New Dreams (Part 4) - 12th November
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#1: New Dreams (Part 4) - 12th November Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 12:41 pm


Split due to length 06.09.05. Previous parts can be found here:
Part I
Part II
Part Three (1)
Part Three (2)

Gem x



If anyone new to this would like the document, rather than ploughing through all the comments as well, please feel free to email me for it. It's not as long as it looks!! Shocked [/color]

When Hilda awoke less than two hours later, she realised a little man with a hammer had taken up residence inside her head. The pain was excruciating and she could barely open her eyes. Movement of any kind did not appear to be an option.

Nancy was sitting by the bed, as Matey had been called urgently away some time ago. Seeing Hilda’s eyelids fluttering, she leaned forward to ask how she felt, but changed her mind when she heard the faint moan that escaped from Hilda, despite herself, and saw her eyes close again. Nancy rose instead, saying quietly that she would find Matey.

Hilda drifted off again until roused by the touch of Matey’s fingers on her wrist. Making a monumental effort, she managed to open her eyes again, to find Matey glaring down at her, anxiety making her curt as she spoke. “You can’t move, can you? That headache’s too severe. That’s what comes of not eating or sleeping for days on end, of suffering in silence as usual.”

Instantly, to Hilda’s shame and guilt, tears of physical pain, mental anguish and sheer exhaustion trickled slowly from the corners of her eyes to soak into the pillow, and her eyes closed against them to no avail. Matey groaned and tried to mop them up but still they flowed, and sobs caught in Hilda’s throat.

“I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry!” whispered Matey remorsefully. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh but you scare me sometimes. You’re so stubborn and independent. I just wish you had come to us earlier, then you wouldn’t have been in this state. But then you wouldn’t be you if you did that, would you?”

She knelt by the bed and stroked Hilda’s white cheek with a gentle finger, her worried eyes taking in the lines of pain that had appeared all of a sudden. “I can’t give you any more painkillers yet. It’s too near the last lot. Can you manage for a while?”

She continued stroking her friend’s face gently and gradually the tears slowed and then stopped, Hilda wondering to herself if she had the strength left to cope with anything she was feeling. If only Mother Abbess...... But the nun was far, far away. Without opening her eyes, Hilda whispered, in a voice still trembling with tears, “Could someone phone Mother Abbess and tell her I’m fine? She’ll be so worried.”

“Hilda, you’re not fine and I won’t lie to her,” answered Matey quietly but very firmly. “She’s your friend and she deserves the truth, as you would if the positions were reversed. Nancy spoke to her earlier, but I’ll go now and speak to her myself. Any message?”

“Tell her that she and Nancy saved my sanity, that I’ve left the wilderness for now, and am back in the land of the living. She’ll understand,” came the whispered response.

Matey bent to kiss her gently, a very rare caress indeed from the school tyrant, and then rose and quietly left the room. Nancy had been silent while all that had been going on but now she leaned forward and gently took Hilda’s hand.


Last edited by MaryR on Sat Nov 12, 2005 1:02 pm; edited 57 times in total

 


#2:  Author: SarahLocation: Ormskirk, Lancashire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 2:06 pm


awww poor hilda. (((hilda))) (((( matey))))
Hilda is lucky to have such good friends!

 


#3:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 4:43 pm


Quote:
“Tell her that she and Nancy saved my sanity, that I’ve left the wilderness for now, and am back in the land of the living. She’ll understand,” came the whispered response.


Thank goodness.

I wasn't at all surprised that both my potential scenarios were way off the mark, Mary - they were just idle thoughts Very Happy

I'm so glad Hilda has all this support.

Thankyou again, Mary.

 


#4:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 5:01 pm


Quote:
“Tell her that she and Nancy saved my sanity, that I’ve left the wilderness for now, and am back in the land of the living. She’ll understand,” came the whispered response.


And how typical of Hilda to be able to formulate that comment on what has happened to her and how she was helped, despite being completely prostrate with the pain from her headache, which is the natural result of her emotional and physical suffering. As always, she reveals herself as a very special person.

I'm sure Matey will add her own comments to that when she speaks to Mother Abbess.

Thank you Mary.

 


#5:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:03 pm


Love that Matey's own love shine through in that scene. As for Hilda - I may just start to worship her now. Wink

 


#6:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:20 pm


Lesley wrote:
Love that Matey's own love shine through in that scene. As for Hilda - I may just start to worship her now. Wink


Now there's an interesting concept - idolatry as well. Rolling Eyes

Why? Shocked

 


#7:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:26 pm


Because in same ways she is my ideal of how a person should act - and I know that, to a very large extent, that's my own projection in my own drabbles and writing - but just as much in yours. I wish I could be one tenth as noble.

 


#8:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:41 pm


Matey bent to kiss her gently, a very rare caress indeed from the school tyrant, and then rose and quietly left the room. Nancy had been silent while all that had been going on but now she leaned forward and gently took Hilda’s hand.

“Nancy?” whispered Hilda, her eyes still closed, guilt once more swamping her. “Your friendship knows no bounds, does it? I am so sorry for what I put you through today.”

“Hilda, stop it!” said Nancy softly. “You’re the one whose friendship knows no bounds, after what you have done for me. And I’m the one who needs forgiveness, after what I said about your courage....”

Her voice broke, but Hilda’s hand turned in hers and squeezed it gently. “Don’t, Nancy, don’t hurt yourself. You were so right. I’m not.....”

But Nancy’s fingers were laid on Hilda’s lips again as before, and Nancy’s voice was very intense as she spoke, remembering the words the nun had said about Hilda’s feelings of guilt and weakness. “You are the most courageous woman I know. Never, ever doubt that for one single moment. But I had to say something, anything, to bring you back to life. You were so numb, so still. I thought I’d lost you.”

At these words, Hilda’s eyes opened with a great effort and she gazed reflectively at Nancy, an ocean of sadness in those eyes. “I nearly lost myself, Nancy. All I knew was that Nell had gone forever and that I would be without her for the rest of my natural life. Nothing else mattered to me in those moments.” She was silent a moment and then taking in Nancy’s weary face she asked hesitantly, “How long did you actually spend with me, my dear?”

Nancy hesitated and then knew she had to tell this woman the truth. “Nearly four hours.” She saw Hilda close her eyes in anguish and she hastened on, “Hilda, you mustn’t fret, love. I was just glad to be able to get through and help you. I’m just so relieved you had enough sense left to know you needed help and to actually ask for it. That’s got to be a first.”

Hilda’s eyes opened again and she gazed once more at Nancy. “You know, in my pain, I never questioned your presence. Mother Abbess sent you, didn’t she?” she whispered in awe, and when Nancy nodded, she added, “And in her infinite wisdom, she told you that you had to be cruel to get through, that I was too far gone to heed anything else. That could only have come from her.”

When Nancy nodded again miserably, Hilda’s lips curved in a faint smile as her eyes closed wearily against the pain. She whispered wryly, “I’ll lay odds she also muttered something about the trouble I’ll cause her when I enter,” and Nancy chuckled softly but did not deny it.

Hilda struggled to open her eyes again and Nancy saw there a bleakness that made her catch her breath. “I owe you both. I was so far away, lost in a barren land of fog and ice and sheer hopelessness and I couldn’t find my way back. Oh, Nancy, death is so cruel!”

Her throat tightened and it was some moments before she could continue. “You dragged me back kicking and screaming from that wasteland, my dear, so don’t ever feel guilty about how you did it.” Her eyes closed once again as she added sadly, “But I shall feel forever guilty at what it must have done to you.”

Nancy decided this was not the moment to argue with her about that, so said instead gently, “Mother Abbess sent you a message. She said it was something to do with her words earlier to you on the phone. It’s a quote. Here, I wrote it down,” and Nancy fished a small piece of paper from her pocket, and began to read:

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than a light and safer than a known way. (Minnie Louise Haskins)

As she heard these words, Hilda remembered how Mother Abbess, only hours ago, had told her that, in the desolate wilderness she was in, she must put her hand in God’s, as Jesus did. Her tears began to flow again as she realised just how much she had lost her way these last few days – and yet in the end it was all so simple. Trust. Like a child.

Nancy, seeing the slow tears creeping down the white face, whispered, “She also said to tell you that it is only when the sky is dark that one can see the stars.” She paused and then asked very softly, “Does that help at all, Hilda?” Eyes still closed, Hilda nodded but said nothing. Maybe it would – some day!

Silence fell and Hilda lay as still as she could, trying to contain the monumental pain in heart and head, when suddenly she was aware of someone stroking her cheek once more, catching the tears, and then Matey’s voice saying quietly, “Mother Abbess says sleep, she’s sorry about the head, she’s praying for you – and did you get the message?”

“Yes, Nancy passed it on,” murmured Hilda, frowning as the pain suddenly increased in intensity.

“Come on, you, let’s get these down you and then hopefully you can sleep it off this time.” But as Matey gently lifted Hilda’s head they heard her hiss with the pain the movement caused, and she lay afterwards with her hand over her eyes, as though to hide the tears. Matey did not tell her, but these tablets were different ones, sent post-haste from the San by Jack Maynard after an urgent phone call from Matey. Now she sat anxiously watching the white, drawn face, hoping they would work their magic, and was rewarded as gradually the deep frown relaxed, the hand fell away and Hilda drifted off to sleep once more......

 


#9:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:48 pm


Another very moving scene - and posted just in time for me to see before I went out for the evening! It is rather wonderful that Hilda herself can realise so soon just how far she had sunk into the depths again.

Hoping that the new tablets do their work and that Hilda is free of that headache when she next wakes up.

Thanks Mary.

 


#10:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:50 pm


Aha - a dose!

I completely disapprove of CS style doses normally - but in this case I think I can make an exception, and just be pleased that Hilda can sleep at last. She so needs it.

Hilda is so selfless - even in the midst of her grief and despair, she is thinking about Nancy.

Thankyou Mary - I'm glad I stayed up a bit longer to catch this update. You are spoiling us! Wink

 


#11:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:53 pm


Wot Elder said. Crying or Very sad

 


#12:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:34 am


Beautifully handled Mary. Hilda has such wonderful friends and is so self-aware here, even through that dreadful pain.
A certain amount of veneration seems appropriate... Smile

 


#13:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 9:08 am


Thank you, Mary, for another emotive scene. I like how Hilda realises that MA must have sent Nancy to her, and told her to bully Hilda.

MaryR wrote:


“She also said to tell you that it is only when the sky is dark that one can see the stars.”


Nice line. Is it a quote from somewhere?

Cath V-P wrote:
A certain amount of veneration seems appropriate...


Nooo! Hilda needs wise friends, who can see her weaknesses as well as her many strengths, and who aren't too in awe of her to point them out.

 


#14:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:51 pm


Lovely

Thank you Mary

I'm so glad Hilda has gone to sleep and I hope it helps her to find some peace

Liz

 


#15:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:52 pm


Mary, I never know whether to be sorry that I don't have time to read this every day (I probably could, but I just wouldn't be able to do it justice), or glad that I get more of the impact by only reading every three or four days.

I rarely quote from your work, not because there isn't anything quote-worthy but because there is too much! But I just have to quote these two bits:

Quote:
When Hilda awoke less than two hours later, she realised a little man with a hammer had taken up residence inside her head.


That made me smile and wince at the same time - I know that little man so well! That's one of the great things about your use of comedy, Mary. In the midst of great tension, you can make an almost throw-away seeming comment like that, which both lifts the tension and makes it more bearable, and at the same time marks the contrast between your comic and serious scenes.

I know many writers who would give their eye teeth to be able to write like you!

Quote:
And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.” And he replied: “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than a light and safer than a known way. (Minnie Louise Haskins)


I know you didn't write this, but this particular quotation always send a shiver down my spine, and I wanted to thank you for sharing it. Your use of quotation is always so appropriate - you always seem to know exactly who and what to quote, and when! And the way you use them often makes me look at well known and beloved quotations in a new way.

Sorry that this is so long, but I did want to get my thoughts down, especially since after tomorrow I'm going to be away for a couple of weeks. I shall miss this drabble more than any other.

Thank you, Mary.

 


#16:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 9:59 pm


..... Now she sat anxiously watching the white, drawn face, hoping they would work their magic, and was rewarded as gradually the deep frown relaxed, the hand fell away and Hilda drifted off to sleep once more......

As she slept she suddenly felt soft lips on her forehead and, sensing immediately that they did not belong to Matey or Nancy she opened her eyes........

......... to look straight up into beautiful grey eyes glowing lovingly down into hers. She could only stare back in wonder for long moments but then suddenly a sob was torn from her. Instantly Nell’s arms were around her, the strong arms she had so longed for, holding her as she wept out her grief, and Nell’s voice was whispering softly in French, the liquid sounds so soft and tender.

“Ne pleures pas, je t’en prie, ma chérie, ne pleures pas. Je t’aime toujours et à jamais. Tout ira bien, je te promets, ma mie, tout ira bien à la fin. » (see below)

Hilda’s tears soon ceased, for joy was welling up in her as she listened to the beloved voice, but then Nell took her by the shoulders and looked at her sternly, her characteristic no-nonsense tone much in evidence as she spoke firmly and decisively. “You’ve got your knickers in a twist again, my love! Boy, do you need me at times! Come on! I’m going to sort you out once and for all.”

As Hilda chuckled tearfully, she felt herself rising and everything becoming misty.........

When she could see clearly again she found herself standing on a hillside looking down – and her heart went cold as ice inside her.

“Nell, why have you brought me here?” she whispered fearfully, as she gazed down on the tumbled ruins of what had once clearly been a large town, not a house left whole, stone tumbled on stone, roofs tilted crazily, cars buried beneath tons of rubble.

“Because I want you to face your fears, my darling. I want to wipe away those images you have in your mind which are destroying you with pain and guilt. I want you to see the reality of what happened.” She turned the slim body to face her and her own eyes were full of compassion for the suffering woman she held so lovingly. “It might hurt more just now, but in the long run it can only help you. For you can’t go on like this, sweetheart. Behind your smiles, behind that oh so calm exterior, my loss is killing you, piece by painful piece, isn’t it?”

Hilda’s eyes were stark with her anguish as she nodded, and her rich voice ragged as she spoke. “Why did you go back in when you were safe? Do you have any idea of just what you did to everyone? To the girls? To all your friends?”

Nell groaned and pulled her close, her arms wrapped round her as tightly as she could manage. “I know just what I did to you,” and she felt the body in her arms quiver. “ But, Hilda, sweetheart, what else could I do? There were people still inside the hotel and no help had arrived as yet. Mahala herself – she hadn’t appeared and I couldn’t leave her there to die. I had to go back in and try to rescue her. You would have done exactly the same, love, so don’t be cross with me,” she added, plaintively.

Hilda pulled back a little and forced herself to look once more at the devastation before her, and she shuddered violently as she thought of those slabs of concrete smashing down on Nell’s body, of the unspeakable pain she must have endured, of the terror she must have felt.

Her voice was suddenly harsh and cold. “But I would have done it blindly. You were a geologist. You knew the risks, you knew about aftershocks, but you did it anyway. How foolhardy was that?”

Again Nell turned her away from the ruined town and took her by the shoulders. She shook her gently but spoke urgently. “And I still had to do it, even knowing all that. I could never have lived with myself afterwards otherwise. Any more than you could have done. I know you once told your Mother Abbess you would have taken my place without a moment’s hesitation. You would also have gone in there without a moment’s hesitation, if you knew there were people still at risk – because for you others always come first.”

“As they did for you,” whispered Hilda, and all at once her eyes lost their bleakness and became soft with her love for this strong woman she had loved so much and who had caused her such agony. She put up a trembling hand to stroke Nell’s cheek.

Her musical voice mellow and gentle, she smiled. “A mountain lion is always a mountain lion – you don’t change his nature. You had that lion’s heart, my love, and you had to stay true to your nature. Suddenly, I’m so proud of you.” She stopped a moment to lean to kiss Nell gently. “All I’ve wanted to do since you died is to shake you to pieces for what you did, for your sheer stupidity, for leaving me so alone. But seeing this......obscenity....... and listening to you, all I can feel now is absolute awe at your splendid courage.”

Pure love in her clear, grey eyes, Nell smiled tenderly at Hilda and pulled her close again, cradling the slender body in those strong arms of hers. Yearning to rest there forever, Hilda felt utter contentment enfold her in its silken wings.............



Translation: Don't cry, I beg you, my darling, don't cry. I love you always and forever. All will be well, I promise you, my love, all will be well in the end.

 


#17:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:13 pm


How lovely. Just exactly what Hilda needed. I do hope she wakes up feeling more whole, rather than even more bereft.

Quote:
“You’ve got your knickers in a twist again, my love! Boy, do you need me at times! Come on! I’m going to sort you out once and for all.”

As Hilda chuckled tearfully


Hilda wasn't the only one chuckling tearfully Smile Crying or Very sad

A small gloat - I managed to read the French without looking at the translation Smile

And now I know what you meant in your PM, Mary - about A Christmas Carol ;)

 


#18:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:15 pm


Mary- last night you posted just before I went out - and tonight, I've just found this and it's the first chance I've had to get on the board since very early this morning.

What a beautiful interchange between Hilda and Nell - once again, showing so clearly the depth of feeling which existed between them and how well they knew each other.

Hoping that when Hilda wakes, she will remember this dream and, having been shown these 'images' of the devastated Spanish town, be comforted by realising once and for all that, even knowing the risks of further tremors, Nell could no more have failed to go back to try and find Mahala than she could have flown to the moon without a spacecraft - and, though she wouldn't have had the same technical knowledge, she herself would not have been able to do so if she'd been in Nell's shoes.

Thank you for this 'still small voice' of comfort and perhaps eventual consolation, for Hilda.

 


#19:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:19 pm


Thank you, Mary. I love these glimpses you give us of Nell and her relationship with Hilda. This piece is heartbreaking though hopefully it will help Hilda.

 


#20:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:43 pm


Just what Hilda needed, and always, the only one who could give her the comfort was Nell herself.

Thank you Mary, exquisite.

 


#21:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:32 am


Mary, I read this while crying and smiling at once. Nell's courage and selflessness - yes, and the ability to chide Hilda lovingly- were all things that Hilda has so desperately missed, and now they have been given back to her, all wrapped up in a promise of love. Just beautiful.

 


#22:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:24 am


Thank you Mary

*blinking frantically*

Liz

 


#23:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 4:06 pm


Oh Mary, what wisdom is in your writing. I hardly know how to comment on so many moving peices. You are an excellant story teller, and even with such a difficult topic you are an inspiration to many. Thankyou for all of your hard work. I cannot comment on the peices themselves more thoroughly, but you have a gift for this.

 


#24:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:31 am


You do have a gift for this Mary - I love this. It's so incredibly moving. Thank you

 


#25:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:22 pm


Mary, I have just caught up on this after a weeks absence from the board and I am in awe. Words fail me so often when I come to comment on this story that I feel it is hard to do it justice.

Nancy and Kathie...I do hope that MA is able to help and that they work things out, I do think there will need to be a confrontation between them soon, before things fester.

Matey, I love the way her love for HIlda shows itself in such practical ways, very in character and realistic and yet it shows the depth and tenderness of her feelings.

Hilda is...brilliant, and I am in great fear she will be perceptive enough to realise there are problems with Nancy and Kathie, how could she not?

Mother Abess....I want to know her, I want the input of her wisdom.

 


#26:  Author: JackieJLocation: Kingston upon Hull PostPosted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:23 pm


Just caught up with this Mary - wonderful as always. I just hope Kathie can understand.

Thank you

JackieJ

 


#27:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:36 pm


....... She put up a trembling hand to stroke Nell’s cheek.

Her musical voice mellow and gentle, she smiled. “A mountain lion is always a mountain lion – you don’t change his nature. You had that lion’s heart, my love, and you had to stay true to your nature. Suddenly, I’m so proud of you.” She stopped a moment to lean to kiss Nell gently. “All I’ve wanted to do since you died is to shake you to pieces for what you did, for your sheer stupidity, for leaving me so alone. But seeing this......obscenity....... and listening to you, all I can feel now is absolute awe at your splendid courage.”

Pure love in her clear, grey eyes, Nell smiled tenderly at Hilda and pulled her close again, cradling the slender body in those strong arms of hers. Yearning to rest there forever, Hilda felt utter contentment enfold her in its silken wings.............

............suddenly, almost against her will, she felt herself rising again and the mist descending as before and then there was nothing..........

“Open your eyes, my darling,” whispered Nell. Wondering fearfully what she would see next, Hilda did as she was commanded – and gasped. She was in a hospital ward, filled to overflowing with patients, some even lying on the floor, nurses and doctors darting from one bed to another. She could sense the urgency in the air. As she stared blankly at the scene, her eyes all at once focused on a quiet corner and she felt herself propelled across there.

It was Nell! Nell! She was lying in the bed, a nun sitting beside her, writing on a pad. Nell’s eyes were closed tightly, her face a ghastly white, her brow deeply furrowed, lines of agony etched round eyes and mouth, her white hair in disarray on the pillow.

Her heart breaking wide open – how she had longed to be here, to comfort, to love – Hilda saw in surprise that Nell’s face was undamaged, not a scratch on it. Unaware of anything but her own overwhelming need to console this dying, beloved woman, she leaned forward, her arm outstretched........ to feel herself being pulled back by the Nell who was holding her.

“You can’t, sweetheart!” Nell whispered and she held her tight as Hilda broke down and wept bitterly on her shoulder. Nell waited a while and then continued quietly, “Now that you’ve seen what it was really like, maybe those images you’ve conjured up in your head won’t haunt you quite so much. Maybe now all that guilt you feel, at not being here to comfort me, will fade.”

“But such pain in your face!” sobbed Hilda, her own pain almost physical at what she was seeing happening to this woman she loved so much.

“Yes, love, as I told you in my letter, the pain was indescribable and death was a welcome release. My legs, hips, arms, ribs were all shattered, my internal organs crushed. There was nothing they could have done, nothing I would have wanted them to do. Please try and remember that, sweetheart......... death was very welcome.”

Hilda’s tears fell faster as she heard detailed the injuries and agony she had only been able to imagine up till this point, and Nell held her tighter, longing to take away Hilda’s pain but knowing it was not possible.

“Why didn’t you let them........ give you something....... for the pain.......why write?” Hilda cried out angrily through her tears.

“Do you really have to ask, my darling?” Nell whispered in her ear. “Wouldn’t you have done the same? I knew how you would be feeling.......I’d been there, remember........I had to let you know one more time how much I loved you. I had to make you go on living. And in a way, it brought you near.”

“You saved my life with that letter,” sobbed Hilda. “I was killing myself, although I didn't realise it......all I wanted was to be with you.” Nell held her as she continued to weep heartbrokenly, knowing somehow that this would help Hilda, that somehow, in some way, things would never be as bad again.

Hilda suddenly turned in the circle of Nell’s arms and looked again, through her tears, at the woman she had so cherished, now dying in that quiet corner, and saw her open eyes that were dark with pain, saw her try to formulate words to comfort a friend so far away.

“But you were so alone,” she whispered as she gazed, imprinting this image in her mind, storing it in her over-burdened heart.

Nell drew her close again and tried to reassure her. “No, I wasn’t, my darling. I had your love to sustain me. And God was very near, holding me, waiting to welcome me home. Remember that, in the bad times you will still have – I was not alone.”

Hilda spoke quietly into Nell’s shoulder. “Mother Abbess asked me once, why was I so sad if I knew you were happy in Heaven.”

“She was right, sweetheart.” Her cheek against Hilda’s soft hair, her words were very quiet. “I’ve told you before, to be with God is unfettered joy. It is to be truly alive for the first time. Remember the Unicorn in the Narnia books we both love. What did he say? ‘I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it....’ Oh Hilda, my Hilda, it is so true.” Her voice intense, she tried desperately to make Hilda see how happy she was, while still understanding Hilda’s own loneliness and sadness. Then she whispered, “And Hilda, dearest one, you will not have to wait too long.”

“But how long is long?” Hilda’s words were a mere thread of sound as she asked words she had asked once before.

“In God’s own time, love. Just be as patient and loving as always, and above all, be joyful, as you are beginning to be, now you are trusting wholly in Him. Live for both of us, as I asked, and please don’t feel guilty that you are still living and laughing – I too am living and laughing, just on a different plane. You didn't think death could shut me up, did you? Or make me lose my sarcastic tongue?”

Hilda gave a watery chuckle at those words, and lay quiet against Nell, drinking in her nearness and listening avidly to the voice talking so persuasively in her ear. Surely God could not be so cruel as to snatch this away from her any time soon......

Nell let the silence linger, she also content to be together like this, and aware of how much Hilda needed this reassurance. Tightening her arms, she closed her eyes and continued quietly, “I am closer to you than I ever was, my darling. But you are managing so beautifully on your own.” She felt Hilda shake her head and said more urgently, “Yes, you are love. Don’t ever doubt yourself. You are showing gifts neither of us ever suspected were hidden there. You’ve had to dig very deep but you’ve done it. Just let others carry you when you are too sad to cope. Don’t do it alone, strong as you are.”

“I’ll try,” came a broken whisper and then Hilda lifted her head to look up pleadingly into the square-jawed face she so loved. “But, my love, if you are so near, when I’m hurting next, will you whisper a happy memory in my ear to dispel the sadness?”

Nell pulled her close again and closed her eyes to stop her own tears falling. “I promise, sweetheart,” she whispered, but then her voice suddenly became the crisp voice of old. “But you must promise me you won’t ever sink into despair like that again – remember all I have said instead, or I won’t be responsible for my actions. Promise?” The head on her shoulder moved in assent. “No more guilt? No more horror?” There was a shake of the head.

