New Dreams (Part 13) Completed!
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The CBB -> Ste Therese's House

#1: New Dreams (Part 13) Completed! Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:26 pm
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So here we are at Part 13. Fingers crossed, please, that it is not going to be unlucky for Hilda! Shocked I'll just remind you that it is still the first day of term. I know you've been impatient for news of Joey. Twisted Evil Here it is finally, in hope that it doesn't disappoint too much after the long wait..... Crying or Very sad

NB If anyone would like the doc rather than wading through the archives, just PM me. It really isn't as long as it looks. Laughing Laughing



"......Just keep in mind, Gillian, what Tessa and Mireille already know. Patience will achieve far more than force. Most people are just like cats – if you rub them the right way, they will purr. (William Ross)”

There was silence as Hilda allowed Gillian and Mireille time to think about her words. She was about to dismiss them when she suddenly remembered the phone call she had received. She leaned forward, spoke softly.

“By the way, girls, I said I would keep you informed of Tessa’s progress, now you're no longer at home. Her father rang just before I caught you. She is making progress, but it is exceedingly slow, a case of two steps forward, one step back, I’m afraid. It was a bad accident and she is still apparently in very great pain. She has a long, hard road in front of her, and will have need of all her courage and patience.”

They both stared at her and she saw the tears in Mireille’s eyes, the fierceness in Gillian’s face that her friend should be suffering so much. Hilda rose from her chair, walked behind the couch and put an arm gently round each of them, upholding them. Gillian bowed her head.

“It makes our own troubles seem very small, doesn’t it?” she whispered. “I wish there was something we could do for her. Just writing to her doesn’t seem enough.”

Hilda held them closer. “There is something you can do, Gillian, and you know what it is. You can pray, all of you. Not just for Tessa, but for her parents and Katy, and for the doctors, that they know the best way to help her. And you can make sure that you keep up to her standards in all you do here. The school is very important to her.”

Mireille blew her nose and wiped her eyes, and Hilda saw Gillian reach out and clutch her friend’s hand. She held them a moment longer, then straightened up and spoke gently. “Instead of working, why don’t you go up to Mireille’s study for a while and have a cup of coffee? It will do you far more good right now than sitting over your books, I promise you.”

Quite suddenly, and most unwontedly, as she watched the Head Girl and her Deputy leave the room, Hilda discovered that she had had more than enough of school matters. She seemed to have spent too many hours this first day of term coaxing and scolding and encouraging, instead of getting any of her own work done. She knew it was part and parcel of her job, and usually she preferred dealing with the girls to dealing with her multi-faceted correspondence, but just at the moment it grated. She would go across to Freudesheim right now.

Without more ado, she moved over to her desk, touched the package lying there as though to find some much-needed energy, and then went through to the Office, where she spent a little while sorting out with Rosalie what needed answering the soonest.

“I’ll be back in an hour or so, I’m sure,” she said, standing up. “We can finish then. But if I’m not here by Kaffee und Kuchen, make sure you take your break, Rosalie. Let’s start as we mean to go on. You and Clare are over-worked, so you take all the breaks owing to you from now on.”

“But what about you?” argued her secretary. “You never…”

“Never mind what I get up to!” replied Hilda firmly. “I’m talking about you. I’m responsible for you. Understand? You leave me to worry about my working habits,” and she wrinkled up her nose at Rosalie.

Rosalie wrinkled her nose right back and nodded. She knew Matey would also worry about Hilda’s working habits. Reading her mind with practised ease, Hilda grinned mischievously and went off to get her coat and boots and let herself out of the front door. She welcomed the fresh air, freezing though it was, and breathed deeply to relax her tense shoulders. Reaching Freudesheim, the front door was opened by Anna, who looked rather taken aback to see her, causing Hilda to look at her watch. Fourteen o’clock. Why was that a problem? She often appeared at this door at the oddest of hours. Anna resumed her stolid expression and bade her enter, taking her coat and hanging it up while Hilda removed her boots.

“I will go and get Frau Maynard,” she said, showing Hilda into the Saal. “She is…upstairs.”

Looking rather startled, Hilda went to warm herself at the roaring fire. Anna had looked almost fierce. What was going on? She heard movement upstairs and then a few minutes later Joey entered with a tentative smile.

“Sorry, Hilda, my love, I was…..correcting proofs,” she said. “But what are you doing here now? I know you must be busy, first day of term and all, and you mentioned something about Kaffe und Kuchen.”

Hilda turned from the fire and her worry increased as she searched her friend’s face. It was even paler than usual and looked drawn, with great dark shadows under her eyes. Hilda shrugged deprecatingly. “Oh, I’d had more than enough of school affairs – and you had sounded rather desperate, so – here I am.”

Joey’s face suddenly relaxed. “Well, it’s lovely to see you, old thing, and I appreciate it. Would you like a drink? Tea? Coffee?”

“Tea would be good,” said Hilda absently as she continued to watch the pale face. “I missed coffee after Mitagessen – too busy meting out justice,” and she laughed suddenly.

“Ooh, sounds exciting. Hang on while I ask Anna, and you can tell me all the gory details.”

Hilda sank into her favourite chair, and, when Joey returned, continued to watch her closely as she settled herself carefully on the couch opposite. Something in the way she moved alerted Hilda. She searched the pale face again and thought back. Yes, she was sure she was right. But why was it a problem? And why, oh why, had she noticed nothing on the two occasions she had seen her that week?

“So, give!” said Jo magisterially. “Might help with the next book.”

“Maybe not,” chuckled Hilda “unless you plan on calling it The Case of the Terrible Twins and the Toilet Paper! I suppose it has a certain ring about it!”

Joey gaped and Hilda proceeded to make the most of her little tale. She soon had Joey chuckling and a little colour cheered the wan cheeks. While they were laughing, Anna entered with the trolley on which reposed the tea and biscuits, and Hilda had the distinct impression she looked pleased to see Joey smiling. So - she had not been doing much of that just lately, mused Hilda. She accepted a cup of tea from her friend, but looked at Joey over the rim of it as she sipped, then asked softly, “When were you going to tell me you’re pregnant, Jo, dear?”

Joey started and nearly dropped her own cup and saucer. Carefully placing them back on the tray, she faced Hilda. “How did you guess?”

“I know you very well, Jo, after all the years,” replied Hilda, her face gentle. “Putting together your wan cheeks, the shadows under your heavy eyes, the way you’ve been moving, and adding them to the fact that you wanted to talk, gave me all the clues I needed. And there is something about your face that has been there in all your pregnancies, though don’t ask me what it is. I’m just sorry I didn’t see it before.”

Joey shook her head. “Why should you have done? You had enough to do with returning to school and looking after that delightful ward of yours. How is she…?”

“No, Jo,” said Hilda, softly but insistently. “Don’t change the subject. Why did you feel you wanted to talk, if this is your news? Why is Con worried about you? Yes, I asked her but she wouldn’t give. When have your pregnancies ever been a problem, Jo? What’s wrong?”


Last edited by MaryR on Wed Oct 24, 2007 7:15 pm; edited 48 times in total

#2:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:34 pm
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She's not having those quads is she? At her age? Shocked

#3:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:40 pm
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There I was thinking it might be menopause.

However, given Joey's age ... I can see where there might be a problem.

#4:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:43 pm
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All right - now we know what's 'wrong' with Joey - but I do share Hilda's question about why this pregnancy would be a problem for her - she's usually been just fine. Surely this isn't those quads she's been threatening to produce for so long? Never mind, I can wait patiently and I'm sure all will be revealed before long.

Meantime, I just loved that scene between Hilda, Mireille and Gillian, and the way she made sure the two girls understand the power of prayer as something they can do to help Tessa and her family. Such simple faith - and one which, no matter how much she may have railed against fate from time to time in the months since Nell's death, has been an essential part of what has kept her going, isn't it? I also liked her gentle advice to them to go and enjoy a cup of coffee, rather than trying to 'hit the books' at that particular juncture - and she is so right that the two girls will indeed return to that task invigorated after a short break like this.

And her care for Rosalie and Clare, too - another sign of her consideration for others - but I did love Rosalie's 'retort courteous' too.

Much to ponder as always - thanks Mary.


Last edited by Elder in Ontario on Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

#5:  Author: PatLocation: Doncaster PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 7:44 pm
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I don't think she's old enough for the menopause is she? Wouldn't she be late 30s early 40s? That would be young.

#6:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:23 pm
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Like Pat I'm not really sure how old Joey is but I was surprised by the pregnancy twist. Equally, if she is having problems with it that wouldn't surprise me.

Part 13, how exciting!

Emma

#7:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:45 pm
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I wouldn't normally post in between but there are no quads - and no menopause. Shocked Sorry to spoil the speculating. Laughing Laughing

Thanks, Elder. That bit about the prefects was just for you, as you know!! Wink And yes, her faith is all important to Hilda.

#8:  Author: macyroseLocation: Great White North (Canada) PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:52 pm
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Maybe she's been give bad news about the baby?

#9:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:55 pm
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The triplets are now early twenties so Joey has to be early forties - has she been given some unwelcom news about the pregnancy - she's of the right age.


Thanks Mary.

#10:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:57 pm
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Mary, thank you for another lovely intriguing post Very Happy

As usual, Hilda is able to share her faith with Mireille and Gillian, and remind them of the power of prayer.

Quote:
She accepted a cup of tea from her friend, but looked at Joey over the rim of it as she sipped, then asked softly, “When were you going to tell me you’re pregnant, Jo, dear?”


What a turn up! Joey pregnant again – but – that does not seem to be the end of the story. What is the difficulty? Is there a potential problem with that baby? Or has she finally decided that she doesn’t really want the quads she has always promised?

Mary – please put me out of my misery quickly and let us have the rest of Joey’s tale.

#11:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 10:32 pm
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Not what I was expecting at all! Of course, now I can come up with worrisome scenarios for both baby and mother.

Thank you, I think.

Joey should so use that title. She'd be ahead of her time! Laughing

#12:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 7:27 am
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Um, yes Jo's in her early 40s, so she may well be worried about a pregnancy at this point, for a variety of reasons. Well done Hilda for spotting that - and keeping Jo to the point!

And like Elder I loved the scene between Hilda and the two girls, and that gentle reminder that their prayers will make a difference to Tessa. After all, the prayers of others are undoubtedly one of the ways in which Hilda herself has been helped throughout the last months.

And the way she touched that package on her desk as if even acknowledging its presence gave her strength.... that was so poignant.

Thank you Mary.

#13:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:32 am
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I wonder what the problem is with the pregnancy and I hope Hilda can help Jo through it.

#14:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 10:22 am
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Eek.Shocked

Now I am thinking of the myriad worst-case scenarios that I ever saw whilst working as a midwife.

I do so hope that she is just *worried* about the baby and not that there *is* something wrong with the baby.........

Mary, please put me out of my misery before too long.......

#15:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 2:37 pm
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Hope everything is okay with Joey and that Hilda gets a break soon

#16:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 5:07 pm
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*Echoes Fiona*

Thanks Mary

#17:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:16 pm
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Kathy S - I am ashamed of you. Twisted Evil

A little thank you to whoever nominated one of my short stories for an award, which was surprise enough. But thanks also to whoever nominated my Hilda as a best-described EBD character. That was a huge surprise to me and touched me deeply
.

Identity Hunt wrote:
I do so hope that she is just *worried* about the baby and not that there *is* something wrong with the baby.........

Read on, Sian, and all you other speculators.... Wink


....“No, Jo,” said Hilda, softly but insistently. “Don’t change the subject. Why did you feel you wanted to talk, if this is your news? Why is Con worried about you? Yes, I asked her but she wouldn’t give. When have your pregnancies ever been a problem, Jo? What’s wrong?”

Joey stared at her, biting her lip. “Apart from the fact that I’m now in my forties and haven’t had a child in a long while, you mean?”

Hilda frowned, leaned forward. “But Madge had the twins when she was well on in her forties. There were no problems – or none that I knew about.”

“No, she was fine,” said Joey with a wistful expression.

“But you’re not,” said Hilda quietly. “You look ill, you’re moving too carefully, you’re half out of your mind with worry. How long have you known anyway? When is it due?”

“July,” whispered Joey. “I knew last November, found out while you were in the San. But you were still so ill the rest of the term that I couldn’t tell you. And then of course you went off to England – and have been very busy since you returned.”

Hilda asked very gently, “Why couldn’t you tell me last term, Jo? Good news would have given me something to focus on, taken me out of myself.”

Joey leaned back, closed her eyes. “Because it hasn’t been good news, not from the beginning. Something’s wrong….” She stopped, swallowed. A tear ran down her cheek. In an instant, Hilda was beside her on the couch, taking the cold hand in hers.

“Tell me, Jo,” she commanded, a tender note in that lovely voice.

Joey swallowed again, wiped away the tear with an unsteady hand. Her black eyes were haunted as she stared at Hilda. “You know how long I’ve waited for more children – those quads, remember?” she whispered, trying to smile. Hilda nodded, waited. “I took it for granted more would come. After all, isn’t it every woman’s right to be pregnant, to have as many children as she wants?” She shook her head. “I know better now. It’s not a right, it’s a gift. There was nothing for so long that we had almost given up. Then suddenly to find I was pregnant again made us both so happy. But, this time…I think …the gift will be taken away before it’s even unwrapped.”

“You can’t know that, my friend,” said Hilda gently. “What’s been happening? Is this why you haven’t been over these last few days since term began?”

Joey nodded. “I’ve been in bed,” she said, her voice quiet, subdued. Hilda put an arm round her, drew her close, and Joey laid her head on her friend’s shoulder. “And I was resting when you arrived - Jack’s orders. I’ve had no sickness, but a lot of pain and discomfort right from the beginning. I can’t seem to get comfortable anywhere, even in bed. And every so often there’s some bleeding, and Jack packs me off to bed for several days till it stops. And he insists I rest every afternoon for at least two hours.”

“Couldn’t you stay there the whole time?” asked Hilda, tentatively.

Jo grimaced. “Can you see it? You know I have no use for bed at any time except for sleeping. But….even if I did stay there for the next six months, something tells me this little one isn’t meant to be….that maybe it would find life too much of a burden…. that it needs to return to God…..” She buried her face in Hilda’s shoulder, her golden voice low and full of tears. “I sound crazy, don’t I?”

Hilda laid her cheek against the black hair. “No, Joey, dear, you’ve been pregnant too many times not to know your own body and what it’s telling you.” She paused, afraid to hurt this unduly sensitive and emotional woman. “But maybe you should give him, or her, more of a chance. It’s early days yet, after all. What does Jack say? Have you had other opinions?”

“Jack is more worried about me than about any baby. Frank Peters listens to my fears, and says that only time will tell, that sometimes these things are just not meant to be, but to take it easy and not do anything silly. He’s been very understanding and is keeping the closest of eyes on both of us.”

She lay quiet against Hilda, saying nothing more for so long that Hilda began to think she had gone to sleep, so remained still and quiet herself. But suddenly Joey stirred and whispered, “Do you remember I went to visit Gillian Linton – sorry, Young – a few years ago? I didn’t know it when I went, but she had had two miscarriages in quick succession after she had her little girl. Late one night, she confessed how devastated she had been. But she also said something that I always remember – she told me she saw those tiny babies as Heaven’s “littlest angels”, angels who had wandered too far and become tired and lost, so they needed to find warm shelter. She said she had given them that shelter until such time as they were rested enough to find their way home again.”

She laid her hand gently on her stomach. “I thought how beautiful that was at the time – and it’s helping me now, just as it helped her. My little angel, far from home…..” All at once tears choked her, and she added huskily, “Jack thinks I’m barking.”

“Sh, dear,” whispered Hilda, holding her tightly. “You’re right, that’s a very beautiful image and I’m so glad it helped Gillian, and is helping you.” She paused, debated with herself, and then added softly, “But if you’re barking, Jo, then so am I.”

She closed her eyes and pictured a strong and loving face. “Ever since Nell’s death, I keep hearing her voice….sometimes when I’m awake, sometimes in my dreams. I have…seen things….strange things…. that maybe I shouldn’t have seen with my waking eyes…. We even talk at times, just as we always used to do. And Mother Abbess tells me to listen and believe, that it really is Nell, that there are miracles all around and we should accept them and not question too closely. She would say the same to you. In her forthright way, she would ask why your little angel should be any less real than Nell, any less of a miracle, even if here for such a short time, as you fear.”

She knew she would never have revealed herself in this way to Joey in the normal course of events. But her friend was in need - and Hilda Annersley would always do whatever it took to bring comfort to others. You don’t mind, do you, Nell? We always tried to be there to help Jo, didn’t we, no matter how wild her escapades?

She opened her eyes again and looked down, to find Joey staring at her in wonder. “Nell is doing that for you? And it helps?” Hilda smiled in assent, her eyes a soft and gentle blue. “It’s no surprise, love. You were such close and dear friends. But you deserve it, Hilda, more than anyone else I know. And my little angel keeps me going – even if it be only for a little while. Even if it is fanciful….”

She laid her head back on Hilda’s shoulder and was held close a long while, the silence of the room somehow peaceful and life-giving. Hilda spoke quietly into the black hair. “Jo, I know you’ve always wanted more babies, but maybe you’ve tempted fate once too often. The fact that you haven’t conceived for so long - and are now having problems when you’ve finally succeeded - may just be telling you something. It’s all in God’s hands, and you must leave it there. If this baby really isn’t meant to be, then grieve for it, yes, but don’t hold it against Him. Just be grateful for all the wonderful, healthy children you have, including the ones who have found their way to your side over the years though tragedies of their own. God has blessed you so very greatly – and there will be grandchildren one day soon, to fill those empty arms of yours. Not quite the same, I know, but also little miracles of their own.”

She felt Joey’s tense body relaxing, heard her give a quiet sigh. “And if you need to talk, or just want someone to hold you while you weep, you know my door is always open. It’s true I’ve never been pregnant nor had a baby, so can’t know what you’re suffering, but Nell and I care for you very deeply, Joey, darling.”

Hilda’s lovely voice held a sweet solemnity, and it brought great ease to Joey. She closed her eyes, let the loving words soothe her, and sighed again gently. Hilda kissed the black hair with great tenderness.....


Last edited by MaryR on Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

#18:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 7:47 pm
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Hmm, if Joey already knew she was pregnant in November and it is now January, then she is just nearing or just past the end of the first trimester - prime miscarriage time, unfortunately - just hope that if it is to be, then it's uncomplicated. I have to say I trust her 'gut' feeling that something is wrong - as Hilda points out, she surely knows her own body and its reaction to a pregancy by now.

I did like the image of the 'angel' just lent for a short time and then recalled when it could find its way back to heaven, and I'm glad Joey remember Gillian Young telling her about it - I'm sure she must find that comforting even if Jack does thinkg she's 'barking!' And trust Hilda to reassure her that she isn't by sharing that so-private experience of her own about her 'conversations' with Nell since the latter's death.

Hilda is at her most sympathetic and most reassuring here and I'm sure she has 'got through' to Joey - which in turn will be a relief to Jack, too.

Thanks Mary - and many congratulations on both those nominations - they are richly deserved.

#19:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:13 pm
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How sad for Joey - but she has been pregnant so many times before that she knows this time things feel different. The description of the littlest lost angels needing somewhere safe to rest until they can find their way home is wonderful and a lovely thought. I can see how this could be comforting to Joey. How much Hilda cares for Joey is shown by the way she shares her continuing relationship with Nell to demonstrate that Joey is not 'barking'.

Mary, this is beautiful but it made me weep. Crying or Very sad How wise Hilda is to try to get Joey to see that she must not blame God if this little one is not meant to be anything more than a 'little angel only lent', if what Joey fears comes to pass, yes, she must grieve for her baby, but also be thankful for the children she has.

Thanks for this, Mary, and as Elder says, congratulations on your nominations.

Elder in Ontario wrote:

and many congratulations on both those nominations - they are richly deserved.

#20:  Author: PaulineSLocation: West Midlands PostPosted: Thu Jul 12, 2007 8:16 pm
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A lovely way to describe the loss of an infant. It is so hard for the parents, and until recently the pain was not recognised.

#21:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:02 am
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That was so lovely and I agree with Hilda, Joey after all her pregnancies and births would know her own body and if something is wrong.
By the way congratulations for your nominations. Hope you win! Can I admit I'm an ignoramous and ask which award and more about it please?

#22:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:46 am
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That was so very moving and beautiful. Poor Jo to live with the awareness that there is something wrong as she is doing, although she has now a sensitivity and awareness of other womens' problems, that having children is 'not a right, it's a gift' . And what a lovely description of the'littlest angels" who needed shelter and rest.

And how loving and comforting of Hilda to reveal some of that inmost and private experience to Jo - and her final words to Jo, that "Nell and I care for you very deeply" shows the extent to which is Nell is still present as she has indicated. And the gentle words of advice that perhaps this isn't meant to be but that it is on God's hands were so important.

Thank you Mary. And congratulations on those nominations!

#23:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 5:54 am
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Poor Joey. And Hilda showed her sensitivity once again.

And can I add my congratulations too?

#24:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 8:00 am
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That was a lovely scene with Hilda comforting Joey, although poor Joey Crying or Very sad .

Thanks and congratulations Mary!

#25:  Author: kerenLocation: Israel PostPosted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 1:45 pm
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Fiona Mc wrote:
That was so lovely and I agree with Hilda, Joey after all her pregnancies and births would know her own body and if something is wrong.
By the way congratulations for your nominations. Hope you win! Can I admit I'm an ignoramous and ask which award and more about it please?


Which awards? there are awards on the CBB for the best CS fanfic, I cant remember exactly on which board here, maybe on News and Views, but anyway on one of those up at the top
There are many categories of great stuff, so go along and vote!

#26:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:59 am
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Poor Joey! That explains a lot.
Hilda's response here is perfect, and of course Nell won't mind....

Thank you, Mary.

#27:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:31 am
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You can't say that Hilda isn't dealing faithfully with them all, can you? What a busy day she has had, and I don't blame her for wanting to run away to Freudeshiem, can you?

Thanks Mary, I'm loving this. Now, there is still something about a certain package needing unravelled... When do you plan on letting us into the secret about that? Wink

#28:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:47 am
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Mary,
this was so moving. Crying or Very sad
Poor Jo ! And poor little one........

I hope things aren`t as bad as she fears.

These symptoms can also sometimes be associated with placental anomalies perfectly compatible with carrying a baby to full term; I have an internet friend who had a similar , very frightening episode in her early pregnancy and she turned out to have had a placenta in two lobes rather than one piece. Her baby girl was fine.

#29:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:05 pm
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How terrible for Jo after having sailed through all her other pregnancies. Agree with Hilda that Jo is probably the best one to know her own baby.



Thanks Mary.

#30:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:58 pm
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.....Hilda’s lovely voice held a sweet solemnity, and it brought great ease to Joey. She closed her eyes, let the loving words soothe her, and sighed gently. Hilda kissed the black hair with great tenderness. And her next words were spoken with that same great tenderness. “This is why you behaved as you did the other day, isn’t it? You were envious that I was suddenly taking on a mother’s duties when maybe you were losing the very gift you had always taken so much for granted.”

Joey nodded. What was the point of trying to hide the truth from one who never held it against you, no matter how shameful the deed. Indeed, there was more that needed admitting and Joey now poured it out, her voice muffled in Hilda’s cardigan. “It wasn’t just that you had Ellie. Ever since we lost Nell, and you grew close to your friend in the convent, we’ve….I’ve…. felt you drawing away, finding new horizons, not seeming to care as much for us here.”

Hilda closed her eyes. How to answer? “But, Jo, after Nell died, there was no one. You have Jack and the children; you have Madge and Dick, and all your nephews and nieces. What did I have left? Nell and I were singularly lacking in family – we only had each other, but it was enough, and more than enough.” She paused to control her voice. This was not easy, this lowering the drawbridge to Joey. “But once she was gone, I wasn’t myself for a long while, you know. I think I went slightly crazy. Even now, I feel it from time to time; have trouble recognising myself. I find it so hard to accept I will never see her again in this life.”

Joey pulled away, raised dismayed eyes and saw the pain Hilda was trying to hide. She gasped, murmured sorrowfully, “Oh, Hilda, my lamb, how selfish I’ve been, thinking only of myself and the school. You’re always so cheerful, so ready to help, that I assumed you were recovering. That was stupid and unforgivable of me. I forget sometimes that you have needs and wants as well.”

Hilda looked down at her. “Recovering?” Her voice trembled. “Not yet, Jo. And not for a long time, I don’t think. When I was with Mother Abbess, she gave me space to let go, taught me to grieve properly, helped me find out who and what I was, without Nell. No one here could do that for me. No one else could show me how to go on alone. She still does all that for me, and so much more. In her, I found a pearl of great price, Jo.”

And a whole new way of life, she thought to herself.

“And because your needs are met by her, you naturally want to be there,” whispered Joey, her own fine instincts wakening. “I understand now. But when you produced Ellie, like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat, it was something else pulling you away from us. And I couldn’t handle it, nor the fact that you seemed suddenly to have what I might be losing. But you care for her as much as you care for Mother Abbess, don’t you? I can see how much she means to you – and you to her.”

Hilda drew Joey close again, in an effort to hide her own face. “I have to create a new inner life for myself, dear, and go wherever it may take me.” Her lovely voice was softly pleading now. “I have never envied you your children, or your family life, Joey, only rejoiced for you over the years. So don’t begrudge me this great joy now, towards the end of my life, even if you are hurting. Ellie means so very much to me, yes. She doesn’t replace Nell, no one could, not even my friend, the Abbess. But it’s a relationship I would not now be without. And I’m sorry if you feel you’re losing me, but she and Mother have set my life on a new path, have brought so many others into my life - some new friends, some old friends in a new way - to people my loneliness. I have to honour their presence.”

She let quiet settle around them for a little while, and then added, her voice richer and stronger, “But I meant what I said just now. I’m here for you whenever you need me, during term time. You haven’t lost me at all, dearest. And even in the holidays I promise to be at your side if you need me. Ellie would love you as well, you know, if you gave her half a chance, for she is so very short of family and friends.”

Joey looked up, her eyes filled with love for the remarkable woman holding her so closely. “I’m sorry for being so horrid, love,” she whispered, with great humility. “Selfishly, we want to keep you as you are and always have been, especially as we’ve already lost Nell. But we can’t, can we? The loss was too catastrophic for you.” Hilda’s face answered her question, and Joey quailed at the pain there, pain she was still trying so hard to conceal. “I’m so very glad God has seen fit to bless you with the Abbess and Ellie. Will you bring her over soon?”

Hilda kissed her on the nose and said lightly, “I take it you mean Ellie? I’m not too sure what the Abbess’s plans are right now.” Joey poked her tongue out at her, and received a gentle smile in reply. “I promise, Jo. And may I tell her what’s wrong?”

“Ellie? But she’s only a child,” frowned Joey, looking rather askance.

Hilda’s sweet laugh rippled out, chasing away some of the shadows. “She’ll be seventeen next month, old enough to be a mother herself. And she’s French,” she added drolly. “I sometimes think French girls are born knowing the facts of life, and how to attract the opposite sex. I’ve watched her wrap Mr Stuart round her little finger without even trying. He’s her willing slave already, in the nicest possible way.” She sobered. “I think it would awaken her sympathy, to know you’re suffering. She knows all about suffering, much like the Lord, a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”

“Poor dear,” sighed Joey. “Alright, Hilda, I don’t mind, as long as she doesn’t say anything to others. We want to keep it to ourselves until…..” She stopped, her face sombre, and Hilda’s arms tightened round her once more.

“She’s very reserved, Jo. She won’t give away your secrets. She hides her own so well,” she murmured. “What about Gwynneth? Does she know?”

Joey nodded. “Watches me like a hawk. She’s always popping over. I just happened to be passing, she says. Passing where, for goodness sake?”

Hilda chuckled. How like Gwynneth! She must get together with her very soon, see what they could do for Joey. She knew how fond Gwynneth was of their former pupil. She was pleased to see Joey’s face looking more relaxed, and said quietly, “Why don’t you go back upstairs to your disturbed rest? I’ll see myself out.”

Joey leaned her head against Hilda once more. “Maybe I will. Thank you, Hilda – not just for the wisdom and the sympathy, but for opening my eyes to your own needs. Despite your pain, you’ve helped me enormously. You always seem to know exactly how to soothe my ache. You have a knack for always making me feel everything will come out the way it was intended, somehow. I need that hope just now. But we didn’t do the same for you last year, did we?”

“You couldn’t, Jo, so don’t feel guilty,” murmured Hilda. “You were all too close to me, and you were all suffering the loss of Nell yourselves. Nell was all around, in every nook and cranny, and I couldn’t cope. It needed a person who didn’t know her, and a place that had never seen her, to soothe my own ache.”

Joey’s response was muted. “We were so worried about you in those first weeks, afraid we were going to lose you as well as well as Nell.” She sighed. “I was scared. I don’t know what I would do without you, Hilda, what any of us would do, if you weren’t here at all. The Abbess is such a brilliant name for you. You’re our cornerstone, our lynchpin. You keep the edifice standing.”

Hilda thought with a pang of her new dream and laid her cheek on Joey’s hair. “You may have to do without me one day, Jo, my dear. Nothing is forever. Except love. Look after yourself and this little one. It may yet survive to be a true little angel to you. I shall ask Mother Abbess and the nuns to keep both of you in their prayers and hearts, so don’t give up hope altogether. I have seen the force of their prayer, felt the results. But remember – God’s ways are unfathomable, Jo. His ways are not ours….”

Her beautiful voice faded away and her eyes were soft as she gazed ahead of her – so soft and so full of tender love.

#31:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:06 pm
    —
That was beautiful - thank you Mary.

#32:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 7:17 pm
    —
Poor Joey and poor Hilda. As always, Hilda manages to retain her sensitivity.

#33:  Author: lizziearrnetLocation: Coulsdon, Surrey PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 8:31 pm
    —
Mary, you are wonderful, voicing the thought I have had for a long time...how on earth did you read my mind...again! Crying or Very sad despite the effect it has on me Crying or Very sad

Just my thoughts on heaven's little angels, weird seeing it written though!

I have a job, just as a quick side line, permantent Special needs Assist./1:1 carer, very good and very happy about it!!!

Thankyou again for the wonderful writing Laughing

Liz
xxx

#34:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 10:25 pm
    —
Mary, this is wonderful. As usual Hilda is able to understand how Joey has felt and because she now knows what Joey's worry is, she can understand her previous reaction to Ellie.

Quote:
Joey leaned her head against Hilda once more. “Maybe I will. Thank you, Hilda – not just for the wisdom and the sympathy, but for opening my eyes to your own needs. Despite your pain, you’ve helped me enormously. You always seem to know exactly how to soothe my ache. You have a knack for always making me feel everything will come out the way it was intended, somehow. I need that hope just now. But we didn’t do the same for you last year, did we?”


I only hope that the way Joey and other depend on her, doesn't make Hilda begin to doubt that she can leave them and take up the life she has planned for the future.

Thank you Mary, for another wonderfully perceptive post.

#35:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 11:25 pm
    —
What a beautiful sensitive response, that allows Hilda to explain some very difficult things in such a perceptive manner, and how much it draws Joey to her again.

And how right Hilda is:she did go 'slightly crazy' and become unrecognisable to herself, becasue she was a person whom she did not know - a person without Nell. And
Quote:
When I was with Mother Abbess, she gave me space to let go, taught me to grieve properly, helped me find out who and what I was, without Nell. No one here could do that for me.


And that had to happen away from the school, because as Joey realises, for everyone else the thought of losing Hilda as well as Nell was simply too much, and they would have done anything to keep things as they were - while Hilda had to be given the space and understanding to understanda and accept the person that she now is.

And Joey pays her a huge compliment: [The Abbess is such a brilliant name for you. You’re our cornerstone, our lynchpin. You keep the edifice standing.[/quote] But as Hilda says "Nothing is forever," and that is something which everyone has to realise.

#36:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:39 am
    —
Oh boy, what a sensitive and loving interaction here, so gently yet so vividly revealed - as happens so often in ND, I felt privileged to be present in the room during that conversation. And how brave of Hilda - but so typical too - to share these very private feelings with Joey.

By 'opening up' in this way, Hilda has not only increased Joey's understanding of just what the loss of Nell has meant to her, but has subtly (and I suspect unconsciously) begun to drop hints about her own needs in the future. Sure, everyone regards her as a 'cornerstone' of the school and all it stands for, but at least Joey now understands that without Nell, much of what the school meant to Hilda, has now become less relevant to her.

And her reasons for why both Mother Abbess and Ellie now mean so much to her are also clearer. As Cath V-P noted, she did indeed partially lose her mind with Nell's death, and needed that 'space' away from the school in order to fully grieve her loss.

And I like the way she is trying (without saying it in so many words) to convince Joey that Ellie will be her friend if she will only take steps to overcome the bad impression the girl got of her at their first meeting.

Thanks, Mary - so much here is a reflection of the truth that good things really can come out of things which apparently seem all bad.


Last edited by Elder in Ontario on Mon Jul 16, 2007 1:10 am; edited 1 time in total

#37:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 12:40 am
    —
Quote:
Joey nodded. “Watches me like a hawk. She’s always popping over. I just happened to be passing, she says. Passing where, for goodness sake?”


That made me laugh. Trust Matey!

Poor Hilda. Everyone just takes what they need from her and nobody or very few seem to think of her needs. Am very glad she and Joey have cleared the air and there was an understandable reason and am glad Joey is going to try and heal the rift between her and Ellie. Understanding does help people to forgive and understanding what Joey is going through may help Ellie forgive her. I'm glad Joey is realising Hilda's need to go on and do new things and not stay where she is so constantly reminded of Nell. Sometimes that can be a comfort and sometimes that can be so painful

#38:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 4:16 am
    —
Hilda is quite amazing here, with her current aching honesty on top of everything else. Hopefully they'll be able to continue building understanding and acceptance, and things will be straightened out with Ellie.

Great tactics, Gwynneth Laughing
Quote:
Passing where, for goodness sake?


Thank you, Mary.

#39:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 4:51 am
    —
Mary,
everyone else has said so much that I feel, that there is little I can add except to say that this was wonderful, and thank you !

#40:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:07 am
    —
MaryR wrote:
Joey nodded. “Watches me like a hawk. She’s always popping over. I just happened to be passing, she says. Passing where, for goodness sake?”

Wonderful Laughing

Thanks Mary, beautiful writing, as always.

#41:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 4:12 pm
    —
Those last two posts were just beautiful, Mary. Thank you.

#42:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:34 pm
    —
Thank you so much for the appreciative comments. They keep me going, you know! Laughing

When Hilda finally arrived back from Freudesheim, Kaffee und Kuchen was long over. She had a quick consultation with Rosalie and then settled back at her desk with a cup of coffee, to wade through at least some of her arrears of paperwork. But she was not destined to finish any of it, for a succession of girls found their way to the study in the hours before Abendessen, far more than the usual number on any given night, especially the first night of term. There was no common theme to their presence, so she just put it down as being one of those things. But it was one she could have done without, after such a gruellingly emotional day.

However, Hilda Annersley was made of stern stuff, and was always willing to help her girls, no matter what it cost her, so she gave herself up to them willingly, refusing to let the work make her hurry them along. She did breathe a sigh of relief, though, when nineteen o’clock arrived and the last girl departed. Now she had peace, and there would be time after the meal to impose her will on the mass of paper…..

......or so she thought! But her friends had other ideas. Warned by Rosalie, who was acutely aware of how behind Hilda was with her work, Matey materialised in the study just before the gong sounded for Abendessen and watched Hilda raise her head with a frown at yet another intrusion.

“Gwynneth,” she murmured. “Is there something wrong?”

Matey was fierce, even for her. “You look glassy-eyed, woman. What on God’s earth have you been doing with yourself?”

Hilda shook her head dismissively. “Not now, Gwynneth. I haven’t had time to do this all day and Rosalie needs…..”

“Rosalie needs nothing,” interrupted Matey, with venom. “Except that you take care of yourself. She’s the one who sent me. She’s worried about you – and so am I, now I’ve seen you. It’s clearly been a hard day. Enough is enough, Hilda,” she added, sharply.

Realising, suddenly, that there seemed to be a tight band round her head, Hilda laid down her pen and rubbed her face vigorously with her hands, as though washing it. She then rested her chin on her hands and smiled ruefully at her irritable friend.

“A hard day? You might say that, Gwynneth. Emotional, anyway – a fair number of problems seem to be raising their ugly heads all at once.”

She paused and eyed Matey thoughtfully. “And you can stop looking like a black cloud, my friend. You’re right. I am tired. Just didn’t want to admit it. But since you’re here, and we have a few moments before we eat, there’s something I’d like very much to discuss with you.” She looked down at her paperwork. “I can always return to this later.”

“Over my dead body!” muttered Matey darkly, as she plumped down on the couch. “You’re not coming back here afterwards, so don’t even think it. You’re going to bed. I won’t have you keeling over on my watch, even if you do so elsewhere.”

“We’ll see,” said Hilda, before commanding sternly, “Tell me about Joey.”

“You know?” Matey looked up in some surprise.

Hilda nodded, seating herself opposite Matey. “I was over there most of the afternoon. I took a good guess when I saw her. She looked so ill and had already admitted she was upset about something, so it wasn’t difficult. What can we do for her, Gwynneth?”

Matey sighed, looking uncharacteristically despondent. “Not a lot, I shouldn’t think, love. Maybe she’s too old, maybe lots of things – but what will be, will be, I’m afraid. As I’m sure you told her, with great kindliness.” She knew her Headmistress.

“Yes. It’s in God’s hands, if everything that can be done has been done,” replied Hilda sadly. She wondered if Matey knew about the “littlest angel”. Somehow, it seemed unlikely that Joey would confess such a thing to matter-of-fact Gwynneth – but one just never knew with people. “So we try to keep her spirits up,” she added softly.

“That’s about it,” agreed Matey drily. “And if that’s the sort of thing you’ve been doing since early morning, I’m not surprised by your white face and weary eyes.”

She frowned as Hilda laid her head back and closed those weary eyes. This was not good on the very first day of term, Matey decided. How was her Headnistress going to last the term in her still-fragile state, if she expended all her energy on others and kept none for herself? Talking about it all would help, of course, but would she? Matey accepted that she was applying double standards here, as she herself refused to talk at all. But she knew its value, all the same.

Hoping to catch Hilda out and so make her talk, she broke into the peaceful silence ruthlessly. “I hope Kathie apologised when she came over this morning.”

The heavy eyelids opened and Hilda gazed hard at her friend, yet without moving a muscle. Matey knew that anyone else would have immediately received a chilly response, would have politely, but very firmly, been shown the door. But Matey was not just anyone, as even Hilda accepted, so the spare little woman stared right back into those penetrating eyes and waited. It was a long wait, and the scrutiny was sharp and uncomfortable, but then, all at once, Hilda’s face relaxed; her eyes softened and closed again.

“You’re as bad as Nell,” she muttered. “Snooping around, wanting to know everything. Trying to ride roughshod over me!” Matey smirked. “And you can wipe that smile off your face! You’ll get nothing from me. All I’m saying is that yes, Kathie came; yes, Kathie apologised; then Kathie went away again. Anything else is between the two of us. But I don’t want her behaviour at the staff meeting held against her in the staffroom. See to it, please.”

Matey’s jaw literally dropped. Hilda was not often as autocratic as that. She must be tired – and bothered. And yet, that willingness to forgive and forget was as potent as ever. Matey wondered just what had gone on between the Head and Kathie, and just how much Hilda now knew or suspected. The silence lengthened, the frown marring Hilda’s forehead deepened, and Matey decided that it might be of more use to Hilda to lighten the atmosphere rather than try to force a confidence out of her.

“I’ll do my best, love,” she agreed peaceably. “And talking of staff meetings, I gather you were quite a prophet the other night when you mentioned those twins to Sharlie. She gave us an entertaining account of their exploits while we were having coffee. You seem to have made your mark on them.”

Hilda’s lips curved in a grin of pure mischief. “Indelibly, I would like to think. But I’ve scotched their villainy for a little while, at least. They were looking extremely sorry for themselves by the end. They’ll bear watching, though, even if it was a little light relief in the middle of a long day.” Her eyes finally opened again and she looked wearily across at Matey. “The prefects will bear watching as well, Gwynneth. I think I missed something last term. Most of them seem unwilling to pull their weight. Mireille's having a hard time with them. And Gillian’s ready to fight with her own shadow.”

Matey shook her head. “We were all still coming to terms with Nell’s death then, you most of all. And the second half of term was rather a blur to you after the accident. So don’t blame yourself. They’re a funny bunch on the whole, and Tessa’s much like you. She carried most of them, just as you carry everyone and worry about us all.” Hilda’s eyes widened at this. “It’ll come right in the end, love, so stop your usual fretting about everyone and come to dinner.”

She rose and leaned over her weary Headmistress. “I’m not joking, Hilda. You need to go to bed after Abendessen. What’s the point of staying up late? You’ll get far more done tomorrow if you retire early, be far more alert and ready for whatever the day throws at you. And that headache you’re trying to hide might have gone by then, too,” she added with great asperity.

Hilda gave a thought to that package still waiting to be opened and she suddenly caved in. She stood up, smiling in some amusement at the martial light in her doughty little friend’s eyes. “You’re such a bully, Gwynneth! But you’re a clever bully, though I say it as shouldn’t. And you’re right about the head. One can’t get anything past you.” She looked across at the desk. “I’ll come back here after the meal and clear up, then ask Ruth or Jeanne to lock up. Good enough for you, Matron, dear?” she ended sweetly.

“I’ll answer that when I see what condition you’re in tomorrow morning,” was all the answer she received, for her pains.

#43:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:08 pm
    —
Well done Matey - Hilda needed that!

Thanks Mary - Hilda must have an iron-clad will - I'd have torn open that package three weeks ago! Wink

#44:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:26 pm
    —
Despite all she has learned in the last few months about the need to ask for help when she needs it, Hilda still considers it 'more blessed to give than to receive', doesn't she? So that is just what she has done the whole day, with no thought of the cost to herself.

Thank goodness for Gwynneth, who has no scruples about saying what needs to be said, and will certainly remain on the alert to try and ensure that Hilda not try herself too severely, especially so early in the term. And is observant enough to sense what might be troubling Hilda and ask the right leading questions. Equally, thank goodness for the relationship between them which ensures that Hilda will now share with Gwynneth at least some of the problems she would formerly have discussed with Nell.

I also appreciate Gwynneth's pragmatic approach to all of these things - exactly what Hilda needs at this moment. But will she succeed in chasing Hilda off to bed after dinner? No doubt we will find that out in due course.

And I confess I'd forgotten all about that package. Do let Hilda open it soon, please.

Thanks, Mary, for bringing together consideration of both the problems and the light reliefs of this first day so effectively in this conversation.

#45:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 12:05 am
    —
Goodness Matey turned up at the right moment didn't she? Hilda needed her - even if she didn't think she did to begin with. But as she says to herself, Hilda is in a 'still-fragile state', and she does need Gwynneth's watchful care.

And that pragmatic common sense was and is so very useful, and serves to put so much into perspective - especially the issue of the prefects. And the comment about the likeness between Hilda and Tessa makes perfect sense - yes, Hilda does want to 'carry everyone' doesn't she? The responsibilities of the leader....

And poor Hilda - that package is still waiting....

Thank you Mary!

#46:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:30 am
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Thank goodness for Matey!

Thank you, Mary.

#47:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:29 am
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Matey was at her pragmatic best there and I really want to know what is in that package even if Hilda doesn't!
Thanks Mary

#48:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:26 pm
    —
Lovely Matey there. And quite how Hilda's not opened the package yet I don't know, I got a packet from a friend today and literally tore into it the minute it came!

#49:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:12 pm
    —
Hilda needs Matey to be there, otherwise she would just go on and on and never take time to consider her own needs. Matey is so very wise and such a good support for Hilda.

But, pleeeeease Hilda, open your package, I want to know what it contains before I go on holiday at the weekend!!!

Thank you Mary.

#50:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 3:55 pm
    —
I'm glad Matey was there for Hilda. Her wise words were exactly what Hilda needed to hear.

#51:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:26 pm
    —
I apologise for the length of this post. Mother Abbess never knows when to stop. Embarassed Embarassed

An hour later, Hilda was sinking into one of the easy chairs in her room and closing her eyes in weary relief. Her head was pounding, her eyes gritty with fatigue. What a day! Had she stopped talking at all? It was the longest first day of term she had ever experienced. But the pleasant half hour she had had with Ellie after Abendessen had eased the tension a little, for her ward had been perfectly happy with her first full day as a Chalet School inmate, and had been bubbling over with all she had to tell Hilda. In fact, Hilda had hardly needed to open her mouth, for which she was truly grateful.

Sweeping to one side her dark and worrisome thoughts about all that had happened that day, she opened her eyes and smiled down at the package on her lap. She knew she had been right to keep it till now to savour in peace. Carefully she untied the string and peeled back the paper. She picked up the thin book she found therein and scrutinised it. It was entitled A Grief Observed and written by someone called N W Clark.* She opened it to the first page and then stared, transfixed, at the opening sentence. No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear… Whoever he was, how had he known? She remembered, with a pang, how she had felt for months after Nell’s death - as though she was walking the high wire like a trapeze artist, with no safety net underneath. She had been so terrified she would fall.

With a shiver she laid it aside. Not just yet, Mother. She quickly tore open the envelope still lying in the parcel and drew out the crisp sheets of writing paper, eager for the refreshment and sound sense she knew she would receive from her friend’s loving words.

Dearest daughter,

You and Ellie left us early yesterday morning and already there is a great hole where you had your place here. You and Ellie must be very noisy creatures, for everyone and everything now seems curiously quiet and subdued. We’re all lacking that gentle smile of yours, that smile that flashes out so suddenly and lights up dark corners; lacking the humane and gracious presence that invites one to sit awhile in its shade. As for me – I just miss the essential you, the treasured friend God has offered me so late in life.

There is so much I wish to say, so many things you wish to have detailed to you, but they will have to wait for other letters or for phone calls, as I wouldn’t know where to start this evening. Your absence seems to have scrambled my brain. You asked about theology, prayer, silence, conventual vows, wearing the habit…. The list is endless, really. But they’ll come, in their own sweet time. For now, just enjoy the fact that your new dream is closer than you thought, thanks to what and who you are. As one of your literary friends puts it –

There will be time, there will be time
….for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions…
(T S Eliot)


(Or at least I hope there will be time!) I know our way of life wasn’t quite what the poet had in mind, but those lines seem, somehow, quite apposite to what you and I have ahead of us as you learn your new path, sweetheart. And I am so honoured to be your guide on that path.

I enclose a little book published last year and which I received only yesterday. Such a pity it didn’t arrive sooner, because having now read it, I would have immediately tucked it away in your suitcase as something for your own grief journey. Better late than never, however! I don’t know the author, though his style seems familiar. I have ordered several for the convent as a parting gift for other guests. But it might speak to you more than to many another, for I felt I recognised your Nell at several points. It might compound your hurt for a while, but there are so many similarities in this little book to your own thoughts and feelings, that you should find it very reassuring.

By the time you receive this, term will have started. Will we have spoken? I have no idea, but I sense a stern resolve on your part not to turn to me so often, despite my words about “those little inconsequential things.” I respect your desire not to burden me, to be strong unto yourself, but at the same time I could shake you very, very hard for your stubbornness. No matter how private and self-controlled you are, love, you need a safety valve. You have to allow the pain to surface, to be expressed, in order to speed up the healing process. Repressing it too much over a long period of time distorts the way the mind works. And you need a clear mind to do your job, n’est-ce pas, ma fille?

Hilda, you’re one of the most patient women I know – where other people are concerned. And yet you get so impatient with your own good self for being overcome by your emotion, instead of accepting it as part of the great grief you are suffering. Daughter, you will switch in and out of your grief quite unpredictably for a long time still, maybe for many years. It won’t just stop, much as you would like it to! Your icy voice can’t make this go away! You can’t give it detention or lines to make it behave. You know I don’t lie when I tell you it can still hit me even now, all these years later. No matter how strong your mental restraints are, it will happen. You will have times of raw sadness, of restlessness and sleeplessness – and those are the times you need to talk, reflect, rage, weep. If you have the idea that, by the time you enter, you will no longer be overtaken by tears, by loneliness, then think again, child.

Any death means disintegration; this death was a disintegration of the Nell who was loved and is missed. It was also a disintegration of those who loved her; a disintegration of you, who had to endure the shattering blow, a blow that smashed both you and your life to pieces. And yet, dearest Hilda, after only two weeks, you pieced those shattered pieces of yourself together again and faced the world with such astonishing and daunting courage. But of course the cracks were, and are, still there. The processes of grief are processes of re-integration, a search for integrity and wholeness and healing. So please, please, don’t be angry with yourself when you do break down. Let the tears flow; let the oil of His peace and love seep gently through those cracks, as He holds you and makes you whole again.

Okay, daughter, okay. I’ll say no more for now on that subject. I can see you raising your eyes to heaven and hear you muttering naughty words in exasperation. But I shall return to it. Again and again. Till I have got through and you learn! So beware….

I wonder how Ellie is getting on. She has such a need to be close to you that, for her, there will be happiness at being with you and yet sadness, perhaps even resentment, at the lack of availability. But she is already stronger, and with you as her guiding light all will be well with her in the end. I can imagine the surprise there must have been when you made them aware you had a ward, but I’m sure you bullied them all into accepting the fact as normal and natural. Don’t glare at me in that tone of voice, young lady. A bully is what you are, I’m afraid, in the nicest, most obliging, way. So obliging are you that most people don’t understand how much they have been had, until it is far too late! Which is why I tremor at the battle royals ahead of us!


Hilda burst out laughing at that point, despite the tears in her eyes and the ache in her heart. How much she was known and loved by this most bracing of women.

Are you smiling? Most excellent! Why do I tremor? Put simply - because you are my friend. And yet I also have to be your Superior and your Novice Mistress. And you have, somehow, to be my obedient daughter, while also being my friend. Oh, and let us not forget the autocratic Headmistress! She will be knocking around as well, of that I am quite sure! Hmm! Sometimes all those beings will be incompatible with each other. But, you know, love, sometimes you will bend and sometimes I will bend, and it will work. How do I know this? I know us, know what we are, know the love we now have for each other.

Occasionally in our lives, daughter, if we are lucky, God sends us a very special friend for a special, but limited, time and for a special reason. I know the special reason for your entry into my life – you encourage and strengthen my spirit, and you have woken my sleeping heart, made me love again. And you have brought a sense of fun back into my life. But I do so hope and pray that our time will not be limited, for you are such a very rare and gallant friend, such a very special person, one with so much depth, that it will take many years to find out all you are and can become.

You did more for me on Christmas Day than you will ever really appreciate. A true Christmas angel is what you were that day. Who else could have winkled my sorry story out of me, as you did? Who else could have seen my selfishness, my vanity, my total absurdity, and yet judged me not one jot, but found me worth the loving? Your brave, steady eyes drew more out of me than I suspected was there. You have a way of listening and understanding even the things one can’t bring oneself to admit. All the contradictions in my nature, all my grievous sorrow, were taken up and dissolved in the white ocean of your loyalty, your love.

Your sweet friendship refreshes my soul, not only when you are present but in every waking thought of you. And please don’t worry that you are taking me away from God. Quite the reverse, as Sister Catherine told us, remember? I think God has been very much in charge of the pair of you – and who am I to go against Him?” I found the following lines in your quote book and knew you would have had Nell in mind when you copied them. But they also express so neatly my love for you, child.

