The CBB :: View topic - New Dreams (Part 18) 29/11/09 COMPLETED! See Part 19 above!

As life neared its close, God had seen fit to fill the empty space in her heart that Stephen’s and her child’s deaths had laid bare so many years ago, and he had filled it with a woman of unique depth and sensitivity, a woman who was now dearer to her than life itself.

In a moment of intense urgency, Hilda was swamped by the need to thank her friend for all she had done, to tell her what she was and how much she was loved. This chance might never come again. Look what had happened to Nell! Life was too fragile to wait.

It was a privilege to eavesdrop on this lovely and loving conversation......

Nell would have got on so very well with MA. The two of them will have a whale of a time in Heaven, in due course :halo:

…..then found you as a traveller finds a place
Of welcome suddenly among the wrong
Valley and rocks and twisting roads. But you,
What shall I call you? A fountain in a waste,
A well of water in a country day,
Or anything that makes a whole world bright. Your open heart,
Simple with giving….
(Edwin Muir)

“.....Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.”

The sweet voice purred. “Oh, yes, Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.”

She moved restlessly in her chair, feeling somewhat betrayed at how much Kate Stuart knew. Yet, strangely enough, at the same time, there was such peace that she was known and understood, such comfort that friends cared enough to join forces to watch over her. Nell would have approved wholeheartedly.

Hilda stared at the receiver in shock, then put it back to her ear. “You lied!” she accused her friend. “And Gwynneth Lloyd is a sneak.”

The sweet voice purred. “Oh, yes, Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.”

Her heart was being widened and deepened

Lesley said:
' though I think MA is batting on a losing wicket if she thinks she'll ever get Hilda to agree that she (Hilda) is special!'

Now who else do I know like that :?:

And wouldn’t Nell herself want that? Wouldn’t she agree with Rosetti? If you should forget me for a while/And afterwards remember, do not grieve…”

A whisper at the other end finished the sonnet for her: "Better by far you should forget and smile/Than that you should remember and be sad.”

"But if I forget her like this, I’ll lose her, and that I couldn’t bear. I’ll lose my memories of her, all the things we were to each other, just when I want to remember everything. I’m prepared to accept the pain, no matter how bad, so long as I never forget....She’ll feel I’ve deserted her, and she’ll leave me. I won’t hear her echoes anymore.

“A hole the whole vastness of infinity could never fill,” Hilda admitted brokenly. “A hole forever empty. Oh, Mother…..”

Step out into the sunlight and tell yourself you will never be without Nell, even in those moments you forget her.

“Hilda, child, I’ve told you before, you mustn’t be ashamed of your tears.” The sweet voice, often so tough and rigorous, was gentleness itself. “Nor must you be ashamed of grieving for Nell, no matter the length of time it takes . . . ”

I’ll lose my memories of her, all the things we were to each other ... I’m prepared to accept the pain, no matter how bad, so long as I never forget.

“You’ll never lose her, Hilda. She’s part of who you are. You’ll still talk to her, share your thoughts with her...

“ If I let go of my grief – where will she be? And who will I be without her?”

“You will be what you always were, child ... You are not maimed; you are not cut in half; you are most certainly not destroyed by Nell’s absence. She has left you gloriously more than you were, enlarged and enhanced – except for that hole in your heart where she used to fit so neatly.”

the love you have for your Nell, the deep thankfulness there is in you for her existence in your life, will eventually change the pain into a quiet peace ... The richness of your life together with Nell will no longer be a thorn stabbing repeatedly at your heart but a precious gift held deep within, which no one can ever take away. It will illumine your own path and the path of all those who travel with you in life.

The richness of your life together with Nell will no longer be a thorn stabbing repeatedly at your heart but a precious gift held deep within, which no one can ever take away. It will illumine your own path and the path of all those who travel with you in life.

But sometimes, I'm afraid, all the kind words in the world don't convince me and this is one of those times... Maybe the problems of the last few years are all catching up with me, maybe I'm just tired, but I feel bereft of talent or inspiration, and Hilda is far away. So, I am going to take a break from it, and try to convince myself that some of you DO want to read more than a précis of the remainder of Hilda's grief journey. :dontknow:

The whole sorry ND saga, all 600,000+ words of it, and which has taken me over 4 years to concoct, just seems shallow and boring in the extreme.

Maybe the problems of the last few years are all catching up with me, maybe I'm just tired, but I feel bereft of talent or inspiration, and Hilda is far away. So, I am going to take a break from it, and try to convince myself that some of you DO want to read more than a précis of the remainder of Hilda's grief journey. :dontknow:

Mary, ND has always been the chocolate sauce on the pudding that is the CBB: saved until last, contemplated, consumed in tiny bites and always appreciated!

....."The richness of your life together will no longer be a thorn stabbing your heart but a precious gift deep within, which on one can ever take away. It will illumine your own path and the path of all those who travel with you in life.”

And I can't help but emphasise... the way that you twist the threads to make a wonderful tapestry of the gorgeousness that life can sometimes include, along with the desolation.

This question of finding a permanent home and staff was not one to be approached lightly

A gentle, comforting hand seemed to be laid on her heart with a feather-light touch. She was not alone, never alone.

“But that costs a lot of money!” Meg gasped. “I’m sure my parents wouldn’t pay, even if they agreed to let me go.”

“That is my next task, child – to persuade them. However, the fare is paid for already so I’m hopeful that they will have no serious objections.”
.....................
“Oh, they will have objections,” she whispered, “but I have a feeling you will overrule them. You’re…. stronger than either of them. I’m not sure why I think that, but you have something they don’t. Nanny had it too, and she usually got her own way….”

“But that costs a lot of money!” Meg gasped. “I’m sure my parents wouldn’t pay, even if they agreed to let me go.”

“That is my next task, child – to persuade them. However, the fare is paid for already so I’m hopeful that they will have no serious objections.”

Meg eyed her curiously. Already paid? By whom, she wondered.

“Oh, they will have objections,” she whispered, “but I have a feeling you will overrule them. You’re…. stronger than either of them. I’m not sure why I think that, but you have something they don’t. Nanny had it too, and she usually got her own way….”

She will understand all those things you can’t bring yourself to reveal. She will read your heart with those piercing eyes of hers and find all the sore places there. Then she will heal each and every one in her own inimitable way. I know no one like her, and I am blessed to be counted one of her friends.

Never doubt your abilities - New Dreams never ceases to move us and to teach us so much about life.

She doesn’t worry herself over what people think of her – any more than you do

"But whether I’m good enough to tell it is another matter.”

Quote:

"But whether I’m good enough to tell it is another matter.”

