The CBB :: View topic - New Dreams Part III

New Dreams Part III - updated 5th August

#351: Author: Kateth, Location: Heidelberg

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 11:55 am

I don't comment very often, but I've been reading from the beginning and have found this utterly gripping - as well as very thought-provoking. Your writing's amazing. Thank you, Mary.

#352: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:07 pm

Lovely to see the comments by and about Matey. She does have family, but has always seemed rather lonely.

#353: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 4:59 pm

I too love your Gwynneth, Mary.

Thank you for setting me up for the weekend. A lot has happened this day - no wonder it's taken so long.

And, Mary, as I have told you before, if your characters are taking over, that is a sign that you have a real gift.

Thank you.

#354: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 6:43 pm

How on earth did I miss this???

A lovely post Mary which gives a beautiful insight into how much Gwynneth cares about Hilda, and her insight into her character. And of course the day is a long one, difficult days often do seem never ending, while good ones rush past. The time you have taken over it has been good, cause it has been good to see the various ways others help Hilda. You would have had to skip over the different scenarios or leave them out altogether. I do hope that the plans for the visit go well, and would love to see a little bit of the trip Gwynneth takes to visit her family if it will fit in.

Thanks once again.

#355: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 6:10 am

Wonderful portrayal of Matey. We know she’s perceptive, but most often it’s viewed through the lens of middles trying to avoid detection. Here we see the underlying richness.

I do like the idea of Matey beginning to visit the monastery before Hilda’s gone, leaving M the last of her generation at the school.

#356: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:22 am

The first evening of half term found Hilda, Vivien and fifteen Sixth Formers ensconced in a pretty hotel overlooking the lake in Lausanne. Vivien had been entranced by the town, with its succession of south-facing terraces, and the beauty of Lake Geneva in the late afternoon sun had overwhelmed her, making the girls glad they had chosen this town for her first visit in Switzerland.

After an enjoyable evening meal, listening to a string quartet play as they ate, they had drunk their coffee in the hotel lounge, quietly watching the sun set beyond the mountains on the other side of the lake. Now Hilda lay in bed, her thoughts going back over the six weeks since that awful day when she had broken down so badly.

She had gone back into school the next day showing no sign of the trauma, and the following weeks had been weeks of paradox, of great laughter and bitter tears. There had been the usual school alarms, including one broken leg when two Third Formers had taken it into their heads to slide down the banister of the main staircase, one of them falling off and tumbling down the stairs, colliding with the Head herself as she was walking by.

Hilda had been very badly bruised as she had been sent hurtling into the wall. In fact, fight against it though she did, Matey had kept her in bed the next day as she had also banged her head, and with Hilda any head injury could be potentially very serious, due to the coach accident years before. However, apart from a bad headache, she was fine the day after, which was more than could be said for Molly Barker, up in the San with her leg in traction, and Janine Moreau, who had cried herself into a fever. Fortunately, Molly’s parents felt she had only got what she deserved.

The school itself as a whole seemed to be settling back into some sort of normality after the unreal atmosphere of the summer term, when the three deaths had hung over them all like a black pall. For herself, the good days had brought a lightness to her heart that had been missing since mid-April, but mid October had brought it to six months since Nell’s death. Six months! That anniversary......

Her mind sheered away and focused instead on Vivien. She also had made much progress, although there was still not a great deal of warmth towards her from many of those in the Sixth who studied Science. They were clearly still missing Nell badly, reflected Hilda, despite all her own words on the subject, and Nell herself would have had some distinctly uncomplimentary things to say to them if such a thing had happened while she was in charge!

Hilda knew that her Head Girl had not restrained herself in telling those girls what she thought of them. But Hilda felt that such things could not be forced, that with time and patience all would resolve itself, and so she kept telling both Vivien and Tessa. Vivien herself had not let it concern her too much as the Fourth and Fifth years had, in the end, taken this calm and intelligent woman to their hearts.

Vida had been true to her promise. While coming a couple of times to open up her heart about Nell with Hilda, which did both of them good, Vida was developing a good working relationship with her Head of Department, and the staff were now treating Vivien as though she belonged. The biggest change, though, had been the burgeoning friendship between Vivien and the Senior Mistress, Ruth Derwent, another calm, intelligent woman, though without the streak of wild humour that Vivien was beginning to demonstrate.

Did opposites always attract, wondered Hilda wryly now, as she lay in bed. English and Science, just like herself and Nell!

Feeling wakeful, the music from the restaurant still coming faintly to her ears, Hilda got out of bed and went to sit by the window, her eyes gazing dreamily at the broad, shining path of silver light laid down by the full moon across the dark waters of the lake. How beauty such as this always seemed to bring Nell to mind, often quite painfully, bringing tears of loneliness and sadness in its wake, but tonight the memories were warm and gentle, and for that she was deeply grateful.

Here will we sit and let the sounds of music creep in our ears:
Soft stillness and the night become the touches of sweet harmony. (Shakespeare)

After a while, however, her mind went back to the Staff Evening, one of the brightest times of the term for her.

#357: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:45 am

Thanks Mary, so nice to see that Hilda has had good as well as bad times. Also realistic that the Sixth, being older, would take longer than the rest of the School to accept Vivien - glad she has Ruth (have a soft spot for her)

Very intrigued as to the Staff Evening - but will await patiently.

And it's always beauty and happiness that will bring memories of loved ones.

#358: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 12:12 pm

Thank you Mary

I'm glad Hilda is having some moments of peace.

*sits down to wait for the story of Staff Evening*

*offers round a big box of chocolates*

Liz

#359: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:18 pm

Hi Mary, I found this earlier but had to leave off reading it never mind posting back as I had to go out for a bit. Its just lovely to see how things have gone recently from Hilda's point of view. Laughing

at the third formers, isnt it just the kind of thing chidren would do!

Hopefully this time that Vivien spends with the 6th will enable the girls she is teaching to get to know her. I dont want to sound blood thirsty, or to put more on to Hilda than she has had to deal with already, but if there was some kind of calamity which Vivien managed to respond to over the holliday that might encourage the other girls to respect her.

I do like hearing that not only has Vida got over her initial upset at the new mistress being partly in Miss Wilson's place, and has begun to go to see Hilda about this occasionally. but that Vivien is making friends amongst the staff too.

Thanks Liz, I'll have one of those. *joins the others to wait for the story about the staff evening and the rest of the weekend*

#360: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:03 pm

I like the way you have shown how Vivian has begin to fit in, and look forward to seeing what happens on the trip and to hearing Hilda's memories of the staff evening.

#361: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 11:29 pm

Thanks Mary, so many positive things in that review of the past 6 weeks. It's really good to see Hilda enjoying this trip to Lausanne. The 2 members of the 3rd form certainly deserved all they got!

It's also good to see Vivien becoming more accepted - as Squirrel commented, perhaps something will happen which will make the 6th form scientists more ready to accept her, too -though perhaps not an accident of any kind! Vida is clearly feeling better about things, too.

Love the idea of Vivien and Ruth Derwent becoming friends, too.

More, please, when the spirit moves you.

#362: Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time

Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2005 4:33 pm

Mary, despite everything you think to the contrary, this is stunning. I think its amazing, and I don't comment each time because I'm too moved, not for any sinister reason. (And I bet I'm not the only 1!) Smile

#363: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:46 am

Have just found this latest installment (it's monday morning now). Thank you for the update on Vivien - how lovely that she's settling in and starting to make real friends. The sixth form will learn...ultimately!

#364: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 5:38 am

Such a nicely balanced post, from middles’ antics to the progress in Hilda’s – and the school’s – healing.

Even if her mind does have to “sheer away” at times, it’s wonderful to see Hilda able, at least occasionally, to think of Nell without pain. This has been such a realistic progression, at least in my experience. First there’s the horror of sudden death, complete with “if only” and “why?” and “noooooo!;” then, the overwhelming absence, interspersed with attempts to shove it all aside and get on with things; and gradually, the loved one becoming more likely to surface than the loss. Except sometimes.

#365: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 10:02 am

Thank you Mary. Its good to see the good times as well as the bad. I'm pleased that Vida has started to accept Vivian and that Vivian is starting to make friends among the staff. Looking forward to hearing about the staff evening.

#366: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 11:38 am

Thinking of chanting, but feeling that it may be inappropriate on shuch a thoughtful thread....nah, lets do it anyway.

More, more, lets have more! Laughing

#367: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:05 pm

Caroline, your chant seems to have worked. Rolling Eyes

Squirrel and Elder, you will just have to possess your souls in patience, my dears, for there's a post or two before we get to half term. Very Happy

I wrote these next few posts on Hilda's orders, only to find there are people who don't know their proverbs, so I apologise humbly now. In the 60s we all had to know them, including the CS girls. (You will find the correct versions at the bottom of the post!)

After a while, however, Hilda's mind went back to the Staff Evening, one of the brightest times of the term for her.

It had all started the week before the Staff Evening, when she herself had been invited for coffee in the staffroom after Abendessen. As she entered she heard the voice of Con Maynard, who had agreed to stay on for another year after stepping, at short notice, into the breach last term to cover the lower English classes. Hilda’s ears pricked up as she closed the door for Con could be heard declaiming soulfully, “Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry......... and you have to blow your nose.”

Rosalind Yolland yelped loudly and Hilda turned from the door with a bland smile on her face, but amusement sparking in her eyes as she teased, “Chickens coming home to roost, Con?”

Con’s eyes widened and then suddenly she grinned and had the grace to blush as Rosalind hooted with glee. “Of course, it was you, wasn’t it, who stated that Daniel bit the lions when put in their den!” She hooted again as Con stuck her tongue out at her and then glared at Hilda, who merely grinned back at her infuriatingly.

“Anyway,” asked Hilda, as she settled herself in a comfortable armchair and accepted a cup of coffee from Jeanne de Lachennais, “Who in earth produced that priceless gem?”

Con leaned over and picked up from the floor a whole set of exercise books, which she had clearly brought with her to entertain the rest of the staff. She opened the top one of the pile and looked across at Hilda and sighed ruefully.

“For prep last night I had the bright idea of giving Lower IVB the start of twenty proverbs and seeing how many they could finish.”

“Let me guess,” said Hilda wryly. “Not many, judging by that pearl, and by the look on your face.”

Con nodded and grimaced. “Got it in one. Bella Montelli produced that beauty. Here’s another , from Helen Cassidy, who seems to make them up as she goes along. “Better to be safe than...........” she paused and raised her eyes to the ceiling. “......rude to a Senior.”

Rosalind hooted again and Hilda chuckled so much she had to clutch her cup as it threatened to overturn. Then she shook her head and muttered, “It’s enough to make one wish one had chosen another profession.”

By now other mistresses had gathered round, wondering what all the excitement was, and Con doled out the books, which they all opened eagerly, and then gasped and giggled as they read.

“A penny saved.............is not much!” chuckled Sharlie.

Vivien suddenly let out a strangled squawk. ”Don’t bite the hand that.................looks dirty.”

Joan Bertram suddenly sniggered. “I like this one, Con. Don’t count your chickens............. what’s the point?” By this time some of the mistresses were beginning to laugh merrily.

Rosalind Moore read out solemnly, “Never underestimate the power of.......... the Prefects,” and she looked at Hilda and giggled, Hilda being the New Testament teacher.

Hilda merely glared back at her and looked down at the book she was holding, muttering darkly, “Sarah Avison had better watch out. Don’t put off until tomorrow .................. what you put on to go to bed.” She closed her eyes as though in pain, at which point the others, who had been giggling and chuckling, now doubled over and held their sides as they laughed till some of them cried.

Hilda forced herself to stare at them with absolutely no expression at all on her face, and at that there was complete collapse on the part of her mistresses and they all roared, wiping away their tears. But then the doubts began to creep in and they began to sober up, wondering if she really was angry with the children.

As silence fell, all eyes swivelled to her and she gazed back at them with dispassion, clearly not amused at all. But then, unable to keep it up any longer, her face cracked and she began to giggle wildly.

“Hilda Annersley, you wicked child!” moaned her Senior Mistress. “You had us going there for a moment.....”

“If you could have seen your faces....” Hilda croaked as she wiped away her tears. “Please read some more,” she added plaintively, and then went off into tucks of laughter again as they looked at each other sheepishly. Fooled yet again by that inscrutable expression!

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
Better to be safe than sorry.
A penny saved is a penny gained.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Don’t count your chickens before they are hatched.
Never underestimate the power of prayer.
Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today

Last edited by MaryR on Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:54 pm; edited 1 time in total

#368: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:26 pm

Wonderful, thank you Mary. I'm glad that Hilda can laugh with her staff and love that she still fools them all with that expression. I look forward to finding out about the staff evening.

#369: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:43 pm

That had me laughing out loud. I may only have been born at the end of the 60's, but I knew all those!

That was great Mary, shows you can write the funny scenes as well as the sad and emotional. I love the additional joke of Hilda keeping a straight face and fooling the staff, that was what made the episode. It was a ver CS staff episode as well.

Thanks, needed that light relief from making out food lists! Laughing

#370: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:44 pm

Lovely, Mary - you just improved my Monday morning attidue immensely.

It's just as well I'm alone in the house at the moment, because I giggled wildly at some of those! As for Hilda's deadpan reaction and eventual burst of laughter - that was just the icing on the cake.

*And* I knew all the proverbs correctly too, without the 'crib' at the bottom of the page - which definitely confirms my generation, doesn't it!!

Will look forward to the Staff Evening when it appears. And I'll contain my soul in patience until we actually get to half term.

#371: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 1:48 pm

That was just great Mary. Its lovely to see the staff enjoying themselves. Hmmmm, memories of Emerence and her french I think! Oh and the proverbs were great. I found I knew most of them, but some of them just gave me the feeling of 'on the tip of my tounge' so I guess I dont know them as well as I could do.

#372: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 2:27 pm

Excellent, thanks Mary! Love the proverbs! ROFL

#373: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 4:28 pm

Thanks Mary

Any chance of seeing what they made of the other 13 proverbs?

Liz

#374: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 5:00 pm

Well that confirms my status as prematurely middle-aged, because rather worryingly I know all of those. Blame the Chalet School, and R4.

That cheered me up, Mary, thank you. You and Hilda are very funny when you get going.

#375: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 7:13 pm

Thanks for those two superb posts, Mary. (And all the others - but I've only just read the two most recent!)

I'm so pleased that Vivien and Ruth are becoming friends - how wonderful for both of them.

And the second post really cheered me up. Like Nicola, I am clearly prematurely middle-aged, as I knew all the proverbs despite not having been born till the late seventies! I blame an old fashioned primary school that made us learn chunks of the Old Testament by heart. (Mind you, that was in Welsh, so it doesn't really explain how I know the proverbs in English...)

Keep up the good work, Mary!

#376: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:36 pm

LizB wrote:

Any chance of seeing what they made of the other 13 proverbs?

