The CBB :: View topic - New Dreams (Part 12) Completed. (New one started.)

New Dreams (Part 12) Completed. (New one started.)

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The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

#1: New Dreams (Part 12) Completed. (New one started.) Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 7:53 pm
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So, at long last, we come to the Spring Term. Laughing

Thank you so much for the comments on Triptych, about Ellie's feelings as she makes her way here to this night in the Hall. I shall post the piece about the first night Prayers again, as appeared at the end of Part 11, and then add the rest of that scene.

Seated in her great William and Mary chair on the dais on the first evening of the girls’ return to school, Hilda watched the Catholics settle into their places after Prayers. She had an encouraging smile for Mireille as the latter nervously took her place on the dais near Hilda. Mireille being Catholic, it had been left to Gillian Reece as Games Captain to read the lesson, because the new deputy Head Girl was returning late to school. And Gillian had done it with great aplomb.

As the last few girls settled and the rustling died away, Hilda rose lithely to her feet and approached the lectern. She smiled down at them all, catching Ellie’s eye from her place at the back with the rest of the Sixth. Ellie’s gave her the suspicion of a wink. She was perfectly happy right at this minute, watching her beloved guardian and seeing her in a totally new light. Hilda herself, even as she opened her mouth to speak, was suddenly filled with such affection for them all that it scalded her throat, making it impossible to speak. Her eyes misty, she reflected that she had only five terms remaining to her, and she must make every moment count, not just for herself but for Nell, who had invested so much of herself in this school.

She realised that she had missed them all, both girls and mistresses – and she had not expected that. She felt no sense of the dislocation she had feared, no longing to return to the peace of the Convent. So emotional had been her time there, so at home was she there, so great was her love for the Sisters and for Mother Abbess, that she had worried her grief would return in full measure once back in her usual haunts. Instead, she was aware of how much she still belonged here at the school. This was who she was and what she did. It was something she loved.

The convent was still the dream – this was the reality, here on the Platz. It was no longer home, but there was still much for her to do before she could leave, much of herself still to give. For the moment, her place was here with her girls, just as Nell had requested.

Flashing a beguiling, apologetic smile round at her mistresses, who were becoming worried at her continued silence, she leaned forward on the lectern. Her beautiful voice reached out to all, “I shan’t keep you long, girls, for I know most of you are very weary after your long journeys. But I have something very important to tell you – and to ask of you.”

Her smile dimmed, and she leaned a little more heavily on the lectern, as though needing the support it gave her. “You will have noticed that Tessa, our Head Girl, is missing, as is Katy, her sister. I’m afraid I have some very bad news.” She swallowed. This was harder than she had thought. “Tessa will not be with us for the rest of the school year. She and Katy were out shopping two days after Christmas when it began to snow heavily. As they were crossing the road, a bus lost control and skidded towards them. Tessa saw it coming and in a split second managed to push Katy out of the way, but could not save herself. She was very gravely injured, so gravely that they feared for her life for several days.”

There was a great indrawn gasp of horror from the girls and she paused to let them take it all in. She was well aware of the affection and respect they all felt for Tessa. She sipped a little water and then took up her tale. “Once they knew she would survive, there was then fear that she would never walk again. Fortunately, she was far too ill to realise all this. It was her family who suffered greatly in those days following the accident. She seems to have turned a corner now and is showing a little improvement. But she will be in hospital for at least the next two months, and it will be many more months before she reaches full recovery. She needs your prayers, girls, and so do her family.”

She saw by now that many of the girls were looking at Mireille, who was gazing down at her hands, obviously uncomfortable. Hilda took a deep breath, a prayer in her heart. “You can see what this means for us here, can’t you? We have lost our Head Girl, one who is very much loved. Mireille has bravely stepped into the breach and promises to do her best for you all. Jean Abbot will be her Deputy. Jean herself is not returning to school until tomorrow, but if you will step forward, Mireille, I will pin your brooch on.”

Mireille rose and moved to her Headmistress. But as Hilda pinned on the brooch, she could feel the girl shaking. Under cover of the applause, she smiled and spoke quietly. “Relax, my dear. It will be alright, I promise you. Give them one of your lovely smiles.”

Mireille obeyed, somewhat tentatively, before returning to her seat. Hilda, however, had not missed the looks exchanged by some of the girls in the centre rows. It would be the Middles, she sighed inwardly. She was going to have to keep a wary eye out, without appearing to interfere in anyway. She leaned on the lectern again and there was sudden steel in her voice.

“I know I can rely on you to give Mireille and Jean all the respect that you have so far given to Tessa. She was a wonderful Head Girl – and so will Mireille be, once she has got into her stride. It has been a great shock to her, for Tessa is one of her closest friends, but she will do her very best for you – and I expect you to do your very best for her. Tessa would be very disappointed if you were to let her friend down, while she herself is so ill. I myself would be very disappointed.”

All the girls heard the stark warning in the beautiful voice and some shifted uncomfortably. Her voice changed and softened, and her face grew sad. “Girls, please pray for Tessa. She is not completely out of the woods yet, and even when she is stronger there will be long months of pain and discouragement in front of her. She is a very courageous girl, but it will be hard and she needs all the help we can offer. You might think prayer is not doing much – believe me, it is the best thing you can possibly do for her. And if any of you wish to write, to her or to Katy, who will not be returning for a wee while, bring your letters to me and I will see they are posted on. But do try to keep them light and entertaining – we want to cheer them up, remember, so don’t be maudlin.”

There were smiles dotted here and there at her sally, but most of them were too upset for that. She contemplated them for a silent moment or two and then nodded to herself. Her rich voice was very mellow and soft when she spoke again. “Perhaps it would help if we were all to kneel – praying together can often bring great solace.”

When the shuffling had stilled, and everyone’s head was bowed, Hilda spoke again quietly. “Just for amoment or two, in silence, hold Tessa and her family in your hearts, asking God to take good care of them.”

Hilda found herself asking for help for Mireille, as well. The girl seemed overwhelmed by the task before her, despite her brave words on the phone when she had accepted the position. The school will sense that fear, thought Hilda in dismay, and when they do there is going to be trouble. Somehow, she had to find the right words to strengthen the girl before it was too late. There had not been time for a great deal of talk since Mireille’s arrival, but it seemed that more bolstering was needed.

Hilda lifted her head and her rich voice led the school softly in prayer. “O God, our Father, we come to Thee at the end of the day to ask Thee to forgive us all our wrongdoings and to guard us with They Fatherly love through the night. Bid our guardian angels watch over us aand grant us sweet sleep and a joyous awakening, ready for the tasks of the new day. For the sake of Thy Son, our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Amen.”

Last edited by MaryR on Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:37 pm; edited 59 times in total

#2: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:17 pm
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I'm so glad to see this back again, and to see that, contrary even to her own expectations, Hilda remains very much at home in the school environment. I love the comment about the convent being still a 'New Dream' - but the present remains the present, and the school remains at the forefront, even to the point where she had to pause to get control of the wave of emotion which swept over her as she prepared to speak.

I'm sure she will do all that she possibly can to encourage Mireille as the latter replaces Tessa as Head Girl - perhaps the caution she uttered about giving her the same respect as Tessa had received will keep the Middles in check, at least for the first little while. But it's clear that Mireille really is nervous and will need all the heartening she can get. And I liked the glance Ellie and Hilda exchanged before she began speaking, too.

It promises to be an interesting term.

Thanks, Mary - I will be waiting eagerly to see how the new term unfolds.

#3: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:56 pm
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Oh Mary - how much has Hilda got to take on this term? There are so many needs that only she can meet. I'm sure she is going to feel the want of Nell very much - and it will be a bad term for that as well without all these issues. Hopefully they will keep her mind off her inner pain, to a certain extent. And thank Goodness for Vivien, who, I'm sure, will find some way to walk that thin line between the head teacher-staff relationship, and the one they have as friends.

I hope that those forbodings Hilda has, both for the way that the middles are going to behave, and for how Mireille will cope, are swept away as term moves on smoothly, and when the time for her to go out to visit Tessa, Katy, and family, all will be well at the school.

All of this, and there are still the needs of Ellie. Hilda has so many juggling balls up in the air this term - I hope she has all the help she needs to catch them.

Thanks Mary, as Elder said, it's wonderful to see the start of this new term.

#4: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:29 pm
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Poor Mirielle. That would be so hard stepping in for her friend, being worried about her and then having to lead the school. Hope Hilda is able to help and so are the other Mistresses so it doesn't all fall onto Hilda

#5: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:59 pm
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I love that little warning Hilda gave the Middles then - but there will always be some that choose to disregard it, won't there?

Thanks Mary.

#6: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:33 am
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Oh, it's back!! Very Happy

It's fascinating to see Hilda back at the school after all the joy and grief of the holiday - and how intriguing that she still sees it as her place, even though the convent is waiting. It's almost as if she is poised between the two, aware of what she is going to, but also aware that here and now, the school is where she belongs and is needed.

And it doesn't look as if it is going to be too easy for Mireille does it? Even despite Hilda's warnings and reminders.....
But Ellie at least is happy for the moment.

Thank you Mary

#7: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:46 am
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It's lovely to have this back Mary Smile

But poor Hilda - she is having quite a time of it already, isn't she? Although she should know, if anyone does, that there would have been no chance of a quiet peaceful term.

I am so glad that she still loves, and feels connected to the school - that she can still enjoy her time here until she goes back to the Convent.

Do I sense a potential friendship looming between Ellie and Mireille? Hilda's two particular 'charges' at the moment Very Happy

#8: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 7:00 am
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It`s back, it`s back, it`s back ! Laughing

How wonderful to see Hilda so evidently on top form as she talks to her beloved School, and to see that she is glad to be back and determined to make the most of her remaining terms.

As for those Middles......trouble ahoy ?

Thank you, Mary !

#9: Author: jacey, Location: Ireland

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 7:19 am
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Lovely to see this back Mary. Thank you.

#10: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 11:26 pm
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It's lovely to have this back, and particularly lovely to see Hilda so certain and happy at school, realising so clearly that, despite the anguish and bereavement

Quote:

This was who she was and what she did.

She clearly hasn't lost her touch, either:

Quote:

Hilda, however, had not missed the looks exchanged by some of the girls in the centre rows. It would be the Middles, she sighed inwardly.

It's not going to be easy to keep an eye on the situation while appearing to do nothing, as she can't intervene directly without undermining Mireille.

I wonder how Ellie will react to this very different perspective on Hilda? She seems to be revelling in it at the moment.

#11: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:15 pm
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Thanks to all of you for the welcome back. Laughing

Yes, Elder, it will be an *interesting* term. Squirrel, you are quite right. Hilda is juggling far too many balls. I wonder which ones she will drop? Shocked

Er, Miranda, who gave you permission to read my scripts? Twisted Evil

Hilda had invited the Staff for coffee in her Salon after Prayers, but most of them were very tired, especially those who had been on escort duty, so she was soon free to make her way back to her study and her on-going administration work. But as she sat down rather wearily in her chair, her thoughts returned to the last few days with Ellie.

It had not been an easy journey back to Switzerland, for Ellie had suddenly been overcome by hesitation and doubt, but her fears seemed to ease a little after a long and reassuring conversation, one in which Hilda had learned just how much her ward was maturing. Jack Maynard had greeted them in Berne, having been alerted by Hilda before she left the convent. She had informed him there would also be a new girl for the school, but had said nothing else.

Now, after returning his greetings, she quietly introduced the man and the young girl to each other. “Jack, I would like you to meet Ellie Drake, my ward, who has come to join the school. Ellie, this is my good friend, Dr Maynard.”

She watched in some amusement as Jack’e eyebrows disappeared into his hair. For a moment or two, his eyes focused intently on Hilda, and then he held out his hand to Ellie. “Welcome to Switzerland, Miss Ellie Drake,” he said warmly and with old-fashioned courtesy. “And welcome to the Chalet School as well.”

“Enchantée de vous connaître, Monsieur le Docteur,” replied Ellie instinctively, and Jack realised she was French. He realised something else, as well. Ellie’s tones held something of the sweetness of Hilda’s voice in them, though not yet the mature richness. He examined her face but could see nothing of Hilda there. The latter could see his many unspoken questions and grinned inwardly. He and Jo would get some explanation, but not all, by any means. That was between herself, Ellie and the convent. No one else needed to know more than the bare minimum.

They kept to mundane topics on the journey to school, Jack talking about their Christmas at Freudesheim, and both of the adults pointing out the sights to Ellie. She was awed by the beauty of Lake Thun and the majesty of the surrounding mountains. They reminded her of home, and were certainly more appealing than the flat landscape of Norfolk. It would lift her heart to see this exquisite beauty every day.

Too soon for Ellie, they were at the door of the school, Hilda inserting her key in the lock, and Jack was saying apologetically, “There’s no one else here yet, did you know? We’ve started the heating and aired your bed, and there’s milk in the fridge, but….”

“Don’t worry, Jack,” responded Hilda warmly, as she ushered Ellie into the large entrance hall, Jack following behind with the cases. “I told Karen they didn’t need to return until tomorrow or Monday. We can forage for ourselves until then, n’est-ce pas, Ellie?”

But Jack was concerned. “Perhaps you’d come to supper later. I know Jo would like to see you again and meet Ellie.”

Hilda surveyed Ellie’s shadowed face. Peace was needed tonight, she decided, not Joey’s generous exuberance. “Thank you, Jack, but we’ll manage here. I think Ellie is too weary for company right now.”

And so are you, thought Jack to himself, surveying her face keenly with his practised eye. She was white with exhaustion, her eyes heavy, though without the look of anguish they had worn before Christmas. He was thankful to see she had regained a little weight and had lost that air of tension and grief, though not the fragility and vulnerability, unfortunately. They seemed to have become a fixture, and he was not happy about it.

“Then come for Mitagessen after church tomorrow – and I’ll take a proper look at you,” he muttered in an undertone as he kissed her lightly on the cheek before leaving.

Realising what he meant, she gazed back at him impassively and smiled briefly. He was her doctor, after all, and presumably wanted to make sure there were no lingering effects from the accident. Submission now would make things easier later on, she decided.

“They took very good care of me, Jack,” she said lightly as she went to see him off the premises. “They’re every bit as bossy as you and Gwynneth, believe me.”

“I’m delighted to hear it,” he grinned and took his leave.

#12: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:23 pm
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I'm glad that Hilda has returned to her study now. Seems as if she needs to give the admin a rest though tbh.

And so Jack and Jo are waiting to find out all they can about Ellie? I'm glad that Hilda has made them wait - that can come in time. Never mind the exuberence of Jo, new people are precisely the thing Ellie does not need. And if Jo happened to have a houseful at that time... No.

And Jack being his ever cautious self, noticing how tired Hilda looked - as well as understanding just why Hilda chose to stay away. I guess the visit can't be put off - and he wants to be sure that Hilda is alright. If he doesn't know, it is going to be difficult for him to call a halt when the time comes - though no doubt Gwynneth will be there to help with that. As well as everyone else.

Thanks Mary.

#13: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 8:25 pm
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Lovely Jack - he'll bully Hilda - just what she needs.

Thanks Mary.

#14: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 10:16 pm
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Hilda does seem to be very tired before she even starts ... but that was a lovely interlude, a very positive relationship between Hilda, Jo and Jack, despite Hilda's putting off Joey's exuberance which would be so overwhelming for Ellie. I wonder what was going through Jack's mind as he noted all those 'resemblances' to Hilda? It'll give them something to think about. anyway - and I loved Jack's astonishment when Hilda introduced Ellie as her ward.

#15: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:17 pm
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Good to see that Hilda coped so well with ther return to the school. and that Jack was able to see that she had benefitted from her stay in the convent.

And Jack's curiosity was most amusing...as was Hilda's inward response to it. And she's quite right....it isn't anyone elses's business is it? And that comment about Jo's 'generous exuberance' is so accurate....

Thank you Mary.

#16: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:54 pm
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This was lovely and I loved Jack's old fashioned courtesy towards Ellie.

#17: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 1:51 am
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It stands to reason that Hilda would be tired, both physically and emotionally, in those early minutes of the return to school - quite apart from leaving MA and the others behind at the convent, she and Ellie have had a relatively long day of travelling. She has also had to deal with Ellie's quite understandable bout of 'cold feet', though this did give her chance to appreciate just how much and how quickly the latter's ability to think things out for herself is developing. But I can quite see why she would want to 'protect' her from an exuberant meeting with Joey before she was more rested and less bewildered.

Loved the unspoken questions marks literally bursting out of Jack about Ellie, but I'm glad to see that Hilda will keep her own counsel about much of the girl's history.

And, of course, Hilda *does* have to deal now with going back into the empty school, alone except for Ellie - who knows what thoughts and memories that will trigger. The idea that both of them need a quiet night is the right one, I think.

Thanks, Mary.

#18: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 2:53 pm
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Twisted Evil

mwhahahaha Twisted Evil

Sorry Mary Laughing

Quote:

She watched in some amusement as Jack’e eyebrows disappeared into his hair.

I can imagine that would be a rather amazing sight Laughing

It's lovely that Ellie is picking up a certain Hilda-ness, just from being taken under Hilda's wing. A beautiful characteristic that they can share - despite not being blood relations.

I'm glad that Hilda and Ellie get some time at the school together - for Ellie to adjust to the strange environment without having to adjust to their changing relationship as well.

#19: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:48 pm
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Hilda had decided the spare room in the Annexe would do for Ellie to sleep in until the rest of the school returned. It would mean they would be close together while the place was empty. So now she helped Ellie unpack her little case and stow away her things, then took her off to her own pretty bedroom. While Hilda unpacked, Ellie prowled her guardian’s enclave, admiring the pictures on the walls and smiling at the overflowing bookshelves. Hilda's addiction to the written word was already a source of much amusement to her ward, even though the latter was well on the way to becoming another such addict.

She sat on the bed and watched Hilda carefully unwrap her Guardian statue and stand it on the bedside table, close to Nell’s photo. The crucifix she had taken to the convent with her was set on the little shelf over her bed, as were the beautiful origami angels, and their wings sparkled delicately as the overhead light shone down on them. She then stood holding the interlinked wooden hearts given to her by Vivien.

“What do you think, petite?” Ellie glanced round, unsure. Hilda made a quick decision. “No, I think I shall hang them in my study. I know just the place and it will give me a lot of pleasure to look at them during the day and remind myself of their message.” Her eyes went to the statue and the origami and she added softly, “But these are too intimate and private to be on general view.”

She led the way through the silent corridors to her study. “I’ll show you round tomorrow. petite. It will all look better in daylight. For now, though, why don’t you snuggle down here and I’ll go and make us some supper.”

“Mais, Madame,” stuttered Ellie, pointing with delight into the corner of the room. “Les papillons – ils sont ravissants. Did Miss Knowles make those for you?”

Hilda gazed over at the butterflies twirling lazily in the heat now coming from the stove. She remembered how anxious and sad she had been the day Vivien had secretly hung them there to cheer her Headmistress up. “Oui, mon enfant, Miss Knowles did indeed make them, with the help of some of the girls and Gwynneth. There are more in my Salon, not just butterflies but all sorts of creatures. And they lift my heart every time I see them. You shall feast on them tomorrow,” she added grandly.

After seeing those exquisite butterflies Ellie was tempted to stay and explore more of this large and airy room, for it seemed far too feminine to be the seat of power. But in the end she decided she would rather be with her guardian. They went along to the kitchen, made some scrambled eggs and a pot of tea and took them back to the study, where they sat and ate in peaceful comfort. Now that she was here, Ellie had a fund of new questions and Hilda found herself under siege. After a while, however, the girl’s eyes gew heavy, but it was a little too early for bed so Hilda settled her with a book while she herself glanced though her accumulated post with a deep sigh. How much of it there was! And little time to deal with it all!

But she knew she had made the right decision. The convent had restored her in a way nothing else now could, and she felt much readier for the new term than if she had returned earlier. And Ellie, from now on, would stop her concentrating exclusively on her work. Nell had always been able to do that, but without Nell the danger had been very real that she would forget to rest and become an automaton. She smiled – no chance of that now. Ellie would demand her attention!

Absorbed as she was in a letter, she gradually became aware of a deepening silence in the room and looked up. Ellie was nodding off over her book. Hilda moved over and removed the book, covering the girl with a blanket ready to hand for just that purpose. She tucked it round her and smoothed the black hair with a gentle hand.

“Still scared, child?” she asked softly.

Ellie smiled up at her sleepily. “Not at all, now we’ve arrived,” she murmured and closed her eyes. “I know you’ll be there…..” Her voice faded away and she slept.

“I’ll be here, chérie, for as long as I am able,” whispered Hilda into the silence. She stood there, staring down at the lovely face and realised, with a strange pang, that thoughts of Nell had not besieged her on this return; that Ellie had kept the loneliness at bay; that Nell was an ever-present and gentle presence, watching over them, but not intruding…..

Would that change, when she turned out the light and lay looking into the darkness later?

#20: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 7:57 pm
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Oh Mary. That was wonderful. The image of a mother and her daughter is so palable as Hilda and Ellie unpack, and Ellie is welcomed into Hilda's inner sanctum.

Then there is the way that Hilda comes to recognise that Ellie is playing Nell's part at present - the part of stopping her from doing too much work - something she's not had since Nell died.

And then stopping Nell come to close for Hilda to bear. Has she turned a corner, or will her fears find reality in the dark. I do hope not, for there will be dark enough times ahead without one this very first evening.

Thank you Mary - that was wonderful writing.

#21: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:31 pm
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Actually I could sense an underlying worry there - as though Hilda was concerned that she had not thought of Nell - and was almost guilty about it. Hope the night won't bring those thoughts to fruition.

Thanks Mary.

#22: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 8:56 pm
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It's clear that Hilda is, at this point, pleased that the task of caring for Ellie, and answering her questions, have indeed kept thoughts of Nell at bay, and that this is something which is a good omen for the future as she helps Ellie to settle into school. It was definitely a wise decision to stay at the convent for as long as possible - the enforced rest and MA's unshrinking 'treatment', as well as Ellie's needs, have given her back a good deal of her strength and will enable her to face the new term with more vigour than she might otherwise have done. But, and it's a big 'but' I think that she is also only too well aware that those thoughts of Nell are lurking close to the surface and it's inevitable that they will reappear at some point. The question will be whether she can face them with equanimity, a sure proof that the healing magic of time is indeed helping, or whether they will plunge her back into the maelstrom of grief from which she has so recently emerged.

And yes, Lesley, I can see why she might also feel guilty about *not* remembering when she *does* do so. - But yet, that would also be part of her healing process, wouldn't it?

Thanks Mary. I'm looking forward to seeing how all of this plays out.

#23: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 9:15 pm
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It's wonderful to see this back and to see just how well Ellie and Hilda fit together. I love Jack in this and I can't wait to see Joey's reaction/response.

Thank you Mary.

#24: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 10:24 pm
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It is just right that Hilda and Ellie have this short time together before the rest of the school returns. Ellie has the chance to become part of Hilda's non-professional life while she still has time and leisure to give to her, and the domesticity of the scene is endearing.

I'm sure Nell herself would much prefer Hilda to be happy and to let her settle at the back of her mind than to be constantly tormented by memories that are too vivid and disturbing. She is not going to forget, but she must be able to remember without being torn apart, or she'll be destroyed. Her work will be a solace, too, even though she needs help to keep it in perspective.

#25: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 11:31 pm
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That was a very gentle and calming way to spend that first evening. The return from the convent was potentially difficult, even despite all that it has given to Hilda, but Ellie's presence has meant that Hilda has been focussed on the future rather than the past. How fascinating that Hilda realises that Ellie will be the necessary distraction from her work that she requiers. And how lovely for her to feel Nell as " an ever-present and gentle presence, watching over them, but not intruding", rather like a guardian angel for both of them.

Hopefully the domesticity of that first evening - I have a lovely picture of the pair of them together quietly reading - will allow Hilda a peaceful night's sleep, ready for the days ahead.

Thank you Mary.

#26: Author: calico, Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:35 am
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Mary, its lovely to have this back.
Thank you.

#27: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:56 am
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Am really enjoying this. Thanks Mary

#28: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:48 am
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Jack and Joey will be agog with curiosity till they see Hilda next after Church.
Wink

Thank you, Mary !

#29: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:51 pm
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Stealthing on at my daughter's down in deepest, darkest Devon. Laughing

She was surprised when she awoke the next morning to find she had slept the night through. There had indeed been a moment or two in the darkness when her heart had been homesick for the peace of the convent – after all, there would be precious little peace between now and Easter – and there had been longer moments when she had yearned for Nell. But she knew Nell was watching over her, just as she knew that the good Sisters were praying for her, and both those thoughts were comforting enough to make her roll over and drift off to sleep with a smile on her lips. She and Ellie were not alone.

Now, they sat in the kitchen, eating their toast and drinking coffee the like of which Ellie had not tasted since leaving her homeland. She had obviously slept well herself, for her colour was fresh and she looked ready for anything, keyed up by all that was happening.

“What would you like to see first, ma mie?” asked Hilda, drinking the last of her coffee.

Ellie shook her head. “But I don’t know what there is to see, Madame” she cried excitedly. “I suppose it is not so very different from my old school, after all.”

Hilda choked. “How very chic and sophisticated, my dear. You’ve seen it all before and there is nothing new under the sun,” she teased.

Ellie stuck out her tongue. “But, Madame, that is not my meaning….,” she started to exclaim and then saw the twinkle in Hilda’s eyes. “Bah! You pull all the legs so much, you English!”

“Why, how many have you got?” asked Hilda in alarm, and dived under the table. Ellie gurgled with laughter and dived down after her to pull gargoyle faces. Hilda sat up again and wiped her brow. “Phew, only two, like everyone else. You had me worried there for a moment, ma petite.”

“Madame, I shall never get these so terrible English proverbs comme il faut,” moaned Ellie sadly, while thoroughly enjoying this gentle teasing.