Of course Hilda is good enough to tell MA's story, notwithstanding her doubts - just as you, Mary, are so clearly 'good enough' to tell Hilda's story. However much you yourself may doubt that fact, the rest of us know it to be true - and how well you tell it, too.

“There we were,” mused Ian, “ three quiet and studious people who just wanted peace and what we got was a mischievous sprite who would not be tied down

“Bless you, Hilda. None of us deserves all you are for us. We take – but how much do we ever give?”

Hilda shook his arm. “A lot, Ian, such an awful lot. I receive far more than I ever give, and you are such a gentle and generous giver, my dear Ian. Today has seen proof of that. Now go safely, and God be with you.”

As to how we move on – you know how, Ian. God is the only way I know, the only one who can truly forgive us and make us new. Give the guilt to Him and put it behind you.

Every mistake is growth, Ian. Somehow, in some way, we have to put the self-blame to one side or it becomes self-pity. Instead, we should consider the error we made, learn the lesson it has to teach us, and move on from it

Being abbess is so bad for her.

Ian’s love for her enriched rather than diminished him. Not only that, but it gave him the family he had never had in his adult life

“I know, Ian,” she replied gently. “I do know how hard it is to forgive oneself for hurting a loved one. Nell and I hurt each other at times. I’ve hurt Ellie a time or two through my lack of knowledge. The guilt is all-consuming for a time – and so unnecessary. Every mistake is growth, Ian. Somehow, in some way, we have to put the self-blame to one side or it becomes self-pity. Instead, we should consider the error we made, learn the lesson it has to teach us, and move on from it, with a new nugget of wisdom tucked away inside.”

To write of wisdom, compassion, intelligence and humour requires all of those qualities in abundance, and if you, Mary, are even half the woman your Hilda is - and I know you are - well, that still makes you one in a million. Or a trillion...

And,” she laughed softly, “he told to me stories bien rigolants of Mère when she was young.

Ellie nodded, then considered Hilda’s face in silence, her eyes a concentrated blue. “Monsieur Stuart… he loves you, n’est ce pas?” she asked softly.

“Oui, petite, je comprends,” she murmured brokenly, her throat tight. She thought she might weep all night, so overwhelmed was she by Ellie’s words, by Ellie’s total love. She felt such a fierce and consuming protectiveness for her ward. But she was frightened. It was such a responsibility, to be someone’s all-in-all. No one lived for ever - and the grief felt by the one who was left behind was endless, agonising and all-consuming

“Just a little, then, because I really think you need to rest.”

“But I am resting, Madame,” chuckled Ellie. “You are so much more comfortable than a bed.”

“Cheeky baggage,” Hilda murmured, a few more tears finding their way down her cheeks. “Are you calling me plump and cushiony?”

“Mais non,” Ellie said. “It’s just….. so much sweeter to be held.”

Ellie smiled at her guardian. “Perhaps not wise enough yet, Madame, but I do think Meg should go to the convent. All I ask is that she does not sleep in my room.”

Hilda grasped the hand and held it tight. Ellie added, very simply, “You gave me you. That was the very best gift of all.”

But for now, let me tell you what I wanted to ask of you. You called me your home, your family. Does one refer to one’s family members as ‘vous’? Or does one tutoyer them – call them ‘tu’?”

You’ve taught me too many bad habits, dear heart!

Au contraire, lovely girl! I haven’t taught you enough, it seems to me! You were far more polite to her than I would have been – as always.

Mmm, just this once I’m inclined to agree with you. That woman’s impossible.

But warn her that we won’t be visiting her while she’s in England

“You would have made an excellent Member of Parliament, Miss Annersley,” Mrs Lyall finally remarked with some bitterness. It did not sound like a compliment. “Or a very persuasive barrister. You leave me no choice. You have my permission. You may send my daughter to your convent. But warn her that we won’t be visiting her while she’s in England.”

Hilda drew a deep breath. “What else needs to be said, Mrs Lyall? Let me see now. You could ask me how your daughter is feeling. You could send her some words of sympathy and understanding. You could even ask to speak to her – we do allow parents to do so, especially after upsetting things have happened.”

She stood watching the lovely face, reflecting on the two girls’ harsh, unloving parents. There was a difference, though. Ellie had received unconditional love from both parents for the first four years of her life and, when that had been taken away, her grandparents had stepped in and provided the same. Between the four of them, Ellie had developed a rich and golden seam of love. It had been buried deep under the rubble of hurt and anger and pain after all the deaths and losses, but somehow it had still been accessible to Hilda, when she came along. The latter had been able to dig deep and re-open that rich vein of gold. Ellie was now able to give love again to others, where Meg couldn’t do it at all.

But then, what had Meg ever received except the love of a stranger? She had been an encumbrance all her life, and her mother had made quite sure that her daughter knew this.

Nell was the one who prowled like a panther. Nell was the one who muttered under her breath when frustrated and angry.

She shook herself. This was not what she had been preaching to Ellie. Where was her compassion? Her mercy?

Give me Yours, Lord, for I can see no way to forgive this woman her heartlessness towards her daughter. And yet – she is as much Your child as I am. You love her just as much as You love me. So help me out here.

“Don’t moo at me, Gwynneth,”

Will you be another, my Nell? Will you add Meg to those of us already held so firmly in that generous heart of yours?

“When are you going to relax and take some time for yourself?” Matey interrupted her abruptly. “I’ve looked in on Ellie and found her fast asleep. I then went along to the study but heard you talking on the phone, so left you to it. Finally, however, you’ve fallen into my clutches.”

“Don’t moo at me, Gwynneth,” murmured Hilda.

But then, what had Meg ever received except the love of a stranger? She had been an encumbrance all her life, and her mother had made quite sure that her daughter knew this.

It's all been said by others more eloquent than I so all that remains is to say is THANK YOU, MARY.

“How?” Meg sobbed harder. “There is no sunshine… There is no special me….. What hope is there for me? How can I forgive myself…. ?”

Two miracles had occurred. Somehow, the Abbess had persauded her parents to agree to her proposition. And she could flee this place where girls and mistresses would know what she had done and regard her with curious, prying eyes, even if they said nothing.

It always seemed to Hilda that a friendly silence worked its own magic, if hearts were in communion....

But, oh, how she would miss the Abbess. Who else was left now to hold her as her Headmistress was doing? What a fountain of mercy she had been. Without her there was, indeed, no sunshine.

There's a challenge for you Mary - could you humanise Mrs Lyall for us?

“Oh, Miss Annersley, I do love you,” she cried from the depths of her starved and lonely and still-childish heart, and went willingly back into the arms held out to receive her, arms that reminded her of Nanny’s arms – welcoming, forgiving, consoling arms.