You can have a few more, Liz, since you enjoyed those, though I'm sure other people could have come up with far more amusing endings than mine. Maybe we should have a competition? Rolling Eyes

Full proverbs down below again, though most of you clearly don't need them!
(I'm beginning to think you're all as old as me! Embarassed

)

“If you could have seen your faces....” Hilda croaked as she wiped away her tears. “Please read some more,” she added plaintively, and then went off into tucks of laughter again as they looked at each other sheepishly. Fooled again by that inscrutable expression!

Vida, quickly recovering her equanimity, piped up, “This is short and to the point. No news is.......... impossible.”

"Fire is a good servant................ but it won’t lay the table or wash the dishes,” intoned Rosemary Charlesworth, trying to keep a straight face and failing utterly.

Vivien stuttered as she looked her book. “How about: Two wrongs......... usually mean the rest of the work is wrong as well.”

By now they were doubled up again, and then Hilda read out, very slowly, in a stunned voice, “If at first you don’t succeed.................. destroy all evidence that you tried.” At this they all started to groan as their sides hurt so much.

“Here’s another ending to that one, Hilda,” shouted Rosalind Yolland above the groans. “If first you don’t succeed.............. get new batteries.” More shrieks of agonised laughter followed as she finished..

Controlling herself with great difficulty, Sharlie managed to gasp out, “Here’s one for all us ladies – sorry, Hilda, we ladies – Fine feathers make........... lovely hats.”

“First of all, catch the bird and pluck its feathers, I suppose,” muttered Rosalind Moore darkly.

Hilda choked at that, but then thought to herself suddenly, as she caught her breath, how much Nell would have appreciated all this. However she quickly pushed the thought ruthlessly to one side before it took hold.

Jeanne was chuckling to herself as she stared at her book, so Joan shouted across, “Come on, Jeanne, share!”

Jeanne looked round with twinkling eyes. “We must be doing something right, mes amies. A miss is as good as........... a mister!”

“No, Jeanne, we’ve failed miserably,” moaned Ruth Derwent pitiably. “ I thought we were better, a lot, lot better!”

Laughing so wildly she could barely control her voice, Con said, “Now here’s a literal-minded child. Who is it? Maria O’Connor! I might have known! You get out of something only what you...............see in the picture on the front of the box,” and she yelped in pain as she finished.

Finally Sharlie brought the house down as she howled, “Two’s company, three’s.............. the Musketeers.” Most of them by this time had tears streaming down their faces and were trying desperately to control themselves.

Rosalie Dene, however, suddenly giggled wildly, gave them all such a look that they quietened in readiness, and read out in awe, “As you make your bed.......... keep an eye out for Matron.”

Groaning wildly, everyone turned to look at that good lady, but she merely smirked complacently, until Hilda was heard to mutter under her breath, “Pride goes before a fall,” and the smirk turned into a cold-eyed glare at her Headmistress, but Hilda simply smiled serenely.

No news is good news.
Fire is a good servant but a bad master.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
If at first you don’t succeed try, try, try again.
Fine feathers make fine birds.
A miss is as good as a mile.
You get out of something only what you put into it.
Two’s company, three’s a crowd.
As you make your bed, so you must lie on it.

#377: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:44 pm

Wonderful Mary, thankyou Very Happy

. Again I knew a fair proportion of them. OK How old do you want me to be then Mary? Although, that may partly be because I'm studyign theology, but we didnt cover the proverbs this year at all, so lets just say I'm well read!

#378: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 9:02 pm

Well I am 37 and knew tham all.

I loved that Mary, thanks. Laughing

#379: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 9:09 pm

Thanks for all of these, Mary - and yes, I *did* know them all! A truly lovely couple of humorous posts - most enjoyable.

Looking forward to the next bit.

#380: Author: gypsum,

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 9:11 pm

Well I'm twenty three and got most.

I loved these Mary, I think a competition is a very good idea! Do we get to go to bed an hour later if we get the most laughs? Or perhaps one of Tom Gay's houses?

Thanks!

Jess

#381: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 10:46 pm

I have just spent all evening catching up on an awful lot of this.

It's the first drabble I've managed to read for months.

Mary - you are a genius. You've made me laugh, cry and most emotions in between too!

I will be keeping up with this one from now on - even if it is the only drabble I manage to read until RL settles down again.

Thankyou Mary. Thankyou very much. Very Happy

#382: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 2:17 am

Oh, what fun!!

#383: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:44 am

Glad they're all having such a good time!

I also got all the proverbs, except that we'd say, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Blame Ben Franklin.

#384: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:22 am

Thanks Mary Laughing

Liz

#385: Author: Alice, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:25 am

Thanks for the proverbs Mary. I'm 22 and I knew the majority of them, though not all unfortunately!.

#386: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:35 am

Fantastic, Mary. Just as funny as the first selection, thank you. You've cheered me up. And we are all obviously middle aged at heart.

ETA:

And I'm afraid I need distracting today, so I've added a proverb game thread to COT in the hope that you can all come up with further amusing examples to take my mind off real life.

Last edited by Nicola on Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:28 am; edited 1 time in total

#387: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:58 am

These were excellent, thanks Mary!
And it's nice to see the staff having fun as well Very Happy

#388: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:17 pm

Thanks for the second lot of proverbs - they really brightened my morning.

And you should look at the proverbs game in COT - it's very funny, and all thanks to you, Mary!

#389: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 6:41 pm

Lovely two posts Mary, showing the ease and camaraderie within the Staff Room. Love Hilda fooling them all that she was angry, felt for her suddenly remembering that Nell would have enjoyed it.

Beautiful.

#390: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:21 pm

Thank you, Nicola, for taking up the challenge. Shocked

And to all of the contenders as well. Wink

I hope you're offering prizes, Nicola. Laughing

Kathy, that ending is also sometimes used. And Liz, I hope you're satisfied now that I've done the other thirteen, though I think you may find that my calculations have gone somewhat awry. I never was any good at Maths. Embarassed

Groaning wildly, everyone turned to look at that good lady, but Matey merely smirked complacently, until Hilda was heard to mutter under her breath, “Pride goes before a fall,” and the smirk turned into a cold-eyed glare at her Headmistress, but Hilda simply smiled serenely.

As the groans redoubled at Hilda’s demolition job on Matey, Jeanne shrieked loudly, “A friend in need............ will cost you a lot of money.”

“A bad workman................ leaves you to finish the job,” yelled Sharlie.

Ruth Derwent, groaning in as much pain as Hilda, ground out, “He jumped out of the frying pan............ carrying the bacon under his arm.” Moaning pitiably, she added to her Head, “Hilda, you and I, as English mistresses, have failed miserably.”

Hilda looked at her and twinkled merrily, “I’ll accept your resignation now, Ruth, but I’m admitting nothing.”

Her words brought the house down and there was uproar for a few minutes, as Ruth buried her face in her hands, and Hilda thought to herself what a good job it was that the girls were dancing in the hall.

“No more! No more, please!” sobbed Vida, mopping her eyes.

Con, however, opened three books. “Just these then, Vida. I’ve got several endings to this one.” She read out in a voice quaking with laughter, “Two heads are better............. but three are best. Two heads are better.............. than none at all. But the prize has to be, Two heads are better.......” and she paused tantalisingly and glanced round before adding, “.........when trying to do Miss Wilmot’s maths.”

There was a dumbfounded silence for a moment and the Sharlie was heard to mutter, “Please don’t let Nancy see that! I beg you! She’ll make the girl do one thousand quadratic equations, and then gobble up her and the equations for breakfast.”

Her comments brought about the complete collapse of everyone there, and it was a long time before some of them could sit upright again. It only needed Matey to complete the evening. Having been silent till now, she held a book up.

“I’m afraid there’s one here for you, Hilda,” she said sadly, her face serious as she carried the war into the enemy camp."Tonia Slater has really taken your grammar lessons to heart."

She paused and looked around before declaiming slowly, "You can take a horse to water........... BUT MAY YOU?” and then she smirked at Hilda, getting her revenge for her Head's earlier remark.

Someone snorted, as the rest of them clapped their hands over their mouths to stifle their laughter and Hilda sat staring poker-faced at Matey, who returned her look for look. Then, at the same moment, they both cracked and burst out laughing, though somewhat ruefully in Hilda’s case.

“Hoist by my own petard!” she said, shaking her head in mock-sadness, and at once shouts of glee chorused all round in appreciation of this apposite response. Suddenly, however, Hilda........

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
A bad workman blames his tools.
He jumped out of the frying pan into the fire.
Two heads are better than one.
You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

#391: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:27 pm

Quote:

She paused and looked around before declaiming slowly, "You can take a horse to water........... BUT MAY YOU?” and then she smirked at Hilda, getting her revenge for her Head's earlier remark.

Sheer class. Well done Mary, I think you beat us all with that one. Laughing

Now...what is the

Quote:

suddenly, however, Hilda...

all about?

#392: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:37 pm

Tut tut tut *shakes head sorrowfully* Mary, where did you learn to write such cliff hangers? Wink

#393: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 8:43 pm

Excellent Mary, thank you. And you definitely win the signed first edition of Cecily Holds the Fort for this effort:

Quote:

She paused and looked around before declaiming slowly, "You can take a horse to water........... BUT MAY YOU?” and then she smirked at Hilda, getting her revenge for her Head's earlier remark.

Also shocked by the appalling cliff.

#394: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 9:14 pm

Thankyou Mary - what wonderful proverbs! Especially the can/may one Laughing

I'm waiting now with bated breath to find out what Hilda suddenly did!

#395: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:21 pm

Oh Mary I'm sorry I didnt see this earlier, when I could have enjoyed the laughs you have given us. Parents are not under the impression that I am in bed, and they are trying to sleep in the room next to me, so I just cant. Congrats on a great post though! It's just fab

#396: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:39 pm

Thanks Mary

loved the two heads for Miss Wilmot's Maths

Liz

#397: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 11:41 pm

Mary, I already laughed through the first 2 sets of proverbs, but you outdid yourself with this last lot - especially the 'can/may' one - Hilda was definitely hoist with her own petard there, as she herself said.

Can't say I like the sound of the cliff you have left Hilda perched on - I hope this isn't one of those times when laughter turns to tears - please!!

#398: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 1:01 am

This was lovely - but a cliff? I am waiting here with coffee, and brownies.

#399: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:28 am

Fab proverbs again! But eek a cliff!

#400: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:49 pm

Lesley wrote:

Tut tut tut *shakes head sorrowfully* Mary, where did you learn to write such cliff hangers? Wink

I can't imagine, Lesley. Must be something in the water. Rolling Eyes

Actually, Lesley, it wasn't really a cliff at all, but my story doesn't really lend itself to cliffs, so I have to take any opportunity I can to show how well your example rubs off on one....or two......or even more! Rolling Eyes

“Hoist by my own petard!” she said, shaking her head in mock-sadness, and at once shouts of glee chorused all round in appreciation of this apposite response. Suddenly, however, Hilda closed the exercise book and sat up straighter, wiping her eyes, and looking round at them all fondly.

“I can’t tell you how much that has helped me tonight, for it has not been a particularly good day, as I’m sure Rosalie could tell you. Con, I’m so glad you shared those with us. I would hate to have missed them, even if Gwynneth did poke fun at me.”

She smiled round at them with her gentle smile, and her rich voice was very warm with her appreciation as she spoke. “And of course you know how much Nell would have enjoyed it all. There would have been some very ribald comments, I’m sure, knowing Nell.”

There was soft laughter as she finished speaking. She had once asked them always to remember to talk about Nell, but she found that unless she brought her name up, they were still unwilling to do so. Were they frightened of upsetting her, or were they already forgetting Nell, she wondered.

She swallowed, her throat suddenly tight, and Ruth reached over to clasp her hand understandingly. How blessed she was in her staff, Hilda thought. Smiling at her Senior Mistress, she added slowly, “This has given me an idea for the Staff Party, though I think you may need to sort it out for me, Ruth. But then again, you may already have plenty of ideas.”

At the sudden groans from all sides she glanced around and grinned. She reflected that it was just as well the girls could not see their mistresses lolling around as they were at this moment, still giggling and groaning.

“We’re clean out of ideas, Hilda, so any offering would be very gratefully accepted,” said Ruth, looking woebegone.

“You don’t mind?” asked Hilda tentatively, for it was a long time since she had proffered ideas for Staff Evenings, she and Nell preferring not to appear as though they were interfering, and imposing their own ideas. But somehow, through her sadness and loneliness, she had become almost one of the Staff again. Almost! There was still that wide chasm that was necessary between Staff and Head, and she must be very careful not to try and cross it completely in her need.

When they all shook their heads, she asked, “What have you come up with so far?”

“Photos of us all as babies, “ muttered Ruth dolefully. “That hasn’t been done recently but everything else we can think of has. We’re sadly devoid of inspiration, I’m afraid to admit.”

Hilda looked around at them all again and then gave them an unholy grin, declaring, “Well, I might just have not one, but two ideas – and they’ll both keep them very busy all evening, the monstrous little darlings!”

#401: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 6:11 pm

Thanks Mary

Looking forward to hearing Hilda's idea

Liz

#402: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:08 pm

Fantastic Mary - sounds like the evening itself is going to be ace! Wish I could attend it! lol

#403: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:10 pm

A lovely, and in the end, gentle, finish to what started out as a very stormy day for Hilda. It's good to see her in the staff room with the rest.

Just wondering what joys she's dreamed up for the Staff Evening, too.

Thanks, Mary - once again you have brought us through the lows and highs of the grieving process as they can hit over the course of a single day most effectively. We've wanted to simply hug Hilda, then been able to join in her laughter - you just make us feel that we are there with them all.

#404: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:11 pm

Thanks Mary - note that Hilda realises there must be that distance between her and the Staff - just so sad that now she's on her own - hope that Nancy and Gwynneth can help.

Looking forward to the Staff Evening.

#405: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:18 pm

Thankyou for a lovely post - it is nice to see Hilda becoming 'almost one of the staff' again - that is what she needs now she doesn't have the friendship with Nell to rely on.

I can't wait to see what she has planned for the Staff Evening!

#406: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:35 pm

That was lovely and gentle Mary. It is so sad that Hilda is effectivly alone as she has to keep some distace, but glad she has moments like this.

Look forward to the staff evening.

#407: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:56 am

Oh, that was lovely Mary; it's gorgeous seeing Hilda's quiet sense of fun emerging, even after a hard day like this.

Thank you.

#408: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:29 pm

The beginning of the Staff Party gave Hilda a few silent chuckles as she lurked near the boards where the Staff photographs were hung.

“That one looks very serious and queen-like for a baby,” confided Suzanne Morley from Inter IVB to her bosom pal Victoria Twist. “I bet you it’s the Abbess!” which caused the tall, stately Headmistress much merriment, as it was in fact the miniscule Sharlie Andrews.

“How about this one?” responded Victoria. “She’s so tiny and look at those eyes! Fierce isn’t in it? It’s got to be Matron!” At which point Hilda took herself off before she gave herself away, as the babe in question was the calm-eyed Vivien.

