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Dr Venables (repost)
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=2445
Author:  Lisa_T [ Thu Apr 12, 2007 11:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Dr Venables (repost)
I have tried to format this. It was a difficult task. The story was mixed in with some very...uh... odd yibbling, some of which I have retained for it's entertainment value. (Vikki was involved. Need I say more? :wink: ) Ray, it has to be said, was the person responsible for turning a perfectly ordinary little drabble into Something Completely Different. I am mildly disturbed that my input was higher than I remember! :oops: Also rather sorry that the end part has totally gone. Remember Hilda and the James Bonds? *cackles*

So, without more ado....

***

Dr. Daisy Venables took a final affectionate look around the Saal at Freudesheim. Any minute Jack would drive her to the Great Sanatorium at the other end of the Platz for her first day of work as a Junior House Officer. She was excited, of course, to be finally a part of the institution that had grown up alongside her. At the same time she was almost unbearably nervous, and was having serious thoughts about hiding in her room and never coming out.

'Ah well,' she said to the room at large, 'I'll be back in a few hours, I suppose.'

'That's right, chin up old thing!' came Jack's voice from the doorway. Daisy spun round to meet him.

'Come on then! Don't want to be late on your first day, do you?' he asked with a grin. Daisy answered with a brave smile and they left the house.

A little way along the road, Jack spoke again.

'Look, Daisy-girl, I know you're feeling nervous about this, it's only natural,' he flashed her a look of understanding and continued, 'there are a lot of hopes riding on your placement here. You're the first female doctor we've had at the San. I'm not saying this to make you feel worse, on the contrary, you should be proud that you're the first. I know you'll make a success of it, and you do too, I think.'

'Thanks Uncle Jack,' said Daisy shakily, 'I am nervous, but I think I can succeed. I- I'll try my best, anyhow, and Saints can't do more.'

By now they had reached the San, and Daisy walked through the main doors with her head held high.

Meanwhile...

Mr. Matthew Qualtrough sat alone in his small flat in the suburbs of Edinburgh and read the letter which had just arrived for him. A bubble of excitement rose in his chest. He'd got the job! He, Matt Qualtrough had a job at one of the most prestigious girls' schools in England. Or not in England, he corrected himself with a wry grin.

'Switzerland, here I come!' he exclaimed.

Meanwhile, there was something of an uproar in the Staff Room at the Chalet School. The Head had just broken the news that, for the first time in the school's history, they were to have a resident master..


Hilda Annersley regarded the mob - and there was no other term for it - dispassionately.

Finally she said, "We have been in need of a dedicated science teacher for some time now. Dr Qualtrough is excellently qualified for the position. He will be joining us for the coming school year, and will initially be teaching only the seniors. Madame stated - and Nell and I agree whole-heartedly - that it was more important to get the most qualified person, both academically and personally, for the position and not to worry about whether or not they were male or female."

"It is," Nell Wilson added, a twinkle in her eye, "after all, the 1960s not the 1860s!"

That brought forth a burst of laughter and neatly defused what had been promising to be a serious argument.

Apart from a few mutterings there was very little conversation about the new master that day.

The next day soon arrived and with it Matt the science master...
Author:  Liane [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:14 am ]
Post subject: 
I have heard a lot about this and the start looks great!
Thanks Lisa
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:24 am ]
Post subject: 
I am intrigued especially with all the hints about Ray turning this into something different to what it started.
Author:  Lisa_T [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:26 am ]
Post subject: 
Kathy Ferrars, an old hand now at meeting and greeting new members of staff and school, was duly dispatched to Interlaken to meet Matt off his train. She had been armed with a physical description, courtesy of Rosalie: He was around six foot tall, with dark hair and brown eyes. It wasn't much to go on, but for all that, Kathie wasn't nervous about whether or not she'd successfully meet her charge, it had been arranged that she would be waiting by the exit gate.

The train arrived and disgorged its passengers. A mix, Kathy noted, of late season tourists, locals and the odd business man added in for good measure.

"Excuse me?"

The lilting Scots voice drew Kathy from her observations. Looking up, she found her mouth going dry.

"Are you Miss Ferrars?"

"Please, call me Kathy," she replied, hoping she didn't suddenly sound ridiculously nervous, "Dr Qualtrough?"

"Matt," he answered, smiling.

Kathy found the starch leaving her knees completely at that. He was heart stoppingly gorgeous. His dark hair was short cut and straight, lending it a spiky appearance - although she was more than willing to bet the spikes were silky soft to touch - while his eyes were deep, dark pools of chocolate that danced with a humorous light. High cheekbones and a patrician nose completed the effect.

"Welcome to Interlaken," Kathy finally managed to mumble, a blush now painting her cheeks. "This way," she directed. And please let me not make a complete and utter fool of myself.

"Lay on MacDuff," Matt quoted with a smile.

Kathie Ferrars smiled weakly and lead the way to a little motor car which took them up to the school. They drove on in silence, Kathie to stunned by this man to say anything and 'Matt' unable to take his eyes of the beautiful scenery. By and by the pair arrived...


Finally gaining the Platz, Matt let out a low whistle. "That's some road," he observed.

Kathy had to laugh at that. "One term for it," she agreed.

"Reminds me of my home," he continued.

"Oh?"

"I'm from the Fort William area," he elaborated. "A little hamlet just to the north, to be strictly accurate - and the family house is at the top of a drive just like that road." He smiled boyishly. "I'll bet it's fun going down."

Kathy laughed again. "It's certainly a good test of the brakes." She pulled into the wide, sweeping drive that led to the school. "And this is Chalet School. Welcome."

Matt took a moment to study the building they were pulling up before. Despite its size and the attached extensions and buildings, there was something instantly homely and welcoming about it.

When Matt came to report to the study he discovered Miss Annersley was busy interviewing a new pupil. As he waited outside, feeling a little like a delinquent, he was the object of much attention from all those who passed him. He began to colour slightly, which rendered him all the more attractive, and might serve to explain why Gwen Aran, on exiting the study, did a double take and almost walked into the wall, so intent was she on admiring Matt.

Gwen headed rapidly into the middle's commonroom after picking herself up from the floor. How embarrassing!

"You will NOT believe what I've just seen standing out side the Abbess' study!" she yelled.

"Quiet!" hushed several people. "Don't want to have the prefects in here first day of term."

Gwen moderated her tones. "Sorry - but honestly; you'll never guess!"

'WHAT!' cried the room full of middles, even though Gwen was new she had been with many of them at the KG and so she felt quite at home.

'There's a man! A beautiful man! He's standing outside the study!' cried Gwen.

There was a moment of stunned hush in the middles' common room, the like of which only occurred once in a very blue moon. Then everyone spoke at once:

What

Gwen sighed, 'Just what i said you goops a beautiful man! Why, i could just kiss him you know!' exclaimed Gwen, her eyes dancing with delight.

'Oh Gwen, i think he's a teacher, the new science master, you couldn't kiss a teacher!' said Veronica a more conscientious child who was much less worldly than Gwen.

'Ronny, even you could kiss him, he's marvellous!' sighed Gwen, throwing herself back onto a chair in a thoroughly love struck way.

'I say Gwen, you can't do things like that, old Matey will have our guts for garters she will!' said Holly, one of the more level headed girls in the room.

"He is drop dead gorgeous!" said Gwen "And I don't care, so there!"

By now some of the more frivolous girls were gathering round Gwen demanding more information.

"Go and see for yourselves" was all she would vouchsafe "He's peachy, that's all I'm saying, and he's in the Abbess' study right now if you want to have a peek!"

Gwen settled back in her armchair, subsiding into her own daydream from which she refused to be drawn.
Author:  Lesley [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:39 am ]
Post subject: 
It started so sedately, didn't it? :lol:
Author:  arky72 [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:41 am ]
Post subject: 
Well! I am intrigued!
Author:  aitchemelle [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:38 am ]
Post subject: 
So, was it *intended* to be a serious drabble that got dragged off into something else!?
Thank you for reposting Lisa! :)
Author:  Lisa_T [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:30 am ]
Post subject: 
Yes. I think Emily started it as a nice little drabble about Daisy Venables at the San. Then the auto-censor got involved and ....let's just say our collective brains took a nose dive into the gutter.

NB: generally anything enclosed in sets of asterisks is yibbling extracts..

*

Meanwhile in the study, Miss Annersley gave Matt a very steady gaze. Eyes that had never yet needed glasses took in the faint flush of embarrassment on the young, Scotsman before her. She realised a little something of the cause and she smiled reassuringly.

"There is," she said, "something of a novelty value to you at this moment. You are our first master in one of the core subjects." Matt nodded. "So you will have to forgive some of our more...impressionable pupils. I trust that they will not step beyond their bounds..."

"And I certainly won't encourage them!" Matt finished hastily.

At that, Miss Annersley smiled a little wider. "I'm sure you won't. Lady Russell and I have every faith in you as a person and as a teacher."

"However," she continued, "young girls of a certain age have a tendency towards sentiment and romance which in this establishment we discourage. If you do detect unnecessary whispering and giggling which you deem to be inappropriate I would ask you to nip it in the bud or alternatively bring it to my attention at once. I have great faith in our girls (and the majority of them are very responsible but I have no doubt that one or two may see fit to foster what I can only describe as improper thoughts about you. This must be discouraged immediately. Now then, I do not wish to dwell on maybes. Are you settling down comfortably in your quarters?"

Miss Annersley continued to make chit chat with Dr Qualtrough for the next few minutes and then dismissed him, explaining that she would see him again at Abendessen. Matt returned to his room somewhat dazedly.

The initial pride and excitement he had felt at his appointment to such a prestigious school was now being eclipsed by the responsibility he was feeling. Oh how he hoped and prayed that the "girls" would not prove to be as hormonal and silly as he had observed in his younger sisters and their friends!