“Your parents have agreed, but you won’t actually go to Norfolk until next Monday or Tuesday, at the earliest. I think it extremely important that you face up to your fears before you go. It’s best for you that you try to re-establish something of your normal routine and meet with the girls in your form, otherwise you will spend the time in the convent fretting badly about it. In a week it would have become an insuperable barrier, one you would find impossible to cross.”

Meg stared at her, agony and awe fighting for supremacy in her eyes. “Why are you doing this?” she croaked. “Why have you forgiven me? Why be so kind to me, when I don’t deserve it? Even when you scold me, I know it’s for my own good, not because you're cross.”

That should keep the good Abbess out of mischief for a wee while, she chuckled to herself.

After all, she reflected ruefully, If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?(George Eliot)

She didn’t know about herself, but she did know how tall Ellie and Meg and Jeanne were, and that was what mattered.

and arranging when Rosalie would go out to join the other skiers.

One place I'd like to be is the convent when M.A. receives Hilda's telegram. :lol:

“Miss Knowles has spoken"

truly the purest gold.

“I can still go to my class. My hand hurts, yes, but I do not read my books with my hand nor think my thoughts with my hand. I have not the need of my hand to support Meg.”

Why were teenagers never given credit for their maturity? Why did adults – even some of her staff - assume that youngsters couldn’t think things through at a very deep level, couldn’t find clear solutions to problems?

My temper is still there, like a tiger curled up inside his bush, sleeping but always quick to spring out if poked.”

Sorry I'm so late responding to this last lovely post, Mary! I was trying to think of something intelligent and profound to say but everyone else got in first! :oops:

So I'll just say thank you

Meg resisted, flashing Hilda a look of sheer terror. One wrong word and she would flee from the room, Hilda realised.

“Go with Ellie, Meg,” she murmured, in a soothing tone. “Remember, no matter what happens, you are strong enough.”

The terror faded a fraction and Meg allowed herself to be seated next to Jeanne, with Ellie on her other side.

Soon, footsteps were heard, and the door was thrust open, the first girls rushing in, only to pull up short at the sight of the Abbess already there ahead of them. Hilda’s lips twitched when she saw their startled faces, but then she stood up in alarm. The girls following on behind, as yet unaware of what had happened, tried to push those in front out of the way in their hurry to settle down at their desks before Miss Annersley should arrive.

The consequences were disastrous. Agneta fell forward, banging into a nearby desk. Clare Kynaston tripped over one of Agneta’s feet and fell heavily to the floor, only to shriek as Freda Kendall collapsed on top of her when pushed from behind. Sara and Barbara, Ellie’s sheepdogs, were wedged together in the door frame, unable to move backwards or forwards, and both seeming rather stunned by the swift turn of events.

“Girls!” exclaimed Hilda, moving swiftly towards them. An appalled silence fell. “I am truly horrified. Is this any way to enter a form room? You could be nine year olds.

Splutters.... :lol:

Shesings, I don't do intelligent and profound, so why worry? :wink:

I'm just grateful you're still here, as quite honestly I'm finding these pieces tedious in the extreme. :roll:

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“Come and sit down, Meg,” she said in a soft voice, “Try to think of us as les trios mousquetaires, swords and shields at the ready to protect you on all sides.”

All that bravery and resolve and empathy and plotting -- and the general populace end up too embarrassed to notice. Are we sure Hilda didn't trip someone up on purpose? (Or Nell, more likely :lol:

)

Truly Hilda needs to tone down her appearances if just the sight of her causes a multi-vehicle pile up!

I expect the end of the lesson will be tricky for Meg but the worst is over for her and she can only grow stronger with Erica, Ellie and Jeanne by her side.

I tore them up so many times as they just didn't read right - and this one may not either

What indeed does not that word ‘cheerfulness’ imply? It means a contented spirit; it means a pure heart; it means a kind and loving disposition; it means humilty and charity; it means a generous appreciation of others and a modest opinion of self.

What a wonderful class to be in - I wish Hilda could have been one of my teachers.

And how I enjoyed that lesson; you were wasted on younger children, Mary, A-level Lit is obviously where you should be, it was just lovely

.Thank you, Mary, it's lovely to be back.

“I always understood that a piece of writing stands or falls by its own merits – not on who wrote it,” she offered blandly. “I, for one, still think it’s a wonderful essay, and I suspect it is one that Meg really did write from her heart.”

..... but she had delineated beautifully the sense of loss felt by Jane and her anger at death’s cruelty, comparing it to the cruelty shown by Mrs Reed to Jane herself. One felt how hopeless Jane felt

Claire Kynaston spoke in a moment of stillness. “You know, Meg, I’ve suddenly realised how lucky I’ve been all my life. I’ve never suffered any bad illness. No one I love has died. But if something bad ever should happen, I hope that you and Ellie and Jeanne and Meg, and all the others who’ve spoken here, would help me. You’ve learned so much already about life, and I can’t begin to understand how you’ve managed. No wonder you get angry. I would, too.”

Loving can be hard sometimes, and can mean we must give up our feelings, our natural inclinations and will something gentler, purer, as you have demonstrated just now. I have never been prouder of being your Headmistress.

Meg had never been needed like this before. It felt strange and awkward, but she put both arms carefully round Ellie and held her close, an unfamiliar warmth in her heart. The comforted became the comforter.

very fitting part of the 'lesson'

She saw Victoria open her mouth to say something – something rather ugly, to judge by her face – but then glance Hilda’s way. One could see the realisation dawn that speaking ill of someone was just not done in the Abbess’s hearing.

Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. ..... So, hold on to your dreams, no matter how hard the road may seem. Promise?”

I’m going to try and live the life I should have been living…. ”

No matter how bad life seems, no matter the tragedies, no matter the discouragement, we still have to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, working at our dreams, be it writing our stories, playing that same bar of music time and again, practising the same dance step over and over again, spending hours in the labs until we get our experiments right – or loving other people. That also needs practice. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy... We never know when that moment of breakthrough will come – or even if it ever will.”

Thank you, Mary, for allowing us to be present once again through the power of your words. Tedious? I don't think so - your words always draw us inexorably into your world, a world from which we can all draw so much.

There is a land of the living and a land of the dead, and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning. (Thornton Wilder)

to live the life you should have been living. We do it by living the moments in front of us to the full, instead of looking back at the moments behind us and regretting what we’ve done there. You’ve said you’re sorry, you’ve received your punishment, now go forward into each moment of your life, enjoying it, feeling it, tasting it, giving it your youth, your gifts, your hopes. Your dreams are out there – devote every moment to attaining them.”