Nell gently lifted Hilda’s head from her shoulder and cupped the tear-stained face in loving hands. She smiled into the sad eyes. “Remember, I will always love you,” and her voice was more tender than Hilda had ever heard it. Storing away in her heart that gentle smile, those cherished words, Hilda reached up to stroke Nell’s face again.


Last edited by MaryR on Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:12 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#28:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:02 pm


OH Mary, that was wonderful. You have nearly moved me to tears - and it takes a lot to do that. Nell's being there, and being able to show Hilda what happened, all be it in a dream, was a lovely way to end that section.

I do hope that Hilda will not be too hurt when she wakes up. At least there is the knowledge in this dream that what has happened has happened. Even in the dream she is facing up to reality. Now may she have the courage to face up to her promise to Nell, and live it outn

Thankyou Mary

 


#29:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:06 pm


What a lovely dream - thank you Mary.

 


#30:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:28 pm


Mary I have tears streaming down my face. That was exactly what Hilda needed to hear, that was Nell, exactly as she needed to see her.

Thank you.

 


#31:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:46 pm


Mary that was indescribable. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

 


#32:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 11:53 pm


Quote:
That was exactly what Hilda needed to hear, that was Nell, exactly as she needed to see her.



Lesley, you put that into words far better than I could have done. That was a beautiful scene, Mary - and another which I've had to read, leave and come back to before being able to write anything.

Like Squirrel, I hope that the memory of this dream will sustain Hilda when she awakens and be there for her whenever she needs it. Certainly Nell has reminded her quite firmly that she will always be there watching out for her, even though her body is absent.

Thanks, Mary - those two dream episodes together are truly memorable.

 


#33:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 2:25 am


Mary, this was so wonderful and I am crying again. Truly, the horrors that we imagine can be so much worse..., and now, Hilda knows what happened to Nell. And the whole exchange, they are so much their own true selves, their own clear voices.

 


#34:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:32 am


Mary, thank you. I've just caught up with over a week of posts and i am speechless. Awesome.

 


#35:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:09 pm


Just caught up with your posts Mary. They are as wonderful as ever. It's very difficult to put down here what I feel, so I think I won't really try. Just ask you to keep up the good work.

 


#36:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:54 pm


Nell gently lifted Hilda’s head from her shoulder and cupped the tear-stained face in loving hands. She smiled into the sad eyes. “Remember, I will always love you,” and her voice was more tender than Hilda had ever heard it. Storing away in her heart that gentle smile, those cherished words, Hilda reached up to stroke Nell’s face again, but even as she did so she felt herself falling, falling, ever so softly.........

..........to find herself back in her bed, and feeling a wrenching sense of loss. Only half awake, in desperation she tried to crawl back into her dream, through the remaining wisps of sleep, just wanting to be with Nell again, but to no avail. For a while, as she lay fighting yet another onslaught of tears, that sense of loss crushed her beneath its weight, and loneliness seared through her spirit.

Oh Nell, where have you gone? Come back......don’t leave me alone like this......I will always love you too, my dear, my very dear.


However, although the images of Nell from her dream stayed crystal clear in her mind as the last wisps of sleep dispersed, she gradually became aware that her intense headache had gone, and a quietness was seeping into her soul as her sadness and sense of loss slowly grew less acute. And then, as she lay there, through this soothing of her pain she became aware of a voice speaking, filling her body, her mind, her very spirit, and she felt a Presence very near.

No longer will the sun be your light by day
Or the moon be your light by night;
I, the Lord, will be your eternal light;
The light of My glory will shine on you,
Your days of grief will come to an end.
I the Lord will be your eternal light,
More lasting than the sun and moon.” (Psalm 60:19)


The voice was as sweet and soft as tears, and her soul knew it for the voice of God. A sense of deep and solemn awe overwhelmed her and she felt her limbs dissolving in bliss as the words calmed and gentled her.......

Whether it lasted mere moments or long hours, she never knew, but as the awe faded and her senses slowly returned, a great thankfulness welled up in her at such magnificent, overwhelming benevolence. On this worst of days she had been offered only the best, the very best, far more than she could ever have dreamed. Her soul had truly been succoured and nourished.

She lay quiet, bathed in the trembling joy she had felt once before, earlier in the term on another day of dark despair. Everything is grace, she thought, only grace, nothing we could ever earn, and she found herself instinctively responding, with more words from the psalms, to that still, small voice of Love Himself:

Your constant love is better than life itself.
In the shadow of Your wings
I sing for joy.
I cling to You,
And Your hand keeps me safe.(Ps 63)


Eventually, feeling as though she had been away on a very long journey, she opened her eyes, to find the late afternoon sun casting its long, golden beams into her room, burnishing the carved wooden door of her wardrobe and intensifying the deep sense of peace in the room. She lay and basked in that peace for a long while, feeling dreamily that angels could have danced in those sunbeams, heaven brought to earth, just for a few solemn moments.....

 


#37:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:00 pm


Oh Mary, sad, but oh so lovely. I love the way that God Himself comes to answer her cry for help, and so quickly. That her faith is back on the solid ground again.

I'm sorry for her as she so desperately attempts to get back into the dream again, for that is her hearts desire, to live always in the dream.

Thankyou for giving her back that peace, and for removing her headache. May this be the end of this current bout of difficulty.

A lovely, but sad, encounter.

Thankyou Mary

 


#38:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:01 pm


thank you for these posts. The previous two moved me to tears and then came back and discovered today's and it calmed me - absolutely beautifully expressed.

 


#39:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:02 pm


A lovely ending to the dream section of the story. My heart went out for her as she woke and yet what an encounter to sustain her.

Thank you Mary.

 


#40:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:18 pm


Not the dream, she didn't want the dream, but the one within the dream, her soul mate, Nell. Then as she is in deep despair because she has lost the dream and Nell, suddenly, against all her expectations, she is succoured by an even greater support. This will give her the strength to carry on.


Thank you Mary.

 


#41:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:39 pm


As Carolyn says, this is indeed a lovely ending to the dream sequence and a beautiful memory to sustain Hilda through the days, too.

Once again the calm after the storm image comes to mind, but in addition, this time there is, as Lesley and Squirrel note, the sense of a larger presence, in addition to Nell, Who is there to support her.

"Be still, and know that I am God" is the phrase which sprang to my mind as I read this section.

Thank you Mary for restoring Hilda to her calmer self and giving her the strength to carry on.

 


#42:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:53 am


Thank you Mary. Nell's presence, and a renewed sense of God's presence. Two great and glorious gifts for her

 


#43:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:15 am


Just wow. Both at your writing and at that image and presence of God so tangible in his words to Hilda. Thank you Mary.

 


#44:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 7:53 pm


This scene came out of the blue from Hilda today - it was NOT included in what I had already written and intended to post - so please excuse her if she got it wrong! Shocked

I think she just likes poking me while I sit in the dentist's chair Rolling Eyes Embarassed Rolling Eyes



.......Eventually, feeling as though she had been away on a very long journey, she opened her eyes, to find the late afternoon sun casting its long, golden beams into her room, burnishing the carved wooden door of her wardrobe and intensifying the deep sense of peace in the room. She lay and basked in that peace for a long while, feeling dreamily that angels could have danced in those sunbeams, heaven brought to earth, just for a few solemn moments.....and as she lay there, as though nudged into her head by an unseen hand, came the thought of a book beloved by both Nell and herself, and of something that happened in that book, The Wind in the Willows:

Mole felt a great Awe fall upon him, an awe that turned his muscles to water, bowed his head, and rooted his feet to the ground. It was no panic terror – indeed he felt wonderfully at peace and happy – but it was an awe that smote and held him and, without seeing, he knew it could only mean that some august Presence was very, very near......he raised his humble head; and then, in that utter clearness of the imminent dawn, while Nature, flushed with fullness of incredible colour, seemed to hold her breath for the event, he looked in the very eyes of the Friend and Helper.....

“Rat!” he found breath to whisper, shaking. “Are you afraid?”

“Afraid? Of Him? O, never, never! And yet – and yet – O, Mole, I am afraid!”

Then the two animals, crouching to the earth, bowed their heads and did worship.


Oh yes, Mole had it just right! She had felt that same awe, that same peace, only moments – or maybe years – ago. Her instinct also had been to kneel, to worship, but somehow the angels she had imagined in the sunbeams had seemed to convey her adoration for her. How generous and gracious He had been, and that spark of joy she once mentioned to Mother Abbess was now being fanned into a flame – a faint intimation of the rich joy Nell was now experiencing in all its fullness.

Lying there quietly and still basking in that profound peace, wondering if Nell herself had brought the book to mind, two verses of a hymn she loved seemed to express, more perfectly than she could ever hope to, what she wanted to say to the One who had gifted her such a sublime ending to this day that had begun in such numbing despair:

O Love that wilt not let me go
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give Thee back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to Thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain
That morn shall tearless be.
(George Matheson)


The rainbow through the rain! What a perfect description of that dream of Nell, a veritable shower of shining blessings in her deepest, darkest hour, giving her such inexpressible comfort, bidding her to leave behind her guilt over so many things, and challenging her to let down her barriers and be open and vulnerable to others. Not easy! She would have to go against her very nature, as Nancy had done for her today. But had she not been promised help, the most perfect help of all?

More than help. Another rainbow! A glowing promise that her grief would one day be healed, that He Himself would be her guiding light, that morning would indeed be “tearless”. On one condition – that she continue to give her whole life over to Him, safer there in His hands than anywhere else, so it “may richer, fuller be”.

He had promised her weeks ago that He would do great things through her. Why or how or what she could not imagine. But she would trust Him and His plans for her – even when the going seemed too hard, the grief too great. She would somehow rise to His challenges. Like Ratty and Mole she would worship Him, she would rest her weary, aching soul in Him, do His bidding, even if at times the pain of it would be costly. He and Nell would see to it that she did not stumble too often, or if she did, that she picked herself up again.

In the quiet peace of that sun-drenched room, still trembling at all she had seen and heard, she made a vow, “ Lord, I will rest in you, I do give you back my life and I can trace your rainbow through my pain. Just........never let me go, never allow me to lose myself like that again.”

Coming back to earth finally with a gentle bump, her heart still filled with that unearthly peace, she turned her head......

 


#45:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:06 pm


Oh Mary, that was wonderful. I have never read "Wind in the wollows" myself - I saw part of a cartoon version of it and hated Toady! He was made to look a silly character who was always going off stealing other people's cars - you just dont do things like that (says Squirrels head) and saying "toot toot", I dont know! But the reverence and awe of the section that you have taken from the book. It's like 2 completely different stories. And it fits in so wonderfully well.

Its a lovely way to describe the scenario, and like usual I think Hilda has it just right. Even if it was a bit of a shock to you to have it included when you thought you had this section fully sorted. Sorry that it happened while you were at the dentists though.

I cant fully put my feeligns as to this installment down at the moment, perhaps I'll come back later and try again!

 


#46:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:20 pm


Wind in the Willows is a favourite of mine.

Thank you Mary, such a lovely way for Hilda to awaken - so different to her normal despair when she realises she is no longer with Nell.

 


#47:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:32 pm


Beautiful - The Piper at the Gates of Dawn! - (thank goodness for Google, one of my kids has my copy of The Wind in the Willows!) And the hymn, too - what words of comfort and re-dawning hope.

Both are such an amazing expression of Hilda's experience in her dream, and how, on awakening, she feels herself to be held in that special Presence.

They also make me think of:


"Come unto Me, all ye who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest..." -

I can't give the exact biblical source, but I know there is an aria in Handel's Messiah using those words.

Mary, this section is so lovely - I'm completely lost for adequate words. Thank you for sharing Hilda's deepest feelings with us once again - however deep her despair may be at times, she will never be completely lost while she can draw comfort from words like this.

 


#48:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:53 pm


The hymn that we sang at Dad's funeral, though a very different tempo, says it too.

Will your anchor hold in the storms of life
When the clouds unfurl theri wings of strife
When the strong tides rip, and the cables strain
Will your anchor drift or firm remain

We have an anchor that keeps the soul
Steadfast and sure while the billows role
Fastened to the rocj which cannot move
Grounded frim and deep int he Saviour's love.

 


#49:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:28 pm


Elder - the verse you are aiming for may well be Mattew 11.28. It's worded a little differently in the NIV - "Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest".

It could be mentioned in other gospel narratives as well, but a quick glance through my electronic bible dictionary doesnt seem to show any alternatives to this passage. Oh the benifits of studying theology! You have a great excuse for getting the latest toys when it comes to the Bible! Not that I have a pocket concordance however.

Sorry Mary, you can have your thread back now!

 


#50:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:49 pm


Thank you, Mary, that was a beautiful and inspired scene. Glad something good came out of your dentist ordeal.

You evoke a lovely calm peaceful mood in these last two posts, just what Hilda needed to happen after the day she's had.

 


#51:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:54 pm


Thank you Mary, this is very much the calm after the storm, and Hilda's thoughts reflect that. I love Piper at the Gates of Dawn, and the other chapter, about Mole coming home, Dulce Domum, they are such peaceful chapters.

 


#52:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 12:28 am


Oh what a day of blessings for Hilda, after all that agony. It reminds me very much of the Prayer Book words, "heaviness may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
Of course, they would have read and loved "Wind in the Willows" ...curiously topical in my house at the moment, Mary, as we are reading 'Wind in the Willows" as 6 year old Anne's bedtime book. And I don't plan to miss that chapter out!

 


#53:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:42 am


Definately don't worry that Hilda got is wrong. That was beutiful, such a lovely way for Hilda to come back to the world and a wonderful sense of God's love and prescence.

Thank you.

 


#54:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:22 pm


.....In the quiet peace of that sun-drenched room, still trembling at what she had seen and heard, she made a vow, “ Lord, I will rest in you, I do give you back my life and I can trace your rainbow through my pain. Just........never let me go, never allow me to lose myself like that again.”

Coming back to earth finally with a gentle bump, her heart still filled with that unearthly peace, she turned her head, to see Nancy sitting at her bedside, reading some papers with fierce concentration. Hilda smiled gently to herself. How could she ever repay this woman for all the love she had shown? She had sensed months ago that she would get a lot of mothering from Nancy, and how right she had been. God had sent her such blessings since Nell’s death.

“Nancy,” she breathed softly, and immediately the papers went flying in all directions as Nancy threw herself anxiously on her knees by the bed, but then relaxed as Hilda laughed gently and said teasingly, “It’s to be hoped those papers are numbered or you’ll never make sense of them again. Believe me, I know.”

“You’re feeling better,” rejoiced Nancy, taking in the brighter eyes and the loving smile. “And I couldn’t understand the things anyway. What rubbish we have to plough through sometimes!”

Hilda nodded and smiled in answer. “How long have I slept?”

“Several hours,” answered Nancy, beaming down at her. What a change from this morning!

A lifetime, reflected Hilda as she thought of Nell and all that Nell had shown her in those hours in her dream. Dream? It had been no mere dream, of that she was certain, just a magnificent gift from above. A vision, sent to ease and yet challenge.

Nancy helped her sit up and packed some pillows behind her, smoothing back Hilda’s tangled hair. “Comfy? Then I’ll just go and phone Gwynneth.” She left the room and Hilda sat quiet, seeing her room as though for the first time, the sunshine still gilding the carved wooden furniture, the flowers by the window lending their scent to the air, the pale green curtains wafting lazily in the evening breeze from the open window, all somehow made sacred by the voice she had heard twice now, in this very spot.

Returning, Nancy surprised a look almost of radiance on Hilda’s face, but somehow felt too over-awed by it to say anything. Going to the chest of drawers, she picked up Hilda’s brush and comb and gently teased out the knots in her Head’s wavy brown hair, the hair that had just recently gained so many new silver threads, and then handed her a glass of water and sat on the bed, where Hilda took her hand gently.

“Nancy, have you sat there all this time?” she asked worriedly, noticing once again how tired Nancy looked. But the latter shook her head and smiled determinedly to hide her own problems from Hilda.

“No, I ran across to see to a few things and had a short nap, but I wanted to be here for you, to make sure you were okay.” And it had led to more problems with Kathie, at least at first. Kathie had seemed to think that enough was enough and yet, as Nancy had pointed out, that was the first time she had offered emotional support to Hilda for over five weeks. If Hilda had suffered in the meantime, she had let no one know, though Nancy, after what she had learned from Mother Abbess, would have lain odds that there had been some very bad times indeed.

She had pointed out that it was the six month mark since Nell’s death and Kathie had relented somewhat, and had even at that point noticed, in Nancy’s eyes, the turmoil she had been through, but somehow seemed unable to offer her anything. Nancy had told her gently that she understood and, unknowingly to her, Kathie had immediately felt guilty and had made her lie down for an hour and brought her some lunch, which had Nancy silently thanking the nun for all her advice. She had reflected that Mother Abbess was going to be a lifesaver for her as well as for Hilda.

Where did women like Hilda and the nun get such wisdom and perception, Nancy wondered, not for the first time.

 


#55:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:35 pm


Wow, Mary. What amazing writing. I'm glad that Hilda feels the way she does about the visit from Nell, and the comfort that this visit offers to her.

It is a lovely picture of how God does indeed pick us up when we are at our lowest ebb. When it seems that no one has the power to touch us, God is there and He is able to give us what no one else can.

To return to your previous post, because I did say I would try again with it, I love the way she is able to find solace from a book written for children, and from the things that imaginary animals feel. That this quote should be called to mind after a visitation like that is simply beautiful.

Thankyou for helping Nancy ballance the needs of Hilda and kathie, and that there seems to be hope dawning for an understanding from Kathie, though it may take a long time to develop fully.

It all works together wonderfully, thankyou for the time you have put into it.

 


#56:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:43 pm


Squirrel wrote:


It all works together wonderfully, thankyou for the time you have put into it.

And also for the emotional rollercoaster ride you must have been through yourself writing it.

 


#57:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 10:19 pm


Thank you, Mary. I love how you're portraying all the characters. Nancy is emerging as such a believable rounded woman, in some ways taking on some of Hilda;s mantle, but very much her own person.

MaryR wrote:


But the latter shook her head and smiled determinedly to hide her own problems from Hilda.



I'm still worried by this, but you hint that Kathie may gradually thaw in her attitude towards Nancy helping Hilda.

 


#58:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 1:38 am


Quote:
[“ Lord, I will rest in you, I do give you back my life and I can trace your rainbow through my pain. Just........never let me go, never allow me to lose myself like that again.”


Mary, that is such a powerful pledge - I hope that Hilda will be able to recall it, abide by it and be solaced by it the next time her grief threatens to get the upper hand - because we know that inevitably there will still be that next time.

Quote:
Nancy had told her gently that she understood and, unknowingly to her, Kathie had immediately felt guilty and had made her lie down for an hour and brought her some lunch, which had Nancy silently thanking the nun for all her advice. She had reflected that Mother Abbess was going to be a lifesaver for her as well as for Hilda.


Thank goodness for this little breakthrough - I hope that, when Kathie takes time to reflect on this, she will understand more fully and be ready to support Nancy wholeheartedly once again. Thank heaven for Mother Abbess.

Quote:
Where did women like Hilda and the nun get such wisdom and perception, Nancy wondered, not for the first time.



Where else but from long experience, strong faith and years of understanding the needs of others? Nancy is maturing by leaps and bounds in this story but with the best will in the world, she's still light years behind these two - and she knows it.

But how lovely to see Hilda restored to her usual self, secure and reassured through that vivid dream, that Nell really does still hold her in the cradle of her hand and sustain her, now and forever, even if not physically with her.

Thank you for another moving instalment, Mary - and for the strength of mind, and faith which enables you to write like this.

 


#59:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:15 am


Mary, thank you - wonderful once again. An amazing picture of God's prescence and radience in the dark and how he can make the light return again. And thank you that Mother Abbess' words are helping Nancy too and that Kathie is starting to understand.

 


#60:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:39 am


This is wonderful Mary, thank you

 


#61:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 11:51 am


Finally caught up with this!

Thank You Mary Kiss

Liz

 


#62:  Author: JennieLocation: Cambridgeshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 11:58 am


Thank you Mary, more than I can say.

 


#63:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:24 pm


Wasn't able to reply last night - and now everything has been said - so just thank you, again, Mary, sorry it can't be more unique than that.

Your writing is, as always, superb.

 


#64:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:39 pm


Still concerned about Kathie and Nancy, but feel glad that there apears to be some hope.

 


#65:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:41 pm


....... Where did women like Hilda and the nun get such wisdom and perception, she wondered, not for the first time.

As she smiled at Hilda now, the latter blinked away the tears at the care Nancy was showing and held her hand more tightly. Despite her tears, there was still that look of radiance on her face that had so awed Nancy, and her voice was rich with her gratitude as she spoke. “Nancy, I have wasted your entire day and asked you to go against your very nature, for which I hope you will forgive me. I’m a great trial to you at the moment, my dear.”

Nancy squeezed Hilda’s hand in return. “It wasn’t wasted, Hilda, love. How on earth can a day given to helping a friend be anything but a day well spent?” Hilda shook her head but Nancy continued firmly, “Hilda, you do exactly that for anyone in trouble. You would walk to the ends of the earth for them if it would help. Oh, yes, my dear, you would, so don’t argue. When your Mother Abbess said you needed help urgently, I was so thankful that she called me. I owe you big time, Hilda.”

Tears lay in Hilda’s eyes as she gazed at Nancy – she really had done nothing to deserve such love and care. As Nancy saw the tears she hesitated, but she decided in the end to be honest. This was Hilda, after all. “As for going against my nature, yes, it hurt me to hurt you like that but please, don’t ever feel guilty about it for there is nothing to forgive. I’d do more than that for you if I could. And before you ask,” she added with a touch of humour, as Hilda opened her mouth, “Your Mother Abbess put me back together again. She’s as good as you at doing that.”

“Better!” sighed Hilda succinctly. “After all, she had to put me back together and that’s...........”

“No easy task,” joked Nancy, and they smiled at each other in total amity, as Nancy added wryly, “No, you’re as stubborn as a mule. I always knew that, but you confirmed that for me this morning. You really like to fight people. No wonder even the naughtiest Middle gives up in despair!”

Hilda’s throat tightened and the tears threatened to overflow as she whispered, “Nancy, how do I ever repay you?”

On that score however Nancy was firm. “You already have, in so many ways. Hilda, it has honoured and humbled me that you would trust me like this, for you let so few people see behind your calm exterior. You are giving me, even now, far more than I have ever offered you.”

Hilda’s tear-filled eyes widened at these words, and she looked askance at Nancy, who went on slowly, “You’re teaching me, for a start, how to cope if I ever lose Kathie.” Hilda squeezed her hand gently as Nancy continued. “I know you don’t think you are coping but, believe me, love, you are, in your own wonderful and unique way, and you have taught me that somehow I would have to find the same bravery and faith if I am to survive.”

Nancy’s eyes wandered to the window, where the setting sun was painting the sky a paint-box of gaudy colours, and continued slowly, as though feeling her way, “But even more, I’m learning how to be more sensitive to others, how to minister to the girls, how to help them grow, as you do. Oh, I’ll never develop your gifts for reading minds or getting under people’s skins – I think they were gifts you received at birth – but my understanding of others has been given an almighty shove forward as you have leaned on me.”

She turned her eyes back to Hilda, whose eyes were a very soft and gentle blue at being given such a gift by Nancy, and the latter thought to herself, suddenly, how beautiful Hilda’s eyes had become recently, containing something almost other-worldly about them, as though she saw things others would never see.

Not as yet having a strong faith herself, she shivered a little at this thought, but then added, “You are teaching me so much more in your sorrow, Hilda, more than you could ever know. So please, continue to use me. Anything I can do for you is poor recompense for all I have received, and that’s not including the headship and the cottage. Throw those into the mix and I am in your debt forever.”

The tears were now flowing unchecked down Hilda’s white cheeks as she remembered Gwynneth’s words at the beginning of term about teaching others more through her grief than at any other time in her life. Gwynneth had spoken nothing but the truth! As usual! As had Mother Abbess when she had challenged her to let her barriers down, to rely on others more and let them help. Even Nell in her dream.......

Wondering how and why she deserved this love being lavished on her by so many people, Hilda just shook her head and delicately wiped away her tears with trembling fingers as Matey entered the room quietly, overjoyed to see her stubborn, strong-willed headmistress looking so much more like herself, indeed better than she had seen her look for a long while.

 


#66:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:57 pm


Mary - this is wonderful as always. Fantastic to see Nancy's view of the gifts she is developing from being with Hilda in her time of need

Thank you

 


#67:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:02 pm


Oh Mary, that was wonderful. Again you have covered such a lot in this. We have Hilda's gentle character, which is refusing as always to accept the good things that Nancy has to say about her for as long as possible - including the fact that Nancy has done little other for Hilda than Hilda would have done for others without a thought.

We have the frank, open hearted Nancy who is so grateful to have been allowed an insight into her mentor and friend. We have the acceptance of Nancy that there are things that Hilda is able to give to her, and there are things which she is going to have to learn for herself.

Sorry was called away for a job - *has a father who just suggested having tinned tomatoes with strawberries rather than evaporated milk! perhaps not!*

We have the words which break through the pain and allow Hilda to let go some more of that hurt with tears, and her realization that what Nancy is talking about is something which was mentioned as a probablilty by Gwynneth.

Finally we have the thankful heart of Gwynneth when she finds that Hilda is looking far better than she has done in a long time. Thats without mentioning Nancy's realization that she needs the strong faith that Hilda has, and that she might have to go through something of the kind with Kathie at some point in the future.

I just loved the teasing that takes place in this scene as well. Hilda doesnt seem to realize how far on she has come. It's not all that long ago that anything like this would have brought Nell to mind, and Nancy would have been left kicking herself for trying to cheer Hilda up.

Thanks Mary, it was great.

 


#68:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:04 pm


Another truly beautiful piece, Mary. So many ideas to ponder, too.

