New Dreams Part II
The CBB -> Ste Therese's House
#1: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 7:29 pm

Hilda’s doze did not last long and the pain had got worse again and in the late evening, under pressure, she gave way and accepted a sedative, not just because of the pain but because she was suddenly feeling so much sadder than she had been recently. That dream under the anaesthetic kept recurring and tears were only just below the surface. A good night’s sleep, however, brought down the temperature, and the dark thoughts seemed to have disappeared, though her eyes reflected once more the mental pain that the nuns had thought was starting to disappear. Also, the arm had now stiffened up and every movement obviously caused so much pain that the Infirmarian kept her flat for a second day. However, now that her mind was calmer she slept as much of the day away as her arm would allow. Mother Abbess was let in to sit with her for a while but Hilda was too worn out to speak to her much, although she did try to apologise to the nun.

“I’ve been nothing but trouble since the day I turned up on your door step. First you have to put me to bed for two days when I get here, then I upset your brother and have to retire to bed again and now here I am for a third time. Sister Infirmarian must be sick of me!”

“Hilda! Stop it!” said the nun gently. “Relax! You’ve been no trouble at all, though I have to admit things do seem to happen when you’re around! ”She stopped and smiled into Hilda’s exhausted eyes, but there was no answering smile, and she saw how much Hilda’s sadness had returned since her dream. “Anyway, no one here would complain if you took to your bed permanently, because we’re all so grateful to you. So stop being your usual over-anxious self, love, and rest. We want you to get well.” She paused and weighed up whether to say anything. “And Hilda, sweetheart, if you want to cry, cry. It’s perfectly evident that your dream has brought back a lot of your sadness, so don’t try and bottle it up. Let it out.”

Hilda shook her head and tried to smile, but her eyes were wet. “ I daren’t start, Mother,” she whispered. “ I don’t think I’d ever stop.” She closed her eyes and Mother Abbess groaned quietly and gently stroked Hilda’s face until she fell asleep again. Mother Abbess felt tears in her own eyes at Hilda’s renewed grief.

The next day, however, saw a vast improvement, much to the two nuns’ relief. The strain had gone completely from eyes and face, her smile was back, and her eyes a little less sad, and she actually managed to eat a light breakfast. But as every movement still seemed to jar the arm very painfully Sister Infirmarian kept her in bed that day and the next, and the very fact that Hilda did not object told its own story.

What the two nuns did not know about was all the quiet thinking and planning and soul-searching that went on in Hilda’s head and heart during those days of convalescence. There was also a great deal of praying and even some quiet talks with Nell. Once or twice, she took out Nell’s letter and read it through again, even though she was word perfect, and nodded to herself and smiled, and she remembered what Mother Abbess had said about something beautiful coming out of pain. What had come to her since her return from London had been something of a shock, it was something she had never, ever considered, but those few days’ quiet reflection in bed revealed to her that this was what she now wanted above everything else. She just had to make sure it worked for all the other people in her life and for the school.

To Hilda, these moments were filled somehow with the sunlight of God’s presence, and she basked in the peace they brought to her heart, wondering how long it would last. A line from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning kept recurring to her: God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.

 

#2:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 8:25 pm

Beautiful Mary. Smile

 

#3:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 8:45 pm

Thank you Mary! This is beautful! Smile

 

#4: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:11 pm

Mary - this is so beautifully done and it is wonderful to see Hilda's healing process gradually evolving, despite the setbacks.

And why you ever doubted your skill as a writer is beyond me, although I can understand why you would hesitate to post for the first time having never done anything like this before - you have created a most evocative story, very effectively and sympathetically told - and we love it! I'm only glad I'm not trying to read it sitting at an office desk.

 

#5:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:48 pm

Crying or Very sad Tis lovely

 

#6:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:32 pm

Thanks Mary - that was lovely

Liz

 

#7:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:47 pm

Mary this is beautiful. Hilda is being so so brave and you make her seem very real.

 

#8:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:50 am

Quote:
Be brave, my Hilda. I’m still here. But if you ever do anything so stupid again you will feel the sharp edge of my tongue, believe me.


Can't believe I missed this posting!

 

#9:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:02 pm

Beautiful updates, thank you Mary!

And now I see why you refused to comment on my thoughts!

 

#10:  Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right! PostPosted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 8:22 pm

Mary I've read all of this - its beautiful. Thanks for posting it. Its so realistic and you capture Hilda's emotional rollercoaster so well.

 

#11:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:36 am

This is for two kind, thoughtful people who have managed to persuade me to keep posting. It's also for Nell, who wanted to know if she had guessed correctly!


To Hilda, these moments were filled somehow with the sunlight of God’s presence, and she basked in the peace they brought to her heart, wondering how long it would last. A line from a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning kept recurring to her: God’s gifts put man’s best dreams to shame.

By the time Hilda was allowed out of bed it was the Wednesday of her second week. She should have been returning to Switzerland on the Saturday but, by mutual consent, it was decided she would be better waiting until at least the following Tuesday, to give her arm more time to heal. Jack had been on the phone several times, and when told of the new day of departure, said he would fly to London, meet Hilda’s train and fly back to Switzerland with her. Hilda blessed Jack for his thoughtfulness and the nuns were much relieved, for she really was not fit to travel on her own but she had insisted she needed to be back to prepare for the start of the school year.

Sister Infirmarian had sent Hilda out into the sunny garden to get some much-needed fresh air this first day out of bed and Mother Abbess was sitting with her under one of the convent’s sturdy oak trees. It was a beautiful day and they were both revelling in the gentle breeze. Mother Abbess looked anxiously at Hilda but the Infirmarian’s treatment had worked and her colour was a lot better and the arm much freer. She still needed help with dressing and such, so had left her hair loose on her shoulders and the nun thought how much younger it made her look. Her eyes were clear, still incredibly sad at times, but free of confusion and pain, the shadows had gone and her hair now had a lovely, glossy texture. As the nun continued to survey her with satisfaction, she suddenly realised that Hilda had been gazing into the middle distance for some time, an extremely thoughtful look on her face.

“Hilda!” The nun broke ruthlessly into Hilda’s reverie. “How in God’s name did you stay so calm the other day? You showed not a scrap of fear while I was shaking like a leaf. You swayed that young man without ever raising your voice? Your strength of mind was overwhelming. Do you do that sort of thing all the time over there at school?”

Hilda laughed and turned to look at the woman who had done so much for her. “It did happen once a few years ago – a man brandishing a gun in my study. Two girls –and a dog! - rescued me! They hurtled through the window. I wasn’t brave at all.”

“I don’t believe that for one minute!” gasped the nun.

“He threatened to maim or blind me if he didn’t get what he wanted.” Hilda’s voice went very quiet as she thought of those horrific, lonely moments and Mother Abbess shuddered. “I was terrified, but didn’t dare try to summon help because whoever came might have been hurt. He meant every word he said and I knew my only hope was to stay calm. You see,” mused Hilda, her musical voice soft, “If you stay calm, even when you’re screaming inside, other people stay calm. Quiet voices soothe, gentle questions make people think. Shouting or showing fear don’t have the same effect at all.”

“Is that how you deal with wrongdoers at school?” Hilda nodded. “Then they are very lucky children. And I imagine your teachers do whatever you want them to do as well. You could teach me a thing or two about being a leader.” Hilda looked across at her, smiled and shook her head.

Mother Abbess continued, almost in a whisper, “You do realise that you are the bravest person I have ever met in my life?” Hilda’s eyes widened in shock and she shook her head again to deny this. “Oh yes, even when you were shot, you refused to give in. Talk about mental toughness! Your bravery has shone, my dear, not only with that young man the other day but also in the way you have dealt with your grief and pain. Never once did you baulk at the hard things I said.”

Hilda reached across and took her hand a moment then turned away again and stared once more into the distance.

“Hilda, what’s wrong” asked Mother Abbess gently. Hilda remained silent and distant a few moments longer then shook herself and, rising, came and settled herself on the grass at Mother Abbess’s feet, a position she felt comfortable in when speaking with the nun. She looked up into the loving face.

“Do you remember, the day of the incident as you call it, when you stated that I would have been made an Abbess before long if I had entered?” Mother Abbess nodded, her eyes now keen and searching. “Well, a new idea had come into my head after I returned from London and, when you said what you did, it gave me a shock, because it was as though you had read my mind. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching while I’ve been in bed and I think....” Her voice grew very quiet but very firm. “No, I know that I want to enter the convent here.”

Taken completely by surprise, Mother Abbess gasped and stared down into Hilda’s suddenly anxious eyes. Seeing the anxiety, the nun pulled herself together and clasped Hilda’s face very gently between her hands, feeling her trembling slightly.

“My dearest Hilda, you’ve taken my breath away,” she marvelled. “I won’t ask if you have thought this through. I know you will have done so.” She stopped to steady her voice. “You would be more than welcome, my dear. We love you already – in fact the others all worship the ground you walk on since you saved my life. But why?”

“May I show you something?” Hilda asked, her voice soft and deep as the notes on a cello. Mother Abbess nodded, and Hilda brought out of her pocket a folded letter. “ This is the letter I told you Nell sent me. I’ve never shown it to anyone else – it’s too precious to me.”

Mother Abbess took the letter reverently and read it slowly, almost weeping at what it must have done to Hilda when it had arrived. It was a beautiful letter, written in agony to let someone know just how much she was loved. What a formidable woman Nell Wilson must have been, just like Hilda herself, and what a team they must have made, she thought to herself sorrowfully. She raised her eyes from the letter.

“How strong she was,” she whispered. “And how much you loved each other.” Hilda nodded, her eyes pools of softness.

“You see why I found it so hard to move on, and that vivid dream I had under the anaesthetic has made everything so much more difficult. To be reminded so forcefully of what she meant to me .......” She paused a moment, her eyes suddenly very bleak . “I still miss her as though half of me is gone and I always will, but God has been good to me. He sent me to you, and you and He - and Nell - between you have given me back my life. I’d like to offer what’s left of it to Him, if you think He will accept someone who will still be aching with sadness.”

Mother Abbess’s eyes went back to the letter. “New dreams?” she asked softly. Hilda nodded, pleased that the nun had understood.

“She asks me to guide the school for a while longer – as she says, it has been our life’s work – so that is what I am going to do. Nell’s wishes are paramount for me. So I’d like to enter in two years time.”

Mother Abbess leaned down and kissed Hilda’s forehead. “ You shall have your new dream, Hilda, if that is what you really want, and know this, my dear. God accepts everyone, aching with sadness or not,” she whispered tenderly.

Hilda took back the letter and held it as she laid her head in the nun’s lap and closed her eyes, her heart too full for words. As they sat there in perfect understanding and peace, Mother Abbess stroked Hilda’s hair gently and quoted, slowly and lovingly, words from the book of Zephania,

The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in You, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

 

#12:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:47 am

Mary, don't even think about stopping posting! In my opinion, this is one of the best drabbles on the board at the moment.

I had guessed that hilda was thinking about entering, so it's nice to know that I was right!

Only I must stop reading this at work as it continually brings tears to my eyes.

Thank you so much, Mary - and keep on writing and keep on posting.

 

#13:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:53 am

Thank you so much Mary, so beautifully and thoughtfully written. *Echoes Joey's sentiments - DON'T STOP!*

 

#14:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:54 am

Joey wrote:
Mary, don't even think about stopping posting! In my opinion, this is one of the best drabbles on the board at the moment.

.... it continually brings tears to my eyes.


I really can't believe you feel that, Joey, but I do thank you. As for the tears, I had tears in my eyes as I checked it over - it's a piece that made me cry every time I amended it.

Last edited by MaryR on Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:21 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#15:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:21 am

Mary, I don't say things I don't mean.

Your writing really is wonderful, and I will keep on saying that for as long as you need me to!

Last edited by Joey on Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:24 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#16:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:21 am

I'm afraid we all think it's wonderful, Mary - you might have to keep going now, really! It is one of the best drabbles going at the moment, and I'm loving every word of it. Thank you.

 

#17:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:51 am

Thank you Mary. Kiss

Beautiful, lovely and incredibly moving. And of course nice to know my germ of a thought was right. I love your Hilda and the Mother Abbess and particularly the way they relate to one another.

And this has to be my favourite verse ever...

MaryR wrote:
The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in You, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.


Thank you. xxx

 

#18:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 11:56 am

Thanks Mary *shares Joey's opinion*

That was lovely, and so very moving.

Liz

 

#19:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:52 pm

Thank you Mary. That was wonderful. I can't figure out whether that last post was the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning, but I find your writing so inspiring and uplifting, so please don't stop.

 

#20: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:44 pm

Mary, this gets better with every post - yet again I had tears in my eyes as I read it.

Can only echo all the other pleas above - don't even dream of stopping! I can see this is evolving towards a conclusion before too long, so I hope you have a sequel up your sleeve!

Onwards and upwards!

 

#21:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:55 pm

That took my breath away. Wonderful. I hadn't guessed, but it seems so right. Thank you.

I love the picture of Hilda at someone's feet, her head on their lap, a place that has so often been reversed. The verse you quoted fitted so beautifully into that situation, and it one I too love.

 

#22:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:05 pm

I didn't see that coming either but it feels so right.

Please do carry on, Mary.

 

#23:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:45 pm

Are you convinced yet, Mary? Or do you think everyone on here is just saying these thing for the sake of it? This is exquisite - the fact that it follows on from something that I wrote just makes me humble - I could not write this.

Please keep going, we need to know what happens.

Thank you. Kiss

 

#24:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:55 pm

I feel like a still, quiet peace has settled over me, after reading that installment.

Mary, as Nicola said, I don't know if that's the end or the beginning, but whichever it is, thank you for this beautiful story.

 

#25:  Author: Ella, Location: Staffordshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:48 pm

*Echoing everything said above*

I wondered if that was where it was heading!
Mary, thank you so much, this is beautiful. Your writing is so powerful and moving. I really hope there is more.

 

#26:  Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:16 pm

Mary - echoing everything already said. This is a fantanstic drabble and hope it continues. Also hope you write others in the future ... near future.

Also thanks to Lesley for encouraging you to put this up

 

#27:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:38 pm

Beautiful

Thank you so much

 

#28:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:00 pm

Crying or Very sad So beautiful Mary.

Please don't stop writing, your work is touching, inspiring and so many more things I can't think to list them all.

Please don't stop!

 

#29:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 5:10 am

Yes Mary, beautiful and moving and all those other adjectives. Thanks for posting!

 

#30:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:12 pm

Mary this is truly beautiful - please keep writing and showing your writing to us!

btw what I know about Anglican nuns could be written on a postage stamp - a small one - I knew they existed, that's about it. Can anyone point me to a good website?

 

#31:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 8:19 pm

Sophoife wrote:


btw what I know about Anglican nuns could be written on a postage stamp - a small one - I knew they existed, that's about it. Can anyone point me to a good website?


I'm afraid I can't, Sophoife, because I'm a Catholic - but I think Nell might have hooted if Hilda had gone down THAT path!!

And can I please say from the bottom of my heart that I have been deeply, deeply touched by the wonderful things you have all said. To a new writer they are very humbling. Embarassed Embarassed

 

#32:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 9:09 pm

I'm a Catholic myself Mary, which is probably why I know so little about Anglican nuns! <g>

OT warning
I was studying for my Confirmation in 1978 so the whole papal election process is something I remember very well - we listened to crackly radio broadcasts from Rome twice a day until we had John Paul I, then were totally shocked when he died a month later, and had the whole radio thing to do over until we got John Paul II - who?? - but I was lucky enough to have a Polish boy in my class and his family knew all about Karol Cardinal Wojtyla! Had even met him when he came to Australia! So this last fortnight has been kind of a memory trip for me...
/OT off

 

#33:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:25 pm

Mary - I am just so amazed that you haven't written before, this is truly wonderful and so emotional to read
thankyou

 

#34:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 2:58 am

I only knew Anglican nuns even existed from the fiction of Madeleine L'Engle, notably A Severed Wasp, also of interest for its WWII back-story. One site with assorted links on Anglican & Episcopal religious is:
http://www.ohcmonks.org/Anglmon.htm

 

#35:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 7:14 am

Well I'm pitching in from the Anglican side of this and perhaps the cofe website might be some use?

http://www.cofe.anglican.org

Other than that there really aren't that many differences between Catholic and Anglican orders - aside from the obvious theological ones, daily life is pretty much the same and I would suspect that the rule of st Benedict is the standard text from which things are derived. I spent a very delightful day with an Anglican order (both monks and nuns) when I was at uni - one of the small villages around Oxford, and they had all the usual services during the day and I know that they kept the greater silence as well. At the end of the day it's the same God as well!

Jess

 

#36: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 10:50 am

Nicola wrote:
I can't figure out whether that last post was the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning


Nicola then tells me not to stop!! I don't intend to! I suppose you could say it was the end of the beginning. Real life has to intrude.


Getting in the way of a bullet certainly did nothing for one’s wellbeing, thought Hilda Annersley the morning after Jack had brought her back from England. She had been so exhausted by the journey that Jack had insisted she stay in bed for the day. She was quite content so to do because her arm was throbbing unmercifully, despite the fact that it was supposed to be on the mend, and she felt too wobbly to want to make any effort at all. However, make the effort she must, for it was imperative she see Madge Russell as soon as possible. She just had to wait until Jack came over during the morning, as he had forbidden anyone to disturb her until he gave the go ahead.

In a way she was glad to be left alone, so she could quietly accustom herself to being back where she had always thought she belonged, back to her home. Wherever the school had been situated, and it had been situated in several places over the years, she had always regarded it as her true home but now, in these quiet moments alone, she realised the truth: home had been wherever Helena Margaret Wilson was. And without Nell the school no longer felt like her home, despite her many years of headship and despite the fact that many of her closest friends lived here, in the school or on the Plätz. Without Nell, she knew finally that she had no home, no family.

She understood the truth of something Margaret Mead, the anthropologist, had written, something she, Hilda, had always had when Nell was alive:

One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night.

She had been called here many years ago, after the death of her fiancé, of that she was convinced, and she had loved her work, but now God was calling her in a different direction and she was ready. Without Nell, much as she loved the school, it would always be empty for her. She would always be sad here. Nell’s love for her had been like a rock against the wind, immovable, a bulwark against the cold, but now that protection had gone and she was shivering in the bleak landscape that her life here had become.

How good God had been, for without this new calling she would have been at a loss when she retired, now that her friend would not be sharing that retirement with her. God had given her a new home and a new family, a new way of life in new surroundings, where she could still be of service to others. She would always carry Nell in her heart but the convent was not permeated with her beloved presence.

 

#37:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:09 pm

Thank you Mary. Wonderful as ever. Kiss

Lovely to see how Hilda has come to realise exactly how much Nell meant to her, what the school means and how she is going to be able to cope without Nell for her retirement.

 

#38:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 12:56 pm

Thank you Mary.

I'm so glad that knowing where she is going with her life, having her new dreams is helping Hilda.

Liz

 

#39:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 1:34 pm

Fabulous Mary. Glad Hilda has her new dreams now Very Happy

 

#40:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 4:54 pm

This is beautiful! Thank you Mary for making Hilda happier Smile

 

#41:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 5:58 pm

Thank you Mary.

 

#42:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 8:17 pm

Lovely Mary - thankyou

 

#43: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:14 am

She would always carry Nell in her heart, she reflected, but the convent was not permeated with her beloved presence.

Hilda's thoughts were very far away when Jack entered her bedroom with Matron, indeed so far away that he had to say her name several times. As she turned her head he saw how dreamy her eyes were, how soft, and he wondered. He had sensed a great change in her the day before on the way home. He had also seen a new fragility about her that had not been there before, not even in her first raw grief. He hoped it was only due to the shooting, but he meant to keep a very close eye on her.

“You look brighter this morning,” he said quietly as she came back mentally to her pretty bedroom with its polished wooden floors, light floral curtains and groaning bookshelves. She smiled gently as she spoke, her lovely voice rich with her appreciation.

“I want to thank you for yesterday, Jack. It was a real labour of love. I could never have managed to get back here on my own.”

“Hilda, the pleasure was all mine. After all you have done for my family it was nothing,” said Jack firmly and proceeded to check her over and change the dressing on her arm. Matron grimaced to herself when she saw the wound, which was not healing as fast as it should, and reflected how differently things could have been if Hilda had not kept her head.

“Jack, are you absolutely determined that I stay in bed today” asked Hilda. When he nodded she said slowly, “Well, do you think Madge would come over to see me? It’s imperative I speak to her soon. Could she spare me an hour sometime?”

“I’m sure she could but not until this afternoon,” he said firmly. “As far as I know she’s free. How about three o’clock?” Hilda nodded. “But I insist you stay there to see her. Yesterday was very tiring for you. You’ve not recovered yet from the shooting and that arm is troubling you, isn’t it?” She nodded again. “Well, I’ve had a look at the hospital report you gave me and I think in a couple of days we should send you for physiotherapy.” Suddenly he grinned as he looked down at her and then over at Matey, who also grinned.

“Jack Maynard, what are you up to?” Hilda asked suspiciously. “You look like a very naughty little boy all of a sudden, and as for Gwynneth.....”

“Um.....Your Mother Abbess wrote a long letter to Jo and me about your escapade.” He saw her eyes go wide with shock and he laughed. “I saw it when I got back last night. It certainly told me more than you were prepared to say about it. Um... I hate to say it but Jo has....um...passed it on to Nancy to...um... do what she wants with it.”

Hilda groaned deeply, slumped down in her pillows and closed her eyes as though in pain. The next moment she was glaring up at him. “And.... “um”... to quote you, just what is Nancy going to do with it?” she asked, her eyes boring into his.

He shrugged innocently and said, “I have absolutely no idea.”

“Why don’t I believe you? Do you think a bribe would help?” she asked without hope. He laughed again until the tears ran down his face. “I can see you’re all enjoying this,” she added tartly, her face absolutely devoid of expression but her lips beginning to twitch and he leaned over and kissed her on the nose lightly.

“Hilda, you were a heroine. Of course we’re enjoying it, and basking in your reflected glory. And we mean to spread that glory far and wide.”

She hid her face in her hands. “Now I just have to decide which one to murder first, Mother Abbess, Nancy or Jo. Why didn’t I just run away and hide when that young man climbed over the wall? Getting shot is going to be preferable to what Nancy might decide to do.”