“Oh, Meg, such brave words. Thank you. And that’s a wonderful motto for all of us to hang on to – to live the life you should have been living. We do it by living the moments in front of us to the full, instead of looking back at the moments behind us and regretting what we’ve done there. You’ve said you’re sorry, you’ve received your punishment, now go forward into each moment of your life, enjoying it, feeling it, tasting it, giving it your youth, your gifts, your hopes. Your dreams are out there – devote every moment to attaining them.”

“There’s an Arabic proverb that puts it all beautifully: Throw your heart out in front of you and run ahead to catch it.”

hold on to your dreams, no matter how hard the road may seem.

“There’s an Arabic proverb that puts it all beautifully: Throw your heart out in front of you and run ahead to catch it.”

Suffice it to say that it made me smile so much that I simply had to go and celebrate with a chocolate muffin.

Even as she watched the door close, it popped open again, to reveal Matey in martial mood.

“Best to let the youngsters have the last word, Matron, and keep in mind Oscar Wilde’s maxim: A man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.”

May you continue to teach us, too, as the rest of you story unfolds - we have so much to learn from your writing.

“For anything worth having, one must pay the price, and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice – no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service. (John Burroughs)”

Hilda drew Meg into her arms. “It won’t be easy, Meg. You will fail and fall, fail and fall. Whether you rise again each time will be up to you and how much courage you have. But you know it has to be done if you are ever to have true friends, if you are ever to be a person who is trusted by others. Now is the hour of your refining, just as gold is refined in the fire, and out of it will come the Meg I know is buried in there under all the rubble.”

Mary I know I’ve used these lines from ‘What is man’ by Waldo Williams, but I make no apology for quoting them again.

“Forgiveness, what's that?
A way through thorns
To an old enemy's side.”

and remember, if you can’t say something nice….”

“Don’t say anything at all!” Meg added with a brave attempt at a smile.

A single tear rolled down her cheek, a bright diamond glinting in the sunlight. Joan was moved enough to step forward and put an arm hesitantly round her. It didn’t come naturally to her, but she had caught a sudden glimpse of the deep suffering in Meg which Hilda was trying so hard to assuage, and was ashamed of her own earlier hardness of heart.

“I’m here if you ever need a hand, Meg,” she said softly. “I’m not Miss Annersley – could never be – but, if I can help at all, I will, for Sally’s sake. That’s a promise.”

I'm finding Hilda's responses to people are now influencing my own responses. She has so much to teach.

I know I'm on page 24 and should start a new part but I want to put this part in here before I finish this one.

“Miss Annersley... please… we need an ambulance… there's been an accident… Mireille can’t stop the bleeding….. ”

Hilda was not at all surprised to discover that Joan, also, had reaped unexpected benefits from the adventure. In fact, Joan thanked Hilda for giving her the opportunity to do something for the girl she had wanted expelled.

Ruth, have sent you a PM to say if you give me your email address I'll send you the whole doc. That will save you riffling through the archives. :lol:

MaryR wrote:

Ruth, have sent you a PM to say if you give me your email address I'll send you the whole doc. That will save you riffling through the archives. :lol:

and bless you for doing so, I'm now caught up with 1-18, once I started, I couldn't stop-Mary....your writing takes my breath away love! :halo:

Author:	MaryR [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 6:53 pm ]
Post subject:	New Dreams (Part 18) 29/11/09 COMPLETED! See Part 19 above!
Yet another part started, but since the beginning of the last part I've covered less than 48 hours! The Stuarts hadn’t finished with Hilda that afternoon. Less than an hour after Ian had left, with Hilda’s ‘Look after Ellie for me,’ ringing in his ears, her phone rang again. The shock she received, when she heard the well-loved, sweet voice in her ear, robbed her of speech. “Are you still there, daughter?” asked Mother Abbess anxiously. “Who….?” stuttered Hilda. “Take your choice, child. Ian rang me just a few moments ago, said he thought you needed me. But Nancy had already rung earlier and said the same thing.” Hilda gasped out loud. “Nancy? How….. ? Ah, Vivien, of course! And I thought my secret was safe with her. Your nest of spies would seem to be in good working order, Mother of mine. How much do you pay them for such excellent, conniving service?” Kate Stuart breathed a sigh of relief. Hilda had regained at least some of her equilibrium. “They do it all for love, child. Love of you, that is. They’ve already received their pay through all you do for them.” Hilda gasped again. “Flattery will get you absolutely nowhere,” she whispered. “Who’s flattering anybody?” asked Mother Abbes drily. “Some of us believe in speaking nothing but the truth – while others among us deny the truth, the truth of what they are.” That shut her up, she said smugly to herself. Not for long, however! “As argumentative as ever you were!” Hilda sighed out loud. “And as wasteful! You phoned me only three nights ago.” “Well, it’s a good job it’s your money I’m wasting then, isn’t it?” retorted the tart voice, quick as a flash. “You’re so generous I have money to burn.” “It wasn’t to spend on me, wretch that you are!” “No? Then it will remain in the bank earning interest, I’m afraid. If you won’t accept my using it to help you when you’re in need, then I won’t touch a penny of it.” “But it was for those who couldn’t afford to come to you.” “You can’t afford the time to come to me at the moment, can you? “ Suddenly, Hilda giggled. “Won’t you ever let me have the last word?” “Not ever,” said Mother Abbess solemnly. “Give in to you just once and I will be regretting it forevermore. I have to keep some semblance of order and peace in my dovecote here when you enter.” “Oh, Mother, it’s so good to hear you,” whispered Hilda. “It wouldn’t be the same without a passage of arms between us. They should distil that bossy voice of yours and bottle it – it would make far more money for your convent than I could ever give you.” “And also save me repeating myself time after time to certain stubborn people who bear burdens of pain and guilt that they refuse to share.” Hilda fell silent as something shifted and modified inside her. She leaned back in her chair, the receiver against her ear, and closed her eyes, feeling the day’s stiffness of shock and sorrow beginning to melt and dissipate. This bracing, compassionate, no-holds-barred woman did what Nell had always done. She didn’t - couldn’t - remove the burden, but she shouldered it alongside Hilda, so its weight grew lighter, more tolerable. Neither of them had touched on this morning’s bolt from the blue, but the miracle had still happened. Why on earth had she been deemed worthy to be loved by not one, but two, inestimable women, neither of whom brooked any nonsense from her? In a moment of intense urgency, Hilda was swamped by the need to thank her friend for all she had done, to tell her what she was and how much she was loved. This chance might never come again. Look what had happened to Nell! Life was too fragile to wait. “Oh, Mother, I know you loathe sentimentality – as do I – but I am forever in your debt for the number of times you have brought me back from that desolate wasteland.” “Hilda….” “You walked along beside me, soothed my aching heart, steadied my stumbling feet on the path. You used Nell’s death to break me, re-arrange me, mould me anew. I only have to hear your voice now to feel myself being gentled, becoming less fraught, more at peace.” “Hilda, stop! You did it yourself. I was only a foothold on your courageous way up out of that slippery, black pit, just one foothold among many.” “No, don’t underrate yourself, Mother. You are wise and compassionate – and a termagent! You don’t suffer fools gladly, you’re rigorous in the extreme, you bully me mercilessly, and yet…. what I receive from you at any given moment is always exactly what I need. How do you do that? I was lost in a desert of my own making when I first visited the convent – …..then found you as a traveller finds a place Of welcome suddenly among the wrong Valley and rocks and twisting roads. But you, What shall I call you? A fountain in a waste, A well of water in a country day, Or anything that makes a whole world bright. Your open heart, Simple with giving…. (Edwin Muir) Mother Abbess sat as though turned to stone. She had been the recipient of many beautiful and heart-felt words from grateful people over the years, including Hilda herself, but never anything like this graceful, exquisite outpouring of love. Hilda hadn’t held back from telling a few home truths, for she saw with a clear and acute eye, but she had told them in such a way that they had become an integral part of the gracious whole. Tears stung the vivid green eyes. As life neared its close, God had seen fit to fill the empty space in her heart that Stephen’s and her child’s deaths had laid bare so many years ago, and he had filled it with a woman of unique depth and sensitivity, a woman who was now dearer to her than life itself. “I mean every word, Mother,” spoke that rich, mellow voice in her ear. “You have become the guardian of my soul.” “My gentle daughter,” said Mother Abbess, her voice wavering with emotion, “one day I might be able to cobble together a few sentences that show what you mean to me, but they will never, ever, equal your delicate, quiet elegance.” A loving whisper was her answer. “Did you not once tell me that you would stand in front of a speeding train, or a bullet, to save me? That told me all your heart. What need of more words, cobbled or not, Mother?”

