The Return
Goto page Previous  1, 2  :| |:
The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

#351:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:13 am


Thank you Cath - I was hoping to see more of this this morning.

Poor Nell so tormented that she is terrified to sleep, to go to new places, to meet with people. I hope that having spoken to Hilda she can continue to do so and work through some of that fear asnd be able to sleep with out anxiety that he will be there waiting for her. Well done Hilda for being so certain and definate that Nell is still Nell.

 


#352:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:57 am


*guardian angel* are the words that spring to mind about Hilda here.

Calming, understanding, reassuring, loving, protecting, re-affirming - and promising she will listen for as long as it takes - and never leave her.

 


#353:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:18 am


Thanks Cath

 


#354:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:04 pm


Oh Cath, thank goodness for Hilda. Guardian angel, yes, I think I agree with that, but also the word Rock springs to mind. She will be there for Nell no matter what.

I'm so glad that she is able to afirm Nell in the way she does, and understand that desparate appeal which she will not even put into words

Thanks Cath

 


#355:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:15 pm


Hilda is doing a really good job at supporting Nell.

 


#356:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:41 pm


Can see how Nell might feel she was going mad - so glad Hilda is there to help her.

Thanks Cath.

 


#357:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:41 pm


Thank goodness for Hilda's continuing reassurances to Nell - surely with time Nell will accept what she is saying and her healing process can continue.

Another very moving piece, Cath - thank you.

 


#358:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 1:16 am


Some more...

Hilda was woken by the soft sound of the door opening. Moving carefully, she slipped quietly across the room without waking Nell. Matron, already dressed for the day, was standing in the corridor, holding a tea tray, “I thought you might need this,” she said softly. “How was the night?”
“Not good,” replied Hilda, joining Matron outside, and thankfully starting on the tea, “but it could have been worse. She woke twice but she has had some sleep, and I hope she won’t wake yet.”
“And what about you?”
“ Not much, but I can manage. Gwynneth,” she continued hesitantly, “I really need – she needs me today; there’s still a lot that we have to talk about, and I don’t want any disturbances if it’s at all possible. So, as it’s Saturday, and as we are fairly well advanced in our preparations here, I am going to suggest that everyone has the weekend off. I am also going to insist that they get out of here for at least today – do some exploring, visit friends, that sort of thing. They certainly won’t get much of a chance when term starts! But I definitely don’t want anyone staying here today, and that might take some doing.”
“Leave it to me, Hilda,” Gwynneth said briskly. “I’ll do some early morning visiting, and let them know that they have some unexpected free time. Will that help?”
“That would be wonderful, Gwynneth!” replied Hilda fervently. “As it happens, I also have something that I need you to do for me, but the first thing is to sort out a completely undisturbed day.
“Right; I’ll see you in about forty minutes.”

Actually, Matron was able to return to Hilda in just under half and hour, reporting complete success in her endeavour. All the staff had greeted the news of an unexpected free weekend with great acclamation, and had seized the opportunity to put various previously-made plans into action.
“So what are they doing?” asked Hilda curiously, when Matron had reached this point.
“Well, Jeanne has been invited to visit the Ozannes, and May will go to the Lucys; Janie issued her with a standing invitation, and she’s delighted to be able to take her up on it. Then Simone is going to Joey, so she’s settled. Grizel and Rosalie have decided that they are going to go to Jersey, so they won’t be back until the late boat tomorrow.”
“And what about Con?”
“Ah, yes: she was a bit difficult to begin with but eventually she decided to accompany Grizel and Rosalie, having received a very pressing invitation to do so.”
“That was good of Rosalie!”
“Actually Hilda, the suggestion was Grizel’s.”
“Grizel’s? Are you sure, Gwynneth?”
“Oh yes, and I must confess that I too was somewhat surprised, until Grizel caught me three minutes later and said that she thought that Con had seemed a bit down during the last few days, and that the trip would probably cheer her up.” Hilda raised an eyebrow at the thought that unobservant Grizel had noticed Con’s unhappiness; more than that, she had tried to do something about it. Gwynneth continued, “She also said that she hoped Nell would be better after an undisturbed weekend.”
“Did she indeed?” remarked Hilda quietly.
“Yes: Grizel’s not stupid, is she? Anyway, I looked her firmly in the eye, and told her that Nell had a severe headache and was not to be disturbed.” Hilda nodded:
“That was helpful of you Gwynneth – and it may even be true!” Gwynneth grinned unrepentantly,
“Well, I should be very surprised if it were not the case, so I am merely anticipating events a little!”

 


#359:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 1:57 am


I see I was the last person to post to your previous post, and now I'm the first this time - I feel like the bread on either side of your filling!

Seriously, though.....

Trust Matey to be just on the spot when Hilda needed her! Clearly she didn't have any problems convincing the rest of the staff to go off for the day, either.

I'm very impressed to see Grizel as the instigator over Con accompanying Rosalie and herself to Jersey - we get so used to seeing the hard side of her (and I'm blaming her upbringing for that, by the way) that it's lovely to see her considering other people's needs here. Wonder if she has any idea of what Nell might have been through, too - it sounds as if she might have a suspicion.

A lovely piece Cath - now if you'll satisfy our curiosity about the other thing Hilda needs Matey to do for her......!

 


#360:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 4:58 am


So glad that Nell had at least some sleep - and how wonderful that Hilda and Matey are conspiring to ensure she have a quiet day.

Very impressed with Grizel's actions

Thanks Cath.

 


#361:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 6:53 am


But what is the other thing Matey needs to do?

 


#362:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 7:51 am


A little light relief and humour in the middle of Nell's torment - just what Hilda needed to keep her going.

Bless you, Matey, for being there! And Grizel for coming up trumps.

And Con? Con could not have done what Hilda is doing, for all she is Nell's friend - Nell needs so much more than Con here.

Thanks, Cath.

 


#363:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:09 am


Good to see Hilda and Matey working together there! And what a nice piece of consideration by Grizel! Smile

 


#364:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:15 am


I am very glad that Grizel was able to pull Con into her own plans, also very impressed at her. This is a side she needs to show more often, though I agree with those who say it's not her fault she turned out the way she did.

Matey did well there as well, in getting the staff to go off for a free weekend. I wonder how many of them have the same understanding as Grizel as to why it has happened, but are keeping their own councel.

That of course could be one reason why Con didnt want to leave, but she should know by now that there are times when she needs to sacrifice what she wants for the needs of others. In time she will be able to help out, but only after Hilda has broken through with Nell properly.

Also very interested in what Hilda might have for Matron to do.

Thanks Cath

 


#365:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:05 am


Thank you Cath. A lovely piece - wonderful to see Hilda and Matey conspiring to ensure Nell gets a quiet day free of interruptions. Very pleased to see the softer side of Grizel and that she managed to include Con in her plans.

Also intrigued by Hilda's other task for Matey...

 


#366:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 10:39 pm


It was nice of Hilda to give everyone the weekend off.

 


#367:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:11 am


Nell's most definitely NOT a coward!

Lovely insight into Grizel there.

Thanks, Cath. Just caught up with heaps of this, and it's wonderfully written as ever.

 


#368:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 6:55 am


Thank you everyone for your helpful and supportive comments. Have some more (plus I have posted a little something in St Hild's..).

By half-past nine that morning, Sarres was empty, apart from Hilda, Nell and Gwynneth, and two of the kitchen staff, and these last would be going out shortly after eleven o’clock. During breakfast, it was apparent that the rest of the staff had accepted Grizel’s account of Nell’s headache, and apart from some expressions of sympathy, nothing else was said. Matron’s absence – she was sitting in Nell’s room, while Hilda went to breakfast and dealt with any concerns that would not wait – gave further support to this, and other than the fact that Con Stewart was noticeably uncommunicative, the meal passed quietly. During the flurry of the various departures, Hilda managed to avoid mentioning her own plans, other than saying that she hoped to visit the Russells during the weekend. On saying this, she became aware that Grizel was looking at her intently, but neither woman made any further comment, and as Rosalie, Grizel and Con were leaving to catch a ferry, Hilda was able to evade any further questions. She did, however, notice that Grizel was being (for her!) exceptionally patient with a rather taciturn Con, and hoped that this would have some effect.
As Gwynneth had prophesied, Nell had awakened complaining of a headache, for which she had received two aspirins and cup of tea, delivered with a mildly triumphant air that Nell found somewhat perplexing. However, knowing of old that Matron would tolerate no questioning of her instructions, Nell decided that she would simply do as she was told.
“You are to have these, and stay in bed for at least another half-hour,” Gwynneth stated firmly. “After that, you should be able to get up.” Nell nodded, then remarked,
“It’s all very quiet round here – where is everyone?”
“Hilda decided to give them an unexpected weekend off – probably the last before term begins – and they all rushed off with various explorations and visits in mind.”
“I see,” said Nell quietly. Then she added, almost to herself, “Well, that makes it easier all round, I suppose.” Gwynneth glanced at her sharply, but said nothing, and presently, Nell, making an almost visible effort to drag herself away from her thoughts, asked,
“Where is Hilda?”
“She had some letters to finish; she should be up in about an hour. Now, Nell, take those aspirins and drink your tea as I told you, and then see if you can get some more sleep.” Meekly, Nell did as she was told and lay down in bed again. Gwynneth, frowned, deeply concerned: this docile Nell Wilson was not the woman whom she recognised, and in her heart, Gwynneth was very worried about her.

Much to Gwynneth’s surprise, Nell actually fell asleep again before Hilda had finished her work downstairs. “She must be exhausted,” thought Gwynneth, studying Nell’s sleeping face much as Hilda had done the previous night, and coming to very similar conclusions. Then, hearing the sound of footsteps, she quietly left the room, intent on intercepting Hilda, who was on the way to her room, intent on collecting a book and her embroidery. At the sight of her, Hilda stopped, and both women retreated down the corridor where their conversation would be unheard.
“Gwynneth, how is she?”
“Well the headache that I predicted has come to pass,” said Gwynneth dryly, “and she’s clearly very tired: in fact, she’s fallen asleep again, but I don’t think that will last for long. I assume that you intend to stay with her?”
“If you think it would be best.”
“Definitely. Now, Hilda, you mentioned something that I could help you with? What is it?” Hilda paused for a moment, then,
“Nell said something yesterday evening that has worried me ever since. When she arrived in Guernsey, she went straight to the San, didn’t she? And was there for how long?”
“Yes she did, and she was there for about two weeks – I think. Why?”
“ Because of the way she said it: that she was there for “apparently two weeks.”
“Hilda! Doesn’t she know?”
“I don’t think she does, and I believe we need to find out some details about what happened while she was there. I noticed that she was able to tell me a lot about her time with the SS – even about the train journey to Paris, though that’s patchy in places, but then she just stopped, as if she didn’t have anything more to say. I think she has a – a blank space in her memory, and I think it’s causing some of her difficulties.” To Hilda’s surprise, Gwynneth looked doubtful,
“ I agree that she may well not be able to remember. But Hilda, what if we find out something that might hurt her even more?” Hilda looked levelly at her,
“Well, to quote your own words - would it be any worse than it is now?”
“No, I suppose not; alright, what do you want me to do? And what are you planning to do?”
“You know some of the nurses on staff at the San, don’t you? Would you be able to ask them if they can give you an idea of what state she was in? Or what treatment she had? Frankly, even finding out how long she was there would be helpful.” Hilda stopped, and Gwynneth eyed her thoughtfully.
“Yes, I probably can dig out something. And I notice that you haven’t answered my second question.”
“Well, that rather depends on what we find, doesn’t it?”