The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom our relationship has a glowing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. It is a sort of divine accident. (Sir Hugh Walpole)

I put my trust in the Lord that our years together will be many and that the glory of the relationship He forged between us will only deepen and widen.

May God guard Ellie and you, my gentle daughter, until we meet at Easter.

Your loving Mother and friend.


*(A Grief Observed, by CS Lewis, was actually published in 1961 by Faber and Faber under a pseudonym, and did not do very well. Then after Lewis died in 1963 (the same day that President Kennedy was assassinated) his literary executor authorised them to publish it under his own name. It became an instant best-seller. We are in 1962 at this point in ND)

#52:  Author: lizziearrnetLocation: Coulsdon, Surrey PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 7:37 pm
    —
Mary

Thankyou ever so much, beautiful writing...i will have to re-read it again when I am not so tired and emotional!

How you do it I don't know...

And yes I love the whole concept of the 'littlest angels' stops me going quite so cray to hear it said!!!!

Anyway the job is permanent..so yeay!!!!! will pm you more about it when i have more time!

Liz
xxx

#53:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 8:15 pm
    —
Quote:
Don’t glare at me in that tone of voice,


Absolutely love that phrase! Laughing MA was exactly what Hilda needed there, wasn't she? And I too foresee some battle royals when Hilda enters the convent.


Thanks Mary - worth waiting for.

#54:  Author: Lisa_TLocation: Belfast PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 9:23 pm
    —
*sighs in satisfaction* That was absolutely - wow! There's a lot to be said for skipping for a while and then coming back to lots of loverly posts.

Well done. Very Happy

#55:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:22 pm
    —
Oh, Mary, what can I say? Thank you for posting this before I go on holiday. MA is fantastic, I alternated between tears and laughter.

Quote:
Your icy voice can’t make this go away! You can’t give it detention or lines to make it behave.


What a wonderful image this is. Perhaps Hilda does think that she can treat grief like one of her pupils! A recalcitrant Middle who needs to be brought into line!!!!!!

So pleased too that Ellie's first day has gone well.

Thank you Mary

#56:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 10:45 pm
    —
Quote:
How was her Headnistress going to last the term in her still-fragile state, if she expended all her energy on others and kept none for herself? Talking about it all would help, of course, but would she? Matey accepted that she was applying double standards here, as she herself refused to talk at all.

I know it's going back a post, but I did like that! Matey's honesty and self-knowledge is so very refreshing. And, indeed, it's worrying that Hilda is so embattled so soon, but what is she to do? She isn't capable of refusing to respond to the needs of others, whether they are personal friends or the girls for whom she's responsible. On the other hand, she must have practical help in running the school - from Ruth, perhaps? That can only be given by someone who is physically there, but the emotional support she needs in equal measure isn't dependent on proximity, and MA's moving letter provides so much of it. How much comfort MA's loving words must bring to Hilda in her weariness, and what a lovely description of Hilda as a
Quote:
very rare and gallant friend, such a very special person, one with so much depth
Yes, indeed.
And, like Lesley, I loved 'don't glare at me in that tone of voice'!

Thank you, Mary, it's good to be back.

#57:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 11:46 pm
    —
Oh my goodness - what wouldn't we all give to have a friend like MA who could write to us at such length and with such sensitivity. There is so much that I could quote that I don't dare start, because I'd not be able to select just a few phrases.

This is just the 'tonic' which Hilda needed after a day such as she has just experienced; how wise she was to put off the pleasure of opening that package until she would have the time to read and savour MA's letter. And I'm sure that MA wrote it with that in mind, using all of her considerable wisdom to comfort, strengthen and reassure Hilda. And that she chose not simply to reinforce all the positives, but to reassure Hilda that while her grief for Nell would still overcome her at times for the forseeable future, even after she enters the convent, this, too, is an entirely natural reaction to a grief as deep as hers is for Nell.

There is so much of hope, faith and comfort here that I'm sure Hilda will return to time and again over the course of the term. However often MA may write, or they may speak to each other on the phone, this is one very, very special letter, which Hilda will, I suspect, treasure for the rest of her life. And may I be a fly on the wall when she finally enters the convent - I think the verbal sparring between these two will be unforgettable! And I'm sure that eventually Hilda will pluck up the courage to read the little book and find much in it to comfort her.

Mary, thank you for imbuing MA with the faith and strength which enables her, in her turn, to literally enter into Hilda's spirit and bring her the comfort and strength she so sorely needs at this minute, and for once again allowing us to 'share the moment' through the power of your writing.

#58:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 12:35 am
    —
What an utterly remarkable letter, and how right that Hilda should come to it now after the wearinesses of the day.

MA knows her so well and so sensitively, knows how she can be
Quote:
so impatient with your own good self for being overcome by your emotion, instead of accepting it as part of the great grief you are suffering.
And she knows that the process of making whole in the face of this grief is something that will never really be complete, that the disintegration of the Hilda who loved Nell was so profound that the process of reintegration, to use one of MA's words, will be equally long-drawn-out and painful.

And then the very nature of the friendship between them encompasses so many things, and there is so much in what they have to bring to one another. And as the quote shows, it needs time; MA is very wise to pray and hope for time for them; they have so much already and there is potentially so much more for them to bring to one another.....

And the Walpole quote says so much of what they have....."a glowing depth, beauty and joy" indeed.

Thank you Mary

#59:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:06 am
    —
MA is such a fabulous writer! I love the wit that punctuates her caring advice. I'm sure it's made Hilda's day. Hope she can also take at least some of the suggestions to heart -- and has something to say about the "bad words." Laughing

Thank you, Mary.

#60:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:47 am
    —
Mary, that and the previous posts are beautiful.
Wonderful writing as always.
Thank you.

#61:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 6:06 pm
    —
MA's letter was wonderful and not one word too long! Thanks Mary Smile

#62:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 9:59 am
    —
I feel like I'm just repeating myself, that was so lovely. Thanks Mary

#63:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:43 am
    —
That letter was fantastic - and so was the way that Hilda dealt with Jo - so lovingly, helping her to come to terms with where she was. I am so glad that Gwynneth was there for her - I get so wrapped up in the story that I forget about Hilda's health, and how short a time it was since she was so ill.

You had me both laughing and crying there - and I'm in the university library! It's out of term time, so it's not all that serious, but still!

Thanks for that, it was superb.

#64:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:18 pm
    —
Ellie’s eyes snapped open suddenly and she stared blankly at the ceiling. She frowned. The colour was wrong! She turned her head. Of course! She was lying in a dormitory in the Chalet School, just where she had wanted to be. This was Thursday and would be her second full day there. She exhaled loudly and gave her body a good stretch, before snuggling down again. She smiled at the memory of her last little talk with Madame the night before; savoured the loving hug that had enfolded her before she was dismissed to bed.

The first day of term had, at first, been frantic as she tried to fit everything in. The bells seemed to come thick and fast and she had scurried to keep up. Sudden misery had almost overwhelmed her at one point. She had felt despondent, tired and lonely, even in the midst of all the girls. But as the day wore on, she had gradually had the sensation of finding herself again, finding the self she had lost with the loss of her old way of life. Her pulse had calmed down and she had begun to lap up the well-remembered routine of lessons, meals, preparation, assemblies, break times; had lapped up the laughter and chatter around her, despite her own reserve.

She was once more in the midst of life. Every day would once more have a purpose.

She hugged herself with quiet glee. She was also lapping up the nearness to her guardian. She did miss, most acutely, the free and easy times they had had together at the convent; missed the constant access she had had to Madame. But she would have lessons with her still, even if they were shared with others. She would have glimpses of her around the school, see that gentle face and hear that lovely voice at Prayers and Assemblies. She would have the two short periods each week that Madame had managed to carve out of their respective busy timetables, so that the German and Italian lessons could continue. She had been assured by her guardian that these times mattered to her as much as they mattered to Ellie. And Madame had promised faithfully that every day she would come and find Ellie at some point, most probably in the evenings, so that they could have some quiet time together and be what they had been to each other in the convent.

This had happened the night before, after Abendessen, while the other Seniors were dancing in the Hall. But Madame had looked very weary, even to Ellie’s inexperienced eyes; had looked, in fact, as though she had a bad headache, even though she had denied it. Ellie turned now to look at one of the photos on her bedside cabinet.

“Cherry,” she whispered, “perhaps you would do me a so special favour. Ask your big sister to look after her friend. I love her so much, but she is very busy, and sometimes she has the air of being sad and tired. She tries so hard to hide it when I am with her. Teach me to love her properly and to help her.”

Even as she asked her favour, she remembered that she had been able to help Madame the night before. Her face excited, she had been regaling her guardian with the details of her day. Hilda had smiled up at her from the comfortable couch in her salon.

“You’re feeling so much happier about it all, n’est-ce pas, chérie?” she had asked. “These few days here have made such a big difference, altered the way you felt in the plane.”

Ellie had been stroking the birds and cats created by Vivien Knowles, but at the question she had sat down by her guardian, snuggled close to her and answered equally softly. “Oui, ma très chère Madame. Tout le monde, they have been so good to me, and not just the girls, but Monsieur Stuart and Matron also, and all the mistresses. I was feeling soooooo miserable this morning. I had the impression to be dragged along very fast. But now, it feels comfortable here. I think I will like it, as I hoped.”

“Then I’m happy too, child,” said Hilda softly. “And are you satisfied with your sheepdogs? You’re sure you wouldn’t rather have had Erica, now that you have had a couple of days in her company?”

Ellie’s face had grown thoughtful. “No, Sara and Barbara, they have been so very kind, telling me all the time what to do, so I do not get lost or forget something. Me, I like them.” She had played with her buttons a moment and had then looked up at Hilda. “And I will like Erica, I think. But she is a prefect now, so maybe she will not want to be a friend.”

Hilda had hugged her. “Of course she will, if that is what is going to happen. Being a prefect won’t change anything. But friendship takes time, ma fille, so please don’t worry about it. Che sarà, sarà, as the song goes. Just be yourself.” She searched the beautiful face. “And will you come over with me to visit Mrs Maynard, sometime? She said she wanted us to go over very soon, though she is not very well so we may have to wait a little.”

Ellie nodded. “Yes, I would like that, so long as I am with you. I am sorry I was so angry with her.” She stopped, her face rather worried, then asked hesitantly, “Madame, is it possible that I can ask something to you? Is it that Mireille is unhappy to be the Head Girl?”

Startled, Hilda looked down at her ward. “Why do you ask that, Ellie?”

“Because she….” The girl stopped, bit her lip. “This isn’t what you call sneaking, is it?”

Hilda considered the question, then shook her head. “Not knowing why you think that, I can’t really answer one way or the other. But if someone is unhappy in my school then I want to know about it. So tell me and we’ll see.”

Ellie laid her head on Hilda’s shoulder and sighed dolefully. “I was unable to sleep last night. And I heard Mireille asking Gillian how she was going to manage. She sounded…. désespérée, bouleversée.”

“In despair… overcome,” Hilda corrected her softly. She reflected silently on Ellie’s words, on Mireille’s concerns, and Ellie lay against her, quite content to stay there forever. “In a way, yes, it is sneaking, petite, but I needed to know. However, I think I may safely say that Mireille feels a little better tonight. I can’t say any more about it, but, Elle, perhaps you could be a friend to Mireille, support her in any way you can. You’re both French and understand each other a little better than perhaps someone else would. Could you do that for me, do you think?”

Ellie sat up and stared at her guardian. “But she is Head Girl, now that Tessa is injured. She will not want me, who is a very new girl, around her. She has Gillian and all the prefects.”

Hilda drew her close again. “Yes, she has. But sometimes a new way of looking at things can help. And Mireille will always have time for others. She is so gentle and thoughtful. And if you need a hand she will give you one. So perhaps you could give her a hand as if she ever needs one – or the other prefects, for it can’t have escaped your notice that they are rather worried by Tessa’s absence.”

Ellie had nodded, not really understanding what she could do, and had burrowed deeper into Hilda, putting her arm round her. How kind her guardian was to everyone. She never criticised, just tried to help and encourage. And Ellie knew for herself just how far Madame would take her help. Her guardian set no limits to her kindness. Ellie determined she would do all she could for Mireille, if that would mean Madame would worry less.

She turned her head to look once more at her photographs, now lit by dawn’s rosy glow. “Maman, I never knew you,” she whispered, “but Madame tells me you love me and watch over me at all times. Make it always be like this. Please allow me to have some happiness with Madame. Don’t let me lose her, as well as everyone else. And let everything go well here at school."

She lay quiet for some time, thinking, and then murmured, "Tell papa I always loved him, and just wanted him to love me back. I hope he is happy, now that he has found you again. Tell him I too am happy, that I have found someone, several someones, to care for me. Please continue to watch over me and love me. And watch over Madame as well, just as she watches over everyone else. Be a guardian angel to us both.”

#65:  Author: CatherineLocation: Newcastle upon Tyne PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 7:37 pm
    —
Thank you, Mary.

I look forward to seeing how Ellie progresses.

#66:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:11 pm
    —
Pleased Ellie had a good start to her time at the School.


Thanks Mary.

#67:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 8:50 pm
    —
That was just beautiful - both to see Ellie reflect on her start at the school and to see just how perspicacious she has already become. Not only did she notice how tired Hilda looked during their time together, she has also observed that Mireille was not happy (and was intuitive enough to know that telling her guardian might be regarded as sneaking by some.)

But the net result is all good. She was reassured that her guardian intends to keep that promise of spending time with her each day, her two 'sheepdogs' are doing their best to help her settle down, she is content to let the possibility of friendship with Erica happen if it will, and has agreed to go and see Jo, so long as Hilda goes too. Even more, Hilda has given her a commission - to do her best to befriend Mireille, even though they aren't the same age. And of course, we know she will do her best. So, overall, she is content, and secure in the knowledge that she is cherished not only by those around her, but, from heaven, by her parents whose photos she keeps by her bed and which clearly bring her much comfort. And I did love that prayer of hers to the photo of Cherry which is also on her bedside cabinet, asking her to have her sister send help Hilda - that brought tears to my eyes.

Thanks, Mary

#68:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:25 pm
    —
Truly Beautiful

(((Ellie)))

(((Hilda)))

(((((Mary)))))

#69:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:13 pm
    —
Quote:
She was once more in the midst of life. Every day would once more have a purpose.
It's lovely to see Ellie 'finding herself' again, secure in Hilda's love and surrounded by supportive friends, from her conscientious sheepdogs to Cherry, whom she seems to have adopted as a sister! She is so much more sensitive and aware of other people's needs, particularly Hilda's, but also Mireille's, and she is doing her best to follow Hilda's example and put others first.
I liked the thought of Nell as Cherry's big sister being called in to support Hilda.

Lovely, Mary, thank you.

#70:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 6:34 am
    —
Mary,
I have had the unalloyed delight of catching up on the last few posts in peace over my early morning cup of tea, and what a pleasurable time I have had !
I did so love MA`s letter Laughing

As for Ellie, she has such potential to do good in her own way - I wait with bated breath to see just how she will assist Mireille, and also, I am sure, comfort Jo.

#71:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 12:41 pm
    —
How far Ellie has come since Hilda first met her - she can even be more understanding in her thoughts about her father. Undoubtedly without Hilda this would not have been possible. And she has a new confidence and assurance in her surroundings, and in herself as well, that Hilda can perceive and call upon in her request that she gives Mireille as much support as she can.

And how lovely that she can not only appreciate Hilda but can understand that Hilda has weaknesses and needs - and sets out to pray for her. Such lovely perception united with the practical asking of her guardian angels for help. And I loved her request to Cherry - that she talk to her 'big sister' and ask her to keep on eye on Hilda.

#72:  Author: SarahLocation: Skelmersdale, Lancashire PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 12:48 pm
    —
Mary,
just caught up the last few posts and once again - wow! Very Happy
I love MA's letter to Hilda - just what Hilda needed! Very Happy
Also, Ellie is settling in well, and i thought the way she is trying to help Hilda is just lovely! Very Happy

#73:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:39 pm
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Ellie is growing so quickly and has so much to give. She met Hilda at just the right time....

#74:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 4:04 pm
    —
That was lovely, Mary. Good to see Ellie growing up and developing.

#75:  Author: Lisa A.Location: North Yorkshire PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 8:59 pm
    —
Have just discovered all the previous parts of this in the Awards section... I'm going back now before I read on. I've just finished Harry Potter so my reading muscles are in top form.

#76:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:11 pm
    —
Lisa A. wrote:
I've just finished Harry Potter so my reading muscles are in top form.

I don't think HP and ND are quite in the same league, Lisa! Shocked Even if Hilda and MA do have magic of their own. Laughing


The Science lesson drew to a close at the end of that second day of term and the girls gathered up their books and other paraphernalia, preparatory to leaving. At the desk, Miss Knowles looked across the room’s bustle, seeking Ellie.

“Ellie, my dear, I wonder could you remain behind for a few moments so we can discuss anything you’re still finding too difficult with the topic?”

Ellie met Vivien’s smiling eyes and nodded. They had already sorted all that out, so she wondered what her teacher really wanted. But it was clearly nothing bad since the brown eyes were twinkling.

“See you later, then, Ellie,” murmured Sara, moving away with her books. “You know your way to the Speisesaal now.” Ellie smiled and sat down again to wait until the others had all departed. This took some time for the girls were now very relaxed with Vivien, appreciating not only her sense of humour but also her interesting and varied lessons and friendly manner, and so they tended to linger for a chat after the lessons were over. It was an aspect of her job that Vivien had always liked and she was never too busy to listen, to advise or simply to banter. Finally, however, the last girl left and she came to sit by Ellie.

The girl herself had been delighted to see this woman again when the latter had returned to school. What was more, to her surprise she had found that the feeling was mutual, for she had been greeted with a wholesale hug – and a small gift, to celebrate her new life at the school.

“These might brighten up your sleeping quarters for you,” Vivien had said, then added with a knowing wink, “and I think you’ll find that Matron won’t mind.”

The first thing Ellie had found inside the package was a wooden frame holding a photograph that Vivien had taken at the convent. Ellie, dressed in her new uniform, was standing proudly by Hilda, whose arm rested lightly round her ward’s shoulders. There was a soft light in the blue-grey eyes. Ellie was not to know it but Vivien had wiped away a tear the first time she saw that photo. There was such a heart-breaking quality to Hilda’s gentle smile.

What she found under the frame took Ellie’s breath away. Hidden there were two angels, as beautifully crafted as the angels offered to Hilda and Mother Abbess on Christmas Day. One of these two angels was robed in grey and wore a white wimple. Her dreamy nature was delineated with a few swift pen strokes and her wings sparkled silvery white, with grey shadows. The other angel was dressed in deepest pink, and behind the brown hair were spread feathery wings touched by the merest hint of rose. This angel’s face shone with an austere peace. Marraine and Madame – two of the kindest people Ellie had ever met. She had been unable to find the words to express her gratitude and Vivien had understood and given her another hug. Ellie, later, had set them gently beside the other photographs on her bedside cupboard, feeling rich beyond compare.

Now, she tried once more to thank Miss Knowles but the latter shook her head. “They’re nothing much, child, but I knew they would give you pleasure. To have one such guardian is chance indeed, but to have two..... You have a lot to live up to, Eleanor Drake,” she warned.

Ellie nodded, signs of deep thought in her sapphire eyes. “This I know. Marraine, she is so good to me – and I did not understand what she was like until I met Madame. She opened my eyes in so many ways.”

“That’s often the way, Ellie, so don’t feel guilty about it. It’s hard to see behind the religious habit, and you were so very unhappy, then. But now, tell me, how is it going? Two whole days of school – ready to run for cover yet?”

Ellie gurgled at the mischief in Vivien’s face. “Mais non! It was a little difficult yesterday, just at first, but everyone has been so kind.”

Vivien pulled a face. “You may not feel that when you hear what I have to say.” She looked Ellie straight in the eye and said bluntly, “Despite our lessons last week, you know you’re still struggling with the botany, don’t you?”

Ellie sighed and sank her chin into her hands dispiritedly. Vivien quickly moved to place an arm round her. “It’s not your fault, love. You work hard and you’re highly intelligent. It’s simply due to the clash of two different education systems, I’m afraid. But cheer up. I have a proposition for you.” Ellie raised her eyes hopefully. “Could you bear an extra lesson, just the two of us, every Thursday after our last lesson of the day?”

Ellie flung her arms round Vivien and burst into tears. Concerned, Vivien cradled her close. “Ellie, my dear, I didn’t mean to upset you. Come on, dry those pretty eyes.”

She mopped Ellie up and the girl tried to smile. “But you did not upset me. It is just..... why are you all so good to me? Me, I have done nothing, absolument rien, that would make you all seek so hard to bring me happiness.”

“Sh, dear. It’s hardly good of me to ask you to work even harder, now, is it?” Vivien asked ruefully. Ellie chuckled, but the mistress realised that the girl was a little overwrought with all the stresses and strains, so kept her tone quiet and soothing. “You don’t have to earn anything, you know, Ellie. We care for you and want to help, in any way we can, for we know how hard it all is for you. Not many girls lose everything, as you have.”

Ellie had learned never to expect anything of people, and that hurt Vivien. All children should live with hope, should be accepted and loved. Vivien’s own life had always been filled with happiness and love, until her marriage went awry, and she would do all in her power to make it up to Ellie, as she knew Hilda was doing.

“So what do you say?” she murmured. “It will only be for a short while, I’m sure.”

Ellie searched her face and then nodded. “Yes, please. I enjoy my lessons with you – but, also, I want to do well for Madame’s sake, after all she is doing for me. But will it not be an extra burden for you?” she asked anxiously.

“That’s what I’m here for, child – to bring you up to scratch. But what about you? I believe you’re already having other extra lessons.”

“Oui, Latin with Mademoiselle Berné,” explained Ellie. “Oh, and Madame has promised to continue my German and Italian once or twice a week. I am not sure how she will do it, for she is so busy, n’est-ce pas?” There was sadness in Ellie’s eyes as she spoke.

“And you’re missing her?” suggested Vivien softly.

“I see her here and there,” Ellie sighed. “I have my English lessons with her, I see her when we eat and she tries to spend a little time with me in the evening. And you know, Miss Knowles, I am so proud to belong to her when I behold her during Prayers and the Assembly, because she is so thoughtful and dignified, and somehow makes you want to listen to her.”

“I know just what you mean, Ellie, my dear. Your guardian is a gracious presence wherever she is. People feel great affection for her.” She studied the girl’s wistful face. “If you ever feel lonely, Ellie, and Madame is unavailable, you can always come and find me. I will help if I can. It’s slightly easier for me than for Miss Annersley.”

But Vivien discovered that Ellie had her own quiet dignity. “Merci beaucoup, Mademoiselle Knowles, you are very kind. But I must try to manage without Madame if she is busy. She spends as much time with me as she can – and maybe more than she should.”

Vivien could only agree with the girl. “Tell me, Ellie,” she said curiously, “why do you call her Madame? I don’t think I ever knew.”

Ellie paused, thought back. “When I met her the first time, I did not know her name or if she was married, so I addressed her simply as Madame, as we do in France. And then, when I began to know her, calling her Madame seemed friendlier somehow than Miss Annersley or Mademoiselle Annersley when we were quiet together. I told it to her and so she allowed me to continue to call her that…”

“And now it’s your own pet name for her, one that no one else uses,” said Vivien, softly. “I think she likes it, Ellie, dear.”

Ellie gazed at her pensively. “I am so glad. But, really, I should call her mon ange gardien, my guardian angel – for such she is, always protecting and guiding and loving me.”


Last edited by MaryR on Wed Jul 25, 2007 6:21 pm; edited 1 time in total

#77:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:42 pm
    —
Mary, that was beautiful. It's wonderful how Ellie looks up to her Madame.

#78:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:59 pm
    —
First of all Mary love - of course no one would ever consider comparing something like HP to the beauty that is ND! It's scandelous to even think that! ND is far better than the other - it imparts the beauty of life, and the human character while holding the attention - the other merely grabs the attention with it's constant action!!! Wink

And what am I to say about this last installment? Oh how I wish that I knew half of your characters! I would just have loved having Vivien as a teacher! And Ellie as a Friend. Or why not simply ask the merely impossible, and request to even meet MA, or her superior!!!

How dispicably life has treated Ellie that she responds to Vivien's suggestion in this way - and it is the caring that is the issue, nothing else. Oh, how I wish she had agreed to go to see Vivien at least some of the times when Hilda herself could not - though I suppose she is wise not to in some ways.

And I am so glad to see the way that the class are now reacting to Viviens teaching - how different to such a short time before! Still, given some of her antics at halfterm etc...

Thank you Mary - that was fab. And now I have finally realised that I hadn't got your new thread on letting me know when you updated I shall actually find out from the notifications - and all will be well with the world again.

Well, when you post anyway! Wink

#79:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:23 pm
    —
Like Squirrel, I would have loved to have Vivien as a teacher!

And I am pleased that you have allowed us to see their relationship continuing to develop beautifully as well.

Smile

#80:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:27 pm
    —
Thank you Mary

#81:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:38 pm
    —
Thank you Mary - so pleased that Vivienne was genuinely pleased to see Ellie. But Ellie has to be careful - she's in danger of placing Hilda on that pedastal once more - hope Matey can fill in where Nell would normally go and knock her down!

#82:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 8:39 pm
    —
It is lovely to see this 'mixture' which goes to make up Vivien's personality - a respected teacher, who expects undivided attention when she is teaching, but nonetheless allows her pupils to feel sufficiently relaxed in her presence that they are comfortable being able to stay and chat with her when classes are ended, the fun loving individual we have seen elsewhere in this story, and the caring person who will do all she can to help Ellie settle into school life and its demands. Could she have chosen two more special 'welcome' gifts for her? I think not.

The more I see of Vivien the more I realise that she possesses at least some of Hilda's own gift for 'getting under the skin' of the girls - she truly is an asset to the school, isn't she, even though we know that there was such a sad reason for her appointment. And as Squirrel so rightly reminded us, it's good to see the girls accepting her and her methods with such delight, after her rather troubled start.

It was interesting to see Ellie's little flash of independence there, too - I don't think we need fear now that she will do anything to demand Madame's presence if her guardian tells her she is too busy - it may be hard, but she will make herself manage. And I enjoyed her explanation of why she calls Hilda 'Madame', too.

A section which was at once lively and peaceful, gentle and spirited, but above all, another revelation of how these people care for each other and look out for each other. Thank you, Mary

#83:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:03 am
    —
Vivien is such a gifted teacher and a compassionate person who has crafted her own niche at the school, not merely taken over Nell's teaching, and it's lovely to see her appreciated like this, not only by ellie but by so many of the other girls.

What a lovely welcoming gift she gave to Ellie - a tangible reminder of the people to whom Ellie matters and who care for her. And how happy Ellie is to tell Vivien of what Hilda means to her, knowing that Vivien will understand how much she values Hilda's 'gracious presence'.

And it is a sign of how much Ellie has matured that she not only love and appreciate Hilda, but can contemplate managing without her immediate support, should that be necessary.

Thank you Mary.

#84:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:29 am
    —
It's excellent that Vivien is so thoughtful of Ellie, and that Ellie is responding -- though not enough to welcome Vivien's offer to stand in for Hilda when necessary. Well, naturally Hilda is special, and it's early days yet....

Thank you, Mary.

#85:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 8:02 am
    —
What a delightful scene. Vivien is lovely, a mixture of fun and compassion.

Thanks Mary.

#86:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 8:39 am
    —
How lovely to see Vivien again !

She is taking on Hilda`s mantle so well .........I can see her as Senior Mistress/ Head in her own right as the years progress.

Poor Ellie is going to be working hard with all these extra lessons - I hope she gets some R&R too Wink

Thank you !

#87:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 12:29 pm
    —
This is lovely. Vivien Knowles was wonderful with Ellie and a lot of new girls must initially felt stupid needing to go down for a lesson or extra tutoring. Vivien seemed to hit the right amount of balance of care and support and truly shows why she engenders such trust in people. She seems to be a mixture of Hilda and Nell

Can understand a little of why Kathie would be jealous of her and yet she herself showed such understanding and compassion at one stage. One can only hope that she has truly sloughed off the jealousy and returned to the kind of person she was always meant to be

Also loved the explaination of why Ellie calls Hilda Madame. i wonder if that was why Madge got Madame almost from the word go?

Thanks Mary

#88:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 10:44 pm
    —
It's lovely (and very necessary) that Ellie has her own special name for Hilda, and Vivien's gift of the photo is really special. I think I'd probably advise Ellie to enjoy it privately, though, rather than display it publicly, I still feel that her relationship with Hilda might cause problems for her before we're done.
The sort of teacher whom the girls want to stay and talk to is special, too. And, while Vivien's affection for and delight in Ellie is very apparent, the extra help is just what she'd offer to any new student who was behind, and Ellie's wondering response emphasises how very little emotional support she has had given her in her young life. She's coped so well with the beginning of this new life, it's very understandable that the odd edges of stress peep out occasionally, and nice that Vivien's calm understanding is able to soothe them.
I respect Ellie's determination to stand on her own feet, too, but hope she will remember Vivien's offer if she ever does need support.

#89:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 7:43 pm
    —
Tara wrote:
It's lovely (and very necessary) that Ellie has her own special name for Hilda, and Vivien's gift of the photo is really special. I think I'd probably advise Ellie to enjoy it privately, though, rather than display it publicly, I still feel that her relationship with Hilda might cause problems for her before we're done.

Watch this space, Tara..... Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad But not tonight!


Friday night! Late! And, all at once, Hilda’s fragile grasp on the peace and joy she had worked so hard to attain faltered. Having spent hours completing an urgent report, until everywhere but her study was dark, she had finally been able to check that all the doors and windows were safely locked and make her weary way through the quiet corridors to her room. She quickly stripped and slipped on her nightdress, then stood in front of her chest of drawers, watching herself in the mirror as she took the pins from her hair and let it tumble past her shoulders.

Picking up her brush, she ran it through the silky brown waves several times, only to be invaded, suddenly and most unexpectedly, by the sheerest desolation. It was as though a brutal hand held her heart in a vice-like grip, squeezing all the life-blood out of it. For long, agonised moments, her eyes stared, wide and dark and haunted, into the mirror.

“Oh, Nell,” she whispered brokenly, “where are you?”

The brush fell to the floor unheeded, and she reached out to the chest of drawers to steady herself before she should follow the brush. She closed her eyes to shut out the empty room. Here was the grief Mother Abbess had warned her of, the one that sneaked up on you and felled you; the “unbelievable pain” she herself had told Nell about, only the other night. Would it never end?

The weekend, and all the weekends to come, stretched before her, stark and empty as the room, as her heart. Weekends had always meant time with Nell, time to sit and talk or be silent together, time to go for walks or drives somewhere, time to renew each other. Yes, she now had Ellie, and they would be spending part of the next day with Ian Stuart, but Ellie had her own pursuits to follow now she was here, would have much to occupy her.

Hilda had been startled by how rapidly the girl had settled down. She knew for herself how intelligent her ward was, but Jeanne de Lachennais and Julie Berné had both commented favourably on her attitude and the quality of her work, while Ruth Derwent, her form mistress, had mentioned how well she was being assimilated into the form and spoke encouragingly of the contribution she was beginning to make. Hilda trusted the three of them to give her a true accounting and she knew already, from her own lessons in the convent, that Ellie would in time turn out to be a leader, with her quiet astuteness and intelligence.

Ellie and she did have their language lessons and their private sessions together, times that were as precious to Hilda as they were to Ellie, but neither of them had vast numbers of hours to spare for the other. Hilda sighed and opened her eyes – she must not rely on the girl for companionship, just because she herself was assailed by loneliness. The girl needed to be with her peers. Bending down, she picked up her brush and savagely raked her hair, hanging on tight to the brush in case she was tempted to hurl it at the mirror in her sudden misery. She plaited the hair swiftly and then walked across to her overflowing shelves, in desperate search of some book that would fill her mind to the exclusion of all else.

But Nell would not be denied. As though guided by an unseen force, Hilda’s hand went straight to a shelf at eye level and pulled out a slim volume of poems. When she saw what it was, she made to return it to the shelf post haste, but there seemed to be a mist before her eyes and she found herself, instead, curling up on her bed with it. The poems were by e.e.cummings, and had been given to her as a Christmas present by Nell a few years ago. Her trembling hand opened the front cover and she traced Nell’s words inside, written in that untidy, spidery scrawl of hers:

I don’t claim to understand much in these strange poems, Hilda, dear girl, but the lines on page 21 describe, so much better than I could, just what you do for me.

She smiled tremulously and turned to the stated page, knowing what she would find there but unable to help herself. That invisible hand tightened its grip on her heart as she read the poem through, eyes once more misty with unshed tears. Going back and reading it over again, she focused intently on one verse:

…..your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose…..


With a stifled sob, she turned back to Nell’s words at the front of the book. You, too, read my every thought with that mysterious and skilful insight of yours, and I find myself revealing what I have never yet revealed. I would call you a white witch, but that is far too ugly a word for what cummings calls the power of your intense fragility.

She laid her head back and closed her eyes with a weary sigh. “Oh, Nell, how you did the same for me! You read my fears and laughed at them; you shored me up when you saw the vulnerability behind my walls. You heard the true meaning behind my words. Even now, from beyond the grave, Yours is the light by which my spirit’s born. Where are you tonight, my Nell? There is silence all around me, but inside my head are echoing too many unuttered words, words to you and words to me. Why did we forget that death could come too soon?”

Opening her eyes, she let the book fall to the floor and picked up the photo beside her bed. As so often before, she traced Nell’s features, over and over. “What I wouldn’t give for one more sarcastic remark, dear Nell,” she whispered. “What I wouldn’t give for one more fierce glare from those cool grey eyes. Dreams really don’t count….”

She lay down, still holding the picture and staring at Nell’s laughing face. Nell was laughing in Heaven now. Joy unbounded was hers, for evermore. In her happiness, would she forget Hilda in time? Would even the dreams cease one day soon? Without warning, great rivulets of tears coursed down Hilda’s cheeks, soaking into the pillow. She closed her eyes over them and let them flow, as Mother Abbess had ordered. Making no sound, she wrapped her arms tight around herself, yearning for the feel of other, stronger arms cradling her close and soothing the pain in her wounded soul.

No sleep came to ease Hilda’s lonely heart that night. The anguish was too deep, the silence too loud. Dawn found her at the window, gazing dry-eyed at the rosy light that was delicately touching the snowy mountain peaks with a warm glow. Gradually, almost imperceptibly, a little of that warmth crept into her coldness, reminding her that the joy was still there under all her present pain, that Nell was still hers, even if she was unable to see her or feel her. She leaned her head against the window pane, misting it up, and spoke disjointedly into the quiet of her room. Would Nell hear?

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing....)

#90:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:12 pm
    —
This is a heart-rending, yet at the same time heart-warming description of that awful grief which can catch us so unawares. It's not surprising that it would hit Hilda in this way on a Friday evening, with the prospect of the weekend ahead of her, a time when she and Nell would have in the past spent so much time together, nor is it so surprising that its strength was powerful enough to deprive her of sleep.

But even so, she can also recognise and be thankful for the way Ellie is settling in. She can also appreciate those lines of e.e. cummings, which Nell found so descriptive of all Hilda did for her, and that last quotation which so aptly applied to the pair of them and the relationship between them.

And so long as she can still find comfort in the dawning of the new day over the mountains, her faith will continue to uphold her, too - 'I will lift up my eyes to the hills' indeed. All these things are a measure of how far she has progressed, despite times of overwhelming grief such as these.

Thanks, Mary

#91:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:47 pm
    —
Oh Hilda, Hilda love. Could she not even reach out to someone? But no, she never would. It's simply not Hilda. How will Gwynneth talk to her about that? And MA. I can well understand her not wishing to rouse anyone else, but she does need to be less independant during those times when Nell's absence is too much to bear.

Thanks Mary - please relieve her suffering soon!

#92:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 9:54 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad



Thank you Mary.

#93:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 10:08 pm
    —
Very difficult to dispel that feeling, especially at night. Sad

edited for spelling


Last edited by Kathy_S on Fri Jul 27, 2007 12:38 pm; edited 1 time in total

#94:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:10 pm
    —
Sad Poor Hilda

Thanks Mary

#95:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:52 am
    —
Oh Mary, that is so like grief; just when you think you're coping with things, something pulls it all undone and your left being pierced anew. Poor Hilda

#96:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 7:57 am
    —
Oh poor Hilda, having to deal with that sudden and overwhelming grief. So much pain and loneliness and so unexpected too. And with a power to deprive her of sleep and push her back into that 'sheerest desolation.'

And there is the awareness that this is how it is going to be in the future - the loneliness will always be part of her. Yet Hilda can recognise that Ellie has settled down well and has her own place in the school.

And the poems, with their dedication from Nell (I loved the idea of Hilda as a white witch) are so lovely, especially those last lines that speak so well of how nell will always be part of Hilda and vice versa....

Quote:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing....)

#97:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 2:26 pm
    —
That was post was so sad, and yet curiously uplifting at the same time. Thanks, Mary.

#98:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 1:59 pm
    —
I am not familiar with ee cummings` poetry, but wasn`t this so very apt, under the circumstances ?

Poor Hilda; just when you least suspect it, something will trigger off that raw grief.
And it can happen sporadically for years; it is 18 years since my father died, yet occasionally the sense of desolation returns.


Perhaps if Ellie had needed Hilda more, she would have found it easier in terms of having that physical presence and her mind then being distracted from her sense of solitude.


It is good that Ellie has settled in so very well, though !

This must have been heart-wrenching to write, Mary .

#99:  Author: dackelLocation: The Big Wide World (aka London) PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 3:08 pm
    —
Thank you, Mary, I just caught up with a few weeks' worth of posts again, and they are so very full of feeling and love, even when that love comes out as terrible grief.

It's lovely to see Ellie settling in, and to see how much her relationship with Hilda has changed her already into a more confident person, with an open heart and great potential that might have been left to wither if Hilda had not found her and taken her in.

I shall look forward to the next few posts...

#100:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:42 pm
    —
Squirrel wrote:
Oh Hilda, Hilda love....How will Gwynneth talk to her about that?

You're about to find out, Squirrel! Laughing Laughing

The rising bell clamoured through the building, shattering the quiet of Hilda’s reverie at the window. She blinked and shivered. How cold she was! Not surprising, really, after a sleepless night, one that had left heart and spirit raw and bleeding. She moved over to make her bed and saw the poetry book lying on the floor. Picking it up, she read Nell’s words once more, a charm against the coming day, then replaced the book on its shelf. She returned Nell to the bedside cupboard, her eyes falling on what she suspected was the cause of her overnight misery: the book from Mother Abbess. She had stayed up late to read it the night she received it with the letter.

Shaking her head and sighing softly, she made her bed, bathed and dressed. When she saw her white face and shadowed eyes in the mirror, she grimaced fiercely. Matey would scream! And try to bundle her back to bed! But sometimes you just had to harden your heart and refuse to be cowed! It would never do to let Gwynneth have her way too often. The woman’s head would need a bigger nurse's cap! Probably with a peacock feather in it!

Matey did scream! Long and loud! She got so little reaction from Hilda, however, that she threatened to lock the Headmistress out of her study. Wondering to herself just how bad she looked to others, Hilda merely continued drinking her coffee and playing with her roll and jam. But there was a steely light in her eye, one Matey knew well. One which made her decide not to mention the need for Hilda to eat!

“I’ll even give you the key if you like, Gwynneth,” Hilda said blandly. “Since I won’t be using the room, it makes not one jot of difference, so if you’re looking for a place to hide from your patients….”

Even that did not stop Matey. She growled and fussed and fumed, but Hilda simply rang her little bell to signify the end of Frühstück and, perforce, they all had to stand while she repeated the short Latin grace. She smiled all round, then turned on her heel without another word and led the way from the Speisesaal, Matey trotting at her heels, a tenacious terrier sensing wrathfully that the bone would not be hers this time.

“So what are you doing today, then? Apart from making yourself ill, that is!” she growled.

Hilda kept up her steady pace, and her voice floated back jauntily. “Not that it’s any of your business, my grumpy friend, but I’m going across to the chapel shortly, for some peace! Since there’s none of it around here! Later on I’m going down to Interlaken with Mr Stuart and Ellie. So you’re very welcome to my study. I can write my letters in the salon until I have to leave. I might find some of that peace there – if I turn the key, to keep you out!”

She swung round as she reached the door to the Annexe and looked down at Matey. The amusement in her eyes faded when she saw the anxious frown, and she spoke quietly. “Gwynneth, I know I look a wreck. The mirror doesn’t lie. It was a bad night, a very bad night. But sending me to bed would be counter-productive. I wouldn’t sleep. It will do me far more good to be out with friends in the fresh air. Can you understand, and let me be for now?”

Matey’s spare face softened at the plea for forgiveness and understanding in her Headmistress’s eyes and voice. She grudgingly nodded in agreement. Put like that, what else could she do?

“But you should have come and woken me up. You promised,” she groused.

“No, I shouldn’t! You need your sleep just as much as I do! But I'll make you a promise to go to bed early tonight – and keep that one,” Hilda added, placatingly.

Matey threw up her hands. “Oh, you…! Get out of my sight before everyone sees the great rout of the dragon! And say one for me, while you’re at it. I need all the help I can get to keep you on the straight and narrow. You’re worse than your pupils.”

“And you’re worse than Mother Abbess and Sister Infirmarian put together, when you really get going!” responded Hilda tartly. “I need to work very hard to keep one jump ahead of you all. Though I have to say, it’s good to get my own way occasionally! Quite a treat, in fact!”

She gave her friend a mock-salute and a broad grin then disappeared to get her belongings. Matron watched her go with a sad smile on her face. How wounded and vulnerable Hilda still was! But how very gallant – and stubborn!

#101:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:54 pm
    —
Oh My!!! I wasn't quite expecting that! Hilda is proving to be stronger than she has been in the past - perhaps it is that she doesn't have that headache (surely she doesn't...) or she is just being wrought of stronger stuff as she learns to deal with her grief. That was quite some confrontation.

I'm glad that Hilda has actual plans for the day though. I'm not sure that it is altogether a good thing that she does the correspondence thing, but the quiet of the chapel will help - and surely having to be with Ian and Ellie will mean she has to eat at some point...

I'm thankful for the compromise that Hilda has ready to give to Gwynneth - and she is wise, she wouldn't sleep now, whereas she might be able to tonight if she takes the day sensibly today.

And yes, Gwynneth needs her sleep - but a problem shared can be a problem halved. And while I would probably act as Hilda has acted, I would agree with Gwynneth that it would have been better if she had talked it over with her. After all, what would Hilda have said if Ellie was in her place? She wouldn't think twice of disabusing the girl of any notion that it was better to worry alone than to have company - and as it is Hildas job to keep the girls healthy (on some levels) it is Gwynneths job to keep Hilda healthy!!!

I love all sorts of things - from the various wordings you have used which raise a giggle, to the obvious friendship which you can see so clearly through the sparring. I think that Gwynneth will have to work a little harder to make the facade that she is a dragon at least a little opague!

Thanks Mary - that was wonderful.

#102:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 8:00 pm
    —
awesome !

Battle of the Titans indeed Wink

Hilda is right; her day out will do her spirits more good in the long run, however tired she is. She does still need her rest though, as Gwynneth pointed out. She`ll be ready for that early night !

#103:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 9:10 pm
    —
Well done Hilda - sad in a way though - because she wouldn't have won against Nell. And I expect she's well aware of that.


Thanks Mary.

#104:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 10:53 pm
    —
Yes, there's no-one else whom she'll give way to out of love rather than sensible-ness. My heart ached for her as
Quote:
The weekend, and all the weekends to come, stretched before her, stark and empty as the room, as her heart.
Absolutely the most difficult time.
The ee cummings poem, which was new to me, is so beautiful and, although it was given by Nell to Hilda, it speaks so strongly to me of the way in which Hilda, always tightly furled within herself, 'unclosed' herself to Nell as she did to no-one else. And as she will not do to Matey, fond though she is of her. I have to say it rejoiced my heart to see Hilda being so assertive, and I'm sure she's right that a day with Ellie and Ian will do her much more good than staying in bed (and I wonder what they'll have to say to her - Ellie will already have noticed if she looks a wreck), and I loved the description of Matey as
Quote:
a tenacious terrier sensing wrathfully that the bone would not be hers this time.
Hilda really does need her watchful eye on her, all the same.

#105:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 12:01 am
    —
Oh I felt for Matey in her frustration there - definitely the 'great rout of the dragon!' But interesting that Hilda can say, "Yes I did have a bad night, yes I recognise that I am not at my best, but I am aware of what I neeed to do to get me through the day.' Her heart and spirit may be 'raw and bleeding', but she is aware of what will help her most - and thank goodness Matey can finally accept that.

Thank you Mary.

#106:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:32 am
    —
Matey is just what Hilda needs: willing and able to make her take care of herself, but able to perceive limits and balance.

Thank you, Mary.

#107:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:45 am
    —
Frail she still may be, but it's certainly a measure of how far Hilda *has* in fact improved that she can turn round and admit to Gwynneth so frankly that yes, she does look dreadful, yes, she *did* have a bad night, and *no, thank you* she does not think she would sleep if sent back to bed. And how right she is that a day out away from the school with her ward, and Ian Stewart will do so much more for her than a day of enforced rest, which in its turn, is likely to guarantee her a healing night's sleep at the end of it.

I was just so heartened to see Hilda with the strength to win that battle of wills - I did giggle at the image of Gwynneth as a terrier, too. But at least she was able to admit the justice of Hilda's argument, yet remind her that she was still keeping the eye on her which she needs so much now Nell is not here to do so.

Thanks, Mary

#108:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:03 pm
    —
Loved the interaction between Hilda and Matey and Hilda standing her ground and Matey worried about losing her reputation that she can't push Hilda around. Hope she gets her much needed break

#109:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 11:30 pm
    —
Thank you Mary, I've just read your last two posts for about the third time. Very sad, but with lots of hope underneath. As usual the quotes were so appropriate.

Hilda is at last learning to accept that grief will hit her when she least expects it, but she is learning too to cope with this, even though she has not slept at all. I loved the interaction between Hilda and Gwynneth. The picture of Gwynneth as a terrier really made me smile Laughing

Quote:
She gave her friend a mock-salute and a broad grin then disappeared to get her belongings. Matron watched her go with a sad smile on her face. How wounded and vulnerable Hilda still was! But how very gallant – and stubborn!


Hilda is very wise. She knows that time spent in the chapel and then with Ian and Ellie will be the best thing for her. With them she will eat and then perhaps will be able to sleep when night comes.

I'm so looking forward to reading how her day progresses.

#110:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:13 pm
    —
Matey is exactly what Hilda needs. They are both so wise in very different ways. Thanks, Mary.

#111:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:59 pm
    —
Wow that was indeed a battle of the Titans I just hope Hilda's day turns out as she as has planned it and that she gets some much needed rest. Thanks Mary

#112:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:11 pm
    —
Ten minutes later Hilda was on her way. It was damp and chilly out on the Platz, the morning mist clinging damply to hair and clothes. Hopefully, it would clear later for their trip. Ian had rung the day before and suggested they take Ellie down to Interlaken for lunch, and then show her the sights afterwards. Hilda had been about to give her consent, but then had had second thoughts and said she would call him back. Ellie was her own person and needed to give her own consent. After all, she might have other ideas about how she wanted to spend her weekends. She might prefer to be with her confrères, enjoy a ramble with them.

But, when asked, later on, the eager longing to be with her guardian had shone out so strongly from those vivid blue eyes that Hilda had laughingly given the girl a hug. Not knowing what anguish the night was to bring her, she had been looking forward to escaping for a while and relaxing. The only stipulation she had given was that they could not leave before the hours of prep and mending were over. Ellie had schoolwork to do and she herself had an important letter to write.

Contemplation of that conversation, and of the little book Mother Abbess had sent, occupied her as she marched along and very soon she was slipping into Our Lady of the Snows. She had made her way to St Mary’s most early mornings that week, in search of peace and strength for the day ahead, but the bone-deep pain and loneliness she had experienced during the night had left her aching to be as close as she could to Nell this morning, in the place where Nell had worshipped week in, week out.

She knelt for a moment or two with her face hidden in her hands, placing all her anguish at her loving Father’s feet, begging His forgiveness for giving in so completely to her pitiful human wants. She cursed the weakness of her heart and spirit, the intense hunger inside her for Nell’s physical presence. The sudden and unexpected loss of that vivid, shining presence had left her feeling but half a woman for long, lonely months, and even now, when the hurt was on her, as it had been during the night, the world was empty of all light and warmth, was bare and bleak and unforgiving. Where was her faith in God’s goodness at such moments? Where was her gratitude for all He had done?

And yet – God had been with her even in her extremity. She knew that, deep within herself. Else why that little bubbling stream that was called joy? God did not censure her for her descent into the darkness, but He did insist that she trust Him, even when the dark held not one star to light her way. So now she thanked Him for His loving arms holding her in her anguish, and pleaded for His help to see her through the coming day.

I’m too tired to keep control of myself, Lord, so You must do it for me. You told me to lean on You, so, like a little child holding her father’s hand, I intend to do precisely that. You must be my strength today.

She sat back on the bench and regarded the red sanctuary lamp flickering as though in welcome. There was always peace to be found in this stillness. The very act of being with the Lord, of taking half an hour out of her day, of immersing herself in the daily office instead of in her correspondence, calmed her down, cleared her mind, strengthened her spirit. And to know that the good Sisters in Norfolk were also praying the same prayers at this same moment, joining their voices with hers, was an uplifting experience, reminding her she was never truly alone, even without Nell. But what was even more wonderful, more powerful, was the fact that, right now, all around the world, there were whole communities on their knees. So many loving hearts offering up to God their prayers, their whole lives, for the sake of His world and all His suffering little ones!

She turned the pages of her precious book, the one so tenderly offered to her by Mother Abbess. She had indeed found another respository for her quotations, just like her friend’s Superior, and many of the pages were already covered with small quotations and prayers, squeezed in the margins or filling up the blank pages at either end. Ignoring them for now, she found the office of the day. Praying it slowly, reverently, she gradually felt her jangled spirit unwind, felt healing balm touch her wounded heart, felt the tight band round her head loosen. She willed His joy to burn like a flame in her soul. She closed her eyes, stilled her mind, sat patiently in His presence, quite at home….

….and gradually her loneliness became peopled with memories, the sweet memories she had asked of Nell, the dear memories she had promised Mother Abbess she would polish to make them sing. She smiled - a grave, sweet smile. She would accept the memories as she had accepted the terrible anguish. And just as she had with her pain, she laid these wonderful memories also at the feet of her Lord, a bouquet of rare and beautiful flowers to do Him homage. They had come from Him and Nell, so they must be returned to Him in gratitude. Hers not to wonder why…

I shall know why – when time is over –
And I have ceased to wonder why –
Christ will explain each separate anguish
In the fair schoolroom of the sky –

He will tell me what Peter promised –
And I – for wonder at his woe –
I shall forget the drop of Anguish
That scalds me now – that scalds me now.
(Emily Dickinson)


Last edited by MaryR on Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:16 pm; edited 2 times in total

#113:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 7:15 pm
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So glad Hilda has found some relief.

Thank you Mary.

#114:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 8:29 pm
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What a wonderful moment of peace and calm in Hilda's anguish.
How wise she is to see that she will feel so much closer to Nell in Our Lady of the Snows.

Quote:
….and gradually her loneliness became peopled with memories, the sweet memories she had asked of Nell, the dear memories she had promised Mother Abbess she would polish to make them sing. She smiled - a grave, sweet smile. She would accept the memories as she had accepted the terrible anguish. And just as she had with her pain, she laid these wonderful memories also at the feet of her Lord, a bouquet of rare and beautiful flowers to do Him homage. They had come from Him and Nell, so they must be returned to Him in gratitude. Hers not to wonder why…


I love the pictures painted in this quote - memories as a bouquet of rare and beautiful flowers what a wonderful thought.