Author:	Karry [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Thanks Mary - for once I was on line as you posted! (And is it really 3 years since your grand daughter was born? Seems like a year or so! Hope you had a good time with them all!

Author:	Lesley [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:14 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Beautiful piece, Mary - Hilda must feel herself very blessed to find another to do that which Nell did so effortlessly. Thank you.

Author:	PaulineS [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:20 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Thank you Mary. The depth of Hilda and MA relationship is viviedly displayed in the posting. May their angels continue to care for them and bless them. However is this a cliff for us to worry about MA- Quote: As life neared its close, God had seen fit to fill the empty space in her heart that Stephen’s and her child’s deaths had laid bare so many years ago, and he had filled it with a woman of unique depth and sensitivity, a woman who was now dearer to her than life itself.

Author:	MHE [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 7:55 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Quote: In a moment of intense urgency, Hilda was swamped by the need to thank her friend for all she had done, to tell her what she was and how much she was loved. This chance might never come again. Look what had happened to Nell! Life was too fragile to wait. We all could do with following Hilda's example - life is certainly too fragile and we never know what my be around the next corner. Thank you Mary, and don't you dare do a précis of the next 18 months!!!!

The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/

New Dreams (Part 18) 29/11/09 COMPLETED! See Part 19 above! http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=6218

Author:	Celia [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Already,in just the first few moments of their conversation Hilda can relax in the love which this wonderful woman can transmit to her.Help her feel that although Nell is gone,here is someone with the same willingness to 'put her straight' and share the burden. Thank you Mary

Author:	abbeybufo [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 8:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Beautiful as always Mary Thank you

Author:	Kathy_S [ Sun Jun 21, 2009 9:17 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Amazing how bracing MA is -- even without discussion of the day's turmoil! A friend indeed. Thank you, Mary.

Author:	Luisa [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 12:11 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
If only one could access that level of acerbic support in real life - but of course one can! Thank you

Author:	Fiona Mc [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 1:50 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
That was so lovely and Hilda is right, life is too short not to tell people how much they mean to you. Thanks Mary

Author:	Elder in Ontario [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 2:51 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
That was a truly beautiful and very moving exchange - Hilda is truly fortunate to have found in MA such a caring individual, not a replacement for Nell, no, because no-one could ever truly be that, but someone who has a similar uncanny knack of being able to soothe and console her, almost without words. And whether Hilda realises it or not, her relationship with MA is doing so much, at long last to fill a void in MA's heart which the deaths of her husband and son left all those years ago. Their ability to help each other has brought them into a truly special relationship, and one which cannot help but bring to each one of them 'that peace which passeth all understanding.' And I do agree with the others who have noted that we never know which way our lives will turn and it's so important to let others know just how much they mean to us. Thank you, Mary, for allowing us yet another peep into this special relationship - these moments are true gifts to us, too, as readers.

Author:	Identity Hunt [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/05/09
Mary, what can I say, except "Thank you !" ? It was a privilege to eavesdrop on this lovely and loving conversation...... Nell would have got on so very well with MA. The two of them will have a whale of a time in Heaven, in due course

Author:	jmc [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 8:41 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/06/09
That was so lovely that it nearly had me in tears. It is a beautiful friendship that the two of them share. Thanks Mary

Author:	JellySheep [ Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:53 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/06/09
What a beautiful scene. The love the two of them have for each other is extremely moving. Thanks

Author:	Cath V-P [ Tue Jun 23, 2009 1:27 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/06/09
What a lovely exchange between Hilda and MA, and how right Hilda was to tell MA just what she means to her. And Hilda is as valued and beloved by MA - there is such a beautiful balance between them as each gives to the other something that can be given now by nobody else. They have a truly special relationship, and a remarkable knowledge of and love for one another. And how satisfying it is to see them acknowledging that directly: Hilda is right - 'life is too fragile,' and it can change in the most stunning and unexpected ways. Thank you Mary.