 


#369:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:09 am


Thanks Cath - Thanks for such caring friends who can go about getting help for Nell when she feels like this. Slightly concerned about the docility of Nell, but am sure that Hilda can sort it out for her given time.

Grizel carries on her perceptive attitude, though I am wondering about Con. And I am pleased at the way Grizel is obviously treating her. For someone who later on gets a reputation for being rather tetchety she is doing very well.

Very glad that Matron was able to be in charge when Nell roused and give her what she needed to sort out that headache.

Also pleased that Hilda will stay with Nell later on.

 


#370:  Author: keren as guest PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:33 am


Maybe they sedated her for the duration of her vist (since that is what Jem knows how to do best!)

 


#371:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:43 am


Thank you Cath.

Am thinking Keren might be correct - after all it would be typical of Jem and would explain why Nell remembers nothing of it. Does this mean we get a confrontation between Jem and Hilda? Please.

Glad Grizel is being patient with Con and that Gwynneth and Hilda are there to help Nell.

 


#372:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:06 am


Thanks Cath, I'm also looking forward to seeing more! Smile

 


#373:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:39 am


Oh, the love and care these two are showing for Nell - and the perception of Hilda in knowing there was more still needing to be discovered.

Nell, you don't stand a chance against these two!

 


#374:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:38 pm


I suspect Keren is correct in thinking Nell was sedated for part of the time she was at the San - and this certainly would have been in line with the current practices of the time, to give her body chance to recover.

At least if Gwynneth can find out a little more about what happened, and how long Nell actually was there, she and Hilda would be able to help Nell more - because I also think Hilda is correct in her suspicion that there *is* something Nell can't remember. Whether or not, once they are possessed of the knowledge, they choose to try to jog Nell's memory will only emerge later.

I hope that Grizel's attitude to Con will help the latter enjoy the unexpected trip to Jersey, despite her reluctance to go. I'm also continuing to enjoy seeing this more perceptive side to Grizel - she clearly realises, more than the rest of the staff do, that there is a lot more behind what's currently going on with Nell than appears.

Thanks Cath - looking forward to more of this.

 


#375:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 1:01 am


Today's offering...

Two minutes later, Hilda was sitting in Nell’s room again; Matron had a number of small tasks that needed her attention and then she planned to call on one of her acquaintances from the San to see what she could find out in accordance with Hilda’s instructions. Hilda had her embroidery in her lap, but somehow she could not concentrate and after three mistakes and two broken threads, she laid it aside. The room was quiet; Gwyneth had opened the window but apart from the sound of a bee buzzing near the climbing rose, and the faint blur of birdsong, there was nothing to be heard. Dustmotes danced lazily in the sunlight, and Hilda sat, her hands folded, and waited for Nell to awaken. The effect of silence and sunlight was so soporific that she felt her own eyes closing, and blinked hard to chase away sleep. Then she realised that Nell was awake and looking at her.
“Good morning, Nell,” she said softly, and for a brief and wonderful moment, Nell smiled at her, unshadowed and clear-eyed. Then memory closed on her, her face grew sad and her smile faded.
“Good morning, Hilda,” she replied quietly. “Have you been here long?”
“Only about twenty-five minutes. How’s the headache?”
“Better, I think,” said Nell cautiously, “But I won’t really know until I try getting up.” So saying, she scrambled out of bed, and stood looking for her robe. Hilda smiled, leaned over and picked up the robe from its accustomed place on the floor.
“Hanging up here as usual, I see Nell! It’s a wonder Gwynneth hasn’t ever hauled you out of class with your errant pupils to tidy your room!” Nell didn’t reply, but instead took the proffered robe, picked up clothes and washing paraphernalia, and said abruptly,
“I’m going to have a bath; I’ll be about half an hour.”

Left alone, Hilda looked around Nell’s room, and sighed; “I may as well make her bed,” she said aloud, and proceeded to remove all the bedding and turn the mattress in the way most approved by Matron.
“Good to see that at least one staff member pays attention to my words, Hilda!” At the sound of Matron’s voice, Hilda started and dropped the pillow.
“Gwynneth! Don’t creep up on people like that; I’m sure it’s bad for them!” Gwynneth grinned,
“Yes, but it gets their attention.” Then she added more seriously, “I found what you needed.”
“Well?” Gwynneth shook her head.
“No, not well at all. I was horrified – oh and before we say anything more, all this is in strict confidence isn’t it?” Hilda nodded, and Gwynneth continued.
“Right: to start with, she was in pretty bad physical shape – two untreated head wounds, severe bruising to her face and body, and that old foot injury had flared up again. Jem had managed to persuade her to to allow him to patch her up a bit, but as she wouldn’t let him near her unless Herr Anserl was with her, his treatment was a bit limited. She had also lost a lot of weight -”
“She’s still too thin now,” interjected Hilda.
“Yes, I agree, but that can be changed. Where was I? Oh, yes. They persuaded her to go to the San – that foot really did need treatment, plus Jem thought she might have a couple of cracked ribs. From the amount and pattern of the bruising, he thought she must have been kicked at some point.”
“She never mentioned that,” murmured Hilda.
“She may not have been conscious at the time, or she may not remember it. So, she definitely needed treatment, and good old Herr Anserl was able to persuade her to be sensible.” Gwynneth suddenly swallowed “It seems she walked into the San, clinging to his arm, and wouldn’t let anyone near her until he told her that she was safe.” Hilda said nothing, but her face was suddenly bleaker, and her eyes darkened ominously.
“At that point, she collapsed, and spent the next four days in a high fever. She had a couple of lucid moments – she asked for you twice apparently – but was largely unaware of what was going on.”
“Jem didn’t mention that,” Hilda said evenly. “When I heard that she was safely here, , I asked to see her three times and was twice told that she was too ill. I was able to see her once when she was asleep.” Gwynneth glanced apprehensively at Hilda: it was rare to hear that note of anger in her voice, and those at whom it was directed never forgot the experience.
“Well, that was the situation for the first four days. On day five, she was much better – temperature down, wounds healing - and by day six I think she was trying to sort things out a bit in her mind. It was clear that she was very upset - a couple of odd comments and an increasing nervousness made that obvious – and this is where I think the problems really started.”


Last edited by Cath V-P on Wed Aug 24, 2005 2:34 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#376:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:36 am


Of course - once the immediate physical hurts were healing, the mental anguish would come into play. Whatever Lt. Bhaer and his minions may have done to Nell, they clearly left her terrified of any man under the age of 60 - which Herr Anserl must have been at that stage. Thank goodness he did persuade her to accept treatment at the San, though.

I know Jem had Nell's best interest at heart - at least in his own mind, but I do think he should have allowed her to see Hilda when she asked for her - it might just have reassured and soothed her and allowed her fever to break more quickly.

I hope that Gwynneth has been able to glean the essential missing elements of what happened to Nell, which will help her and Hilda to help Nell - but I think that they will have to realise that progress is still going to be extremely slow.

Looking forward to more, Cath, thanks.

 


#377:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 3:39 am


Think it may be Jem that will bear the brunt of Hilda's anger - and he deserves it! Keeping her away whaen nell was asking for her. Nell must have thought Hilda didn't ewant to see her, blamed her for what happened, for how she was forced to act.

(((((Nell)))))

hammer Jem.

Thankjs Cath.

 


#378:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:42 am


Lesley wrote:


(((((Nell)))))

hammer Jem.




Couldn't agree more! If Nell was that ill it may have been a last request to see Hilda. Grrr.

Still riveted Cath.

 


#379:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:26 am


Oh poor poor Nell - and nobody acceding to the one request which would have helped her.

Watch out, Jem, you are really going to feel the brunt of Hilda's anger - she will be like a tiger defending its cub.

I love the little interplay there between Hilda and Matey. Very Happy

Thanks, Cath

 


#380:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:33 am


This is still chilling to read, but I think that Hilda's anger on Nell's behalf will be healthy for Nell eventually.

 


#381:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:41 am


I agree with Jennie. I'm looking forward immensely to seeing Hilda speak to Jem.

 


#382:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:32 am


Poor Nell. And Hilda is rightly angry with Jem and I hope she lets him know. Hopefully the knowledge Gwynneth has gathered and is sharing with Hilda will enable them to help Nell. And I do hope she will be able to continue to let Hilda in and trust her and not shut her out again.

Thank you Cath.

 


#383:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:52 am


I hope Hilda will be able to show Nell there's a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness.

 


#384:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:01 pm


Hi Cath, I saw this about an hour ago, and didnt have time to comment then. I love the way that Nell hangs her dressing gown on the floor, despite all Matey would say on the subject. Poor Nell though - what happened in the san sounds bad, and Jem... I dont know what he is playing at keeping Hilda away from Nell when she is asking for her.

I think that Jem is going to get a surprise when he next sees Hilda, that is for sure. Also wondering what more Matron may have to say, since that last comment seems rather omenous.

 


#385:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:38 pm


Squirrel wrote
Quote:
Also wondering what more Matron may have to say, since that last comment seems rather omenous.
Yes, I can't help feeling she hasn't told Hilda the worst yet.

 


#386:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:57 pm


Drat you Jem! Couldn't you see that Nell needed Hilda?

*hugs to Nell, Hilda and Matey*

 


#387:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:46 pm


I said 'Grr to Jem' beofre, and I'll say it again: Grr to Jem!!!

 