Jack went on his way smiling a little later, glad he had totally shaken her out of the sad reverie in which he had found her. Madge phoned to say she would be over at three o’clock so Matron insisted that Hilda lie down and take a nap, though Hilda did ask her rather grumpily how she expected her to sleep with the thought of what Nancy and the others were up to revolving in her mind. Matron just laughed at her.

 

#44:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:26 am

Oh, that is such a beautiful post. It shows all the love that Jo, Jack and Matey have for Hilda.

Thank you Mary.

 

#45:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:21 am

Lesley said it all. Beautiful and so full of their love for one another.

Thank you Mary.

 

#46:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:30 am

Yep, Lesley said it all.
Thanks Mary

 

#47:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 11:06 am

Another one echoing Lesley! Those two posts are beautiful, Mary. What a lovely treat to come back to after a day away!

 

#48: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 2:34 pm

I found that last post when I first logged onto here this morning - thank you for making my day. The feelings conveyed, both overt and unspoken, are so beautiful, and so moving.

But I do wonder what capital Nancy is going to make of Hilda's actions at the Convent!!!

 

#49:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:07 pm

What Lesley said again! But I do wonder what Nancy has up her sleeve. Thank you Mary Very Happy

 

#50:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 3:08 pm

Thank you Mary,
That was Great Very Happy

 

#51: Re: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 6:02 pm

Elder in Ontario wrote:


But I do wonder what capital Nancy is going to make of Hilda's actions at the Convent!!!


I'm afraid you're going to have to wait a few posts to find that out! Don't forget - term hasn't started yet!!! Wink Wink

 

#52: Re: New Dreams Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 7:09 pm

MaryR wrote:
Elder in Ontario wrote:


But I do wonder what capital Nancy is going to make of Hilda's actions at the Convent!!!


I'm afraid you're going to have to wait a few posts to find that out! Don't forget - term hasn't started yet!!! Wink Wink


But I can confirm that it is well worth waiting for! Wink

 

#53:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 8:29 pm

don't gloat Lesley - it's not nice!!!!

*I'm not curious...lalalalala*

thank you, mary -such a change from the convent, but Hilda is clearly loved so much by all the people at the CS.

edited cos i can't spell!

 

#54: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:23 pm

“Hilda, it’s so good to see you again,” cried Madge, leaning down to kiss her friend. “We were all there to welcome you last night but you were swaying with fatigue when you got out of the car and Jack and Gwynneth rushed you off to bed.”

“I don’t remember too much about last night,” admitted Hilda as Madge settled by the bed. “It was all a bit of a blur. But what about you, Madge? I was grateful to find you still here but when are you returning to Australia? You’ve been here a good while now, since the memorial service, in fact. Jem must be missing you.”

“I’ll probably go once term starts. I thought I’d make the most of Ailie till then. And I wanted to make sure you were fit to return to school, my dear. You were in a bad way when you left us and, in retrospect, we should have made you take some time off. But you wouldn’t have agreed to that, would you?” she asked. As Hilda shook her head, Madge’s brown eyes scrutinised Hilda’s face. Like Jack she found in the Head a fragility that was worrying. Hilda had always been very slim, and never as strong as Nell, but she had always been healthy and active. So why this fragile air?

“Hilda,” she continued gently, “clearly you do feel fit enough to carry on so why did you need to see me? I take it you want to talk about the school.” When Hilda nodded, her eyes very serious, Madge paused and then said, with a catch in her voice, “You’re retiring, aren’t you?”

Hilda was startled but Madge, like Hilda herself, was deeply intuitive and saw well beneath the surface. The Head took a deep breath to steady herself before she spoke.

“Yes, but not for another two years.” She laughed softly as Madge slumped in relief. “Am I that important to your well-being, Madge?” When Madge nodded, her own eyes now very serious, Hilda sobered. “Madge, I’ve thought very carefully about the best way to do this. That’s why I’m willing to wait two years. In a way I’m following Nell’s last wishes.”

She paused, looked searchingly at her friend, then made a decision and took a letter from her bedside table. “Madge, you’re one of the few who really understand how much I lost when Nell died so I’d like you to read the letter she wrote to me as she was dying. I’ve only ever shared it with Mother Abbess at the convent because it’s too personal, but you cared very much for Nell and reading her actual words might help you understand my decisions.”

Madge took the letter and read it quietly while Hilda twisted the seal ring on her left hand and lost herself in thoughts of Nell. Madge wept softly as she read the letter, her eyes returning to the section that, she guessed, was at the heart of what Hilda was trying to say.

I want you to continue to live for both of us. Continue guiding the school – it has been our life’s work and I would not want you to forget that. Then, once you feel able, sometime in the future, hand over the reins to Nancy and Kathie, and find new dreams to follow.

“Hilda, how can you bear to share this with anyone? No wonder you broke down when you received it, but how typical of Nell. She was always courageous. Thank you, my dear. And I think I can see some of where you are heading.”

Hilda took back her letter and held it as she talked. “In a way I’m following three strands here – the school’s needs, Nell’s last wishes and my own desires. I’m hoping you’ll agree with what I think should happen. But please, feel free to disagree. It is, after all, your school.”

Madge shook her head and held Hilda’s hand as Hilda talked for over an hour, Madge asking the odd, pertinent question. The latter looked very sad when Hilda had finished.

“Hilda, we will all miss you so much,” she said softly. “But I quite see that without Nell.....”

“Madge, from the moment I became Head, Nell was always there, as Senior Mistress and then as Co-head. There was never a time when I really had to do without her, apart from the year she opened the finishing branch. She supported me through the good and the bad times. She even carried the school for me for a year after the accident. She cajoled me, bullied me, teased me, aggravated me – and loved me. We were a team and that team no longer exists, so it’s time to bring down the curtain. And I couldn’t have continued forever, even if Nell had been here. As to missing me, there are always letters. I’m not going to Outer Mongolia, you know!”

Madge chuckled softly as Hilda flashed her a teasing smile. The latter continued, “I never wanted to just hang around here, getting in people’s way. Nell and I were going to travel, and maybe I would still have done that, even on my own. There are lots of places I would have liked to see. But to suddenly find a new calling like this...... God has such wonderful plans for us if only we wait and hope.” Hilda’s voice was deep and rich as she spoke and it brought fresh tears to Madge’s eyes.

“Then go for your dream, my dear, and thank you for giving us another two years,” Madge said shakily. “Your plans for the school have been so well thought out and you’re doing everything Nell asked. There’s nothing I would change. But then you always were the dream headmistress.”

Hilda shook her head. “I only ever did my best, Madge,” she answered, her voice sweet and low and now it was Madge’s turn to shake her head, for Hilda had always done considerably more than her best. Hilda continued, reflectively “But no one is indispensable, Madge. Maybe I should have gone sooner and then this would not be such a shock. I’ve been Head so long. But I really believe that the school now needs new life and different directions.”

Madge felt too close to tears to say anymore just then so she kissed Hilda and fled over to Freudesheim, hurrying to her room so Joey and the others would not see her and ask questions she could not answer, as she had promised Hilda total secrecy for the time being. Once in her room she sat by the window and burst into tears. To lose Nell had been bad enough. To lose both of them was sadness beyond measure. Hilda and Nell had always been there for the school and for her and her family. Finally her tears stopped and suddenly she saw just how selfish she was being. Slipping to her knees she prayed for Hilda and her new dream, for the school as it changed direction and for her own family.

 

#55:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 1:15 pm

ohhhh mary your writing has made me cry big ploppy tears onto my laptop. I love this story so much even though it makes me cry so much. I love that you've brought Madge into it too and added another dimension to her character.... Thank you Smile

Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

 

#56:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 2:03 pm

It's so difficult to type through the tears. You should definitely go on with this, Mary, it's far to good to stop.

 

#57:  Author: Alice, Location: London, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 2:59 pm

This is beautiful Mary. I've just read several days worth of posts at once and I'm amazed.

 

#58:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 3:48 pm

I've just caught up on the last three posts. It's lovely to see Hilda with Jack like that and wonderful that Madge could come through to accepting Hilda's decision.

Very moving. Thank you.

 

#59:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:37 pm

Thank you Mary.

 

#60:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 7:14 pm

Wondeful as always, Mary.

 

#61:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 8:23 pm

That was beautiful Mary, lovely to see Madge and to see her as a strong and thoughtful person.

 

#62: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:11 pm

Feeling restless after Madge had gone, and knowing how much she had saddened her, Hilda threw back the bedclothes and knotted her robe around her. She wandered through into her own private salon. Her thoughts were reflective rather than sad as she re-acquainted herself with her books and possessions, her gay rugs and few pieces of carefully chosen furniture. She often entertained the staff here to coffee but at this moment all she could see was Nell, curled up in one of the armchairs, teasing her over some anxiety, smiling at her lovingly the while.

She was suffused with gratitude suddenly and, closing her eyes, thanked God for the love offered to her by the wonderful friend she had had for so many years and the support they had always been able to offer each other.

“Dear Nell,” she whispered, “You were the only one with whom I was able to be myself. Somehow you made me more than I was, found in me things no one else ever saw. You held my heart in your hands as though it was something infinitely precious. How did I get to be so lucky?”

She wandered over to the window and stared out unseeingly for long moments, then slowly turned to survey the room once more. “Anything I missed out when telling Madge, Nell?” she whispered softly in the silence.

No, love, comprehensive as usual. Though I could have wished for a Catholic convent. Might have given you more Brownie points when storming those Pearly Gates. Stubborn, as always!

“I’ll take my chances,” chuckled Hilda. “After all, what’s the point of you being there if you’re not going to put in a good word for me!”

She could have sworn she heard Nell’s caustic laugh as she opened her eyes again and for a moment felt intensely sad as she remembered her dream in the hospital. That dream would linger with her forever, she reflected sorrowfully. She continued to wander round her little domain. The late afternoon sun was burnishing a little carved walnut table near the French window and as she drew near she saw, with surprise, that a large envelope had been left propped up against the vase of flowers.

Reaching out, she picked it up and recognised the handwriting of Mother Abbess. Looking at the date she saw in surprise that it had been written and sent days before she herself had left the convent. As she stood there with it in her hands, she thought how much she was already missing the special peace to be found in the convent and the way she had been able to lay down her burdens there for a while.

She knew that in the days and weeks ahead of her she would often long to be back there, long to sit and talk or just be silent with Mother Abbess and learn from her, long for the love and trust that was slowly developing between them. A love and trust that enabled her to lay bare her deepest, darkest thoughts and know that she would not be judged or found wanting.

Drawing out the sheets she read the loving words enclosed, telling her she was brave enough to carry on without Nell, reminding her to turn to her loving Father when she felt sad, assuring her of the loving prayers of all in the convent. Tears sprang to her eyes as she read it but she quickly rubbed them away. Looking back inside the envelope, she found an illuminated manuscript, in which she recognised the artistic skills of Sister Patricia, bearing the words of a poem by St Francis of Assisi.


Lord
Help me to live this day
Quietly, easily.
Help me to lean upon
Thy great strength
Trustfully, restfully,
To wait for the unfolding
Of Thy will
Patiently, serenely,
To meet others
Peacefully, joyously,
To face tomorrow
Confidently, courageously.

It was a quiet poem but Hilda recognised that Mother Abbess was giving her new postulant-to-be a command – with God’s help she had no choice but to screw her courage to the sticking point and get on with her life with joy despite her sorrow. How she was to do it, she just did not know. Mother Abbess gave her far too much credit, she thought sadly to herself.

 

#63:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:25 pm

Thank you, Mary, for two wonderful thought-provoking tear-jerking new posts. This just gets better and better.

Quote:
“You were the only one with whom I was able to be myself. Somehow you made me more than I was, found in me things no one else ever saw.


I thought this was the most honest testament of true friendship. I love the poem. Also loved the Margaret Mead quote. Love it all in fact...

 

#64:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:36 pm

My heart is full, as are my eyes. Thank you Mary.

 

#65:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 10:13 pm

So, so lovely. This gets better and better, Mary, and such a strong friendship - Hilda and Nell were blessed.

 

#66:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 12:44 am

Excellent posts, Mary!

especially like the way Nell still manages to lighten the mood, with those comments only Hilda hears....

 

#67:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:12 am

Wonderful as ever Mary.

 

#68:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 5:15 pm

I loved the poem, too. I can see Hilda growing as an individual in this. She was strong before but Nell and Hilda made such a good team because they had differing strengths and now Hilda is having to dig deep to cope without Nell's strengths.

Such a hard thing to do.

 

#69: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:25 pm

I just read these last two posts together - beautiful, Mary.

I, too, love the poem, and also the way the Mother Abbess is looking out for Hilda. Like Patmac, I think that Hilda will only grow in depth as an individual - however hard she may find it at times, she will, overall, respond to the challenge of life at the school without Nell.

Looking forward to the next instalment.

 

#70:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:10 am

Thank you, Mary. As Lesley says, this gets better and better!

I love that prayer, and think it was just what Hilda needed at that moment.

 

#71:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 1:42 pm

Crying or Very sad I'm glad Hilda is finding comfort from her future, but still sad that she is struggling so much.

Thank you Mary, for some wonderful posts Smile

 

#72:  Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:05 pm

I've just caught up, Mary, on goodness knows how much of this - and I am totally amazed at the places you have taken us over the last week or so!

You are a very gifted writer and I'm so glad that there appears to be lots and lots of this left to come - thankyou so much for sharing your talent with us all.

 

#73: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:25 pm

The next morning Matron brought her breakfast in bed but after that Hilda insisted on getting up. Matey helped her to get dressed but she left her hair loose. She set off for her study, expecting to find the desk buried under correspondence and goodness knew what else.

Her desk, however, was empty. Puzzled, she tip-toed across to the connecting door and silently pushed it slightly ajar, peeping in. Unaware she was being observed, Rosalie, seated at her desk, was typing a letter, talking on the phone and drinking a cup of coffee. Hilda’s lips curved in amusement. Did she dare to make her jump? Maybe not!

Pushing the door further open she slipped inside the room. Rosalie saw her suddenly out of the corner of her eye – the phone was left hanging off the hook and the coffee knocked to the floor as she hurled herself across the room and threw herself on Hilda. Hilda winced, despite her best efforts.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, your arm!” Rosalie drew back quickly, afraid she had hurt her but Hilda put out her good arm and drew Rosalie forward into an embrace. “Rosalie, don’t worry. I’m so pleased to see you again.” Her lovely voice was warm for she had a great appreciation for her secretary and all that she did. Rosalie stood back and surveyed her Head.

“You look so much better – and we’ve heard all about your escapade.” She gurgled as she saw Hilda’s frown. “And no, she hasn’t decided what she’s going to do with it yet.”

“Apart from make my life a misery, you mean,” said Hilda dryly. “And I’m quite sure that you’ve all been giving her lots of evil ideas. I know my staff! But tell me, Rosalie, why is all the correspondence in here? Aren’t you planning on giving me any work to do? Am I just to put my feet up? Do my knitting? Twiddle my thumbs? And anyway, how long have you been back?”

“Since Monday. We were going to do all the form lists and dormitory lists this week, if you remember! But then you decided it would be more fun to play Cowboys and Indians!” and Rosalie pulled a face at her.

Hilda groaned. “Don’t I know it! And it seems like it’s going to backfire on me, with people getting up to mischief behind my back. Ah, well, the best laid plans .....! I’m here now, so wheel in whatever you think needs doing first.”

“Hilda, are you sure? What with your arm and everything,” asked Rosalie doubtfully.

Hilda's voice in answer was very bland. “Rosalie, perhaps you could refresh my mind. When did I start writing with my left arm? I seem to have forgotten.” Rosalie stuck her tongue out at her. “Very mature! And anyway, what on earth do you mean by everything? Rosalie, as you know, from now until next Wednesday it will be all systems go so, yes, I’m sure,” and smiling she popped into the next inter-connecting room to say hello to Clare, Rosalie’s assistant, before returning to the study.

“And I’ll tell you something, Rosalie,” she said firmly, when her secretary entered with her arms piled high. “This term I am going to make a determined effort to see where we can curtail our correspondence. It’s running out of control. You and Clare have far too much to do.”

“What about you? You work until 10 o’clock most nights and all weekend, long after Clare and I are finished,” Rosalie pointed out sharply, for they all knew that Hilda drove herself far too hard.

“That’s beside the point!” twinkled the Head. “I was thinking of you two!”

“You’ll get no argument from me,” nodded Rosalie in agreement and they worked steadily for two hours until Clare appeared with coffee. Rosalie went off to do some typing while Hilda phoned Nancy to ask her and Kathie to come over for afternoon tea in her salon later that afternoon.

She then settled down to try and attack some of the arrears in her own personal correspondence but, now that she was back in her study for the first time in several weeks, thoughts of Nell could not be held at bay. She kept waiting somehow for the phone to ring with Nell on the end of the line, or for Nell to walk in the door. By lunchtime she was so tense that she had not put pen to paper, and was glad to break off, but her appetite had disappeared and all she could manage were several cups of coffee, which she knew she would regret in the long run.

The afternoon was spent compiling those lists Rosalie had mentioned and Hilda, by now thoroughly exhausted and with tears not far away, was quite relieved to be able to say, at four o’clock, that she had a meeting.

 

#74:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:39 pm

Laughing Well done Rosalie!!

But poor Hilly Sad At least she has Rosalie and the rest of the staff to help her though Smile

Thank you Mary!

 

#75:  Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:41 pm

Silly Hilda - she shouldn't push herself so hard! Glad she's got Rosalie, though.

This is excellent as ever, Mary - I'm looking forward to see how Hilda spends her last years at the CS. Smile

 

#76:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 3:59 pm

Lovely Rosalie - so good to see how they all love Hilda.

She's got to remember to look after herself though, even when it doesn't feel worth it.

Thank you Mary.

 

#77:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 7:49 am

Just caught up after a few days AFK and I am still bowing, Mary!

(can't find the kow-towing smiley)

 

#78:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:23 am

This is as wonderful as ever, Mary. Hilda is so lucky in her wonderful staff.

Please don't stop writing!

 

#79:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 1:05 pm

Just caught up with the last few days of this Mary

Thank you Thank you Thank you

Liz

 

#80:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:33 pm

So lovely to see the rapport between Hilda and Rosalie.

Mary, this continues to be sublime, thank you.

 

#81: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:59 pm

When Nancy and Kathie appeared in her salon they looked so bronzed and fit from their long holiday in Greece that Hilda felt quite pale and uninteresting in comparison. Fending off inquiries about her escapade in the convent she poured the tea, offered cakes and then settled herself in her chair. All the time she had been aware of Nancy’s scrutiny and realised that Nancy was still worried about her. She gave the teacher a warm smile of appreciation and Nancy blushed with pleasure.

“I’ve got several things to say to you both and I want you to listen to me all the way through before you ask questions.” She raised an eyebrow as she spoke and they both nodded in unison. Hilda was back with a vengeance! She grinned as she read their thoughts and they had the grace to blush. She continued quietly but very firmly, “Also, I have to ask for your complete secrecy over most of what I am about to say. Only Madge Russell knows and it must go no further than this room.”

She raised that eyebrow again, looking at them questioningly, and they looked at each other in puzzlement and then nodded again. What was she about to say? Hilda took a deep breath. Once said, it could not be unsaid. Did she really want to do this? Uttering a silent prayer for help she committed herself.

“First of all, I’m retiring in two years time.” She watched their mouths open at this bombshell and she paused to give them time to recover. “For the moment that is strictly between the three of us and Madge. I know you are going to find it hard but I do not want it generally known for a good long time.” She continued slowly, as though feeling her way. “I’ve been thinking about what will be best for the school, of course, but I also have to consider the personalities on the Staff and some of them are not going to like my decisions – and you two may suffer because of that – but Madge has given me her blessing so ......”

She stopped and eyed them carefully. Would they both see her vision for the school? She took a deep breath. “When I leave, I want you two installed in Nell’s and my places.”

This second bombshell struck them totally dumb for several minutes and while she waited quietly, her thoughts were with Nell, who should have been here to help her through this. She saw the moment when shock disappeared to be replaced by dawning excitement. They turned as one to each other for a moment and then swung back to face Hilda.

“Would you care .....” Kathie gulped, then cleared her throat. “Would you care to repeat that statement and explain it. Please!” she added plaintively

Hilda’s eyes sparkled at that plea. “I repeat, I want you two as heads when I leave.” She leaned forward, her hands as expressive as her face and voice as she continued. “Nancy, a few years ago, you took over for me for a term and did a magnificent job, which you are now repeating over at St Mildred’s. You show great understanding of the girls – and of the mistresses as well, which is just as important. I can testify to that myself,” she added with great feeling and Nancy blushed again. “But I think you prefer the larger age range and the hurly-burly of the school proper.” She cocked a questioning eyebrow at Nancy, who nodded wide-eyed and still unbelieving that this was happening. “And that is where I want you.”

Hilda turned to look at Kathie, who had gone rather pale and was still breathless with shock. Kathie was still young, Hilda knew, but she had a quick understanding of the girls in her care and was always ready to listen or wade in when necessary, much like Jo herself or Mary Lou Trelawney of old.

“Kathie, I know you haven’t any senior experience, not even as Head of Department, but my instincts tell me you are ready for more responsibility. My instincts also tell me that you’ve quite enjoyed teaching Geography to the seniors here and the older girls at Milly’s since Nell’s death.” Her voice faltered for a moment and then picked up. “You’ve always enjoyed an easy camaraderie with the girls and yet your discipline is superb. You hold the reins lightly but you do hold them.”

She paused and looked searchingly at Kathie, who blushed bright pink at this praise from the Head but knew she had come a long way from the silly mistakes she had made in her first year.

“All those qualities should stand you in good stead over at St Mildred’s. My idea is that for this year Nancy continues as Head over there and you, Kathie, go over as equal deputy head with Julie. You learn all you can from Nancy and Julie and then next September, if Nancy and I think you can do it, you become Head over there with Julie as deputy. I need somebody over there with character, Kathie, and you’ve got plenty of that.”

By the time Hilda had finished speaking Kathie was staring at her in open-mouthed shock, her eyes wide, absorbing the enormity of what she was hearing. Minutes ticked by in silence and then she turned to look at Nancy, who smiled at her encouragingly. She turned back to look at Hilda, who was also smiling at her, understanding exactly what Kathie was feeling.