Author:	MaryR [ Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:42 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
I'm sorry to have made you wait but this week has been too busy busy to allow thinking. Identity Hunt wrote: It was a privilege to eavesdrop on this lovely and loving conversation...... Nell would have got on so very well with MA. The two of them will have a whale of a time in Heaven, in due course My sentiments exactly, Sian. They will make common cause against Hilda - and she will love every minute. .....“My gentle daughter,” said Mother Abbess, her voice wavering with emotion, “one day I might be able to cobble together a few sentences that show what you mean to me, but they will never, ever, equal your delicate elegance.” A loving whisper was her answer. “Did you not once tell me that you would stand in front of a speeding train, or a bullet, to save me? That told me all your heart. What need of more words, cobbled or not, Mother?” Kate Stuart cleared her throat. “Perhaps a few now and then, child. We all need to be assured we are loved just as we are, you as much as anyone. But for now, tell me about Meg and Ellie. Your sudden onslaught of pain we’ll leave till later.” “Later?” Hilda’s voice wavered. “How much is this phone call going to cost me?” The Abbess smiled mistily at Hilda’s brave attempts to recover her lightness of touch. “Enough,” she replied mildly, and then rapped out, “Tell me.” “Yes, ma’am,” Hilda gulped. “Are your spies slipping, by the way? No hints been given?” “Only mention of your exquisite sensitivity and compassion. No details, even from Ian.” Hilda sighed. “Poor Ian. My Balm of Gilead. And don’t roll your eyes like that, please. He’s been a tower of strength to me, to Ellie, and, most importantly of all, to Meg. He took her out this morning and brought back a changed girl.” Now she’d started, the whole story poured out, from Meg’s confession in the wee small hours, through the tale of her home life and why she had done what she did, to the discovery of the death of her Nanny. Hilda recounted her phone call to Meg’s mother, causing Mother Abbess to shiver in sympathy with the girl, and to delight in Hilda’s determined confrontation with Mrs Lyall. She could imagine the ice which must have crept into the lovely voice at meeting such a lack of maternal feelings from a mother. Hilda told her of the pain Meg was betraying, in the conversations she had had with her. “I’m afraid I’ve not been of much use to her, though, Mother. Her grief is heart-wrenching, as are her guilt and misery over what she has done to Ellie and to others.” “And you’ve been there for her because you understand the strange, rough road that grief takes us on, so let’s have no more talk of being no help. I saw just what help from Hilda Annersley means when I watched you with Ellie. You saved that girl. There can be no question of it, and I’m a hundred per cent certain you’re doing the same for Meg. It’s a given, you being who you are.” “You don’t know…. you can’t know….” stammered Hilda. “Think so, do you?” The voice was bland. “Who took her staff to task and persuaded them all to give the girl a chance, when they wanted her expelled?” Hilda stared at the receiver in shock, then put it back to her ear. “You lied!” she accused her friend. “And Gwynneth Lloyd is a sneak.” The sweet voice purred. “Oh, yes, Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.” Her voice changed. “I know you hate us right this minute - but Hilda, what you did there in your staff room was something very few leaders could have done. Most Heads would simply have expelled the girl, and asked no questions. You delved deep with infinite compassion, despite your own pain, and removed layer after layer, like an onion, until both Meg and her mother cracked. You then persuaded a whole group of intelligent, angry women that it was better to hold out a loving hand to the sinner than to throw her out into everlasting darkness. Be merciful, even as your Father in Heaven is merciful. (Luke 6:36).” Silence fell and the ticking of the clock could be heard in Hilda’s study, as well as the rattle of Rosalie’s typewriter and the sound of pattering feet. She moved restlessly in her chair, feeling somewhat betrayed at how much Kate Stuart knew. Yet, strangely enough, at the same time, there was such peace that she was known and understood, such comfort that friends cared enough to join forces to watch over her. Nell would have approved wholeheartedly. She winced even as the thought entered her mind. Nell was a very sore place at the moment. “Be merciful, even as your Father in Heaven is merciful. (Luke 6:36),” repeated Mother Abbess quietly. “Clever that! A mix of the Bible and some Shakespeare. Only you, love! God had His hand so very firmly over Meg when He sent her into your keeping.” “Then I’ve let Him down badly,” stated Hilda, her voice quivering. “I have a feeling it was only your prayers which got us through that staff meeting, your prayers which gave me the words to change their hearts. And Ellie and Mireille both did far more for Meg than I did. Mireille was the one who made the real breakthrough.” She gave a quick rundown of Ellie’s and Mireille’s talks with Meg. “Mireille - another girl you fought for, I seem to remember. And you are now being proved right in your assessment, for she is beginning to show what she is really made of. Oh, Hilda, love, how can you possibly denigrate all you do for others? Ellie and Mireille learn their sensitivity and compassion from you, and their courage.” She thought back to what Hilda had said about Ian. “And if Meg felt able to face the world this morning, then you yourself have done a magnificent job. I’m sure she all she really longs to do is find a hole to creep into, to hide her shame and despair.” “She does, from all I can see, but she had a ball out there with Ian and discovered something she never knew she had – a sense of fun. She so far forgot herself in the end that she tipped Ian over into the snow.” Mother Abbess hooted. “For a little while, her mind blotted out that she was bitter and unhappy and in disgrace – though I’m sure it has hit her full force again now. Your brother has taken on two grieving, though very different, young women and has given them so much that they have never had from their fathers.” She added in a very soft, almost wistful, voice, “You’re so lucky in your brother, Mother. There are times when I wish I could love him as he deserves.” Mother Abbess suppressed the sob that threatened to escape. “It was not to be, Hilda, and you must never, ever, feel guilty. But I’m so glad he’s found a way to repay some of the debt we Stuarts owe you.” “You owe me nothing,” said Hilda trenchantly. “Nothing at all. The debt is all on my side. No arguments, please. But, if you do owe me any debt, you can pay it off in prayers for Meg and Ellie.” “You get those free, gratis and for nothing, daughter,” replied the nun. “You know that. Prayers for yourself as well, as always. But hasn’t Ellie grown into an understanding young woman? To be able to pull round her class like that.” Hilda thought back to Ellie’s explosive rage when she heard that Meg was not to be expelled. She grimaced. “There was some – discussion, shall we say? – between us, but she got there in the end. I think she woke Meg up from her bitterness when she recounted her own father’s emotional distance. And her magnanimity shook Meg, I think, especially when she heard how Ellie had also persuaded the form to hold out the hand of friendship to a girl they didn’t much like, a girl who had, indeed, shown a great deal of cruelty.” Mother Abbess forbore to comment that this was one more example of Hilda’s caring example. She knew such words would be denied. Meg had become the beneficiary of Hilda's peerless perception and understanding, and would now work hard not to disappoint such rare tenderness. Ellie, meanwhile, was imbibing her guardian’s compassion and generous sensitivity, was learning how to handle the hurts of life. Her heart was being widened and deepened. One day she would be a woman in a million, just like Hilda.

Author:	linda [ Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:43 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Sun 21/06/09
Quote: …..then found you as a traveller finds a place Of welcome suddenly among the wrong Valley and rocks and twisting roads. But you, What shall I call you? A fountain in a waste, A well of water in a country day, Or anything that makes a whole world bright. Your open heart, Simple with giving…. (Edwin Muir) Wonderful, Mary, just wonderful!! Hilda is so right to tell MA just how much she means to her. We all should take a leaf out of her book. As Cath V-P said, they have a truly special relationship, each giving to the other something that can be given now by nobody else. Thank you, Mary - and don't you dare précis the next eighteen months!!