Matt Qualtrough looked around the spacious, comfortable bed-sitting room which had been allocated to him, and decided to finish his unpacking and ensure that all his possessions were stowed away neatly.

After completing this, he looked out of the window, and seeing that it was a fine afternoon, decided that he would go out for a walk to stretch his legs and get his bearings on the Gornetz Platz. He swiftly changed into suitable cord trousers and a heavy sweater, and pulled on heavy socks and his walking boots.

He found his way to the office to let the Head's secretary know his intentions, but found that Rosalie Dene was almost as tongue-tied as Kathy Ferrars had been. He told her that he was going out for a short walk and would be back in time for Kaffee und Kuchen, and left the school by the side door. As he walked down the path, he reflected that apart from Miss Annersley, the women staff seemed to be remarkably tongue-tied. Still, he consoled himself, Rosalie Dene was obviously a very busy woman with a highly responsible job.

He turned onto the road, and began to walk past what seemed to be a small hotel or pension. Just as he was level with the gate, he saw a woman in her forties running down the path towards him, calling out his name.

Wondering who she was, he courteously stopped and waited for her to reach him. As she drew closer, he saw that she was quite tall, with brown eyes and dark hair arranged in a somewhat old fashioned way with plaits wound into ear-phones over her ears. The thought shot through his mind that he had not seen hair arranged in that way since his great-aunt Mildred had died at the age of ninety-two, but he managed a pleasant smile.

She immediately addressed him. 'I'm Joey Maynard, the very first pupil that the Chalet School ever had. My sister, Lady Russell, owns the school. I wanted to welcome you to the Gornetz Platz, and to let you know that you are always welcome at Freudesheim, our house.

'I always have the new people over to tea on Sunday afternoons, so I'll send an invitation. Now, my lamb, if you have any problems, any problems at all, just let Hilda Annersley know that you've come over to Freudesheim to see me, so we can talk it over, and I'll do what in me lies to help you sort it out.'

Matt was absolutely amazed at this, and wondered if his jaw had dropped all the way down to his chest.

Mrs Maynard, however, carried on gaily, 'My husband is the Head of the San further up the Platz, you'll be able to meet him soon I hope, and we’ll introduce you to our long family. You'll soon be able to tell one of our babies from another, and I'm sure you'll enjoy their company'
Just as his mind was beginning to reel under the onslaught of this flood of information, Matt saw that a vision was approaching them down the path.

His bemused mind took in the long, rich, chestnut hair which curled down her back, the violet-grey eyes, the well-cut lips and firm chin, and all at once he realised that here was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his life.

'Oh, hello Len dear, this is the new science master at the school, a Dr Qualtrough. Dr, this is my eldest, Helena Entwistle, married and a proud mama of quads!' delcared Joey introducing her eldest daughter with pride.

'Good Lord, quads, thats unusual!' said Matt, his wonder at Lens beauty forgotten for a time.

Len laughed her pretty rippling laugh that reminded matt of a little brook, 'Not in our family really, i'm the eldest triplet and there are a couple of sets of twins in my family not to mention the cousins. You can't meet the other girls because they are all at school but i can certainly introduce you to my four, they are identical girls!' and with that Matt was willingly lead by Len into her home which resided right next to her mothers.

***
*Must remember that as a successful chat up line next time I meet a drop dead gorgeous hunk of a man - "Wanna come see my quads?". Query - does one say this with or without a leer?*

*splutter*
*goes away to fetch a cloth*
*wipes screen and keyboard*
Ray *making note that the usual food and drink warnings apply*
****
Author:  Fatima [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:03 pm ]
Post subject: 
And they're identical :shock:

I'm almost speechless!
Author:  leahbelle [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Really enjoying this, Lisa, thanks!
Author:  Lesley [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
It was KB that started it, Lisa - don't you remember, in RCS Hilda interrogating her about it? :wink:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 7:00 pm ]
Post subject: 
I remember that ok- but I could have sworn it was someone else who started the thing. Oh well.

Next bit:

With a sinking heart, Matt realised that , as matters stood, he would never be able to develop a close relationship with Len Entwhistle. As a married woman, she was forbidden fruit. He wondered despairingly whether he would hate her husband on sight, or whather he would find him tolerable.

What Matt did not realise was that, under her show of happiness, Len was feeling trapped and resentful. She had realised very soon after her wedding that she did not love Reg. Her pregnancy had put a great strain on her, especially as the whole family had erupted in paeons of delight that she was producing the first quadruplets in the family. She began to realise then that the future for her was very bleak indeed.

Listening to her mother's chatter, Len realised that the family assumed that she would go on to have many more children, a prospect that filled Len with dread.

But now, here in her salon, sat a man to whom she was not only attracted, but with whom she had fallen fathoms deep in love at first glance. Under her gay chatter, her mind was working furiously. Inwardly she began to curse her parents who had refused to listen to her doubts about her forthcoming marriage when she had tried to discuss it with them after her graduation from Oxford. She also realised that her lukewarm affection for Reg had already turned to indifference and dislike. She realised that what she really wanted was to be free of the entire situation, parents, siblings, husband, children, school.

She no longer wished to be 'one of the best Head Girl's we ever had'. She was bored with motherhood, wanted out of her marriage, and she despaired of her mother ever growing up and realising that that no-one actually cared about the history of the Chalet School any more.
Len's inner anguish grew.

****
Mein Gott!
I feel sorry for Matt here - first Daisy, then Kathy(ie?), then Rosalie now Len...with a few middles thrown in for good measure...
And do we all have it in for Reg on here?
Ray *cowering before yet another plot bunny*


Everything will be resolved when Matt <sigh> reveals he is actually one of six identical brothers, ranging nicely in age to suit all the women currently lusting after him.
Would this be the point at which he should also reveal that his parents established a boys school in the Highlands which is currently seeking to merge with a nice girls school in order to become co-ed?

*I'm afraid Reg is going to die later on, you see my mum was just saying he should die in a tragic accident...ha ha ha ha ha!*

***
Despite Lens growing boredom with mother hood she introduced her four little girls, all identical and all charming children who had recently reached the grand old age of four. 'Say how do you do to the nice man girls. Dr Qualtrough let me introduce Harriet, Erica, Olivia and Catherine.'

'Oh, what beautiful little girls, i don't know how you tell them apart!' exclaimed Matt, most captured by what he saw. Each of the girls had chesnuty read hair arranged in a pair of plaits, bright green eyes and petite little figures.

'They are rather aren’t they i just wish i had something else you know, oh not more children - but a job, a life, then i feel i could have more affection for them.' poured out Len, Matt had gone red again at this outburst of feeling so hastily changed the subject.

'Hmm, is your husband here? Did you say he was a doctor.'

'no, then yes. He's abit of a hero my husband, off making house calls to the mountain people.' said Len, none to affectionately.

'Oh, i see.' replied Matt, a little uncomfortable at Lens obvious contempt for her husband, nevertheless the prospect pleased him no end!

They sat in silence for a time but then suddenly Joey burst in, tears streaming down her cheeks, 'Mother, what on earth is the matter?' asked Len standing up, she was used to her mother bursting in in a whirlwind every so often.

'Oh Len, i'm awfully sorry, its Reg, he's, well, he's dead!'

***
(ok?)

Let's not get this over and done with too quickly, please.
There's an awful lot more we can put in. What about an intervention from OOAOML?

***
Len asked, with great relish, "Tell me every little detail of how he died! Was he in great pain? Did he suffer terribly?"

'Oh Len i cannot shield you from the truth he died in intense agony, he fell over the edge of a cliff and was impaled by the horn of a mountain goat, he bled to death, Reg i mean, not the goat.' replied Jo, tears glistening in her eyes.

'I see, poor goat.' replied Len, nt in the slightest bit sad. Joey didn't see that though, she called for Jack to administer a sedative thinking her daughter must be indulging in shock.

***
*laughs* Love the line about the goat...
Wonder where in the wild blue heck this is going to go next...
Ray *taking precautions*
***

Matt suddenly realised that this was an intensely personal conversation and murmuring his excuses left to go back and share the glad - sorry sad - news of Reg's passing with the staff at the school.

He entered the Staff Room looking suitably miserable. A small dark woman came up to him and flashed him a vivid grin, and he suddenly found himself thinking that she must have been very attractive in her own way twenty (or thirty?!) years before.

"Matt, is it not?" she enquired. "I am Jeanne de Lachennais. Would you like some coffee?"

Feeling a little dazed, Matt agreed. Mlle, peeking at him through her lashes as she poured the coffee, suddenly twigged that the handsome young Science master (sorry if I got that wrong) was not looking as enthusiastic as could be expected of a new CS teacher.

"We all hope that you will enjoy it here. But why are you looking so unhappy, cherie?"

Matt's face grew even longer.

"I've just been talking to Mrs Maynard and Mrs Entwistle next door. They've had bad news."

Those members of staff who overheard this went white.

"What was it?" asked Rosalie Dene, who had secretly nursed a crush on Jack Maynard for decades.

"I'm very sorry to be the bearer of bad news so soon in my career here, but it seems that Dr Entwistle has been killed-"

"Thank God!" exclaimed Rosalie.

"Not before time too," interjected Nancy Wilmot, head of Maths.

"Good for Len!" applauded Kathie Ferrars, Nancy's second in command. "What did she do to him? I hope it hurt!"

Matt's jaw dropped at this. However he had expected the Staff to react, it was certainly not like this! The cogs in his brain began to whirl...

What on earth had he got himself into? Was this a coven of murderess or what? Only time would tell as they convened for the first staff meeting of term.

So decided, he took up a convenient seat and used his thingy to stir his coffee while Miss Annersley prepared to lead the meeting.

