to be the Job Description the Chalet School should have sent out with application forms for staff members:

1. Even if you have sat for hours planning a lesson, it will all go to waste if the weather is fine for winter sports or going down to Lake Thun.

2. Be prepared on long walks for someone to have a nasty accident. These happen about once a year or even twice a year.

3. When you’re not teaching, most of your spare time will be spent usually doing unnecessary supervision.

4. It is necessary to look out for a doctor to marry.

5. If a Russell/Bettany/Maynard girl (please delete as appropriate) is in trouble, whatever the crime, be more lenient than you would with any other girl for the same crime.

If anyone has any other ideas, they are welcome to suggest them.

#2: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:37 pm

Ooooh Santa, sounds a good game - what about "French and German to be good enough that if you lived in either of these countries you would be able to get by without using your own language as staff are expected to correct the girls on their use of the language, and to coach them until their accent is perfect if ever they hear them either using the wrong language (shock, horror) or if their accent is poor.

#3: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:03 pm

What a wonderful idea Santa!

What about...

It is necessary to turn a blind eye to everything Mary-Lou does which is out of the ordinary and praise her for her leadership/responsibitily/quick action/bravery/level-headedness/friendly manner (delete as appropriate) after the event

#4: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 11:31 pm

Thanks, Secret Santa. Ali is very lucky. I'm afraid I can't think of any extra points though!

#5: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 8:45 am

How about being prepared to go next door for afternoon tea with one of our Old Girls, who will then ring the Head to discuss what she thought of you!

&, of course, preference will be given to job applications from people who are Old Girls themselves.

& anyone who tries to bring in new ideas - Miss Bubb! - will be vilified and shortly afterwards dismissed.

Sorry, am being a right sarky cow this morning Laughing

#6: Author: alicat,

Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2005 2:51 pm

Wonderful

Can I add:

Preference will be given to those experienced in constructing fancy dress costumes from the bare minimum of materials, and with a fund of ideas for entertaining girls of different ages on a budget

and

Please remember to include among your personal effects trivial items suitable for use as spot prizes eg handkerchieves, soap

and of course

This job is not suitable for those suffering from eating disorders.

Is adding
'Divorced female teachers need not apply' too contentious??? Twisted Evil

#7: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 12:16 pm

Must be able to decorate a large Hall in an afternoon, including making paper flowers.

Ability to climb pine trees to cut off branches to decorate the hall.

#8: Author: Alex, Location: Cambs, UK

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 9:44 pm

Ugly people need not apply.

Fat people will be considered, as long as they are happy/cheerful.

Familiarity with the works of Josephine M. Bettany would be an advantage.

#9: Author: Róisín, Location: Vancouver for now

Posted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 11:28 pm

*rofl* at all the replies.

"You must be exceedingly pretty, or at least pretty enough to stand out as such in such a place as say, a crowded train station."

"You must be able to 'perch' as this is the preferred method of relaxing in the staffroom of the Chalet School mistress. You may 'perch' on any available surface ie pouffe, seat, table, couch.'

"You must smoke."

"If you *are* fat, you must provide us with a photo of your thin elder sister, so that we may ascertain that you will end up like her."

#10: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 6:08 pm

You must be trim and trig at all times, unless you have just spent the night in a hay filled barn, in which case a slightly dishevelled appearance is acceptable!

#11: Author: RuthY, Location: Anyone's guess

Posted: Fri Dec 23, 2005 9:56 pm

Nothing to add but I'm loving all your ideas thank you they brightened my day.

Ruth

#12: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2005 7:00 pm

Usual confidentiality rules do not apply to Mrs Maynard - it is expected that you will discuss all girls with her.

The CBB -> St Clare's House

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