I Haven’t Always Found It So
The CBB -> St Agnes's House

#1: I Haven’t Always Found It So Author: KateLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 8:25 pm


This story occurs at the same time as the events in “The Chalet School and Jo” just before the trip to Oberammergau. The parts in blue are taken directly from that book.

This is the first story I've ever posted here, and the first I've written in a very long time. Please be gentle!


“My dear Juliet,

Perhaps you will be surprised at hearing from me. No “perhaps” about it, if truth be told, I know you will be surprised at hearing from me. I am dead now. I am writing this letter knowing I am dying. Every word pains me to write, both physically and emotionally, but you must know the truth. You must, Juliet, for I don’t think you do know. I will entrust it to Madge Bettany until you are older, just as I have entrusted your care to her.

I want you to try to understand me and your mother and our actions. We were never selfish, although that is how it may have appeared and I can’t but believe now that our actions turned out for the best. Only thinking of your happiness all along, Juliet, we tried to do the best we could. The words we wrote and spoke to you may have sounded cold, but it was a poor disguise for the anguish we felt as we were forced to leave you! We may have acted like we saw you as nothing but a nuisance, a trouble, an incubus, but that was just that – an act! Now I hope you can see what we truly thought of you – you were our treasure, our joy, our delight!”


Juliet Carrick stopped reading abruptly and frowned. Her father’s effusive words grated. This didn’t sound at all like the man she remembered. Mrs Russell (formerly Miss Bettany) had given her the letter that afternoon – Juliet’s first in the Tyrol for almost six months – her reluctance to upset Juliet and her veiled suspicion of Juliet’s father outweighed by her honest, natural desire to keep her promises. Juliet could tell all this, even though Madame’s words were few and simple.

“Your father asked me, in his will, to give you this when you were old enough to understand. I hope this isn’t too late or too soon.”

Juliet knew she needed to read it, and so settled down to do so after Abendessen but all the same, wished she had told Madame, or even Joey, her own secret heartbreak before she had begun. Especially now that a cruel twist of fate had placed the perpetrators of this heartbreak so close by.

She shook her head to clear it, and stared out the window at her beloved Tiernsee still glistening in the light of the dying sun.

Forget about Donal, she thought with difficulty. He is no longer in your life. Concentrate on the letter. I must give him the benefit of the doubt. He is my father... Or was…

She continued to read.

“We love you so much, Juliet. Your mother – she thought of you every day, and spoke of you. We missed you. But it was for the best, it was!
Leaving you in the Hills may have been a mistake, Juliet. That I will admit. We under-estimated the cruelty of that headmistress, unfeeling woman that she is! That a woman could be so pitiless! But with kind Miss Bettany – there we were right. She is giving you a better life than we ever could have, Juliet, don’t you see? We did what was best for you.
And think – you are alive today, and happy. If you were still with us you might have been killed in that car with your mother. We did you a great service, Juliet, a great service. Don’t think badly of us, and know all we did we did for love.”


Juliet shook her head again, willing the words to make sense, to agree with her memories of what happened. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply. Was that the way it had happened? Was it really as simple as that? That her parents had loved her so deeply that they left her in the care of someone else so she could have a better life?

That didn’t reconcile with Juliet’s memories. She remembered only loneliness, anger from both parents, the harsh slaps her mother gave her when she lost her patience, the chilling wait in the Hills as her mother and father grudgingly came to take her back. And finally came a home, the one place she was ever wanted and loved, the Tiernsee, with her adored Madame, Joey and the Robin.

“The real purpose of this letter is not only to help you understand that, but to make one final provision for your future. As kind and loving as Miss Bettany is, she can hardly provide for you forever. You are a burden on her as she is not your real parent and you cannot hope that she will always care for you, no! You are better off out of her life once you have grown up. But we have provided for you, Juliet, you need not fear. There is a man in Monte Carlo – a great friend of mine – who runs a casino. He has agreed to take you into his employment and his home - perhaps even as his wife? – as soon as you are of age. The business details are in my will, and will be disclosed to you shortly. You should write to him at once.
I hope you are grateful for this opportunity. This is really what is best for you – have I ever steered you wrong? This is my dream for you, Juliet, don’t disappoint me.
Your father,
‘Lindley F. C. Carrick.’”


Juliet re-read this last paragraph, unsure whether she should laugh or cry.

She decided to compromise with a choked sound midway between a chuckle and a sob. Proud possessor of a BSc, Juliet was in no need of a job, and recently heartbroken, was in no mood for a husband. And was this “opportunity” really what was “best for her”? Juliet doubted it. Her father had steered her wrong before. Many a time.

“I loved you, Father,” she whispered eventually. “But I don’t trust you. I don’t think you did love me. This job…? This man…? No… I hear nothing. I see nothing. And I don’t understand you…”

***

On the train to Oberammergau, Juliet finally told Joey of Donal, her pain and sadness over him blending with her unspoken and newly re-emerged pain over her father and mother.

“Thanks Joey. How you understand, kid!”
“I love you. Love brings understanding.”
“Perhaps so. I don’t know – I haven’t always found it so.”


Juliet felt like she understood no-one. And only Jo understood her.

“And Juliet…”
“Yes?”
“It - it doesn’t hurt so much now, does it?”


Juliet scrutinised Joey’s open and innocent face. What was she talking about, Donal or her parents? How much did Joey know – or guess? Juliet didn’t know. She answered as simply as she could.

