The CBB :: View topic - A day in the Life of ...

#1: A day in the Life of ... Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:34 pm

In MSN, I was discussing how we often used to do communal drabbles. A certain "newbie" who hates that name said she didn't know where to start in drabble writing, so I thought I would start a new communal one off! Since it is me starting it, I figured St Clares was the safest place to locate it! Please feel free to join in and add your own ideas!

It was a Thursday when she first noticed something strange. She decided she would have to think about it and work out what it could possibly mean.

Meanwhile, over at the San, one of the doctors had just made a startling discovery.

#2: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 2:41 pm

It was an hour before the rising bell that she had woken up, breathing heavily and sweating. Thank goodness it was only a dream, she thought to herself.

She silently got out of bed and crept to the window, not wanting to wake anyone else in the dormitory. She pushed open the shutters and took in a cold, crisp breath of fresh alpine air.

#3: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 3:06 pm

As always, when making a startling discovery the good doctor decided the best course of action would be to involve as many people as possible.

soon calls for help rang up and down the corridor and confused medical staff raced from bed to bed

#4: Author: Alex, Location: Cambs, UK

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:04 pm

During the ensuing confusion, Matron Graves was able to slip out of the back door and retrieve the object which had been delivered for her earlier.

#5: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:07 pm

....one of the student nurses caught a glimpse of the return address as Matron returned to her office, and wondered curiously who this 'Ann Summers' who was sending Packages to Matron might be!

#6: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:35 pm

*chokes on wine*

Matron eagerly tore open the wrappings on the package and checked the contents, then slipped the item into her dressing gown pocket and headed back down the corridor.

It was a shame Miss Annersley was too embarrassed place her own orders, but at least she paid good commission. Matron knew she was keen to receive this as soon as possible, so knocked on the door to the pretty bedroom occupied by the head and walked in without waiting for a response.

She was completely shocked by what she saw.

#7: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:56 pm

There sat Miss Annersley on the bed ( Shocked

) carelessly and immodestly displaying her tentacles.

Yes, despite all her many efforts to conceal it over the years, especially since Matey's proclamation about them. I was now too late.

Matey collapsed in shock as she saw that the Headmistress was a spineless jellyfish.

#8: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 7:48 pm

Having expected the ambrosial quality of the normal air outside her window it was soemthing of a shock to find that the aroma that assailed her delicate nostrils was anything but!

#9: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 12:52 pm

When the spider strapped on four pairs of roller skates to have a go at "tilting at rings" in the school hall, nobody was more shocked than little Ethelina.

#10: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 5:21 pm

The mistress who was supervising in Hall was quite astonished too.

'Good heavens,' she burst out, 'I thought they only did that in the Tropics.'

#11: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:30 am

A messenger arrived in Hall and, after leaving the prefects in charge, the mistress swiftly left the room.

#12: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:20 pm

She dropped the message on her way out, and one of the juniors picked it up and read it.

"Please," she asked "what's Tequila?"

#13: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:55 pm

Ethelina's eyes lit up, quickly but discretely she snuck out of the room and

#14: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 1:16 pm

spreading her wings, and pressing the invisibility button on her toolbelt she flew over the mistress reaching the staff drinks cabinet before the mistress.

#15: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:21 pm

LizB wrote:

"Please," she asked "what's Tequila?"

Just spat a mouthful of coffee all over the cat when I read that!

Oh yes, the story:

In the San, Dr Jack was striding manly and masculinly along corridors, much to the amusement of Dr Graves who knew all about Dr Jackelines previous life.

#16: Author: Tiffany,

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:08 pm

Rachel wrote:

In the San, Dr Jack was striding manly and masculinly along corridors, much to the amusement of Dr Graves who knew all about Dr Jackelines previous life.

Dr. Graves was under oath to keep it secret, as the foundation stones of the school, and some of the people, too, knew about Joseph Bettany's past life. "It's such a good bit of tidying up" enthused Mlle. Lepattre, "and tidiness was never one of Jo's virtues".

Meanwhile, Miss Annersley...

(edited, since spelling isn't one of my virtues)

#17: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 8:13 pm

pushed Matron's inert body into her wardrobe and locked the door. She fetched the plastic body suit and poured herself into it. With the suit zipped up, noone would know her secret identity. She looked in the mirror, and eyes which had never yet needed glasses stared back at her. 'Great job with the contact lenses' she thought to herself.