“Oh, yes, you will, chérie,” Hilda assured her solemnly. “As your English mistress, I can promise you that. Remember how fierce I am, and be ready to duck if you get them wrong. And by the way, we only pull one leg at a time.”

“But then I would end up with one leg more long than the other,” said Ellie, tongue very much in cheek. “Better to pull all the two of them, it seems to me, ma très chère Madame.”

They giggled together, and Hilda was reminded of all the times she had been teased by Nell, and how much she had pined for it. Well, here it was, being freely offered to her on the very first day back at school. Tracing a memory for me, Nell, just like I asked? Bless you, my love.

Still chuckling to herself, she rose from the table. “Dishes first, my girl, and then we explore. But we will have to be fairly quick right now, as there is the Eucharist Service to attend at eleven. And, after all, you’ll soon know all there is to see.”

A little later found them viewing the dormitories, where Ellie cried out in delight at the flower-strewn curtains and bedding. “We had no curtains to give us a private space like this,” she said. “It will be wonderful to sleep in a little room such as this.”

She stared out of one of the windows, her eyes soft - for the views all around really were heart-stoppingly lovely. Although there was no snow on the ground as yet, the mountain summits were heavily laden, the snow sparkling like so many crystals in the sunshine. Hilda remembered how affected Ellie had been by the butterflies the night before. It was growing ever clearer that Ellie was deeply sensitive to beauty - her aunt’s artistic temperament was lurking there, just waiting to be brought out in the open and channelled in some way.

They left the dormitories and toured the classrooms, the laboratories, the art rooms, the common rooms – the latter being something else they had not had at her other school. She was shown the Speisesaal, long and narrow, and then the sunny library, where she would do much of her work as she was in the Sixth form. She saw the Hall, with its Boards of Honour and its paintings decorating the walls, while cups and trophies were displayed on shelves and cupboards, evidence of all the sports and other activities practised by the school.

As they were standing in the Hall, chatting about the sports Ellie liked, they heard a door bang and someone shout Hilda’s name. “Joey,” said Hilda to herself. She should have expected this, but she was sad, for she had been enjoying having Ellie to herself for a while longer. Once school began, their time together would be short.

She had also been enjoying seeing the school through a stranger’s eyes, especially this stranger. Most new girls were on their very best behaviour with their new Headmistress, whereas Ellie felt relaxed enough to be honest, and that was something Hilda found refreshing.

#30: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:56 pm
—
Pleased that Hilda got through the night well - and that she is loving the time with Ellie. A pity that, once School starts, those times will be severely rationed.

Thanks Mary.

#31: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:08 pm
—
Oh how wonderful! I just *loved* the teasing, especially this:

Quote:

“But then I would end up with one leg more long than the other,” said Ellie, tongue very much in cheek. “Better to pull all the two of them, it seems to me, ma très chère Madame.”

Fantastic! Laughing

And the tour of the school was lovely. Flowers and views alike call to the sight the deep appreciation that Ellie has for beauty - will we see her gifts discovered and trained? I hope so.

Now, how long is Joey going to be here for? And did she absolutely *have* to arrive so early?

#32: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:16 pm
—
Oh what absolutely lovely banter here - I just loved Hilda trying to see how many legs Ellie had, and Ellie's riposte about one leg becoming longer than the other!! All just what the two of them needed.

And how wonderful to see that Hilda was able to spend such a peaceful night, which she badly needed after the journey, not one disturbed by the searing grief for Nell, as it might have been. Her quiet faith that Nell is, indeed, watching over her is very significant, too. Her need for her will not be lessened, but the pain of their separation, perhaps, will be.

Loved seeing Ellie's reaction to her new surroundings, both her comparisons with what she had had in her last school, and the way she revelled in the glorious scenery outside the windows.

At least they've had that quiet few hours together before Joey comes on the scene, too.

Thanks, Mary.

#33: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:55 pm
—
It will be really interesting for Hilda to have Ellie's perspective on school, she is a total outsider and one of the few who has known Hilda as a person before acquiring her as a Headmistress, so is not paralysed with awe. I wonder what she'll think of it all, I'm sure some things will seem very strange.

The teasing was lovely, I chuckled muchly over the legs (poor Ellie, proverbs are always a pain).

I wonder what particular gifts Ellie will show and in what way her sensitivity and love of beauty will mostly show itself? I look forward to knowing her better in this new context.

#34: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 12:03 am
—
How lovely that Hilda had that quiet night, and more so because she was able to be comforted by the knowledge of Nell's presence and the nuns' prayers.

And the teasing was utterly gorgeous, and exactly what she needed. And I agree Tara - Ellie does have a different perspective on Hilda and the school because of their previous friendship, and her comments will be most interesting. And somehow I don't think that she's going to fall at Joey's feet (that's not meant sarcastically, just as an observation that Ellie's love and loyalty are given to Hilda). Poor Hilda, though, knowing her time with Ellie is going to be limited and having Joey appear at this point!

I was wondering - Ellie's appreciation of language and sensitivity to beauty are so evident - is she perhaps musical? Just a thought.....

Thank you Mary - so glad you could stealth in 'deepest darkest Devon'! Very Happy

#35: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Tue Apr 03, 2007 3:04 pm
—
Hope your enjoying "deepest darkest Devon" Mary and thank you for sneaking on to post this. Much appreciated!

Lovely update but oh how I want to shake or slap Joey for turning up now.

#36: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:02 pm
—

wheelchairprincess wrote:

Lovely update but oh how I want to shake or slap Joey for turning up now.

You and Hilda both, wheelchairprincess! Laughing

There was no escaping Joey. Clearly she had decided, after hearing Jack’s news about Hilda’s ward, that she simply could not wait until Mitagessen to view the new girl. Hilda could take an educated guess at their musings on the subject. She looked at her watch – almost time to leave for the service, thankfully. Guiding Ellie out of the Hall and silently bewailing the fact that there was now no time to prepare the girl, for Joey could be a force with which to be reckoned, they saw that good lady bearing down on them. She held out her arms to Hilda and embraced her warmly.

“Hilda, my lamb, how are you? Jack said he thought you looked so much better,” she cried, her golden tones loud in the peaceful corridor. Much to Hilda’s amusement, Joey did not wait for an answer but turned to Ellie and dived straight in.

“And this is your ward. Jack told me all about her last night.” She held out her hand, examining the lovely face closely for any resemblance to Hilda, just as Jack had done the night before. “How do you do, Ellie? I’m Mrs Maynard. I live next door and my girls all attend the school, though one of them is actually a mistress here now. You must come over for afternoon tea one Saturday with any other new girls there might be.”

Although Joey was talking in French, having been warned by Jack of the girl’s nationality, Ellie looked in bewilderment at Hilda. She felt overpowered by this super-abundance of energy. Hilda herself no longer felt at all amused. She could have shaken her friend for her lack of sensitivity, barging in like this without fear or favour. Did she have no idea what it might mean to be new and scared? Could she not have waited until she had been given a little information? The trouble is, Hilda sighed to herself, we so often do turn new girls over to her, simply because she has the time to spend with them, and can relax with them more than I am allowed to do as Headmistress.

She stepped in to help Ellie. “Mrs Maynard is the wife of Dr Maynard who drove us up last night, chérie,” she offered quietly, and saw Joey’s eyebrows shoot up at the endearment. Ignoring her, she continued, “She was also the school’s very first pupil, and keeps in very close contact with us all. On top of that she is a famous authoress. I’ll lend you some of her books later on.”

“But not at all, Hilda,” cried Joey. “I shall naturally let her have signed copies. I have plenty to spare.” Hilda’s lips twitched at this generosity – but then thinned as Joey turned to her and added, “After all, she’s one of the family now, Hilda, since she’s your ward. And if you need any hints and tips about being guardian to a young girl – well, you know where to….

Her words trailed away as she met Hilda’s impassive gaze. She suddenly blushed fierily at this silent scrutiny, but, before she could make amends to her old friend and former teacher, Ellie rushed into the fray. However, remembering the argument with Sister Pauline, she was haughtily polite rather than revealing her anger.

“Madame has no need, but no need at all, of any help, Madame Maynard. She is the most wonderful guardian anyone could wish for and knows just what to do to help me. She has been so very good to me and I love her so much already, after only a few weeks. Please do not worry about us. We are very happy together, you know.”

Hilda could have wished that Ellie had not revealed any information about them at all, but her lips twitched again at Joey’s mortification. She remembered Ellie’s vow to be her champion. It seemed the girl had meant it. Though perhaps she needed to learn to curb her enthusiasm – it would do her credibility with her schoolfellows no good all if she were seen to be championing the Headmistress.

“Thank you, Ellie, my dear, for jumping to my defence,” she said quietly, laying a restraining hand on the girl’s arm, for Ellie was glaring ferociously at Joey, who was in turn looking very discomforted. “But Mrs Maynard has eleven children of her own and also several wards, so she has considerable experience. I’m sure she meant well – didn’t you, Joey?” she finished, laying heavy emphasis on her last words.

Joey blushed fierily again. She might have a yard or two of children and wards, but Hilda had been guiding young girls for many a long day and knew all there was to know about them. This young girl was correct – Hilda needed no help from anyone at all. And as her own sensitivity awoke, Joey observed the other two more closely and became aware of the loving bond between them, for it was almost tangible. How long had Hilda known this girl? Why had she kept so quiet about her? There seemed to be some deep mystery here that would be tempting to unravel – but perhaps it might be better to wait. Hilda could be an implacable foe.

She flashed an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Hilda. That was unforgiveable of me. Ellie is quite right. You’ve helped more young girls than I’ve had hot dinners. You will be a perfect guardian – she could have none better and she’s a very lucky girl. I remember how you helped me through a thing or two when I was Ellie’s age.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ll leave you to it. I must get back. Lunch at half past twelve, don’t forget.” She flashed another smile and walked jauntily away down the corridor.

Hilda put a gentle arm round Ellie’s shoulders and was surprised to feel her trembling with anger. She drew her close. “Ellie, ma petite, calme-toi. Mrs Maynard was only trying to welcome you to the school. She could help you a great deal once you get to know her. Indeed, one of her wards is in your class.”

“But me, I do not think I like her, Madame,” said Ellie through clenched teeth. “She seems to be a person who thinks she knows more than anyone else.”

Hilda groaned inwardly. What a start! She smiled down encouragingly at her ward. “She’s not really like that, Ellie. She’s very loving and giving, and gets on well with the girls here. You will grow to like her, I promise.”

Jamais, thought Ellie savagely to herself. Never! Madame Maynard had dared to imply her guardian was not good enough – when she had done so much and loved her so much and sorted out all her problems. Why, she had even given her Persephone, now sadly languishing on her own back in Norfolk! To Ellie, her guardian was perfection itself. The girl had heard all Hilda’s words of warning about people’s failings, but had not really absorbed their truth. She worshipped her for all she had done and could see no fault in her. Just let anyone else dare to criticise her….

Leading her back to the study so they could find their coats for church, Hilda sighed, both at Ellie’s intransigeance and at the hero worship. She understood why Ellie felt that way, but there was going to be trouble one day, unless she could change the girl’s attitude. For she knew well she was no plaster saint, was as flawed as the next person.That pedestal! How she hated it! Not only was it a lonely place, it was a dangerous one, when there was an emotional adolescent in the mix.

#37: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:15 pm
—
Oh dear - Hilda could really do without that, couldn't she? Joey was trying to be helpful but had forgotten just who she was talking to - as though Hilda would need advice on guiding young girls. Rolling Eyes

A great pity that Ellie had to hear that - should her attitude toward Joey continue she will find it difficult when School starts.

Thanks Mary.

#38: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:30 pm
—
I do hope Hilda will be able to convince Ellie to soften what looks as if it might be an implacable attitude towards Joey, or sparks could really fly. Mind you, Joey really did rush in where angels fear to tread there, didn't she?

Poor Ellie - I can well imagine her feeling overpowered by Joey's exuberance. And of course she would fire up at what she saw to be an implied criticisim of Hilda, too. But I loved the way she stood on her dignity in her response, rather than 'exploding' as she had done with her aunt - that certainly showed her growing maturity. But how confused she must be feeling once again, too.

And poor Hilda indeed - she needed this particular situation like a hole in the head. But I have every faith that she will be able to do what's needed to calm Ellie, and at the same time to persuade her that she will only earn herself trouble with her schoolmates if she 'champions' Hilda in front of them the way she just did in front of Joey.

Thanks, Mary - this promises to be yet another fascinating thread in what is already showing signs of becoming quite a challenging term for Hilda, and indeed for Ellie, too. As for Joey......!

#39: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 8:45 pm
—
Joey deserved everything she got then. And then some.

#40: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:15 pm
—
Silly Joey but well done Ellie!

Thanks Mary.

#41: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:02 pm
—
Oh dear, that was unfortunate, to put it mildly. At least Jo realised how badly she'd got it wrong (and I rather like the fact that she's just a bit afraid of Hilda!), but Ellie isn't going to change her mind easily.
I forsee squalls ahead. However wonderful a Head Hilda is, there are going to be times when she has to make unpopular decisions and when Ellie is going to hear her being criticised. Besides, Hilda wants to be loved as a person, not as some idealised icon. How right she is about that pedestal:

Quote:

Not only was it a lonely place, it was a dangerous one, when there was an emotional adolescent in the mix.

Reminds me of when I started teaching at the school where my children were already pupils. Checking that it was ok with them before I accepted the job, I asked them how they'd react the first time they heard me being called an old cow, or similar. Son (aged 12): I'd ignore them; daughter (15) I'd thump them!

BTW, what do Jo and Jack think Hilda's been up to?? Nosy pair!

#42: Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford

Posted: Wed Apr 04, 2007 11:19 pm
—
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful! Very Happy

I'm so pleased to see more of this, Mary. Ellie is such a super creation - entirely convincing, and so lovable! It will be intriguing to watch her continue to develop. And the bond between her and Hilda is beautiful. Joey had better watch her step, I think! In fact, Ellie's defence of Hilda is quite reminiscent of Jo's own behaviour to anyone who didn't seem to like the Robin, so many years before. At least Jo has the sense to admit she's in the wrong. I hope she can find some patience and tact when it comes to unravelling the 'mystery'!

So many lovely moments over these few posts, particularly the banter between Hilda and Ellie - and Hilda's aside to Nell, which was simple but very moving. I don't suppose Hilda will be free of the nightmares and despair for long, but this respite must be very welcome, allowing her to rejoice in her memories of Nell instead of fearing them. I'm pleased to see the origami butterflies making a reappearance as well!

And, as before, it's all so beautifully written. Not for the first time, I find myself wishing it was in a book, not on a computer - it's perfect bedtime reading and I would dearly love to be able to curl up under the covers and immerse myself in the story. I'm doing my best, but the laptop just isn't the same!

Quote:

“But then I would end up with one leg more long than the other,” said Ellie, tongue very much in cheek. “Better to pull all the two of them, it seems to me, ma très chère Madame.”

*snort* Brilliant! Laughing

Lovely to see this back and catch up on it.
Merci, cherie.

#43: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:54 am
—
Oh Joey! Both feet in it up to your neck! But at least in the face of Hilda's 'impassive gaze' she did realise the absolute unnecessary stupidity of her suggestion......

Ellie's reaction was so typically adolesccent - complete and total support of Hilda, and an equally complete and total rejection of Joey's point of view. But her restraint does show that she has matured a little.

I too share Hilda's disquiet about Ellie's very understandable attitude. That pedestal is lonely and dangerous and Ellie's hero-worship could cause problems between herself and the other girls, and possibly between her and Hilda if Hilda has to do anything that Ellie might see as inappropriate or unworthy of her.

Thank you Mary

#44: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 7:55 am
—
Well well well - it seems that Joey really hasn't made a particularly good first impression Wink

And yet she was quick to apologise to Hilda and admit her mistake - it's a shame really that Hilda didn't get time beforehand to warn her (or Ellie, or both!) about what to expect from the other.

Poor Hilda up on that pedestal alone. But I'm hoping Vivien will arrive soon and be able to provide some relief from what seems to be becoming a rather intense situation.

#45: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 2:31 pm
—
Brilliant, Mary !
Joey has all the tact of a dead jellyfish sometimes ! Rolling Eyes

I am glad - and not at all surprised - that Ellie jumped so readily into the fray, but Joey will have to work very hard to recoup her loss of grace with Ellie , won`t she ?
How I shall enjoy that Wink

#46: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 3:50 am
—
It was lovely seeing Hilda feeling so right at her return, and her banter with Ellie over "these so terrible English proverbs."

I'm disappointed in Joey, though. I'm wouldn't be surprised to see her anxious to see Hilda after her absence, overly bouncy for someone like Ellie, and of course perpetually curious, but wouldn't think she'd make this kind of crack except as a joking throwaway line -- and never with the ward in question present.

That said, Ellie's reaction is very realistic.

*hopes things don't escalate*

#47: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 7:46 pm
—
After the Service, Hilda was engulfed in a warm hug from Ian, and returned it wholeheartedly before standing back to search his face, much as she had done during the Service.

“You look so much better, Ian,” she remarked softly. The colour had returned to his cheeks and the pain and distress were gone from his green eyes.

“So do you, Hilda,” he replied equally softly, although like others he could see clear evidence of continuing frailty in her clear-cut face. He knew from his sister how ill Hilda had been in the convent and he now added gravely, “But I would like to see a little more pink in those white cheeks – and the hollows filled out some.”

“I’m fine, Ian,” she said firmly. “Your sister and Pauline made very sure of that.” She turned the conversation away from herself by putting her arm round Ellie and drawing her forward. “Ian, I would like you to meet my ward, Ellie. Ma chérie, this is Mr Stuart, and he is the brother of Mother Abbess.”

Ian heard the love in the beautiful voice and saw it shining in the keen eyes, but it came as no surprise to him, for Hilda had given his sister leave to tell him all about Ellie. She knew he would be told everything, but she also knew he could be trusted. Ian was a man of his word.

Ellie meanwhile had been watching Ian closely while he had been talking to Hilda and had noted the remarkable eyes he shared with his sister. But now, when she shook hands, she realised something. Whereas the nun’s eyes seemed to probe and plumb the depths of one’s soul, this man’s regard was gentle, and rested on one with great kindness. She felt instantly drawn to him, and this made her more open than usual.

“Mère told me all about your accident, Monsieur” she blurted out. “How Madame was so very brave and saved your life and nearly lost her own.”

“Ellie,” gasped Hilda in horror. “That’s not true, child. I didn’t….”

Ian laid a quieting hand on her arm. “Sh, Hilda, the child is right.” He looked at Ellie. “My sister told you nothing but the truth, my dear. Without your guardian I would not be standing here now, talking to you. She is a very courageous lady.”

Hilda tried to speak but Ellie silenced her simply by turning to her, her vivid face suffused with love. “I know that, Monsieur Stuart. She is indeed brave and generous and so many other things. Moi aussi, elle m’a sauvée la vie– she has saved my own life as well.”

Tears sprang into Hilda eyes and she shook her head at what she saw as Ellie’s exaggeration. But Ian had found a like-minded soul and now said teasingly, “We should form a society, Ellie. The Adore Miss Annersley Society. You and I can be the founder members.”

Ellie nodded, her eyes shining like stars at his initiative, while Hilda drew herself up and said, in her most freezing tones, “Do that, and I put you both on Head’s Report. And that, Ellie, my child, is no laughing matter, I assure you.”

Ian winked at Hilda and leaned forward to whisper in Ellie’s ear. “I can see it will have to be a secret society, infant.”

Ellie giggled, but then suddenly something struck her. She said quietly, “AMAS. That seems like a good name for such a society, Monsieur, if you remember your Latin.”

Ian realised with sudden embarrassment what she meant and risked a look at Hilda as he remembered his proposal, but all he saw in her eyes was hidden laughter. He relaxed and nodded. “Amo, amas, amat…. Mmmm! It does indeed seem like a good name, Ellie. Amas - you love. For what is an adoration society for, tell me, but to express one’s love for the person so adored?” He paused and then asked confidingly, “Do you think my sister would join?”

She considered and then smiled. “Me, I think they would all join, Monsieur. They are so very fond of her, you know.”

Hilda was secretly longing to laugh out loud at such childish idiocy, but she had realised something which gave her pause. This kindly man had been instantly accepted by Ellie, who trusted so few people. He seemed to have known instinctively what would appeal to the girl, and she was as animated as Hilda had ever seen her, certainly more so than she had been with Joey.

Here was the father she had never had, thought Hilda to herself with a start. Here was someone to be teased, to have secrets with – someone in whose presence she could relax and be comfortable. For Ian would make no demands, nor would he freeze her out as her father had done, for he was an uncomplicated man and imbued with great kindliness and understanding. It was something Hilda had not expected and she felt a great rush of warmth towards Ian. Yet again, she saw God’s hand hovering over them all.

“Are you free this afternoon, Ian?” she asked quietly. He nodded. “Well, we’re due at Freudesheim for Mitagessen, but why not come over for Kaffee and Kuchen about sixteen o’clock and you can get to know Ellie a little better?”

“I’ll bring the Kuchen,” he offered with a delighted laugh, “and you provide the Kaffee.”

“Done!” she said and they went their separate ways, Hilda with intense gratitude in her heart for Ian’s gentle nature, Ian with a quiet and peaceful love in his heart for Hilda. He knew all that she had done for Ellie and hoped he would be given the chance to help her with the girl.

He was still aware of a deep sadness that this generous and gracious woman could not love him, but he had more than most. He had her friendship, her trust. And he had a feeling that her ward was going to draw them all even closer together. He, Kate, Hilda and Ellie - a quartet knit together by bonds of deep affection and tenderness. And three of them would be founder members of AMAS! With a chuckle he went on his way, a wicked smile lighting up those startling emerald eyes.

#48: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:11 pm
—
That was just beautiful through and through, from the easy exchanges between Ian and Hilda to the instant acceptance of Ian and Ellie for each other - indeed the father figure which she has always missed. I can foresee that he will be another 'refuge' for her if school is too bewildering and Hilda not immediately available.

And as for the idea of AMAS - the notion itself is wonderful, but Ellie's instant choice of a name and the reason for it shows both the affection which she and others so clearly hold for Hilda, and that penchant for wit which she is already showing and which is such a delight to her guardian.

There is so much that is reassuring here and at the same time, we know that Ian will be constantly on the alert for Hilda's well being as well as for Ellie's.

I'm looking forward to that Kaffee and Kuchen - and to seeing what Ellie has made of their lunch date with Joey, too.

Thanks, Mary - a very satisfying piece, with the promise of so much more to come.

#49: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:25 pm
—
That was lovely, and I think it's a very good thing that Ellie has taken to Ian - I have the feeling she is going to need somewhere to run to when she's upset and unable to contact Hilda - after all, she's not going to want to speak with Joey, is she?

Thanks Mary.

#50: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 9:56 pm
—
Ian's uncomplicated niceness is so soothing, and I have a feeling he's going to get a lot more important to Ellie. I wonder how hard she's going to find it when Hilda has to withdraw a little as school begins - she can't very well go around glowing with love, after all, and Ellie's own fierce and passionate affection is going to have to be controlled in public, which she'll find really difficult.

Shame that she's taken so violently against Jo, and for a remark which, while supremely tactless, was, I felt, meant as a sort of joke.

#51: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 10:20 pm
—
I'd forgotten about Ian but he is so lovely and so just what Ellie needed here that I'm left wondering just how I managed to forget about him. And that if I ever get bored of being happily single (something I don't see happening) I will be needing to find a man like him.

#52: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:41 am
—
I'm so glad that Ellie has taken such a shine to Ian - and that she's discovered not all the people on the Platz are quite like Joey. It's a relief that Ian has recovered so well from the accident and is able to take up his former role. I'm sure many others would have missed him in that time.

And the AMAS! What a stroke of absolute genius - the perfect appropriateness of the name is very clever.

Quote:

Ian winked at Hilda and leaned forward to whisper in Ellie’s ear. “I can see it will have to be a secret society, infant.”

I laughed out loud at that line Laughing

#53: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:46 am
—
That was wonderful Mary. Am curious as to what Ellie makes of lunch with Joey and it was refreshing to meet someone who didn't automatically worship Joey on meeting though was glad to see Joey apologise for her tactlessness

#54: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 4:33 pm
—
Oh, wonderful! And Ian will be so good for Ellie.

#55: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 5:16 pm
—
Two lovely installments for me to catch up on Mary, and what installments they were!

Poor Ellie, overwhelmed by Joey. She is going to have to learn that sometimes you have to restrain yourself - but it certainly seems like Jo has yet to learn that lesson herself. Poor Hilda - what is to come in the future?

And the advent of Ian - someone who is apparently able to reach the inner heart of Ellie, someone who she responds to immediately, another friend - and that important thing - a father figure. She has so many caring women in her life, that it is right she have a man she can look up to, and who more perfect than Ian, who knows many of her other friends.

Thank you Mary - that was superb.

#56: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:22 pm
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Mary,
I did enjoy this so very much !
Trust Ellie to pick up on the "amas" so very quickly !

I look forward to more in due course Smile

#57: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:28 am
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How lovely and what an unexpected gift for Ellie after the meeting with Jo. I loved the idea of the acronym AMAS and its four founder members.....

Ian is delightful, and he will be able to give Ellie a paternal kindliness and understanding that she has missed so far in her life. And I think he will find that Hilda's friendship and trust are great things to have in his life.

Thank you Mary.

#58: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 8:08 pm
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Thank you so much for the lovely comments about Ian, but now back to Joey for the moment...

Dinner at Freudesheim, a little later, was not the unalloyed pleasure it should have been, and both Hilda and Ellie lost the good humour they had found in Ian’s company. When they arrived, Ellie shrank back against Hilda, for the room appeared to be full of people and noise. Due to her upbringing, she was a solitary child on the whole and found large crowds of people difficult to handle, despite her years at boarding school. Hilda saw her problem at once and drew her down to a corner couch where she could observe the room quietly.