Quote:
As she smiled at Hilda now, the latter blinked away the tears at the care Nancy was showing and held her hand more tightly. Despite her tears, there was still that look of radiance on her face that had so awed Nancy, and her voice was rich with her gratitude as she spoke.


For some reason, this put me in mind of the Psalm - Weeping may endure for a night, but Joy cometh in the morning.

We know in our hearts that Hilda will indeed weep again, but that
Quote:
look of radiance
on her face as she emerges from this intense experience of grief is just so joyful.


Quote:
“I know you don’t think you are coping but, believe me, love, you are, in your own wonderful and unique way, and you have taught me that somehow I would have to find the same bravery and faith if I am to survive.”


What a wonderful way for Nancy to express what Hilda is doing for her at this time. And reassurance again that Nancy will do whatever it takes to help Hilda in crises such as this.

Quote:
Not as yet having a strong faith herself, she shivered a little at this thought, but then added, “You are teaching me so much more in your sorrow, Hilda, more than you could ever know. So please, continue to use me. Anything I can do for you is poor recompense for all I have received,


Nancy can only continue to grow from her caring for Hilda in this way, and the 'lessons' she learns will only benefit her own understanding - and, in the end, help her relationship with Kathie, especially now that the latter has at least a glimmer of understanding about Nancy's need to help Hilda.

Quote:
The tears were now flowing unchecked down Hilda’s white cheeks as she remembered Gwynneth’s words at the beginning of term about teaching others more through her grief than at any other time in her life. Gwynneth had spoken nothing but the truth! As usual! As had Mother Abbess when she had challenged her to let her barriers down, to rely on others more and let them help. Even Nell in her dream.......


Finally Hilda can see the truth of these words - even if she only half believed them earlier, then Nell's comments in her dream will really bring it home to her.

Looking forward to more of this when you have time, Mary - your own faith shines through so clearly here, too.

 


#69:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:04 am


Have just found the last two posts - must have lost a day somehow! - and oh, how wonderful they are. There is the most marvellous sense of re-creation after desolation and that lovely series of sustaining insights by and about Hilda, Nancy and Gwynneth is a joy and delight. How far Hilda and Nancy have travelled inthe space of so short a time! And the absolute unflinching integrity of their relationship is so heartening.

 


#70:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:43 am


I have nothing more to say - it has all been said. A truely wonderful post an amazing mix of teasing, love, sorrow and joy with a wonderful sense of gratitude and appreciation and that overarching and overwhelming sense of the love and prescence of God.

Thank you Mary. Kiss

 


#71:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:44 am


Thank you Mary, another one who's just caught up with this. It's very beautiful.

 


#72:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 4:08 pm


Thank you Mary. I read this last night and couldn't think of anything to add to what Elder and Squirrel have said.

It is good to see Nancy developing her own character through helping Hilda, good also that she recognises it. Hopefully kathie will see the benefit as well.

 


#73:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:06 pm


........Wondering how and why she deserved this love being lavished on her by so many people, Hilda just shook her head and delicately wiped away her tears with trembling fingers as Matey entered quietly, overjoyed to see her stubborn, strong-willed headmistress looking so much more like herself, indeed better than she had seen look her for a long while.

Matey's Prayer

Matey arrived at Hilda’s door the next morning to order her to stay in bed, at least for breakfast, but found her already dressed and ready for anything, her calm, impassive mask back in place, her sunny smile lighting up her eyes, only the heavy dark shadows round her eyes betraying the anguish and pain she had suffered the preceding day.

”What happened to you while you were asleep yesterday?” Matey asked her bluntly, wearing a puzzled frown.

“Why do you think anything happened?” asked Hilda at her blandest, giving nothing at all away.

Matey glared at her in disgust at this non-compliance. “Your headache disappeared as if by magic, and that was a fearsome one. You literally couldn’t move. And you were smiling when you woke up as though none of that dreadful day had ever taken place. Oh yes,” she added as Hilda eyes widened. “I heard it all. I sat outside the door,” and she smiled with satisfaction at for once getting the better of Hilda, as she saw the stupefaction in her Head’s face.

She soon sobered, however. “Oh yes, I eavesdropped. So shoot me! But I hadn’t seen you that bad since Nell died and I was worried,” she said, with masterly understatement. “I even considered phoning Jack at first because you’d gone so far away from us. So......?” and she looked inquiringly at Hilda.

Hilda merely shook her head and gave her a smile of great sweetness, saying quietly, “Just a dream, Gwynneth, just a dream.”

“We should all have such dreams,” breathed Matey almost silently, for she recognised that she would get no more out of Hilda for the moment.

But it stunned her that day to watch her Head smiling wholeheartedly down at the girls during Prayers, and to hear her joking with the Staff at Mitagessen, nothing but laughter and an almost blissful light in those keen eyes. Her admiration for Hilda’s self-control and courage rose another couple of notches, even as she recognised that something out of the ordinary had happened to her. Those eyes.....

Matey shivered and said a silent prayer when she thought back to yesterday, to that white, numb face, those eyes filled with a terrible anguish, and those terrible, wrenching sobs she would not soon forget.......

 


#74:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:12 pm


What a masterly understatement "just a dream". It was so nice to see Matey's concern for Hilda, and her loving affection. That she would admit to being so concerned that she listened outside the door, and even considered contacting Jack.

And Hilda, How lovely that her 'dream' got her through the day so well. That her peace and serenity carried her through in such a way that Gwynneth was surprised at the change.

Thankyou Mary for the dawning of such hope both for this present time, and for the future, when it all seems to get too much for Hilda, she will have the memory's of this time.

 


#75:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:29 pm


That was lovely. I do think you have managed to capture Matey very well during this story.

 


#76:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:50 pm


"Just a dream" indeed - but what a dream! Thank goodness that it, plus a good night's sleep, has restored Hilda to her natural serenity again - long may this continue.

And how much Gwynneth, too, cares, that she will spend so much time watching over her while she slept.

Thanks, Mary - I wonder if Gwynneth in the end, will realise that Nell was behind Hilda's new serenity.

 


#77:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 8:54 pm


Two lovely episodes, thank you, Mary. I too like Matey in this, she is always such an old busybody in the books, but without underlying compassion. here we see how much she cares about Hilda.

 


#78:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 9:20 pm


Thank you Mary - so glad that Hilda was able to remember the dream and that it is helping her.

And love Matey - a wonderful characterisation.

 


#79:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:48 pm


Hilda stirred as she stood gazing out at the moonlight shining on Lake Geneva, and then shivered and came back to the present. How long had she been standing there lost in her memories of that anniversary ten days ago? She crossed over to the bed, but then sat on the edge and picked up the photo of Nell she had put out earlier when she unpacked. As she ran her thumb over Nell’s face, she remembered how unmarked that face in her dream had been, despite all the earthquake had done to her. How that dream, vision or whatever it had been, had helped her these last few days.

Her thoughts went back to the conversation she had had later that same night, after Nancy had departed and Matey had taken away her supper tray. Mother Abbess had been amazed that Hilda was capable of phoning anyone after all she had heard about that day. What was even more startling to the nun, however, was how much Hilda sounded like her normal self, especially when she remembered that terrifying phone call barely twelve hours earlier that had made her fear for her friend’s well-being and even her sanity.

“Hilda, your bravery astounds me, as always,” she breathed in awe. “How can you be so bright after all you went through today? The words ‘total despair’ do not do justice to your state of mind earlier, after the things I Nancy and your Matron have told me, never mind your phone call to me.”

“No, they don’t,” sighed Hilda. “I can’t really remember much about those hours and I’m sorry I frightened everyone.” She paused, knowing that she had to make this woman understand just how bad it had been, for she might one day break down in the Convent in just the same way, though she hoped not, after all God’s blessings this day and her own solemn vow. “It was a wilderness, Mother, a barren plain, howling with wind and yet full of a terrifying raw iciness. And there was no way back......I was lost....”

“As you were once before,” responded Mother Abbess quietly, letting her talk it out.

“Not in quite the same way, but yes, much as I was once before. However, there was more excuse just after Nell’s death,” and her voice held a bitterness the nun had not heard since those first days in the convent.

The nun’s voice became urgent. “But Hilda, my dear, any anniversary always brings our grief back to the forefront of our minds, and in your case I would suspect guilt had a lot to do with it this time and made everything so much worse. You have every right to your sorrow, sweetheart. You have suffered very greatly, and you will go on suffering, because your relationship with Nell was so strong and steadfast and mutually dependent. You will not get over this easily, Hilda, so please don’t berate yourself like this. As I said to you once before, this parting has been an annihilation for you.”

She stopped, wondering whether to say what was on her mind. Was Hilda still too raw? No, she needed to be challenged on this point, because it lay at the root of it all. “Your biggest problem, my dear, was not your grief, great though it is. Your problem was your inability to go for help until it was almost too late. And I should tell you, daughter, it is one of the things we will work on during your visits here, and when you enter,” she said very firmly.

Hilda smiled ruefully at Mother Abbess’s vehemence. She knew she had deserved those words and her voice was very quiet as she responded. “Oh, Mother, do you know how wonderful it is to still have someone who shakes me, scolds me, tries to make me more than I am? Doesn’t put me on a pedestal.”

Mother Abbess’s voice softened. “I know, love, I know, but you can’t stop evolving or developing, just because you’ve lost your Nell. Someone needs to go on challenging that strong character of yours, because there is still so much more inside you. And I can do it because, you see, you’ve dropped your drawbridge with me, you’ve let me in, as you only really let Nell in before.”

“And you still accept me, love me, faults and all. Only to another such as Nell could I have revealed myself as I have done.” Hilda’s musical voice was mellow, her eyes a gentle blue as she conjured up Nell’s strong, tender face and voice from her dream. Mother Abbess’s throat was so tight this time she could not respond, but Hilda was already speaking again, in a whisper. “You are not the first today to challenge me on things. Oh Mother, I’m going to reveal even more of myself to you, reveal things that have happened this day which I shall never share with anyone else in this life, things so precious.....”

Her voice broke and she found it difficult to continue at first. “ I was in such despair earlier today, even after Nancy dragged me back. In a way I wanted to stay there out in that frozen wasteland.... just wallow in my grief, never have to come back and face life again without Nell.”

Mother Abbess gasped at such frankness. She could only guess at what it had cost Hilda to reveal how far her despair had taken her, and knew that Hilda had been telling only the truth about needing someone who saw her faults and failings. For only then could she be helped. That rare, raw courage again, the nun thought to herself. How many reveal ourselves to that extent, show all our weaknesses? We don’t dare, she told herself shrewdly.

 


#80:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:09 pm


Oh poor Hilda. That confession makes you so glad that Mother Abbess and the others were there for her, able to help her out when she needed it.

Another lovely peice of writing Mary. I honestly dont know how you manage to do it. And how nice to fast forward into the future again for a brief space of time. Of course she has to think this through, without doing so she will never be able to learn. It's all being played through the medium of memory brings in the pain that Hilda feels so much more strongly as well.

And Hilda admitting the strength of her experiance with Nell has been something which has strengthened her for the days following the difficult one was just lovely.

I do hope that Hilda, having managed to tell MA so much will be able to tell her about the dream experiance as well. I'm sure that her imput would be valuable in helping Hilda to understand it more fully. I know I would have questions if I was in such a place and something of the sort kept on coming to me and after hurting, began to help me out in the way the last one helped Hilda.

Hilda is so cautious as well. She decides to tell MA about how bad it was because she might go through it again when she was under her care. If it wasnt for that she would not have been able to tell her anything about it. Hilda, being Hilda would probably have kept it secret under some missaprihension that even once something like that was over she needed to deal with it herself.

I'm so glad that MA decided to be so truthful with her. So direct even. Allowing Hilda to see that her sorrow was not the worst of it, but that she needed to get past this habit of hers of continuing on until she literaly could not do anything else. And that Hilda was ready for it. We all need people who accept us, but also challenge us.

MA is right of course. Hilda is a special lady with extra special qualities who is strict with herself, and that has its good points like here where she is strict enough with herself to tell things which she finds it difficult to relate to others. The flip side of that of course is the way she battles on without going for help when she needs to. Hopefully this is another stage in her learning to rely on others when she needs to.

 


#81:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:44 pm


Thank you Mary, so glad that Hilda was able to unburden herself so fully to MA - really hope the MA has a long life span because i don't think Hilda will be lucky enough to find a third person who will treat her in the same way as Nell and MA.

 


#82:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 7:58 pm


Thank you, Mary, this is a particularly welcome episode.

Do you know, I'd forgotten we were in the past through all this long day, so it's a good job you reminded me. I like the recurrent theme of Hilda not wanting to be up on a pedestal, of her needing a friend to challenge her, to accept her faults rather than pretend they don't exist.

 


#83:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:30 pm


Thank you Mary.
That was a skilful reminder that all this is retrospective, and yet without a jolt.

Quote:
Your problem was your inability to go for help until it was almost too late. And I should tell you, daughter, it is one of the things we will work on during your visits here, and when you enter,” ...
...“Oh, Mother, do you know how wonderful it is to still have someone who shakes me, scolds me, tries to make me more than I am? Doesn’t put me on a pedestal.”


I love this exchange...the knowledge of what it is that Hilda, and most of us, find so hard, the promise that it will be worked on, and the acknowledgement by Hilda that MA is doing what is needed. I am very thankful for the people in my life that try to make me more than what I am, hard as the process may be at times. Hilda, who is so much more, has found someone who sees that she can be even more instead of holding her on the pedestal.

That may not make sense, sorry if it doesn't, it has been a long but fun weekend.

 


#84:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:22 am


Thank you Mary, two marvellous posts to find. I cannot believe that we independently had Matey waiting outside the door like this, and am still gasping that we did!

Ah, yes, that business of asking for help. MA's challenge to Hilda certainly hits a chord - perhaps there is a mix of humility (who am I to bother others?) and pride (I can manage this for myself!) in the whole thing. And is it right to deprive others of the opportunity of giving that help and thus growing and developing themselves? Very complex indeed...yes, Hilda needs that challenge, given in love as it is.

 


#85:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 1:23 am


I like the way you have interspersed this little bit from the half term weekend at the beginning here - it helps us to remember that Hilda is telling us about her desperate anniversary day and so on, as flashbacks during the half term break.

This is a lovely interlude with Mother Abbess, one which shows how much the relationship Hilda has with her is already strengthening and deepening, to the point where Hilda knows she must be totally honest about the level of despair she experienced, if only because there is a risk she might go through similar days after she enters the convent. It's clear that she will entrust MA with things she would never tell another living soul - things which she would previously only have told Nell.

The interlude also helps MA to realise just how quickly Hilda can return to her normal self even after a day of despair such as this, and to point out some home truths, such as Hilda finding it so difficult to seek help from others! And thank goodness that she reinforced the reassurance that anniversary days such as this six month one, are always hard to get through.

Thanks Mary.

 


#86:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:00 am


Thank you Mary. A wonderful portrayal of Hilda's relationship with MA as one where Hilda can for once (as she was with Nell) be an equal not on a pedestal of any kind and be completely and entirely honest and open - not easy for any of us and particularly not for Hilda.

 


#87:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:37 pm


Thanks Mary - lovely to see more of this.

 


#88:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:35 pm


Lesley wrote:
.....really hope the MA has a long life span because i don't think Hilda will be lucky enough to find a third person who will treat her in the same way as Nell and MA.


Remember those words of yours near the end of the story, Lesley. They may come back to haunt you! Wink


"......In a way I wanted to stay there out in that frozen wasteland, just wallow in my grief, never have to come back and face life again without Nell.”

Mother Abbess gasped at such frankness. She could only guess at what it had cost Hilda to reveal how far her despair had taken her, and knew that Hilda had been telling only the truth about needing someone who saw her faults and failings. For only then could she be helped. That rare, raw courage again, the nun thought to herself. How many reveal ourselves to that extent, show all our weaknesses? We don’t dare, she told herself shrewdly.

Hilda’s voice wobbled precariously. “But then.....once I’d been dragged back..... Everything just seemed to get worse...... I wanted to go back, you’ll never know how much.... Even that barren plain seemed more attractive than the emptiness here. It seemed to take too much courage to go on, and I hadn’t got any left. All you had taught me just went out of the window – only Nell could have rescued me from myself.”

Even as she said these words there was sudden rapture in her eyes and her melodious voice steadied and became mellow again. “And she did rescue me, so gloriously! Oh, Mother, God allowed me to see such things today as I could never have seen with my waking eyes, and these things, plus Nell’s loving assurances....... and no, I’m not going crazy,” she whispered with a smile, and heard the nun chuckle softly.

But then the rich tone returned to that musical voice. “These things have lifted a great weight from my soul.....a very heavy weight....... and, Mother, that spark of joy I once spoke of, remember, is welling up inside me now in such abundance. I think the prophet Isaiah said it so perfectly I shall use his words to describe it.”

Water gushes in the desert
Streams in the wasteland
The scorched earth becoming a lake
The parched land springs of water.


Unable to continue, her heart full to overflowing, Hilda paused for a long time, her eyes on Nell smiling up at her from the desk. Mother Abbess waited patiently, knowing there was more, much more, than she was being told. She felt God had somehow blessed her new postulant very greatly this day, blessed her heart and her spirit in the midst of her hopelessness and loneliness, and the nun’s own heart was filled with gratitude for His great love.

Hilda finally managed to find her voice, and it was now even richer and warmer. “I said once before I may never know happiness again but today, for a while, I was so intensely happy I think I would have been content to die right there and then” She gave a sob but went on bravely, “But I would have been wrong. Now is not my time. I have much still to do before I am ready for that.....” She heard Mother Abbess gasp out loud and Hilda smiled lovingly. “Oh, yes, He challenged me, as did Nell herself, and I must face that challenge. But He promised His help..... Oh, Mother, He fed my arid soul with such gentle healing waters and that spark has truly become a flood....”

Her voice broke completely at that point and Mother Abbess stepped into the breach, overwhelmed as she was at hearing what Hilda had to say. “And as I said before, sweetheart, you had to will that joy. It doesn’t just happen. You have accepted His joy in place of your former happiness and to face up to that takes courage. You handed over to Him your frailty of spirit many weeks ago and asked Him to use it in any way He saw fit. And it seems He did just that today.”

“I didn’t do anything, Mother.” Hilda’s rich voice was almost dreamy. “He made it happen. But......I can’t talk about it right now. I just.... can’t find the words. Can you wait while I take the time to put it down on paper for you? It may take some while.”

Mother Abbess, knowing to her cost how little Hilda revealed herself to others, was moved to tears. “I can wait forever, Hilda. But this is yours to cherish, my daughter. There is no need for me to know.”

Hilda’s voice had never sounded more beautiful to the nun’s ears as she spoke again. “You saved my life earlier this year with your wisdom and love. You are my friend, soon to be my Mother. On all those counts I would like to reveal how good He has been to me, how lavishly He has poured out His grace on His unworthy child.”

 


#89:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:47 pm


Writing it down may be the best way for Hilda to be able to express what happened in that Dream, and it will give both her and MA time to take it in before discussing it.

Hilda needs a livejournal! Writing things down often helps in all sorts of ways.

 


#90:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:54 pm


Oho so you are teasing us now Mary lass? Wink Go ahead, we can stand it. *Makes up her mind not to wibble about the end quite yet*.

On to the drabble. Mary, again you have brought out such a lovely fulfilling relationship between these two characters. Hilda's complete openness to MA about what has happened to her, what God has done for her.

The obvious changes in her tone as she tells of things which are beyond her full understanding, for she speaks of that which is unearthly. The quote from Isaiah, whcih is so similar to the dry bones beign brought back to lifein Ezekiel:37 where God brought life back to a place where there was none.

She is so completely honest, in her experiance, and the way it made her feel, and what she thought about it. There is nothing wrong in feeling that you are content to die. I remember the shock I got one day when I realized that I didnt mind if I died, but that feeling did not and does not mean that I will do anything to bring it about though - quite the contrary! This is similar to what Hilda was feeling, and she makes it clear by her statement that it is not her time to go.

It is obvious that she is still deeply touched, and I agree with Carolyn when she says that writing may well be a good way for Hilda to put her thoughts down. It's also a good way to keep a record of where you have been and how you are getting better at dealing with difficult situations which can be so difficult when you are in the middle of it all without an aid of some kind.

I am glad that MA makes sure that Hilda knows that from her side there is no need for Hilda to tell her everything about the experiance. I'm also glad that Hilda wants to share it as well, for some of these experiances are for sharing with those we love. Others are not, and if Hilda changed her mind for whatever reason, then that is also understandable.

Thank you Mary, for another beautiful peice of writing

 


#91:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 10:00 pm


Lesley wrote:
.....really hope the MA has a long life span because i don't think Hilda will be lucky enough to find a third person who will treat her in the same way as Nell and MA.


Remember those words of yours near the end of the story, Lesley. They may come back to haunt you! Wink

Oh-Oh, Mary, what are you plotting? I don't like the sound of that, joke or no joke!

Quote:
Mother Abbess waited patiently, knowing there was more, much more, than she was being told. She felt God had somehow blessed her new postulant very greatly this day, blessed her heart and her spirit in the midst of her hopelessness and loneliness, and the nun’s own heart was filled with gratitude for His great love.


What a beautiful expression of Mother Abbess' reaction to what she is hearing from Hilda.

Quote:
But I would have been wrong. Now is not my time. I have much still to do before I am ready for that.....”


This put me in mind of Robert Frost's lines:
And I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep.


Quote:
She heard Mother Abbess gasp out loud and Hilda smiled lovingly. “Oh, yes, He challenged me, as did Nell herself, and I must face that challenge. But He promised His help..... Oh, Mother, He fed my arid soul with such gentle healing waters and that spark has truly become a flood....”


Yes, Hilda still has a long way to go in life, both at school, and in the convent, but how comforted she clearly has been by the revelation of God's promise to help her.

Beautiful ideas, Mary and so feelingly expressed - your Hilda is truly a revelation, and is leaving a never-to-be-forgotten impression. Thank you.

 


#92:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:50 pm


Oh, Mary, how beautifully realised. I was reminded of the words in 1 Corinthians 13; "For now we see through a glass, darkly, but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." I rather think Hilda's glass is clearing a little....

And I shall resolutely ignore any temptation to speculate on future developments... Wink

 


#93:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:05 am


Beautiful thank you Mary. Hilda is learning so much of His goodness and His grace and in talking too and writing it down for Mother Abbess will I hope come to realise it even more fully.

Also refusing to worry/speculate of future events there is more than enough to think over now.

 


#94:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 11:46 am


Thanks Mary, lovely to see more!

I can't comment as intelligently as everyone else, but you know how much I love this story! Very Happy

 


#95:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:32 pm


Thank you Mary. Cannot add to the comments.

 


#96:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:32 pm


Sitting there in the moonlight in her room in Lausanne, Hilda smoothed her fingers once more over Nell’s face in the photo she was holding, the photo she had taken from the desk in her study. How greatly she missed the love in those eyes! Placing it gently on the bedside table, she switched on the lamp and reached into the handbag on the floor, pulling out a letter she had received only yesterday, a letter containing Mother Abbess’s response to Hilda’s own letter about her dream and everything else that had happened ten days ago. She settled back against the pillows and opened the still crisp pages:

Hilda, my daughter,

Your exquisite letter moved me to tears, tears of joy that God has seen fit to pour out His love on you in such a way, tears of sadness that your loneliness and guilt took you so far away, and frankly, love, tears of sheer humility that you would so honour me by sharing it all. You have a truly rare and gallant soul, and your integrity is mind-boggling. How your Nell must have cherished you. And no, I didn’t, and don’t, think you were going crazy! You? You’re far too sensible and down to earth, for all your sensitivity.

Our Heavenly Father must also cherish you very much, my dear, that He allowed Nell herself to soothe so much of your guilt and pain, that you were vouchsafed the gift of His own dear voice assuring you that He alone is your Light and that your grief will one day be no more. How He is repaying your fortitude and your great faithfulness to Him.

God often shows His presence thus in a crisis, Hilda, just at a time when we feel most in despair. He has demanded so much courage of you in the past months, just as He demanded it of Peter when He called to Him across the water. Peter trusted Him and found the strength to walk on water but then his courage and trust deserted him, he began to doubt, and he sank beneath the waves.

So has He been asking you to trust. The solid ground, that once seemed so certain, vanished from beneath your feet with Nell’s death, leaving behind a quagmire. You have faltered now and then, and occasionally come near to falling in, but you always managed to regain your foothold through that slippery mess and forge ahead again, by clinging to Him as hard
as you could.

As she read those last lines, Hilda looked up from the letter and stared at Nell’s photo again, as she reflected on the truth of the nun’s words. Sometimes, in the last six months, she had felt as though she was doing acrobatics on the high wire without any safety net under her, and she had been so scared the whole time, scared that she would fail and fall and let everyone down, scared that a life without Nell would be an impossibility for her. She certainly did not deserve Mother’s words about her gallantry – what gallantry? Gallantry and being scared hardly went hand in hand.

He was calling to you, Hilda, to rely on Him and you did, you clung on tight, sometimes blindly, sometimes hopelessly even, but you held on and you survived. And that took enormous courage. Wasn’t it Theodore Roosevelt who said that courage is not about having the strength to go on, but going on when you don’t have the strength? Somehow, you managed to do just that. Any help Nancy or Lady Russell or Matron or I gave you was incidental – you were the one who had to do the trusting, find the courage.

And in trusting you found joy. You said you would never be happy again, despite the joy, and that is because there is a difference between the two. Happiness is caused by things which happen around us, and circumstances, tragedies like Nell’s death, will change that; but joy flows on right through trouble, through the dark, through all our despair.

It is a fountain bubbling up in the heart, just as you described it. It is a secret spring, which the world knows nothing about, reviving and refreshing us even when all happiness is gone. Those rainbows through the rain, as you so aptly said. How glad I am that you can finally see them.