Of course, in doing this, he scandalised the entire rest of the staff, and gave himself a very nasty scald on his "thingy"! (Which Matey was more than happy to administer to!!)

***
Author:  Pat [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Ah! The delights of the auto-censor!!!!
Author:  Han [ Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:42 pm ]
Post subject: 
Can someone explain to me what happened with the auto-censor? Unless its one of those things that loses a lot when it's explained, in which case, I don't want to know.
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:29 am ]
Post subject: 
*g* Oh, it's very simple. The auto censor at the time had a rooted dislike to a variety of words. 'Spoon', for example. Also 'twat' You could not say 'Weightwatchers' as one word, for instance, because it got turned into Weighthingychers which was just.... odd. People tested it with some less polite words, and oddly enough, the censor had no issues with that! :D :D

***

Next door a scandalised Joey Maynard was watching in shock as Len proceeded to cut her hair and bleach it blonde.

"I've always wanted to do this Ma, but at last I'm free to do so! I'm free of all control! Nobody can tell me what to do anymore! Mawahahahahahahaha!"

"But Len darling, just wait for Papa to come and give you a little dose, and then everything will be fine again darling."

"You might like living drugged to the eyeballs, but that's not the way for me! I'm off to staff meeting - I'm sure they would love to have me back teaching once again!" and saying this,

Len swung herself out of the open window and sprinted off to the school.

The newly transformed Len seemed to have had a personality transplant. She waltzed into the staff room, interrupting Miss Annersley in the process. That lady raised her brows at her, but Len ignored her completely, not even apologising for her entrance. The Head then found to her dismay that for once neither clapping, tapping, raising her hand, or speaking was sufficient to regain order or the attention of the staff, for they had rose as a collective body and had gone to congratulate Len on both her new look and her recent widowhood..

......with the exception, of course, of Matt and Matey, who were in the school san, while Matey held Matt's thingy under cold running water, to ease the burning from the hot coffee!

"You are a very lucky young man," said Matey "the burns are only second degree, they could have been a lot worse! Now, I'm going to bandage this up for you, but you'll have to come to me three, no, four times a day so that I can change the dressing for you"

(Matron was pleased with herself for having a reason to handle this gorgeous hunk of manhood four times a day!)


*becoming slightly appalled at being in any way, shape or form involved with this... production*
Author:  Sugar [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:35 am ]
Post subject: 
he took up a convenient seat and used his thingy to stir his coffee

the autocensor used to censor a wide range of words incuding the obvious swearing and decided to include spoon along with with more usual sexual terms.

There was also a time when Liss altered "more" to big pile of porridge, when we went through a spate of typing "more please" rather than a considered response to a drabble.

Both have caused much hilarity.
Author:  Dawn [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 12:48 am ]
Post subject: 
I'd forgotten just how good this was :lol:
Author:  Kathryn [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 1:36 am ]
Post subject: 
Don't worry, remember :rofl: it gets even better *chortling away quietly at remembering the whole saga*
Author:  Cath V-P [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 2:30 am ]
Post subject: 
I discovered bits of this in the archive a year ago when I had far too much time on my hands......definitely memorable..... :lol:
Author:  Tan [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 4:28 pm ]
Post subject: 
Definitely intrigued!
Author:  Ruth B [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
*weeps*

D is on the phone to his parents so I'm practically suffocating in an attempt to not laugh out loud!
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sat Apr 14, 2007 10:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Did you read it the first time round? My parents thought I'd taken leave of my senses.

and... :oops: ...I forgot to copy the Dr Venables file to my memory stick, which means that unless someone else has a copy floating around their hard drive, you'll have to wait til tomorrow night before any more. I'm at my parents' tonight.
Author:  Miranda [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 1:14 am ]
Post subject: 
This is very amusing :lol: I spluttered at

Quote:
'Oh Len i cannot shield you from the truth he died in intense agony, he fell over the edge of a cliff and was impaled by the horn of a mountain goat, he bled to death, Reg i mean, not the goat.'
Author:  KB [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 2:20 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm appalled at being blamed for this once again! It was the one thing I was very glad the TEM actually destroyed, as it seemed to have got me off the hook. (And Lisa was right - I didn't start the story, but I was one of the very early participants who led it down, um, a different path from the one that was initially intended... :oops:

(I'd look more ashamed if I wasn't giggling so hard!)
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 3:05 am ]
Post subject: 
Hi KB.

You only got involved after rather...uh.. strenuous teasing. That's what I remember, and since my copy has a certain amount of yibbling still attached, that's what the yibbling says.

:D :D :D
Author:  Kathy_S [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 5:21 am ]
Post subject: 
Goodness, I don't remember all of this. :lol:

*hopes Lisa has the bits with Hilda & Amelia Peabody and -- whoever else it was. James Bond? Dr. Who?*

Speaking of Amelia, for the first time in years Elizabeth Peters has failed to produce a new Amelia this spring. Clearly this leaves it to Lisa, as her heir apparent....
*suffering withdrawal*
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:38 am ]
Post subject: 
All I can say I'm glad Lisa T has made a come back especially with this. (Can you hear the cheering from over here?)
Author:  Lesley [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:39 am ]
Post subject: 
KB didn't start it? Well why didn't she say so years back when I was writing original RCS? :roll:

Oh well, never mind, t'was good fun last time round and great to re-read it all. :lol:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 5:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
Because what you wrote in RCS is fairly ambiguous, Lesley, I think. KB gets blamed for something in Dr V, but I don't think she was blamed for the thing itself. Since KB was unquestionably involved in actually writing it.... it was fudgy enough. Besides, at that point I think we were all more worried about what the heck you were going to do next! :lol: :lol: :lol:

*recently reminded of the night Lesley silenced the board...

...before subsequently breaking it...*

:twisted:

Quote:
*hopes Lisa has the bits with Hilda & Amelia Peabody and -- whoever else it was. James Bond? Dr. Who?*

Speaking of Amelia, for the first time in years Elizabeth Peters has failed to produce a new Amelia this spring. Clearly this leaves it to Lisa, as her heir apparent....
*suffering withdrawal*


*cracks up* Me, MPM's heir apparent? I hate to think what she would say to that! *equally miffed about no more Amelia..*

Unfortunately my copy of Venables doesn't extend to the Bond bits, which are a real shame. They were hysterical. Wasn't there a number of Bonds who turned out to be Hilda's sons or something?
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
The madness continues:

Later that evening, Matt came to Matron's door, complaining of severe pain! She examined his wound and quickly realised it was beyond her capabilities. So she phoned the San and asked them to send a doctor to treat an infected scald.......

......Meanwhile, three miles away, at the San, Dr Daisy Venables was sitting in the doctors' lounge, (wondering why she had only appeared in the first post of the five page thread bearing her name!!) when Matron Graves popped her head 'round the door, to say that there had been a call-out to the Chalet School, and since the other doctors were all busy, would Daisy mind popping along there! Glad of something to do, she grabbed her bag and hopped on her bike...........

Arriving at the school, Daisy was met by a harassed looking Matron. "Oh Daisy, would you mind looking at Matt's thingy for me? He scalded it earlier in the day and despite me buttering it, it seems to have got infected somehow!"

"You buttered his what?" asked Daisy in confusion.

"His thingy, you know, whatchoomacallit, ah, his LEG." replied Matron. Suspicions had been going around for a while, which Matron was totally oblivious of, being such a kindly soul as she was.

"But why on earth did you butter it?"

"Standard first aid remedy in this school Daisy, as you should well remember! Butter a burn and slap a decent piece of steak over a black eye. Oh dear, you've got your head filled with all kinds of new fangled notions haven't you my dear? I knew sending girls to medical school was a mistake. You should have come straight to me after school and I could have taught you all you would need to know to work in a girls school!" replied Matron.

Daisy groaned and rolled her eyes, wondering not for the first time why on earth her aunty Madge seemed happy to fill the school with senile old bats who had never heard of female emancipation. And these were the same women with responsibility for bringing up the next generation of young womanhood!

Making her way towards the san, Daisy was distracted by the sounds of an apparent riot occurring in the staff room. "What on earth - ?" she gasped out.

"Nothing to worry about Daisy - the staff decided to throw an impromptu widowing party for Len. I handed over the medicinal brandy for the occasion. Although they seem to have had liquor stashed in all kinds of unusual places" added Matron with a frown, recalling the sight of Rosalie Dene hauling bottles of vodka from out of the stationery cupboard.

....Of course, the real shock had been when Rosalind Yolland had produced the huge can labelled "turpentine", announcing with a grin "Don't worry, it's really gin! Now, has anyone got any tonic water?"

With a deep sigh, Hilda Annersley gave in to the general rejoicing, and nipped upstairs to fetch her own personal supply of single malt scotch.

'This'll put hairs on our chests,' she said gleefully. 'Now then, before the merriment really commences, I just want to say a few words. Len, my dear, I am so pleased to have you back on the staff here. Once the funeral is over, you must leave the children with your mother, and nip off down to Berne for a dirty weekend. Incidentally, I've been thinking. What good is a day off? I'm going to re-organise the timetable so that we all get at least two weekends off per term. It's about time we all started to live a little.”

Having dealt with Matt's burnt thingy, Daisy popped into the staffroom to join the party! Opening her medical bag, she produced several dozen ampoules of methadone and an equal number of syringes, and passed them round.......
Author:  Lesley [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:40 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh this is bringing back memories! :lol:
Author:  ElKel [ Sun Apr 15, 2007 10:58 pm ]
Post subject: 
You know, I had the strangest flashback when I read about Matt stirring his coffee. . .!