“Take your time, petite,” Hilda whispered. “They’re all the daughters of Dr and Mrs Maynard – and that little boy is one of their sons. He’s had mumps so wasn’t able to return to school with his brothers. They have eleven children altogether, plus of course the wards she mentioned - and the tiny girl over there is their adopted daughter.”

Ellie nestled close to Hilda and observed the room. Apart from Dr Maynard, Hilda and Ellie herself, the others in the room were all youngsters. The youngest girl, the adopted daughter, was crawling all over Dr Maynard, who was lying on the floor and growling like a bear, while three others were playing board games with the young boy. But then, all at once, the door opened and a girl of Ellie’s own age entered the room and walked over to the couch to greet Hilda.

“Good afternoon, Miss Annersley,” she said politely. “I hope you have had a good holiday.”

“I have indeed, Erica, my dear. Thank you for asking. And I know I have no need to ask if you enjoyed yours,” smiled Hilda. Erica returned the smile and glanced at Ellie. Hilda saw her chance and took it. “Erica, this is Ellie Drake. She is due to start at the school on Tuesday and will be in your form. Ellie, child, this is one of the Maynards’ wards, Erica Standish.”

Ellie relaxed, for this girl had a pleasant face. Also, she felt kinship with another ward. “I hope you’re as lucky in your guardians as I am in mine,” she said shyly. Erica started and glanced at Hilda for an explanation.

“Ellie is my ward, Erica,” explained Hilda softly, then smiled understandingly, for Erica’s face registered total amazement. “And she is rather nervous about being here. I wonder… could you explain to her some of the things she needs to know about your form, while I go and have a word with Joey in the kitchen.”

Nothing loath, having been brought up to politeness, Erica took Hilda’s place and turned to Ellie with a friendly smile. “Now, what would you like to know? Our form mistress is Miss Derwent, who also happens to teach some Senior English, as well as Miss Annersley. You’ll like her. And…”

Seeing that Ellie was listening avidly to Erica, Hilda slipped out of the room and along to the kitchen, where Joey and Anne were putting the finishing touches to the meal. Joey blushed again when she met Hilda’s eyes across the table. The latter smiled rather grimly. She took her friend lightly by the arm and led her over to the window, out of earshot of Anna.

Joey gulped. “Hilda, I’m sorry for decrying your ability to….”

“That’s not why I’m here, Joey,” interrupted Hilda softly but firmly. “It’s Ellie. I want you to go easy with her. You know you’re a regular question mark – but, please, don’t act like that with her again today. She’s grieving, my friend, grieving very badly. She has lost everything she once loved. Be gentle, very gentle, or she will fly at you as she did earlier – or else just retreat into herself.”

She paused and took a deep breath. “Remember what I was like just after Nell’s death, Joey? I was an open wound. Well, under that fierce exterior, Ellie is in a worse state even than I was. And the wound is so recent that she is still reeling in shock. She has nothing and no one now, except for….. ”

“Except for you, my dear,” interrupted Joey softly. “And I can see already how much you love her - and how much that love is returned. But where did you…?”

“No, Joey,” said Hilda, her mellow voice sharp. “No explanations. I’m sorry, but all you need to know is that her father died just before Christmas, and she has no one else except an aunt who is a Sister in the Convent in Norfolk, and is also her guardian. Her mother died when she was just four. My role in all this is private, known only to Ellie herself and to me. It has nothing to do with anyone else here, not even my oldest friends.”

Hilda was at her stateliest and most impressive. Joey knew she meant exactly what she had said and that nothing further would be forthcoming. She accepted – and bided her time. Every child who was in trouble came to her, eventually. Why should Ellie be any different? After all, Hilda was Headmistress, with many demands on her time….

However, Hilda was all too aware of Joey’s thought processes – after all, she had known her long enough. But an uncomfortable feeling was stealing over her. Could it be that Joey was jealous? Admittedly, she was usually the one who took orphans and other distressed souls under her wing and mothered them? Did she feel left out because it was Hilda doing the mothering for once? Or was it just that Joey felt she had to jump in and sort things out in Ellie’s case as in every other? Did she give no credence to anyone else’s nurturing gifts, especially one who had never been in such a position before? Or was it simple curiosity – the need to know all there was to know? Well, not this time!

She softened her voice. “Joey, leave Ellie be. Constantly asking her questions will only alienate her. She keeps things very much to herself and only ventures out from her shell when she feels safe. Let her come to you, not the other way round. If she wants you to know about her background and what has happened to her, she will tell you – if you don’t force her. But her secrets are safe with me and I will not reveal them.” A beguiling note crept into her voice. “Play nice, Joey. I don’t want a rift between my ward and one of my oldest friends before she has been here five minutes.”

Joey leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry, Hilda. I’m being a pain, aren’t I?” Hilda surveyed the soft, dark eyes and nodded – this was far too important to her and she would not prevaricate.

Keep an eye on both of them for me, Nell. You know what Joey is like, but Ellie will not be forced and I’m scared of how she will react. Joey means well but her curiosity and her desire to jump in and help in each and every situation rather get in the way. And if she does feel jealous…….

#59: Author: Lizzie, Location: A little village on the Essex/Suffolk border

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 8:33 pm
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Mary, I haven't been with this story from the beginning, and I haven't yet found the time to sit down and read it all in one go, but I've been reading bits here and there, and I just wanted to tell you that I love the way you write. Thank you, this story is really, really lovely.

#60: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 8:34 pm
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This is great and has so much depth and compassion. I'm glad Ellie felt comfortable with Erica especially when they'll be in the same form and Hilda needed to say what she did, I only hope Joey will listen and not butt in though it must be a little hard for her when she is usually the one everyone goes to to find someone who doesn't. I only hope she listens to her and respects Ellie's privacy. I can understand completely why Hilda said what she did cos Joey isn't exactly the soul of discretion

#61: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:18 pm
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That was definitely the right warning for Hilda to give to Joey about Ellie - we can only hope that Joey's normal innate common sense, and usual sensitivity will outweigh her curiosity and even what could indeed appear to be jealousy of Hilda's relationship with the girl here. And somehow, I suspect that if she bides her time, then Ellie will tell her more when she is ready to do so.

I'm glad, too, to see that Ellie has taken to Erica - the latter is in a position to be a real help to her, and, too, to possibly be the friend Ellie so desperately needs among her own age group. Reserved she may be, but I see a little spark there, and I wouldn't be surprised to see Ellie confiding more of her situation to Erica more quickly than she will to others. After all, they *are* both wards, even though their situations are somewhat different.

And Hilda still turns instinctively to Nell, doesn't she, asking her protection for the so-special relationship between Ellie and herself - lovely.

Thanks, Mary - as always, you have given us a variety of things to ponder on.

#62: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:55 pm
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Joey would be wise to heed Hilda's words - should she try to force Ellie Hilda will not be gentle. Glad that Erica is the same age and in the same Form - the two seemed to bond immediately.

Thanks Mary

#63: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:53 am
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Hilda knows Joey so very well doesn't she? And normally Joey's sensitivity to others and her awareness of their needs would allow her to recognise the need to be gentle with Ellie and wait, and hopefully this is what will happen. Perhaps Joey herself is feeling somewhat insecure at the moment and that is why she feels a little threatened by Hilda's happy relationship with Ellie. But she does recognise the importance of what Hilda says to her.

And how lovely that she consigns both Joey and Ellie to Nell's care.

#64: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 2:37 am
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I am very glad that Erica and Ellie are getting along well together - that will make the first day at school much easier for Ellie, when she'll have to do without her Hilda.

Joey's reaction to Hilda's talk was very interesting - is it really that shocking to her that someone else is taking in a ward? I really hope that she isn't getting jealous - though I'm sure Hilda will take steps if she thinks that Joey is likely to be any sort of harm to Ellie.

Thanks Mary

#65: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 3:32 pm
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A very interesting post and wonderful as always.

Thank you Mary

#66: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 6:11 pm
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Wow. That was brilliant Mary. I can really identify with Ellie's not liking the crowded room, but with a bit of support, she got there. And meeting up with Erica could well prove to be a blessing.

I do hope that Jo learns to tread softly round Ellie - it will be a long time before she decides to trust her, if she ever does. I do hope that over time she does come to understand the loving heart of Joey - while she may never become one of Ellie's close confidant's, I'm sure that Ellie could benefit from her perspective. And what will Ellie think of her storybooks? Will the encounter with the Author put her off the stories, or will she give one of them a go, and find that there is something in them for her?

How perceptive Hilda is - I'm left wondering if Jo's jealousy/curiosity/sense of abandonment will come between Jo and Ellie again before all settles down.

Thank you Mary - a most thought provoking installment

#67: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:16 pm
—
A little later, Ellie found herself seated at the dining table between Hilda and Erica, Joey opposite and Dr Maynard at the head of the table, the others scattered around. After they had all been served soup, Joey smiled at Ellie.

“You see fewer than half the family here today, Ellie. My boys have all gone back to school in England, except little Geoff here, and our older girls are all off on their own lawful pursuits. You know, you should come over one Saturday for tea and a chat, and perhaps play with Marie Claire. Maybe when Erica comes over…. Did I hear Hilda say you would be in the same form? No, Geoff, you can’t have any more soup – there isn’t any!” She turned and frowned at her youngest son, who was very lively now he was on the road to recovery.

Ellie, who had always longed for a brother or sister, shuddered at the thought of living surrounded by so many others. Hilda felt it and grasped her hand comfortingly, guessing what an ordeal this was for her. There had been no pleasant way of refusing the invitation but it had been a mistake where Ellie was concerned, especially after the contretemps that morning. Joey’s attempts to make the girl feel welcome were having the opposite effect, because they focused all the attention on her and made her uncomfortable.

Hilda looked across at Jack, who had Cecil beside him, and threw in a question about their Christmas celebrations. This kept the conversation going through the main course, all the children chipping in with their accounts, and then Hilda managed to turn the talk to school, and Cecil, Erica and Felicity were soon all giving Ellie hints and tips about it, which she stored away to be taken out and examined later. Coffee was then served in the Saal, but Ellie found herself dragged off upstairs by Erica, who wanted to get to know this quiet French girl a little better. Hilda breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed a little – only to find Jack’s eyes assessing her over the rim of his coffee cup.

“How do you feel now?” he asked abruptly, noting yet again that ever-present fragility.

“I told you, Jack, I’m fine,” she answered firmly. “In fact, I intend to begin my early morning visits to the chapel again now my feet are recovered – at least, I do until the snow arrives.”

Jack nodded to himself. “As I told you, I had planned to get you over to the San to take a proper look at you, since you were my patient after you tried to do away with yourself on that mountain. But as you’re here, how about I give you a quick once over now, instead?”

She gazed at him in silence for so long that he began to feel uncomfortable. But remembering her thoughts last night she sighed and gave in gracefully. “If it will make you happy, my dear…. I can assure you I’ve been very well-looked after in the convent. I have been truly brow-beaten and bullied. But – as you say, I am your patient.”

After he had checked her over carefully and asked her endless questions about her appetite, her sleeping habits and especially her headaches, which she acknowledged still gave her some problems, he decided to look at her feet. He groaned at the sight of all those ugly scars and then searched her eyes.

“Are you sure these don’t bother you?” She smiled, a tender smile which he found hard to understand, not knowing about her dream. She shook her head.

“No, Jack, they’re fine. I admit to a bit of a shock even now when I remove my shoes and see them, because they do look rather unappealing, don’t they?” She laughed. “But who is going to see them, apart from me? No, they don’t bother me most of the time. If I spend too long on them, they feel a little raw but rest soon puts them right. I’ve padded the streets of London a couple of times these holidays, you know.”

He gawped. “But – I don’t understand.” He shook his head. “Feet injured in this way should take months to recover.” She continued to smile down at him, without saying anything. What would be the point? He would never understand, unlike Mother Abbess. “But I guess I can’t stop you if you really feel they don’t hurt.”

He returned to his seat and she sat down near him, waiting. He looked at her and said bluntly, “I’m still worried. You look as though a gust of wind would blow you over. You’re too thin, and you still appear weary.” He caught her exasperated face. “It’s okay, I’m not about to start laying down the law, love. But I do want you to promise you’ll start taking a little more care of yourself, get enough to eat and not work too hard. No late nights in the Study.”

She shook her head. “I can’t promise that, Jack. Sometimes there is work that needs to be done.” She paused and added sadly, “And, sometimes, it is I who needs the work, to keep my thoughts at bay.”

He reached over and clasped her hand gently. “I know, Hilda, I know. Just… try, I beg you, or I’ll set Gwynneth on you. You’re not strong – and Mother Abbess worries about you as much as we do. When you’re tempted to drive yourself too hard, and our words have no effect, just think of what Nell herself would say to you.”

She shook her head, closer to tears than she would have cared to admit, and they both rose to their feet.....

#68: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:21 pm
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Poor Jack, he's dealing in a realm which he cannot deal with here, and has no idea what he's asking about.

And Jo needs to learn to hold her tongue.

Well done Hilda for managing to feild it all off onto something different.

And I hope that Erica starts to make inroads into friendship with Ellie.

Thanks Mary, how is this going to progress?

#69: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 9:59 pm
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I've so frequently been irritated when Joey has taken over the pastoral role which is rightly Hilda's, it demeans her 'nurturing abilities' a bit, but there is no way she's going to be allowed to do that here! No substitute will do for Ellie.
Nice that she and Erica have an instant fellow-feeling, Ellie will need one or two good friends.
And Hilda is still so fragile, isn't she. At least she recognises that her impulse to overwork is sometimes driven by her own need, but the thought that Nell is no longer there to stop her is bound to drive a knife into her heart. Jack can't really understand, of course, but he is doing his best to care for her.

#70: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 11:57 pm
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Jack's motives are sound as Hilda recognises -even as she also realises that he doesn't comprehend the realms in which she has been walking. And she does accept that he is being sensible.

Poor Ellie: the sheer weight and presence of all those people around her, and she can't do anything about it. That would be unbearable - but at least she and Erica are able to have some time to themselves, and Hilda was able to deflect the attention away from her.

#71: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 6:06 am
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I wanted to shake Joey there - with her normal empathy and feeling for the girls couldn't she realise that Ellie was someone that needed time and wouldn't be able to cope with her (Joey's) normal friendly approach? At least Hilda was able to shiled her somewhat.

Pleased Jack is looking after Hilda - but that so sad point whan Hilda admitted that sometimes it is neccesary for her to work late - to keep the demons at bay. Crying or Very sad

Thanks Mary.

#72: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 6:54 am
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I`m glad Joey has agreed to back off for a while.

Poor Ellie, being catapulted into the hurly-burly noise of a large family ! On occasion I have wanted to exit the room myself when all four of mine have been chattering like starlings Laughing

Jack is being a sweetie , and I hope he gives Joey a talking to as well, when she inevitably discusses it all with him.

#73: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 9:17 pm
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I'm glad that Joey did manage to control her exuberant tactics somewhat there, as otherwise, she might have alienated Ellie from her permanently. I did sympathise with Ellie's bewilderment at being thrust into the bosom of a large and chattering family that way - thank goodness Erica was able to carry her off so they could continue their initial conversation in peace.

And while Hilda may chafe somewhat at Jack's concern for her, she knows that he only has her wellbeing at heart - and her admission that sometimes her need for hard work is to keep her loneliness at bay is so honest that Jack couldn't fail to recognise this. But it's good to know he will be looking out for her as the term gathers speed.

Thanks, Mary - I'll be looking foward to hearing what happens next.

Last edited by Elder in Ontario on Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:40 pm; edited 1 time in total

#74: Author: calico, Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 4:00 am
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Thank you Mary
This is as lovely as ever and such beautiful writing.
I do hope there is not going to be serious trouble between Joey and Ellie though glad to see Hilda has the upper hand.

#75: Author: Sarah, Location: Skelmersdale, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 12:17 pm
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Mary,
I've just caught up with this in one go - what can I say it is fantastic. Thank you! Very Happy

#76: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 3:46 pm
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No doubt that Ellie is unused to being around so many chattering people - it must be such a shock after life at the convent and then her time alone with Hilda. Though she will be at school in the midst of a chattering crowd within the next few days, so perhaps it's good for her to be able to experience the mob, but then still have the quiet time with Hilda afterwards...

I'm glad that Jack is so careful of Hilda - so many are - and yet she's all too aware of that ever-present sadness and is already preparing her coping strategies for the next term.

Thanks Mary.

#77: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 7:41 pm
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Squirrel wrote:

Thanks Mary, how is this going to progress?

I'm open to suggestions, Squirrel! Hilda is keeping me very much in the dark these days. Laughing

....Hilda shook her head, closer to tears than she would have cared to admit, and they both rose to their feet. Jack guided her though the door and they returned to the Saal. Hilda paused abruptly in the doorway when she saw Joey sitting on the couch with Ellie. Erica was now on the floor playing with the younger ones. Hilda sighed – Ellie had retreated inside herself. Her head was down and she was pleating the material of her skirt between her fingers while Joey talked at her. Hilda had a sudden wild longing to shake the pair of them, while at the same time she had to restrain herself from rushing over to protect Ellie. But neither of those things would help anyone.

Jack heard the sigh and looked at Hilda. “Ellie, your ward….” he began. Hilda turned to look at him. “I can make a guess that she’s grieving.”

Hilda nodded. “I told Joey about her before we ate. She’s just lost her father, her home and everything she loves. So, yes, Jack, she’s grieving.”

“And she looks just the way you do – all eyes and far too thin. I think Gwynneth needs to keep an eye on both of you.”

Hilda spoke quietly, urgently. “I’ll keep an eye on her, Jack. Please don’t badger her, and don’t ask Gwynneth to badger her either. She’s very fragile mentally, very wounded, far more than you can know. I’ve warned Joey but I fear….”

She turned her eyes towards the couch and Jack saw what Hilda was trying to say. He was forced to admit that his wife’s breezy ways were not helping Ellie, for the girl was looking distinctly unhappy, and Joey seemed to be strangely unaware of it. Hilda’s quieter and more thoughtful approach to things was the right way with the sensitive Ellie. And he conceded that Hilda might not look after herself, but she would wear herself out making sure others were well. Ellie was safe, in more ways than one, with Hilda as her guardian.

“I’ll distract Joey while you soothe Ellie,” he said softly and she shot him a look of surprised gratitude before entering the room. Ellie was at her side in moments, pressing close. Hilda put an arm round her and searched her face, but the girl refused to meet her eyes.

“I was just giving her a couple of my books, Hilda,” said Joey brightly, as she rose from the couch and walked over to them. “And telling her how Erica came to be my ward, how we discovered Marie-Claire’s family and were able to adopt her.”

Hilda held Ellie tighter. Hearing about the train crash in which the little girl’s mother had been killed was just what Ellie did not need, after the way her own father had died. Hilda mentally kicked herself - very, very hard. She was the one at fault, not Joey. She should have made sure she passed that little detail on. Her own very private nature was hurting her ward, the one she had promised to love and protect. But it was too late now! The damage was done, and would somehow have to be rectified – but not right this minute.

She took the books Joey was holding out and forced herself to smile at her friend. “Thank you, Joey, both for the books and for the lovely meal. But I have things to do back at school so I hope you’ll forgive us if we run.”

“Would Ellie like to stay awhile if you’re going to be busy?” asked Joey amiably. “Erica is always glad of company her own age.”

Hilda felt Ellie move even closer and she shook her head. “Thanks, Joey, but I think she’s finding all the new faces rather nerve-racking after the long journey yesterday. She can sit quietly and rest while I’m working.”

She hustled the girl out of the door after a hasty round of farewells and they set off through the gardens back to school. Hilda looked at Ellie’s face and tried to read her expression but it was closed, her lips tight. Hilda sighed again.

“Ellie, chérie, I’m so sorry about that. It was all my fault, not Mrs Maynard’s. She didn’t know about your father’s accident or she certainly wouldn’t have spoken as she did. By keeping your secrets, we’re making things worse for you.” She waited but Ellie made no reply, her eyes staring down at the ground. Hilda slipped her arm though that of her ward and spoke softly. “Ma petite, please don’t hide it all away. You must tell me what upsets you, so we can make things better.”

But Ellie continued to stare at the ground as she walked, refusing to be drawn. It was not just that Madame Maynard had talked about the train crash – though that had hurt, deep inside. She had also asked her how this school compared to Ellie’s old one; had asked her where her home was now, how long she had known her guardian – so many questions! Why had she, Ellie, been so resistant to her, when she had had no trouble at all in pouring things out to Miss Knowles? Why did she feel she would be able to confide in Mr Stuart, and yet not in Madame Maynard?

Hilda spoke slowly, feeling her way. “I saw you getting on well with Erica back there. How would you like it if she was the one to look after you for the next few days, be your sheepdog? She could….”

She stopped. Ellie was shaking her head violently, her eyes wide as she looked up at her guardian. “Ellie, what on earth….?” She considered the girl. They had both ceased moving, were standing facing each other. “Are you worried you would have to see more of Mrs Maynard if you become friends with Erica?” Ellie just stared at her, panic in her eyes. “Child, I won’t force you, so don’t worry. But Mrs Maynard is no ogre, I promise you. She is loved by everyone in the school. And Erica could become a good friend and help you settle down with the others in your form.”

Ellie just shook her head again and Hilda groaned inwardly, but gave up for the moment. She could see that Ellie had taken more hurt from that meeting with Joey than she had realised. She dreaded to think what anguish had been awoken by the talk of rail crashes. Yet again she blamed herself, and determined to discover just what was going on inside the girl before the day was over, but for now she turned Ellie about and led her gently back to school.

Ellie, meanwhile, had seen that her guardian and the Maynards were very close, and she was worried that she might upset Madame if she said anything. But oh, how she longed to pour out her confusion and pain to her guardian.

#78: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 7:50 pm
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I want to kick Joey - she normally has great empathy - what's wrong with her? She's just made Ellie's start to the CS far, far worse than anything imaginable. And she's seriously upset Hilda. I really think Joey needs to be told of the damage she's done - hopefully it's been done inconsciously, though there is that jealousy...

Thanks Mary.

#79: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:19 pm
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Oh Poor Ellie. What a horrific thing for her to have to face. Why couldn't Erica and Ellie have stayed upstairs. At first I hoped that all would be OK, but obviously not.

And how like Hilda to assume as much of the blame as possible. I hope that Ellie finds she is able to confide her thoughts in Hilda at some point - there's more here than what we know I am sure.

Jo has been insensitive in the extreme, but at least Jack has been able to put a finger on what's wrong. I hope that he talks seriously to her when he gets the chance.

I find it most interesting hearing Ellies confusion about why she should find it so hard to open up to Jo, when Vivien and Ian became close friends from almost the first. I wonder what she will conclude when she has had more time to think it through.

Thanks Mary - looking forward to hearing more, as and when Hilda lets you know!

#80: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 8:24 pm
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Joey certainly could benefit from a quick kick here, couldn't she? And since she always prides herself so much on her ability to get under the skin of any girl, Chalet school pupil or otherwise, it's also very out of character for her. I'm sure she will be extremely upset when she realises just how much she has upset both Ellie and Hilda here. And she will do, because I think Jack will not scruple to point it out to her!

But for now, the damage has been done, and can only be undone by Hilda, with patience and tenderness. One has to feel so much for Ellie - clearly her conversation with Joey has aroused all sorts of memories and fears which Hilda has been working so hard to dispel. However, as she herself realises, Hilda and the Maynards are very close friends, and it's understandable that she would fear Hilda's reaction if she did what she really wants so desperately to do and pours out all her confusion to her guardian. How little she understands about Hilda yet - but here again, given all she's been through, that's not so surprising. And I do hope Hilda can convince her that if she becomes friendly with Erica, that doesn't automatically mean that she has to spend time with Joey as well - Erica could help her in so many ways.

I was really intrigued to see Jack's reaction when he saw just what was happening in his drawing room - and I also loved his realisation that with Hilda, Ellie was definitely in good hands, since she would spare herself no effort to ensure her ward's well being - even at the expense of her own well-being!

Thanks, Mary - I'll be waiting to see what happens next.

#81: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:17 pm
—
Oh, pour it all out, Ellie, let Hilda help you! You are more important to her even than her old friends - but of course Ellie can't know that.
Jo just can't help herself, can she, she has to know all about everything and everyone, and yes, it would have helped if Hilda had told her a little more, but too late now, and Hilda shouldn't castigate herself, it is indeed true that the only person she will not look after is herself.
It'll be a shame if Ellie's antipathy to Jo puts her off seeing more of Erica, especially as she seems to get on fine with Jack. And how clearly he is seeing things at the moment!
I do hope Hilda managed to get through to Ellie before the end of the day.

#82: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 1:23 am
—
Oh dear, poor Ellie. If only Jo had waited and not tried to push things....

And poor Hilda too, as she now feels guilty about not having told Jo - but I'm not sure that Jo would have heeded even that at the moment. There must be a reason because she has been receptive and aware and a close and worthy friend of Hilda's until this meeting with Ellie.

I do hope that Ellie can become friendly with Erica; it would benefit them both.

And Jack of course Hilda will take the most excellent care of Ellie - who will in turn look after her guardian....but, for a man (I'm having a bad day!) that was very perspicacious....

Thank you Mary.

#83: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:44 pm
—
poor Ellie !
Sad

Poor Hilda, too, having to try to put all this right - not an easy task, I fear.

Sometimes I want to shake Joey; for one so sympathetic, she can , on occasion, fail to see what is in front of her face and blunders in like a well-meaning but clumsy rhinoceros.... Rolling Eyes

#84: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:28 am
—
Oh no, it was so unfortunate that Joey chose such an early meeting with Ellie to talk about the train crash - and now Ellie will be racking it up as one more count against her... Hilda certainly has her work cut out here.

And it is a shame that Ellie feels that she has to withdraw from Erica so as to not be exposed to Joey again - hmmm, I wonder how Erica is going to take that once they get back to the school proper?

