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#1: Shattered dreams - Completed 30/3 x3 Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:55 pm
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This bunny took up residence last night and refused to let me pack. Rolling Eyes

I would warn anyone reading it that it is definately a sad drabble

Dear Auntie Hilda, Auntie Nell and any other staff listening,

I am writing this to you to tell you the truth. I know Mama and Papa told you I lost my leg in a car accident and have never really explained why they suddenly moved back to England or why I have been living with them for the last few months. I know I also shocked many of you at the sale last year when I looked awful. This is the story of what has happened. You all know my ambition when I left school was to become a doctor. How I wish I had managed to achieve that dream, but now it will never be.

My first two years in Edinburgh went well, I wasn’t ever top of the class, but was definitely in the top ten percent of my year and was on course to do well. I still went to church during those two years although at times I felt there had to be more than the church seemed to offer.

Things started to go wrong in the autumn term of my third year. It started out so innocently, I had gone out with the mountaineering club from university – I had become a member during my first year and loved the release this gave me from the bustle of the city, it also helped me keep in trim for the holidays when we went scrambling as a family. In fact I got very involved in the club and you may remember some of them had came to the platz at the end of my second year to do some proper mountaineering, not that the Scottish mountains weren’t tough but it was nice to have a change of scene and try some more difficult mountains.

I digress slightly, but you will have to forgive me for this. That term was hard as I had moved from the university halls into the hospital accommodation, along with the other medical students in my year as we were spending more time on the wards. I had managed to keep in touch with the mountaineering club, although I had moved to a new church and had few friends around who weren’t medical students and therefore competing with me.

The mountaineering club had arranged a weekend away; this was the traditional induction for new members and would involve staying in a hostel on Friday and Saturday night and climbing on Saturday. The climb was to be an easy one as some of the new members had never climbed and many of the old members were out of practise. I had been feeling tired and thought the weekend away with some exercise would do me some good and had gladly signed up. The journey on Friday had been fun as I had managed to catch up with some friends I hadn’t seen since the previous June.

It had happened on the Saturday, we had completed the climb and were heading back to the hostel when I tripped over a stone in the path, as I went down I knew I had injured my leg. It didn’t feel broken but I couldn’t put any weight on it. In the end I was unceremonsley carried back to the hostel by two of the men. When we got there a fellow medical student looked at my leg. I could tell from his expression that he wasn’t happy with the position of my foot. In the end he called an ambulance without telling me and I soon found myself heading off to the local hospital. At the hospital I had a series of x-rays and it soon became apparent that I had broken my leg. What they didn’t tell me at the time was that the break hadn’t been caused by the fall. The hospital had put my leg into a plaster and had insisted that I stay in the hospital, eventually I had managed to talk them into letting me be transferred to the hospital in Edinburgh, so I could be nearer my friends.

Last edited by vicki_theterror on Fri Mar 30, 2007 3:02 pm; edited 20 times in total

#2: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:00 pm
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That warning does not sound good.

I have an idea of what did cause the break - and it isn't good.

Thanks (I think) for the new drabble. Sad drabbles are always hard - you want to read them because they are good, but you don't want to read them because bad things happen.

#3: Author: Kat, Location: Kingston-upon-Thames/Swansea

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:14 pm
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I'm also having ideas!

Thanks, Vicki! Post some more soon please?
Very Happy

#4: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:19 pm
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Yes, there's an obvious reason for a fracture if it isn't trauma - always serious. Crying or Very sad

Wanting more, even though it will be sad. Crying or Very sad

#5: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:29 pm
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Oh dear. Crying or Very sad

One can guess the rest....

Thanks, Vicki

#6: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:32 pm
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I too have a feeling I know what caused that break, and it's definitely not good news. Please don't keep us in suspense for too long, Vicki.

#7: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:35 pm
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Thanks Vicki. Even if this is going to be sad, it looks as if it'll be really good. I'm also eager to hear more.

#8: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 8:35 pm
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Fatima wrote:

Thanks Vicki. Even if this is going to be sad, it looks as if it'll be really good. I'm also eager to hear more.

Me too

#9: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 9:34 am
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Here's the next bit. Margot's bunny has been busy over the weekend. in fact she sat on top of Joyce on friday evening and hasn't moved since. Rolling Eyes

When I was transferred I didn’t want any special treatment, however word had leaked out that I was one of Sir James Russell’s nieces, hence I found myself in a private room, and this made it easier for my friends to visit.

Uncle Jem came to visit me on the Wednesday after the accident; he was unwilling to tell me anything. I had persuaded the plaster technician to let me look at my x-rays. He knew I was a medical student as I had spent the fortnight before my accident working in the department under his supervision. I had been puzzled by the x-ray; the bones around the break were not like any I had seen before. I knew that the bones should be fairly clear with straight edges, but my x-rays showed a fuzzy mass of bone around the break. I had asked Uncle Jem about the x-ray, but he refused to say anything, his face said it all, he looked angry and upset at the same time but he couldn’t have treated me kinder, something serious was wrong. Uncle Jem didn’t stay long but he did mention the possibility of transferring me to the san in Wales or if I could be discharged then he said I was welcome to stay with him and Auntie Madge. This confused me, why couldn’t I be discharged?

When Uncle Jem had gone I was told that I had to have a series of tests. The whole of my body was x-rayed and they stuck needles in me at various places, I didn’t know why and no one would tell me anything. I had been given a pair of crutches that morning and was now able to get around, although I found this tiring. I took full advantage of this that evening at the shift change over and I managed to get hold of my notes, I know it was underhand but I had to know what was wrong. What I found there was devastating. The fracture in my leg had been nothing to do with my fall; it had been caused by bone tumour, probably cancer. This shocked and infuriated me; cancer was something that happened to other people not me. I then realised that uncle Jem had known and hadn’t told me, this infuriated me more. I was determined to ask my consultant the next day about this. I was twenty one – all be it by a week, but I was legally an adult and should be told what was wrong with me and I had the right to say who could and couldn’t be told about my health, not them.

The next day Mr Fielder, my consultant came to see me. When I asked him if what my notes had said was true he was startled. I eventually got him to tell me the truth, I then asked why my Uncle had been told before me, Mr Fielder had tried to fob me off with excuses but I wasn’t having any of this. I then asked about the tests I had had the previous day. Mr Fielder unwillingly told me everything. The reason my leg had broken was because the bone had been weakened by the tumour (the fuzzy mass I had seen on the x-ray), the x-rays the previous day had been to see if there were more tumours in my body. According to Mr Fielder I was lucky, they hadn’t seen any more tumours, however the x-rays of my lungs weren’t totally clear due to the problems I had had as a child.

Then Mr Fielder broke the devastating news. The tests had also confirmed the tumour in my leg was cancerous. The only way to stop the cancer from spreading would be to have an amputation as soon as possible. Even this couldn’t guarantee that the cancer wouldn’t spread. In the end I asked to have until the next Monday to consider the situation and decide what I wanted to do. Mr Fielder wasn’t happy with this, he said the longer I kept my leg with the tumour the greater the risk of it spreading. He was quite blunt I would die a painful death if I didn’t have my leg amputated.

#10: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:38 pm
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How awful Sad

#11: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:09 pm
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Terrible news - and what I expected. But well done Margot for sneaking a look at her notes and confronting her consultant - Jem Russell had no right to try and keep that information from her.