#18: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 8:33 pm

Ethelina, quickly removed the contents of the bottles within the staff room, which had been foolishly left unattended, and refilled them with

#19: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 8:38 pm

....the most unlikely substances that she could think of. Then seizing several of the enormous cream cakes that had been put out for Kaffee und Kuchen, and borrowing Kathie Ferrars' new sequinned bustier and g-string, she dashed out the staffroom, only to stop dead in her tracks when she realised.................

#20: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 3:16 am

...that certain middles had been trying to "help" Gaudenez, the Chalet School work man. Unfortunately, rather than just painting doors with treacle (their previous exploit), this time they had made a real mess of the staff still.

Ethelina stepped gingerly around...

#21: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:21 am

the intestines of two middles.

#22: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:26 pm

Sure that no one else was in the immediate vicinity Jack stopped his manly striding and waltzed elegantly down a length of corridor, a drip stand as his partner.

#23: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:34 pm

Norty Kate! I'm in the library and that has just reduced me to a giggling wreck. I'm getting some very strange looks...

#24: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:47 pm

When Matron came-to in the cluttered closet she wasn't sure if she'd been dreaming or not. She couldn't understand how such a big secret had passed her by.
"But I know everything that goes on in the school" she muttered. "How can this be?" Matron was most upset. To date she had made a small fortune blackmailing staff and students alike, threatening to go public with their shameful secrets. The Maynards alone had funded her recent liposuction and boob job.

#25: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:11 pm

Absorbed in his waltzing, Jack didn't hear the footsteps behind him.

#26: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:35 pm

Which was just as Matey had planned. She slowly reached out her hands towards him and ...

#27: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:40 pm

...shoved a 'dose' into his mouth. Jack stopped waltzing mid-waltz, and slumped to the floor, still, grey and to all appearances...

(sorry, it had to be included!)

#28: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:47 pm

Nicci wrote:

.and to all appearances...(sorry, it had to be included!)

Jo Maynard! So this was why they never appeared in public together Twisted Evil

Meanwhile, Ethelina had shared the Tequila with her closest associates who were ...

#29: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:31 pm

...Cecil and Philippa Maynard. Well, can you blame them? They were well aware of their father's secrets (not to mention their mother's) and for some time had sought solace at the bottom of a bottle.

Having polished off the tequila at record speed, they needed something else to occupy themselves. "I know," said Cecil. "We could..."

#30: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:02 am

"... make a whim-wham for a mustard mill."

#31: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:47 am

Cecil and Phillipa skuttered off to the art room for the materials.
On the way through they went via the kitchen to beg some garlic from Karen. Karen was busy in the storecupboard completely clothed in.....

#32: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 11:28 am

butter muslin, drapped sari like and tied with

#33: Author: Tiffany,

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 11:42 am

The intestines of Frau Mieders, who had been trying to usurp her authority.

Cecil distracted her by asking for lemon biscuits, while Phil...

#34: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 11:59 am

hunted in vain for the garlic, which she could not find, as Nell Wilson had taken it all to St Mildred's to protect her from the vampire, once that model pupil of the Chalet School...

#35: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:08 pm

.. Mary-Lou!

It had been an unfortunate incident. OOAO, in her wisdom, had decided that she could use her influence on a young man named William who had recently arrived in the area. He seemed a nice enough chap, only he never seemed to go out at night.... or eat....

Back in the kitchens, the outside door opened to reveal....

#36: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 12:12 pm

...Mr Denny, dressed like an extra from the Rocky Horror Show. He strode up to Phil and Cecil and exclaimed...

#37: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:38 pm

Whilst Matey retired to her lair to ponder the discovery that Jack was Joey and Joey Jack or were Jack and Joey only one......... having these thought's did nothing for her save bring on a headache.

Reaching over to

#38: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 1:46 pm

Katie wrote:

...Mr Denny, dressed like an extra from the Rocky Horror Show. He strode up to Phil and Cecil and exclaimed...

"I'm just a sweet tansvestite."

He added to this by gyrating and swivelling his hips in a most alarming manner.

#39: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 2:05 pm

Cecil raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Plato, we've know that for years. Papa used to do your makeup."

"Aha!" cried Mr Denny, "but did you know that..."

