The CBB :: View topic

#1: Jem's Story Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:58 am

As I watched Josette's plane taking off, then disappearing into a tiny speck in the sky, I felt utterly bereft. I knew that she would never again come back to live at home. If my 'luck' held, I would lose the rest of my children too.

David would never return, not if his mother discovered how he wanted to live. She would be horrified and appalled, and would make her views clear both to David and to his partner. We lost Sybil on her wedding day. She and Hugh did not go to live in his big house in the outskirts of Melbourne. Instead, they sailed on the SS Corinthia, away to England. My only hope of tracing her was to employ a private detective, and I couldn't afford that, not with Madge's bills to pay and supporting Josette through four years at LSE. Then there were the school fees for Ailie and the twins.

The only good thing I can think of is that I actually managed to get to know Josette in those few weeks since I had to put Madge into that private clinic to try to get her cured of her alcoholism and her wish to control everyone in the family.

I knew, as I stood there, that I was going to be unbearably lonely, but I also knew that I had done the right thing. Josette wouldn't have an easy time of it, not with all the mischief that the Lucys' children could get into, but at least she was being spared the misery of knowing that she was only a few miles away from the mother who didn't want to see her at visiting time. Well, she didn't want to see me, either. and, if and when she recovered, she might hold that against me. The fact that she hadn't wanted any visits from me wouldn't stop her saying, 'Well, you didn't even bother to come to visit me when I was in that dreadful clinic, did you, Jem?'

I was on a hiding to nothing.

Last edited by Jennie on Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:30 pm; edited 19 times in total

#2: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:13 am

Oh! Poor Jem. Letting Josette go must have been the hardest thing of the lot.

Thank you Jennie. It's lovely to know that the bunny is still active.

#3: Author: Rosea, Location: Edinburgh

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:13 am

Poor Jem! But at least there are some positives with regards Josette and maybe even Sybil?

Thanks, Jennie. I hope there will be more of this.

#4: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:37 am

Poor Jem. Does he have to stay in Australia? I know he won't leave Madge in hospital, but afterwards?

#5: Author: Caroline OSullivan, Location: Reading, Berkshire, UK

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:55 am

Thank you Jennie. Glad Jem's asked you to be his typewriter as well Very Happy

Hope Sybil's letter arrives soon and Madge's treatment starts to work

Caroline

#6: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:04 am

Feeling very proud of Jem, actually - can't have been easy doing all that, changing so completely in such a short time.

Thanks Jennie.

#7: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:24 am

I drove home and drearily put the car away in the underground garage. As I trudged upstairs, dreading the emptiness of the apartment, I met Alan Jenkins, the porter.

He smiled at me, then looked a little afraid, but then spoke.

'I'm sorry Miss Josette has gone away, Sir James, I'll miss her.'

I must have looked surprised, for he carried on, 'She always had a smile and a nice word for me. Not all of them do, so I'm sorry she's gone.'

I managed to thank him, then continued my weary way upstairs. When I reached our apartment, I stood inside the front door and listened to the dead silence. The place was empty, all the life had gone out of it with Josette. I knew how much I was going to miss her, she had made my life bearable for the last couple of months. I had tried to keep up a good facade for her, knowing that sending her off to Guernsey for the summer was the best thing to do, but I hadn't reckoned on the aching loneliness after her departure.

I had work to do, but had no heart for it. Lonely, lonely, lonely. The words kept repeating themselves inside my head. I suddenly wondered if this was how Madge had felt, if this was what had driven her to drink.

Then I realised that I had to do something, I couldn't give in to this, I had to shake myself out of it. Well, it might be winter in Melbourne, but if I wrapped up well, I could do something that I rarely did any more. I could go for a walk. I didn't bother to take the car out again. I got on a bus. God, how many years was it since I travelled by bus? It seemed a whole new experience for me, not being shielded by the comfort of my own car. Some of the women on the bus were friends and neighbours, judging by the gossip they exchanged. I saw the coast coming into view. I would have a walk along the beach, it would be a distraction, a chance to think in the great outdoors.