Thanks Vicki

#12: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:14 pm
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Poor Margot. I can see why she was angry, though, with Jem being told and them leaving her in ignorance, and I'm glad she did get hold of her notes. Thanks Vicki.

#13: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 2:56 pm
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The worst news indeed - but unfortunately what I, too had suspected.

I can understand why Sir James prevaricated - clearly he was trying to 'stall' until one of Margot's parents could get there - but not only is Margot 21, she is also a medical student, and I'm glad she managed to sneak that peek at her notes. Now her consultant has told her the truth, we can only hope and pray that she has the courage to agree to the amputation without too much delay.

(Not sure just when this is set, but for what it's worth, Teddy Kennedy, the son of Senator Edward Kennedy, lost a leg to cancer when he was only in his early teens - I think this was in the early 1980s, and so far as I know he is still alive and healthy)

Thanks Vicki - will be watching for more of this.

#14: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 4:10 pm
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Yes, Elder, he is still alive and kicking - saw him on TV only the other night!.

Oh Vicki, this is so sad for a young girl with her whole life in front of her. Crying or Very sad

#15: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 5:00 pm
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I'm not sure how this is going to end at present. Although I do have some ideas. Just cos I'm feeling nice and the computer in clinic is letting me i thought I'd give you a little more. Laughing

I spent the rest of the day quietly praying that I would have the strength to make the right decision. I knew there were people I wanted and needed to talk to and people I should talk to before I made a final decision. I wondered if uncle Jem had talked to Mama and Papa. I knew I wanted to talk to Papa before I made any decision. I also felt I needed to tell both Len and Con, despite the fact that the bond between them and me had never been as strong as the bond between them, I knew it was unfair of me to make such a choice without telling them.

#16: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 7:35 pm
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I'm sure Margot will find the strength to make the right decision for her, not for anyone else.

#17: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 8:16 pm
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Poor Margot. That's a horrible situation to be faced with

#18: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 11:40 pm
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What a shock, and how sad. Poor Margot.

#19: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:39 am
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Poor Margot!

Elder in Ontario wrote:

Not sure just when this is set, but for what it's worth, Teddy Kennedy, the son of Senator Edward Kennedy, lost a leg to cancer when he was only in his early teens - I think this was in the early 1980s, and so far as I know he is still alive and healthy)

It was 1973, and he was 12.
I also have a sister who was diagnosed with bone cancer in late 1961, and given three months to live. She was successfully treated by the then experimental technique of radiation and amputation, so I'd say Margot, still at the CS in 1970, has a decent shot at survival.

Last edited by Kathy_S on Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:40 am; edited 1 time in total

#20: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:39 am
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What a terrible situation - and how wrong of Jem to withhold information from her like that.

#21: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:47 am
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Thanks for the comments, given that Margot was born in 1939, i'm setting this in the early 1960's. here's some more.

That evening I decided to bite the bullet and phoned uncle Jem, Len and Con. Uncle Jem had been surprised that I knew what was wrong with me, I told him about the decision I now faced and asked what if anything he had told mama and papa. I found out that Uncle Jem had written to Mama and Papa and told them I had broken my leg but he hadn’t said anything about why it had happened, but he had told them the phone number of the hospital I was in so they could contact me. The letter had been sent on the Tuesday, so they should receive it either Friday or Monday. I hoped they would get it tomorrow and phone me so I could talk to them, despite the shell I had put around me I needed to hear my parents voices. After I had spoke to Uncle Jem I phoned Len and Con, both of them had been shocked to hear what had happened and that I had cancer. Len had tried to mother me on the phone, the same way she had all my life. Con had been more sympathetic and offered to travel to Edinburgh the next day. This was exactly what I thought I didn’t want, if I saw my sisters then I was sure I would breakdown and cry. In the end I suggested that she come and see me the following weekend with Len.

Con was amazing; she didn’t listen to what I had to say and arrived in Edinburgh the next afternoon. I hadn’t realised how much I had missed having any family around. Con was staying in a local hotel, and had talked to Mr Fielder, she had persuaded him to let me go out with her on the Saturday afternoon and for her to take me to mass on the Sunday morning. That afternoon I received a phone call from papa. He had called from the san rather than home so he could find out how I was before he spoke to mama. Papa was surprised when he heard that Con had come up to stay near me. I could hear the surprise and fright in his voice when I told him the fracture had been caused by cancer and that the only way to get rid of the cancer was to loose my leg. He was astonished when I told him I had to decide so quickly and if I was having the amputation it would take place on Monday, but I think he realised it was the only chance I had.

Papa agreed to tell Mama what was happening and said they would try to fly over as soon as possible. While this reassured me in some ways, I wasn’t certain I wanted Mama around; you know her tendency to make a drama out of everything. That Friday I also had visits from the limb fitter and a physiotherapist. The limb fitter was really good, he explained the options I would have after surgery about whether to have a false leg or not and what a leg would look like. I was somehow reassured by the idea of having a new leg. In my fantasy I could see myself continuing with my life as if nothing had happened; this would work if I had a false leg. I now know that it was never an option, but it helped me when I was making that decision. The physiotherapist was a different one to the one I had seem before, she was really nice and explained that she mainly worked with amputees and helped them with day to day activities and with learning how to walk with a false leg, if they chose to go down that route. She got me to walk with the crutches and advised me how to alter using them so it would be easier for me after the surgery. When she left I felt ready to scream. I hadn’t even agreed to go ahead with surgery, but every one was assuming it would happen. Why did this happen to me? I wanted answers but there were none.

#22: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:50 am
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Poor Margot. The "why me?" questions are always impossible to answer. Glad that Con's been able to help.

#23: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:06 pm
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(((Margot)))

you're allowed to scream and cry, Margot - no one has to be brave ALL the time. Crying or Very sad

#24: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:25 pm
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Yes, she's being remarkably strong. It was great of Con to turn up like that - it's nice to see her so supportive.

#25: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 6:09 pm
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What an ordeal for poor Margot.

Thanks, Vicki.

#26: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:17 pm
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Glad Con ignored what Margot said and turned up anyway. Hope Joey doesn't turn into a drama but shows Margot her support

#27: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:32 pm
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Well done Con for realising what your sister really needed.

Thanks Vicki

#28: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 10:29 pm
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(((Margot))) Con has been so sensible and loving here.

#29: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 11:52 pm
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What an enormous thing for Margot to have to face. Glad Con is by her side.

#30: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 9:58 am
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Con had agreed not to come and see me that evening, she later told me she could see how fragile the grip I had over my emotions was at that point and felt I needed time to myself. I wanted to live but I didn’t want to loose my leg. I tried to pray through all that had happened but it was so confusing I didn’t know where to start, but it did calm me down.

The next afternoon Con had borrowed a wheelchair to take me out in, which made life easier. She took me into the local park. I was grateful for this as it gave me a chance to get away from the hospital and all the people popping in to make sure I was alright. I know suicide is a sin, but I had thought about it – I was going to die anyway so why not do it when and how I wanted to and not go through all the hassle and pain of treatment. As soon as I thought of this I thought of all the people who would miss me if this happened, I couldn’t put Con and Len through that. That peaceful afternoon in the park did me some good. I was able to relax and try to think over all that had happened. I knew I had to talk to the university at some point, I couldn’t carry on with my course at present, but I wanted to just take a year out and come back the following September, but I wasn’t sure they would allow this.