Er, the staff (right now) isn't in need of an English Lit teacher*, by any chance? It's just that I have rather a taste for, er, "turpentine", doncherkno, and I'd be quite happy to sit in on the current staff meeting :wink:

*Not that I have a teaching qualification, or anything, but that doesn't seem to have stopped the CS from hiring people in the past. . .
Author:  Lisa_T [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 1:50 am ]
Post subject: 
Well, hang around and you may find out.
*trying to remember if any English mistresses were killed during this drabble*

Just as the party was starting to go with a swing, Jo Bettany arrived, enveloped in a huge shawl. Throwing this garment on to a chair, she declared,

'Hello folks, I've just popped over from my own little shanty for a quick visit. Are you having a staff party? Oh golloptious. Now, where's the paper. We could have a nice game of Book Reviews, and then Subject and Object. Len, my lamb, do you think you ought to be here? It's long past your bed time, Matey will have a few words to say to you, if she catches you.

At this, all Len's pent-up fury erupted.

'Get out of here, you stupid woman. At last I can tell you what I think of you. You ruined my childhood, you ruined my schooldays, you made me marry a man I didn't even like, and now I'm free. Well, since you liked Reg so much, you can take care of the quads. I'm going to be too busy leading the Chalet School Liberation Army to want to bother with them any more.
Any way, you haven't had a book published for years, you know they won't accept them any more because they're too old-fashioned.'

Joey tried to smooth things over. 'Now then, my lamb, calm down. I'll just go and phone Pappa and he can come over and give you a nice calming dose of medicine.'

At this, Len leapt at her mother, grabbed her, yanked the pins out of her hair, and seizing a handy pair of scissors, cut off both her plaits.

Waving them in the air, Len yelled, 'The first exhibit for the Liberation Museum.'

She then gave herself a large tumbler full of Rosalind Yolland's gin and began to dance wildly around the staffroom.


. Len and the rest of the staff preceded to remove their bras, chop off their plaits and throw them into the fire, the mixture of burning nylon and hair gave off a truly foul smell which sent them running out of the room, leaving the elderly jo behind. The staff brandishing scissors ran round all the dormitories removing bra's and cutting off plaits, ready to burn, they then went to the cookery and sewing rooms and destroyed the contents.

Hearing all the noise going on downstairs, and the sound of racing footsteps, Matt, who had returned to his room feeling miserable and in great pain from his scalded thingy, decided to go to bed, and hope for a better day on the morrow.

Upon hearing the crashes and bangs from the destruction of the Home Economics rooms, and especially the noise of Frau Mieders kicking all the preserving pans from one end of the Cookery Room to the other, he decided that he would lie on his bed, but would not get undressed and get into it. Before doing this, he slowly pushed the huge chest of drawers in front of the door, and also got out a large coil of rope which he left next to the window in case he needed to escape quickly from the school.

A he lay down, he reflected that it had been a strange day, especially given the reputation of the Chalet School. Then his thoughts turned to Len Entwhistle. So tragically young to be widowed, she would need help and support, and he doubted whether her mother would be capable of offering any to her. Quite clearly, Joey Maynard was living in the past, and believed that he was a schoolgirl.

With these thoughts in mind, he dropped off to sleep.

He woke up the next morning feeling exhausted. He'd been having the strangest dreams. He'd seen the most beautiful woman ever be tragically widowed, and then watched her so called friends throw a celebration party. Matt shook his head to clear his brain. And then hadn't the dignified Headmistress of this prestigious establishment joined her Staff in what could only be described as an orgy of drinking and bra burning? Quite definitely a bizarre dream, induced by the pain of the wound in his thingy.

He stretched and got out of bed just as his bedroom door flew open to reveal..
Author:  Elle [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 7:47 am ]
Post subject: 
:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:


More please!
Author:  Ruth B [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:40 am ]
Post subject: 
Lisa_T wrote:
Did you read it the first time round? My parents thought I'd taken leave of my senses.


Nope this is all new!

Note to self: Do.Not.Read.In.The.Office.
Author:  brie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:42 am ]
Post subject: 
more more more
Author:  Carolyn P [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:39 am ]
Post subject: 
Big Pile of Porridge!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Thanks for re-posting this Lisa....I did read the first time round but had forgotten just how mad it was! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:51 pm ]
Post subject: 
It was wonderful the first time round, and even better now. It's odd how many of the finer details you forget, isn't it?
Author:  Pat [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 8:55 pm ]
Post subject: 
'Finer' details? :twisted:
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, intricate, um er. Will slope off out of the thread now before Auntie Pat asks any more awkward questions.
Author:  Carolyn P [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Pat is good at asking awkward questions! :lol:
Author:  Catherine [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:11 pm ]
Post subject: 
I'd forgotten how utterly mad the board was back then ... although, having a pure and ladylike mind, I had nothing to do with the writing of this!

Carolyn P wrote:
Big Pile of Porridge!

:lol: :lol: :lol:



I'd forgotten about Big Pile of Porridge!!
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Taps catherine on the shoulder and goes 'Oh, really?'
Author:  Lisa_T [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:33 pm ]
Post subject: 
*rofl at thought of finer anything entering into this* This was our 'blue' period, wasn't it? Most of the 'multiple authors' stories in ID date from the same era.

*


The shrew-like woman who was his landlady, who was in a fine temper.

"Och, you with yer screaming and yelling!" she exclaimed. "Ye've kept all ma guests awake all night!"

*ray runs and hides before the assorted Scots on the CBB lynch her for the stereotype accent*

...Karen the cook wearing little more than a suggestive look upon her face.

Groaning Matt rolled over and faced the wall. Why on earth had he accepted this post? He knew he should have gone to that nice Malory Towers down in Cornwall!

He decided there and then that he would apply for a position at Trebizon. As far as he knew, not a single member of staff there had ever shown the slightest trace of insanity, and he'd be able to live off-premises in a nice little flat.

At that moment, he was distracted by Len Entwhistle who arrived carrying a breakfast tray for him.

She sat on the side of his bed and smiled demurely.

'I'm sorry our conversation was interrupted yesterday. Mamma does make such a fuss over trivial things. I'm coming back to teach Modern Languages on the staff here, just as soon as the funeral is over. Oh, don't look so surprised, we were educated to be strong women, not spineless jellyfish. Mamma can look after the children for me. I know that Anna has retired, and Rosli got married and left as soon as her own family came along, but really, Mamma is always boasting about how she brought up her own long family, so she won't have any problems about bringing up the quads.

”The real reason that I came to see you was to ask if you would like to come to Berne with me today. I'll borrow the school car, and we can drive down. I need to go to the hairdresser's and to buy some new clothes. It's about time that I had something a little more up to date to wear. Reg was such a drag, he liked me to dress modestly. Don't worry about your classes, the girls are being turfed out for the day while the timetable and curriculum are being revamped. We've decided to bring the school up to date.”

At that moment, Daisy Venables entered his room.

'He's not going anywhere until I've given him a thorough examination.'

Len looked at her cousin, and said nothing, until she saw the gleam in Daisy's eye.

Then she said, 'Daisy dear, you know you've been booked for that new doctor at the San, so run along and don't get in my way. Wome's Lib may have arrived at the Chalet School, but it hasn't been heard of at the San, so you'd better go and start your own revolution, and not muscle in on mine.”

Matt decided that he would drive down to Berne with Len, it would give him the chance to book a ticket home. With any luck, he would be able to escape from her, and then he would abandon all his possessions, and make for the UK.

It was not that he did not fel attracted to Len, more that he felt that he had been landed in the middle of a madhouse, and he was not sure that he could cope.

Meanwhile, Daisy had gone stamping off to the San to begin her day's work.

On arriving at Berne Matt had become so overtaken by Len's passion and beauty that he forgot his ideas to return to the real world and trebizon and he willingly followed her around.
Back at the school, Matt still unable to remove his eyes from Len they all heard the new curriculum, uniform and rules, layed out by the head teacher,

'Ahh, i'm glad your all here. It's time this establishment was brought up to date, it hasn't changed since the early 1930's.' began the head, Matt still drooling (literally) over Len.

"Anyway," said the Head "where was I? Oh yes! the new curriculum. Now, for a start, we have decided that the girls really ought to know a little more about their own bodies. They will be having lessons them about menstruation, sexual congress and pregnancy. I came across a rather good series of video cassettes which describe things in quite a bit of detail. Just the thing for schoolgirls' enquiring minds!"

"Then we have the uniform, this will now be a gentian blue miniskirt (which may not be worn longer than seven inches above the knee), and a V necked white blouse, with the front tied in a knot to expose their belly buttons, which will all be pierced. Every girl will be issued with a belly button ring containing a fake jewel, the colour of which will indicate which house she is a member of. We feel that this uniform will be attractive and should prove popular with the girls. Now, does anyone have any questions?"

'What about make-up?' asked Kathy Ferrars. 'Surely they'll need lessons in the correct application of eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick?'

'Their shoes.' said Nancy Wilmot. 'They won't want to wear lace - ups any more.'

'Will we still be taking them for rambles on Sundays?, queried Miss Charlesworth.

Miss Annersley smiled at them all. "In future, Sunday's will be given over to recovering from hangovers. Anyone who wishes to give instructions in the correct manner of being sick as a dog in the toilets is most welcome. I however, will be spending Sundays in attempting to smuggle my latest lovers out of the school without any of the girls noticing."
Author:  Carolyn P [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:50 pm ]
Post subject: 
Oh dear.

One of our more 'interesting' periods wasn't it!

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 9:54 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wasn't it just! If this was written now, I imagine it would be situated very firmly in St Mildred's.

Ahhh *feeling nostalgic*
Author:  aitchemelle [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
I wish I'd been there!! :)
Author:  Aquabird [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:08 pm ]
Post subject: 
:lol: This is absolutely hilarious!
Author:  brie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
aitchemelle wrote:
I wish I'd been there!! :)


me too....
Author:  Rosie [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
Wish you'd been at the CS at this point?!