She was joined by Nancy at this second board just as Tessa Lewis, the Head Girl, whispered to her younger sister Katy, “Don’t you think that baby there looks rather like a wrinkled prune?” Controlling herself with the utmost difficulty and gripping Nancy firmly by the elbow, Hilda managed to move her over to the dais before the pair of them collapsed, giggling wildly.

“A wrinkled prune!” wheezed Nancy, mopping up her tears. “Oh Hilda, may I see her face as she finds out it’s her esteemed headmistress! Will you let on you overheard?”

Hilda looked at her in disbelief, one eyebrow raised. “Nancy, have you ever known me pass up such an opportunity? My Head Girl!” and she groaned.

“You’re evil in your own quiet way, but you know that, don’t you?” gasped Nancy, glad to see Hilda looking so bright and getting up to mischief again.

Hilda just smiled. “All Nell’s influence, my dear,” she said softly, and fond memories lit up her eyes for a moment.

Nancy stared at her consideringly. “I think it’s more than just her influence. It’s like she’s passed on her mantle to you, because your humour is definitely more wicked than it used to be. I’ve heard all about those comments in the Staff room the other night, especially the ones aimed at Gwynneth. Nell would have been proud of you!” she finished, and then could have kicked herself hard, as she suddenly saw the sheen of tears in Hilda’s eyes. But when she put out her hand in apology to her Head, Hilda merely shook her head and smiled gently before moving off......

By the time the last girls were putting the final touches to their lists of babies’ names, most were seated round tables groaning with an assortment of materials, wool, buttons and sequins, biros, pens and pencils in various colours, pegs and pipe cleaners, plus glue, scissors and needles. Hilda’s idea had been that, following on from the photos of the staff as babies, the girls should each produce a doll fashioned to look like a now-adult member of staff, using either the pegs or pipe cleaners as a base.

The mistresses had thought the idea so brilliant that they had wondered why no one had ever thought of it before. Hilda smiled inscrutably and kept the truth to herself – it was something she had actually seen in a lesson in one of the schools she had visited on her tour as an Inspector a few years earlier. It doesn’t do to reveal all one’s secrets!

#409: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:38 pm

Another great piece, Mary - I can just visualise Hilda and Nancy giggling!

Quote:

Nancy stared at her consideringly. “I think it’s more than just her influence. It’s like she’s passed on her mantle to you, ..... Nell would have been proud of you!” she finished, and then could have kicked herself hard, as she suddenly saw the sheen of tears in Hilda’s eyes. But when she put out her hand in apology to her Head, Hilda merely shook her head and smiled gently before moving off......

Another instance of how Hilda's journey through the grieving process is progressing - earlier in the term, she would have actually broken down after a comment like Nancy's.

Quote:

Well we never did hear much about what Hilda had learned from that tour in 'Challenge' - clearly her visits had their 'fun' times as well as the more serious elements.

Will look forward to the rest of the evening!

#410: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:40 pm

Mary, this is lovely, thank you. Funny yet poignant, as Nancy and Hilda start to remember Nell, and speak of her with a little less pain.

#411: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:43 pm

Lovely Mary, and I'm so looking forward to Hilda letting Tessa know that she heard her comments!

Agree with Elder - all evidence that Hilda's journey is continuing, that she is better able to cope with the loss - even though she will never truly be over it.

#412: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:01 pm

Brilliant Mary Thankyou. You have covered the humorous aspects of that so well again, while allowing the sorrow that Hilda feels show through a little again. It's so true to life in that, she is slowly learning how she can deal with the past and move on a little, even in a place so full of Nell's spirit. Thanks once again

#413: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:35 pm

Thank you Mary, wonderful.

#414: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 2:48 pm

This is great, Mary - it's wonderful to see more of Hilda's sense of humour.

Thank you.

#415: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 3:40 pm

I love the wrinkled prune - and I'm looking forward to seeing the fallout landing on Tessa's head! Laughing

What an inspired idea to make peg-doll mistresses - is it something you have seen yourself in real life Mary?

Thankyou for another lovely update.

#416: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 3:46 pm

Helen P wrote:

What an inspired idea to make peg-doll mistresses - is it something you have seen yourself in real life Mary?

I've never seen it at all, Helen. Not even sure it would work in real life. Embarassed

Where did the idea come from? Hilda herself, I should think! Rolling Eyes

As I've said before, she gets very obstreperous if I don't do what she tells me. She writes all her own conversation. That's why she gets to best everyone else, even Matey. Shocked

#417: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 8:47 pm

The mistresses had thought the idea so brilliant that they had wondered why no one had ever thought of it before. Hilda smiled inscrutably and kept the truth to herself – it was something she had actually seen in a lesson in one of the schools she had visited on her tour as an Inspector a few years earlier. It doesn’t do to reveal all one’s secrets!

The girls had been well mixed up in ages at the tables, so the older girls could help the younger with the fiddly jobs. The staff wandered round giving help and advice, and found themselves subjected to more close attention than they ever got in their lessons, as the girls strove to make a true likeness. Hilda herself was surprised by the sheer ingenuity and creativity of some of the girls. It was going to be very difficult to judge the ten best, she suspected, and was already forming a plan as to the eventual destination of all the good ones! Of course, her staff might have a thing or two to say about being so displayed but........!

These two first activities taking well over two hours, it was nearly eight o’clock before they all trooped into the Speisesaal, where they found a special supper of party food laid out, topped off with ice cream and mounds of tiny Viennese chocolate and nut cakes. The wonder of it all was, agreed Matey, Hilda and Nancy, that none of them made themselves sick, though Matey promised to have plenty of castor oil ready for later!

The Juniors were going off to bed before the third activity, so once back in the Hall they were to have the prize-giving for the first two activities. Before reading out the name of the baby in each photo, so the girls could mark their lists, Hilda looked around at them severely.

“I should perhaps warn Victoria Twist,” she said repressively, “to take due warning about those fierce eyes she mentioned, for they belong to Miss Knowles and not, as she surmised, to Matron,” and here she twinkled at Matey, whose eyes were very fierce indeed as she glared at a blushing Victoria while Vivien Knowles merely smiled benignly.

Hilda continued, “And Suzanne, I’m afraid I’m not ready just yet to give up my job to Miss Andrews, no matter how much you think she looks the part.” Suzanne darted a horrified look at Sharlie, who was regarding her merrily while Hilda’s face was alight with laughter.

But then, composing her face again, she looked across at Tessa and spoke icily. “And as for my Head Girl, she may be able to read minds, but she has absolutely no tact or sensitivity.” At the shocked look on Tessa’s face, she almost lost her impassivity, but she managed to say with a straight face and a wry tone to her voice, “I'm afraid I was that wrinkled prune, my dear!”

However, her composure did crack then, as Tessa’s jaw dropped in horror when she realised she had been overheard, and she turned beetroot red, but then she started giggling and mouthed “Sorry!” to her beaming headmistress, who added teasingly, “And, Tessa, my dear, I do hope you’re not going to say that the epithet fits, now that I have a few silver hairs on my head and a few more lines on my face,” which caused Tessa to shake her head vigorously in denial, to the delight of all.

Hilda proceeded to read out the list of babies’ names and handed out prizes to the girls who had got the most correct. After that, Ruth, Sharlie and Kathie, who had been scrutinising the dolls during the supper break, now brought up to the dais the ones they had chosen as the winners. As she came on to the dais, however, Ruth Derwent spoke loudly to Hilda so all could hear, “Shall I read out the winners, Miss Annersley, and you hand out the prizes?”

There was a gleam in her eye that told Hilda her deputy was up to no good. Glancing at the other two, she saw Sharlie had her hands behind her back and a distinct smirk on her lips.........

#418: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 8:57 pm

Oh that was lovely - thank you Mary - Hilda has a wicked sense of humour!

And I'm really looking forward to the next bit - what are Ruth and Sharlie up to???? Laughing

#419: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:03 pm

Oh Mary how wonderfully well you are writing this. I can tell you that was just what I was needing to read. Thankyou its great.

#420: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 9:19 pm

I think the peg doll mistresses would work in real life!

Poor Tessa! Lovely Hilda Very Happy

#421: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 10:03 pm

Mary, I love that idea, and the way you have written it not only brings out the humour, but also the bittersweet quality of Hilda's life as she grieves.

I am guessing that at least one of the dolls is of Hilda! Laughing

Last edited by Carolyn P on Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

#422: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:56 pm

Wow!!

I've just put off going to bed so I could properly catch up on this (since last Thursday Shocked

) and I'm so glad I did

After a very tiring day (both personal and London reasons) this has made me laugh out loud and relax - I was there with the staff as they read out the proverbs and wandering round wiht them listening to the comments on the photos and watching the dolls being made

Mary, I admired your writing before, but now watching Hilda moving on, while still desperately missing Nell, I am in absolute awe. Once this is finished (which I hope isn't for a very long time) I'm going to ask for a copy to keep so I can reread it whenever I want to - or whenever I need to be reminded about how grief affects us - even when people don't show it. And also because it's a bloomin good story Very Happy

#423: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:32 am

Also wondering what Ruth & Sharlie are hatching here - this was another wonderful piece, Mary, especially Hilda's gentle fun-poking.

Agreeing wholeheartedly with Dawn (and others along the way) about the quality of your writing and what you have to say about the grief process, or progression, if you will, too.

#424: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 4:10 am

Loved this Mary, especially the development of Hilda's more wicked humour. I can hear Nell enjoying this!

#425: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:47 am

*giggling foolishly*

I know I'm a bit behindhand, but I've only just read the last of the proverbs. Laughing

And the Staff Evening is fabulous. ROFL

So glad to see Hilda -- and the staff -- able to begin bringing Nell back into conversation, even though the laughter is mixed with tears.

#426: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 9:52 am

Mary, I'm running out of superlatives! I love this. Thank you.

#427: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 10:13 am

Wonderful, thank you Mary. Am interested to see what Ruth and Sharlie are up to!

#428: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 12:24 pm

Thinking back to some of my efforts at peg dolls I guess the results could be rather - er - interesting Laughing

Will any of them be dressed in lime green? Wink

Thanks Mary

Liz

#429: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:22 pm

..... After that, Ruth, Sharlie and Kathie, who had been scrutinising the dolls during the supper break, now brought up to the dais the ones they had chosen as the winners. As she came on to the dais, however, Ruth Derwent spoke loudly to Hilda so all could hear, “Shall I read out the winners, Miss Annersley, and you hand out the prizes?”

There was a gleam in her eye that told Hilda her deputy was up to no good. Glancing at the other two, she saw Sharlie had her hands behind her back and a distinct smirk on her lips. Yielding the lectern to Ruth with a puzzled smile, Hilda stood ready by the prizes.

Ruth smiled around at the girls who were all agog to see who had won. “I have to say, girls, we have been impressed by your creative skills – and your humour in some cases. It’s always – shall we say interesting? – to see ourselves as others see us.”

She held up the first of the four dolls she was holding. “Here we have Mr Denny, dressed in his sartorial best, and Miss Lawrence, who is not only holding a sheet of music entitled Night on a Bare Mountain, by Mussorgsky, but has notes of music stuck to her gown.” There were several choking sounds from among the staff at the title of the music, for in the annals of the school there had been more than one incident of nights spent on mountains, bare or otherwise.

As she continued to speak Miss Derwent was holding up each doll on turn. “Here we have Miss Andrews, with her beautifully rosy cheeks, and here, quite clearly, we have our artist in residence, Miss Yolland, for not only is she holding a palette of paints, but she is herself also liberally daubed with said paint. Is this what you get up to in the privacy of the Art Room, Miss Yolland?” she asked as she turned with a pained expression to Rosalind. When the Art Mistress grinned widely and nodded, Ruth asked whimsically, "But where are the masterpieces you are meant to be creating to give our school a good name in the Art world?"

"Yes, Miss Yolland, we want to see you hanging in the Louvre in Paris or the National Gallery in London," called out Vida Armitage.

Hilda was chuckling as she heard this, but then choked as she heard Matey mutter darkly, "Not literally, I hope."

There was a round of applause, for these dolls were exceptionally well-crafted, and Miss Annersley, bravely trying to control her giggles, called their makers up to receive their prizes, Miss Andrews actually having been created by one of her own Juniors, Jessica Bruce.

Kathie now stood up at the lectern, holding up her dolls in turn. “Here we have Miss Derwent with a copy of Dickens’ Bleak House under her arm. Not a comment on the state of our school, I hope, Maria!” she said in a startled tone to the girl, an acolyte of Upper VA, who just grinned knowingly.

“Miss Wilmot comes next, fair hair and all, with a book of logarithms in her pocket, and a ruler and pencil stuck through said hair. Very true to life, Sandra, I have to say, although... perhaps that hair should look a little wilder!” she added provokingly. Here there was heard a most unladylike muffled snort from the Head of St Mildred’s.

Kathie continued calmly, only her eyes gleaming a little to give her away as she heard Nancy. “Here we have Miss Knowles with a bottle labelled Poison, no less, in her hand and a mask over her face. What do you get up to in the labs, Miss Knowles? Is the mask to hide your murderous tendencies?” She made her eyes look wide and innocent at this point and there was a stifled giggle from Vivien.

Kathie held up her last doll. “And here, a wonderful image of Miss Moore with a miniature globe in her hand. I’m impressed, Charlotte,” she added as she smiled down at the blushing creator. “You must show me how you made that. It might come in useful in my own Geography lessons.”

Amid much laughter these four were also presented with their prizes, then Ruth took over the lectern again. “You will have noticed we have only so far shown you eight dolls, when in fact there are ten prizes. I have to tell you, girls, if you thought those eight were good, these last two are so life-like they are downright scary.”

As she finished speaking, Sharlie’s left hand suddenly appeared from behind her back – and there was an immediate round of applause for she was holding ............

#430: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:29 pm

Ooooh! What was she holding?

Thanks Mary, fab update but hope you don't keep us in suspense for too long!

#431: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:34 pm

Oh no not another cliff...

Please Mary put us out of our misery (or I'll nag you all the way to Lancaster tomorrow).

Thank you for the last few updates, the whole staff evening has a lovely gentle true CS quality about it.

#432: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:40 pm

Brilliant Mary. Another wonderful enstallment. Hmmmm, still wondering what the joke is that Hilda has been sent to hand out the prizes though. Ah well that will be resolved along with your little 'cliff' no doubt. Now the question is, is it a 'proper' cliff this time!

#433: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:59 pm

Another lovely update, Mary - this whole staff evening episode has been wonderful. The girls are clearly very talented creators of models!

But please let us know what Sharlie was holding before you leave for the 'gather' tomorrow!!

#434: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 8:18 pm

Please give us a preview at the G tomorrow! Twisted Evil

#435: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 8:32 pm

Pat, you took the words out of my mouth!

Mary, thankyou, those were fantastic descriptions of the dolls - I wish I had the imagination of those girls!

#436: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 9:44 pm

Oh, Mary, I do hope you will tell all tomorrow! I wonder if you can be bribed with....chilli?