The break did me some good and when we returned to the hospital, there was a message waiting for me to say that Mama and Papa would be arriving that evening. Con agreed to go and meet them at the airport, and explain what was happening. Despite being twenty one I knew I wanted to see mama and papa as soon as possible, if nothing else I wanted them to cuddle me and tell me it would be alright. When I saw Mama and papa I behaved like a spineless jellyfish and cried all over them. Mama cried too. In many ways this was a relief, I didn’t have to go on being strong. That evening Mama, Papa and I sat and talked about the decision I had to make. We all knew at the back of our minds that it was the decision between a chance of life and death. We didn’t come to an agreement that evening, but I could tell both Mama and Papa wanted me to have the surgery.

#31: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:37 pm
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Thank God she realised what it would do to others if she killed herself - though one can understand her toying with the idea. Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Vicki

#32: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 1:47 pm
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I'm glad she didn't commit suicide, too. I was thinking that Jo and Jack were being supportive, but I'm wondering about the bit about the car accident that they told everyone, mentioned in the first post.

Thanks Vicki.

#33: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 3:40 pm
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Pleased Jack and Joey were so suppiortive - though it's to be expected. And Margot it doesn't matter how old you are - sometimes you just need your parents to be there and take away the pain.

Thanks Vicki

#34: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:00 pm
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The next morning Con came in to take me to the local Catholic Church (a different one to the one I had been attending) for mid morning mass, she said Mama and Papa had been to early mass and we would join them at the hotel for lunch. I was surprised, the hospital were letting me stay out for lunch! The wards I had previously been on never let patients out for a meal, I guess having a famous uncle and a doctor father sometimes had advantages.

The church Con and I went to was nothing like any church I had been to before, while the liturgy and service were the same as I had always known, there was something else. I couldn’t put my finger on it but there was a buzz. At the end of the service we stayed for tea, I got speaking to a couple of girls who were around my age, Julie and Cath. In the end I screwed up the courage to ask Cath about the feeling in the church, she laughed at the way I put it, but she understood what I meant. She asked if she could pray for me and my leg. It was indescribable. As she prayed for me I felt a great sense of peace, there also appeared to be a sense of power running through me. I couldn’t understand a lot of what was said but I felt closer to God in that time than I ever had. When she had finished Cath said she felt there were several words she had for me, the first was a picture of a crossroads and I had to decide which way to go, but what ever I decided I had to remember that God loved me, the second was a single sentence ‘I will hold you in the palm of my hand’, Julie joined in then and said she had felt that ever since I had walked into the church on my crutches that I was facing the biggest decision I would ever have to make and that I had to remember God loved me and to listen to him. If I’m honest the two girls saying these things to me was scarey, but while Cath had been praying for me I had come to a decision, I would have the surgery.

#35: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 4:52 pm
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How lovely for Margot to feel this while making such an important decision. Thanks Vicki.

#36: Author: Chris, Location: Nottingham

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:21 pm
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Lesley said it doesn't matter how old you are - my mum is in her late '70's and had flue quite badly before Christmas . She said all she really wanted was her mum to come and take care of her and take over her responsibilities!

#37: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 8:46 pm
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One of those *grandeur of God* moments when we see the world through diferent eyes.

Thanks, Vicki

#38: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 8:51 pm
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MaryR wrote:

One of those *grandeur of God* moments when we see the world through diferent eyes.

Yes and I remember the charismatic movement started in the Catholic Church in the early 1970's and this sort of thing became the norm for awhile. Very glad Margot found peace and help with it all.

#39: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:22 pm
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Prayer and the feeling that God was with her...invaluable.

#40: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 10:40 pm
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I'm sure that the unusual (to Margot) atmosphere prevailing in that particular church, plus the feeling that God really was with her, has helped her in making her decision. I hope she will continue to feel that presence throughout her ordeal.

Thanks, Vicki.

#41: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:12 am
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I had tried to insist on using crutches for the whole day – you remember how independent I was, but the nurses and Con had insisted I use a wheelchair. We had ended up compromising and I had used the crutches to go into the church and during tea, but had gone back to the wheelchair for lunch. Mamma and Papa pushed me back to the hospital and we spent the rest of the afternoon quietly. Con had gone to meet Len at the station; she hadn’t been able to get away before this. Con had told me she would talk to Len about everything. When Con and Len arrived I told them that I had decided what I wanted done. I would have the amputation – I would choose the chance of life.

The next morning Mamma and Papa came to visit early, they both wanted to meet Mr Fielder and find out exactly what my prognosis was. Mr Fielder was slightly surprised when he arrived to find my parents there, he had known they were in Switzerland and hadn’t thought they would come over. He explained to them what they had found and what they hoped the outcome of the surgery would be. It was then that he told us how much of my leg I would loose; everything below the knee would be gone. I almost backed out at that point but the words Cath had said to me in church the previous day came to mind. I knew God was holding me in the palm of his hand and I had nothing to fear, if I didn’t make it I would be meeting him. In some ways that was the hardest day in my life, I wasn’t due to have the surgery until the afternoon and the morning seemed to drag. No one knew what to say, Con and Len had come to join us and we all sat around. Looking back on it I can see we were all trying not to think that this could be the last time we were together and how things would have changed the next time we saw each other. The ward staff were sympathetic to the situation and didn’t force anyone to leave, even though it would have been easier for them if Mamma, Papa, Len and Con weren’t around.

#42: Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:54 pm
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Just found this - very interesting. I used to be secretary to the SMO of a prosthetic centre. Am I right in thinking that you work in that line as well, Vicki?

#43: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 1:24 pm
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Margot is being very brave.

#44: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 2:36 pm
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I work as an Orthotist, but am duel qualified as a prosthetist/orthotist, so spent four years learning all about prosthetics, I guess i have some experiance. Cool

Margot is writing this to Hilda and Co. several years after the events have taken place and so is coming across slightly differently to how it would have been at the time.

Eventually Papa decided to take them back to the hotel; I didn’t feel as if I could eat anything, despite not being allowed to. I was thankful for their support, but I also felt I needed time to myself before the surgery. I will never forget that quiet hour I spent then. God showed me so much during that time, I saw how awful many of the things I had done had been. I also knew there was one person who still didn’t know what was happening and I had to tell her soon. All too soon they came to get me, I don’t remember much after that.

#45: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 4:23 pm
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Margot is being so brave. And it must be so difficult for Len and Con to see her like this and be unable to do anything more than be with her.

#46: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 5:57 pm
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((((Poor Margot))))

Thanks Vicki

#47: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 7:43 pm
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Poor Margot, Crying or Very sad

but she had her quiet and shining hour before the surgery.

Wonder who it is who doesn't know....

#48: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 10:52 pm
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Oh the waiting.....at least Margot had some time to think and reflect, and be comforted.

#49: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:00 pm
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Poor Margot and poor everyone.

#50: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:44 pm
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Horrible to have to wait around like that, knowing what's in store. I really feel for them all. Who is the person who doesn't know? Emmy? Or a new friend?

#51: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:50 am
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The next thing I remember was someone calling Mary, I didn’t know who they were calling – I wasn’t ever called Mary. Then someone started to call Margaret, I was getting annoyed with this voice, why couldn’t they leave me alone to sleep? In the end to shut the voice up I opened my eyes, just for a second. This didn’t work and they kept calling me. The voice only stopped when I opened my eyes and focused on the face above me. It was then I realised it was all over. After that I was allowed to sleep again.