I can't work out if I was silently lurking (I know, hard to imagine isn't it?!) at this point, or joined shortly after...
Author:  Lisa_T [ Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
Well, you can be. None of the saved versions are complete- there was an extra bit about Hilda, Dr Who, the Daleks and a collection James Bonds which appears to be forever lost.

I suggest that those people who are new since this was written, or who did not participate the first time round (the original participants know who they are! :wink: ) finish this classic of CBB insanity so that a line can finally be drawn under it. :shock: :shock:

*

"I was wondering," said Nancy Wilmot "what about boys? Surely if they're going to develop properly into well rounded very *friendly* persons (sorry, I mean women), then they need boys to flirt with, and to practice snogging with!"

"Oh, that's all been organised," said the Head "we've found a good boys school, down in Interlaken, and the boys will be bussed up here every third weekend. On the other weekends, our girls will go down to the boys school on one weekend, and then the third weekend our girls stay here and the boys stay at their school. After all, it won't do them any good to spend EVERY weekend together. This will also facilitate our weekends off of course! Oh, and you'll be interested to know that some of the masters at the school are rather yummy!?!"

Fast and furious the discussion flew around the room, each mistress determined to put in their tuppence worth.

"I'm throwing out this old piano and sheet music" cried Miss Lawrence, "it's time we got a proper sound system so the girls are prepared for clubbing and raves"

"No more still life pictures" grinned Miss Yolland "I'm going to take my art classes down to Innsbruck College where they have nude models"

"I'm going to throw out all the English set texts and bring in some racier books .... and revamp the library!"

"I'm going to .."

In their excitement the staff were all shouting at once and none of them listening until a frantic knocking on a desk by Miss Annersley called them all to order.

Meanwhile, back at the San.

Daisy Venables had stamped out of the Chalet School feeling thoroughly irate. Having been thwarted in her attempts to acquire the luscious Matt as her own chosen companion, she strode back to Freudesheim to discover that Jack Maynard had left his car keys in the ignition. She backed the car out of the drive and hurtled off towards the San, with Jack running desperately behind, waving and shouting at her to stop.

When she arrived at the San, she marched smartly into the entrance hall, where she discovered Dr. Peters talking to a young man wearing a white coat , with a stethoscope round his neck.

'Daisy, I want you to meet our newest recruit, Dr Jamieson. Daisy is helping us out here at the San.'

'That's Dr. Venables to you both, and I'm not helping out as you put it, I'm here to practise medicine. Now, if you'll both get out of my way, I'm off to see my patients.'

With that, she stormed off to the wards, where she discovered that her orders for anti-biotics had been countermanded.

After obtaining the necessary information from the nurses, she walked determinedly to Matron's Office. There, she made it plain to the astounded woman that when she prescribed treatments, those treatments were to be administered, and the nurses were not to ask for second opinions.

Feeling thoroughly energised by this, she then accosted Neil Shephard, and informed him that it was high time that he undertook a prolonged period of retraining in modern methods, including antibiotics.
With a glow of satisfaction at having kicked so much a-s-s, Daisy returned to her patients, and then went to her office to brood over her next step.

sitting in her office she grew more and more sure that she wanted the Dr Qualtrough as her lover but she was worried by the very wholesome attitude of the school, how on earth was she to have a relationship in a school that had such archaic rules. She obviously hadn't banked on the new developments that were going on at the school, the library was being filled with copies of Mills and Boon, the girls were hitching up their skirts, tying up their blouses and being fitted with piercings. A teacher called Denise Doreen Feild had began to round up the heavily obese children and was planning to put them all on the Atkins diet so that they might have equal numbers of sexual partners as their contempories, after all the school was very keen on confidence building.

Daisy of course new nothing of this when she set out for the school, planning to do a measles check. When she got their she saw three 15 year olds dressed in their new attire and naturally thought it was the middles latest.

'Young Ladies, i don't believe it Georgina Maynard, what are you wearing?'

'Our new uniform Daisy!' replied the daughter of Charles Maynard blowing a large bubble gum bubble.

Daisy frowned, then smiled, they were telling the truth, that meant she could get her Matt!

Matey greeted Daisy warmly, keen to hear all about her experiences at the San before beginning the measles check. She still half suspected that Daisy method's were a little modern in their approach but she had been a capable Games Prefect in her time and Matey had every faith in her. As it happened, the latest approaches being adopted by the school were even having an effect on the small wiry lady in her her trig uniform and she was secretly pleased when Daisy recounted a story of one-upmanship over Reg Entwistle.

"He was unbearable Matey, really" she explained. "This poor man had travelled all the way from England with suspected TB but I just knew his symptoms weren't presenting as TB so I told Reg so ..."

"In no uncertain terms, I'm sure" smiled Matey, who knew her Daisy. "What was it?"

"Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" replied Dr Venables authoritatively and then tok pity on Matey who was trying but failing to show her puzzlement. "It's a disease that miners get that affects their lungs. If Dr Entwistle had stopped to find out about the patient and his background then he would have made the right diagnosis"

'Well, i dare say we may no longer fear Regs incompetance, you are here to do a check for measles i hear.' said Matron, getting down to business in the brisk way that was hers.

'Yes and no matron, i am also gpoing to give them all a number of vaccinations, TB, smallpox and measles.'

Matron summoned all the girls to her in batches of tens in order for Daisy to administer all the vaccinations she had thought of (including Rubella for all those aged thirteen and over, along with a talk about the benefits of vaccination for babies)
Author:  leahbelle [ Tue Apr 17, 2007 1:21 pm ]
Post subject: 
This is brilliant! :D
Author:  brie [ Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
thanks
Author:  Lisa_T [ Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
It was at this point that this drabble went from the mildly to the completely insane, with the violence escalating accordingly....

Several of the girls were stunned and not very happy with the latest developments the school was experiencing, but Matron summoned the prefects, recognisable by their funky eyebrow piercings, and sent off those girls to have a talk.

The prefects sat the younger girls round in a circle. "What's the problem?" they asked. One of the younger girls, Photophynia Smith, looked up at the face of the Head Girl.

"I don't know that mummy will like everything that's been happening here lately," she said.
"She sent me here on purpose to keep me away from girls like we're now becoming. I quite liked our old uniform and curriculum!"

"Oh grow up!" replied the Head Girl (name anyone??) "It's about time this mouldy school moved into the twentieth century - maybe then it'll be able to catch up on the twenty first at some point!"

While this conversation was developing into a heated "discussion", Matt was wandering around the school, looking for something to do. Miss Annersley had declared all lessons to be in abeyance until she had time to revamp the curriculum and time-table, and this was unlikely to take place any time soon as she was currently lying drunk under a table in Speisesaal.
Again.

Hearing the sound of raised voices, he entered the prefects room and found the girls at each others throats and tearing chunks of hair fromeach other. With a groan, he left the room and ran smack into Daisy.

"Well, hello big boy!" said Daisy with a flirtatious smile. "And how are you today?"

Matt recognised the signs and tried to run, but Daisy had wrapped herself around him and as he tried to run, he tripped and landed on the floor with Daisy lying on top of him, just as Len walked around the corner . . .

Later on that evening Miss Annersley awoke with a stinking hangover, she should have never mixed all those drinks. Hilda looked around her and wondered what had suddenly woken her up, then she remembered that she had been having dreams about that nice new young man Matt.

"Oh no" she gasped "I don’t think I should be having these sort of dreams at my age, It must have been all the alcohol!!" Miss Annersley then got up and staggered into the nearest Splashery where she was violently sick. She then washed her face with ice cold water and proceeded to the Staff Room.

Inside the Staff Room it was chaos, the mistresses were all bickering about who would be the first to conquer Matt. Hilda swept into their midst shouting. "None of you will be the first to conquer him, I am the Head of this worthy establishment so i get to have the first date with Matt!!" The other mistresses all looked at Hilda in astonishment, as far as they had been concerned Hilda was past thinking about men.

"Hilda, are you feeling quite OK" Kathy Ferrars began "Is this a symptom of the menopause??"

"No I am quite well thank you Miss Ferrars" Hilda retorted "Any members of staff attempting to get to Matt before I have had my turn will immediately be sent to Mrs Maynards for the remainder of this term!" with this threat the mistresses were silenced.

Meanwhile Matt was wondering what on Earth was happening at the Chalet School. He had heard about its brilliant reputation as a centre for academic excellence where the staff were dedicated to getting the best out of their students, he almost thought he had come to the wrong school. Matt was that scared by all the rampant females that he didn’t want to leave the safety of his bedroom which he had secured by wedging a bookcase against the door handle. He was just thinking about ways to make an escape when he heard someone knocking on his door...

"Please can i come in Matt?" the voice said which he recognised as being Miss Annersley's "I think that we need to have a talk about the latest developments here at the school."

Matt was unsure whether he should let Miss Annersley into his room, he decided that he would prefer if they held their meeting in the comparative safety of her study.

"Is it OK if I come and see you at 19:00 hours Miss Annersley" Matt asked "you see I am in the middle of bathing my thingy, its still rather sore and Id rather come and see you later."

"No problem Matt" Hilda replied "I'll see you in my study for a chat at 19:00. I'll have some refreshments ready for us."