Thank you, Mary

#115:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 9:06 pm
    —
Beautiful moment of peace and calm amidst the anguish and a beautiful quote at the end. Thank you, Mary.

#116:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 2:20 am
    —
A most welcome respite for Hilda, it's clear.

Thank you, Mary.

#117:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 2:51 am
    —
Quote:
Where was her faith in God’s goodness at such moments? Where was her gratitude for all He had done? .....And yet – God had been with her even in her extremity. She knew that, deep within herself. Else why that little bubbling stream that was called joy? God did not censure her for her descent into the darkness, but He did insist that she trust Him, even when the dark held not one star to light her way.


Even though Hilda has just endured a night of agonising memories, the fact that she can feel God really has been with her throughout is yet another measure of how far along the road to recovery from her grief she has now travelled.

Quote:
But what was even more wonderful, more powerful, was the fact that, right now, all around the world, there were whole communities on their knees. So many loving hearts offering up to God their prayers, their whole lives, for the sake of His world and all His suffering little ones!


This put me so much in mind of the hymn which starts:
'Far round the world, thy children sing their song,'

Quote:
….and gradually her loneliness became peopled with memories, the sweet memories she had asked of Nell, the dear memories she had promised Mother Abbess she would polish to make them sing. She smiled - a grave, sweet smile. She would accept the memories as she had accepted the terrible anguish. And just as she had with her pain, she laid these wonderful memories also at the feet of her Lord, a bouquet of rare and beautiful flowers to do Him homage. They had come from Him and Nell, so they must be returned to Him in gratitude. Hers not to wonder why…


The very beauty of that paragraph just took my breath away - what a wonderful word picture you have painted there. Despite the underlying sadness, there is also a feeling of triumph in her acknowledgement of all this.

A very reflective interlude, but one which shows how so much which might formerly have been negative has now become positive in her attitude, and such a tribute to Hilda's growing faith and ever-present fortitude.

Thank you, Mary.

#118:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 7:05 am
    —
Mary,
I enjoyed this so very much !

I like to pray from the Daily Office a few times a week too...it is so comforting and uplifting to know there believers all over the world joining in prayer *for* the needs of the whole world.

I hope Hilda will be refreshed to meet the demand s of the day Smile

#119:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 1:21 pm
    —
That was so very sustaining Mary, and so very moving to see Hilda finding such comfort and support in the midst of her grief. And as she understands, that 'weakness of her heart and spirit, the intense hunger...for Nell's physical presence' doesn't mean that she has been left alone - she is able to keep the awareness of God's presence with her in her darkness and knows that He will uphold her throughout the day - exactly as asks him to. And having cast herself upon Him,
Quote:
She closed her eyes, stilled her mind, sat patiently in His presence, quite at home

But this isn't a passive thing - it's an active seeking after God and the joy that He gives her and so the memories come to fill her loneliness, and she accepts them and gives them to God with gratitude. The pain of loss is still intense, but she she has now moved to a place where she can accept this pain and offer it back as part of her faith. A most difficult thing indeed....

And the poem was so very apt!

#120:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:51 pm
    —
It's perhaps a small thing in terms of this whole section, but I was impressed at Hilda's refusal to accept Ian's invitation on Ellie's behalf and her determination to let Ellie be free to make her own decision. A good guardian!
The whole process of Hilda bringing her heart into line with her God is beautifully and sensitively told, Mary. I'm sure she doesn't need to apologise for her 'pitiful human wants' - there were times when God had them too. My personal belief system can't see her anguish as being sent by God, but the way in which Hilda is able to integrate her pain and her faith brings her release and a sort of joy, and I'm glad about that.

#121:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:14 pm
    —
Hilda returned to school feeling much more relaxed and at peace with the world, the pain in her heart subdued for the time being. Coffee by her side, she spent a long time writing her letter, a gentle smile lighting her white face and heavy eyes. I’ll give you naughty words, Mother.

Eleven o’clock found her sitting with Ian over yet another cup of coffee while Ellie visited the girl she had met earlier in the week when being shown round the San by Ian. She had pleaded to be allowed to see the patient again before they went down to Interlaken, saying she had promised to show Susan something, so Hilda had driven her over and left her to make her own way to the ward, while she herself went to Ian’s rooms.

“She seems to have made a friend there,” commented Ian idly, scrutinising Hilda and wondering why she looked so pale and fragile this morning. He could see he needed to keep a careful eye on her during their day together. “I know Susan was looking forward to it. Her recovery has met something of a set back, so she’s been rather mournful. The rest of her party have had to return home.”

Hilda smiled. “Ellie’s taken a whole stash of paper with her, says she’s going to teach her origami to while away the tedious hours.” She paused, then added softly, “It’s not often Ellie’s had the chance or, indeed, shown the inclination to give to others like this, Ian. She’s been too busy surviving, hiding herself away behind a forbidding exterior. But that seems to be changing recently. She’s beginning to notice that others also have troubles.”

“That’s because of you,” he murmured. “You’ve given her a place of safety, so she feels brave enough now to venture out there to others. But she can retreat back to you and safety, if those others become too much to handle. You’re more than her guardian, you know. You’re her lodestar, giving her direction and inspiration.”

Hilda’s gaze remained steady on him for long moments, then moved to the window where the mountains were now glistening in the sunshine. “If I have, in some way, given all that to her, then she is repaying me a hundredfold, Ian,” she answered quietly, her eyes soft. “When I met her, she was lost, had no idea how to adjust to the person she had become. Oh boy, didn’t I understand that feeling! And because of that, she was selfish, locked in her own moods and fears, and unwilling to listen or be helped. There was an almighty explosion one day, when I thought Pauline would quite literally annihilate her. She surely deserved all that was said to her afterwards. And yet….what happened was only the result of all she had lost. I had offered her affection, companionship, a little fun, but then suddenly I was ill and she was terrified she would lose me as well, lose that place of safety you talked about... so she lost her head instead. She has a fiery temper, for all her reserve. But she learned so quickly from that, from your sister and from Pauline.”

“And from you, judging by Kate’s words and from what I see as I watch her,” said Ian.

Hilda ignored him and continued to gaze out of the window as she worked through her thoughts. “That was a turning point and she has grown remarkably in such a short time, responded to all the kindness shown her, learned that her aunt and the Sisters do care for her. Coming here has helped, of course – new faces, new friends to make. I don’t say that her selfishness and temper are not still there - after all, a leopard rarely changes its spots - but her mastery of herself has been nothing short of miraculous. She offers me such a graceful delicacy of caring that is very moving and warms my heart. She senses when things are awry, and tries so very hard to make up for what I myself have lost.”

“Which exactly mirrors what you are doing for her, my dear,” he murmured. “Your love for her, sudden as it might have been, is also miraculous. Truly a gift straight from God’s heart.”

Her eyes now radiant, she looked deep into his, and her voice was sweet and low. “Indeed! Even if she should cause me great hurt one day, perhaps even turn away from me, I will always now love her, whatever she does. It is absolute and unconditional. How and why are deep mysteries to me, ones that God may explain one day.”

“Like your love for Nell?” he asked huskily, deeply moved by her words and tone.

But at this she shook her head. “My friendship with Nell grew slowly, by increments. Over the years, we learned each other’s nuances, learned to trust, accepted being fully known and yet loved, not judged, never judged. We nurtured our friendship, tried not to take it too much for granted. Much as I suspect you and Kate did, once you grew up and discovered how hard life could be. You would never willingly inflict hurt on her, would walk to the ends of the earth if she needed you. The anguish you both suffered drew you close in a different way from the ways of childhood. You became equals, as Nell and I were.

“So why is it different with Ellie?”

She sighed, turned to the window again. “We haven’t had those years. Her love for me is strong, yes, but it’s a dependent type of love. She loves me because I have loved her, given her a new life. Much like our relationship with God – We love Him because He first loved us. (St John) In a way you could say it’s a selfish love. She may even feel she has to love me or I will lose interest in her. I’ve tried to convince her that this isn’t so, that my love will always be there for her, but she has lost so much that she sees me as her only life-line, and who doesn’t love a life-line when one is drowning? One doesn’t stay attached to it for the rest of one’s life, though. A life-line is discarded once the emergency is over.”

She fell silent. Ian waited, sensing she was trying to find the words that would explain her reasoning. Her eyes turned back to him, and he caught a strange wistfulness there. “My love for Ellie came from nowhere, whole and entire, a response perhaps to her sadness and loneliness. Much as a mother’s love is born the day her child is laid in her arms for the first time. Her instinct to guard and protect and cherish springs into completeness, no conditions attached, as mine did. But Ellie’s love for me isn’t like that - so I don’t know, Ian. She has too many needs, has been hurt too many times. I just accept that, one day, my love for her may not be enough, that she may turn and walk away. And there will be nothing I can do about it, except pray and hope – and love.”

He saw sadness bloom in her eyes as she talked, heard the intensity of her feelings. So much love she had inside her! And loneliness engulfed him as a rip tide engulfs the shore. He turned his eyes away to hide it from her, but too late! The pain she had seen there lacerated her, for it was a broken mirror to her own pain. Her eyes brimmed with the tears she had no control over, despite her plea earlier in the chapel.

“Oh, Ian,” she whispered, “how I wish I could offer you that sort of love, the sort of love I know you want from me. I’m so sorry, my dear, to be the cause of such hurt. Life isn’t fair or well-regulated, is it? Or so it seems. We’re both fated to have that well of loneliness deep in our souls for the rest of our lives. As Kate is; as so many others are. We each have dear ones to cherish, but not the only one who can make us whole. God must do that for us, now – does do that for us.”

“You will be a crown of splendour in the Lord’s hand, just as Isaiah promised,” whispered Ian, all his love for her rising up and muffling his voice. “You already are, for you try so very hard to make things come right for people and give them hope.”

She smiled at him tenderly but her eyes denied his words. He held out his hand and she clasped it strongly, generously. Bound by so many ties – Nell and Kate, Ian’s love and Hilda’s affection, the years that Ian had been there - they sat on in peaceful communion, pondering her words, pondering love and sorrow and life and death…..


Last edited by MaryR on Sun Aug 05, 2007 2:14 pm; edited 3 times in total

#122:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:57 pm
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This is such a sensitive, perceptive and yet sensible analysis from Hilda of the difference between the nature of her love for Ellie and that for MA and for Nell. The latter had time to grow gradually and be nurtured as it grew, but the former just 'exploded' into being, in the same way a mother feels love for the infant who is placed in her arms. While there is no question that Hilda's love for Ellie will endure, the question of how Ellie will eventually feel about her remains to be answered, even though, at present, Ellie would, as it were, 'go through fire' for her should the need arise. Yet, at the same time, we can see that Ellie, buoyed up by that love, is both maturing by leaps and bounds and learning to reach out to others, as here with Susan.

And yet, and yet - with all of that, there is still that feeling of loneliness and aloneness to overwhelm Hilda from time to time, and to overwhelm Ian here, too. But then, he is still so attuned to her that he can't fail to note when all is not well with her, and no doubt, to reflect on what *might* have been between the two of them.

Perhaps that sense of loneliness will never completely leave Hilda now, but given the strength of her faith, it will surely diminish over time.

Another very thoughtful and reflective section, Mary, and very peacful, despite the emotional tumult lurking so close to the surface - thank you.

#123:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:58 pm
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Oh Mary. Words fail me.
Thank you.

#124:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 8:04 pm
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Another wonderful, emotionally charged post. thank you, Mary.

#125:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 10:43 pm
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That has really made me think - and worry. Hilda's ... premonition? ... about Ellie is so strong, yet seems so unlikely at the moment, that I wonder what on earth is going to happen to make her (Ellie) walk away? Of course she doesn't love Hilda in the way Hilda loves her, unconditional love that is not just a reflex response to your child only comes from maturity, wisdom and a great deal of self-knowledge, all of which Hilda has in spades. Ellie is so lucky.
And that was a masterly analysis both of Ellie's journey thus far and of the different aspects of love.
How poignant that so many of these major characters are suffering the loss of the only one who can make them complete, the one whose absence no other friends can fill. So sad for Hilda to know she is causing Ian this pain, but be unable to do anything about it.

#126:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 11:09 pm
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Oh Mary those last two posts were absolutely beautiful thank you.

#127:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:58 am
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Poor Ian Crying or Very sad

What an amazingly deep post, Mary !
I didn`t expect this with me early morning cup of tea........I shall have to read it all over again with another cuppa Wink

#128:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:26 am
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Hilda gives such a beautifully aware analysis of just how types of love differ and why - and in doing so she demonstrates just how sensitive she is to peoplle and their individual needs and reactions. Yes, she was a great light in Ellie's darkness, and her love for her is 'absolute and unconditional', but as she says Ellie loves because she is loved. And she recognises that one cannot always predict what the loved one may or may not do....

And how different is her love for Nell, where they both knew and were known and both gave and both received, in a lovely balance....

And how well she puts it to Ian, identifying the similarities that they share, both they and MA:
Quote:
We each have dear ones to cherish, but not the only one who can make us whole.

And that does bind them - that awareness of 'love and sorrow and life and death...'

Thank you Mary.


Last edited by Cath V-P on Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:53 am; edited 1 time in total

#129:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:13 am
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The love and friendship between Hilda and Nell was all the deeper because it grew slowly and with mutual respect on both sides. The fact that neither actually needed the love to be whole made it that much deeper and more profound. Each of them was complete of themselves but - unfortunately - Nell's death has so devasted Hilda that she hasn't yet appreciated that she can cope alone.

Hilda's thoughts about Ellie are interesting - I wonder if she can foresee a time when Ellie will reject her?

Many thanks Mary.

#130:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 10:35 am
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Wonderful post, I am speechless.

#131:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 12:33 pm
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That was so beautiful and so complete. It explains the different love Hilda feels for both Nell and Ellie so well. And how hard it is for Ian and Hilda to remain friends when Hilda knows how much Ian cares for her and how much more he wants to care for her and how their very closeness will also be bittersweet for Ian.

Thank you Mary

#132:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2007 6:51 pm
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Mary, what a wonderful, beautiful post. Hilda is so aware of the many different facets of love. She fully understands that her love for Ellie is so different from the love which Ellie has for her. Hilda's love is unconditional, but she is aware that ther may come a time when that is not enough for Ellie and all she can do then is keep on loving. She is also well aware of Ian's feelings for her and sorry that she cannot return his love.

I'm so pleased that Ellie is beginning to think of others as evidenced by her visit to Susan.

Thank you so much, Mary

#133:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:27 pm
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What an insightful analysis of the different forms of friendship.

(and I'm still giggling over the 'naughty words.' Laughing)

Thank you, Mary.

#134:  Author: vicki_theterrorLocation: Derby PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:45 pm
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having finally caught up with all the updates since I went to camp, I just don't know what to say. Having the wonderfully tender scenes with Ellie we went to that deep despair and then that wonderful insite in to the relationship, I just hope Hilda continues to find that deep trust and peace she found in the chapel

vicki

#135:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:45 pm
    —
Thank you so much for all the appreciative comments. Very Happy

When they returned from Interlaken, the sun had long since set and Ellie and Hilda shivered as they alighted from Ian’s car, but they were both effusive in their thanks for such a lovely trip. It had been a day filled with laughter and warmth, despite the intense cold, and Ellie had been in awe at the beauty of lake and mountains. But, superior even to the beauty around her, had been the love lavished on her, just like the day in London before Christmas with Madame and Miss Knowles.

To be the centre of such affectionate attention from her guardian and from Mr Stuart had thrilled her soul, for these two beloved people filled the empty spaces left by the death of her grandparents. To be loved so wholeheartedly once again was reviving her spirit, easing her pain. Maybe, just maybe, it was not her fault that they had all left her. Maybe she had not, after all, done anything very wrong; maybe, after all, she was not so unlovable, if these two good people liked to be with her.

However, despite all the happiness she was now experiencing, there still lurked that ugly monster in the depths, that black terror at the heart of her being. She had been left all alone once before, it could so easily happen again. She knew now how fragile life was. Would she ever be able to relax her guard completely? Sometimes she felt she wanted to barricade her heart, not love anyone ever again. It hurt too much. She had refused to love her aunt, or the Sisters, but how did you prevent someone as tender and generous as Madame from slipping under your guard and taking up residence in your heart?

“Madame stays with me in all my moods,” she thought to herself as they sat over their after-dinner coffee in a delightful restaurant by the water’s edge. “No matter if I am cross or upset or sad or resentful, she knows just the right things to say or do. She’s never angry, never cold, and yet somehow I know when I have disappointed or displeased her. Then she makes everything better. She makes it be home for me wherever we are. I’m not alone any more.”

Ellie looked at Madame across the table where she was talking to Mr Stuart - and a shadow darkened her vision. A shudder ran through her. She realised she was icy cold, despite the heat of the restaurant. She glanced outside at the towering mountains, then back to her guardian. It was such a big, big world out there. Yes, she was at the centre, held there by Madame’s love; but she was such a tiny centre, of no importance whatsoever. She was afraid, so very afraid. Only Madame stood between herself and the world. What if Madame were not there? The world would come crashing in on her and she would be lost and without hope, a tiny piece of useless jetsam blown about by the wind, tossed helplessly hither and thither, as she had been once before….

Hilda became aware of Ellie’s intense gaze. She turned her head – and saw the terror. Her acute senses being particularly keen where her ward was concerned, Hilda perceived at once what that terror was. Had she herself not felt that same senseless terror after Nell’s death, that same paralysing numbness? She leaned across the table, laid her warm hands on Ellie’s cold ones.

“Dearest, n’aie pas peur,” she breathed softly, going straight to the heart of the matter. “Don’t be scared. I’m here, close by, and I won’t let harm come to you if I can in any way prevent it. I can’t promise you will never lose me. That would be stupid, for I'm very many years older than you. And there are others now who love you and would take my place, who would never allow you you to be alone again, to lose your place in the world. But if, or when, it does happen and I am no longer here, I want you to remember these words. There is, in every woman’s heart, a spark of heavenly fire, which beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity. (Washington Irving) I know each loss makes the darkness seem worse but you have such reserves of courage, my darling, that even my loss will never be your undoing.”

Ellie shook her head, tears almost blinding her. She loosened one hand, reached out and touched Hilda’s pale cheek. “You are my courage,” she whispered, her lips trembling.

As you were mine, Nell…. And I’m still struggling without you. Of what use am I as an example to Ellie, tell me?

Hilda caught the cold little hand and held it close, her lovely voice tender. “Not so, ma mie, not true at all. So much you have had to deal with in your life and yet, each time, you survived and moved on; you made what you could out of what was left, and you have done it all on your own. Your courage is a lamp within you and it will always light the way for you. And if it does seem to be flickering and failing, and you fear you are falling, remember there is One whose arms will always catch and hold you, safe from all harm. The Lord shall command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. (Ps 91)”

Ian had made himself small while this was going on, not wishing to intrude on such an intimate scene. But he saw that Hilda was now close to tears at her ward’s distress, and he could make a guess that she was thinking of Nell, as well, and her own feelings of helplessness. He stood up and moved round the table, settling next to Ellie....

#136:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:59 pm
    —
Poor little girl - to fear that she will be alone, when she already knows just how desperate that situation can be.


(((Ellie)))


Thanks Mary.

#137:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:21 pm
    —
It makes you just want to gather them both up and hold them close and love them reading of the hurt in Ellie - and in Hilda. I hope Ian can find the strength and the words to help them both.

#138:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 10:35 pm
    —
Poor Ellie, How much she has lost in her young life. It is no wonder that she has been afraid to love again. But Hilda has crept into her heart almost unbidden, and Ellie is terrified how she could possibly cope if Hilda was no longer there.

Quote:
“You are my courage,” she whispered, her lips trembling.

As you were mine, Nell…. And I’m still struggling without you. Of what use am I as an example to Ellie, tell me?


It is so difficult for Hilda too. She is struggling to believe that she can go on without the support of Nell.

Ian is so understanding her. He instinctively knows when to merge into the background and when he can offer support to both Hilda and Ellie.

Thanks Mary for another wonderful post.

#139:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2007 10:41 pm
    —
In the light of the last post, I wonder whether Ellie's terror of being deserted by Hilda will play any part in whatever crisis is to come - whether she will be so scared of losing her that she'll push her away, on the premise that then the worst will have happened and there'll be nothing left to fear??? All very complex.

And Hilda clearly sees that she needs to tell herself what she is telling Ellie. Nell was not her clourage any more than she is Ellie's, they both have the strength within themselves, but it is so hard to believe that in the throes of bereavement.

#140:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:12 am
    —
How clearly Hilda can relate to that paralysing sense of loss which suddenly overwhelmed Ellie there, and how much she feels herself in a similar situation with Nell no longer there to sustain her. And it's almost inevitable that it would overwhelm her after a wonderful day out like this, too.

It is this sense of loss, of course, which makes for such a strong bond between Hilda and Ellie at this time, their mutual need for love and support which leads them to reach out to each other, at least for the present time. Hilda's assessment in the previous episode of how Ellie may, in fact, move away from her eventually, is certainly a realistic one - but we can only wait and see what happens in the future.

I hope that Ian will be able to subdue his own feelings well enough to provide both Hilda and Ellie with the support they need at this minute.

Thanks Mary - another very revealing piece.

#141:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:56 am
    —
My heart aches at Ellie`s fear........

I remember conversations with my children when they were about 6 or 7, when they realised that people do die and them asking me to promise not to die till they were grown up themselves. If only life were that simple......

#142:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 7:36 am
    —
Oh poor Ellie, with that crippling fear of loss tormenting her. She pays Hilda a beautiful compliment that "She makes it be home for me wherever we are." But with the awareness of that, there is also the fear of loss and loneliness, which is the penalty that accompanies love.

And Hilda recognises that, for of course she loved Nell so deeply and knew that "same paralysing numbness" when she lost her. And as Elder said that sense of loss does create a bond between them, and hopefully Ellie will be able to recognise, that as Hilda says, and indeed has learned:
Quote:
Your courage is a lamp within you and it will always light the way for you. And if it does seem to be flickering and failing, and you fear you are falling, remember there is One whose arms will always catch and hold you, safe from all harm.


And in telling this to Ellie, Hilda answers her own question, and demonstrates so clearly just what sort of an example she is in her own life.

And Ian so clearly recognises what both Hilda and Ellie are feeling....

Thank you Mary.

#143:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 2:55 pm
    —
I can't really add much to all the comments. Poor Ellie! And Hilda is coping so incredibly, given her own turmoil.

Thank you, Mary.

#144:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:17 pm
    —
Poor Ellie Crying or Very sad .

#145:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:17 pm
    —
Another beautifully written post Mary. It captures the feelings that Ellie must be feeling, and Hilda addresses them in the best way she can.

#146:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:19 pm
    —
Ian had made himself small while this was going on, not wishing to intrude on such an intimate scene. But he saw that Hilda was now close to tears at her ward’s distress, and he could make a guess that she was thinking of Nell, as well, and of her own feelings of helplessness. He stood up and moved round the table, settling next to Ellie. He put an arm lightly round her shoulders, and with his other hand he turned her face towards himself, even as her hands were still held by Hilda. His green eyes were very gentle.

“Madame is right, Ellie,” he said with tranquil voice, one well used to soothing the sick in body or spirit. “You are incredibly strong to have survived, and we know it hasn’t always been easy for you. You must not doubt yourself now, nor must you be frightened. You may have been alone for a good deal of your life, and more especially just recently, but you will never be alone again while there is breath within us. Even without Madame, there are plenty who would uphold you, both now and in the dark times – and you must never fear that we won’t welcome you. You belong to us all now, just as Madame does. You've had to learn very early in life that nothing is forever, but don’t let that stunt your spirit. You’re meant to fly, little bird.”

He smiled at her like the kindly uncle she saw in him, or the grandfather she had lost two years before. She smiled back, reassured by such tenderness, some of the cold terror leaving her. They both looked across at Hilda, who smiled steadily back at them. She saw the fear loosen its hold of Ellie, saw the great affection for her that Ian could not conceal. How very good he was with the girl! But how did he know that Nell had commanded her to teach Ellie to fly?

Ian’s eyes turned back to Ellie. “Sitting across from you is the person you love best on this earth.” She nodded fervently. “And she loves you, child – possibly more than you can understand right now. You are as a daughter to her, and while she has life in her, she will cherish you. But if ever she is lost to you, then can trust that your aunt and my sister and I, plus Miss Knowles and Matron Lloyd and so many others, will all still be here to pick up the pieces for you. So let hope, that thing with feathers, perch in your soul, let it give you the confidence to go out to life and seize it joyously by the scruff of its neck. We all have you in our hearts, little Ellie.”

Overcome by the truth she could hear in his voice, Ellie hid her face in his jacket and was held in gentle arms. Hilda felt her heart squeezed painfully as she looked on them. Oh, the bitter irony of it! If God had deemed fit to put love in her heart for this gentle, kindly man, what a family they could have made for Ellie! But that was wishful thinking. And a betrayal of her own closeness to Nell! God had His own plans, and maybe all three of them were stronger just as they were, fighting their own battles.

And, then, a stray thought struck her like a thunderbolt, as though in answer to her musings. Fighting their own battles? No! All three of them now had more people to steady them and shelter them and love them than they had ever had before – and the loss of Nell had brought it all about. So much was happening to so many people through that one death.

Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single grain, but if it dies it yields a rich harvest. (John 12:24)

Rich harvest, indeed, thought Hilda. And yet, and yet….. how the loss still hurt!

Nell, beloved, are you listening to my heart, to Ian’s words? Is there more still to come from your sacrifice? Do we all leave footprints in the sands of time like this, or is it your strong spirit living on in us all? Is it you refusing to lie down and play dead? If so, then, please – help me come to terms with your loss, dear. Then I might be able to help Ellie heal

“Will you excuse me a moment?” she whispered, rising unsteadily to her feet. Alarm flared in Ian’s eyes but she shook her head at him – and fled…

He soon had Ellie smiling again and then encouraged her to go and forage for some cream and nut cakes to accompany her coffee, while he himself sat there, absently stirring his spoon round and round, and praying. He looked up anxiously when Hilda returned ten minutes later with red-rimmed eyes, but he relaxed a little for he saw those fine eyes were now lit by the joyful luminosity he loved. She smiled at them both as she sat down.

“I’m fine,” she murmured, “absolutely fine. We all are. And we’re going to enjoy this afternoon, now that Ellie knows she is safe.” Her eyes dwelt on her ward with the utmost love shining in their tender depths. “And there is something I want to show you, ma petite, something that will help make the point of our words.”

Minutes later, Ellie gazed on the wonderful view of the Jungfrau to be had from Interlaken. Its icy beauty reared up into the cloudless blue sky, and she registered its timelessness, its changelessness. In just the same way, but a thousand thousand times greater, God remained constant, steadfast and firm – challenging, but beautiful in His great love. She could trust Him. Hilda stood holding her and felt the tension drain from the stiff shoulders. She had made her point. There would still be times when her ward’s courage and trust would falter, as her own did, but this day had strengthened Ellie. And Ian had played his part to perfection. How could this loving, uncomplicated man ever think he was not doing what God wanted?

Thank you for this day, Lord, and for Ian. But, please, give us months, give us years, if such be Your will. Ellie still has such needs, such solitariness of spirit. Allow her trust and strength to grow, her loneliness and fear to dissolve. Allow her to relax into the love we all have for her. And spare my own heart time to revel in this new and totally unexpected gift. May Nell always be part of what Ellie and I are together, giving to us both from her robust courage.

#147:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:59 pm
    —
Once again, I'm rendered breathless by this beautiful assessment and resassurance for Ellie and, indeed, for Hilda herself. I loved the latter's prayer that she would be spared for long enough to prove to Ellie that she does, indeed, have a unique place in her heart, while Ian's gentle, yet heartfelt reassurance, although intended for Ellie, must have spoken volumes to both of them.

And as always, the idea which that sight of the Jungfrau always inspires, that we can all truly 'lift up our eyes to the hills' for the help which comes from them so unconditionally.

Thank you, Mary

#148:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 9:01 pm
    —
Mary, what can I say? So much understanding from Ian. What a wonderful father he would have made in different circumstances.

I love the thought of Hilda and Ian helping learn Ellie to fly. Smile

Quote:
Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single grain, but if it dies it yields a rich harvest. (John 12:24)

Rich harvest, indeed, thought Hilda. And yet, and yet….. how the loss still hurt!


Such a poignant quote but so appropriate.

Thank you Mary for another wonderful post.

#149:  Author: PaulineSLocation: West Midlands PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 9:42 pm
    —
Thank you Mary. Such tender care and such deep reflection.

#150:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 11:22 pm
    —
I love the image of Nell refusing to lie down and play dead! It somehow sums up her unquenchable vitality - not to mention her continuing influence.
Very interesting how this devastating loss has yet enriched the lives of several people in so many ways. And yet ... none of the new relationships, precious as they are, can replace the lost one, and the soul is cast back to standing strong in itself, though fundamentally alone. I'm not saying what I mean, but that powerful image of the Jungfrau, obviously for Hilda a symbol of the love of her God, but equally applicable to whatever holds any individual together in times of crisis, just lifted the response beyond the personal and made the point that, even if people all fail, there is something eternal and strong within us all. Well, it did for me, anyway!

#151:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 2:08 am
    —
Tara, your comments about the significance of the Jungfrau reflect exactly what I was trying to say and failing to do so - thank you for putting my feelings into words.

#152:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 5:51 am
    —
Quote:
'Something inside so strong,'


The words of the song come to mind, Tara - know what you mean.


Thanks Mary.

#153:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 7:41 am
    —
Ian's words to Ellie show just how much he appreciates what Ellie is to Hilda:
Quote:
You are as a daughter to her, and while she has life in her, she will cherish you.
But he is also wise to reassure her that there are others who care for her - are now her family if you like.

And what a paradoxical thought - through the loss of that one person they now have more people to love and care about them. The ripples from the stone.... - they doesn't assuage that terrible loss,but it does provide some comfort, as can be seen from Hilda's two pleas: firstly to Nell that she might be listening and supporting her, and then the prayer that she might be given time with Ellie to allow her to heal.

Hope - that 'thing with feathers' - you know, this reminded me of the Marvell poem, 'The Garden', where the soul 'like a bird, it sits and sings, Then whets, and combs its silver wings.' In fact, it sent me off to reread both the poems.

Thank you Mary.

#154:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 6:22 pm
    —
Lovely, lovely. lovely !

#155:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 11:21 pm
    —
Sorry if I'm spreeing, but a thought struck me while I was dishwashing last night: Hilda thinks, with some regret that
Quote:
If God had deemed fit to put love in her heart for this gentle, kindly man, what a family they could have made for Ellie
. But they are a family surely, even without this? She does love Ian, as a friend, and that creates a secure bond between them that in turn upholds Ellie.

#156:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 4:18 pm
    —
Wonderful!

#157:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 9:36 pm
    —
What wonderful posts these are. The love that Iain and Hilda have for poor bewildered, frightened Ellie is palable enough that I feel it through your writing - and it is a beautiful mirror of the love of God for His children.

I don't have the words to express how much your writing here means Mary, I just know that it always holds so much for those who read it.

Thankyou.

#158:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:59 pm
    —
Oh Mary that is so beautiful. You express what people feel in such a time so well

#159:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:16 pm
    —
Fiona and Squirrel, you are very kind, but I fear I fail far too often. Embarassed

These next few posts were not meant to be in the script, but I'm afraid Mother Abbess decided to get in on the act. I did try to fight a rear-guard action, but failed miserably. Laughing Laughing



They waved to Ian as he drove off and then went inside from the bitter cold. Closing the heavy door behind them, Hilda looked at Ellie.

“Is there anything you want to go off and do right now, ma petite, or would you like to stay with me till Abendessen? You could join the others in the Hall, if you prefer, as I think there are progressive games going on in there. I only ask as I won’t be able to be with you after we’ve eaten, I’m afraid.”

Ellie looked up at her anxiously. “But you have spent all day with me so I cannot expect more. Do not worry about me, Madame. But, perhaps I need to worry about you, because you have the face pale and you did not eat very much today. Have you the headache?”

“A little, chérie, but mainly because I didn’t sleep well last night, which is why Matron has ordered me to have an early night,” and Hilda smiled ruefully at her ward.

“And you have nothing you need to do, yourself, before Abendessen, Madame?”

Ellie was clearly worried she was taking up too much of her guardian’s time and Hilda hastened to reassure her. “It’s a free weekend for me, child, so I can do as I please – and it pleases me to be with you, if you wish it.”

“But you never do as you please, ma très chère Madame. Even when you are free, I see you work so very hard. It is not good to be all the time so busy, you know.” Ellie spoke with great strictness and pulled a menacing face at her guardian.

“Not you, too,” groaned Hilda. “You shouldn’t always listen to your elders and betters, my girl. Matron isn’t always right – and neither is Mother Abbess. Both of them have far too much sense of their own importance. Sometimes a woman’s just gotta do what a woman’s gotta do!” She winked at Ellie, hoping to ease her anxiety. “And did this woman work today? No, she took you out sight-seeing, so stop complaining and let’s go in and sit down – if you’ve made up your mind, that is. My feet are hurting!”

Ellie winked back, restraining the urge to hug her guardian right there in the hallway. Instead, she smiled, hooked her arm through Hilda’s and walked her through the door to the study. Hilda grinned at her as that door, also, closed behind them.

“Anyone ever tell you what a determined hussy you are once you do make up your mind?”

“Oh, too many!” giggled Ellie, then she gave in to her impulse and flung her arms round Hilda. “But I have had such a good time, so now I want to talk about it, of course, and be with you. If Madame does not mind,” she added with mock-politeness.

Hilda wrapped her arms round Ellie. “I had a good time, too, child, and I am very happy that you want to stay. So if you would unhand me, we could take off our coats and…..”

She stopped speaking and stared, for there on her desk sat a large brown paper parcel, which had certainly not been there before they left that morning. Ellie turned in Hilda’s arm to see what the matter was, and then stared in her turn. They moved as one to the desk and gazed down on the parcel.

“It’s from the Convent,” said Hilda blankly, recognising the Abbess’s large, unruly handwriting. “But she’s already sent me one this week.”

“But it’s not just to you this time, Madame,” Ellie pointed out. “It’s addressed to Mademoiselle Knowles and to me, as well.”

“So I see,” answered Hilda slowly. “Mère seems to think it’s Christmas every week!” She removed her arm from around Ellie and slipped off her coat, abandoning it to the nearest chair. She eyed Ellie with some concern. “Chérie, there was something in the small parcel she sent the other day that upset me for a while, even though in the end I know it will help me. But I don’t want you upset in the same way, especially after your fears today. They are good people, the Sisters, and they have our welfare very much in mind, but sometimes what does us good can also hurt. If whatever is in there does do that, will you mind it happening in front of Miss Knowles?”

She had no idea what had prompted her to say all that, but she had learned to trust to these inner workings of hers. So often they were correct. Was this a warning from Nell? Ellie gazed back at her, eyebrows drawn together in sudden trepidation. But then her face cleared.

“Non, Madame, je n’ai pas peur. I trust Miss Knowles,” she said quietly. “If it is necessary, she will help me, as you do. After all, we cannot open it without her. That would be impolite.”

Hilda nodded. “You have the right of it, child. And you are very brave.” She picked up the intercom phone and got through to the staff sitting room, for she knew Vivien also had a free that weekend. As she spoke, her eyes watched her ward, whose own eyes watched the parcel warily, as though somehow expecting it to explode in her face.

Vivien Knowles was soon walking onto the study, her warm brown eyes twinkling as she looked at Ellie. “Had a good day, ma petite?”

Ellie nodded her head vigorously. “But yes, Mademoiselle Knowles - it is very beautiful down there, n’est-ce pas?”

“True, Ellie,” replied Vivien and her eyes drifted to Hilda’s white face, but something there stopped her from making any personal comment. She went for humour instead. “So, what’s all the excitement, Headmistress, dear? Why am I summoned to this place of punishment on my day off? I fear I’ve left paper scattered everywhere in the staffroom and will not be in good odour with the rest of the staff, but I shall lay the blame squarely where it belongs.”

“On Mother Abbess’s head be it, then,” laughed Hilda. Vivien stared at her in astonishment and Hilda indicated the parcel, which Vivien had not noticed. “This came from her, so I guess she will have to take the blame. It seems to be addressed to all three of us, so that’s why you had to be summoned to my torture chamber. Will you do the honours, chérie?” she added, turning to Ellie.....

#160:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:23 pm
    —
I don't think you fail in this at all Mary.

However...

It seems to me that MA got things just right here. I loved the way that Hilda and Ellie were able to talk so openly there. And how nice for MA to include all three of the visitors in this parcel. I wonder what it is, that caused Hilda's presentiment of concern for Ellie, having to open the parcel with Vivien in the room.

Will this experience give Ellie another small family grouping - with Hilda being the one which unites them all...

Vivien was also great - bringing with her some degree of her fun, and love of life - and her great awareness of exactly how far she can go with Hilda. Holding back her questions about how Hilda is doing, because she senses that this is not the time.

I'm glad that she has been alerted to her headmistresses need of today though.

Thank you Mary

#161:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:39 pm
    —
I love the way Ellie 'tip toes' around there, making absolutely certain that Hilda really does want to spend the rest of the time until Abendessen with her, if that's what *she* would like, before she agrees to do so - it's these touches of maturity and consideration which help to make her so endearing. And her ready acceptance that of course Vivien must be present when that package from Mother Abbess is opened, seeing that it's addressed to all three of them, no matter what it may contain - just another example of her acceptance of both these adults as part of her 'family' with Hilda the glue which holds them together.

But I do hope you'll come back soon and let us see just what *is* in that package, Mary - for someone who claims not to 'do' cliffs, that's quite a nice one to leave us on!!

PS - Squirrel - I just saw what you wrote when I went to post this - but I promise I'd written my comment about Hilda before I saw yours!!!

#162:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:55 pm
    —
Ellie is maturing as we watch, isn't she? And looks to be just as hardy a watchdog as either Matey or MA. I think Hilda was right to check Ellie would be happy for Vivienne to be there - some presentation of danger or concern, perhaps?


Thanks Mary.

#163:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 9:14 pm
    —
The juxtaposition of the different moods in this piece is lovely Mary.
I wonder whats in the parcel? I do hope you will be allowed on the computer again very soon to update us.........

#164:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:23 pm
    —
Oh Mary, what a cliff! And just when I'm going to be away all week.

But what a lovely exchange between Ellie and Hilda. How Ellie is maturing. She is beginning to look outside herself and can see how much Hilda gives of herself to others all the time.

Quote:
She had no idea what had prompted her to say all that, but she had learned to trust to these inner workings of hers. So often they were correct. Was this a warning from Nell? Ellie gazed back at her, eyebrows drawn together in sudden trepidation.


What is in the parcel? Hilda's presentiments are usually right. Perhaps they do come from Nell. What has MA sent to Hilda, Ellie and Vivien?

#165:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:43 pm
    —
What, indeed? I wouldn't have thought that MA herself would have included anything likely to be upsetting in a general parcel, but Hilda doesn't usually have presentiments like that for no reason.

I really liked Ellie's thoughtfulness and her determination not to monopolise Hilda. Her awareness of Hilda's needs does, indeed, show a high level of maturity, and of confidence, too, as her earlier selfishness was largely based on fear.

Vivien always brings a breath of fresh air in with her. Loved Hilda's office being a 'place of punishment' and a 'torture chamber', and I'm glad that Ellie has accepted Vivien so thoroughly into her life.

#166:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 2:24 am
    —
Hilda and Ellie are so very close, and it is so nice to see Ellie being so protective of Hilda. But she does clearly need reassurance herself, that she isn't taking up too much of Hilda's time, and this hints at a a lack of security that might well cause problems.

And then there are Hilda's feelings about the parcel - and who knows, maybe this is Nell warning her. She's also right to remind Ellie that
Quote:
sometimes what does us good can also hurt
, and very wise to discuss it with Ellie before talking to Vivien.

And I loved Vivien's cheerful comments to her 'Headmistress dear."


Oh, and Hilda?
Quote:
Sometimes a woman’s just gotta do what a woman’s gotta do!
Really! Laughing

#167:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:18 am
    —
*Happily cheers on MA getting in on the act!* popper

Thanks for another lovely set of scenes Mary

#168:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:52 am
    —
Another cheer at our dear MA wangling her way in Laughing

#169:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:23 pm
    —
jacey wrote:
I wonder whats in the parcel? I do hope you will be allowed on the computer again very soon to update us.........

Your wish is my command, Jacey! Laughing Laughing


....."Will you do the honours, chérie?” Hilda added, turning to Ellie.

Ellie needed no second bidding. She snipped the string with scissors from Hilda’s desk and pulled back the paper – to reveal three parcels neatly wrapped in tissue paper. They all looked at each other in surprise. Ellie picked the parcels up and handed the largest to Hilda.

“This is for you, Madame, and that one’s yours, Mademoiselle Knowles.” She reserved the smallest packet for herself and looked down at it. “It’s Marraine’s writing,” she cried in surprise, and the other two saw theirs also had the same writing on them.

The two women watched as Ellie slowly pulled away the tissue paper, to find a stiff envelope in her hands. She read what was written on it, and suddenly her lips trembled. She handed it over to Hilda and whispered, “You open it, Madame.”

But Hilda read Sister Patricia’s message first, with an inward quiver. Her warning to Ellie had been very fortuitous.

Dearest Ellie,

Madame told me, before you left, what your father had done with all the photos of your mother. I am so sorry, Ellie, I had no idea my brother could be so cruel. He changed so much from the brother I knew and loved. I had a think about this, and I contacted a friend of your mother’s, a friend she made at university, who was also at their wedding. She was very sad when your mother died, and she and I have kept in touch over the years. I asked her if she had any photos left over from that time, but I didn’t tell you I had done this, in case it all came to nothing.

But, oh, Ellie, she had several. She sent them on to me and promised she would see what she could do about finding others. She lives now in Canada, so can’t talk to you about your mother, but she said she would love to write and tell you what she knew about her, if you would like that. So here they are, love. A late Christmas present! They were not all taken by her – some were sent to her by your mother. I’m sure you will weep when you see them, dear niece, but I know they will be happy tears in the end, and I also know that Madame will comfort you.


“Oh, Ellie,” murmured Hilda, reaching out a compassionate hand to the frozen girl. “Don’t be frightened, sweetheart. This is what you have wanted for such a long time. What a wonderful thing your aunt has done for you.”

Ellie continued to stare at the envelope in Hilda’s hand. She seemed unable to move.

“Would you like me to leave?” whispered Vivien, feeling she was in the way. But Ellie heard. She blinked and then looked over at the Science mistress.

“No, please,” she breathed softly, “I would like you to see them, see maman and papa. For you have been so good to me, and I want you to share this.”

Hilda put her arm round her ward and guided her to the couch. Mouthing “water” to Vivien, she sat Ellie down and settled herself very close. She laid the envelope in Ellie’s lap.

“Take your time, darling, and open it only when you’re ready,” she said tenderly, the warmth of her body bolstering the apprehensive girl.

Ellie sat on motionlessly, staring down at the envelope, the words – and drank the water handed to her as if in a trance. The little clock ticked loudly in the fraught silence; Vivien perched herself on the desk, keeping herself apart. Finally, Ellie glanced up at Hilda, and the encouraging smile she received steadied her. Slowly, almost unwillingly, she opened the flap and tipped up the envelope. Several photographs fell face down onto her lap. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Ellie hesitantly picked up the top one, turned it over – and gasped out loud. Hilda felt like gasping, too.

It was a black and white wedding picture, and the intense love flowing between the bride and groom simply leapt off the paper. The camera had caught the stars shining in the girl’s eyes, the radiance of her ecstatic smile. She was beautiful, absolutely beautiful! And Ellie, when grown to maturity, would be the identical twin of her mother. So irresistible was Marie-Claire’s face that one scarcely noticed the flowers in the black hair, the fragile lacy veil, the embroidery glistening on the dress. And Edward was so proud of her – his own eager face luminous with happiness, his dark eyes glowing.

Suddenly, tears were dripping on to the picture. With a gentle murmur Hilda pulled Ellie close, and the latter hid her face in the comforting shoulder. Hilda kissed the black hair.

“She’s beautiful, Ellie,” she whispered. “Just as you are! And they look so happy to be together. Such love they had for each other. This is why her death broke his heart, why he couldn’t.....”

“Couldn’t love me?” Ellie choked, face still hidden.

“Sh, my darling!” Hilda’s lovely voice was healing balm, but her eyes were haunted. “He did love you. Your aunt told you how they both worshipped you. After all, you were the product of their deep love for each other. It’s just…. he had a fatal flaw, sweetheart. He loved her too much, just couldn’t bear the pain of losing her. And we both know what that pain is like, don’t we?” The black head nodded slightly. “But it’s not your fault, never your fault. You must believe that. And you’re stronger than he was, Ellie. You’re like your mother in every way possible. Be proud of her, darling, as I’m proud of my mother. And try to forgive your poor father.”

There was a long, charged silence and Hilda drew Ellie closer to her, yearning to take away the pain but knowing that was impossible. All she could do was help with the fall-out. As she waited, she became aware of an almost non-existent movement of air. She glanced across to her desk and saw Vivien was no longer there. She, too, with her heightened sensitivities, must have found Ellie’s pain unbearable to watch.

Finally, the girl sighed and stirred. She raised her drowned eyes to Hilda, who bent her head and kissed her ward on the forehead. “Come on, use my handkerchief and let’s mop you up, child,” she said softly. “You haven’t seen all the photos yet.”

#170:  Author: KarryLocation: Stoke on Trent PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:38 pm
    —
Crying or Very sad Poor Ellie! I know a bit of what she is going through - we have very few photos of my husband as a young child - we have just had some sent through by my sister-in-law who is clearing out my late inlaws house. My children were 4 nd 2 when he died, and they had lumps in their throats when I passed them over.

#171:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:39 pm
    —
Oh what a wonderful gift - but so glad that Hilda was there - to reassure Ellie and sooth her fears. Poor little girl. Crying or Very sad


Thanks Mary.

#172:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:37 pm
    —
What a touching scene. And yet, as much as I am so glad that Hilda was there, I am concerned abou Vivien. Where has she gone? How is she doing? What is she facing herself through seeing Ellies grief? And what on earth is in the parcles that Hilda and Vivien have. Will Vivien be able to be with the other two when she opens hers, that they have that community which was so obviously wanted for them at this time by MA and Ellies Aunt? Will she have the courage to face it as well as Ellie has done, and to accept whatever comfort she needs from the other two. I know that Vivien could not have placed herself as close as Hilda has to Ellie for numerous reasons, but it would have been a lovely image to have the 2 of them supporting the third through their difficult times as they face whatever it is they each have to face.

Thank you Mary, but as you see, you've not posted nearly enough if you have left me with all these questions!!!

#173:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 8:42 pm
    —
Again, thank you Mary.
This is so poignant. Perhaps a turning point for Ellie, giving her a new perspective on her father.
Now I would like to know whats in the other two packets Laughing Not that I want to appear greedy or anything.


The problem I have with following drabbles is that they are never updated frequently enough for me, even if it's daily. I'm always wanting the next installment.
Is this drabble addiction I wonder? And should I be worried? Confused

#174:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 9:20 pm
    —
Truly a very poignant scene and Ellie's initial grief at what that parcel contains is hardly surprising. And thank goodness that Hilda was prescient enough to utter those few warning words to her ward, too.

But when that first grief wears off, as it will, and Ellie is able to look at the rest of the photos, I'm sure she'll realise what a wonderful gift her aunt has given her - a gift which cannot help but strengthen the family bond between them. Nevertheless, I'm glad that Hilda was there to soothe that first bitter grief for her and to give her such a meaningful explanation of why her father treated her as he did.

In a way I'm not surprised that Vivien left, although I'm quite sure neither of the others felt that her presence was 'de trop'. I know they will insist she returns in order to open her package and for Hilda to open hers.

Thanks, Mary - but please may we have the other two thirds of the gifts soon!!

#175:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:10 am
    —
What a loving gift for Ellie to receive from her aunt - the description of the photograph was truly beautiful and moving - and how much it will help her to appreciate the personalities of both her parents, and to understand something of why her father behaved as he did. As Hilda says
Quote:
"he had a fatal flaw, sweetheart. He loved her too much, just couldn’t bear the pain of losing her."
And because of that, nothing else mattered or could be allowed to come too close. And Hilda is very wise to reiterate that this was not Ellie's fault, and also to remind her how much her parents had loved her when she was very small. Even more importantly, she points out to her that she has an inner strength (as Hilda herself does) that will allow her to move beyond that grief and to 'try to forgive her father'.

I'm not sure why Vivien left, but somehow, I don't quite think it was because she felt uneasy or superfluous....did she perhaps remember something that would help?

#176:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 6:36 am
    —
I'm speechless. I just read the last two updates and thought Vivienne was fabulous using humour to defuse an emotional situation and then I read the latest update and oh the exquisite bittersweet emotion there for Ellie seeing her mother for the first time and Hilda doing her best to bring understanding of all the pain she suffered with her fathers grief so that she doesn't become bitter and lose who she is.

Thank you Mary. (And yes you do write what we feel but rarely say so beautifully)

#177:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 8:29 am
    —
Oh, Mary !
Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

What a lovely surprise for Ellie........

#178:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:20 pm
    —
Cath V-P wrote:
I'm not sure why Vivien left, but somehow, I don't quite think it was because she felt uneasy or superfluous....did she perhaps remember something that would help?

Unfortunately, you will have to wait till the next post to find out why, Cath! But hold the thought.... Laughing

.....Finally, the girl sighed and stirred. She raised her drowned eyes to Hilda, who bent her head and kissed her ward on the forehead. “Come on, use my handkerchief and let’s mop you up, child,” she said softly. “You haven’t seen all the photos yet.”

Ellie took the hankie and blew her nose, wiped her eyes and the photo. Still held secure in Hilda’s arms, she looked down at the picture again and traced her mother’s delicate features. Abruptly, she gave it to Hilda to hold and turned over the next picture, which revealed her mother and a friend at some sort of picnic, both of them pulling funny faces. Had her father taken this? She would never know.

Turning over another one, they saw her mother and father riding a tandem, Marie-Claire waving madly at the camera, her face one huge beam of delight, her black hair blowing every which way in the wind. Ellie’s father had turned his head round to smile at her. Such love in his eyes, thought Hilda sadly. She had a sudden mental flash of merry hazel eyes which used to shine on her with just that same delight; and then another flash, a heart-rending one, of cool grey eyes smiling at her sardonically, tenderness lurking in their clear depths.

Ellie had passed each picture to Hilda after she had scrutinised it, but the next one she turned over caused them both to gasp. It showed Marie-Claire in the latter stages of pregnancy, Edward patting the huge bump proudly. Marie-Claire’s face held a soft, dreamy look.

“So much happiness you brought them, Ellie, chérie,” whispered Hilda. “They couldn’t wait to see you, and love you. Look at the excitement in your father’s eyes at the thought of your arrival. He loved you, dear. Of that there can be no doubt at all, now.”

Ellie took another look, then passed that one over and turned up the next – and Hilda felt tears well up at the sight of Marie-Claire tenderly holding her new-born baby up against her cheek, the baby yawning sleepily. There was the radiance of that smile again, the stars once more shining in the beautiful eyes despite the weariness in the face. A sob escaped Ellie. How her heart ached; how she wished she could still feel all that love in her mother’s face. Wordlessly, Hilda touched her lips to the girl’s hair, a gentle caress.