Thanks Mary

#85: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 7:51 pm
—
Thank you for your comments but I'm afraid you're going to have to wait to find out about Joey. Laughing

Back to others.....

Hilda was startled to find the front door of the school unlocked when she fitted in the key. But she was thrilled, when they crept cautiously in, to find no less a person than Gwynneth Lloyd standing in the large entrance hall, studying the mail laid out on the large cupboard. She swung round when she heard the noise, and if ever Gwynneth had had doubts about her place in her Headmistress’s heart, they were laid to rest as Hilda swooped down on her and clasped her in a bear hug with a delighted cry of “Gwynneth! It’s wonderful to see you again.”

How changed you are, thought Matey to herself as she felt those loving arms go round her. Mother Abbess has cracked you open and forced the love within to flow out over us all. You would never have done that before Nell died.

They stood back and surveyed each other with beaming smiles. “You look so well, Gwynneth,” remarked Hilda quietly. “The rest has done you good.”

“I’m not so sure the rest has done the same for you,” said Matey slowly. “You still look so white and thin.” Hilda did seem a lot less tense and ill than she had before Christmas, but there was still that air of fragility and vulnerability about her. Matey suspected there always would be now. Nell’s death had been one loss too many. Hilda’s soul would never recover completely, just change directon and soldier on patiently.

Hilda smiled tenderly. “But they took such good care of me, Gwynneth. They bullied me even more than you do.” Matey glared at her, causing her to laugh. “But I’m being very impolite. Gwynneth, I want you to meet someone very special.”

Aware at last that there was someone standing quietly by the door, Matey saw Hilda turn and draw forward this still figure. “Gwynneth, I’d like to present to you my ward, Ellie.”

Matey heard the wealth of pride and love in the beautiful voice and was stunned. A ward? From where? And since when? She examined this young girl closely as Hilda finished the introduction. “Ma chérie, I would like you to meet someone you will get to know very well indeed if you put so much as a foot wrong in this school. This is our Matron, Gwynneth Lloyd, and she is a force none can withstand, not even your Headmistress.”

Ellie held out her hand tentatively to the small, spare woman with the keen eyes. Would this woman also beleaguer her? Matey, however, shook the hand warmly and then turned to glare at Hilda and say glacially, “If you find me such a trial, why do you never do as you’re told? No wonder I have to resort to bullying.”

Ellie gaped – was she joking? Matey turned back to her and winked. “Your guardian is a very bad example to follow, my dear, for she always thinks she knows best. Now you look much more sensible, and I’m sure we’ll get on just fine. And if you want to know how to handle her, watch me very closely.”

Ellie suddenly giggled and relaxed, for she heard the teasing note in the sharp voice and saw the affection for Hilda in the pale blue eyes. Matey smiled at her complicitly and Hilda knew that these two would get on very well indeed. Matey had seen the neediness in the young girl.

Then, abruptly, Hilda’s breath caught in her throat for Ellie reached forward to kiss her on the cheek gently. Looking into the soft blue-grey eyes she said, almost wonderingly, “She may be a bad example to me, Matron, but I would follow Madame to the ends of the earth. You have no idea, absolument aucune idée, how very good she has been to me. Without her, my life would now be so very empty.”

In that instant, Matey saw what they meant to each other. She was moved to tears by the love lighting up Hilda’s eyes as she smiled back at Ellie. And by the devotion for Hilda that burned like a living flame in the girl. Something very special had happened this Christmas, she realised, and her Headmistress had found a new purpose in life. She watched as Hilda drew the girl close for a moment, then asked gently, “Would your life be so very empty if I left you alone with Matron just for a little while, chérie? Think you can put up with her insults?”

Ellie gazed at her a long moment, but must have found reassurance, for she turned to look at Matey, gazed another long moment, and then smiled, a smile that broke through the gravity in the vivid eyes and lit up her face with mischief. “I can, just so long as she does not insult you, Madame. If she does that, I will have to find some insults of my own, and me, I can be so very insulting in French.”

Hilda laughed out loud and pulled the girl closer to give her a hug. “You almost tempt me to stay and watch, ma petite, though I should warn you that she understands French,” she murmured. She was filled with relief, for she had been worried, after Ellie’s resistance to Jo. But Matey’s teasing had hit the right note and helped her find a way through Ellie’s prickles. The girl would be as putty in those capable hands from now on, for she had very obviously decided she trusted her new Matron.

Hilda turned to her friend. “I wonder could I ask you a huge favour?” Matey nodded. “Since Ellie seems keen to stay and trade insults with you, would you mind if I left the two of you alone for a while? I want to try and persuade one very nice man to get back on his horse, and I won’t have time once school begins.”

Matey’s eyebrows rose sharply at this strange remark and Elli’s face wore a puzzled frown. Hilda put her hand in her coat pocket, pulled out her car keys and waved them in the air. “Ah! Mr Stuart,” said Matey as light suddenly dawned. “But what about you, and your own horse?”

“Oh, I’m very firmly back in the saddle! One doesn’t disobey Mother Abbess, does one, ma petite? If she says jump – or indeed drive – one merely asks how far.” She shook her head and laughed reminiscently. “I nearly killed her in the process, mind you, because I was so scared, but she didn’t turn a hair. Just asked me, cool as you please, to find her a cup of tea.”

“C’était très amusant,” gurgled Ellie. “Mère, she made a great story out of it for us all.”

“Mmmm!” sighed Hilda exaggeratedly. “No respect at all for my dignity - or my nerves.”

“I’m very pleased to hear it. It’s about time someone took you in hand,” rasped Matey caustically. “You can tell me all about it, Ellie, my dear – and any other things that your guardian got up to over there. I need some more ammunition. The stuff I’ve got on her just doesn’t pack a punch any more – and with Miss Annersley, a punch is what is needed, believe me. She gets her own way far too often.”

Hilda rolled her eyes and Ellie spluttered. She was beginning to understand that these two women were the closest of friends, while Hilda was relishing the fact that Ellie had found yet another shelter from the cold winds of life. As to Matey, joy simply filled her soul. It was something she could never have foreseen, not in a million years, but this girl was going to be one of the best things that had ever happened to Hilda.

“Since you’re going to make common cause against me, I’ll be off,” remarked Hilda, moving to the door. “Oh, by the way, Gwynneth, Ian is coming back with me for Kaffee and Kuchen, so if you have time, in between all this tattletaling, perhaps you could put the coffee on – or tea if you prefer.”

Matey smiled at Ellie. “How would you like to help me unpack, and then we can see what there is in the kitchen?”

“Avec plaisir,” replied Ellie. She went over and kissed Hilda once more, then turned to pick up Matey’s case. “À toute à l’heure, Madame.”

“Have fun, the two of you,” Hilda chuckled at being so summarily dismissed. “And, Ellie, my dear, don’t give too many of my secrets away, will you? She’s far too crafty and needs absolutely no help from you at all.”

“Oh, get along with you, woman,” retorted Matey tetchily. “What Ellie and I talk about is none of your business.”

#86: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 7:59 pm
—
Laughing

Oh Mary, that was fantastic! Again, I was watching that. How lovely it is that Ellie should take so well to Matey - she will be pleased at that, and I'm sure that Ellie has another friend if she is ever in need.

I hope that Hilda *does* manage to get Ian 'back in the saddle'.

How perceptive Matron is as well - and how much of what she sees in Hilda has actually been Ellie's doing. Truely that is a relationship where each participant gets as much as they give.

Thank you Mary.

#87: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:17 pm
—
Very, very pleased that Ellie and Matey have become friends - and Hilda doesn't stop helping people, does she? Already deciding that Ian needs her brand of stubborness.

Thanks Mary.

#88: Author: catherine, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 8:32 pm
—
Lovely to see another side to Matey and that she knows how best to treat Ellie.

#89: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 9:11 pm
—
So, in Matey, Ellie has immediately found someone to whom she can relate and trust implicitly - what a joy for her, and especially following so closely on her 'ordeal by Joey!'

And how quickly Matey has observed the good that this new relationship has done for Hilda in her turn, too. That indefinable air of fragility remains, it's true and Matey is probably right in her suspicion that Hilda will now never entirely lose this, but in so many ways, the caring Hilda, always looking out for others, is back, buoyed up by her need to solace Ellie and the loving discipline she has enjoyed during her time at the convent. Now, if she can only get Ian back on that 'horse' she refers to...... ie. behind the wheel of a car.....

I just loved all those bantering exchanges, too I'd love to be a fly on the wall if Ellie ever does resort to trading insults in French.

Thanks, Mary - I will be looking forward to more of this in due course.

#90: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Sun Apr 15, 2007 10:52 pm
—
That was wonderful. I only wish Joey could have picked up on Ellie and Hilda's fragility and been a little more thoughtful. It would be interesting if Ellie decides to confide in Matey!

#91: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:01 am
—
That was just what Ellie needed wasn't it? That mixture of teasing and understanding, and a swift awareness of what she and Hilda are to one another.

And how typical of Hilda that she understands what Ian needs, just as MA understood what she, Hilda, needed.

That banter between Ellie and Matey was an utter joy! Very Happy

#92: Author: Ruth B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:11 am
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Good old Matey!

#93: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 12:15 pm
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Hurrah for Matey; she has come up trumps Wink

Wonderful, Mary - thank you !

#94: Author: Sarah, Location: Skelmersdale, Lancashire

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 12:53 pm
—
Good for Matey! Very Happy

I could join the kicking of Joey though! Evil or Very Mad

I've always thought she was completely understanding etc but as well as seeing her attitude here, I've also been re-reading New Mistress (for about the 100th time!! Embarassed

) and in the part where she first meets Kathie (and Kathie is shy etc, as you would be, meeting a stranger for the first time!) Jo is the same, jumping straight in and doesn't seem to understand it i anyone needs 'handling gently'! Evil or Very Mad

More please soon Mary!

#95: Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 6:55 pm
—
Oh, wonderful! Just catching up on this again and it's the perfect tonic after a long day's translating. Very Happy

Ellie really is a love, isn't she? And so well drawn - she's a highly realistic character. The love between her and Hilda shines out so clearly in passages like this:

Quote:

In that instant, Matey saw what they meant to each other. She was moved to tears by the love lighting up Hilda’s eyes as she smiled back at Ellie. And by the devotion for Hilda that burned like a living flame in the girl. Something very special had happened this Christmas, she realised, and her Headmistress had found a new purpose in life.

Trust Matey to perceive things very quickly and accurately, as she does again here:

Quote:

Hilda did seem a lot less tense and ill than she had before Christmas, but there was still that air of fragility and vulnerability about her. Matey suspected there always would be now. Nell’s death had been one loss too many. Hilda’s soul would never recover completely, just change directon and soldier on patiently.

...and indeed here:

Quote:

How changed you are, thought Matey to herself as she felt those loving arms go round her. Mother Abbess has cracked you open and forced the love within to flow out over us all. You would never have done that before Nell died.

As for the banter at the end between all three of them - in various combinations! - it's fantastic. Hilda wasn't the only one who burst out laughing at this:

Quote:

“I can, just so long as she does not insult you, Madame. If she does that, I will have to find some insults of my own, and me, I can be so very insulting in French.”

Do you think Ellie would teach me? It might come in handy now and then... Wink

I look forward to seeing what will transpire with Ian, and to watching all the new relationships Ellie is forming, including that fundamental bond with Hilda, develop.

Merci, cherie.

#96: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 11:15 pm
—
It was lovely to see Hilda greeting Matey with such affection, it must have gladdened her heart and made it easier for Ellie to relate to someone who was obviously so highly regarded by Hilda. It does look as if Ellie and Matey are going to be good friends, another sure anchor for Ellie if life gets difficult.

I hope we'll get to see Ian's driving lesson, and Hilda's confidence showed how far she has recovered from the accident - thanks to MA, of course. She will be so glad to feel she can repay her a little by helping Ian. And I loved:

Quote:

One doesn’t disobey Mother Abbess, does one, ma petite? If she says jump – or indeed drive – one merely asks how far

#97: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:18 am
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The same could be said for the Chalet School's Abbess, in many ways! Laughing

#98: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:17 pm
—

Lisa_T wrote:

The same could be said for the Chalet School's Abbess, in many ways! Laughing

It could indeed, Lisa. Laughing

Thanks so much to everyone for your lovely comments.

....“Oh, get along with you, woman,” retorted Matey tetchily. “What Ellie and I talk about is none of your business.”

Driving over to the San, Hilda had a wry grin on her face over this exchange with Matey. If only Jo had behaved in that simple, accepting fashion! She sighed sadly and then braked hard as a car passing the other way seemed to veer too closely towards her. Watching it zoom past, she forced her clenched hands to relax. She might be back on her horse but she was not yet comfortable in the saddle. There were still moments when the sheer terror she had experienced for a moment or two in that car crash sent waves of panic flooding through her when she was behind the wheel – and she still had the occasional flash back, despite all Mother Abbess’s help. Maybe getting Ian back onto his own horse would stabilise her a little more.

She knew she had to be the one to help Ian, knew that his sister’s robust and bracing approach would not work here, as it had done with herself. Ian needed sensitivity and gentleness – Mother Abbess would have lost patience with him, as she had done so frequently in their shared childhood.

Reaching the San, Hilda parked her car and strode swiftly through the corridors, greeting those medical people and patients she met on the way. Several of the Staff delayed her to ask how she was doing after the accident and she reassured them gently, thanking them for all they had done. Finally she reached Ian’s door and entered at his quiet bidding. When he looked up from his writing and saw who it was he glanced down at his watch with a frown.

“Did I get the time wrong?” he asked, rising from his seat behind the desk. “Or has my watch stopped? And why are you here anyway? I thought I was walking over.”

She shook her head with a smile and drew near the desk. “No, I wasn’t supposed to be here, and no, you haven’t got the time wrong.” She took a deep breath. “Ian, I decided there was something we needed to do – and as I had some free time, I thought we could do it now.”

“I don’t understand,” he said, somewhat bemused.

“You will soon. I’ve come to get you back on your horse.” She saw his bewilderment increase and added bluntly, “According to your sister, you haven’t driven since the accident. I’m here to rectify that.”

He stared at her, then slowly let out his breath and sank back down into his chair. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I haven’t driven since then. I haven’t even sat in a car. I can’t face it, Hilda. It’s no use.” His murmur was filled with shame and her heart squeezed in sympathy.

She moved round and perched on the corner of the desk beside him. Her voice was very gentle when she spoke. “I know that, Ian. And I understand it. If I hadn’t needed to get back to school after being released from here, I don’t think I could have done it, either. But I still felt so ill that I didn’t really notice it was a car, if you can follow my reasoning. You’ve had more time to think about it – and panic.”

“But you did manage it,” he said. “So what sort of coward does that make me?”

“Nothing brave about it, Ian. It was a case of get on with it – or stay here,” she said softly. “And the longer you leave it, you know, the worse will be the panic. How are you doing your job without your car? For I know you go to some of the far-flung corners of the Platz.”

“I walk,” he offered tersely.

“But you also go to places such as Interlaken when the patients go home, for I know they like to keep in touch with you. You can’t walk there, my dear.”

He shook his head dismally. “I haven’t left the Platz since the accident.” He raised his eyes finally to face hers, expecting to see criticism there. All he found, however, was gentleness. “I can’t do it, Hilda. You’re far braver than I am. You took your fear by the scruff of its neck and defeated it.”

“No, I didn’t. Your sister did that,” she answered ruefully. “She’s a force that will not be denied. She gave me no choice.”

“But you didn’t cause the accident, I did,” he said bitterly, swinging his chair round to face the window. “I nearly killed you. After seeing the agony you were in, lying in that bed, how could I ever get in a car again and maybe do the same to someone else?”

She hesitated a moment or two, her spirit quailing, and then she squared her shoulders. “I thought we’d agreed to forget guilt,” she said very softly. “It was my words that caused your lack of attention, so I felt I was also to blame, remember. But we agreed to let it go, put it behind us.” Her vice grew even softer. “Or so I thought. But I was wrong, wasn’t I, Ian? You haven’t put aside your guilt at all.”

There was no answer, but she could see the rigidity of his shoulders, one of which she now touched gently. “Ian, my dear, what would your answer be if a parishioner came to you confessing such guilt?”

She watched him open his mouth to speak, then close it again and shake his head, still staring out at the mountains. She took a deep breath. After all, she was no priest and had no training in such matters. Would she make it all worse? “You would tell him that this guilt has gone on long enough and that he must forgive himself. You told me the same, several weeks after Nell’s death, when I didn’t know which way to turn.”

A silence fell as they both considered the state she had been in then. She too had been unable to forgive herself for what she thought she had done. It had taken his sister to show her the error of her ways. He turned his head to look into her steadfast eyes.

“I was wrong, Ian. Your sister made me see that. Just as she made me see that guilt over this accident must also go. If blame there is, then we were both to blame. But it was an accident. It was a culmination of many things and it just happened. So now you, too, must let it go. I know you, Ian, and you would tell that parishioner that he has suffered enough; that watching the one he had injured lying there in pain is worse punishment than being in pain himself. You would be gentle with such a person, for you are a gentle man, a kind man.”

His green eyes were glued to hers as she spoke, and her voice was very, very soft by the time she had finished. She waited patiently, deciding she had said more than enough. Eventually he nodded. “A lot gentler than Kate was with you, I warrant,” he said, with a droll smile.

She grinned. “You can take that as read. But I got my own back – I nearly killed her. Which you are not going to do to me,” she added firmly. But he was staring at her aghast and she frowned. “Didn’t she tell you? Hmmm! She kept the rest of the convent well amused with the tale, much to my discomfort. My dignity matters not a scrap to that woman,” she said dolefully.

She told him the story quickly, humorously, but when she got to the bit about the sports car bearing down on them, Ian raised a shaking hand and ran it through his hair in agitation. “And you think that fills me with confidence?” he groaned.

“Believe me, Ian, if I could get us out of that scrape, then you certainly should have confidence, for I am no driver. Ask Nell! I was petrified that day, refused to get in the car, but your sister left me no choice and practically hand-cuffed me to the wheel. However, once she had me there, she encouraged me gently every inch of the way.”

She paused. Time for a spot of blackmail. “Won’t you do it for me, Ian? Then I will know you’ve forgiven me for hurting you that night, for telling you I couldn’t love you and I was leaving the school. I must admit that I do retain some sense of guilt – but please don’t tell Kate, whatever you do.”

He gave a soft bark of laughter. “Who could resist that tone of voice? So I’m to do it for your sake, am I?” He closed his eyes, seeing again Hilda’s black and swollen face as she lay in the San; seeing again the dreadful pain in her eyes and the cradle under the covers protecting her injured feet. He owed her so much, for she had saved his life, almost paying for it with her own. And he loved her – so he could refuse her nothing, especially when her mellow voice held so much appeal.

She saw, by the softening of his expression, that she had prevailed. “Ian, to make it a little easier for you, why don’t we use my car? It has no bad memories for you.”

He opened his eyes and she saw, with some surprise, the laughter lurking in their green depths. “You shouldn’t be turned loose on people, you know. You cajole and flatter and wheedle and in the end get just what you want. You make it all sound so very easy.”

She stood and held out her keys. “It will be easy, I promise. The hardest part is getting in and switching on. You will wonder afterwards what all the fuss was about.”

Last edited by MaryR on Wed Apr 18, 2007 11:45 am; edited 2 times in total

#99: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 9:01 pm
—
Oh my goodness - here is Hilda at her most persuasive - but she does know that Ian has to do this for his own sake, for hers, and for those to whom he ministers and keeps in touch with once they leave the Platz. It doesn't matter how much he protests, she won't heed his excuses, nor rest until he's got behind the wheel of that car - but how wily of her to use her own car rather than his. She's right, of course - but I think I'd rather be excused from a personal encounter with her in this particular mood, thank you!! But it makes for glorious reading!

Thanks, Mary - will look forward to the next bit - and no matter if he approaches it with fear and trembling, Ian *will* drive that car, make no mistake about it.

#100: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:23 pm
—
How very right Hilda is on all counts. The fact that Ian caused the accident, then had to watch Hilda suffer much more than he did makes it so hard for him to put the guilt aside and is imprisoning him, almost literally, if he can't leave the Platz. And it is so easy to urge other people to forgive themselves, and so hard to do it oneself.
I really feel for Ian here, and I shall be clenching my fists as hard as he is when he gets behind that wheel - and he will, of course. Hilda tackles it in an entirely different way, but she's as inexorable as MA any day!

#101: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 10:49 pm
—
Well done Hilda - and I think, here, that no one else, not even MA, could have persuaded Ian.

Thanks Mary

#102: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 11:41 pm
—
Come on Ian, you can do this. Hilda is so right here, and you know that really. And how very clever she was to link this to the way in which he carries out his work - her words appeal to him at so many levels, both the personal and the public, especially in her comment that if he has any guilt for this, then so does she. Such very wise and loving words.

That firmness combined with gentleness makes her so very hard to withstand, and she will not let him go before he has faced this particular demon. And how wise to use her car rather than his.

And how much Ian loves her to be willing to try even after all this time...

#103: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 12:27 am
—
I would hate to face Hilda after that when I'm terrified. She would make you face it because you would feel like you couldn't do anything else.
I can understand why Hilda wishes Joey had responded more like Matey. It does seem out of character because she was very gentle with Adrienne when she arrived, so why couldn't she be gentle with Ellie? That was wonderful Mary and am eagerly awaiting more.

#104: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:33 am
—
Ah Hilda weaves her magic yet again - she has such a variety of approaches and all are so effective. She knows exactly which approach will work best with which person, as she has shown with Ian here.

Fingers crossed that his return to driving is less dramatic than hers Laughing

#105: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 7:11 am
—
Sheesht! Remind me never to pit my wits against Hilda at her most persuasive. I tell you, I can be stubborn if someone asks me to do something I don't want to, but Hilda, with her loving gentleness, just cut everything away - she got to the heart of the matter, and showed Ian his fear and guilt for what it was - something that needed dealing with. And I am very unsure that even I would have been able to stand up to that. She knows just how to work on people.

Thank you Mary, that was wonderful.

#106: Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:57 am
—
Ah, good old Hilda! Very nicely done. It's just as well she's such a lovely person - if she once got it into her head to persuade people to do *bad* things, I dread to think what might happen! Laughing

Poor Ian, though. But Hilda's right - he really has suffered enough. I hope her persuasion will have the desired effect and that all will go well. I daresay no-one else could have got him even this far.

Quote:

Time for a spot of blackmail. “Won’t you do it for me, Ian?" [... ] He gave a soft bark of laughter. “Who could resist that tone of voice? So I’m to do it for your sake, am I?” [...] And he loved her – so he could refuse her nothing, especially when her mellow voice held so much appeal. She saw, by the softening of his expression, that she had prevailed. [...] He opened his eyes and she saw, with some surprise, the laughter lurking in their green depths.

It's lovely to see that they have reached a point where their actual relationship is at least as strong, if not stronger, than the relationship Ian would have preferred. Of course he still loves Hilda, but the fact that he can laugh here shows his acceptance of the way things are.

Now, Mary, if you could just arrange for no alarums or excursions to happen while he's driving... *smiles sweetly* Wink

Just right, cherie.
Merci.

#107: Author: Sarah, Location: Skelmersdale, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 1:32 pm
—
Yeah! Go Hilda! Very Happy

Although like Fiona Mc, I'd also hate to face her when I'm feeling scared! Embarassed

Another wonderful update Mary, thanks! Very Happy

#108: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:22 pm
—

Katya wrote:

Now, Mary, if you could just arrange for no alarums or excursions to happen while he's driving... *smiles sweetly* Wink

See how good I am to you, Katya and Miranda!! Laughing

....She stood and held out her keys. “It will be easy, I promise. The hardest part is getting in and switching on. You will wonder afterwards what all the fuss was about.”

And so it proved. She had done the hard work in Ian’s office. He was much easier to handle in the car. There was some hesitation at first, some white knuckles and chewed lips, but under her gentle tutelage he was able to drive cautiously to one end of the Platz. Returning the other way, his nervousness decreased with every car they passed, every mile they covered. When she directed him into the school gates he was quietly elated and very, very grateful, but she held up her hand to stop the flood of thanks.

“Don’t thank me, Ian. You were the one who had to do it – and believe me, I do know how difficult it was. I’m only doing for you what your sister did for me.” She patted his hand. “Next time we’ll use your car – and drive down the coach road.”

He turned a startled frown on her. “How do you do that? How do you know to soothe people - work out what worries them and administer the antidote? Those are still my fears. Getting into my own car won’t be so difficult now – but going down that road after….” He shuddered. “I couldn’t do it without you, Hilda.”

“Yes, you could, but you won’t have to, for I promise to be there. But, Ian, my dear, of course I understand your fears,” she replied very gently. “I know where it hurts, where you bleed, for I’m human too, and I bleed just as you do.”

He shook his head but she spoke firmly. “Believe it, Ian. I can no more read minds than the next person. I am no better at handling people than you are. That pedestal, remember. Please allow me to step down from it and be as human as you; please allow that I have fears and doubts, just like anyone else; please allow that I have hard and bitter moments, moments when God is far away and I fear the loneliness of the future.”

Her throat grew tight and she had to cease speaking. Her eyes moved to look through the windscreen and fix on the snowy heights sparkling in the distance. The sight of those eternal guardians of the valleys, their clear, crisp outlines thrusting upwards towards the sky, never failed to soothe her spirit. Ian’s hand settled lightly on her arm in silent sympathy. Her voice was low, almost ashamed, when she next spoke, but she had to make him see that she, too, found life at times almost unbearable, that her trust and faith wavered as much as anyone else’s. And the only way to do that was to open herself up as she had only ever done to Mother Abbess – and Nell.

“There are days, Ian, when I blame God for my loneliness - and nights when I lie awake and blame Nell for her foolhardiness. And there are dark hours when it is all I can do to stop myself calling out to her to come back to me, because I need her so. How weak does that make me? And then there are the times when I am so very ungrateful for all the blessings He has seen fit to pour on me since that dreadful day – blessings I truly don’t deserve.”