"Right thats the first part of my plan sorted" Hilda thought to herself "Now for the second and most important part"

Hilda then proceeded to Mateys room where she knew that she could find the drug she needed to make Matt feel drugged and sleepy but not too sleepy...
Author:  Kathy_S [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:08 am ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
"Please can i come in Matt?" the voice said which he recognised as being Miss Annersley's


Definitely insane.
Imagine, Miss Annersley using "can" rather than "may," not to mention "i" .... :lol:
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 1:34 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm horrified. I never picked that up and Hilda has me writing 'May' all the time now! :wink:
Author:  KB [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:23 am ]
Post subject: 
Kathy_S wrote:
Quote:
"Please can i come in Matt?" the voice said which he recognised as being Miss Annersley's


Definitely insane.
Imagine, Miss Annersley using "can" rather than "may," not to mention "i" .... :lol:


Considering Matt had a bookshelf against the door, I imagine 'can' would have been the operative word here!
Author:  Kathryn [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:17 am ]
Post subject: 
Lisa_T wrote:
Well, you can be. None of the saved versions are complete- there was an extra bit about Hilda, Dr Who, the Daleks and a collection James Bonds which appears to be forever lost.



It might not be as lost as you think.........
Author:  Lisa_T [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 3:39 pm ]
Post subject: 
Woo hoo! Kathryn, I think it'd be a good idea to post it once I exhaust my file. Assuming it's wanted, of course..
Author:  Tan [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:34 pm ]
Post subject: 
KB wrote:
It was the one thing I was very glad the TEM actually destroyed, as it seemed to have got me off the hook.)


Just wondering what the TEM was?

I am loving this. Memo to self, must not read this while on switchboard.
Author:  Lesley [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 6:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tan wrote:
KB wrote:
It was the one thing I was very glad the TEM actually destroyed, as it seemed to have got me off the hook.)


Just wondering what the TEM was?

I am loving this. Memo to self, must not read this while on switchboard.


The TEM was the Thread Eating Monster - a dreadful monster that used to gobble up entire threads back in 2003/4. It was responsible for eating the very first Real Chalet School thread back when I'd been writing it for only a couple of weeks. Luckily I had saved all my posts to a Word doc so was able to re-post. The TEM then moved on the gobbling up other threads and, at the same time, cloning RCS - at one time I think there were 3 or 4 copies of it!


Liss blamed me, publically, for the collapse of the board the following February! :lol:
Author:  Pat [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:32 pm ]
Post subject: 
I don't know about causing the collapse, but you certainly silenced it!!!!!
Author:  Tan [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:07 pm ]
Post subject: 
Thanks Lesley. I knew I had seen the reference before but couldn't figure it out. I think I remember the collapse of the thread, may have been in my lurking days 8)
Author:  Lisa_T [ Wed Apr 18, 2007 8:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
Shall we say she was responsible for both? :rofl: :rofl:

"Heres what I need" she exclaimed "Really, Matey should lock away her drugs more safely given the current circumstances though I'm lucky she didnt" With that Hilda pocketed the drug and went to continue with the preparation of her plan.

At 19:00 Matt knocked on the door of the Study and Hilda called him in with the usual "Herein?" Matt walked in feeling more than a little apprehensive though he didn't know why.

Hilda showed him to the comfy settee and sat down beside him.

"right" she began "Would you like a cup of nice English tea Matt?"

"Oh yes please Miss Annersley" Matt replied "that would be lovely, I haven't had a cup of tea since I set off from home"

Miss Annersley poured him a cup of tea from the pot she had prepared earlier. She couldnt believe how easy this was, the drug had been added to the tea, all she had to do now was wait for it to take effect, then she could so what she wanted to Matt...

Meanwhile Matt was mentally congratulating himself. He'd thought and thought about ways of getting the Head to himself so that he could er *influence* her as to the error of the School's ways at the present time. Perhaps, he thought as she prepared his tea, I'll even be able to convince her to retire and let me take over. She must be past it by now! He gave the Head his most bewitching smile as she handed him his tea and sat down herself, next to him.

"What did you want to speak to me about, Miss Annersley?" he asked, through the clouds that were beginning to cloud his brain.

"Oh, call me Hilda," the Head cooed, lowering her lovely voice even further. She leaned closer to him, but Matt was starting to get too drugged up to twig what was going on.

Actually, he thought, as he desperately tried to retain some measure of awareness, she looks pretty good for her age- quite an attractive woman, really. With these thoughts, he leered at Hilda drunkenly, before the drug she had slipped into his tea finally took effect..

Matt desparately tried to focus on the room and his surroundings, anything to take his mind off Miss Annersley. He found that this was impossible, his eyes kept getting drawn to her face, he knew that she was talking to him but he couldn't quite make out what she was saying, infact her voice seemed to be having a relaxing effect on him. The next minute he knew that he couldnt keep away from Miss Annersley anymore, she really was a beautiful woman for her age.

Before he knew it Matt had started to kiss Miss Annersley. "Oh no Miss Annersley" he began "Im *so* sorry what can I be thinking"

"Dont stop Matt" Miss Annersley replied "I command you to carry on"

(Erm, I'm abit concerned about how this thread is developing)

Right, here goes...

Miss Annersley led Matt into her bedroom (which was luckily situated in a private Annex) and proceeded to strip all his clothes off, leaving just the bandage on his thingy.

"Oh Matt" she gasped getting carried away by her emotions for the first time in years "What about your thingy my dear, do you think you'll be able to cope??"

"Never mind my thingy" Matt replied in the husky voice Miss Annersley found so sensual "Nothing can stop me now"

With that Matt pulled off Hildas clothes, well he tried to pull off her clothes, there were so many layers she had to help him and then led her to her bed. Miss Annersley and Matt then spent the night together discovering that they had emotions neither could have ever imagined (I'd better not go into anymore detail or I'll have Liss after me!! Im assuming the school and mistresses are too drunk or too busy reforming to notice their absence)

The next morning Hilda woke up, "Oh my" she thought to herself "was all that a dream, the dream to end all dreams?"

she then felt Matt move beside her and she knew that it hadnot been a dream, her life had changed for ever...



:shock: :shock: :oops: :oops:
Author:  Han [ Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:17 pm ]
Post subject: 
:shock: :lol: I really hate to think where this is all going to end up. And I'm now convinced that you're all slightly insane - which is not necessarily a bad thing ...
Author:  Ruth B [ Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:30 pm ]
Post subject: 
Han wrote:
:shock: :lol: I really hate to think where this is all going to end up. And I'm now convinced that you're all slightly insane - which is not necessarily a bad thing ...


slightly? :wink:
Author:  Jennie [ Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:35 pm ]
Post subject: 
Tut, tut, Han. We were completely insane and proud of it!
Author:  Lesley [ Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Han wrote:
:shock: :lol: I really hate to think where this is all going to end up. And I'm now convinced that you're all slightly insane - which is not necessarily a bad thing ...


Whatever you might imagine won't come close. :wink:
Author:  brie [ Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:37 pm ]
Post subject: 
Lesley wrote:
Han wrote:
:shock: :lol: I really hate to think where this is all going to end up. And I'm now convinced that you're all slightly insane - which is not necessarily a bad thing ...


Whatever you might imagine won't come close. :wink:


:shock: :shock: :shock:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:13 pm ]
Post subject: 
*makes soothing noises* Just accept that we're all insane and don't think too much...

Nell Wilson entered the office after Fruhstuck with a worried expression. She found Rosalie with one hand on the filing cabinet drawer whilst she looked absentmindedly out of the window.

"Rosalie!" the co- Head of the school called. Rosalie continued to gaze out of the window, for all the world as if she was Con Maynard in her younger days, Nell thought.

"Rosalie! What's the matter with you?"

Rosalie snapped round, and gave Nell what the latter lady could only describe as a daft smile.

"Oh, hello, Nell," she said brightly. "What's the matter?"

Nell goggled at her. "What's the matter with *me*? I could ask the same of you. The girls have gone crackers, and there's no sign of Hilda! Nancy said she didn't go to Fruhstuck this morning. She also said that that nice new Science master had gone walkies too. "

"Matt? Where's he gone?" demanded Rosalie in alarm.

"I've no idea!" Nell responded testily. "What I want to know is, where is Hilda?"

"Maybe she's forgotten it's not Sunday and is with one of her lovers," Rosalie returned dreamily.

"Wha-at?" With one bound Nell left the room, encountering

Matt? Miss Annersley? Both? Someone completely different?!

Nell marched straight towards Miss Annersleys rooms in the Annexe and marched straight into her bedroom. Afterwards she vowed that she'd never forget what she saw in the room. Clothes were scattered all over the floor, all Hildas toiletries were lying smashed on the floor where they had been knocked over but far far worse Hilda and Matt the new science teacher *her* replacement lay in each others arms in Hilda's bed.

"What on Earth..." Nell began "What on earth is the meaning of this? Matt what do you think you have been doing why are you in Hildas bed!!?"

"Oh shut up and go away Nell" Hilda replied "Just because you dont care about men doesnt mean I dont, Ive just pretended to hate men to make you feel better. Well now Ive got to make up for lost time, please leave my room at once!"

"But Hilda" Nell began

"Just leave Nell" Hilda replied "Leave us alone" she ended screaming at the top of her voice.
Nell ran back to the office told Rosalie what she had just seen and ran back to the finishing branch. Nell could not believe what was happening in the main school and she wanted to make sure that her girls weren't heading the same way.

Meanwhile Rosalie called an urgent staff meeting (Miss Annersley was still refusing to get out of her bed) about the latest developments. The staff were not impressed, in fact the general opinion was that Hilda had used her position of authority to win over Matt. The younger staff couldnt believe she had got to Matt first, Miss Ferrars and Miss Wilmot in particular were unimpressed.

As soon as the meeting finished, the other staff departed leaving only Nancy and Kathie.

"Rotten luck," Nancy grumbled as she dug out the huge ovulation chart that was the main teaching aid in maths these days, the Head having decreed that it was much more important for girls to learn about that rather than arithmetic, algebra, and geometry.

"I know," Kathie agreed as she retrieved her Oberland Clubbing Map. This showed all the nightclubs, discos, lap dancing clubs and raves in the school's immediate vicinity, and Geography lessons were now devoted to learning how to get there and back safely, as well as the characteristics of all the various clubs. "I bet Hilda threatened to fire him if he didn't go along with her," Kathie mused as she headed towards the door.