#40: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 7:25 pm

your papa and i were more than just good friends, he was my.....

#41: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 7:28 pm

" - no, he is my fairy godmother."

#42: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 7:41 pm

Listening to this revelation from behind the door, Matey smiled to herself (although numerous botox injections reduced the effect somewhat) and clicked off the little hand held tape recorder she always kept with her.
"Fairy godmother's eh." This was something big. This was power. Matey had always wanted more power. She tiptoed away down the corridor only to bump into...

#43: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:52 pm

tentacle woman, oops sorry, I mean the head, who was gliding silently down the corridor.

#44: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:08 pm

Meanwhile Jack, or Joey as he now was....

#45: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:08 pm

leaving a trail of smely ooze behind her. The smell from this ozze was guarenteed to drop an elephat at 50 paces or a turn a school girl into...

#46: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:05 pm

aitchemelle wrote:

your papa and i were more than just good friends, he was my.....

boyfriend!

'Oh, lucky you!' remarked cecil

Nell Wilson appeared from the store room. She'd been helping Karen tie up her intestines- well, the intestines of Frau Mieders anyhow.
Nell was wearing a tatty french maid costume and looked like the bride of Frankenstein
'I'm lucky, he's lucky, WE"RE ALL LUCKY!!!" she screamed, twirling round a pole.

'oh', remarked cecil faintly

(sorry guys.Love the RHS!) Wink

Last edited by tiffinata on Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:19 am; edited 1 time in total

#47: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:11 pm

Cecil had thought Miss Wilson could not get out of the secure unit known as 'St Mildreds'. The armed guards usually made sure of that.

(Don't worry, there were no bodies to dispose of at St Mildreds - the guard-wolves took care of that.)

#48: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:14 pm

Looking though the window, Cecil exclaimed loudly...........

#49: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 6:47 am

Brad! Janet! Dr Scott! Rrrrrrrocky!

#50: Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 9:19 am

...and promptly got hit over the head with...

#51: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 9:36 am

....a loose and wayward middle, who had been rather preoccupied in jumping to the left. For yes, they were doing the Time Warp, again.

Meanwhile, elsewhere Joey aka Jack was......

#52: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 9:57 am

...doing pelvic thrusts (they really drive you insay-ay-ay-ay-ane) whilst consuming piles of Anna's lemon biscuits, the secret of which...

#53: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:39 pm

everybody actually knew but, hell, they weren't going to let on in case she started sulking again and refused to cook

#54: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:45 pm

This had happened once before and people had been left with Jack-Joey's (or was it Joey-Jack's) unique sandwich fillings, such as unwashed socks and cucumber; blotting paper and sardines; and pages of a rejected manuscript and spam.

Meanwhile the vampire formerly known as Mary-Lou was ...

#55: Author: Alex, Location: Cambs, UK

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:58 pm

striding forth from St Mildred's and heading for the School proper. Fortunately Ethelina was always on the lookout for such happenings and had taken the precaution of....

#56: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 3:27 pm

Tying a large carrier bag full of pig's blood to the end of each of her long purple pigtails.....

#57: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 4:29 pm

Ethelina swung her head, pigtails and carrier bags flailing, as she saw the wide open mouth and pointed fangs of OOAO. Mary-Lou tried to grab the pigtails but instead....

#58: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 8:19 pm

found herself pleasantly rewarded with a mouthful of warm blood whilst Ethelina, with a vague memory of some French kid called Simone, used a handy pair of shears to chop off her plait. Sporting a lopsided coiffure she sprinted down the corridor only to bump into....

#59: Author: tiffinata as guest,

Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 9:45 pm

Madge Russell who had returned from the dead and was acting very peculiarly....

#60: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:42 am

...astride a large American motercycle, wearing leathers, and singing "hot patootie", boasting of her numerous lovers and the grand old days!

ETA I just about choked on my lunch reading this! Now I understand the warnings about the warped brains of the CBB...

#61: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 12:50 pm

This, combined with the effects of suddenly finding herself without style thanks to Ethelina's work with the scissors (yeah like pigtails were ever stylish), was too much for Mary-Lou.

With a loud shriek which echoed through the corridors she

#62: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 1:00 pm

jumped on the back of Madge's motorbike, pressed a long-bladed knife against her side, (every Head Girl should have one!) and demanded in a loud voice,

'Take me to.............