Love the description of the different dolls, again, a true CS style competition.

#437: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 10:35 pm

Thanks Mary

looking forward to finding out what she was holding

Liz

#438: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 12:01 am

And we didn't get to find out at the gather Sad

#439: Author: calico, Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:31 am

Thanks Mary
This is wonderful. I loved the proverbs.

#440: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:08 pm

Lovely Mary - wonderful comments from the Staff - they come across as such a warm and close bunch.

#441: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 6:13 pm

Dawn wrote:

And we didn't get to find out at the gather Sad

But you didn't ask, Dawn. Embarassed

I still enjoyed meeting you all, though. Great putting faces to names. : Wink

Amid much laughter these four were also presented with their prizes, then Ruth took over the lectern again. “You will have noticed we have only so far shown you eight dolls, when in fact there are ten prizes. I have to tell you, girls, if you thought these eight were good, these last two are so life-like they are downright scary.”

As she finished speaking, Sharlie’s left hand suddenly appeared from behind her back – and there was an immediate round of applause for she was holding Matey in her hands! Matey brought to life in uniform and flowing cap, a thermometer stuck through her white hair, a bottle of elixir in one hand and spoon in the other.

Sharlie’s eyes danced as Matey herself moved forward to take it from her. Somehow the doll’s creator had even managed to reproduce Matey’s typical no-nonsense expression with just a few strokes of a pen, and Matey now assumed that same expression as she glared round at the girls.

“Who is to blame for this?” she asked in her sharpest tone of voice, and the school held its collective breath as timid Valerie White from Upper VB put up a shaking hand. For a moment the glare held, and then Matey beamed benignly. “It’s wonderful, my dear. You have a real talent,” and her voice held a warmth only heard by the girls, or indeed the staff, when they were ill or upset.

The school let out its collective breath in a sigh of relief and gave another round of applause to poor Valerie, who was desperately trying to hide herself among her compeers. Matey tried to scurry off with her image but it was plucked out of her hand by a giggling Sharlie, much to the amusement of the girls and the mock-annoyance of Matey. Sharlie placed it by the other dolls and then turned to her audience.

“Are you ready for this?” she twinkled, and her right hand appeared from behind her back – much like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat - and gasps sounded all round the hall at the sight of the last image. It was perfection! Hilda found herself gazing in awe – at herself!

There she was in her sweeping MA gown with its scarlet hood, but underneath the gown was even more startling, for the figure was wearing the same black dress, with its white lace collar and cuffs, that she was wearing at that very moment. The style was the same, the lace looked identical. Even her black high-heeled shoes had been painted on to the prongs of the peg. However, it was the head that really drew the attention. Under her brown, wavy hair, its style mirroring the way she was wearing it that evening, the peg doll wore Hilda’s very own calm, smiling face to perfection. It truly was a work of art!

As she stared at it wordlessly, a remark uttered sotto voce floated towards her. “I’m going to steal that later on when no one’s looking and hide it away in a drawer.”

Quick as a flash, Hilda retorted, “Then I’ll know where to come next time I have a headache, Miss Knowles,” and then she turned and winked at Vivien, who stared back open-mouthed, while the other mistresses sniggered around her.

Rosalind Moore leaned over to Vivien and muttered conspiratorially, “Haven’t you learned yet that our esteemed Chief has got ears as well as eyes in the back of that shapely head?”

At this point a convulsed Hilda turned back, grinning widely, to take the doll from Sharlie and hold it up for closer inspection. As she did so she saw her image was holding two miniature books. One was the Bible but the other one, to her immense surprise, was a child’s book by Enid Blyton, entitled The Naughtiest Girl in the School.

Bemused, wondering what the message was here, she smiled down at the girls and her voice was rich with her appreciation as she spoke. “I’m overwhelmed. Dare I ask who has managed to conjure me up so beautifully?”

For a moment no one moved and then slowly a hand went up. “Marianne!” she said in surprise, then added warmly, “Well done, my dear, Miss Yolland must be proud of you!” She was amazed that this girl had chosen to depict her headmistress after their encounter earlier in the study, though she no longer wondered about the book!

But then, looking into the girl’s eyes as she stood up to come forward, Hilda saw something that moved her intensely. Affection! This girl was clearly changing, and changing almost before her very eyes. Hilda was not to know that it was almost entirely due to the way she had handled Marianne in that interview, to the pain the girl had seen and to the gentle appeal Hilda had made to her.

After shaking hands with Valerie and handing over her prize, Hilda turned to Marianne and her voice was soft and warm as she spoke. “Thank you, Marianne, and not just for this doll, beautiful as it is. I think the title of the book holds its own message, doesn’t it?” The girl nodded and smiled, relieved that Miss Annersley had understood. She returned to her place with a warm glow in her heart, something she realised she was feeling for the first time since entering the school.

As Marianne sat back down in her place, the Head was speaking again. “ I have decided, since there are not only these ten dolls but many other truly excellent ones, to have a glass-fronted cupboard built in the entrance hall to house them all, as it would be such a shame to dispose of them.”

As the girls clapped and cheered, Hilda muttered in an aside, “And that way, Gwynneth can admire herself ad nauseam, and Vivien can’t stick pins in me in secret every time I upset her.”

She reflected a moment and then turned slightly to eye Vivien, and said blandly, “Though knowing my newest member of staff, I’m sure she’ll find some way to do precisely that, anyway.” Vivien’s eyes goggled at this very public teasing from her Headmistress, but the other mistresses just collapsed quietly and giggled to themselves.

#442: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 6:19 pm

Oh that's so lovely - Mary you have Matey down so well - she is as perfect as your portrayal of Hilda.

Thank you.

#443: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 6:46 pm

Mary - that's so lovely! I agree with Lesley that you portray Matey just as well as you do Hilda.

Thank you for this bit - as well done as ever!

#444: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 7:56 pm

Lovely long update, thanks Mary! I agree, your characterisation is superb

#445: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:18 pm

Mary, that was wonderful Laughing

I would like to quote the parts I enjoyed most, but it would mean reproducing the whole lot!

Thankyou so much Very Happy

#446: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:30 pm

I can really picture that in my mind. And you can do humour!!!!

#447: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:40 pm

That was lovely Mary. I guessed that one of the dolls had to be Hilda, but I didn't think about who had made it or why, that was a brilliant touch. I love the teasing among the staff, the bit about the pins with Vivian and about looking at herself with Matey. Matey's mock annoyance is also great. You capture the characters so well.

#448: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 11:16 pm

*giggles*

Thanks Mary

Liz

#449: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 12:34 am

Oh, lovely, lovely, lovely Mary!!
And Matey is as well-drawn as Hilda!
This is an absolute joy.

#450: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 9:46 am

Wonderful! Thank you Mary. You definately can do humour and your characterisation is fantastic - especially Hilda and Matey!

#451: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:10 pm

As the girls clapped and cheered, Hilda muttered in an aside, “And that way, Gwynneth can admire herself ad nauseam, and Vivien can’t stick pins in me in secret every time I upset her.”

She reflected a moment and then turned slightly to eye Vivien, and said blandly, “Though knowing my newest member of staff, I’m sure she’ll find some way to do precisely that, anyway.” Vivien’s eyes goggled at this very public teasing from her Headmistress, but the other mistresses just collapsed quietly and giggled to themselves.

Hilda turned back to her audience and signalled with her hand and the noise ceased instantly. She smiled sympathetically down at the Juniors, whose faces fell as they realised that this was the end of the evening for them. She dismissed them quietly and they trooped out sadly, followed by their own mistresses, who had agreed to forego the rest of the entertainment so the Prefects could stay and join in the fun. When they had gone, Hilda took up her tale again and her eyes gleamed with amusement as she spoke to the Middles and Seniors.

“You may blame the last part of the evening on Miss Maynard and Lower IVB.” The latter class looked at each other in bemusement as she added in mock reproof, “Half of you do not seem to know any proverbs at all, despite the best efforts of your English teachers, and yet they are part of our cultural heritage, whatever nationality we are. So.....,” and she stopped tantalisingly for a moment and then added, “You are going to play charades – and you are going to act out said proverbs.”

There was a dismayed intake of breath and some very comical expressions on a great many faces, much to the amusement of the staff, most of whom had leapt on Hilda’s little idea with glee.

Hilda continued, the gleam in her eyes now a distinct twinkle. “You’ll be in mixed age groups as before, and we’re giving you fifteen minutes to plan how you are going to act your particular proverb, after which you can stun us with your cleverness – or not, as the case may be!”

She proceeded to read out the names for the groups and then Ruth went round offering them rolled-up scrolls in a jar, from which they had to choose one, each scroll bearing the words of a proverb. There were loud groans to be heard from some groups, and much uncontrollable giggling from others, as they discovered just what their proverbs were. Hilda sent her staff to have a few minutes peace and quiet while she, Nancy, Ruth, Kathie and Julie patrolled, trying to stop the girls completely lifting the roof with their noise as they tried out their routines.

Hilda nearly got mown down at one point as a rolling stone hurtled by gathering absolutely no moss at all, and Ruth’s hair was sadly blown about by an ill wind that certainly did her no good. By the end of the allotted practice time Hilda, prowling the hall, began to wonder if anyone would guess any of the proverbs. The only thing she could say with any certainty was that, by and large, much merriment was had by all.

As Hilda stood up to start the ball rolling, she advised them that prizes were not going to be given for who guessed the most proverbs correctly, but for the teams who presented the most entertaining presentation, or the ones who gave the most telling re-enactment, so making it easy to guess the proverb.

She added wryly, “Although my aged bones tell me that not many teams are going to win in the second category, judging by what I’ve seen so far. I think the word ‘entertaining’ is one I have chosen wisely, for I really am wondering, girls, how it is possible to make something so complicated out of an apparently simple task. Truly a mountain out of a molehill!” she teased, and that drew groans not only from the girls but her staff as well, and set the tone for what was to follow.

#452: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 8:35 pm

Another lovely piece, Mary - clearly everyone is enjoying the fun!

Will wait in patience for the conclusion of this evening - it will be fun to find out who win the prizes!

#453: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 9:04 pm

What a great idea! Love Hilda's dry comments about mountians and molehills, very apt! Laughing

#454: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 10:11 pm

Wonderful! You have the most amazing imagination, Mary, and I can picture everything you write about so easily,

Quote:

Hilda nearly got mown down at one point as a rolling stone hurtled by gathering absolutely no moss at all, and Ruth’s hair was sadly blown about by an ill wind that certainly did her no good.

That bit in particular had me grinning like a loon Very Happy

#455: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 2:41 am

Aren't they having fun?!!

#456: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 7:08 am

Thanks Mary

A lot of inventive thought has gone into this staff evening Very Happy

Liz

#457: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 3:19 pm

So good to see Hilda's sense of humour.

Thanks Mary.

#458: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:28 pm

Just read the last two bits at once, Mary. What a wonderful evening - I'm almost jealous! The girls are so lucky to have Hilda, Gwynneth and the others in their lives - and we are so lucky to be able to read about them!

Thank you so much.

#459: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 8:41 pm

........ for I really am wondering, girls, how it is possible to make something so complicated out of an apparently simple task. Truly a mountain out of a molehill!” she teased, and that drew groans not only from the girls but her staff as well, and set the tone for what was to follow.

The mistresses were soon chuckling loudly, and the girls themselves screaming, as the first little group, led by Susan Makepeace from Upper VIB, demonstrated just how badly a workman can blame his tools. Two of the group laid Katy Landers, clearly a plank of wood, down on the floor and Susan proceeded to wield a large saw, intent on cutting her in two, but then she looked in visible horror as she ended up with a piece of the saw in each hand.

Throwing them away with immense disgust, she picked up an invisible hammer, started knocking a nail into the plank of wood – only for the head to come off the hammer, the two pieces fly into the air and for the two who had carried the plank of wood to clutch their heads with a silent groan, while the log stood up and ran away, laughing, and Susan picked up the two pieces and wagged her finger at them furiously. Her facial expressions had to be seen to be believed, but she soon had the audience chanting the correct proverb

Birds of a feather flock together got wildly inaccurate statements attached to it as the two groups who had combined to do this one imitated different birds hugging each other. The sight of Mireille Morin, the deputy head girl, and a very elegant French girl, waddling around as a penguin with two other ultra-dignified Sixth form girls, caused most of the audience to clutch its sides while Hilda herself wept gently.

But she then groaned out loud as another group tried to imitate parsnips for the proverb, Fine words butter no parsnips. “How on earth do you pretend to be a parsnip?” giggled Ruth Derwent, as she watched Gillian Reece, the Games Captain, pretending to put butter on said parsnips, but only making them writhe feverishly as she found their ticklish spots.

“We were really cruel to foist that one on them, weren’t we?” twinkled Hilda, feeling not at all guilty, as the audience called out all sorts of weird and wonderful answers. “They’re having so much fun I don’t really think they care what their proverb is!”

The sight of bottoms stuck in the air, as Ailsa Donnelly’s group of early birds tried to pull up their worms, reduced most people to tears of mirth, especially as Marianne Westwood’s imitation of a cock crowing, to show how early it was meant to be, gave the girl hiccups, at which point several in the audience followed suit, so hard were they laughing.

Con, whose lesson had been the catalyst for all this mayhem, buried her face in her hands as her shoulders shook. What had she done? And how had Hilda been inspired to dream up such magnificent nonsense? Unbeknown to Con, Hilda was thinking along the same lines. As she mopped her eyes, she muttered darkly to Ruth Derwent, “Remind me why I thought this was such a good idea!”

Ruth chuckled appreciatively and asked sardonically, “Because you thought it might be good for the souls of our little treasures?”

Hilda choked and then moaned when she heard this, and clutched her sides again. “ It’s certainly no good for my ribs, I can tell you that! It reminds me of the time we heard those outrageous stories about me.”

“Hm!” said Ruth blandly, eyeing her Headmistress meaningfully. “Our girls certainly do you proud. I’ve decided they think you belong in the nearest lunatic asylum, and are doing their very best to send you on your merry way with their antics. The more improbable the better, seems to be their current motto.”

Hilda's beautiful laugh rang out at that and Nancy, sitting by Kathie on the other side of the Hall, saw it and was glad. She glanced across at Matey and nodded towards Hilda, at which point Matey also nodded, and beamed happily. It did both their hearts good to see the light in Hilda’s eyes again.

#460: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:11 pm

It is also doing my heart good to see the light in Hilda's eyes again, and hear her laughter.

I loved the descriptions of the girls acting out the proverbs - so very EBDish and yet all your very own, Mary.

Thankyou yet again for a lovely piece of writing.

#461: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:25 pm

So good that Nancy and Matey are watching over her - hope Kathie is feeling better about it now.

Thanks Mary.

#462: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2005 9:48 pm

Lesley said:

Quote:

So good that Nancy and Matey are watching over her - hope Kathie is feeling better about it now.

Echoing Lesley on both these points.