The next time I woke up I was in my own room, there seemed to be loads of tubes and wires attached to me and lots of machines around. As I became aware of my surroundings I realised that Mama and papa were sat in the room as well. I was so glad to see them there waiting for me.

The next few days passed as a blur, I was in a lot of pain and was being given several drugs which made me dozy. I was aware of Mama, Papa, Len and Con being in the room at various times, and could feel their support. As the days passed the pain in my leg slowly got less and I became more aware of my surroundings. As I improved the number of tubes feeding me with nutrients and drugs was reduced and I began to eat again.

#52: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 1:19 pm
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(((Margot)))

#53: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 3:48 pm
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There might be a few answers in this post. As to who doesn't know, that will have top wait. Laughing

A week after the surgery I was able to get up, and start to move about in a wheelchair. I guess that was when the complete reality of losing my leg hit me. Sitting there every time I looked down there was no leg. I had to learn to do simple everyday tasks again – getting out of bed was hard, let alone having a bath, especially as the end of my leg, or stump as I learned to call it was still tender. While I was recovering in hospital I had a visit from my personal tutor at university. He brought bad news, I would not be able to carry on studying medicine, and they said it was risky as I would not be able to use either a wheelchair or crutches when I was on the wards. They were able to offer me two alternatives, one was to leave now with a science diploma, the other was to come back the following September and do a general science course and get a science degree. I talked over the options with Papa; he agreed with the university that I wouldn’t be able to complete a course in medicine. I wanted to continue my studies so decided to return to university the following year and complete a science degree.

I suspect by now you are wondering why Mama and Papa told you I’d lost my leg in a road accident. That was my fault, I knew that I would be returning to the Platz at some point and would have to face you all. I was still struggling with everything that had happened and didn’t want to have to face everyone pitying me and commenting how well or not I looked. Mama wanted you all to know the truth from the start, but I begged her not to tell you. I also didn’t want Cecil, Phil, Geoff and Clare to know the truth. I felt it wasn’t fair for them to have to cope with the possibility of losing me. I had agreed that Steve, Chas, Mike, Felicity and Felix could and should know the truth. We knew they would have to explain why they had been in Edinburgh with me and that I had lost my leg, so with Papa we came up with a reason for me to have lost my leg that was both plausible and believable.

Con and Len had both gone back to Oxford a week after my surgery, but they had phoned me lots and had visited at the weekends. I had been grateful to both Mama and Papa for staying, but knew they had to return to the platz soon. We had a discussion with Mr Fielder; he wanted me to have radiation treatment, to try to make sure there were no more cancer cells in my body. I could have this in Edinburgh, but as he knew what my family situation was he felt I would be better having the treatment closer to people who could support me.

The problem was the san on the platz didn’t have the machinery or the specialist knowledge to give me the treatment I would need. In some ways I was relieved as it meant you wouldn’t know how ill I was. We discussed the other options, I could either have the treatment I needed in Oxford and be near Len and Con or I could have the treatment at the Welsh san, where they had been experimenting with radiation treatment for TB and therefore had the equipment and experience nesscary. The downside to having the treatment at the welsh san was that there wasn’t a limb centre at the hospital, I would have further to travel to get a false leg, however I would be able to stay with Auntie Madge and Uncle Jem.

In the end we decided that I would have the treatment at the welsh san. Mr Fielder agreed I could wait to have the treatment until January. I was grateful for this, I would be able to come back to the platz for a break and would be able to get used to being at home before any of the rest were there.

#54: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 3:53 pm
—
Ah, that makes a lot of sense. It's a shame she couldn't go to the Swiss san for the treatment, though, so she had her family on hand.

Thanks Vicki.

#55: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 4:58 pm
—
Thanks, Vicki. What a traumatic time for Margot, and it must be devastating to give up her career ideas as well.

#56: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:47 pm
—
Today the option would probably be there - having a doctor that has themselves been through something like that would make them able to empathise with their patients. In the 1960's however it was probably looked on as impossible.

Thanks Vicki.

#57: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 7:26 am
—
This is an amazing read. Thanks Vicki. Am really enjoy reading it

#58: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 12:14 pm
—
Margot is so thoughtful of the feelings of others, not wanting them hurt by her diagnosis.

Thanks, Vicki

#59: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:33 am
—
Here's some more of the story.

I’m sure you remember that Christmas, I found it really difficult. I wasn’t able to do lots and I know many of you were surprised when you came to visit and were told I was resting a lot of the time. One of the hardest things had been packing up my room at university with Mama before I came home, then when we got home I found I couldn’t get up to my room easily. I didn’t want to cause trouble and tell Mama and Papa about the difficulties I was having with the stairs, however Mama found me struggling to get up the second set the day after I got home, being Mama she wasted no time and I found myself in what had been Steve and Chas room, with our old room set up as a sitting room for me. I don’t think anyone realised how much of a relief it was to have these two rooms. When everyone was there in the holidays the house became very crowded and the contrast between what I used to do and what I could do now became more apparent. One of the hardest things was watching anyone going out skiing. I had always loved winter sports and now couldn’t do any, or at least that was what I thought.

Stephen was determined that I could still ski, and together with Charles he made me a special ski that was wider than the standard ski, a special protective bucket to strap over my stump and a special pair of crutches with spikes on the end so I could use them in the snow. When Steve and Chas gave these to me I burst into tears, they were so thoughtful. I agreed to try these in the garden, unfortunately I wasn’t able to manage to ski and it just made me more aware of what I could no longer do. I know Mama was worried that I was shutting myself away more and more, but it was the only way I could cope – Mama never knew how often I sat and wept or lost my temper while I was in my room. Nobody ever came in with out knocking first.

Oddly enough the person who helped me most that holiday was Clare. She accepted me as I was, I know she thought it was great fun to hide my crutches, but she was always willing to help me find them again. Clare also made it easier to go out as she loved having a ride on my sled, which made me it more acceptable to me. I didn’t want to come to the Christmas play, but when Con told me she had written some of it I felt I had to support her and go and see the play. I don’t think anyone knew what a huge ordeal it was for me to go and see the play. Most of the school didn’t know that I had lost my leg and it would be hard to face them – I had been the sporty one of the triplets, I was the one who was always on the go, now I was hobbling around on crutches. It was surprising how many of the girls came to speak to me. I still felt that lots of eyes were on the space were my leg would have been.

#60: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:38 am
—
Poor Margot. Glad everyone's being supportive though.

#61: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 1:47 pm
—
It's great that she has such a supportive family, but it must be so tough for Margot - seeing the family enjoying everyday activities and knowing she can never join in with them in the same way again. I'm glad they managed to get her out into the snow, though.

#62: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:48 pm
—
That was sweet of Steve and Charles to try to help Margot ski again. It must be so difficult for her to come to terms with everything, though.

Thanks Vicki.

#63: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:29 pm
—
So hard for her - not surprised she gets upset and angry at times - anyone would.

Thanks Vicki.

#64: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 10:27 pm
—
Very very difficult, and not surprising she is so hyper-sensitive.

#65: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:14 am
—
Thanks for all the comments.