#63: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 2:37 pm

'...the dance and hold me tight,
I want to see the bright lights tonight!'

before grasping her in a waltz hold and dancing along the corridor....

#64: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:28 pm

They danced down the corridors and up the stairs until they crashed into .....

#65: Author: Alex, Location: Cambs, UK

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 5:04 pm

...the ghost of Emerence Hope, who walked the corridors of the Chalet for reasons which no-one was clear on. To say they crashed into her is not strictly accurate, for she had no substance, so they crashed through her and into the wall and landed in a heap on the floor. "That was fun," said Madge. "Now, why don't we....

#66: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 5:59 pm

go over to freudisham(sp?) and .....

#67: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:13 pm

sabotage joey's stupid earphones! Let's unravel them and layer her hair so she can't plait it!!

#68: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:49 pm

No sooner had she suggested it than they were on their way......... however, over at freudishem (sp)...............

#69: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:19 pm

Jack, having decided that being Joey was too much work ("busy" with numbers 16,17,18 and 19, struggling to meet a deadline on a book and coping with only anna and rosli to help her) was searching frantically for...

#70: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:23 pm

his/her stethascope which was last seen hanging round

#71: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:30 am

Bruno's neck.
Bruno himself had replaced the brandy barrel and was slowly ambling to the school proper in the middle of a freak snowstorm (well, it was summer!)
Madge had promised him a nice walky-walk, but Bruno had other ideas...

#72: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 10:47 am

He had decided that it was time to find a Mrs Bruno, so he rather drunkenly wandered to the Chalet to find....

#73: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 10:57 am

.. Minette was out looking for a Mr Minette.

Both being sensible creatures, they recognised their mutual need for companionship and decided to give it a go. After some initial fumblings, Bruno's eyes lit up when he realised

#74: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 11:57 am

that it would soon be time for his dinner. All this and food too, what more could a dog ask for? Just then, he noticed........

#75: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:28 pm

that Minette was not what she seemed.....

#76: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:46 pm

as she was in fact a tortoise dressed in a fur coat with a collar round her neck.

Jack/Joey/Joey/Jack had decided it would be a fantastic idea to start producing...

#77: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 2:02 pm

scale models of Jack/Joey/Joey/Jack and saw the masquerading tortoise as an ideal way to branch out the business. However they weren't very good at model building, so that various body parts ended up.....

#78: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 2:08 pm

in Matey's cupboard at the School, where they nearly gave that good lady a heart attack wehn she came upon them in the middle of the night. (She was really looking for her her bottle of vodka, as she fancied a nip)

#79: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 4:44 pm

However, the vodka bottle had been found and removed by Robin Humpheries, who had left her convent to elope with...

#80: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 6:57 pm

Jockel, who despite being an idiot was hung like a donkey and looked like a cross between a young Robert Redford and a youngish Brad Pitt - all tanned, with rippling muscles and a smile that made girls go weak at the knees.

A strange day was about to become even more strange for one member of the domestic staff when she

#81: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:25 pm

was cleaning the music rooms, upon opening the top of the piano she was confronted by...........

#82: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 8:07 pm

the skeletonised remains of four girls who had appeared briefly as the main character but then swiftly disappeared into the background, never to be seen again.

Letting out a piercing shriek

#83: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 9:55 pm

and tumbling down the strairs, waving the Baby Voodoo doll she had also found she came across a very unamused Miss Wilson who immediately summoned Joey Bettany to her study....

#84: Author: spherissa,

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:52 am

who quite fainted away on the threshhold as she had never expected to see that hallowed room full of owls and...

#85: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:55 pm

Knocked over the girl standing behind her, who knocked the girl behind her and so on, causing a domino effect through the whole school.

When eventually everybody (bar the unconscious Jo) had scrambled to their feet they discovered...

#86: Author: Ann (skiving),

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 1:11 pm

...that it wasn't a doll - it was a real Baby Voodoo...

#87: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 6:59 pm

brought to life by Biddy at her most Irish.Meanwhile the in the San.........

#88: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 7:34 pm

Matey was definitely in a major snit. No vodka, no men and now, no............

#89: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:08 pm

Heat. Who had cancelled her subscription? When she found out she would give them the best 'special treatment' available at the San.

The very mention of 'special treatment' made strong men tremble with fear.