I know how you miss Nell with every fibre of your being, sweetheart, and can only imagine how hard it was for you, wanting to die right there and then to be with Nell in that dream, but once again you took your courage in both hands and accepted the challenge – to go on living and loving, to do whatever He asks, and to do it with joy, no matter how hard it will be at times. The Lord gives His joy when we walk in obedience to Him, and how obedient you are, my daughter. And how He has rewarded you.

“Hilda, Accustom yourself to the wonderful thought that God loves you with a tenderness, a generosity and an intimacy which surpasses all your dreams” (Henri de Tourville)


As those last words echoed in her mind she laid the letter down and gently touched Nell’s smiling face again for a moment, then turning out the light, she lay down facing the photo, upon which the moonlight was now shining......

 


#97:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:38 pm


What a beautiful letter, Mary, so full of wisdom and understanding. I can just imagine how often Hilda will re-read it in the months to come - perhaps she should make a copy and laminate it before the original falls to pieces.

"And in trusting, you found joy" - what a lovely image, taking Hilda's faith one step further. She will surely treasure that sentence.

Thank you.

 


#98:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:07 pm


Thank you, Mary.

 


#99:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:15 pm


A beautiful letter, Mary, and one that I'm sure Hilda will treasure. Looking forward to seeing Hilda's adventures once she has entered the order - I know that, despite any vow of obedience, she will sorely trial her Mother Abbess!

 


#100:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:18 pm


Lesley wrote:
Looking forward to seeing Hilda's adventures once she has entered the order - I know that, despite any vow of obedience, she will sorely trial her Mother Abbess!


Me too! You will continue, won't you? *hopeful*

 


#101:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 10:18 pm


Mary, another lovely piece. I love the way you show Hilda treasuring the photograph as a link to Nell. This is something which is hers, nothing can take that away from her. A lovely link to stimulate memory.

Then MA's responce. Oh how lovely of her to answer Hilda in this way. The love which shows through here is incredible. It just point's Hilda in the direction of God even more firmly. Every last word shows her love for Hilda, her joy at what God has done for her, and her sadness at the pass to which Hilda had to arrive at for it to be needed.

It reminds me of that phrase about God always being just on time, though I always feel that putting it like that suggests that He risked being late! So I'll rephrase it to being at the right time.

And that He knows what is the best thing for us as well. I'm being lasy right now because I have my bible dictionarry right next to me, but I've not even reached for it.

It's also lovely the way that it talks to Hilda's need, answering questions which might have been half hidden ,but needed to be responded to. I hope that in time she will be able to accept that MA's words about gallentry are true, however much she might have to lay against it. Oh how difficult it can be to accept words like that, to even understand that it is you they refer to.

I love the imagery of Hilda being rewarded for her obediance, and of her Father's love for her. It is so true isnt it, God loves each person so much.

Mary, thankyou for another lovely touching post, it was great.

And Oi, you two - Lesley and Mia - let her get Hilda through this story before you pester her about the next. It's far better to enjoy what you have than to worry about the future!

 


#102:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 1:12 am


Mary, this was a lovely piece. And that distinction between joy and happiness is so true...

 


#103:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:10 am


Thank you Mary. Truely lovely.

 


#104:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:56 pm


....Hilda, "Accustom yourself to the wonderful thought that God loves you with a tenderness, a generosity and an intimacy which surpasses all your dreams” (Henri de Tourville)

As those last words echoed in her mind she laid the letter down and gently touched Nell’s smiling face again for a moment, then turning out the light, she lay down facing the photo, upon which the moonlight was now shining......

At first she tried to sleep, but gradually, her full heart overflowing with emotion, she began to murmur soft words in the silence of the hotel room. “Oh Nell, if you are as near as you say you are, I hope you can hear me. Tell Him......tell Him thank you for all the years, for all the love you so generously poured out on me. Tell Him.....you were His gift to me and now.....now I give you back to Him.....sadly, oh so sadly, but with all my heart.” She paused and a mischievous grin danced across her face for a moment. “After all, who am I to deprive Him of your sarcasm and bullying? Let Him take His turn and suffer a while! I could do with the peace!”

As her eyes grew melancholy again in the moonlight, her mind all at once glanced back fleetingly to other times of loss and despair, and then it stopped in its tracks as though it had met an invisible barrier. Words she had spoken to Mother Abbess a few weeks ago suddenly illuminated those other dark times.

“And, Nell, tell Him....tell Him I now discern His love for me in all its tenderness and generosity. When I lost my mother, suddenly there was no comfort, no safety anywhere, but now I see how quickly He sent me Miss Cullen, and she threw a blanket of grace and love around me, like a second mother, until her death. When I lost James, He sent me to the Chalet School......and ultimately to you. And how wonderful He was to us – how many years we had together.”

She let her soft words still a moment as she thought back to those first years and she smiled reminiscently. “Now..... I’ve lost you, and my sadness and loneliness will never leave me, but He has given me, in my great need, a new tenderness from Nancy and Gwynneth. Even more bountifully than that, He has sent me Mother Abbess and her wisdom, and with her He has sent a miraculous new dream, just as you wanted for me. Even at my great age! He has tried so hard to tend and heal my grief; has given me someone else to love me and bully me. Your idea, I’m quite sure, my heart. Only you would have realised just what I needed!”

“Tell Him....tell Him I see that He imparts gifts according to His own wonderful plan, a plan we can’t see and understand right now. Tell Him...that though my heart still weeps for you.....my spirit knows it must accept His plan for me, willingly, joyously.”

“Tell Him....tell Him that my journey with you in my dream was grace and blessing, and it will help to carry me through the hard times, though I wouldn’t mind a few more when I falter!” She smiled again. “And Nell, my darling, can I remind you about those happy memories you were going to whisper in my ear?”

“Tell Him......tell Him I love Him, even as I love you, and I have such gratitude in my heart....and I know one day you and I will see each other face to face again, our hearts at rest together in Him.”

The moonlight bathed her face and silvered her hair as her soft words slowly ceased and her eyes closed of their own volition. All that could be heard in the stillness was a gentle sigh.

He knows, sweetheart, He knows. He and I are holding you very close right now. Please don’t be too sad. And I won’t forget those memories you asked for – I wouldn’t dare! I know my autocratic Hilda! Now rest....sleep....

 


#105:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:03 pm


*Crying*

No way to describe how beautiful that post was.

Thank you.

 


#106:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:07 pm


I'm nearly crying too. Crying or Very sad Thanks Mary. Hilda has come so far, hasn't she?

 


#107:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 9:33 pm


Mary, this is a lovely post. There is such hope in it. Hope for the future, hope that although life is hard and she is still grieving so terribly, God will always keep her going. He shall provide all her needs, will be always there for her.

You can even see Nell's influence and beliefs having an effect, because I do not know that she would have been asking Nell to thank God for her without her past of commonly debating with Nell about the differences between what they believe.

I have a friend in college who is Catholic and she often teases those of us who are non-catholic about being heathen. Then she gets some stick about being an 'idol worshipper' Rolling Eyes . Luckily enough, the kind of person she is this is all strictly as a joke.

Before I met her I wouldnt have said it was something you could joke about, but it certainly is an eye opener and makes me more aware of some of the differences between the two differing views than I would have been otherwise.

In the same way that I have come to be more aware, Hilda has done through her friendship with Nell, though through debate rather than through teasing, and whats more she has felt free to act upon this kind of differing belief.

As for the idea that God can have Nell and deal with all her sarcasm and bullying Laughing Brilliant, there is no other explanation for it.

Thanks for all your hard work.

 


#108:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 1:41 am


Mary - this piece has it all - peace after the recollection of that desperate day, hope for the future, joy, and a quiet sense of triumph and solace from that dream. You've even included a touch of humour. Once again, we can see how far Hilda has come along her journey of grief - we know it isn't yet over, but how wonderful that she can know that Nell, as well as God, are watching over her.

Once again, a quotation comes to mind, this time from Mendelssohn's Elijah:

"Oh rest in the Lord, wait patiently for Him,
For He will bring you your heart's desire...."

In fact, moving to a completely different author, EJO, I can hear Maidlin di Ravarati singing it.

Thank you for this oasis of peace.

 


#109:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:39 am


Mary, how lovely. Following from Elder's quote, I'm reminded of the exhortation in Psalm 11 to "flee as a bird to your mountain." (I even went and checked this, so you are being a very good influence!)

I love the idea of God dealing with Nell...I can imagine her addressing an awkward squad of angels! Very Happy

 


#110:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:53 am


Beautiful. And speechless.

Thank you Mary.

 


#111:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:29 pm


I also have tears in my eyes now. Mary, that most recent post was fantastically well written. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Well - the whole story is, but that in particular stands out.

I've just caught up after my 10 days away from the board, and am in awe of your writing as usual.

I can't comment on anything specific this time because there is just so much of it - but Mary, reading this story is helping me in ways you can't imagine.

Thankyou.

 


#112:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 8:26 pm


Mary, thank you for this. I think above all i love the feeling of peace that it evokes, that all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

 


#113:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:06 pm


Thank you, Mary. I'm glad Hilda has found peace. I also particularly relish the idea of God taking his turn with Nell, warts and all, and having to put up with her biting tongue.

 


#114:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:50 pm


Just caught up with masses of this - as beautifully written as ever. Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#115:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:01 pm


So we leave Hilda there in her hotel room in Lausanne, at peace for the moment. Will her plans for half term come to fruition? Will Vivien Knowles finally be accepted by the Sixth form? Will Vivien begin to show that outrageous sense of humour of hers? Twisted Evil Will there be the usual accidents and problems that half term tends to produce, even with Hilda there?

Unfortunately, you will have to wait to find out! Laughing Laughing Life being what it is, I am going to take a short break. Pat once called this ‘an emotional roller-coaster’ and it does take its toll, although, as you can see from the above, grief won’t be the first thing on the agenda when I return. Anyway, I can’t continue, as Hilda has already taken herself off, muttering something about seeing Venice before it sinks back into the sea..... and maybe taking in Australia en route, to see all her old friends!

“I am assuming there will be some decent book shops out there – and some decent wine, of course!” were Hilda’s final words to me as she left. Rolling Eyes I do hope she remembers to bring me some back!

Expect Hilda back early in September, ready for the fray. Meantime, may I just take this opportunity to thank all those people who have sent me emails or PMs over the months, sometimes making themselves very vulnerable in the process. I am humbled that so many of you would share your precious thoughts and memories with me. And please don’t worry about ‘trite’ remarks, as you call them – Hilda doesn’t mind at all! She likes to know people are enjoying it.

Last, but decidedly not least, my heartfelt gratitude to those people who have stuck with New Dreams and commented so regularly. I could not have continued without you. Your faithfulness has touched me very deeply.

NB If anyone would like the doc of New Dreams thus far, please feel free to PM or email for it. Several people have requested it this week, having fallen behind. I’m sorry, it is getting long, and likely to be a lot longer before the end! But it still hasn’t reached Lesley’s mammoth proportions – yet! Give it time! Wink


RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk loss.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try it all is to risk failure.
But risk we must,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The man who risks nothing
Does nothing... has nothing.... is nothing.



I thought you might also like to see this piece of biography that Nicola unearthed about the author of “O Love That Wilt Not Let Me Go,” which came to Hilda’s mind after her long dream about Nell.

George Matheson said about this hymn:

My hymn was composed in the manse of Innelan [Argyleshire,
Scotland] on the evening of the 6th of June, 1882, when I was 40
years of age. I was alone in the manse at that time. It was the
night of my sister's marriage, and the rest of the family were
staying overnight in Glasgow. Something happened to me, which
was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe
mental suffering. The hymn was the fruit of that suffering. It
was the quickest bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the
impression of having it dictated to me by some inward voice
rather than of working it out myself. I am quite sure that the
whole work was completed in five minutes, and equally sure that
it never received at my hands any retouching or correction. I
have no natural gift of rhythm. All the other verses I have ever
written are manufactured articles; this came like a day­spring
from on high.

 


#116:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:14 pm


I do hope you, and Hilda, have a lovely break, Mary.

Thankyou for sharing those quotes with us.

I know I speak for the whole lot of us when I say that I am really looking forward to early September and joining Hilda on her journey once again.

Thankyou, Mary.

 


#117:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 10:11 pm


A lovely way to bid us all goodbye for a bit Mary, thanks. I shall be most interested when you do come back, early September time, to hear what Vivien and the girls have been doing with Hilda! I'm sure that young adults or not they can be as mischievious as the middles on some occasions.

I also hope that Hilda enjoys her holiday. Australia - she is going some distance then.

By the way, you would make an excellant 'episode' writer on some of those tv serials when they do finish up in the way you have done. Of course, they always state that you have to 'tune in' next week to find out. I can assure you that when you begin again, I am going to be amongst your 'viewers'.

Have a good rest, and thanks for the quotes as Helen said. I'm sure I have seen the first one before, but it is handy to be reminded again. Just don't ask me if I'm living up to it! Or not fully at any rate.

And what George Matheson said is just so apt for what you are writing. As is the Risk poetry yes, but there is something more there. I am sure that Hilda will be given a gift from God out of this. Well, she already has one in her dreams about Nell. Perhaps there will be something more, like the gift of the song he received.

Thanks for all of your hard work Mary, I know that I really appreciate it, and I am sure the others do too.

 


#118:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 10:37 pm


Thanks Mary - Enjoy your break Kiss

Liz

 


#119:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 12:58 am


Thank you Mary; do enjoy your break. You will be most welcome upon your return. I am sure that Hilda will find suitable rest and refreshment here, and we will all be most hospitable! - I hope you reminded her to pack warm clothes - the snow has been very good at the NSW and Victorian ski resorts over the last few days.... Laughing

 


#120:  Author: KimLocation: Tipperary, Ireland PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 7:43 am


Mary

I hope you enjoy your break, although I'll miss this drabble.

Looking forward to your return

 


#121:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:51 am


Thanks Mary, hope you have a wonderful and refreshing break x

 


#122:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 8:53 am


Mary, thank you so much for all you have written and given us so far. I hope you and Hilda enjoy your breaks and come back refreshed and restored. I eagerly look forward to early September (though will have to wait til I return from the Lakes) and seeing what does happen at half-term. Thank you also for the two pieces you left us with and the challenge of the first.

Nell Kiss


Last edited by Nell on Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:07 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#123:  Author: KatethLocation: Heidelberg PostPosted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:17 pm


Thank you, Mary, and I'm looking forward to reading more in September! Have a good break.

 


#124:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:38 pm


I also hope you enjoy your break and that Hilda, too will return rested, refreshed, and ready to influence us all once more in September. You know we'll all be waiting in eager anticipation.

 


#125:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:19 am


I have finally caught up on this - not that I didn't want to read it, once I was back from holiday I had to wait until I had time enough to read and enjoy it fully rather than skimming it

There is nothing I can add to the comments already given, so I'll just say

Thankyou


and I hope you have a lovely break from writing and are able to return refreshed in September

 


#126:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:21 am


****** that was me - I'd taken so long to read it properly and savour it, it logged me out Embarassed

 


#127:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 11:30 pm


It's taken me several l-o-n-g sessions to catch up on all I've missed since racing off in mid-July. All I can say is, it's overwhelming! No wonder you need a rest. Hope Hilda does share the fruits of her holiday .... Very Happy

 


#128:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 9:48 pm


Hilda has returned from her travels full of bonhommie and good wine. She sent 'Turning the Tables' by special courier and is delighted you are enjoying it. Cath, she never got to Venice, as she did indeed find you all *most hospitable* down under. Laughing

Onto half term....



As the girls and the two mistresses gathered for breakfast the first morning of half-term, in their hotel perched high above Lake Geneva on one of Lausanne’s many terraces, Vivien Knowles’ eyes found it hard to leave the view and focus on her rolls and coffee. The blue waters of that huge inland lake were glittering in the bright morning sunshine, and across the lake she could see the white-capped Savoy Alps, glistening in that same sunlight.

“What a stunning view!” she breathed at last and Hilda laughed gently at her awe-struck face.

“Miss Knowles, the view will still be there when you have finished eating – but the boat may well be long gone!” she teased, and Vivien, tearing her eyes away from the scene and looking hastily around, saw that the others had mostly finished and were waiting for her. Muttering a guilty apology, she set to work and Hilda glanced round at the girls.

“While Miss Knowles eats, who is going to be brave enough to recite for her Victor Hugo’s words about this most beautiful of towns?” She was looking at Tessa as she spoke, for the Head Girl was studying French as well as English Literature, but even as Tessa was opening her mouth, another voice was speaking in a flawless French accent.

From the terrace of the cathedral, I saw the lake above the roofs, the mountains above the lake, the clouds above the mountains, and the stars above the clouds. It was like a staircase where my thoughts climbed up step by step and broadened at each new height.

All eyes were glued to Miss Knowles’ face as she finished speaking, and the mistress laughed at their dumb-founded faces, even Hilda’s eyes opening wide in appreciation.

“You’re a creature of surprises, Miss Knowles,” smiled Hilda, pleased to see the dawning respect in the girls’ eyes and faces.

“Vous avez un bel accent provençale, Mademoiselle Knowles," commented the deputy Head Girl, Mireille Morin, admiration in her voice.

Vivien nodded. "Merci, Mireille. That’s because my mother is French, from St Raphael in the Midi. I grew up bi-lingual, never dreaming how useful that would be one day.” Her brown eyes swung to Hilda and she grinned cheekily. “I wrote to my mother and asked her what she could tell me about Lausanne – and that quote just seemed to hit the spot – so I learned it!” As Hilda raised one eyebrow at her in amusement, Vivien added shamefacedly, “Of course, I have no idea if it is true!”

Although her eyes were sparkling, Hilda’s voice was very bland as she answered. “Oh I think when you finally climb up to the Cathedral, you’ll find you haven’t completely wasted your time.”

“But you also speak German very well,” put in Miriam, a girl from Lower VIB. “Is your dad German?”

Hilda choked on her coffee and Vivien chuckled as she responded, “No, but although a scientist I love languages, so I studied German as well at University. But I don’t speak it nearly as well as Miss Annersley. One would mistake her for a native.”

Hilda set down her cup, smiled her thanks for the compliment and then looked at her watch. “Well, girls, if we are to catch that boat I mentioned, we had better get a move on. Do remember to wrap up warmly. It is nearly the end of October and it’s more than my life’s worth to take you back to Matron with so much as a sniffle,” and she rolled her eyes to emphasise her point.

The girls laughed and went to their rooms, promising to keep her out of trouble with the school’s dragon. Forgive me, Gwynneth, for taking your name in vain, she pleaded silently, with a rueful smile, as she went to collect her own outdoor garments.

They had decided, the night before, that if the first day was fine they would cross the lake in one of the paddle steamers and visit Evian over in France, for it might rain the other days. It was not just fine – it was perfect Autumn weather. The sky was a clear blue, the air was crisp but still and it would be a smooth half hour crossing.

As Miss Knowles stood out on the top deck she was bowled over by the sight of the town of Lausanne as they pulled away from the shore, for it is a town which spans several hills and so has developed above the lake in a succession of compact, south facing terraces and is vibrant with trees and flowers, even in the Autumn, when the leaves transform into glowing reds and browns and golds.

As she turned to face France, the Dents du Midi and the Savoy Alps now loomed ever nearer, sweeping down to the lake steeply in places and already well-covered with a thick mantle of snow near their summits. She breathed in the clear, crisp air and realised how glad she was, despite her initial difficulties, at having found a teaching post amid such dramatic beauty.

And Hilda, watching her surreptitiously from her post further down the rail, smiled with relief at Vivien’s rapt face, and was content.

 


#129:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 9:56 pm


Hooray! Hooray! New Dreams is back! Very Happy

*rushes to the shops to stock up on tissues*

Quote:
The girls laughed and went to their rooms, promising to keep her out of trouble with the school’s dragon. Forgive me, Gwynneth, for taking your name in vain, she pleaded silently, with a rueful smile, as she went to collect her own outdoor garments


Wonderful Smile

Did Hilda not already know about Vivien's French mother and fluency, from a CV or interview?

A lovely update as usual, Mary, and I'm so glad to see this back!

 


#130:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:08 pm


Thanks Mary Very Happy good to see this back

Liz

 


#131:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:13 pm


Echoes Helen's 'hooray, New Dreams is back' and adding one of my own that it's arrived just when my brain has sufficiently recovered from my own trip to allow me to actually comment on a drabble!

[I know I posted a few comments to people sometime in the first part of our trip to Australia - waves to Cath! - but I didn't have time to read much after that, and though I've pretty well caught up with my reading now, I've not been ready to comment on anything until this.]

I love the interchange between Hilda and Vivien - Hilda has clearly returned from her break on her best form, and Vivien is certainly showing herself to be something of a dark horse now her initial unease has been overcome. It sounds as if this interlude in Lausanne will indeed cement the relationship between the 6th formers and Vivien - exactly as Hilda hoped it would do.

I don't know the area at all, but I love the description both of Lausanne and of the French mountains sweeping down to the coast, as seen from the lake steamer.

As for Hilda not knowing about Vivien's background from her CV, I would imagine she merely said she had fluent French, without elaborating on how or why.

Looking forward to more of this as it comes. Thanks Mary.

 


#132:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:26 pm


Wonderful Mary, so, so glad that you've returned to this. Love the relationship that is growing between Vivien and Hilda, and that Vivien is becoming so muc more relaxed with the Sixth.

Thank you.

 


#133:  Author: Guest PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:55 pm


Lovely Mary, you've returned to New Dreams. Am bouncing with delight!!

Gorgeous to see Vivien really establishing herself with the girls - and able to give Hilda a slight shock! Not often that that happens.

Hi Elder!!

 


#134:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 11:58 pm


Oops, that was me - connection hung up and I forgot I have to log in each time at the moment! Embarassed

 


#135:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 3:42 am


Hi Mary *waves sleepily" Ok, I'm only up for a short time - I'm going back to bed in a minute! That was wonderful fun, and a lovely way to welcome us all back for a fresh start.

Half term really is turning out to be a refreshing break for all of them, and as Elder has said, it looks like it is fulfilling Hilda's hopes for the seniors relationship with Vivien. I can just imagine that her classes with them will be far easier now.

Thanks Mary

 


#136:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 10:41 am


OOOOH, *excited* New Dreams is back.

Love the start of this Mary, and Vivien comes across really well.

The comment about Matey is classic.

 


#137:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 3:59 pm


Yay. Its back. Glad to hear Hilda has returned refreshed and to see this back again and I only missed one post. Also great to see Vivian settling in and appreciating her choice. Thank you Mary.

 


#138:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 5:21 pm


Ooo, my favourite drabble is back! Hurrah!

MaryR wrote:
Forgive me, Gwynneth, for taking your name in vain, she pleaded silently, with a rueful smile


I loved this bit too - it made me laugh out loud.

Thank you so much, Mary - it's great to have New Dreams back.

 


#139:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:30 pm


I feel like teasing you all a little longer about that envelope in Tables, so I'll give you some more of this instead. Laughing

As they flocked off the boat at Évian-les-Bains, known by poets as ‘the pearl of Lake Geneva’, Vivien remarked how attractive it was on the lakefront, where people were ambling in the warm Autumn sunshine.

“You’ll notice there are still some late Summer flowers blooming,” said Hilda quietly, as she pointed out the vivid flower beds. “Here, between the lake and the foothills of the mountains, they enjoy a much milder climate than round the rest of the lake.”

“And you warned them to wrap up warm!” giggled Vivien, as she loosened her coat.

Hilda shrugged and smiled. “Once a Headmistress always a Headmistress. I just can’t help being bossy.” She laughed outright as Vivien stuck her tongue out at her. “Very ladylike! It’s a good job the girls are well ahead of us.” Her eyes danced wickedly as she looked down at the smaller woman and said blandly, “Of course I could tell Matron to dose you with cod liver oil on our return just to be on the safe side, opening your coat to the breeze like that as you are and tempting fate.”

Vivien’s mouth opened for a riposte but suddenly the girls were flocking round them and the moment was lost. Hilda gave her a wicked grin as she turned to answer the girls’ eager questions.

It had been decided that they would introduce Vivien firstly to the Ètablissement Thermale. The medicinal properties of Évian water were discovered in 1789, and now people visit this building to take the waters for the treatment of kidney or digestive troubles. The water, filtered in its natural state by sand, is very cold and low in minerals and is also used for drinking and bathing, though Vivien, when offered a drink, grimaced and said she would rather drink ditch water, and was sure the latter was better for one’s health.

Hilda quickly turned away and blew her nose to smother her laughter, then followed the guide, who was pointing them in a different direction as they continued their tour of the Art Nouveau pump house with its tiled cupola, glancing into the rooms where the different treatments took place. Hilda was on the qui vive for any more of Vivien’s wilder flights of fancy, but she seemed to be on her best behaviour for the moment, having been thoroughly frowned on by their rather taciturn guide, who had heard her comments about his beloved water.

As they came out into the fresh air again, the girls decided they would give the bottling factory a miss, having had enough of water for one day. Hilda refused to meet Vivien’s eye at that point, not wanting to completely lose her composure. What had she let herself in for, she wondered rather breathlessly. Even Nell had never been this brazen in her humour! Or at least not quite so openly!

Hilda led them for lunch to a restaurant in the port, La Bernolande, where they tucked into the rustic cuisine while watching the large boats ploughing their furrows across the large lake and some smaller yachts making the most of this late end of season fine weather.

In the afternoon they walked along the tranquil, shady lakeside promenade with its tall Italian poplar trees, watching the giant cormorants diving into the lake, and feeding the large number of swans to be found there with some bread pinched from the lunch table. They then had a wander round the elegant shops, just opening up again after the long French lunch break, and Vivien treated them all to some luscious French chocolates.