#388:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 1:36 am


Good morning...and here's the next part. Very Happy


Gwynneth paused, then asked unexpectedly,
“What do you know about shell-shock, Hilda?” Hilda swung round surprised by the question.
“Shell-shock? Not much: why?” Gwynneth nodded.
“I thought that might be your response.” She stopped, considering her next words carefully.
“There’s been a lot written about shell-shock, and the various ways of treating it effectively, and basically there seem to have been two schools of thought; put simply, one held that it was vital that the patient be allowed to discuss his experiences, to relive them until they became less acute and he could start to move away from them: the other argued that the patient must actively deny any recall of worrying events and would be disciplined or punished for trying to do so.” Hilda shifted impatiently, not able to see why Gwynneth was telling her this.
“Bear with me Hilda, it is relevant. Now, another thing about shell-shock is the way in which the symptoms were very similar to a condition that only women were supposed to develop – hysteria. But, hysteria was traditionally treated by enforced rest and a removal of anything that might disturb the patient.” Suddenly, Hilda understood the importance of what Gwynneth was saying, and began to pay much closer attention.
“So, Nell turns up at the San – and remember, that although Jem is not a specialist in mental or nervous disorders, he will have some general awareness of the area – and she is clearly not at all well and in need of help.”
“What do you think he decided to do?” asked Hilda quietly. Gwynneth’s face hardened slightly and she seemed suddenly to have difficulty finding words.
“I think he meant well, Hilda, but he reacted - badly. He gave instructions that she wasn’t to be allowed to talk about what had happened to her; the best thing would be for her to put it out of her mind and concentrate on getting back to a normal existence.”
“What? Was the man mad?”
“ Merely misguided, I hope… Anyway, my acquaintance tells me that she seemed to want to talk a little about what had happened, but every time, she did, Jem turned up and told her that she wasn’t to talk about it as then she would never forget. So she obeyed him.”
“I see.”
“Yes, well, twenty-four hours later the nightmares had started – she begged to be allowed to sleep with the light on, but that wasn’t allowed as it might disturb others – and after two nights of recurrent terrors, plus some sleepwalking that she doesn’t know about, Jem decided that she required sedation. I believe he treated her for hysteria.” Hilda closed her eyes briefly, contemplating the Hell that Nell must have been going through during that time.
“Then what happened?” Gwynneth sighed,
“She realised what was happening after the first night, and resisted quite strenuously. There is a suggestion that she became agitated to the point that she hit somebody -”
“I hope it was Jem,” muttered Hilda through gritted teeth.
“Oh, quite. My acquaintance was rather – unclear – about details, so it’s difficult to work out what happened but -”
“You don’t mean that they used force?” interrupted Hilda, horrified.
“I don’t think she took those drugs voluntarily, but I don’t know precisely how the nursing staff got them into her. Anyway, after three nights of this, she was sleeping, and had stopped talking more or less completely. Jem thought this was an improvement and decided that she could leave if she wanted to.” Hilda counted up on her fingers,
“And this was day ten – or was it eleven?”
“Eleven. On the afternoon of day twelve, she left. Got dressed, walked out, and two days later, Madge had a message from London, saying that she could be contacted via her bank.” Gwynneth fell silent and Hilda thought over what she had said. Then she said quietly,
“So, Jem stopped her from telling anyone what had happened, and then assumed she was hysterical and treated her by sedation. Gwynneth, this is dreadful! What must she have thought – or felt?” Gwynneth shook her head, her face taut and unhappy.
“I can’t begin to imagine. She would be panicking and terror-stricken, and completely bewildered. She may not have been sure where she was. Her mind may even have distorted things to the point where she thought she was still with the SS. After all, these people were supposed to be her friends, supposed to be helping her! Heaven alone knows what she thought or believed!”
“And none of us were there for her …” Hilda felt tears clogging her throat and swallowed them down. “No wonder, she’s been so angry with us; we did betray her.”
Gwynneth was silent for a moment, then asked,
“What are you going do now?”
“Try to find out how much Nell does remember and have a little talk with Jem?”
“Do you think that’s wise, Hilda?”
“He won’t learn where this information came from, Gwynneth; I shall tell him that Nell has some blurred memories that need clarification, and impress on him the need for some accurate information for her sake.”
“And if he doesn’t tell you?”
“He will,” said Hilda uncompromisingly.

 


#389:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 3:49 am


Misguided? Surely he could see that Nell needed something more? And to call her hysterical? Think Jem is going to regret his actions if Hilda has her way. fume

Thanks Cath - poor Nell, she must have wondered what the Hell was happening to her. Crying or Very sad

 


#390:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:45 am


hope Hilda will be able to help Nell deal with whatever she suppressed during her time in the San and during the year afterwards.

Particularly looking forward to her interview with Jem Twisted Evil

 


#391:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:57 am


Thanks Cath

Poor Jem if he thought the methods he was using were for the best - he's going to feel awful if/when he realises how wrong he was.

Liz

 


#392:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:58 am


Cath V-P wrote:


“And if he doesn’t tell you?”
“He will,” said Hilda uncompromisingly.


You can bet on it! Hilda is ripe for murder here and will pull no punches.

Poor, poor Nell, to be treated like an hysterical woman - Nell, with her no-nonsense approach to life. Crying or Very sad As Hilda said, pure Hell.

Thanks, Cath.

 


#393:  Author: LyanneLocation: Ipswich, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:08 am


LizB wrote
Quote:
Poor Jem if he thought the methods he was using were for the best - he's going to feel awful if/when he realises how wrong he was.
But will he actually listen/take on board that the methods were wrong? Yes, they are apalling to us but for medical staff at the time, they were the accepted treatments. A patient who didn't respond would be considered wrong, not the treatment.

 


#394:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:48 am


Poor Nell. And poor Jem once Hilda has finished with him!

Thank you Cath.

 


#395:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:49 am


I agree, if Jem thought his methods were the best, then wouldn't he want to use them for Nell's sake, however cruel they appeared to be?

Thanks Cath, very thought-provoking! and excellent as usual

 


#396:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:55 am


Thank you Cath!

Would Hilda like to borrow my rusty nail scissors to usen on Jem?

 


#397:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 10:01 am


I hope Hilda can get through to Jem.

 


#398:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 11:30 am


Poor Nell, what an awful way to be treated. It's rather hard coming at this from a modern viewpoint to see where Jem was coming from. He knew Nell! Surely he would realize that she wasnt likely to suffer from Hysteria!

Part of me thinks he should have brought in someone who knows far more about it than he does before attempting to treat her, though of course we dont know what they might have advised.

Now there are two scenes to be read with interest. The next Hilda/Nell scene, and then that lovely 'little chat' Hilda promised. I wouldnt want to be Jem when faced by a Hilda as angry as she will be having learned so much!

Thanks Cath

 


#399:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 6:52 pm


Agree with Squirrel here - Jem wasn't an expert in this type of problem - he's a lung specialist for God's sake! And even more telling - he knew Nell Wilson, had known her for years, she would never have just been 'hysterical' - horrible word anyway as it's root meaning has something to do with the uterus in Greek - meaning the Ancient Greeks though only women could be hysterical!

Jem should have called in a specialist - and he shouldn't have treated her as a hysterical patient - especially as this seemed to involve restraint -against which nell would be sure to fight.

Am really looking forward to Hilda's interveiw with him - thinks he may lose any lingering impression that women are the weaker sex!

 


#400:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:04 am


Agrees with Squirrel and Lesley.

I'm really really looking forward to seeing Hilda give Jem a good talking to.

 


#401:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 2:52 am


Thank you everyone; the interview with Jem will follow in due course, but not quite yet. He won't particularly enjoy it...


Both women were silent for a moment,then Gwynneth spoke,
“I really must get on, Hilda; there are one or two more cases of linen that I need to deal with before lunch and the morning is slipping away. I’ll see you at coffee-time.” And with that she was gone, taking with her an odd sense of compassion for the unwitting Dr Russell, destined to face the storm of Hilda’s anger.
Left alone, Hilda pushed down the anger threatening to overwhelm her and finished tidying Nell’s room, opening the window fully and picking up the two or three garments that she found under the bed.
“That hasn’t changed!” she thought in mingled amusement and exasperation, remembering the number of times that she and Con had found books, papers and clothing that Nell had declared to be “lost”. Then, hearing the sound of Nell’s footsteps, she put the various items on the bed, thankful for the brief moment of solitude that had allowed her to regain some composure.
Nell came in, smiled uncertainly at her and dropped her night attire and damp towels on the bed. Hilda immediately picked up the towels and hung them over the chair back, saying “Oh Nell!” ruefully as she did so. Nell cast a sidelong look at her, but made no comment, instead moving toward the window where she stood fiddling with the hem of one of the curtains. Hilda studied her; Nell’s face had lost that terrible fixed coldness that had so alarmed her, but was now intensely sad. There was a tenseness and vulnerability about her mouth, and she stood as if she were expecting a blow to fall at any moment. The silence in the room grew heavy and finally Nell, gazing unseeingly at the garden, spoke,
“Why are you here, Hilda?”
“What do you mean, Nell?” replied Hilda cautiously. Nell did not answer immediately; instead she went to her desk, picked up an envelope and gave it to Hilda.
“I wrote it before I came back,” she said wearily, “Just in case it was necessary. I assume that after last night, you would prefer me to resign -” She got no further as Hilda turned on her, fury scalding through her,
“Don’t you dare, Nell Wilson, don’t you bloody dare!”
“Hilda!” Nell’s mouth fell open in shock as Hilda seized her shoulders and almost shook her in her anger,
“I mean it, Nell; you will not do this! I won’t accept it! You are not going to let this beat you! We will fight and we will win, and you will take back your life again!” Nell stared at Hilda’s determined face, then said awkwardly,
“Oh, Hilda!” and began to cry. But this was not the tormented weeping of the previous night; instead it was quieter and sadder. Hilda held Nell tightly, saying nothing more for the moment, but letting her cry. Eventually Nell’s tears slowed, and she sobbed out,
“I thought – I thought you would want nothing more to do with me. Hilda, I was so scared.” Hilda was silent for a moment, then said, with that thread of steel in her beautiful voice that Nell recognised,
“Understand this, Nell, once for all. I will never give up on you, and I will always be here for you. You are my friend; you will always be my friend, and nothing has happened to change that for me. You must believe that Nell.”
“And now,” she continued, not a flicker in her eyes betraying how important this moment was. “We are going to the garden where we will have our coffee under the trees, and talk.” There was a brief silence, then her lips compressed, Nell took a deep breath and nodded. Hilda smiled, and led the way out of the room and downstairs, hearing again that small peal of bells.

 


#402:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:10 am


Thank you Cath.

I think the fact that Nell's actions then caused Hilda to get angry and, more importantly, to show she was angry (Hilda swearing!) propably got through to Nell more than anything else would.

 


#403:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 7:13 am


Thanks Cath

*crying with Nell*

Liz

 


#404:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:21 am


Oh Cath, thank you. Pleased that Hilda could show Nell what she was feeling and that Nell recognised it. And glad she can take the first step of coffee in the garden. I still love the idea of the bells.

 


#405:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:33 am


*wipes eyes discreetly*

Thanks Cath

 


#406:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:21 pm


I'm glad that Nell has agreed not to resign.

 


#407:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 1:33 pm


Wonderful new posts, thanks, Cath.

Really looking forward to Jem having his head ripped off by Hilda... Wink

 


#408:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:33 pm


well Matey can feel sorry for Jem but I shan't Evil or Very Mad

Thanks Cath - you're evoking powerful emotions here

 


#409:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 3:16 am


Shocked Hilda! Such language. Actually, you're right, it was warrented.

Cath, you are doing an amazing job of portraying the difficulties faced by Nell and Hilda (and Matey) as they try to unravel Nell's problems. Have you thought about sending the children to boarding school so you can write more?

 


#410:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:59 am


Cath - this is really gripping stuff, thank you. Hilda and Nell are really going through it emotionally just now, to say nothing of Matey. As for the showdown with Jem, we can wait for that. Still when it comes, I'm sure Hilda will enjoy it, whatever he may think of it!

 


#411:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 8:04 pm


Thank you, Hilda, for getting angry enough to let yourself go like that and show how much you care and will help - however long it takes.