Author:	PaulineS [ Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Thank you Mary. The relationship is so close and caring. The Stuarts are doing so much for the School and Hilda. Wonder how Hilda will cope with knowing Quote: “.....Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.” and she therefore cannot escape from either!

Author:	MHE [ Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Well worth the wait Mary, thank you.

Author:	Lesley [ Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Has MA got a spy cam on Hilda? Lovely Mary - though think MA is batting on a losing wicket if she thinks she'll ever get Hilda to agree that she (Hilda) is special! Thank you

Author:	Fiona Mc [ Thu Jun 25, 2009 2:38 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Quote: The sweet voice purred. “Oh, yes, Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.” I love the relationship between Matey and MA. Both support and help Hilda in enumerable different ways

Author:	Elder in Ontario [ Thu Jun 25, 2009 1:05 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
So many telling threads here, but all of them, in the end, lead us back to Hilda's strength of character, sensitivity and ability to probe into all sides of someone else's life and use what she finds out to the individual's benefit. Yet she, too, needs to be reassured that she really is capable of making a difference, and that she, too, can be helped by others - MA, Gwynneth, Ian, Vivien, for instance - and of course, the memory of Nell, despite the grief she continues to feel for her. And it takes MA to be able to point all this out to her. Loved the image of MA and Gwynneth being 'as thick as thieves,' too. Thank you, Mary, for allowing us to 'eavesdrop' on that phone call - I'm sure Hilda will derive great comfort from it when she reflects back on it all.

Author:	Celia [ Thu Jun 25, 2009 1:28 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Lesley said: ' though I think MA is batting on a losing wicket if she thinks she'll ever get Hilda to agree that she (Hilda) is special!' Now who else do I know like that Thank you Mary for the way this phone call is unfolding, so many emotions, so much caring. Hilda brings out the best in everyone, yet still disbelieves her own worth.

Author:	jmc [ Fri Jun 26, 2009 8:28 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Quote: She moved restlessly in her chair, feeling somewhat betrayed at how much Kate Stuart knew. Yet, strangely enough, at the same time, there was such peace that she was known and understood, such comfort that friends cared enough to join forces to watch over her. Nell would have approved wholeheartedly. Lovely. I'm glad that although Hilda feels she was betrayed she reconises that her friends are only doing this because they care so much for her. Thanks Mary

Author:	Luisa [ Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:27 am ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Code: Lesley said: ' though I think MA is batting on a losing wicket if she thinks she'll ever get Hilda to agree that she (Hilda) is special!' Now who else do I know like that One day perhaps they will both realise just how much they have done and do for others. Thanks Mary - and if you try to precis the next 18 months there will be trouble

Author:	linda [ Fri Jun 26, 2009 7:23 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Quote: Hilda stared at the receiver in shock, then put it back to her ear. “You lied!” she accused her friend. “And Gwynneth Lloyd is a sneak.” The sweet voice purred. “Oh, yes, Gwynneth and I are thick as thieves. We’re each delighted to have found the other for we think alike in so many ways. Between us, we have you in our sights at all times.” So, Gwynneth got to MA too, and 'split' on Hilda, letting her know how hard Hilda had to work to get the staff to come round to her view on Meg. It's lovely to see that Gwynneth and MA are working together to care for Hilda. I love the way this conversation is unfolding, bringing together the threads from the past few days. Hilda needs this time, and MA's loving support, to help her put things into perspective and gather her strength. Thank you, Mary.

Author:	Tara [ Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Quote: Her heart was being widened and deepened The quote refers to Ellie, of course, but there are so many others (Meg, Mireille, Kathy, Joan Bertram) to whom it could apply, too, as Hilda's influence moves in ever-widening ripples, touching everyone around her. I can understand her slight feelings of betrayal, but she does see clearly that her friends are only acting out of love, a love reinforced by MA's ruthless and rigorous affection. I, too, much enjoy the combination of MA and Matey - poor Hilda doesn't stand a chance! And no, Hilda is never going to believe that her qualities are special, she will just go on being who she is and doing what she does without overmuch reference to herself at all, which is probably as it should be. Thank you, Mary, it's good to catch up.