Looking around at the girls as they accepted this munificence, she remarked roguishly, “They won’t do any of us any harm as we all seem to be somewhat streamlined.” She cast a glance Hilda’s way and the latter braced herself. “But Miss Annersley is clearly on a diet, with that slim figure of hers, so maybe we should keep them away from her.”

“Have you not heard of my penchant for cream cakes, Miss Knowles?” grinned Hilda. “I thought everyone knew. The creamier the better.”

Without a word, Vivien slowly walked all the way round Hilda’s tall, slender gracefulness, looking her slowly up and down. Hilda forced herself to remain absolutely still under this scrutiny, though her face was alight with laughter. “Then where do you keep all your excess baggage, Miss Annersley?” asked Vivien naughtily. “In your handbag? Up your sleeve?”

The retort was swift, as Hilda answered in her driest voice, “Oh no, I expend it all controlling incorrigible little monkeys like you, Miss Knowles. I thought they were only to be found amongst the Middles but apparently not!”

And then, swinging round with a broad grin and a distinct smirk on her face, she added, “En avant, mes braves. Le bateau nous attend."

As the girls moved off after her, still giggling wildly at this exchange, Tessa moved over to Vivien and said sympathetically, “Don’t worry, Miss Knowles. None of us have ever got the better of her either. Even Miss Wilson had trouble, and she had a very sarcastic tongue, believe me.”

As they followed the others, Vivien wore a very thoughtful look indeed as she gazed at the departing back of her Headmistress. “Oh, I haven’t finished with you yet, my dear,” she muttered under her breath, her eyes glinting merrily at the challenge.

 


#140:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 6:49 pm


Wonder what Vivien will do next Laughing Laughing

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#141:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:09 pm


Brilliant Mary - Hilda is really beginning to learn that Vivien meant what she said when she told her she had a wicked sense of humor. Worse even than Nell Wilson - that is some title. I'l bet she has one or two tricks up her sleeves as well!

Thanks Mary

 


#142:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 7:28 pm


Thank you, Mary, I'm very glad to see this back (though still worrying about the envelope). I'm glad Vivien can tease Hilda like this; nobody will ever replace Nell, but at least someone is trying to 'get the better' of Hilda again.

 


#143:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:13 pm


A brilliant interlude, Mary - it really is nice to see Vivien coming into her own like this. And also, as Nicola says, that there is someone trying to 'get the better' of Hilda again!

Wonder what's in store for the rest of the weekend.

 


#144:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 8:13 pm


*bounces* Great to see Hilda so happy. Vivian is very good for her. Absolutely love the outrageous sense of humour and now I really want to go to Lausanne. Thank you Mary.

 


#145:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 1:08 am


How lovely to see Hilda responding to Vivian's wickedness, and how good Vivian is for her! No wonder Nell gave her that little prompt at the initial interview!

Mind you, I can only echo the comment re ditchwater as I said something rather similar when visiting Bath years ago - I think I said something about "pond sludge".

Ahem...there is a three syllable word that you appear to have forgotten about - "en-ve-lope"! Wink

 


#146:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 8:59 am


Brilliant. Thank you Mary.

 


#147:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 1:18 pm


Just found this update! Thankyou Mary Very Happy

I do like the way Vivien's character is turning out! She is going to be very good for Hilda Smile

You have captured beautifully the lovely informality between pupils and staff that always exists on a CS expedition.

Now, which bit shall I quote? Which bit made me giggle? Ah yes - it was this bit:

Quote:
Her eyes danced wickedly as she looked down at the smaller woman and said blandly, “Of course I could tell Matron to dose you with cod liver oil on our return just to be on the safe side, opening your coat to the breeze like that as you are and tempting fate.”

Vivien’s mouth opened for a riposte but suddenly the girls were flocking round them and the moment was lost. Hilda gave her a wicked grin as she turned to answer the girls’ eager questions.


I could picture both their faces exactly during this exchange! Very Happy

 


#148:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 7:16 pm


Lovely piece Mary - Vivien is very good for Hilda.

Thank you (again! Twisted Evil )

 


#149:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:18 pm


......As they followed the others, Vivien wore a very thoughtful look indeed as she gazed at the departing back of her Headmistress. “Oh, I haven’t finished with you yet, my dear,” she muttered under her breath, her eyes glinting merrily at the challenge.

As she boarded the paddle steamer Hilda wondered, just for a moment, if she was letting Vivien get away with too much, but then reflected that these were the Sixth form girls they were with, so they were not likely to take advantage, and anyway, she herself had opened herself up to them very comprehensively when visiting the Rösleinalp. This gentle teasing and poking fun were, in a way, only adding to her words there, by showing them that there was a way through one’s grief, even though she herself was inwardly still finding it extremely difficult at times.

Still pondering, she followed the girls up to the higher deck. It was such a mild day, even though dusk was approaching, that no one would take cold up there. Standing at the rail, they absorbed the scene, as Lausanne drew nearer.

As they were closing in on the little port, Hilda became aware of a young boy of eleven or twelve standing against the rail further down the boat, his arm round a toddler of eighteen months or so, whom he had hoisted on to the rail so she could get a better view, a dangerous occupation to Hilda’s mind. She glanced around quickly but could see no sign of any parents. Moving very slowly, with no particular aim in mind except to be on hand if necessary, she was edging nearer to them - when disaster struck.

There was a sudden, sharp warning siren from the funnel of the steamer, which made the boy jump and loosen his grip. The little girl immediately toppled backwards out of sight with a yell, and the boy let out a scream of fright. Hilda was now moving fast, shedding her coat and shoes, intent on following the girl into the water, wondering with calm detachment if she had the necessary strength to save the girl even as she neared the boy and grasped the rail, preparatory to hoisting herself up....

Suddenly, her arm was grasped and a voice beside her gasped, “I’ve got her, Hilda!” and Vivien, having shed her own coat and shoes, hopped up onto the rail and dived cleanly into the water, leaving scarcely a ripple. Feeling sick with anxiety, Hilda moved to the frightened boy and put her arm round his shaking body, even as she leaned over the rail to watch. She would never forgive herself if Vivien lost her life because she herself had been too slow.....

She saw Vivien reach the little girl, but as the mistress grasped her, the terrified toddler hit out at her face with her little fists and they both sank beneath the water. Her arm tightening round the boy, who had let out another shrill cry of alarm, Hilda watched fearfully, aware now of all the girls hanging over the rail, some shouting out Vivien’s name. People on the landing stage, and others on the lakefront, were now also standing watching, and one of the shipping company’s workers had a rope in his hand with a lifebuoy attached to it, ready to throw.

Suddenly Vivien and the little girl popped up again, but the little girl was fighting her hysterically, and again they went under. Hilda heard a splash as someone else dived in to try and help, and she saw a man swim to where Vivien and the child had disappeared.

“Come on, Vivien. You can do it! Dear God, help her!” Hilda pleaded silently, her face bone white as her eyes searched the empty lake.....


Last edited by MaryR on Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:52 pm; edited 2 times in total

 


#150:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 1:22 pm


Oh poor Hilda - she surely cannot blame herself for anothers actions. And oh, Vivien... Where on earth were the people who were supposed to be looking after those children? Leaving a 12 year old with a toddeler?! I hope that nothing too bad happens.

Um, thanks Mary, I think... Please update again soon!

 


#151:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:05 pm


Oy, Mary - did you have to??? But what typical reactions from both Vivien and Hilda here. Crosses fingers and toes to ensure that all will be well in the end.

Echoes Squirrel's comment about parents who leave a 12 year old in charge of a toddler in such circumstances, thereby endangering the lives of those who dash to the rescue.

*Please* come home and remove us from this cliff before the end of the day!

Loving the rest of this half-term episode, though.

 


#152:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:43 pm


No! Stupid parents....

Please can they all be ok?

 


#153:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 4:53 pm


poke careless parents

Hope neither Vivien or the little girl will come to any harm

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#154:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:40 pm


Thanks Mary - excellent reactions from both Hilda and Vivien.

Oh and nice cliff BTW! Twisted Evil

 


#155:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:52 pm


Wow, now that is some cliff!

 


#156:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2005 8:23 pm


Mary!!!! That was SO mean!!!!

Please let them be okay!




(ooooh! And will this end romantically for Vivien? CS mistress+watery rescue+mysterious man (preferably a Doctor)= happy ever after!) Wink

 


#157:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 12:26 am


Mary! A cliff!! How could you!!!

But it's a good thing that it was Vivien who went to the rescue, not Hilda; I don' t think she's physically strong enough to cope with this. Oh, and Hilda - don't blame yourself in any way for this!

I was also struck by the comment that while Hilda is responding so well to Vivien, she is still finding it so hard to cope...that terrible sense of emptiness, the recognition that the wrong person is there... It doesn't detract from her relationship with Vivien at all -just emphasises how bound up in Nell she was.

 


#158:  Author: champagnedrinker PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:50 am


I've just done some serious catching up ... what can I say??

It's fab. Can't comment more really - it's your usual mix of deep & then suddenly "normal" and amusing.

Just hoping, as others are, that Vivien & child are fine.

 


#159:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 11:50 am


Meep!

I'm so glad I had prior warning of this cliff and strapped on my harness Wink

Please let them both be ok, Mary Confused *wibble*

And I hope Hilda doesn't blame herself.

I do hope we haven't too long to wait before reassurance comes!

 


#160:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 1:25 pm


Oh dear, that's a particularly vertiginous example of cliff.

Thank you (I think) Mary, providing you come back and resolve it soon. I like Vikki's idea that Vivien will find a hunky doctor and live happily ever after!

 


#161:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 8:58 pm


....and she saw a man swim to where Vivien and the child had disappeared.

“Come on, Vivien. You can do it! Dear God, help her!” Hilda pleaded silently, her face bone white as her eyes searched the empty lake......

Even as she thought the words, the woman and toddler popped up again, and this time Vivien had one arm tight around the little girl to stop her struggles. Shaking the water from her eyes, Vivien looked up, seeking Hilda, and then indicated the quayside, beginning to swim strongly in that direction with her other arm, the man swimming close behind in case of further difficulties.

Feeling nothing but overwhelming relief, Hilda now turned to the girls and indicated they should go below, ready to disembark. She then turned back to the boy, who was now white to the lips and shaking badly. “Shall we go and find your parents?” she asked gently. “What is your name, by the way?”

He looked at her blankly, and cursing her own stupidity, she repeated the questions in French. “Laurent,” he stuttered. Murmuring softly to him, she turned him towards the stairs and managed to get him below, to find his parents sitting quietly finishing a cup of coffee on the other side of the boat, totally unaware of any panic or disaster.

Quickly, Hilda related what had happened, doing her best to exonerate the boy, for she could see he was still in shock. As the parents exclaimed over him, appalled and terrified, bombarding him with questions, Hilda went in search of a glass of water for the boy, feeling she herself could do with a very stiff brandy.

As he drank the water the boat docked, and Hilda watched as Laurent was hustled off the boat by his anxious parents, everyone making way for them in sympathy. Hilda went back to her own shaken girls and quickly reassured them. It had been quite clear to her that Vivien was a very strong swimmer, so she herself remained calm and patient in front of the girls as some of them babbled incoherently in their relief, although inwardly she was quaking at the thought of what could have happened, her vivid imagination now working overtime.

She realised that if she herself had gone in the water, she would not have had enough strength to cope with that terrified little girl, but she would have gone in if it had been necessary. Thank God Vivien had been there! This had surely not been part of her own scenario when she had arranged this trip to help Vivien but, as she was to reflect later, God knew what He was about!

 


#162:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:04 pm


Oh the relief! Sadly, too late for my fingernails though.

Thank you, Mary.

 


#163:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:53 pm


Oh Mary, Thankyou for keeping them all safe. How typical of the parents to question the boy when what he needs most is reassurance and a rest. At least Vivien and the little one are alright before they go. Well done Hilda, for keeping her calm like that.

And the girls seem alright as well. Yes, I can see this changing the attitudes of many of them before the day is over - I hope Vivien is prepared to be hero-worshipped for a bit! I am also very grateful tha Vivien was there as it is obvious that she was able to cope with it while Hilda would not have been.

Thanks again Mary!

 


#164:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 9:58 pm


Phew!

So glad they're safe

Thanks Mary

Liz *breathing again*

 


#165:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2005 10:29 pm


Thank you Mary, yes, it was good that Vivien was there - had Hilda gone in there may have been a double tragedy. Crying or Very sad

 


#166:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 12:02 am


Goodness, yes! My thoughts echo Lesley's here. Thank you Mary - looking forward to more, as always.

 


#167:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 12:37 am


Thank goodness indeed that Vivien was there and so quick to dive to the rescue. And that all ended well.

I must say I yearned to shake the boy's parents over their response both to the situation and the fact that he had clearly had a shock.

This will definitely cement Vivien's position among the girls - wonder if she will forbid them to say anything about the episode to the rest of the school, as Kathy did in 'New Mistress' after Mary Lou pulled her away from the glacier.

 


#168:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:46 pm


Vikki wrote:

(ooooh! And will this end romantically for Vivien? CS mistress+watery rescue+mysterious man (preferably a Doctor)= happy ever after!) Wink


Sorry, Vikki, but Hilda has told me she has a different fate in store for Vivien. Laughing Sorry to be a spoilsport. Wink

By the time Hilda and the girls disembarked at the Quai des Rives, neither Vivien nor the child were to be seen, nor indeed the young boy and his parents. However, a man in the uniform of La Compagnie Générale de Navigation approached them and guided them over to the embarkation building. Leaving the girls outside, Hilda entered a small, cramped office to find it full to overflowing.

A tall, rather self-important looking man in the Compagnie’s uniform was talking volubly and very loudly in French to the parents, while Vivien herself was sitting shivering in a corner, water still dripping down her face, a blanket round her shoulders and a look of total bemusement on her face. She looked up with relief at the sight of Hilda.

Hilda bent to speak to her. “That was a very brave thing to do, my dear. But I think we need to get you back,” she added, for she could hear Vivien’s teeth chattering with cold and she was now beginning to shake violently.

Standing tall and stately, her hand on Vivien’s shaking shoulder, Hilda’s quiet voice cut cleanly through the volubility of the others present. “If it is alright with you, Monsieur,” she said softly but authoritatively, “I would like to take my colleague back to our hotel so she can find some dry clothes and get warm,” and she raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Responding instinctively to her gentle air of quiet dignity, the officer turned to her and offered her his hand. “Monsieur Duzelier, a votre service, Madame,” he said unctuously. “May I offer the Compagnie’s gratitude to your colleague. She is a very brave lady.”

“Yes, she is, Monsieur Duzelier,” agreed Hilda very softly. “But I wonder if I might trouble you to order a taxi. It is far too cold for her to be out in the street in her wet clothes.”

While he was doing that, the parents turned to Vivien, the mother holding the little girl close to her, the father with his arm round Laurent, who now had a little colour in his cheeks. They offered their heartfelt thanks to both ladies, but Hilda saw the frowning looks bestowed on Laurent by his mother and she felt moved to speak very quietly to both parents.

“Monsieur, Madame, I think Laurent has suffered enough for one day. He was very frightened and has, I think, learned his lesson. N’est-ce pas, Laurent?” she asked very gently, bending down to look kindly into his solemn brown eyes, and he nodded, tears suddenly standing in those eyes. She looked up at the mother, her lovely voice still gentle. “I think comfort is what he needs, not punishment. And he also needs to know that you still trust him with his baby sister.”

She looked questioningly at the mother and saw her brown eyes, so much like her son’s, suddenly soften. She nodded and very gently placed the toddler in Laurent’s arms. The boy clutched her tightly to his chest and smiled tremulously at everyone. Understanding how frightened the mother must have been, and glad in a way that the poor woman had not had to watch her little girl struggling in the water, Hilda stepped forward and put her arms round her. The woman clung to her for a moment and whispered her thanks once more.

Just then, the taxi was announced, so the father quickly shook hands with both women, reiterating his thanks, and Hilda ushered Vivien out into the cold, darkening street, where Vivien shivered even more violently. Putting her quickly into the waiting taxi, Hilda asked Tessa to return with the mistress, and then she and the others returned post-haste on foot to the hotel. All the girls were talking at once about the incident, undisguised admiration for Vivien in their voices, and Hilda reflected that maybe this near-tragedy had been a blessing in disguise.

“Your handiwork, Nell?” she whispered, as she followed the others into the warmth of the hotel, and smiled tenderly for a moment.

 


#169:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:51 pm


Oh Hilda was wonderful there, able to deal with things in a way that ensured that each person's needs were met without treading on anyone elses toes. Thanks Mary that was just beautiful.

 


#170:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 9:30 pm


I'm glad that Hilda is still feeling Nell's presence. Nice too how she dealt with Laurent and his parents. Thank you, Mary.

 


#171:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 9:50 pm


Quote:
“Monsieur, Madame, I think Laurent has suffered enough for one day. He was very frightened and has, I think, learned his lesson. N’est-ce pas, Laurent?” she asked very gently, bending down to look kindly into his solemn brown eyes, and he nodded, tears suddenly standing in those eyes. She looked up at the mother, her lovely voice still gentle. “I think comfort is what he needs, not punishment. And he also needs to know that you still trust him with his baby sister.”


Hilda is so wise!

I'm so relieved that all turned out well.

Thankyou Mary Smile

 


#172:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 7:01 am


Oh yes, Hilda was so wise to remind Laurent's parents that he had had a shock too - and twelve isn't very old really. Actually, this is just about the gap between my pair, and when James was twelve and Anne two, he tripped and dropped her down the front steps - total accident and nobody hurt, and his father and I were both there, but he was very upset, poor child.

I foresee a much easier time for Vivien as a result of this. Lovely as ever Mary!

 


#173:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 11:33 am


Beautiful Mary, Hilda struck just the right chords, with the officials, with Vivien and the girls, and with the family. Also echoing the thought that it is so good Hilda can still feel Nell's presence - but that it is now such a positive thing.

 


#174:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Sep 18, 2005 2:59 pm


Mary, I can really only echo the others' comments on this episode - but it is wonderful that what might have been tragedy has such a happy outcome. Hilda certainly struck the right note in the way she dealt with all the people involved - and as Lesley said, it's lovely to see her feel that Nell was at her shoulder here in such a positive way. It will be interesting to see how the girls treat Vivien after this - and, as I think I've already mentioned in an earlier post - whether news of her exploit leaks out to the rest of the school after half term.

 


#175:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 11:33 am


Thank you Mary. Glad everyone was ok and that Hilda had the time to ensure that there were no unpleasant outcomes for the poor boy.

 


#176:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:34 pm


Mary, I've just caught up on the last few posts - I was too busy last week to read as much as I wanted to. But I'm glad, because I missed the cliff!

Thank you so much, Mary. Is there no end to Hilda's wisdom? Of course, she is still very much strengthened by Nell.

And what does Hilda have in store for Vivien? I may have an inkling, but I'm not going to say anything in case I'm wrong!

 


#177:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 7:53 pm


Later on, during dinner, Hilda was quite certain that the incident had been a blessing. As they were eating, Mireille suddenly turned to Vivien. “Miss Knowles, weren’t you frightened at all before diving in?”

Vivien shook her head. “There wasn’t time for fear, Mireille. I just reacted instinctively. And anyway, Miss Annersley was there ready to dive long before me. She had noticed a problem much earlier than the rest of us and already had her shoes and coat off when I caught on,” and she sent a look of undisguised admiration at her Head, as did the girls.

Hilda, however, merely shook her head and said teasingly, “ But being younger than I, you wanted to save my ageing bones, for which I thank you,” she added, sobering quickly, her eyes sombre. “I might not have been strong enough. Watching what that little girl did to you.....”

“No, I just wanted to preserve your dignity as Headmistress,” countered Vivien jokingly, for she had seen how Hilda was berating herself. “Heads shouldn’t be seen with dripping hair and clothes clinging wetly to their bodies.”

The girls chuckled at the vision she conjured up, and Hilda wrinkled her nose at her. “Oh, I think, after all these years as Head, my dignity would have survived intact,” she answered blandly.

“Do you have your life-saving certificate, Miss Knowles?” asked Maureen Elder, a leading light in Lower VIA, and also a Science student. “Miss Wilson did, as Guide Captain.”

Vivien nodded. “Yes, I decided it was a useful thing to have as a teacher and I have always been a strong swimmer.” She stopped and looked round at the girls, then took her courage in both hands and dived in, much as she had that afternoon into the water. “But tell me more about Miss Wilson and the Guides.”

It transpired that she had been a Guider in her youth, but being new to the school had held her peace about becoming a pack leader. The girls were off, telling her all about Miss Wilson and what she had done as Captain, and encouraging Vivien to come and watch them on a Saturday morning. Tessa, remembering her conversation with Hilda weeks before, said quietly, “After all, Miss Knowles, you’re following in Miss Wilson’s footsteps in the classroom, you might as well follow them out of the classroom as well.”

Vivien scrutinised Tessa’s face a moment, and realised this girl saw far beyond her years. “Well, I have heard that Miss Wilson had a very strong sense of humour, Tessa. Was she in the habit of employing it in the classroom?”

There was a moment of awful, silent suspense, and Hilda held her breath, but then suddenly they were all talking at once, trying to convey what the Head of St Mildred’s had been like, inside the classroom and out of it. Vivien asked enough quiet questions to keep the ball rolling, and learned just what there was to live up to where Miss Wilson was concerned, but she also, rather surprisingly, found out just what it was she was already doing right, for these girls were not afraid to voice their thoughts.

Hilda leaned back, watching and listening, her eyes on Vivien’s vivid face, her quick ears picking up all the details that the excited girls were pouring out. She had a feeling it was going to be a very long evening! But she also had a feeling that all resentment against Miss Knowles was gone, and that her exploit was about to become yet another Chalet School legend.

As Hilda heard Nell’s name mentioned again, her eyes met Tessa’s, and Tessa winked at her. Hilda smiled back gently, although if anyone had looked hard enough, they would have seen the unshed tears in her eyes, her memory going back to that awful day less than two weeks ago when she had so very nearly lost herself in her despair and loneliness and guilt - until Nell herself had saved her.

“Ears burning, Nell?” she asked wistfully in the silence of her heart.

Was that a quiet, familiar laugh she heard in response, underneath all the excited chatter going on around her?

 


#178:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:25 pm


Yes it was! Nell must be hugging herself with glee over how things have worked out.

Lovely Mary, the gentle teasing, Tessa's involvement, the revelation that Vivien is a Guider, and then that the girls can tell Vivien all about Nell.

Thank you. Kiss

 


#179:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:33 pm


MaryR wrote:


There was a moment of awful, silent suspense, and Hilda held her breath, but then suddenly they were all talking at once, trying to convey what the Head of St Mildred’s had been like, inside the classroom and out of it.



What a lovely picture that is, Mary, showing how much Nell was loved by her pupils, and keeping her memory alive which is so important. Thank you.

 


#180:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 9:05 pm


That was a lovely post Mary. It is good to see the girls reminiscing happily about Nell now, not only will it do them good, but all this seems to be cementing Vivian's place with them.

 


#181:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 9:55 pm


Quote:
Was that a quiet, familiar laugh she heard in response, underneath all the excited chatter going on around her


But of course it was!! I can just imagine what a kick Nell would have got from this scene.

Seriously, though, this was a wonderful revelation, both of all these hidden depths to Vivien, which have not emerged so far, and of the girls' growing sense of ease with her - clearly, as a teacher, she's already well on the way to filling Nell's shoes and will have a much easier time for the second half of the term.

But, however much Hilda wants this sense of ease for Vivien, there has to be a bitter-sweet element to it for Hilda herself, although the fact she can 'sense' Nell's appreciation of it as she clearly does is also a tribute to the way she is moving through her grieving process. I'm getting muddled, but I think you all know what I'm trying to say.

Thank you, Mary.

 


#182:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 9:58 pm


Thankyou Mary.

How wonderful - I could just visualise all the girls sitting around Vivien chattering all at once - and Hilda listening quietly.

Quote:
She stopped and looked round at the girls, then took her courage in both hands and dived in, much as she had that afternoon into the water. “But tell me more about Miss Wilson and the Guides.”


That was the point where I held my breath. I'm so glad that the conversation was a happy one, for everyone.

 


#183:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 10:29 pm


Thanks Mary

I'm glad Vivian is now being accepted by the girls - and hope there are no nasty after-effects of sitting around in her wet clothes.

Liz

 


#184:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 2:12 am


Yes, Nell was there, wasn't she?

It's a lovely vindication of Vivien as a teacher and a person that the girls now want to tell her about Nell, to share their impressions of a teacher that they loved, with the woman they viewed as her usurper...

How tired Hilda must be, and how comforted by that laughter.

 


#185:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 10:33 am


How lovely. Thank you Mary.

 


#186:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 1:21 pm


So pleased this is back! And so many lovely updates to catch up on. Thanks Mary x

 


#187:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 8:43 pm


When Hilda entered the dining room the next morning, she found the others already there, the girls hanging on to Miss Knowles’ every word. But when she saw Hilda, Vivien smiled at her and then rose from the table, saying to the girls, “Miss Annersley and I are going to have our breakfast in peace this morning. Bon appétit, mes filles!”

With those words, she marched Hilda over to a table for two in a quiet corner, leaving the girls gaping and Hilda’s eyes twinkling. “But they only wanted to continue worshipping at your feet,” she teased, as she opened out her serviette.

“And I wanted a bit of peace and quiet!” sighed Vivien. She watched as Hilda began pouring out the coffee, which had just been delivered to their table, then said bluntly, “You arranged all this deliberately, didn’t you?”

For a moment the coffee pot wobbled dangerously in Hilda’s hand and then, controlling herself, she continued pouring as she said blandly, “Yes, I planned it all, down to the little girl falling in the water and you ending up looking like a drowned rat,” and then grinned unrepentantly as Vivien sighed exasperatedly.