“But have I got enough experience?” she finally gasped. “Do you trust me?”

“ Kathie, I wasn’t much older than you when I became Head, and it was as much of a shock to me then as it is to you now, believe me,” said Hilda gently but firmly. “I was certainly younger than Nancy is now. Yes, I was Senior Mistress for a couple of years, but that is the experience you will gain this year. If I could do it, you certainly can. You are bright, quick, intuitive and very understanding. And you will always work in tandem with Nancy – as I always did with Nell, even when she was only Senior Mistress. We were always a team,” she added softly, “making decisions together. So, yes, Kathie I trust you. Just make the most of this year and learn from Nancy. And I will still be here for guidance in your first year as Head.”

She smiled warmly at Kathie who beamed back radiantly. The Head turned to look at Nancy, who suddenly left her seat to walk over and kneel in front of Hilda. “I’ll do my very best for Kathie, now and always,” she said earnestly, smiling up at her beloved Head.

“I know you will, Nancy,” smiled Hilda, adding softly, “And she will always count herself lucky to have you, just as I was lucky beyond measure to have Nell. Now, my idea for you is that next September you come over here and work as my Co-head.” Nancy gasped in her turn and blinked, not sure if she was standing on her head or her heels.

Hilda’s gentle eyes twinkled down at her. “Well, I could hardly demote you! You share the duties with me, learning on the job, and that will leave us both time to help Kathie. You will make a superb Head, Nancy,” she added very firmly. “Don’t ever doubt yourself on that score.”

Nancy was staring up at Hilda as she spoke and suddenly tears sprang into her eyes. She bowed her head to hide them but Hilda, ever intuitive, lifted Nancy’s face gently, a finger under her chin. She searched Nancy’s eyes, her own eyes soft.

“Nancy, what is it?” asked Hilda gently. “What have I said to upset you?”

Nancy shook her head. “You haven’t. But, if we’re Heads, where will you be? You will still be here? Not just because we will need you but because we all love you.”

“No, Nancy, I won’t still be near,” she said very softly. “I’m entering the Anglican order of nuns in Norfolk where I’ve been staying and indeed, as you know, where I got shot.”

She smiled at them as she threw her third bombshell, but it was a sad smile. Although she felt God calling her in a different way, she had been part of the Chalet School for almost half of her life and she had loved it all. The wrench would be enormous, even if she did now feel this was no longer her home and she knew that, as a nun, her thoughts would often return here. She forced her sadness away and concentrated on the two women in front of her.

“After all, “ she added firmly, “you won’t want me breathing down your necks. You need to be able to grow into your jobs without constantly looking over your shoulders wondering what I am thinking. The school needs new vision, a new direction, and you are going to provide them”

She sat looking at them both very thoughtfully for a moment, knowing she had thoroughly shaken them. Indeed Nancy was extremely upset. Hilda made a decision and took up Nell’s letter from the table nearby, opening it carefully. She smiled down at Nancy, still kneeling in front of her with tears on her cheeks, and then she looked across at Kathie.

“I don’t know if you are both aware of it,” she said almost in a whisper, her eyes faraway, “but when Nell was dying she wrote me a letter. It’s a very personal letter but I’d like to read part of it to you. It will show you that Nell agreed with everything I’ve said. That in fact it was something we had discussed many times. We didn’t plan to stay here forever, you know.”

She looked down at the letter and began to read with a sweet reverence in her voice that moved them immensely:

Continue guiding the school, then, once you feel able, sometime in the future, hand over the reins to Nancy and Kathie, and find new dreams to follow.

There was a long silence as she sat looking at the letter, then, with a soft sigh, she looked up at them and said very softly, “Don’t ever think that you are stopgaps. We chose you very carefully, precisely because of the qualities I’ve discussed. It’s just that it’s all a little sooner than anticipated. Nancy, I know you’re upset but I’m really not necessary to your happiness. You have Kathie and you have all the other mistresses, who all trust you. And you have friends living all around up here on the Platz.”

She paused and added reminiscently, “ I have had a wonderful life in the Chalet School but it is time to move on. As you must move on when it is your turn. Don’t be sad about any of it, please. I am more than content with my new dream and you must be happy for me.”

She stood up and gently lifted Nancy, taking her back to sit beside Kathie, and the two younger mistresses held hands, giving comfort and support to each other.

“You look shell-shocked, the pair of you,” said Hilda. “However, despite that, I’ve got something else to say to you."

Last edited by MaryR on Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:52 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#82:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:17 pm

Thank you Mary, can understand Nancy and Kathie's shock - should think everyone would feel Hilda would always be there. But she'll only ever see that it's not got Nell. Crying or Very sad

 

#83:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:39 pm

Humph! I had hoped to manage to be the first to post after this update - but got beat!!

Thanks for making me smile this evening! More than most you should appreciate that's no mean feat!

Jess

 

#84:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:50 pm

thank you mary - i have every confidence in N&K, and i think Hilda has done the right thing in confiding in them now

 

#85:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:55 pm

What a shock for N&K! But they will make great Heads I think...

Thank you Mary Smile

 

#86: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:58 pm

Another beautiful piece of writing, Mary, thank you. Hilda shows such wonderful understanding of Nancy & Kathy and their relationship.

I can understand why Nancy & Kathy would feel somewhat shell shocked by this turn of events, although we know, of course, that they will be wonderful for the school and worthy successors to Hilda and Nell. The fact that they have to keep the news of their eventual positions from the rest of the staff and indeed, the school, for a year will be hard but at least they will both be at St. Mildred's together.

Loved the touch of Hilda reading that sentence from Nell's letter, too.

And of course Hilda won't leave the school without a wrench, no matter how much she is looking forward to entering the convent.

Looking forward to the next post.

 

#87:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:01 pm

Wonderful, Mary, thank you for that lovely long chunk of bedtime story.

Quote:
“You look shell-shocked, the pair of you,” said Hilda. “However, despite that, I’ve got something else to say to you."


*waiting on tenterhooks*

 

#88:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:49 pm

*drumming applause quietly with feet*

I wish most that the circumstances were different, but given the situation I'm very glad that Hilda's made that decision & offer to the pair.

Can someone remind me what Chalet year we're in? Challenge is now 'a few years ago', which presumably makes Kathie 27 + a few years...

 

#89:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:45 am

Awesome - again!!

thank you Mary!

 

#90:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:26 am

I read this before I went to bed last night, switched off my pootle and wandered down the landing to the bathroom with the soppiest grin and tears streaming down my face. Alas, another reason for my flatties to think I'm a nutter - but a damn good one.

Wonderful thank you Mary Very Happy

 

#91:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 9:31 am

Wonderful. Thank you Mary.

 

#92:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:34 pm

That was wonderful Mary. Now I'm on tenterhooks as to what else Hilda has to say. Very Happy

 

#93:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 4:55 pm

That's fantastic, Mary. I still find it hard to believe that this is the first thing you've written - you have a real gift. Even after so long, you are still sustaining our interest and keeping us wantig more.

That was such a wonderful post. I can't help feeling a little sorry for Nancy & Kathie at the moment, but when they've taken it in they'll realise what a wonderful opportunity it is for them.

Can't wait for more - what else does Hilda have to say to them?

Thank you so much.

 

#94:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:10 pm

I've just done a catch up and really felt for Hilda when she was half expecting Nell to ring up or walk in. That's just how it feels when someone has gone on.

When you first wrote Hilda deciding to be a Nun, I was concerned that she was running from a situation rather than to one. So many people do move when someone dies becasue they can't bear to be where everything reminds them of their loss.

The two year time frame really sorts that out for me. She's thought it through and is giving N & K the best start she can, at whatever cost to herself.

BUT what other bombshell is she about to drop???

 

#95:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 5:57 pm

Catherine_B wrote:


Can someone remind me what Chalet year we're in? Challenge is now 'a few years ago', which presumably makes Kathie 27 + a few years...


Catherine, apparently Ellie's Tensions and therefore Lesley's My Friend, on which this drabble is based, were about 2 or 3 years after Prefects so yes, Kathie would be 30+ presumably and Nancy a great deal older as she was 16 when Hilda became Head in about 1937. I'm afraid I'm not using the names of pupils from the books in case I get them in the wrong year so I hope that is okay with everyone.

To change the subject, your positive comments have really kept me going when I've got down-hearted about this. Thanks to all you kind and sensitive people out there.

 

#96: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:05 pm

“You look shell-shocked, the pair of you,” said Hilda. “However, despite that, I’ve got something else to say to you. Just bear with me a minute,” and turning away, she went through her bedroom door, closing it behind her. She needed a few minutes to herself, for seeing Kathie and Nancy so in tune with each other was tearing her apart. Her need for Nell was increasing moment by moment now she was back here at school and she had no strength to stem the tide.

She felt Nancy and Kathie needed a breather as well, to assimilate all she had said. Sitting on the bed she took a sealed envelope from a drawer in her bedside cabinet and sat looking at it, deep in thoughts of Nell, and then her eyes moved to the photo by the bed and she touched Nell’s image gently, her voice a mere thread as she spoke. “I hope what I’m about to do now meets with your approval, Nell.” She could have sworn she heard a whisper float through the room

You and I won’t be needing it anymore, will we? I know you like to spoil people, so go spoil!

Smiling to herself she quietly re-entered the salon. Kathie and Nancy were standing at the window, arms around each other, and for a moment, seeing them together, Hilda felt such a stab of pain in her heart that she had to close her eyes.

“Hilda?” Nancy was by her instantly, putting an arm round her anxiously. She opened her eyes and forced a smile to her lips. She had a feeling she was going to get a great deal of mothering from Nancy over the next two years and it brought a measure of comfort to her aching heart.

“I’m fine, Nancy,” she said softly and sat back down in her chair. They ranged themselves once more on the sofa opposite. She looked at the sealed envelope and then across at the two teachers, her blue-grey eyes infinitely gentle. “I’ve got a present here for you. It’s from Nell and myself.”

They stared at her. “As heads, you’ll find yourselves spending far more time here at school during the holidays. Nancy is finding that out already. But you also need to escape, and I know you’ll want to escape together. These are the deeds to Nell’s cottage. She left it to me but as I am going to become a nun I certainly won’t need it. And I could never have lived in it without Nell anyway.”

She shuddered and her eyes closed for a moment. She swallowed, opened her eyes again and then, giving them a smile that broke their hearts, she handed the envelope to Nancy. “I’d like you two to have it.”

They both gasped out loud, looking dumbstruck, and she laughed. “It’s nothing luxurious but it will be a bolt-hole, a home where you can be together in peace. If you don’t want it, feel free to sell it. But there’s no one else I’d rather give it to, and I know Nell agrees with me.” Neither of the others noticed her use of the present tense. “I’ve already arranged for all Nell’s personal items there to be packed up and sent to the convent when I go there at Christmas. I have, however, left you all the furniture, bedding, cooking utensils and so on. Go on, open the envelope. I mean it, you know. It’s yours.”

“Hilda,” whispered Nancy, her voice trembling as she looked with love at her Head, “this is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for us. How on earth do we ever thank you?”

“By opening the envelope, Nancy,” said Hilda softly. Carefully, hardly daring to breathe, Nancy opened it and drew out several sheets of paper. She held them so Kathie and she could both see their names on the deeds, then reaching back inside the envelope she pulled out a set of keys and looked at them wonderingly. Suddenly Kathie, who had been reading the other sheets, gasped and looked at Hilda.

“But...but you’ve g..given us some money as well,” and she pointed at the document to Nancy, who looked and then went white at the amount of money being given to them. She looked across at Hilda with tears streaming down her cheeks. Hilda was very moved and went to sit on the other side of Nancy and put an arm round her. Nancy leaned against her.

“Hilda, it’s too much,” she whispered, in tears once more “You can’t do all this for us.”

“But I already have!” said Hilda firmly. “Nell not only left me her cottage, she left me everything, including all her money. I’ve given you enough there to do any major renovations. As I’ve told you, it’s anything but luxurious. I don’t want it to be a drain on your resources.” She took out a clean hankie and passed it to Nancy, and then laughed. “Don’t worry, Nancy. I haven’t beggared myself. You’ll find out next week what else I’m going to do with her money. But for you two, I want you to have this and enjoy it and think of Nell and myself now and then. And I don’t want any thanks,” she added firmly.

She got them anyway, once Nancy had recovered. They were overwhelmed by the magnificent generosity of this gentle, loving woman. She had one last thing to add. Her eyes dancing, she looked at Nancy, who suddenly realised where Hilda was going.

“I don’t suppose this would make you change your mind about whatever you are going to do with that letter?” she asked blandly and was not at all surprised when Nancy shook her head, and smiled at her through her tears. “Ah, well, hope springs eternal!” Hilda added with a sigh.

As she returned to the salon after seeing the two excited women off the premises Hilda’s smile fell away and self-doubt and the pain of loneliness crept in. All her decisions had been based on what Nell and she had discussed so many times and Madge had given her blessing. But had she thought it all through carefully enough? It had been a stressful and emotional afternoon, filled with thoughts of Nell as it had been, and she felt exhausted and somehow lacking her usual calmness and self-possession, which probably accounted for what happened next.

 

#97:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:17 pm

Such a wonderful gesture, and it must really hurt Hilda that only she is there to enjoy the giving. Crying or Very sad

Thanks Mary.

 

#98:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:44 pm

I'm almost tempted to complain about the level of emotion flying about...

But I shan't Razz

Instead I shall just poke my head above the parapet and be glad that you're still posting this thing!

Anyway Mary, surely this is more like the old me...?

J

 

#99:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:13 pm

well???

what did happen next?!

thank you for the lovely update, but Lesley seems to have passed on her love of cliffs to you.....

 

#100: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:56 pm

Quote:
thank you for the lovely update, but Lesley seems to have passed on her love of cliffs to you.....
[/quote]

Echoes Frances on that one, Mary - what *can* happen next?!!

Seriously, I'm running out of superlatives to express just how moving and beautifully written this is. Each instalment builds so effortlessly on what has gone before.

Hilda's passing of Nell's cottage on to Nancy & Kathie is just the icing on the professional opportunities she's offering them; it's a beautifully natural inheritance, and the whole sequence, both promotion and cottage, while it may not have been anything the two were expecting, is actually very natural. I don't doubt that had Nell lived, she and Hilda would have enjoyed many more years at the cottage, but I can also understand why Hilda would feel she can't go there on her own.

Please, Mary, may we have the next instalment s-o-o-n!!!

 

#101:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:57 pm

Between you and Lesley, I am on a complete emotional rollercoaster. May I send you the bills for my therapy?

My husband says 'they're not real' but that can't be true, can it?

Oh, that really was so exquisitely emotionally charged that it was almost unbearable. I love how you're developing Nancy's character in this, and how she is responding to Hilda.

That cliff is so cliffy I can see the bluebirds flying over it.

 

#102:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 8:36 am

Wow. Thank you Mary. What a wonderful gesture from Hilda, and I'm so pleased that she will have that mothering and support from Nancy over the next two years - she's going to need it.

But what did happen next???

 

#103:  Author: Nina, Location: Peterborough, UK PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:32 am

Nicola wrote:
That cliff is so cliffy I can see the bluebirds flying over it.


*What Nicola said* Smile

Another one reaching for the tissues Crying or Very sad

 

#104: Re: New Dreams Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:44 pm

MaryR wrote:
... Hilda felt such a stab of pain in her heart that she had to close her eyes.
...
She had a feeling she was going to get a great deal of mothering from Nancy over the next two years and it brought a measure of comfort to her aching heart.
...
"...there’s no one else I’d rather give it to, and I know Nell agrees with me."
...
She swallowed, opened her eyes again and then, giving them a smile that broke their hearts, she handed the envelope to Nancy.
...
"But for you two, I want you to have this and enjoy it and think of Nell and myself now and then."
...


I don't usually single out bits of a fiction posting for special attention, but, Mary, you've got me in tears. Isn't it lucky I saved this to read after the staff had gone home?

Never let anyone, including yourself, tell you that you can't write!

And what does happen next? Help! Even if you post over the weekend, I'll have to wait till Monday to find out.

 

#105:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 6:40 pm

Not sure how current this is -but Mary emailed me to say that her server ntl was playing up and she was unable to get onto CBB to post - or to answer PM's.

 

#106:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 8:42 pm

I'm enjoying this, if enjoying is the right word for something that grabs at your heart so much. I love the wholehearted way Hilda went through with passing everything over to Nancy and Kathie, almost like passing the batton really.

 

#107:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 9:22 pm

Thank you Mary! That was beautiful!

 

#108:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 4:15 am

Hilda is certainly passing the torch.

Thank you Mary - again.

 

#109:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 9:32 am

Caught up on a few days of this to find myself at the bottom of a cliff!

Thanks Mary - it's beautiful

Liz

 

#110:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 2:49 pm

It couldn't be perfecter! Thank you, Mary.

And so... what did happen next?

 

#111:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2005 3:12 pm

Mary this is SO good and had me in tears again! As Joey said.. you really can write beautifully Smile
Screen of Death norty computer!

 

#112: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 3:05 pm

Since you've all had to wait for so long to get off that cliff I'll give you a longer piece than I had planned.


As she returned to the salon after seeing the two excited women off the premises Hilda’s smile fell away and self-doubt and the pain of loneliness crept in. All her decisions had been based on what Nell and she had discussed so many times and Madge had given her blessing. But had she thought it all through carefully enough? It had been a stressful and emotional afternoon, filled with thoughts of Nell as it had been, and she felt exhausted and somehow lacking her usual calmness and self-possession, which probably accounted for what happened next. As her hand was on the door-knob she heard her friend’s voice, full of tenderness,

Come on, love. Why do you give yourself such a hard time? As usual, you were magnificent. Even if I’d been there, the decisions about Nancy and Kathie would have been the same.

“But you’re not here, Helena Margaret Wilson!” snapped Hilda in sudden, overpowering fury, slamming the door behind her so hard it bounced open again. She kicked it shut with great force. Red hot anger consumed her like fire. Anger at Nell. Anger that Mother Abbess had warned her was a stage of the grieving process and would one day overwhelm her. She, Hilda, had laughed at her! Why on earth would she be angry with Nell, she had asked. Now, out of the blue, she, who was rarely cross and never so angry that she shouted, was in a towering rage and hurled herself around the room like a caged tiger.

“You’ll never be here again, damn you!” she cried, her rich voice throbbing with her intense emotion. “Why couldn’t you have gone to China or Chile or the blasted Sahara Desert? Why San Sebastian, for God’s sake? Did you do it just to annoy me? If you weren’t dead already, believe me, I’d kill you myself, no matter how close we were to each other!” She took another turn around the room. “ I didn’t notice Nancy going off and leaving Kathie behind. Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see them together?”

Totally out of control, she picked up one of the empty porcelain cups from the tray and hurled it at the wall. As it smashed, she actually picked up a second one but then dropped it back on the tray and threw herself face down on the sofa, her clenched fist banging on the arm.

“Didn’t you know how much I loved you, how much I needed you?” she moaned. “I told you often enough! Why didn’t you listen? And what earthly good is it holding me in a dream? I want you near me so much it hurts. Damn you, Nell Wilson, damn you, damn you, damn you!” and she sobbed dry, tearless sobs into the cushions, loneliness and grief crushing her.

The watcher standing by the open French window was aghast. Never could she have imagined that this usually calm, self-possessed woman was capable of such blistering anger. Never before had she ever heard one swear word pass her lips. It was the most chilling scene she had ever encountered simply because it was so totally out of character for the woman they all thought they knew.

Madge had slipped over to see how the meeting with Nancy and Kathie had gone and had stopped in horror at the French window as the cup was hurled at the wall and the swear words flung in the air. Then, with a great wave of thankfulness, she was glad she had come. Of them all, she was probably the best one to help Hilda at this moment. She knew what this torment felt like, but she had had a twin brother with which to share it.

With her deep intuition she knew she had to help Hilda pour it all out so she could move on. Rage of this destructive magnitude should not be allowed to fester. Moving slowly and carefully, she laid the most delicate of hands on Hilda’s loose, silky hair. Hilda jumped and shuddered, then reared up and clutched Madge with her good hand, her fingers bruising Madge’s arms

“How could she have done this to me, Madge?” she cried out in agony, her face distorted by her anger and sorrow. “She knew what she meant to me, to all of us. Why didn’t she take more care? Why didn’t any of them take more care? I needed them so much.”

Madge gasped silently to herself, “Them?” and then suddenly she understood why this anger was so overpowering. “Your mother? Your fiancé?” she whispered, and she held Hilda close in her strong arms and gently rocked her like a hurt child as Hilda shook with those harsh, tearless sobs that brought her no relief at all.

Before long, however, Hilda was on her feet again, too restless with anger to stay still, her long, elegant legs catapulting her from one side of the room to the other. Her anger and bitterness at her mother and Nell and James for leaving her without warning, and when she was not there to help them, poured out of her and she enumerated all the things she would like to do to them for the hurt they had bestowed, for leaving her to cope all alone with her sadness, for not even one of them allowing her to say farewell.

As Madge listened she began to realise that Hilda had never grieved properly for her mother, that no one had offered any comfort at all to a suffering young girl alone with a distant father and older, uninterested brothers. She began to see that she had held her grief inside, standing dry-eyed at her mother’s funeral, then being sent straight back to school, where she had been forbidden by her headmistress to mention it to anyone. What cruelty!

The bleakness of it chilled Madge to the bone and she could empathise totally and completely with Hilda. Clearly her intense sorrow at Nell’s death had opened up old, unhealed wounds. It made her wonder whether Hilda had allowed herself to grieve at all for her fiancé. Madge was one of the very few people who knew Hilda had even been engaged.

The evening sun slowly descended, leaving luminous pink streaks across the sky, and a cool dimness crept into the room and still Hilda alternated between stalking the room and throwing herself down in a chair or on the sofa, her feelings pouring out of her non-stop, she who was so self-contained she rarely revealed anything of her inner self.

Madge wondered how she had the strength to keep going, still not having fully recovered from the shooting or the long journey back from England. Her hair was damp with perspiration, her breathing harsh, her rich voice ragged. Still Madge sat, waiting, watching, a sympathetic presence, but saying nothing. What could she possibly have said? Grief was tearing Hilda apart and all Madge could do was be there, ready to pick up the pieces – if there were any left!