It had been decided that I would travel back to England with Len, Con and the boys. This made the travelling easier as there was help with my luggage and getting around in the trains. Len and Con were both coming to Auntie Madge and Uncle Jem’s with me for the first week. Almost as soon as I arrived I was admitted to the san for the first of my courses of radiation. The radiation therapy was hard; it left me feeling very drained. One of the things that kept me going during the treatment was spending the weekends with Auntie and Uncle. Auntie had arranged for Andre to take me to the local Catholic Church with him and his family each week. The church was similar to the one Con had taken me to in Edinburgh. As I became more and more comfortable in the church, I became more aware of the spiritual movement, both within the catholic and protestant churches.

The next milestone in my recovery was getting my new leg or prosthesis. I had been looking forward to this as the way to help me return to a ‘normal’ lifestyle. I was soon discouraged. The limb I was supplied with was a mixture of metal and leather. Although I quickly became an expert at putting my leg on, I had to undo two straps to release a panel, then shove my leg right in and fasten the panel. There was then a waist belt that had to be fastened; walking in the prosthesis was another matter. I spent two weeks in the rehabilitation ward at the limb centre. While I was there I had intensive physiotherapy to teach me to walk again and to strengthen my stump, other leg and arms. By the end of the two weeks I was fairly confident wearing the prosthesis but I was unable to walk without a stick.

As I returned to Auntie and Uncles I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to walk unaided. The fact that I had been walking for under two weeks was no consolation. Another problem I had was pain in my stump. The pain got worse the more I more my prosthesis. I was almost at the point of throwing my prosthesis away, however Con was visiting me that weekend. She was determined that I would continue my wearing my prosthesis and my physiotherapy. She spoke to Uncle Jem and got him to arrange for the physiotherapy to continue at the San. I had two more courses of radiation to under go before I finished my treatment, while I was having this treatment I also regularly saw a physiotherapist, she was great. She made me walk and practise without a stick. I wasn’t able to go home at Easter as my treatment was continuing. This was hard; I wanted to see Mama and Papa again. I had missed them terribly during the past few months.

#66: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 1:25 pm
—
Margot needs all the encouragement she can get. She is being so brave.

#67: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 1:34 pm
—
Dealing with both radiation and learning to use the prothsesis at the same time is far too much for one person - this girl needs some relief from her mental and physical pain. Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Vicki

#68: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:31 pm
—
Mama and Papa came to visit Auntie and Uncle as my treatment was ending. When my treatment at the san had been arranged, it had been agreed that I would return to Edinburgh at the end of my radiation treatment for further tests to make sure there was no further visible tumours. This happened while Mama and Papa were over and they both accompanied me to Edinburgh. The visit was very emotional for me. The tests were very frustrating as I was poked, prodded and had another load of x-rays taken. I was still feeling the effects of the radiation treatment, which had left me feeling very tired and worn out. While I was in Edinburgh I also had to visit my tutor at the university and discuss coming back to finish a degree. I had decided to finish a science degree, with a specialisem in biology. The university were supportive about me coming back. I was given some reading to do over the summer and I was also able to talk to the accommodation department who were able to give me a ground floor room with facilities on the ground floor. I was all set to return the following September and complete the third and fourth years of my degree. What I would do after this I didn’t know. Before we left Edinburgh to return to the platz I had to see Mr Fielder in his clinic. He had good news for me; I appeared to be clear of cancer. I would have to have the tests repeated in three months time, but for now I was clear of cancer.

#69: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 4:34 pm
—
That sounds more hopeful, at least.

#70: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 7:41 pm
—
Thank goodness, she's clear at the moment

#71: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:42 pm
—
Some good news - but does it last?

Thanks Vicki

#72: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 8:54 am
—
I returned to the platz with Mama and papa. Len and Con also returned just after us. They had both decided to spend the summer with the family, despite not spending the previous summers at home. I felt that I didn’t want to attend the sale as there would be lots of people there who wouldn’t have known what had happened and I didn’t want people staring at my leg. It was Con who saw how worried I was about this; she suggested that Len, me and her all went to the Tiernsee for a couple of weeks before the rest of the family joined us. She put it that we would be spending our last holiday as triplets together, as the next year Len would be concentrating on her wedding and Con was hoping to be starting her first job.

We had a great two weeks at the Tiernsee and for the first time since the previous summer I felt well and not tired. The rest of the family joined us for the remainder of the summer. It was a brilliant holiday. I was able to forget what had happened a lot of the time, although I wasn’t able to join a number of the excursions as they were too demanding for me, I got to know Phil, Geoff and Clare in a way I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to. Steve and Mike were great about pushing me in the wheelchair when I got tired. I did try not to use the chair though. That holiday wasn’t perfect, I had a couple of falls while walking with my leg, which left me bruised and shaken, but there was always someone willing to help me up and encourage me on. The worst thing that happened was the fall that damaged my leg; I lost a lot of my independence when I didn’t wear my leg. Luckily Steve was able to mend my leg, although I would need to visit the limb centre soon. Over the summer I also had some problems with sores on my stump, although these did heal fairly quickly. I was starting to look forward to going back to university; I had been reading some of the set books for the first and second year of the chemistry course so I wouldn’t be too far behind. The hardest thing about going back to university would be meeting members of the mountaineering club again. There was no way I could continue to be a member.

#73: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 11:40 am
—
Poor Margot. I just can't imagine facing all of that especially as she is normally so active. Glad she's been able to get to know some of the younger members of her family.

#74: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:10 pm
—
Why do I sense impending disaster? Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Vicki

#75: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:50 pm
—
Poor, poor Margot.

#76: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 4:35 pm
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She's done such a good job of getting herself to this point; I hope it all goes well for her now.

#77: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 6:19 pm
—
Also have some forebodings about what is going to happen - especially as, at the beginning of the letterMargot mentions that Jack and Joey have moved back to England.

Thanks Vicki

#78: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:47 pm
—
Just a short update today, am at the end of what i had written. Bunny is hiding at the moment so hopefully he will be friendly over the weekend and there will be some more, but at present it doesn't sound right.

I wanted to be independent when I went back to university. I managed to a certain extent. The biggest problem was when I was in the chemistry lab. We were supposed to stand up while doing experiments. I was unable to stand for the required length of time, as it made my leg painful. In the end the professors agreed I could use a perching stool rather than stand. This set me further apart from the other students, which didn’t help me to get along with them. There was one particular clique of students who were always down on me. They objected to the fact that I was joining the course in the third year and needed special considerations. There was never anything obvious about the way they treated me, but were as the group of students I had become friendly were careful not to knock into me, they weren’t and there were several times I nearly fell over. I didn’t tell anyone about this, looking back I think Len and Con knew something was wrong but didn’t press me. There was one person who made me tell them what was going on.

#79: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 2:49 pm
—
Thanks Vicki, I've just read this through from the beginning and found it very gripping. I hope Margot can find some way to start enjoying more outdoor activities again.

#80: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:46 pm
—
Poor Margot, it's hard enough to adjust to everything without other students trying to make things difficult for her. I hope she finds her friends supportive.

*sending lots of bunny food for the weekend*

#81: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 9:33 pm
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Hope the bunnies start nibbling soon. Am really enjoying this

#82: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2007 12:37 am
—
There are always some people that should never have been passed as fit to join the human race.