“You’re a very slippery customer, did you know that?” Then she sobered. “No, you arranged this holiday with the Sixth form, in the hope that it would help matters. I twigged last night when Tessa passed her comment about Miss Wilson. You did, didn’t you?” she insisted, when Hilda put down the coffee pot but remained quiet.

Hilda gazed across at this woman for whom she was developing not only a real liking, but also a very healthy respect. “Didn’t you?” asked Vivien insistently again, and finally Hilda nodded, yielding up her secret very reluctantly.

“It seems to have worked better than I anticipated,” she smiled, and then added softly, “I don’t think you’ll have any more problems. It’s all down to you now. You’ve got them in the palm of your hand.”

But Vivien shook her head at the gentle, dignified woman opposite her. “Oh, no, it’s you who has them in the palm of your hand. I have never seen such love for a Head as I see in their eyes.” Hilda shook her head in denial, but Vivien persisted. “And you deserve it all. I can’t believe all you have done for me this term. I don’t think there is another Head anywhere on this earth who does as much for others as you do.” Hilda shook her head even more vehemently, her lips open to deny it.

But Vivien spoke first, her words blunt. “You would have gone into that water if I hadn’t beaten you to it, wouldn’t you?”

Hilda closed her lips and gazed silently across the table at Vivien, then suddenly nodded, her eyes steadfast. Vivien continued, very quietly, “And yet, seriously, you must know that you’re not strong enough for such activities.” When Hilda raised one eyebrow interrogatively, Vivien continued slowly, “When I first met you, at my interview, you were thin, too thin, but you looked healthy and fit, though there was a great sadness in your eyes, and you were very grave. But when I saw you at the beginning of term, you had changed....”

Hilda nodded, her hand going automatically to the arm that bore the bullet hole. “I was shot only two or three weeks before.”

Vivien eyed her. “You mean you were a heroine,” she retorted. “Yes, you’d been shot and were still recovering, and had an air of fragility about you that was to be expected. But that fragility has not disappeared, for some reason. Perhaps the physical shock allied to your grieving.....”

Again the eyebrow was raised across the table. “Yes, I know all about that as well. Joey has filled me in and I am sorry for your loss. But something in you has not recovered, and for you to jump into that water would have been either an act of supreme courage, or one of sheer stupidity - probably both. When I reflect on that, and on all that you have done for me, it is no wonder they all reverence you,” she finished very softly.

Hilda kept her face impassive, and managed to control the tears that threatened to escape, as she gazed at this very perceptive woman seated opposite, a woman mature enough in years and character to be totally at ease with her new Headmistress. Hilda was not to know it, but Madge Russell and Jack Maynard had also been very concerned about her seeming frailty.

“Vivien, I assure you, my health is fine. I get enough skiing in the winter and walking in the summer to keep me strong.” Having said that, she realised it was not quite true, as she no longer felt like taking the walks she had been accustomed to taking with Nell. But putting Nell firmly from her mind, she continued, “Let’s just say I’m glad you were there, and a strong swimmer.”

 


#188:  Author: DawnLocation: Leeds, West Yorks PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:03 pm


I've just caught up on all your September posts Mary and am very glad I missed the watery cliff. Lovely to see how the group is interreacting and how Vivien is being accepted, even before she dived in

Thankyou Mary

 


#189:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2005 9:10 pm


Very, very perceptive Vivien, and so wonderful that she feels able to say this to Hilda.

Thanks Mary.

 


#190:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 12:20 am


Lovely perceptive Vivien - and also a Vivien who knows when to say things. Hilda needs someone who will do that, and as Vivien never knew Nell and is therefore not carrying her own emotional baggage about her, she is the ideal person to do so, and is very necessary.

Hilda's fragility? I wonder, I very much wonder...

Thank you Mary-O!

 


#191:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 12:53 am


Cath V-P said
Quote:
Lovely perceptive Vivien - and also a Vivien who knows when to say things. Hilda needs someone who will do that, and as Vivien never knew Nell and is therefore not carrying her own emotional baggage about her, she is the ideal person to do so, and is very necessary.



Cath, you have said exactly what I wanted to say - and so much better than I could have phrased it.

This is such a lovely, revealing, scene. Vivien gains confidence by leaps and bounds, not least in knowing just what she can say to Hilda and get away with.

Thank you Mary.

 


#192:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 4:45 am


That was just brilliant Mary, Thankyou. It was great to see Vivien showing Hilda that there is a lot more to her than her teasing, and her obvious strength.

 


#193:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:17 am


Echoing Cath and Elder. I'm glad Vivien is mentioning Hilda's physical frailty, and will presumably try to get some help. It's a pleasure to see the easy friendship growing between the two of them. Thanks, Mary.

 


#194:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 11:44 am


I think Cath said it all and far better than I would be able to today. Thank you Mary. I love the developing relationship between Hilda and Vivian.

 


#195:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 12:52 pm


Here is the end of that conversation with Vivien - and a little addition to Turning the Tables.

.... But putting Nell firmly from her mind, she continued, “Let’s just say I’m glad you were there, and a strong swimmer.”

Before she could continue, however, Vivien suddenly said, “You’ve looked even frailer these last few days, with dark shadows under those fine eyes of yours, though your smile has been as ready as ever and your eyes have held a joy I’ve never seen before. It wasn’t just a simple headache that kept you out of school one day last week, was it?” Hilda stared at her across the table and there was something in Vivien’s eyes that made her admit the truth. She shook her head, and thought ruefully how Mother Abbess would smile approvingly at her for being so open!

“No, my grief got the better of me,” she whispered. “It happens from time to time. But I have good friends, very special friends, and I received many unexpected blessings that day, far more than I deserve.”

She took herself in hand and her voice grew stronger as she turned the conversation. “As for helping you, my dear, you were not happy, and that was mostly my fault. This holiday was one way of making amends.” It was Vivien’s turn to shake her head but Hilda persisted gently, “I should have known better after all my years at the helm.”

“How long is it exactly you’ve been at the helm?” asked Vivien, intent on deflecting Hilda’s guilt.

Hilda’s eyes suddenly left Vivien, to stare across the dancing waters of the lake as she reflected on all the years – and on all the changes, some great, some small, that had taken place in all those years. “I was made Head in 1937,” she said reminiscently, her eyes softly glowing.

“So that means you’re celebrating twenty-five years of headship next year,” mused Vivien slowly, and Hilda heard the excitement in her voice. Guessing, with her usual prescience, what was going on in Vivien’s mind, her eyes swung back sharply to her colleague and Vivien gasped at the sudden, overwhelming pain in them.

“Don’t go there, Vivien. Please, I beg you, do not go there – and don’t remind Nancy either,” pleaded Hilda, a quiver in her beautiful voice. “ I was appointed Head at Easter, and next Easter will be the first anniversary of Nell’s death. Celebrating will be the very last thing.....”

Her voice broke and tears shone again in her eyes, and Vivien, repenting of her thoughtlessness, laid a hand on Hilda’s where it lay clenched on the table. She was beginning to appreciate just what this lovely woman had lost and what anguish was still hers, despite the smiles and the serenity she showed to the world.

She spoke earnestly. “I’m sorry, Hilda, that was unforgivable of me,” and Hilda’s eyes closed at the compassion she saw in Vivien’s. “My dratted sense of humour getting the better of me. I’m old enough to know better.”

Hilda controlled herself with a great effort, opened her eyes and squeezed Vivien’s hand gently. Shaking her head sadly, she blew her nose, picked up her cup and drank the hot coffee gratefully. And as she did so, she thought suddenly of the festivities Nell had organised for her the year she had notched up twenty-one years as Head. Nell had been so tender and so loving that day, and it was something that would always remain with her.

As would the world cruise she and Nell had been offered by Joey, Madge and their brother, Dick Bettany. Neither of them knew how it had happened, but their feelings for each other were only enhanced and deepened by that time together, away from their many responsibilities – a very special gift from above. There had been so much laughter and fun and gentleness and beauty, so many memories to warm her when her heart felt cold and empty, as it still did so very often. Too often!

“Thank you, my darling, for reminding me,” her spirit whispered, even as she gazed across at Vivien. Her lovely voice was very soft as she spoke. “Vivien, I’m sorry to spoil the fun I could see building in your eyes. You know, you’re going to be a remarkable asset to the school in the years ahead, my dear. Even with that dratted sense of humour!”

As Vivien laughed, Hilda ‘s voice grew brisk. “Now perhaps we’d better eat, or the girls will be champing at the bit,” she said, thus effectively closing the door on any more personal conversation, though it was to return later in the day......

 


#196:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:00 pm


Oh Mary what a compelling scene between these two people. Vivien is learning more about the people she has come across all the time. And how nice to have the memories of all Nell did for her at the time 'tables' is set. Though I'll bet that Hilda will find it all even harder than she might have done before anniversary was mentioned. Even so Vivien managed to handle that, and Hilda shows how well she knows her boundaries. Thanks Mary.


Hmmm can you tell I'm back at Uni, even though classes havent started yet!

 


#197:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 5:13 pm


Thank you Mary, a bittersweet episode there, that Vivien was so keen to consider celebrations then stopped because Hilda will never be able to celebrate at that time.

Lovely link back to other drabble too.

Thank you.


Last edited by Lesley on Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:43 pm; edited 1 time in total

 


#198:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 8:18 pm


Nell really was looking out for Hilda when she helped her pick Vivian for the job. Love how Hilda planned the holiday to help Vivian but now it is helping them both. Hilda might fully understand why Nell went back into that building, how she couldn't not, because she nearly put herself her in the very same position jumping into that water. Thank you Mary.

 


#199:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:41 pm


Thanks for this episode, Mary - as Lesley says, bitter sweet indeed, yet showing the deepening relationship between Hilda and Vivien. Incidents like this show Vivien just how much Hilda has lost in Nell's death but also help her understand just how she, who never knew Nell, can help Hilda, not perhaps in her times of deepest despair, but certainly in other ways. Clearly, too, Hilda is growing to rely on Vivien and appreciate her growing contribution to the school life.

 


#200:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:07 pm


Mary, that was good. I love the way you have meshed the two stories together so well, and Vivian fits in brilliantly now.

 


#201:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 12:28 am


Mary, this was so moving. Hilda being able to speak to Vivien in this way, so openly about her grief was a a huge step forward, even though the next thing discussed was painful for her. And Vivien is so responsive to Hilda, and so good for her. And of course that works in both ways as vivien learns more about dealing with people and listening to both the spoken and the unspoken.

And Hilda and Nell had their cruise; how beautiful for them....

 


#202:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:58 am


Such a moving piece and so wonderful that Hilda can open up to Vivian that she responds to the commassion in her. I love that sense of humour too and the sense of fun in everything - hopefully that will help Hilda too.

Thank you Mary.

 


#203:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 2:46 pm


Oh dear, the link with Turning the Tables is really rather poignantly sad. Sniffle. At least she has the memories. And the books from Nell. Thank you, Mary.

 


#204:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 3:59 pm


I just caught up on two updates - thankyou, Mary Very Happy

I'm so glad Vivien is now fitting in so well - and being so very very good for Hilda - who is needing someone to open up to.

It was lovely to hear a little about the cruise - I'm so glad they had that wonderful time together, with memories to treasure for ever.

 


#205:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 5:09 pm


Thank you Mary Kiss

It's lovely to see Vivian growing in confidence - and the fact that she's new to the school isn't always a disadvantage.

Liz

 


#206:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:34 pm


...... Hilda ‘s voice grew brisk. “Now perhaps we’d better eat, or the girls will be champing at the bit,” she said, thus effectively closing the door on any more personal conversation, though it was to return later in the day.

The hotel Hilda had chosen was situated quite high above the lake, but it was still necessary to climb even higher to get to the Old Town of Lausanne and to the Cathedral, and Vivien was fascinated to see how the different parts of the town were linked by bridges which spanned the deep, riverless gorges. Stopping to take a breather at one point, as they walked steadily uphill, she turned then gasped as she saw how much more of the lake and the opposite French shore now lay open to view.

Hilda smiled gently and warned, “Wait till we reach the Cathedral and see the view then - the view Victor Hugo described.”

Vivien drew in a deep breath and then said admiringly, “I take it all back!” Hilda looked at her questioningly and Vivien added sarcastically, “You? Fragile? I’m the one here who’s struggling and out of breath – you just look as though you’ve been out for a gentle stroll.” Hilda’s eyes twinkled as she carried on up the incline, Vivien trailing behind.

They climbed the escaliers du marché, the covered wooden staircase leading from la Place de la Palud, and reached the large terrace in front of the cathedral, which crowns the hill of the Old Town. The girls led Vivien to the wall overlooking the rest of the city, and she stood entranced. Hugo’s words were very apt. She was looking down on the city’s multi-coloured roofs and spires. Beyond them lay the lake, seeming higher than the roofs, and beyond the lake were the mountains, rearing up into the sky. She propped her chin in her hands and drank in the scene, unaware of the satisfied smiles behind her.

When she finally shook herself and turned round, she was overpowered by the cathedral’s tall, elegant towers, turrets and spires. “The cathedral itself was started in the twelfth century, but as you can see,” said Hilda, pointing to different spots, “it has been in a constant state of renovation almost from its beginnings, because it is built of a soft stone called ‘molasses’ which is very vulnerable to bad weather.”

“Bit like me, really,” muttered Vivien, sotto voce, so only Hilda heard her – and found herself hard put to restrain her laughter.

Mireille, unaware of any interruption, added, “And that’s been made worse by earthquakes, lightning strikes and goodness knows what else.” Vivien was about to make another aside, but was taken aback as Hilda suddenly turned away. Then Vivien remembered what Joey had said. Miss Wilson had been killed in an earthquake. Quickly she put out a hand and grasped Hilda’s arm, and Hilda pulled herself together before turning back with a nod and leading the way inside.

Vivien found the interior stunning, every line drawing one’s eyes upwards to the vaulted ceiling. But the highlight for her was the glowing thirteenth century rose window, which in fact is like a jigsaw puzzle of small, differently-shaped windows fanning outwards from one circular one. “But what do they all show?” she asked, peering upwards with a frown to the window’s great height. “There are far too many to work out – and it’s far too high,” she complained.

Hilda looked around at the girls, but they all seemed to be waiting for her to explain. “Cowards!” she teased, and then they all giggled, as she added in mock-despair, “Where’s Biddy Courvoisier when we need her?” She paused and collected her thoughts.

“Let’s see. It’s supposed to represent a medieval vision of the world and in the centre is God the Creator. Moving outwards we have Biblical themes relating to earth, sea, air and fire. What comes next, girls?” she asked, with no noticeable break in her voice and immediately Véronique Mathieu took up the tale.

“The seasons, the months of the year and then, near the outer circle, the signs of the zodiac and then all sorts of monsters that they imagined inhabited the earth back then.”

Hilda smiled at the girl warmly and then turned to Vivien, who was still staring upwards, trying to work it all out. “There you have it, Miss Knowles. Perhaps a postcard would help. Let’s go and see if the little shop has any – and then I think.....lunch,” she added with a twinkle, and all heads nodded eagerly.

They sauntered back down to the cobbled Place de la Palud, the tranquil core of Lausanne’s Old Town, and decided that, as it was so sheltered and the day was warm for the end of October, they would eat outside. The square was a perfect place for people watching and, against the background noise of the girls’ excited chatter, Hilda and Vivien were content to sit and gaze in silence.

Suddenly, as the clock in the Town Hall spire struck one, Hilda indicated to Vivien that she should watch the wall behind the fountain. As the clock continued to strike, mechanical figures emerged on a small platform high on the wall, first of all a troop of little soldiers marching across the platform, and then a group of milkmaids and their swains circling round in a dance. Vivien watched entranced as they marched and danced on and off the platform several times, until Hilda leaned over and murmured, “Close your mouth, my dear, there are flies – unless of course you are still hungry!”

Vivien’s lips snapped shut, and she giggled as she turned back to Hilda. “But it’s all so wonderful. Why have I never brought myself across here? I’ve had opportunities but....” and she shook her head. But then suddenly she sobered and said warmly, “Thank you, Hilda. The last two days have been a wonderful introduction to a fascinating country. Having all that trouble at the beginning of term was worth it to be treated like this.”

“What? You mean encouraging you to throw yourself into the lake and nearly drown?” quizzed Hilda, trying to deflect the gratitude, which she felt she did not deserve, and Vivien bared her teeth at her. Hilda raised her eyebrows and then added with a smile, “Finish your coffee and stop being so impertinent to your Headmistress! You’ll need your strength – there are shops!” and she nodded towards the girls and then the narrow streets leading off the square in all directions.

“Oh, goody! I adore shops!” said Vivien provokingly, and Hilda raised her eyes to heaven, not being a lover of browsing, except in bookshops where she tended to take root. A long afternoon was clearly in store!

 


#207:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 7:43 pm


Mary I am incredibly glad that Vivien was with them for this bit:

MaryR wrote:

Vivien was about to make another aside, but was taken aback as Hilda suddenly turned away. Then Vivien remembered what Joey had said. Miss Wilson had been killed in an earthquake. Quickly she put out a hand and grasped Hilda’s arm, and Hilda pulled herself together before turning back with a nod and leading the way inside.


No one else could have given Hilda the support that she needed, well, barring Nancy perhaps. Vivien was able to do all that she was required.



MaryR wrote:

“What? You mean encouraging you to throw yourself into the lake and nearly drown?” quizzed Hilda, trying to deflect the gratitude, which she felt she did not deserve, and Vivien bared her teeth at her.


And this bit is so like Hilda. Of course she deserved the gratitude she was given, but she will never believe it. Thank you Mary

 


#208:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:00 pm


I'm with Hilda over the shops - and have been known to get lost in book shops ...... deliberately.

Thanks Mary, love seeing the developing relationship between those two. Vivien is very good for Hilda.

 


#209:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:40 pm


Another lovely episode in this truly delightful and memorable half term break - Hilda is showing the strength to enjoy herself, despite the pin-pricks of memory, and it's clear she is also enjoying seeing Vivien establish a stronger relationship with her personally, as well as coming into her own with this group of girls.

Vivien is definitely very good for Hilda. She is rapidly gaining in her understanding of her too, as her swiftness to pick up on the reference which had upset Hilda and her comforting gesture shows.

Mary, I've never been to Lausanne, but your description brings it to life so vividly.

As for the bookshop - anyone who knows me knows I'm another Hilda there - you'd probably have to prize me out, too!!

Thank you Mary

 


#210:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 22, 2005 8:41 pm


Thanks Mary

This is such a special half term weekend.

Liz

 


#211:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 6:59 am


What a splendid day, and what fun Vivien is having...and Hilda is too isn't she? So good that Vivien was there for that poignant little moment, and how fast she picked up on it.

Bookshops? Who said bookshops? Where? May I come too? How many hours do we get there?
Mind you, given Vivien's enthusiasm for shops, Hilda may regret giving time for that activity! I'm with you Vivien; I love shopping! No money, but I love shopping!

 


#212:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 8:43 pm


I'm with Vivien and Cath on the shopping!

Thanks, Mary, good to see how Vivien and Hilda are getting to know each other better.

I love the description of Lausanne too. Educative in true EBD style.

 


#213:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 8:49 pm


Quote:
“You? Fragile? I’m the one here who’s struggling and out of breath – you just look as though you’ve been out for a gentle stroll.” Hilda’s eyes twinkled as she carried on up the incline, Vivien trailing behind.


I can just picture that! Laughing

I keep on saying this, but I'm so glad Vivien is there for Hilda. Despite her sarcasm, she is so perceptive and sensitive.

Thankyou Mary Smile

 


#214:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Fri Sep 23, 2005 8:53 pm


It is lovely to see how they are growing closer, how Vivian is helping Hilda and how the girls now accept her.

 


#215:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 1:22 pm


Thanks Mary

 


#216:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:21 pm


Just like Hilda and the rest of you, I too take root in bookshops. Cath, we can stay just as long as you like! Laughing But I'm with those of you also who *adore shops* as Vivien does.

....“Oh, goody! I adore shops!” said Vivien provokingly, and Hilda raised her eyes to heaven, not being a lover of browsing, except in bookshops, where she tended to take root. A long afternoon was clearly in store!

However, by four o’clock they all realised their feet were aching and there was always tomorrow, after all. Hilda had booked that extra-special meal for this evening and the girls decided they wanted to go back to the hotel and beautify themselves. They caught the metro down to Ouchy, and meandered along the quayside, finding a little cafe in which to enjoy coffee and cream cakes, before slowly wending their way back to the hotel in the light of the setting sun. The girls were walking along in a chattering group, the two women bringing up the rear silently, both lost in their own thoughts.

Hilda had been idly gazing at the buildings higher up on the terraces, watching lights starting to spring up, but now she looked across the lake to where the sun was slowly sinking behind the lowering mountains. Edged in vivid golden light, the clouds were rainbow-hued, from the softest pink through violet to the darkest indigo. Her eyes softening as she stared, the beauty of it all overcame her. She drew to a halt, turned fully to the lake, and began to speak as though spellbound, her voice rich, deep and captivating:

It is a beauteous evening, calm and free,
The holy time is quiet, as a nun
Breathless with adoration; the broad sun
Is sinking down in its tranquillity;
The gentleness of Heaven broods o’er the sea...
(Wordsworth)


Vivien had stopped to listen, and as she watched her, she saw tears slowly begin to creep down Hilda’s cheeks, glinting as they caught the light of the setting sun. Hilda made no attempt to wipe them away, just went on staring in a trance across the lake, clearly lost in her memories. Suddenly, the tears were flowing faster as Nell’s strong, beloved face came vividly to Hilda’s mind in the striking golden light. The emotions of that six-month anniversary were still lying very close to the surface, although Vivien was not to know that.

Vivien moved to Hilda’s side and gently took her arm, guiding her to a near-by bench. “Come on, Hilda, you need to take some time to yourself,” she said very quietly, unsure if Hilda was even aware she was there. Vivien left her and quickly caught up with the girls, asking them to make their own way back to the hotel. She knew it was not far, and with Tessa and Mireille they were safe enough. But Tessa, casting anxious looks at the lonely figure of her Headmistress, stepped forward as the others turned to walk off.

“Is she okay, Miss Knowles?” she asked quietly, and Vivien saw the maturity in the girl’s eyes, as well as her love for Hilda.

“She’ll be fine, Tessa,” she said reassuringly at the girl. “It’s just that beauty sometimes can catch one unawares and bring hidden emotions closer to the surface, especially if one is tired, and it has been a long day and there was the accident for her to worry about yesterday.”

Tessa nodded. “She’s always there for us when we’re sad about Miss Wilson and talks about it with us. But her sorrow is so much worse, for they were such good friends,” and Vivien saw the tears in the girl’s eyes.

“Tessa, I won’t leave her alone, I promise,” she said gently. “I didn’t know Miss Wilson but I do care about Miss Annersley. Do you trust me?” Tessa looked once more at Hilda’s solitary figure and then nodded tersely, and turned to follow the others.

“So you don’t think you hold them in the palm of your very capable hands, Hilda Annersley!” Vivien muttered to herself as she returned to Hilda. “Your modesty stuns me.”

 


#217:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:46 pm


Oh Mary, Poor Hilda. All the same, it is good that she is able to have this time to allow the beauty to touch her. While this is grief, it seems more positive than the other grief which she has faced recently. And I'm so glad that Vivien was there to take over when it was necesarry. Tessa's being so watchful was also lovely - and ram's home Viviens point splendidly. Thank you for another lovely part of the story.

 


#218:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 2:59 pm


A very vivid reminder of how Hilda's sense of loss over Nell still remains so close to the surface that the smallest things can bring it to the fore. Bless Vivien for having the intuition to give her a breathing space, and Tessa for her understanding of the depths of Hilda's grief and the enormity of her loss, which she usually keeps so well hidden in front of the girls, in her endeavour to be 'there for them' when they need to talk of their own loss. (sorry, that's a very long and convoluted sentence, but I'm sure you all know what I'm trying to say, and splitting it into 2 just wouldn't work.)

Glad that Vivien will stay with her until the moment passes - even if no words pass between them, I'm sure Hilda will feel the comfort of her presence despite her longing for Nell.

A very moving piece, Mary - thank you.

PS. Where does the Wordsworth quotation come from?

 


#219:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 4:16 pm


This is a beautiful piece, Mary, and very realistic that the trauma from earlier that day would catch up with Hilda as she gets tired. How wonderful that in Vivien she seems to have found another friend who understands her and forces her to take time for herself when she needs it. Love Vivien's muttering at the end too! Thank you.

 


#220:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 5:22 pm


Crying or Very sad so beautiful and sad

And Tessa is a wonderful girl

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#221:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 24, 2005 9:56 pm


I love that Wordsworth poem - it is lovely to hear Hilda quoting it.

Thankyou Mary - it is lovely to see how Vivien copes with Hilda's grief, and especially how Tessa is so worried about her. What a wonderful relationship they all have.

 


#222:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 7:15 am


Mary, how moving - I can see that sunset. The beauty that moves so much can also bring so much pain - but this is, it seems, a good pain as it were, not corrosive and destructive, but refining.

 


#223:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:06 am


Mary, this is such an incredible and beautiful story.
Thank you.

 


#224:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 4:28 pm


Beautiful, Mary, everyone's character was shining through there - so glad Vivien is there for Hilda.

 


#225:  Author: MoraLocation: Lancaster PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 5:59 pm


Beauty can be so painful. *wipes away a tear*
Hilda is slowly being surrounded by more and more wonderful people.
Thank you Mary.

 


#226:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:41 pm


“So you don’t think you hold them in the palm of your very capable hands, Hilda Annersley!” Vivien muttered to herself as she returned to Hilda. “Your modesty stuns me.”