The last photo was a family group, Ellie held between her parents when she was about six months old. Just a normal, happy little family – but a family that had been smashed to smithereens less than four years later. Ellie finally passed that one to Hilda and retrieved the one of herself with her mother. She sat staring down at it, and tears trickled slowly down her cheeks. She leaned her head against Hilda once more, in search of comfort.

“Life isn’t fair, Madame,” she sobbed. “Why did she have to die when I needed her so? Why did she take all my papa’s love with her and leave none for me? God didn’t need her as much as I did.”

Hilda laid her cheek against the dark hair, her eyes closed as though in pain. The eternal questions, so similar to the ones she had asked herself down the years. But Ellie was too young to have to have to ask herself such hard things, too young to have been treated so harshly by life. Hilda prayed for wisdom.

“Maybe her baby needed her, and she thought your father strong enough to care for you,” she whispered. “I don’t know, child. I wish I did, so I could ease this agony for you. Only God knows the answers. All one can do is to try and remember the love. She loved you for four years here on earth, Ellie, and that love left its mark in your heart and soul. Maybe that’s why you have such courage. Maybe that’s why you’re able to love others as you do. But, sweetheart, she still loves you, will always love you. She watches over you and wants only your happiness.”

Feeling worse than useless, her soothing voice trailed away. Ellie still stared at the photo, trying to find some comfort in her guardian’s soft words. In silence, she took the photo of her parents’ wedding day from Hilda, stared down at that and nestled closer into Hilda’s loving arms. And, at that moment, in that silence, Hilda felt the dawning awareness of a caring Presence in the room, not intruding, just radiating consolation into the still air. Her lips curved in a tender smile, as though in response to some unspoken question.

“Remember my words earlier today, Ellie, and Mr Stuart’s,” she murmured. “There are many now who keep you in their hearts. Remember, for example, you have become one of Miss Knowles’ dear presences. Don’t dismiss all these good people in your yearning for your mother. And I, too, will always love you. Hang on to that, and to me, when things get too hard and the way ahead seems hopeless.”

Ellie’s head lifted and two damp sapphire eyes peered up at Hilda. “But you I can feel, I can touch. I can see you beside me, Madame, and see the love you give me. You are here with me. How, though, can maman be with me and love me when she is with le bon Dieu?”

Words seemed to seep into Hilda’s spirit from that consoling Presence she sensed in the room. “God is everywhere and nowhere, darling. He is here with us in this very room, and yet also, mysteriously, out there in the vastness of space. So if He is near you then so is she, for she is assuredly with Him. I know you talk to her as though she can hear you, just as I know you can hear your pépé’s voice. You told me so.”

Ellie nodded, a small smile lighting her eyes, though one hand clung fiercely to Hilda’s even while the other held the photos.

“When you talk to her, she hears, sweetheart. Sometimes, when you receive answers to problems, maybe they come from her. Her spirit is with God, and you and I have our life and our being in Him, so He is closer to us than the air we breathe. Indeed, St Augustine would have it that God is closer to us than we are to ourselves. Hard to imagine, isn’t it? So think how close that makes your mother to you. And your grandmother and grandfather, and my mother, and Nell – they’re all gathered around us even as we sit here. How could they possibly be anywhere else when they love us so much?”

Ellie leaned her forehead against Hilda and wept quietly. Hilda rocked her soothingly, eyes closed, and when she next spoke her voice was very soft. “Child, I know it’s not the same as being able to give her a hug, to share your day and your little joys and sorrows with her. You will always wonder what that might have been like. Sometimes it feels like an open wound that will never heal. But come to me when the hurting is too much for you. You know I will understand.”

She felt the Presence slowly withdraw, as though it had completed its task, leaving behind such gentleness in the air. Would it soothe Ellie, who was still weeping quietly?

Hilda was not to know that Vivien had noiselessly returned and had listened, spellbound, to her words. To be wise, you must first have reverence for the Lord. (Wisdom 9:10) Truly, she thought, Hilda was a woman after God’s own heart, and how closely she walked with Him, was given His wisdom.

Vivien remembered something she had read only recently, something that could have been written with Hilda in mind: She did not talk to people as if they were strange hard shells she had to crack open to get inside. She talked as if she were already in the shell. In their very shell. (Marita Bonner)

#179:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:53 pm
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Hilda always has the right comfort, doesn`t she ?

Ellie is so lucky to have her.

#180:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:54 pm
    —
Mary, I've already read this three times, and I'm still sitting here breathless, with tears in my eyes.

What an amazing affirmation of faith from Hilda, and how well it is designed to reassure Ellie that her mother is always watching over her and guiding her even though she is not physically with her. And how well Hilda has, as always, put aside her own needs in order to aid another - yet, in uttering these words to Ellie, I am sure that she herself could feel that Nell was watching with approval.

Of course they both continue to feel bereft and will do so for a long time, but they can both feel secure in that Presence which filled the room as Hilda was speaking. As always, Hilda knew instinctively just how much to say, and when to stop, didn't she?

As for those photos - I think I said earlier that this gift was a stroke of genius on the part of Ellie's aunt. I have no doubt that they will continue to comfort and strengthen Ellie in the future - and I hope that either Ellie, or Hilda, or both of them, will be able to describe the impact of the gift to the donor.

Two very different quotations sprang to mind as I read the second half of this: 'For Thou art with me, Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me, and 'O rest in the Lord.' As Vivien sees so clearly from what she hears as she re-enters the room, Hilda is truly a wise and caring woman, who does indeed walk closely with her God.

Thank you seems a most inadequate comment, Mary - this quiet affirmation of faith in the face of grief is just so all-embracing and comforting - and not only to Ellie. Smile

#181:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:46 am
    —
Yet another beautiful scene. Poor Ellie - she has just experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. How thoughtful of her aunt to try and find some photos for her, and how wonderful that Ellie can see the evidence that both of her parents wanted her.

#182:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:08 am
    —
Quote:
She did not talk to people as if they were strange hard shells she had to crack open to get inside. She talked as if she were already in the shell. In their very shell. (Marita Bonner)


That is so much how I see your writing. You have a way of getting into the emotion and making Hilda and Ellie so real and human to us. Thanks Mary

#183:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:23 pm
    —
Fiona Mc wrote:
Quote:
She did not talk to people as if they were strange hard shells she had to crack open to get inside. She talked as if she were already in the shell. In their very shell. (Marita Bonner)


That is so much how I see your writing. You have a way of getting into the emotion and making Hilda and Ellie so real and human to us. Thanks Mary


I agree. I feel I've got to know the characters so well that I can feel their pain and grief, but I can also share their moments of joy.

Thanks, Mary.

#184:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:07 pm
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Ok Mary, we've waited a whole day. When may we know the rest of the contents of the parcel? Pretty please??

#185:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:31 pm
    —
Oh Mary - what an experience this has been for Ellie. So painful, yes, but it will bring such healing with it when she has had time to get used to it. She has experienced so much of the flip side of that love, that it must be a balm to her soul to realise that both her parents loved her to pieces, and that it was only the devastating blow that her mothers death was to her father that made him act towards her in the way he did.

Each picture brings new revelation of the deep love her parents shared, and what a close knit family they were. And that heartbreaking question. Oh so natural, but so difficult to answer. Hilda was wonderful though, having, again, just the right words for her. And that comfort which transcends all that words can do - and defies description, is so clearly at work again.

She's not useless, though I understand why she might feel that way. And thank God for those presences which come close and let us feel something of His love for us. In whatever form that might be.

Thank you Mary - and yes, may we please have some more!

#186:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:33 am
    —
That was so lovely; Ellie has seen a tangible proof of what her parents were to each other and also how much they loved and wanted her. And how aware Hilda is the power these pictures have, that Ellie's reactions can call forth the memories of her own dearly beloved ones.

And what lovely comfort Hilda gives Ellie, and how wise her words are:
Quote:
All one can do is to try and remember the love.
. How very true, as much for herself as for Ellie. And that Presence is so remarkable and is there for them both at exactly the right moments, just as Hilda's words indicate:
Quote:
Her spirit is with God, and you and I have our life and our being in Him, so He is closer to us than the air we breathe. Indeed, St Augustine would have it that God is closer to us than we are to ourselves. Hard to imagine, isn’t it? So think how close that makes your mother to you. And your grandmother and grandfather, and my mother, and Nell – they’re all gathered around us even as we sit here. How could they possibly be anywhere else when they love us so much?

That is what Ellie needs to hear: that she is surrounded by love.

#187:  Author: NellLocation: exiled from the big smoke PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:42 pm
    —
Just caught up with loads of this. Its fantastic. Look forward to more.

#188:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:02 pm
    —
leahbelle wrote:
I feel I've got to know the characters so well that I can feel their pain and grief, but I can also share their moments of joy.

Thank you, Sue. Believe me, I can feel their emotions myself and have even been known to have a little weep. Well, they are all real. Aren't they?
Shocked
Cath, you wanted to know why Vivien had gone out of the room....


.....Vivien remembered something she had read only recently, something that could have been written with Hilda in mind: She did not talk to people as if they were strange hard shells she had to crack open to get inside. She talked as if she were already in the shell. In their very shell. (Marita Bonner)

After a while the quiet weeping ceased, but no one moved. The gentleness of the silence forbade it. Then, as though released from her spell, Vivien moved across the room and knelt in front of the couch. Hilda opened her eyes and watched silently as Vivien stroked Ellie’s wet cheek.

“Ellie, dear, don’t be sad,” murmured Vivien. “Madame is right. Your maman hears you, just as I know mine does. All three of us here were so very lucky in our mothers, even if we did lose them too soon. I think le bon Dieu must have a very special place right beside Him for mothers. But then His own was pretty special, wasn’t she?”

Ellie’s eyes grew a little brighter at her words. Vivien’s own brown eyes were very soft, her face tender, as she stroked Ellie’s cheek again. “I hope you don’t mind, mon amie, but I have a frame here that might fit one of those photos, if you would like it. And I’m sure we could acquire some others very soon.”

Hilda saw how very much Vivien herself cared for Ellie. She remembered how the Science Mistress had promised to be there for the girl, had asked if she could share some of her holiday time with her. Another lonely person rescued by Nell’s death. Gratitude welled up in her heart. Who had planned this meshing of all these loving people? Did she need to ask?

Ellie left the comfort of Hilda’s arms and sat up. She took the photo frame from Vivien. It was only a very simple wooden frame, but attached to the corners were four beautiful origami butterflies worked in softly coloured, marbled paper. Ellie brushed her fingers over them and smiled unsteadily at Vivien.

“Did you make these?” she asked in a low voice and Vivien nodded. “They are very beautiful. Thank you so much but, you see, I do not need any more than this. I think I would wish to keep most of the photos private, just for me. Is it that you understand?” Vivien nodded again and Ellie looked down at the wedding photo she was still holding. “But this one…. Oui, I would like to stand this one in my cubicle, to have the maman and the papa, just like everyone else.”

Hilda bit her lips to stop them trembling when she heard those last words, and Vivien was not in much better case. Unaware of the pathos of her words, Ellie added softly, “And this photo will be perfect with the butterflies, for les papillons, vous savez, they are so happy creatures who live in the sunshine…. And my parents in this photo….”

“They lived in the sunshine like two butterflies, beautiful and happy and without a care in the world?” murmured Vivien, and Ellie smiled at her, delighted she had grasped what she meant. Hilda bit her bottom lip very hard this time, wondering if she was going to survive until bedtime. Her sleepless night was catching up with her, undermining her self-control.

Ellie tried to take the back off the frame, but her hands were shaking so much that Vivien had to help her. When the photo was inside, she placed the frame on the low table in front of her and leaned forward to kiss Vivien. “Merci beaucoup, Mademoiselle Knowles. You have a good heart.”

“De rien, petite,” replied Vivien, returning the kiss with interest. “It’s a beautiful, beautiful photo, and I’m only sorry you had to wait so long to see it. But may I not see the others?”

Ellie passed them over and Vivien, like Hilda, could see just why Edward Drake had found it too hard to be with his daughter. She could have been her mother’s twin, so alike were they. She wondered if Ellie also had her mother’s gestures and turns of phrase. Vivien could understand the sadness, but she still found it very hard to forgive a grown man the abandonment of his vulnerable child. Just as Hilda had before her, she swore at him for his blind selfishness and self-pity. She hoped when they met again that his wife had kicked him good and hard – where it hurt! - and had then delivered a stinging rebuke for his abject failures as a father.

Edward Drake did not deserve to have such an intelligent, courageous and beautiful daughter. She had grown straight and true in spite of him, not because of him. But her doubts and fears, her prickliness and reserve, the loneliness of her childhood - all these could only be laid at his door. God had put in his hands one of the greatest tasks a man can have, and he had let it slip from his fingers, turned his back on it. Now it was up to strangers to offer his daughter the life and the love she needed.

And God had made absolutely certain this time. He had placed the task in Hilda Annersely’s capable hands, and she had accepted it willingly and would sacrifice much to do it properly. Underneath her self-possessed and stately demeanour she hid the tender, selfless heart of the shepherd mentioned in St Luke, who left his flock to search for the one who was lost and brought it back rejoicing. How she merited the great love this lost little sheep had for her.

Hilda scrutinised Vivien’s face as the photos were perused and wondered just what was going through her mind, for she seemed very abstracted. But then Vivien caught her eye for a moment as she looked up and Hilda guessed instantly what she was thinking by the anger in those brown eyes. Vivien laid the photos in Ellie’s lap.

“They’re lovely, Ellie, and your aunt is a miracle worker. They might be eating away at you right now, reminding you of all you have lost, but you will find happiness in them in time, and then they will become very precious to you.”

“They already are,” whispered Ellie. "Madame agrees with you – and she is always right, non?” And she turned to smile at her silent guardian, who had re-gained her self-possession enough to cock a humorous eyebrow at her ward.

“Not so, child, as I keep reminding you. No one is always right, not even your headmistress! But – I do think you’re wise to keep most of them private, for they are deeply moving moments in your parents’ lives, ones to share only with those close to you. Miss Knowles’ beautiful frame suits that one admirably. Seeing it every day will remind you how much you were loved, ma fille. And we all need reminders of that, even people as old as I am. I always remember my mother’s love for me.”

She stroked her ward’s black hair with a gentle hand, while her eyes moved to Vivien, who blushed at the warm gratitude she found in them.....

#189:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:10 pm
    —
Awwww, that's lovely - and Vivien is another very special person there.


Thanks Mary. Laughing

#190:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:23 pm
    —
Well done Vivien. Just the thing that was wanted. And I don't blame her for what she is thinking. I too hope that Ellie's father got what he deserved from his wife when he met up with her again.

But Ellie has what she needs now, and the perfect person to help her is with her in the room, as is another staunch supporter who will endevour to give her everything she needs.

And Ellie will be a much more stronger person as she grows up for the experiences as she is shown how to deal with them, and move forwards.

Thank you Mary

#191:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:27 pm
    —
Oh my goodness - every time I think this can't possibly get any better, Mary, you come up with a beautiful scene such as this one. Once again, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read it.

So many elements, each one 'entire in itself' but all meshing together to surround Vivien and Hilda, as well as Ellie herself, with such love and affection. Hilda is, of course, so right to see the hand of Nell in bringing these 3 lonely people together - but surely we can also see the hand of God Himself. I'm not surprised that Hilda was having a hard time keeping her own emotions in check.

That frame is so fitting for the picture of Ellie's parents - but she is right in wanting to keep the others private for herself; perhaps in a photo album which she can keep in her drawer? I love the connection of the butterflies with that happy young couple on their wedding day - this will surely be another memory for Ellie to cherish in years to come. And Vivien knew just what was needed there - the relationship with these three deepens every time they are together, doesn't it?

Thanks, Mary - that was very, very special.

#192:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:47 pm
    —
That was lovely, thank you Mary.

#193:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 10:55 pm
    —
Just lovely Mary. Thank you.

#194:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 6:37 am
    —
Well done, Miss K !
Like Hilda, she always comes up trumps; the butterfly frame is exquisite and ideal for Ellie`s needs.

Lovely, Mary !

#195:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:27 am
    —
Love the sound of the butterfly frame but how the idea of Ellie having the photo "just like everyone else" caused a pang of hurt. I also like the fact that Vivien is getting to be as intuitive and thoughtful as Hilda

Beautiful as always, Mary.

#196:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 11:16 am
    —
That was so lovely of Vivienne. Thanks Mary

#197:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 3:32 pm
    —
I like Vivien very much. That was such a touching scene between her and Ellie. Thanks, Mary.

#198:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 9:36 pm
    —
Mary, I've just caught up with the last week's posts. What a wonderful gift for Ellie from her aunt. How fantastic for her to at last have photos of her mother. The likeness of Ellie to her mother helps to explain how difficult her father had found loving Ellie after her mother died. He must have seen her growing more like her mother every day and it must have constantly reminded him of what he had lost.

How understanding Hilda is and how strong her faith. She is always able to help Ellie to grow and develop, to become stronger. I like the picture of the presence within the room helping and guiding Hilda and giving her strength to help Ellie.

What a lovely thought of Vivien to find a frame for Ellie's photo. The idea of the origami butterflies on the frame is wonderful. (Wish I knew how to make them!!) They will really help to make the picture special for Ellie. I'm so pleased that there were some pictures of Ellie with her mum. Those will be very precious to her.

Thank you, Mary.

When are we to find out what's in Hilda and Vivien's packages? Wink Wink

#199:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:55 am
    —
I've caught up at last.
Mary this is just such a wonderful story and your writing is awesome!
I'm loving it.
Thank you

#200:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 1:16 pm
    —
Well, they are all real. Aren't they?

They certainly are Mary! I read this with tears in my eyes - Vivien was so thoughtful in this, both in her words and actions. And I had a little lump in my throat at Ellie's comment about having a photo of her parents just like everyone else. Crying or Very sad

#201:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:40 pm
    —
Thank you so much for all the loving comments. And as you asked so nicely, here is Vivien's parcel.... but please don't be too disappointed. Embarassed

.....She stroked her ward’s black hair with a gentle hand, while her eyes moved to Vivien, who blushed at the warm gratitude she found in them.

“Perhaps we should see what you aunt has sent Miss Knowles, Ellie,” said Hilda lightly, changing the subject. “I have a horrid suspicion that we’ll soon be hearing the gong for supper.”

Vivien took the hint and rose to her feet to fetch the parcel she had left lying on the desk when she went in search of the photo frame. She sat in the chair opposite the couch, fingered the ribbon and looked across at Ellie. “Why your aunt should be sending me a present is beyond me, love, for I hardly know her. Any ideas?”

Ellie shook her head but Hilda asserted calmly, “Whatever it is, it’s probably booby-trapped. They know your propensity for practical jokes too well, now.”

Vivien glared at her. “I’ll be sure to check before I open any present from you, after that unkind remark.” She pouted. “I’m hurt, dear Headmistress. After all, I was only your minion that day, ready to serve. You were the instigator and prime mover.”

Hilda heard Ellie gurgle and was grateful to Vivien for helping her lighten the atmosphere. “But you went way beyond your brief, Miss Knowles,” she said blandly, her eyes dancing merrily. “Indeed, some of your actions could be construed as grounds for dismissal.” Vivien saw Hilda was thinking of a certain undergarment and she choked with laughter.

“Quite so! I see you understand me!” said Hilda. “Maligning your Headmistress thus is not the way to further your career!”

“Maligning?” cried Vivien. “I like that! I thought I was paying you a compliment, talking about your elegant, long.....”

“Skirt, would that be, Miss Knowles?” interrupted Hilda, blithely.

Vivien gave her a sharp glance. “I was thinking more of your, er.....hair! Miss Antirrhinum!”

“Oh well, if you’re going to be personal, then there’s nothing more to be said!” Hilda said with a provocative shrug.

“There must be a decent way out of this conversation with the least possible loss of face,” moaned Vivien, “but I’m blessed if I can think of one.”

“Oh, open your present, woman,” Hilda muttered with a chuckle. “Can’t you see we’re all agog here? Ellie’s getting so impatient she's about to explode.”

Vivien gave them both a wicked smile and bent her head to her task, but when she beheld what was in the tissue paper she gaped, before raising her eyes to Hilda and frowning severely at her.

“I’ve seen you read minds before now, but tell me how you can see through brown paper?” Hilda gazed at her in blank astonishment. “You are one spooky lady, Hilda Annersley.”

She held up her gift for both to see. It was a pen and ink sketch in a shiny, black, glassless frame. At the sight of it, Hilda held up her hands in denial but there was an undoubted look of glee on her face.

“How could I have known?” she stuttered. “It was just a chance remark. But that is – oh, it’s perfect!” and she found herself laughing helplessly.

Vivien looked again at her sketch and reflected that Sister Patricia had hidden depths. With a few bold strokes she had used her imagination and captured those moments when Fenella Flaherty had bearded Mother Abbess in her den – or rather Office. The “Get me out of here” expression on the nun’s face was captured to perfection. Her eyes were the only part of the sketch in colour and they were true emerald mirrors of her shock and befuddlement at that fateful moment. As for Vivien, her outrageous dress and wild curls were depicted so vividly, as was the simpering vacuity in her face, that Hilda giggled again.

Vivien looked across at Ellie. “Your aunt is an artist of calibre, Ellie, my dear, and should be hanging in a gallery – by her neck! Placed there by me, for preference!” She bared her teeth. “For sheer impudence, she takes the biscuit, and yet she seems so quiet and innocent! Ye gods, my dress wasn’t that short…”

“Oh, it was, it was!” choked out Hilda between her helpless giggles. “And as for what it did to your figure….! Nothing, but nothing at all, was left to the imagination. How you dared to call it a dress – let alone show up in it at a convent! I admired your courage then, and still do! You were lucky to escape having a habit thrown over you.”

“Well, it was more modest than your teddy, even if people did have to use their imaginations to see that,” flashed Vivien.

Hilda ignored her. “And as for those heels – or rather stilts….you deserved to break your ankle for daring to be so very outrageous.” She giggled again. “I’m so pleased we made you give them all a twirl – if this sketch is the result!”

“Give them all a twirl? You stood over us and forced us to re-enact it all for their delectation! Made me wonder which of the two Abbesses ruled the roost there! Please don’t grimace at me like that, Miss Annersley! But Mother Abbess was a good sport, wasn’t she?” added Vivien thoughtfully. “She doesn’t seem to care two hoots what people think of her! Not even her own Sisters!” She eyed Hilda merrily. “Now if we could just get Sister Patricia to put her imagination to work and sketch you in your.....”

Hilda said impassively, “I have the perfect place for your sketch, now you mention it, Miss Knowles. We’ll hang it in the staffroom here. That should set tongues wagging for a day or two!” She waited. “What? Nothing more to say about me and my long and elegant, er….hair? Hmm, I must try blackmail more often!” Vivien’s bulging eyes told their own story. Hilda smiled complacently and indicated the sketch. “Does it have a title?”

“The Morning Mother Met her Match,” intoned Vivien solemnly, then snorted. “I’m no match for that woman, I can tell you. No match for you, either. I was playing way outside my league that day – but it was great fun all the same.” She regarded Hilda thoughtfully. “So if ever you want a re-match, I’ll even forgive the blackmail!”

“Somehow I think she’d be ready for you next time, Miss Knowles. And she might question the sanity of anyone who has such a penchant for masochism.” Vivien barked with laughter, and Hilda’s own eyes were gleeful. “Mind you, I think she already questions your sanity, so I shouldn’t worry too much, especially as she questions mine as well. But I shall keep you in mind as my secret weapon.”

When Vivien had calmed down she gazed at the sketch. “You know, in a way it was booby-trapped. It was certainly not what I expected from Sister Patricia and it gave me quite a shock, but a very lovely one. I shall prize it as a memory of a very special few days spent with very special people.”

She smiled at Hilda and Ellie as she said those words and they both felt they had received a very beautiful compliment. Vivien cleared her throat, for it had tightened as she realised just how much these two had come to mean to her. Dear presences indeed!

#202:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 8:17 pm
    —
Oh that was lovely and gave me quite a giggle - especially about all the comments about Hilda's...er...hair - that's right, isn't it, Mary? Laughing


Thank you.

#203:  Author: dackelLocation: The Big Wide World (aka London) PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 9:27 pm
    —
I'm sitting here literally shouting with laughter at that last post, though you had me close to tears with the ones before.

That was beautiful, and felt so true, as always.

Thank you, Mary.

Miss Antirrhinum *giggles*

#204:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:42 pm
    —
Oh Mary, my sides are aching with laughter. Laughing Laughing Laughing What a sight! I can just see the picture in my mind's eye.

Such a wonderful light hearted exchange between Hilda and Vivien, and what a light relief after the previous posts.

Thank you for this. I loved it.

#205:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:44 pm
    —
I'm another one who is sitting here giggling madly at this episode, and enjoying both the physical picture of Vivien itself which Sister Patricia has created, and all the byplay reminding us of the incident it records!! A lovely lightening of the atmosphere in that room, too, after the unwrapping of Ellie's photographs.

But that last paragraph is so revealing, and I'm so glad that Vivien *does* realise just how much Hilda and Ellie have come to mean to her, as well as the other way around.

THanks, Mary.

#206:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 6:45 am
    —
That is hilarious. Glad Vivienne was a good sport about it. Would love to see the staff's reactions if it ever got hung in the staffroom Wink

#207:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:06 am
    —
Thank you for that post. A laugh and a bright spot to lighten a difficult morning.

#208:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:13 am
    —
Oh Fantastic! And what a way to lighten the atmosphere. What a clever gift! The banter between Hilda and Vivien is superb - brilliantly done. And all within bounds given Ellie's presence.

Then the return to seriousness again. How much Vivien needs those 'dear presences' as she battles on with the lot that life has given her. How wonderful that she is able to put it into words that Hilda and Ellie might understand exactly how much this present means to her. As much, in its own way as Ellies has meant to her...


Next please Mary!

#209:  Author: SarahLocation: Skelmersdale, Lancashire PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 12:44 pm
    —
Just caught up with the last few week's posts! Embarassed Very Happy

Once again, thank you Mary. You capture every emotion so completely!

I can't wait for the next bit! Very Happy

#210:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 12:56 pm
    —
Two splendid posts to catch up on!
Hilda really is the perfect guardian for Ellie isn't she? Just as Vivien recognises, God has given Ellie exactly the person she needed who recognises and understands her pain and can see precisely what is needed and when.

And Vivien is perceptive, charming, and very loving - and that cartoon was so unexpected and delightful! And she is so obviously secure in her relationship with Hilda - her 'dear Headmistress'! The loving trust that is building between these three is very moving and beautiful.

Thank you Mary.

#211:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 1:17 pm
    —
Ow !
I have laughed so much my sides are positively aching ! Laughing
What a glorious reminder of that infamous scene - about the only time MA has been nonplussed, albeit momentarily Wink

Thank you Mary, for making me forget the unbelievably dreary (read torrentially rainy!) day outside Very Happy

#212:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 2:27 pm
    —
I do so enjoy the scenes with Vivien.

Thanks Mary.

#213:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 4:32 pm
    —
That was fabulous, Mary. I was another one having a good giggle! It's lovely to see them enjoying a lighthearted moment.

Thanks!

#214:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 8:27 pm
    —
I'm also giggling here. That was a very clever way to lighten the mood after the intensity of Ellie's present.

Thanks Mary, and thank you for sending me the scene to which they're referring, I'd be really confused otherwise Laughing

#215:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 1:08 am
    —
Whew! Finally caught up, after pausing to read the post with Ian & Ellie & Hilda & Nell several times.

And now we have the package. So wise of MA to have Ellie sure to open the photos with help at hand -- and with the antidote of Vivien's caricature. You know, for a minute there I thought Vivien might have left the room because the photos proved she was a long-lost relative of Ellie's. How EBD is that? Laughing

(Hmm, weren't there three pieces to that package? *waits*)

Thank you, Mary.
Laughing Miss Snapdragon Annersley

#216:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:29 pm
    —
Kathy_S wrote:
Laughing Miss Snapdragon Annersley

Nope - doesn't have the same ring, my dear! : mrgreen :

Kathy_S wrote:

(Hmm, weren't there three pieces to that package? *waits*)

There certainly were, Kathy - Hilda apologises for keeping you waiting. Twisted Evil But first of all, many thanks for all the giggles, folks.

.....Vivien cleared her throat, for it had tightened as she realised just how much these two had come to mean to her. Dear presences indeed! Trying to hide her emotion, she jumped to her feet, reached down and picked up Hilda’s present from where it had fallen when she had soother her ward a little earlier.

“Your turn to be put on the spot, Headmistress dear,” she uttered, placing the parcel in Hilda’s lap. “And I know I’m going to be disappointed, because Sister Patricia wouldn’t dare booby-trap a present for you – she has far too much respect! - nor would she dare paint the mental picture I have of you in …..”

“In your imagination!” asserted Hilda firmly, giving her a broad wink as she carefully tore off the tissue paper.

She turned over the contents – and sat stunned. Vivien leaned down and retrieved a small envelope which had fallen to the floor when Hilda had removed the tissue paper. Opening it, Hilda found a hand-painted little card.

Dearest Sister-Guardian, You couldn’t take your treasured painting with you when you returned to school, so I hope these will make up a little for that lack. I am told that the two places pictured here mean a great deal to you. May they serve to remind you of your future home. They were painted with a great deal of love and so very much gratitude. Patricia.

She tucked the little card carefully in her pocket, for it would not do for Ellie to catch sight of it just yet, and gazed down with tears in her eyes at the the two water colours sitting on her lap. They were each about a foor square, enclosed in very plain gold frames. Like Vivien’s gift, there was no glass in the frames, presumably so it would not shatter on the journey. The dominant colours in both were gold and the most beautiful of blues.

“The chapel and the sea,” she breathed in total delight, and picked up the latter. “When I first went to the convent it was summer and, whenever I could, I walked along the beach for hours or sat among the rocks, reading or just thinking, gazing out to sea. And this is the view from my favourite spot. Oh, it’s so….”

She stopped, unable to find a word that would do justice to the blues and greens and greys of the sea and the glorious liquid gold of the sunset spreading across the limitless blue sky.

“That view gave me peace, helped me find myself again, put my grief in context,” she whispered, not caring suddenly how much she was revealing and not knowing just how much she was teaching Ellie. She picked up the other painting. “And this was one of my biggest consolations at that time. Still is, if the truth be told. Whenever I need help, this is where I fly. And this is where they pray for us all. It’s so lovely to picture them here, holding us close to their hearts.”

There was the serene and beautiful blue of the wall behind the altar in the convent chapel, with the three stained glass windows cut into it. The sunlight was streaming through, fracturing and casting patches of vibrant colour onto wooden floor and pews and altar. Now, every time she prayed in her room, she would be taken right to the heart of her home-in-waiting. She looked up at the two silent on-lookers, her expression dazed.

“Why would she do these for me, when she has already painted that other lovely one? And done so much else as well? Why?”

Her voice broke and Ellie, for once the comforter, put her arm round her in a hug. “But she loves you, Madame, as we all do,” she whispered. “And you have been so good to our family. Marraine and I – we will never be able to do enough to thank you.” Hilda shook her head, struggling to contain her tears. She had done nothing….

Vivien once more knelt in front of the couch. “Sister Patricia is very like you, Hilda,” she said softly. “She just wants to give. She’s such a very loving person, and how else can she show her love for you but with her art? I should think she knows what those places mean to you because they mean such a lot to the artist in her. Ellie’s right – they probably are partly in gratitude. But I suspect they were also painted to express what they all feel for you in that convent. They love you.”

She knew she had to be careful not to give too much away before Ellie, so continued, “I saw that love while I was there. So enjoy them, my dear. They couldn’t be more appropriate. They are delicate and subtle and exquisite, as you are.”

Hilda stared at her, unable to absorb the truth of Vivien’s words. “Vivien, I’m not anything of the sort….”

“Mais, oui, Madame,” whispered Ellie into her ear, her arm still round her guardian. “She is right, for you are all those things – and so many more.” She kissed Hilda on the cheek and then added, “It has been a beautiful parcel for all of us, n’est-ce pas?”

“It’s your aunt who is beautiful, child,” replied Hilda softly. “And her art is also beautiful, a true expression of her soul.”

All three pondered their treasures, Ellie absorbing the loveliness of her mother, Hilda moved by the depth and serenity of her paintings, and Vivien grinning with delight at the sheer fun revealed in her sketch. The two sensitive women thought what a pity it was that Sister Patricia had not been there to see their reactions and to receive their whole-hearted gratitude.

Abruptly, through the building sounded the deep, mellow note of the gong, breaking into their rapt and silent contemplation, reminding them of more mundane matters. Hilda placed her paintings on the little table with a sigh. “We must return here and phone to thank her after we have eaten, all three of us,” she said.

“But, Madame, I am not hungry,” moaned Ellie. “Could we not phone now? After all, we had a large dinner down in Interlaken.”

Hilda stood up and pulled her ward to her feet, intoning cheerily, “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well – or so Virginia Woolf informs us!”

Ellie bared her teeth at her but turned quite happily to the door, while Hilda regarded Vivien silently, one eyebrow raised, daring her to make any comment at all about Headmistresses practising what they preached!

#217:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 7:59 pm
    —
Oh Mary, How lovely!! Two special pictures for Hilda.

Quote:
Vivien once more knelt in front of the couch. “Sister Patricia is very like you, Hilda,” she said softly. “She just wants to give. She’s such a very loving person, and how else can she show her love for you but with her art? I should think she knows what those places mean to you because they mean such a lot to the artist in her. Ellie’s right – they probably are partly in gratitude. But I suspect they were also painted to express what they all feel for you in that convent. They love you.”


I think Vivien really understands how much Hilda is loved by everyone at the convent, but she also recognises that Hilda does not believe that she has done anything to deserve all the love and support she gets from them.

The last few posts were a lovely interaction between Hilda, Ellie and Vivien. I hope Hilda does now go and eat her meal.

#218:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:04 pm
    —
I hadn't dared to even hazard a guess about what Sister Patricia's gift to Hilda would be, but these are just so beautiful and so very, very appropriate for her, aren't they? The way they so clearly form a link between the past, where the 'real things' have brought Hilda so much comfort, the present, because now she can look at their images every day, and the future, when she will have the 'real things' again is just breathtaking. The pictures are a true hymn of both affection and gratitude (for both Ellie and Vivien are correct in their assessment of the reasoning behind the gifts) which Hilda will treasure for always. And while both represent the convent and the area where it is situated, they are, also, to my mind at least, wonderful examples of English scenery at its best - a true 'precious stone set in a silver sea'.

As Ellie so rightly says, her aunt has provided beautiful gifts for all three of them.

I loved that little comedic aside at the end, too.

Another truly memorable scene - thanks, Mary

#219:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:17 pm
    —
Bautiful pictures and just perfect for Hilda - and after that particular quote Hilda won't dare to be seen by Ellie not eating well.


Thanks Mary.

#220:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:51 pm
    —
What a wonderful ending! Such an apt quotation for that spot as well! And possibly something that we all need to remember now and again. However, that was just a tiny little bit of the cake - and there was so much of greater import!

Vivien is right to get the spotlight off of herself here. There has been much fun throughout that - and she continues to keep it going as long as she can - until Hilda is ready for the next stage.

I love the care that both women take to safeguard Ellie from the knowledge that her beloved guardian shall leave the school soon - though it may not be before Ellie herself does, and though they will have to inform her of such sooner or later so that she doesn't resent the knowledge from being with held from her, she is not ready at this time to know about it.

Then for the gift itself - I know i echo others in saying that it was the perfect gift, just the thing for Hilda to be given. The potency of your words leaves me overwhelmed by the love that MA and Sister Patricia have for Hilda - just how perfectly they are able to form a gift for her, and how well they put it together.

I love the way that you have done this Mary = Thank you

#221:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:12 am
    —
What lovely pictures and what an apt gift !
A little bit of "Home from Home" now, aren`t they ?

I do so sympathise with Ellie`s impatience over making that call Wink

#222:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 11:32 am
    —
Vivien's gift was hilarious the banter between her and Hilda had me laughing out loud and Hilda's was so perfect for her, a little bit of the convent for her to have with her at school. Thanks Mary Smile

#223:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 1:37 pm
    —
This is so lovely, and so poignant.
But it has reminded me, what will Ellie do when Hilda goes to the convent for good? Still, musn't put todays sunshine behind tomorrow's clouds.
Thank you Mary.

#224:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 4:12 pm
    —
The perfect gift for Hilda!

Thanks, Mary.

#225:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 8:24 pm
    —
All three gifts were wonderful - well thought out and just right for the recipient. And you've described them so well I really feel that I've been in the room and seen them too.

Thanks Mary.

#226:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2007 9:38 pm
    —
Rosalin is right, you really do feel as though you are in the room with them, as if you really could reach out and hug them close like the scene leaves you wanting too.

Beautiful and awe inspiring, Mary, Thank You

#227:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:22 am
    —
That was so lovely for Hilda to have the constant reminders of her favourite most comforting places. Thank you Mary

#228:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:37 am
    —
I must apologise Mary; I thought I had posted on this yesterday, but it seems that although I had thought about my respopnse to this lovely piece, I hadn't actually got it as far as the Board. I'm very sorry. Embarassed Embarassed

What a truly beautiful gift Sister Patricia has given Hilda, and a such a reminder of her 'future home' - a visual link between her past and present. And it is clear just how much both these places have come to mean to Hilda and how special they are to her, especially the chapel;
Quote:
"And this was one of my biggest consolations at that time. Still is, if the truth be told. Whenever I need help, this is where I fly. And this is where they pray for us all. It’s so lovely to picture them here, holding us close to their hearts.”


I loved the way Sister Patricia addressed Hilda as 'Sister-Guardian' - and Hilda's humility that made her wonder why she should receive such a beautiful and significant gift.

And how wise Vivien is to recognise the similarities between Hilda and Patriciia, that they are both sould who love and who love to give. And of course she sees that the sisters love Hilda, and that the paintings do reflect who and what Hilda is.

And I loved the comment about the importance of dining well.....

Thank you Mary.

#229:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:23 pm
    —
Squirrel wrote:
I love the care that both women take to safeguard Ellie from the knowledge that her beloved guardian shall leave the school soon - though it may not be before Ellie herself does, and though they will have to inform her of such sooner or later so that she doesn't resent the knowledge from being with held from her, she is not ready at this time to know about it.

Hilda has it well in hand, Squirrel! Fret not! Laughing


“Good evening, Mother,” said Hilda quietly.

“Hilda! My dear!” cried Mother Abbess joyfully. “And about time too! How are you?”

Hilda’s exhaustion finally caught up with her at the affection she heard in her friend’s voice. Her eyes misted over. “Mother, I’ll speak to you in a little while….” She stopped. Her throat was too tight. The words refused to come.

“What’s wrong, daughter?” asked Mother Abbess, with great tenderness.

Hilda closed her eyes, struggled for composure. “I’ll tell you shortly,” she whispered. “But I wonder if you could allow Sister Patricia to come to the phone, as there are three very grateful people here.”

“They’ve arrived! Oh, I’m so glad, but how was it with Ellie? We were a wee bit concerned.”

“She’s recovering. There were some tears and many questions at first, but Vivien was there and she helped. In the end, they will become one of Ellie’s dearest treasures. And in a little while she may bring herself to write to this friend of her mother’s, but I think she would prefer to take things slowly. Too much has happened to her recently.”

“As it has to you, child,” murmured the nun. “And I’m sure you were Ellie’s greatest comfort, despite what you say about Vivien. What? No argument? You are in a bad way! Okay, love. I’ll find Patricia and ring you back.”

Hilda did argue then. “No, Mother, let me…”

“We’ll ring you back,” re-iterated Mother Abbess firmly and banged down the receiver on Hilda’s remonstrations.

“Typical!” muttered Hilda. “Too bossy by half,” and she smiled to herself even as she wiped away her tears, before repairing to Rosalie’s office where Ellie and Vivien were waiting. Matey would have been there as well, ready to cart Hilda off to bed after her phone call, if the latter had not made a solemn promise to report to her before retiring. One swift glance at Hilda’s vulnerable eyes had made Matey desist. Tears before bedtime were not a good idea.

The call came through very quickly, and first Ellie, then Vivien, went through to the study and spoke to Sister Patricia. Ellie returned and came for a good night hug from Hilda before going off to join her form, Hilda promising to place the precious photos in Ellie’s cubicle on her way up to bed. She could hear Vivien chuckling as she spoke to Patricia and was delighted that she got on so well with the Sisters. Finally, though, Vivien too departed, returning to her origami and to a tirade of abuse from the staff for leaving the place in such a mess. Vivien merely smiled serenely, refusing to rise, and carried on folding while dwelling thoughtfully on the last couple of hours and Sister Patricia’s kindness.

Hilda, meanwhile, was making her own thanks to Ellie’s aunt. But Patricia was having none of it. “Hilda, my dear, it was a great pleasure. I wanted you to have something that would help when you’re lonely or sad, and I thought some little reminder of here might do the trick.”

Hilda swallowed, and said huskily, “You couldn’t have chosen better, Sister, and they are both exquisite. The chapel has become my peace and quiet, the heart of my new home.”

Patricia smiled for that was how all the community viewed their beautiful, homely chapel. “Ellie sounds happy,” she said now, not wanting Hilda to be in her debt. “I suspect the photos were not too traumatic, though I gather there were tears. When you allowed her to speak to me the other day, she was ecstatic about all the new people she is meeting. And she seems to have found a friend in Mother’s brother.”

Hilda smiled. “A friend…. an uncle…. a grandfather….. I’m not quite sure which, Sister. All three, possibly! No doubt she’s told you about their secret society.”

Patricia laughed out loud. “But of course!”

“There’s no of course about it!” grumbled Hilda. “He’s worse than she is – like a young boy sometimes. A pair of infants, plotting together! And then, suddenly, he’s a wise and tender parent. She was very upset earlier today, even before the photos, and he rescued her, found just the right touch.”

There was silence at the other end, and then Patricia said slowly, “She told me, yes. But what came across so clearly was your love, Hilda. She still can’t quite believe that you’re there, that you mean all you say, that it will last – and sometimes she’s very frightened. But it’s you who always seem to find the right words to reassure. You radiate a rare sense of availability, my dear, and Ellie has responded to that, where she couldn’t to any of us, and she has found a space in your heart where she feels safe. You’re healing someone who has been starved of dignity and self-esteem for too long, even before her grandparents went.”

“We should all be grateful she didn’t go completely off the rails,” mused Hilda. “We stop loving ourselves if there is no one to love us.”

Patricia’s gentle voice grew thoughtful. “Maybe Marie-Claire had a great influence even in her few short years, loved her enough. And her grandparents’ care seems to have kept her in check. But I truly think, my dear, that if you hadn’t happened on the scene, we would have lost her. She was too hurt, too desperate, too hopeless. Running away as she did would have been only the start – she would have done it again and again, until she succeeded in disappearing. And we would never have forgiven ourselves.”

Patricia’s understanding of Ellie reminded Hilda that this quiet, self-effacing woman was a very astute counsellor. Not being able to help her own niece must have hurt her deeply. No wonder she felt she had failed. Hilda remembered Ellie’s face the first time she had seen her. She recalled the stark bleakness of those beautiful eyes. Sister Patricia was right. Ellie would have been lost to them and to herself. Hilda felt truly humble that she was the one who had been allowed to offer the girl an alternative path, a “new dream” of her own.

But Sister Patricia had not yet finished. “It’s not just that, though, Hilda. Because of you she also has more people to care for her than she has ever had in her life. You’ve given her a whole community of support: Mother’s brother, Vivien Knowles, Matron at school – and all of us here in the convent. We have taken her to our hearts, yes, but it was you who put her there. We couldn’t do anything for her, or with her, until you arrived. And no doubt there will be more people as she learns from you. The teachings of the wise are a fountain of life, they will help you escape when your life was in danger. (Wisdom 3:14)” She paused then added softly, “Ellie was in just that danger. How can I not want to show you my gratitude, Hilda?”

Hilda felt those tears of weariness once more welling up. She could not have spoken to save her life, but Patricia had no such problem. “I was fearful for her. You know that. Just as you know that I wanted to leave the convent and make a home for her. I didn’t have enough faith. But Mother believed. She put all her trust in the Lord – and he did not let her or Ellie down. He sent you. Most people hold something back when they love, when they answer God’s call. But you, Hilda – you have been totally reckless for God and I shall be grateful to Him and to you till my dying day. I can’t wait to have you here as my true sister.”

The room dissolved round Hilda as the tears brimmed over. Patricia had just given her such a rare gift. The gentle voice spoke again. “I’m going to pass you to Mother now, before you break down. God bless you always, my dear.”

Before she could react, the sweet voice she loved spoke into her ear. “Will you believe me now, when I tell you how much I have received from you? Do you understand why Sister Catherine rubber-stamped my plans for you? Patricia means every word, my daughter. Oh yes, I trusted Him, because I agree with G K Chesterton: The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.”

She added softly, “You happened. You were my miracle, Ellie’s miracle, God’s miracle. Just as you had been Nell’s miracle. And you are truly most astonishing, child.”

#230:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:38 pm
    —
WOW! What can I say about that. No wonder Hilda is in tears by the end of that phonecall. Even if she hadn't been in need of a steadying word from MA at the start, the end of it would mean that she would have done.

And how astute of Sister Patricia - to know that Hilda was so close to tears, and to signal her intent to pass on to MA. Just what Hilda was needing. Of course, Matey will be on hand, keeping an eye out over the course of the night, aware that Hilda will need her vigilance to help her through. However, I hope that MA will be able to thwart another restless night. Her words of love and generosity will no doubt break down those barriers so completely.

And I loved the comment about the state Vivien had left the staffroom in! What is she making? Something for Hilda? Or something for the San? Or something different?

i loved the concern of MA immediately focussing in on Ellie's need when she realised that the phone call was to do with the parcle. And the way that she let Hilda dictate what order things would happen in, even though she was aware that Hilda needed to talk to her. And how observant that Hilda must be in a bad way in that she didn't argue when MA pointed out that she would have been more use to Ellie than Vivien. All those tell tale signs which MA couldn't help but pick up on.

That was magnificent Mary - Thank you.

#231:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 7:52 pm
    —
Poor Hilda, so totally unable to see that she has done anything worthy of such regard. And no matter what anyone says that will remain. It's a part of her and probably the reason she is so successful and so loved.


Thanks Mary - lovely, as always.

#232:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 8:30 pm
    —
As always, just the right touch here. How much those 'thank yous' from Ellie, Vivien and Hilda must have reassured Sister Patricia that she had devised exactly the right gifts for each of them. And how well Hilda knows how to make Sister Patricia understand just how much she now means to Ellie, while Sister Patricia is quite right in seeing Hilda as the catalyst which brought Ellie back to all of them.

But how typical of Hilda, too, that she can't see just how essential a role she has played in all these relationships as well as in her relationship with Nell - MA is quite correct to describe her as 'a miracle.'

Thank you Mary.

#233:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 11:17 pm
    —
Ellie has been given such a precious gift in those photos, and when she feels able to contact her mother's friend that could be such a rich source of comfort for her, and an opportunity to get to know her mother a little.

Sister Patricia's pictures are inspired, too. She has melded Hilda's past and future lives together in the linking of her two gifts, and it will be such a comfort to Hilda to have a tangible reminder of her future home.

I loved the staff berating Vivien for leaving the place in a mess, and MA banging the phone down on Hilda. Also loved Matey's increasing sensitivity to Hilda's needs, she's stopped barging in and is giving Hilda space to make her own decisions, whilst still being ready to support - and bully, but only when it's necessary!

No, Hilda will never be able to hear those praises with any understanding. And if she became aware of her vast influence, I doubt if she'd have it any longer, it's the love that flows so selflessly and totally unconsciously from her heart that makes the difference.

Thank you, Mary.

#234:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:08 am
    —
i think I'm in tears not just Hilda. That was beautiful and such a rare, extraordinary gift Hilda gave them and she'll only have a glimmer of an idea of why Sister Patricia is so profoundly grateful since reacting the way she did was so much a part of who she is that she would have done it without thinking or thinking anything of it. Thank you Mary

#235:  Author: SarahLocation: Skelmersdale, Lancashire PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:15 am
    —
Quote:
think I'm in tears not just Hilda.

I agree with Fiona Mc!
Mary, that was just beautiful! Very Happy

#236:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:48 am
    —
Sarah wrote:
Quote:
think I'm in tears not just Hilda.

I agree with Fiona Mc!
Mary, that was just beautiful! Very Happy


I'll second that! Do you have shares in Kleenex by any chance? Laughing
Your usual deft touch Mary.
There is a line somewhere 'for it is in giving that we receive', and that certainly applies to all the women in this post.

#237:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 2:51 pm
    —
Thank you, Mary. I couldn't have guessed those particular gifts, but how appropriate. *thanks Sr. Patricia* And Ellie will make sure that Hilda eats, yes? Laughing

MA is, as usual, superb. I love the juxtaposition of
Quote:
What? No argument? You are in a bad way!
with the very affirming language.

Nice the way the title worked into this one. Smile

#238:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 4:18 pm
    —
Oh, how much I **loved** the thought of Hilda being utterly reckless for God - what a glorious image !
And what a loving conversation. ....off to find a tissue now !

#239:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:51 pm
    —
Mary I've read this three times and each time I've found new and greater depths in it.

Hilda is so unaware of how much she gives to Ellie and to everyone who needs her.

Quote:
Hilda’s exhaustion finally caught up with her at the affection she heard in her friend’s voice. Her eyes misted over. “Mother, I’ll speak to you in a little while….” She stopped. Her throat was too tight. The words refused to come.

“What’s wrong, daughter?” asked Mother Abbess, with great tenderness.

Hilda closed her eyes, struggled for composure. “I’ll tell you shortly,” she whispered. “But I wonder if you could allow Sister Patricia to come to the phone, as there are three very grateful people here.”


This is just typical of the way Hilda always puts the needs of others before her own. Even in her exhaustion, she is still mindful that both Ellie and Vivien wish to thank Sister Patricia for their wonderful gifts and she makes sure that they can do this before she has her turn.

I'm so pleased that Sister Patricia realised that Hilda was at breaking point and needed to speak to Mother Abbess, and MA of course, knows exactly what to say to Hilda, how to help her.

I love the G K Chesterton quotation and the way MA related this to Hilda as her miracle, Ellie's miracle, God's miracle and Nell's miracle. A wonderfully thoughtful reassurance of her trust in Hilda

Thank you so much Mary

#240:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:14 am
    —
How typical that Hilda would not be able to comprehend the rareness of what she has brought to Ellie's life. And given the perspicacity of the nuns, Hilda's gifts of love and sensitivity stand out even more remarkably for what they are. And Sister Patricia is so right; if the nuns could not reach Ellie, it would all have gone so dreadfully wrong, and this makes Hilda's love and concern for Ellie all the more valuable.

And I loved the recognition of the roles that other people are now able to play in Ellie's life - and of course it is all due to Hilda's healing of her, which as Sister Patricia says [quote]you have been totally reckless for God [quote], and it is this which makes Hilda the 'miracle' that she is.

Thank you Mary.

#241:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:31 pm
    —
Kathy_S wrote:
Nice the way the title worked into this one. Smile

You're quick, Kathy! rofl rofl rofl

jacey wrote:
Do you have shares in Kleenex by any chance?

Sorry, jacey and Fiona. Crying or Very sad Don't mean to make you weep. The next pieces won't help, either. Because that coversation with MA has only just started.....