"Oh, yes," Nancy agreed definitely. "But I'm sure I can wean him away from her. After all, surely he wants a woman with some flesh on her?" and she smirked at this rhetorical question.

"You've got to be kidding," Kathie replied heatedly. "*Im* going after him, you fat old bat, so mind you leave well alone!"

Nancy gave her erstwhile friend a postively evil glare, and gave her a good whack with the chart, which was made of thin plywood and quite hard enough to hurt. Kathie, despite the fact that she was seeing stars after Nancy's onslaught, gave a little scream of rage, and picking up her paperweight, threw it straight at Nancy in her best Margot Maynard style. Perhaps fortunately for all concerned at this point, Nancy was understandably felled. Furthermore, the bell rang, and both mistresses had to put their quarrel to one side and make way to their various classes.

However, anyone observing would have seen them limping down the corridors as far apart from each other as could be managed. From this day on they were sworn enemies..
Author:  brie [ Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:26 am ]
Post subject: 
hilda and matt...

nell...

ahh the madness...
Author:  Han [ Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:39 am ]
Post subject: 
I'm now trying very very hard not to think too much. Sensible, intelligent-sounding work must get done today. :?
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:05 am ]
Post subject: 
brie wrote:
Lesley wrote:
Han wrote:
:shock: :lol: I really hate to think where this is all going to end up. And I'm now convinced that you're all slightly insane - which is not necessarily a bad thing ...


Whatever you might imagine won't come close. :wink:


:shock: :shock: :shock:


Maybe Hilda put something in everyone's tea back then!!!! :shock: :lol: :oops:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Sun Apr 22, 2007 10:53 pm ]
Post subject: 
More insanity.....

Some time later, the Head was working as usual in her study. Anyone entering at this point could be forgiven for thinking that nothing had changed at the School, for this room alone remained as it had been in the pre Lib days. The Head herself remained little changed, apart from more makeup than the old days. She was well aware of the competition she faced in holding onto Matt, and if beauty aids could help her along, she wasn't going to object.
At that moment the door flew open and the Head Girl, Phil Maynard (did we give the HG a name in earlier posts? Can't remember) entered. Gone was the curtsy of earlier days; now Phil, chewing happily all the while, leaned casually against the doorpost and looked at the Head.

"Wassup, Hil?" she drawled.

Miss Annersley had to remind herself of the new status quo before she replied. "I want you to run an errand for me," she responded pleasantly.

"Wazzat then?" Phil asked, raising a pierced eyebrow. As Head Girl, she also had the privilege of piercing both eyebrows, her nose, *and* her tongue, which accounted for her slurred speech.

"Go up to the San, and get me some of this," and the Head handed her Head Girl a script for HRT. Phil agreed and vanished, just as the bell rang.

Miss Annersley gave a sigh as she rose to her feet and pulled on her MA gown. She was glad of the gown these days, being aware that her slightly curvier new figure was causing a certain degree of interest from the girls, and distracting them from weightier matters, such as her General Literature lesson, which alone remained mandatory of the old curriculum. She picked up the books she was doing with Va this week- 'The Joy of Sex' and 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'- and departed herself.

Daisy and Matt were still lying entangled on the corridor floor, waiting patiently for a break in the monologue from Len Entwistle. Occasionally the pair would look at each other in disbelief that anyone could keep going in the same vein for so many days without need of food or sleep, but then they would shrug their shoulders and carry on listening. In fact, it had gone on so long now that they were taking it in turns to sleep, making sure that at least one person was listening at a time.

Occasionally they had heard rumours, as girls went past them all, that Hilda was claiming to have conquered Matt, but all three knew it was untrue as he was lying on the floor with Daisy wrapped around him. In fact, as the days went past, Matt was beginning to appreciate something of Daisy's beauty and brains and was becoming more interested in finding out more about her.

Len eventually paused for breath, six days into her lecture. Matt and Daisy seized the opportunity, jumped to their feet and ran off hand in hand, laughing at the look of surprise on Len's face.

Meanwhile Hilda had just finished her English Literature lesson and was sitting back in her study flicking through the pages of the 'Joy of Sex'. "There are so many positions I haven't tried yet" she thought to herself "I dont know how people can manage some of these!" The next minute a knock on the door brought her back to the present. "Come in" she called and Phil Maynard strolled in holding Hildas HRT tablets.

"Cheers Phil" she spoke to the Head Girl "would you like a G and T my dear?"

"No thanks Miss A" Phil replied "All us prefects are off to a rave with some of the teachers so I must go and get ready, thanks for the offer though mate."

Left alone once more Hilda tossed the HRT tablets to one side and picked up the 'Planning your Pregnancy' book. She was sure she was pregnant now, the weight gain and the lack of periods couldnt all be symptoms of the menopause. Hilda wished that she could talk to someone but since she had conquered Matt she knew that none of the other staff were interested in what she was doing. Hilda decided that she needed to know "one way or another..." if she was pregnant or not. She hadnt had a period for four months now and knew deep down that it wasnt because of the menopause. Hilda then sneaked out of her room into Mateys storeroom, looking on the shelves full of hangover cures and antibiotics for problems with piercings was what she needed, a home pregnancy test kit.

Matey clicked into the room in her usual style. She wore the same uniform she'd always worn, but now there was a slightly demented expression on her face.

"What are you looking for, Hilda?" she asked severely, apparently forgetting that the latter was Head of the School.
Hilda tried to pull herself together and think of a convincing answer. "Um, well, er, you see, Matron, I think I need a -a home testing kit!"

"For what?" queried Matron.

Hilda had a brainwave. "Pregnancy, I'm afraid. I think that our Second Prefect needs it. So
she told me earlier," the Head finished, lying with a fluency that astonished even herself.

Matey produced the requested test, and said she hoped the Head would be appropriately severe. Miss Annersley promised solemnly, and then escaped thankfully with the desired item.

Back in her bathroom, Hilda was having a problem... She couldn't read the instructions! "Oh no!" she gasped, "I think I need glasses...."
Author:  Fiona Mc [ Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Quote:
Back in her bathroom, Hilda was having a problem... She couldn't read the instructions! "Oh no!" she gasped, "I think I need glasses...."


What?? Hilda needs glasses? :lol: :lol: :lol:
Author:  leahbelle [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 1:24 pm ]
Post subject: 
Loving this :D !
Author:  Lesley [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:10 pm ]
Post subject: 
You know, at the time we were writing this - I was also writing my book - it's a wonder it turned out as it did! :roll:
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:27 pm ]
Post subject: 
Which one, Lesley? Or both?
Author:  Lesley [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:31 pm ]
Post subject: 
The book, Jennie, the book - I remember having real difficulty at the time swapping from this madness to the canon-like book.

I've since managed to get better at it!
Author:  Lisa_T [ Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:18 pm ]
Post subject: 
If I remember rightly, RCS was inspired by a comment made on a Venables-style piece of insanity. I don't remember which one, but I came across it in the archives once and it made me snicker.... so I should think you've had plenty of practice. Besides, switching from canon to insanity is easy enough after a while. You just write in different gears..

H'mm, this is one of the more worrying installments. Especially if the yibbling is anything to go by..
*

While Hilda was struggling to read the small print of the instructions, Daisy and Matt were over in the playroom at Freudesheim putting the old rocking horse to a use for which it had never been intended.......

indeed, they were sawing it up to use for firewood
*aware that there may be impressionable youngsters around!*

Spoilsport!
*pouts*


Giving up on the instructions, Hilda took the afternoon off and went down to Berne, where she popped into the family planning clinic and had a scan! The doctor was somewhat surprised, but confirmed her pregnancy. (You don't get many sixty four year old women at antenatal classes!)

Hilda popped into mothercare to buy a few bits, and then headed back to the school, to hide them under the floorboards in her room.(Well, she couldn't risk anyone finding out just yet, could she?)

At the same time, she also hopped into the opticians to get her eyes checked. The optician, a nice looking young man in his 30s, gave her a patronising smile as he helped her onto one of those daft chair things.

"Have you been shopping for the grandchildren, dear?" he asked sweetly- in fluent German, naturally.

Hilda began to wish that her German wasn't as proper as it was and that she'd listened to Corney Flower years ago.

She stormed out of the opticians office, leaving the poor man nursing a black eye, and wondering what had hit him......

And still raging, walked straight into the arms of Madge and Jem Russell, who gawped at the site of the Headmistress of the Chalet School exiting from an opticians, shock horror! When they had recovered from that shock, Madge noticed that Hilda was carrying various bags from Mothercare.

"Oh no!" she groaned.

"What's wrong, Madge?" Hilda asked, nervously straightening her hat which had been knocked out of place when she walloped the poor optician.

"Don't tell me Joey's expecting again!" Madge implored. "Sixteen children is quite enough for one woman!"

"No!" said Hilda quickly "It's not Joey this time, it's our second prefect, she had a fling with Gaudenz, and now the poor girl is eating for two!"

"Well, I hope you intend to fire Gaudenz," Jem said severely. "That's a disgrace!"

Hilda blushed, much to the astonishment of her companions.

This was getting decidedly awkward. She decided to become conveniently dizzy and swayed where she stood..

...Unfortunately, no one bothered to catch her, and she crashed to the ground.

Madge and Jem started and seeing that the Head was starting to come around a bit, helped her up with muttered apologies. Hilda was extremely annoyed with them as well as a little anxious about herself, so she said very little to them on the way back to school.

Unfortunately for her, however, her little imitation conk out had outlined the changes in her figure, and Jem at least had noticed..