Mary, never say you can't 'do' humour - you have painted another wonderful word picture here and I've just sat here and laughed out loud at the visions of the girls' antics and the staff and other girls' mirth. I can just imagine that more people's ribs than Hilda's are sore by this point.

Agrees with Helen, too, that it's good to see Hilda able to laugh so wholeheartedly at these antics. We know the sense of let down can hardly fail to come later - but please, if you love us, don't make it too sad a one - we know that Nell will be smiling down on this event and pleased that Hilda is enjoying it so much.

#463: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 12:56 am

How lovely to hear her laugh like that. And I'm sure Nell is delighted.

#464: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 7:58 am

So good to see Hilda laughing freely like that

Thanks Mary

Liz

#465: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:24 am

Wonderful descriptions and so ggod to see Hilda laughing like that.

Thank you Mary.

#466: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:09 pm

Hilda’s beautiful laugh rang out at that and Nancy, sitting by Kathie on the other side of the Hall, saw it and was glad. She glanced across at Matey and nodded towards Hilda, at which point Matey also nodded, and beamed happily. It did both their hearts good to see the light in Hilda’s eyes again. Suddenly, however, Matey saw something that gave her pause.

She watched as Kathie glanced up at Nancy, saw where her eyes were directed and turned to look – only for her warm brown eyes to go cold and her pretty lips to compress into a thin line. For a moment Matey was puzzled, but then, when she saw where both were now looking, it hit her immediately what the problem was, and she was aghast. She would never have suspected that of Kathie, who was such a warm, vibrant person and had always got on extremely well with Hilda.

“Don’t go there, Kathie, please, please don’t go there,” she groaned inwardly. “Don’t make something out of absolutely nothing, I beg of you.”

Shock kept her immobile for a moment and then she glanced across again at the unconscious Hilda. What would this do to them all, to Nancy, to Kathie herself, but most of all to Hilda? Matey knew with absolute certainty that if the latter ever found out, she would immediately distance herself from Nancy so as not to hurt Kathie, and that would not be a good thing at all, thought Matey in despair, for right now Hilda needed her Co-head desperately. What a coil, Matey reflected anxiously, something almost like dread stealing into her heart.

Meanwhile everyone was still shrieking and laughing as Yvette Marchand from Lower VIA, trotting along on all fours, and ridden by a tiny member of IVA, was led by two members of her group supposedly to water, but there, unaccountably, she suddenly threw her rider into the water and then turned round and butted the others in. With a toss of her head she then kicked up her heels and galloped away, still on all fours, only to fall flat on her face at Jeanne de Lachennais’s feet, who hauled her back up and then, to the horse’s obvious stupefaction, led her back to the water and forced her head down to drink. At that point the whole audience gave up and roared so loudly that Hilda wondered the roof did not actually fall in on top of them.

The ill wind and the rolling stone garnered more shrieks, but the pièce de résistance of the evening, as far as Hilda was concerned, was the sight of her restrained and graceful Head Girl pretending to be a chicken laying an egg, and making jolly hard work of it too! As she and two others of her group laid the eggs, petite Samantha Smith gathered them up in a basket.

Unfortunately she pretended to drop the basket, so the others all squatted again, straining away, suitable grimaces on their faces, to lay more eggs, at which point Hilda and Ruth clutched each other for support, tears streaming down their faces, as others around them groaned and held their sides.

“Ouch!” moaned Hilda. “I may need an ambulance,” she added, as she tried to compose herself enough to be able to stand up and present the prizes, she and Ruth having decided on the spot that the three teams led by Susan, Yvette and Tessa were the winners, having truly entertained the troops.

“All your own fault, my dear,” said Ruth unkindly, her eyes gleaming at her friend’s complaint. “You shouldn’t dream up such unspeakable things for them to do. I have to say, I think it was absolutely inspired.”

“By what?” retorted Hilda. “My darker side? I’ll thank you, Ruth, to tell me to keep any other so-called inspirations to myself.”

She stalked off to the dais, still chuckling to herself, her ribs aching, thinking suddenly to herself how very much these antics would have appealed to Nell’s robust sense of humour.

It did appeal, sweetheart. Who do you think put you up to it? Mind you, you’re so wicked yourself you don’t need any inspiration. Your darker side indeed coming to the fore!

Was that gentle, mocking laughter she could hear floating in the air as she mounted the dais?

#467: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:32 pm

Quote:

“Don’t go there, Kathie, please, please don’t go there,” she groaned inwardly. “Don’t make something out of absolutely nothing, I beg of you.”

Echoes Matey here - someone needs to say something to Kathie before this gets out of hand - perhaps Matey herself?

Quote:

Was that gentle, mocking laughter she could hear floating in the air as she mounted the dais?

[/quote]

But of course it was - told you Nell would have been looking down on this with great enjoyment - it's a wonder we couldn't hear her laughter too!

Thanks for a wonderful evening sequence, Mary -but please do something to sort Kathie out before there is real damage done.

#468: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:36 pm

Actually i think I could hear nell's laugh - and how wonderful that she appears at a happy time in Hilda's life - before it's always been sad.

Echoes Elder's plea re Kathie - Matey please talk to her - make her see that Hilda is not stealing Nancy away!

Thanks Mary.

#469: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 10:49 pm

Oh dear - I foresee trouble with Kathie, Nancy and Hilda Sad

I do hope Matey will be able to sort it out with a word in Kathie's ear before things get too out of hand.

Mary, you had me laughing out loud at the description of the 'Horse to water' proverb!

#470: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 2:33 am

What a lovely end to the evening, but Kathie, be tolerant and generous! You will gain so muich more....

Thank you Mary

#471: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:38 am

Thanks Mary

Glad they've all had such a fun evening. I hope Matey (or somebody else) can make Kathie see sense.

Liz

#472: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:36 am

(((Kathie)))) - and hopes that someone can help her sort out her jealousy and pain

#473: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:04 am

Thanks Mary

#474: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:14 am

Thank you Mary. Lovely descriptions of the proverbs especially the horse to water and lovely that Nell's voice comes to Hilda at the end.

Echoing all the pleas that Matey or Nancy can help Kathie sort out her jealousy before it hurts Hilda or her or Nancy any more than it already has. Poor Kathie.

#475: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 1:24 pm

Mary thank you so much for the truly hilarious light relief of the last several posts - needed by all including yourself I believe after so much of what has come before.

#476: Author: Tiffany,

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 6:21 pm

I've just caught up on this, and it's wonderful. Honestly, Mary, never doubt yourself again! I don't have the words to tell you how absolutely fantastically good this is! I particularly love the way Nell is a part of Hilda, and is showing herself in Hilda's humour and ideas.

Poor Kathie, though... can someone help her to understand, and to rise above her gut reaction?

#477: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:03 pm

As she gazed out across the waters of Lake Geneva glinting in the moonlight, Hilda chuckled softly to herself at some of the scenes from that Staff evening. Suddenly, however, the smile was wiped from her face as her mind, of its own volition, took her back a mere ten days before this half term holiday started. Took her back to the date that marked the passage of six months since Nell had died.

For days beforehand she had felt pain gathering in her heart, no matter how much she tried to tell herself it was only a day like any other. Although to all outward appearances she was functioning normally, and her demeanour was as calm and impassive as always, her whole mind was focused on the single thought that she had been living and breathing and laughing and loving while her friend was no more, and guilt had crept stealthily in to join the pain.

In the moments when she could think clearly she knew that Nell, of all people, with her pragmatic nature, would have been appalled at this guilt. She would have agreed wholeheartedly with the poet Christina Rossetti:

Yet, if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve.
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Even though she had smiled, and indeed laughed, often and merrily, in the last six months, how could she not be sad? How could she ever forget her friend, the one who had believed in her, had accepted her failings and still loved her? Despite all the affection and care she felt surrounding her, without Nell she felt the consistent sense of dislocation and lonely vulnerability that she had known only once before, after the death of her mother. C.S. Lewis had felt the same bleakness on the death of his mother:

....all settled happiness, all that was tranquil and reliable, disappeared from my life. There was to be much fun, many pleasures...... but no more of the old security. It was sea and islands now; the great continent had sunk like Atlantis.”

Age and experience had come to her aid this time and she was able to hide these feelings most of the time, but it was only by clinging to God and relying on others’ love and prayers that she had been able inwardly to cope. Now suddenly all that she had accomplished so far was unravelling, and she felt helpless to stop it.

She had retired to bed the night before the six month anniversary, hoping sleep would come, but it had eluded her, as it had for several nights already that week. She had lain awake staring into the dark, seeing only imagined images of Nell’s broken body, hearing only, over and over again, the words that had so nearly killed her. She had felt once again the ice stealing into her heart, stopping up the tears that would have given her some relief.

At five o’clock she could bear it no longer. She wandered, numb with pain, feeling cold inside and out, to stand at the window of the salon, staring out, as dawn crept over the mountains with a heart-breaking beauty that yet found no echo in her usual receptivity to any beauty. How could it? Her heart was already broken, snapped clean in two by an earthquake. God and Mother Abbess might have glued the two pieces back together but the fault-line was there, ready to crack wide open again.

She continued to stand there as the rising sun flooded the room with light and warmth, but she only shivered and felt even colder. At seven o’clock, when she should have been getting ready for the day ahead, she acknowledged to herself that she needed help desperately – and that only one person could provide it. Seating herself at the small desk she dialled the number she now knew by heart.........

Last edited by MaryR on Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

#478: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:22 pm

Quote:

Well, we knew the let down would have to come after all the mirth, Mary, but this flashback of memory is beautifully done. It's all the more poignant for being posted after that hilarious evening, very heartfelt, but yet not so heart-wrenchingly sad, despite the anniversary, as some earlier passages in Hilda's grief journey have been - another tribute to the progress she is making. I love that particular Christina Rossetti poem, too.

Quote:

She continued to stand there as the rising sun flooded the room with light and warmth, but she only shivered and felt even colder. At seven o’clock, when she should have been getting ready for the day ahead, she acknowledged to herself that she needed help desperately – and that only one person could provide it. Seating herself at the small desk she dialled the number she now knew by heart

At last - she knows how to get that comfort she so desperately craves without having to have someone else take the initiative to get it for her - another sign of progress.

Thanks, Mary, I really loved this.

#479: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:37 pm

Thank you, Mary, this was beautifully sad after your recent humorous posts. Good to see Hilda calling Mother Abbess rather than suffering in silence alone.

I've been too busy to comment on several of your recent posts, but I've very much enjoyed the description of the staff evening, and I laughed along with Hilda at the dolls and the proverbs. I'm on tenterhooks now waiting to find out what happens with Kathie, whether matey or someone else manages to snap her out of her jealousy over the attention Nancy pays Hilda. If not, there's going to be trouble...

#480: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:07 pm

MaryR wrote:

Her heart was already broken, snapped clean in two by an earthquake. God and Mother Abbess might have glued the two pieces back together but the fault-line was there, ready to crack wide open again.

Absolutely perfect simile.

#481: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:24 pm

Quote:

This shows how far she has travelled in those six short months. Asking for help is such a huge step forward, and such a difficult one. Thank for this Mary, and for the hope there is for Hilda.

Last edited by Carolyn P on Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

#482: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 9:25 pm

What can I say? Beautiful writing.

I'm so very glad Hilda is able to take the initiative and phone for help - not so long ago she wouldn't even have recognised that she needed to do that, never mind done it for herself.

I love the way you are showing how she is coming to terms with her grief gradually, and learning to deal with the bad times.

#483: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Jul 15, 2005 10:47 am

Wonderfully written Mary, thank you.

I was going to quote the section Lesley did - I agree that it is a perfect simile and shows how deeply Hilda grieves for Nell. Pleased that she has come far enough to ring Mother Abbess herself. Poor Hilda.

#484: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:58 am

Thanks Mary

I'm glad Hilda is asking for help, instead of hiding her grief away.

And I'm sure the times she can remember and not be sad will gradually become more frequent, probably without her even noticing.

Liz

#485: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 11:50 am

Oh, this was so beautifully judged, and encapsulates so well the sickening dread of 'anniversaries" - to say nothing of the guilt that creeps in.

Thank you Mary.

#486: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:34 pm

At seven o’clock, when she should have been getting ready for the day ahead, she acknowledged to herself that she needed help desperately – and that only one person could provide it. Seating herself at the small desk she dialled the number she now knew by heart. Instantly the phone was picked up and the sweet voice spoke.

“Mother...” whispered Hilda, and then could speak no more as anguish rose up like a flood tide to rob her of breath.

Mother Abbess knew instantly something was wrong, and badly wrong, as she recognised the voice. She spoke sharply, urgently, “Hilda, my dear, what is it? What’s wrong? Speak to me!” but there was only silence. However something in the quality of the silence told her Hilda was still there.

Softening her voice, as though to calm a sick child, she tried again, “Hilda, I’m still here. Please don’t go away..... If you can’t speak, just listen. I’ll keep talking...... But, please, please, don’t hang up.”

As she talked she looked up in alarm at Sister Infirmarian, who had come in to report on her patients, as she did every morning. Quickly she pulled a notepad across and, even as she carried on speaking soothingly to Hilda, she wrote,

Get on the other phone – call Miss Wilmot – tell her Hilda needs her - URGENTLY,

and she underlined the last word several times. She opened her drawer and pulled out her address book. The other nun took it and quickly left the room, leaving Mother Abbess free to focus on her own words to Hilda.

“Hilda, sweetheart, can you possibly tell me what’s wrong” She had gentled her voice even more. “ No matter what it is, we can work it out. You know you can trust me.” She paused and then, when there was still no response, she spoke again and her voice broke, despite herself. “Hilda, please, you’re scaring me. Open up, love.”

This silence was terrifying her. Was Hilda even there still? Had she put the phone down in her despair, for despair it was, of that the nun had no doubt at all. It was clearly too deep for tears.

Suddenly she heard a sharp intake of breath. “It’s six months.........since.........Nell.........”

The sentence was left unfinished, the voice toneless, dead, and it scared the hell out of Mother Abbess. Was this what Hilda had been like in those first two weeks after her friend’s death, when she had let nobody help her? When the only thing that had broken through the walls she had thrown up round herself had been that letter from beyond the grave? Dear God, what to do from so far away? Be quick, Nancy, she pleaded desperately to herself.

“It’s okay, love, I understand,” she said gently, and she did, for she herself had been there so long ago. “Just hang on to my voice, Hilda. It sounds as though all your pain has returned, and knowing you, your guilt as well. Your heart is breaking all over again, isn’t it, my darling? Keep listening, even if you can’t talk.”

She stopped and swallowed, willing her voice to stay calm, knowing that she had to keep talking, that for Hilda at this moment the nun’s voice was the only thing keeping her tethered to reality. “I know the thought of God isn’t helping at the moment, Hilda, but I’m going to pray with you anyway. Just say the words in your heart along with me, let them ease you.”

