Bob of the Chalet School
The CBB -> St Clare's House

#1: Bob of the Chalet School Author: PhilLocation: London UK PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:06 pm


Hilda Annersley leant back in her chair and relaxed. She was in London for a couple of days interviewing candidates for the next year’s Chalet School intake.

There was just one more candidate to see: a fifteen year old, listed as Erroll, R.

The name Erroll was familiar. Hmmm. “Of course! That’s Joyce Linton’s married name!” Hilda said to herself. However, Hilda thought to herself, Joyce’s daughter was called Joyce, and it had been planned to send little Joyce to the Chalet School, but she had developed all sorts of illnesses, much to her parents’distress and had been a day pupil at a school in Exeter instead. “Perhaps it’s another Erroll.” muttered Hilda to herself.

A knock sounded at the door. “Enter” Miss Annersley’s rich, sweet tones rang out. The woman who entered was Joyce Erroll nee Linton herself! But this was not the pretty Madam Vanity who had once graced the Chalet School. The Joyce Linton now had deep lines of strain and worry on her face and she seemed tired, so very tired. Her hair was straggly and had lost its vivacity and her once sapphire like eyes seemed grey and drained. Even her clothes were very ordinary and drab in colour. No high heels and stockings here! Miss Annersley was quite shocked.

“Joyce my dear! How lovely to see you? My dear you do seem tired! Can I get you a drink? Do sit down!” Joyce allowed herself to be seated into a chair and a cup of tea thrust into her hand, which she sipped nervously. “Tell me what brings you here? How is your husband and Robert and Joyce? Have you heard from Gillian?”

At the mention of these names, Joyce shook visibly. Hilda Annersley resolved to get to the bottom of whatever was upsetting Joyce. Whatever the girl’s wrongdoings in the past, she had reformed and Hilda was not going to leave one of her old girls in the lurch! Even if she had to haul Joey from her army of infants to help!

Hilda tried a softer approach, “Have you come with a niece? Are you bringing a niece to the Chalet school? A relative from your husband’s side?”

Joyce looked up, and Hilda could see the shame and terror in the girl’s eyes, but before Joyce could reply, an apparition walked in.

“Here we are Mummy! I thought I would try your old school uniform on for the interview! Look it fits!”

Hilda Annersley was gob smacked. Standing before her in the old Chalet School uniform of the Tirol days was a fifteen year old boy.

The creature turned to Miss Annersley and curtsied, very prettily it must be said and shone his sapphire blue eyes over his intended Headmistress. He looked curiously like Joyce.

“How do you do Miss Annersley? I’m Robert or Bob Erroll. Please may I come to the Chalet School? I promise I won’t be naughty like Mummy was. Mummy was a very bad girl indeed, weren’t you Mummy?

Joyce looked up, tears streaming down her face, her whole expression seemed to be, “Please help me! What am I going to do?”

“Poor Mummy hasn’t told you, has she Miss Annersley? I’m a she-male or a male lesbian. I have always felt I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body! No one understands, Daddy didn’t and ran off with an organist, and when Auntie Gill found out, she said to Mummy, ‘You’re no sister of mine!’ and disowned her.” Bob Erroll could not stop talking!

At last Miss Annersley recovered her wits and the power of speech. Oh for a few gallons of brandy to help her!

“I don’t think you quite understand young man”

“Woman, Miss Annersley, young woman, or lady”

“Pray do not interrupt! I was speaking”

Miss Annersley recovered her steely tones which had reduced the likes of Prudence Dawbarn, Margot Maynard and Emerence Hope to tears.

“The Chalet School is a girls school and is not for young men over the age of four, however effeminate they may be. I am afraid we cannot accept your application. You have clearly provided a great deal of strain on your mother and I suggest you should have more consideration for her feelings and quality of life!”

“But I’m a good girl Miss Annersley! I have an excellent academic and sporting record! I have the references here! Any way I’ve always dressed as a girl when I can, and read my sister’s Bunty comics and Elsie books! I’ve got the complete Josephine M Bettany’s at home! I love sewing, tapestry, embroidery! I‘ve even put make up on and sha…”

“If you don’t shut up I’ll smack your legs! Bellowed Miss Annersley.

“You haven’t seen my flower arranging yet!”

“GET OUT!!!!”

“Oh very well, I’m going. This is all Mummy’s fault.” Bob turned on his mother. “Mummy if you hadn’t been such a bad girl in the first place, I could go to the Chalet School! Auntie Gill always said you needed a sound spa…”

Joyce Linton fainted.

“Now see what you’ve done!” growled Miss Annersley as she bent over the unconscious Joyce. “Come on Joyce! Wake up! Let’s get you out of this unholy mess!”

Joyce stirred. Her eyelids fluttered and she started to get up. Unfortunately she glimpsed what lay beneath her son’s skirt and promptly died on the spot.

All Bob could say was, “Oh Mummy how selfish of you, as usual! Dying like that! Now who’s going to take little Joycie to her interviews at Eton, Rugby and Harrow?”

Another apparition came in, snarling and in boy’s school uniform. “Oy Bob, you tart! Hurry up and bring the old dear! I wanna catch the train to Harrow!”

This was little Joycie.

It was Miss Annersley’s turn to faint.

 


#2:  Author: KatieLocation: A Yorkshire lass in London PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 4:18 pm


Shocked Poor Joyce!!

That was hilarious Phil - thanks! Laughing

 


#3:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 5:21 pm


Thanks, Phil. That was great - I really enjoyed reading it.

 


#4:  Author: FatimaLocation: Sunny Qatar PostPosted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:10 pm


That was inspired, thanks Phil!

 


#5:  Author: gaityrLocation: Singapore PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 7:58 am


Phil, that was hilarious! Laughing And inspired... Joyce dying when she got a look up Bob's skirt?? Shocked
Thanks for the laughs, that cheered me up immeasurably. Wink

 


#6:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:12 am


Laughing Laughing Laughing

Thanks Phil

Liz

 


#7:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 12:04 pm


Wonderful Phil. ROFL.

 


#8:  Author: Chalet_school_loverLocation: Gloucester PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 7:58 pm


Laughing Laughing Laughing Very funny!!! Thank you! Laughing Laughing Laughing

 


#9:  Author: RóisínLocation: Galway, Éire PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2005 10:58 pm


Thanks Phil.

 


#10:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 6:09 pm


Laughing

Brilliant! Thank you Phil

 


#11:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Mon Nov 21, 2005 10:09 pm


ROFL

Oh please please please please please write some more, Phil!

 




The CBB -> St Clare's House


output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT

Page 1 of 1

Powered by phpBB 2.0.6 © 2001,2002 phpBB Group