.....Before Hilda could react, the sweet voice she loved spoke into her ear. “Will you believe me now, when I tell you how much I have received from you? Do you understand why Sister Catherine rubber-stamped my plans for you? Patricia means every word, my daughter. Oh yes, I trusted Him, because I agree with G K Chesterton: The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.”

She added softly, “You happened. You were my miracle, Ellie’s miracle, God’s miracle. Just as you had been Nell’s miracle. And you are truly most astonishing, child.”

In the silence that stretched between them, Hilda’s tears took on the dimensions of a flood. Why did these loving women persist in making such outrageous comments? Astonishing? Reckless for God? She was very staid and ordinary and unadventurous. Nell had been the reckless, astonishing one.

“Please don’t weep, daughter,” said Mother Abbess tenderly, sensitive as always to her friend. “You must allow us occasionally to open our hearts. Those little pictures were meant to remind you of home – and of our love and gratitude for all you do.”

Hilda smiled through her tears. “I don’t do anything, Mother,” she whispered. “But whenever I look at them I shall think of you all, and of what is waiting for me there. Thank you for letting Patricia know my places of refuge.”

“How did you….?” gasped the nun, hearing the dry note in Hilda’s quiet voice.

“Because, although she might make a guess about the chapel, how else would she know about those rocks and that particular view?” The dry voice grew drier.

“Not the Sword of Damocles again, please,” pleaded Mother Abbess.

Hilda’s husky laugh was her reward. “Vivien and I did think about a re-match when we opened our presents, and you’ve just given me all the excuse I need – so beware!”

A silence filled with communication ensued, and it was as though Hilda’s pain flowed down the wire. The nun spoke with great gentleness. “I can sense that something has happened recently that laid you low, but let’s leave it for the moment while you compose yourself. How is the term going so far? I know Ellie is happy, but what about Mireille and the prefects and the school’s attitude to your guardianship?”

And what about Kathie, she wanted to add.

Hilda’s sigh was heartfelt, but the tears were abating. “I’ve written you a long letter, Mother, which answers some of your questions. But it’s been a difficult few days. Not with Ellie, though, for she’s fine, absorbs everything like a sponge. She’s fiercely intelligent and seems willing to be guided. Mind you, it’s still the honeymoon stage, so to speak, and I’m sure problems will rear their ugly heads. But she’s been such a comfort to me.” She laughed. “Ian has been perfect with her, even going to the extent of dreaming up a crazy secret society with her, which no doubt you’ve been told all about.”

Mother Abbess gurgled. “Heard about it? My dear, we’re all fully paid-up members!” There was a shocked silence from Hilda and the nun chuckled out loud. “Don’t forget, you let Ellie phone us when you first got back to school. She was full of it. And Ian added his two pennyworth later on. Oh, yes, AMAS is alive and kicking in this convent.”

“You’re all insane!” gasped Hilda. “Even Gwynneth, for all her biting sarcasm, couldn’t resist helping them make up rules for it. What’s wrong with you all?”

Mother’s voice was urgent. “Hilda, it’s a little piece of idiocy that is helping Ellie enormously, something she can have some control over – and can enjoy. And through it she can share with other people her great love for you. It's probably helping Ian, too, for the same reasons. So don’t knock it! And I might add, my friend, we were all of us glad to be able to make our feelings official.”

“You’ll be selling badges next and having secret meetings,” remarked Hilda tartly. The amused hooting at the other end startled her. “I give up. Go ahead! Make a fool of me! Only, Mother, keep us both in your prayers, for we’re both still licking our wounds. It seems to take forever, this healing of the heart.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Mother Abbess’s sweet voice spoke with understanding. “But I heard something the other day which gave me great pleasure. I’m giving away more secrets here, but I’m sure Gwynneth won’t mind. She has phoned me occasionally since your accident, and she’s just told me how strong you are being; that you seem to have re-discovered your old self-confidence. Indeed, she tells me you were never more formidable, and she is in awe at the way you’re handling yourself and others.”

“I’ll kill her!” said Hilda with unaccustomed vehemence. “You’re nothing but a pair of gossiping old biddies. That Sword of Damocles is defininitely hanging over your head once more, woman.” Mother Abbess hooted again and Hilda wondered just what Gwynneth had revealed, but then decided that was between her two friends. And it gave her a warm glow to know they cared. “You asked about Mireille. She, also, seems to have found some self-confidence. She has some mysterious plan to blackmail the prefects into doing their jobs properly.”

“Don’t you expect her to discuss things with you first?” asked the nun with interest.

“No, I trust my prefects. Better if I don’t get involved and don’t have to mete out justice more often than is necessary. Mireille, for all her fears, is a sensible and perceptive girl. I shall play a waiting game and hope she will relieve my curiosity in due course. And the school all seem to have accepted Ellie, despite being my ward, poor girl! It’s meant some re-adjustment of our relationship, with me being Head, but she has played fair.”

“But she knew that, love, for you warned her more than once.”

Hilda’s voice was sombre. “Maybe, but the reality is harder than she expected and she has had to learn to keep things from me, which hurts her. She also has to keep quiet about things I may have said and not reveal them to her classmates. It means she walks a very fine line, where every word and action has to be weighed, la pauvre. On top of that, she has become closer to a mistress than most girls do, with Vivien, and this also she has to be discreet over. She must wonder sometimes which way is up, and yet she never complains.”

“I hadn’t thought of all that,” sighed the nun. “I’m beginning to see just how hard it is for her, and for you also. Making her your ward hasn’t been all jam for either of you, has it?”

Hilda’s gentle laugh rippled down the wire. “Oh, I think Ellie and I would swallow many bitter pills so long as we are together, Mother.” Her voice sobered as she added, “Talking of bitter pills, though, Mother, I know you’re aware Tessa is still having a bad time, and that your prayers are ongoing for her. But could I ask your prayers for someone else? Joey Maynard is pregnant, has been since I was in the San, but it’s not going too well, and she’s frightened she’ll lose the baby. Would you ask God for some peace of mind for her, and a spirit of acceptance should she be proved right?”

“She, too, we will keep in our hearts, daughter dear, along with you, Ellie and Tessa. I have a lot of time for Jack Maynard.” Waiting a beat, she asked bluntly, “And what about you, child? Which night was the loneliest?”

#242:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:41 pm
    —
Yes, that's the question MA has been wanting to ask all along, isn't it?


Thanks Mary.

#243:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 7:53 pm
    —
I do so love Mother..........sharp as a razor, wise as a serpent, loving as a true mother.
She is truly an achievement, Mary.
Thank you for giving her to us Very Happy

#244:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 8:37 pm
    —
Trust MA to allow Hilda to review all that has happened since they last spoke, even though she senses something more upsetting which is not yet being spoken about - and then, right at the end, to cut to the chase. Identity Hunt, I love your description of her - and entirely agree with it.

But it's lovely to have Hilda's account of the various events of the day, and to be able to reassure her beloved MA that she and Ellie really *are* settling down, and that Ellie is coming to really grasp the reality that she may not have unlimited access to her guardian just whenever she wants it - thanks to all these other people looking out for her well-being, and for Hilda's too, for that matter.

Thanks Mary - I'll be waiting to see which night Hilda describes as the worst one - soon?

#245:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 9:02 pm
    —
What a wonderful exchange between Hilda and Mother Abbess. MA is so understanding of Hilda’s need to share her thoughts. She needs to review and consider all that has passed since the last telephone conversation. MA understands the difficulties that both Hilda and Ellie face now that term has started, and Ellie has had to realise that there are things which she must not share with Hilda. They both need to tread a thin line to ensure that Ellie is fully accepted by her fellow pupils. As usual, though, Hilda’s thoughts are with those who need the prayers of MA and the sisters, adding Joey to the list.

I, too, wonder which night Hilda will say was the loneliest.

Thank you, Mary for another wonderfully emotionally charged post.

#246:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 1:04 am
    —
I love reading about the secret society and how all the nuns have joined. Its made me laugh especially Hilda's reaction to it. She is just so fragile and MA is so sensitive to that allowing Hilda to relax and then delving into the deepest recess of her soul. For friends like these. Thank you Mary

#247:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:21 am
    —
Lovely!!!
Thanks Mary

#248:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 11:54 am
    —
That was such a revealing conversation, and the extent to which MA cares for Hilda is so apparent - and how involved she is in all aspects of Hilda's life and those for whom she cares.

Of course Hilda sees herself as 'ordinary and unadventurous,' even though her life since Nell has been so remarkable and astonishing. But MA knows better and will tell Hilda so on many occasions!

And how aware MA is of all that has been happening in Switzerland and the demands that it has made on Hilda - and yet she has recovered her old self-confidence just as Gwynneth has noticed - even if she and MA are 'a pair of gossiping old biddies!' Very Happy

And then that last question that goes to the heart of the matter and encapsulates all that Hilda has felt .....

#249:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 12:57 pm
    —
Wonderful. MA is so understand of Hilda's needs and feelings.

Thanks, Mary.

#250:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:01 pm
    —
That was wonderful Mary. How self giving Hilda is - passing on all the news, telling her supporter of their needs, and all the while keeping back the things which are hurting her so. OK, she is about to be forced into admitting them, and she probably wasn't ready to talk about them up until then, but honestly.

Oh and Hilda - "very staid and ordinary and unadventurous", my foot!

Thanks Mary

#251:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 6:19 pm
    —
*giggles over Hilda's response to Matey and the spread of the secret society*

Hope they'll continue to help lift spirits all around, especially Hilda's....

Thank you, Mary.

#252:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:22 pm
    —
Identity Hunt wrote:
I do so love Mother..........sharp as a razor, wise as a serpent, loving as a true mother. She is truly an achievement, Mary.
Thank you for giving her to us Very Happy

And thank you for such a brilliant summing up of her character, Sian, and for appreciating her so much. But, you know - she was given to me as well. Wink

....Waiting a beat, she asked bluntly, “And what about you, child? Which night was the loneliest?”

Hilda gasped at being read so clearly, then whispered, “Last night, I’m afraid, Mother…. I think it was your little book that did the damage…. It spoke to me so forcibly of Nell – and she wasn’t there. All I heard was silence. All I saw was emptiness ahead of me. Remember how I was when I first came to you? My future didn’t exist. It was a black hole of nothingness. What was left for me?”

“That disintegration I mentioned – of you and of your life.”

A long, sad sigh came down the line. “Yes, you see so clearly, don’t you? Joey told me this week that she felt I was being pulled away from them all after Nell’s death, that they were losing me as well. They were, for a while. I didn’t want to be near the school nor anyone connected with it - for they were all connected to Nell, and that hurt too much. You fitted the pieces of my life back together, but you shook them up first, so the pattern was different, my path through that pattern was different, and hence returning here became a possibility. But it has been no easy restoration, all the same. The suffering has been great at times, almost more than I could bear, as you know.”

“But you did bear it, daughter, with the greatest courage,” Mother Abbess admonished her gently. “You have smiled at the world when your heart was breaking, poured the light of your love on all, and rescued Ellie, Ian and myself, to name but three.”

Silence was the only response she received for a while, and then Hilda seemed to go off at a tangent. “Nell tells me she has lost nothing by her death – and gained everything.....”

“Whereas you seem to have lost everything and gained nothing,” the nun replied.

“So I thought, Mother,” Hilda whispered. “Others had lost something by her death, but it seemed to me that I had lost all that made life worth living. Until you, in your wisdom, taught me differently. And I see now that the death of Nell has given new depth and intensity both to my life and to the relationships I had formed over the years. ”

“Gwynneth? Nancy? Ian?”

“And many another, Mother,” came the tremulous reply. “But Nell’s death has done even more than that. Through it, three complete strangers walked into my life and enriched it even further. Ellie and Vivien are gifts of great blessing, surely sent by Nell herself. But you, Mother, you brought not only yourself but a whole community to love and support me. You and Nell even handed me a new dream, one that has enabled me to move forward.” The mellow voice sank low. “So all I have lost is the physical presence of one person…… but oh, what a person!”

The voice finally broke. Mother Abbess said nothing, only waited for Hilda to regain her composure. She knew she was the only one to whom this impassive, self-contained woman would ever speak so openly about her thoughts and feelings. And she was honoured to be the recipient, for she learned so much in the listening.

Hilda took a deep breath. “So yes, I wept. Into the wee, small hours… See what an obedient daughter I am. So many tears I seem to have, at the most inconvenient times.” She paused and re-lived those dark moments of the previous night. “And yes, by the way, there were some very naughty words at your command in that letter - to let my grief out - because I really don’t want to keep breaking down. It’s not seemly in a Headmistress.”

“But, sweetheart, you have a right to your tears. Don’t try to restrain them for they will wash away all your bitterness. You can’t dam it all up as you were doing. And, you know, this breaching of your walls has left you so open to others, so willing to show your vulnerability. Seeing your own hurt helps others, for they know you understand, they know you have suffered as greatly as they have.”

Hilda’s voice was firm. “Just so, Mother – there are too many people out there, with too many hurts and griefs. They make me ashamed to give way as I do. Especially when I have so many people who love me, watch out for me. Should not the joy I’ve found end this yearning which undid me last night?”

Mother Abbess heaved a huge sigh. “How can it, love? Your sorrow and your joy are intermingled in your heart; sometimes one has sway, sometimes the other. And from your stores of joy you are blessing for so many others, I promise you, just as from your deep sorrow and vulnerability come healing for the wounded.”

“I wish I could believe that,” said Hilda sadly. “All I see is my own self-pity, which is why I have decided I must not phone you so often, even for those little inconsequential things you mentioned. You can’t become my crutch in this life. I must stand on my own two feet, though I suspect: You will be my Simon* through the years, bearing the burden of my loneliness, (Ralph Wright) just as Nell always was."

“And you were hers, child, and are becoming mine,” the nun said quietly.

Hilda cleared her throat. “Am I? I do hope so. I would bear your burdens and your loneliness willingly. You are such a very special and forthright Simon. How I love that fierceness in you, that unwillingness to accept anything shoddy or second-rate from me. It reveals how very much you care.”

Mother Abbess felt her own tears well up, and then they overflowed as Hilda continued, “You wrote in your letter of your “vanity, selfishness and total absurdity” during your years in the wilderness. But, Mother mine, those were truly illogical words. What about your total love, your blazing common sense, your mental toughness and gentle humility, your unique compassion? They all make you unparalleled among women. Even Sister Catherine can’t match you. And she knows it – why else would she give in to you as she does?”

“Hilda, please…..” croaked Mother Abbess, but Hilda steamed right over her.

“What a shock you must have been to them all when you entered! What a breath of fresh air to the Order’s orderliness! That God should think I merited one extraordinary person in my life is miracle enough, Mother, but that He should send another of such distinction into my life at this late stage is grace inconceivable. I will bless Him the remainder of my days for you, as well as for Nell. Such incomparable Simons, both of you,” she added, and her mellow voice was soft with her tears, her face was alight with her great love for two most unique and remarkable women.

*Simon of Cyrene helped Jesus carry the cross on the way to be crucified.

#253:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:38 pm
    —
That was amazing. And the conversation isn't over yet. How wonderful, that admission that it was MA's gift that was the hardest night, that in some ways, it was the permission to let herself be real. How human that desire to be strong, to aim for the best cover up of her feelings that she can manage.

And yet, MA is so right. To cover up our feelings, to hide them from ourselves, it is not good for us. It is the start of the pathway to ill health. And though Hilda is being firm with herself, she needs to give in, and admit to others that there are times when she does find things difficult.

I loved the free admission of all that Hilda has gained from the loss of Nell. So often, it is only with hind sight that we can see the blessings bourn out of pain. And yet, I am sure that some parts of Hilda would willingly give it all up if only she could have Nell with her again. Well, the parts which forget the needs that Ellie has, and which would never have kept Nell if it meant that Ellie was going to be left to struggle on alone.

How nice it is that Hilda can admit that there is beauty from pain - regardless of her own desires, regardless of the fact that she still longs for Nell, there is beauty there.

Thank you Mary

#254:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:04 pm
    —
This is indeed truly amazing. To watch Hilda chart her progress from 'the sounds of silence' following Nell's death through the re-ordering of her life thanks to MA's shaking up the kaleidescope to re-arrange the pieces is once again to watch in awe as she takes yet another giant leap forward in her journey through her grief.

Even though her sense of loss can't help but continue to overcome her from time to time, and she certainly needs MA's assurance that she is still entitled to weep for Nell, she is so much aware of all the positive things which have come to her as a result of Nell's death - and how much of a role MA herself has played in all of this.

The love and understanding between these two women is so wonderful to watch too - even through the phone lines, each is so much in tune with what the other is feeling. And I do love the way that Hilda is able to 'turn the tables' on MA by pointing out to her just what her very special characteristics are.

Thank you, Mary, for once again allowing me to be a 'fly on the wall' during that conversation - which I suspect is not yet finished!

#255:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:29 pm
    —
Oh Mary that was so beautiful and so real that I could relate to it all. Thank you

#256:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:49 pm
    —
What an amazing wonderful conversation between Hilda and Mother Abbess. They understand each other so well and their relationship is so special. They both feel that they can be open with each other. And there again is the reference to 'new dream'

Quote:
You and Nell even handed me a new dream, one that has enabled me to move forward.”


As Elder says, Hilda needs MA's assurance that she is still entitled to weep for Nell, she is so aware of all the positive things which have come to her as a result of Nell's death - and how much of a role MA herself has played in all of this.

I love the Ralph Wright quote. MA is indeed Hilda's Simon, as was Nell.

Thank you Mary for another emotionally charged post. Very Happy Very Happy

#257:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 11:11 pm
    —
I fully intended responding to this, but find I really need to think about it much more. I found this so interesting:
Quote:
You fitted the pieces of my life back together, but you shook them up first, so the pattern was different, my path through that pattern was different, and hence returning here became a possibility.
and I also particularly liked Hilda's word to MA:
Quote:
How I love that fierceness in you, that unwillingness to accept anything shoddy or second-rate from me.
So very true of Hilda herself in her response to others, of course.

I so identify with Hilda's unwillingness to use MA as a crutch and, like her, perhaps, I'm not sure anyone else can carry the burden of our loneliness in the end. Whatever Hilda hides from everyone else, she is never less than honest with herself, and I think that is the important thing. She expects too much from herself in feeling guilt for her continuing grief, but as she accepts that emptiness and lives through it, letting herself feel it, she will heal and will have even greater understanding to help others. And of course the tragedy of Nell's death was not positive, and of course she would change it if that were possible, but as it has happened, good has been brought out of it, including the finding of those special people who are able to bring comfort and continued purpose.

Going away to think lots. thank you, Mary.

#258:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:34 pm
    —
That paradox is one that keeps resurfacing isn't it - that through that terrible loss, Hilda's relationships with others have gained a 'new depth and intensity' and the gifts that are MA, Vivien and Ellie - to name but three- have come into her life with all the joys associated with them. And she has that new dream to move on to...but all this comes at the price of her loss of Nell.

And MA recognises this and sees the results - that
Quote:
Your sorrow and your joy are intermingled in your heart; sometimes one has sway, sometimes the other. And from your stores of joy you are blessing for so many others, I promise you, just as from your deep sorrow and vulnerability come healing for the wounded.


And what a lovely recognition that MA is becoming a Simon just as Nell was- and how clearly Hilda recognises the special qualities that MA has:
Quote:
your total love, your blazing common sense, your mental toughness and gentle humility, your unique compassion
, all of which meake her that 'most unique and remarkable' person.

Thank you Mary.

#259:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:44 pm
    —
There is so little I can add to all the wonderful comments except that Hilda is right; MA must have been a shock and a bit of a trial to the sisters when she entered the convent first, after her eventful life Wink

I have visions of Hilda similarly causing consternation,as she has indeed already done......

#260:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 4:06 pm
    —
Another wonderfully emotional post. Thanks, Mary.

#261:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 10:05 pm
    —
It should really be three unique and remarkable women, Hilda may not see herself as such but we do.

The conversation between the two of them is wonderful.

Thank-you Mary.

#262:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 3:14 am
    —
Can't think of anything that hasn't already been said more eloquently, but - Thank you, Mary.

#263:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 5:50 am
    —
Hadn't realised that I'd not commented on this Embarassed - many thanks Mary.

#264:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 7:42 pm
    —
Thank you for the lovely comments on that conversation. But now for a change of scene.... Very Happy

By the time Monday arrived, the school had shaken itself free of the shock of losing Tessa and the girls were ready to settle down to work. The start of a new school term allied to their own New Year Resolutions inspired most girls to vigorous efforts, and the Staff aimed to take advantage of that while it lasted. The new girls were taken into their midst and Mireille accepted as their new Head Girl. Hilda, herself, found her tension relaxing after the care and affection shown to herself and Ellie by Mother Abbess and Sister Patricia, and also by Vivien, Ian and Matey. Her tiredness slowly dissipated and her sorrow and loneliness retreated temporarily into the shadows, to stand there watching and waiting.

She saw Ellie settle further into her niche at the school, and remained completely unaware that the girl was struggling; had indeed been struggling almost since the first day of term. Ellie had discovered there was a serpent in her Garden of Eden! But she had, so far, been able to keep it from her guardian, unsure how much to tell her, unsure even if most of it was not her own fault.

Hilda remembered her thoughts on the first night of term - that she had to make the best of the time left to her. There was still much that Nancy and Kathie had to learn, for she needed to leave them strong and sturdy and competent. And five terms did not amount to many days! One of the matters she had to resolve was Kathie’s attitude, which was why she continued her visits to the chapel in the early mornings, coming away refreshed and less burdened. Ellie had begged to accompany her, once she found out, but Hilda had indicated to her gently that she had to follow the same routine as the other girls. To do otherwise would cause problems.

Hilda also kept her eye on her Head Girl and saw her relax a little as the new term got under way, but somehow that worried her. Mireille could be lulled into a false sense of security and not be ready when trouble arrived. Even as she thought this, she grimaced. Nell would have severely taken her to task for worrying before the event. “Leave tomorrow to look after tomorrow,” she used to chant at Hilda.

The prefects, at first, also seemed a little more relaxed than they had been the week before. Did they feel they were making progress? Hilda herself had her doubts. So she set about making her own presence felt more than usual, prowling the corridors at break times and after meals, and during prep. And it seemed to her wise and experienced eyes that the Middles were beginning to flex their muscles. They were scenting weakness where there should be a strength, division where there should be cohesion. She also sensed, without any real hard facts to supprt it, that the main problems were two of the Fourth forms, one of whom should have been beyond such antics.

Hilda’s ability to keep her finger on the pulse of the school was feeding her the correct information. Lower and Upper IVB forms were, indeed, flexing their muscles, and intended to make the most of any weaknesses in the perfects’ defence system. Having no outdoor games that term left them with plenty of excess energy, which was not much depleted by gym lessons and tame rambles. They started quietly, testing the waters with small disobediences – using slang loudly enough to be overheard and then shrugging their shoulders when fined; talking whenever they could in the corridors, and then raising eyebrows in amazement when they were awarded an order mark.

Lacking confidence in their ability to quell the small misdemeanors, some of the prefects found the show of dumb insolence even harder to handle, for it told of contempt for their weaknesses. They saw they had let down their guard too soon. Prefects like Ghislaine and Emilie could only watch in awe, and try to learn, when one good rant from Gillian, or one disdainful remark from Wanda von Eschenau, had the offenders slinking away abjectly, their tails between their legs. The Fourths very soon discovered which prefects were worth their salt – and one and all kept their distance from Gillian! Surprisingly, Mireille was not yet a target, but most of the other prefects expostulated loud and clear in their room.

“It’s not as though they are doing anything we can punish them properly for,” moaned Elspbeth McTavish. “Shrugging shoulders and raising eyebrows because they’ve been caught out are hardly crimes.”

“Oh yes they are, my lamb, and don’t you forget it. Insolence, silent or otherwise, is most definitely a crime! As are using slang and talking in corridors and speaking the wrong language on any given day,” said Gillian robustly. “Grubby little urchins! Let them get away with these small things, Elspbeth, and they’ll rub their hands gleefully and move on to bigger things. Jump on them for any and every infringement, no matter how small, until they’ve got the message!”

“It’s what we’ve always done,” added Mireille quietly. “It’s cheek in any and every language to receive a fine or an order mark in that nasty way, and has never been accepted here. Though I have to say, they haven’t tried anything like that on me.”

Gillian stared at her thoughtfully. “I think they’re gearing themselves up for something more enterprising, now they’ve seen what they can get away with. So I don’t think you’ll have long to wait, mon amie. Be prepared.”


Last edited by MaryR on Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

#265:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 8:53 pm
    —
Wow - that was a change of scene. And what a telling one. There always has to be that initial relaxing into the new state of affairs before the time of testing, the checking of the boundaries by the younger girls.

I'm so glad to hear that Hilda is doing better - though she is missing something if she doesn't realise how difficult Ellie is finding life. I hope that Vivien, or someone else, is able to expose it before Ellie suffers too much. Now, the question - is this serpent just a situation, or does it also stand for a person? It sounds rather like a person I think.

And of course Hilda is worrying about Nancy and Kathie - especially after the jealousy that Kathie has been experiencing recently.

Now those silly prefects have to get on top of the middles and stop this insubordination. Hopefully Mirelle, supported by Gillian, can lead them into the breach, give them a game plan, and make a difference in the school - they need it if Hilda is seeing the signs of imminent rebellion.

Thanks Mary

#266:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:01 pm
    —
Oh-oh - I wonder who is setting out to make things difficult for Ellie? We knew she'd probably encounter something of the kind at some point, however. And good for her for endeavouring to prevent Hilda finding out - though knowing her guardian, she is sure to do so in the end.

Talking of that same guardian, I never fail to be amazed by Hilda's sixth sense when all is not well in the school, and her ability to pinpoint exactly where the rumblings are coming from - the middles, of course, who else? Was it Nancy Wilmot who once yearned for a cane and the right to use it on the girls in that age group?

I loved the exchanges among the prefects there, too - trust Gillian to come through with her own brand of common sense. As for the younger girls 'sussing' out which are the weaker prefects - another prime example of 'nothing changes, not even the wind!'

But I can't help awaiting developments here with a certain amount of dread - I just hope that Gillian and Mireille between them can make an impression on the Middles when the time comes. If not, then I imagine that those guilty Middles (whatever their wrong turns out to be) will be interviewing Miss Annersley at her stateliest and iciest best.

As for Kathie and Nancy, I hope their relationship will improve as term progresses, but I do wonder what will have to happen for Kathie to come around to that.

Thanks Mary

#267:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:07 pm
    —
I have a sneaking suspicion that I know who could be causing problems for Ellie - won't post it as don't want to give anything away - but might contact Mary privately. As for the Middles - will they have it so easy now Gillian and Mirelle have educatesd the rest of the Prefects in how to behave?


Many thanks Mary.

#268:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:28 pm
    —
A lovely picture of the middles sussing out the prefects!

Thanks Mary

#269:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 9:33 pm
    —
I'm wondering if its the person I'm thinking of thats causing problems for Ellie? And does it have any link with Hilda's problems with people? Anyway its nice to see what the prefects are up to and a lull like that wouldn't last forever. Am very intrigued to see how it all turns out

#270:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 10:42 pm
    —
I thought things were working out rather too well!

What a striking, though unsettling, image of Hilda's sorrow and loneliness watching and waiting in the shadows, but I'm glad she is having a respite from them, anyway.

I wonder if Hilda has overplayed her hand a bit in warning Ellie so firmly about talking to her about things that happen in school. I fear Ellie might not be able to tell the difference between inappropriate talebearing and telling her guardian about a situation that's making her really unhappy, and wondering if it's her own fault would make it worse.

I also wonder if Hilda's prowling is going to mean her own work piles up! Good to see her finger so firmly on the pulse, though - those Middles don't stand a chance in the end, though they might cause mayhem for a while. I sympathise with the prefects, that covert insolence is so hard to deal with - though Gillian doesn't seem phased by it, she's quite splendid!

Thank you, Mary.

#271:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 10:49 pm
    —
As usual Hilda has a sixth sense that all is not well in the school. Even now nothing escapes her, and of course she knows just where the trouble will come from.

Middles will be Middles!! They have already sensed a weakness in some of the Prefects. Gillian is right, the Prefects need to jump on each and every bit of cheek or insolence or the Middles will take advantage. Gillian stared at her thoughtfully.

Quote:
“I think they’re gearing themselves up for something more enterprising, now they’ve seen what they can get away with. So I don’t think you’ll have long to wait, mon amie. Be prepared."


I wonder what the Middles are planning. Rolling Eyes Rolling Eyes

I'm worried about Ellie though, particularly with regard to the serpent in her Garden of Eden. I've got an idea about this, but I do hope my instinct is wrong

Thank you for another lovely post, Mary

#272:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:30 am
    —
No idea about Ellie's serpent, so I'm just sitting back and waiting for things to unfold.

I could almost start feeling sorry for the middles now. If Hilda knows who is behind things already, before they've even begun, they'll probably come to a sticky end. In a tempering justice with mercy sort of way.

Thanks Mary.

#273:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:52 pm
    —
Goodness, there are a lot of undercurrents aren't there? There are so many things that could go wrong - issues with Kathie and Nancy, the ever-present problem of Middles, the prefects' problems and Ellie's worries. Hilda's instincts are so reliable, and she is so aware of the potential and developing issues, And now she is nearer to her 'new dream; it is 'next year' and yes, five terms is not long, which adds a sense of urgency to everything. Hopefully, some things, such as the prefects' difficulties will be resolved without too much difficulty - and I am sure that the Middles will regret their actions! - but the difficulties that Ellie faces and Kathie's problems are extremely complex.

And behind all that, there is Hilda's 'sorrow and loneliness' that has retreated, but stands there 'watching and waiting.' That is such a haunting image.....

Thank you Mary.

#274:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:27 am
    —
Eek.
I wonder who is Ellie`s serpent ? Shocked

Am on tenterhooks, or as we say down here, "ar bigau'r drain"
( though the spelling might not be quite right LOL)

#275:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:11 pm
    —
Tara wrote:
I thought things were working out rather too well!.....those Middles don't stand a chance in the end, though they might cause mayhem for a while.

What were you saying, Tara? Been at my script again, I see. Laughing Laughing

'Tis a bit long, I'm afraid. Embarassed



......Gillian stared at her thoughtfully. “I think they’re gearing themselves up for something more enterprising, now they’ve seen what they can get away with. So I don’t think you’ll have long to wait, mon amie. Be prepared.”

When she took prep with Lower IVB the following day, Mireille was to find out just how true a prophet her friend had been. She had an essay to write for Miss Annersley on The Tempest and, having done the necessary research and note-taking, was hoping to get as much down on paper as she could during this session. It was not to be! Scarcely had she set down her books and written her first paragraph when she found a steady stream of girls queueing up for help over the most trivial of matters, and this distracted her so skilfully that she forgot to keep her eyes and ears glued to the others.

Suddenly aware of a mock sword fight going on in one corner, with girls turning round to egg on the combatants, Mireille shot to her feet. “Turn round this instant, all of you, and apply yourself to your prep. Susan and Judith, bring me your rulers. You can do without them for the rest of the session! ”

“But, Mireille….,” they begged, their faces crestfallen.

“If you’re worried about neatness, you should have thought of that earlier. Do as I tell you, please.” She spoke quietly, though she found herself rather nervous, anticipating a fight. Surprisingly, the two girls complied, but grinned secretly at their friends as they returned to their seats. They had expected worse, lines at the very least. Mireille was not usually so lenient, especially where these two were concerned, for they were known throughtout the school as The Incorrigibles.

Silence fell for a while, but a silence filled with restlessness and constant small noises, none of it conducive to study for those who were trying to work. The line of girls waiting for help grew steadily longer, the rustling of papers and the annoying sounds of pencils tapping and books being dropped grew steadily louder, and Mireille was suddenly forced to confront it all when a crash was heard, followed by a smothered scream. Mireille raised her head and glared at the author of this hullabaloo, who was picking herself up and rubbing her elbow.

“Tilting, Sian?” asked Mireille dangerously. “You know it isn’t allowed. Take an order mark and go and stand over at the table there to finish your work, since you clearly have no idea how to treat a chair.” She waited until it was done and then turned her attention to the queue at her desk. “Please go and sit down, every one of you. It seems to me that you’ve learned nothing in your lessons today. Well, that’s just too bad. If there is something you really can’t do, you will just have to leave it – and pay the price tomorrow. Now, to work, all of you!”

Peace might eventually have reigned, but Mireille had failed to notice Catharine Brown seated near the back, who was slowly and cautiously building a tower out of her books. And this tower was perched precariously on the very edge of her desk. The silence had lasted precisely ten minutes when, without warning, the whole shebang collapsed and the force of gravity played one last trick on Mireille that night.

As one of the books plummeted towards the desk, it hit the sharpened point of Catharine’s pencil. The pencil cartwheeled through the air in a parabola and came down to stab Leah Franck sharply in the eye, causing her to let out an almighty yell. Another book landed on the stem of Catharine’s pen, which was at that point sticking out of her ink well, and both pen and ink well shot from the desk and showered ink all over the head and shoulders of Sophie Myers, seated in front of her. Any ink which failed in its appointed task and missed Sophie dripped in cataracts down her chair to form a blue pool on the floor. Sophie herself leapt to her feet with a screech loud enough to waken the dead.

Pandemonium ensued. Some girls jumped up to soothe Leah, some tried to blot up the ink off Sophie or the floor, some just took the chance to make more noise – while poor Catharine simply sat there, turned to stone. Mireille, aghast, shot to her feet once more and tried in vain to quell the riot. Feeling as though she was in the midst of a nightmare, scared that the Abbess or someone else in authority would erupt into the room any minute, she looked around her for inspiration. Desperate times call for desperate measures. She upended the metal bin and struck it hard, twice, with the wooden side of the blackboard wiper. The resultant booms were enough to knock some sense back into their little brains and the noise ceased abruptly.

Everyone stared at her as she lowered bin and wiper and stood there glaring round at them, one at a time. Leah was still moaning but Sophie’s screeches died away swiftly. “I should think so!” Mireille said softly. “I don’t want to hear another peep out of any of you. Sit down, please – all except Sophie.”

They did so. One could now hear the ticking of the clock, reminding them of all the prep they had not yet started! Mireille spoke again. “Leah, does your eye hurt much? Very well, Miranda, will you take her to Matron, please? And Sophie, you had better go along as well and beg some clean clothes. And your hair will need washing, I’m afraid.”

Miranda, Leah and Sophie departed. Mireille then turned her attention to Catharine, who had not moved a muscle since the catastrophe. One word dropped from the Head Girl’s lips. “Explain!”

Catharine gulped, rose to her feet. “I….I…I was just p…p….piling up my books…..”

“And they fell!” continued Mireille, still in that quiet and deadly voice. “You’re well aware they should be set on the floor when you’re not using them. Well, you have your punishment, for I’m quite sure you never anticipated quite such a disaster. Once Matron is finished with you over the state of Sophie’s dress and hair there won’t be enough of you left to fill a tea spoon. Then there’s Leah’s eye – and half the room seems to be doused in ink, and the floor painted blue. I have a feeling that Miss Yolland is also going to be very unhappy with you when she finds all this out.”

She stopped and stared at Catharine, who shivered. Everyone else slunk low in their chairs and made sure not to meet the Head Girls’s eyes. Mireille finally spoke again. “Helen, go to Miss Dene and ask for some large sheets of blotting paper, if you please. Catharine, if you have recovered a little, go and bring some hot water and several cloths. If you meet anyone on the way, make sure you explain – fully.”

Nearly in tears by this time, Catharine followed Helen out of the room, praying she would not meet any of the mistresses. Under Mireille’s steady eyes, the rest of the form applied themselves with unusual fervour to their work, not even raising their heads when Mireille and Catharine cleaned up as best they could. Some of the books were beyond saving, and the floor was badly stained. Ink had even dripped down the crack in Catharine’s desk and spattered on the books in there.

“You were certainly liberal with the stuff,” whispered Mireille, and clasped the girl’s hand in sympathy a moment, for she was all too aware how frightened she now was. “Why don’t you take these away and go and see Matron, get it out of the way? Then tell her I’ve suggested you change into your velveteen and return here to finish your prep before Abendessen. How does that sound?”

Suddenly her shock caught up with her and Catharine had tears in her eyes. She knew she did not deserve this kindness. “I’m s..s..sorry, Mireille,” she gulped.

“Good,” smiled Mireille. “I’m pleased you’ve apologised – and you won’t be so silly again, will you?” Catharine shook her head, picked up the bowl and cloths and departed to meet her doom at the hands of the beloved tyrant of the school.

Mireille made sure that all those who had not finished their prep stayed behind after the bell until it was done, and silence reigned so supreme that she was able to get some of her own essay written. However, she found it hard to concentrate. If Catharine was suffering, Mireille was also suffering. She knew that the disaster had been her own fault. She had not kept her eye on the situation up to that point, had allowed the girls to get away with behaviour she normally would never condone. And yet she had demanded that the other prefects take a firm hold of the girls. What an example she was turning out to be! She had fallen at the first hurdle – could she pick herself up and do better?


Last edited by MaryR on Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

#276:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:43 pm
    —
Oh dear! What a picture!!! *giggles* My sides are aching with laughter. Poor Mireille - just because she took her eyes off the Middles. But she has dealt faithfully with them all.

I certainly don't envy Catharine having to interview Matey and explain her misdeeds Sophie too, although she appears to be largely an innocent victim, but ink in her hair and all over her clothes - Matey will give her tongue free reign no doubt.

I loved the picture of Mireille using the metal bin as a gong to regain everyone's attention. Perhaps they will think twice about playing up again in Mireille's prep. Catharine was certainly left in no doubt about how far she had overstepped the mark, but here too, Mireille tempered justice with mercy clasping her hand in sympathy and giving Catharine an opportunity to apologise.

I hope Mireille realises that she has not failed, even though she had allowed this situation to arise. She has dealt with the aftermath very well and will have gained much respect from the Middles by her actions.

Thank you very much for this, Mary

#277:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 7:48 pm
    —
Well - I must say Mireille was a cockeyed optimist if she really thought she'd be able to get any serious essay writing of her own done whilst she was supervising the Middles' prep!! I will also be the first to admit that I have a great deal of sympathy for her 'ability' to let the whole lot of them take advantage of her in that way and really 'get round her neck' as it were - I fear I'd have found myself in a very similar situation in her position.

In fact it puts me in mind of the time I acted as a subsitute teacher - and believe me, they *had* to be absolutely desperate to call on me to do it - I always knew enough about my own shortcomings in the area of 'crowd control' to decide against teaching in the first place! - and one of the kids decided to do his Donald Duck impressions, which were always guaranteed to reduce his little classmates to hysteria!!

It's easy enough to be wise after the event and offer suggestions about how Mireille should have handled the situation; though one thing I think she should probably have done was to limit the number of people queuing up for her help at any one time - their presence effectively blocked her view of what other young 'sinners' were getting up to, with the results which we saw.

But her handling of Catherine was certainly 'justice tempered with mercy' in the end, when she realised just how upset the girl was at the results of her exploit. As was the calm which finally reigned during the 'extra prep' period. And she really has to remember those two positive aspects, rather than simply reproaching herself for all that went wrong - a reaction which, it is clear, has done nothing at all for her self-confidence, has it?

And yet, that scene was so realistic - and how typical of the Middles to be on the lookout for a weak link and exploit it to the full. I hope either Gillian or Hilda will be able to soothe Mireille and help her to see what went wrong there.

Thank you, Mary.

#278:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 9:01 pm
    —
I don't know that I would agree with Mirelle that she didn't do well there - I guess it might have been possible to tick Catherine off about the books, but really, it was all the sort of stuff that middles ought to know better than to do - and would have done regardless.

Even at that - who could have forseen that the books would cause injury to people and building fabric? That was a fluke - and one which must really have frightened Catherine - I'm willing to bet that she will never play that trick again!

And I'm sure that after a prep period like that, it is likely that the middles will quieten down for a little while - with Mirelle at any rate - and that is always good for the prefects in general. Now if Gillian and Mirelle can shove a bit of backbone into the rest of the prefects things will start getting better.

And if Mirelle can be convinced that overall she did very well then things will start coming together - I mean what I said - I could see Jo (or Mary Lou) having the same experience with the middles when she was at the top of her form dealing with naughty middles.

#279:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:30 pm
    —
Oh, how realistic for the situation to creep up on Mireille like that, with minor 'pushing it' behaviour leading to a real catastrophe. My aunt was actually blinded in one eye by being stabbed (accidentally) with a pencil when at school, so I do hope Leah is all right!

Mireille is going to feel awful about this, and I can imagine Matey calling her to account, but she certainly dealt with it well and wisely in the end, and Hilda, at least, will recognise that. Mireille's sympathetic response to the traumatised Catharine shows real wisdom and understanding.

BTW. Having had no clue about Ellie's serpent, an idea struck me in bed last night! Hope I'm wrong, as it would put a major cat amongst the pigeons.

#280:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Sat Sep 01, 2007 11:31 pm
    —
I had a nice giggle at the chaos of that prep period. It should subdue them for a little while.

I agree with those who think Mireille did well, other than possibly sitting the queue down that would have been quite hard to forsee or prevent.

Is it coincidence or design that a lot of the middles share names with people commenting on the story? I still haven't managed to read the previous parts, so I'm not familiar with the minor characters yet.


Thanks Mary.

#281:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 5:46 am
    —
What a fiasco for Mireille to deal with !
She did well, though . They should attempt to behave better in Prep for quite some while, I would imagine...........

And yes, Mary, I am sometimes guilty of the sin of tilting , LOL. Wink

#282:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 6:40 am
    —
That was a great scene. Mirielle did very well.
Thanks Mary

#283:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 10:14 pm
    —
Thanks Mary - I don't think Mirelle did any worse than anyone else here. She had Middles playing tricks, but they do that on everyone and the consequences were not anticipated. Hope she can be made to see that she was not at fault.

#284:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:03 am
    —
Poor Mireille, having to cope with such an unruly crowd of Middles. I think she handled it very well, though even to the point of tempering justice with mercy to Catharine - who deserved everything she got for maltreating books like that. (Not often one meets that spelling of the name is it? Wink)

Thank you Mary.

#285:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:47 pm
    —
I also think Mireille coped marvellously there.

Thanks, Mary.

#286:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:37 pm
    —
I have had several PMs asking if Kathie Ferrars is the *serpent* in Ellie's paradise. I can see why you would think that, but it would be very unprofessional of Kathie to behave in that manner. Hilda would surely remove her from the Headship when she found out. However, this um, rather long post might set you straight. Very Happy

BTW I have been using a combination of my own characters and Seniors taken from Ally's 2003 thread *After Prefects* to form my Upper and Lower Sixth, and both Erica and the other Senior mentioned by her in this post are on that list.


After prep was finished, Mireille stored her books in her locker and made her way to her own study. She felt she had let down both the Abbess and Tessa that evening, and needed some quiet reflection to come to terms with it. But, on opening her door, she found Gillian ensconced in one of the easy chairs and talking to Val Gardner, who was curled up on the window seat. They turned as one to look at Mireille. She closed the door none too quietly and sank into the other easy chair with a sombre face.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d make a guess that you were in a bad temper,” remarked Gillian curiously, but when she saw the frown which crossed her friend’s forehead she made to move from the chair. “I’m sorry, Mireille. You came in here for some peace. I’ll see you later. Coming, Val?”

But Mireille held up her hand. “Stay! I’m sorry to be such a grouch. I wanted to have a good moan at myself but I can do that anytime. What was it you wanted?”

Even as Gillian opened her mouth to speak, however, there was a tap at the door and Erica Standish entered, looking distinctly anxious. “Mireille, I’m sorry to disturb you but I wonder could I have a word?” She looked at the other two and shook her head. “I’d come back later but I don’t think this will keep.”

Gillian and Val rose immediately and made for the door. After another look at Erica’s face, Mireille said to Gillian, “If we’re not in the Speisesaal when the Abbess arrives, make our excuses and say we’ll be along as soon as possible.”

Gillian nodded, having also seen the anxiety. When the door had closed, Mireille indicated the empty chair, “Assieds-toi, Erica, ma chère, and tell me all about it.”

Erica sat nervously on the edge of the seat and then seemed to hesitate, as though unsure what to say. She gnawed her lip, frowned at the carpet. Mireille leaned forward. “Erica, if you don’t tell me shortly, it will have to wait, as neither of us has changed yet.” Erica still looked undecided, so Mireille asked sharply, “Who does it concern?”

“Ellie,” blurted out Erica, and then looked horrified. Mireille waited and Erica knew she had to finish what she had started. “It concerns another girl as well. And I don’t know what to do. I may have made a bad situation worse by what I’ve already done.”

Mireille eyed her thoughtfully. “Having said so much, you might as well tell me the rest. What have you done? And is it Ellie or the other girl who is the problem? I wouldn’t have thought Ellie….”

“No, it’s not Ellie’s fault,” replied Erica, then looked around desperately. Where to begin? She took a deep breath then spoke quickly, tumbling over her words in her efforts to make everything clear. “Yesterday, before Mitagessen, I went to put my things away in my locker and some of my books fell out so I sat on the floor to tidy the whole thing up. The thing is…. sitting on the floor…. one can’t be seen very easily by anyone….”

She paued and Mireille nodded, waited. “I thought the room was empty but suddenly I heard M- …..heard someone talking quietly…. well, hissing really, and it wasn’t very pleasant. Something about being the Abbess’s pet… I didn’t know who this person was talking to, and then I heard her hiss that whoever it was thought herself better than the rest of us… because she was the Abbess’s ward, and no doubt that was why all the staff buttered up to her and told her how clever she was….. So of course I knew it was Ellie….There was more of the same and I thought I really ought to let them know I was there – but then I heard the door bang and when I peeped out this other girl was standing there alone and staring angrily at the door. Ellie must have walked out on her… It was strange,” she added in surprise. “I couldn’t have held my tongue if someone had had it in for me like that. I would have gone for them, but Ellie….” She shook her head.

Mireille’s heart sank. After the last two hours, this was the last thing she wanted to hear. She remembered what the Abbess had said to her on the first night of term: To know that there is no one else you can call on; that you are the one to whom all others now turn; that you must now have all the answers, or most of them; that you are the one who has to make it better when it has all gone horribly wrong….. Ouch!

How right Miss Annersley had been. Erica was turning to her as a last resort, and she, Mireille, had to be the one to make it better. How did the Abbess do it all the time?

“What did you do?” she asked Erica hesitantly.

“I didn’t do anything,” whispered Erica fiercely. “I didn’t know what to do. I nearly leapt out and said nasty things myself – but then reflected that I had overheard something I wasn’t supposed to. I told myself that maybe it was just that one time…. Except….this person had sounded as though she was enjoying it, as though it wasn’t the first time… I waited till she’d gone and then went to find Ellie, but there was no sign of her anywhere till we went in to Mitagessen.” She paused, thought back. “I have to admire her. She held her head up, hadn’t been crying or anything. I suppose she was worried the Abbess would see… Who knows? Maybe she’s told the Abbess. I did ask her later if everything was going okay and she said it was. She didn’t look too happy, though.”

She clamped her lips together suddenly. This was sneaking big time! But she was a sub-prefect now, Mireille was Head Girl. Someone needed to know this was going on, do something about it. How many other girls were there suffering in silence like this?

Mireille guessed where Erica’s thoughts had led her. “It’s not sneaking, Erica. That’s why we’re here as prefects – to sort out problems before they get too big and have to be reported to the Abbess. Though I have to admit this is…. not nice, not nice at all,” and she frowned. Suddenly, she remembered what Erica had said at the beginning. “So why do you think you’ve made things worse? What did you do?”

Erica gazed at her, still not convinced she was doing the right thing by revealing this sorry tale. But the steadiness in Mireille’s eyes forced her to continue. “I tried to keep a look-out but nothing else seemed to happen. Then, this afternoon, after gym, I was the last to have a shower. I was going back to collect my stuff from the changing area when I heard her….”

“Meg Lyall,” said Mireille, so quietly that Erica almost missed it. She looked shamefacedly at the Head Girl.

“I gave it away, didn’t I? I hadn’t meant to. It really does feel like sneaking now.” But Mireille shook her head and indicated she should go on. “I’m afraid I slowed down… tried to hear what she was saying….It was more of the same, then…. there was something about showing off, parading the Abbess’s photo next to her bed….”

“How could she possibly know that?” asked Mireille in surprise.

“Dunno. Maybe someone told her or…” She stopped, eyed Mireille anxiously. “You don’t think she’s been prowling around other dormitories…”

“It’s against the rules, but she is in the dorm next to ours…” Mireille face held an expression of distaste. “This is a Senior, a member of Lower Sixth, we’re talking about here. I can’t believe it!”

But Erica was more than ready to believe it after all she had heard. “She didn’t sound like a Senior, I can tell you. Ellie tried to say something at one point but Meg just went on and on. It was creepy, all in this sort of horrid hissing, like a snake… In the end, I didn’t wait to hear any more, just barged in.”

She thought back to that scene. It had disgusted her…..


Last edited by MaryR on Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

#287:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:46 pm
    —
Nasty, very very nasty. That it's a Prefect, well Sub-Prefect, makes it even worse. And the terrible thing is that Ellie wouldn't tell anyone - because she would feel that was abusing her relationship with Hilda. Very, very glad that Erica not only overheard, but had the sense to speak to Mirelle. And well done Mirelle for saying all the right things - and for suddenly appreciating just how difficult it is, when the buck stops at you!


Thanks Mary.

#288:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 8:42 pm
    —
Oh dear, that so-fine line when something *must* be dealt with, and yet it feels as if you are sneaking.... clearly some things haven't changed in the almost 50 years since I left school.

But thank goodness that Erica heard what she did and has the sense to realise that she can't simply let it go unchecked. And while I hadn't guessed that Meg might be the 'serpent', I can see now why it would be her, given her earlier comments.

As Lesley rightly remarks, the facts of the matter are bad enough in themselves, but when it's a senior, and a sub-prefect to boot, who is the instigator, it's even worse. And I can indeed see why Ellie, who is nothing if not super-scrupulous about what she will say to Hilda, following the latter's warning earlier, would 'fall over backwards' in order not to let Hilda realise that there is a problem.

But I can see that Mireille is going to show just what she's capable of here, and her handling of this situation will more than make up for what she sees as her failures in dealing with the Middles during prep - though in fact, she dealt very well with them, but just can't see it. I wouldn't be in Meg's shoes when Mireille tackles her for all the tea in China.

Thanks, Mary - I shall be waiting with some impatience to see how this is resolved.


Last edited by Elder in Ontario on Mon Sep 03, 2007 11:02 pm; edited 1 time in total

#289:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:26 pm
    —
How horrible for Ellie, but she would never have told Hilda. Thank goodness that Erica has discovered the serpent and now Mireille knows about it, I just know she will find the right way to deal with Meg.

It was always to be expected that some of the girls might see Ellie as Hilda's pet, but so soon - that's a bit harsh! I do hope that Mireille will stamp on this very hard.

Poor Ellie, but poor Erica too, it is so difficult to know when it is right to speak out about something you have overheard.

Thank you Mary.

#290:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:56 pm
    —
Poor Ellie and Erica, and Mireille too. Just what she didn't need after that prep session.

As Linda said, it was always likely that Ellie would suffer for being Hilda's ward, but this is particularly nasty.

I'm looking forward to seeing how Mireille deals with it. I'm sure she'll be effective but I wouldn't like to be in her position now.

Thank-you Mary.