Then I began to realise how limited our life had been. Australia was a huge country, and all I had seen of it was a few of the Melbourne streets, and taxi journeys from an airport to a hotel whenever I had had to travel on professional business. What a waste of time and opportunity. I was going to put that right.

Then I laughed at myself. There was so much in my life that I was going to put right, needed to put right. A walk on the beach was going to cure this? Well, everything had to start somewhere.

#8: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:35 am

Oh hugs Jem.

Gret to see this from his point of view too. Thanks Jennie.

#9: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:41 am

Want to hug Jem too - glad he's seeing some positive steps he can take.

#10: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:23 am

Clever Jem! It's just what he needs. Even if some of his reasoning is that he couldn't stand the long lonely evening, he's making positive changes.

I'm glad we know Sybil will be writing, or I'd be seriously worried about his future.

Thank you Jennie.

#11: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:23 am

Good for Jem. I'm glad to see he's picking himself up and being determined to enjoy life, rather than go down the same road Madge did.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#12: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:28 am

think Jem needs a new hobby (or a new woman?)

thanks Jennie

#13: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:06 pm

Thanks Jennie - looking forward to seeing how life from Jem's point of view

Liz

#14: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:30 pm

LizB wrote:

Thanks Jennie - looking forward to seeing how life from Jem's point of view

Me too! Thanks Jennie, glad this series is continuing!

#15: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:59 pm

Ooooh thank you Jennie, it will be interesting to hear what Jem has to say. It's sad that he is lonely but in a way Im glad because it shows how much he actually cares about his family who have gone.

#16: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:52 pm

It's great to have a chance to get to know Jem better. Was Madge's alcohol problem mentioned in the books? I don't remember anything about it but it has popped up in several drabbles. Is it mentioned in 'Summer Term at the Chalet School' which is one of the two main CS books by EBD I haven't read?

#17: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 6:28 pm

No, there is no mention of an alcohol problem for Madge in the books - not really EBD's style! Smile

Thanks for the excellent new drabble! I'm also glad we know Sybil will write, or I would worry.

#18: Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:45 pm

Great to see this new drabble. Looking forward to seeing how the family relate to each other in this new situation

thank you

#19: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:50 am

Fascinating, Jennie. Thanks for starting this.

#20: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:20 pm

I spent a couple of hours walking along the beach, in fact, I went further than I had intended, I was so lost in my my thoughts.

I was trying to make sense of things, not the easiest of tasks to do. I knew that the solution to my present problems lay in the past. It's not always easy to revisit the past, our remembrances of some things are altered as we grow older and understand more.

I knew that it was not an emotional problem for me, the emotions were there all right. No, it was how I'd shown the emotions that had caused all this trouble. It wasn't even that. It was the fact that I'd not shown my emotions that had been the root of what was happening now.

It seems to go against the grain, all this hugging and kissing that goes on nowadays. I wasn't brought up to this sort of thing. A stiff upper lip was the most desirable thing to have when I was growing up. It was accepted that boys went away at the age of seven, to prep school. Any emotion, the slightest trace of homesickness, that was the signal for weeks of being tormented by the older boys for being a 'crybaby'. If you wanted to succeed, you kept things bottled inside, never allowed them to show. You walked around with a cracked shin-bone rather than going to Matron for some help. Not that Matron had been any help. She certainly wasn't a motherly type, more a dragon guarding its hoard of treasure - in her case, iodine and bandages, and awful-tasting potions, no doubt of her own devising. Poor Hilliard, he'd gone to her with severe stomach-ache and been sent away. After he'd recovered from his burst appendix, his parents had taken him away from the school and sent him somewhere where there was a little more understanding of illness.