She swallowed, her impassioned words drifting in the air like ghostly feathers – and he waited patiently, sensing how difficult she was finding it to reveal all this. She closed her eyes a second, then turned to face him, her eyes very intense. “I’m just a rebellious child at times, Ian. One who has no place on any pedestal. And it fills me with such shame that Nell’s death could do this to me. She would have had far more courage than I’m showing. So you see - I need shoring up as much as you do, I just need it in different ways. No one is perfect, my dear, no one at all.”

They sat there quietly, closer in spirit than they had ever been, Hilda hoping that this gentle man would believe her despair, divine her flaws, and in so doing would accept his own. And that he would regard her as an equal, treat her as one. She could never have married a man who placed her so high above himself, as Ian did. How could they have challenged each other, as she and Nell had challenged each other? How could he ever have led her farther up and farther in? How could he ever have offered her solace, if he knew not the intensity of her anguish? Nell had always known.

Ian’s hand lifted and touched her hair a fleeting moment. “You hide your pain too well, Hilda,” he whispered. “That serenity of yours is so misleading. We look to you for succour – and we forget that you suffer too. I think the only one who plumbs your depths is Kate, isn’t she? Just as Nell was the only one.”

She smiled at him tremulously and nodded. Then she moved. Time to break this up before she broke down. “Shall we go in? You must be thirsty?” she whispered.

Suddenly he smacked his forehead, shattering the tension. “I forgot the Kuchen!”

#109: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:50 pm
—
Wow. Well done Hilda. That was superb work on all counts. And no accidents.

How she must have hated being so vulnerable - and yet, she knew that she had to do it, to get the result she wanted.

And Ian has managed his first drive - well done Ian - that took courage. And to think he'll be in his own car, driving down the coach road again - and Hilda with him. I admire the courage that they both have.

Thank you Mary - this is a wonderful piece of writing.

#110: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:59 pm
—

Quote:

"I think the only one who plumbs your depths is Kate, isn’t she? Just as Nell was the only one.”

Oh boy - for a 'quiet scene', there was just so much I could have quoted here - but this sentence just gets to the nub of things, doesn't it - it really does take first Nell, and now Kate to reach right down into Hilda's deepest depths, even her unspoken thoughts.

Hilda is so very right - she could never have married someone like Ian, who *still* despite all her remonstrances, continues to place her on this pedestal - but that doesn't mean they can't continue to be friends, especially now.

And it's good to see Ian becoming more comfortable behind the wheel of her car as the scene progresses, too - and for Hilda to reassure him so quickly that *she* will go with him when he drives his own car for the first time, and will also go with him as he takes the road to Interlaken again for the first time. Of course she will, just as Kate got her to start driving again - and she'll never admit that her heart will be in her mouth for most of the trip, either.

Thanks, Mary, both for letting us see Ian renewing his confidence in driving and for the reflective conversation between these two here.

#111: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:51 pm
—
Thank you Mary - a lovely scene.

#112: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:30 pm
—

Quote:

Hilda hoping that this gentle man would believe her despair, divine her flaws, and in so doing would accept his own

A great deal of wisdom there, and a love that is willing to make herself vulnerable to connect with Ian. He might not have the relationship he wanted with Hilda, but he's a very lucky man, nonetheless.

Hilda's fears of the loneliness of the future are so moving, and remind us that nothing is ever going completely to fill that Nell-shaped gap. And how human to be angry with God and with Nell - and yet to survive and overcome her own grief and fear and to help Ian do the same to his traumas.

#113: Author: lizziearrnet, Location: Coulsdon, Surrey

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:56 pm
—
Mary,

I'm new to here, but I just had to tell you that over the past few days I've read this all, and embarassed myself more than once at work through weeping!

You're writing is so so touching, and from experience, your MA's feelings about her past life I understand and they are so so true to life it's scary. And I love the kind caring in depth insights into Hilda, I'm just so glad they bullied you into writing this in the first place!

Please keep writing, I'm enthralled by this whole story, and I love it, you truely have a gift from God in your writing to move and captivate so many.

Thankyou so so much
Liz

#114: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 12:05 am
—
This is so lovely Thank you

#115: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 12:33 am
—
Truly magnificent Mary. Hilda's painful revelation of her own love and vulnerability as she reached out to Ian was so compelling:

Quote:

“There are days, Ian, when I blame God for my loneliness - and nights when I lie awake and blame Nell for her foolhardiness. And there are dark hours when it is all I can do to stop myself calling out to her to come back to me, because I need her so. How weak does that make me? And then there are the times when I am so very ungrateful for all the blessings He has seen fit to pour on me since that dreadful day – blessings I truly don’t deserve.”

And in showing that she needs his friendship, she has given his self-respect back to him, and they can construct a friendship that will sustain them both.

And how right she was to recognise that he could not have given her what she needed - the challenges and opportunities for growth that Nell had given her - and I must say I hadn't thought about that Last Battle quote in terms of an emotional relationship, but that made me stop and think.

Thank you Mary.

#116: Author: calico, Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:30 am
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Lovely!!!
Thank you Mary

#117: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:43 am
—

Quote:

"Please allow me to step down from it and be as human as you; please allow that I have fears and doubts, just like anyone else; please allow that I have hard and bitter moments, moments when God is far away and I fear the loneliness of the future.”

Such a heartwretching plea for understanding. And I hope that she has well and truly gotten through to Ian this time.

It's ironic though that the more she tries to convince Ian of her weaknesses and failings, the more the extent of her courage and generosity becomes clear.

Thank you Mary, not only for keeping Ian safe on his drive, but for such a beautiful and emotional scene.

#118: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:24 am
—
Nicely drawn. I think that Hilda is benefiting as much as Ian from this encounter....

#119: Author: Sarah, Location: Skelmersdale, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:55 pm
—
Another wonderfuul post Mary, thank you! Very Happy

well done Ian - and Hilda! Very Happy

Quote:

And the only way to do that was to open herself up as she had only ever done to Mother Abbess – and Nell.
That's definately a very hard thing to do! Rolling Eyes

#120: Author: Nell, Location: exiled from the big smoke

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 8:50 pm
—
Just caught up on all of this section. Thanks Mary!

#121: Author: linda, Location: Leeds

Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:41 pm
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This is fantastic. I've spent the last six evenings reading this from the very beginning as I've only just found it. I've cried buckets and my SLOC thinks I've lost my marbles. Crying or Very sad

I do hope that it works out well for oboth Ellie and Hilda in the end. Thanks Mary Very Happy

#122: Author: vicki_theterror, Location: Derby

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:11 am
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Have missed this while my internet access was down, so was very happy to catch up with it all. As always, This is great Mary.

Vicki Laughing

#123: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:45 pm
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Liz and Linda, welcome to the board. Very Happy

Vicki, well done for having access again. Thanks to everyone for your loving comments on that little piece. Here's the rest of the conversation in that car...

......She smiled at him tremulously and nodded. Then she moved. Time to break this up before she broke down. “Shall we go in? You must be thirsty?” she whispered.

Suddenly he smacked his forehead, shattering the tension. “I forgot the Kuchen!”

She smiled with relief and recovered some of her equilibrium. He was going to be alright. “Don’t worry. I left Gwynneth in charge of Ellie and the Kaffee. I’m sure they will have a feast laid on for us in there, so I hope you are thirsty – and hungry - or they will never forgive us.”

He turned to her and smiled. “Do you know something? I’m starving. Must be all that nervous energy.” His eyes were very tender. “Hilda, believe me when I tell you that you deserve every good thing that comes your way, and then some. God knows exactly what He is doing. And I’ll try to let you off that pedestal, and see a little deeper. It’s just that you do so much for people, like today….”

She held up her hand. “So do you, Ian, so very much more than you know.” She felt her way slowly, cautiously. “But maybe there is something you can do for me, if you’re so desperate to thank me. You’re Mother Abbess’s twin brother, after all, and know more about her than most people.”

He watched her intently, a puzzled frown on his forehead, as she continued, “I don’t know how it happened, but on Christmas Day she ended up revealing to me what happened to her all those years ago. Words can’t begin to describe my feelings for her and what she was, and has become. But then, another night, to cheer me up she told me the tale of the asses’ milk bath – and, suddenly, an idea came to me, a little something I could do for her and for other people. For her story is the story of a most remarkable woman, and should be made known. Why, even her own community don’t know her – though they love her. And it would give others such hope and comfort in their own hour of need.”

She stopped, biting her lip. But Ian showed that he, too, could read minds occasionally. “You want to write about her!” he gasped.

“Would you object?” Hilda asked anxiously. For this mattered to her.

He shook his head and smiled with absolute delight, laying a hand on hers. “Object? I would rush with it to the publishers for you, begging them to print it. I know she’s my sister and I’m biased – but I don’t know a better person in the whole world, a more loving and compassionate one. Or I didn’t, until I met you.”

“Believe me, Ian, she is way above me. When I heard her story, I was overwhelmed with gratitude that you sent me to her. To be in the sphere of such a woman is grace enough. But to find myself loved by her, to be told that I’ve become like a daughter to her…..” She bowed her head, her lips trembling at the honour paid her.

The hand on hers squeezed hard. “Hilda, you are worth every atom of that love she has for you,” Ian said softly. “For I know how much you have done for her. She needed you, Hilda, as much as you needed her. She had withheld her heart for so long, was afraid to love anyone ever again – and then you happened along.You are both remarkable women and the convent will be doubly blessed when it has you as well as Kate.” He added tenderly, “Welcome to the family, my love. The Stuarts couldn’t do without you now.”

“Oh, Ian, don’t,” she whispered, and a tear rolled down her cheek. These Stuarts loved so strongly and deeply, and believed in paying their debts with interest, even when there were no debts to pay. He tilted her head up with a gentle finger and dried her tear with his handkerchief. Then he tapped her on the nose.

“So, you want my memories of our early years together?” he asked bracingly.

“Yes, but also what you know of her years in France, and then her years in London – first as that ambulance driver and then as a nurse.” She thought for a moment and added softly, tentatively, “And what she has done for you and others. I know she helped you after your war experiences, just as I know how much you helped her when she was lost in that wilderness of her own making.”

Unable to continue, her eyes pleaded for help. He laid his arm round her shoulder and pulled her close. “Don’t look like that, Hilda. I’m not upset. Of course you may know just how much she helped me recover and find a new life, a different direction. Without that, it wouldn’t be a true picture of her. And I know of other people for whom she has been a tower of strength – others you won’t find out about from her. Would you like me to make overtures to some of them? I promise to be very discreet.”

She nodded, laid her head on his shoulder a moment or two. “That would be wonderful. How on earth I am to find the time to do this I don’t know, but it has become an imperative. I feel God is guiding it, that He wants this done, and done soon. He must love her very much, Ian.”

“You’ll get no argument from me there. I’m just over the moon that He finally found the right person to do it. For I know you will do it with so much love and graciousness.”

She turned her head and looked up at him. “Thank you for that. She seemed pleased with what I have written so far. But I wonder – would you read it for me and see what you think? I could dig it out and let you have it before you leave later on.”

“I look forward to it,” he said.

“And, Ian….” Hilda gave him a most loving smile. “You so often feel that you have failed at life, my dear, don’t you? But this is just not so. In your gentle and kindly simplicity you always seem to find a way to ease aching, wounded hearts; you always find the right words to help people meet their death peacefully, even joyfully. I think this is why God sent you here, for you and the work fit each other so perfectly. You say you are not perceptive, but today you saw straight though to Ellie’s soul and gave her what she needs so badly.”

He was staring at her open-mouthed with shock. She laid a hand on his arm. “I hate to do this to you, but Ellie has never had a father, and I think she has cast you in that role already. Your bantering with her hit just the right note – even if it was at my expense,” she added ruefully.

He swallowed nervously. Was she teasing him? But no, her eyes were limpid and clear. “If you’re sure she would want me, I would be honoured, Hilda. I did promise Kate I would help in any way I could. It’s a little late in the day to come to such a job, but I will do my very best for her and for you.”

She patted his arm. “We can learn together, then, Ian – for I too have come to this job very late, maybe too late. I never had a ward before, any more than you had an adopted daughter. And I’m not too certain how well I’m doing at the moment.”

He saw the worry in her face and leapt to her defence. “We’ll help each other, then. You can call on me at any time,” he said softly and kissed her gently on the cheek before pulling away and opening the car door. “Now, where’s this Kaffee and Kuchen?”

#124: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 7:51 pm
—
That was such a lovely supportive end of that scene. It was wonderful watching Ian pledging to do his best to support Hilda in all ways - from removing her from that pedastle she hates so much, to digging up the past for the book, and to being cast in the role as Ellie's father figure.

With each post I'm looking more and more to the continuing of this delightful tale of yours Mary.

Thank you.

#125: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:13 pm
—
So pleased Ian can be relied upon for Ellie - she may well need him before the term is over.

Thanks Mary.

#126: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:11 pm
—
Ian will be such a loving and gentle father-figure for Ellie. And Hilda might not have had a ward before, but she's spent her professional life nurturing young girls, she has nothing to fear.

How exciting that Hilda is writing MA's story! Undoubtedly the perfect person to do it, and Ian's insights will be invaluable for her.One way and another, she seems to be acquiring a family ... Very Happy

#127: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 11:10 pm
—
Despite all that happened to cloud her earlier life, Ellie should now count herself as a very fortunate young lady. First she has her aunt, who clearly loves her deeply, then Mother Abbess, who, in Hilda, found just the right person first to 'speak' to her desolation of soul and then become a guardian with her aunt, and now Ian, who looks set to become the father-figure she has been missing. Add to that a new school, in the presence of that beloved guardian, and Vivien Knowles, and a new friend in her own age group, Erica, who will help ease her into the ways of the school. A truly heartwarming situation for her. And I agree with Tara that Hilda, with all her years of experience in dealing with girls of all ages, need have no qualms about the responsibilities of guardianship, either.

As for the idea that Hilda herself will be the one to write MA's story - Ian's immediate and enthusiastic reaction should tell her, if indeed she really needed telling, that she *is* indeed, the person to write this. And they are both right that it's a story which needs telling. I, for one, will be eagerly looking forward to seeing this in due course.

Another peaceful, but deeply revealing conversation which only reinforces the ever-deepening satisfaction of the relationship between Ian & Hilda - his final acceptance that she will never countenance the idea of marrying him has opened the door to something better, and all built on the mutual respect between them.

Thank you, Mary

#128: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 9:13 am
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That was so lovely. And Hilda writing about MA. I would love Hilda to write a book especially one about MA. This is so sweet and lovely Mary

#129: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 12:28 pm
—
This is so moving; to see Hilda and Ian arriving at a new and more complete understanding of one another and forging a relationship in which they truly perceive one another as they are is so very beautiful.

And how right that Hilda should want to tell MA's story - her qualities of comapssion, sensitivity and clear-sightedness make her the perfect person to do so and Ian recognises both this, and the love that Hilda and MA have given to one another:

Quote:

She needed you, Hilda, as much as you needed her. She had withheld her heart for so long, was afraid to love anyone ever again – and then you happened along.

And what lovely reassurance Hilda gives Ian about his own vocation:

Quote:

In your gentle and kindly simplicity you always seem to find a way to ease aching, wounded hearts; you always find the right words to help people meet their death peacefully, even joyfully. I think this is why God sent you here, for you and the work fit each other so perfectly.

Such necessary skills and how rarely are they found..... and now Ian has Ellie as part of his family as well!

#130: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 3:44 pm
—
Mary,
I have just caught up with this - Thank you for letting me know it had been added to !

What a wonderful idea, for Hilda to write about MA Laughing

I`m sure Hilda would find it very beneficial to have such a task to occupy her; It will help Hilda and Ian to spend time pooling their thoughts and memories, and just think of MA`s face when she finds out - I do so look forward to reading that scene Shocked

I thoroughly enjoyed the last two updates; such tender, loving, gentle exchanges which sum up their individual characters so very well indeed.......

Thank you, thank you !

#131: Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:58 pm
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That was super! Lucky Ellie, to have such a lovely man as a substitute father - and lucky Ian as well, to be involved in caring for such a lovable girl! Not to mention the strength that he and Hilda will draw from spending time together with, and for, Ellie. They will make a wonderful, if unusual, 'family'.

As for Hilda's plan, I can't think of anyone better to tell Mother Abbess's story (except perhaps you, Mary - hint? Wink

) Involving Ian will give her a unique perspective on it all, as well as links to so many others she could talk to. I hope we'll get to read it one day... Very Happy

Quote:

“Object? I would rush with it to the publishers for you, begging them to print it. I know she’s my sister and I’m biased – but I don’t know a better person in the whole world, a more loving and compassionate one. Or I didn’t, until I met you.”

Quite right, Ian - all of it!

Thank you for another two lovely posts, Mary, and for keeping Ian safe in the car. If only asking the author nicely always worked! Laughing

#132: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:52 pm
—

Identity Hunt wrote:

Sorry the link is refusing to let you know, Sian. Wink

But I'm confused, all of you. Shocked

MA knows - Hilda asked her on Boxing Day if she could write the story after hearing about the bath in asses' milk! Laughing

Hilda smiled with delight. “I’ve just had a rather splendid idea – but I’m not sure you’ll agree.” She hesitated, surveying her friend’s face as though seeing it for the very first time, and Mother Abbess braced herself for whatever was coming. “May I write your story, try and get it published?”

Mother Abbess gazed at her blankly. “Write my story?” she asked, her voice astounded. “God forbid. Why on earth….?”

Twisted Evil

Anyway, back to Ian and the Kaffee and Kuchen....

Hilda and Ian slipped in the door of the school and made their way to the kitchens, to be met by the delicious aroma of fresh baking. Stepping into the kitchen, they found Matey and Ellie sitting at the large wooden table, while in front of them a huge pot of tea and a mound of scones awaited. Hilda looked from one smug face to the other with delight.

“It smells wonderful, but how did you know Ian had forgotten the Kuchen?”

Ellie grinned. “We had not any idea! I was just feeling I wanted to make something – and Matron, she offered to me some of her jam. I learned how to make scones in the convent, Madame, so we decided to make you a surprise.”

“Oh, you’ve done that, chérie,” Hilda laughed gaily. “I can see you are already a better cook than I will ever be – and what better way to greet a man who has managed to climb back on his horse. Though I think he might prefer something stronger than tea after my bullying,” and she flashed him a mischievous glance.

“Not so, Ellie,” he chuckled. “Scones and tea are just the thing.”

They settled at the table, Ian beside Ellie, Hilda opposite, with Matey at the head of the table presiding over the teapot. Chattering merrily, they indulged themselves and soon all the scones had disappeared, much to Ian’s disappointment.

“Home cooking doesn’t come my way very often, you know, ladies,” he sighed ruefully.

“We happen to know that the cooking over there at the San is second to none, young man, so behave,” retorted Matey with a sniff. “Mind you, I will admit you bake a mean scone, Ellie, my dear.”

Ellie smiled happily at the compliment and Hilda watched with relief as the last shadows receded from the blue eyes. The girl looked across the table. “Madame, est-ce que…?”

“Mr Stuart doesn’t speak French, chérie,” interposed Hilda quietly. “Only German.”

Ellie flushed and looked at Ian. “Monsieur Stuart, I apologise. It was very rude.” Her pretty accent allied to those vivid sapphire eyes did all her pleading for her.

Ian patted her hand gently. “Don’t worry, Ellie. Everyone in the school speaks French, so it was an understandable mistake.” He leaned back in his chair, put his hands in his pockets and surveyed her with a lazy, relaxed air. “Of course, you could take this elderly gent under your wing and teach him your native tongue. I must admit it would be very useful.”

Ellie scrutinised his face doubtfully and then turned to Hilda, but the latter just smiled. “Up to you, Ellie. After a few days of school, see how much free time you and Mr Stuart have between you. You could even practise your German with him, for I know how well he speaks it. Though I suspect this is all really just a ploy on his part to hold meetings of this secret society you’ve invented,” she added in a wry tone, raising her eyes to the ceiling.

Ellie and Ian chuckled, looked at each other and nodded. Matey examined them crossly. “Is someone going to enlighten me?” she asked, at her most acerbic.

Ellie explained excitedly while Ian’s eyes laughed at Hilda. After a grimace at him, she sat playing with the remains of her scone, mashing it to crumbs.

“Hmmm! What a pair of infants! Secret societies indeed!” responded Matey scathingly, though it has to be said that her own eyes were twinkling. She eyed Hilda and added softly, “Not that I don’t agree with the principle behind it.”

“Oh, you traitor!” groaned Hilda, looking up from her crumbs in disbelief. “How could you, Gwynneth? I was relying on you, at least, for some support against their idiocy.”

Ellie and Ian thought this was hilarious and were soon hard at work making up rules for their society, Matey throwing in a word or two to egg them on when they ran short of ideas. Hilda propped her elbow on the table and sat watching them with her chin on her hand, her eyes soft. To see Ellie so relaxed, after the tension at lunch, was a great relief.

This was how her ward was when she was with Vivien Knowles, teasing and full of irreverent fun. Being treated as an equal and offered gentle, undemanding friendship - with no attempt made to delve into her losses - seemed to soften that hard, outer shell of hers, penetrate those prickly defences. Her past life was all tucked away deep inside and she had no desire to discuss it with anyone except Hilda and Sister Patricia. She felt secure with them. She closed herself off when people tried to pry – or criticised her guardian. But the way she was responding to Ian gave Hilda hope. She would grow relaxed with him, able to be herself, and Hilda knew he would find the right words when Ellie did seek his help. As would Matey – her sharp exterior hid so much wisdom and compassion.

Lost in her own thoughts, she was unaware of Ian’s and Matey’s scrutiny. Ian knew, from his sister, of all that Hilda had done for Ellie, how much love and support she had given the girl and how much it had cost her mentally. But judging by the soft glow in her eyes, he also knew she was more than willing to pay the price. She was not going to find it easy but, where love was concerned, Hilda Annersley set no limits. After her words to him in the car, Ian was determined to do all he could for her and Ellie, in order to lift some of the burden off the slender shoulders of the woman he still loved.

Matey, meanwhile, was silently wondering why she had never before considered Hilda in the role of mother. Judging by what she was now witnessing it fit Hilda like a glove. It was patently obvious the girl adored her, and she and Hilda had an easy, trusting relationship that spoke volumes for Hilda’s perception and great love. How had such affection developed in three short weeks? How had Hilda, that dispassionate and self-controlled woman, given herself so completely and so quickly? Matey wondered what Christmas miracles had been at work in that convent. Mother Abbess certainly had had a hand in it somewhere.

Ellie had volunteered a great deal during the hour or so she had spent with Matey. She had revelled in relating all that Madame had done for her. Much more than Hilda would have wanted revealed, Matey reflected. To go out of herself like this was incredible, when one realised how much she was still grieving for Nell. But Matey suspected that Nell herself had also had a hand in this. She was the one, above all, who had known the depth of the love hidden inside her friend.

The tender affection in Hilda’s eyes as they dwelt on Ellie moved Matey’s heart. She was deeply thankful that Hilda was still being challenged and forced to grow. God and life had clearly not done with her yet, despite her devastating loss.

#133: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:01 pm
—
Oh Mary, that was Fantastic!

How wonderful to see that Matey can be another vivien to Ellie. After the reception received from Jo it would have been little surprise if she had been wary of strangers. But that whole hearted open ended acceptance was just so touching - even if some of it was only painted in lightly in Mateys eyes.

And Ian is learning - his heart will have to learn that that is as good as things get - but I think he is slowly progressing.

It is good to know that there will be such a strong group of people for support of Hilda and Ellie in this time.

But tell me, can all of that which happened at the convent have only happened in 3 weeks? They were a jam-packed 3 weeks, that is for sure.

Thank you Mary.

#134: Author: lizziearrnet, Location: Coulsdon, Surrey

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:58 pm
—

Quote:

The tender affection in Hilda’s eyes as they dwelt on Ellie moved Matey’s heart. She was deeply thankful that Hilda was still being challenged and forced to grow. God and life had clearly not done with her yet, despite her devastating loss.

Loving it Mary, glad to see how He's not finished with Hilda yet.... Very Happy

Although I still don't know how you manage to get me every time, you're writing is so realistic...I felt that I was sitting at one end of the tea-table watching them all....and possibly joining in halo

...like I ever would Laughing

By the way, I really can see Hilda as mother too, the emotion she feels for Ellie is Awe-inspiring! Understandably so....Ellie's such a lovely character!

Happy writing and God Bless

Liz
xxx

P.S. I got made a godmother today....to my best friends baby girl, Smile

emotional but well worth it....she has made my month!

#135: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:35 pm
—
That was such a warm and loving scene! It was lovely to see Ellie so happy and relaxed with Ian and Matey, and how much Hilda enjoyed watching them together.
That's where Joey went wrong at lunch; she didn't allow Ellie that 'gentle undemanding friendship' that would allow her to feel comfortable and able to relax, as these two do and Vivien did.

And both Matey and Ian are so protective toward Hilda and want to spare her as much as they can. And how well Matey recognises the value of the gift that Hilda has been given in Ellie:

Quote:

She was deeply thankful that Hilda was still being challenged and forced to grow. God and life had clearly not done with her yet, despite her devastating loss.

If Ellie has benefitted, then so has Hilda - and how right Gwynneth is to recognise that Nell is part of all this.

#136: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 12:50 am
—

Quote:

This statement tells us so much, doesn't it - not only is Hilda still being challenged and forced to grow, she *wants* to do so, which is such a great step forward for her. Trust Matey and Ian to notice just how much progress she has made during her time at the convent, which speaks so much for MA's influence. But trust Matey to be the one with the perspicacity to realise that Nell was exerting her influence there, too.