#291:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:08 pm
    —
This is, indeeed, the last thing Mireille needs, but how very sensible of Erica. The big flaw in the schoolgirl code of honour was always that it left the possibility of serious wrongdoing being allowed to continue unchecked because of the girls' hatrted of 'sneaking'. And of course Ellie wouldn't want to breathe a word to Hilda.
Meg is a very nasty piece of work, but I think she'll rue the day she started to bully Ellie. I don't envy Mireille having to deal with this - and Hilda is boiund to find out eventually, surely, in which case I should not like to be in Meg's shoes.
Quote:
To know that there is no one else you can call on ... that you are the one who has to make it better when it has all gone horribly wrong
Yes, a considerable burden for both Mireille and Hilda.

#292:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:53 pm
    —
Poor ellie to have to endure this and poor Erica and Mirielle for having to deal with and sort it out. Hope Mirielle can be inspired. I think its one of those things where it needs to be addressed by someone more Senior and the sad thing is Meg could quite well say any Mistress who talks to her about it is only worried about reprisals from Hilda and make it worse for Ellie. Madge would be the only one as owner who is more senior than Hilda who could say something without Meg being able to say anything like that. Not that I could see that happening somehow. Thanks Mary. Can't wait for the next post

Tries to look over your shoulder to see what yopu've written further on!! Wink Very Happy (Stop blocking the view Mary!!)

#293:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 1:04 am
    —
Poor Mireille, still agonizing over the Middles' latest -- though she did very well there -- to be faced with something far nastier. Plus, in this case, having Hilda intervene would probably make it even tougher on Ellie, who's surely suffered more than enough. Thank goodness Erica convinced herself to report it, despite everything. So many complications!

What next?

Thank you, Mary.

#294:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:10 am
    —
Please Mary - will you arrange me a private interview with this Meg? I think she needs dealing with in a special way that no one in charge of a school nowadays can get away with!

Poor Mirelle though - to have just finished dealing with such a middles class, then to find that one of her peers has done such an awful thing as that. She has done well encouraging Erica that she hasn't been sneeking to report this to her. In fact, it is something she needs to know about.

What has Erica done which might have made the situation worse though? And what will Mirelle do about it? Personally, I believe that Meg needs to be stripped of her prefectship for that kind of behaviour, but will that be best for the school? And that can only happen if Mirelle reports the matter to Miss A. But what will Erica think of that? Does Mirelle have the strength to do what she believes to be right regardless of what others might think?

Thanks Mary.

#295:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:10 am
    —
Oh dear, oh dear! Hope this doesn't get too nasty, Mary!

#296:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 12:03 pm
    —
Oh, poor Ellie !
Erica is being so sensible, confiding in Mireille. But what has Erica done to possibly exacerbate the problem, Mary ?

Mireille has my sympathy. If I had to deal with this Meg, it might involve rather more of a tongue-lashing than she or even Hilda can legitimately deal out.

More please, Mary !!!!!

#297:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 12:26 pm
    —
Meg is definitely a little snake, who is clearly been revelling in her behaviour. And Ellie is so obviously trying to protect Hilda by keeping silent about this, although it is behaviour that should be checked as Meg's view of things is so obviously skewed.

And Erica has done the right thing by telling Mireille about her inadvertant discovery as the latter obviously recognises, and that reassurance of Erica reveals Mireille's own mature and perceptive stance. And it is not surprising that she remembers Hilda's words:
Quote:
To know that there is no one else you can call on; that you are the one to whom all others now turn; that you must now have all the answers, or most of them; that you are the one who has to make it better when it has all gone horribly wrong…..


This does so exemplify the responsibility that Mireille now has, and that Hilda has trusted her to carry out - as well as showing just what is expected of Hilda continually.

#298:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:24 pm
    —
Fiona Mc wrote:
Tries to look over your shoulder to see what yopu've written further on!! Wink Very Happy (Stop blocking the view Mary!!)

rofl rofl rofl I've moved out of the way now, Fiona. Wink Though I think Kathy S managed to see over my left shoulder, judging by her comments.

I think there is some confusion, though, and it's possibly my fault. Meg Lyall is not a prefect or even a sub-prefect. She's in Ellie's and Erica's form, Lower Sixth. Meg Walton was the Meg who was made a new prefect the first day of term. And I've just this moment realised Erica referred to her as a prefect in the last post. Sorry! Embarassed Embarassed


.....But Erica was more than ready to believe it after all she had heard. “She didn’t sound like a Senior, I can tell you. Ellie tried to say something at one point but Meg just went on and on. It was creepy, all in this sort of horrid hissing, like a snake… In the end, I didn’t wait to hear any more, just barged in.”

She thought back to that scene. It had disgusted her…..

Meg’s face was twisted in a sneer, her head poked forward as though to strike Ellie, but when she saw Erica she straightened up, assumed a smile. “Ah, Erica, I was just telling Ellie…..”

“I heard what you were telling Ellie,” Erica said furiously, then turned to Ellie, whose face was ashen, her eyes blazing angrily. “Take your things and go, Ellie. I’ll see to this…this..”

Words failed her and Ellie simply turned and walked out. In an effort to control herself, Erica’s hands were balled into fists as she turned back to Meg. The latter’s smile had faded when she realised she had been overheard; also at the anger in Erica’s voice.

“That’s the second time I’ve heard you laying into poor Ellie,” snapped Erica angrily. “What could she possibly have done to you, in the short time she's been here, to make you treat her so shabbily? That’s not the way we do things here. How long has it been going on?”

Meg quickly re-gained her composure and stared right back at her, hands on hips. “Poor Ellie?” she jeered. “Poor little Ellie, the Abbess’s spoiled pet, who has everyone falling at her feet? Do me a favour!” she laughed scornfully. “And anyway, what’s it got to do with you, Erica Standish?”

“I would think it had something to do with every right-thinking person,” said Erica slowly. “But if you think about it, Meg, it certainly has a lot to do with me. Because it could be myself you were talking to there, as much as Ellie. After all, I too am a ward, Mrs Maynard’s ward – and she’s pretty popular around here, wouldn’t you say? Going to call me a favourite as well? After all, my guardian’s a great friend of the Abbess.”

“That’s different….” Meg shrugged her shoulders contemptuously.

“How is it different? Like me, Ellie has no parents, no other family. The only difference is in who our guardians are.” Meg glared at her, and Erica spoke urgently. “Think about it, Meg. Ellie and I are alike in almost every way. We’ve both lost both our parents, have no relations to go and live with, have had to leave the home and the country we grew up in, leave all our friends, start a new life with strangers. And it’s not easy,” she added sadly.

Erica was silent and Meg stared at her, but there was no relenting in her eyes. Erica spoke again. “Just put yourself in her shoes a moment, Meg. Or have you no imagination? Imagine your father has just died, as Ellie’s has, you have no one….”

“Yes, but she has Miss Annersley now. It didn’t take long, did it? And she does flaunt it so, pushing it under our noses….”

Erica gaped at her. “You’re jealous! Of a lonely girl who's just lost her dad! You’re out of your tiny mind! And you call yourself a Senior!” Then the sense of Meg’s words hit her. “She doesn’t flaunt it! What on earth are you talking about? No one would even know the Abbess was her guardian if the Head hadn’t told us herself.”

“She has a photo of the Abbess in her cubicle,” Meg said haughtily.

“So? You have photos of your parents, don’t you?” frowned Erica.

“Yes, but she has those as well, so why…?”

“How do you know?” asked Erica fiercely. “And what business is it of yours who or what she has in her cubicle, anyway? Just leave her alone or I’ll….”

“Or you’ll what?” jeered Meg. “Tell the Abbess I’m upsetting her little darling? I dare you!”


“But you can’t, can you?” said Mireille quietly now, and Erica stared at her, pulled up short.

“Why not?" she asked blankly. "That’s why I came to you. I was hoping you’d say we had to to tell her.”

Mireille shook her head. “Normally I would agree. It’s bullying – and we don’t allow that in any shape or size. But, if you tell the Abbess, she will be obliged to do something about it. Meg will think Ellie told her guardian – and she will make Ellie’s life even more unpleasant, and she will also make very sure that no one finds out this time.”

Erica’s jaw dropped. “I hadn’t thought of that.” She looked stricken.” So what can we do?”

Mireille sat and thought. “At the moment, not a great deal. Can you keep your eyes open, watch them?”

“Most of the time. Ellie and I do the same subjects, except she does Botany where I do History. Meg only has Literature with either of us. But I can’t be with Ellie all the time, Mireille. It would be impossible.”

“No, I agree. But now Ellie knows you've found out, she might be glad to talk about it with you.”

“Actually, Mireille, it might do the opposite,” groaned Erica. “She might be too embarrassed and keep away from me. Can’t say I’d blame her either. I know how I’d feel. That it was all my fault and I should be standing up to Meg…. But it’s hard to stand up to something like that….”

Mireille looked horrified. “What a pretty kettle of fish! And has she told the Abbess or is she hiding it from her? The latter, I would think. I wish I knew for certain, though. It would make it easier to know what to do and say.”

"Poor Ellie looked very, very angry," said Erica unhappily. "The next time she might do or say something she’ll regret. I wouldn’t have said she had a temper till I caught on to this – but it’s there alright!”

They both sat silently pondering the situation, longing for an adult to help. Then Mireille took herself in hand, sat up straighter, new resolve in her eyes. This was her job, no one else’s. Tessa wouldn't have shirked it, so she must do the same.

“Well, see what you can do and let me know if anything else happens,” she said firmly. “And I’ll keep an eye out for Ellie myself, see how she is in the dorm. I’ll also be keeping a very close eye on Meg. We’ll sort it out somehow, Erica. But don't discuss it with anyone else, please.”

Erica gazed at her in admiration. “Thanks for listening, Mireille. I feel so much better, now you’ve made me see I wasn’t sneaking, that it needed reporting. I hadn’t a clue what I thought about it all, till you made me talk it through. The Abbess was right, you know. You are a good Head Girl. I’m sure even Tessa could have done no more than you’re doing.”

#299:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:51 pm
    —
Hmmm, normally, of course, it would be a case of going straight to the Head about this - but in this case this would be very difficult. What about Nancy? As the Second Head she'd have the authority?


Thanks Mary

#300:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 8:08 pm
    —
What a wonderful vote of confidence Mirelle has just received from Erica. For Mirelle, I'm sure that will make the difficulties of her job well worth it. Even if it does make her feel as if the world is depending on her for a bit.

I can well see the difficulties in the case, how informing Hilda would make it seem like Ellie was 'telling tales' and how that might not make things much better - would Meg make life harder for Ellie if Hilda took official notice? It's difficult to know.

I'm still longing for that private interview Mary - prefrably somewhere reasonably soundproof - I wouldn't want anyone to come investigating!!!

Thanks Mary.

#301:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 10:09 pm
    —
How wise Mireille is - the first reaction is to take this to Hilda, but then immediately she sees how this might make things even more difficult for Ellie..

Erica too, realises that this is not the best move at the moment, but at least she is reconciled to the fact that she was right to take the problem to Mireille

Quote:
Erica gazed at her in admiration. “Thanks for listening, Mireille. I feel so much better, now you’ve made me see I wasn’t sneaking, that it needed reporting. I hadn’t a clue what I thought about it all, till you made me talk it through. The Abbess was right, you know. You are a good Head Girl. I’m sure even Tessa could have done no more than you’re doing.”


Erica is right here, Mireille has shown her true ability and I just know that she will instinctively take the right action to deal with this horrible instance of out and out bullying.

I do hope that Ellie does not lose her temper though. that certainly wouldn't help matters at all.

Thank you Mary

#302:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2007 11:41 pm
    —
Good for Mireille in helping Erica to untangle her thoughts and understand the right thing to do. I hope she's really encouraged by Erica's accolade.

I am, however, going to disagree with the rest of the universe, and urge Mireille to go straight to Hilda. This is so very nasty that it needs stopping NOW. It's awkward and embarrassing, sure, but Hilda has the wisdom and strength to deal with that - and how much bullying goes unreported because the victims fear they'll be even more savagely attacked? I totally understand their feelings, but I'm afraid they might find they've made things worse in the long run.

#303:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 7:13 am
    —
The similarities between Ellie and Erica really are striking, and do show just how unreasonable and unpleasant Meg's attitudes are. And it's interesting that Meg rejects Erica's reasoning - she really isn't seeing straight on this one at all is she?

Mireille's undoubted abilities are apparent here as she thinks her way round the problem and she certainly deserves the unconditional support that Erica gives her. She is responding so well to erica's request for help and behaving just as a headgirl shouldand validating Hilda's high opinion of her. But I do wonder if she's altogether correct - Meg is aware that Erica knows what she has been doing, so might find it impossible to blame it all on Ellie. Mind you, Hilda would want to tear Meg apart for hurting Ellie, so perhaps this is a safer outlook for Meg..... Very Happy

And Erica has been such a good friend here.

Thank you Mary

#304:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:48 am
    —
Thanks Mary. I never thought of the similariity between Erica and Ellie and they are in a difficult position and yet there is a similarity between Kathie Ferrars and Meg. Meg is jealous of Ellie's closeness to Hilda as is Kathie with Nancy and Vivien's closeness to Hilda. Maybe Kathie might be able to help. If she can deal with her stuff it may mean she can help Meg with hers. The problem is I don't think Kathie could at the moment.

(Tries to peep at the computer and see what happens next while Mary is rolling around the floor laughing! Laughing Wink )

#305:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:15 pm
    —
I tried to come on here first thing this morning to post a response, but the site appeared to be down temporarily. Sad Seems to be OK now, though. Smile

This really is a tangled web - yes, as a general rule, Meg's level of bullying should definitely be reported directly to Hilda, but because it concerns Ellie, I can quite understand Mireille's reluctance to take that action or have Erica take it. But if Hilda herself realises that Ellie is troubled and tries to coax the reason out of her, that, too, is likely to backfire. Ellie won't want to tell her for two reasons - firstly, not to add to her guardian's burdens, and secondly because she is so determined to stand on her own feet now she is at school.

Mireille and Erica really are between a rock and a hard place here, and Mireille's advice to Erica is excellent - as a temporary measure. But we can't expect that Meg will moderate her actions for more than a short time, can we?

I wonder if there could be a case for Mireille and/or Erica bringing Vivien Knowles into the picture - preferably before Matey realises how much Ellie is being upset. Matters will have to be settled eventually, and preferably before it reaches a point where Meg runs the risk of expulsion for her actions.

And I do hope that the outcome of all of this (apart from the bullying being stopped) will be the growth of a strong friendship between Ellie and Erica.

Thanks, Mary

#306:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 5:50 pm
    —
Hmm difficult call for Mireille to make, but I agree with the people who say she needs to tell someone. Maybe take it to a member of staff who knows Hilda well and have them decide how much to tell her. But Meg's actions are too serious for them to keep to themselves.

Thanks Mary *tries to distract Mary from one side so that Fiona can sneak a look at the computer. As long as she shares of course Wink *

#307:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 7:40 pm
    —
I was fascinated to see the different opinions as to what Mireille should do. I do not necessarily agree with Mireille's thoughts and feelings, but that is the way she wanted to go so....

Sorry, Rosalin and Fiona, the lady's not for distracting!! But nice try. Twisted Evil


Later on, however, when she went to bid her Headmistress goodnight, Mireille did not feel she was exactly a shining example of what a Head Girl should be. “It’s going badly, n’est-ce pas, Mademoiselle Annersley?” she said sadly.

“Why do you think that, Mireille?” asked Hilda, indicating the couch.

“Oh, you know, a lot of the Middles are being very rude, and going out of their way to make sure we know it. And tonight, I failed miserably.” Mireille related the prep debâcle.

If Hilda’s lips twitched at the girl’s exaggeration of her own failings, then Mireille never saw it. “But you dealt with them very faithfully at the end, my dear. It strikes me they learned a lesson they won’t soon forget.”

“But I let them get away with too much at the beginning,” moaned Mireille. “And they knew it. And I’m not the only one. Others are also finding it hard to keep order, and the younger ones are taking advantage. Gillian said she thought they were – what was it? Gearing themselves up to worse….”

“And what is causing all this trouble, do you think, child?” asked Hilda gently.

“Me,” said Mireille with a doleful face. “I’m not being strong enough.”

“And yet, Mireille, until recently you had no problems at all. You were strong and very decisive, in your own quiet way, and would never have let happen what happened this evening.”

There was no censure in the gentle voice and Mireille relaxed a little. She nodded. “I think I didn’t worry about what I was doing, just did it. Because Tessa always stood firm and managed them easily, I did the same. I assumed they would obey me – so they did. And I never let them get away from me as I did tonight.”

“Because you’re now the Head Girl, you’re suddenly deliberating, where before it was instinctive,” agreed Hilda, pursing her lips in thought. “You’re examining your every word and action, knowing you’re on display and every one looks to you, both staff and girls. It’s all making you hesitate, not knowing which action is best. But he who hesitates is lost, as I’m sure you realise.”

“I certainly lost tonight,” said Mireille with a doleful sigh. “They know I don’t believe what I’m saying any more. I didn’t even give an order mark to those two silly girls having a ruler fight. And now they’ve got away with it……” She paused and then added, “And most of the other prefects seem to be having the same problem.”

“But not Gillian nor Wanda and Jean,” prompted Hilda quickly. “And some of the others are trying much harder, I’ve noticed. It’s not all bad news.”

Mireille rubbed her forehead. “You should have promoted Gillian.”

“No, I shouldn’t,” responded Hilda with quiet firmness. “You’re right in your assessment, though. There is a certain spirit of lawlessness in the air. And, so far, you’ve been scared of your own shadow, despite your words at the beginning of term.”

Her keen eyes examined the girl’s face. “But I sense something different, despite your troublesome evening. I think the end of that lesson stiffened your resolve. You were suddenly very determined and didn’t budge an inch. Learn from your mistakes there, build on them. And I suspect Lower IVB learned something themselves. You might find them more obedient in future - because you remembered something important.” She saw the question in Mireille’s eyes. “Catharine came to me earlier to have a chat. Poor dear, she was very upset by what had happened. I discovered just how merciful you had been to her. She won’t forget that. It’s a vital quality in a leader, dear.”

Mireille’s heart lifted, and Hilda was gratified to see her sit up straighter and look more cheerful. She looked at her Headmistress in a puzzled fashion. “Erica told me earlier I was a good Head Girl. I couldn’t believe her, but you seem to….”

“Seem to agree with her?” asked Hilda. She nodded. “I do. You have so many of the necessary qualities, ma fille, not just mercy. You listen, you are good-hearted and don’t let anger sway you. You’re very fair, and young girls appreciate that. You’re quiet and calm, and that instils calm in others. Now just go on quietly expecting the girls to obey when you speak – and they will. Show them you will accept no nonsense. And encourage the others to do the same. After all, they only have until the end of next week, no?”

Mireille nodded, heartened by the Abbess’s willingness to help. She thought of Ellie’s troubles and wished she could pour it all out. Being Head Girl brought far too many lonely and difficult responsibilities.

Reading Mireille’s mind, Hilda added thoughtfully, “You’ve been very good to Ellie since she came, as well. You’ve helped her unobtrusively with things she didn’t understand, encouraged her when she felt she was getting it all wrong. I’m very grateful, my dear.” Mireille stared at her in complete astonishment, and Hilda smiled. “I mean it, Mireille. And because of your actions, she cares for you. May I make a suggestion? Have a word with her about the Middles. She said something to me about the cheek she had received and muttered that one ought to make the punishment fit the crime.”

Mireille’s eyes widened and a gleam appeared. Hilda looked at her with an enigmatic expresision. “I didn’t inquire too deeply into her meaning but it seemed to me, if handled correctly, it could be a way out of your difficulties. Inject a little humour into the situation with your punishments, and it might defuse the Middles’ increasing determination to de-rail you.” She paused then added neutrally, “I shall turn a blind eye to whatever you choose to do for the next few days, if you care to be a little outrageous.”

The gleam in Mireille’s eye grew brighter. There were two or three very enterprising minds among the prefects. Maybe they could concoct something between them. She must thank Ellie. Hilda had been watching the emotions flickering across Mireille’s face and was delighted to see the change taking place.

“I think also, dear, that the Prefects’ Evening might help. You’ve produced an idea that is nothing short of brilliant, if I may say so. Even the mistresses are looking forward to it. I’m pleased you gave us all a week and a half to organise ourselves, though.”

“But, Miss Annersley, it was Ellie who gave us the idea,” replied Mireille. “She said she didn’t need it as the Lower Sixth had already organised their evening.”

“Did she?” gasped Hilda in surprise. There was even more to her ward than she had realised. “That was very generous of her.” She saw the puzzled look on her Head Girl’s face and added quietly, “We don’t talk about the girls’ affairs, Mireille. That’s why I didn’t know. It would make life very difficult for us both if we did.”

“So anything she hears goes no further?” asked Mireille timidly.

Hilda nodded and saw the relief in the girl’s face. “She wouldn’t betray a confidence – and she wouldn’t tell me anything she had overheard. It’s a difficult line she walks, and one that’s still very new to her. Sometimes it upsets her, as she feels it comes between us. And sometimes I fear she keeps quiet about her own worries to protect me….” Hilda’s voice trailed off as she contemplated how reserved her ward had been the last day or two.

Mireille realised then that the Abbess knew nothing about Meg’s attacks, and she saw just how thin that line was that Ellie walked. She also realised that it was up to her, the Head Girl, to sort out the mess, and that brought her back to her own problems.

“Have confidence in yourself, Mireille,” said Hilda softly. “I have confidence in you, Tessa has the same confidence. Think over carefully what I’ve said – and hang on to your sense of humour! ” She walked over to her desk, picked up a card and returned to her seat. “This arrived for me yesterday, from Madame Courvoisier. You know she’s Irish? Well, it’s an Irish blessing. However, I think your need of it is greater than mine at the moment, so I want you to place it by your bed and read it when you awake and before you sleep,” and she herself read it out in that rich voice of hers.

May the Lord bless you as this New Year unfolds.
May He grow greater within you
and bless all you attempt and achieve.
May He guide your judgements and decisions,
so that you follow not the wrong path.
When you fall, may He heal your wounds.
May His love cast out all undue fear,
so that in all things you will know His gracious goodness.

#308:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 7:48 pm
    —
It's not only Ellie who walks a thin line when it comes to talks with Hilda! Here I was almost sure a few times that Mirelle almost couldn't help but tell her more.

I am so pleased that Hilda is able to encourage Mirelle though - in just the way her Head Girl needed too. Accepting that yes, there were mistakes made, but everyone makes them, and they sometimes have a good effect.

And that blessing was simply perfect.

Thank you Mary

#309:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 7:55 pm
    —
Hilda is so right in her assessment of Mireille's difficulties. While Tessa was there, she did not doubt her own abilities to keep order so she radiated that confidence and consequently she was able to keep order. Now she is questioning her ability and her doubts have been showing through. Hilda is so good at building up Mirielle's confidence and reassuring her that she has what it takes to be an effective head girl.

I thought for a moment that Mireille was going to tell Hilda about Ellie, but ws so pleased that she realised in time that she needs to deal with this. She also is beginning to realise the thin line that Hilda and Ellie walk to ensure that Ellie does not break confidences either way.

I love the Irish blessing. It is so appropriate for Mireille at the moment.

Thank you Mary.

#310:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:15 pm
    —
I, too, love the Irish blessing, and I'm sure Mireille will take its sentiments to herself and treasure them.

Once more we see Hilda at her percipient best here, gently 'talking' Mireille through the events of the past evening, showing her what she could have done differently but nevertheless encouraging her every step of the way. Her praise over Mireille's handling of Catharine must have been balm to her head girl's ears and her explanation of why Mireille herself now feels so beset with doubts over all her actions now that she herself is Head Girl, must have helped, too. And at the same time, she shows Mireille so clearly what a strong grasp she has on that is going on in the school. Her description of the fine line which Ellie has to tread in her relationship with her also helps Mireille to a better understanding of that situation and a determination that she will find another way to deal with Ellie's problem with Meg - at least for now.

All in all, a very positive outcome of what could have been an evening of disasters, and one designed to boost Mireille's own self-confidence in what she is doing and remove the worst of her doubts.

Thanks, Mary

#311:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:53 pm
    —
Hilda may not know of the troubles Ellie is facing, but I think she suspects - and was hoping that Mirelle would be able to help. And now Hilda has restored Mirelle's confidence in herself I think she will be able to.


Thanks Mary.

#312:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 8:55 pm
    —
I have finally caught up on this. It is lovely to see Mirielle develop in confidence, and I am truly interested to see how they decide to handle the middles.

#313:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 9:22 pm
    —
I too am looking forward to discovering how the punishment is going to fit the crime Laughing

But I'm worried about the difficulties ahead for Ellie and Mireille before the situation with Meg is resolved.

Thanks Mary.

#314:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 11:10 pm
    —
Oh yes, Mireille's loss of confidence has itself created the situation she dreaded - expecting to be obeyed is such magic! Hilda managed, as usual, to be understanding and encouraging without denying the mistakes or minimising the problems; she is so good at building people up.

I look forward to seeing what plan for curbing the Middles the Prefects will come up with, and also what Ellie has concocted for the Evening.

Mireille did almost tell Hilda all, didn't she, and I feel very sorry that she didn't. This isn't her responsibility (it's too serious), it's Hilda's, and when she does find out, as eventually she must, I suspect she'll be very distressed that they've tried to handle it alone. Mireille's motives are of the best, of course, but I foresee trouble ahead (though I can't see over Mary's shoulder, either!).

#315:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 9:34 am
    —
That was such a beautifully nuanced interview between Hilda and Mireille, blending loving encouragement with a gentle exposition of how Mireille's totally understandable doubts has affected the outcome - as Hildaa says:
Quote:
he who hesitates is lost
. And Mireille realises that she has been 'scared of her own shadow' since the start of term, and yes, that has caused problems, as have the doubts of the other prefects.

But Hilda is correct in that Mireille does have so many of the qualities of a leader, - and once she has confidence in herself, things will settle.

And now Mireille realises the potential difficulties of Ellie's life, which makes Meg's behaviour, and dealing with it all the more complex.

And that blessing is truly beautiful.

#316:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:53 pm
    —
Hilda bolstered Mireille's confidence so much there and hopefully left her strong enough to deal with all the difficulties facing her at the moment. Ellie has come so far in such a short space of time, both in learning to have fun again but also in developing her self control, keeping her temper with Meg must have been really duiffcult but she managed it.
Thanks Mary

#317:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 3:07 am
    —
Mireille's been nicely bolstered by Hilda, but at the same time has taken in just how complex it's going to be for her to intervene in the Meg scandal.

*feels sorry for the lot of them*

Thank you, Mary.

#318:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 5:56 pm
    —
This quiet chat with Hilda is *exactly* what Mireille needed, and I am sure she will deal with Ellie's situation with firmness and tact.

I look forward to more in due course, Mary Wink

#319:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:08 pm
    —
Sal wrote:
Ellie has come so far in such a short space of time, both in learning to have fun again but also in developing her self control, keeping her temper with Meg must have been really duiffcult but she managed it.
Thanks Mary

Well spotted, Sal! Laughing After that temper tantrum in the convent, she has indeed come a long way. But will she be able to maintain that self-control? Crying or Very sad

Identity Hunt wrote:
I look forward to more in due course!

This quick enough for you, Sian?!? Twisted Evil

Alas for Hilda, it would be she who would inadvertently make things worse for Ellie; Hilda who would be the unwitting catalyst for the series of events which followed. She was beginning to notice that her ward was wearing a haunted expression when she thought her guardian was not watching her and seemed distracted in lessons. When gently taxed, Ellie said there was nothing wrong, and became her usual cheerful self, chatting away about her doings.

But returning to her study from the Science block the day after her discussion with Mireille, Hilda walked past the Sixth Form Splashery to hear a voice within where there should have been silence. She stopped. Should she go in? Everyone by now ought to be in the Speisesaal for Kaffee und Kuchen, and the Sixth knew the rules about being on time. Silently pushing open the door, she found herself confronted by her ward and Meg Lyall, Meg being the one who was doing the talking – or rather what sounded to Hilda remarkably like hissing. Ellie’s face was white, her hands clenched, but her blue eyes were blazing. Both girls swung round startled as the door creaked, and Hilda saw her ward’s face fall.

“I won’t ask why you are both here at this time. I don’t think I want to know,” said Hilda quietly. “I can’t give you an order mark, but as Seniors you both know the rules as well as I do, even you, Ellie. You will both write me a short essay entitled, “The Wrong Place at the Wrong Time” and present it to me tomorrow, please. Now hurry along to the Speisesaal and don’t ever let me find you here again at this time.”

“But, Miss Annersely, I wasn’t…” began Ellie in a voice that Hilda had only ever heard from her once before, the day Ellie had spoken in a rage to Sister Pauline. She realised her ward was shaking with anger and something else that she was unable to pinpoint.

She held up her hand. “I believe I gave you an order, Eleanor,” she said, her voice like ice, and Ellie shivered. “Please do as you are told, and do it now, without argument.”

Ellie made to hold out her hand but then, recognising the sheer futility of it, she turned away, her face now ashen. Her anger fell from her and she dragged herself to the door, shoulders hunched. She had never yet been the recipient of the ice in that beautiful voice and it had cut her to the quick. Hilda hated herself for what she had had to do, knowing she had over-reacted in her efforts not to seem to be favouring the girl. Her eyes jumped to Meg, and she caught the look of gloating that flickered across the girl’s face as she too moved to the door. She had made no apology for her crime.

Hilda’s eyes narrowed and she scrutinised the girl’s face more closely. Meg’s eyes were glittering, as though in triumph. Hilda frowned. What was going on? Had Meg deliberately kept Ellie here, for it was most unlike her ward to be where she shouldn’t? She was a law-abiding little soul.

Hilda followed them out of the cloakroom, watched them walk down the corridor away from her, Meg almost floating along and Ellie cowering away from her like a whipped pup. The Headmistress was not a happy woman as they turned the corner out of her sight. She, too, went on her way, but determined to keep an eye on Meg Lyall, and to try and get out of Ellie what had been happening, though she doubted her ward would trust her after that little episode. But Ellie would have to learn that you do not argue with a mistress, and most certainly not with a Headmistress.

Hilda would have been even less happy if she could have heard Meg’s sibilant whispers as they hurried along. “See, she doesn’t really love you at all… You’re only her ward, after all. You don’t belong to her, not like she’s your mum or something. So why should she care about you? If she loved you she wouldn’t talk to you like that…. My mother would never take that tone to me…. Guess you’re not her favourite any more, now you’ve upset her…..”

On and on it went, and Ellie’s confidence in Hilda’s love, never very strong at the best of times, waned under the stream of ugliness being directed at her. Her guardian surely could not love her if she could speak to her so coldly, would accept no explanations. Meg was right – why should Madame care about her? After all, were they not strangers to each other?

Not since she was tiny had Ellie been treated to the sort of behaviour Meg was employing so cleverly against her, and she had no resources to deal with it. She assumed she must have done something to deserve it all, that somehow it was all her own fault. She had not dared to tell Madame about it because it would be regarded as sneaking; but also she had dreaded hearing from Madame that she had never really loved her, could never love her, because she was not worth loving. In her head, she trusted Madame – but, just at the moment, her heart and soul could only feel the pain of her lovelessness and loneliness. Hilda's words down in Interlaken had lost their potency under the weight of Meg's venom.

Meg, meanwhile, could only pat herself on the back at the success of her campaign so far to hurt this new girl. Okay, she had an essay to write – but it had been worth the bother of that to hear Ellie being spoken to so sharply by the Abbess. That’d teach her to smarm up to the Head and the other mistresses in lessons; that’d teach her to show off those photos, which Sara had told Meg about.

Her eyes gleamed with malice as she watched Ellie hug the far wall in a haze of misery. This was too easy! What else could she do to annoy the girl? She had seen how angry Ellie was before the Abbess had turned up, knew that she longed to let fly at her. What would get her goat enough to make her do exactly that and really land herself in hot water with the powers-that-be? Then it would be even easier to convince her that her guardian cared for her not one jot – and to convince others that Ellie, for all she was the Head’s ward, was no Goody Two Shoes!

#320:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:17 pm
    —
Oh for a cane and the right to use it!!! Or I'd happily implament the stool I'm sitting on now, that would be about right I think!

That was beyond belief. Meg has gone too far there. And where was Erica? I know she can't stick with Ellie the whole time, but... I think that a little intervention from Vivien, Hilda or some other adult is called for. That has gone beyond the 'acceptible' and I SO wish that Hilda had jumped upon Meg as well as Ellie. The malice she could see was enough for it.

In the meantime, poor Ellie. She won't be able to stand up to that for long. Even someone who is secure in the love of their loved ones would find it hard to deal with the constant drip of malice that Meg is subjecting Ellie to.

Come on Ellie - Speak out. Have the confidence that Hilda will never forsake you, and tell her what's wrong. It just takes a word or two, and what reassurance she will give you. And what recriminations will she heap upon her own head.

I hope you have a way out of this tangled web Mary, for I don't know how Ellie is going to come out of this.

Thanks Mary - I think. Please rescue us all SOON.

#321:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:35 pm
    —
I think here we have found a definition of true evil.


(((Ellie)))

#322:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:59 pm
    —
Just catching up with this after a difficult week. It is the perfect unwinder, even when it is sad.
Thank you again Mary.

#323:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:04 pm
    —
Meg is more horrifying by far than the worst of EBD's CS girls. Hope her snakiness is dealt before the damage is irreversible -- and that Hilda finds a way to reassure Ellie ASAP.

*looks hopefully at Mary*

#324:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 9:20 pm
    —
A rare, but bad mistake from Hilda there. It's natural that she should overreact and be too hard on Ellie, but ignoring all the obvious vibes and dishing out punishments with no inquiry as to what is going wrong isn't like her, and has given venomous Meg the opportunity to drip her poison. I feel so sorry for Ellie. Of course she can't quite believe in Hilda's love yet, with her background, and this must be confirming all her worst fears. Whatever happens, it's not going to be good, and Hilda is going to be good and angry with herself before long.

#325:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 10:00 pm
    —
I'm utterly lost here - don't know whether to box Meg's ears, administer Hilda a very rarely earned set of lashes with a wet noodle for so blatantly missing the tenor of what was happening there, or hug Ellie!! All of which, I think would be appropriate. As Tara notes, Hilda will be overwhelmed with remorse when she finally tumbles to what was happening and how badly her current reaction has affected Ellie - and she will have quite a high fence to mend with her ward, too, when she does realise what's happened. Given Ellie's prior history, it's not surprising that an incident like this would shake her not entirely firm trust of Hilda - her guardian will certainly have to earn back that trust one way or another. As for Meg....!!

Thanks, Mary - I think - but please come back soon and sort this mess out.

#326:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2007 10:46 pm
    —
I'm echoing everyone else's pleas to have this sorted out soon. Poor Ellie Crying or Very sad

While it is rare for Hilda to make a mistake, having Ellie at the school is a new situation for her, so it is a natural place for her to make one.

Thanks Mary.

#327:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 5:48 am
    —
Poor Ellie. I can't believe Hilda behaved so unfairly towards her. It will take awhile before she starts to trust her again. I wonder when Hilda will realise how unfair she was to Ellie and how that has changed how Ellie feels about Hilda. As for Meg, her behaviour has to be reported to Hilda otherwise it will continue on

#328:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 8:13 am
    —
What a nasty girl Meg is. Poor Ellie, this is a serious set back for her. I hope it can be sorted out sooner rather than later.

Thanks Mary.

#329:  Author: bethanyLocation: Liverpool (mostly) PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 8:19 am
    —
Oh poor Ellie, I want to go and give her a hug myself, and while I am there I think I have a few things to say to Meg as well. What an evil girl, sadly there are far too many people like Meg in the world.

Thanks Mary.

#330:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 4:52 pm
    —
What an unspeakably vile, obnoxious oxygen thief Meg is proving herself to be at present.

Thank you for putting me out of my misery, dear Mary, but I am now teetering on the edge of depression on Ellie`s behalf. I think I need to be put out of my misery again, Confused

#331:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2007 6:31 pm
    —
I do hope that something is done quickly as if not Ellie will revert to her old self when she was at the convent. Oh dear, Hilda, I could sympathise with her desire not to show favouritism, but she really did need to take some account of how haunted Ellie seemed and how much Meg was gloating over her. As for Meg.

Identity Hunt wrote:
What an unspeakably vile, obnoxious oxygen thief Meg is proving herself to be at present.

Thank you for putting me out of my misery, dear Mary, but I am now teetering on the edge of depression on Ellie`s behalf. I think I need to be put out of my misery again, Confused


I can't think of a better epithet for Meg than this and I too add my pleas to be put out of my misery.

Please, please Mary, post again soooon!!!!!!!!!!

#332:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:54 am
    —
Oh dear, that was unfortunate. It obviously seemed like a simple breach of rules, but wasn't, and that assumption will have an effect on both Ellie and Hilda. And Hilda realises it as soon as she sees the two girls' reactions to her reprimand, and even if nothing further happens, will feel guilty because of it.

And Meg's nastiness is directed straight at that insecurity that Ellie feels, that insidious belief that Hilda
Quote:
had never really loved her, could never love her, because she was not worth loving.
Deep inside her, she still feels that she has lost so much, because she deserved to do so, and Meg's spite gives weight to those feelings. I do hope that she doesn't push Hilda away out of fear....

Thank you Mary

#333:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:59 pm
    —
Rosalin wrote:
While it is rare for Hilda to make a mistake, having Ellie at the school is a new situation for her, so it is a natural place for her to make one.

Quite so, Rosalin. Crying or Very sad And most of you are not going to love me after this post..... Embarassed

Ellie’s heart was aching so much during prep that very little was accomplished – the exception being a short story Miss Annersley had asked her Literature students to write. Ellie put the finishing touches to that, so it was ready to hand in the following day. Then she sat and thought about the essay handed to her as a punishment. What could she write? As she gazed sadly out of the window a sudden idea came to her mind, a twist on the title. It was a story that was to move her guardian to tears when she read it.

When prep was over, Erica was concerned enough about her to ask if she was alright, but Ellie simply nodded and turned away to go and change for dinner. Now that Erica had seen her ‘humiliation’ at the hands of Meg, Ellie was too embarrassed to talk to her, confirming Erica’s own assessment of the situation to Mireille. Ellie was convinced Erica must think her a weakling and a fool not to be able to stand up to her tormenter; Erica might even be thinking that Meg was right in all she said about Ellie. So Ellie preferred to keep her distance. She was also afraid of what Erica might have told others, and that her new friends would turn against her, as her guardian seemed to have done.

Mireille was also concerned when she saw the same white face in the dormitory. She asked the same question. Ellie merely shrugged and hid in her cubicle until the gong sounded. Determined not to reveal to Madame how upset she was, she had intended to chat cheerfully to her sheepdogs during Abendessen – but Madame was not there! And indeed, Ellie was not to see her guardian again that night, for Miss Derwent came to tell her that Madame had had to go out unexpectedly. Ellie’s world finally fell apart completely. Madame cared so little, and was so annoyed with her, that she had not even come herself to make her apologies! Meg had been right the whole time.

Ellie was not to know that Hilda had had a worrying afternoon and was not in school at that moment. Just after lunch, there had been an emotional phone call from John Lewis. The doctors were worried about Tessa. That had been bad enough. But then Jack Maynard had phoned not long after to tell Hilda that the Third Former who had been operated on for appendicitis two days ago had taken a turn for the worse. Hilda had had Tessa and Janice very much on her mind when she discovered her ward and Meg Lyall in the Splashery, and her anxiety had made her less than her usual patient and understanding self. How she had regretted it the moment it was done!

Less than two hours later, Jack had phoned again, to say they were becoming increasingly concerned about Janice’s condition. Hilda had immediately elected to be with the young girl, knowing how much she would want a familiar face when she was so ill. And as Ellie was in her form room doing prep at that hour, Hilda had not wanted to make her an object of interest by going personally to tell her there would be no private time that night, so had sent the message by Ruth Derwent. She had then left the building, having no idea just how much Ellie was suffering, how much her ward needed her.

Poor Ellie – she forgot all her guardian’s words about the great love she had for her. Meg’s insidious poison had oozed over all Hilda’s gentle words, her generous presents, her tenderness; had rendered them all null and void. And Hilda was not there to keep the fear ar bay. Ellie’s world was once more cold and bleak, a barren desert.

She buried herself in a book in the common room, staring at the same page till it was time for bed. Avoiding everyone, every friendly overture, she quickly washed and got into bed, where she lay awake long after the others had fallen asleep. She stared into the blackness, a prey to all the fears Hilda had tried so hard to banish. At one point she burrowed under her pillow for her torch and shone it on the photos, but the love in Madame’s face hurt her so much that she turned it off again. Gradually the stress of the day caught up with her and her eyes closed and she slept….

…..only to find herself pursued by the White Witch from Narnia! She had gone through the wardrobe door and come face to face with the Witch. Terrified, she floundered through the thick snow towards the trees, trying to get away, the Witch screeching after her that it was Ellie’s fault it was always winter in Narnia. It was happening because no one loved her. Sobbing her heart out, she fell into a snowdrift, lay there a moment in utter despair, then pulled herself up again and ploughed on. Again and again she fell, pulled herself up and fell again. And then suddenly she heard bells jingling in the distance. Peering towards the low hills in the in the opposite direction from the trees she saw in the distance a sleigh coming over a ridge, pulled by several reindeer.

“Le père Noël!” she gasped. “He’ll help me. He can take me away on his sleigh.”

As quickly as she could, once more she waded knee deep through the freezing snow, scarmbling to leave behind the terrifying Witch, who was still screeching at her. As the sleigh skimmed over the snow she saw Father Christmas wave to her and beckon.

“Come on, my dear,” he shouted in Mr Stuart’s kindly voice. “Come with me and help deliver the presents. I’ll even let you drive the sleigh if you like and you shall have a splendid present of your own when we’ve finished.”

But, as the sleigh came nearer, she saw underneath the red hood not Mr Stuart’s face beaming face but her father’s morose features. And to her horror, he held up his hand in disgust. “No, go away. I didn’t realise it was you. I certainly couldn’t give a present to someone who has no one to love them,” and he guided the sleigh away from her.

She cried out and tried to move after him, but all at once an arm snaked itself round her neck and an icy voice spoke in her ear. “Oh no, Eleanor Drake. Only those who are loved can deliver presents – for only the loved are touched by the magic that is Christmas and can fly through the air and go down chimneys. The unloved ones stay with me and become icicles in my winter palace….”

“No,” screamed Ellie, and struggled to free herself, but the icy hand was slowly strangling her and freezing her bones. “No,” she screamed again, and looked up – straight into Madame’s white face and cold, cold eyes, no pity in their grey depths.

Such was Ellie’s shock and fear that she gave up struggling and let go. Her guardian really didn’t love her at all. The bright light slowly faded and darkness overtook her as the strong arm squeezed the breath from her body….


With dizzying suddenness she woke up to darkness of a different sort, the darkness of her dormitory. Her sheet was wrapped tight round her neck, strangling her, and the bedclothes in a jumble from all her tossings and turnings. Shivering with fear and cold, she drew in her breath in a great sob and rolled over to bury her face in the pillow, her heart breaking. She was all alone once more….

#334:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:11 pm
    —
Ah but is she really all alone?

Poor Hilda first of all. To have that news burst in on her, when surely she must have wanted to have a quiet word with Ellie to see what was wrong. But the problems being faced by Tessa's family, and the information about Janice - that explains matters as to how she could make such a mistake. Of course, a chat with Ellie wouldn't seem as important as a child who was seriously ill when Hilda didn't know how overwrought the poor girl actually is.

And poor Ellie. My heart goes out to her. How acute and desparate is her suffering. That nightmare was... well, the stuff of nightmares. And how understandable it would be that she have one after all that has been happening.

But... things seem to be at their worst right now, surely Poor Ellie can't get lower than she is now, and oftentimes in places like those, that is where help comes. Surely Ellie can't have a nightmare quietly - someone must have been alerted - Mirelle possibly, or - how late is it? - Hilda on her round of the girls to make sure that they are alright? - could Vivien or someone be wandering about the place - or even Matron keeping an eye on the girls? I don't care who it is, as long as it's someone caring - PLEASE Mary? She needs a sympathetic ear, shoulder, something soon.

Thank you - I think!

#335:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:19 pm
    —
Poor little girl - let's hope that someone can help her.


Thanks Mary.

#336:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 7:39 pm
    —
I know they say that the night is darkest just before the dawn, but no matter what the time was when Ellie roused from that nightmare, (and what a nightmare it was) I'm sure she must feel truly in the depths of darkness and despair. But as Squirrel says, surely she must have disturbed someone - she could hardly have endured that level of nightmare without crying out. And given how low her defences have sunk, I'd be surprised if she fails to pour out her heart to whoever comes to her.

Unless Hilda is back from the San, then I should suspect it will be Mireille, or one of Ellie's other room-mates, who will probably, in turn, fetch Matey to her - and if Matey becomes involved, then I feel sorry for Hilda when Matey takes the tale to her. No matter how much Matey tries to help and shield Hilda at present, she will know that she must be made aware of this situation with Ellie - and is unlikely to mince her words in telling the story.

A shame the situation had to arise in the first place, but as Rosalin pointed out, quite apart from any other considerations, this is, indeed, Hilda's first experience of being a guardian, so there was certainly room for mistakes to happen.

Thanks, Mary - I think - please come back soon and sort this out, though.

#337:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:11 pm
    —
Poor Ellie - I wanted to hug her so badly there that I had to go and find a teddy Embarassed

I'm echoing everyone else's hopes that someone has heard her, it'll be a long night otherwise.

Please make it better soon Crying or Very sad

Thank-you Mary.

#338:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:13 am
    —
Quote:
And most of you are not going to love me after this post.....


Don't worry Mary, we will still love you regardless! Smile

Poor Ellie and yes I can understand why Hilda acted the way she did. I hope someone is able to help Ellie after that nightmare. You've just shown us how fragile Ellie really is. As much as Hilda is fragile after the death of Nell at least she has always had people to love her and is secure in that. Ellie hasn't and isn't and so her pain is that much deeper.

#339:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:32 am
    —
I read this this afternoon and finished up with a huge lump in my throat and an immediate need to hug my children. Poor Ellie feeling so lost and alone, cutting herself off from those around her and retreating into a frozen isolated pain and then that nightmare - where all the people whom she's trusted and the love and safety that they represent are all transformed into some horrible cold universe where she can trust nothing.

And por Hilda as well, with all the burdens she is carrying and the worries of Tessa and Janice. And I shudder to think of what her feelings will be when she does find out what lay behind that worrying encounter with Ellie and Meg.

And Mary, you have written about Ellie's pain with such sensitivity and perception that the poignancy is only enhanced.
Thank you.

#340:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 5:00 pm
    —
Oh, poor little lamb ! Crying or Very sad

Poor Hilda; she has more than enough drama on her hands at present!

I do hope you won`t leave us on tenterhooks whilst you are away, Mary ? Very Happy

#341:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 6:24 pm
    —
Mary, I read this last night, but you made me weep so much I needed to wait until this evening to post something rational. Last night I just wished so much that I could jump into the story and hug Ellie. The whole nightmare seemed so real.

Elder in Ontario wrote:
I know they say that the night is darkest just before the dawn, but no matter what the time was when Ellie roused from that nightmare, (and what a nightmare it was) I'm sure she must feel truly in the depths of darkness and despair. But as Squirrel says, surely she must have disturbed someone - she could hardly have endured that level of nightmare without crying out. And given how low her defences have sunk, I'd be surprised if she fails to pour out her heart to whoever comes to her.


Oh, I do agree Elder. I do hope that someone has heard and gets some help for Ellie. She is going to have a total breakdown if this continues. Surely someone will notice how badly she is hurting.

Meg has so much to answer for. I hope Mireille and Erica do something about her quickly so that this stops completely and Ellie is able to rebuild her trust in the love that Hilda has for her.

Don't worry Mary, we still love you, but , please, please get someone to help Ellie soon

#342:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:18 pm
    —
Cath V-P wrote:
I read this this afternoon and finished up with a huge lump in my throat and an immediate need to hug my children.

And poor Rosalin who had to go and find a teddy. Crying or Very sad Oh dear, oh dear, I'm so sorry! Crying or Very sad

Your heart-rending pleas have been heard. Wink But it's not Matey, nor Erica, nor Mireille.....



.... Shivering with fear and cold, Ellie drew in her breath in a great sob and rolled over to bury her face in the pillow, her heart breaking. She was all alone once more….

No more loneliness – we’re family. If you’re afraid, I’m here. If you’re in pain, I’m here.

She stiffened. The words seemed to resound inside her. The words Madame had said to her on the plane. She turned her head, wondering if Madame was beside her bed, so clear had they been, but no. She stared into the darkness and gradually other words spoken by her guardian came back to mind.

Don’t hide away and suffer alone, even when we are at school.

But that’s what she was doing – because Meg had told her Madame didn't love for her. Would she still comfort her, even if she no longer loved her? For where else was there any consolation or hope, except close to that beloved presence?

Ma chérie, will you do me the great honour of becoming my ward, so I can show my love for you to the world? You would make me so very happy and proud.


Ellie suddenly caught her breath, as the words echoed inside. Happy and proud? Did Madame really feel like that about her? Was Meg wrong? After all, why would Madame tell an untruth? She was the most truthful person Ellie knew. And she kept insisting that she loved Ellie and that she would never leave her alone….

Still in the grip of that icy nightmare but feeling a little flicker of hope, Ellie delved under her pillow for her torch and then stumbled out of bed and tip-toed to the door. Clad only in her pyjamas, feet bare, she was shivering violently as she padded down the cold corridor to the head of the front stairs. She was totally unaware of a small figure suddenly materialising behind her. Matey, with that sixth sense of hers, had divined there was trouble and come to investigate. Seeing Ellie out of bed and without slippers or dressing gown, she was about to remonstrate with her when something held her back. She could make a guess that Ellie was on her way to find Hilda, that she was upset and needed some solace, and who was she, Matey, to stop her? Ellie knew the way well enough. Matey stood silently at the top of the stairs and watched the flickering light of the torch until it turned in the direction of the annexe, then made her way back to bed.

Ellie crept into Hilda’s room. Here was safety.

Closing the door, however, her shaking legs gave way and she slid down the door until she was huddled on the floor. The torch rolled away and knocked against the desk, waking Hilda from a deep sleep. She had only returned from the San an hour ago and was very weary, but she sat up quickly, senses on full alert.

“Who’s there?” she whispered. Silence met her question, and then came a whimper from the direction of the door. She switched on her bedside light to see a figure crouched on the floor, its forehead resting on its drawn-up knees.

“Ellie? Child, what is it?” Hilda cried and she flew out of bed to lean over her ward. Putting an arm round her, she felt the violent shivering. Quickly she pulled Ellie to her feet and walked her over to the bed, where she made her lie down in the warmth and covered her quickly. “I’ll be back in two shakes,” she whispered.

She ran from the room, to return moments later with two hot water bottles which she tucked under the bedclothes. Cold herself by now, she slipped under the bedclothes into the remaining narrow space and took Ellie in her arms. Holding her close she felt the shivering gradually cease, though the girl’s feet were still freezing.

“Ellie, darling,” she whispered, “can you tell me?”

The head resting on her shoulder moved and Ellie looked up. “Do you really love me?” she breathed starkly, such loneliness and fear in her eyes that Hilda was aghast.

She gazed down into the frightened eyes and spoke with great tenderness. “More than you will ever know, sweetheart. I love you so much that sometimes my heart feels too small and inadequate to hold it all.”

Ellie stared at her for long moments, as though trying to see through to the back of her skull, and then her lips trembled, her eyes squeezed shut and she buried her face in Hilda’s shoulder and gave way to the heartbreak within. Great sobs broke from her and she wept as though she would never stop, one arm clamped tight round Hilda’s waist. Hilda groaned and held her ward as close as she could, wanting to infuse as much comfort and ease as she could into the heart of the desperate girl. Did all this have something to do with her own cold words and actions earlier?