Then on to public school. The ethos there had been that women were there, yes, they existed, but once you were married, they weren't to be bothered with problems, they were too difficult for them to understand. No, they were there to run an attractive home, have children, and look up to their husbands as the founts of all wisdom.

I suddenly realised that I was back where I had started from. I was tired, I'd not walked so far for years. Fortunately a taxi was going past, so I hailed it, and got in with a sigh of relief.

#21: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 12:25 pm

More interesting insights into Jem... Thank you Jennie.

#22: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:33 pm

It's good to see Jem thinking about the causes of the problems now. Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#23: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:42 pm

I arrived home feeling tired out and in no mood to cook a meal. I made myself some tea and sandwiches, then went into the drawing room to eat my my supper. I realised that I had to make use of all the living rooms in the apartment, otherwise I would be turning them into places where I just didn't go, and unused rooms always feel empty and forlorn.

My mind went back to my public school days. I was one of the lucky ones. I played rugger and cricket for my House teams, so I was never in danger of being called a swot. Some of the boys who were academic but not sporty had a very thin time of it. It was more important to acquit yourself well on the pitch than to do well in examinations. So, when I decided to concentrate on the science side of things, it was looked on as a sort of eccentricity, but I was fine as long as I kept turning out to play for my house. My father was not pleased with this, though. he had planned that I should read one of the arts subjects at Oxford, then join him in his law firm. He saw my decision to become a doctor as a rejection, and it took a lot of hard work on my part to convince him that I had to follow my own career path. My mother once tried to intervene with him at the dinner table one evening, only to be told,

'Don't try to interfere, you know nothing about it, so please be quiet.'

Well, that was his attitude, and I suppose she felt that she had to live with it. Divorce was unthinkable, a woman who divorced or left her husband was a social outcast. Father knew that and so did mother. But she seemed to start fading away after that, then the process accelerated after Margot met that dreadful Stephen and eloped with him.

It was not long before Mother died, and then the heart seemed to go out of Father, too. That was how I felt, as if the heart had been torn out of me. Madge in the clinic, Josette off to Guernsey, Sybil somewhere in England, David in France: would I ever see any of them again? The only thing that I could do was try to build bridges, write to Josette and David, make it clear from my letters that I still loved them, make sure that they knew that they were always welcome, and try to be a good father to Ailie and the twins, even from so far away.

Then my thoughts turned, as they always did, to Madge.

#24: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:45 pm

Poor Jem.

I do hope he can built bridges with his children. It would be lovely to see more of David and Josette.

It's interesting to see the relationship between Jem's parents... and see what an effect it had on Jem's own relationship with Madge.

Thanks for this Jennie.

#25: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:11 pm

Poor Jem, you can tell that despite everything that's gone on he still loves Madge.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#26: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:54 pm

*huggles Jem* I've never really thouht about Jem as a young man.... it doesn't sound easy for him then either. At least he's been able to get to know Josette properly.

#27: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 1:03 pm

Would all lawyers on this board please remember that I'm just the typist here.

I passed my Higher School Certificate well, so it was easy for me to Matriculate. I went off to medical school, thankful that by now my father was resigned to the fact that I would not be following in his footsteps. Why it was more respectable to be a barrister and earn a living by confusing juries into declaring the guilty innocent, than to be a doctor, I'll never know. I'll say this for him, he supported me handsomely, especially when he learned that I was going to carry on playing Rugby. I think that he had visions of me qualifying, then opening a practice in Harley Street, catering to rich hypochondriacs.

I had to work as a houseman in a hospital in the East End of London. The poverty and deprivation that I saw there appalled me. That was where I saw my first cases of TB. The consultant who was overseeing my work used to tell these poor women that what they needed was clean pure air, that would cure them. Of course, in those days, trainee doctors were encouraged to think of themselves as minor gods. This Consultant, Morrison-Smythe, obviously never dreamed that he would be disobeyed. Where he thought that a family that couldn't afford decent food, clothes or accommodation was going to get the money to send a child to the Alps was a mystery to me. He had no idea how these people lived, what they had to do to scrape a living. Sometimes I felt ashamed of my own ignorance of their world, it was so far distant from mine. I had just qualified when Father died. I inherited the lot, his money, house, his place in Chambers, and I also came in for the money that had been Mother's marriage settlement. Her money had clearly supported my father financially whilst he was building his reputation, but he had treated her as though she was dependent on him for every penny.