Thanks Vicki

#83: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 3:26 pm
—
I'm back - at least on a tempoary patchwork of power - the main power cable to our building has been damaged beond repair - it is being replaced, but we have a small amount of power so here is the next installment. hopefully i will be able to post tomorrow, but if not have a great time at the gather, will be thinking of you and will finish after my holiday. vicki

During that term I had a letter from Emmy, her dad had to come to the UK on business in January. She knew I was busy at university, but wondered if we could meet up. I hadn’t written to Emmy for over a year and hadn’t told her all that had happened. It was one of the hardest letters I had to write. How did I tell one of my closest friends that I had a serious illness and had undergone major treatment?

The results of that letter were dramatic. Emmy wrote to say she was coming over immediately and would stay until her dad went home after his trip. I was looking forward to seeing Emmy again, but also apprehensive. She had always been so full of energy and lively, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with her.

In fact Emmy’s visit was one of the highlights of the year. Almost as soon as she arrived Emmy asked what was worrying me. She pestered me so much to tell her what was going on, that I eventually gave in and told her about my classmates. Emmy was great, she helped me to see that I could get my own back on them by getting higher marks than them – she did also suggest that I could ‘accidentally’ leave my stick for them to trip over. I wasn’t sure about that but I did try to face up to them and things got better.

Emmy later told me she was surprised at how well I looked. I think she thought I would be pale and in a wheelchair. Emmy was great fun, especially when she admitted that she was getting married the following July. I couldn’t believe that she had found someone special. Emmy wanted me to be at her wedding as chief bridesmaid, I wasn’t sure about going to Australia, let alone facing the prospect of walking down the aisle. Emmy had also invited Len and Con to her wedding – she had persuaded her Dad to fly us there and back. I wasn’t sure about the trip – I decided to ask Mr Fielder about it at my next review which was due in January.

Mr Fielder was all for me going – as he put it, there was no point not doing things in case the cancer had returned. I was exited about the trip, especially when we went dress shopping. Emmy was great about the style of my dress and let me chose what length skirt I wanted, she was slightly surprised when I didn’t choose a full length skirt but as I was happy with the dress so was she.

The rest of my time at university passed uneventfully. I enjoyed the course, the further on I got the more I enjoyed it. Auntie Nell I’m sure you remember the long discussions we had during my last summer holiday, and thanks for all the help you gave me in deciding what to do my dissertation on and the help on the dissertation. I felt great during that time; I was fairly active and didn’t have the old feeling of constant tiredness. The mountaineering club were really helpful, although I couldn’t join in the practical activities; they were always encouraging me to join in the social activities and also to help with the organising. I really appreciated this as I was able to keep in touch with many friends through this. I continued to have six monthly check ups with all the palaver that went with them, but they kept coming back clear which was good.

My graduation was a special day for all of us. I had thought I would never get there. However it was only a week after this that the blow came.

#84: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 3:43 pm
—
That all seemed so good until the last sentence!

#85: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 4:04 pm
—
Yes, that was all so positive, then we hear about the blow.

#86: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 5:02 pm
—
Oh dear - has the cancer returned? Crying or Very sad

So pleased Emmy was there for her.

Thanks Vicki

#87: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 8:17 pm
—
Knew it all sounded ominous - oh dear! Poor Margot! Crying or Very sad

At least she graduated and created some special memories.

Thanks, Vicki

#88: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 10:29 pm
—
That was so heartening - I loved Emerence's suggestion about the stick! Laughing

But...oh dear!

#89: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:02 pm
—
Good for Emmy, but poor Margot Crying or Very sad

#90: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:05 pm
—
That was really lovely of Emmy

#91: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:34 pm
—
oh-oh, why does that ending make me fear the worst?

But that episode with Emmy was lovely, and the fact that Margot got through the rest of her course and graduated is no mean feat in itself.

Thanks, Vicki

#92: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:04 am
—
I'm back from playing in the snow. Have failed spectaulally to learn to ski but did fall in much fine snow. have finished writing this and will post the rest over the next week, ie before i move. Laughing

My graduation was a special day for all of us. I had thought I would never get there. However it was only a week after this that the blow came. I didn’t see it coming – I had felt a little more tired that usual but had put it down to the stress of doing my finals, and had felt better when they were over, so to be told there appeared to be a further tumour in my bad leg was a shock, but to be told it looked like there was the possibility of a tumour in my lungs was devastating. It was a good job that I hadn’t made any plans for what I was going to do after university – I had thought about teaching, but wasn’t sure. The only decision I had made for definite was that I was no longer going to become a nun. I felt that as my dream had been to enter as a doctor and be a medical missionary I would struggle to enter at all. In some ways the fact I had made no plans was a good thing as I now had to face further treatment.

I don’t think I was prepared for how hard the treatment would be second time around. Mr Fielder didn’t want me to go back to the san for radiation treatment, so I would have to be further from my family. In many ways Edinburgh seemed like a good idea as I did have friends there, although it was further for Mama and Papa to travel to see me, however Mr Fielder did have an alternative, he explained that there was a specialist orthopaedic hospital in London that was working with another hospital that was fast developing new ways to treat cancer. I would be a patient at both, but he felt it was probably my best chance.

I agreed to the hospital in London as I knew it would be easier for mama and papa to visit. I was determined to get through this – I wanted to survive. Almost as soon as I got to London there were lots more tests. The scariest of these was having to have another operation to take samples of the two possible tumours for further testing. I really hoped and prayed they would come back as just lumps and nothing to worry about but I wasn’t too hopeful.

#93: Author: Lexi, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:11 am
—
Poor Margot Sad

#94: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 8:18 am
—
Hope they can treat her successfully.

#95: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 10:23 am
—
One senses her desperation. Crying or Very sad

#96: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 2:15 pm
—
How terrible - one leading hospital in the 1960's for cancer treatments was the Royal Marsden in Surrey.

Thanks Vicki - (I never learnt to ski either - I did manage some spectacular falls though! Embarassed

)

#97: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:13 pm
—
In fact two days after I had the surgery I was told the worst possible news, both lumps were cancer tumours. I was given two options – I could lose the rest of my leg, have stronger radiation and possibly have the tumour removed from my lung or I could have no treatment and be kept comfortable until I died. I wanted to fight this thing; even if I didn’t win I wanted to fight it. Knowing this I only had one choice – losing more of my leg and accepting the radiation. I started the radiation treatment straight away, it was stronger than before and I had more severe side effects. I lost nearly all of my hair and ended up shaving my head and getting a wig to look more respectable.

All this had a devastating effect on Mama and Papa. We had just celebrated a triumph and then this. They were concerned for me as I was going to be alone while I went through the various treatments. In the end Mama came over and stayed with me, while Papa tied up many ends at the san. I was shocked when Mama said Papa had left the Swiss san and they were going to move back to England immediately to be with me. I was also much more emotional this time around, why me – it wasn’t fair I had fought this thing once and now had to start again. I didn’t have the same reserve of strength to fight a second time, but I knew I had to go on. After the second course of radiation I thought about giving up – I felt awful, surely dying could be nothing compared to this? I had lost the lower part of my leg already; I didn’t want to lose any more.

I was due to have another course of radiation, and then have the rest of my leg amputated, but because of the way I was feeling I spoke at length with my consultants and was able to swap the two around. This helped as I had a few days to recover before the surgery and didn’t have to face it when I was feeling grotty straight after the radiation.

I spent the next three months in and out of hospital. In many ways it was harder on Mama and papa than it was on me – I only had to endure it for me, they were trying to support me and keep me cheerful while also trying to cope with all that was happening themselves.