Guilt consumed her as she waited for the tears to subside. Occasionally she whispered endearments, smoothed the black hair with a tender hand, rubbed Ellie’s back gently – anything to reassure her that all was not lost, that she was loved and wanted. She herself had been desolate and anguished after Nell’s death, after her mother’s and James’ deaths, but she had never been left as truly alone as this girl, and her imagination failed her at the thought of the vast pain engulfing Ellie’s heart and soul.

When finally all that remained of the great storm was the convulsive shuddering of the slender body in her arms, Hilda made to move – but was gripped so tightly that she gave it up. Reaching out carefully, she took her handkerchief from the bedside table and said softly, “Blow!” Ellie took it and blew her nose and wiped her eyes, then cuddled back as close as she could.

Meg’s poisoned words could not reach her here; they had no reality, no truth, while she was held safe in her guardian’s arms.

“Would you like a drink, petite?” whispered Hilda, but Ellie shook her head. She had all she needed. Hilda realised she would get no explanation just now, so she tucked herself and Ellie more comfortably in the bed and pulled the covers over them. “Then try to sleep, dear. I won’t go away.”

She did not have to wait long, for her ward’s even breathing soon betokened sleep. Hilda laid her cheek against Ellie’s and whispered words of comfort into the still night air:

Ah, weary wee flipperling, curl at thy ease!
The storms shall not wake thee, nor sharks overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas.
(Kipling
)

#343:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:38 pm
    —
Quote:
Your heart-rending pleas have been heard. Wink But it's not Matey, nor Erica, nor Mireille.....


Why are we not suprised at that? Smile

Quote:
..... Ellie looked up. “Do you really love me?” she breathed starkly, such loneliness and fear in her eyes that Hilda was aghast.

She gazed down into the frightened eyes and spoke with great tenderness. “More than you will ever know, sweetheart. I love you so much that sometimes my heart feels too small and inadequate to hold it all.”


And that was just the reassurance Ellie needed - and directly from the horse's mouth as it were, too - wasn't it? But that she should have had to endure both Meg's treatment of her, and the subsequent nightmare in order to get it just beggars belief. The storm of tears is no surprise - I was almost crying with her - but there can be no doubt of the relief and reassurance they bring in their train.

Quote:
Meg’s poisoned words could not reach her here; they had no reality, no truth, while she was held safe in her guardian’s arms.


And that's so very true, too - here she can truly feel secure.

I hate to think what Hilda's reaction will be when/if she ever gets to the truth of what caused this situation - quite apart from her guilt at having missed the signs earlier that all was not well with Ellie, which she's already realising. If she can't get the answers from Ellie herself, I hope that she'll enquire further and that Mireille or Erica tell her the whole story - they will realise that she already knows something is amiss and should therefore be less hesitant than they would otherwise have been to tell her.

Quote:
Ah, weary wee flipperling, curl at thy ease!
The storms shall not wake thee, nor sharks overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas.
(Kipling)


What a lovely image that is.

Thanks for heading our pleas, Mary

#344:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:47 pm
    —
Mary,
I can go to sleep tonight without worrying about Ellie now - thank you ! Laughing

#345:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 7:56 pm
    —
I just felt so content reading through that, knowing that Ellie was safe with her guardian again. Right from the very start there was comfort. Oh that still small whispering voice which calls out to remember what you once knew.

And all of Meg's acid is forgotten like that - worthless. Yes, Ellie did need to go to Hilda, yes, she did need Hilda's arms around her, but yes, as soon as she made the decision to go it was pallable that all would be well.

And I just loved the watch dragon Matey patrolling the corridor, aware that something was awry, and going to see what was what. She must have longed to interfere there, and yet, she knew that the only thing for Ellie was to have Hilda open her arms to her.

Hilda doesn't know yet what caused the storm, but at this precise moment she doesn't need to. All she needs to do is hold Ellie until morning. A private interview can come later on. And no doubt Hilda will be in need of her own talking to at the end of it, but she shall weather it, as Ellie has weathered this one.

Thank you Mary - that was just like a warm fluffy blanket!

#346:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 8:11 pm
    —
Anyone else looking forward to the interview between Meg and Hilda - when it's finally discovered what has been happening?


Wonderful, Mary, and Hilda was the only one that could have reassured Ellie.

Thank you.

#347:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 10:56 pm
    —
I'm so glad Ellie listened, and went to Hilda. No one else could have reassured her so.

But poor Hilda when she finds out what happened Crying or Very sad

Like Squirrel I liked the picture of Matey, knowing what was going on, knowing too that she didn't need to do anything. Your Matey reminds me of the Matey in Squirrel's Rachel stories. They both have the compassion that EBD ascribed to her Matey, but we saw much more rarely.

Thanks Mary.

#348:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:00 pm
    —
Oh Mary, thank you for this wonderful post.


Quote:
Ellie suddenly caught her breath, as the words echoed inside. Happy and proud? Did Madame really feel like that about her? Was Meg wrong? After all, why would Madame tell an untruth? She was the most truthful person Ellie knew. And she kept insisting that she loved Ellie and that she would never leave her alone….


How wonderful that after her fears and distress, and that terrible nightmare, Ellie has woken up to realise how much Hilda does love her. She has truly remembered Hilda’s words to her when she was travelling to school. And being Ellie, to think is to act. I’m so pleased that she did act on her impulse. Hilda is her best comfort, even if she cannot yet bring herself to tell what has happened.

Quote:
“Ellie, darling,” she whispered, “can you tell me?”

The head resting on her shoulder moved and Ellie looked up. “Do you really love me?” she breathed starkly, such loneliness and fear in her eyes that Hilda was aghast.

She gazed down into the frightened eyes and spoke with great tenderness. “More than you will ever know, sweetheart. I love you so much that sometimes my heart feels too small and inadequate to hold it all.”


That is all Ellie needs to know. It is in that surety that she is able to go of her heartbreak and allow the tears to flow freely. Hilda is there to give her comfort and to encompass Ellie within her protecting arms and wait until the storm abated.

Meg’s cruel words can’t hurt Ellie any more. She will rise above them. Surely after this Hilda will use her wonderful investigative powers to discover the cause of Ellie’s distress – I wouldn’t like to be in Meg’s shoes when she does discover the depths to which she has sunk. Meanwhile, Hilda will take care of Ellie, peacefully now she has reached her safe haven.

Good for Matey, too – of course she would be on the warpath once she had heard someone stirring, but she was obviously sensitive to Ellie’s needs and let her reach her goal.

Quote:
Ah, weary wee flipperling, curl at thy ease!
The storms shall not wake thee, nor sharks overtake thee,
Asleep in the arms of the slow-swinging seas.
(Kipling)


I agree with Elder, what a lovely image.

Thank you Mary.

#349:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 6:30 am
    —
After the storm, the still small voice. . . . I'm so glad that Ellie was able to hear Hilda's words through her fear and pain and fly to her for refuge.
Quote:
No more loneliness – we’re family. If you’re afraid, I’m here. If you’re in pain, I’m here.
All the comfort and support that Hilda is for Ellie is right here isn't it?

And what a wonderful immediate and reassuring answer she makes to Ellie's desperate question -
Quote:
“More than you will ever know, sweetheart. I love you so much that sometimes my heart feels too small and inadequate to hold it all.”


And Matey was so compassionate and wise, recognising just what Ellie needed.

I'm so glad Hilda likes Jungle Book! Very Happy

#350:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 7:45 am
    —
I'm glad Ellie went to the right place for her comfort, and found the reassurance she needed. Love the thought of Matey keeping watch from a distance!

Thanks Mary.

#351:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 8:23 am
    —
Am very glad Ellie went to Hilda and hope Hilda get to the bottom of it all. Thanks Mary

#352:  Author: SarahLocation: Skelmersdale, Lancashire PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 9:21 am
    —
I'm soooo glad Ellie went to Hilda! Smile
Meg is a very nasty piece of work! Evil or Very Mad

I just hope Ellie can confide in Hilda - please don't let her suffer in silence for too long!!!!!!

#353:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2007 10:32 pm
    —
I'm so relieved that Ellie was able to go to Hilda, and isn't it interesting that her deep-down knowledge of Hilda's love, and her trust in Hilda's integrity and honesty are strong enough to break through that appalling anguish and enable her to seek comfort in the right and only place.
I didn't for a moment think she'd be able to make herself do it and risk rejection - but what a reception she got! There will be lots of sorting out to do come the morning, but for the moment she's in safe harbour.

I, too, loved Matey watching and guarding (loved Squirrel's 'watch dragon' description), but having the wisdom not to interfere.

Thank you, Mary.

#354:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:01 pm
    —
Thank you for caring so much about Ellie. As they all do. But Matey has no idea what is going on - she just realised that Ellie had a problem and needed her guardian. Though I suspect it won't be long before she gets it out of Hilda. Once Hilda knows, of course.... Rolling Eyes

I'm sorry this is so long but it was impossible to split
. Embarassed

Hilda lay awake for what seemed an eternity, body cramped and stiff, mind working overtime. Something had happened – what could it be? Ellie had doubted her love. Why? Surely it could not be simply a matter of a few coldly-spoken words, even if they had been harsher than Hilda had intended. Give me some hints, Nell. You and Cherry are supposed to be guarding her for me.

She remembered Meg Lyall’s face that day. Was she responsible for this upset, or had she contributed to it in some way? And was it all compounded by Hilda’s own unexpected absence that evening? Or was it indeed her own harsh words? She thought back to the haunted look she had caught on Ellie’s face once or twice recently. Everything was pointing to the fact that she, who was said to be so perceptive, had missed something vital, and her ward was suffering as a result. She sighed in the darkness, held the sleeping figure closer. Forgive me, Ellie.

Sleep claimed her in the middle of her reflections, but she was soon woken again by Ellie stirring in her arms while it was still dark and cold. Switching the little lamp back on, she saw it was nearly six o’clock. There were going to be two very weary people in school that day!

Stifling a yawn she smiled into Ellie’s bleary eyes and asked softly, “Feeling better, chérie?”

A shame-faced look crept across Ellie’s face. “I am so sorry, Madame,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to….” She stopped, shook her head. How to explain?

“Sh, my darling. I told you to come to me when you were hurting or lonely, remember?” Hilda thought for a moment. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

Ellie nodded and then rolled into the warmth left by Hilda’s body as the latter vacated the bed, shrugged on her dressing-gown, stepped into her slippers and left the room, small kettle in hand. She returned minutes later with a filled kettle and some milk, and Ellie lay watching her as she set about the homely task of making tea. How could she ever have doubted this caring woman who had rescued her from her dreary, lonely life?

“Come on, young lady. You’ll have to sit up if you want this. I’m having no tea stains on my pristine white sheets.”

They were soon propped up side by side, sipping their tea companionably. Ellie peeped sideways at Hilda. “Flipperling?” she asked. “Wee weary flipperling? Madame, I have been known by many names, but this one, it is…weird.”

Hilda chuckled, and drew the girl close. “Ah ha! You caught me out! I thought you were fast asleep at that point! It just seemed appropriate, chérie, when you were so upset. It’s from a lullaby by Kipling – a seal lullaby.”

“A seal?” spluttered Ellie, a wan smile lighting her features.

Hilda cocked an amused eyebrow at her. “Yep, so that makes you a wee seal, doesn’t it? And do you know, Ellie, it rather appeals to me. You shall be my own flipperling from now on. Though heaven only knows what that makes me!”

Ellie laid her head on Hilda’s shoulder, stroked the warm scarlet wool of Hilda’s dressing gown and whispered, “I liked it. It made me feel safe.”

“You are safe, ma petite,” Hilda assured her firmly.

Ellie clutched her guardian’s hand. “Would you tell it to me all, some time?”

“Oh, it’s not very long,” replied Hilda and promptly recited all eight lines, then added, oh so softly, “And I shall make very sure those sharks don’t overtake you, dear, But I’m very afraid that a storm of loneliness has done just that. Was it caused by my angry words yesterday?”

Ellie continued to stroke the woollen sleeve and sighed lugubriously but said nothing. Hilda frowned. “Ellie, even if you’re worried you will hurt me or annoy me, you must always tell me the truth. I’m not perfect and sometimes I get things wrong. How will I change that if you don’t set me straight? Now – did my words hurt you?”

Ellie plucked at the wool. Her answer, when it came seemed. at first to be no answer at all. She stumbled over her words. “I had a nightmare….I was in Narnia…. The White Witch…. she turned into you…. and you told to me….that it was my fault it was winter all the time….no one loved me so the snow would not melt…. Then papa came…. only he was le père Noël, but….he didn’t want me…” She gasped at that, rubbed her eyes. Hilda’s heart was filled with anguish as she heard this echo of her own horrific nightmares. “He sent me away …. and you said…. all those who were not loved had to become icicles in your palace…. and then ….. you tried to strangle me…. only it was my sheet…” She sobbed, unable to continue.

“Oh, Ellie, no wonder you came looking for me,” whispered Hilda, and her arms tightened round her ward. Ellie hid her face in the warm fabric. “I’ve had nightmares of my own recently so I know just how frightening they can be, how very real they can seem.”

She stared down at Ellie’s head against her shoulder, wondering how best to ease the pain. The fact that she had been worried about two other girls was no excuse at all for her unreasoning anger the day before, for not getting to the bottom of the behaviour in the Splashery, and she refused to use it to hide behind. There was too much at stake to do that. And anyway, Janice, at least, had seemed to be back on the road to recovery when she had left her late last night.

She tilted up the attractive face and held Ellie’s eyes steadily. “Sweetheart, I love you very, very deeply and I’m sorry I hurt you so much, but if I treat you differently from the others it will be noticed and held against us. The trouble is, I went too far and was harsher than I needed to be, in my concern to be just and fair. I was totally in the wrong. Will you forgive me?”

Astonishment flared in Ellie’s eyes. “But, of course, Madame!”

“There’s no of course about it, Ellie. I wounded you terribly, brought back so much of your unhappiness and loneliness. I’m ashamed of myself. But I’m afraid I may well make the same mistake again. You see, I’ve never been in this situation before and neither have you. We’re both still getting to know each other and yet, here, in front of the school, we’re having to behave very differently from the way we do in private. And so we misunderstand each other. I’m floundering badly, and you’re suffering. To avoid that, we must be totally honest with each other.”

Ellie laid her head back on Hilda’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “I will try to understand why you do things, Madame. You did warn me what might happen, after all. And me – I was silly not to trust that you love me. You tell it to me so many times. But to be honest with you about everything - that will be hard.”

Hilda put her other arm also round Ellie, so she was held in a protective circle. She laid her cheek against the black hair and said softly, “Then at least be honest with me now, chérie. Is Meg Lyall making life hard for you? Did she keep you back deliberately yesterday? You seemed very angry.” The slender body in her arms stiffened, but Ellie remained silent. “I’m afraid your silence speaks volumes, Ellie,” Hilda added, with great sadness.

She waited, but there was still no reply. She kept her voice soft as she spoke again. “Ellie, if someone is hurting you, you have the right to report it to me. Just as you have the right to be treated kindly. That’s not “sneaking.” No one should be made unhappy by another’s spite, here or anywhere. The Headmistress needs to be told, so she can stamp it out before it takes hold, but I can’t help if I don’t know anything. I can’t make accusations based on supposition alone. Facts are necessary. Would you want someone else to be hurt in this way?”

Ellie began to stroke the red sleeve again but said nothing. Hilda sighed. This was a situation she had not envisaged among the Seniors, though she knew she should have done, given past occurrences. She should have been prepared for all eventualities. She was all too aware that, for Ellie, her guardian was Atlas holding up the sky and keeping the dark clouds at bay. Unfortunately, lack of wisdom and compassion had allowed Atlas’s arms to fail, and so the mists had come down and suffocated the girl. Hilda felt sick at heart with guilt. She had some very serious thinking ahead of her. She had to find a way to repair the damage she had caused, do some more gentle bolstering of Ellie’s fragile, brittle soul.

“It’s alright, Ellie. I won’t force you for the moment. And no, I won’t tax Meg with it until you confide in me. Or until I think it has gone far enough, though I’m not sure that state hasn’t already been reached. But I won’t wait long – another two or three days at most. I’m not a patient woman where my pupils’ well-being is concerned, I’m afraid. This is one of those times, petite, when my position as Headmistress does not sit happily with my role as your guardian. For you neither, I suspect, because you’re not quite sure who it is you would be confiding in, are you? Nor what the results would be.”

She felt Ellie relax, and lean more heavily into her, seeking comfort. She tightened her arms, wanting to reassure. “Ellie, if you’re worried that I’d blame you for whatever is going on, then please stop. The fault lies entirely with the person doing the hurting, just as your father’s desertion of you lies with him alone. It was never your fault that you look like your mother. It was never anything you did or didn’t do that made him keep disappearing. You cannot take the blame for other people’s selfish actions.” She grimaced as she heard an echo of Mother Abbess saying the exact same words to her. She paused, then asked gently, “So, knowing that, could you re-consider and confide in me after all?”

Still silence on Ellie’s part, the stroking of the sleeve now becoming a nervous plucking. Hilda was torn between wanting to shake her hard and wanting to protect her from all harm for the rest of her days. How did one make a teenager see sense? How did one assure her that she was loved and wanted? She laid a hand over Ellie’s disturbed plucking and whispered, “Du calme, ma petite. I will do nothing for the moment. But between us, Meg and I seem to have hurt you almost beyond endurance. And the nightmare must have been the last straw. That being the case, darling, I’m surprised you came to find me, when you no longer trusted my love.”

Ellie’s head turned up at that and she answered simply, “But, Madame, when you’re hurt, you run home, n’est-ce pas? Me, I have no home – except you. So where else could I run? But….please, always be there for me.”

She saw tears sparkle in her guardian’s eyes. They regarded her gravely. “I promise to be there for you for as long as I live, my wee flipperling. And to try not to hurt you again like this. Don’t ever doubt the deep love I have for you, not even in your darkest hour. I know how hard it is for you to trust me when you have lost so many, but I will keep telling you over and over until you believe in this love of mine. It is strong and it is sure. And don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. You can come to me at any time and I will welcome you. I will be your shelter from the storm. And if it is one of my own dark times, well, we can weep together. Does that help at all?”

Ellie spoke just as solemnly. “If you love me like that, then yes, it helps. How could it not? And I love you, too, but I fear that, compared to your love, mine is a weak and childish thing. I promised to be your champion once, n’est-ce pas? But I forgot for a little while. To lose my trust in you is not being your champion. Now...” She nodded. “Now, I feel a little braver.”

“Even for the Megs of this world?” asked Hilda gently. Ellie nodded again and Hilda kissed her on the forehead, with great tenderness. “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage. (Lao-Tzu) You have both strength and courage, my Ellie, and I am so very proud of you. Just keep telling yourself how very much both le bon Dieu and I love you – use our love as your shield and your armour.”


Last edited by MaryR on Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

#355:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:09 pm
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I'm glad that Ellie and Hilda have sorted that out. But please Ellie, tell her what's going on. It needs to be delt with.

Thanks Mary.

#356:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:14 pm
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I was just like Hilda there, wanting to shake the truth out of Ellie - but Hilda was very, very patient and, with all she said, I cannot see that Meg will be able to hurt Ellie as much again.


Thanks Mary.

#357:  Author: PaulineSLocation: West Midlands PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:20 pm
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Mary this is beautiful, i am glad they are understanding each other better.
May be Meg is in for a suprise today and with Erica looking to support Ellie Hilda may not have to get involved.

Thank you for your lovely quotes and description.

#358:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:55 pm
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At last Hilda has an inkling of the link between Ellie's nightmare and Meg Lyall, but she is still blaming herself for being too harsh when she encountered them last night.

After the long night with all it's fears, doubts andterrors, Ellie has reached the morning safely and I think she is now safe in her knowledge of the depth of Hilda's love. Unfortunately she still cannot trust enough to tell Hilda of the dreadful treatment she has had at the hand of Meg. Even though she knows that Hilda has some idea. Perhaps she is afraid that Meg will be even worse if she thinks Ellie has 'sneaked' to Hilda.

Quote:
Ellie’s head turned up at that and she answered simply, “But, Madame, when you’re hurt, you run home, n’est-ce pas? Me, I have no home – except you. So where else could I run? But….please, always be there for me.”


How Hilda will cherish these words. They are a real indication that underneath all her anguish, at the depths of her heart, Ellie is aware of how deeply Hilda loves her and will shield her from harm.

One question though, Mary. How are Hilda and Ellie going to explain that she is not in the dormitory when the rising bell rings??? Confused Confused Confused

Thanks Mary

#359:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:24 pm
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At least Hilda now has a shrewd idea of what's troubling Ellie even though she can't get right to the root of it all - that comment about the difficulties of making a teenager see sense is *so* true, isn't it? But although there are still so many unanswered questions, her sensitive handling of Ellie's fears can't help but reassure Ellie that she was indeed right to 'run home' when she was so troubled - which is in itself a big thing.

Given their very broken night, they are both going to have to be great actresses if they are to convince Matey, when she sees them, that the right place for them both isn't a few hours in bed!!! And hopefully they will ensure that Ellie is, in fact, back in her own bed before the rising bell rings - though given what the time is already, they need to look sharp about that!

Thanks, Mary

#360:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 8:01 am
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That was beautiful Mary, thank you.

#361:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:08 am
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What a difficult situation for them both. And how well they have done.

I don't blame Ellie in the slightest for that - it can be so difficult to open up to the things which hurt you while you are in the place of comfort! It seems strange, but it is true. While the place of comfort is vital for dealing with the things of the night, one is reluctant to let them in while one is in refuge. Even if you know that telling will make things easier - and the fear of what will happen will always be there, however much you trust the person you have confided in.

I am so pleased that they have got this far between them - and thank heaven for Hilda's perceptions here. In some ways, I can't help but wonder if Hilda having seen the tension between Meg and Ellie might not have helped now. At least that opened her eyes to what was going on. OK, Ellie might not have had such a difficult night if Hilda hadn't added to the burden - or maybe not quite yet anyway - but it would come sooner or later, and if Hilda hadn't seen it before Ellie came, she would have been lost and not know what to make of things. At least now she is able to jump to the right conclusions and understandings. She has something to base her thoughts on and has less reason to berate herself about - at least in some ways.

Of course, she is telling herself she should have had more wisdom here - but this is a learning curve - and a steep one at that. I do hope that Ellie either feels she can confide in Hilda soon, or the others (Erika and Mirelle) take the initiative to talk to Hilda themselves.

Thanks Mary - this is a very understandable situation. Personally I don't think it would matter too much if Ellie is out of her dormitory in the morning - Meg isn't in her dorm, and the others are grown up enough not to talk about such things. Also - Jo ended up out of the dormy often enough when Madge was head, so I see no odds here. However, they may yet prefer that no one is aware of the matter.

Thanks once again.

#362:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 9:21 am
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Squirrel wrote:
Personally I don't think it would matter too much if Ellie is out of her dormitory in the morning - Meg isn't in her dorm, and the others are grown up enough not to talk about such things. Also - Jo ended up out of the dormy often enough when Madge was head, so I see no odds here. However, they may yet prefer that no one is aware of the matter.


True but the school was very different then and everyone had started off with Jo being madge's sister whereas this is a bit different. Am thankful Ellie did go to Hilda and hope that even if Ellie doesn't tell Hilda then Mirielle or Erica will. Thanks Mary

#363:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:13 pm
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So natural that Ellie does not want to break the 'schoolgirls code' and tell of Meg's vicious needling. She hasn't known Hilda long enough to be aware of how sharp she is in school matters.
And how lovely that Hilda was able to comfort her!
Thanks Mary, I really love getting to read the updates.

#364:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2007 10:47 pm
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I've just written a response and been disconnected before I could post it Evil or Very Mad. Try again.

It's natural, too, for Ellie not to want to share with Hilda such hurtful thoughts about Hilda - especially when she's just demonstrated that she believed them! Hilda clearly now knows that the problem is with Meg, though she can't do anything until Ellie is ready to confide the details, and she will not be able to imagine the sort of insinuations Meg has been using to bully Ellie. But all those reassurances of love will be able to protect Ellie from the effects of Meg's remarks if she starts again - won't they??
Hilda has certainly realised her mistake in dealing with Ellie earlier, but I hope she won't flagellate herself too much. It only had such a dire effect because of Meg's taunts and, even if she's not perfect, Hilda is still
Quote:
Atlas holding up the sky and keeping the dark clouds at bay
for Ellie.

I enjoyed Ellie's mystification about the seal imagery (and Hilda wondering what that made her! ), and Ellie's description of Hilda as her home was very touching.

Thank you, Mary. Have a lovely holiday.

#365:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 4:08 am
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What an amazing conversation. Although in some ways Ellie is withholding information, they're still being remarkably open with each other. Hilda's analysis seems quite astute, and she's doing an excellent job getting across to Ellie -- I think.

Thank you, Mary.

P.S. I actually read the section ending with the Kipling on Wednesday night. I didn't comment -- just took it to heart and went to sleep. Very helpful. Smile

#366:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:14 am
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**Heaves big sigh of relief**

Thank you, Mary !

I am glad she has now go to the bottom of what was troubling poor Ellie so much, and with such good reason. But how will Hilda handle such an awkward situation ?

At least Ellie can be at peace in the knowledge that she hasn`t told tales, but Hilda is fully aware of what is going on and will most certainly deal with it in her own inimitable way Wink

#367:  Author: bethanyLocation: Liverpool (mostly) PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2007 9:04 am
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I am really glad that Ellie was able to go to Hilda, and that Hilda was able to comfort her. I am really hoping that the Meg situation can be sorted out, though in a way that doesn't seem like Ellie has told any tales...

#368:  Author: calicoLocation: Wellington, New Zealand PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 6:57 am
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Lovely. Thanks Mary
I also think Hilda is very patient & doing an amazing job.

#369:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2007 9:26 am
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What a difficult conversation for both of them - and it's so loving and sensitive too, and at the end of it, there is a sense that they understand one another perhaps better than before, in that they both know and accept that there will be pitfalls along the way. And Ellie says so beautifully and truly what constitutes home for her now:
Quote:
But, Madame, when you’re hurt, you run home, n’est-ce pas? Me, I have no home – except you. So where else could I run?


And Hilda's promise to her is so certain and worded so movingly:
Quote:
“I promise to be there for you for as long as I live, my wee flipperling. And to try not to hurt you again like this. Don’t ever doubt the deep love I have for you, not even in your darkest hour. I know how hard it is for you to trust me when you have lost so many, but I will keep telling you over and over until you believe in this love of mine. It is strong and it is sure. And don’t ever let anyone tell you differently. You can come to me at any time and I will welcome you. I will be your shelter from the storm. And if it is one of my own dark times, well, we can weep together.
With a promise like this to rely on, Ellie's shelter is secure, and she in turn can give Hilda a sustaining and strengthening love.

That quotation beautifully emphasises the distinction between strength and courage, and if Ellie has those, then so too does Hilda....

Thank you Mary.

#370:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:04 pm
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Thank you all so much for the kind comments. I'm sorry you've had to wait a wee while for an update but Hilda decided to whisk us off for some R&R in sunny Nice! And a good time was had by all! Laughing

Ellie had been smuggled back into Larkspur before the rising bell sounded, feeling more at peace with the world. Madame’s words and actions during the night, her repeated affirmations of her love for her ward, were having their effect. Ellie went into school that morning with a song in her heart, as though her guardian’s affection was something alive and vital, pulsing inside and keeping her warm.

Added to that was a conversation with Mireille later on during the morning, one in which both of them ended up in tucks of laughter over possible solutions to the Middles’ little flights of fancy. That conversation, and the friendly compliment paid to her by the Head Girl, also encouraged her. Her nerve endings began to seem less raw, her spirit less besieged. But then the gong sounded for Mitagessen at the end of morning school and her stomach tightened when Meg cornered her as the others left the common room to make their way to the Speisesaal.

“Written your essay yet, Miss Goody Two Shoes?” the Senior sneered. “Or did your guardian write it for you?”

Ellie drew herself up to her full height, sensing that armour of Madame’s wrapping itself around her. Madame’s great love was a shield in her hand. Her eyes looked searchingly into Meg’s. The latter’s lips tightened, for she saw no anger or fear in the sapphire eyes.

Ellie spoke scornfully. “Why would she do that? Do you not trust your Headmistress to be honourable?” Ellie shook her head, answering her own questions. “But, no, of course you don’t, for you have no honour yourself, do you?”

Meg glared at her, nostrils flaring as though ready to attack, but Ellie merely turned gracefully to the door. Here she paused, carried the war into the enemy’s camp. “She has my essay, yes. Does she also have yours, I wonder?”

Meg’s face was now twisted with anger and spite as she watched her prey walk proudly, fearlessly, away from her. No, she had no essay for the Abbess. She had no idea what to write, for she knew the Head’s exacting standards. But it would have to be done in the next few hours or retribution would fall. And that, and the fact that Ellie no longer seemed afraid or angry, made her long to lash out cruelly at this French girl who was not only an important person, being the Head’s ward as she was, but who was also blessed with a loveliness that Meg felt gave her an unfair advantage when it came to attracting others.

Unaware that Ellie had never regarded herself as either pretty or important, and certainly not as being particularly blessed, Meg knew that she herself was plain and ordinary. She had enough self-knowledge to see that she was very unpopular, but she blamed others for that, rather than her own lack of generosity or sympathy. No one had ever told her that, in fact, her shining brown hair and large grey eyes, fringed by long, dark lashes, would have made her very attractive if only she had smiled and looked with kindness on the world. But she was somehow twisted in on herself, and resented it when others received the praise and affection she thought she herself deserved.

So, now, she determined anew that she would do everything in her power to bring about this new girl’s downfall. Or, at the very least, do something that would hurt her deeply. Erica Standish may have thought Ellie was lonely and unhappy, but in Meg’s eyes she seemed to have everything Meg herself wanted, especially the affection of the most important adult in the school. This reminded Meg of her punishment and she walked out of the room, thinking hard.

She did hand in her essay on time, though Hilda grimaced when she read it and was sorely tempted to ask her to re-write it. But that did not seem such a good idea right this moment. She set it to one side and stared blankly across the room at the butterflies as though their loveliness could give her answers to the questions and doubts prowling about in her mind.

She ran through her options. To force Ellie’s confidence? To ask Meg point-blank what she was doing? To have a word with the school as a whole about bullying, and the difference between reporting and *sneaking*? She thought back to Mireille’s face the other night when they had discussed Ellie. There had been something there…. .Did her Head Girl know about this problem already and was she trying to sort it out herself?

Hilda sighed. She knew if it had been any other girl but Ellie she would have acted by now.

Oh Nell - so much for teaching her to fly! I’m letting her be tethered to the ground by my own inability to think straight. Is this what it means to be a parent, to care too much? You would have waded in by now, hurling thunderbolts of sarcasm and retribution, but is that any better than playing a waiting game? I wish I knew, dear heart. All I do know is that I am handling my position as Ellie’s guardian very badly.


Last edited by MaryR on Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

#371:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:22 pm
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Glad to see you back Mary.

At last, a little piece for poor Ellie. She is starting to learn that the love is non-conditional, and also I think she might sense that this is the crux of the problem with Meg. She handled that situation beautifully, although it is unlikely that Meg will give up just yet.

As for Hilda, what a dilemma. Ellie is not just any other girl is she?

#372:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:36 pm
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Oh! Well Done Ellie. She did well there. And how nice for Mirelle to search her out like that - Ellie seems well aware of the compliment paid to her.

But poor Hilda - she does seem so tethered doesn't she? And yet, her very hesitancy is born of that natural desire to do always right. In some ways, she is experiencing the same dilemma that girls who become prefects are faced with when dealing with their younger sisters as juniors and middles. This situation will enable her to understand more fully the way they might have difficulties.

And I loved that perceptive flash of insight into what Mirelle might be trying. Yes, she is indeed going to see if she can deal with the matter herself. And other than the issue of how Meg can be adequately squashed (and with Hilda seeing to boulstering Ellie up, I guess that it is no bad thing if Mirelle and co deal with at least some of that) she may well manage quite a lot.

Thankyou Mary - I await developments with interest.

#373:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:38 pm
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Welcome Back Mary!

Beautiful piece of writing and of story there, absolutely perfect in every way.

#374:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:52 pm
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It's good to see that the night's experiences have done so much to renew Ellie's trust in her guardian that she no longer fears Meg's tongue - at least for the time being. However, judging from Meg's reaction, it's clear that that young woman is so far turned in on herself that she'll still stop at nothing to hurt Ellie, unless someone brings her up with a jolt. Which I hope will happen soon!

Poor Hilda really is between a rock and a hard place, isn't she, knowing full well that if anyone other than Ellie had been involved, she would have already intervened, and Meg would have been wondering just how much was left of her when her headmistress was done!

I did enjoy seeing Mireille seek Ellie's advice there, too - that certainly bodes well for both their futures. And I sincerely hope that Mireille herself will either find a way to deal with Meg, or manage to bring Hilda fully into the picture about what is going on, but in such a way that neither action will rebound badly on Ellie.

Thanks, Mary - it's good to see this back again, and I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday.

#375:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:18 pm
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Welcome back Mary, I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday.

Well done Ellie for standing up to Meg, but I'm afraid this is not the end of the problem. Meg doesn't like bieng thwarted and she is looking for another way to hurt Ellie.

Quote:
Poor Hilda really is between a rock and a hard place, isn't she, knowing full well that if anyone other than Ellie had been involved, she would have already intervened, and Meg would have been wondering just how much was left of her when her headmistress was done!


As Elder says, poor Hilda, she really is finding this difficult. She is so aware that there is a problem between Ellie and Meg and she is concerned that she is not making a good job of being Ellie's guardian.

Quote:
All I do know is that I am handling my position as Ellie’s guardian very badly.


You're wrong Hilda! Last night you proved how well you are handling your position as Ellie's guardian. No one else could have convinced her that she was loved and given her the confidence to begin to turn the tables on Meg.

Thank you Mary!

#376:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:27 pm
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That was a lovely description of the effect of Ellie's renewed belief in Hilda's love:
Quote:
her guardian’s affection was something alive and vital, pulsing inside and keeping her warm ... Her nerve endings began to seem less raw, her spirit less besieged.
It's so nice to see her happier and more confident and courageous.

But, clearly, Meg isn't going to let up. What is it with the girl? I wonder what her own background is. Why is she so turned in on herself, why has no-one ever told her she's pretty, why is she so desperately jealous of Hilda's affection for Ellie. Is it more than just wanting to be noticed by 'the most important person in the school'? It can't be very pleasant knowing that everyone dislikes you, either. Hmmm. To be thought about.

I wonder how Nell would have handled it all? How much Hilda misses her robust forthrightness. Of course, Hilda herself would have sorted it by now if it hadn't been Ellie - this new role is certainly bringing an unaccustomed diffidence to her responses, and she is still unaware of quite how much she gives Ellie.

Thank you, Mary, but I wish you wouldn't keep me awake at night! Wink

#377:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:10 am
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Welcome back Mary, glad you had a good holiday.

I don't think there's much I can add to all those insightful comments, I just hope Hilda finds a way through this tangle soon.

Thanks Mary.

#378:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 1:59 am
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Welcome back Mary, glad you had a well deserved break.

Ellie did handle that very well and if she starts standing up for herself then thats probably better in the long run.

Hope someone can talk to Meg about how she's behaving and help her see sense. It sounds as though she's as jealous as Kathie is. I wonder if Kathie is able to help her and herself at the same time

#379:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:50 am
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Welcome back, Mary, after your relaxing holiday!

I'm glad Ellie stood up to Meg, although I'm sure there's more nastiness to come Sad

#380:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 12:06 pm
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Hilda's love is almost a visible protection for Ellie isn't it? No wonder she goes into school "with a song in her heart." from that affection of Hilda's which is
Quote:
something alive and vital, pulsing inside and keeping her warm
. And it's lovely to see the confidence and certainty which it gives her in dealing with Meg.

And poor Hilda, suddenly coping with a sense of uncertainty about how to deal with this particular problem, and knowing that with any other girl, she would not be feeling like this. Of course she isn't handling her role as Ellie's guardian badly, but she is so acutely aware of Ellie's needs in a way that is new to her that it makes her insecure in an area in which she has always been confident - although she's right to think that Nell would have been doubtful as well.

And I wonder, is Meg's attitude to Ellie perhaps grounded on something that has happened to hurt her?

Thank you Mary - and I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. Very Happy

#381:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2007 7:59 pm
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Meg is jealous, isn't she? Jealous of Ellie and the fact that she has a special place in Hilda's heart - I wonder - did she want that for herself?


Thanks Mary.

#382:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 2:45 am
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Lesley wrote:
... a special place in Hilda's heart - I wonder - did she want that for herself?

Doesn't everyone? Shocked But I fear she's now in the position of "being a disappointment to Miss Annersley." To put it mildly.

Well done, Ellie, for that reaction -- and to Hilda for reawakening Ellie's confidence, however inadequate either of them may feel.

Thank you, Mary.

#383:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:48 am
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I do think Ellie handled this brilliantly.
She conducted herself with poise, grace and dignity, and put Meg firmly in her place.
However, I am sure we haven't seen the end of the difficulties by a very long way.
How do we solve a problem like Meg, I wonder ?
Thank you Mary !

#384:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:20 pm
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Please forgive me the length of this - but 'twould have been a pity to split it! Twisted Evil

Her conversations with Hilda the night before, and with Ellie that morning, simmering in her mind, Mireille had a short meeting after lunch with as many prefects as she could gather, to discuss tactics. An idea had flashed through her mind while talking to Ellie and they all decided it would be the perfect antidote to the problem. Carmela was in charge of prep with Upper IVB that evening and was suddenly looking forward to taking the Middles on, even if it was with a difficult form. Samantha van der Byl had been due to oversee Lower IVA’s prep but was taken ill during the day. Mireille sent her off to Matey and decided that she herself would follow through on what she had set in motion.

Carmela settled herself at the mistress’s desk with an inward grin and surveyed these Middles who had been particular problems ever since they had entered the school. And, even though there were not many years left before they became Seniors themselves, they seemed to have no desire to change their habits. They were well known throughout the school, not for their hard work but for their inveterate desire to gain as much fun and frolic as possible out of life, usually at others’ expense. As far as they were concerned, prefects were fair game, especially if they had no control, so they surveyed Carmela right back unconcernedly. She had never yet discovered the way to make them conform, so why should tonight be different from any other night?

Carmela read their minds and decided to play along for a little while and see what transpired. So now she simply warned them about working hard in her usual, rather meek, voice, as though she had no confidence in her own words. They looked at each other and nodded.

At first all was serenity and calm, and Carmela soon became apparently engrossed in her chemistry notes, giving no indication at all that she had noticed the restiveness that was developing and the whispered conversations that were now in progress here and there. Bella Montelli and Sarah Avison, deciding the time had come, were surreptitiously rolling up pieces of their blotting paper into small balls and aiming them silently at the bin set near the blackboard just to the right of Carmela. The latter, however, suddenly looked up just in time to stretch out a lazy hand and catch a particularly large piece of paper as it flew towards her over several heads.

Her eyes twinkled. “Well aimed, whoever lobbed that! You’d make a first-rate darts player. Now – who was it?” Her voice had suddenly sharpened and rapped out and Sarah Avison stood up at once. Carmela waited and then Bella Montini slowly, reluctantly, also rose to her feet. “So! Two of you! Very well, bring me the remnants of your blotting paper – you can manage without for the rest of prep.” She watched as they did so and then smiled at them enigmatically. “I’m very tempted to make the pair of you stand in the bin for the rest of prep, but that seems a little unfair on the bin, so you’ll just have to wait for your punishment.”

Their faces wore very puzzled expressions as they returned to their seats and she could see them thinking they had escaped retribution. She ignored them, looked over the seated girls and said, in tones that seemed to expect no response, “Would all those who have talked at all since the beginning of prep stand up, please.”

For a moment no one moved. She rose to her feet, a tall girl, and stood there patiently as though she had all the time in the world. She could see more puzzled expressions springing up round the room. They were getting mixed messages and were not quite sure how to react. She smiled to herself again. This was more fun than she had anticipated. Why had she been so frightened last term to lay down the law?

Slowly, six or seven rose to their feet. Carmela picked up a small notebook and jotted down their names. “Thank you. You may be seated and continue with your work.”

Silence fell but some of the girls were beginning to look a little haunted now. What was Carmela up to? However, as nothing seemed to be forthcoming and she did not look at all angry, they gradually relaxed and the hands crept up as one after another discovered they were having trouble with their French or their Maths or their History. Carmela discounted a few of them, telling them simply to apply themselves, but she was helping Maria O’Connor over a particularly knotty algebra problem when an “ouch” was heard on the other side of the room. Carmela whipped round in time to see Heidi rub her cheek.

“Is something the matter, Heidi?” asked Carmela.

Heidi jumped. “I…er…stabbed my cheek with my pen,” she stammered.

Carmela strolled over and scrutinised said cheek. “Hm! I thought red ink was only for the teachers! Be more careful, please,” and she returned to the algebra problem, only for another gasp to ricochet round the room. Carmela was on to it immediately. “Who was that?”

A hand went up near the back. “Please, it was me. I…p…poked my pencil in my eye.”

Carmela’s eyes narrowed for Helen Cassidy had blushed as she spoke and there was a tiny red mark on her cheek, just as there had been on Heidi’s. “Now, would you care to tell me the truth? Either that or I keep the whole form in when prep is finished, until I know what is really happening.”

Carmela’s frosty voice was so unlike her usual mild tones that all heads immediately swivelled in one direction. Tonia Slater rose reluctantly to her feet, holding what appeared to be a small piece of green piping in her hand. “I was practising taking pot shots with my brother’s pea shooter,” she said calmly and held up the offending article.

Looking considerably startled, Carmela held out her hand. Tonia walked forward and handed it across. “You do realise this is a dangerous weapon,” the prefect said soberly. “You could have put someone’s eye out. You’re lucky I’m not going to report you to Miss Annersley – though I suspect she will know all about it by the time you’ve finished your punishment. Tell your brother to keep his toys to himself in future. He’s certainly seen the last of this one. Go and put that in the bin along with any remaining peas you may have.”

She tapped the pea shooter on her palm and then smiled in a way that made Tonia writhe. “Do you know, though, I have a fancy for a little fun. Take this and stand over there near the door. Now, let’s see just how good a shot you really are, after all your practice. I want every pea in the bin. For every one you miss, you have to put a halfpenny in the poor box.”

The class gasped and Tonia went bright red. She stared at Carmela in horror, saw the prefect meant every word, and slowly made her way over to the door. The class fell silent, not sure how to take this strange attitude of Carmela’s. In the event, Tonia missed only once, despite her nervousness. At a signal from the prefect, she then dropped the pipe and the rest of the peas in the bin.

“Now return to your seat and finish your work,” was all Carmela said, much to everyone’s surprise. But, despite their shock, they had not yet learned their lesson. After all, they asked themselves, no one had really been punished for anything, had they?

After another ten or fifteen minutes Carmela realised, as several girls came to her with the same problem, that a new rule in French had somehow passed some of them by, so she called to the board all those who were struggling, and proceeded to teach it to them again quietly. She kept one ear tuned in to the rest but all seemed to be quiet. And then - a stifled giggle caught her ear. Turning swiftly, her heart almost stopped dead in fright, for two enormous, furry, black and orange tatantulas were sitting in one of the aisles and staring up at her with huge, beady eyes. Then common sense crept back. The girls would not be sitting there, still as mice, with real spiders around!

Even as she thought this, she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and, turning swiftly, she saw several other spiders creeping up another of the aisles. These ones seemed to be constructed very simply of balls of black wool, with black pipe cleaners stuck into them for legs, and they were dangling by long lengths of elastic.Too late, the girls manipulating these realised they had been caught and made an attempt to hide them. Carmela shook her head, then reached down and picked up the tarantulas.

“Mine now!” she said with a nasty smile, one spider balanced on each hand. She looked round. “Anyone care to own up to these?” A girl sitting right under her nose rose to her feet, and Carmela almost purred. “Ah, Julia! Why am I not surprised? And where did you find these little beauties?”

“In a toy shop,” said Julia, not much liking Carmela’s tone of voice.

“I do hope they weren’t too expensive, dear, because this is the last you see of them. You know the rules as well as I! And was it also your idea to give them some company?” She indicated the woollen puppets. Julia nodded, bit her lip. This was surely not going the way she had expected. Carmela was never on the ball like this!

“Goodness, such effort, and all to no avail…” purred Carmela. “We have been enterprising tonight, haven’t we? If you were to put as much energy into your prep as you do into your jokes just think how good it would be and what marks you would get!”

The room was so silent now she could hear the girls cringing. She paused and let them suffer for a few minutes. Then she said softly, “Now, you three, please put your spiders on Miss Stone’s desk for now. But tonight, after Abendessen, you will come to me for a knitting lesson, so you can learn to make proper soft toys that will sell well at the Sale. Oh, and, by the way, the lesson will last until bedtime. Julia, you will also come, as I have no doubt at all you helped with the construction.”

Their faces fell at this, but they had perforce to do as they were told. Carmela waited till everyone was seated again and then added, with steel in her voice this time, “All of you, open your desks for an inspection.” There were furtive looks of horror here and there, and some employed delaying tactics, but she was having none of it. “Immediately, please. And sit still and remove nothing, or it will be worse for you.”

By the end of her inspection she had found two clockwork mice, several articulated snakes, some very realistic plastic spiders and other insects, several packets of sweets, novels that the Middles were certainly not allowed to read, plus a great deal of untidiness. After piling all their contraband on the desk at the front, the girls were thoroughlty confused and disgruntled. And on tenterhooks as to what Carmela would do.

However, she merely stood there and said quietly, “I am aware that there are some girls who have been trying to work this evening and I apologise to them now for all the disturbances. Those of you who have not finished your prep when the bell goes will stay behind until you have done so. So get on, do – and in silence.”

A sort of subdued peace reigned supreme for the next half hour. Carmela finished her little lesson at the board and the rest kept their heads bent over their books. In fact, some of the villains of the piece worked so hard that they surprised themselves by finding their prep completed when the ball rang. They started to tidy away their books but Carmela had other ideas. She stood up and surveyed them all with a grim smile. Gradually all movement ceased.

“Yes, you didn’t really think you were just going to walk away from here scot free, did you? There’s still an accounting to be made from some of you.” She stopped and named about ten girls. “You people were never in any trouble, so if you have finished your prep and your desks are tidy, you may now leave the room.” After those girls had gone, Carmela looked round at the sinners remaining. She smiled grimly. “Now to your punishments…..”

#385:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:33 pm
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Those last sentences of Carmelas were just fantastic. Of Course they thought she was going to let them off! She has done so every other time - why should this be any different, even if she *is* being johnny on the spot on this occasion - I should have thought that that would have warned them that something different was going to happen.

And what enterprising and varied tricks they have tried. They certainly like their fun, don't they. Sadly, it shows the state in which prep must have fallen with the less than confident state of the prefects during prep time. This highlights it more than anything.

But you cut it short *just* before the fun *really* started Mary!!! That's not Fair! What is she going to do with them? And what did Mirelle face?

Thank you.

#386:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:34 pm
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Well done Carmela - especially as I think she really enjoyed that. Laughing And the girls deserve everything she's about to throw at them.


Thanks Mary.

#387:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:56 pm
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They are an inventive lot aren't they?

I look forward to seeing how inventive Carmela's punishments are.

Thanks Mary.

#388:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:17 pm
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Oh heavens - I've been quietly gurgling all the way through this scene! I can just imagine the Middles' reaction to the fact that Carmela has suddenly developed a backbone, not to speak of a sixth sense for all the pranks they had planned to play! And I just loved the 'inwardness' of her last sentences to the guilty ones once prep was finished - I am eagerly awaiting the next instalment when we learn what punishments she has devised for them!!

Thanks, Mary - quite apart from being highly amusing in its own right, and showing us how both Mireille and Carmela are 'warming' to their 'duties', it's also a lovely contrast to the charged emotions of the last few episodes. You really do know how to keep your readers on their toes!!

#389:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:47 pm
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I thoroughly enjoyed that prep session Laughing and I feel sure Carmela did too!

Thanks Mary.

#390:  Author: ChelseaLocation: Your Imagination PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:56 pm
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I am intrigued to hear what the punishments are going to be - well done Carmela!

#391:  Author: TanLocation: London via Newcastle Australia PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:56 pm
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Oh, I enjoyed that! It was interesting to see Carmela's growing confidence as she dealt with the situations. I am now very interested to see what the rest of the punishments will be. And am very glad you did not split this post Mary!

#392:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2007 10:38 pm
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Oh dear, my sides are aching and I've had to stop myself laughing out loud at the antics of the Middles.!! Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

But what a change! How Carmela has gained in confidence. I wonder what she has in store for the miscreants now. I loved her treatment of Tonia, making her shoot all her peas into the bin. How humiliating for her.

How quick she was to realise that the spiders could not be real. And what price the knitting lessons?! No one can say that she is not making the punishments fit the crimes. Her imagination has certainly been running free during this prep session. I'm sure even Hilda could not have dreamed up more appropriate sanctions.

Thank you Mary. May we have the rest of this soon, please? I'm dying to know what Carmela has devised to settle these Middles once and for all!!!

#393:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:41 am
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I can hardly wait to see what punishment Carmela has for them Laughing Laughing

#394:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:43 am
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That was most entertaining Mary. Laughing Laughing
I thoroughly enjoyed watching them enthusiastically dig that pit wider and deeper as prep progressed. And Carmela unsettled them beautifully, right from the start, so by the end of it they wouldn't have known whether they were coming or going! And of course once she had bluffed them into accepting her as confident and in control, then that's exactly what she would have felt. And those loast lines were splendid, with the infusion of seriousness making them understand that their behaviour was completely unacceptable.

#395:  Author: PaulineSLocation: West Midlands PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 9:27 am
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Thamk you. Well done. Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

#396:  Author: SalLocation: Walsall / Aberystwyth PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:07 pm
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Thanks Mary that was brilliant, you do seem to have a missed out a couple of crucial sentences though...

#397:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 4:20 pm
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Thanks, Mary. Really enjoyed the updates.

#398:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:55 pm
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Quote:
Silence fell but some of the girls were beginning to look a little haunted now.
Oh yes! Love it! Well might they look haunted. I particularly enjoyed Carmela catching the blotting paper (I could just see that) and Tonia being condemned to shoot the peas into the bin! You have a highly inventive imagination, Mary!!!
It's really good to see Carmela visibly growing in confidence and effectiveness - she'll certainly never have any bother again.

I do wonder what those punishments will be (and why Hilda will know all about it by the end of them) ... and what's happening in the class Mireille is taking. Very Happy

Thank you, Mary, that was enormous fun.

#399:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:08 pm
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Tara wrote:
I do wonder what those punishments will be (and why Hilda will know all about it by the end of them) ... and what's happening in the class Mireille is taking. Very Happy

Thank you, Mary, that was enormous fun.

Thank you all for enjoying that - I did wobble a bit over it as it's so hard not to end up copying EBD. Embarassed Judith, I think you might find this post answers your questions! Laughing Though I apologise for another long one!

Oh, and apologies to Linda - and Rosalin. This was written ages ago and it seems such a shame to change it all! Twisted Evil


Meanwhile, a few rooms away, Mireille had also been having an interesting evening. She found herself enjoying the increasing bemusement of Lower IVA as those who offended were not awarded any punishment. They were a studious form on the whole, not given to making the prefects’ lives difficult – but girls will be girls, wherever and whoever they are!