She sat herself quietly beside a still motionless Hilda, and watched with her as the clouds slowly lost their golden light and the sun slipped behind the mountains, allowing the dusk to fade into a velvety darkness.

The beauty of this world hath made me sad,
This beauty that will pass.....
(Francis Ledwidge)


There was such pathos in Vivien’s voice as she spoke that Hilda finally stirred and turned her tear-stained face towards her. Vivien reached for her hand and held it gently.

“Beauty too often breaks through our reserve and highlights our sorrow, doesn’t it? Particularly at this time of day,” she said, very, very softly and Hilda nodded, trying desperately to control her emotions before she let herself down in front of Vivien. The latter continued, “There is so much room for imagination between sunset and darkness, everything has a richer beauty but also seems so much more fleeting, more ephemeral. There is such a sense of regret, of loss....”

Hilda squeezed her hand hard and Vivien looked into Hilda’s sad, sad eyes. “I know, Hilda,” she whispered. “I’ve been there. I could say it will get better, but at the moment that means nothing to you. It will get better to the extent that you will eventually plaster over the hurt and get on with your life – but you will never, ever forget. How could you?”

“Vivien, you.....” breathed Hilda. Vivien nodded, put her arm round Hilda’s shoulder and settled them both back against the bench, facing the dark waters. Hilda had stiffened for a moment, feeling she should remain aloof, but then remembered Mother Abbess’s challenge and relaxed into the strength she felt in this woman.

“Ten years ago!” Vivien spoke quietly, almost humorously, which seemed strange to Hilda, but she listened with every fibre of her being. “We’d been married two years, another teacher. I’d had an operation some years before, which removed my ability to have a child. I thought he accepted it – after all, he married me! – but then, suddenly, he decided he did want children after all and walked out on me, with the school secretary!”

“And you still love him?” whispered Hilda, her eyes steady on Vivien, her mind going back through the years to the loss of her fiancé, James, when she was in her twenties. Another desolate time!

There was a long silence, and then Vivien’s eyes moved to look into Hilda’s compassionate ones. When she spoke the humorous note had gone from her voice. “I did! For a long while! It was worse than a death, in some ways, as it destroyed all the good memories in one fell swoop, and took away all my confidence in myself as a woman. I was heart-broken. As you are,” she added softly, smiling gently at Hilda, who nodded again.

Then Vivien shrugged and looked away. “Now? I don’t think about him. He was a rat!” she said succinctly, and Hilda gulped. “I was well rid of him. He has three children and is apparently a very absent father.”

“It must have been a very difficult time for you,” said Hilda softly. “Did people treat you differently?”

“Some did. But my Headmistress at that time was very enlightened and refused to bow to the parents who wanted her to sack me.” She paused, reflecting. “But after a while, I felt I had to move right away, make a fresh start – and things got easier after that. But thank you for understanding how hard it was.”

There was silence as they both gazed out across the lake, listening to the gentle lapping of the water against the quayside. Suddenly, though, Hilda turned to look questioningly at Vivien. Hesitantly, she said, “But in your application there was no mention of it, no maiden name, and your referees never referred to it.”

Vivien shook her head. “I never changed my name when I got married. I decided for some now obscure reason to keep my own name, not the done thing at all.” Her eyes swivelled to Hilda’s and she frowned. “I hope you don’t think I got the post under false pretences,” she said worriedly.

Hilda hastened to reassure her. “None of our business.” She then continued gently, compassion in her beautiful voice, “Vivien, I’m so sorry. I dread to think of how you must have felt at the time. Heart-broken, I would think, is an understatement.”

The arm round Hilda’s shoulders tightened its clasp. “Yes,” she agreed softly. “That’s why I said I do understand. Tears welling up at the wrong time and for no apparent reason, the love you still feel and that there is now no one on whom to squander it, the knowledge that now there is no one to whom you are the most important thing in life. You feel you have lost your rightful place in the world, and are a stranger in the place where you always felt at home. The sheer hellish loneliness.... Oh, God, Hilda, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, aghast, for tears were now streaming down Hilda’s face.

Vivien pulled her close, and Hilda again stiffened for a moment, but in her need she welcomed the closeness, and let her head fall on Vivien’s shoulder. “Let it out, Hilda!” whispered Vivien and continued speaking quietly, as Hilda closed her eyes and let the tears fall as they would. “I have never seen you anything other than smiling and cheerful, indeed with joy in your eyes, though I am not sure how you can be so brave. But I’m betting there are precious few to whom you reveal anything of yourself. You have a reputation for enviable self-control and calm. But you can have too much control, my dear...”

As Hilda tears slowly faded, she reflected that she had never revealed herself to so many people in her whole life before, and yet it did her sad heart immeasurable good to know how much she was loved. None of them could fill the empty Nell-sized hole inside her, but each of them placed a brick in the wall round her brokenness, building it higher, helping to shield her from the harsh light of this tragedy.

What would have become of her if Mother Abbess had not broken through her shell?

 


#227:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:47 pm


Oh Mary - what surprises each of your characters have for us. This is the last thing you might have suspected Vivien to say to Hilda, and yet again, it was the right thing. It touched the need. Ok Hilda got upset at her obvious understanding, but she was needing someone who knew what that sort of thing could be like, and here it is, provided for her in Nell's successor - poetic justice I think. Thank you for providing such a brick as Vivien for Hilda.

 


#228:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:52 pm


Oh, that took me by surprise! So Vivien has A Past which explains a great deal. And she is able to relate her own experience so accurately and tenderly to touch a nerve with how Hilda is feeling at present, allowing her to open up. Wonderful, Mary, thank you.

 


#229:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:52 pm


MaryR wrote:
What would have become of her if Mother Abbess had not broken through her shell?


What would have become of her? She would have retreated back into herself, finished the job she had so ably started of slowly killing herself with grief.

Thank you Mary - no wonder Nell said Vivien was the right one.

((((Vivien))))

 


#230:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:53 pm


That was beautiful Mary.

 


#231:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:00 pm


Quote:

Tears welling up at the wrong time and for no apparent reason, the love you still feel and that there is now no one on whom to squander it, the knowledge that now there is no one to whom you are the most important thing in life. You feel you have lost your rightful place in the world, and are a stranger in the place where you always felt at home. The sheer hellish loneliness....


What a beautiful way Vivien has of expressing these feelings, and how wonderful that she feels close enough with Hilda to say this to her. Clearly, too, Hilda found her words comforting.

Quote:

As Hilda tears slowly faded, she reflected that she had never revealed herself to so many people in her whole life before, and yet it did her sad heart immeasurable good to know how much she was loved. None of them could fill the empty Nell-sized hole inside her, but each of them placed a brick in the wall round her brokenness, building it higher, helping to shield her from the harsh light of this tragedy.


This is such a lovely image, Mary, both the idea that Hilda is beginning to realise how much she is loved and the knowledge that people will indeed build around that 'Nell-sized hole inside her'. Despite the emptiness, she must begin to feel some light surrounding her.

Quote:
What would have become of her if Mother Abbess had not broken through her shell?


I dread to think. I fear she would have crashed completely and irrevocably.

Another really lovely sequence, Mary, thank you.

 


#232:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 9:58 pm


Oh! Poor Vivien Crying or Very sad - but what depths she too has

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#233:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:37 am


Goodness. Shocked

Mary, that was beautiful.

Vivien is showing us a depth to her character that was not revealed before - and more importantly, she is showing Hilda, who needs to know how well Vivien understands how she is feeling.

Quote:
Hilda had stiffened for a moment, feeling she should remain aloof, but then remembered Mother Abbess’s challenge and relaxed into the strength she felt in this woman.


Remaining aloof could so easily be Hilda's downfall in the end - thank goodness she has friends who refuse to let her do that.

Mary, yet again there was so much in this post that struck chords with me - thankyou for that. Smile

 


#234:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 10:42 am


Thanks Mary, I've just caught up on this now. It really is beautiful and Vivien is a wonderful character - she is so alive.

Thank you x

 


#235:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 12:35 pm


Mary, this depth of understanding is wondrous. Vivien understands, because she has been there. And the comment about the wall, to which all of those who love Hilda contribute - and she recognises that they do - was so moving Oh my!

What would have become of her? She would have lost her very self, become unrecognisable....even to Nell. How truly terrifying.

 


#236:  Author: VikkiLocation: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!! PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 1:17 pm


*hugs both Vivien and Hilda very tight*

Thank you Mary!

 


#237:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2005 6:09 pm


Hilda is lucky that Vivien is coming into her life - and she's doing so well to let her in!

I never thought there could be a successor to Nell, but Vivien might be close! She has such a wonderful sense of humour, and she is a Guider, and she even has a Past which enables her to understand some of what Hilda is going through.

I know I've said this before, Mary, but I do love your use of quotations. You must know so many - you seem to have one for every occasion!

Thank you, Mary. I'm glad I have been able to catch up at last.

 


#238:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 4:38 am


Another two-day read to catch up on this. It’s wonderful getting to know Vivien – her sense of humor (dratted or otherwise Very Happy), her active response to the scenes around her, the way she handled the rescue and its aftermath, and most recently a little of her deeper self. She and Hilda are good for each other! And it’s good to see Hilda able to banter and manage at least some reminiscence, despite the sometimes overwhelming sadness.

I’m also glad to see Nell persisted as Guide captain, after all – I always suspected that Guides weren’t really dumped in Switzerland, with the girls so enthusiastic to start up again -- and how excellent that Vivien could be recruited. Mr. Green

*agrees with Hilda on the shopping*

 


#239:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 8:48 pm


Bless you all for the lovely comments you have posted above - they were very much appreciated. I'm only sorry you've had to wait so long for the end of the conversation. RL does get in the way, doesn't it? Rolling Eyes

Kathy, did you not know that Nell re-instated the Guides after 'Prefects'? Laughing Laughing


....... None of them could fill the empty Nell-sized hole inside her, but each of them placed a brick in the wall round her brokenness, building it higher, helping to shield her from the harsh light of this tragedy.

What would have become of her if Mother Abbess had not broken through her shell?

Finally, rubbing away her tears and blowing her nose, she sat up. “Vivien that was unforgivable of me. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.” She turned and looked at her colleague. “And I am so sorry for your own hurt. You must feel free to come to me at any time about that or anything else.”

Vivien’s jaw dropped. “But you’re the one suffering here and now.....”

Having recovered her poise, Hilda shook her head. “Doesn’t matter,” she said firmly. “Promise?” When Vivien finally nodded, Hilda’s eyes turned back to the lake, now glistening in the moonlight. “As George Eliot once said, why are we here on earth if not to make life less difficult for others?”

There was silence as Vivien absorbed the complexity and beauty of her Headmistress’s character, and then Hilda, her eyes still on the quiet waters before her, her mind on her dead fiancé, murmured softly, “Have you ever considered re-marrying? Or has it destroyed your trust?”

Vivien’s answer was equally quiet. “No, I still trust. They’re not all rats. But, as you are a staunch Anglican, you must know I could never get married again in the church?” When Hilda nodded, her eyes filled with tenderness as she turned to look at Vivien, the latter continued, “If I can’t get married in the Church then I won’t feel my marriage is blessed, so.......no, is the answer to your first question.”

“It’s hard, isn’t it, when you feel it is not your fault?” Hilda’s voice was very soft. It was something she and Nell had discussed, among many other tenets of their respective churches. “The place where we should find the most compassion is the place which seems to want to shut us out.”

“Yes,” said Vivien slowly. “But I have made my peace with it. I have moved on and found happiness in my profession – and in my friends. God has been good to me.”

“Then I’m glad He sent you here, and I hope you will count us now among those friends,” whispered Hilda. Vivien squeezed her hand gently and nodded her head.

There was silence again and Vivien waited, for she could see Hilda was thinking hard, and clearly had more to say. “And Vivien, returning to words of yours earlier, I have to be self-controlled, wear a mask, if you like. As a Headmistress, people need to know that I will stay strong for them when things go wrong, as they often do. Someone has to take the lead, make decisions, do what is needed without giving way to emotion, no matter what is going on inside. There will be time for emotion when the emergency is over. Keep smiling and look serene, even if you’re paddling like crazy underneath to stay afloat, and those around you will listen and not lose confidence.”

She reflected a moment. “Power brings responsibilities. When hard decisions have to be made, I have to be impartial, no matter what my personal feelings may be. I have to think what is best for everyone. They have to know I mean what I say, they have to know I will stand firm and not be moved, or they won’t accept it. It just would not do for a Headmistress to wear her heart on her sleeve, now would it?”

Vivien stored up these wise words, knowing instinctively they came from deep personal experience and were hard won. She waited, and eventually, to her great surprise, heard Hilda admit with a quiet sigh, “But you’re right about one thing. I do find it very, very hard to ask for help in the bad times. Too much self-control becomes a way of life and I have been challenged recently to try and change. Even just a few short weeks ago, I would never have been able to accept from you the love you have shown me this evening.”

“You know, Hilda,” said Vivien slowly, gazing at this gentle woman who cared so much for others, and seeing exactly why Miss Wilson had loved her so much. “When going through the worst of times, I used to read late into the night – and I committed to memory something I read about strength, because I so wanted to be like that. But you....” she breathed, “You have already achieved it, indeed you achieved it long ago, if the other mistresses are to be believed. I can’t remember who wrote it, but it goes something like this.”

The strong, calm person is always loved and revered. He is like a shade-giving tree in a thirsty land or a sheltering rock in a storm.

 


#240:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:01 pm


Mary, I don't know why, but reading this I feel that at some point in the future Vivien will follow in Hilda's footsteps in some school or another, and she will become an excellant head, due to the leadership Hilda has given her.

Now on to this last bit. I loved to see the depth of sharing there was between Hilda and Vivien. This is really going deep into the things which matter.

Yes Hilda is right, she does need to be strong for the rest of the staff, but she also needs to have a strong support network within the school, especially when she is put in the kind of situation she is now.

I'm glad that this network can grow to include even people who did not meet Nell, through empathy and understanding. Vivien seems to grow years older mentally as she reveals her past experiance to Hilda and to the audience. And as that happens, she becomes more and more ready for the position she is taking here.

Of course, she was more or less at that place already, but neither Hilda or the reader knew that, so it is good to join Hilda in getting to know her under the surface so well.

Thanks Mary

 


#241:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:07 pm


Another beautifully reflective sequence to complete this conversation, Mary - I love Vivien's surprise when Hilda turns the 'helping' tables on her, as her usual serenity re-asserts itself.

Hilda's explanation of why she needs to be strong in all matters, as part of her responsibilities as headmistress, simply because everyone depends on her for support and objective decisions and actions is so typical of the face she presents to the world.

What is not typical is her admission of how hard she finds it to ask for help when she really needs it, and it's a tribute to the trust she already feels for Vivien that she can admit this to her.

I do see this relationship strengthening and deepening, with equal benefit for both of them. Vivien will never completely take Nell's place in Hilda's heart - no-one could do that, but she is certainly finding her own spot there.

 


#242:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 9:20 pm


Mary, that final quote sums up Hilda beautifuly. Her own strength and her own suffering enable her to see and help Vivian and other people. I hope she is also realising now that to be strong she also has to allow people to help her.

 


#243:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 10:08 pm


Cannot add further to that already said - just to say that your characterisation is exquisite.

Thank you Mary.

 


#244:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Tue Sep 27, 2005 11:27 pm


Mary - Thank you

Liz

 


#245:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 12:02 am


Mary, this was so thought-provoking. Like Hilda, a lot of Vivien's life beneath the surface as it were, and possibly this is one of the things that makes her so aware of Hilda's needs. And I loved her reaction to Hilda's offer of help - so typical of her to reach out to someone else in the midst of her own pain. In fact it's an essential part of her character....

And the explanation of why the need for selfcontrol was essential for her as Headmistress together with the recognition that it could also become a terrible trap was fascinating.

Thank you, Mary-O!

 


#246:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 11:42 am


Just - thank you. Words fail me.

 


#247:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 5:34 pm


I find it hard to find words to express how I feel about your writing, Mary.

Thank you.

 


#248:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 8:39 pm


After another storm of tears in her room, which somehow seemed to ease her pain a little more, Hilda rose, bathed her face and dressed with care in a crimson suit whose flowing skirt swirled gracefully round her legs as she made her way downstairs to the hotel foyer – to be met by such a sight as robbed her of breath for a moment.

The girls, all dressed in their finest, were gathered excitedly round someone Hilda could not see, right in the centre of the foyer. They were calling out, “Me!” or “My turn!” and seemed to be holding out their hands. Suddenly becoming aware of Hilda, who had paused at the edge of the animated little circle, they drew back a little and her startled eyes fell on the figure now revealed.

It was a gypsy woman, with long, wildly curling, tangled black hair tumbling down around a nut-brown face. Large gold hoops dangled from her ears almost to her shoulders, round which she had pulled a vividly patterned, fringed shawl, and under this she was wearing a white peasant blouse and a flounced scarlet skirt which fell nearly to her bare feet.

As the girls had drawn back, this vision was to be heard cackling, “Read your palms, mes p’tites filles, read your palms,” in a mixture of French patois and broken English, her voice deep and rather harsh. The girls all had money in their palms and had been holding it out to her, but they now looked rather anxiously at their Headmistress.

A stunned Hilda wondered why the hotel staff had not ejected this woman from their elegant foyer, as was their wont, and was about to ask her to leave, in no uncertain terms, when the woman raised her eyes to Hilda for just a fraction of a second – and winked!

Hilda’s jaw dropped, in sheer stupefaction, as she realised that she had been looking straight into Vivien Knowles’ very own calm, brown eyes. Recovering quickly and realising bribery and corruption had something to do with Vivien’s non-ejection from the hotel, Hilda bit her lips hard to keep from laughing out loud and flung her hands up as though in defeat.

“Carry on, girls! It’s your money! But please don’t be too profligate! We have two more days here yet. Remember all those shops waiting for you!” She laughed and withdrew to a quiet corner, to watch the unfolding of this comedy.

So here was an example of that wild sense of humour! And also, she reflected rather sadly for a moment, an example of Vivien’s caring nature – why else choose tonight, so soon after Hilda had broken down? She was clearly out to cheer up her Headmistress in any way she could. Feeling a great warmth in her heart, she watched the girls and shook her head at their excitement, laughter once more uppermost.

Saints preserve us, she thought to herself, giggling suddenly to herself at the sheer absurdity of it. What have I done? The school will never be the same again once this spreads – and it will, or I don’t know my Chalet School! Oh, Nell, you wretch!

Her plans for Vivien seemed to have worked far too well! Saving people’s lives, comforting her Headmistress – and now this! What next?

 


#249:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:17 pm


What next indeed?

A lovely piece of light relief, Mary, and how like Hilda to feel such a mixture of emotions over Vivien's masquerade! But how lovely that Vivien was sensitive enough to divert the girls' attention from Hilda herself in this way.

And I'm sure that Nell is looking down on the scene and giggling wildly.

Thanks Mary.

 


#250:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:22 pm


It's all Nell's fault isn't it? She's the one that advised Hilda to take on Vivien - have the girls not realised who it is yet? Laughing

 


#251:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:29 pm


Laughing You were right Mary, I did love that scene. How wonderful of Vivian to do that then, and to time it like that. I would love to know what she gave the girls for their fortunes, and what she did with the money. I do hope you are going to expand that scene. Laughing (sorry!)

 


#252:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 9:41 pm


Oh Mary, what brilliant initiative on the part of Vivien, and how perceptive of Hilda to see that it wasnt just a joke she was having.

That was simply fantastic fun, and just the way to allow Hilda to rest and distract the girls. Hmmm - also has questions about what 'the gypsy' will do with the 'gold' once she has it.

Knowing her, I would imagine that some 'worthy cause' will benefit, or will she give it back to the girls, especially on the if/when of their guessing who she is.

And yes, what a clever way for Vivien to show just how wild her sense of humor could be at times - and her mastery of the different languages of the area.

Thanks Mary

 


#253:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 10:25 pm


What a wonderful contrast. You've shown two sides of Vivien so clearly there in your last two posts. I think the school may have various shocks in store from her sense of humour.

Thank you, Mary.

 


#254:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 10:37 pm


Nice use of initiative to supplement a teacher's meagre pay Laughing

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#255:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Sep 28, 2005 11:39 pm


What fun, and how original! I can hear Nell's chuckles, and see Hilda's wry acceptance of Vivien's sense of the fantastic. And yet, it's beautifully balanced, keeping its dignity and not becoming mocking or vulgar. Vivien is somewhat of a 'performer' isn't she - expressing her own internal pains and anxieties via this sort of external demonstration, although she seems to have learned also that it can become rather too good a mechanism of self-defence, and has learned also that she can reveal her self to others when it's required.
Hmm, this tells me what a good job you have made of Vivien, you know! Very Happy

Hilda in crimson - nice one!

 


#256:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:45 am


Wonderful! Great fun. Thank you Mary.

 


#257:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:17 am


Oh that's really funny, Mary! Thanks Laughing

 


#258:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 11:37 am


Fantastic! I guessed it was Vivien, only just before she winked at Hilda!

I do hope you are going to show us the girls' reaction when they realise who the gypsy woman is - or do they already know and are going along with the pantomime for Hilda's sake?

Vivien is a lovely character, and one who appeals to me greatly!

 


#259:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 11:49 am


I know I have already commented on this last posting, but I was just reading the comments and it made me realise something:In this story you have created and fleshed out in full, two wonderful and original characters. Vivian and Mother Abbess. You have made characters we had not met before became real for us.

 


#260:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 12:15 pm


Thank you, Carolyn, for your kindness in telling me that, and indeed for all of you who have said how much you appreciate the characters of Mother Abbess and Vivien - but you know, I really can't take the credit. They sprang into life fully formed, and are, I think, an amalgam of many wonderful people I have known during my lifetime. If I have made them believable for you then I am truly grateful.

BTW, Vivien has more surprises for you and Hilda as we go along - and like Vivien, Mother Abbess also has a past.

And as for your questions above, folks, regarding this gypsy - wait and see! Laughing Laughing

 


#261:  Author: JoeyLocation: Cambridge PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:48 pm


Mary, every time you bring me practically to my knees with the intensity of Hilda's grief, you "Turn the Tables" and leave me laughing so hard I can hardly catch my breath!

And I can't wait to see some more of Vivien's surprises, or Mother Abbess's past. Or rather, knowing that these treats are in store will add spice to the intervening episodes.

Thank you, Mary.

 


#262:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:18 pm


....Her plans for Vivien seemed to have worked far too well! Saving people’s lives, comforting her Headmistress – and now this! What next?

Charging them exorbitant rates, and talking in that almost incomprehensible gibberish which totally altered her pleasant voice, Vivien promised the girls true love or broken hearts, fantastic careers or inheritances which left them rich beyond their wildest dreams. She veered from foreign travel in exotic places to dark handsome men and diamond rings, and the girls lapped it all up eagerly.

Once or twice she glanced across at Hilda for a moment, her eyes alight with mischief, and Hilda, convulsed, managed a wink or a slight wave of her hand, wondering to herself how on earth Vivien was going to bring this to a close.

“Now Miss Annersley,” she suddenly heard Mireille shout, and the girls were dragging the gypsy over to her Headmistress, Vivien grinning wildly at the incongruity.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late in the day for me to have my future told, girls?” asked Hilda blandly, her habit of cloaking her feelings coming to her aid as she muffled her giggles.

“But you’re not old!” exclaimed Tessa in surprise, but then blushed at Hilda’s suddenly raised eyebrow, and tried to make amends. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to be cheeky – but you’re not! You could still meet someone and fall in love!”

Hilda’s heart faltered, but determinedly keeping the smile fixed in place, she asked wryly, “Is that the only future you can see for me, Tessa? Surely there are endless possibilities, even for a woman d’un certain âge.”

Tessa, wise beyond her years, heard something in her beloved Head’s voice that disturbed her, and wading in with her usual kindness, added, “But only the best would do for you!”

I had the best, Tessa, the very best there could be!

Her face aching from keeping her smile fixed in place, Hilda presented her hand to Vivien. “See what you can do for me – and don’t disappoint the girls!”

Vivien took her hand and bent her head over it, but suddenly she glanced up, about to stare at Hilda. Recalling to herself that she was in disguise, she looked down again and her voice shook slightly as she spoke, “I can see.......a different direction taken.......peace.......great love......” Her voice trailed off and a strange silence fell on the girls as they eyed the two women uneasily.

Hilda herself felt a shiver run down her spine. A quiver of ominous disquiet rippled through her. How did Vivien know? Could she really read palms? Or minds? And why had it made her frown like that? As though whatever she had seen had given her pause. Was there more there than she was saying?

Shaking herself and forcing some gaiety into her voice, Hilda spoke briskly. “There you are, Tessa. You got your wish. Great love, even at my age!” The girls laughed in some relief, and Hilda glanced down at her watch and stood up. “Well, girls, I really think Miss Knowles must have fallen asleep after all her exertions today. I’m going to ask the receptionist to phone her room while you escort.....”

But the gypsy was already moving quickly towards the door, the money jingling in the pocket of her long skirt. Even as the girls turned, she had whisked through the door and out of sight. As Hilda made her way to the desk, she could only assume that Vivien had used the fire escape. Be quick Vivien, she thought, even as she asked the receptionist to ring an empty room.

To Hilda’s amazement, Vivien was among them almost before one could even think she had reached her room. Her blonde hair was its usual neat and shining bob and she wore a black jacket over a neat round-necked silvery top, making Hilda realise that she must have had her ordinary clothes on under the gypsy outfit. Where on earth had she had hidden her disguise?

Breathing heavily, Vivien gasped, “Sorry, Miss Annersley, girls, I got side-tracked..... forgot the time.....”, at which point Hilda had to bite her lip so hard this time that she almost drew blood as she chivvied them all outside.

 


#263:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:28 pm


OOOh, that was chilling Mary. How and What does Vivian know?