“Joey, it always hurts. But you can get accustomed to anything in time, so I suppose it will get better some day. Don’t think any more about it, Joey, Herzliebchen.”

Joey gave a little smile. “I’ll do better than that.”

A sudden horror of what Joey might do seized Juliet. She caught the younger girl by the shoulder. “Jo! You are not to interfere!”

“I won’t. I’ve got more sense than that. But I can pray that things may come right and I will.”


With Donal I’d finally be free from my father and his plans for me, Juliet thought. She squeezed Joey’s hand. “Pray, Joey,” she whispered, so softly that she wasn’t heard. “Pray that love will bring understanding. I need to be understood.”


Last edited by Kate on Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:17 am; edited 2 times in total

 


#2:  Author: claireLocation: South Wales PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 8:33 pm


Nasty man, Juliet's father.
Shame she seems to feel marrying Donal is an escape route from being a burden rather than marrying for love
Sounds interesting

 


#3:  Author: KatLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 8:38 pm


Crying or Very sad

That was beautifully written Kate. Poor Juliet though - her father is such an evil man. I'm guessing that he is trying to ease his own guilt rather than trying to make Juliet feel better.

More as soon as possible please!!!

 


#4:  Author: nikkieLocation: Cumbria PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 9:07 pm


Crying or Very sad Poor Juliet Crying or Very sad
This feels just like the books

 


#5:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 9:21 pm


poor juliet

glad she can look forward to her future with donal (and EBD writing her out of the series althogether)

 


#6:  Author: AllyLocation: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!! PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 9:46 pm


That was beautifaul Kate, thank you. Poor Juliet torn between her past and future.

 


#7:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 10:51 pm


Lovely Kate - and the type of letter to make you really hate the writer - he wrote that purely to salve his own conscience. Glad Juliet didn't have to follow his advice.

 


#8:  Author: pimLocation: the Derbyshire wilderness PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 10:59 pm


Lovely thanks Kate. Poor Juliet.

 


#9:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 11:57 pm


Thankyou Kate


poor poor Juliet gettting a letter like that to bring back all the bad memories

 


#10:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:03 am


That was wonderful Kate!
Poor Juliet though!

 


#11:  Author: patmacLocation: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:07 am


Oh, No! Another 'must read'

I can just imagine that that is the sort of letter Juliet's father would have left for her. That was beautifully woven with EBD's verison. Crying or Very sad

 


#12:  Author: Amanda MLocation: Wakefield PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:57 am


Poor Juliet - that must have been so hard for her.
Thanks Kate.

Star Wars

 


#13:  Author: MarianneLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:23 am


Poor Juliet Sad

 


#14:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:56 am


Thanks Kate

*Hugs Juliet*

Liz

 


#15:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:27 pm


That was wonderful, Kate - so true to EBD. Thank you.

 


#16:  Author: AnnLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne, England PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 12:24 am


That was incredibly well-written. Thank you Kate.

Poor Juliet. What an awful man her father was.

 


#17:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 1:05 am


Thank you, Kate!

Poor Juliet!
And so much for thinking that the deplorable Capt. Carrick might have reformed a bit before his death.... swear

 


#18:  Author: LucyLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:52 am


Really enjoyed this Kate - thank you

It fits in so well with everything EBD wrote about Juliet and her parents What a horrible man her father was - he didn't deserve to have a daughter

 


#19:  Author: Helen PLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:46 pm


Thankyou, Kate, that was very well written.

Poor Juliet. Sad Thank goodness she didn't have to take up with Casino Man...

I do hope you write something else soon.

 


#20:  Author: NicciLocation: UK PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 8:46 pm


Thanks for posting that Kate, I really enjoyed it, brief though it was. Would love to hear anymore insights you may have into Juliet's character.

 


#21:  Author: SophoifeLocation: down under Down Under PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2005 7:59 pm


Wow, Kate, that was great! Short, but sometimes brevity is the best way to tell a story!

 


#22:  Author: SusanLocation: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 11:15 pm


Thank you Kate that was lovely. Glad Madge held the letter back until Juliet had her BSc.

 


#23:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 12:21 am


Ugh, Julit's father is the sort of person that makes me feel unclean just reading his letter. But the ending is beautiful, so glad that Juliet does get someone to understand her.

 


#24:  Author: CazxLocation: Swansea/Bristol PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 5:26 pm


I'm so glad someone has written something about Juliet at this time, reading "and Jo" over Easter made me think a lot about her character.

 


#25:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:19 am


Only just found this Kate - not sure how I managed to miss it! It's beautifully done, thank you so much.

Poor Juliet Sad Thank goodness we know she got her happy ending with Donal

 


#26:  Author: MollioLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2005 2:50 am


She deserved the happy ending we know she got. Lovely.

 


#27:  Author: RuthYLocation: Anyone's guess PostPosted: Tue May 24, 2005 7:17 pm


that was womderful Kate
Thank you
poor poor Julliet Exclamation

Ruth

 


#28:  Author: ChairLocation: Kent, England PostPosted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 1:07 pm


Juliet's parents were awful to her but I'm glad she had Madge and Jem to look after her. I wish she had come back into the series after the school left Tirol.

 


#29:  Author: RóisínLocation: Dublin PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 12:05 am


Kate that was very pretty and extremely well-written. Hope it won't be your last!

 




The CBB -> St Agnes's House


output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT + 1 Hour

Page 1 of 1

Powered by phpBB 2.0.6 © 2001,2002 phpBB Group