Thanks, Cath

 


#412:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:25 am


Sorry this is a bit short but RL is in the way...Di, James takes care of himself, and of course Anne will be going to RCS next year! Very Happy


By now it was almost eleven o’clock and apart from Gwynneth, Hilda and Nell, Sarres was empty. Hilda took Nell to the downstairs cloakroom to tidy herself, and then led her outside, through the rose garden and to a shaded area under the trees. Several chairs were arranged companionably together and Gwynneth was already there with a tray of coffee and biscuits. She glanced at Hilda and Nell, noting the signs of the former’s anger and the latter’s tears, but said nothing. Tensely, Nell smiled at her and sat down, her hands folded tightly in her lap. Gwynneth smiled back gently, poured out the coffee and began to talk to Hilda, allowing Nell time to relax a little.
“Did you get those letters dealt with, Hilda?”
“Oh, yes, written and posted – and nthe four phone-calls fortunately did not take long. And Gwynneth, you will be delighted to know that two more of our old pupils will be returning to us – but not until the end of the first week, as Mrs Arnott can’t get away until then – no one has ever agreed that those two should travel anywhere without an escort, and nobody can be spared to take them up to London until then.”
“I would have thought that an armed guard was a minimum requirement,” replied Gwynneth dryly, “that is, if you’re referring to Betty and Elizabeth! I’m also somewhat unconvinced by your use of the word ‘delighted’ with regard to that pair.”
“They’re fourteen – almost fifteen - now, though; they ought to be getting some sense.”
“Not those two,” chimed in Nell suddenly. “It’s a pity, as they’re both intelligent, particularly Elizabeth, but so far life is just one grand sweet song to both of them – and not particularly harmonious for the rest of us.”
“It’s just the age, Nell, and you know yourself, it’s always harder with the bright ones, ” replied Hilda, inwardly delighted by Nell’s sudden involvement in the conversation. “So that means we’ll be up to fifty-four pupils when term starts, and we may get more. We’re still getting letters from families who were unaware that we are reopening.”
“Bother!’ interjected Gwynneth at this point. “This means that I shall have to rearrange the Middles' dormitories; there are only two empty beds and they’re in the same room.”
“No, that’s definitely not a good idea!” agreed Hilda, and Nell nodded.
“I may as well do it now,” said Gwynneth, getting up, “otherwise I’ll forget. See you at lunch,” and with this, she departed rapidly.
Hilda turned her attention to her coffee and Nell lay back in her chair, her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun. Suddenly she spoke, her hands tightly clenched again.
“I’m sorry I made you so angry Hilda, but I really did think I was acting for the best. To be honest, I don’t know why you want me to stay – I’m not even sure how I’m going to manage in the classroom.” Her tone was measured, but Hilda caught the underlying fear; she put her coffee cup down, praying for the wisdom and the words to convince Nell that there was a place here and a way forward for her and that she would emerge from this darkness.

 


#413:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:41 am


Poor Nell, it must be so difficult for her, but at least she was able to join in the conversation as she did, and she has some good friends in Hilda and Gwynneth. That was a lovely piece, thanks Cath

 


#414:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 3:51 am


Lovely that Nell could join in the conversation - but how much of her self confidence did that scum take that Nell Wilson is worried about if she can take a class? fume

Thanks Cath.

 


#415:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:33 am


Thanks Cath

*hugs for this and RL*

Liz

 


#416:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:41 am


Thanks Cath

(((Nell)))

 


#417:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 9:10 am


Thank you Cath. Poor Nell worrying about taking a class and not understanding why Hilda wants to keep her on.

 


#418:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:25 am


*hugs to Nell* At least the anger seems to have worked for now though, yay!

Hope Hilda can help her get her confidence back.

 


#419:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:37 pm


I'm glad that Nell was contributing in school life. I hope RL improves, Cath.

*Sends lots of hugs*

 


#420:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:32 pm


What a lovely little interlude of relaxing for the three of them, even Nell focusing on something other than her own guilt and fear for a few minutes.

I have every confidence in Hilda - even to getting Nell back inti the classroom.

Thanks, Cath

 


#421:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:50 pm


how lovely -and I just love Nell's comment there. So true!

 


#422:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:55 am


Here we are...


“Last night,” she began hesitantly, “when you told me of your ordeal, you said several times that you wouldn’t change anything, that you couldn’t have done anything different. Even that last terrible night, when you were forced to contemplate something that had always seemed impossible to you, and you wondered how you had found yourself in that position, even then you said “I wouldn’t change anything.” She stopped, and kneeling in front of Nell, grasped Nell’s hands between her own, holding them gently. Her beautiful voice deepened and grew more compelling. “Nell, that made me feel so humble.” Nell’s eyes widened in surprise; whatever else she had expected Hilda to say, it had not been this.
“No, Nell, I mean it. Every time you had to make a decision, your choice was based on the needs of others. From the moment you ran out of that café in Spartz, you tried to help and protect others – and you didn’t even have to think about it. When you realised that you were endangering the others, you decided to stay behind, even though you knew what might happen: and your decision saved them. When the Leutnant beat you, you still wouldn’t speak even though you were in pain; when you leapt so swiftly to the assistance of that unknown woman, you acted instinctively, although you knew there would be retribution; and finally when he gave you that dreadful choice, you still made your decision in the light of other people’s needs: and you knew that it would cost you everything you valued, even your life.” Nell was very still, listening to Hilda, as she continued quietly, “Last night, you told me that you didn’t recognise yourself any more. Nell, you were and are more yourself than ever; someone who ‘gives but does not count the cost.’ I am so proud to call you my friend.”
Nell’s eyes filled with tears and her mouth trembled; then she whispered,
“I don’t deserve this Hilda,” but before she could say anything else, Hilda had placed her hand gently over her mouth,
“Hush, Nell, and listen to me. I don’t yet know what you have been thinking and believing during the past year, but you must accept that what I have said to you is true. All the time, you acted so lovingly and courageously, without thought of yourself; you were tested, and you did not fail. Remember, Nell? “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”
Nell said nothing, but it seemed to Hilda that a soft light suddenly glowed in her grey eyes, “like sunlight through rain” she thought, and continued,
“Nell, the next weeks will not be easy for you; I know that. But no matter how hard it is, you must believe that your place is here. Whatever else you think or feel, please don’t ever question that; and if you need me, I promise you that I will be here for you. There will be no more talk of your leaving, and I want you to promise me that when you are frightened or confused, you will come and find me.” Nell nodded, then murmured,
“I promise, Hilda.” Hilda hugged her swiftly and said firmly, then said,
“Now, I am going to sit here with my embroidery, and you are going to rest and be quiet. If you need to talk, I will listen, but only when you are ready. Agreed?” Nell nodded.
“Agreed.” Then she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes, feeling a sense of calm that she had not known for over a year stealing over her. Hilda picked up her embroidery. The bells were louder.

 


#423:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 3:41 am


Yay! Good to see Hilda on the job and Nell begining to recover.

Thanks Cath. Hope RL stays quiet.

 


#424:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 4:34 am


Love the bells.

Nell needed to hear that, and Hilda was the one to say it.

Thanks Cath.

 


#425:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:26 am


Thanks Cath

Liz

 


#426:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:35 am


Very Happy

That was just was Nell needed - well done Hilda! And I love the bell comment.

 


#427:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:41 am


Awww I'm so pleased. Thanks Cath Very Happy

 


#428:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:59 am


I love the bells. Thank you Cath.

Perfect, Nell needed to hear that and only Hilda could say it so well.

 


#429:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:53 am


Thanks Cath, I'm so glad that Hilda was able to put it across in such a way. As the others said, it is exactly what Nell needed to hear, and it could not have been put across better. I'm so glad that Nell still trusts Hilda enough to take her word on this matter.

 


#430:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 10:01 am


Wow, what an amazing job Hilda is doing at getting through to Nell.

 


#431:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 10:20 am


Oh, Hilda, you always find the right words to help someone move on. To hold up a mirror to Nell like that, to show her that all her actions were not contemptible, but done to save the lives of others, even at the risk of losing her own life - just beautiful.

A stronghold in times of distress, a hiding place - she is all that to Nell, just like God Himself.

Thank you, Cath.


Last edited by MaryR on Fri Aug 19, 2005 8:13 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#432:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 6:50 pm


Cath your writing is wonderful - Hilda is so sensitive and understanding here, just what Nell needs, but that inner core of steel is still very much in evidence.

Thank you.

 


#433:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:26 am


The next part...


The garden was very peaceful and Hilda was beginning to feel rathe sleepy, when suddenly Nell said,
“I had to come back Hilda; there was no place left for me to go.” Hilda put down her sewing and studied Nell.
“Do you think you can tell me?” she asked quietly. Nell nodded, and continued,
“This past year – it has felt as if I’ve been hunted down. No matter where I’ve gone, I haven’t been able to find any sort of peace, it’s as if I’ve I can’t escape from what happened. I know I won’t forget – I can’t forget – and there are some things that I have to remember – but I had hoped that some of it would fade.” She stopped, staring down at the ground; Hilda reached out and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, feeling Nell’s involuntary recoil.
“It’s alright, Nell, it’s me, remember?” Nell made a conscious effort to relax, and after a moment spoke again, her short difficult sentences giving Hilda a horrifying glimpse of her life during the previous year.
“I didn’t feel safe anywhere – except a little when I went back to Dartmoor, because there weren’t any people, and I known it so well. Before that, I went from place to place – London, Yorkshire, Scotland – places I’d been happy before, but I couldn’t stay. It – I was seeing them somehow through a grey veil, and I found that the nightmares were getting worse. All I asked was not to be seen, not to be noticed, but I felt – I believed that people were watching me. I thought - I suppose I still think – that people could tell that I was different, that something had happened to me. By then I was frightened all the time, and I wasn’t always sure what was there and what wasn’t.”
“Did you try to tell anyone about it?” asked Hilda gently. Nell shook her head.
“That was one of the worst things, Hilda. I couldn’t stop thinking that people were lying to me all the time – somehow, I couldn’t trust anyone, and I don’t know why. In the end, I – I even stopped going to Mass. That was horrible.” Hilda, knowing of Nell’s Faith, and the way it had always defined her so completely was horrified by this despairing revelation.
“The other thing,” went on Nell, her voice low and shaking, “was that I couldn’t remember clearly. I still can’t; there are gaps in my memory: I can’t remember anything much about being in the San, or when I left, or where I first went. Single events stand out, but I can’t remember anything around them. Like – like Joey’s wedding; I remember that very clearly, she was such a happy bride, and it was a joy to see her and Jack together, but everything else before that is a blur. And I do remember meeting you in London, just after you started that course, but what I did after that is gone. Yes, it has got better,” she said, in response to Hilda’s obvious unspoken question. “The last six months is clearer, but the dreams and the fear got worse. I had to come back, Hilda – see if the routine of teaching would hold me together somehow.”
“You were absolutely right, Nell,” replied Hilda firmly. “And the fact that you could work that out for yourself tells me that you are still in control of your life and that you can come through this. I have no doubts at all about you as a teacher and colleague.” Nell flushed faintly,
“Thank you, Hilda; that means a lot,” she murmured.
“The other things: they will take time, Nell, but I truly believe that your fear will diminish and your terrible memories will fade - ”
“I just wish I could remember coherently, or at least know what happened!” Hilda made no reply to this, but grew more determined than ever to face Jem. This had to be resolved. Then, turning to Nell, she asked quietly,
“Nell, you do trust me now, don’t you?”

 


#434:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 3:53 am


Thank you Cath, you can really portray Nell's despair and helplessness.

Hope she can answer Hilda's questionwith a 'yes'.

Really looking forward to Hilda's chat with Jem.

 


#435:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 4:04 am


Finally caught up on this one. What a nightmare Nell's endured! *hopes Hilda can help her to recover -- at least as much as is possible*

 


#436:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 7:22 am


Crying or Very sad Poor Nell, what a difficult time to have endured. The whole loss of memory must be really scary, because she has just lost strips of time. I am so glad that Hilda was able to reassure her in the way she did.

Thanks cath

 


#437:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 8:35 am


Also glad Hilda was there for Nell. Thanks Cath

 


#438:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:00 am


Thanks for the update, Cath. It really is going to be tough for Nell to work through all that happened to her.