Her voice trembling, but iron resolve in her heart to sustain her new postulant-to-be, this strong woman who had been so weakened by grief because she could not accept help and because she expected far too much of herself, Mother Abbess began,

Lord, I know that life can never be the same again. The one I loved has been taken from me, and I am conscious of an acute loneliness, an inner emptiness; and life seems to have lost its meaning. Yet, I know, Lord, that I am not alone for You are with me, and I know that my loved one is not dead or lost but is alive and safe in Your keeping. And I know that death is not the end, and that life is still full of meaning, for Your promises cannot fail and Your love is unchanging. Lord, I know all these things, but I ask You to make them real to me. Above all, I ask You to make Yourself real to me as my trusted Friend, for you are always the same, yesterday, today and forever.

She waited. Still nothing! But if she could have seen Hilda in that moment, she would have called an ambulance immediately! Her face white and still, her hand on the receiver also white, so hard was she clutching it, Hilda was a statue, a statue in white marble. Only her eyes were alive, and there was so much agony in them that one would have thought the pain was physical. Those eyes saw nothing, were inward-looking, but she was listening as though her very life depended on it.

Mother Abbess, desperate prayers in her heart, spoke again lovingly. “You’re in a lonely, desolate place right now, sweetheart, but remember – it was into the wilderness that Jesus went to fast and pray. He put His hand in His Father’s, trusting Him, and you must do the same.”

Ever after she was to wonder how she found the tenacity to keep going, though Hilda was to tell her that somehow the nun’s mellow voice and loving message stopped the ice taking a complete hold on her spirit..

“Hilda, love, nothing and no one is ever lost. You are not diminished by this death, though I know at this moment you think you are. As I keep telling you, your life has been enlarged in so many ways since Nell died. And as she told you herself in her letter, she is waiting for you. She still loves you, just as she always did, but her love is now so much greater for she is part of God, who is Love itself. They are both holding you so tenderly right now, sweetheart, and crying with you in your pain....”

Suddenly she heard a noise at the other end of the line. Her heart stopped for a moment. Had Hilda put the phone down?

#487: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:38 pm

Oh boy - thank goodness Mother Abbess could go on talking even though she must have thought she was talking to a brick wall for the response she was getting from Hilda. But even if Hilda didn't respond and visually, looked like a statue, I'll bet she really *was* hanging onto every word.

Presumably the noise at the end was Nancy Wilmot coming into the room, with/without Matey.

Another very powerful piece, Mary - thank you.

#488: Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:46 pm

Mary this is fantastic - really liked the prayer. Can only echo Elder's comments.

Suspect that the noise is Nancy coming to the rescue but am fearful that this will ultimately cause difficulties between her and Kathie. Perhaps in time Hilda will help Kathie come to terms with her feelings on guilt when she realises how unfair she has been to both Nancy and Hilda?

Looking forward to more

#489: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 9:50 pm

Maybe the sound of Hilda crying - anything is better than a return to that terrible calm - that nearly killed her.

Mother Abbess you are the answer to her prayers.

#490: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:03 am

Thank you Mary

Mother Abbess is doing an amazing job here - and it must be so difficult for her to be so far away

Liz

#491: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:55 am

Phew, strong stuff Mary, thankyou. You are so good at moving between the different emotions. You make me feel what they are feeling, and I have difficulty recognising different emotions. You are a very emotive writer, and are so good at what you are doing. Hold on to that, even if it seems difficult at the time you are writing it - you have a gift there. I'm sorry for what Kathy is feeling - perhaps Matey will be able to help her out one way or another now that she understands what is going on. And I also agree that the sound could be either Nancy returning, or Hilda eventually breaking down, or it could be something else all together.

#492: Author: Ella, Location: Staffordshire

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:04 pm

*Wow*

Mary, how do you do it?
I've been away for a bit and generally not had enough time for anything. Finally I manage to collect drabble-reading time from somewhere, and catch up on this.
I spent a while giggling, wibbling, suspended over cliffs, worried about Hilda, worried about Kathie, hoping against hope that the right people are going to be there to help...........
Your writing is so powerful!

Thank you very much.............still hooked....!!! typing

#493: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 8:56 pm

Powerful stuff, Mary, thank you. I hope the sound is Nancy coming to the rescue. MA is great, but Hilda needs someone there to hold her, so she feels safe to cry.

I'm still worrying about the Nancy/ Kathie situation- please put my mind at rest soon.

#494: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:10 pm

I'm so glad you posted this Mary! I noticed you had missed a day and was worried Shocked

I came on intending to chant loudly if you hadn't posted anything today - see how you are missed when you aren't here! Smile

Quote:

this strong woman who had been so weakened by grief because she could not accept help and because she expected far too much of herself

How true. That was the sentence that really jumped out at me today.

The Mother Abbess is wonderful. Her words to Hilda reminded me of a time when I was very upset and a Christian friend came round to give me some support. I was crying and he put his arms round me and just started to talk. He said afterwards that it had been God doing the talking as he hadn't got a clue what to say - but what he said spoke very deeply to me and were exactly right for my situation even though I couldn't respond at the time to tell him so.

Again, thankyou so much for this story, Mary.

#495: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:36 am

Mary, thank you very much. This is very moving, and so true. Learning when to call for and accept help is one of the hardest things...know exactly what you mean about the coldness of emotional pain.

#496: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:01 am

Thank you Mary. Very moving, Mother Abbess is doing an amazing job even if she feels as though she's not getting through. Hope the noise was Nancy arriving...

#497: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:02 pm

Thank you for all the generous, compelling words written above. I am deeply appreciative.

....... She still loves you, just as she always did, but her love is now so much greater for she is part of God, who is Love itself. They are both holding you so tenderly right now and crying with you in your pain....”

Suddenly she heard a noise at the other end of the line. Her heart stopped for a moment. Had Hilda put the phone down? And then she heard a voice she recognised and she sighed with agonised relief.

“Mother Abbess, it’s Nancy Wilmot. Thank you for calling me,” Nancy said breathlessly, clearly having run the whole way.

“Miss Wilmot, Nancy, how is she? She’s hardly spoken.” Mother Abbess’s voice was urgency itself.

“White, still, numb........but her eyes............ so much pain......” Nancy swallowed. “What’s happened? Why is she like this?”

“She managed to say only that it’s six months to the day since......”

“Nell died!” whispered Nancy. “Dear God, I should have remembered......”

But Mother Abbess broke in ruthlessly, so afraid was she for Hilda. “Nancy, you have to break her down somehow, make her cry, force the tears out of her, or she will encase herself in ice again – and then nobody will be able to get near her. There’s no Nell this time....”

“But how?” pleaded Nancy helplessly, her hand round Hilda’s freezing hand, her eyes regarding Hilda’s white face with fear.

“You’ll have to keep on at her, not let up, drive her crazy. Let her see you mean business, that you are not going to go away. You might even need to be harsh, cruel. But you have to get through to her, Nancy, now, today. You have to smash that icy barrier she’s thrown up. The consequences for her if you don’t are too terrible to consider. I’m going to hang up now and go to the chapel to pray for you both.” By this time the tears were streaming down the nun’s face at her own helplessness.

Nancy cut the connection, and then dialled the kitchen. She asked for two breakfasts with hot coffee to be brought to the salon. Then she lifted her Head bodily from the chair and almost carried her to the sofa, wrapping the throw round her trembling body. She ran round the room turning up the radiators, and went to get a blanket from Hilda’s room, which she also wrapped round the still figure on the sofa.

Kneeling in front of Hilda, she chafed the ice-cold fingers, looking up into the still face and pain-filled absent eyes. It was like catching a glimpse of Hell, she thought, remembering how she had thought the same thing just after Nell’s death. But those pain-filled eyes were dry, and after the tears that Hilda had shed this term, it was frightening. This was clearly way too deep for tears.

She sat, patiently chafing the slim fingers, until she heard a tap at the door. Quickly she relieved Gretl the kitchen maid of the tray, at the same time giving her a message for Matron. Putting the tray down on the low coffee table, she quickly filled two cups and then knelt in front of Hilda again, wrapping Hilda’s cold fingers round the cup. Automatically Hilda raised it to her lips and took a small sip, but then made to lay it down.

Nancy spoke sharply, commandingly, as though to a disobedient child, “All of it, Hilda! Now! You need to get warm!” and she raised the cup for Hilda. Surprisingly, Hilda did as she was told, almost like an automaton.

Nancy hastily drank her own coffee as she watched a little colour creep into her Head’s white face, then she re-filled Hilda’s cup and ordered her to drink that as well. Nancy then buttered a roll and spread some jam on it, before offering the plate to Hilda. She saw, then, something she had never seen before. Hilda took one look at it, shuddered and quite literally turned green before Nancy’s very eyes. Nancy jumped up quickly with an exclamation and sat beside her, forcing Hilda’s head down between her knees.

After a few moments, she let her up again and laid her against the back of the sofa, Hilda’s face now as white as before. Nancy took a cold hand. “Hilda, you must eat,” she said quietly.

“Why?” asked Hilda, her voice flat, lifeless. “Why do I need to eat, Nancy? The only thing I need is Nell. I needed her like I need air and water, but today...... today ..... she’s been dead six months. Six months in which I have been living and breathing and laughing while she’s.....”

She stopped, her eyes so full of heartbreak that Nancy could have wept for her.

#498: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:04 pm

Thanks Mary

I'm so glad Nancy is there for her - I hope she somehow finds the right words to say

Liz

#499: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:13 pm

poor Hilda, and poor Nancy. I do hope that Nancy is able to help Hilda through this difficult time. Thanks Mary

#500: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 12:34 pm

I'm sure that Nancy will be able to help Hilda through this, she's forceful enough.

This is wonderful , Mary.

#501: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 1:23 pm

Poor Hilda and poor Nancy - she will find the right words to say because she has to, because if she doesn't then Hilda will be even worse than before but it won't be easy to watch the pain and guilt and grief that Hilda is feeling.

Thank you Mary. This is amazing, I'm really impressed at the level and quality of writing and the emotion you are portraying.

#502: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:00 pm

Oh.....

Why did I read this before I have to go and make tea for the children? Rolling Eyes

*Hurriedly scrubs eyes and pulls self together*

Will you be able to post the next bit tonight, Mary? I need to know if Nancy can get through to Hilda, before I go to bed tonight! Wink

#503: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:18 pm

Oh boy, another episode which I had to read, leave, and then return to before I could write a comment, let alone anything coherent.

Quote:

....... She still loves you, just as she always did, but her love is now so much greater for she is part of God, who is Love itself. They are both holding you so tenderly right now and crying with you in your pain....”

Leaving aside the fact that Hilda at least knew she could and should contact Mother Abbess at all, this is perhaps the most compelling statement from the whole of the previous post - I'm so glad you repeat your final statements at the beginning of your next posts too.

Quote:

“Why?” asked Hilda, her voice flat, lifeless. “Why do I need to eat, Nancy? The only thing I need is Nell. I needed her like I need air and water, but today...... today ..... she’s been dead six months. Six months in which I have been living and breathing and laughing while she’s....."

She stopped, her eyes so full of heartbreak that Nancy could have wept for her.

The age old question - why? Why am I left to go on alone....?

Once again, you have us all spellbound, Mary, by your grasp of the way this whole grief process unfolds. We know that anniversaries can bring everything back in full force, and clearly Hilda was no exception. The impact is even more telling because you are describing the anniversary in retrospect, and not at the time it actually took place.

Echoes Helen's request for another post today - please - even though we know at heart that Nancy will break through to Hilda eventually and find the right words because she must, we need proof of it.

#504: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:14 pm

For Helen and Elder because you asked so nicely, and said such lovely things to get your way. Rolling Eyes

Hilda won't always give in to your blandishments like this, but she was feeling generous. Wink

After a few moments, she let her up again and laid her against the back of the sofa, Hilda’s face now as white as before. Nancy took a cold hand. “Hilda, you must eat,” she said quietly.

“Why?” asked Hilda, her voice flat, lifeless. “Why do I need to eat, Nancy? The only thing I need is Nell. I needed her like I need air and water, but today...... today ..... she’s been dead six months. Six months in which I have been living and breathing and laughing while she’s.....”

She stopped, her eyes so full of heartbreak that Nancy could have wept for her. But this was no time for easy tears. She had to be strong for Hilda, since Hilda had no strength herself just at this minute. She finished Hilda’s sentence for her.

“While Nell has been lying in her grave, you were going to say.” She gently turned Hilda’s face so she could look into her eyes. “ Yes, love, she’s been dead six months, and if she could hear you now, she would be horrified. Did she not tell you, in her letter, to live for her as well as yourself from now on? And haven’t you been doing exactly that? You’ve been braver and kinder and warmer and more compassionate than ever. You’ve been teaching us all about vulnerability and sorrow – and about true courage, about going on when the going on is hard. You’ve met everyone’s needs with no thought for your own, as usual.”

She waited, hoping this catalogue would elicit some response. Nothing! Praise clearly was not going to do it, so time to be a little harder, as Mother Abbess had said. Taking a deep breath, she turned Hilda’s head again, bringing those pain-filled eyes back to hers. “Despite all that, love, suddenly you’ve faltered. And you’re right back where you were. Not eating, not sleeping, judging by those shadows, full of pain, full of guilt.”

She paused and enunciated very clearly, “Nell would hate that guilt, Hilda. She loved you, still loves you. You were the one told me that love never dies. Nell wants only your happiness, just as she did when she was alive. She wants you to live and laugh and be happy again – without guilt.”

Hilda simply shook her head and looked away again, her pain undimmed, her guilt undiminished. Neither of them noticed Matey slipping into the room, standing at the door quietly, hardly daring to breathe. Should she interfere?

Nancy suddenly slipped to the floor in front of Hilda, so Hilda had once more to look into her eyes. She tried to speak gently. “Hilda, in the end, two weeks after that terrible news, crying was the only thing that helped. It’s helped you this term when things have got really bad – and I’m quite sure there have been plenty of times when you have cried alone, because you won’t accept help. So cry now, love. Cry, or talk about it or throw something. But let it out. Don’t just sit there so white and still.”

Suddenly, feeling totally helpless when she got no reaction, she took Hilda by the shoulders and shook the slim body hard as she cried angrily, “ Cry, damn you! Let go. Let it out. Let us in. Let us help.”

“I can’t!” The whispered words dropped like stones into the tension in the room, and Nancy stilled instantly. “I can’t!” she repeated, her voice leached of any beauty. “There are no tears to ease this pain, Nancy. It’s killing me. All I can see is Nell’s broken body. All I can hear are those terrible words that.....”

She swallowed, unable to put into words just what that news had done to her. Her face still white and numb, her eyes still tormented, she suddenly looked down at her watch and made to rise, saying abstractedly, “I need to dress for Prayers.”

Nancy’s hands, still holding Hilda by the shoulders, tightened immediately to prevent her rising. Nancy’s own voice was suddenly harsh. “Hilda, you’re going nowhere until you’ve cried, eaten and slept, in that order. You’re not fit to go anywhere, certainly not to teach.”