#90: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:20 pm

Meanwhile the white, and still unconcious, Joey was being circled by vengeful middles who....

#91: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 8:23 pm

were just longing to work off the surfeit of honey, nuts and cream that she had been forcing down their unwilling diet-conscious throats for years.

#92: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:12 pm

so they kicked her to death. And pulled her hair

#93: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:38 pm

whereupon it all came off - the earphones had, for all these years, been a cleverly disguised wig. Under the black mass of fake hair, the middles revealed...

#94: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:06 pm

a short crop of curly blonde hair, with sweet ickle horns sticking up.

#95: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:08 pm

Margot's Devil!

#96: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:50 am

In walked margot herself.
'Mamma, what have you done to my devil?' she cried
'And what is that terrible smell?"

#97: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:28 am

'Hello dear I was just baking sulphur cookies for your breakfast' replied the devil, all dressed up in a frilly apron. 'Possibly a little less sulphur next time though.........'

Margot backed away far far to quickly and fell right over.....

#98: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:48 pm

Con, who was lying prone in the doorway.

"Oh Con," sighed her sister. "Have you been at the magic mushrooms again?"

#99: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:40 pm

The clatter of footsteps sounded in the hall......

#100: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:05 pm

It was Len.... drunk as a Skunk again. She had just managed to let herself in the door quietly, when she fell over the coat stand. She was swiftly followed by ...

#101: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:23 pm

Mike walking on his hands, he was coming back from his new job as a...........

#102: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:15 pm

stripper, entertaining the female members of staff while they drank Jeanne's nectar, which was in fact not coffee but...

#103: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:36 pm

a fabulous cocktail containing

#104: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 7:41 pm

Malibu bought on their last trip to England when they all went to the pleasure beach at Blackpool, Kathie and Nancy were especially proud of their new Burberry outfits, a Bargain from the market! Jeanne also added the secret ingredient only known to herself and.........

* Embarassed

inspired by the Chavs quiz Embarassed

#105: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 9:54 pm

Bruno von Ahlen (well Freida had to be dragged into the story somehow) although he had recently let the secret slip to...

#106: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:27 pm

...the gendarmes. Jeanne couldn't be allowed to carry on doing such things, it was immoral and wrong.

#107: Author: spherissa,

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 3:11 am

-At least that's what Elizabeth Arnett thought and she knew about immoral and wrong because

#108: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 4:16 am

she had had plenty of experience at both. For years, she had been moonlighting as

#109: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:10 am

Carlotta, Mistress of the night.

In her sequinned outfit she found that her Guide training on knots was very useful indeed. In fact looking back on her schooldays she was a little surprised that no one had ever realised she was...

#110: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:47 pm

in fact the more evil of the evil duo, and had successfully framed Betty Wynne-Davis for the majority of her heinous crimes. In fact Elizabeth knew what few other people did - the map was a cover-up, a story put about by the staff (and Joey) to hide...

#111: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:24 pm

the fact that for a long time Betty (despite having been at school was well into her 20s) had been having an afffair with..........

#112: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:36 pm

Matey. A few vodkas and she was anyone's.

#113: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:11 pm

Matey or Betty?

Well, actually either of them. At the moment, Matey was amorously involved with three doctors at the San as well as...

#114: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:11 am

operating a very special telephone counselling service for some of the doctors at the San. She had taken over this service from Rosalie when

Thanks to Lesley for the inspiration for the very special phone service (see The Real Chalet School if you don't know what I'm talking about!)

#115: Author: spherissa,

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 1:53 am

she had suddenly and rather unexpectedly found herself quite busy, all because

#116: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 2:25 am

In the true style of EBD she had found herself with quads. They had just arrived, out of the blue. Rosalie herself wondered why- after all, quads don't just appear on ones doorstep everyday. Or do they?

#117: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:54 am

She was forced to rethink the next day, as....

#118: Author: spherissa as guest,

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:49 pm

a whole flock of seagulls (the storks were on strike) arrived bearing

#119: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 6:23 pm

twins - that is, each seagull was bearing twins - one under each wing.

"Well, at least the Chalet School will never be short of pupils again," said Rosalie, as she frantically tried to count her new babies. "And I've well and truly beaten Joey!"

Meanwhile, Joey herself (AKA Margot's Devil) was...