 


#439:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:05 am


I do hope Nell answers Hilda with a 'yes'. Glad Hilda is there for Nell and is determined to help her through this and to confront Jem over it. Thank you Cath.

 


#440:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 9:57 am


Just caught up on this - sorry for getting so behind.

Thanks Cath.

 


#441:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:16 am


That strong, steadfast serenity of Hilda's is helping Nell get rid of so much
that was destroying her. But does she trust her enough, after what has happened, to believe it WILL get better?

To lose your belief in your own religious convictions must be the worst disaster of all - where is there any comfort left?

Thank you, Cath.

 


#442:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 12:25 pm


I also hope Nell says she can trust Hilda again.

 


#443:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:00 pm


Thanks Cath

Liz

 


#444:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:13 pm


I've just done a mammoth catch up on this because I've been dying to know what happened to Nell. I feel like I've been put through a mangle just reading it. What Nell has gone through, how she has been treated is so awful. Seeing these things happening to a character I love really brings home the atrocities of the war, and how brutal the medical profession could be.
Thank you Cath. And I am really looking forward to Hilda's interview with Jem Twisted Evil

 


#445:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:20 pm


Quote:
I am really looking forward to Hilda's interview with Jem


Me too!

 


#446:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 12:40 am


HAve just caught up with more than a week's worth of this, Cath - it continues to blow me away. Like Mary, I love the way that Hilda's serene and steadfast approach (after her initial, and essential explosion of anger to force a breakthrough) is clearly helping Nell to recover, though until she can remember, or be reminded of, the gaps in her memory. that won't be complete.

Clearly, that interview between Hilda and Jem has to come soon, if everything is to be explained.

Looking forward to more.

 


#447:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 2:27 am


Thank you for your lovely positive comments. Sorry it's a little late, but ...next part.

Nell looked at her searchingly, then said slowly,
“Yes, Hilda, I do. Last night, I felt secure for the first time in months; when I fell asleep, I knew that I was safe, and although I did have a nightmare, you were there and you were able to help me. And I was able to tell you so much, Hilda and I don’t think I would have been able to if I hadn’t trusted you, although I did resist what you were trying to make me say.” She smiled at Hilda, and although her eyes were wary, they were no longer cold or distrustful. Then after a short contemplative silence, she continued softly,
“You know, Hilda, that was one of the most dreadful parts of what he did, you know. I doubted you – even started wondering whether you’d willingly given him that photo and my passport. Deep inside me, I knew that you hadn’t, but there was always that nagging ache of doubt, which I couldn’t stop. That was terrible – if I couldn’t trust you, then I couldn’t trust anybody. And then you didn’t come to the San; I think I asked for you – once I was sure you were there, but you weren’t -”
“Oh, Nell,” broke in Hilda, suddenly desperate to ease this pain, “I did come, as soon as I knew you were there, but you were asleep. You were very ill those first few days, you know.”
“Was I?” said Nell wonderingly.
“Yes: I sat and watched you for over an hour, and then Jem told me I had to leave. Then, when I came the next day, I was told that you were too ill for visitors. I didn’t know what to think or do, and then suddenly, you had gone, and I didn’t have your address until Madge told me to write to you care of your bank. You – you do believe me, don’t you?” Her beautiful voice was suddenly unsure and Nell blinked in surprise; she wasn’t used to Hilda asking reassurance of her. For a moment she was quiet, then said,
“I do believe you, Hilda. After all you said to me last night and this morning, when I thought I’d come to the end of everything, and you cared enough to be angry with me, and then you tried to make me see that there is an alternative to the place that I have come to – yes, I have to believe you.”
“And do you accept that there is an alternative?” Hilda put the question tentatively, and Nell was silent again, her expression sterner and her grey eyes sombre and remote. Hilda bit her lip and waited, praying that she hadn’t spoken too soon, that she had asked the right question, and above all, that she had somehow reached Nell. Then, her face lightening, Nell’s answer came softly,
“You were like – like a light in the darkness, Hilda. You gave me the only comfort that I’ve heard or been able to accept in the last year, and you have convinced me that I can get through this, that I will be able to resume my life, and that I am not alone. I don’t really understand how or why, but somehow you have convinced me that it is so.”
“Oh, Nell!” With tears in her eyes, Hilda seized her friend and hugged her joyously. “Oh, Nell! She stopped and said very quietly, “But you know that you were never really alone, don’t you Nell?” Nell pulled away from Hilda a little, her expression thoughtful and rather sad.
“ I never quite lost the sense of God, Hilda, but I lost the sense of His closeness, and you know, even at my worst time, when Cherry and my parents died, I had never had that happen. I was confused and angry, and I started to think that God had left me because of something I had done, or not done – but I never stopped believing in Him. The trouble was, it was a belief that scared me; there was no comfort or refuge in it, no peace or joy. It was a cold wilderness; I didn’t want that sort of belief, but it seemed it was all I had left. So I stopped going to Mass – it seemed wrong to be there, especially as I felt so shamed and guilty.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know; somehow, just talking about it has helped. Besides, if you can be so patient and loving after what I’ve told you, then it starts to seem rather as if He might be here with me too.” She smiled ruefully, a hint of the old Nell appearing, “At the very least, it seems discourteous to suggest otherwise, don’t you think?” Hilda smiled,
“You always were insistent on good manners, Nell!”
Nell smiled in response, then continued, “So tomorrow, I will go to Mass, although it will be difficult-” Hilda interrupted at once,
“No, Nell, tomorrow WE will go to Mass – remember, I promised I was going to be there for you, and I think you need my support, at least to begin with.” Gratitude glowed in Nell’s eyes as she murmured “Thank you, Hilda.”

 


#448:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 6:35 am


That is just lovely Cath - Just seeing this relationship being rebuilt, and knowing that this admission on Nell's part can only make it stronger. It's just amazing seeing it happening. And I loved Hilda's way of coming along side Nell, helping her in the place she is in at the moment. It was just so perfect when you add in her decision to attend Mass with Nell as well.

Thanks Cath

 


#449:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:39 am


Bless you, Hilda. You got through, with your steadfastness and love.

But Nell, if Hilda can love this much, remember how much more perfect is God's love - as Hilda said, He was always there, crying with you even when you couldn't see or feel Him.

And how sensitive of Hilda, that she can see how Nell needs her support even in approaching God. That Nell feels she has drifted too far to be accepted back into the fold......

 


#450:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:40 am


Aw lovely. Glad Nell is going back to Mass

Thanks Cath!

 


#451:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:59 am


Thank you Cath. That was lovely and so good to see the flash of the real Nell and to hear her speaking of returning to Mass and Hilda going with her. I do think things will get better now - but I still want to see that conversation with Jem!

 


#452:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:27 am


Oh drat Jem - I hope he gets to see the damaged he caused!

Thankfully it was only temporary!

 


#453:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:35 am


I'm glad Nell has asked Hilda to go to Mass with her.

 


#454:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 3:56 pm


I love the way Hilda has drawn Nell out of herself, and has made her see that isn't alone. Thanks for this, Cath, it's beautifully written!

 


#455:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 6:47 pm


Lovely Cath - and Nell needed Hilda to be there for her in all things.

Thank you.

 


#456:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:55 am


Thank you all- no, I haven't forgotten about the crassly insensitive Dr Russell, but there were a few things to tidy up first. Today's helping:

Hilda smiled as she bent down to retrieve her embroidery, unable to resist a little gentle raillery,
“Always as well to check out the opposition occasionally, my dear!”
“And I thought you were finally seeing reason!” Nell’s swift reply, made as it was in fun, and without the edge of sarcasm that had coloured so much of her speech lately, delighted Hilda. “ Oh, Nell,” she thought happily, “you are still you!” She could have danced round the garden in joy, but said only,
“I think it’s lunch-time; we’ll have Gwynneth out hunting for us, if we don’t hurry.” Nell looked at her watch,
“You’re right; come on.” Together they sauntered back to the house, saying nothing more.

Lunch passed quietly, although both Hilda and Matron noticed that Nell made a much better meal than she had at any time since her return, When they had finished, Gwynneth nobly volunteered to make coffee, although she was quick to point out that this was only because she wanted something decent to drink! “Your coffee is always a bit too milky, Hilda and “aggressive” is the only word to describe that stuff you make, Nell! You clear the table and I’ll bring the coffee to the Staff room.” Both Hilda and Nell gasped at this attack on their coffee-making abilities, but as Gwynneth had already departed, decided there was little point in replying, and concentrated on their own job. Five minutes later, they were in the Staff room, where Nell’s sharp eyes spotted that morning’s Times tucked carefully behind two cushions, and when Gwynneth appeared with a tray, shortly afterwards, she found both Hilda and Nell embroiled with the crossword.
“Where did you get that?” was her opening remark. “I thought I’d hidden it!”
“You had,” Hilda replied serenely.
“But we found it!” added Nell, with a hint of her old impishness. Gwynneth glared at them both, said simply “Your coffee” in the voice she usually reserved for uproarious Middles, and was rewarded by the sight of the Head and Senior Mistress dropping newspaper and pen, and hurriedly picking up their coffee cups.

“Have we anything definite planned for this afternoon?” asked Gwynneth as she idly stirred her drink. “Because I’ve finished everything that I needed to, and I have every intention of relaxing with a book – unless there’s something that requires my attention?”
“I can’t think of anything, Gwynneth,” Hilda replied, after some thought. “What’s the book?” she added.
“Gaudy Night,” came the response. “I acquired it yesterday, after having heard everybody raving about it.”
“I think you’ll like it,” said Hilda. “It’s not a conventional detective fiction, but it makes you think about a number of things.”
“Well, I’m still after Busman’s Honeymoon,” commented Nell, leaning back in her chair. “I want to see what sort of marriage she– oops, sorry, nearly spoiled it for you, Gwynneth.”
“I’ve got that upstairs, if you’d like to borrow it, Nell.”
“Yes please Hilda!”
“I’ll go and get it in a moment – oh!”
“What have you remembered?” asked Gwynneth resignedly.
“We need to move Nell’s things.”
“What? Where to?”
“What are you talking about, Hilda?” Hilda smiled at Nell reassuringly, and patted her hand.
“It’s alright, Nell, don’t panic, I’m not suggesting anything radical. It was an idea I had this morning. and you can say no if you want to.” At this point, Gwynneth stood up, quietly collected cups and tray, and left the room. Nell relaxed slightly and Hilda suddenly realised that she had been rather tactless.
“I’m sorry, Nell, I didn’t mean to spring this on you; I should have thought before saying anything, and spoken to you in private.” Nell was watching her warily, but said nothing, so Hilda continued, a little hesitantly. “It’s about the nights, Nell. There are three rooms in that corridor where we are, but two of them have a connecting door. The third – yours- doesn’t. I was wondering whether you would like to change rooms, so that you aren’t quite so alone at night. We can leave the door slightly open, and then if you feel that you need someone, or need to talk, you can come to me without any difficulty. Of course, if you feel that you don’t want to -?” Nell looked down at her clasped hands for a moment, then said,
“How did you know?”
“Know?” answered Hilda, momentarily confused.
“That I dread the darkness, and being alone?” Hilda was silent, her own eyes suddenly bleak, then replied,
“ ‘That year of now done darkness’; yes, Nell, I know.” She sighed, and laid a hand on Nell’s shoulder. “Do you want to change rooms then?” Nell nodded, and the two women left the room and silently made their way upstairs.