Matron had knocked on the door an hour earlier, Abendessen hour, and had been startled at what she had heard. Quickly Madge had explained, asking her to phone Jack to be ready to come over if Madge thought they needed him.

As darkness gradually brushed away the luminosity in the sky and the room went from cool to cold, Madge switched on the little lamp beside her. Hilda moved to the window and stood staring out into the inky blackness. Suddenly she leaned her forehead against the window-pane, silence fell and Madge held her breath.

“What did I ever do to any of you that you would want to leave me alone like this?” Hilda whispered, a mere breath of sound, and the pathos in the words made Madge’s heart ache. The anger had gone for the moment and into the hush Madge spoke, quietly, gently.

“Hilda, come and lie down beside me. You must be exhausted.”

For a long time she thought Hilda had not heard her. She still stood, her forehead against the window, as though looking for an expected visitor. Finally, with a soft sigh, and suddenly rubbing her arms as she came back to the real world and realised how cold she was, she turned her ravaged face towards Madge. The latter held out her arms and Hilda stumbled over and lay down on the sofa, her head on Madge’s knee. Madge plucked the soft throw from the back of the sofa and tucked it gently round Hilda, who lay dry-eyed, staring up at the ceiling. Madge gently stroked the loose damp strands of hair away from her face.

“Do you think you could tell me about your mother, Hilda?” Madge asked softly.

 

#113:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 3:24 pm

So sad, but what Hilda needs.

Glad you were able to post, Mary.

 

#114:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:06 pm

Crying or Very sad Am very glad Hilly has been able to get all this out of her, but I'm sure there's more to come.

Thank you Mary, for writing something that must have been so hard to do.

Kiss

 

#115:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:00 pm

Mary,

Either my memory is playing tricks of you've added a bit. Like it - that comment about Nancy and Kathie!

Hope you're feeling better,

Jess

 

#116:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 5:45 pm

Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

I would be more coherent but I can't see the keyboard. Thank you Mary.

 

#117:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 6:26 pm

Gulp. Swallowing hard. Hilda's eyes may be dry, but mine are not.

Hurray that you've made it back on to the board Mary! Such a realistic portrayal of the all consuming anger of grief. Thank goodness Madge is there to pick up the pieces. I hope Hilda is able to talk to her about her mother, but PLEASE POST A TISSUE WARNING AT THE TOP when you write it, as I'm sure it will be traumatic.

 

#118:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 9:40 pm

poor poor Hilda - she needs to get it out of her system but it must be so so hard for her.

 

#119:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 8:49 am

Thank you Mary, glad you posted that - it must have been so hard to write.

Poor Hilda.

 

#120:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 1:38 pm

Mary, I've been ill for over a week without access to this, and I come back to find more stunning writing form you. It is rare that writing has me in tears - but this did.

 

#121:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:58 pm

Mary, I had got so behind with this drabble for various reasons. I am just glad I was alone when I read it as I am crying so hard.

Thank you so much for all the hard work, I am sure that writing and posting this was.

Poor Hilda she has been through the gamut of emotions glad Madge was there for her wjhen the rage hit her.

The scenes with Nancy and Kathie were wonderful.

Off to find some more tissues!

 

#122:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:48 pm

I would comment, but that was so powerful it has left me incapable of forming coherent sentences!

Thank you, Mary. You are brave to write like that, and post it.

 

#123:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:53 pm

Mary this was amazing (again) and must have been so hard to write (again) - I echo the request for Tissue Warnings Smile

 

#124: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:17 am

Madge plucked the soft throw from the back of the sofa and tucked it gently round Hilda, who lay dry-eyed, staring up at the ceiling. Madge gently stroked the loose damp strands of hair

“Do you think you could tell me about your mother, Hilda?” Madge asked softly. Hilda lay quiet, as though gathering her thoughts, then looked up into Madge’s tender brown eyes.

“I think I could,” she whispered, her eyes filled with so much pain that it hurt Madge to look into them. “But I’ve been self-indulgent long enough, Madge. You’ve been here for hours listening to me ranting. You need to get some rest.”

“Hilda, I’ve got all night if necessary,” Madge said firmly. “And you haven’t been self-indulgent. For a person like you to behave as you have been doing means there’s a lot of hurt needing to come out. To move on, you must release it. I know, believe me,” she added in heartfelt tones. Hilda’s eyes turned back to the ceiling, and after a long pause she began to speak slowly and tentatively, her musical voice ragged and husky with emotion.

“During her funeral I was screaming out to her. Where was she? Why had she gone? But I couldn’t cry – just as I couldn’t cry after Nell died. If I had cried there would have been no one to hold me. The only one who would have done that was gone. We were so close and I never even got to say goodbye,” and she stopped and swallowed. Madge saw how haunted her eyes were. “When they sent me back to school, and I found I wasn’t even allowed to tell my friends, I was hurting so much and was so bitter at everyone that I stopped being a good little girl. I became a naughty Middle with a vengeance. It was like I had to make everyone pay for my hurt. Corney and Evvy had nothing on me! Hard to imagine, isn’t it!” she added with a bitter laugh.

“But so understandable, my dear,” said Madge softly. “What happened to make you into the warm, loving, brave woman you are today?”

“I had this hard core of coldness inside me. Where my heart should have been there was just a hole. I saw no one’s point of view but my own. I moved from being unable to cry to refusing to cry. She was gone! Crying wouldn’t bring her back.” Hilda was speaking haltingly, tonelessly, and Madge felt a pang in her heart for her. “What happened? My deputy headmistress happened. She watched, biding her time, and when she saw I was getting completely out of hand, she struck. Gradually she wore me down, held a mirror up to my behaviour, forced the tears out of me, made me what I am today.”

“No, Hilda, you did that yourself,” whispered Madge.

“She was an understanding woman with a great love of God. She took the place of my mother in lots of ways, helped me with things only a mother can do for her daughter and I grew to love her so much that I wanted to be like her when I grew up. She helped me turn around my behaviour, took away the emptiness inside, encouraged me in my tentative fumblings towards a loving God, quite different from the God I had known until then. She gave me a foundation on which to build a life.”

“But she wasn’t quite wise enough to help you let out all that was festering inside. She probably didn’t realise the hidden anger and bitterness you felt towards your mother that she had left you so abruptly.” Hilda shook her head, and Madge continued, “That’s why it all came out tonight. That’s why it was all so overwhelming – you were crazed with bewilderment and anger at not one or two but three people. Knowing you, you also tucked away your overwhelming sorrow for your fiancé.”

“No,” answered Hilda with a dry sob. “James’s aunt found me. She knew how I would be feeling because she herself was hurting so badly. I cried for a week and she held me, fed me, tended me as though I was a baby. But after that week I put away my sorrow. I buried it deep. I vowed never again to love like that. It hurt too much. And then I met Nell .....”

“And you got hurt all over again,” said Madge tenderly. “Hilda, you are the wisest, most compassionate woman I know, probably much more so than your teacher, and you must now extend that compassion to yourself and not feel guilty for your rage tonight. Nell’s death clearly brought out into the open your unresolved grief for your mother and your fiancé. Use your wisdom to understand that what you went through tonight was a natural stage in the grieving process. Shocking in the extreme both to you and myself in its intensity – you’re not usually quite so vociferous, my dear,” she added, smiling down through her tears into the sensitive face below.

“I don’t know where it came from,” whispered Hilda. “It was like a sudden volcanic eruption. I didn’t know people could get angry with their dead like that. Mother Abbess warned me but I laughed at her.” She paused. “And now it’s all gone,” she added wonderingly.

“It may return from time to time,” warned Madge. “Just don’t try and bury it ever again. Self-possession and bravery can be taken too far.”

Silence fell. Madge gently stroked Hilda’s hair and gradually, worn out by her emotions, Hilda’s eyes closed and she slept. Madge, also worn out and suddenly very hungry, felt her own eyes closing. An hour or so later, Matron slipped into the room, seeing by the light of the little lamp that they were both asleep, Hilda curled up into Madge’s body, Madge’s arms around her. Matey sat down quietly and let her own eyes close.

Some while later, she heard a soft rustle and opening her eyes she saw Hilda turn onto her back gently so as not to disturb Madge. She looked across at Matey, who gave her a nod and Hilda closed her eyes. Gwynneth understood! Matey looked at Madge and realised her eyes were open, watching. They smiled at each other and then Madge bent over Hilda, who opened her eyes again.

“Feeling better?” she asked softly and Hilda nodded, clasping Madge’s hand in gratitude. Madge smiled down at her. “Then I think we should get you into bed. Do you want me to call Jack for an injection to knock you out or do you think you’ll sleep?”

“I’ll sleep,” she answered, her mellow voice still hoarse. “And even if I don’t I’ll be fine. But, you know, I would love a bath first, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“Hilda, if that’s what you want, you shall have it,” said Matron firmly, now standing over her, her fingers on Hilda’s wrist, her trained eye assessing her face. “It will help you relax. I’ll go and run it.” She was gone, and Madge gently helped Hilda to sit up.

Forty minutes later, having been lovingly attended to by her friends, Hilda was tucked up in bed with a hot water bottle. Madge sat with her until she fell asleep while Matey phoned Jack to tell him he was not needed. Then she bore Madge off, forced some hot toast and tea down her and sent her back to Freudesheim, saying she herself would stay with Hilda.

“She’ll cope even better now, let’s hope,” said Matey. “It won’t always be easy and she’ll still have lots of hard, bitter times but she’ll move on. You’ve been magnificent.”

“It’s little enough after all I owe her, Gwynneth. Indeed after all my family and the school owe her,” and stooping to kiss the stalwart little figure she flitted off through the dark.

 

#125:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:30 am

Mary, this is superb. You're going so deep... it's incredibly moving. Thank you.

 

#126:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 8:32 am

Wow. Thank you Mary, this is fantastic. You manage to convey so much depth of feeling.

Glad you managed to post it and hope the problems get sorted soon.

 

#127: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 12:56 pm

Mary, this is another wonderful post - I just caught it before dashing out of the house.

You are really showing all the depths of the grieving process so clearly. I'm sure Hilda will still have her ups and downs but she's clearly moving along.

Thank you - and thank Madge and Matey for their caring.

 

#128:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:08 pm

((Hilda))

wonderful piece of writing, Mary - thank you so much

 

#129:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:31 pm

Thank you Mary - beautiful as always.


(And for any that wonder - yes Mary did have a sneak preview of a chapter of my book.)

 

#130:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:12 pm

Mary,

Hope this heralds you being back with us a little more regularly! Another excellent piece yet again, getting quite excited now as to what comes next...

Jess

 

#131:  Author: Guest,  PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:20 pm

Lesley wrote:


(And for any that wonder - yes Mary did have a sneak preview of a chapter of my book.)


Please , Miss, I only used the teeniest, tiniest bit though, - just that it was her deputy head who helped her (I originally had her Head) but how she helped her is different from your book, and the fact that she was not allowed to tell her friends. I was vairy, vairy careful not to commit plagiarism or pinch any of your surprise - OR CLIFFS!!!!

Am having to do this incognito as the board won't let me log on!!

 

#132:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 9:38 pm

That's why I mentioned it, Mary, so people wouldn't think you had done anything untoward. Remember I had a preview of this and thought it wonderful then.

 

#133:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:37 pm

Two great posts, Mary.

I often think that natural anger as a stage of grieving is not acknowledged in our culture. I've seen it twist someone's relationships by being displaced to an anger at living loved ones. Perhaps if it was more acceptable to weep and wail in the first distress of loss, it would be less traumatic in the long run.

I loved the way Madge and Gwynneth were there for her. That was true friendship.

I found it very moving and also true to life.

Thank you.

 

#134:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:56 am

Yet another wondeful and amazing post, Mary! As Catherine_B says, you go so deep.

Hilda is lucky to have such good friends, and to have a safe place where she is able to express her anger.

 

#135:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:58 am

Wow.

 

#136:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:07 pm

Thank you, Mary!
This must be so harrowing to write....

 

#137:  Author: Steph, Location: Blackpool, Lancashire PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 12:59 pm

Have just caught up with this Mary. Everything I wanted to say has already been said. This is just wonderful, thank you

 

#138:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 5:41 pm

had been very behind on this, so just had a massive catch up and it's made me laugh and it's made me cry and I can't wait for the next bit

 

#139:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:25 pm

Dawn wrote:
.....and it's made me laugh and it's made me cry and I can't wait for the next bit


Wait no longer, Dawn

Well, you were in a right paddy last night. Fluency with swear words was not a talent I suspected of you, my darling.

Don’t darling me! You deserved every one of them!

I didn’t leave you from choice, you know. As I said in my letter I knew what it would do to you, because it would have done the same to me.

Having half my soul wrenched out – your words – was putting it far too mildly. Even after all these months I want you so badly, Nell. The hurting won’t go away.

Oh, darling, my heart ached for you last night. I just wanted to hold and comfort you.

Hearing those words from her dreams as she awoke next morning, Hilda let out an involuntary sob, and almost immediately felt a loving hand stroking her forehead. Confused for a moment, she opened her eyes and looked straight up into Madge’s concerned face. She had been sitting by the bed for a while, having returned earlier, worried by the state that Hilda might be in when she woke up. Now, as Hilda stared up into Madge’s compassionate brown eyes, the wisps of words she had just heard in her head, and the memory of the terrifying anger and pain she had experienced the night before, all coalesced inside her into a great, overwhelming need for comfort and, as scalding tears suddenly streamed down her face, she whispered, “Hold me, Madge!”

Immediately Madge’s arms gathered her close as Madge prayed for the wisdom to be as intuitive and perceptive as Hilda herself always was. It was safe to say that no one had ever before heard such a plea from the very private, self-possessed headmistress of the Chalet School and it caused tears to flow down Madge’s own cheeks. As she held Hilda to her, she could feel her desperately trying to control herself.

“Let it out, Hilda,” she said urgently. “You didn’t cry at all last night – you were too hurt and angry. But you need the release to help you heal, dear, so don’t try and hold it in.”

At her words the dam broke completely and Hilda shook with harsh sobs in Madge’s arms. She was clinging hard to Madge with her good arm, as though frightened of being swept away by the storm. Madge held her and rocked her and crooned to her, knowing that for a woman as much in control of herself as Hilda was, these tears were just the tip of the iceberg. No matter how sunny a face she showed to everyone, as yet her sadness at losing Nell had not abated at all. When Madge thought back to how cheerful and matter-of-fact Hilda had been when detailing her plans for the school, the sheer raw courage of this woman astounded her.

Hilda sobbed for a long time as all these thoughts were going through her friend’s mind but gradually, oh so gradually, the storm was lessening and finally she lay spent against Madge, though still shaken by the occasional sob. Still rocking her gently, Madge waited until she felt Hilda had a little more control of herself then spoke very quietly to her, her voice a soft murmur, “Hilda, can you turn your face up so I can mop you up. You can still hang on to me.”

But Hilda shook her head and, very reluctantly, freed herself from Madge’s arms and lay back on the pillow. Very gently, Madge wiped the tears from Hilda’s face as, eyes still closed, the latter whispered, “Madge, bless you for holding me. You were right. It has helped. It’s been an emotional few days, what with one thing and another, and I’ve met Nell at every corner. It’s all just blown away everything I’d learned at the convent. But I’m fine now.”

“You seemed so calm when I spoke to you two days ago, Hilda, and Nancy and Kathie say the same. I think we all took too much for granted, didn’t we?” asked Madge sympathetically.

Hilda shook her head sadly and stared out of the window. “It’s been so hard since I came back. I thought I’d worked through so much of my sadness. Mother Abbess had helped me find a measure of acceptance, bullied me into finding the courage to go on. And I thought I could,” she added wistfully. “But coming back here I’ve been swamped by thoughts of Nell. I keep waiting for the phone to go or for her to walk through my door. I pick up the phone to tell her something and then it hits me all over again – she’s gone. I always thought I would cope so well if anything like this ever happened again, that I was so used to keeping my emotions under control I could never fall apart the way I have been doing. It’s a real blow to find that I still want to burst into tears every five minutes, that a mere nothing can set me off.”

She paused and then looked back at Madge. “Since coming back, being my usual calm and impassive self has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. And yesterday’s interview with Kathie and Nancy kept Nell in the forefront of my mind – she came into the conversation so much. By the end I couldn’t think straight.”

“Which probably accounts for what happened last night.” Madge smiled gently at Hilda. “I rang Nancy while you were sleeping. She told me all you’d said and about your gift to them. That was an incredible thing to do, my dear.”

“Why?” asked Hilda bleakly. “I could never have used it. But I think that was the final straw. Keeping the lid on my emotions was such a battle .......”

“And the lid flew off afterwards, as you said, like a volcano,” said Madge very gently. “Hilda, if you want to cry, cry. Doesn’t the Bible say there is a time for dancing and a time for weeping? This is your time for weeping. People understand – they might welcome the chance to cry with you, because they all lost a friend. We know you for a woman of enormous self-control but sometimes too much of it can cause damage. You need to let the barriers down, my dear.”

“Madge, after four months I should have some sort of control over myself.” Hilda’s voice was once more thick with tears. “But the wanting and the hurting won’t go away. Now I’m back here it’s as bad as it ever was.”

“Probably worse, in fact,” said Madge with great firmness. “Hilda, the first shock of such great and sudden grief numbs the deepest ache, people gather round to help and you behave with dignity and a strange sort of calm because you want to help others who are also hurting, and you want them to see that you are coping. But then, after a while, everyone else gets on with their own lives and suddenly, as you see them moving on, your own loss somehow becomes heavier. You feel you yourself can’t move on. Move on to what? Everything you used to share with the missing person is gone and the pain of that loneliness bites deeper.”

“And the silence,” whispered Hilda with a sudden fierce passion. ”My heart is filled with this terrible silence – and it’s deafening me.”

 

#140:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:31 pm

MaryR wrote:
Dawn wrote:
.....and it's made me laugh and it's made me cry and I can't wait for the next bit


Wait no longer, Dawn


very impressed Wink


another wonderful post Mary - thankyou for all the hard work you are doing - this must be so draining to write, but reads so very very well

 

#141:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:35 pm

Thank you, Dawn. It IS hard but I just love writing about Hilda.

Rolling Eyes Call me insane!! Rolling Eyes

 

#142:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 6:37 pm

You're insane.

Smile

And there I was hoping again to manage to post first... Definately not quick draw mcJess.

Now I'm definately excited about the next bit... Do keep going!

 

#143:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:03 pm

gypsum wrote:

And there I was hoping again to manage to post first...



tongue tongue tongue tongue tongue

 

#144:  Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:04 pm

Thank you Mary. This is still as beautiful and poignant as ever. Don't let it drain you, it must be really emotional to write (it really IS to read)

 

#145:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:37 pm

Mary, I've said many times already, but this is wonderful. It gets better and better as we see more of the process of grieving, and, yes, I think Hilda's anger is very realistic. And I can definitely empathise with being self possessed almost unto the point of self destructiveness.

At that juncture, having given far too much of myself away, I shall stop.

 

#146:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:02 pm

Quote:
“And the silence,” whispered Hilda with a sudden fierce passion. ”My heart is filled with this terrible silence – and it’s deafening me.”


Perfect. Thank you Mary

 

#147:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:11 pm

I think I would quote the same sentence. There is a relentlessness about silence sometimes.

Thank you Mary.

 

#148:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 9:25 pm

Echoes Frances. That's the line that caught me most.

Thank you Mary.

 

#149: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:14 am

I'm very late in the day reading this last instalment, Mary, but once again, this is another wonderful one. You are doing such a great job of describing each stage of grief, plus stressing the fact that Hilda has to realise it's "all right" for her to feel or to react in the way she is doing; the more she can do this now, the better it will be for her in the long run.

Bless Madge for her thought to be there when Hilda awoke, and for being such a comfort.

Will look forward to the next episode, hopefully your troubles posting to the Board are over now.

 

#150:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:12 am

Thank you Mary, another thoughtful, insightful post. Love Madge in this - she is just what Hilda needs, a close friend and someone of near her own age. She can accept the love and support from Madge that I don't think she would be able to accept from Joey - having taught Joey she would immediately switch into 'teacher' mode and not allow her emotions full rein.

 

#151:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:19 am

Lesley wrote:
having taught Joey she would immediately switch into 'teacher' mode and not allow her emotions full rein.


That's exactly right and one of the reasons I haven't brought her into it, Lesley.

 

#152: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 7:58 am

“And the silence,” whispered Hilda with a sudden fierce passion. ”My heart is filled with this terrible silence – and it’s deafening me.”

Madge gripped Hilda’s hand tightly as she heard those heart-rending words. How on earth did she help this grieving woman who had lost so much? Her voice was hushed as she spoke.

“Hilda, I also phoned Mother Abbess while you were sleeping. She is going to phone later. But she said to tell you that all their prayers are with you, that last night was no surprise to her but she has every confidence in your courage.”

Hilda shook her head slowly as Madge continued. “She said to tell you that though it’s no comfort now, in time your new dream will help you with Nell’s death, it will give you a new focus. You won’t want to move on, because it will fill you with guilt, but the horror of it will go, even though you won’t ever forget. She promises you all the emotional help you need on your visits and when you enter. Just because you are a nun does not mean you don’t still need help – God wants wounded creatures not perfect saints! She was quite firm on that point. Don’t think your grief precludes you entering. You can be mourning a friend and still be wholehearted in your love for God.”

Hilda’s sad eyes searched Madge’s face for a while and then she turned her head to look out of the window again and Madge was wise enough to stay silent and just hold her hand in silent sympathy. Suddenly there was a quiet tap at the door and Jack Maynard slipped in.

Seeing Hilda was awake he moved to the bed, where he surveyed her red-rimmed eyes with dismay. She summoned a smile for him but he saw that her eyes were deep pools of sadness. Madge had recounted to Jo and himself the trauma of last night and though he himself had never experienced great grief he had seen enough of it at the San to appreciate the state Hilda was in. He realised that Mother Abbess had been right when she had told him that Hilda would still have some very bad times and that she would probably never recover her old self. He remembered her words vividly because they had struck a chord deep within:

This was a friendship, a relationship, a partnership, call it what you like, embedded in solid rock, with a foundation so strong nothing but death itself could have broken it. How do you move on from something so rare, so precious?