Still interested in what she will do with the money and if the girls will ever find out as well.

 


#264:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:41 pm


Laughing - that last bit was just brilliant Mary. How did she do it? I do take it you will tell us some point in the future, or will this just be a mystery? Poor Hilda, and what on earth did Vivien 'see' that made her pause like that? Thanks again.

 


#265:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 8:55 pm


Of course, *we* know what's in the future for Hilda - but Vivien doesn't yet, or at least, along with all the staff except Nancy and Kathie, she isn't supposed to.

I wonder just what it was she *did* see, because that 'great peace' certainly would go with Hilda's convent future, even though it could also mean something else, more final. Certainly she's left Hilda wondering whether she really *can* read palms, not simply let it appear that she is doing so.

A lovely episode, Mary - and yes, like Carolyn, I wonder what the girls will do if they actually guess the 'gypsy's' true identity.

 


#266:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:00 pm


I wonder where she hid the disguise?! Very Happy

I am very intrigued by Vivien's apparent insight into Hilda's life.

Thankyou Mary - that was a lovely evocative piece.

 


#267:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:35 pm


Quote:
Tessa, wise beyond her years, heard something in her beloved Head’s voice that disturbed her, and wading in with her usual kindness, added, “But only the best would do for you!”

I had the best, Tessa, the very best there could be!


That bit had me choke up. Crying or Very sad

Intrigued as to Vivien's knowledge...

 


#268:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 9:51 pm


Echoing Lesley, that's an extremely poignant line. Hilda knows she was lucky enough to have the best for years.

And Vivien's reading of Hilda's future is spooky in the extreme. Do we find out what happened? A premonition?

Thank you, Mary.


Last edited by Nicola on Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:17 am; edited 1 time in total

 


#269:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Thu Sep 29, 2005 11:11 pm


For some reason that scene with Vivien taking the girls in like that reminded me of Mr Rochester!

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#270:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 4:41 am


Mary, that was lovely, and a little unnerving too. Sometimes life does that - the playing and fun suddenly reveals a truth unexpectedly, and everyone is jolted. And yes, Hilda, you did have the best, didn't you?

 


#271:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:32 am


Thank you Mary. As has been said it was lovely but also slightly spooky, what does Vivian know and how?

 


#272:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:14 pm


During dinner in the restaurant Hilda had chosen to make it a special occasion, while the girls and Vivien chatted over their food, Hilda found herself surreptitiously looking down at her hand from time to time, as though she might read there just what Vivien had seen. She did not believe in palm reading or fortune telling, so how had Vivien known that the course of her life was shortly to change? Only three people were privy to that information, and she knew none of them would let things slip. It made her shiver – though she had to admit that the thought of ‘great peace’ sounded very appealing after the torment of the last six months. Could she ever find some semblance of true peace again?

She gave it up for the moment and joined in the somewhat riotous conversation, reflecting that, sadness or no, this was one of the most successful half term holidays she had ever enjoyed. The girls were relaxed and at ease and Vivien had truly found their way into their hearts.

Later, much later, as they were finishing their delicious desserts, Vivien suddenly looked at Miriam sitting next to her and gave a visible start.

“Why, Miriam, you’ve got something caught in your hair,” she said, and reaching out, she plucked a small object from behind the girl’s ear and held it up to the light. “Well, bless my soul!” she cried. “How did that get there, my dear?”

The girls all stared at the silver coin she was holding between thumb and forefinger and Hilda waited with bated breath. For a moment there was a stunned silence from the girls, then before they could react, Vivien turned to Tessa at her other side and proceeded to pluck a coin from behind her ear, also.

At that point, Hilda could contain herself no longer. The girls’ stares of stupefaction and Vivien’s wicked smile undid her and, with a wild gurgle, she buried her face in her hands, and her shoulders shook as she tried to stifle her laughter, but to no avail. Giving up, she lifted her face and the girls all saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.

This released the spell on the girls, and there were astonished cries of “It was you!” “We never recognised you!” and “How did you disguise yourself?” These first outbursts were followed by, “Where did you get that hair?” and “What language were you speaking?” But Tessa, who had been watching Hilda, suddenly said accusingly, “You knew all along, didn’t you?”

Straightening up and wiping away the tears, Hilda managed to stutter through her giggles, “You were all having such a good time, how could I spoil it?” and she smiled engagingly at Tessa before turning to Vivien and laughing again. “I dread to think, Miss Knowles, what wild tales are going to spread through the school because of this holiday. You were supposed to be setting the girls a good example, not leading them on,” she added severely.

But then she began to gurgle again, setting the others off, and it was some time before she could control herself enough to ask quixotically, “I hesitate to ask, my dear, where you learned to conjure coins out of thin air.”

Vivien winked at her, and then said, her voice expressionless, “My father was a magician. You know, children’s parties, business dinners.... He even belonged to the Magic Circle.”

“And your mother?” asked Hilda faintly, on the verge of more wild laughter, as she wondered what answer she was going to get this time.

“Oh, she was very ordinary. She was a teacher,” was Vivien’s response, her face and voice deadpan.

But.....” Hilda stopped to take herself in hand, then said very slowly, as though to emphasise her point, “But you’re a teacher, Miss Knowles, and believe me, there is nothing ordinary about you.” At which point she lost control altogether, and her musical laugh resounded throughout the restaurant, causing heads to turn at the delightful sound.

As she drank her coffee, Hilda watched the girls’ eager faces as they questioned Vivien. She returned their money to them, conjuring each girl’s coin out of their ear or simply out of the air. No matter how closely they watched, they could not work out how she did it and she promised to give them lessons on their return to school. Hilda raised her eyes to Heaven at that point. She was right! The school would indeed never be the same again!

You’ve really dropped me in it this time, Nell, my dear. Did you decide the school was missing your sense of humour? Well, you’ve certainly made up for that. What on earth am I going to do with her?

 


#273:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 8:43 pm


Lovely, Mary, thank you. Vivien is going to the most popular techer in school at this rate, she has so many handy talents. Still slightly unnerved by her 'reading' Hilda's future...





edited because I've drunk too much whisky to be able to spell!

 


#274:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:03 pm


[
Quote:
i]
You’ve really dropped me in it this time, Nell, my dear. Did you decide the school was missing your sense of humour? Well, you’ve certainly made up for that. What on earth am I going to do with her?[/i]


What indeed? This just gets getting better and better. Vivien is clearly establishing her position with the 6th formers, and I'm sure at least some account of what she has been up to will percolate further down the school.

It's also lovely to see that Hilda is clearly enjoying her antics, - and mentally sharing them with Nell, even though we've seen the black cloud of memory partially descend from time to time. But despite this, she is still progressing pretty steadily on her journey through grief.

Thank you, Mary

 


#275:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:10 pm


Loved the way Vivien made herself known to the girls - and I'm sure they will adore the party tricks! Is this going to form a new 'hobby' for those girls who really are *not* creative in any way, shape or form? I can imagine it being popular with the juniors for sure - though I would beg you not to allow the middles to try it!

And the deeper times with Hilda were also fantastic. Thank you Mary

 


#276:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 9:13 pm


Quote:
But.....” Hilda stopped to take herself in hand, then said very slowly, as though to emphasise her point, “But you’re a teacher, Miss Knowles, and believe me, there is nothing ordinary about you.”


Hilda has hit the nail on the head there! I love Vivien so much! Very Happy

I agree with Elder that Hilda is clearly progressing on her journey. You are showing us the progression very skilfully, Mary.

I loved the girls' reactions when they realised the gypsy's identity! Laughing Thankyou for showing us that!

 


#277:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 10:03 pm


Oh wonderful - love Vivien's deadpan response about her mother - and love how she's developed and grown now that she and the girls have worked out their initial misunderstandings.

So nice to hear Hilda's laugh. Laughing Crying or Very sad

Thanks Mary.

 


#278:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 11:16 pm


Excellent! Laughing

Thanks Mary

Liz

 


#279:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 4:50 am


Laughing new curriculum

Vivien has become so much more vivid during this excursion. She definitely has leadership potential, and it'll be interesting to see how she interacts with the staffroom in the future -- and after Nancy & Kathie take the reins. Assuming, of course, she hasn't moved on. (Obviously I expect Mary to keep writing for some time. Very Happy)

 


#280:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:54 am


"She was very ordinary; she was a teacher."

Ordinary? Like Hilda and Nell and Vivien herself? And what a splendidly appropriate Arthurian name she has!

As ever I loved it Mary.

 


#281:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 9:47 am


Kathy wrote:
Quote:
(Obviously I expect Mary to keep writing for some time.Very Happy )


All I can say is, she'd better do, or she'll have lots of us to answer to! Wink Laughing

Are you listening, Mary? Very Happy

 


#282:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 8:51 pm


Helen P wrote:
Kathy wrote:
Quote:
(Obviously I expect Mary to keep writing for some time.Very Happy )


All I can say is, she'd better do, or she'll have lots of us to answer to! Wink Laughing

Are you listening, Mary? Very Happy


I'm listening, Helen! Laughing I'd be afraid to upset ALL of you. Shocked


During dinner, they had decided to introduce Miss Knowles to the tradition of le guet, (the nightwatch), so now they wrapped themselves up warmly against the frosty night air and began to climb once more through the now quiet streets of Lausanne up to the cathedral.

“Is someone, at some point, going to explain why I am out here in the cold, climbing these steep hills yet again, when all I want to do is lie down and let my magnificent meal digest?” complained Vivien rather breathlessly, as they climbed the wooden staircase once more.

Hilda laughed and linked her arm through that of her younger colleague. “You poor feeble thing! Never mind, we’ll let you sleep late tomorrow.” Vivien pulled a face at her in the dark, causing Hilda to laugh yet again, but she did deign to explain.

“Lausanne suffered many appalling fires in the Middle Ages, so they instituted this night watch, because so many buildings were wooden. Every night, between 10pm and 2am, after the bells have rung the hour, a civil servant stands in the tower and tells everyone that it is safe, that there is no fire. I have to say, it is rather awe-inspiring in the dark up there on the heights. One could almost imagine oneself back in the Middle Ages.”

And so Vivien found it, when she stood in the dark and surveyed all the lights below her. At 10pm precisely, the bells in the cathedral tower began to ring, and as soon as the echoes had faded away she heard a sonorous voice on high proclaiming, “C’est le guet; il a sonné l’heure” – assuring all those within hearing distance that all was well. He was to be heard another three times as he went round all three sides of the tower to announce the news.

“So what does he do for the other fifty-nine minutes until it’s time to start again?” asked the wicked Vivien.

“Apparently he has a very comfortable room inside the tower – he also, I believe, earns quite a tidy sum for those few minutes work,” announced Hilda rather drily, as they leaned on the wall companionably in the dark, the girls prowling around, eyeing with interest the lovers and drunks sprawled under the trees.

As the girls joined them, Vivien said with longing in her voice, “What a fascinating job! Peaceful too. Think of all the reading and thinking you could get done while you wait for the next hour to strike.”

“Thinking of leaving us already, Miss Knowles?” teased Hilda. “Our job not for you after all? You shouldn’t have become a teacher if it’s peace you want,” she added with a gentle sigh, causing the girls around much amusement.

“Perhaps we could institute the custom at school!” suggested the irrepressible Miss Knowles.

Hilda’s voice was tart as she replied, “Let them sleep! My prefects and I have enough trouble quelling incipient midnight feasters and the like, as it is.”

“Oh goody, I must keep an eye out for the next one,” answered Vivien provokingly.

Hilda gave her a look of the sheerest disgust. “Perhaps we should arrange a Staff midnight feast in your honour, Miss Knowles.” The irony in her voice was heavy. Vivien’s former headmistress had not been wrong – wild sense of humour indeed.

“Right. You’re on. My place or yours?”

At that, Hilda gave up and her laughter rippled out wholeheartedly, the girls giggling around her. As they turned and began to make their way back down the steps, Hilda reflected that Vivien was on her way to becoming the most admired mistress in the school.

She was not to know that her own stock had risen even higher during this trip, as she had let down her guard at Vivien’s antics. The girls had always enjoyed her gentle irony and teasing, but she was lately beginning to deploy the dry humour and sense of the ridiculous that only Nell had really known before.

 


#283:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 9:03 pm


Hilda never can see just how much she is held in regard.

Would like to see the Staff Midnight Feast though Mary! Wink

Thanks

 


#284:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:42 pm


Wonderful.

Quote:
“Thinking of leaving us already, Miss Knowles?” teased Hilda. “Our job not for you after all? You shouldn’t have become a teacher if it’s peace you want,” she added with a gentle sigh, causing the girls around much amusement.


I giggled at that part!

It is fantastic to hear how the girls are seeing a side to Hilda they hadn't known before - one that she could only show to Nell. It is further evidence of her moving on.

Thankyou Mary.

 


#285:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:47 pm


It is good to see Hilda appreciating in Vivian those things she loved in Nell, and without the searing pain. It is very bittersweet for her, and I suspect it always will be.

I look forward to the staff midnight feast! Laughing

 


#286:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Oct 01, 2005 10:57 pm


Another great section, Mary - I'd a post already to put up earlier, but my internet connection froze me out and I lost it!!

It's lovely to see Hilda sharing with others those special traits which were formerly between her and Nell alone. I agree with Carolyn that this must be bittersweet for her at best, but at least she is reaching out to others, even though we know she can't fill Nell's void entirely, and probably doesn't want to. As Helen says, she is taking yet another step in her progress through grief.

 


#287:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:18 am


Hilda and Vivien make a great double act. And as people have commented, the fact that they can joke in front oif the girls must be helping Hilda enormously, as well as raising their status still further with their pupils.

Staff midnight feast? The mind boggles. Sardines and pineapple? Or will they raid Nell's stash of single malts?

Thanks, Mary.

 


#288:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 11:08 am


That was fun! Vivien is so good for Hilda, precisely because she didn't know Nell, so can't ever agonise about the similarities between them, and wonder whether she is saying or doing the wrong thing because of this. And Hilda can appreciate this, even while acknowledging the pain that the likenesses will bring.
Nell will love this! Very Happy

 


#289:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:41 pm


Sorry, folks, but there will be no sardines and pineapples, or any other form of Staff midnight feast. Rolling Eyes

As the second half of term got under way, Hilda soon noticed, with a great thankfulness, that she had been entirely accurate in her estimate of half-term. The tales of Vivien’s antics spread like wildfire, being much exaggerated in the process, and Vivien found herself regarded with much fondness by the school at large, especially among the girls who had caused her the most trouble, and she was now able to relax and let her guard down, let her sense of humour trickle into the class room.

It has to be said that the rest of the Staff tried to declare the Staffroom ‘Off limits’ to her wilder flights of fancy, but she just regarded them with amusement and reined in her humour – for a day or two! Her friendship with Ruth Derwent was developing into something solid and long lasting, and she began to discover a new serenity and peace in herself as, at last, she found her niche in the Chalet School world.

What she did do, as soon as they returned to school, was to arrange for some beautiful potted plants to be delivered to Hilda by way of thanks for all her help, having ascertained how much her Headmistress loved flowers. She had also presented her with Paul Eluard’s latest book of poetry – a poet new to Hilda, she discovered.

“But I can’t accept these from you, Vivien,” objected Hilda gently, as she looked around at the flowering plants scenting her room and then down at the unwrapped present in her hand. “Much of what happened to you was my fault. All I tried to do was make amends.”

Vivien glared at her in mock-outrage. “Do you always make amends in such a staggeringly generous fashion? Because if so, I hope to be in your debt again very soon!”

Hilda raised one eyebrow, reflecting to herself how refreshing it was to be treated so irreverently by one of her mistresses, and then a mischievous smile lit up her face. “I suppose I could always do you wrong again. Which would you prefer? An apple pie bed, the supply of gas to your lab cut off, no weekends free for the rest of the term? You could, of course, have all three!”

“Oh you!” laughed Vivien. “I did try to get the better of you in Lausanne. In fact I vowed I would, but you persisted in besting me every time, and anyway, you do have the upper hand.” She stopped for a moment and then mused, “And I could always break open that glass cupboard and do what I threatened earlier – steal your image and stick pins in it, in retaliation for whatever you care to do to me.”

She watched delightedly as Hilda flung back her head and peals of her musical laughter rang round the Study. “Touché!” Hilda acknowledged, but then said more seriously, “Apropos of nothing, can you really read palms?” and her sudden question forced a gasp out of Vivien.

“Have you been storing that one up for the right moment?” she queried, her eyes alight. When Hilda nodded, Vivien sobered somewhat and added slowly, “Yes, I do seem to have some facility – on a few rare occasions, with close friends. Yours came across very vividly – great waves of peace and love literally flowed out of you. I’ve never felt anything so strongly before. It was unnerving and I’m sorry if I frightened you. Was it a bit too near the knuckle? You did look rather taken aback.”

Hilda thought about the words ‘a different direction taken’ and shuddered inwardly. A bit too near the knuckle, as far as she was concerned, for no one was supposed to know, and it was therefore rather eerie, but she could not let Vivien know that. Maybe the woman really could read palms!

She shrugged and said lightly, “We shall have to see. After all, I will have to retire at some point in the not too distant future, so that will be a ‘change of direction’? And it would be pleasant to think peace and love awaited me, whatever happens.” Then she looked down again at the book. “Speaking of love, I still maintain these were not necessary, Vivien.”

“Yes, they were,” Vivien assured warmly. “You went out of your way for me on a magnificent scale. These are only very small gestures of gratitude.”

“Then I thank you, my dear,” smiled Hilda warmly, knowing she would hurt Vivien if she continued to remonstrate. “And I hope the rest of your time at the Chalet School will be without further incident – though having got to know you,” she added ruefully, “I think that scenario is highly unlikely!” and they laughed together amicably, each knowing that in the other they had found someone with integrity, someone who could be trusted.

 


#290:  Author: NicolaLocation: Derbyshire PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 8:48 pm


MaryR wrote:


Hilda acknowledged, but then said more seriously, “Apropos of nothing, can you really read palms?” and her sudden question forced a gasp out of Vivien.

“Have you been storing that one up for the right moment?” she queried, her eyes alight. When Hilda nodded, Vivien sobered somewhat and added slowly, “Yes, I do seem to have some facility – on a few rare occasions, with close friends. Yours came across very vividly – great waves of peace and love literally flowed out of you. I’ve never felt anything so strongly before. It was unnerving and I’m sorry if I frightened you. Was it a bit too near the knuckle? You did look rather taken aback.”


I thought this bit was just perfect. I had shivers down my spine, it reinforced the eerie moment when Vivien first made the prediction. You've creaed a great character in Vivien, and the rest of the staff deserve everything they get from her!

Thanks, Mary.

 


#291:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:05 pm


Lovely Mary - and I'm glad that Hilda was able to accept the gifts from Vivien. The 'second sight' is not totally foreign to Hilda is it? She saw it once before in Hihland Twins - doesn't make it any less eerie though!

Thank you.

 


#292:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2005 9:54 pm


Quote:
“Apropos of nothing, can you really read palms?” and her sudden question forced a gasp out of Vivien.

“Have you been storing that one up for the right moment?” she queried, her eyes alight. When Hilda nodded, Vivien sobered somewhat and added slowly, “Yes, I do seem to have some facility – on a few rare occasions, with close friends. Yours came across very vividly – great waves of peace and love literally flowed out of you.


It's probably as well that Viven doesn't realise just how close she came to 'seeing' Hilda's future. Sounds a little bit as if her ability to read palms is on a par with some people's telepathic skill - it only works really well between close friends or family member such as twins. And both 'skills' can be frightening in their accuracy at times, even if cynical people will dismiss them as sheer coincidence.

.
Quote:
...and they laughed together amicably, each knowing that in the other they had found someone with integrity, someone who could be trusted.


And that is so lovely for both of them - Vivien because it enhances her feeling of really belonging to the school, and Hilda because I'm sure the very fact that Vivien never knew Nell means she can accept her as a 'new' friend and feel comfortable with her. Vivien's own background also makes it easier for her to help Hilda on her progess through her grief, even though Hilda is likely to continue to rely on Nancy and Gwyneth in her worst moments. [sorry, that is a couple of very complex sentences, but I hope you can all understand what I'm trying to say.]

 


#293:  Author: LizBLocation: Oxon, England PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 12:00 am


Thanks Mary

It's hard to realise that only a short while ago Vivien was feeling lonely and not really fitting in - what a marvellous change with both staff and pupils for her.

Liz

 


#294:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 5:25 am


I think Vivien's "palm-reading" is something that comes from Vivien's capacity to really know the people around her; she can read them so accurately, and is so involved with them that she is incredibly attuned to their needs and responses. It's rare, so can come across as rather eerie - Hilda has it too, so the two of them together can be rather disconcerting.

And loved the comment about their recognition of the other's integrity.

Lovely as ever Mary.

 


#295:  Author: NellLocation: London, England PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:34 am


Thank you Mary!

 


#296:  Author: Helen PLocation: Crewe, Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 12:08 pm


I am so glad that Vivien and Ruth are becoming proper friends. And it is lovely to see a good, equal friendship growing between Vivien and Hilda too.

Quote:
“Touché!” Hilda acknowledged, but then said more seriously, “Apropos of nothing, can you really read palms?” and her sudden question forced a gasp out of Vivien.

Along with everyone else, that part and the subsequent exchange between them sent shivers down my spine and was perfectly written. So often in your writing, Mary, I can see and hear the characters clearly as they interact, as well as feel their emotions - and that was particularly the case there.

Thankyou Smile

 


#297:  Author: MaryRLocation: Sale Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:57 pm


Once settled back at school, however, Hilda found that, despite her dream of Nell, despite the joy welling in her heart, despite her own solemn vow about tracing the rainbow through the rain, there were still bleak, barren moments. Even as she smiled wholeheartedly and teased staff and girls alike, there were times of sheer desolation, times when she was blindsided by a sudden memory of Nell, and it hurt, every time, like a severed nerve exposed to the air.

When these feelings got too much for her, even burying herself in her office work until late at night did not push Nell from her mind. Matron found her in the Study late one night, well after eleven o’clock. She had not bothered to knock, simply thrust open the door and marched over to the large desk, taking in Hilda’s haunted eyes, the strain in her face, as she looked up at one of her oldest friends.

Matey’s voice was very firm. “You can’t burn the candle at both ends, Hilda, and expect it to stand up.”

For a moment, Hilda’s eyes went blank, and then with a sigh she screwed the cap back on the fountain pen, laid it down, and then rested her head against the back of her chair. “Where do you find such aphorisms, Gwynneth?” she asked softly. “You seem to have one for every occasion. Though, I have to admit that one is particularly apt at this moment in time.”

As the wooden building settled into silence around them, Matey came round to stand beside her, assessing the wan face more closely in the lamplight. She could see the tension in Hilda’s body, as though ready to ward off more blows. Her hand came up and she stroked the thin face gently for a moment.

“If people could see you in these quiet, private times they wouldn’t believe it. Even I, knowing you as I do, find it hard to remember just how lonely and sad you feel, for there is usually such joy and peace in your face.” She spoke almost with awe, and then asked abruptly, “Nell got to you?”

Hilda gazed at her out of those haunted eyes, and then nodded and closed her eyes as she spoke. “One of those times when she won’t let go. I’m seeing her everywhere, round every corner, in every room.” She sighed gently. “So often the last months I’ve felt adrift from my moorings and you’ve all been so good, making sure I haven’t drifted too far downstream, but sometimes the current is just too strong for me.....” She broke off and shook her head.

“Exhaustion won’t help, love,” said Matey urgently.

Hilda opened her eyes and then said softly, “Maybe not, but at least it ensures I sleep – which I don’t, when I’m feeling like this. I had forgotten how very long the night can sometimes seem.” Matey felt her throat tighten at the desolation in Hilda’s voice and wished, not for the first time, that she had a magic wand.

Hilda focused on the papers on her desk. “And you know, Gwynneth, even if exhaustion doesn’t help my sadness and loneliness, friends do. Ever since Nell’s death, and even more since I was shot, I have been showered with affection. I’ve received flowers, letters of encouragement, prayers, poems..... Even now they come, as though they still sense my need. So much love and consideration.....What did I ever do to deserve it all, Gwynneth?”

She shook her head again, as though in disbelief. Matey kept quiet, although she could have told Hilda just exactly why she deserved it. She decided this was not the moment – the gentle-hearted woman seated before her was too low to accept it for truth. Indeed, never accepted it, no matter how often she was told.

Hilda leaned forward and plucked a card off the desk, handing it to Matey. “This came from Biddy today. She sends them regularly, phones me, drops by....” Her soft voice petered out, and once again she laid her head back and closed her eyes, as Matey read out loud, into the hush of the room, the Irish blessing on the card:

May the blessed sunlight shine upon you and warm your heart till it glows like a great fire and strangers may warm themselves, as well as your friends. And may the light shine out of the eyes of you, like a candle set in the window of a house, bidding the wanderer come in out of the storm.

Moved despite herself, Matey laid the card down and put an arm gently round her Head’s shoulders. Her voice was very quiet as she spoke. “Well, she got that one right, love. That welcoming light does shine out of the eyes of you, as always, despite your desperate loneliness.”

She stopped there, for a lone tear had trickled down Hilda’s cheek. Matey pulled her close for a moment. “Come on, love. Bed! You’re worn out!” Her arm tightening round the slender shoulders, she urged Hilda to her feet.....

 


#298:  Author: MiaLocation: London PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:03 pm


Thank you Mary, I got a real shiver down my spine reading this. It's just beautiful.

 


#299:  Author: Carolyn PLocation: Lancaster, England PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:08 pm


How lovely of Biddy to do that, to think to continue to do it.

 


#300:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:52 pm


So sad, I just want to wrap Hilda in a huge hug, take away her pain - but there's only one person who can do that... Crying or Very sad

Thank you Mary.

 




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