#120: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:10 pm

searching the platz ,having seen the seagulls fly past and assuming that the quads were meant for her.She was being followed from a distance by..........

#121: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:10 pm

the rest of her family, who, upon discovering that their mother and father were in fact one and the same, had vowed to stop her from reproducing ever again. This plan however was doomed to fail as...

#122: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:11 pm

Joey/Jack was in fact related to various plant families, and reproduced asexually, sending out shoots which grew into fully formed Maynards...

#123: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 7:07 am

who were meeting together in secret, had formed an army and were planning to take over...

#124: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 7:59 am

the front lawn of the school, for the Maynards were all keen gardeners, and were dissapointed in the changes a new gardener had brought. He had planted flowers!!

#125: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 8:17 am

Obviously these had to be dug up quickly to make room for

#126: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:06 am

The new maynard crop- which also had its advantages in the fact that if the offspring were not good members of society they could all be chopped up and sold as...

#127: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:09 am

an aphrodisiac (what else?)

#128: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:13 am

Bottled in a beautiful blue bottle with a picture of a Swiss mountain on it it mixed very well with Vodka.
Betty and Matey had been the first to try it all those years ago

#129: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:48 am

Whilst their earlier experiments had resulted in several unfortunate side effects no one really noticed, it was only more recently could the product be marketed.

There was still one unfortunate side effect to overcome, the tendancy for people to.............

#130: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:14 am

have multiple births. Espesialy quads!

#131: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:04 pm

The only person for whom this had failed was Miss Annersley, but then again, as a spineless jellyfish this was hardly surprising. She, however, had resorted to...

#132: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 7:12 pm

Reproducing by fission, although this had produced some interesting effects, with fully half her offspring having blue eyes and the other half grey...

#133: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 8:39 pm

Although, of course, none of her offspring ever needed glasses... they found contact lenses much more convenient.

Meanwhile, back at the school....

#134: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 8:11 am

A riot was taking place, as somehow the aphrodisiac had been added to the bowls of milky coffee, and now the girls were in hot pursuit of Gaudenz and Mr Denny. Mr Denny's long legs were carrying him to safety, but unfortunately he tripped over...

#135: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:42 am

Hilda's foot which was sticking out from the door that she was hiding behind, having hoped for just such a result. Her eyes gleamed at the prospect of..............

#136: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:02 pm

such a good lunch, she loved the leg joint best and these were such long ones.

#137: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:10 pm

After many years in the CS kitchen Karen was an expert at cooking random joints of leftover characters. Meanwhile the Maynard family were .......

#138: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 11:04 pm

discovering to their consternation that the adoptees had decided the time had come to opt out. Yes, they were setting up a rival party. With their inside knowledge of the Maynards they had a great advantage when it came to ...

#139: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:55 pm

...tap dancing naked in the snow, whilst whistling 'God Save the Queen'......

#140: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:41 pm

...if you could consider farting in various keys to be whistling.

#141: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 9:16 pm

Needless to say, the Maynards were horrified. Advancing onto the snowy battlefield, they faced their opponents and launched into a stunning rendition of 'The Ace of Spades'. This conveniently drowned out the screams of...

#142: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 9:44 pm

pain emanating from Freudesheim. Mary-Lou, brandishing her wicked looking knife was engaged in finely chopping...

#143: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:18 pm

Rachel wrote:

...if you could consider farting in various keys to be whistling.

Which, obviously, the adoptees could, having been trained in Challet School ethics as dispensed by Jo.

The resulting methan eruption caused a catastophic increase in glabal warming and ...

#144: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:21 am

completely drowned out the screams of Mary-Lou's latest victim.
The poor helpless traveller had once been confused with a bank robber

#145: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 11:01 am

...which amused him quite a lot as he was actually a mass murderer who had been picking off Chalet girls for some time. Why didn't Jo Scott ever become a prefect? Because he'd killed her off, that's why.

#146: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:26 pm

And then Karen had served her up to the school in the form of a rich meaty stew....

....with dumplings....

#147: Author: Steph, Location: Buried under a pile of books

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:29 pm

Which the girls ate accompanied by the raspeberry fluff concoction that was actually made of

#148: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:34 pm

Verity Anne Carey......

#149: Author: Katarzyna, Location: North West England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:06 pm

karen had seriously considered publishing her recipies several times over the years, she'd even toyed with the idea of becoming a TV chef.