Finally a week before Christmas I faced what would hopefully be my last operation – the removal of the tumour from my lung. Everyone had come home for Christmas before I went into hospital and we had had an early Christmas as I would still be in hospital over Christmas itself. I wasn’t looking forward to this surgery as I had been told it would be more painful than the surgery to my leg, but at the same time I wanted it over. I would hopefully be able to go back to leading a normal life.

#98: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:31 pm
—
Oh no, poor Margot. I'm so glad that Jo came to be with her at once, though, as I'm sure she would have done that.

Thanks Vicki.

#99: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:04 pm
—
She has really changed from when she was a child, hasn't she? The young Margot would only have considered herself, not how her parents were feeling. So pleased that Jack and Jo could be there for her - she needs their support.

Thanks Vicki. Crying or Very sad

#100: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 5:52 pm
—
Poor Margot - it's so frightening how your life can be changed by something you've just got no control over Crying or Very sad

#101: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:11 am
—
Oh poor Margot, that terrible sense of fighting and having no control...

#102: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:53 am
—
The age-old question *Why me?* especially when one is so young and has so much to look forward to. Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Vicki

#103: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 2:17 pm
—
They were right. When I was finally woken up after the surgery I was in agony, I was on more pain killers than ever, but they didn’t seem to touch my pain. It did slowly get better, but not as quickly as I would have liked.

I was discharged from hospital in mid January. I had had a series of tests before I left which showed that I was apparently clear of tumours. I had decided not to have a new prosthesis at present; I remembered the struggles I had had with my previous one and didn’t feel up to coping with a new one. I know Mama and Papa were upset that I chose not to have a new leg, but I felt it was the right decision for me at that time.

I enjoyed the next couple of months, I had been given a wheelchair to help me get about, although I often used crutches within the house and there was very little I wouldn’t try to do for myself. We were living at plas Gwen, which initially brought back many memories from when we were small, but they were generally happy memories.

By the Easter holidays I was feeling much better, the radiation was behind me and I had mostly got over the effects of it. I was still wearing a wig, but my own hair was starting to grow again. I was also in a more positive frame of mind – I was sure I had beaten this thing for a second time. I was even considering having a new leg made. I had seen the limb fitter and he had been positive about the outlook – I had done so well with my previous leg that having an extra joint to control should be something I could manage. Con was still a great support to me, although she was working for a magazine, she would always make time to talk to me. I asked Con to come with me to the limb centre; I needed someone to hold my hand.

#104: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 2:51 pm
—
It's all looking positive again, but somehow I'm still wibbling, Vicki!

#105: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 3:38 pm
—
It does seem that there is imminent trouble hanging over poor Margot.

I'm glad that Con is still there for her, and that things seem to be ok for the moment....

#106: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:30 pm
—
You just know there's going to be more, don't you? Crying or Very sad

Thanks Vicki.

#107: Author: Clare, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:56 pm
—
I've got tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. Poor Margot!

Thanks Vicki.

#108: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 7:24 pm
—

vicki_theterror wrote:

I was also in a more positive frame of mind – I was sure I had beaten this thing for a second time.

Ominous!

And she's being so brave.

(((Margot)))

#109: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:47 pm
—

Fatima wrote:

It's all looking positive again, but somehow I'm still wibbling, Vicki!

So am I. Is she writing to Nell and Hilda to tell them good-bye?
They already know about the cancer.

#110: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:22 am
—
Oh dear, this does sound worrying. And she has tried so hard and been so brave... Sad

#111: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:13 am
—
Unfortunately it isn't going to get much better. There are about five more posts to go, so will be posted before i move, provided i am not off ill again. Embarassed

My new leg was much harder to use than the previous one, but at least I was slightly more able than I had been without it. Once again I wasn’t prepared for the axe to fall. I was so sure I had beaten this thing that when I was told that a new tumour had been found I was devastated. Not only had they found a new tumour, it was one they couldn’t remove. The tumour was on my spine and the surgeons agreed that if they tried to remove it I would end up paralysed and even if it was removed the chance of ever beating the cancer was small as I had already had two reoccurrences.

It was just after I had been told this that Papa suggested that Mama and I go to Switzerland to pack up our old house – he was planning on selling it as it looked like they would be based in England for some time. Mama jumped at the chance, she would be able to go to the sale after all. I was also looking forward to the trip, I could put my troubles behind me for a bit and it would be a chance to have a last look at my old school. I somehow knew I would never see it again if I didn’t go now. The only thing that worried me was seeing everyone, I knew I looked ill. I just hoped no one would guess what the real problem was.

Somehow I got through the trip, I remember your faces when you first saw me, I was using my wheelchair as I didn’t have the strength to walk much with my leg. Everyone was great and I had a really good time, although there was always that hint of sadness that I probably wouldn’t be alive when the next sale took place.

The rest of the year slowly passed. I was regularly in discomfort from the tumour on my spine and as the months passed it became more and more painful. The doctors were great and regularly reviewed my treatment, I was offered more radiation to try to stop the tumour growing, but I decided that I would rather not have it as I found the side effects awful. Unfortunately I also developed further tumours in my lungs which were also untreatable.

#112: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:20 am
—
Crying or Very sad

#113: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:32 am
—
Nooo!! Poor Margot Crying or Very sad

#114: Author: Liz K, Location: Bedfordshire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:32 am
—
This is awful. Poor Margot.

bawling

My Mum, Gran and 3 of Mum's cousins died of one form or other of cancer. Mum and Gran put up such a fight but to no avail.

#115: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 12:51 pm
—
Poor Margot. I think there comes a time when there is no strength left to fight the dreaded disease.

#116: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 1:54 pm
—
bawling

Poor Margot. How terrible.

#117: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 2:21 pm
—
((((((Margot))))))))

and also for (((((((Vicki)))))) as writing this must be very difficult

#118: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 2:47 pm
—
Crying or Very sad

Mamma, papa and I had spent some time discussing what would happen during the next year. I wanted Christmas to be a special and happy time – I knew it would be my last one and wanted it to be one everyone remembered as a happy time. I also spent time planning my funeral and talking about the future when I had gone. I knew I would be joining my Lord and would be happy and didn’t want others to be sad.

Christmas was all I wanted it to be. We spent it in the same way we had spent most Christmases since I could remember. I felt it would be a good Christmas for everyone to remember. I was tired on boxing day due to the effort I had spent the previous day, but both Con and Len (who had come over with her family for Christmas) said to me how brave they thought I was and how it would be a memory they would cherish. I didn’t think I was being brave – I was just getting on with trying not to let this thing beat me and I was preparing to meet my Lord and Father.

The New Year was a time for sadness for both me and the family. Mama, Papa and I had decided that the rest of the family had to be told what to expect over the next few months. Mama and Papa had suggested that they should tell the others without me. I felt this was a good idea as I was spending more and more time resting. I knew when the others had been told as they all came and spent time quietly with me. I hope these times will be ones they all cherish and that I was able to help each of them cope with my death.

I am going to finish this now, you are prepared for what is to come – I am hoping to meet my Lord in the next few months. Don’t be sad for me, it will be a release for me from the months and years of pain and suffering. Please take care of my sisters, it has been a shock for all of them and they will need your comfort. I am hoping that Mama and Papa will be able to recognise when the end is near and send for them, but it may not be possible.