A spasm of the sheerest desolation rippled over Hilda’s face, catching at Nancy’s throat, and sending Matey from the room in tears, which she tried to hide frantically. She didn’t cry! It wasn’t possible! But her close friend’s intense pain was undoing her. Her heart grieved for Hilda, that strong, calm woman, and she longed to help her......

Last edited by MaryR on Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:23 pm; edited 2 times in total

#505: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:17 pm

Thankyou Mary, that was so moving. I'm glad Nancy was able to be strong enough not to give into her own greif and then give Hilda that ultimatum. Thanks also for letting me know you were posting this so I could read it before I went to bed!

#506: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:20 pm

Thank you Mary

But I'm not sure that's going to help us sleep peacefully!

Poor, poor Hilda, Poor Nancy struggling to get through to her, Poor Matey feeling for her too

Crying or Very sad

Liz

#507: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:32 pm

Thankyou so much, Mary - I've been out for the evening and am SO glad I decided to switch on the computer when I got in! Very Happy

But... oh dear, I wonder what will get through to Hilda? Something, or someone, has to manage it soon before she literally dies of grief Crying or Very sad

#508: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 10:47 pm

Thankyou for the extra update

But I had to go and find some chocolate to eat while reading it

Poor poor Hilda and poor everyone else who is having to watch her being destroyed by her grief - although at least from the outside they can see that she is making progress even if she doesn't feel it

#509: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 12:05 am

Ohh...how agonising for all of them. Poor Hilda, lost in that terrifying wilderness and wanting nothing so much as to be with Nell Crying or Very sad

Thank you Mary.

#510: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 1:42 am

Sorry, Mary - our Internet went down again and I've only just been able to read this - I know it's the middle of the night for you! Once again, I'm left breathless - I won't say speechless, judging by my 'spree' of a response - by the power of this.

Those last two paragraphs just choked me - for at least the second time today when reading your words. The desolation which Nancy and Matey must feel at this impasse is almost more heart-rending than Hilda's own frozen grief.

Something will finally cause that ice to crack, though perhaps it has to be another deus ex machina - a little hard to imagine since Mother Abbess didn't get anywhere. I just wonder.... it's early in the day in Switzerland, but late in the day in Australia - will Madge remember the date and put in a phone call to the school? Just asking!

More please, when you have the chance - and thank you for responding to my request.

#511: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 11:31 am

Thank you Mary!
I don't comment very often, but I have been following this all along and it is an incredibly powerful piece of writing!

#512: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:09 pm

Wow, Mary.

I've just caught up on four pages of this - I am even busier than usual at the moment, what with the office move this week and going away next Friday - and I have been through the gamut of emotions - laughter at the end of the staff evening, fear for what Kathie's jealousy might mean to all of them, more fear, in case Mother Abbess and Nancy can't get through the ice, and above all, some of the tears Hilda cannot shed at the moment.

I am going to miss this drabble most of all when I am away, Mary. Thank you so much.

#513: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:20 pm

Thank you Mary - everyone else has already said all the words I would have said - what can help Hilda now? The only thing that did last time was Nell herself.

#514: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:42 pm

.......Nancy’s own voice was suddenly harsh. “Hilda, you’re going nowhere until you’ve cried, eaten and slept, in that order. You’re not fit to go anywhere, certainly not to teach.”

A spasm of the sheerest desolation rippled over Hilda’s face, catching at Nancy’s throat, and sending Matey from the room in tears, which she tried to hide frantically. She didn’t cry! It wasn’t possible! But her close friend’s intense pain was undoing her. Her heart grieved for Hilda, that strong, calm woman, and she longed to help her, but she felt Nancy was doing a better job at the moment than she could.

Nancy was doing beautifully all on her own. How she had moved on from the woman who had taken over St Mildred’s last term. She was learning so much from Hilda in her sorrow. Like Hilda, she was now reacting instinctively to someone in need of help. She was using her developing perception and sensitivity to help the very person who had taught these things to her.

However, Matey did not go far. Wiping the tears away furiously, she went to the office to have a word with Rosalie, saying only that Hilda had a bad headache and was not well enough to be in school so her lessons would need covering and Ruth needed warning that she was in charge. Rosalie gave her a searching look but Matey simply thanked her and returned to the annexe, to station herself just outside the door she had left slightly ajar. Nancy might need some help once she had broken Hilda down, and Matey intended to be there for her friend.

Still holding Hilda by the shoulders, Nancy had never stopped talking. She was very determined now, for that spasm of desolation on Hilda’s face had given her hope. Hilda was feeling again, the numbness was going. Nancy realised she was getting through.

“Hilda, down at the lake, you recited a poem about friendship. I remember some of the words, for they struck home:

When he is silent
Your heart ceases not to listen to his heart.

Nell is still listening to your heart, Hilda, for she loves you still. Never doubt that! As you yourself said, love doesn’t end with death. But are you still listening to Nell’s heart? Is this guilt and pain what she would have wanted for you? I don’t think so, love.”

She paused to gather breath, praying as she had never in her life prayed before. When she picked up her thread again, her voice was urgent. “Let the best be for your friend. That’s what the poem said, and you believed it. But are you giving of your best at the moment? I know that suddenly you’ve realised that time has gone by, and this date has re-awakened all your sense of loss, but have you been living for Nell these last few days? Or are you trying to die to be with her? Just like before? You wouldn’t eat or sleep then, either.”

The harsh words hung in the air, Nancy hating herself but knowing it was necessary. Hilda had sat absolutely motionless as Nancy spoke, as though listening intently, but now suddenly and without warning, she stood up, freeing herself from Nancy’s grip, and moved across to the window. Somehow, to Nancy, she was still dignified and stately, despite her nightdress and bare feet, despite the torment that was physically weighing her down.

She stood staring out of the window, but what was she actually seeing? Had she moved there to try and evade Nancy’s words? Well, she was not getting away that easily! Nancy took a deep breath and then spoke again, loudly, clearly, deliberately.

“You know, you didn’t deserve that bravery award. It should have gone to Nell posthumously. She knew about courage.”

Again the ugly words hung in the air and then came Hilda’s whisper, “You’re so right, Nancy. I’m a coward, unable to live without her. Nell...... Nell was the brave one.....she went back........ into that .....building......without a second thought............”

Silence fell as her words faded away, and then suddenly, abruptly, she wrapped her arms around herself as though in physical agony, and then, to Nancy’s horror, she fell to her knees with a moan, her head bowed.

As Nancy flew across to her and tumbled to the floor, pulling her into her arms, a dreadful sob was wrenched from deep inside Hilda, a sob that hurt Nancy to hear. As she cradled the desolate woman to her, more wrenching sobs shook both their bodies, and then, the dam bursting at long last, Hilda’s tears gushed out in a scalding flood and she clung fiercely to Nancy and let herself go with an abandon that frightened them both.

Nancy held the shaking body closer to her and crooned softly, as a mother to her heart-broken child. It was a while before the deep, wrenching sobs that hurt so much to hear died away, to be replaced by a quiet, inconsolable weeping that was so poignant to hear that it caused Nancy’s own tears to flow.

How could this gentle woman give so much to others and be so serene and light-hearted and funny in public when still feeling like this? From where had she found the strength? But Nancy already knew the answer to that – from her God, and from her own seemingly inexhaustible well of courage and steadfastness.

#515: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:47 pm

Well done Nancy. How hard it is to be cruel to be kind, but at least Hilda is feeling again.

#516: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:56 pm

In tears myself here - well done Nancy, and I can't understand how Hilda does it either - a very special lady.

Thank you Mary, beautiful characterisation.

#517: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:58 pm

Phew - thank goodness Nancy finally managed to make that breakthrough - I was beginning to wonder how or even if she would manage it.....!

And I'm sure Nancy feels dreadful in the reaction, that she had to be so rough with Hilda in order to break through that ice - but if it's any consolation, my suspicion is that Hilda really won't remember very much of what happened in that hour or so since she first called Mother Abbess. Also glad to know Matey has been waiting for this - I'm sure by the time you post again, she will be there helping - and probably needing to console Nancy as well.

If reading it makes us feel as if we've been put through the wringer, what does writing it do to you, Mary? Thank you again.

#518: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:06 pm

Mary, that must have been so difficult for you to write. Thankyou. How Nancy must have hated having to do it. Yet she stood firm and got through to her friend in the end.

I'm so sorry for Hilda, it cant have been easy hearing that when she is so low anyway, but she needed it and I'm glad that Nancy was able to give her what she needed.

I'm also so sorry that Hilda chose to agree to Nancy's hard words about the coubravery award. That she chose to own something so telling against herself. She will find it hard not to believe it of course, and it was needed, but she should know that she IS made of sterner stuff. She just needed a bit of help - like we all do now and again.

Its not that she isnt brave, but she needed to stop being so brave, she needed to accept the love and compassion of others.

Also very glad that Matey is outside, ready to help now that Hilda has broken down.

Thanks once again Mary. This is wonderful writing.

#519: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:08 pm

Oh, I'm so glad she's cried. But I'm crying too - it was horrible to hear her in so much pain.

And yes, I did hear her as I read it - as clear as a bell. I can see and hear everything as I read this drabble Mary; that's how good your writing is.

#520: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 9:53 pm

That is powerful Mary...struggling for composure here.

Crying or Very sad

#521: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2005 11:29 pm

((((((Mary)))))

I feel emotionally drained after reading this, what it must be like to write and live with it, I cannot imagine

Thankyou so much

#522: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 12:03 am

((((Oh, Mary!))))

This was incredibly compelling reading, but must be so wrenchingly hard to write. Thank you.

#523: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:56 am

Thank you Mary. Amazingly powerful writing. And a wonderful testimony to Nancy (and Hilda) in Matey's words about her.

#524: Author: Kateth, Location: Heidelberg

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 11:14 am

Stunning.

#525: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:08 pm

Yes, it is emotionally draining in some ways, and it does make me cry at times, but Hilda makes it easy.

........to be replaced by a quiet, inconsolable weeping that was so poignant it caused Nancy’s own tears to flow and her own heart to ache.

How could this gentle woman give so much to others and be so serene and light-hearted and funny in public when still feeling like this? From where had she found the strength? But Nancy already knew the answer to that – from her God, and from her own seemingly inexhaustible well of courage and steadfastness.

An hour later, when Hilda was still weeping quietly, and Nancy’s legs were hurting from her cramped, uncomfortable position on the floor, she suddenly felt a touch on the shoulder. Looking up she saw Matey with a drink and a hot water bottle. Matey indicated Hilda’s room and disappeared. Glancing at the little clock on the mantelpiece Nancy saw it was well after ten o’clock. She had been with Hilda since half past seven!

She laid her head back on Hilda’s soft hair and closed her eyes, her arms still tight around her Head, waiting patiently for this heart-broken weeping, which she herself had forced out of Hilda, to stop. Matey came and sat quietly on the sofa, eyeing the couple on the floor sadly, knowing how exhausted both of them were going to be.

Finally, the desolate tears slowed and then ceased and Hilda lay quiet against Nancy, who continued to hold her lovingly. She could not know it but, in spite of her utter exhaustion, Hilda’s heart and spirit were crying out for the comfort of Nell’s arms. Only Nell’s touch could have filled the vacuum that was her heart at this moment, empty of everything except her grievous yearning for something she could not have. She was lost in her own world of bitter and merciless pain again, totally unaware of where she was or who was holding her. All she knew was that these arms were not the arms she so desperately craved.

Gradually as she held her, Nancy became aware that Hilda was shivering uncontrollably. She looked over anxiously at Matey, who rose and came across. “Hilda, love,” whispered Nancy. “If you’re ready do you think you could stand? You’re freezing and we need to get you warm.”

No response. Matey leaned over and took Hilda in her strong nurse’s arms. Gently she lifted her while Nancy struggled to her feet. Her legs were numb, but she helped Matey lift Hilda’s limp body and carry her through to her bedroom, where they quickly rolled her into bed and Matey tucked the hot water bottle close to her body before covering her. Matey sat on the bed waiting for the shivering to stop while Nancy slipped back into the salon to stamp away the pins and needles.

As she went back in, Matey was stroking the hair back from Hilda’s weary, ashen face. “Are you feeling any warmer, my dear?” she asked fearfully. The warmth and Matey’s loving hand finally bringing her back to reality, the last place she wanted to be, Hilda opened her red-rimmed, swollen eyes heavily and nodded slightly, then frowned. “But your head’s aching badly. Hang on and I’ll get your tablets.”

Going to a chest of drawers across the room, she soon returned and lifted Hilda gently, while Nancy held the water for her. “Now the milk, love, come on,” ordered Matey, and again Nancy held the cup, for Hilda’s hands were shaking too badly. Matey laid her down and they waited for the sedative in the drink to take effect.

But suddenly the heavy eyes opened and Hilda held out her hand to Nancy. “Nancy, please forgive me,” she pleaded in a trembling whisper, her keen eyes now dull and full of despair. “I made you do......” But Nancy laid a finger on the quivering lips and squeezed the limp hand.

“Later, love, later. Sleep now,” she said softly, and she gently stroked Hilda’s furrowed brow. After scrutinising Nancy a moment or two, Hilda let her eyes close, and soon her tense face relaxed as she fell quietly asleep.

Matey very gently tucked the covers round Hilda’s shoulders and stood looking down at her anxiously. All they could do was hold her and love her, reassure her that six months was far too short a time in which to expect to recover, emphasize to her that this savage grief was not going to go away any time soon. But how to make her accept it and give in to it rather than fighting it, as she still was?

#526: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:20 pm

Thanks, Mary. That was wonderful.

#527: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:22 pm

Poor Hilda. And how like her that her first words are an appology to Nancy. I do hope she can take their words in and accept that this was going to happen.

Thanks Mary. You are doing so well with this

#528: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:29 pm

Poor, poor Hilda. She has come a long way, but we can see now just how far she still has to go. Sad

Quote:

She was lost in her own world of bitter and merciless pain again, totally unaware of where she was or who was holding her. All she knew was that these arms were not the arms she so desperately craved.

That bit set me off again Crying or Very sad

Quote:

Glancing at the little clock on the mantelpiece Nancy saw it was well after ten o’clock. She had been with Hilda since half past seven!

I'm worried about what Kathie is going to say about that... Confused

Thankyou yet again Mary. You may be making us cry on a daily basis, but we don't want you to stop any time soon! Smile

#529: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:31 pm

No, please don't stop Mary! This is wonderful Kiss

#530: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 8:41 pm

MaryR wrote:

But suddenly the heavy eyes opened and Hilda held out her hand to Nancy. “Nancy, please forgive me,” she pleaded in a trembling whisper, her keen eyes now dull and full of despair. “I made you do......” But Nancy laid a finger on the quivering lips and squeezed the limp hand.

I love this bit, how Hilda realises that she has forced Nancy to behave so harshly towards her in order to break her down. Lovely, Mary, thank you.

#531: Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:12 pm

Helen P wrote:

Quote:

Glancing at the little clock on the mantelpiece Nancy saw it was well after ten o’clock. She had been with Hilda since half past seven!