How indeed, he mused sadly. He thought back over the last few days and remembered her serene peace on the journey back and the way she had joked about the letter from Mother Abbess. And yet under it all lay this terrible unhealed mourning for Nell – and Jack was beginning at last to have an understanding of just how much they had been to each other. He had a feeling that even his own strong marriage did not have the bonds of steel these two strong women had forged between them. How terrifying to lose all that and be forced to continue on one’s own. It made him shudder to think he could one day be going through this agony if he ever lost Jo.

 

#153:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:14 am

Wow... *awestruck* I've been sitting here for the last five minutes just staring at the screen in absolute amazement at how brilliant the last two posts were trying to think of something coherent to say (and failing).

Thank you Mary Kiss

 

#154:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:34 am

Like Pim I have no words left to explain the impact of the last two posts. Awesome, such power, love, and depth of friendship.

Thank you Mary. Kiss

 

#155:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:13 am

There are few words to describe this - sublime is the only one that comes close. Mary don't ever allow yourself to harbour doubts about your talent, it is awesome.

 

#156:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:03 am

wow

 

#157:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:18 am

Wow

(echoing Jodi)

 

#158:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:02 pm

I'm just glad that the preceeding posters were able to say everything before I got here. I can't think fo anything to add which would not sound trite because it is difficult to put into words - and this is too good for that.

Thank you Mary

 

#159:  Author: Eilidh, Location: Bathgate, Scotland PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:04 pm

Thankyou Mary. This is excellent.

 

#160: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 12:18 pm

Echoes Patmac on this one. This was the first post I saw this morning, and because of my own schedule yesterday, yesterday's post was the last thing I saw last night - words fail me! They are both so vivid and so touching.

Thank you, Mary, for putting into words what so many of us struggle with - I never cease to be amazed at the depth in your writing.

 

#161:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:07 pm

This is great Mary, the depth of emotion you convey is awsome.

Quote:
God wants wounded creatures not perfect saints
Love that line.

 

#162:  Author: JoW, Location: Lincolnshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 1:49 pm

It's tempting to say nothing because I can't find the right words, but I just had to post something to acknowledge your beautiful writing, Mary.

 

#163:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:08 pm

I have just this minute come in from an afternoon teaching a difficult class to find the last 5 beautiful messages ( I had seen the other fabulous ones this morning) and I am sitting here in tears that people can say such touching things about my writing. You are all such dears and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart (and Lesley because she said something rather special to me by email this morning).

I really don't know what else to say except I hope the rest of it lives up to your expectations.

 

#164:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:14 pm

You deserve everything we say.

*hugs Mary*

 

#165:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:18 pm

Your writing is absolutely brilliant Mary.

 

#166:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 8:41 pm

Thank you Mary!

this really is incredible writing!

 

#167:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 9:23 pm

Mary I don't know how you can write such exquisite and moving pieces - I can never come away from reading something you've written feeling quite the same. Every post I read, something changes inside me. You are such a brilliant writer. Thank you.

 

#168:  Author: jenjen, Location: Sheffield PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:27 am

WOW! I've just read the whole story so far, and I want more! You have an amazing talent Mary!

I hope Hilda will be ok, I'm worried about her frailty.

 

#169: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:16 am

francesn wrote:
Mary I don't know how you can write such exquisite and moving pieces - I can never come away from reading something you've written feeling quite the same. Every post I read, something changes inside me.


I find those words very moving, Frances. Thank you for the lovely compliment - and every one else for all theirs.

Is this bribery and corruption to keep me posting? Wink

Jack smiled down at Hilda with compassion in his clear blue eyes as he felt her pulse and then frowned. He took in the extreme pallor, the hollowed out eyes, the deep purple shadows under them and spoke gently. “You’re exhausted, Hilda. It’s been a difficult few days, hasn’t it? Your pulse tells its own story, but I’m also wondering about that arm. You seem to be in pain. Does it hurt?”

Reluctantly she nodded and answered wryly, “Probably all those teacups I threw at the wall.”

“It was only one, my dear,” Madge murmured, still holding Hilda’s good hand while Jack removed the dressing from the wound, causing Hilda to wince and close her eyes. The wound, which had been healing cleanly if rather slowly, was now slightly red and angry-looking. Without a word Jack went to his bag and returned to the bed with a tube. Squeezing some ointment out he spread it very gently on her arm and this time her lips compressed with pain.

Looking at Madge with anxiety, Jack pulled up a chair and sat down near the bed, waiting until her eyes opened again, looking at him in a way that seemed to say, “Now what?”

He smiled at her reassuringly. “I think you’ve got a minor infection in it. Nothing to worry about. I’ll get Gwynneth to put that cream on every four hours and I’ll start you on some antibiotics. I’ll leave the dressing off and you can keep the arm in a sling to protect it. It’s probably due to all the activity and emotion of the last few days. You had a very long day yesterday, by all accounts. I’ve arranged for you to see a physiotherapist this afternoon at four. We’ll see what she says, though I don’t think she’ll do anything if you’ve got an infection. But I would appreciate a second opinion so we’ll keep the appointment. In the meantime I think you should stay in bed this morning and rest.”

She looked anxiously at him. “Jack, I’ve got too much to do. Rosalie must be wondering what’s happened to me.”

He smiled at her. “Actually it’s only half past nine so I don’t think she’s missed you yet. I’ll have a word with her. If you rest this morning I’ll tell Gwynneth to let you get up and do a couple of hours this afternoon. I’m sure Nancy would chip in and help, you know.”

“She’s got enough to do over at St Mildred’s,” answered Hilda firmly, but then her voice quavered. “I’m not much use as a headmistress at the moment, am I? I seem to spend all my time in bed resting or being ill.”

“What? Ten days in the San after Nell’s death and a couple of days rest at the convent? A couple of bad headaches? A mere nothing, woman!”

He spoke forcefully and then paused to gather his thoughts. “Hilda, grief is exhausting. You will be more tired. And it also prevents healing take place, hence your arm, and it makes you more prone to infections. Yes, you’ve been ill recently but you were shot, for goodness sake! What did you expect – to get up and walk away? You’re not superhuman, you know!” Jack raised an eyebrow at her and she smiled back wryly and nodded. “Rest this morning, do a couple of hours this afternoon and then we’ll see what they say at the San.”

“I’ll take you, Hilda,” Madge added softly and Hilda smiled her thanks as Jack stood up.

“I’m going to find Gwynneth to bring you some breakfast. Emotion can make one hungry.”

As that was the last thing she felt, Hilda grimaced at him, but he merely smiled, gave her a wink and went on his way, somehow taking some of her sadness with him. She turned to Madge, who was watching her anxiously. Hilda’s voice was filled with love as she spoke to the woman who had stood so faithfully by her. “Madge, words cannot begin to convey what I owe you for last night and this morning. In common parlance, I owe you big time. I thought only Nell cared enough to do things for me like that. And I promise to try and keep all you said in mind.”

“We’ve been friends a long time, Hilda. I care about you. And if you need an ear,” added Madge softly, “you know where I am. No matter what time of the day or night. I know you don’t like talking about yourself but just at the moment you need to do exactly that. As to staying with you last night, it’s only what you would have done for me or anyone else. And, Hilda, a lot of people would have been willing to sit with you last night. I don’t think you have the slightest idea of just what you mean to people.”

As Hilda stared at her in total bemusement, Madge just grinned back at her, for she knew all too well that Hilda had no sense of her own importance and would have been amazed to be told just how much she was loved – and also just how much she would be missed when she retired.


C

 

#170:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 9:46 am

Lovely Madge, lovely Jack.

And once again I find myself staring at the screen awestruck. Although I don't think we've resorted to bribrey and corruption yet, I'm always up for a good spot of it Wink

Thank you Mary Kiss

 

#171:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 12:45 pm

Such beautiful, tender writing.

I'm running out of things to say about this, because words don't seem enough

 

#172:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 12:49 pm

Unfortunately, Jodi, WORDS are all we have!! ThanK you for the lovely compliment, and Pim, what would you suggest in the way of bribery and corruption? Am I being corrupted or do you want bribing? Laughing

Last edited by MaryR on Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:10 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

#173: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:01 pm

Quote:
I'm running out of things to say about this, because words don't seem enough
[/quote]

Echoes Jodi on this one, Mary.

Congratulations on another wonderfully insightful piece of writing. I know I've said this before but you really do have each stage of grief described so accurately and feelingly. And the support Hilda is getting at each stage is wonderful too.

And no, I won't say it's bribery and corruption, but please, Mary, may we have some more?!!

 

#174:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 1:14 pm

Quote:
I can never come away from reading something you've written feeling quite the same. Every post I read, something changes inside me.


*Echoes Frances.*

Another wonderful update. Thank you, Mary.

I do like a story to read during my after lunch nice-cup-of-tea-and-sit-down.

 

#175:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 4:34 pm

I find it hard to put into words exactly what your writing means to me, Mary. Just don't stop - please!!

 

#176:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 5:37 pm

I know I haven't commented for a few posts, Mary, but that's not because I haven't appreciated them.

You have really enlarged on EBD's Hilda, whom we always saw from the outside. She was the perfect Headmistress - obviously EBD's ideal - but we saw even less of the real Hilda than we did of Nell.

You've changed my understanding of this character for ever, Mary. Thank you.

 

#177:  Author: Cath, Location: Cornwall PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 6:58 pm

I cannot believe that I've only just found this! *deeply ashamed* This is so beautiful and powerful Mary... thank you.

 

#178:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 8:06 pm

Thank you Mary, love the insight into Hilda- not realising how much she is loved.

 

#179:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 10:13 pm

Mary,

Becuase I am far too lubricated to make a detailed reply to the last instalemnt thought I'd pop along here and just say that you really should listen to what people are saying and keep posting!

It's good!

Jess

 

#180:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:59 am

Joey wrote:
You have really enlarged on EBD's Hilda, whom we always saw from the outside. She was the perfect Headmistress - obviously EBD's ideal - but we saw even less of the real Hilda than we did of Nell.

You've changed my understanding of this character for ever, Mary


But in fact all the information is there in the books. In Carola, she's the one who lends Grizel the money to go to NZ; in Excitements she's the one who has the compassion to persuade the others to let Miss Bubb back into the school, despite Bill calling her 'soft-hearted as usual'; in Shocks she's the one who cuddles a weeping Emerence on her lap and talks to her lovingly; in Reunion she's the one who accompanies Mary-Lou and Verity back to England with their mother's body and stays with them, being called by ML 'one of the helps God has sent me'; in Summer EBD writes, 'when it was possible to temper justice with mercy, she stretched it to the wildest limits'; Jem in Redheads, worried about her after the gun siege, knows her for a woman of 'great self-control'; and in Jane she is a 'fascinating lecturer'. And she so often comforts people by mentioning the help God can give.

She was also strong-willed, perceptive, intuitive and patient, among other things. Need I go on????? What always defeats me is why EBD felt such a woman needed to go to Joey for help all the time!!!!

I'm afraid all I've done is enlarge on all these pointers.

And you think Lesley is a fan of the woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I'm afraid I got carried away! Embarassed Embarassed

 

#181:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 9:29 am

No need to apologise, Mary!!!

Thank you for all the evidence Smile

 

#182: Re: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 10:37 am

That afternoon found Hilda back in her study, reading some of the day’s correspondence with Rosalie, who had been shocked to see how ill her Head looked, compared to her demeanour the day before; and seeing Hilda’s haunted eyes, Rosalie guessed it was caused by more than just an infection in the injured arm. Hilda herself found it hard to keep her mind on the letters, her thoughts returning to earlier in the day.

She had nearly fallen asleep over the breakfast Matey had tried to get into her, so in the end Madge and Matey had left her in peace. Waking a couple of hours later she had felt such an overpowering need to talk to Mother Abbess that she had staggered out of bed, cringing at the pain in her arm, and made a beeline for her salon and the phone. Sinking into the chair behind the desk she had felt instant comfort at the sound of the nun’s sweet voice.

“Hilda, my dear. I was going to phone later.” The voice became very anxious. “Lady Russell told me all about your pain and anger last night and then how you broke down this morning. I’m sorry I’m not there to help, love, but please, please, listen to what she is saying because she’s right. You must put yourself first at the moment or you are not going to survive. Put your demands on yourself to one side – there are plenty of other people to keep the school going for a while.”

She paused and waited, but by this time Hilda was once more in tears, her throat too tight for words. As she tried to speak, all that came out was a sob, and Mother Abbess spoke urgently. “Hilda! Hilda! Take it easy, love. You can do this, though it may not feel like it right this minute.”

As she continued to speak soothingly, Hilda clung to the phone as thought it were a lifeline, unable to believe how much she was breaking down. “Hilda, you’ve hit an all-time low. You’re feeling guilty because of last night, you’re back where every inch is filled with Nell’s presence, you keep expecting her to walk in, even after four months. But it will get better, I promise you. Just cry, let yourself be held, let others carry you for a while – not easy for you to do, I know – but they are more than willing to do it. You have good friends, my dear, but then that doesn’t surprise me. You said you were afraid to go back, but you had to face it and you have more courage than you know. At times the pain will nearly kill you but just hang on, Hilda, hang on with every fibre of your being – to God, to your friends, to us here. You can phone me at any time, day or night. I will be here. We’re your family now, remember.”

As the gentle voice soothed her, Hilda’s tears gradually dried and she managed to speak, her deep voice hoarse, her words halting. “Mother, I feel I need more help now than I did before. Everything seems to hurt so much more. When I was with you I found a measure of peace, but now it’s all gone. Why?”

“Because you’ve opened up, Hilda. You’ve let your emotions out, instead of bottling them up and you’ve made yourself more vulnerable. You didn’t cry much here – you were still far too self-controlled, far too afraid of letting go. In a way you could say Nell is helping you, that her very presence all around is at last forcing it all out of you. And I gather you’ve got an infection in that arm. That’s not helping the way you feel, now is it?”

Mother Abbess’s voice was very tender towards her newest recruit, for she knew how sensitive she was under her impassivity. “And, Hilda, you’ve made enormous strides even if you don’t think so. What you are feeling now is just grief, simple grief. When you came here you were in torment, with guilt at your own inadequacies, guilt that you weren’t there for Nell, guilt at your rejection of God. That’s all gone, plus you’ve worked through all the anger and bitterness that had to come out. Now give in to your sorrow for a while. You will heal slowly, I promise you, but it will take time. One year, two years, who knows? But, Hilda, He does bring new life to all hopeless things in the end.”

Her voice wobbling all over the place, but feeling a little stronger mentally as the nun’s words soothed her, Hilda whispered, “Mother, please pray for me because I really don’t know how I’m going to survive this. I seem to miss her more each day, not less, and I keep dreaming about her, as I did in the hospital, weird, strange dreams, and then I wake up and....” She stopped and swallowed.

There was a smile in the nun’s voice as she answered, “ And she’s not there! And it hurts all over again. It’s a very common phenomenon when we lose someone, but Hilda, you’ve endured this far and it is only four months since you lost Nell. You know, sometimes more is asked of us than the gifts we think we have – we have to dig very, very deep to find an extra reservoir of courage, of sheer doggedness that we didn’t know was there. And, you know, for you my sisters would spend all night on their knees if I wanted them to, after what you did for us,” she added, sensing it was time to inject a little humour into the conversation.

Hilda’s next whisper was a little firmer. “Mother, I did absolutely no more than anyone else would have done, and far be it from me to deprive them of their well-earned rest! Sister Infirmarian would have something to say to me! I’m as scared of her as I am of Matron here!”

Mother Abbess chuckled and, seeing that Hilda had calmed down a little, her voice took on a sterner note. “I’ve got something to say to you, my girl, never mind Sister Infirmarian, and I’m not as charitable.” Hilda kept quiet, guessing what was coming.

 

#183:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 11:55 am

Oh oh oh, how right Mother Abbess is, and how glad I am that she is there for Hilda... I'm glad as well about Madge, Matey, Jack & co, but I have a feeling that Hilda will accept the Abbess's words more because she's accepted her as an authority in her life where the others are her equals (does that make sense?).

Beautiful writing, Mary, for the hundreth time I am so glad you're sharing this with us! Kiss

Oh, and I can't guess what is coming next, even if Hilda can, so please come back and tell us Very Happy

 

#184:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 2:08 pm

Beautiful Mary, so tender, loving, so right. I love this.

Thank you.

 

#185: NEw dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 4:33 pm

Quote:
Beautiful writing, Mary, for the hundreth time I am so glad you're sharing this with us!


Echoes this sentiment wholeheartedly - this is just so beautifully and sincerely done.

Wish I had time to make a longer comment, but am about to dash off to Toronto. Please, Mary, may we have some more, at least before I get home again tomorrow evening? Thank you.

 

#186:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 6:52 pm

Mary, that was beautiful. I find it so hard to express the effect this drabble has on me, please keep on with it.

 

#187:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 8:08 pm

Three very kind people have hammered it home today that I must keep posting, despite the fact that I became paranoid about you out there thinking I had purloined bits and pieces out of Lesley's wonderful, shiny book, (which I sat up till all hours reading last night!) because they are so similar to ideas and expressions from my own recent posts and what is already written, waiting to be posted later. NOT that I could come up with anything approaching the sheer variety of action and the breadth of emotion to be found in her book!! As Lesley herself and the others said, how can it be any different if we are writing about the same person. So, Lesley, since you said you wouldn't forgive me if I didn't keep posting, and because I don't want you putting me in some horrible situation in your Real CS, here goes........

 

#188:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 8:15 pm

It's not just Lesley who wouldn't forgive you Mary!!! None of the rest of us would either if you stopped posting!

 

#189: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 8:15 pm

Mother Abbess chuckled and, seeing that Hilda had calmed down a little, her voice took on a sterner note. “I’ve got something to say to you, never mind Sister Infirmarian, and I’m not as charitable.” Hilda kept quiet, guessing what was coming. “I’ve just received a letter from your solicitor, informing me – note that, informing me, not asking me whether I agree or not – that you have arranged for an enormous sum of money to be gifted to this convent every month.” There was silence and Hilda held her breath. “Hilda, my dear, we cannot accept your generosity. You may need that money yourself sometime.”

“You let me worry about what I need,” Hilda said, taking a deep breath to keep some firmness in her voice, and Mother Abbess recognised the tone and saluted her courage. “ Why can’t you accept it? Is my money not good enough for you? It was honestly earned, I can assure you,” she added very blandly.

“I never doubted that for a moment, love,” laughed Mother Abbess. “But why? We have everything we need. Why do you feel you have to do this?”

Hilda’s voice was rich again now and warm with appreciation. “I don’t feel I have to do it. I want to do it. You all gave me unconditional love and support for over a month when I was at rock bottom and couldn’t see a way out, but I can never repay you for that and I wouldn’t even try. It would be an insult. It’s a gift, Mother, an unconditional gift, for no other reason than that I love you all. As you yourself just said, you’re my family now, my home will one day be with you." And then she added very softly, "You would hurt me very much by refusing to accept it."

There was silence on the other end of the phone as Mother Abbess blinked sudden tears away from her eyes. Hilda continued dispassionately, “Of course, if you continue to refuse, I shall just have to take myself and my money to some other convent where they are less particular. Presumably I could find such a place. I’m sure I’d be a good catch.”

Mother Abbess laughed out loud. “Ouch! A hit, Hilda, a palpable hit. You know where to hurt. Okay, okay, though what we do with all this extra money every month, I don’t know, apart from taking the food out of your mouth and letting you starve!”

Hilda ignored this sally and asked innocently, “New books for the library? New kneelers in the chapel? Silk sheets for the sisters? Caviar for supper every night?”

Mother Abbess gave a bark of laughter but then Hilda’s voice changed and suddenly became very serious. “I was thinking you could use it to fund people who can’t afford your fees but who still need your help. There are a lot of folk out there in desperate need of your tender loving care. Let me provide it for them.” Her voice was very sombre as she finished speaking, and Mother Abbess was rendered speechless for a moment at this thoughtfulness for others when she was feeling so sad herself.

“It would take your loving spirit to think of doing such a thing, my dear,” Mother Abbess finally said very softly, “and we’ll do exactly that. God bless you for your generosity. I gather from Lady Russell that you like to spoil people. She told me about Nell’s cottage and the money given to renovate it.”

Suddenly there were tears in Hilda’s eyes again as she whispered, “That wasn’t generosity. As I keep saying, I could never have lived in it. It would have held far too many memories.”

“Hilda, it was a gift given in a delicate way by a rare and beautiful person, just like this gift to us. Just as you yourself will be a gift to us when you enter – though how I will ever have any control over you is another matter,” she added contentiously.

Hilda observed dispassionately, with just a hint of a smile now in her sweet voice, “But by then I will have taken a vow of obedience and shall bend my will to yours. Until then I can please myself what I do with my money and indeed with my life.”

“Hilda, even after your vow of obedience I am going to have trouble with you. You will merely look at me with an eyebrow cocked in seemingly innocent interrogation, or you will ask me in that oh so reasonable tone if that is really what I want of you, and I will crumble before you every time. I can see it now. You will get away with murder!” Mother Abbess spoke jokingly, but she was serious about the way Hilda could persuade people to do things just by being her own gentle self.

“You’ve got a better imagination than I thought, if that is how you saw our times together,” retorted Hilda. “You bested me at every turn. You never let me get away with anything and your voice drips even more ice than mine.”

They ended their conversation on that lighter note, Mother Abbess hoping she had made Hilda feel a little better. Maybe she had but Hilda’s eyes were still very bleak as she hung up. How she wished she were still in the peace of the convent. But she could not use it as a refuge from reality. She had to work through this overwhelming grief and move on because to enter the convent she must be willing to give to the world, not hide from it. But, oh God, just at the moment she had no strength to do that.


“

Last edited by MaryR on Mon May 02, 2005 8:41 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#190:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 9:01 pm

Thank you Mary. I am so pleased you have continued this. Love the relationship between Hilda and Mother Abbess - I'm with the nun here, Hilda will not be forced to do anything she doesn't want to - vow of obedience or not! Laughing And such a beautiful thought to send money to enable others to have the help she had at the convent.

 

#191:  Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 9:05 pm

Mary - if you stop writing this, I have a strong feeling that the CBB lynch mob will go into action



and that would probably not be pleasant Wink


Seriously, this is so well written and like many others on the board I am enjoying it immensly, even when it makes me cry

 

#192:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 9:15 pm

Mary, you know my thoughts on this drabble, I've already posted how pleased I am you are continuing it, and what a pair of wonderful characters you have in Hilda and Mother Abbess.