The current craze for healthy school meals was all she had ever dreamed of, it had taken a while to get the idea through to the young so called chef who had been visiting the platz on a ski trip with his family but............

#150: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:06 pm

Karen often wished that Chalet girls were spineless jellyfish. Their bones were making a right mess of her blender.

#151: Author: Steph, Location: Buried under a pile of books

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:30 pm

She decided she would have to make do with Miss Annersley, who, at that very moment found herself in an awkward situation involving her tentacles and...

#152: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:05 pm

a jar of peanut butter......

#153: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:42 pm

and a packet of extra-gooey marshmallows.

#154: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 8:41 pm

AND Gaudenz who just happened to be passing....

#155: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:39 pm

at completely the wrong moment.

Depsite the mess that peanut butter and marshmallows were making of her tentacles, Miss A still packed quite a punch and Gaudenz lay on the floor still....

#156: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:58 pm

grey, and to all appearances.....

... a whale. It seemed that Miss A wasn't the only one who had been keeping secrets of a submarine nature.

As they sat, discussing their salty homes, steps were heard coming along the corridor.....

#157: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:17 am

Kerthump Kerthump Kerthump!
Yes, it was a three-legged horse, more popularly known to the girls as...

#158: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 11:21 am

Jem "HLAD*" Russell. He smiled as he saw approaching him...

(* Hung Like A Donkey)

#159: Author: Steph, Location: Buried under a pile of books

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:26 pm

Miss Wilson riding a tandem bicycle with Sally-go-round-the-moon. Miss Wilson's hair, for so long now a source of great fascination with the copper and white, was actually the hissing snakes of the Medusa legend and she was using this to her advantage by...

#160: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:10 pm

controlling Jack 'HLAH**' Maynard, and making him tap dance in circles....

(** Hung Like A Hamster)

#161: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:15 pm

around Gaudenz and Miss Annersley, now entangled on the floor in a passionate embrace upsetting Jack who...

#162: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:02 am

harboured a secret passion for the floor. Little did he know that it owed it's polished look to...

#163: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:39 pm

Karens secret recipe for floor polish made up of.......

#164: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:00 am

chopped up school girl hair. That's right, everytime a CS girl mysteriously disappeared, their hair would be chopped up and minced to make an amazing floor polish! What Karen did not know was.....

#165: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 9:30 am

the shininess of the girls hair was owed to a special "shampoo" they used, made to a secret recipe of Matey's and composed of...

#166: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 11:21 am

a very special mixture of Anna's Lemon Biscuits and goose grease.

The goose grease was responsible for the shininess: the extreme length of many of the girls' hair was caused by the main ingredient of the biscuits, which was...

#167: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 3:52 pm

compost. And the crisp cold air of the alps. In fact Matey had once remarked that....

#168: Author: JoW, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 4:36 pm

... it was the cold air and the cold baths that made the girls so good at reasoning from cause to effect. However, it always caused problems with...

#169: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:40 pm

the doctors from the San, who found the mixture of cold air, cold baths ADN the ability to reason from cause to effect (and vice versa) so irresistible. However, Matron herself had not yet managed to bag herself a doctor despite being able to do all of the above in addition to...

#170: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:19 pm

tapdancing on a tightrope.

In fact, Matron was beginning to tire of the doctors' inexplicable resistance to her ample charms. Betty Wynne-Davies was all very well, but she didn't have that certain something that only a masterful doctor could provide.

So Matron rolled up her sleeves, opened her famous cupboard and began to mix a nefarious brew consisting of...

#171: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:48 pm

bubblegum, champagne and spineless jellyfish jellygoo. This mixture was extremely light and floatly, which meant that the doctors, sadly for them, never noticed how they digested it, until of course the unfortunate side effects kicked in......

#172: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 9:51 pm

and they found themselves irresistably (sp?) drawn to..........

#173: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 11:18 pm

Matey, Queen of the Night. Yes, 'Gwyneth' was waht she called herself now, but her real name was Elvira. Her Gothic looks had proved too scary for the doctors until now...

#174: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:25 am

Of course leather and whips proved to be too much for most of the doctors. They fell into her web like flies to a honeypot.

All except one doctor...

#175: Author: Steph, Location: Buried under a pile of books

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:05 pm

Dr Hunter, who still had passions for Joey. In the present state she was in, he found her irresistible and concocted a plan to lure her to him involving...