She had given them fair warning that she expected no nonsense and most of them had settled down to work, eager for good marks, an attitude fostered by their form mistress, Miss Yolland. Mireille had learned by her mistakes. She walked round the room every twenty minutes or so to make sure all was well. And so it was, for a blissful while. Then, on one of her forays, as she straightened from helping a girl with her synthetic maps, she caught a quick movement out of the corner of her eye. Keeping still, she cast round for the guilty one and spotted Morag McLaughan reading something under her desk. Approaching on cat-like feet, Mireille saw it was a piece of paper torn from a notebook. She touched her briefly on the shoulder and took great satisfaction in seeing the girl nearly jump out of her skin. Morag stared up in horror.

“Go and throw it in the bin, please,” Mireille said quietly. “I’m sure it’s fascinating, but you know it is against the rules to pass notes.” Morag moved to the front and Mireille turned to focus on the girl behind, who was, seemingly, fathoms deep in her work. “I have no doubt at all it was you who passed it to her, Monique.” Monique looked up and nodded. “Pardon?” said the Head Girl icily.

“Yes, Mireille,” breathed Monique, rising to her feet, fingers crossed behind her back.

“That’s better! I really ought to make you read it to us, since it was so important that you couldn’t wait till after prep,” Mireille remarked idly, and enjoyed the sheer disbelief which crossed Monique’s face. She added dangerously, “No, I didn’t think you’d enjoy that! And I’m sure the rest of us don’t wish to know your silly secrets. Sit down, the pair of you, and get on with your work. If it happens again, you will spend all your spare time in the next seven days copying out chunks from your set books, since you seem to like writing.”

Sighing with relief, thinking they had escaped punishment, they sat! A little later, Mireille was concentrating so hard on writing out her essay about The Tempest that when a piercing wail rent the air, followed by two loud thuds, her pen stabbed into the paper and ink spurted everywhere. Throwing it down in disgust, she rose from her chair to glare across the room from whence the noise had come.

Slowly, with a smothered grunt, a head appeared above the lid of a desk. Eying Mireille warily, Linda Wagstaff pulled herself up from the floor. Beside her, Rose Sibley was rubbing her shoulder. Mireille waited as Linda bent to pick up her over-turned chair, and then a crestfallen face was turned her way.

“S….s…sorry, Mireille,” Linda whispered.

“Are you hurt?” asked Mireille curtly. “And what about the chair?”

“It’s oka…. I mean, it seems to be undamaged. Um, so am I.”

“And what about you, Rose? I can see you rubbing your shoulder.”

“I’m fine, thank you, Mireille,” said Rose, her shoulder throbbing painfully.

Mireille let herself go. Quietly. “What is it about Middles and chairs that you have to ill-treat them so? You all know tilting is forbidden. Just as you all know why.” She stared at Linda, who coloured furiously. “Well, to make my point, Linda, and in the hope of stopping it happening again, since you expect your chair to support your weight on only half its legs let’s see you do the same. Come out here, please, and stand by me on one leg for five minutes.”

Crimson with mortification, Linda crawled to the front but, as she did so, Mireille noticed that the girl’s face had gone white. She frowned. “Are you sure you haven’t hurt yourself?” she asked in some anxiety.

Linda held out her hand and Mireille saw that her wrist seemed to be swelling even as she watched. “I… I …I landed on it, and it bent back,” whimpered Linda, and there were tears in her eyes now.

Mireille looked at the class. “Isabel, could you take Linda to Matron, please? And make sure, the pair of you, that you explain the cause,” she added darkly. “I think, Linda, you’ll find that standing on one leg would have been infinitely preferable to facing Matron when she’s on the warpath – and she will be, when she hears about the tilting.”

The girls disappeared and the others quickly bent their heads over their work. Mireille grimaced before she, too, returned to her disturbed work, sighing with frustration at having to copy out that whole ink-stained page again. But, hopefully, not only Linda but the others also had learned the lesson about tilting and its likely punishment from now on.

However, there were some members of the form who were still feeling frisky, despite all Mireille’s strictures. After all, no one had actually suffered any punishment, had they? Two girls approached Mireille with problems in their French. Standing one each side of her, she seemed so engrossed in her explanation that Lily Wong, seated at the back, took a chance. Leaning forward, she poked her friend Sylvia with her ruler. Startled, Sylvia turned round and saw Lily wink at her and she immediately picked up her own ruler and they started a silent mock-battle, only just missing each other’s weapon at each stroke.

They might have hoped to escape detection but Mireille had the ears and the instincts of a hawk. She was on to them in a flash. Heaving a great sigh, she propped her chin in her hand and regarded them sadly.

“But how very unoriginal you all are! First tilting and passing notes, and now rulers! You know, I get sword fights far too often in prep and it is so boring. If you people are going to disturb my studying, why can’t you do it in an entertaining way, find some new mischief?” They stared at her blankly and she had to control her desire to laugh out loud. “Lily and Sylvia, please go and stand one on each side of the door, rulers at the ready. Since you have such a desire to be swordsmen, you may stand on guard for the rest of prep. Now, please!” she added firmly as they continued to stare at her.

The others watched, with mouths ajar, as the two girls stood up slowly and went to stand by the door. They each held out their ruler towards the other, across the doorway, and stood still as statues in total shock, their eyes beseeching Mireille to stop this. They had never been so embarrassed in their lives. One or two of the others began to snigger but the Head Girl’s eyes turned sharply their way and they desisted instantly. The silence that fell was absolute. No prefect had ever meted out this sort of punishment before and they were in no mind for anything else.

Six minutes later the bell rang. Mireille indicated to the sword fighters that they could sit down, then she leaned back in her chair and smiled round at them all. “Eh bien, your punishments…. I don’t intend to award order marks tonight. Those of you who saw fit to try and amuse us are going to receive something a little different. Lily and Sylvia have already had a taste of this, I think you will agree. Not very pleasant, is it?” She grinned exasperatingly. “But then you don’t make it very pleasant for us when you misbehave. Nor do you learn your lesson. Though I do have to admit that life has been calmer here tonight than elsewhere on other nights.”

She was thoroughly enjoying herself by this time. How clever Ellie had been! Looking round, she named five girls, and they rose to their feet looking somewhat surprised. “You five all had little private chats at some point tonight. Oh, dear me, did you think I’d missed them!” she asked drily. “Not at all, mes chères. Today is Thursday. By Saturday night, you five will each have written a two minute speech on anything you would care to talk about – and you will have it learned by heart.”

Their horrified faces nearly undid her, but she continued, her voice silkily smooth, “My two sword fighters will construct proper-looking swords by Saturday evening and will then ask Miss Burnett to teach them a Highland Fling to dance over those swords. Linda, my tilter, seems to have punished herself so we will leave her out of this. I think you would all agree that Matron on the warpath is worse than anything I could find for you.”

By now the silence was once more absolute. They were suddenly not quite so sure she was right about Matey! Speeches? Highland Flings? What kinds of punishments were those? Mireille’s eyes slowly moved from face to face, noting how they were trying to work out what she was up to. The wrongdoers were staring at her in frightened consternation. The rest of the form just seemed rather awe-struck. She let the stillness linger, hoping that what she was doing was the right thing and that it would have some effect.

“You must be wondering why I am asking – or telling – you to do these things. Why have I not simply given you order marks?” She paused. “I think you’ll find there will be girls in a few other forms tonight who are hearing the same words, and receiving similar punishments, if I know my prefects. So you will not be alone. Alone where, I can hear you thinking. Why, alone on stage in the Hall, of course!” she finished with a flourish, and there was an immediate outcry.

She held up her hand. “Quiet, please. Remember that you really don’t have a leg to stand on, if you’ll forgive my pun on poor Linda’s misdeeds.” She smiled. “Yes, you are going to be part of the Talent Contest which we’re having as the entertainment on Saturday evening. I should imagine we will have quite a few acts to entertain our audience, if we add up all the girls who like to mess about during prep.” Here her voice grew suddenly grim.

“But you can’t….” gasped Lily Wong in fright.

Mireille’s eyebrows rose. “Can’t?” she asked somewhat dangerously. “Oh, I think you’ll find I can, Lily. I’m the Head Girl, after all. Are not matters of discipline left in my hands by Miss Annersley?” And she smiled sweetly. “The contest won’t only be for you and sinners from the other forms, naturellement. You’ll only be the hors d’oeuvres, so to speak. It will be open to everyone in the Middles and Seniors. The Juniors are having their own entertainment that evening. We wouldn’t like to give them the wrong idea about how to behave when they’re Middles, would we?” She heard giggling at that point and relaxed a little.

“Oh, and of course Miss Annersley and the mistesses will be invited,” she said slowly, teasingly, and saw more horror-stricken looks. “Which brings me to Morag and Monique, who were passing notes a little earlier. Since sending letters is by way of being a hobby of yours, I have decided you can design and make the invitations for our little soirée. Several invitations will be needed, of course – one for Miss Annersley and Miss Dene, one for each form mistress, and one for the Matrons. I think that will cover everyone and keep you nicely out of mischief until early Saturday morning. Oh, and of course they must pass muster with Miss Yolland and myself first. And then you will have to present each one personally during the day.”

The wrongdoers were, by now, thoroughly demoralised, for not only would it be humiliating but they could see all their free time suddenly disappearing. The other members of the form gave not a thought to that, however, but sat dreaming up acts of their own……

#400:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:17 pm
    —
Very clever - don't think those girls will want to repeat that - no one likes having to humiliate themselves.


Thanks Mary.

#401:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:29 pm
    —
Oh Mary, what a fabulous post. I quite forgive you for not letting on what punishments Carmela is going to hand out to her miscreants. I'm sure they will be just as good as Mireille's.

I'm still chuckling at the vision of Sylvia and Lily .standing guard over the door armed with rulers Laughing Laughing Laughing

I'm now looking forward to Saturday evening's entertainment!! I do hope we're invited too!! Wink

More soon, pretty please!!!!

#402:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:38 pm
    —
What a wonderfully original punishment Laughing Mireille is certainly dealing with them faithfully. I was laughing out loud at the sentries armed with rulers.

Poor Linda is coming off rather badly in drabbles at the moment Embarassed

Thanks Mary.

#403:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 9:04 pm
    —
Oh I can't wait to see the Talent Contest!

#404:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 12:45 am
    —
Mary, you're an evil genius. Mind me not to cross you if you can be that original in finding revenge!!! Wink Laughing

#405:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:59 am
    —
Mireille really is coming into her own here, isn't she? Who would have thought she would be capable of devising such devious punishments?!!! Hilda will be so proud of her when she hears about it, as she surely will, and so will Tessa when she's well enough to learn about it.

Yet again, I giggled my way madly through that episode. Can't wait to see what happens at the talent evening, either.

Thanks, Mary - reading this was a most delightful way to end my week.

#406:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 8:48 am
    —
How wonderful Mary! They will not forget *that* punnishment in a hurry. I would like to hear how Ellie managed to help Mirelle come up with that one. What was it that gave her the inspiration - Was Ellie once punnished similarly?

Those poor Middles don't know what has hit them - and just as well, considering the way they have been playing up recently. Regardless of how well Mirelle felt she dealt with them in the last prep session, this will keep them smarting, and in order, for days to come.

I just loved Mirelles boredom with the lack of ingenuity amongst the tricks of the class she dealt with. I wonder what the rest of the acts will be like.

Thank you Mary - that was a wonderfully humerous interlude, and I'm looking forwards to the continuation of it - particularly of the reaction of the mistresses.

#407:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 2:21 am
    —
I'm feeling sorry for the culprits!
What a masterly set of penalties. rofl

#408:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 4:19 pm
    —
Fiona Mc wrote:
Mary, you're an evil genius. Laughing

Me, an evil genius? Twisted Evil Never, Fiona! rofl Although I fear there are a few junior classes over the years who may think somewhat as you do! Not for nothing was I known as the Ogre! mrgreen

Well, we've seen how Mireille got on and what the final punishment is to be. Now let's return to Carmela and see her form's reaction to the news. Oh, and Squirrel, it was Mireille who thought of this punishment while talking to Ellie! Elder, Hilda already knows, as Mireille had to get permission - though whether she really approves is another matter. Laughing


Other forms around the school were also suffering much as Lower IVA had, for Thursday evening was usually the prefects’ busiest evening of the week. But the wrongdoers in Upper IVB were to feel their humiliation more keenly than most, for they fancied themselves as almost Seniors now and therefore had their dignity to maintain. They started to tidy away their books when the bell rang but Carmela had other ideas. She stood up and surveyed them all with a grim smile. Gradually all movement ceased.

“Yes, you didn’t really think you were just going to walk away from here scot free, did you? There’s still an accounting to be made from some of you.” She stopped and named about ten girls. “You people were never in any trouble, so if you have finished your prep and your desks are tidy, you may now leave the room.” After those girls had gone, Carmela looked round at the sinners remaining. She smiled grimly. “Now to your punishments…..”

They looked round at each other, not liking her almost gleeful tone of voice. Was she actually enjoying this? She picked up her notebook and read out the names of those who had confessed to talking, and her tones were most unpleasant.

“Since you people seem to be so fond of the sound of your own voices, you will each find a piece of poetry or a speech from Shakespeare that is at least ten to fifteen lines long – and you will learn it by heart, to recite to me on Saturday night.” They stared at her in shocked hurt. What was this? She never punished them in such a manner. Carmela’s voice sharpened. “And those of you who don’t comply will find yourselves receiving a much more severe punishment. Consider yourselves warned. Now, sit down, please.”

Marie-Luce Chauvin, one of the spider manipulators, held up her hand. “Please…what is c..comply?”

Carmela’s eyebrow rose. “Can you not make a guess?”

“Er… to do as one is told, perhaps?” answered the French girl.

Carmela nodded gravely, but her lips were twitching most suspiciously. Quickly, she turned her sharp gaze on Tonia, Bella and Sarah. These three were regular trouble-makers and even Tessa had despaired of them. Would their punishment give them pause – or cause outright rebellion?

Her voice was cool. “Lobbing bits of paper? Pea shooters? Since you seem to prefer childish, even hurtful, tricks, ones that require a certain practical expertise, you will present yourselves to Miss Andrews and ask if you may borrow the Juniors’ toys and games – their whips and tops, their diabolos, their skipping ropes, and so on. I want you to master these, if you have forgotten how, then imagine you are circus performers and produce a routine with them, lasting ten minutes. You may even dress up as clowns if you like. It does seem rather appropriate,” she added with some irony. “And Miss Andrews could probably produce what you need in that area as well, as they have a dressing up box in the Juniors still, I believe.”

She watched them writhe with humiliation at this veiled reference to their childishness. She added firmly, “This routine must also be ready by Saturday night, like the poems.”

The three girls’ experessions were studies in disbelief and horror. They gaped at her. Tonia was the first to find her voice. “But – why Saturday night? That’s the night we have entertainments.”

“You, my dears, are the entertainment!” Carmela announced. Her voice was so quiet that for a moment most of them failed to grasp the significance of her words. Then - there was a collective shocked intake of breath. She smiled with some satisfaction.

“Let me explain. There will be a Talent Contest as the entertainment on Saturday evening. Open to everyone in the Middles and Seniors. But – the first part of the Contest will be performed by all those who have merited punishments from me and from the other prefects this evening – and from those who dare to misbehave tomorrow evening, as well. Naturally you will not be eligible for any of the prizes, but you will perform to the best of your ability, or your punishment will be added to, as I said earlier. Oh, and of course Miss Annersley and the other mistresses will be invited, as usual.”

More shocked gasps were heard round the room. “But….why are you doing this?” stammered Julia wildly. “Why not just give us order marks or lines or…”

Her voice petered out as Carmela stared hard at each girl in turn for several moments. “Think about it,” she answered very softly. She saw by their faces that some of them, at least, understood all too clearly. “Have order marks, lines and fines made any difference to your behaviour? Did they not just encourage you to be insufferably insolent?”

The silence that fell on the room seemed to be permeated with a burning sense of injustice. They knew she was right, and two or three began to develop a sneaking admiration for Carmela, but most of them just felt very resentful.

Carmela watched the play of emotions on their young faces and added gently, “Yes, I’m afraid it’s our turn now to shrug our shoulders and raise our eyes to the heavens. We don’t really have too much pity for your plight. Can you blame us?”

She saw some of them grin, and was pleased. Even if only a few of them understood, then the school stood some chance of a little peace. And this evening had made a much better prefect out of herself. She would never again be afraid to tackle trouble-makers.

She took a deep breath. “But I haven’t finished yet, have I? Will my spider-women stand up, please.” They stood up reluctantly, wondering what their fate was to be. “Apart from your knitting lesson tonight, you will take your woolly spiders – and any others you care to make – and you will concoct a puppet act for us for Saturday evening. You can even set it to music, if you like. There must be some spark of true originality or imagination between you.” She regarded them gravely, and shook her head. “Then again, maybe not! You will just have to do your best!”

They sat down amid the growing sense of alarm all around. The prefects had the upper hand right now, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. Carmela spoke one last time, her voice quiet, her stance resolute.

“This will, of course, eat into your free time tonight and tomorrow night and also most of Saturday. But that is your own fault. You chose to behave as you did. No one forced you to do any of it. And understand this. We have started as we mean to go on. Simple order marks, fines or lines will no longer be awarded for mischief in prep or indeed for trouble anywhere around the school. We are prepared to be creative, so you will never know just what will await you. If you don’t want more of the same as you have received tonight, then choose your behaviour carefully. Your future, so to speak, lies in your own hands.”

#409:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:22 pm
    —
I think Hilda will approve wholeheartedly - and I don't think any of those children will forget this particular Saturday night entertainment!
Laughing

Thanks Mary.

#410:  Author: dackelLocation: The Big Wide World (aka London) PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 5:36 pm
    —
What a truly awful punishment! But very original - and certainly the Middles won't be quite so quick to be naughty if they have no idea what might await them afterwards! The prefects are getting their own back!


That was great, thank you, Mary!

#411:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:20 pm
    —
Well done the Prefects. Sooner or later the girls will simply *have* to realise that their behaviour of recent weeks is *not* on.

Sorry Mary - I think I read it that it was something which Ellie had said which gave Mirelle the idea.

I am looking forwards to this talent show - I wonder if any more girls will be added to the number by the time it starts - and what the prefects shall come up with once it is done!

Thanks Mary.

#412:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:05 pm
    —
Quote:
You, my dears, are the entertainment!”
Shocked Goodness, that was swingeing! I could almost feel sorry for them - but only almost.

I am left gasping at the ingenuity of these punishments, and the prospect of future unpredictable retribution should certainly stop their antics.

Thank you, Mary, for many chuckles - and remind me, too, never to offend you!

#413:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 9:25 pm
    —
Oh wonderful - I think Carmela has startled these sinners so much that they might well decide they'd do better to toe the line in future!!

I''ve giggled madly through all these three episodes since prep began and I laughed out loud at Carmela's calm 'You *are* the entertainment'!! - that's definitely putting them on the spot, and before the staff as well as the whole school.

Shades of the play which Elizabeth Arnett and Co. had to perform to the whole school as their punishment that time - but these 'acts' will be so much more original than that, or even than Corney's band's exploits!!

I'm really looking forward to the denouement of this section - you *are* going to allow us to observe the finished product, aren't you, Mary? Pretty please!!!

#414:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:54 pm
    —
Oh yes, please let us see.

Carmela handled that wonderfully and I'm glad a few of the middles ended up admiring her for it. There's hope for them yet!

Thanks Mary.

#415:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 10:58 pm
    —
Oh fabulous!! I am so looking forward to Saturday night's entertainment.

What a swingeing punishment. I'm sure these two particular forms will think twice about any further misbehaviour, and I'm sure the other prefects will have one or two more performers to add to the proceedings. It should all prove for an interesting Saturday evening.

I expect that the staff will enjoy the humiliation of the Middles as much as the prefect
Thank you Mary !! Laughing Laughing Laughing

#416:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:20 am
    —
Lesley wrote:
I don't think any of those children will forget this particular Saturday night entertainment!
Laughing


Neither do I. I would hate it and feel a grudging respect for the prefects. It certainly has remnents from Tyrol days with the play from St Clare's roof! Very Happy

Thanks Mary. Loking forward to Saturday night

#417:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:10 pm
    —
An inspired punishment! Thanks, Mary Very Happy .

#418:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 4:51 pm
    —
Mary,
I have laughed till I cried over these last two episodes !

How can you be so inventive ? Laughing
They will think twice before crossing the Prefects again in a hurry Wink

#419:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 11:23 pm
    —
This is going to be a very interesting entertainment. Cool

Thank you, Mary.

#420:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 7:34 pm
    —
Elder in Ontario wrote:
I'm really looking forward to the denouement of this section - you *are* going to allow us to observe the finished product, aren't you, Mary? Pretty please!!!

I'm afraid the dénoument won't come just yet, Elder, as it is still only Thursday. And it may well be seen through someone else's eyes. But thank you all for enjoying the fun. Laughing

May I just take this opportunity to apologise for lack of comments on people's drabbles and threads recently, and also for lack of emails and PMs to those who are owed them, but RL is taking its toll, I'm afraid. It's fortunate I have written ahead somewhat!



Ellie’s strong response to Meg’s taunting that morning had somehow made her deaf to the girl's malice for much of the day. She kept reminding herself of Hilda’s words during the night - that none of this was her fault. She was loved. That was all that mattered to her….

But by evening her spirit was too battered and bruised, and she suddenly lost her lovely surety after a spiteful barrage from Meg during Abendessen. She and Hilda spent a quiet hour together later on and Ellie found herself torn. Half of her longed to pour it all out to Madame, have the burden removed. But the other half reminded her of all that Meg had said about Madame, all the insults to the character of this generous and blameless woman. How could she tell her guardian such things? She would be so hurt. Would she blame Ellie and accuse her of being the cause of such nastiness? Madame had told her it was not her fault, but it must be if she was unable to make Meg stop. She must be weak and stupid. She was also frightened! If she did tell Madame, and Madame tackled Meg, what would Meg then do to her? Would it all become even worse?

She knew Madame was disappointed in her, but it was impossible. Fear and shame paralysed her. Hilda, meanwhile, read all that was going through her ward’s mind. She had been in this postion often enough to be aware all that victims told themselves. Each one thought she was the only one who was weak. Each one felt ashamed and frightened. But Hilda realised that there was more going on here than normal, due to their unusual postions, and she was unsure that pushing Ellie would have the desired effect. However, she intended to do something before the coming weekend was through! This unhappy situation could not continue.

She was on tenterhooks as it was, wondering whether the prefects’ plans would have any effect and whether, indeed, she should have agreed to it all. This term looked set to become an emotional time bomb - and Hilda was blaming herself.

“Nothing to say to me, petite?” she asked Ellie with great gentleness as they sat in her salon. “Not changed your mind since we last spoke?”

Ellie searched her guardian’s face and Hilda could sense how near she was to breaking point. She prayed for some breakthrough. But in vain! Ellie’s eyes darkened and she bowed her head, pleating her skirt between her fingers restlessly. Hilda sighed inwardly, but gave her ward a loving hug.

“It’s alright, my darling, relax. I won’t do anything just yet – but I won’t wait too much longer. If you don’t give me anything soon, I may have to take things into my own hands. Do think about it, for I won’t go on watching you suffer like this.”

Her rich voice was soft but inflexible and she felt Ellie stiffen. Giving it up for now, she set herself to take the girl's mind off everything. She produced strong French coffee and some of Karen’s lemon biscuits and they sat giggling together over this pseudo midnight feast. Gradually, Ellie relaxed and they were content to talk quietly about this and that.

At the end of their mutually enjoyable hour together, Ellie was sent off to bed feeling more at peace, Hilda’s prayers following her silently. But, unfortunately, her sleep was broken by vivid and disturbing dreams and she woke up feeling tired and headachy the following day, her armour buckled, cracks spreading across her shield. Her Literature lesson with Hilda that morning was to be the cause of the shield breaking completely in two.

At the beginning of the lesson, Hilda returned essays that she had set earlier in the week and congratulated some of the girls for the clarity of their thoughts. These included Ellie, who blushed with pleasure. Hilda, who had noticed with alarm her ward’s white weariness, happened to glance at Meg as she was speaking, and surprised an expression on her face she was unable to fathom, but it disturbed her. It also brought a swift decision. The time had come to act. She would invite Meg to her study for an informal chat at the end of the day.

Had she seen Meg’s expression later on in the lesson, when Ellie was commended yet again, along with several others, for making a valid point during their wide-reaching discussion about Shelley’s poetry, Hilda would have taken Meg off there and then. But she missed it – and the chat she had envisaged was to be circumvented by an emergency that was to affect her very deeply.......

#421:  Author: lizziearrnetLocation: Coulsdon, Surrey PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 7:57 pm
    —
Mary
You cannot leave it there for the night...really all these cliffs are not good for me at all!

Love it tho, still, hope RL gets better and easier soon and stops being quite so interfering at that!

God Bless

Liz

#422:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:04 pm
    —
This is so hard for both of them, isn't it? - Hilda having more than a shrewd idea of what's wrong and Ellie afraid to 'come clean' and tell her guardian just how bad the situation is with Meg. But I can see why Hilda felt it better to bide her time for the present, though it definitely looks as if things will come to a head now she's seen Meg's reaction in class. A shame she missed that last little incident, though it has provided a good clifflet to leave us on. I do wonder what the emergency will prove to be, but I fear it will involve Ellie.

Please don't leave us dangling here for too long, Mary - you know how much we *need* to know what happens next!!

Hope real life quietens down a bit, too.

#423:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:35 pm
    —
Oh look - a cliff! Wink Yet, however bad the breakdown, it will be better if it's all out in the open - and Hilda shouldn't blame herself, she cannot shield Ellie from evil - indeed she shouldn't even try.


Thanks Mary.

Hope RL calms down for you.

#424:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 8:39 pm
    —
Aargh! I don't come into ND braced for cliffs. Where did that come from?

Hope RL calms down soon.

Thanks Mary.

#425:  Author: ElbeeLocation: Surrey PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:02 pm
    —
Very ominous...

Thanks Mary, hope things calm down for you soon..

#426:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 9:19 pm
    —
Oh My Word!!! Mary! You still have your way with words which shoves one through an emotional wringer at times Mary!

I'm going to try and not get hung up on that last sentence or so, and actually go back to the beginning and go through it all methodically...

It is good to see how Ellie is fairing again, having had the nice break to be with the prefects again. I am so pleased to see how well she stood up to Meg - really her barriers were fairly long lasting, when you consider that horrible dripping malice she is enduring.

I am so pleased that she was able to spend time with Hilda in the evening. I am certain it was just the thing she was needing, even if she couldn't open up to Hilda, as I am sure we were all longing for her to do.

Oh Ellie love, how can you doubt her? She will *never* Ever blame you, she will not be disappointed, she will simply love you.

How perceptive is Hilda though - she knows exactly where she is in this situation. This is just the sort of situation I would want to hug both of them at once. Both so uncertain, both unsure about what the best step is, both just needing to be given that unconditional love.

Poor Ellie, being so frightened that Hilda will move, when knowing that it *has* to come soon. And poor Hilda, knowing that she needs to move, but not knowing when to do so. And the time comes and passes so quickly that she is Just too late. How much Hilda will want to hit herself when she realises that.

But Oh, those dreams. If only they had been nice ones, or if Ellie had gone to Hilda again and been comforted, for surely it is the situation bringing them. Cracked armour is no good for facing such horrible situations. And the danger time coming on. Oh Hilda, how I wish you had those eyes in the back of your head switched on, and permanently focussed on Meg - then this situation would not have arisen.

And Meg - this is awful behaviour! Hilda is allowed to commend Ellie when she has done well, even if she doesn't include you in that. As long as Hilda can uphold her reasoning then you have no right to be jealous.

Now Mary - what emergency - surely you don't mean to leave us suspended off this cliff for long do you??? *wraps arms around Ellie and holds her tight to keep her as safe as possible*

Thanks Mary, I think!

#427:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 11:05 pm
    —
That was wonderful as usual. I agree you do have a way with words, though I think you're getting as bad as Lesley for cliffs. I'm now wondering what the emergency is.

Hope RL sorts itself out. It does have a way of getting on top of all of us at some point.

#428:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:42 am
    —
Mary,
it is cruel to tell us there is going to be an imminent emergency and then leave us stranded on the edge of a cliff without our abseiling gear !
Shocked Shocked Rolling Eyes Shocked Shocked

#429:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 1:43 pm
    —
Three posts for me to catch up with - I'm so sorry Mary, but RL has been somewhat difficult lately and I've got rather behind, alas.

Those punishments were completely inspired, and the girls involved are quite bright enough to grasp the underlying principle behind the prefects' actions. And Mireille and Carmela handled their various forms beautifully...I can see that these punishments will linger long in the collective memory! And I imagine that the members of the various forms concerned will not dare to breathe in a way that might attract attention after this!

And poor Ellie...not doubting Hilda's love, but 'battered and bruised' in spirit and seeing herself as 'weak and stupid". That constant undermining and attacking can produce such damaging results, and end with the victim seeing herself as weak and then being 'ashamed and frightened.' A truly terrible result, as Hilda realises. And for Hilda it is so complicated, because of her closeness to Ellie and the resultant effect that that has on her.

Thank you Mary.

#430:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 4:21 pm
    —
What a cliff! Thanks, Mary Very Happy

#431:  Author: wheelchairprincessLocation: Oxfordshire, UK PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:55 pm
    —
Mary I'm going to be clinging to this cliff for days now because I'm away until after the weekend... that's cruel that is! Razz

Hope things get better soon Mary, take care of yourself and know that I am thinking of you.

#432:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 10:02 pm
    —
Meg seems to be growing more and more warped. It's not as though Ellie were singled out here. And that last sounds awfully like a threat that Ellie's in for it again.... Sad

Hope RL improves in short order, Mary!

#433:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 10:14 pm
    —
Hilda can't not include Ellie in deserved praise, after all. I'm glad she has at last decided to act - I only hope it's not too late, but it does sound ominously as if it might be. As for Ellie, how natural for her to be afraid that Hilda's intervention would only make things worse, but she really needs to trust her more, she (Hilda) is very experienced at this. Except that all her experience isn't telling her what to do in this new situation, and she who hesitates ... I don't want to see either Hilda or Ellie lost, so can you make it all right, pretty please, Mary!

Keep on hanging in there, love.

#434:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:50 pm
    —
Squirrel wrote:
*wraps arms around Ellie and holds her tight to keep her as safe as possible*

Are your arms still there, Squirrel?

Ellie intended to leave the form room as soon as she could after the lesson, for she had heard enough today from Meg and was feeling too raw to be able to withstand any more. However, several books fell out of her locker as she hurriedly tried to stuff her Literature ones in and she had, perforce, to tidy it up to make room for them all. She tensed, her stomach clenching, when she heard a lazy voice behind her.

“Who’s the bee’s knees, then? Who gets praised every time she opens her mouth? Our dear Abbess really does fall over herself to pat you on the back, doesn’t she? I wonder why? I used to think she wasn’t so easily taken in.”

For a moment, Ellie froze at the deliberate malevolence of the words, and then she threw her books in a jumble back into her locker and jumped to her feet. Losing all control after two almost sleepless nights, a flame of pure rage shot through her and she turned swiftly on Meg. The latter actually took an apprehensive step back at the fire in the sapphire eyes.

“I warn you to be very careful, Meg Lyall,” Ellie ground out through gritted teeth, able to let herself go as it was a French day. “Or I shall do something I might well regret. If you make me any angrier I won’t be responsible for my actions.”

Turning on her heel, she strode to the door, only to hear Meg laugh behind her. “What could you possibly do that would hurt me? Go running in tears to the Abbess, like the little baby you are?” Ellie grasped the door knob and then paused, for the taunting voice had grown suddenly harsh. “You do that, Eleanor Drake, and I will make your life so miserable you will wish you had never darkened the doors of this place. You don’t belong here.”

The slamming of the door was the only answer she received, causing her to bite her lip anxiously for a moment or two. But then she shrugged and tossed her head. She knew her victim too well for anything to come of those angry words. Ellie had done nothing to her so far. Why should today be any different?

Ellie’s fury carried her like a whirlwind into Mitagessen, but once there it seemed to ooze out of her, leaving her shaking inside. Her hunger disappeared. Her armour melted away. The shield of Hilda’s love fell apart in her hand and dropped in pieces to the floor. Her anger had damaged her guardian the last time she had let go, had made Madame’s illness worse. She would not give in to it again, not after all Mother Abbess’s wise words that day.

But was there to be no end to this wretchedness? Could she tell Madame after all? No, there had to be another way. She had to sort this out for herself.

First lesson that afternoon was Domestic Science and Frau Mieders had decided they should all learn the tricky secrets of true French onion soup. Erica, who had seen Ellie’s white face and blazing eyes as she walked into the Speisesaal earlier, now attempted to herd her into a corner where they could work peacefully together, for she could make a good guess as to why Ellie was so upset. She had been keeping a careful eye on the other two girls that week, but Meg had been too clever for her. Having been caught once, she had no desire for a repeat performance, especially not from a prefect, even if she was only a sub.

Erica felt that she could at least protect Ellie for the afternoon. But Frau Mieders frustrated this plan by asking her to distribute the onions and Ellie found herself not only alone but directly across the table from her adversary. She glanced around, intending to move away, but all the other places were now occupied. She was stuck!

Meg leaned forward and her voice was full of quiet venom. “I meant what I said back there. One word to the Abbess and you’re finished!”

Ellie stared at her across the table for long moments, her sapphire eyes almost terrifyingly blank, and finally the other girl had to look away, discomfited. Ellie’s eyes dropped to the table. With a shaking hand she picked up the chopping knife that lay there, ran her finger along its edge, watched beads of blood seep out to decorate her skin…..

#435:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:12 pm
    —
I don't know just what you are hinting that Ellie might be tempted to do with that chopping knife, Mary, but I'm sure I won't be the only person reading this to yearn for a few minutes alone with Meg - there wouldn't be much left of her once I'd given her my unvarnished opinion of what she's been doing! In so many ways, this type of verbal abuse is even worse than physical abuse. I can just *feel* the venom dripping from her tongue here - which in itself is another tribute to your powers of description.

However, I know Hilda well enough to be confident that when she eventually finds out just what has been going on (and she will, sooner or later, even if Erica and/or Mireille intervene initially) anything I could say will fade away to nothing in comparison to the ice which Meg will then feel - that's if she escapes summary expulsion.

Meantime, I'll join Squirrel in putting my arms round Ellie - and also hoping that you will come back soon and resolve this awful situation once and for all, Mary. Please!!!

#436:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:43 pm
    —
Oh Ellie, don't do that. It really won't help matters.

Pity Erica was foiled in her attempt to protect Ellie. Hilda really needs to be told what is going on, this has gone too far. She's going to feel so guilty when she does find out.

Meanwhile, as Squirrel and Elder are hugging Ellie we can just return that knife to Frau Mieders. Please?

Thanks Mary.

#437:  Author: LesleyLocation: Allhallows, Kent PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:50 pm
    —
(((((Ellie))))) Poor little girl - I also want to join the queue to hug her. Crying or Very sad

As for Meg - in some ways I feel sorry for her - she may never recover from what Hilda does to her - and I'm finding myself itching to write the study scene myself! Wink


Beautiful piece, Mary, it showed so well the desolation from Ellie and the pure evil from Meg.

#438:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:36 pm
    —
Oh My arms are still there - and they are not going anywhere for a while yet - until all this is sorted out and Ellie is firmly back on track - though I shall give others some space I guess.

Ellie. Stop it, Hold it Right There. don't do a thing more with that knife. You've already cut yourself, don't go any further - not to yourself, nor to Meg.

But I'm wibbling already Mary - Hilda is already on to Meg, is already planning on dealing with her. Ellie can do nothing, and Hilda will still come at Meg to sort things out.

What a little rat Meg is though! She is such a horrible bully. She thinks she knows her victim does she? She thinks she understands what Ellie is like and how she will react? Learn some sense stupid girl! None of us know what we are capable of until we are pushed too far - and Ellie is quite clearly being pushed to her boundaries and beyond. Oh Frau Mieders, you meant well, but you clearly don't understand the situation in the slightest.

Oh and Meg? I have a warning for you - in no way is Ellie a baby - she is a teenage girl who has gone through a lot, and if I don't miss my guess, it is taking a lot of her control to keep herself from teaching you a lesson you won't forget now. Ellie - just hold on love - a little while longer and Hilda will sort her out. Don't take things into your own hands.

Ellie doesn't belong there? No, if anyone doesn't belong there it is Meg!

And MA, dear MA - oh how you were trying to help Hilda and Ellie, but you seem to have inadvertantly made this situation worse. Now Ellie is determined not to give in, not to seek the help she needs. Ellie, go to her, tell her, own up! Hilda would be devastated if she knew you had kept this much from her.

Um, thanks Mary, I think. Now, Please! Rescue her!

#439:  Author: TaraLocation: Malvern, Worcestershire PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:32 pm
    —
But at the moment, Ellie is hurting herself, not Meg - I wonder whether that's significant? And if she could only call Meg's bluff, she actually already has her worried.
Poor Ellie, she's so confused over this, the situation is completely different from her loss of control before, she really, really needs Hilda to sort this - as we know she intends to do, so hold on just a bit longer, Ellie. She's so near the edge that I fear she might not be able to do that.

Thanks, Mary. Awaiting deveopments with bated breath.

#440:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:49 pm
    —
Poor, Poor Ellie. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad How she has been pushed to the brink by Meg whose behavious is positively evil.

Please, please don't do anything else with that knife Ellie!!

Perhaps, though, some good can come from this. Frau Mieders must see the blood and hopefully she will send Ellie to Matey who ought to be able to see beyond adolescent carelessness. But, please, Frau Mieders do not get Meg to take Ellie to Matey. That would be just the opening Meg would love to have. Twisted Evil

Please Mary, have pity on us and post again soon!!!

#441:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:06 am
    —
Shocked Crying or Very sad

#442:  Author: jaceyLocation: Ireland PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 7:46 am
    —
Oh Mary, how can you do this to poor Ellie?
Please return quickly and sort it out.
And I want to shake Meg. Hard. Or maybe worse.

Thank you for the updates, and sorry I haven't been around much to comment. RL sometimes gets in the way of drabble reading Shocked

#443:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 9:24 am
    —
Those last lines were chilling; to see Ellie contemplating that knife and her own blood in that moment of disassociation was very alarming and shows the extent to which Meg has pushed and pushed at her.
And this is such classical bullying, going after the victim for no comprehendable reason other than she is there and can be attacked. And there is that total refusal to recognise the significance of the other - "What could you possibly do that would hurt me?" which leaves Ellie apparently helpless.

And Ellie is now vulnerable in a different way; she loves and trusts Hilda but is aware that because of their affection, her own griefs and worries affect Hilda. So she wants to spare her and try to sort it out for herself. Such splendid motivation, but if only she could tell Hilda.....

Thank you Mary.

#444:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:56 pm
    —
*shivers*
*hopes Ellie will get through this OK*

#445:  Author: PaulineSLocation: West Midlands PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:20 pm
    —
Erica, give out those onions fast and help Ellie by spotting what she is going and ask Frau Meiders if you can take her to Matey quick.


Meg needs help as well, she must be so unhappy, I want to give her a hug to stop her hurting Ellie and make her feel wanted so she does not feel she has to harm others.

Bullies are often created by bad experiences and psychiatric help may now be required, Is there a Child and Adolescent psychiatrist or a team of nurses at the San, I think Meg needs specialist help quickly as well.

#446:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 5:16 pm
    —
Poor Ellie !
My heart goes out to her.

As for Meg, words fail me. Her behaviour is truly malevolent, and I don't know how Hilda will be able to get her to see just how disgustingly badly she has treated Ellie.

Perhaps she is another Thekla Von Stift......

#447:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:00 pm
    —
At the same time that the Domestic Science lesson began, an anxious Hilda was settling herself down at her desk to mark the Sixth form’s essays. She had spent half an hour after Mitagessen with Rosalie, deciding what work the latter needed to do during the afternoon. She had also asked her secretary to have Meg Lyall come to the study after Kaffee und Kuchen. She had then closed her own door firmly, a sure sign that she needed to be left alone for a while.

She stood staring blankly at the butterflies twirling lazily in the heat from the stove. Usually they lifted her spirits – but not now. She had seen Ellie’s face at Mitagessen. She knew what a temper lay hidden beneath that reserved manner. Her mind was filled with foreboding and with broken fragments of prayer, asking help from God, from Nell, from whoever would listen….

Finally shaking herself free from self-recrimination, for she felt she herself was most at fault in this instance, she moved to her desk and began on the essays, but her attention to them was negligible and her red-inked comments a good deal sparser than usual. Suddenly, the internal phone rang, and as she put it to her ear she heard a stammering voice.

“Hilda, it’s Anna here…I don’t want you to worry. Ellie’s fine but she’s, she’s…..”

The receiver was dropped back on the desk and the chair toppled over as a terrified woman sprang to her feet and sped across the room. She shot through the door, leaving behind a spreading pool of red ink. She ran through the corridors as no one had ever seen their Headmistress run. She flew up the stairs to the Domestic Science room with a sense that she was wading through glue, so slow did she seem. Would the top never be reached?

Ellie? My God, what had happened? Was she injured? Or worse, had she hurt someone else? Had she been pushed too far? Hilda’s heart was suffused with dread. Was this how mothers felt when their children were in trouble? Only with Nell had she ever had an instinctive desire to protect from all harm. Safeguarding the girls was purely a matter of the will – she would give her all to keep them safe, because it was her responsiblity. But now, with Ellie, this desire to protect and cherish came from her heart, from her spirit, from secret depths she had had no idea were there, not even with Nell! And it was all-consuming. She was a tigress running to save her one and only cub. If someone had stood in her way at that moment Hilda Annersley would have knocked them down without a moment’s pity! Hang on, Ellie, I’m coming.

Careless of how she looked, she burst into the Domestic Science room and all eyes turned her way, the girls there being old enough to take note of the white cheeks and fearful eyes of their normally sunny, self-contained Headmistress.

“Where….?” she gasped, her gaze flying round the room.

“They’re in Matron’s room,” proffered Frau Mieders, coming towards her to give more explanation, but Hilda was already back out through the door.

She flew back to St Thérèse. More corridors, more stairs! Finally, breathing hard, she fell through Matey’s door – to pull up short at the sight of a white-faced Ellie sitting in an easy chair, a blood-stained towel wrapped round her hand, her arm held high in the air by Matey. The latter took in Hilda’s state in one glance and spoke with unruffled calm.

“Relax! She’s fine. She’s just cut the top off her middle finger. It hurts but it’ll mend. It looks worse than it is.” She gave an exasperated sigh as Hilda’s white face turned an alarming shade of green. “For goodness sake, woman, sit down before you fall down. There, behind you! Now - head between your knees! I’m not leaving Ellie, so if you faint, you pick yourself up off the floor!”

Hilda sank into the chair, lowered her head and almost instantly felt better. And ashamed of herself! She started to rise but was swept back by Matey’s sharp tones.

“Stay there for a few moments, please! Head down again! My, what a pair! A silly girl who passes out at the sight of her own blood painting the onions red, and a Headmistress who really should have more control over herself! You’ve seen worse, my dear, so bear up!”

Hilda finally raised her head when Matey gave her permission and wiped her hand across her damp brow. She got to her feet shakily and went to kneel by Ellie, looking up into the white face. “I’m sorry, Gwynneth. But I just had this feeling that something dreadful had happened when Anna phoned through,” she whispered.

“Did you stop to listen to her?” asked Matey shrewdly, watching both faces carefully for signs of shock. They were both so white anything was possible.

Hilda’s rueful grimace was answer enough. She smoothed a gentle hand down Ellie’s cheek, almost scared to touch her in case she hurt her even more. “How are you feeling, chérie?” she asked, her voice husky with emotion.

“We were chopping onions,” whispered Ellie. “To make soupe à l’oignon, you know! Only…I was thinking of something else….and I didn’t take care. Then…. all the blood….it made me feel ill…..” She tried to smile but it was a poor effort. “It does not hurt too much…”

“Shock can do that!” pronounced Matey, still holding up the arm, although the blood flow seemed to have slowed. “I’m afraid it will start to hurt rather badly in a little while, dear. You removed a fair-sized chunk of finger.” She looked down at Hilda. “She’ll need to go to the San, get it looked at. Are you up to driving her or shall I ask someone else to take you both. You’re whiter than Ellie.”

Hilda glared up at her, spoke more firmly. “Of course I’m up to it! She’s mine, no one else’s,” and she stroked Ellie’s cheek again lovingly, her eyes devouring the wan face. “I’ll go and get our coats and boots – it’s freezing out there.”

Matey watched her run from the room and grinned to herself. She wondered if Hilda any idea just how much she had revealed by those five simple words: “She’s mine, no one else’s.” Such fierce, maternal pride, such tender, irresistible love!

#448:  Author: Fiona McLocation: Bendigo, Australia PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:16 pm
    —
MaryR wrote:
Matey watched her run from the room and grinned to herself. She wondered if Hilda any idea just how much she had revealed by those five simple words: “She’s mine, no one else’s.” Such fierce, maternal pride, such tender, irresistible love!


I love these last lines where Hilda reveals how much a mother's love she has for Ellie. Hilda may be MA's daughter of the heart but Ellie certainly fills that place for Hilda.

I only hope Hilda can get to the bottom of it all. Maybe it would be better if Mirielle tells all she knows to Hilda about the bullying rather than leave it like she has.

Poor Ellie, she's gone through so much

#449:  Author: SquirrelLocation: St-Andrews or Dunfermline PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 7:24 pm
    —
Well! It looks like a careless mistake from this - but was it! What has happened in the time from when we saw Ellie cutting herself and the time she started to slice her onion, and what was distracting her attention? Surely she is usually more careful in cookery class - she knows how sharp that knife is! Or is this one way that she thought of to get herself out of the situation? Was it premeditated?

Poor Hilda - what a shock she has received. To be so panicked at a phonecall about her ward that she didn't even wait those few moments which would tell her all she needed to know, but to dive from the room - leaving that ink staining whatever it fell upon in her office. That of course meant that she lost valuable time in actually reaching Ellie as she went to the classroom rather than to matron's room.

Of course, she mad dashes again, not taking any more information - and who is 'they' anyway?

Of course poor Hilda gets another shock at the sight of Ellie bleeding like that. And has to be read the riot act by Gwynneth - good on her, she is so good for Hilda. And I hope that Ellie heard and took notice of Hilda's posessiveness there! Just what she is needing to hear. Hilda won't let her go, no matter what, no matter the injury, no matter how she is and what work she has on Ellie comes first.

While I am sorry that Ellie has damaged herself even more, and that Hilda has had that shock, I am sure that Ellie will have benefitted immensely from hearing that declaration - it was just what she needed and I hope it stays with her and sinks in. And I also hope that Hilda will deal with Meg soon.

Thanks Mary.

#450:  Author: Elder in OntarioLocation: Ontario, Canada PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 9:41 pm
    —
I'm pretty sure that was an accident - we know Ellie was testing the sharpness of that knife earlier, but I don't think she had a deliberate wish to harm herself. However, since we know Meg was her 'table partner' it's not impossible that Ellie was distracted from her task of chopping onions by feeling Meg glaring at her, with the result which we have seen. And she certainly won't be the first person to turn faint at the sight of blood, whether her own or someone else's. Hopefully the doctors at the San will be able to stitch her finger up OK, but I suspect she'll wind up being kept there for a few days, like it or not - and in the circumstances that might not be such a bad thing, it will give Hilda chance to get to the bottom of what has been going on.

As for Hilda, if she hadn't hit the panic button so quickly, instead of waiting for Frau Mieder's explanation, she'd have been better off - but we can well understand why that happened. And that final affirmation of hers tells us everything, doesn't it - as if we didn't realise already! But Ellie herself needed to hear it, too.

Thanks, Mary - please don't keep us waiting too long to find out how Ellie recovers and whether Meg now receives her just desserts.

#451:  Author: lindaLocation: Leeds PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 10:55 pm
    —
Quote:
But now, with Ellie, this desire to protect and cherish came from her heart, from her spirit, from secret depths she had had no idea were there, not even with Nell! And it was all-consuming. She was a tigress running to save her one and only cub. If someone had stood in her way at that moment Hilda Annersley would have knocked them down without a moment’s pity! Hang on, Ellie, I’m coming.


But that’s how it is. Hilda’s love for Ellie goes so deep and at that moment all she can think of is the need to reach her and shield her from any harm. Before the phone call she was already worrying about Ellie, and then the sudden shock! No wonder she didn’t wait to hear the rest of Anna’s sentence, but flew to the rescue!!!

Quote:
wading through glue


What a wonderful description, Mary, it really describes how long seconds can seem when danger threatens and everything seems to be in slow motion.

Poor Ellie, what a dreadful thing to do! I hope it really was an accident, caused by lack of concentration after Meg’s latest attempt at bullying. She is certainly in for a lot of discomfort both whilst the wound is being treated and afterwards as it heals. Perhaps a few days in the san for Ellie would give Hilda a chance to get to the bottom of the bullying and deal with Meg once and for all.

How good Matey is here, her usual down to earth self. She fully understands how distraught Hilda is and exercises her usual authority to make her take time to calm down before she totally collapses.

Quote:
Matey watched her run from the room and grinned to herself. She wondered if Hilda any idea just how much she had revealed by those five simple words: “She’s mine, no one else’s.” Such fierce, maternal pride, such tender, irresistible love!.


If Ellie had any doubts, surely these few words will prove to her once and for all that she has found a home in Hilda’s heart and that Hilda will move mountains to protect her.
Thank you, Mary. I hope that you don’t make us wait too long to find out how Hilda deals with Meg.

#452:  Author: Kathy_SLocation: midwestern US PostPosted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 11:04 pm
    —
Elder in Ontario wrote:
And she certainly won't be the first person to turn faint at the sight of blood, whether her own or someone else's..
Me f'rinstance. Especially if it's my own.

Hope Ellie wasn't too far in shock to notice Hilda's vehemence there. However, I fear the trip to the San will mean postponement of the appointment with Meg.

Thank you, Mary.

#453:  Author: RosalinLocation: Swansea PostPosted: Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:51 pm
    —
I also hope that Ellie picked up on Hilda's declaration. And that cutting her finger off was a mistake.

Thanks Mary.

#454:  Author: Identity HuntLocation: UK PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 6:25 am
    —
Mary,
did Ellie have much prior experience of cooking ? It seems to me that she does....

Many good cooks always test the sharpness of the knife they are going to use, in order not to mangle what they are going to cut !
Nevertheless, it does not preclude an abstraction of thought causing her to be careless.
I have done it myself Rolling Eyes

Hilda really is showing her maternal love for Ellie - who surely can be in no more doubt as to whether Hilda loves her as a daughter.

#455:  Author: Cath V-PLocation: Newcastle NSW PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 12:45 pm
    —
I've got a lot I want to say, but I'm feeling a bit fuzzy-brained at the moment, so I will return tomorrow and edit this! In the interim though, isn't Hilda reacting just as any mother would, bless her!

Thank you Mary.

#456:  Author: leahbelleLocation: Kilmarnock PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:24 pm
    —
Poor Ellie!

Thanks, Mary.

#457:  Author: MaryRLocation: Cheshire PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:53 pm
    —
I've been told I really need to start a new part now, so look out for Part 14 tonight. Laughing Thank you for all the lovely, lovely comments so far.

Dearie, dearie me, this was going to be just a short drabble when I started it in March 2005! Twisted Evil Twisted Evil I blame Hilda and Mother Abbess. hammer



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