Author:	MaryR [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) Updated Wed 24/06/09
Celia wrote: Lesley said: ' though I think MA is batting on a losing wicket if she thinks she'll ever get Hilda to agree that she (Hilda) is special!' Now who else do I know like that Wretches, both of you, Celia and Luisa. Hilda and I have nothing in common! ....Mother Abbess forbore to comment that this was one more example of Hilda’s caring example. She knew such words would be denied. Meg had become the beneficiary of Hilda's peerless perception and understanding, and would now work hard not to disappoint such rare tenderness. Ellie, meanwhile, was imbibing her guardian’s compassion and generous sensitivity, was learning how to handle the hurts of life. Her heart was being widened and deepened. One day she would be a woman in a million, just like Hilda. Hilda recalled some recent words of Ellie’s. “Changing the subject slightly, Mother, there are two things I ought to tell you about Ellie. One is that you will be getting a parcel from her soon, and you will be so astonished that you won’t believe what it contains. I didn’t. This girl you handed to me is so gifted I am humbled to be her guardian.” “Well, go on. Tell me what I’m going to find,” said the nun eagerly. “Oh no, this is her secret. You must wait until everything is ready to be posted. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall when you come across one particular item. I can just picture your expression. And you must make sure you share the parcel with Sister Patricia, for she will be over the moon at what it contains. Ellie is as gifted as her aunt, but in very different ways.” She paused as she pictured the notebook filled with harrowing images. “Mind you, Mother, I think it was these gifts which enabled her to survive the tragedies of her life. But she hid those gifts, scared that we would laugh at her or tell her she was no good. Laugh at her? Dear God, I could weep at His abundance in this, when she has been denied so much in life.” “I shall await my parcel with some impatience now. You’ve whetted my appetite. So, if you can’t tell me about that, what’s the other thing you mentioned?” “Ellie paid you the ultimate compliment yesterday. She told me Meg needed a dose of Mère.” “Of me?” stuttered the nun. “I thought I scared her half to death. She looked at me like a terrified rabbit every time I went near her after she joined us.” “Pouf! I have no fear of Mère!” quoted Hilda, mimicking Ellie’s French accent. “Hah!” laughed Mother Abbess in disbelief, and then fell silent. It was such an unaccustomed silence that Hilda became worried. “Mother?” “Why not?” “Why not what?” asked Hilda blankly. “Why not give her a dose of me – or of the convent, at least? Is there any reason she couldn’t come over here for, say, a week?” Hilda gaped, taken aback by the suddenness of it all. She had made a joke of it – but God and Mother Abbess had taken her seriously. “Hilda? What’s wrong? I mean it, love. Or would she be missing too much work?” Hilda blinked and tried to speak sensibly. “No, her heart isn’t going to be in her work, anyway.” She stopped, cleared her mind, gave the idea some proper thought. “I don’t believe this! You move so fast, you make me dizzy! But, you know, a week away from the scene of her crime might just do the trick, especially going to a place where she can be helped to focus on her grief and walk through it with someone. Would you really take her?” “For you, daughter, anything. Could she travel alone?” “If someone met her off the plane in London. She is seventeen.” “Then let her come, and welcome. That’s what we’re here for, after all. I’ll send someone to pick her up at the airport, rather than having her take the train. What about the end of this week, when she’s feeling a little less pulverised by it all? Tell me where she would be flying from and I’ll book her ticket.” Hilda gasped. “Not only as argumentative, but just as high-handed as ever. Stop steam-rollering me, woman. She’s my pupil and I’ll book her ticket.” “As autocratic and stubborn as ever,” retorted the nun, a huge grin on her face. “You will be paying. I’ll be using that large cheque which arrives every month. You’ve just told me it’s to pay for people who can’t afford to come. Well, Meg can’t, can she?” Silence was her only answer, and she grinned again. Get out of that one, young lady! Finally, there came the sound of Hilda clearing her throat. “That’s twice you’ve blackmailed me over the money in the last thirty minutes,” she said huskily. “You keep using it for my needs, but that isn’t why I send it. There are so many desperate people out there, as desperate as I was. But I give in, as usual. Fighting you is like trying to grasp hold of water – it can’t be done. Thank you for offering to have her, and yes, Mother dear, you may purchase the ticket.” Silence ensued once more as she thought over the specifics. “I’ll have to get her parents’ permission, of course. They won’t like it any which way, even if we are paying for it all.” “From the sound of them, they almost certainly won’t. But I know my daughter – she can apply her own blackmail when she feels the need. She’s done it to me often enough.” “Touché, Mother. But you’re right. I want this for Meg, even though it’s come as a complete shock to me, so I will do my utmost to make them agree. As to when, I think we should leave it till next Monday. That will give her time to face her form and spend some time with them, guage their reactions. Better that than allowing it to build up in her mind while she’s away, until she can’t find the courage to do it and it becomes an insuperable barrier. She will find it easier to return if she’s already faced up to it a little.” “Hmm, there’s sense in that. Easy to see you’re not just a pretty face.” She heard an indigant squawk at the other end and chuckled. “I’ll put Sister Anne in charge of her, I think. She’s nearing the end of her Novitiate and is young enough to….” “No.” “No?” “No, I want you to do it.” The rich voice was inflexible. “But, Hilda, you know what a bully I am, and how blunt. I’ll scare her to death. Look what I did to Ellie.” “I am looking at her – and remembering it was she who suggested you, and started you on this insane track.” “Insane? I like that. You want this as much as I do, probably more. I must be losing my touch, though, if I’m not scaring them any more.” “Don’t worry, Mother,” laughed Hilda in wry amusement. “You’re not losing anything. You scare me to death sometimes, even if Ellie is blasé enough to pretend otherwise. Look at that day you insisted on my getting back into the driving seat after the accident. There was no resisting you, despite my absolute terror. Your eyes have a knack of reaching out and transfixing me to the spot, daring me to argue with you.” “Now who’s exaggerating? You argue all the time. Nothing, but nothing, frightens Hilda Annersley.” “The Abbess does. This Abbess knows when she’s beaten. But back to Meg. I want you, Mother, for your honesty and your compassion, and because you know what it is to be so besieged by grief that you went off the rails. She needs to know she can still make good, and you are a living example of that. Don’t argue with me, please, not on this!” she added firmly. Mother Abbess closed her mouth, and smiled at the incongruity of Hilda’s avowal of being scared of her and then speaking to her like a Headmistress. Hilda Annersley was indeed not frightened of anything or anyone – except her own loneliness and sorrow. Hilda went on slowly, feeling her way. “I think Meg’s tougher than Ellie, and she’s very honest and forthright about herself. So be the same. She can withstand anything you throw at her, and will be grateful in the long run.” “Much like her Headmistress all round, then.” “Hush! Let her have doses of Sister Anne, by all means. I like her and she’s great fun. Patricia’s gentleness and patience would be good for her, too. I want this girl saved, Mother. I’ve seen a sensitive and thoughtful side to her that has not been evident before, and you can help me nurture it. So it’s you – or no one.” “And the woman calls me a termagent!” A huge sigh echoed down the line. “Go on. Say it.” “Say what?” “Get out of that one, Mother, dear. You’ve just succeeded in getting your own back for all the blackmailing I’ve applied. Okay, sweetheart, me it is. Who am I to argue with the Abbess?” “Hah! You just did. Trouble is, you’ll soon have the upper hand, so I have to sneak one in while I’m still allowed.” “Hilda, I will never, ever, have the upper hand where you’re concerned – certainly not with Nell behind you, urging you on.”

Author:	Identity Hunt [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
Mary, a trip to see MA in person is just what Meg needs most. Utterly inspired, Mary !

Author:	lizziearrnet [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:26 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
Identity Hunt, is so correct, inspired, I think Meg needs a dose of Mere... In fact after the week I've had a dose of the two Abbesses would not go amiss!!! loving it still Mary

Author:	Tara [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
Well! I'm left gasping, but what a very good idea. I'm not sure how Hilda is going to get Meg's parents to agree, but I'm sure she'll manage it. How wise of Hilda to make sure that Meg starts her 'facing-up-to-it' process first, though, otherwise it might well become an insuperable obstacle for her. With MA's 'tough love' and the gentler ministrations of the other sisters she will be turned inside out. These two Abbesses are such a match for each other! They understand each other, and the people they are concerned to help, so well. I loved the way in which they worked out the plan together, each contributing her own insights. Perhaps just as well Hilda won't be in a position of blind obedience, I don't think she'd be very good at that! Thank you, Mary.

Author:	Lesley [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
I'm not sure how Hilda will get Meg's parents to agree...but i am sure that she'll manage it...looking forward to that conversation. Thanks Mary that was excellent - such a pity that MA cannot meet Nell...

Author:	Luisa [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 9:06 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
Wretch, indeed? But I won't embarrass you with detailed comparisons. I love the way the two Abbesses strike sparks off each other - and will be interested to see Meg's reaction to MA. And, of course, really looking forward to what will no doubt be a masterly handling of the Lyalls.

Author:	Kathy_S [ Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:	Re: New Dreams (Part 18) P2 Sun 28/06/09
Now there's a remedy I hadn't even imagined! And I'm sure Hilda & MA will overcome any obstacles to make it so.... Thank you, Mary.