I loved Ellie here, too - as Cath said, how much better Jo would have fared at lunchtime if she had sat back quietly and let Ellie 'make the running' rather than overwhelming her as she did. It's inevitable that Ellie will have some hurdles to overcome during the coming term, but she is going to have so many 'allies' to whom she can turn for help and comfort.

And yes, I had for the moment forgotten that Hilda had already told MA her story needed to be told and that she would be the one to do it.

Thanks, Mary, for a lovely, peaceful scene - like Lizziearnet, I felt like the proverbial fly on the wall throughout - not only could I 'hear' the conversation and feel its warmth, I could almost taste Ellie's scones.

#137: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 3:50 am
—
Lovely scene. Very Happy

And the French-German lessons will be a fabulous way to cement the relationship, while helping Ellie over one of the greatest academic hurdles she faces.

#138: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:08 am
—
I got up early enough to fend off the hordes from the computer this morning Laughing

Ellie is a delightful young lady, and it is a privilege to see her interactions with Ian and with Gwynneth in this touching scene. She has found her surrogate parents , and I rejoice.
Matey will also watch over her, and I feel a lot happier about things now......until there is a spanner in the works Wink

Thank you, Mary !

#139: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 6:13 am
—
It's stramge that Joey, with her famed sensitivity and empathy, didn't act in a way to help and welcome Ellie - I wonder if, in fact, Joey was jealous of the idea that Hilda could be a surrogate mother - and do at least as good a job of it as Joey herself?

Lovely scene Mary, thanks - also liked Matey's thought that Nell had something to do with the way Hilda has been helped.

#140: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 7:09 am
—
Mary that was a beautiful scene to see Matey's (sorry, Gwynneth's) thought process on how Hilda has changed since she left the school three weeks ago. But we all know how much she's been through since then - in particular how much Ellie has come to mean to her.

They make a lovely foursome, sitting and chatting and eating scones. As lizzie says, I really feel like I'm there as well.

But I wonder why Hilda didn't like her scone?

Quote:

After a grimace at him, she sat playing with the remains of her scone, mashing it to crumbs.

#141: Author: bethany, Location: Liverpool (mostly)

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 8:37 am
—
Last week I read this all the way through, from the archive (I had a nasty cold and was "resting", i.e. reading a lot). I can't believe that I never found this before it is so amazing.

Hilda is probably the character I admire the most in CS world, and you have written her to be as amazing as I imagine, maybe even more so. I am really looking forward to seeing what happens as term develops. Should I be worried about how Ellie will react when she sees how Kathie Ferrars treats Hilda?

Thank you Mary for written this wonderful, sad, happy, thought provoking drabble.

#142: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:27 pm
—
So much love and support from so many people ... Ellie is fast amassing a protective army about her - Ian, Matey, Vivien, and, paramountly, of course, Hilda. Hilda is still really quite uncomfortable with Ian and Ellie's adoration, isn't she, the idea of AMAS, though causing general mirth, is also causing her to pulverise her scone!
I was touched by the memory of Nell here

Quote:

She was the one, above all, who had known the depth of the love hidden inside her friend.

It has taken her death to make the cracks through which that love can flow out to others, too.

#143: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:19 pm
—
Kathy S - this is for you. Laughing

Thanks to you all for the comments.

Miranda, I think Tara rather neatly explained that crumbling scone. Wink

Both Ian and Matey offered to occupy Ellie that evening in order to give Hilda some time alone, to settle back into the school atmosphere and attack some of her work. But Ellie sent her guardian a pleading look which settled the matter. It would be her last chance to be alone with Hilda – and the latter understood. Matey took herself off to her own abode and the other three walked to the front door.

Ian cast a kindly eye on Ellie. “You know, Ellie, your guardian will be very busy tomorrow when the staff return. How about coming over to the San? I could show you around, and perhaps we could visit some of the patients. A new face would cheer them up. Some of them don’t get many visitors.”

Ellie’s face lit up. She had no desire to be in the way of her guardian doing her job – but, on the other hand, spending the day hiding away held no pleasure for her. Hilda considered the pair of them – and rejoiced in her heart.

“Ian, how would it be if I drove her over, and we all went for a spin in your car down the coach road? Get that over and done with?” Her eyes twinkled as his jaw dropped. He clearly thought she was as bad as his sister. He pulled a face at her but then nodded. After all she had done, it would be a disgrace not to agree.

Hilda smiled understandingly, and added, “That accomplished, you can keep Ellie at the San while I make my own way back here.” She smiled at her ward. “Mr Stuart is right. It would be very boring for you here, chérie, for I will indeed be busy. Would it suit you, though, to spend the day with him?”

Ellie nodded in delight and so it was arranged. Ian took himself off and Ellie settled herself in the Study while Hilda worked at her desk. The latter thought her ward was simply reading, and failed to see the notebook in which Ellie was busily scribbling. However, after an hour or so, Matey appeared and winkled the girl out to help her make some dinner. Hilda smiled secretly to herself as they disappeared through the door. Her friends were trying so hard to help and she blessed them.

Laying down her pen she stretched out her cramped arms. It had been a long day and too much seemed to have been crammed into it since she had shown Ellie round the school that morning. She looked down at her watch. She had a few moments peace - would Joey be free to talk? Without more ado, she picked up the phone.

“Hilda,” said Joey quietly. “I was going to phone you later. Your eyes as you left – I knew I had overstepped the mark with Ellie. You looked so angry, and then somehow very sad.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Joey,” replied Hilda softly. “It was my own silly mistake. You couldn’t possibly have known it but Ellie’s father was killed in a plane crash.” She heard Jo’s indrawn breath. “When you talked about the train crash that you and Erica were involved in, and how you found Marie Claire – I’m afraid it upset her. And she was already upset by your words earlier this morning.”

She heard Joey sigh loud and long. “I don’t know what got into me, Hilda,” she admitted quietly. “Of all the people to become a guardian, you are the one who would know best how to go about it, with your knowledge of youngsters. It was stupid and arrogant of me.”

Hilda was silent as she thought of all the problems that had already risen in the few short weeks she had known Ellie – Ellie’s quick temper and her desperate need for love, her deep and intense sadness and loneliness, the alternate selfishness and generosity she showed, her growing maturity and deep insights. A true paradox of a girl! And being apart from Hilda at school was assuredly going to cause more problems, for all her compliance right now.

“Hilda…” queried Joey hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, Joey, just thinking. How much do I really know of young girls, despite all those years? It’s very different being a guardian from being a headmistress. One needs a whole different set of skills, ones I’m not sure I possess.” Hilda's eyes were suddenly haunted. How much had she been able to help Ellie this day? The girl had clammed up on her.

“Hilda, you have all the skills necessary and then some, never you fear,” said Joey quietly. She cleared her throat in embarrassment. “But I’ll admit something, love. Depite your words, I did try to pry, find out about her background, how she had met you. Guess I can’t help being that question mark you mentioned.”

Hilda felt a surge of anger shoot through her, but quickly controlled it. No wonder Ellie had been so quiet! She made a decision. “Joey, my friend, I did warn you to go easy – but I’m also afraid I may have over-reacted because I’m so worried about her,” she said softly, so softly that Joey had to work hard to hear her. “She trusts people so little that it may take a long while for her to come round and meet you halfway now, after what happened first thing this morning. I did try to explain you were only trying to help, but……”

She paused, frowned and then spoke more firmly. “Joey, I’ve changed my mind – I’m going to tell you a little of her background, but only in the strictest confidence. You may tell Jack, but no one else at all. Do you understand?”

“Hilda, I don’t deserve that you should tell me anything,” Joey responded ashamedly.

Hilda sighed. “Maybe you don’t, Joey, for I’ll admit, in my turn, that I was feeling very annoyed with you. Not the way I usually respond, is it?” she asked somewhat wryly. “But you’re one of my closest friends, after all. And you know something about loss, from the time when you nearly lost Jack and then Phil. I’ve already told you Ellie’s mother died when Ellie was only four.”

She took a deep breath before continuing, hoping she was doing the right thing. “Her grandparents mostly brought her up, because her father had no time for her whatsoever. She is the image of her mother – don’t ask how I know – and he couldn’t face living with that, so he was extremely derelict in his duties. Ellie has lived a very lonely life, my dear, and lets in very few people. The grandmother she adored died when Ellie was just eleven and her father sent her away to school at that point, so he wouldn’t have to look after her himself, be with her. He left that to his father-in-law – who died two years ago. At that point her father installed her in an apartment in Nice with a housekeeper, who looked after her in the school holidays when she couldn’t go to a schoolfriend’s home.”

“My God, Hilda, what a bleak and isolated life,” whispered Joey. “When I think of how my children have been spoiled and petted….”

“And have a father who loves them deeply,” added Hilda sadly. “Love is all that most children need, Joey, as you know very well. It was all Ellie needed, wanted. But her father died in that plane without ever telling her he loved her – and that hurts her beyond belief.”

She paused again, seeing in her mind’s eye the tragic, bleak mask that had been Ellie’s face the first time she had seen the girl. Oh, yes, indeed – she hurt so very much. “She has lost everything, Joey. Family, home, school, country, friends…. .” She heard her friend gulp. “The wonder is that she can be so cheerful and amusing, that she can cope with this new life into which she has been thrown, that she can accept a stranger, me, as her protector. She’s so loving, my dear. You can have no idea…” Her voice broke and tears pricked behind her eyes.

There was a long, taut silence, and then Joey whispered, “I don’t need to hear anything else, Hilda. Thank you for that, and I promise to leave well enough alone. If you want me for anything you know where to come. Only – don’t blame yourself for any of it, my lamb. You deserve to have somebody love you the way she quite clearly does - and I see your love for her in every word you speak, in every look you give her. I only hope she will fill something of that huge gap Nell has left in your heart.”

She heard a sudden stifled sob at the other end and knew she had said enough. With a quiet murmur of sympathy she placed down the phone gently. Hilda, still clutching the receiver to her, covered her face with a trembling hand and let the tears fall, as Mother Abbess had taught her to do.

Not Ellie, not the nun herself, nothing and no one, could ever fill that huge Nell-size gap inside her….

#144: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:34 pm
—
Oh Mary... What can I say about that. What can anyone say? You've covered a wide range of emotions again there. I love the care that is taken by Gwynneth and Ian to try and sheild Hilda at this difficult time. But it is right that Ellie stays with her.

And how quick is Hilda to get Ian to agree to face his next challenge. Ellies presence with them on that road should help them both. I am sure they will need her there. But how clever of Hilda to arrange things like that.

And Gwynneth feilding Ellie like that to prepare for food was such a clever way of giving Hilda the time alone that she needed. At first I thought she was just going to worry about how to deal with Jo and Ellie. But what stunningly decisive action she took. I'm not not sure whether Hilda needed to tell someone, or Jo needed to hear it more. For Hilda, talking to Jo, has had the effect of releasing what she feels inside her. And how she needed to let that go.

Thank goodness Jo felt the need to appologise, and that she was then able to offer Hilda the comfort she needed. And I hope that Hilda's coming to the place where she accepts that neither Jo, nor Ellie, nor anyone else will ever fill that gap will help her to move on past this place which being back in the school always puts her in, and allow her to concentrate on the next thing that needs done - or the whole ream of things needing done in the morning.

I do hope that Ellie's protective instincts are not raised when she next see's Hilda though! Or that they are not roused too much!

Thank you Mary, that was wonderful.

#145: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:39 pm
—
Warm, tender, beautiful on all sides - Ellie is finding herself surrounded by people who want to help, and Hilda, while acknowledging, finally, that no-one can completely fill the gap which Nell has left, is also surrounded by those who want to help. And, thank goodness, she is now able to follow MA's counsel, and let the tears flow when she needs to, instead of trying to resist.

As for Joey - thank goodness she now realises she 'got off on the wrong foot' with Ellie, and aroused Hilda's annoyance as a result. But we know how sensitive and caring she really is at bottom, and Hilda's decision to confide Ellie's history in her was the best thing she could have done - Joey will keep her promise only to confide it in Jack, I am sure.

One thing is certain - she will approach any future meeting with Ellie with caution, and wait for her to make the overtures - and in so doing, will, in the end, also win Ellie's trust and affection.

Thank you Mary.

#146: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 8:52 pm
—
Mary, that's a beautiful post. Joey's breeziness earlier was irritatingly characteristic- but now she's had time to think, so's her response here.

Quote:

Hilda sighed. “Maybe you don’t, Joey, for I’ll admit, in my turn, that I was feeling very annoyed with you. Not the way I usually respond, is it?” she asked somewhat wryly. “But you’re one of my closest friends, after all. And you know something about loss, from the time when you nearly lost Jack and then Phil. I’ve already told you Ellie’s mother died when Ellie was only four.”

I hadn't thought of Joey as someone who could really empathise with Ellie, but of course she is. There's also the fact that Joey lost *both* parents at a very young age- and that's bound to have affected her, regardless of Dick and Madge. My mother works for CRUSE, and I've heard her talk about how bereavement even in earlier chidhood can have lasting effects, no matter how well the child has been cared for since.

Thank you.

#147: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 10:27 pm
—
Hilda certainly believes in killing birds with stones, sorting out company for Ellie, peace for herself and the final driving breakthrough for Ian all in one fell swoop!

Ellie did need that last time with her, but I do hope she makes friends soon so that she doesn't need to be so dependent. And I do wonder what Ellie was scribbling ... Hilda's precis of Ellie's character is very astute:

Quote:

Ellie’s quick temper and her desperate need for love, her deep and intense sadness and loneliness, the alternate selfishness and generosity she showed, her growing maturity and deep insights.

It's lovely that Jo has realised how unfortunate her appproach to Ellie has been, and that her caring and sensitivity are to the fore again, and Hilda was wise to share something of the background. I think Hilda is selling herself a bit short, though (not that that is unusual!) The skills needed to be a good pastoral carer are very similar to those needed to be a good parent, so she'll have them already, along with the extra, and different, ones needed by a good Head.

#148: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 4:33 am
—
Thank you, Mary. Very Happy

It’s wonderful the way Ian and Matey know just how simultaneously to involve Ellie and relieve Hilda – and how Hilda adds to the conspiracy of caring by drafting Ian to drive.

I’m very glad that Hilda’s given Jo some of the background now, and not just for the sake of their friendship. If the goal is to build a support network for Ellie, it isn’t unreasonable to think of Jo as potentially having a role, even after this disastrous start. After all, not so long ago Hilda herself considered Jo one of the best at dealing with bereavement. For example, in Jane, though with good reason Jane runs first to Miss Annersley, Hilda takes pains to ensure that Jo’s on call:

Quote:

I'm hoping Lady Carew may come through, but if she doesn't, then I want Joey at hand."

Rosalie nodded. "We would all do our best to help Jane if it came to the worst, but Joey has something very few other folk I've known have. She was the only person who really helped me when my mother died."

But poor Hilda, still struggling so with her own pain.

#149: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:17 am
—
Very telling that no-one, not even MA or Ellie, can fill the hole in Hilda's soul left by Nell. However busy she finds herself, wharever responsibilities, it is still there, lurking. Crying or Very sad

The conversation with Joey was interesting - I still feel that part of Joey's response was due to jealousy, but at least now she is aware of Ellie's fragility.

Thanks Mary.

#150: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:16 am
—

MaryR wrote:

Not Ellie, not the nun herself, nothing and no one, could ever fill that huge Nell-size gap inside her….

My eyes were suspiciously watery by the end there Sad

Thank you Mary.

#151: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:41 am
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Oh what a lovely piece of writing....

It was good to see Jo listening to Hilda and admitting that she went against her wishes when talking to Ellie. And possibly Jo also needed reassuring that Hilda still wanted her friendship - after all so much that is new has come into Hilda's life; it might be that Jo thought there was no place left for her, and she reacted from fear. But she does now recognise just what Ellie is for Hilda and acknowledges that this is a love that will do so much for Hilda.

Quote:

You deserve to have somebody love you the way she quite clearly does - and I see your love for her in every word you speak, in every look you give her.

And to see Ellie and Ian getting on so well was lovely. But, oh poor Hilda! I had a huge lump in my throat at this....

Quote:

nothing and no one, could ever fill that huge Nell-size gap inside her…

Nell was so much the person who mattered, who completed her.....

#152: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:24 am
—
This was so lovely, it's left me speechless, but I'm glad beyond belief Joey apologised to Hilda. I only hope she can make amends to Ellie and give her the space she needs

#153: Author: Tan, Location: London via Newcastle Australia

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 7:30 pm
—
Wow. I haven't had a chance to catch up with this in a while. As always, very evocative writing Mary.

#154: Author: Katya, Location: Mostly Bradford

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:50 pm
—
Mary, that was lovely - even if the last line tears at the heartstrings. Poor Hilda! Nothing will ever make up for that loss, but at least she has the love of so many others, including the new people in her life, to surround that Nell-shaped hole and try to make the edges less sharp...

Well done Joey for realising how much hurt she'd caused, but also well done Hilda for telling her some of the background. To keep it all entirely hidden would cause more harm than good, I think, though it's understandable that she shouldn't want to reveal it all, and that only a select few will be told anything at all. But, by her own admission, Joey would have tried to find out anyway, and telling her avoids any more painful questions for Ellie.

Quote:

Ellie’s quick temper and her desperate need for love, her deep and intense sadness and loneliness, the alternate selfishness and generosity she showed, her growing maturity and deep insights. A true paradox of a girl!

True - but also a very realistic and well drawn character.

Now we just have to hope that all goes well with the drive down that road... Please, Mary? Wink

Thank you for this and the preceding few posts which I've caught up on. I don't know how you keep the standard so consistently high, but you do! Very Happy

#155: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 5:31 pm
—
Mary,
I am immensely relieved to find that Joey has got her brain and mouth in synchronous gear, and that her normal compassionate service is being resumed !
This was a super update Smile

#156: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 10:19 pm
—

Identity Hunt wrote:

Mary,
I am immensely relieved to find that Joey has got her brain and mouth in synchronous gear, and that her normal compassionate service is being resumed !

*snicker* Now you've got me visualising Joey as either an android or a car. Not sure which...

#157: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 7:32 pm
—

Lisa_T wrote:

Identity Hunt wrote:

I am immensely relieved to find that Joey has got her brain and mouth in synchronous gear, and that her normal compassionate service is being resumed !

*snicker* Now you've got me visualising Joey as either an android or a car. Not sure which...

Oh dear, oh dear, poor Joey! Laughing

I'm afraid you will have to wait to find out more about her behaviour, though! Rolling Eyes

And I really do apologise for the length of this.... Embarassed

Hilda had dried her tears before Ellie returned to tell her dinner was ready and they chatted companionably as they wandered to the kitchen. They lingered with Matey over the meal, happy to be together, knowing that the peace and companionship would be disturbed the next day when the staff returned. Hilda watched silently how Matey drew the girl out, without the latter even realising what was happening. Finally, though, Hilda saw how weary Ellie was beginning to look. All these new experiences had been draining for her.

“Off to bed with you, young lady,” she said firmly, drawing Ellie to her feet. “You’ve another busy day tomorrow with Mr Stuart. I’ll come up in a little while to tuck you in, when Matey and I have done the dishes. No, you may not help! Drying up is one of my few talents in the kitchen, so away with you.”

Entering Ellie’s room a little later, she found the mood had changed. Her ward was sitting up in bed, gazing down at her mother’s photo which she was clutching tightly. Her eyes were haunted when she looked up and Hilda quickly moved forward and sat on the bed.

“Feeling homesick?” she asked, her voice soft.

“One has to have a home to be homesick,” whispered Ellie. “I don’t think I had a home once mémé died. Pépé tried hard but his heart was empty; he just wanted to be with her.” She paused. “If she could see me now….mémé…..et maman aussi…. ” Her voice trailed away and she bowed her head again over the photo.

Hilda reached out and with a gentle finger tilted up the lovely face. She smiled tenderly into the desolate eyes. “Your mother does see you, petite, and if you are happy then she is happy – but I don’t think you are, are you?”

Ellie gripped Hilda’s hand, and seemed to change the subject. “Madame Maynard’s children, they have much luck – their parents have a so great love for them.”

Hilda understood and her heart ached. “Oui, chérie – and they show them that they love them, which is a wonderful thing. Even their wards feel they belong.”

“That is what you do for me, Madame,” Ellie whispered. “I feel at long last that I belong to someone, belong to somewhere. Wherever place you go will be home for me now. Even the convent, you know, it became home after you found me.”

Hilda stroked the glossy black hair tenderly, tears threatening as she heard an echo of the words spoken by Ruth to Naomi in the Old Testament. “Then I too am happy, chérie – and I hope I never disappoint or upset you.”

“But you won’t,” gasped Ellie, wide-eyed. “I told Madame Maynard….”

“Ah, yes! Mrs Maynard,” interrupted Hilda and something in the quiet voice alerted Ellie. Anxiety quickly filled her eyes. Hilda shifted her position to sit beside her ward, her back resting against the pillows, and pulled the girl into her arms. Ellie snuggled close and laid her head on her guardian’s shoulder, the photo still clutched in her hand.

“Are you going to tell me what upset you this afternoon, petite?” She laid her cheek against the dark head, hoping the closeness would break through the barrier. Ellie rubbed her thumb back and forth across her mother’s face. When nothing was forthcoming, Hilda tightened her arms and tried again, her voice a quiet and soothing murmur. “Whatever it is, I promise I won’t be cross, but if you could bring yourself to tell me I might just be able to help.”

“She ….was impolite this morning…about you….” Ellie’s voice was so low that Hilda could scarcely hear.

“No, she wasn’t, not really, chérie. She’s right – she has far more experience than I do in being responsible for young girls,” said Hilda quietly.

“But you are the Headmistress. You are responsible for very many girls.”

“Yes, Ellie, but not in the same way as I am responsible for you now,” Hilda replied gravely. “A guardian is more like a mother than a headmistress, and of that I have no experience at all. All I know is that I love you – and, in the end, that may not be enough.”

Ellie’s face lifted to look at Hilda. “It is more than enough,” she affirmed. “And because you love me, I trust you. I do not worry that you are knowing everything about me. I do not even feel too sad when you scold me or show me that I am doing something wrong.”

Hilda ruthlessly drove back the tears and dropped a kiss on Ellie’s nose. A fleeting smile skittered over the mobile face, before Ellie took a deep breath and forced herself to continue. “But I am minding, very much, when people who do not know me try to discover what I am, what has happened to me in my life. That is mine – to give or not to give. Do you understand, chère Madame?”

Her eyes were pleading now and Hilda hastened to reassure. “And you feel Mrs Maynard should not have tried to pry?” When Ellie nodded, Hilda said urgently, “But I don’t think she was trying to pry, petite. She was just being friendly and interested, as she is with all new girls.” She smiled in sympathy. “But, like you, I find it hard to come out from behind my walls and reveal things. I retreat even further when people try to get too close. We’re a good pair, aren’t we, child?”

“A very good pair, Madame.” Ellie’s answer was instantaneous, and she laid her head back on Hilda’s shoulder. “You suit me in every way.”

“But that wasn’t the only thing that hurt, was it, Ellie?” whispered Hilda into the black hair. “The crash she talked about – it revived all your own pain when you least expected it. And you’ve been hiding it from me ever since. That’s why you were sitting here thinking about your mother, wasn’t it? You were remembering how lonely you so often were in your life – wondering about your father. But I can’t help if you won’t talk.”

Silence fall, and Ellie’s body was rigid, her fingers once more smoothing the photo. Hilda waited. Finally there came a tiny whisper. “You are her friend. I did not wish to hurt you.”

Hilda’s arms tightened even more. “Oh Ellie, you wouldn’t have hurt me. It is rather my fault that you are hurting. When we don’t tell people things, then of course they make mistakes. Mrs Maynard had no idea about what had happened to your father. Can you forgive me for your pain, for not letting her know?” The black head nodded against her. “And can you also forgive Mrs Maynard for anything you think she may have done?”

This time there was no response. Hilda closed her eyes, uttered a silent prayer for help. What she was about to say might just disrupt this burgeoning relationship.

“Ellie, sweetheart, you mustn’t hold grudges like this, or you will do yourself untold damage. At Christmas, when you were so upset, you asked me to show you how to love. In the Bible, Jesus tells us how. He tells us to love our neighbours as we love ourselves – and that is done in the nitty gritty of our day to day lives, not in church on Sunday morning. Remember I talked about that pat of encouragement on the shoulder or helping someone with their prep. Well, it’s easy to do those things for someone we love, someone who loves us. But sometimes loving means doing those things for someone we don’t like very much.”

Still there was no response. Hilda softened her voice. “Real love, as Jesus taught it, isn’t easy, because loving also means forgiving, even those who have hurt you, no matter who they are. You can’t say you love someone if you hold a grudge against them in your heart. Chérie, you have just forgiven me my failure, because you love me and know that I love you. But what about Mrs Maynard?”

Ellie’s body was still rigid against her. Hilda could see the restless fingers, sense the silent misery invading the girl. Suddenly, her heart melted and she was almost undone by the intensity of her love for Ellie; wanted to hug her close and protect her from all harm, tell her everything was fine. But no – sometimes love demanded that one be harsh with the beloved, for their sake.

She moved, took Ellie by the shoulders and turned her so they were face to face. Stern but loving blue-grey eyes gazed intently into sapphire pools of misery. “You have a proverb in your country: There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. Will you sleep well tonight, do you think, feeling as you do? Or will you take your chance to show me you meant it when you asked me to show you how to love. Are you big enough, Ellie? Big enough to forgive Mrs Maynard as you have just forgiven me? Because I assure you I was as much at fault, if not more so. Can you give her another chance?”

Ellie stared at her, her eyes wide and fearful. She was not sure she was big enough. Not like her guardian – she was big enough for anything. Ellie thought back to the words Mother Abbess had said about Hilda’s love: Hilda will give you her smile when she wants to weep; she will give you her time when she needs it for herself; she will give you her strength when she is at her weakest; she will lift you up when she is as low as it is possible to be – and she would give you her life if it would save or protect you.”