 


#457:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:08 am


I can't imagine reading Busman's Honeymoon before Gaudy Night!

Thanks for the regular updates Cath. Nell seems to be making a real improvement - hope it is a real recovery, not the eye of the storm before more dramas.

 


#458:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:46 am


Lovely post Cath, love the relationship all three of them have. They must all have missed it when Nell first returned and 'wasn't' Nell.

 


#459:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:45 am


That was great, to see them enjoying each others company, and even though Hilda did make a mistake of mentioning the idea that Nell should change rooms in front of Gwynneth, it was good to see that she was able to make another offer which was in the right place at the right time. Thanks Cath

 


#460:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:23 am


There was such a lot in that little interlude, Cath, and a welcome return to their former relationship - indeed an escalation of what they had, as Hilda gives and Nell receives.

To see Hilda's joy is so intense that she could have danced round the garden; to see the way Matey felt secure enough in Nell now to make her usual irreverent comments; and to appreciate Hilda's awareness of 'that year of now done darkness' of Nell's.


Thank you, that was beautiful.

 


#461:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:37 am


Thanks Cath, lovely to see the old friendship back again! We can wait (with much anticipation!) to see the Jem/Hilda scene! Smile

 


#462:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:18 am


Thank you Cath. Wonderful to see something of the old Nell back and the old friendship rekindled - though Hilda's mistake shows how far there still is to go.

 


#463:  Author: LadyGuinevereLocation: Leicester PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:50 am


Lovely to see the banter between them - thanks!

 


#464:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:59 am


Thanks Cath

Lovely to see a return to normality amongst them, even if only for a while - I'm sure that will help Nell enormously.

Liz

 


#465:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:02 pm


It was good to see them squabbling over the Times crossword. I'm glad Nell agreed to change rooms.

 


#466:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 8:28 pm


Cath - really enjoying this drabble (if enjoying is quite the right word for something that tugs at the heartstrings like this) Hope that Nell's return to Mass, with Hilda's support, will help her further down the road to recovery. Given her faith this, and the change of rooms, should be hugely helpful

Looking forward to more

 


#467:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:41 am


Here we are again, a slightly longer piece for the weekend...


It did not take the three of them long to transfer Nell’s possessions from one room to the other; in fact both Hilda and Gwynneth were surprised by the speed with which it was done, but that, they both realised was due to the fact that Nell had unpacked very little since her return. Neither of them commented on this, concentrating instead on completing the task as quickly as possible. That done, they returned to the Staff room, intending to spend the rest of the afternoon reading.
“We could go outside,” suggested Gwynneth. Hilda cast a swift look at Nell, who replied,
“You two go if you want to; I’ll stay here. I’m starting to feel a bit headachy again.” Gwynneth considered her; she did look tired and a little pale, and it was hot.
“I’ll get you some more aspirin,” she announced abruptly. “Then I suggest that you curl up on the sofa here and read or sleep as you choose. But be careful: I don’t want you going going sick just as term is starting!” She left the room, and Hilda grinned appreciatively.
“I haven’t yet met anyone foolhardy enough to ignore Gwynneth’s ‘suggestions’!” she remarked. Then she looked at Nell more closely. “She’s right, you know; you’re starting to look all eyes again. You make yourself comfortable on the sofa, and I’ll be over here.”
“You don’t have to stay with me, Hilda: I’ll be fine.”
“No, that’s alright; it is rather warm out there – and anyway, there should be someone within earshot of the bell; none of the domestic staff will be back until half-past four.”
“Are you expecting anyone?”
“No, but one never knows!”

At this point, Matron returned with a glass of water and two aspirins, which Nell dutifully swallowed. Then she curled up in comfort with Hilda’s copy of Busman’s Honeymoon, while the other two retreated to the bay window on the other side of the room with their books. Fifteen minutes later, Gwynneth glanced across and noticed that Nell was sleeping peacefully.
“I thought she would,” she commented softly. “It’s the best thing for her; she’s been through a lot over the last day, and this can only help – as long as there’s someone here for her when she needs them.”
“There’s a long way to go, isn’t there Gwynneth?” Hilda said sadly. “I was so pleased to hear her starting to tease a little in her old way; then I realised how much she must have hidden herself away – and for how long.” Gwynneth smiled gently,
“Don’t worry, Hilda,” she said comfortingly. “Think what she was like only yesterday! Your trouble, my dear, is that you’re tired too, and you’re so busy supporting her that you haven’t realised it yet.”
“I suppose so,” replied Hilda doubtfully. “I’m not going to have a nap though!” she added forcefully, and glaring at Gwynneth.
“I wouldn’t dream of suggesting it,” responded Gwynneth smoothly, opening her book again. She was two-thirds of the way down the page before she realised that Hilda was regarding her with some degree of curiosity; she looked up and caught Hilda’s eye.
“Well, Hilda? What is it?” Hilda jumped and turned slightly pink.
“It’s just – well, I was wondering, Gwynneth, all that information you gave me this morning about shell-shock and hysteria; was that common knowledge in nursing circles after the War, or did you have a special interest in that area?” Gwynneth didn’t answer immediately, and Hilda, thinking that she had offended her friend, hastened to apologise,
“I’m sorry Gwynneth, I shouldn’t have asked you; it’s none of my business - ”
“No, Hilda, don’t worry, I’m not offended or angry. It’s just something I haven’t though about for a while.” Gwynneth smiled reassuringly at the younger woman and continued, “No, it wasn’t common knowledge, unless you were working at somewhere like Netley, for example, and it wasn’t something I was particularly interested in, both during my training and after. Oh, I saw men who quite clearly had it – or were developing it – but the hospital where I worked dealt with those who were wounded or gassed. Those patients with emotional and nervous problems were sent elsewhere – often after we had patched them up.” Her voice was very quiet and even.
“I probably wouldn’t have thought too much about it, but at the start of 1917 my mother’s youngest brother was wounded. He wasn’t much older than me: mother was the eldest of the family and he was only seven when I was born. I remember him very clearly as a boy and young man; he was always cheerful, always finding the good things in life – not thoughtless and insensitive, but insistent that trouble could be worked through. He always looked for the best in people, and generally found it. Anyway, to cut a long story short, when he was invalided home, he wasn’t the same person any more; his wounds healed, but he couldn’t sleep, woke screaming when he did, couldn’t bear sudden noises, didn’t talk, had problems sorting out where he was and who was with him and was generally losing his grasp on reality.”
“Just like Nell,” breathed Hilda.
“Exactly like Nell. So, he was diagnosed with neurasthenia as it was called: and then he had a tremendous bit of luck. He was sent to a place called Craiglockhart, in Scotland, and had the great good fortune to find himself treated by a Dr. W. H. R. Rivers. Rivers had some considerable success in treating patients like my uncle and he did so by encouraging them to talk about and understand their experiences. Then it would be possible for them to resume their lives.”
“Did it work?”
“Thank God, yes, it did. Slowly he came back. It took time, but he did recover. After seeing that, I started doing some reading in my spare time, and found out a little more about his condition and the possible treatments. There was a lot of debate about how best to treat shell-shock, but as far as I’m concerned, the type of treatment provided by Dr Rivers and his ilk is the most effective – and humane. I hadn’t thought about it for a long time, but when I first saw Nell, I remembered.” She paused, and Hilda suddenly recalled the way in which Gwynneth had watched Nell so closely that first evening.
“Did you know at once?” she asked.
“I was fairly certain,” came the immediate reply. “I hoped I was wrong, but by the time I spoke to you – dear Heaven, was that only yesterday? – I knew. I also knew that if you couldn’t reach her, Hilda, then nobody could. And mercifully you did. She does have a long way to go, but with your support -”
“And yours!”
“-she should recover.” There was a silence, then,
“ Thank you for that, Gwynneth,” came Hilda’s soft response.

 


#468:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 11:56 am


Cath - it was lovely to see the way that Nell followed out Matey's orders, though I agree that it would be strange to see anyone who did not do what Matron suggested they do.

And the way Matey then opened up to Hilda about her brother was simply stunningly beautiful. Thanks Cath

 


#469:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:10 pm


How nice to see Matey's background fleshed out - and to learn so much more about the syndrome.

Perceptive of her, too, to know with all her heart that Hilda was the only one who would get through - and is willing to support her all the way.

Hilda definitely needs support herself as she continues her rescue of Nell's heart and mind and soul.

Thanks, Cath

 


#470:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:18 pm


A lovely episode between Hilda and Matey, and so good to see recognition of the stress that helping Nell will cause.

 


#471:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 12:25 pm


How lovely. Thank you Cath. Its great to see more of the friendship between these three women and how they understand one another so well.

 


#472:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 2:23 pm


Thanks, Cath, for giving us more insight into Gwynneth's background.

 


#473:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:58 pm


Thanks Cath

Liz

 


#474:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 6:22 pm


Thank you Cath - as others have said, a wonderful insight into Matey's background and the friendship between those three.

 


#475:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 6:27 pm


Thanks Cath, just seen this update!

 


#476:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 6:39 pm


Thanks for this, Cath, Matey is such a wonderful character in your drabble, not just the evil medicines, sharp tongue and starch which she so often seems to be in the books!

 


#477:  Author: BethCLocation: Worcester, UK PostPosted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:47 pm


Thank you, Cath.

 


#478:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 3:03 am


Thanks Cath - just done a massive catch up and it's lovely to see how Nell's really coming out of herself and getting back to the way that she was, although she's obviously changed for life

 


#479:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 9:39 pm


Thanks Cath. Just done a 2 weeks worth of catch-up! I just wanted to go on reading. Please give us the Jem interview soon!

 


#480:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 11:37 pm


Thank you for the comments. Next part:


The conversation languished after that as neither Hilda nor Gwynneth wished to run the risk of disturbing Nell, and both returned to their books. The room was very quiet, dust motes danced in the air and the sound of birdsong was audible. As the silence intensified, Hilda felt her eyes closing as her book slipped out of her hands and soon she was sleeping as quietly as Nell. Gwynneth left her undisturbed until almost four o’clock.
“Well, despite my earlier words, I feel much better for that,” commented Hilda as she yawned, and sat up.
“I thought you might,” replied Gwynneth, “but I’d advise you to tidy yourself; your hair’s coming down.” Hilda put up her hand and found that, as Gwynneth had said, her hair was uncoiled and half her hairpins missing.
“Bother!” She got up and was halfway across the room, when there came the pealing of the doorbell. There was a sudden whimper from Nell, and Hilda turned to see her sitting up shivering, her eyes wide and confused.
“It’s alright, Nell,” she said, hurrying over to her. “It’s only the doorbell. Gwynneth’s going to deal with it. Don’t worry.” Nell said nothing, but clung to Hilda, the fear and confusion slowly leaving her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered finally.
“It’s alright, Nell,” Hilda repeated, “You’re safe.”