Thank you for posting more tonight, and that was a lovely touch of Hilda's, to pay for people to receive what she received.

Last edited by Carolyn P on Sun May 01, 2005 10:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

#193:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 10:03 pm

Oh I love Mother Abbess, she's wonderful. And Mary PLEASE don't even think about stopping writing this (or I shall negotiate my way across the county demarcation line when I get back to my parents' and make you start again Wink)

 

#194:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2005 10:24 pm

Thank you, Mary. Once again speechless here!

 

#195:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 12:13 am

Just caught up with several pages of this. It's taken me a while because my eyes have been blurred with tears.

Thank you Thank you Thank you Mary

Liz

 

#196: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 1:44 am

Thank you, Mary - I was thrilled to find this when I logged on after getting home from Toronto this evening. What a lovely gesture from Hilda, and what sympathy and understanding from Mother Abbess for what she's going through now she has returned to Switzerland. - But what *was* the Sister Infirmarian's message for Hilda? We didn't get that yet.

Looking forward to the next instalment!

 

#197:  Author: champagnedrinker,  PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 4:21 pm

I've only just found this ... Mary, it's wonderful!!!

Would that we all had the support that Hilda has when bereaved.

Many, many thanks.

P.S Dumb question from someone who's a bit dense - which story does Nell die in? I've read "My Friend" - or is that the only detail that there is?

 

#198:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 6:22 pm

champagnedrinker wrote:


Would that we all had the support that Hilda has when bereaved.

P.S Dumb question from someone who's a bit dense - which story does Nell die in? I've read "My Friend" - or is that the only detail that there is?


champagnedrinker, Lesley's My Friend is something she wrote to expand on Nell's death in Ellie's TENSIONS which is an ongoing saga.

Thank you for the kind words.

 

#199:  Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:26 pm

Pat wrote:
It's not just Lesley who wouldn't forgive you Mary!!! None of the rest of us would either if you stopped posting!


I second that thought. Mary this is too good to quit out on and would leave your readers devastated not knowing how things panned out for Hilda at the end. Anyway you only have another two years to go Laughing

 

#200:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:29 pm

Kim wrote:
...would leave your readers devastated not knowing how things panned out for Hilda at the end. Anyway you only have another two years to go Laughing


Oh, help!! Shocked Shocked

 

#201:  Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:32 pm

MaryR wrote:
Kim wrote:
...would leave your readers devastated not knowing how things panned out for Hilda at the end. Anyway you only have another two years to go Laughing


Oh, help!! Shocked Shocked


no help needed - you're doing magnificently on your own Rolling Eyes

 

#202:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:37 pm

Kim wrote:
MaryR wrote:
Kim wrote:
...would leave your readers devastated not knowing how things panned out for Hilda at the end. Anyway you only have another two years to go Laughing


Oh, help!! Shocked Shocked


no help needed - you're doing magnificently on your own Rolling Eyes


Thank you for the flowers, ma'am. Smile Smile

 

#203: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 7:42 am

For those of you who are wondering what happened to Ian.

After her converation with Mother Abbess, Matron had quietly brought her some lunch and rubbed some more ointment on her arm, noting with an inward grimace that it seemed to be angrier-looking than earlier. She had then helped her get dressed and gently fitted her arm in a sling, feeling sympathy for the pain Hilda was trying to hide, but knowing enough to keep her sympathy to herself.

Now it was three o’clock and Hilda was already feeling totally exhausted as she sat staring at her correspondence, Rosalie waiting beside her for more dictation. Suddenly the phone shrilled and, picking it up, Hilda heard Jack’s voice.

“Hilda, I know Madge said she’d bring you across here, but I’ve just been speaking to Ian and he’s offered to come and get you and then take you back to school afterwards. He also asked that you stay for Kaffee and Kuchen with him. Is that okay?”

Roasalie saw Hilda’s pale face go even paler and her eyes close as though in pain. Her knuckles on the phone went white. Rosalie leaned forward anxiously and whispered, “Hilda, what is it? Shall I take the phone?”

Hilda forced her eyes open, shook her head and managed to keep her voice firm as she answered, “That’s fine, Jack. Tell him yes. What time will he be here?”

“Probably in about half an hour. See you when you get here. Bye,” and they both hung up.

Hilda turned to Rosalie and smiled somewhat wearily. “I’ll be going to the San in half an hour. I wonder could you possibly find me a cup of coffee before then.”

Rosalie got up, worried about her. “Do you want me to get Gwynneth? You don’t look at all well, all of a sudden.”

Hilda shook her head and sighed. “No thanks, Rosalie, just the coffee.” Rosalie disappeared and Hilda pushed back her chair and went to stand at the window, staring out unseeingly. How was she going to cope with this on top of everything else today? She had hoped for some preparation before she saw Ian again. This was too sudden. Despite Ian’s last words she did not think they could ever get back to their old footing.

When Rosalie brought the coffee, Hilda asked her to have all the letters typed out for her signature when she got back from the San and then sent her back to her own office, assuring her she felt fine. But as she sipped her coffee, still standing by the window, her hand was shaking badly. However, by the time Ian was shown into the study, she had herself more under control and stood up behind the desk as he entered. Ian looked across the desk at her as she stood straight and tall, and he noticed sadly that her graceful body was stiff with tension. He took in the pallor of her sensitive, clear-cut face with its high cheekbones and too-large blue-grey eyes, eyes that were very wary, though the rest of her face she managed to keep impassive.

He realised then that, for once in her life, despite her ability to see well beneath the surface, she was out of her depth. It was up to him to sort out the quandary they were both in, just as it was he who had put them there in the first place. Forcing himself to move, he walked slowly round the huge desk and stood looking down at her, his green eyes full of remorse. He put out his hand to stroke the brown hair loose on her shoulders, but dropped it instantly as he saw a quiver run through her body, despite herself. He was beginning to see just how much he had disturbed the equilibrium of this gentle and loving woman.

“Hilda, I meant what I said in London,” he said very, very softly and slowly, as though feeling his way. “I know you will find it hard to forget my words of love but be assured you will never hear them again. I don’t want to lose you, lose your kindly spirit, your generous nature, your intelligence, your ready wit in an argument. I still need your friendship, as I hope you still need mine. I want to help you get through Nell’s loss but I can’t do that if you are sad for me, thinking I am unhappy if I am near you. My feelings are my problem, not yours – you mustn’t worry about me, and you mustn’t be afraid of me. I will never again upset you or do anything to hurt you.”

He ran down and silence fell. Her eyes had been searching his as he had spoken and even in the silence she still held his look. Gradually he saw some of the wariness fade, but then, without warning, her lips trembled and tears ran slowly down her white cheeks. With a smothered groan, and greatly daring, he put his arms gently round her stiff shoulders and drew her close. She laid her head on his chest and they stood there quietly, her stiff shoulders relaxing some of their tension, but not completely at ease. She was content to be held, he surmised, but not yet daring to trust too much.

After a while, however, he managed to sneak a quick look at his watch, and whispered, “ I hate to break this up, Hilda, but you are going to be late for your appointment.” She let herself be held for another moment or two and then with a sigh pulled away. She smiled gently up at him, her eyes and cheeks damp with her tears, and then excused herself to go and tidy up in her little private bathroom.

They spoke very little on the way to the San, apart from Ian thanking her profusely for her bravery at the convent. “Kate gave me a very detailed account of your bravery. She’s lost in admiration for you, you know.” Hilda shook her head in denial, but he was firm. “Oh yes, she is and so am I. But you should know, Hilda, that Kate is confidentiality personified. I know nothing of your time there, though she has told me of your wonderful gift to the convent and what......”

Hilda interrupted him softly. “Ian, anything I do for your sister can never repay what I owe her, and indeed all of them. And, please, don’t put me on a pedestal, Ian. It’s a very uncomfortable place to be, I can assure you, and I would only topple off.”

“Hilda, “ he said warmly, “You couldn’t possibly......”

He stopped when he saw Hilda turn her head sharply to look at him, and he realized he was already breaking his promise to her. Being intuitive, she had guessed what he was about to say, and he knew he had some way to go before he could really mean what he had said in her study. But he knew he had to make himself mean it, because she would pick up on every nuance in his voice and words very quickly, and he really did not want to lose her altogether.

 

#204:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 11:54 am

Poor Ian. The sooner she tells him she plans to enter the convent the better, as far as I can see - otherwise he's destined for more disappointment

 

#205:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 11:57 am

I'm afraid that comes further down the line, Frances. Wink

 

#206:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 12:58 pm

Poor Ian. I'm glad he is being so sensible and caring though.

 

#207:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 3:20 pm

Mary this is wonderful. I have just caught up with about four pages of this as I can only read it when I am able to sit and concentrate on it and not be disturbed whilst I am reading it.

It is so wonderful I cannot pick out specific parts for individual attention.

It is full of so much wonderful advice I wish I had known four years ago.

 

#208:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 6:25 pm

Beautiful Mary - as always, I can feel Hilda's pain, her emotions.

Thank you.

 

#209: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 7:06 pm

Agrees with Lesley - you describe (or imply, even when you don't verbally describe them) every nuance of Hilda's moods and emotions so beautifully.

I read this quickly first thing this morning over here, but delayed replying until I had had time to re-read it. Ian really will have to tread very gingerly here until he can convince Hilda that they really are able to return to their initial relationship.

Eagerly waiting for more.

 

#210: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 7:26 pm

At the San, Jack met them and took Hilda off, while Ian went to his own room and sat reading, though his thoughts kept returning to that scene in the study and what had happened in the car. Somehow, he realized, he had to make himself fall out of love with Hilda, or at least transmute that feeling to something more resembling friendship, because despite what he had said, he would give himself away far too easily and then she would keep her distance. And that would hurt both of them for she needed her friends at the moment and he? Well, he just needed her presence! What to do?

At 5 o’clock Kaffee and Küchen were brought to his study and he waited for Hilda. But when she did appear, Jack had his arm around her and was obviously the only thing keeping her upright. Her face was paper-white and there were lines of pain around her eyes and mouth. As Ian sprang to his feet Jack led her to Ian’s sofa and sat her down gently, pushing Ian’s footstool under her legs. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes, while Jack quickly poured out a coffee and ladled in the sugar. Kneeling beside her, he held it to her lips.

“Come on, Hilda,” he said gently. “Get this down you, and these painkillers.” She opened her eyes wearily and with a trembling hand put the painkillers in her mouth and Jack held the cup while she drank. Then she laid her head back again and Jack looked up at Ian, still standing there anxiously.

“The physiotherapist felt she needed to do some gentle stretching of the arm, despite the infection, because after a fortnight the muscles and tendons are very tight, but the pain was just too much and she passed out.” There was silence a minute or two and then he added, “Could she stay here quietly for half an hour or so to let those tablets work and then if you could take her back, Gwynneth will take care of her. Unfortunately I’m needed here for another couple of hours.”

When Jack had gone, Ian sat down beside Hilda and very gently gathered her close, trying not to cause any more pain. She rested her aching head on his shoulder and tried to ignore the pain in her arm. This had really not been a good day, she reflected silently to herself, but gradually the strong painkillers began to work and she fell into a light sleep.

Suddenly Nell was sitting in the chair opposite, a familiar satirical smile on her face as she spoke. “This is what happens when you try to be a heroine, Hilda. You’ll learn one day.”

“A little sympathy wouldn’t come amiss here, Nell.”

“You’re getting that from him!” and Nell pulled a face. “I thought you’d given him his marching orders but I see he’s managed to worm his way back into your affections. I’m just trying to keep you on the straight and narrow – not an easy job, I might tell you. But then it never was!” she added in disgust.

“I think he’s being rather sweet.”

“You’re trying to wind me up, I hope! Tell me you’re not serious,” and Nell’s face wore a scandalised expression, her white hair almost bristling.

“No, my heart, I’m just very sad and very lonely.”

“You sure know how to get round me, woman!” Nell’s voice softened as she heard those poignant words and saw the sadness in Hilda’s eyes.

“I always did, Nell.”

“Ha!” barked Nell and then suddenly got up and came over to the sofa, leaning over to kiss Hilda lightly. Hilda put up her hand to stroke Nell’s face.........

.......and pain shot through her arm. Ian was saying her name gently to wake her up. “Hilda, you keep trying to move your arm. Are you okay?”

Now fully aroused from her dream, and with the pain back in full force, she managed to smile up at Ian and then closed her eyes again, desperately trying to get back into her dream............

 

#211: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 8:14 pm

Thanks, Mary - I just love the way Nell continues to be Hilda's 'voice' or 'conscience' through dreams in this way.

Hilda's treatment only emphasises why physiotherapists so often earn the nickname of 'physio-terrorists!!' - we know they have the patient's best interests at heart, but if Hilda was in so much pain that she passed out, then perhaps the treatment was premature, however much those muscles and tendons needed stretching.

Don't want to appear greedy, but more, please - tomorrow at any rate - I know it might be too late for tonight!!

 

#212:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 8:27 pm

Poor, poor Hilda. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Love Nell being there.

Thank you Mary.

 

#213: Re: New Dreams Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 9:30 pm

Elder in Ontario wrote:
if Hilda was in so much pain that she passed out, then perhaps the treatment was premature, however much those muscles and tendons needed stretching.


Yes, but can't you just see Hilda not telling people that she's in pain?

Mary, fabulous, splendiferous, wonderous, marvellous writing as always. My heart is just so wrenched by Hilda's pain when Nell comes back to her. Crying or Very sad

 

#214:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 11:07 pm

Thank you Mary! Hope Ian can make things right with Hilda. Hope her arm is better soon.

 

#215:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:29 am

Mary, thank you. I've just caught up since Friday and this is stall as fantastic, amazing, awesome as ever.

 

#216:  Author: Mia, Location: London PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 10:07 am

I have just managed to read some of this drabble for the first time and it's just so beautiful, even though it is hard to read. I have made it to page 8 so far and had to go to the loo to have a cry. (I'm in work at the moment) Every single thing you've written up to there Mary is just so true for someone who has lost a friend, especially this bit:

Quote:
“And the silence, the terrible silence,” added Hilda quietly. “There’s nobody to tell things to, to talk things over with, and we always talked so much. Everything we had together was just shattered in an instant, leaving me with nothing.”


Thanks so much Mary

Mx

 

#217: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:10 pm

When Ian had brought Hilda back to school later she had been in a state of near-collapse but she had insisted, against Matron’s will, on signing all the letters Rosalie had typed, though she had had to admit that the signature was almost illegible. Although aware of Matron’s mounting frustration, she had then given Rosalie instructions concerning the next day, aware that she herself might be absent against her will. Only then, looking very vulnerable, had she turned to a stunned Matron and asked for a sedative, saying it had been an emotional day and she wanted no more of it. She had slept the clock round, and surprisingly, had woken up feeling less drained both physically and emotionally.

From then until the start of term she had agreed to Jack’s mandate that she retire to bed for two hours every day after Mitagessen but, exerting her iron will, she had refused to let him curtail any more of her working day. With the help of Nancy and Kathie, and Ruth Derwent and Jeanne de Lachennais when they arrived, most of the necessary organisation was well in place by the time the girls arrived.

During those days before term began she managed to maintain her familiar calm, impassive face in public and, apart from those on the Staff closest to her, few noticed anything amiss. They thought her sadness at Nell’s death was diminishing and, being a very private individual, she did nothing to disabuse them of this notion. Indeed the new teacher, Miss Knowles, knew nothing of her loss until well on into the term, only reflecting to herself that her new headmistress was a sunny, even-tempered person who had welcomed her to the school with great kindness.

Hilda listened to everyone’s problems as usual, and sorted out all those she could with her never-failing courtesy. She held the first staff meeting of the year with her customary vigour, although she had felt close to tears several times at the absence of Nell and her caustic comments, and was only glad it was Nancy sitting in her friend’s chair, and not a stranger.

Madge phoned or visited each evening and was her greatest solace, and she dreaded the day when that lady would leave to return to Australia. In the days before the girls returned Mother Abbess also phoned twice, another source of comfort, and Ian was indeed, despite her continuing misgivings, proving himself the friend he had promised to be, though clearly at times finding such a task very difficult.

Nonetheless, despite this help, and despite all the work she found to do to keep herself busy, she still missed Nell with every fibre of her being and occasionally had to retire without warning to weep in private. She had broken down twice in Nancy’s presence and when Nancy held her and wept with her Hilda had realised that Madge had spoken only the truth when she had said other people would welcome the chance to grieve with her. Jeanne de Lachennais herself had broken down one day in the study and it had been Hilda for once who was the comforter – and, to her surprise, received comfort in return.

Her tears could come in the blink of an eye over a sudden, chance remark, like the time she heard Vida Armitage asking Rosalie if the new Science books had arrived yet. Life was moving on without Nell, and that hurt her. Time should surely have stopped to honour the death of such a woman! The poet Auden had expressed that feeling so well for those who were grief-stricken:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can come to any good.

In her more irrational moments the poem summed up her thoughts perfectly, because life as she had known it was over for her. Nell had indeed been all that to her, my talk, my song, and so much more, but Hilda’s own belief in God, and the love and prayers of her friends, assured her there was still so much for which to be thankful.

However, another time, when she answered the phone to hear the educational advisor from the Science Museum in London asking to speak to a Miss Helena Wilson, she was struck dumb by the sheer unexpectedness of it and had wordlessly passed the phone to Rosalie and fled to the sanctuary of her room, refusing to answer the door as she lay sobbing wildly on her bed, desperate for the comfort only Nell’s arms could have given her.

For all her inner grief, however, there was a sunny smile on Hilda’s face as she stepped up to the lectern after prayers the first morning of school, having welcomed all the girls back warmly the evening before. She still wore her sling, as the physiotherapist, who was working hard to get back the mobility in her arm, felt it would warn girls and staff to be careful around her. As she opened her mouth to give the first notices of the term she was suddenly aware of a flurry near the door.

Last edited by MaryR on Thu May 05, 2005 7:38 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#218: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:41 pm

Another brilliant piece of writing, Mary - while at some levels, normal life goes on, those completely unexpected instants when grief suddenly takes over again are so vividly described.

It's good that Nancy could offer comfort (and probably helped herself at the same time) and that Hilda and Jeanne could comfort each other as they did. Glad that Ian is managing to restrain his feelings for Hilda, however hard this is for him - she definitely needs him as a friend at this time, but nothing more. Also great to have Madge and Mother Abbess quietly keeping in touch - Hilda will certainly miss Madge's support when the latter returns to Australia.

The second verse of the Auden poem is so, so telling.

Please come back soon and enlighten us about that mysterious rustle near the Hall doors!!

 

#219:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:54 pm

Now I am crying - the Auden always does that to me.

(what's the flurry in Hall?)

 

#220:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:55 pm

I love the Auden poem.

That is a well considered post, the realities of day to day life against the tides of grief that rise.

 

#221:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:59 pm

Beautifully written as always - and a total suprise to me.

Do we, perchance, get to know what Nancy's done with that letter now...?

Jess

 

#222:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:25 am

Thanks Mary Crying or Very sad - as beautiful as ever.

Liz

 

#223:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:56 am

Thanks for those updates, Mary.

Sorry I can't comment constructively at the moment, it's been a long night so I can't do your writing justice. It's still extremely powerful, emotive and challenging.

Thank you.

 

#224:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 9:43 am

Thank you Mary, beautiful.

 

#225:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 1:04 pm

Thank you Mary. It's the first time I've had a chance to read this in several days. I will admit to being very worried about the infection in her arm - it is healing, isn't it?

 

#226:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 2:50 pm

Thank you for a wonderful update Mary glad Hilda is working but hope she is not pushing herself too hard.

It is odd how the little things upset you more than the big ones at times, yet also some small things can bring great comfort. A week or so after dad died I went into M&S as I was in town shopping, Mum had given me a list. When I got into the food department they had had one of those changerounds that are annoying at normal times but nearly caused me to flip at that point as I just could not cope with the unfamiliar layout. I was saved from disgrace when a friend appeared round one of the freezers, saw the state I was in and helped me with my shopping. I was so grateful.

 

#227:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 6:57 pm

Lovely poem,Mary, and perfect place to mention it. So true about the everyday, mundane suddenly becoming too much to cope with - and Hilda hearing that person on the phone ask for Nell must have been devastiting. Like the people nowadays who still get their utilities bills sent to their dead spouse because some computer won't change the name.

 

#228: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:24 pm

For all her inner grief, however, there was a warm smile on Hilda’s face as she stepped up to the lectern after prayers the first morning of school, having welcomed all the girls back warmly the evening before. She still wore her sling, as the physiotherapist, who was working hard to get back the mobility in her arm, felt it would warn girls and staff to be careful around her. As she opened her mouth to give the first notices of the term she was suddenly aware of a flurry near the door. Glancing over she saw Nancy had entered and was stepping up to the lectern to join her, a wide tantalising smile on her face.

Immediately, guessing what was coming, Hilda turned and tried to make her escape from the dais, to the complete stupefaction of the girls, but Nancy gently put her arm round the Head, being careful not to hurt her, and turned her back to the lectern. Being bigger and stronger than Hilda, she had no trouble at all in holding the slim woman there, despite her struggles, and in the end Hilda gave up and stood quietly, her face pink, her keen eyes shooting daggers at Nancy, who simply grinned back at her unashamedly.

“Calme-toi, ma chérie," Nancy whispered in her ear before turning and looking out over the sea of girls, their eyes all alight with curiosity. What was going on up there on the daïs? Nancy smiled at them and they all grinned back, waiting breathlessly for they knew not what.

“Good morning, girls,” Nancy said breezily. “Glad to see you all back safe and sound, which is more than can be said for your Headmistress, who’s definitely been in the wars.” She grinned once more at Hilda, who glared right back at her, and then Nancy turned back to the girls and continued speaking. “You may not have realised it, girls, especially those of you who have ever had a Head’s Report, but Miss Annersley is actually a very shy, quiet person, which is why I am having to hold her here by brute force.”