If you think it would be helpful then I won’t mind if you share this with the other staff and over time the rest of the school. I am getting tired now and must rest.

All the Best and please look after my sisters for me.

Margot

Hilda put the letter down. It answered so many questions, but how strong Margot must have been. She could see throughout the letter were Margot’s strength had faded and the writing deteriorated. She decided to tell the rest of the staff so they could all support the Maynard’s through the next few months.

#119: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 2:49 pm
—
Crying or Very sad

#120: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 2:53 pm
—
Oh Vicki, this is so sad Crying or Very sad

#121: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:09 pm
—
Margot is going with such dignity. She really is incredibly brave.

#122: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:38 pm
—
This certainly shows a very brave and mature Margot, who is facing the inevitable with both faith and courage.

This whole letter has been full of all these elements and a testament to the caring young woman she clearly became - such a contrast to the spoiled firebrand of her childhood and early youth.

Thanks Vicki.

#123: Author: Liz K, Location: Bedfordshire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 3:55 pm
—
Oh Vicki, I'm almost in tears after having read that last section.

#124: Author: Karry, Location: Stoke on Trent

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:29 pm
—
I am so glad that our new content filter at work is playing up, so that CBB is blocked - or I would have been in tears at my desk!

Crying or Very sad

#125: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 5:41 pm
—
So pleased Margot was able to write the letter and show everyone just how she was facing her fate - she has matured and shows such dignity.

Thanks Vicki

#126: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 7:44 pm
—
Such bravery and faith...

Thank you, Vicki

#127: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:08 pm
—
This is so moving; she is so loving and brave, with the sort of courage that just hangs on quietly in the face of insurmountable odds.

#128: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:57 pm
—
Sad

#129: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:01 am
—
there are two more posts after this. Will try to post them today. Thanks for all the comments. Crying or Very sad

Hilda paused as she put the phone down, although she had been prepared for the shock she had just received, it was still hard to think of one of the girls she had known since babyhood as being dead. At the same time she shook herself, it was a release for Margot after the suffering she had known during the past few years. She had read between the lines of Margot’s letter and seen the girl’s deep pain. Margot had died peacefully in her sleep the night before, Madge had said that both Len and Con had spent time with her the previous evening, but as the doctors had thought Margot would live for a few more weeks her younger brothers and sisters were still at university and school. Madge had asked her to tell the younger girls and then put them on the plane to England; she had assured Hilda that someone would meet them. Hilda knew she would do better than that; she would take the girls across and also Miss Nalder from St. Mildred’s, if she wanted to go, as she had been Margot’s godmother.

#130: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:06 am
—
Crying or Very sad

#131: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:15 am
—
Poor Hilda, and poor Margot, even though she has found a release from her pain.

Crying or Very sad

#132: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:11 am
—
Crying or Very sad

I'm glad the end was peaceful; she deserved that after all the pain and suffering. Crying or Very sad

#133: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:31 am
—
Echoes Fatima. Poor Joey, I can't imagine burying a child

#134: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:54 am
—
Slowly the gate opened and the two ladies entered the cemetery, they walked slowly until they came to a new grave stone, where they stopped and laid their flowers.

Mary Margaret Maynard known as Margot
Beloved Daughter, triplet and sister
Her courage and determination shall
Always inspire those who knew her

As they walked away they took those words with them, they may have only found out the truth shortly before she died, but the words she had written of her fight were inspiring and showed her deep struggle.

#135: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:02 pm
—
How is Jo coping with Margot's death? Crying or Very sad

This is just so moving, thanks Vicki.

#136: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 3:01 pm
—
this is the last post. I don't know how Joey coped, perhaps that's an idea for another drabble. Hopefully i will get back to joyce now.
Vicki

“and our Head girl this year is Felicity Maynard” Announced Miss Annersley, Felicity wasn’t surprised hearing her name being called, Auntie Hilda had told her early she was to be head girl, as she began the long walk to the dais, it seemed much longer than previously, her eyes noticed the special commendation board – there was a new name on it:

Mary Margaret Maynard (Margot) for extreme bravery and courage in the face of insurmountable challenges and the fight she fought against illness.

Felicity smiled as she saw the addition, many may never know of the cancer that killed her sister but she would always be proud of the way Margot had dealt with it and faced up to the challenges it had thrown at her

#137: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:31 pm
—
Thank you Vicki.
I haven't been commenting on this, but I've been reading it since you started it, and have just read those last posts with tears streaming down my face. Poor, poor Margot!

#138: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:51 pm
—
That is a lovely ending Vicki - I've really enjoyed reading it, even though it has been so sad, it's still been very uplifting with the courage that Margot (and her family) have shown

#139: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:00 pm
—
Thank you Vicki, that was beautifully written and very moving. Sad

#140: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:10 pm
—
Thank you Vicki - Margot will not be forgotten will she? Crying or Very sad

#141: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 6:54 pm
—
One senses the comfort found by all at witnessing Margot's bravery under fire - and her willingness to face the end uncompainingly.

Thank you so much, Vicki

#142: Author: Fatima, Location: Sunny Qatar

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 7:01 pm
—
Thanks Vicki, that was so sad and moving and I've really enjoyed it.

#143: Author: Alison H, Location: Manchester

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 8:59 pm
—
Thanks Vicki - this has been very moving ... but so sad Crying or Very sad

#144: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 12:47 am
—
That was so sad but very moving, thank you Vicki.

#145: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 2:36 am
—
Very moving, and very sad. And how comforting to see that her struggle won't be forgotten.

#146: Author: Tan, Location: London via Newcastle Australia

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:07 am
—
Very sad, but a beautifully written story. Crying or Very sad

#147: Author: Clare, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:29 am
—
Thank you Vicki. A beautifully written account, and Margot bore her struggle so well. Crying or Very sad

#148: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 12:23 pm
—
Thank you Vicki. A very moving account.
Letters can be very hard to write well, and to keep interesting, yet on a seriously long letter you did both of these things superbly.

#149: Author: leahbelle, Location: Kilmarnock

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 4:14 pm
—
Thank you for this, Vikki. Very poignant.

#150: Author: Alice, Location: London, England

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 8:10 pm
—
Thank you Vicki, that was beautiful, and very sad.

#151: Author: bethany, Location: Liverpool (mostly)

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:17 pm
—

vicki_theterror wrote:

Please take care of my sisters, it has been a shock for all of them and they will need your comfort.

This made me cry, despite all that Margot is dealing with, she is still thinking about how others will be affected. Crying or Very sad

This drabble has had me totally gripped, waiting for each update, but then being scared to read it, just in case. This (along with Fatima's drabble) has really made me think, and realise how lucky I am - my Mother is nearing five years of remission from breast cancer. If only Margot could have been so lucky.

Thank you very much for witting such an amazing drabble.

#152: Author: Woofter, Location: Location? What's a location?

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 9:55 am
—
Haven't been on the board for ages, rl has been getting in the way. However I'm on holiday at the moment and so i thought I would come on here this morning. Was going through the board reading all the posts I had missed and found CBB News in news and views this was on of the finished drabbles this week so I came to read it!

Vicki - this is very sad and very moving your writing is amazing! I found myself crying at this, that is really rare! So sad to see Margots struggle with cancer, 3 times. The fact that she is continually thiking of others around her is lovely.

The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

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