Suddenly the door opened and Gwynneth stood there, evidently pleased about something.
“Hilda, Nell, we have an unexpected return,” she announced happily. “Look who is here!” She stepped aside, and an elderly man appeared in the doorway, smiling genially.
“Herr Anserl!” exclaimed Hilda delightedly.
“Vater Bar!” gasped Nell faintly, covering her face with her hands. “You’re really here,” she whispered in stunned disbelief. Swiftly, Herr Anserl hastened to her, and pulled her hands down, holding them firmly.
“Yes, I am here,” he said calmly, “remember child, I told you at the wedding of Fraulein Joey and the Herr Doktor Maynard, that when the School opened again, I would be here.” Nell shook her head, murmuring,
“I’m sorry, Herr Anserl… I don’t remember some things very clearly.” Herr Anserl stared at her for a moment, and nodded. Then releasing Nell’s hands, he turned to Hilda,
“Your pardon, Fraulein Annersley, I have not yet bidden you good day.” Hilda smiled and held out her hand,
“Not at all, Herr Anserl. Welcome to Sarres, and the Chalet School in Guernsey. It is wonderful to see you back, although I wasn’t aware that you would be here until next week.” Herr Anserl smiled,
“I had the opportunity to leave London somewhat earlier than I had anticipated, and the Herr Doktor Russell was kind enough to meet me and bring me here.” At these words, Nell looked up in sudden panic.
“Jem here? No, Hilda!” Hilda’s lips tightened in anger, although she said nothing, not trusting herself to speak.
“It’s alright, Nell,” interjected Gwynneth quietly. “Hilda, Jem is in your study; I told him that you wanted to speak to him, and that you would be along shortly. Nell, why don’t you stay here with Herr Anserl and give him some ides of how our arrangements are progressing?” Visibly relieved, Nell nodded, and Hilda made her way to the door, only to be stopped by Gwynneth’s “Hilda – your hair!”

Three minutes later, an impeccably tidy and coldly furious Hilda made her way into her study, where Jem Russell was waiting by the window.
“Ah, Hilda, Matron told me that you wanted a word – nothing too serious, I hope?” Hilda moved to her desk, but did not sit down; instead she gestured toward the other chair, saying firmly,
“Good afternoon, Jem, please sit down.” Jem raised an eyebrow at her formality, but did as she had asked. Hilda remained standing, and Jem felt somewhat surprised, and a little uneasy,
“I hope there’s nothing wrong?” Hilda took a deep breath; this battle was for Nell.

 


#481:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:22 am


Oooooooh goody

looking forward to this conversation

 


#482:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:16 am


Dawn wrote:
Oooooooh goody

looking forward to this conversation


Wot Dawn said! Very Happy

 


#483:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 2:08 am


Thanks, Cath. Hope Herr Anserl's presence helps Nell ... and that Jem learns something. Should be a real rip-snorter, with Hilda in that mood. Twisted Evil

 


#484:  Author: SugarplumLocation: second star to the right! PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:41 am


oh for goodness sake .... I have just read 20 odd pages and I still hurtle into the depths off the end of a bl**dy cliff!!!!!!!!!!!

Cath ..thank you - your writing is amazing! - too much emotion to say much else.

 


#485:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:25 am


Poor Nell, that the door should frighten her so much. Very glad to see Vater Bar though, and to see how he can still comfort Nell after the break in their seeing him. Very interested in what will happen now that Jem is actually in Hilda's office.

Thanks Cath

 


#486:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:25 am


Am really looking forward to the next bit! Should imagine that Nell's response to just hearing Jem's name will be enough to make Hilda livid.

Thank you Cath - love the little touches too - Gwynneth having to remind Hilda about her hair!

(Oh and good cliff! Wink )

 


#487:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 9:28 am


How lovely to see Herr Anserl back, and to see how much comfort he brings Nell.

I should imagine there won't be much mercy from Hilda during the conversation with Jem - just justice for Nell, and maybe a few more insights to help Nell, if he lets things drop that they don't already know.

Thanks, Cath.

 


#488:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 10:29 am


I'm glad that Herr Anserl is back and I'm looking forward to seeing Hilda and Jem's conversation.

 


#489:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 10:30 am


I hope she really reams him out. Looking forwarrd to it.

 


#490:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:48 am


ooooh teehee!!!!

looking forward to this, Cath!

 


#491:  Author: kerenLocation: Israel PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 12:36 pm


This is one of the drabbles I have been following avidly, although have not had time to comment.
Please keep going.
I am looking forward to the next part

 


#492:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 3:38 pm


*wanders off muttering rude things about cliffs*

Wink

 


#493:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 5:20 pm


Thanks Cath

So glad Herr Anserl has returned - I'm sure he can also help Nell, possibly in ways that Hilda couldn't

And looking forward to hearing what Jem has to say

Liz

 


#494:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:30 am


Thank you Cath. Love the fact Herr Ansel has returned and hope he will also be able to help Nell. And I'm anticipating a wonderful scene with Jem in the study - Hilda that furious won't pull any punches.

 


#495:  Author: meeriumLocation: belfast, northern ireland PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:38 am


aarrrrrgh! so close to the showdown, and yet so far! this is going to be a doozy, i can feel it bubbling to the boil. *fetches cheerleading pom-poms to cheer on hilda as she tears jem to shreds*

i've been reading this drabble avidly, and i'm really enjoying it - thanks cath.

 


#496:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 3:32 am


Cath promises me it is NOT going to be a closed door study scene so we can all cheer on Hilda and boo the thoughtless Sir James.

Hope it will be posted soon!

 


#497:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 6:22 am


Ok, here it is!! And I shall be away in Brisbane from 1-4th Sept, so this may be my last post until next week; I'm taking the laptop, so I can continue writing (I think I'd expire from frustration if I didn't!) but posting may be another matter. Oh, and I intend to have a lovely time!

And now (short drum roll) - the Hilda-Jem scene!

“I wanted to discuss the time Nell spent in the San after her escape from Austria.” Jem looked faintly surprised.
“Really? Well, I’ll tell you what I can of course, but wouldn’t Nell be the best person to ask?”
“I agree,” said Hilda evenly, “but unfortunately she doesn’t seem to have a very clear idea of what went on, or how long she was there. I rather hoped you could provide some more information.” In response, Jem smiled tolerantly,
“Now Hilda, I’m sure you will appreciate that medical confidentiality means that I can’t -”
“Was this the same “medial confidentiality” that prevented you from informing me that Nell was asking for me? Or indeed that treated her by subterfuge?” Jem stopped, suddenly discomfited, then said firmly,
“I assure you, Hilda, I had Nell’s best interests at heart when I made those decisions.” Hilda’s mouth twisted in sudden distaste, and her eyes grew colder.
“No you did not, Dr Russell. At no point during that fortnight, did you stop to consider Nell’s interests. You failed to listen to her, isolated her from her friends, apparently sedated her against her will, and you appear to have no idea as to the result of your treatment. And you have the unmitigated effrontery to sit there and tell me that you thought only of her best interests!”
“How dare you -”
“I concede that you treated her physical injuries competently, but you failed her at the very point she needed expert help.” Jem leapt to his feet in anger,
“The woman was clearly hysterical -.” He fell suddenly silent as Hilda’s icy gaze skewered him, and she said implacably,
“Really Dr Russell? Do you know what happened to her in Austria? How she was beaten? What she witnessed? Did you let her tell anyone of what she suffered? No, you did not. And this was Nell - scarcely someone who was prone to hysteria.” Jem opened his mouth again, but before Hilda’s scorching fury found himself incapable of speech. Hilda swept on, ignoring him,
‘And you silenced her; you added to her torment. She can’t remember what happened to her in the San, only that it was terrible, and because of that she can’t trust even her friends, who she thinks abandoned her. She has believed that for an entire year.” Hilda stopped, suddenly overcome by the thought of Nell’s desperate lonely misery. There was more that she could say, more that she desperately wanted to say, but she would not betray Nell’s confidence. She stared at Jem, her eyes steel-grey and relentless; slowly he sat down again, his gaze sliding away from her.
“I treated her in accordance with the accepted thinking on the subject,” he began, professional pride stiffening his voice.
“But I understand that there is a difference of opinion on how to approach this treatment,” commented Hilda quietly.
“Why, yes,” began Jem in surprise, then recollecting himself, continued, “but of course, it all depends on individual circumstances. Now, if I were to have a chat with Nell to reassure her-”
“Don’t go near her, Jem!” Jem frowned anew at the severity of Hilda’s words, and drew himself up.
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what you mean, Hilda; Nell was my patient in the San. Why should I not go near her?”
“Because you were wrong, my son. And she is still paying for your error.” The sound of Herr Anserl’s voice cut through the room, startling both Jem and Hilda Jem opened his mouth, flushed slightly, then his shoulders drooped and he sighed.
“Maybe you’re right, Anserl – I did what I thought best, but perhaps it was wrong. If so, I’m sorry.” Hilda said nothing; Jem had to do better than that before she was prepared to accept anything that he said. The old man stared hard at Jem, then sighed in his turn,
“You meant well, I am sure – but you made a mistake. Please do not make it worse.” He turned to Hilda, “And you are not quite correct, Fraulein. She does trust three people: you, who are her friend, the good Matron and - ” here he smiled humbly, “I think, myself.” His gaze swung back to Jem, who shuffled his feet uncomfortably, “I think that perhaps it might be as well for us to talk, my son. You will remember that I warned you that she was frightened as well as hurt; it is unfortunate that you seemed to forget that.” Jem got up without a word and went towards the door. Then he stopped and addressed Hilda,
“Miss Annersley, I shall not, of course, be mentioning this conversation to my wife -” Hilda, her eyes very bright, and her lovely voice expressionless, cut him short.
“Dr Russell, you may discuss this conversation with whomsoever you see fit. And now I will bid you good day.” Looking remarkably foolish, Jem followed Herr Anserl out of the room, and walked warily in the presence of Hilda Annersley for the rest of his days.

 


#498:  Author: kerenLocation: Israel PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 6:55 am


very good,
I was wondering where you are, so you can post the episodes nice and early in our morning!.
It was only when Herr Anserl came in that Jem conceded the point!

 


#499:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:13 am


I was very lad that Her Arnsel was able to come in at the end, to back Hilda up, and to give her the comfort that there are at least 3 people Nell trusts. And of course Jem would not listen to a woman, beign a product of his time he wouldnt think about it *mutters*.

Thanks Cath - and thanks for the offer of writing while you are away, I'm sure that we will take you up on it if you find that you do indeed have the time!

 


#500:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 8:22 am


That last line conveyed everything, didn't it? Jem has so little respect for women - but boy, is he learning fast.

I notice it was only when Herr Anserl weighed in that he was prepared to concede that Hilda may have some right on her side - that lack of respect again.

I get the impression, though, that Hilda is not yet done with him.


Last edited by MaryR on Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:55 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#501:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 8:56 am


That was FAB!! Very Happy

Glad that Hilda could put across her feelings without getting (too) angry.

Herr Anserl is just wonderful

Thanks Cath - enjoy your break! Kiss

 


#502:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 10:23 am


thanks Cath.

Hope you have a good time in Brisbane.

 


#503:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:22 am


Well done Hilda

And Herr Anserl

Thanks Cath - have a great time away

Liz

 


#504:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:14 pm


Well done, Hilda, indeed! I would have screamed at him, not very dignified! Hilda did just right, especially showing that she knew about the medical side of the controversy, too!

 


#505:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:20 pm


Thanks, Cath, especially for posting the long awaited scene before your holiday. It was definitely worth the wait. I'm glad Hilda told Jem what's what and put him in his place and that Herl Anserl backed her up as well.

 


#506:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 6:55 pm


Also feel that more is to come - especially as he had the effrontery to try and worry Hilda by mentioning Madge - and of course her employment. Very glad Hilda put him in his place.