There were startled chuckles from below her at this and her grin grew even wider, if that were possible. “You see, girls, this assembly is all about Miss Annersley. She just didn’t know it. She does now, however, which is why she is trying to escape.” Again Hilda tried to free herself but Nancy just held her more tightly. “You may just happen to have noticed that your esteemed Headmistress is wearing a sling and I’m sure you have wondered why. Well, I’m here to relieve the rampant curiosity in your little souls,” She waited a beat and then added, “But not until tomorrow night!” at which there was a concerted groan all around the hall and she laughed out loud.

Sneaking a quick look at Hilda, she saw to her amazement that Hilda had pulled herself together rapidly. Her face was now completely impassive, her eyes giving nothing away, though Nancy saw her lips were twitching. Well, that would soon change!

Nancy continued, absolute relish in her voice, “As I said, I’ll tell you tomorrow night, after you’ve done some work for me. Now, I don’t know what delightful prep Miss Annersley will give her classes today, but I have to inform you that no other member of staff will give you any prep at all tonight.” The silence in the hall was now so intense that she heard the tiny gasp Hilda gave at this. “I’m giving you your prep tonight. You are going to put your highly over-active, fertile imaginations to work constructively for once, and write an essay detailing exactly how your beloved Headmistress received her injury.”

Cue another gasp from Hilda at this point, as her impassive face cracked, and dissolved into a mask of pure horror at Nancy’s words.

Nancy continued, “I tell you now, you need to be extremely original and inspired, for it was nothing simple like falling over. All I will tell you is that she was the heroine in this little adventure. We’re giving prizes to the ones who come closest to what really happened or to those who show the greatest originality. And it’s no use asking your mistresses either, because Miss Annersley had forbidden all those in the know to tell the others, so most of the mistresses have no more idea than you. Perhaps,” she added teasingly, “I should require them to write an essay as well!”

There were loud cheers from the girls at that sally and gasps from the staff, who were looking most indignant, while Hilda looked as though she had gone into shock.

“So, girls, you will have two hours tonight to concoct a marvellous, ingenious adventure – and as Miss Annersley will be given them all to read, you had better watch your punctuation and grammar, and please, please, don’t split your infinitives, I beg of you!” There was a roar from the girls at this and a shocked splutter from Hilda. Then, deciding she really had put her friend through enough for one day, Nancy gently guided her off the stage, leaving the thoroughly aroused girls to Miss Derwent’s tender mercies.

Seeing the huge grin on Nancy’s face and the wicked delight in her eyes, Hilda held her tongue until they reached the study, but once inside she.......

 

#229:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:35 pm

Oh I love these bits!!!!


Thanks Mary. Kiss

 

#230:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:53 pm

Now I'm convinced Lesley doesn't sleep or eat - just waits for your updates and posts first!

Was grinning all through these sections - must admit to being worried quite what Nancy would do but terribly relieved now.

Well done!

Jess

 

#231:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:53 pm

excellent!!!

Go Nancy - would love to see what some of the girls come up with. Thank you Mary!

 

#232: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 8:54 pm

What a lovely piece of comic by-play, Mary - a wonderful contrast to the more serious content of your story!

I shall be *very* interested to hear some of the the girls' ideas of what Hilda did to get hurt.

Eagerly awaiting the next post.

 

#233:  Author: champagnedrinker,  PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 9:31 pm

Yep, I too am intrigued as to what they are going to come up with ... and, if anyone is going to make those staff as don't know join in/or tell them/ or leave them in the lurch as well!

Once again, many thanks.

 

#234:  Author: Cath, Location: Cornwall PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 10:31 pm

Oh, excellent! *is also interested to know what the girls will come up with!* Thank you Mary. Smile

 

#235:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 6:13 am

Thank you, Mary. Wonderful as usual!

Thanks especially for the last post. I really needed some light relief to go to sleep by. Very Happy

 

#236:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 8:18 am

Thank you MAry. Wonderful - Nancy is wicked though! Looking forward to seeing what the girls think up!

 

#237:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 9:16 am

Absolutely hilarious ROFL

What IS Nancy like?!!

 

#238:  Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 12:14 pm

What a wonderful way to put the rumours to rest. Thank you.

 

#239:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 12:45 pm

Excellent! Thanks Mary! Laughing

Do we get to read some of the essays? *pleading look*

Liz

 

#240:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 5:26 pm

Jennie wrote:
What a wonderful way to put the rumours to rest.


Er, Jennie, what rumours? Confused

 

#241:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 5:37 pm

I would think Jennie means the rumours that are sure to have been circulating as to how Hilda injured her arm.

 

#242:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 5:39 pm

Ah, thanks, Lesley. I was beginning to think I'd written something in my sleep and then forgotten about it!!

Put it down to a stressful day in the classroom. Embarassed Embarassed

 

#243:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 6:13 pm

Laughing ROFL Brilliant Mary!!!


Just caught up on quite a few pages worth, but the poem you used just about sums things up for me. Thank you.

 

#244:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 6:42 pm

Wonderful Mary!!!


Now, do we get to see a selection of these essays? Wink

 

#245:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 7:04 pm

MARY R!!! I thought you said you couldn't do funny!!! Laughing
That was brilliant, dry humour and a brilliant contrast to what has gone before. Brought a smile to my face, no, actually a big grin that is still here.

Looking forward to seeing what transpires. Laughing

 

#246:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 7:17 pm

Thanks, Carolyn. I have to say I certainly don't have the wit of most of the people on this board. Rolling Eyes Unfortunately we're still on the same day, so stories - if there are any! - will have to be kept under wraps! Laughing


Seeing the huge grin on Nancy’s face and the wicked delight in her eyes, Hilda held her tongue until they reached the study, but once inside she turned to Nancy with a mock frown, trying to look severe but failing utterly, her beautiful voice quivering on the edge of laughter as she spoke. “I’m assuming this is all to do with a certain letter you received, young lady. I may never forgive you or Mother Abbess.”

“I think I could put up with that just to have seen those expressions of pure horror on the face of my usually calm and placid Headmistress,” retorted Nancy and she laughed till the tears rolled down her face. Hilda frowned at her in disgust and then gave up the unequal struggle and began to giggle helplessly.

“My dignity may never survive this,” she finally gasped. “I will lose all credibility, because I dread to think of the adventures that evil lot will conspire to produce. They’ll all be egging each other on all day today. “

Nancy, still struggling with her mirth, hooted again at Hilda’s words. “Even worse than that, love, I’m afraid. I’ve told all the staff to encourage them in the belief it really was something out of the ordinary. You’re going to be bombed, tortured and knifed at the very least.”

Once more Hilda was deprived of speech and merely goggled at her for a moment. “I think I may demote you and put Kathie in charge instead. Whose idea was this depravity, anyway? Joey’s?” she demanded in mock outrage.

“Hilda, you insult me,” laughed Nancy. “Totally mine I’m afraid – that’s what comes of having several brothers. Fertile imagination. Though why you think Kathie should be in my place, I can’t imagine! It was she who fine-tuned the idea for me! I tried to imagine something Nell might have come up with. She would have lapped this up because she was always trying to get the better of.......”

She stopped, appalled, mentally kicking herself very hard, as Hilda’s smile fell away and tears filled her eyes. With a sudden sob she turned to walk to the window, but Nancy was already reaching for her, pulling her close, holding her gently as she tears fell. “I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry,” Nancy whispered, tears streaming down her own face at her idiocy and Hilda’s pain.

“Oh, Nancy, don’t!” gasped Hilda brokenly, her face buried in Nancy’s shoulder. “It’s I who am sorry. This is .... the third time I’ve.......cried all over ..... you this week.”

Nancy leaned her head against Hilda’s and sighed. “Shh, love, as many times as you like. I can’t begin to understand your pain but I do know how I’d feel if I lost Kathie and we’ve not had the years together that you and Nell had. It makes me shudder even to contemplate it. So feel free, pet, my arms are good and strong and my shoulders wide enough,” and indeed Hilda felt comforted by the strength in solid Nancy as she was held by her.

“I just never know what’s going to start me off,” whispered Hilda desolately. “I’m laughing one minute, in floods of tears the next. You’re right, Nell would have loved what you are doing, and I would have had great fun sharing it with her – now there’s no one to share the good or bad times with, to share those small details that no one else is interested in.”

“I know, love, I know. Look, go and wash your face and I’ll get Rosalie to rustle up some coffee. I think you need it.”

As she released herself, Hilda’s tear-stained face turned up to Nancy. “ I know you did it to try and cheer me up and I can’t tell you how that warms my heart, but I’ve completely spoiled your fun.”

Nancy kissed her lightly on the nose. “No, you haven’t. It was my big mouth did that,” and she turned Hilda gently towards her little private bathroom off the office. She was moved beyond words that Hilda trusted her enough to let go with her like this and be willing to be held and comforted, for she knew well the stoicism of her Headmistress. She was someone who kept her emotions well hidden from her staff.

“Another fine mess you’ve got me into, Nell Wilson,” murmured Hilda meanwhile to the mirror in her little bathroom, as she repaired the ravages to her face.

 

#247:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 7:35 pm

Oh Mary, this gets better and better. Funny and sad within a single post. Thank you.

 

#248:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 7:36 pm

Oh poor Hilda.... Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

I was giggling like a loon at the last bit and now I seem to have lost my keyboard once again. But glad that Hilda could let go in front of Nancy. *creeps into the drabble to hug everyone again* Thank you Mary Kiss

 

#249:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 8:58 pm

Can so sympathise with Nancy there - a colleague at work lost her husband about 18 months ago, she's still, obviously, very vulnerable about it, and I managed, totally without meaning to, to place my foot well and truly in it - I could have bitten my tongue off. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Thank you Mary.

 

#250: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 9:52 pm

[quote="Lesley"]Can so sympathise with Nancy there - a colleague at work lost her husband about 18 months ago, she's still, obviously, very vulnerable about it, and I managed, totally without meaning to, to place my foot well and truly in it - I could have bitten my tongue off. quote]

Agrees wholeheartedly with Lesley - it's so easy to do this sort of thing, quite without thinking. I loved Hilda's aside to Nell's spirit at the end of the post, too.

Mary, you have described this juxtaposition of laughter and sudden tears which is often so much a part of the grieving process beautifully here.

Waiting eagerly for the next bit.

 

#251:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:38 pm

Poor Hilda.

Very real, and very moving. Thank you, Mary

 

#252:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 10:54 pm

I think it is that worry that sometimes sadly, makes people withdraw from someone who is experienceing loss.

Mary, the change in that post from the beginning to the end was fabulous.

 

#253:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2005 11:43 pm

Quote:
“Another fine mess you’ve got me into, Nell Wilson,” murmured Hilda meanwhile to the mirror in her little bathroom, as she repaired the ravages to her face.


Mary - is this intended as a humorous (darkly humorous I'll grant...) comment? I dearly hope so, because it's a lovely end to the last two posts - as Elder says there's the blend of the absurd and the terrible that so acompanies most of life not just grief.

Keep it up!

Jess/Gypsum/whoever

 

#254:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 9:04 am

Thank you Mary - a wonderful blend of humour and sadness.

 

#255:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 9:53 am

Thanks Mary. It's so true that you can be laughing one moment and the next, somebody will say something that brings back the lost one and you're suffering and missing them all over again.

Liz

 

#256: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 1:09 pm

Once recovered, Hilda sent Nancy on her way and was her usual, imperturbable self that day, even managing to laugh with the staff when they teased her about the stories. She had to ring her bell several times at Mitagessen to subdue the excited babble, not least from the staff, but much to her relief she was not timetabled for lessons that day, and she had kept her Head’s notices short that evening, as the girls were far too restless to pay her much attention.

Her heart was heavy, though, when she went to bed, at having no Nell to share her thoughts on this day, at having no Nell to tease her about it all.

“I miss you every hour of every day, Nell,” she whispered aloud in the dark, but there was only silence in answer.

The next day was different, however, for she did have lessons and during her Literature lessons the girls were unable to control themselves, even the Sixth form breaking into repeated giggles. In her one Scripture lesson of the day, Inter IVB were so roused to fever-pitch that in the end she scrapped the lesson she had prepared and read instead the story of David and Goliath, in the beautiful voice which always commanded silent attention, even from these young demons! After finishing, she looked around at them all.

“Would any of you say that your story is as exciting or as awe-inspiring as that one?” she asked very blandly. Their faces fell, and she laughed at them gently as she left the room.

Fortunately for Hilda, she did not have to wait until after Abendessen to hear her fate. She had given Nancy permission to cancel that night’s prep, saying the girls could have extra time to do it the next day, it being Saturday. Instead, today, they could have the storytelling after Kaffee and Küchen, thus giving the younger members of the school a chance to join in all the fun.

“Though you might tell me, Nancy, why you think I am going to find fun at all in any of this,” Hilda had said gently when Nancy had proposed the change, but Nancy had merely smiled at her provokingly and gone on her way chuckling.

When the time finally arrived, the girls all streamed excitedly into the hall and the mistresses had a hard time quelling the exuberance of their charges, but finally succeeded as Nancy escorted the Head in and sat her in her stately William and Mary chair, which had been moved to stand beside the lectern on the daïs. Even Hilda had to smile as she saw how hard it was for the girls to restrain themselves, but her smile soon fell away, to be replaced by consternation, as the door at the back of the hall opened and in filed all St Mildred’s staff and pupils, to find places where they could. She had not expected that!

However, before she could do much more than stare open-mouthed, the door near the dais opened, and in......

 

#257:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 1:27 pm

Well?

In walked who? MA perhaps?

Thanks for another good post.

Though I hope this isn't the beginning of another author who likes to leave people on tenterhooks?!

Jess

 

#258:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 1:31 pm

Yes, I can't understand people that would do that! Wink

Lovely post Mary - really like Hilda using the David and Goliath story to calm down the Fourth Formers - though if you've ever seen a man using a sling you'll realise it wasn't such a mis-match as it comes across in the Bible - it's a formidable weapon.

 

#259:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:26 pm

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrryyyy!!!


Come back and post more! Please!!

 

#260:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:37 pm

Well I know who I'm, guessing... Laughing

Look forward to more soon Mary, this is lovely.

 

#261:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:41 pm

If I make a guess at who I think you think (????) - don't be too disappointed when you find otherwise. Embarassed

 

#262:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:45 pm

Oh well...can't be right all the time!

Still looking forward to the next bit. Laughing

 

#263: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 2:52 pm

Thanks for another lovely post, Mary - it's great to see Hilda dealing with everyday life here, even though we know in our hearts how hard she is having to work to maintain her facade of normality. I loved the way you used the story of David and Goliath, too.

Please don't keep us in suspense about the mysterious visitor for too long.

 

#264:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 3:46 pm

What mysterious visitor? Oh that one! Twisted Evil

 

#265: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:24 pm

Sorry to disappoint!! She couldn't be spared from the day job! Rolling Eyes

.......but her smile soon fell away, to be replaced by consternation, as the door at the back of the hall opened and in filed all St Mildred’s staff and pupils, to find places where they could. She had not expected that!

However, before she could do much more than stare open-mouthed, the door near the dais opened, and in slipped Jo, Jack and Madge, followed not only by Biddy Courvoisier and Hilary Graves but also by Ian Stuart. Comprehending just how she had been set up, she half rose in a futile bid for freedom, but Nancy was too quick. She leaned down from the lectern and whispered beguilingly,

“You can’t spoil their fun now, ma mie,” so Hilda gave herself up for lost and forced herself to stare impassively out over the girls’ heads, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. Nancy swept a comprehensive glance around the hall and silence fell in an instant, as the girls waited expectantly.

“A full house tonight, I see,” she said with a grin. “Must be something good on.” Everyone laughed but she could feel them willing her to get on with it so she added musingly, “I did say, you know, that you had to be very imaginative, but clearly some of you weren’t listening very hard. Or else your imaginations have gone to sleep during the long holiday, which is not going to endear you to your English mistresses once term gets properly under way.”

She added sadly, shaking her head, “I have had far too many stories where Miss Annersley fell and broke her arm. Well, I’ll let you into a secret,” and she leaned forward conspiratorially. “It’s not broken!” and she paused dramatically. “However, a great many of you have been very enterprising. She’s been held up by terrorists, all of whom she managed to kill before getting away! She’s rescued people from train crashes, plane crashes, burning buildings and watery graves, and come out unscathed. She clearly leads a very charmed life!”

She looked down at Hilda at that point, to see the Head’s lips suddenly quiver in an otherwise still impassive face. What gave Nancy a thrill, however, was to see how bright Hilda’s eyes were. Long may it last, she thought, before turning back to the girls.

“To whet your appetites, there were actually two teachers who were brave enough to take up my challenge. For some strange reason, however,” she teased, “they were very lazy. No long essays for them. The pair of them have produced limericks. Limericks! I ask you, Miss Annersley, is that any way to treat their Headmistress? Especially one who teaches English,” she muttered darkly.

At that, even Hilda could not contain herself and her rich chuckle was heard as Nancy, for some strange reason, glared hard at the back of the hall. All was revealed when Julie Berne stood up, very red in the face and trying hard not to laugh as she looked Hilda straight in the face and recited,

Une directrice très comme il faut,
D’une voix douce, coupe ses élèves en morceaux.
Une fille très mal élevee,
Dit à une amie, « J’ai rêvé
De couper son bras en trois avec mes ciseaux.»*

Those girls who had ever been on a Head’s report instantly doubled over in glee at this revenge on their behalf, and Hilda herself gazed very meditatively at Julie, who sat down hurriedly and tried to hide among her colleagues.

When all was quiet Hilda was heard to mutter very softly, to no one in particular, “And I thought all my voice was doing was removing a layer of skin!” For some strange reason, stifled snorts were heard coming from the staff seats at this rueful remark.

Nancy, trying very hard to control her giggles but utterly failing, stuttered out, “The other teacher must be in great dread of that dulcet voice, Miss Annersley, for she refuses to read out her own work. I have had to cajole Melissa Brown, our Library Prefect, to do the honours.”

Melissa, very red in the face, stood up and read in a shaking voice,

When walking along by the sea,
Miss Annersley slipped on a pea.
She fell in the water,
And armed for the slaughter
Up swam a hungry crab for his tea.

Hilda, at this point, turned to glare at the staff in mock outrage, though it has to be said her eyes were dancing with laughter, but not one face gave its owner away and the girls were screaming wildly. Melissa cleared her throat and the hall fell silent again.

There once was a Chalet School Head
Who decided it really was time for bed
But she had a huge fright
In the middle of the night
When a tarantula turned her arm red.

Every eye in the hall swung to Hilda, to find her shaking her head and looking down at her arm in pretend alarm, but grinning broadly the while. Nancy caught her eye, winked and then turned to face the staff.

“Your dismissal papers will be forwarded to you immediately, Miss Moore,” she said in a forbidding tone, her face absolutely deadpan.

There were gasps from all round the hall at this, but then everyone saw Nancy’s face break out into a huge beam and the girls erupted as Hilda turned, her face stern but her eyes sparkling and, with her forefinger crooked, beckoned Rosalind forward. The Geography mistress came and knelt in front of Hilda, hands together in unspoken plea, her eyes, hidden from the girls, absolutely bouncing with delight.

Hilda leaned forward to whisper dryly in her ear, “You do realise I will never allow you to forget this?” and Rosalind, pretending she had been scolded, kissed the floor in front of Hilda, before returning to her seat amid great guffaws from staff and pupils. As she looked out at the sea of faces and grinned, there was a huge round of applause from all corners of the hall and shouts of “More! More!”

Hilda raised her eyes to heaven and her face once more assumed its impassive stare as Nancy, clutching the lectern and trying hard to sound serious, answered, “Oh, no! It’s your turn to face Miss Annersley’s wrath now. Some of the mistresses are going to give us a précis of some of your ....er.....more interesting ones, for want of a better word!”

*********************************

*As I composed the limerick in French in my head, the translation to English rather loses the crispness and rhyme of the original!! Sorry!! But they are trilingual!! Embarassed

A very proper headmistress,
Cuts her pupils to shreds with her sweet voice,
One very badly-raised girl
Said to her friend, “I have dreamed
Of cutting her arm in three with my scissors.”

Last edited by MaryR on Sun May 08, 2005 11:33 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#266:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:35 pm

Mary,

Again I'm the first to say fantastic!

Thank goodness you translated the french for us - I spent a few minutes strugling with it - quite proud of the fact that i was able to spot the word pupils, but not really getting much further with my vocab. I'd clearly fail my test this week... I was almost to the stage of hunting out my dictionary but then decided to read on instead. So glad I did - saved me all the effort.

I love the limericks and I know how hard they are to compose - doubly well done!

Jess

Last edited by gypsum on Sat May 07, 2005 6:45 pm; edited 1 time in total

 

#267:  Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:44 pm

WOW Mary! Limericks in French! You really are spoiling us! Laughing

Fabulous and I can't wait to hear what the girls have come up with ROFL

 

#268: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:54 pm

gypsum wrote:
Mary,

Again I'm the first to say fantastic!


Well, I'm not the first, Mary, but I can only echo Gypsum here - this was truly fantastic! The by-play between Hilda, Nancy, Mlle Berne and Miss Moore - in front of the school yet - is absolutely rich!

Bless Nancy for her inspired thought in setting the project in the first place - and Hilda for her fortitude in entering into the whole spirit of the thing as she is doing.

Waiting with bated breath to see if anyone has come really close to what really happened - clearly there are some who aren't too far away.

 

#269:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 6:55 pm

Naughty Mary - adding an extra bit! Wonderful, fabulous, excellent! Though must say also very pleased you translated the French!!!

As for Rosalind Moore! Rolling Eyes

Thank you Mary. Laughing

 

#270:  Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 8:20 pm

Mary, you've cheered me up again. Fantastic limerick. You are obviously a woman of many talents. I, being too stupid to notice your asterisk, amd failing to scroll down, had actually paused long enough to make my own clumsy translation. May I perhaps get my remove to inter V on the stength of that?

 

#271:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 9:23 pm

That was brilliant Mary!
Thank you!

 

#272:  Author: Ella, Location: Staffordshire PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 9:36 pm

Mary - WOW!
I've been away and just had time to catch up on the last ten pages. This is such amazing writing - you've had me giggling at the latest posts, after nearly washing the keyboard away with my tears a little earlier on.

I so wish that Nell could be there. (Which I know would defeat the object of the entire drabble but....) I love the way she is still there in a way, and hope Hilda never loses her - as long as the dreams/memories are not too destructive...
(That is really convoluted, and I hope you know what I mean!)
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that your writing is so good, poignant, heart-wrenching and wonderful to read... (am running out of words here!)