I'm worried about what Kathie is going to say about that... Confused

Yes, so am I... Mary, do you think you could possibly send Matey to talk sense into Kathie now? I don't think I can bear a fight after all that emotion! Confused

#532: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 9:16 pm

Thank you Mary - and in answer to your question - no, a love like that - she's not too desolate.

#533: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2005 10:46 pm

Thank you Mary

*unable to say anything more coherent*

Liz

#534: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:02 am

Thank you, Mary - this is definitely one of those time where everyone else has already said anything I could do. Grief like this is natural, and six months is an appallingly short time in the face of a loss such as Hilda's.

Like Nicola, I also love that last bit where Hilda tries to apologise to Nancy.

And yes please, if Matey isn't too exhausted herself, could she go and talk to Kathie - Nancy really doesn't need a spat with her as well as all this.

Looking forward to the next bit, Mary - as always

#535: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:47 am

Mary, this was wonderful, and as so many people have said, how like Hilda to need to apologise to Nancy. And how far Nancy has come in six months - she could not have given Hilda what was required then, but to see her recognising the difficulty of the task and carrying it out was heartening. i'm sure Nell is proud of her.

#536: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:05 am

Thank you Mary.

Typically Hilda apologising to Nancy who has come so far in her ability to help Hilda. I really hope Kathie can accept Nancy's need to help Hilda and recognise that it doesn't mean she loves her any less. And that last paragraph sums it up so well until Hilda finally accepts that she has a right to feel as she does things won't start to get easier.

#537: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:53 pm

I'm saying nothing about the Kathie/Nancy situation. Shocked

Wait and see! But you might have a long wait! Embarassed

Matey very gently tucked the covers round Hilda’s shoulders and stood looking down at her anxiously. All they could do was hold her and love her, reassure her that six months was far too short a time in which to expect to recover, emphasize to her that this savage grief was not going to go away any time soon. But how to make her accept it and give in to it rather than fighting it, as she still was?

As she stared down at Hilda, she suddenly heard a sob, and looking across at Nancy, saw tears streaming down her face. It made her own tears rise again to the surface and her voice trembled as she spoke quietly across Hilda’s sleeping figure. “Nancy, you need to.....”

But Nancy interrupted, her voice hoarse with tears and weariness. “I need to phone Mother Abbess. She’s the one who got me here. She’ll be so worried. But I can’t.....” She stopped and swallowed. “I can’t, Gwynneth. I can’t face that just now. I was so cruel to Hilda. How ever can I make her understand?”

“You need to do it now, Nancy,” said Matey gently. “You need help on this one, help I can’t give you. You did exactly the right thing, dear, and she will understand, being Hilda. It had to be forced out of her or she would have ended up in the San, as she did after Nell’s death. But it’s hurting you, and it strikes me Mother Abbess is the one to sort it out for you. Look how much she has helped Hilda, although it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, does it? She has come such a long way, but any anniversary can be so devastating.”

She stared sadly down at Hilda for a moment and then shook herself and looked back across at Nancy and spoke forcefully. “Go on – go to the study and do it in peace there. I’ll stay with Hilda, though she’ll sleep for a good while now.” She looked down again at Hilda’s ravaged face and said softly, “I don’t like to think of the state she’ll be in when she wakes.....”

Nancy walked slowly to the study, feeling totally exhausted and consumed with guilt. What had she done to Hilda with those harsh words? Would Hilda understand why she had done it? It had been so hard to hurt such a gentle and loving woman.

Was this what was in store for her in future years as the Head? Hurting people to help them? Hilda must have had to do it times without number, but she was strong, reflected Nancy tearfully. Little did she know how many times over the years Hilda herself had also found that burden intolerable, and had wanted it lifting from her shoulders. Only Nell had made the burden bearable for her.

Why had Hilda and Nell thought she, Nancy, could do it? At this moment in time, she would have given anything to wash her hands of everything and run away with Kathie. But Kathie did not understand. Kathie’s jealousy was driving a wedge between them. She, Nancy, needed Kathie so much at this moment – to hold her and love her – but Kathie would turn away, because it was Hilda she was helping. Poor, poor Hilda, who yearned so grievously for the one thing she, Nancy, could not give her; and poor, troubled Kathie who, for some obscure reason, seemed to have no compassion in her at the moment for Hilda’s torment or Nancy’s need of support.

Picking up that phone and dialling that number was hard, but in the end Mother Abbess made it easy for her.....

#538: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 7:59 pm

*wonders what exactly Mother Abbess did to make it easy for her*. Thanks Mary, that was another lovely gripping installment. I'm glad that Matey was there to help Nancy as she struggles with her guilt.

As for people talking about Nancy/Kathie situation, acht they can wait, as can I. I'm far more interested in what you are telling us now, than what will come later, even if I do wander down a few garden paths expecting them to come sooner than you have planned.

Just to emphasise, you are doing wonderfully well with this. It's not an easy topic, and that thought of Matron's about Hilda will be when she wakes up was not nice, but rather unpleasent reality. I'm pleased that she is thinking ahead.

#539: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 8:19 pm

Quote:

[quote="MaryR"]I'm saying nothing about the Kathie/Nancy situation. Shocked

Wait and see! But you might have a long wait! Embarassed

You do like tantalising us on this issue, dont' you!!

Quote:

But it’s hurting you, and it strikes me Mother Abbess is the one to sort it out for you. Look how much she has helped Hilda, although it doesn’t seem like it at the moment, does it? She has come such a long way, but any anniversary can be so devastating.”

All those statements are *so* true. And Matey is right to be firm about Nancy making that phone call, she really needs that solace at the moment, and, judging by your final comment on this post, I'm sure she got it. Like Squirrel, I'm wondering what was said.

Quote:

Would Hilda understand why she had done it? It had been so hard to hurt such a gentle and loving woman.

Of course Hilda would understand - hasn't she already apologised to Nancy for having made her have to do it?

Quote:

.....Little did she know how many times over the years Hilda herself had also found that burden intolerable, and had wanted it lifting from her shoulders. Only Nell had made the burden bearable for her.

Of course she did, and that's why Hilda's loss is so doubly hard, and why 6 months is an infinitesimal step on her road to recovery.

Quote:

But Kathie did not understand. Kathie’s jealousy was driving a wedge between them. She, Nancy, needed Kathie so much at this moment – to hold her and love her – but Kathie would turn away, because it was Hilda she was helping. Poor, poor Hilda, who yearned so grievously for the one thing she, Nancy, could not give her; and poor, troubled Kathie who, for some obscure reason, seemed to have no compassion in her at the moment for Hilda’s torment or Nancy’s need of support.

This next comment is absolutely no reflection on Hilda's suffering and sense of loss because we know that this is almost unspeakable, but at the same time, it seems so sad that Kathie can't rise above her own feelings and give Nancy the support she, too, needs so much, both to help Hilda and to carry out her own duties. However, I'm sure you will settle this in your own good time. Meantime, it's important for Nancy and Matey to be at hand when Hilda wakes up.

Looking forward to more, please, Mary.

#540: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 8:23 pm

Thank you, Mary, but I am still on tenterhooks about N & K. I hope you are inspired to help Kathie work out her problems sooner rather than later.

*no patience whatsoever when it comes to stories*

#541: Author: Ella, Location: Staffordshire

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:28 pm

Not got any adequate words.... Sad

Lovely, Nancy for being able to help as she did, and typical of Hilda to make her first coherant thought for someone else.

Please don't leave Kathie hurting for too long! (Even though this is Hilda's story!)

Thank you, Mary!

#542: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:53 pm

I'm looking forward to hearing what the Mother Abbess said to Nancy.

Thankyou Mary.

#543: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:44 pm

This is great Mary, and much as I want to see what happens with Nancy and Kathie, I also want to hear what Mother Abess said.

I want a hotline to Mother Abess, she is wonderful.

#544: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:23 am

Thank you Mary; lovely insight into the burdens of leadership, and how the sensitivity of feeling for and reaching out to others brings with it its own awful load. Hugs for Hilda and Nancy....

#545: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 3:42 am

Couldn't reply last night - but this is as wonderful as ever. Hope it won't be long before Kathie can be shown just how much Nancy needs her.

Thanks.

#546: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 7:21 am

Thank you Mary

I'm sure Mother Abbess will be able to help Nancy

Liz

#547: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 10:55 am

Thanks Mary

#548: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:22 am

Poor, poor Hilda, who yearned so grievously for the one thing she, Nancy, could not give her; and poor, troubled Kathie who, for some obscure reason, seemed to have no compassion in her at the moment for Hilda’s torment or Nancy’s need of support.

Picking up that phone and dialling that number was hard, but in the end Mother Abbess made it easy for her. As Nancy started to relate what had happened the nun’s heart bled for Hilda, but something in Nancy’s voice alarmed her. She spoke gently, encouragingly, “Nancy, what did you do that’s hurting you so much?”

Nancy gasped. “You’re as bad as Hilda,” she breathed. “She can read minds as well.”

“Possibly better that I can,” sighed Mother Abbess, having suffered at the hands of Hilda. “But your voice is giving you away, my dear. It wasn’t hard to see something was amiss.”

Nancy swallowed hard and her voice was a mere broken whisper. “I called her a coward.”

“And she’s the bravest person I know,” breathed Mother Abbess sorrowfully. She shuddered inwardly at what that would have done to Hilda, but then she added softly, “But, Nancy, I told you to be cruel if necessary. Was that what got through in the end?”

“I told her..... I told her.... she didn’t deserve the bravery award......it should have gone to Nell.” Nancy’s eyes were closed tight with pain as she saw Hilda at that moment.

“And she agreed with you wholeheartedly – the ice melted, and she broke down, probably after hours of badgering,” said Mother Abbess softly, as though Nancy had painted her a picture of the scene.

“She collapsed and fell to the floor. It was as though the pain was physical,” whispered Nancy.

“It was,” the nun assured her gravely. “ Believe me, Nancy, it was.” She stopped for a moment to take a breath to steady herself. “But I promise you, Nancy, it was the only way. I know my Hilda - stubborn as a mule. She is truly going to make my life a misery when she enters,” she added in mock-agony.

At that Nancy suddenly laughed and felt better, as Mother Abbess had intended. “Yes, I can see squalls ahead for both of you. But you’ll have the upper hand. You’re the boss!”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” mused Mother Abbess gently, almost under her breath. Then she added softly, “ You do realise how weak and useless she thinks she is, don’t you, Nancy?”

She heard Nancy gasp in denial, and the nun laughed quietly, wryly, “ Oh yes, my dear, you certainly chose the right words to break her. You reinforced her own opinion of herself.” She thought for a moment. “Nancy, I’m breaking Hilda’s confidence by what I am going to say next but you need to know, for you are the one she turns to – she turns to Matron as well, but I suspect Matron already knows all this, being older and knowing Hilda for longer. Hilda has no one else to help her in school except you two, for she must keep her distance from her Staff, as all good leaders do. No matter how much she might want to be one of the gang in her need.”

“Go on,” breathed Nancy. “ Though why she thinks....”

Mother Abbess continued sadly, “She sees no strength in herself at all, Nancy. All she sees is that she cannot get over this, that she breaks down and burdens others, that she misses Nell with an intensity that frightens her.”

Suddenly her voice grew very firm as she tried to make Nancy understand this complex woman they both loved. “But this is no weakling’s self pity, Nancy. This is a strong woman’s desperate sorrow over the loss of someone with whom she had the truest, tenderest, most steadfast relationship I have ever come across in all my years of counselling. No matter how long her life from now on, no matter how deep her love of God, the ache will always be bitter.”

Nancy was silent as she sat metaphorically at the feet of Mother Abbess and listened and learned, just as Hilda herself had done in reality. Then she said, very quietly, “They complemented each other so perfectly.”

“Yes, and now that her heart has somehow reached breaking point once more, because she is desperately missing that huge chunk of herself that was Nell, she will feel so ashamed that she had to rely on you and myself yet again, that she cannot cope, by now, on her own.” She sighed to herself at Hilda’s many contradictions. “And, Nancy, just to compound that, she will be swamped with guilt at what you had to do to break her. She will know what that cost you, Nancy, her perception being what it is, and no matter how much you try to reassure her, that will be another nail in the coffin of her supposed weakness.”

Nancy kept silent, too moved to answer, and the nun continued, even more slowly and sadly, “And another guilt for her, my dear, is that she fears people will think the worst of herself and Nell because her grief is so deep and so lasting, and she cannot bear that Nell’s name should be so blackened.”

This time Nancy’s gasp was pure horror, and she stammered in her eagerness to refute this. “No one would do that, whatever their relationship – that was strictly between themselves, none of our business. She can’t think that. We all saw how true a friendship it was, how close they were in spirit. Why, they lived for each other.....”

“And they would also have died for each other,” affirmed Mother Abbess sadly. “As she herself told me when I first met her, she would have taken Nell’s place in that earthquake without a second thought, as would Nell, if the positions had been reversed. We should all find such a friend.......” she ended with a whisper.

“But you don’t find such a friend, you have to be one as well,” stated Nancy slowly but with great certainty.

The nun’s sigh was loud and heartfelt. “Exactly, Nancy, but she suddenly can’t see what she gave Nell to earn that love, nor how your care for her is a return for all her care of you. She can’t see all that she has accomplished since Nell’s death, all she has done for others. She’s such a giver, and yet she feels she does nothing but take. I can never thank God enough for sending her to me because, for all the help I might have given her, she has given me so much more in return, though her answer to that would be ‘What?’”

Her eyes suddenly grew warm and tender as she contemplated the richness of her friend’s character, this intelligent, kindly and sweet-tempered woman who could also be so stubborn and determined. “My nuns worship her, Nancy, and that’s not just because she has gifted money to us or saved me from harm, but because of who she is, what she is.”

Her mind went back to those terrifying moments when they were held at gunpoint, to Hilda’s mental toughness and iron resolve, and the nun’s voice trembled on the edge of tears. “A coward? My Hilda? She is full of a rare raw courage that makes me tremble. If you could have seen how she held that young man spellbound with her eyes and voice, Nancy, even when the blood was pouring down her arm....... “ She tried to steady herself as she added, “Or seen her in the quiet times, ministering to the grieving or troubled people here when her own heart was breaking...... It will be such a privilege to have her here....”

Nancy’s voice was soft with her own sadness as she said quietly, “Your gain will be our loss, Mother, for I dread losing her.” But then she added teasingly, “But Matron and I intend to visit her often – and can’t wait to see her nickname become a reality.”

“She doesn’t want it, my dear,” responded Mother Abbess very softly. “She just wants to be little and hidden, and work quietly with His suffering ones. She shivers at the mere thought of more leadership – though if God demanded it, she would yield. But I hope He won’t, for she has suffered enough.” There was a pause and then came a low, broken whisper, “Oh, Nancy, she is so lonely without Nell, you can have no idea......”

#549: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:27 am

Thanks Mary - so glad Mother Abbess could help Nancy.

But has she been through something similar herself – is that where her wisdom and understanding is rooted?

Liz

#550: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 11:49 am