Thanks Cath.

 


#507:  Author: Miss DiLocation: Newcastle, NSW PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 3:10 am


Cath V-P wrote:
“Miss Annersley, I shall not, of course, be mentioning this conversation to my wife -” Hilda, her eyes very bright, and her lovely voice expressionless, cut him short.
“Dr Russell, you may discuss this conversation with whomsoever you see fit. And now I will bid you good day.” Looking remarkably foolish, Jem followed Herr Anserl out of the room, and walked warily in the presence of Hilda Annersley for the rest of his days.



You Go Girl!

That was very satisfying Cath. Hope you enjoy your trip to BrisVegas.

 


#508:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:59 am


Thank you Cath. Brilliant, well done Hilda and Herr Ansel. Have a lovely time away!

 


#509:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:13 am


Thanks, Cath, that was great. Trust Hilda to put her point across.

 


#510:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 9:46 am


Thank you Cath. Loved seeing Jem put in his place. And hooray for Herr Anserl being so supportive and perceptive!

 


#511:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 2:12 am


Go Hilda! You tell him!

Thank you Cath - you're Herr Anserl is so lovely.

 


#512:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 2:17 am


Back again! Yes, I had a lovely time away and was even able to write a little! Next part:

Left alone, Hilda sat down at her desk, and rubbed her hand over her forehead. It had certainly been a relief to tell Jem just how appalling his treatment of Nell had been, but it had settled nothing. Herr Anserl’s intervention had been helpful, but it had also underscored just how little regard Jem appeared to have for the opinions of half the human race. “I hope Herr Anserl can get some more out of him,” she muttered, and at the thought of Nell’s terrified words fury overwhelmed her again. Her hands moved aimlessly among the objects on the desk as she tried to calm herself. “He has no idea of what he has done!” she thought as another scarlet wave of anger hit her, and then gasped aloud, appalled at the sight of the paperweight that had seemed to travel of its own volition to crash against the filing cabinet. She leant back in the chair, locking her shaking hands together as she fought for control. “This achieves nothing,” she thought desperately, and after a slow painful minute felt the anger diminish. Rising, she went to the window and gazed unseeingly out at the garden, at the display of crimson and white roses, and felt a tightness in her throat. “Oh, God, please help us through this!” she prayed, aware of a single tear trickling down her cheek. Then an unexpected voice cut into her thoughts,
“Hilda, what’s wrong?” Hilda glanced up and saw Nell at the doorway, biting her lip and regarding her apprehensively. She made a helpless little gesture,
“I’m sorry, Nell, I didn’t mean to worry you.” Nell said nothing for a moment, then she crossed the room, picked up the paperweight and silently surveyed the newly-made dent in the cabinet’s metal side.
“You seem to have dropped this,” she remarked quietly, replacing the paperweight on the desk. Then she fished in her pocket and produced a handkerchief which she proffered to Hilda. Hilda took it dazedly, dimly aware that she was crying, but quite unable to stop.
“I’m sorry,” she gasped out again, as Nell shook her head, and stepping forward, slipped her arms comfortingly around her.
“Don’t be silly, Hilda,” she said softly. “You’ve been under a terrible strain during the last two days and this is the result. You sat there and listened to me, held me, sustained me and comforted me, even lost your temper with me; whatever it was I needed, you gave it without any hesitation. You are tired and angry and sad and you need a shoulder to cry on. So here I am and don’t apologise.” Hilda made no immediate reply, but Nell felt her relax slightly. After a few moments, Hilda’s tears had slowed, but she remained leaning against Nell for a minute longer, taking comfort from her friend’s nearness. Then she straightened up, wiped her eyes and smiled at Nell.
“Thank you, Nell,” she said shakily. Then she asked, “Do you know where Herr Anserl or Jem are?” Nell’s lips tightened at the second name, but she replied calmly enough,
“They’re talking in the Staff room; that’s why I came to find you.”

 


#513:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 4:05 am


OH, how right that scene felt. That Hilda should be so angry and upset over Nell's treatment,and that the only person who could help her, comfort her, was Nell herself. Proof, if she needed it, of how successful her own intervention had been.

Thank you Cath.

 


#514:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 7:29 am


To see Hilda so helpless and enraged underscores how little she feels she has achieved, and that she still needs to get across to Jem just what his treatment did to Nell.

Maybe the fact that Hilda needs her so much, has feelings that normally she keeps hidden, will strengthen Nell even more. Maybe the fact that Hilda's anger is for her, Nell, will show her that her own feelings are justified and that she should not feel so much guilt.

How much they already feel for each other, understand each other, need each other, even though at this point in time Con is supposedly Nell's great friend.

Thanks, Cath.

 


#515:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 9:57 am


Lovely Cath

 


#516:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 11:37 am


Thanks, Cath. I'm glad Nell was able to comfort Hilda in her time of need.

 


#517:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 12:27 pm


Love the calm way that Nell picked up the paperweight - also love that Hilda threw it in the first place.

Thanks Cath

Liz

 


#518:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 8:15 pm


Glad you enjoyed your break. Great to see this back and looking forward to Jem and Herr Anserl's conversation!

 


#519:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 8:30 pm


Absolutely lovely. Nell handles Hilda perfectly, just as Hilda did for Nell. They are such a great partnership. Thank you Cath, glad you had a good time!

 


#520:  Author: Ella - too lazy to log in PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 8:55 pm


WOW!
Having a high-speed run through what I've missed over the last few weeks, and just caught up with this.
Thanks Cath, that was superb.
Very glad to see the Hilda/Jem scene and hope Herr Anserl tells him a few home truths!

 


#521:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 2:05 am


Thank you all! Next part....


Hilda glanced swiftly at her, but Nell managed to smile. “It’s alright, Hilda, Vater Bar told me he needed to have a confab with Jem, and asked me to tell you that he would be about ten minutes. He’ll come and hunt you out after Jem has left.”
“Somehow,” replied Hilda, “I doubt that that is exactly what he said, but the meaning is clear.” Nell grinned briefly, and glanced at the clock.
“Goodness, Hilda, look at the time; we seem to have missed out on afternoon tea. Would you like me to go and scrounge something?”
“Can you manage?”
“Of course – I think some of the kitchen staff should be back by now, but if they’re not, I’m sure I can just about cope with tea!”
“So I should hope!,” said Hilda. “Otherwise we’ll just have to make somebody else Guide Captain,” she added demurely. Nell glared at her, but said nothing, departing instead to the kitchen where she swiftly and capably prepared afternoon tea for four. Hilda, meanwhile, waited patiently in her study for Herr Anserl’s arrival.

This did not take as long as she had expected and three minutes after Nell’s departure, she heard the sound of footsteps and the bass rumble of soft humming that in Austria had always indicated Herr Anserl’s approach.
“Come in, Herr Anserl,” she called as he halted at the door and the big Austrian did as he was bidden, seating himself in a chair near the window, remarking as he did so,
“Fraulein Annersley, permit me to say how pleasant it is to be welcomed by you on my arrival here, at the new home of the Chalet School.” Hilda smiled in response,
“Herr Anserl, as I said earlier, it is wonderful to see you back with us.” Her smile faded, “And we – I am so grateful for all that you did for Nell Wilson last year, bringing her to safety, especially as it means you can now no longer return to Austria.” The old man shook his head, his eyes sad, but not unhappy,
“Fraulein, the Austria that I knew and loved has gone, for ever, I think and what is left is not good to remember. I grieve for my home and my mountains, yes, but if I had stayed the sadness would now be exceedingly bitter. There comes a time when one must choose what is right and pay the price; I do not think it was too high. What else could I have done when I was the only person who could help her? I would not change anything, child, and with my work and friends, life is still sweet.” Hilda could find no words for a moment, then murmured softly,
“Thank you, Herr Anserl.” There was a silence in the room, and then Herr Anserl continued,
“I spoke with Herr Doktor Russell before he left, and he was most helpful.” Hilda raised her eyebrows and Herr Anserl smiled placidly. “He was not happy when he departed, but I do not believe he will make that mistake again; I said that I was very sorry that Gottfried or the young Doktor Maynard had not been here last year, as they would have better understood what was needed. He did not like that, but in the end was forced to agree. I also told him that he had to explain what he had ordered to be done to Fraulein Nell and why. He did not like that either, but he is essentially a compassionate man, although lacking in imagination, and when he understood how frightened she was, he saw that there was nothing else to be done and told me what had happened.” He stopped, casting a brief and apologetic look at Hilda,
“I am sorry if I have interfered, Fraulein Annersley, but it seemed to me that he would not have been willing to explain all this to a woman, and as I am an old man-”
“No, Herr Anserl, you have been very helpful, and I agree with you; Jem would never have told me all that Nell needs to know. I can only thank you again.” She thought for a moment, then added, “And Herr Anserl, I noticed that you spoke of Nell as ‘Fraulein Nell’: I would be pleased if you would call me ‘Fraulein Hilda’ – if you wish to, that is.” The old man grinned, suddenly mischievous, and said,
“Then, I think it is time for you to address me as ‘Vater Bar.’ After all, it has been how you have thought of me for a long time, is it not?” He chuckled as a suddenly confused Hilda turned pink. Then to her relief, came the sound of two voices accompanied by the faint rattle of china, and Nell and Matron appeared with a welcome, albeit late, afternoon tea.

 


#522:  Author: kerenLocation: Israel PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:31 am


Lovely episode

 


#523:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:16 am


Nice to see Nell looking after Hilda, but galling for Hilda that Jem would admit to Herr Anserl what he would not tell her, she being a mere woman. Crying or Very sad

And the big Austrian is right - one has to make a choice in life, and sometimes the price can be very high.

Thanks, Cath.

 


#524:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:24 am


Thanks Cath, that was just lovely. I do hope that the information Vater Bar has will help Nell move on, though it will take some time. I think that once that is done things have begun to reach the stage where the return of the girls can only help Nell.

Poor Hilda having to accept that Head Mistress or not she is still underestimated by at least one Man she has known for a while now. I'm glad Jem took what had to be said by Vater Bar - and that it hurt too!

 


#525:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:33 am


Lovely Herr Anserl Very Happy

Thanks Cath

Liz

 


#526:  Author: JosieLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:01 pm


good old Vater Bar.

Thanks Cath.

 


#527:  Author: francesnLocation: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 12:26 pm


I'm sorry that Jem has such a chauvinistic attitude, but I'm glad Vater Bar was able to thwart him and tell Hilda and Nell

 


#528:  Author: ChairLocation: Rochester, Kent, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 1:48 pm


Thanks, Cath. I'm glad Hilda and Vater Bar have got to know each other better. At least something good has come out of this whole experience.

 


#529:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:29 pm


Thanks Cath, hate the necessity for Vater Bar having to interfer, but glad that he was there to help Nell.

*Still think Jem will be very wary of Hilda from now on.*


Last edited by Lesley on Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#530:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 7:14 pm


Vater Bar is great! Thanks Cath. So glad that Jem is finally listening to reason.

 


#531:  Author: dackelLocation: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 07, 2005 10:31 am


Poor Herr Anserl, being unable to return home. But as he said,he has a home at the CS, always!

 




The CBB -> Ste Therese's House


output generated using printer-friendly topic mod, All times are GMT

Goto page Previous  1, 2  :| |:
Page 2 of 2

Powered by phpBB 2.0.6 © 2001,2002 phpBB Group