#176: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:09 pm

not so subtle hints about the prevalence of quads in his family, and obtaining the object that Jo had always wanted so much, which was............

#177: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 7:37 am

Monty Python's Holy Grail.

Once Joey was 'busy' with quads, Dr Hunter expected she would begin to have cravings for Spam spam spam spam spam.......

#178: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 6:05 pm

which is integral to the plot of this tale because of it's ability to make pregnant women more suceptable to

#179: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 11:58 pm

'multiple' multiple births. Joey's quads would soon become
octuplets!

#180: Author: Rachel, Location: West Coast of Scotland

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 12:10 pm

Unfotunately, due to the nature of this thread, the quads mis-read what they were to become and actually turned into octopusses.

#181: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 12:20 pm

Or was that octopi? Nobody was ever quite sure, and to be honest, nobody really cared.

The Octopus quads soon felt hungry and wandered off in search of their favourite dish, a mixture of spam, Matey's patent embrocation and ...

#182: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 12:53 pm

...minced up squid tentacles, with lots of ketcup....

#183: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 6:15 pm

or what they called ketchup. In fact it was one of the more noxious of Frau Mieder's concoctions - ably assisted by Joyce and Carola - composed mainly of the blood from patients at the San with extra added....

#184: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 10:20 pm

tabasco, to give it that extra kick! Of course the obvious place for them to go for their food was

#185: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 10:28 pm

Bat bogies.

The end result of this was for the octup...octipi...octipuss..
THEM to wander indoors, find the nearest computer keyboard and proceed to be violently sick all over them. The spam previously consumed then migrated its way through the keyboards and infected many computers in the world. Each person who received 'spam' had a similar reaction.
Screen of Death

Best avoided by...

#186: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 10:20 pm

enrolling in the Chalet School, becoming trilingual via osmosis and thus being able to swear fluently at their computer in three languages. Of course, if your name happened to be Joey...

#187: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 10:56 pm

.......or is it Jack Why stop at three, when you can meet someone and learn their language straight away . which is how she/he came to be fluent in................

#188: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 8:17 am

Occitan (sorry pimfold, couldn't resist), which was the language which the Maynard Oct... 8 legged things that weren't squids... spoke. At this moment, this was a good job, seeing as the non-squiddy octupeds were demanding....

#189: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 8:21 am

Occitan (which sounds like something you'd apply before settling down for a day on the beach) among other languages. Although this multi-lingual ability was very helpful in most situations, it unfortunately was not much use when Jo/Jack was abducted and taken aboard a UFO. Jo/Jack discovered the aliens communicated by...

#190: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 7:57 pm

ESP but on abducting Jack/Joey the aliens quickly became confused and.............

#191: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:22 pm

developed multiple personalities themselves, which had disastrous consequences for......

#192: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 4:25 pm

the Empress of the Outer Galaxies, who had sent them on a scouting mission to discover whether..............

#193: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 10:45 pm

there really was life on Mars

#194: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:21 am

Which of course there was - where else did you think Joan Bertram came from? She managed to keep it secret for a long time, but it was eventually discovered when...

#195: Author: Steph, Location: Buried under a pile of books

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:23 am

...and they found there was- all those characters who had only been mentioned once had been quietly deposited on Mars once they had served their purpose. They were now planning an attack on the most mentioned members of the school by...

#196: Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:27 am

(following Liz! :

a green tentacle appeared while she was teaching Lower IIIA.

Fortunately Matey was close at hand, and, deciding that having a Martian in the school would ruin its reputation, she swiftly brainwashed them all into thinking it was just a toy snake, put there by Miss Andrews who had confiscated it off Anne de Guitry.

The brain-washing took some effort, however, for Sharlie Andrews proved more resistant than most, and Matey was forced to retire her to the San with an alleged "high fever" to cover the damage. She remained somewhat concerned that the truth might one day emerge).

#197: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 8:04 pm

Which of course it did by way of the constant return ofo certain characters for reunions.

#198: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:44 pm

As a matter of fact there was a reunion planned for the very near future.

#199: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 6:45 am

Invitations had been sent out. Thekla, who had lasted 2 episodes in the soap also known as the chalet school read hers with mixed feelings. 'Come dressed as......'

#200: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 6:53 am