...Arrived back at the school, Jem insisted on examining Hilda, "to make sure she hadn't injured herself when she fell", and this confirmed his suspicions. Hilda pleaded with him to keep her secret, and he agreed. On one condition, which was.......

... Hilda was to allow him to attend sex education lessons as he wasn't sure yet if he was doing it right.
(Somebody is doing it right since I am "hearing strange noises in the night"!)

She told no-one that he was really the father!
(Well this came up in another drabble!)

Yes of course! It turns out that Jem had a long lost brother who was very like him (ie, Matt!) which explained all the confusion. It also explained the instant lust that had taken hold of most of the Chalet mistresses when they set eyes on Matt, as most of them had fallen deeply in love with Jem the first time they set eyes on him, and the old attraction had continued working in their collective subconscious. Then when Matt turned up, the rest..
Er, if he wasn't doing it right, then how did Hilda or Madge for that matter get pregnant? ooooh isn't this thread incredible! LOL

Maybe Madge's kids were fathered by someone else?........

Yes i was starting to think along those lines myself. When Hilda's baby is born we can gave a grand letting the skeletons out of the closet moment...
Now I suppose we'd better get back to poor Daisy!

Where did we leave her? I can't remember, I'm so weak from laughing!

think she was last seen rolling on the floor with Matt whilst Len lectured them.

Oh no! I remember now, they were on the rocking horse!

....Joey led her small fry upstairs to the playroom, but when she opened the door, she was appalled at what she saw......

Daisy and that nice young Matt from the School who so unaccountably resembled Jem, were methodically destroying the rocking horse with whoops and shouts of delight.
Joey was too thunderstruck to react, but the little ones understood too well, and they began to howl.

"I really must stop this," thought poor Joey to herself. "First the School's gone insane, Len has turned into a rebel, Hilda Annersley has lost her dignity, and now the San has been infected too!" And so, in true Joey champion butter in style, she began to plot her intervention...

This thread is really really funny and I will never look at the rocking horse in our house in the same light!! Do I take it Hilda is now pregnant by Jem as Matt was really Jem all along What are you two planning to do with poor old MadgeI think we need to kill Jo off though...

to be honest, I'm not sure just *who* is suppposed to be the father. As for Jo, do what you like. Can't have her interfering with our lovely drabble like this!

As Jo moved forward to try and save the rocking horse, a chunk of wood flew through the air and hit her on the head! She fell to the floor, and lay there, still, grey, and to all appearance dead......
Author:  Kathy_S [ Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:20 am ]
Post subject: 
I've clearly forgotten a lot of this thread! :shock: :lol:
Author:  Lisa_T [ Wed Apr 25, 2007 4:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
*deeply, deeply disturbed*

Matt stopped and looked horrified, but Daisy only glanced casually at the recumbent Joey.

"Don't worry," she assured him confidently. "I know she *looks* dead, but it's only to all appearances. Watch!" and with that she went and gave her aunt-by-marriage a good kick in the backside, fully expecting that lady to spring back to life with a vim. Needless to say, in this case, Daisy was sadly mistaken..

Daisy and Matt looked in horror as a metal casing opened to reveal the robotic inner workings of the former Joey Maynard...

Joey was a robot? Did everyone else know this?

Ray *misquoting Buffy*

*quietly hysterical*
lol!

Well it looks like I killed off Jo as well...

The shock of seeing Daisy and Matt christening her much beloved prize rocking horse caused Joey to drop dead (she was jealous that shed never thought of using it in that way and also I don’t like Jo!!) Daisy and Matt were amazed when they saw Jo had been a robot all along.
Meanwhile, back at the school Hilda was lying in bed in the San thinking about recent events. She really had not known that Jem was the father of her unborn child, the likeness between Jem and Matt was unbelievable, they could have almost been twins!! Hilda was mildly concerned about what Lady Russell would say if she ever found out about her and Jems relationship but then she thought to herself “Who cares what she thinks, in this modern era sharing husbands is perfectly normal and is allowed”

The following Monday morning the first ever sex education class at the Chalet School began with the pupils using Hildas favourite book ‘The Joy of Sex’ as their text books. Jem also joined in the class, he felt that he had much to learn before he could class himself as a sex god. Hilda demonstrated the practical aspects using a range of graphic images as her aids. Jem Russell then gave a brief talk on emotions, feelings and fantasies and allowed the class to have a free discussion. The lesson then ended with a much needed demonstration on contraception (well Hilda needed it!!).

The pupils had now definitely worked out that Hilda was pregnant.

“I cant believe it” Phil Maynard began “I wouldn’t have thought that the old girl had it in her, she must be some kind of medical miracle”

“Dead true” Carolina Kluft replied “I thought that the glasses was a big shock but this has to be a thousand times worse. I wonder what shes going to do now Madge Russell is back on the scene, I cant see her allowing the Head to stay!!”

Ha if Madge tries to do Hilda out of a job she's done brilliantly for 30 years, I will personally bump her off myself!

Me too!

Hilda decided that she really needed to tell Madge what had gone on between Jem and herself so she walked over to Joey’s house where Jem was organising the celebration (whoops funeral) for Joey.

“Madge dear” Hilda began “I really really really need to speak to you about a matter or utmost importance.”

“Well what is it Hilda” Madge replied somewhat impatiently as she felt at the moment Hilda had really gone senile “What can I do for you? You are aware that Im going to have to find a replacement for you.”

“Please come outside with me Madge, I must tell you this before you find out from someone else”

Hilda and Madge walked out into the rose garden, Hilda then broke the news which was to change the course of Chalet Land history.

“You may have noticed than Im with child” she began “Well I bet you don’t know that the father of the child is your husband Jem.”

Madge looked shocked for about half a second then replied.

“Im free im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” she shouted “Your welcome to Jem Ive had years and years of being dominated by a chauvinistic male who was so set in his routine we could only have sex at 21:00 hours on the dot.Infact Im amazed that he even managed to get you pregnant”

Hilda glanced at her shrewdly. "I'm rather amazed myself," she admitted. "So, Madge, tell me. If you're so surprised that *your* husband got *me* pregnant, who fathered your own children?

Jack, maybe?!

"It was Jack, Jack Maynard Hilda my dear" Madge replied, "you see I've always had a *thing* for younger men, also as sisters Jo and myself were always willing to share all of our possesions!!"

Madge's jaw dropped

"Hilda, how did you guess? We were so sneaky, I mean careful!"

"I think the Chalet School definitely has Communist leanings," the Head muttered to herself under her breath. "All this having things in common!"

Hilda walked back towards the school arm in arm with Jem, she had decided to break the news to the school as a whole during assembley.

"Jem" she began looking at the school "Did you know that Madge and Jack had been getting together for such a long time?"

"Yes I did know my dear" Jem replied "At least it keeps Madge off our backs, she can just go and shack up with Jack now and try to control the Maynard clan. It will do her good for she has not had to life a finger for the past two decades"

"Whatever you say Jem dear.." Hilda began "Oh my gosh, what on earth are those two girls doing to Gaudenz??"

"Lets not worry about them, I want to go to bed Hilda" Jem retorted "I havent been with you for three days and Im getting withdrawal syptoms."

With that Hilda and Jem marched off into the Annexe...


In assembley that night Hilda went throught the usual motions of announcing who's piercings had healed successfully and which mistresses had scored with the most men when she dropped a bomb shell on the school.
Now girls" she began "I know that you are aware that there have some changes around this place and I think that we all agree they certainly needed to happen but I have some big news for you." Hilda paused for a moment and drank a glass of G and T. "You see girls, finally after years of trying, Im pregnant and Jem Russell is the father"

There was a stunned silence, particularly among the younger girls. These people were not as aware of the wheels within wheels as their elder contemporaries, and had still tended to see the Head in the light of pre Lib days.

Some of the Fourth sniggered, and Hilda flushed a little as she heard them. Phil Maynard gave them a quick glance and then rose herself.

"Congratulations, Miss Annersley," she said formally, and sat down again. The Head gave her brevet neice a grateful smile as, prodded by their Head Girl's example, the rest of the school did likewise. Only on the dais besider her was there total silence..

The rest of the teaching staff at the Chalet School were so amazed that they were forced into a state of stunned silence. Hilda hadn't finished though.

"As Im going to be going on maternaty leave very soon, I have appointed Miss Ferrars as my replacement" she began "I know that she is only very young but she has handled an number of difficult situations on other threads very well. I want you all to give her a round of applause please girls..." With that Hilda suddenly felt a gush of wetness around her legs, thinking she's forgotten to put on a Tena Lady she went to rush to the Annexe, then she felt a huge pain in her stomach...

The next thing the school was aware of was that Hilda was holding a perfectly formed baby girl in her arms. She had also broken Jo Maynard's record for quick births with no problems famous for most people not even knowing she was pregnant

Ermintrude!!!
*plucks a random name out of the air!*

Yes it's high time Miss A did have some personal happiness, I know people say that she was married to the school but still, she deserves a nice break from moody students and the rest. Im not sure where to take this thread next but nothing nasty must happen to Miss A. I have no qualms killing off Jo and even Madge but we are *not* killing off Miss A...
Emma wonders off her rant over...

Hey, and nobody ever said what Miss Wilson discovered when she got back to Millie's! Maybe we could dispose of her instead.
Author:  brie [ Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:52 pm ]
Post subject: 
*looks dazed at the craziness of the CBB*

Not of course that I am a member of the CBB or anything... :wink:
Author:  Jennie [ Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:01 pm ]
Post subject: 
You don't get out of it quite so easily, Brie.
Author:  Jennie [ Mon May 07, 2007 3:48 pm ]
Post subject: 
Why am I bitterly disappointed?

We haven't had more of Dr Venables, that's why!
Author:  Han [ Wed May 09, 2007 10:12 am ]
Post subject: 
Is there more to come?
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