Thank you.

 

#273:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Sat May 07, 2005 11:18 pm

This is wonderful Mary. You can write humours and so glad you did.

Looking forward to hearing the ideas of the girls.

Wonder what if anything HIlda will do to Nancy in revenge?

 

#274:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 9:19 am

So... does reading that limerick count as revision for my oral tomorrow? Wink

Wonderful as ever Mary Kiss

 

#275:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:47 am

Pim - maybe you should recite the limerick in your oral! Wink

Thanks Mary - that was very funny Laughing I'm looking forward to hearing what the pupil's came up with.

Liz

 

#276:  Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 11:23 am

Lovely, Mary. And very CS. Limericks in French! Shocked

This just has to be good for Hilda in the long run.

Looking forward to hearing some of the other efforts!

 

#277:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 2:50 pm

*very impressed*

i can't make up limericks in english let alone french!!!! do you do german too?

 

#278:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 3:00 pm

Laughing ROFL

Lovely bit Mary, please give us some more soon!

 

#279:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 3:14 pm

francesn wrote:
*very impressed*

i can't make up limericks in english let alone french!!!! do you do german too?


Nein, nein, fraulein!!! But Spanish ,si, senorita!

Thanks, Frances.

 

#280:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 3:22 pm

Ooooh! Could we have a Spanish one too then Mary??

Laughing

 

#281:  Author: Guest,  PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 4:18 pm

Mas dificil! Kat, soy demasiada perezosa!

Inother words, I'm far too lazy! Sunday is a day of rest, remember!

 

#282:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 4:21 pm

That guest above is me!!!! This board loves to lose my name!

Does that tell me something, folks?

Don't all answer at once. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

 

#283:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 5:02 pm

I think it does that to most of us at some point Mary!

 

#284:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 5:08 pm

Any chance of a Spanish limerick before my oral on Wednesday then? Wink












*runs away and hides*

 

#285:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:07 pm

You're pests, the pair of you!! Anyway, Pim, this should be you, not me! I might have a degree in French but I only have A level Spanish. So it's muy, muy sencillo!

La directora está en su oficina

Donde rāpidamente hace la cocina

Ella corta un bocadillo

Con un gran cuchillo

Y se corta el brazo por falta de disciplina.


Translation (God help me!)

The headmistress was in her office

Quickly doing a bit of cooking

She cut up a sandwich

With a big knife

And through lack of discipline cut her own arm.


Now go away and leave me in peace, little children!!

 

#286:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:09 pm

Laughing ROFL

Thank you Mary!!!

(Any chance of one in Italian?!) Wink Laughing

 

#287:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:14 pm

NIET!! Shocked Shocked Shocked

NEIN!!! Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

NON!!!! Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad Evil or Very Mad

NO!!!!! Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil

 

#288:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:18 pm

How about Hungarian?

 

#289:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 6:54 pm

Mary,

I can't believe I've been emailing you for this long and have some how missed the full extent of your sense of humor.

That limerick was cracking. I'm not going to be so cruel as to demand one in another language (though if I did it would be New Testament Greek - my best foreign language) but I think we should all badger Mary for ones in English from here on in.

Jess

 

#290:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 9:17 pm

Mary, why are you hiding behind that sofa? Wink

 

#291:  Author: Cath, Location: Cornwall PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 9:35 pm

Can't believe I've missed three updates! Shocked This is fantastic Mary, and I'm looking forward to seeing some of the girls' ideas!

 

#292:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:20 pm

Thanks for the extra limerick Mary Laughing

Liz

 

#293:  Author: pim, Location: St Andrews (right next to the beach) PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 7:40 am

Mary that was wonderful and shiny, and I'm *sure* I can fit it into one of my oral topics somewhere...!!! Kiss

 

#294:  Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:15 am

Die Löwin flüchtet aus Tiergarten
Um auf den Studenten zu warten.
Die kühne Direktorin
Fängt bald die Löwin
Aber fühlt ihre Arme sehr zarten.

(The lioness escapes from the zoo
To wait for the students.
The bold headmistress
Soon captures the lioness
But her arms feel very tender.)

[ETA: I'm sorry the grammar of last line has so much poetic license -- actually it reads something like: (She) feels her arms (are) very tender.]

Last edited by Kathy_S on Mon May 09, 2005 8:48 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#295:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:20 am

Wonderful, Kathy. Thank you Laughing Laughing

But is my whole tender, moving drabble turning into a circus?!?!? Shocked Shocked

I'll have to post before long to shut you all up. Anyone going to oblige with an Italian one? Or a Hungarian one?

 

#296: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:26 am

Thank you to all you idiots out there. I do hope this bit isn't going to be a disappointment to you all. Sad Sad


......" Some of the mistresses are going to give us a précis of some of your ....er.....more interesting ones, for want of a better word!”

Kathie Ferrars stood up at the back of the hall and spoke in a quaking voice as she tried to restrain her giggles. “Mollie from Inter VB had Miss Annersley scuba diving in Australia where she was attacked by a shark, which bit a goodly chunk out of her arm before she stunned him with her oxygen tank and made good her escape, swimming one-armed to shore.”

Kathie let out a snort as she finished and the girls roared while Hilda was seen to look down with open-mouthed horror at a blushing Mollie Suzman. This only made the girls roar louder.

Meanwhile, on the dais, Miss Moore, Head of Geography, stood up. “This story has Miss Annersley being dropped by parachute onto Mount Everest so she could ski up there, but her arm got tangled up in the cord of the parachute and she slid all the way down the mountain on her bottom, arriving with skin torn and bleeding.”

As Hilda’s face broke into a broad grin and the girls gasped, Miss Moore asked sorrowfully, shaking her head the while, “Susan, I know you are only in Lower IVA but have I really failed to impress on you how high the Himalayas are? Not only would Miss Annersley have had no skin left on her bottom, she would have had no bottom left!” At this sally, there was absolute uproar in the hall and Hilda buried her face in her hands with a groan, her shoulders shaking.

Joey stood up next, and could barely speak for laughing. “Gilly in IIIA decided that Miss Annersley wanted a complete break on her holiday so decided to join the circus and become the moving target for a knife thrower. She was having a great time until one night the knife thrower unfortunately got drunk and missed – or rather, he didn’t miss as the knife went straight into her arm.”

By the time she had finished Joey had tears streaming down her face and Miss Annersley was in like case, while Nancy was clinging to the lectern, rocking with laughter. Pausing a moment or two to give everyone time to calm down a little, Vida Armitage stood up and she was desperately biting her lip as she began.

“Thérèse in Lower VIB wrote her story about Miss Annersley being kidnapped by pirates while out in her yacht. They threatened to make her walk the plank and be eaten by piranhas if she refused to stay and cook for them. In defiance, Miss Annersley climbed up the tallest mast and from there jumped down on the Pirate Captain, killing him instantly although hurting her own arm in the process. She then took over the ship and brought it home, handing all the pirates over to the coastguards.”

There was utter silence for a moment at the audacity of this, and then Hilda was heard to moan “Ouch!” as she doubled over in agony, tears of mirth streaming down her face. At this sight, loud cheers were heard from all corners of the hall and Madge thought to herself how kind Nancy was to have thought all this up for Hilda and how clever of the girls to be so enterprising.

Nancy herself, holding her aching sides, managed to say fairly steadily, “What a bloodthirsty lot you are! I know I said Miss Annersley was the heroine of the story but she’s one of the gentlest souls in this hall. What were you all thinking?” and they all chuckled while Hilda managed to pull herself together and sit upright, wiping away the tears with very unsteady fingers, still smiling the while.

Jeanne de Lachennais stood up at this point and stuttered laughingly in her engaging French accent, “Malheureusment, Miss Wilmot, yet again we must hear about Miss Annersley setting us all a very bad example. And it comes from la chère Bethan in Upper VA. Apparently Miss Annersley was in a restaurant with her boyfriend when subitement a gang of men appeared, all holding policemen’s truncheons, and demanded that the diners should hand over their valuables. Being quick off the mark, Miss Annersley tout de suite threw her bowl of soup into one robber’s face, then seized her boyfriend’s plate of escargots and threw that, too."

There was a roar from everyone at this and she had, perforce, to stop. Nancy did not help matters at that point by leaning down to squeeze Hilda's upper arm with a perplexed look, and then a shrug. Hilda just smilingly shook her head and rolled her eyes, as though Nancy was completely and utterly insane.

Once the noise had finally died down a little Jeanne smiled and continued. "Bien sûr, everyone then joined in and hot dishes were flying everywhere and the robbers were fleeing. However, one diner got quite carried away and threw his steak knife and fork – straight into Miss Annersley’s arm. Her boyfriend was a doctor and had to perform immediate surgery on Miss Annersley’s arm without any anaesthetic.”

As the girls roared with laughter at the outrageousness of this story Hilda slid down in her chair and shook with laughter, tears once more streaming down her face. Nancy turned to look at her, smiling the while.

“Perhaps we should include you in the school netball team, Miss Annersley. You’d be a riot – the other team would give up as soon as they saw you walk on court. And where on earth did you manage to find such a useful boyfriend? A paragon like that is needed up at the San!”

At that, Hilda buried her head in her hands and wept quietly in sheer hysteria as the girls screamed for more. But Miss Wilmot held up her hand for silence, which she got immediately, and she smiled down at them.

 

#297:  Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:36 am

Wonderful! What vivid imaginations!

 

#298:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:49 am

Mary....that was brilliant. You have me sat here giggling.

I love the way you totally change the atmosphere, and yet keep the integrity of the characters. A light chapter makes the rest all the more meaningful.

Excellent.

 

#299:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 11:56 am

Well you haven't managed to convince me you have no sense of humour - try harder!!

I am a lot more worried about the imaginations of the girls - I can't say that I ever would have had the gall to speculate about the love life of any teacher, and certainly not my headmistress.

Shocking behaviour.

Jess

 

#300: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 12:11 pm

What a wonderful way to start a Monday morning (well it *is* only 8:00 am here!) Mary - thank you so much! I'm giggling so hard that I'm having problems typing correctly! Such vivid imaginations!

Thanks for the extra limericks, too - great fun!

Do we find out if *anyone* came remotely close to the truth in her story, or does Nancy have to tell them all what really happened?

More, please!!!!

 

#301:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 1:39 pm

Laughing ROFL

Oh thank you Mary! That was brilliant! Feeling sorry for Hilly though - imagine if any of these had actually happened to her?! ROFL

 

#302:  Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 2:05 pm

*sobs with laughter*



Mary, you may be a genius!

 

#303:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 4:00 pm

Lovely, thanks Mary, and I can't say I'd have been able to describe my headmistress is so heroic a light either!! But the CS girls have a great advantage there! Laughing

 

#304:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 5:06 pm

Mary, I've just caught up on several days of this, and it's amazing! Who gave you permission to say that you don't have a sense of humour? As others have said, to be able to write passages as funny as these, after all the pathos of what went before, whilst retaining the characters' integrity - well, words fail me. You are giving us a much broader picture of all the characters than EBD was able to.

Thank you, and please keep writing.

 

#305:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 8:03 pm

Quote:
You are giving us a much broader picture of all the characters than EBD was able to


Here here!

Jess

 

#306:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 10:02 pm

Mary this is excellent - I sat in front of my computer and laughed my head of for 15 minutes at those wild guesses!!!!!

thank you so much - you've really cheered me up

 

#307:  Author: champagnedrinker,  PostPosted: Mon May 09, 2005 10:05 pm

Mary - this is just wonderful - I'm in stitches reading it! And, after the day I had, just what the Dr. would have ordered!

I am very envious of the children that you teach - I'm sure that you must plan really fun things for them to do - really get their imaginations going (err.... you did say you are a teacher, didn't you... if you didn't then.. Embarassed , but you probably should have been!)

 

#308:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:05 am

champagnedrinker wrote:

I am very envious of the children that you teach - I'm sure that you must plan really fun things for them to do - really get their imaginations going (err.... you did say you are a teacher, didn't you... if you didn't then.. Embarassed , but you probably should have been!)


Fear not, champagnedrinker, yes, I am a teacher, though only a supply teacher now for reasons I won't go in to. Thank you for that lovely compliment - I did try to work on their imaginations, not always very successfully, I might add! Wink

 

#309:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:14 am

ROFL Brilliant! More please Mary.

I hope the love and laughter here is as healing for Hilda as the peace and quiet of the Convent.

Liz

 

#310:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:36 am

Wonderful!!!! Thank you, Mary!

Laughing

 

#311:  Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 3:09 pm

Thank you Mary for some really funny posts there. The girls imaginations do them (and you) credit.

 

#312: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:10 pm

.......... the girls screamed for more. But Miss Wilmot held up her hand for silence, which she got immediately, and she smiled down at them.

“As I said earlier, you’re a bloodthirsty lot but we have enjoyed hearing the stories. I for one will never forget the images of Miss Annersley jumping down on a pirate captain or stunning a shark.” And she stopped and winked broadly at Hilda, who merely glared at her, one eyebrow raised menacingly.

Nancy wrinkled up her nose at her then turned back to the girls. “However, there is one girl who seems to know Miss Annersley rather better than most of you and has written a beautiful story about the Miss Annersley we know and love, who risks her own life and tries to help others by remaining calm and quiet. I’m not going to read it out, because it is so like what really happened, and the true story is going to be told in a minute.”

She paused for a moment and then said, with a smile, “It is actually our Head Girl, Tessa Lewis, who wrote this beautiful story and who wins the first prize. Tessa, my dear,” and Tessa, blushing, went up to receive her prize of a book. ”And we’re giving prizes to all those who had their stories read out, because they were so original and amusing, if rather far-fetched. So come along, girls. And by the way, you will be able to read all the stories as we have had them copied for the library.”

After the girls had received their prizes complete silence fell on the hall and Hilda, her face once more impassive if rather pinker than of late, looked out over the sea of girls to the end wall. Nancy leaned on the lectern, opened a folder she had there and took out some sheets of paper. Hilda’s heart sank. How was she going to get through this?

Nancy’s voice was quiet now. “Girls, as you know, we all lost a great friend and a superb teacher when Miss Wilson died. But for Miss Annersley it was so much worse, for she and Miss Wilson had been very close friends for thirty years, almost from the time Lady Russell here first started the school. Miss Annersley has been very sad since then, and during the holiday went to stay in a convent of Anglican nuns, where she could grieve quietly for her friend. This is a letter from the Mother Abbess of the convent, telling us what Miss Annersley did for them while she was there. It’s not amusing or full of adventure like the stories we’ve heard tonight but it does show us Miss Annersley’s courage.”

Reading slowly and quietly, she read out Mother Abbess’s letter and the girls were soon absorbed, for the nun had a telling way with words. They gasped when the man jumped over the wall, smiled at the way their Headmistress talked to him, drew in their breath sharply when he held a gun to Miss Annersley’s head, and moaned out loud when she got shot. There was not a sound to be heard as the letter told of Hilda’s offer to pay for the man’s solicitor; and then Nancy read out slowly the nun’s last sentence.

“You should be very proud of your headmistress for she has a brave and beautiful soul.”

In the silence all eyes turned towards Hilda, to see tears slowly sliding down her cheeks, even as she smiled down at them all. One or two of the girls started to clap but Nancy quickly held up her hand and once more there was silence. In a very soft voice she began to speak once more.

“I don’t think anyone here would have been too surprised at Miss Annersley’s quiet courage in the convent. That is the way she faces life every day, calmly, quietly, with great gentleness, and to the mistresses, I know, she is a constant example of how to live one’s life.” She paused to let her words sink in and smiled down at Hilda, who only shook her head as she continued to smile through her tears. Nancy took up her tale once more, still looking at Hilda.

“As I told the girls, Miss Annersley, there will be copies of the stories available in the library, but for you, Miss Yolland has bound the originals in a book for you to keep as a memento – and she has added in a copy of the letter.” Rosalind Yolland, the Art Mistress, came forward and, leaning over Hilda’s chair, handed her the book, giving her hand a comforting squeeze as she did so.

Hilda looked down at the beautiful burgundy velvet cover, with the title Hilda Annersley – Superwoman in gold lettering, and stroked it with a trembling hand as Nancy continued, “As I said, there is a copy of the letter in your book, but we intend to frame the original and hang it in the school entrance hall.”

At which point Hilda looked up with a gulp and Nancy twinkled down at her, knowing that what she was about to do next would completely take the Head’s breath away. There would be a photograph going up beside that letter!

 

#313:  Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:24 pm

Mary, that was wonderful. I don't think I need to say any more.

 

#314: New Dreams Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:37 pm

Another truly beautiful piece, Mary. I find it interesting that the Head Girl, of everyone, has come closest to the real story of how Hilda was injured.

I know you can't show us all the girls' efforts, but is there a chance you will share the Mother Abbess' original letter with us, please? Or if you've already done so (and you may well have done) could you please point me to the correct page, so I can re-read it? Thanks.

Looking forward to the next instalment - all right, I know I'm greedy because it's less than half an hour since you posted this one - but it's just so good, I can't get enough of it!!

 

#315:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 7:44 pm

Echoing Elder's request for the letter - I don't think you've already done it - love the post Mary, so much love and respect for Hilda - hope it helps her.

 

#316:  Author: Kat, Location: Swansea PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 8:25 pm

Crying or Very sad That was lovely Mary, and absolutely perfect...

 

#317:  Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 8:58 pm

*feeling incredibly emotional*

thank you so much Mary, that was beautiful

 

#318:  Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:08 pm

That was so very beautiful Mary.

Thanks.

 

#319: Re: New Dreams Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:15 pm

Elder in Ontario wrote:
Another truly beautiful piece, Mary. I find it interesting that the Head Girl, of everyone, has come closest to the real story of how Hilda was injured.

I know you can't show us all the girls' efforts, but is there a chance you will share the Mother Abbess' original letter with us, please? Or if you've already done so (and you may well have done) could you please point me to the correct page, so I can re-read it? Thanks.


On reflection, gentle readers, I will stick to my original intention and not give the whole of Mother Abbess's letter, as I feel most of you already know the original (it starts on p13 for those who have not read it) and I would not want to bore you, especially as Hilda's grief journey just seems to grow and grow, rather like Topsy..........

Watch out for Tessa's piece later. Wink

 

#320:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:53 pm

Fiend Razz.

Now you're just winding us up. Tantalising us. I agree with Elder that it's interesting the HG got the closest.

Thanks for another good post,

Jess

 

#321:  Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:55 pm

A tear in my eye and a smile on my face. you judged that just right Mary. Thank you.

 

#322:  Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 10:01 pm

lovely. Most touching. Thankyou. *decides to manipulate the pages to find the orriginal letter on pg13, groaning because it might proove to take a little doing getting there!*

 

#323:  Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 10:01 pm

How much later for Tessa's piece, Mary?

Just caught up on several pages and while not quite clinging to the lectern and writhing with laughter, I was certainly laughing a lot!

I'm working on an Italian limerick...

 

#324:  Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 10:04 pm

Bah! Its not a letter at all. rereading what happened is one thing, but its entirely different to reading the way mother Abbess has described it. *wanders off in discust for a bit, but remembers that the posts there are are so good, so returns to wait and see what the next development will be*

 

#325:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2005 10:17 pm

Thank you Mary.

I love the title they gave the book! And am very impressed at it being produced so quickly - that's some dedicated work by Miss Yolland.

Liz

 

#326:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 7:18 am

[quote="LizB]

I love the title they gave the book! And am very impressed at it being produced so quickly - that's some dedicated work by Miss Yolland.[/quote]

But don't forget, Nancy had been plotting this for at least a week. The book was ready - just needed the stories putting in. The same with the next post - what is in it was done during the last week, not overnight.

Squirrel, you and the others are making me feel very guilty about that letter. Oh help! Embarassed Embarassed

Last edited by MaryR on Wed May 11, 2005 8:27 am; edited 1 time in total

 

#327:  Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 8:10 am

I appologise for that, it wasnt what I meant at all. Embarassed

 

#328:  Author: Nell, Location: London, England PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 8:24 am

Wonderful, thank you Mary. Beautifully done and a lovely combination of humour and love and tears.

Am now looking forward to that next post.

 

#329:  Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 12:38 pm

MaryR wrote:
The same with the next post - what is in it was done during the last week, not overnight.


What next post? Where?

May we have it please Mary?

Liz

 

#330:  Author: Sarah, Location: Ormskirk, Lancashire PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 2:54 pm

Wow, Mary, what can I say? I've just caught up on this nd I have been crying! (not good when I'm at work! Very Happy Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

More soon please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

#331:  Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 2:55 pm

Mary, RL has got in the way the last wee while, but this was the first thing I looked for when I managed to find time. As ever, it is inspiring, and has made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Thank you.

 

#332:  Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 5:24 pm

Squirrel wrote:
I appologise for that, it wasnt what I meant at all. Embarassed


Don't apologise, Squirrel Wink We want her to post the letter! Laughing

(Love ya really Mary! Wink )

 

#333:  Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 5:27 pm

I'm sorry but I seem to be disappointing so many people. Maybe I'll just disappear in a puff of blue smoke. Crying or Very sad Embarassed Crying or Very sad

 

#334:  Author: Laura, Location: London (ish) PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 5:36 pm

Don't do it! Blue smoke just couldn't write a drabble as well as you can! Razz

Honestly, this is wonderous. We don't mind when you next post - we're just looking forward to it! Very Happy

 

#335:  Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 5:37 pm

Well, you're not disappointing me, Mary!

And if I may presume to speak for my fellow-CBBers (they'll soon tell me if I'm wrong, after all!) I think the comments above about wanting more of your writing are complimentary, not indicative of disappointment. This is such an amazing piece of writing that we all want more of it!

I'd love to get to know Tessa better - as others have said, it's very interesting that she should be the pupil who gets closest to what actually happened. I think she'd be worth knowing better.

If you disappear in a puff of smoke of any colour, Mary, I will never forgive you. That's a promise.

 

#336:  Author: gypsum,  PostPosted: Wed May 11, 2005 5:43 pm

Mary,

Ignore all those who are bothering you! It's so disruptive to the creative process!

*glares*

Post as and when you can, we'll still be here waiting and chewing our fingernails.

You're not dissapointing us.

Jess

 

The CBB -> Ste Therese's House


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