No, she could never be like that, not in a million years. But Madame was not asking for her life, was not even asking for her to give anything up – except her grudge. And maybe holding that grudge was very babyish. Maybe she could do this one little thing for Madame, in return for all the wonderful, generous things her guardian had done for her. Maybe…

Hilda spoke again, and her voice was gentle but inexorable in the peace of the little room. “Are you also big enough to accept Erica as a friend – or are you still determined to keep away from her because of her association with Mrs Maynard? How many others will you avoid in the same fashion?” There was an infinitesimal pause and then she added even more gently, “I love Joey, have done so since she was a schoolgirl not much younger than you. Are you going to cut yourself off from me as well, child, because I love her?”

Ellie gasped in shock and shook her head wildly, tears suddenly streaming down her cheeks and flying in all directions. “N…never…” she cried, and leaned forward to bury her face in Hilda’s shoulder. Hilda held her close, rocking her gently as she finally crumbled, wailing out her anguish in great gulping sobs. Hilda’s eyes were haunted. Had she been too hard?

She laid her lips on the black hair, crooned to her ward softly as the sobs muted into stifled weeping. “Weep it out, petite. I know now how much it helps, to let go like this…. I didn’t mean to hurt you…. I love you so very deeply…. Maybe I’m asking too much of you when you’re still mourning all that you’ve lost….”

It was a while before Ellie could gain control of herself, but finally she lay spent against Hilda, still quivering from the violence of the storm. Hilda lifted a hand to stroke back the untidy black hair and Ellie seized the hand and held it hard against her damp cheek, desperate for as much close contact as she could get. Hilda leaned back against the pillows, Ellie still held close to her, and closed her eyes. Was she failing this girl utterly? Had she made a mistake by agreeing to be her guardian?

No, lovely girl, don’t despair. She can never come to harm with you as her guide. Just follow those sure instincts of yours. They’ve never let anyone down yet. They never let me down.

Hilda smiled, a slow and peaceful smile, her spirit relaxing as much as Ellie’s body was now relaxing. The warmth from the loving arms and the gentleness of the silence around them were working their magic. Ellie turned her head so one damp cheek was laid against Hilda. She still held her guardian’s hand against her other cheek. Eventually there came the sound of a long and heartfelt sigh.

“You nearly blew me away, child,” whispered Hilda.

Ellie managed a small giggle. “I would never do that,” she whispered back. “I need you too much. But, Madame, I cannot render forgiveness to Madame Maynard.” Hilda frowned but waited patiently and the sweet voice went on softly, “You see, in the end she did nothing, did she? She had no knowledge of my father’s crash – and I should not have become so upset when she said those words about you this morning. So how can I forgive someone who has done me no injury? Instead – I will try to love her, as you do.”

“Oh, Ellie, ma petite,” breathed Hilda in a broken murmur and held the girl more tightly, her eyes closed against her own tears as she uttered a brief and silent prayer of thanks. Ellie was showing more maturity with every day that passed – and true magnanimity of spirit.

Silence reigned once more and then Ellie wriggled so she was beside Hilda once more, still encircled by those loving arms. She leaned back against the pillows and raised her tear-stained face. Hilda smiled fondly down at her and kissed the wrinkled forehead as though in blessing.

“You know, Madame,” offered the girl tentatively, “I shall not refuse to be a friend of Erica, but I would like someone else to be my sheepdog, s’il vous plaît, then she will not feel she has to be my friend just because her mother and my guardian are so good friends. Do you understand?” She was looking anxious and Hilda nodded, her eyes gentle on her ward.

Content, Ellie laid her head back on Hilda’s shoulder. Once more she had had her eyes opened by her guardian; once more she had had her behaviour reflected back to her, and then had been soothed into gentle peace. How could she ever now survive without this miraculous woman whom le bon Dieu had seen fit to send in her hour of need? Her fingers teased the big wooden button at the neck of Hilda’s cardigan.

“You know, Madame, you are like this button,” she whispered. “You hold things together for me. You pull straight what has become twisted inside me.”

Hilda grinned at the originality of the analogy, but her lovely voice made music of the poem she slowly recited to her ward as they sat there entwined together, each of them a comfort to the other:

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves.
Don’t search for the answers,
they could not be given to you now,
because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is, to live everything.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps then, some day in the future,
you will gradually, without even noticing it,
live your way into the answers.
(Rilke)

Last edited by MaryR on Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:02 pm; edited 3 times in total

#158: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:25 pm
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Ah Mary, that was lovely. Well, it looks like Ellie has passed her first test- being able to handle Hilda the headmistress as opposed to Hilda the guardian.

#159: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 8:26 pm
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I love the way Ellie and Hilda interacted in that scene but I did so want Matey to peak in and see it, obviously she wouldn't stay but I think she would have some words to help Hilda afterwards. And that poem at the end just fits (and also is now in my quotes journal).

Thank you Mary

#160: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:08 pm
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Lovely, Mary - and Nell was there at just the right time to give Hilda support, wasn't she?

Thank you.

#161: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:22 pm
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Quote:

“You know, Madame, you are like this button,” she whispered. “You hold things together for me. You pull straight what has become twisted inside me.”

An original analogy, indeed, but how apt as a description of the way Hilda has teased out the tangled threads of Ellie's feelings and finally enabled her to confide all the reasons for her upsetness. She has lanced the boil of Ellie's dislike of Joey before it could cause any longterm problems, and has made Ellie face, and conquer, her own demons once again. Ellie's response is one of those flashes of maturity and insight that we have come to expect from her and totally validates Hilda's treatment.

I hope Hilda will eventually stop feeling she hasn't got 'mothering' skills because she's not given birth! She has caring and nurturing instincts in spades (as Nell reminds her), and that's all she needs.

That Rilke quotation is so very interesting, I'm going to go back and read it lots more. Thank you for all that food for thought, Mary.

#162: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:27 pm
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Oh my - that was spellbinding - talk about watching someone mature by leaps and bounds before my very eyes. And Hilda was entirely right to trust her own instincts here. Despite her very natural fear that she was asking too much of Ellie, the truth is that, in 'being cruel to be kind' as she was here, she truly helped the girl to a deeper understanding of what had happened, and of her reactions to those events and how to develop a deeper understanding from them.

I'm truly impressed to see that Ellie had the maturity to grasp that it was, to some extent at least, her own reaction to what Joey said, rather than Joey's hurting her through ignorance of her situation - therefore there was nothing to forgive Joey for. As for Erica - it's clear she'd really like her to become her friend, but her request that Hilda assign someone else to be her 'sheepdog' only goes to show how much she wants Erica to extend that friendship for its own sake and not feel obliged to do so simply because Joey and Hilda are already friends. Not many teenagers would be capable of that depth of analysis and thought for others - it's kudos both to Hilda for her treatment of her and to Ellie herself for showing us once again this maturity so far beyond her years.

Once again, Mary, you have painted a picture in words which take us right to the heart of the matter both literally and figuratively, (I may have been sitting at my computer but at the same time I was transported to that little bedroom, and watching this interchange unfold). You have given us all so much food for thought, as you have done throughout this story, and as I have no doubt you will continue to do. Thank you.

#163: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 2:29 am
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Oh my, Mary - where to start? Well, let's see.....

Hilda's relationship with Ellie is so extraordinarily well-grounded even in this shortest of times, and it shines through in this piece. And despite Hilda's words,

Quote:

A guardian is more like a mother than a headmistress, and of that I have no experience at all. All I know is that I love you – and, in the end, that may not be enough.

, Ellie knows this when she affirms that it is more than enough. Hilda, no mother ever feels that she knows enough, whatever her previous experiences - but love and a desire to do the best you can for your child will see you through.

And Hilda has that already, otherwise she could not have so lovingly, but inexorably shown Ellie how and why she must forgive Jo. And she recognises that they are similar people - Ellie is a child of her soul as it were- and with her own awareness of her self she is in a perfect position to help Ellie.

And then there is that whisper from Nell, confirming Hilda's words and supporting her at a point when she needed it, and how right that she shuld be there at that moment reminding Hilda of all the time when her instincts "never let me down."

And Ellie responds - in fact she more than responds, acknowledging that not only does she see where she went wrong, but also that she will try and love Jo herself.

The poem is so right....

#164: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 3:46 am
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Beautifully done, Hilda, and an exceptional response from Ellie.
It'll probably be harder for her to carry through than it seems right now, with Hilda's words so immediate, but she's well on her way. Very practical of her to suggest a sheepdog other than Erica. Smile

Thank you, Mary.

#165: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 6:38 am
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Mary,
after my hectic day socialising in Bath yesterday, what joy to come home and find this waiting for me !
I really need to give it a second , closer reading to appreciate its depths, but I wanted to thank you for the pleasure it gave me.

#166: Author: calico, Location: Wellington, New Zealand

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 7:40 am
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Mary
That was lovely.
Thank you.

#167: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 7:59 am
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Each time you post Mary I wonder how on earth you can top what you have written previously, and every time you blow me away, as Ellie so nearly did to Hilda there. That was Amazing. You appologise for the length - do I take it that you mean it was too short? For I'd not call it anything else.

But now to pause. I loved the small family party of the evening - and well done Hilda in managing to get over her own grief and hide all signs of it by the time Elllie came back. Gwynneth is such a lovely carachter here - this story would be so much poorer without her.

And now for that bedroom scene. That tops everything Mary - how on earth does Hilda do it. And that beloved voice coming in where Hilda needed it most. How gently she manages to guide her young follower down the right path, to choose that which is right, and do what is hard - to give up that resentment, and claim ownership of the cause so calmly. I am so glad that MA was able to give Ellie the warning of who she was trying to emulate.

Yet, even as she does so, she knows that she is no where near where Hilda is - and Hilda is so obviously aware of what she is asking of Ellie - it was a huge step for her, but one that she managed well.

Thank you Mary - that was wonderful.

#168: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 11:53 am
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Such a beautiful post there Mary - once again we watch Hilda weave her own particular brand of magic to help Ellie grow and mature. And she does it so tactfully, so gently, how could Ellie resist? And yet Hilda still has her doubts, doubts that only Nell can dispel.

And the little humour that flashes through with Hilda's comment on Ellie's sigh.

A wonderful, insightful, restful piece of writing. Thank you.

#169: Author: Sarah, Location: Skelmersdale, Lancashire

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:33 pm
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I've just caught up on the last few posts and once again I'm lost for words.
I'm so glad Joey has decided to come to her senses! Rolling Eyes

I'm also glad Hildsa has managed to talk to Ellie Smile

Thank you! Very Happy

#170: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 7:40 pm
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wheelchairprincess wrote:

I love the way Ellie and Hilda interacted in that scene but I did so want Matey to peak in and see it, obviously she wouldn't stay but I think she would have some words to help Hilda afterwards.

You been reading my scripts, along with Miranda, Emma? Twisted Evil

I'm sorry it's not quite as you envisaged Matey behaving - no peeking for her! Laughing

I'm sorry you're in for another long episode. Embarassed

An hour or so later, Matey appeared in the Study where Hilda was working her way though letters and forms and reports. She placed on the small table the two hot drinks she was carrying, settled herself on the couch and frowned fiercely over at Hilda.

“Something’s bothering you,” she stated baldly.

Hilda looked up in some surprise, then sighed, screwed the cap back on her pen and moved across to sit opposite her friend. She picked up one of the drinks and blew on it, her eyes on Matey. She wrinkled her nose. “And I thought I was hiding all my worries. I really should have known better.”

“All your worries being to do with Ellie,” surmised Matey, unaware how wrong she was. “Firstly, how to help her recover from whatever has happened to her; secondly, how much to tell the school about her being your ward; thirdly, how to spend time with her when you are the Headmistress and have so very little time, and anyway could be accused of favouritism; fourthly, how to keep your own grief under wraps.”

Hilda took a deep breath and added, “Fifthly, how to convince my new Head Girl that she can do the job.”

Matey sat up and gaped at her in shock. “I beg your pardon? What…. Tessa….?”

“Is in hospital,” replied Hilda sombrely. “She’s been involved in a bad accident and isn’t returning this year,” and she proceeded to tell Matey what had happened. It was something she had been unable to do in front of Ian and Ellie.

“Oh, love,” said Matey in sympathy. “And you’ve had to deal with this during your holiday as well as Ellie and your own frailty? No wonder you look so weighed down when you think no one’s looking.”

Silence fell as they pondered the awful news of Tessa, and also the problems presented by Ellie and Mireille. Matey finally stirred and pulled a face. “Mireille’s grand as a second-in-command but as a Head Girl…. You’ve got trouble there, love.”

“Yes,” sighed Hilda. “I’m hoping Jean will bolster her. Not too many nerves there. I know Gillian will. If only Jack Lambert hadn’t left after her O levels – she would have been a fine deputy. In fact she would have made a fine Head Girl, if Tessa hadn’t come to the school. There were never many what you might call shining characters in that class, until Tessa and Gillian arrived, and that now bodes ill for the term ahead. Mireille seemed to come into her own as deputy last term, but that's become as so much dust in the wind now, as far as she is concerned. She's scared out of her wits.”

She stared ahead of her, contemplating her options, and then looked across at Matey. “I suspect a great deal of my time and energy will be taken up with Mireille and how best to keep order without seeming to countermand her authority. Things could go awry till she finds her feet. May I count on your help with Ellie if I can’t be there for her myself?”

“Of course you can, love,” Matey assured her. “She may not want me, of course.”

Hilda bit her lip and nodded slowly. “Mmmm! But you found the right touch with her immediately, as did Ian. Ellie’s very fragile, Gwynneth, as you must have noticed.”

Matey looked down and ran her finger round the rim of her cup, wondering whether to say what was in her mind. Her eyes still on her cup, she spoke slowly, feeling her way. “I sensed that as soon as I met her, but, when we were baking this afternoon, I’m afraid she let out some of your secrets. She told me a little of what you’ve done for her this Christmas, love. And I’m betting there’s a lot more you’ve done that she doesn’t know about. All that for a stranger! And Mother Abbess wouldn’t allow you to be her guardian unless she had a damn good reason – the reason being that she knows you and loves you and trusts you.”

She paused, took a deep breath and raised her head to add softly, “Nell would be so very proud of you for what you are doing.”

Hilda let her head fall against the chair back and closed her eyes. “I don’t care whether she’s proud of me or not, Gwynneth. My hope is just that she’s watching over us. It’s a scary thing becoming a guardian, let me tell you, especially to such a wounded child.”

Silence fell, a comfortable silence as each sat with her thoughts and fears. Matey watched Hilda’s face. How drained she seemed under the artificial light. Was she going to be strong enough to get through this term, which already looked set to be a problem term? Would her feelings as a guardian get in the way of her position? Or vice versa?

Meanwhile, Hilda, behind her closed eyelids, was wondering how much to tell Matey about Ellie. In the end, however, there was no choice. Gwynneth had been a good friend for too many years to be kept out now. Without preamble, she began to relate the story of the girl’s losses, and the very softness of her lovely voice seemed somehow only to emphasise the bleakness of Ellie’s whole life. Finally, her words trailed away and silence settled once more.

She heard a sudden loud sigh. Opening her eyes, she saw how Matey had been affected by the tale. “It's not pretty, is it? She needed help so desperately. How could I refuse her that help, Gwynneth? I have had so much in my life and she has had so little.”

“But you gave her more than help, didn’t you?” stated Matey gently. “You love her. It’s in your every word and gesture when you are with her or talk about her.”

Hilda’s eyes moved away from Matey and fixed on the wall behind her. “Nell sent her to me, Gwynneth. Of that fact, I have no doubt whatsoever. Why else would I feel this way? I am honoured to be her guardian, for she is such a courageous girl.”

Matey wondered silently who was paying the girl’s fees. But one look at that soft and tender face told her all she needed to know. “You do realise she worships the very ground you tread?” she whispered.

Hilda smiled sadly and her voice was a quiet murmur when she spoke. “That’s one reason she needs a safety net. What happens when I make a mistake, as I’m bound to do? Will that love turn to hate?” She rubbed her forehead tiredly. “She feels I’m all she’s got – but that’s just not true. She has her aunt and she has Mother Abbess. She seems to have acquired Ian Stuart as well, much to his surprise. Will you also stand her friend, should things go awry, Gwynneth?”

“You’re so in tune with her I think you’re borrowing trouble, my dear.”

“I don’t think I am,” whispered Hilda. “Something is scaring me. But there’s you – and there’s Vivien.” She met Matey’s eyes squarely. “Yes, Vivien knows her, and Ellie loves Vivien.”

Matey waited patiently. Looking into her friend’s spare, honest face Hilda knew she could trust her implicitly and poured out to her the story of Vivien’s visit to the convent and the offer Vivien had made to have Ellie sometimes in the holidays. “There’s more I need to tell you sometime, Gwynneth, but not tonight – and maybe not for a while. But you are coming with me to the convent at Easter so you need to know more of my secrets. For now, just – trust Vivien. I do and Ellie does.”

“I already do,” said Matey softly. “She has Nell’s spirit.”

Hilda stared at her, struck dumb by the comparison. She swallowed. “Do you know, I had never seen it,” she said in a hushed tone. “But you’re so right, Gwynneth.”

“You didn’t see it because she’s also like you in many ways. She has your perception and sensitivity, your love of beauty,” replied Matey, hoping she was not hurting Hilda. “But in essence she is Nell all over again – funny, selfless, a fount of knowledge, a scientist, and yet also somehow a great creative spirit. But most of all, just like Nell, she is filled with admiration and love for her Headmistess.”

Here eyes moist at the love in Matey’s own voice, Hilda cast her mind back to the day of the interviews in London, and that moment when she had felt Nell at her side, nudging her into choosing Vivien. Nell had been wrong that day – she had intimated that Vivien would be easily accepted by the school because she was so unlike the dead woman. Oh, she bore no physical resemblance, none at all, nor did she have Nell’s abrasiveness and sarcasm, but in ways that mattered she did indeed have Nell’s loving and teasing spirit.

Hilda laughed softly in the silence of the shadowed room – and then frowned, for she could have sworn she had heard a faint and ribald echo somewhere near. “Bless you for making me see that, Gwynneth. No wonder Ellie loves her.” She saw Matey’s brow wrinkle anxiously and guessed why. “Don’t worry, Gwynneth, I’m fine, honestly. I told you all long ago – I need to talk about her. But you must feel like you’ve had several bombshells thrown at you tonight. You didn’t bargain for all this when you returned.”

“No, but then you didn’t bargain on returning from your holiday with a daughter – for that is what she is to you, isn’t she?”

Hilda’s eyes were tender as she thought of the scene in Ellie's room earlier, and she murmured softly in answer. “Yes, I think so – though I’ve never been a mother so I don’t really know how I should feel. All I can say is that, whatever it is, I’m still in shock at the speed with which it happened. But she has given me so much without even realising it. My grief and loneliness are teaching me how to reach her, and, somehow, that is speeding up my own healing - healing begun by Mother Abbess and you, among others.”

She smiled at Matey, such a grave and loving smile. “I have received so many blessings since Nell died – Mother Abbess, Ian, Nancy, Vivien and now Ellie. But you’re one of the greatest blessings of all, Gwynneth. I couldn’t do without you.”

Gwynneth Lloyd went to bed that night with great comfort in her often lonely heart…..

#171: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:12 pm
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Oh boy - talk about tugging at our heartstrings! I was fine until I read the last three paragraphs, but those left me with tears in my eyes - not for the first time in this saga. But how Gwynneth must have appreciated Hilda's acknowledgement there of what she means to her.

Hilda is certainly right to share so much of Ellie's background with Gwynneth - especially since Ellie herself has already let a good few cats out of bags. And I loved seeing Gwynneth point out the similarities between Vivien's spirit and Nell's - bless her for the objectivity which allows her to do so, because I can quite see why it wouldn't have occurred to Hilda on her own.

As for how Mireille will handle her new duties - time alone will tell, but I fear at least some of Hilda's misgivings may be justified and that she will indeed have to spend a good deal of time supporting her. And yet, she may do better than we all fear, simply because all that she is doing will indirectly, at least, help Tessa's recovery, too.

Thanks, Mary - I will be looking forward to my next trip into this special world.

#172: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:13 pm
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That was so heart-warming Mary, thank you.

#173: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:20 pm
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Oh Mary, that was so right. It was so exactly what Hilda needed. Matey, even one who was slightly wrong in her perception, with her understanding, and her calm stating of problems.

Of course, I'd forgotten that she wouldn't know about Tessa. Hilda was right to tell Gwynneth about this now, she needed to share it with another member of staff.

And the chat about how Hilda can deal with all her responsibilities without compromising those of others was just perfect.

I just loved the chat about Vivien - how clearly does Gwynneth see? And what a lovely tribute to her, both in Hilda's recital of all that she feels she can tell about the relationship she has formed with Ellie, and the comparason with Nell. Oh that is so beautiful Mary.

I can't say what I really think about this post, it is beyond my ability, but it was wonderful. Thank you Mary.

#174: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 12:45 am
—
What a revealing conversation, and how close Hilda and Gwynneth have become. And how very observant Gwynneth is to see the similarities between Nell and Vivien, to recognise that

Quote:

in ways that mattered she did indeed have Nell’s loving and teasing spirit.

And how much this also affirms Gwynneth's closeness to Hilda as well; not only can she appreciate, if not share, the burdens put upon Hilda in the running of the school, but she knows Hilda so well that she can understand what Ellie has come to be to her and can recognise the delights and potential problems that exist within that relatonship. And Hilda can tell her so much - not only about Ellie, but also about Vivien, and finally she can say to her that

Quote:

“I have received so many blessings since Nell died – Mother Abbess, Ian, Nancy, Vivien and now Ellie. But you’re one of the greatest blessings of all, Gwynneth. I couldn’t do without you.”

No wonder Gwynneth was comforted.....

Thank you Mary - and btw, long is good!

#175: Author: Kathy_S, Location: midwestern US

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 6:05 am
—
I'd forgotten the staff didn't know about Tessa yet. Shocked

Lovely how both Hilda & Matey benefit from sharing. Smile

Thanks, Mary!

#176: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 11:16 am
—
Mary,
how lovely !
But you have reduced me to tears yet again, with those tender last paragraphs.......

#177: Author: jacey, Location: Ireland

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 8:58 pm
—

Identity Hunt wrote:

Mary,
how lovely !
But you have reduced me to tears yet again, with those tender last paragraphs.......

Sian, you have put it so well. I echo all you've said.
Thank you Mary.

#178: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 9:47 pm
—
This is so lovely, Mary. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you nail the relationship between Hilda and Gwyn absolutely.

*still intrigued by hints of Dire Events to Come*

You know, unless it's essential to the plot that Mireille (sp) be HG, there's no earthly reason why Jack shouldn't return to school. Somehow or other.... Wink

#179: Author: linda, Location: Leeds

Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 11:17 pm
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Mary, You've kept me up again, it's after midnight! reading

This is wonderful, it just reaches even more depths of emotion. I've always had a soft spot for Gwynneth and I'm sure she can be something of a confidante for Hilda as she develops her relationship with Ellie. But you keep dropping hints of difficulties ahead. Please hurry with the next posting.

#180: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:36 pm
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Managed to pop in before you post again and I get left behind! Smile

I'd forgotten Matey didn't know about Tessa's accident, but I'm so glad that Hilda is able to tell her, not only about that, but about all the happenings that are affecting her life so much at the moment. I'm also delighted that she has expressed her affection for and reliance on Gwynneth, who is such a strong and central character, yet often seems rather on the edge of things, an essentially lonely woman. Heartwarming, indeed. Gwynneth is so perceptive where Vivian is concerned, too - and I loved that 'quiet and ribald echo' of Hilda's laugh as she thinks of Nell's teasing spirit.

I hope Hilda is up-front about her guardianship of Ellie. Whatever her other preoccupations in this problematic term, she will need to give her time, and the other girls need to know why. It does sound as if she'll need to give a lot of support to Mireille, too. I hope she'll involve the rest of the staff as well, and not try to carry all the burdens on her own.

Thanks for the reminder that Matey is going to accompany Hilda to the convent at Easter. I would love to see more of her and MA, what a pair they'd be!

And those hints:

Quote:

Will you also stand her friend, should things go awry, Gwynneth? ... Something is scaring me".

Oh dear. Something wibblesome in the woodshed ...

#181: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:45 pm
—
Gosh, thank you so much for all the lovely comments showing appreciation of Matey - she's lovely, isn't she? Rolling Eyes

Nothing to do with me, though! All her own work. Wink

Lisa, I think too many people have written about Jack as Head Girl for me to do her justice. Rolling Eyes

linda wrote:

But you keep dropping hints of difficulties ahead. Please hurry with the next posting.

Your wish is my command, Linda. Laughing

Seated at the head of the table, Nancy beside her, Hilda glanced round at her own Staff and the Staff of St Mildred’s as they chatted among themselves. She had felt all the mistresses needed to be part of this meeting, rather than Nancy’s crew hearing of it later, at second hand. The day had been a busy and tiring one, the mistresses all reporting for duty as they returned, while she, helped by Rosalie who had turned up early that morning, worked hard to get everything in order.

She rapped the table softly. The chatting subsided, all eyes turned her way. Her face lit up with a smile as she looked round at them all. “I know I’ve seen most of you sometime during the day, but may I just say once more that it is lovely to see you all again? I do hope you all had a good rest – because I fear it might not be the easiest of terms.”

Her smile lost its brightness as she finished and they looked at each other, eyebrows raised. Even Nancy and Kathie were surprised, for they too had only returned that day. Ruth Derwent and Vivien knew of the problems, of course, but Hilda had phoned Ruth before she left the convent on Saturday and asked her not to mention anything to the others, as she had already made her decisions.

She saw the questions jostling in their minds but continued quietly, “I’ll tell you all in a little while but let’s get the day to day business out of the way first, then we can concentrate. Now, who’s on escort duty, Rosalie?”

