This is a horrible bit of doggerel that's been fermenting in my head for the last couple of days -- hope posting it here gets it out of my system
I was arguing with my guardian
so she sent me off to school:
when I met the escort mistress,
I could barely keep my cool!
Then they gave me lots of textbooks,
(which was really rather strange,
as I hadn't met Miss Dene yet,
my time-table to arrange).
Some girl said, "I'm your sheepdog,"
and we argued quite a lot
as she told me what I must do, and
more importantly, must not.
When she mentioned the three languages,
I really got a fright.
I only knew three German words,
and none of them polite!
But I tried to settle down
and soon was playing up in prep,
gaining order marks and enemies
(but not enough to get upset).
I next met J.M. Bettany,
who asked me home to tea
and gave me copies of her books,
all of them for free!
Then nemesis fell on me:
I'd left my cubey in a mess.
When Matey came inspecting,
she was very unimpressed.
So she hauled me out of lessons
made me put it all to rights,
then gave me sheets to sides-to-middle
while the others danced all night.
I was feeling rather angry,
and about to run away,
but then Mary Lou did spy me
and smiling asked, "Qu'est-ce que c'est?"
For of course, it was a French day!
and I didn't know what to say
so we quickly switched to English
and she helped me on my way.
Very soon, it came to half-term
and we took a big field trip,
got trapped on top a mountain
and we almost got frost-bit.
But some doctors came and found us
and they squashed us in their car
(it was just a small two seater
but we weren't going very far).
Back at school, we all had hot baths.
Matey even gave back rubs,
using up her special ointment,
as she went from tub to tub.
I now know "Bon jour" and "Gruss Gott"
(*try to learn ten words a day*),
I've taken up a hobby,
painting on enamel trays.
I've never won Tom's dollshouse
but I had a tiny role
in an end of year festivity,
dancing round a flowered maypole.
And I love being a Chalet girl,
it's the best school, honor bright!
Hope to come back as a mistress.
Hope to marry Dr. Right.