The meeting followed its well-oiled path, dealing with escort duties, minor changes to the timetable, problems with text books, problems with one or two of the girls….all the minutiae of life in any school, day or boarding. Once all that was sorted out and stored away, Hilda sat back in her chair and glanced round once more. She saw the sympathy in Matey’s and Vivien’s eyes, both of them well aware of her feelings on the matters she was about to relate.

“I said it might be a difficult term. Yes, it’s the coldest term and we can expect epidemics, and accidents in the snow, and all the usual alarms and excursions. But the main reason for my fears is that we must do without Tessa Lewis, our Head Girl, not only for this term but for the rest of the year.” She held up her hand to silence the sudden questions and quickly explained about the accident. There were shocked exclamations. They all liked and respected their Head Girl for her maturity, her friendly, helpful nature, her innate common sense. She would be sorely missed. There were heartfelt expressions of sympathy for her plight and promises to write to her and to Katy.

“I hope you can see what this means,” continued Hilda when they had recovered a little from the shock. “Mireille becomes Head Girl – and I’m afraid she is not ready for it. I have spoken to her several times during the holidays and she is determined to do the best she can. But she is terrified, and says she can’t do the job as well as Tessa has been doing it. And she’s right – for she must find her own way of doing it.”

She paused but no one volunteered anything. She saw their misgivings and her voice grew firm. “There is good stuff inside Mireille – once we can get her over her very natural fear. Tessa is a hard act to follow, for anyone at all. Mireille has been an excellent Deputy but she is much more diffident, which will be made worse by her nervousness. The Middles will eat her alive if she cannot hide it. They give no quarter once they see a weakness, even though they have respected her up till now.”

“But what can we do, Hilda?” asked Ruth. “We can’t interfere too much, as that will only make things worse.”

“No, we mustn’t step in and take away her authority,” agreed Joan Bertram. “But if she as Head Girl can’t take hold, then all the prefects will lose their grip, and mayhem will follow. We’ll have girls swinging from the chandeliers.”

“That’s supposing we had any!” remarked Matey rather tartly, wondering how any of this was going to help Hilda.

Rosalind Moore said thoughtfully, “Maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration to call it mayhem, Joan, but I do agree that if her authority slips, she’ll find it hard to get it back. And if she can’t take hold of the prefects and make them follow her lead, do as she asks, then there could be mutiny there, never mind from the rest of the school. The school’s admiration for Tessa made their own task easier. They will have to make more effort with trouble–makers, and some of them are not exactly the strongest prefects we’ve ever had.”

Hilda remained silent and let them thrash it out for a while. However, listening to what they had to say made her despair. Apart from Matey, Vivien and Jeanne de Lachennais, no one seemed really willing to give Mireille the benefit of the doubt. She saw suddenly that Tessa was such a strong character that no one else had needed to stand up and be counted. Tessa’a character had carried all before them. The prefects had simply modelled their behaviour on hers. Now they would have to change, find their own way of taking charge. Maybe it will do us all good to be without Tessa for the rest of the year, she reflected sadly.

“You okay?” asked Nancy softly, under cover of the discussion ranging round them.

Hilda sighed. “I’m not sure, Nancy. Yes, Mireille sinks or swims by her own character or lack of it, but she will not sink while I have anything to do with it.”

Nancy heard the firmness in the lovely voice and wondered if they were in for a battle. Kathie, meanwhile, had seen that little whispered conversation - and all the jealousy that had been banked down over the holidays flared up in her like a cracker going off, leaving her shaking, ready to box with her own shadow.

“Ladies,” said Hilda quietly, and instant silence fell on the room. “We don’t have all night. Any suggestions?”

“Make Gillian the Head Girl instead,” stated Kathie forcefully, almost challengingly. “There are two or three others who could take over the Games Captain post.”

“And Mireille?” asked Hilda very blandly.

Kathie shrugged carelessly. “Keep her as Deputy, for all the good she’ll do.”

The others began to shift uncomfortably, for Kathie’s voice held a lack of respect bordering on insolence. Even those who agreed with her held their silence. Vivien was appalled. Kathie was a volatile creature, sure, but they had got on well together and Vivien would never have expected this. Her eyes met Matey’s and she saw the anger there, anger which mirrored her own.

“Kathie….” began Nancy anxiously, but Hilda placed a hand on her arm, quietening her, thereby unknowingly inflaming Kathie even more.

Hilda contemplated her younger colleague a long moment. “For all the good she’ll do?” she finally echoed softly, and one could have heard a pin drop in the room. “I wonder how well you know Mireille, my dear. When was the last time you taught her?”

“When she was in lower Fourth,” answered Kathie carelessly.

“So in fact you’ve had nothing to do with her at all recently,” went on that soft but inexorable voice. “And since last term, when she became Deputy Head Girl, you have been at St Mildred’s, only coming over here to teach the lower forms.” She held Kathie’s eyes and saw the sudden wavering, but she allowed no hint of weakening to creep into her soft voice. “So, for all the good she’ll do seems an extraordinary statement to make, since you have no idea what good she does. On what, therefore, do you base your opinion?”

Kathie cleared her throat. Looking for courage, she glanced at Nancy but the latter was staring at the notes in front of her. No support there then! She turned her eyes back to Hilda. “Well, she was always a wishy-washy character when I taught her, with no real opinions of her own. She seemed to be scared of her own shadow.”

“Do I take away what is rightfully hers just because of the way she used to be in your eyes? People change, Kathie – indeed, change quite drastically, sometimes.” Ice began to appear in the soft voice and Kathie stiffened. She knew Hilda was not now referring only to the Head Girl, but to the Headship of St Mildred’s. Had she not already intimated, after Kathie’s last outburst, that she would take back her offer if Kathie did not think about her behaviour?

Hilda saw she had made her point as colour flared in Kathie’s face. “I’m not giving the position to the girl Mireille used to be, but to the girl she is now, a girl whom Tessa is proud to call friend. Would you also cast doubt on Tessa’s judgement, my dear? Would any of you?” She glanced round quickly. “Most people rise to the occasion, once trusted with responsibility. As I am sure Mireille will. After all, she has never had any difficulty with the Middles before now, unlike some of the other prefects. But let me put another question to you, Kathie. If I don’t make Mireille Head Girl, what will it do to her?”

Kathie opened her mouth to toss off a hasty response, but then froze at the sudden grimness in Hilda’s eyes and closed it again. Hilda nodded, and her eyes travelled from face to face round the table before coming back to rest once more on Kathie’s.

“You know what it would do to her,” she said quietly. “It would destroy her confidence forevermore. We would have demonstrated that we had no faith in her. Never again would she be able to hold her head up high before the school, for she would be damned in the eyes of both the other Prefects and the rest of the school. She would have no authority at all, even as a simple prefect. Is that what we have come to, here in the Chalet School?” She paused and some of them began to shift uncomfortably. Her face and voice hardened. “I won’t do that to her. I intend to see that somehow she finds her feet and becomes the Head Girl I know is lurking inside her.”

Everyone stilled at the steely determination in her voice. They knew that even if everyone else wrote Mireille off, she never would. They also knew that she would fight to the last ditch, with the same tenacity and conviction, for any one of her pupils. And they knew something else – she would do likewise for any one of her colleagues seated round that table. She would bully them in her own quiet and remorseless way until they rose to her expectations of them. It was one of the reasons she was such a remarkable Headmistress – and woman.

“For the moment we keep a watching brief – and step in quietly, if at all possible, without affecting anyone’s authority. And we do all in our power to encourage Mireille.” Her voce was soft again now and she looked over at Jeanne de Lachennais. “You’re her form mistress, Jeanne. As much confidence building as you can – not just of Mireille but of Jean and the others as well. And I’ll speak to all the Prefects – indeed to all the Sixth – as soon as possible after they arrive. I think, by the way, that we can rely on Gillian to stiffen Mireille’s resolve. She will see it as doing it not just for Mireille, but for Tessa. They were as much of a triumvirate as ever you, Gay and Jacynth were, Gill,” and she smiled over at Gill Culver.

“We will do all we can, chérie,” promised Mademoiselle de Lachennais. “After all, we have had such problems before once or twice.”

“Perhaps Joey could have a word with Mireille,” murmured Nancy, “or Ailie Russell over at Milly’s.”

“Too many cooks spring to mind, Nancy,” said Hilda quietly. “Let’s see what happens first….”

She felt she had said enough and, indeed, was surprised how much she had found to say. The loss of Nell had caused such a massive loss of confidence in her own abilities over the months that she had at first cowered from any decision on this question. But, somehow, hitting rock bottom in the convent had strengthened her; Mother Abbess had strengthened her; the advent of Ellie had strengthened her. She was not only regaining her lost confidence; she was tougher, mentally, even than she had been before. It was as though she had been blessed with some of Nell’s own resilience and resoluteness to re-inforce her own. This had been her first real test – and she had weathered it.

The atmosphere in the room relaxed......

Last edited by MaryR on Thu May 03, 2007 7:38 pm; edited 3 times in total

#182: Author: Elbee, Location: Surrey

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:56 pm
—
Poor Kathie, I feel very sorry for her as presumably she is still feeling so jealous and left out, and it will be a huge effort to shake herself out of those feelings Crying or Very sad

Thank you Mary, it was a lovely long update! Very Happy

#183: Author: catherine, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 7:57 pm
—
Caught up with this again!

Thanks for all the posts, Mary - you show such sensitivity in your handling of the characters. I hope they're not taking too much out of you.

#184: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 9:13 pm
—
Once again here, we see the signs of just how much good Hilda's sojourn at the convent has done her during these holidays and how much MA's influence, plus the new relationship with Ellie, have done for her. The Hilda of the end of last term would have had much more difficulty dealing with this situation even before her accident. And I can see how she could fell that she has acquired some of Nell's strength, which, too will help her.

But I do feel sorry for Kathie, whose jealousy has now got her term off to as bad a start as her last one ended on. I hope she can get control of this soon - it's no good for her and it's no good for her relationship with Nancy either.

And my heart goes out to Mireille, who will find it so hard to step into Tessa's shoes - but if Jean and especially Gillian stand firmly behind her, and insist the rest of the prefects do so as well, and she also has Hilda's unwavering support, then I think she will, in the end, surprise everyone. After all, it's true she will be doing this 'for' Tessa, and that, too, will spur her on. Just hope the prefects can gain sway before the Middles break out!

Thanks Mary - so many fascinating insights among the staff there, quite apart from those I have commented on.

#185: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 9:41 pm
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Oh Kathie! What on earth shall we do with you? Poor child will have to get ahold of her jealousy there, for child is what she is when she reacts like that.

But Well Done Hilda. She completely stole the show there. That was marvellous work there. She took erh point and drove it home so that the other mistresses knew what had to be done. They had no option and Hilda knew it.

I was glad to see the look of silent understanding that passed between Gwyn and Vivien though, if nothing else, they will stand behind Hilda through thick and thin.

I'm sure she is glad that some people knew of what was happening before the meeting began as well.

Now she has thrown this bombshell, what's coming next? The news about Ellie? I wonder how they will take that particular explanation - or as much of it as Hilda is willing to tell. How will Kathie react? And how will Nancy deal with her? Oh MA - bring some of your wisdom to these two - or find someone to knock Kathie's head against!

Thanks Mary.

#186: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 9:52 pm
—
Lovely post but oh how I want to shake Kathie. She's usually one of my favourite characters but I really don't like her in this - a mark of a good writer.

#187: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 10:40 pm
—
That was terrific, Mary! So great to see Hilda in complete charge again, wearing down all opposition to what she strongly feels to be right in her usual gentle but totally inexorable way. I love the way she skewers Kathie on the spit of her own prejudices! Hilda will never do less than give anyone the benefit of the doubt, and she will make Mireille succeed by the sheer power of her own will - I just hope it doesn't shatter her in the process.

I agree with Emma in wanting to shake Kathie, she is really being very immature and doing her own future prospects no good at all. It's Nancy I feel sorry for.

Good to see the complicity between Matey and Vivien.

#188: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 12:21 am
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Heavens how complicated. But how unwaveringly staunch Hilda was, and rightly so. And I loved Vivien and Matey's support there; their loyalty is so absolute, but it's also based on thoughtful understanding.

Kathie's jealousy blinds her to the realisities of the decision don't they? She opposes Hilda in an effort to make Nancy choose between them, and all that will do if she continues is damage their relationship. And Hilda's comments about Tessa's strength of character are very interesting - that in some ways her strength has allowed the others to lean on her or follow her without thought or the need to develop and her absence will now compel them to do that.

I loved the way that Hilda compelled Kathie to realise precisely the implications for Mireille should this not be carried out - and also the implications for Kathie herself should she continue on this mad destructive course. Such difficult things for Hilda to have to say, but wholly necessary - and such a clear indication that her power as headmistress is undiminished. But then there's more to it; it's as if Nell is here as well, supporting her silently in her own way -

Quote:

It was as though she had been blessed with some of Nell’s own resilience and resoluteness to re-inforce her own.

Thank you Mary

#189: Author: Fiona Mc, Location: Bendigo, Australia

Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 2:23 am
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I am curious though why Hilda thought it would be so damaging to Mirielle is she wasn't promoted to Head Girl? Primrose Day wasn't promoted to Head Girl when Loveday Perowne left and nobody seemed at all concerned about how unfair that was to her and that was Hilda's decision.

By the way I did really enjoy the update

#190: Author: Miranda, Location: Perth, Western Australia

Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 7:52 am
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What a very revealing staff meeting that was! We saw Vivien and Matey both ready to fight for Hilda (well, not that she needed it!), Kathie acting, as Squirrel said, like a child, poor Nancy stuck in the middle and Hilda dealing so well with the lot of them.

I think Hilda made a good point when she thought that

Quote:

Maybe it will do us all good to be without Tessa for the rest of the year, she reflected sadly.

It would seem to be a danger to continue the situation whereby the order in the school is dependent on one girl. I think that Mireille, and all the prefects, will become better and stronger people as a result, though I'm sure there will be challenges a-plenty for them!

Thanks Mary.

#191: Author: Identity Hunt, Location: UK

Posted: Thu May 03, 2007 7:29 pm
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Bravo, Hilda !

She rose quite magnificently to Kathie`s challenge.
I do hope Nancy tells Kathie exactly what she thinks of her at some point..........

What a riveting insight into the staffroom dynamics this simple meeting proved to be....... Smile

#192: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:56 am
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That scene was perfect, Mary.

I can't say any more than that, so I won't try.

I did snigger at the chandelier line though... Laughing

#193: Author: Loryat,

Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 11:39 am
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This is an interesting storyline - I don't think EBD ever dealt with the problem of not having a 'perfect' HG - except maybe in the case of Joey and Grizel, and although they had problems, exerting their authority wasn't one of them.

#194: Author: MaryR, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 7:37 pm
—

catherine wrote:

You show such sensitivity in your handling of the characters. I hope they're not taking too much out of you.

Now and then, Catherine - especially when Hilda is in pain. Crying or Very sad

Thank you all so much for the very thoughtful comments. I can see Kathie is engendering strong emotion amongst you. Laughing

Unfortunately neither she nor Hilda are about to let each other off the hook.....

The atmosphere in the room relaxed, though one or two people gave Kathie puzzled looks. They all knew how volatile she was, and sometimes given to making hasty judgements, but this intransigence was something new. Was it to do with her post over at St Mildred’s? Only Nancy understood - although at the moment she was so angry that she was not sure how she was going to act with Kathie afterwards.

Matey also guessed what had happened. And she knew she would have to keep away from Kathie, or she would quite likely tear her colleague’s hair out. She was thinking to herself what a good job it was that Nell had not been there to hear Kathie, for there would have been instant war. No one spoke to Hilda like that and got away with it when Nell was around. But then, Matey reflected savagely, Hilda had not needed help. She was perfectly capable of fighting her own battles. And it did Matey’s heart a power of good to see it. Her friend was on the mend.

Kathie herself was re-arranging her notes and keeping her eyes down. She realised that Hilda had got the better of her – and underneath her calm exterior Kathie was raging. This was to take away what little good sense she had left, for she had not yet learned the lessons both Nancy and Hilda were trying to teach her.

Hilda, meanwhile, feeling very tense, glanced at Matey and then took a deep breath. One more thing to get though! “There is another matter before we close,” she said quietly and took a slip of paper off Rosalie’s pile. “We have several new girls this term. Twins for you, Sharlie.”

“Oh, goody!” sighed Sharlie with a grimace and they all laughed. She already had one set of twins, who were up to any mischief they could find.

Hilda grinned in sympathy. “I don’t think you’ll be in much better case with these two. Marie and Emilie Mousselin – both with ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ expressions, I’m afraid. I suspect I’ll be seeing quite a bit of those two.”

She consulted the paper again. “One for you, Rosalind! A Susan Ilford - her father’s moved to Berne on business and wants his family near. And there are two for you, Linda - two girls from the same school whose parents are not satisfied with either the behaviour or the scholastic achievements of their daughters. They seem to have heard of us through Tom Gay. Obviously they will need to do the usual tests on Wednesday. There are also a couple for St Mildred’s but Nancy will deal with those over there.”

She laid the paper down and sat there looking at them all, her hands clasped in front of her on the table. “There is one more newcomer - a girl for the lower Sixth, for you, Ruth. I know it’s unusual to take on someone for the Sixth at this late date, but then the circumstances are unusual. Her name is Ellie Drake – and she is my ward.”

A bomb dropping could not have had more effect. A concerted gasp ran round the room and all eyes turned her way. She smiled slightly. “Yes, I’m her guardian. And I would ask that you go very easy with her just at first, because she’s…”

“Because she’s your ward?” interrupted Kathie sharply, seemingly unable to help herself. “Since when did we favour any girl like that?”

Silence dropped like a stone. No one moved. Hilda herself made no reply, simply gazed meditatively at Kathie, clearly waiting for an apology. An apology which most people there felt she richly deserved. Some of them might have agreed with Kathie over her stance on the Head Girl – but her last remark had been boorish in the extreme. Hilda’s face was impassive, her hands still clasped loosely before her. One sensed that she would wait there all night if necessary – and that they would have to wait with her.

Kathie herself was wishing the floor would crack open and swallow her up. She quailed at what Nancy would say. And she felt ashamed, for a few moments, at what she had done to Hilda, who had been so generous to her recently and who had shown her nothing but kindliness and friendship since the time Kathie had first entered the school. But Kathie was once more in the grip of her violent jealousy. Her emotions were totally out of her control. She hardly recognised herself, and that sneering remark had slipped out without her own volition. But she kept her head up and looked back proudly into the fearless eyes of her Headmistress – who was admiring Kathie’s courage even while her heart was sinking at this further evidence of spite from a woman she had always liked and respected.

Still she sat there, patiently waiting. She was remembering Nell’s words in a dream not long after the last episode with Kathie - Just be your loving, generous self, sweetheart. Don’t condemn Kathie, but don’t let her get away with anything either. I know that soft-heartedness of yours far too well! She had no intention of letting Kathie off this time. It was happening far too often in a future Headmistress. Kathie had been offered much – and much was therefore expected of her. This could not be allowed to go on.

Matey turned her head towards Hilda and noticed the calmness, the relaxed pose, the quiet eyes. There was no condemnation in those eyes, but there was no pity either. Instead, there seemed almost to be that strange sterness which Matey normally associated with judges. Matey decided then and there that privacy could go to Hell. She intended Mother Abbess to hear all about this. She deserved to know how, thanks to her, the Hilda they all admired and respected had slowly returned to them – with something added. She had a strength and a purpose and a peace that would not be gainsaid. Even she, Gwynneth Lloyd, would have trouble bullying this woman.

Kathie swallowed. “I’m sorry, Hilda. That was unforgiveable of me. I know you would never ask such a thing.”

Hilda bowed her head briefly. “No, Kathie, you’re right. I wouldn’t. I accept your apology on behalf of my ward, who has suffered enough in her life, without accusations of favouritism being levelled at both of us.”

And so have you suffered enough, thought Vivien to herself. She had realised early on that Kathie was baiting Hilda. But why? Up until this moment she had liked the deputy head of Milly’s but now she was changing her mind rapidly. She determined to keep a close eye on all concerned and see what she could discover. She would not have Hilda hurt in this way.

Hilda, unaware of her guardian angels’ anger on her behalf, continued to look gravely at Kathie. “Go easy on her because she is my ward? No, Kathie far from it. Go easy on her because, in her sixteen short years, she has suffered a very great deal. She lost her mother when she was four. Her grandparents mostly raised her after that, for her father was often away from home, but they themselves died a few years ago. Now her father has died, killed in a plane crash just before Christmas, so she has lost not only all her family but her home as well. Ellie herself is French, though her father was English, and the only relation she has remaining is an aunt, her father's sister, who lives in the convent where I have just spent Christmas. We decided between us that this was the best place for her, far away from everything that has brought her so much pain.”

She paused and looked down at her clasped hands a moment, her face sad. When she raised her head again she saw that most of the women there were looking rather shell-shocked by all the emotion hurtling round the room. “There’s a lot more I can’t tell you, but Ellie is still grieving very badly and there will be days when she will need help, help that she will really only allow me to give her, for she has been so hurt by life that she trusts few people. So, please, if there is a problem, find me.” She spoke the last words with some urgency, then glanced across at Matey, who nodded.

“But if you can’t find me, or it is impossible for me to go to her, then find Gwynneth here, who has got to know her well the last few days. Or ask Vivien to help,” and she looked across at her Science mistress. “She is also very important to my ward, is trusted by her.”

Vivien blushed at this very public accolade. She kept her eyes fixed on Hilda and so did not see the bitterness in Kathie’s face. But Matey did, as did Nancy. And they were afraid.

Hilda had one last thing to add. Her voice was very soft and there was a pleading note in it. “I’m not quite sure how to say this, but it needs to be brought out into the open - so that no one accuses me of favouring Ellie. While she is grieving so very badly and because she is my ward, I intend to spend some time with her each day, where our respective timetables allow. She understands that won’t always be possible, but if she is upset I will leave whatever I’m doing, if I can. I remember what it is like to have no one to hold you after you have lost a parent, and I will not allow her to go through more than she already has done. If anyone has a problem with this, I need you to let me know now, or in private over the next couple of days.”

Her eyes were steadfast as she looked around. Ruth Derwent reached across Rosalie and laid her hand on Hilda’s arm. “Hilda, we all trust you implicitly,” she said softly. “We know how much you care for all our girls and try to help them. And I myself will make every effort to help Ellie settle down here. Every grieving child needs compassion and assistance – and you have one of the kindest hearts in the world. She’s a very lucky girl to have you as her guardian.”

Tears suddenly moistened Hilda’s eyes at the sincerity in her Deputy Head’s voice, and these threatened to overflow when she heard the others murmur words of reassurance. She smiled round at them all, her lips trembling. Ellie would be safe at the Chalet School.

Last edited by MaryR on Mon May 07, 2007 1:07 pm; edited 1 time in total

#195: Author: Karry, Location: Stoke on Trent

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 8:46 pm
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Good for Ruth!! I wouldnt like to be in Kathie's boots if Matey or nancy get hold of her!

#196: Author: linda, Location: Leeds

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 8:53 pm
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It's good that Hilda has the support of Matey, Vivien and now Ruth, but what about Kathie? I'm feeling so sorry for her. She is so mixed up and bitter. Evil or Very Mad

What is Nancy going to do about her?

Mary, this is really a wonderful story. I hold my breath to know what is coming next.

#197: Author: wheelchairprincess, Location: Oxfordshire, UK

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 9:35 pm
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This is probably really nasty of me and completely inappropriate for this drabble but I cannot wait to see Matey or Nancy (but preferably Matey) get their hands on Kathie Twisted Evil

#198: Author: Tara, Location: Malvern, Worcestershire

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:47 pm
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I actually shut my eyes and held my breath after that remark of Kathie's, afraid to read on! I am horrified at her behaviour (as, in fairness, she is herself), but sorry, too - she is doing herself so much damage with people who have hitherto liked and respected her, and if she's not careful she's going to wreck her relationship with Nancy. I shudder to think how she will react. But how splendid Hilda is in all of this.

There was no condemnation in those eyes, but there was no pity either. Instead, there seemed almost to be that strange sterness which Matey normally associated with judges.

That is very impressive, and the peace and strength from which she is able to speak and handle this difficult situation show her at her best.

Her plan to spend regular time with Ellie is not only reasonable but essential, I'd think, and anyone who objects would be reacting very oddly. This public recognition of Vivien hasn't done her any good in Kathie's eyes, either. Oh dear, problems, problems! And why do I get the feeling that when Ellie needs Hilda she won't be able to be there, despite all her best plans and intentions ...

#199: Author: Elder in Ontario, Location: Ontario, Canada

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 11:39 pm
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Like Tara, I was horrified by Kathie's comment there - in fact I had to go away and do something else whilst I thought about just how to respond. But thank goodness Hilda was able to 'stare her down' until she had the grace to apologise.

Despite Kathie's appalling behaviour, I actually feel very sorry for her, (and I suspect that Hilda does as well) but she really is digging herself into a very large hole and I really wonder just what or who is going to bring her to her senses. I'm confident this *will* happen in the end, and at that point she herself will be desperately ashamed of the havoc she has wreaked over the last few months. But until then..... I have my own ideas about what I'd *like* to see cause the change, but I think I'm letting my imagination run riot!

It is lovely to see Hilda showing a strength and peace of mind which she couldn't possibly have done a couple of months ago - and I'm sure Matey is correct in recognising that so much of this comes from those weeks spent with Mother Abbess. And that Hilda is not only 'back' in full form, but she has a certain extra strength too, thanks to those weeks. (And I loved that Matey sees so quickly that even *she* won't be able to bully Hilda now!)

As for Ellie, I'm sure none of the staff will be hard on the girl, now they know something of her history - but Ruth Derwent's open reassurance there was very heartening.

Thanks, Mary, for taking us into the staff room with you once again - I'm waiting with bated breath for the next bit.

#200: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 11:58 pm