His death left me free to choose my own speciality. I went in for further training in diseases of the lungs. There were many times when I wished that I had never chosen this, it was heart-wrenching to see so many people die from a disease that could be cured if they could be transported to the right conditions. Once I had gained the extra pieces of paper, I began to wonder if I could do something positive to help these people.

I was feeling tired and stale, I needed a holiday. I decided to go abroad for a holiday, choosing Austria almost at random. After sampling the sights of Vienna, I made my way to Innsbruck. Yes, there were many rich people there, but one day I strayed off the main streets and found myself in a slum area. The children here were just as poor, as malnourished as those in the East End. The women wore the same look of hopelessness and helplessness as the women in London. I sought out their priest, gave him some money, told him to spend it on the children. He was grateful for it, but in the course of our conversation, he mentioned how much he would love to be able to take the children up to the shores of the Tiernsee for the fresh, clean air.

Then he smiled sadly. 'Alas, there are a few people up there who own property, they have hotels where the tourists can stay, but the ordinary people, they are poor too. I cannot ask them to take an Innsbruck child for the summer when they themselves almost starve during the winter. But there is no work for them, so they have to make do.'

It was was early summer then, the mountain train was just beginning to run. I packed my things and caught the train, intending to spend a few days there. The place was entrancing, the air was so pure that it invigorated me at once. I booked into a hotel, where I was greeted warmly. I spent the next few days walking around the area. Slowly, a plan was forming in my mind. I wish that I had known then that I would spend some of my happiest days there, and some of the most worrying. If I had known, would I have changed my mind, found somewhere else? I don't know.

#28: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:14 pm

It's interesting to see Jem reflecting on his past, and how his decisions have led him to where he is now.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#29: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:26 pm

Jem's background is really making fascinating reading - thanks Jennie!

#30: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 2:27 pm

Thanks Jennie - looking forward to seeing how this develops!

#31: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 5:25 pm

Thank you Jennie, I've only just found this. It's been really interesting to see Jem's side and I am really looking forward to more!

#32: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:32 pm

This is lovely Jennie, and really shows where jem came from and how his heart was always in the righth place, even if he was mistaken in how he acted sometimes.

#33: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:02 pm

I soon found out that I could buy a house and a good deal of land extremely cheaply. The building costs would not be high, either. I could build my own sanatorium and live in the house. If I included staff quarters for the cleaning and catering staff, I would be able to give steady employment to local people.

I had to be honest with myself, I wanted to make a good living out of it, but I also wanted to try to find a cure for TB. I knew that I couldn't eradicate the disease, but I might be able to build up a reputation as someone who could cure patients. If I could do this, I might be able to open a free ward for poor people to try to help them. It wouldn't hurt to do that, my short interview with the priest in Innsbruck had taught me that.

I was fired with enthusiasm for this project. I was almost sure I could pull it off. Life in Austria was cheap if one didn't aspire to the high life in Vienna where the social scene was still centred on the Hochgeboren, and I didn't want that. I knew I could manage it if I were careful with my money, spending it on the important things such as good buildings and equipment and recruiting the right staff to work with me. With plenty of rest, the fresh, clean air which was free, and proper food, patients who were not too badly affected would undoubtedly benefit from a stay in Austria.

I was kept so busy that summer, supervising the building, recruiting my new staff and discreetly advertising for patients. I wrote to every hospital in England and to all the chest consultants that I could find in my medical directories. With those problems off my hands, I was able to travel to visit other TB specialists and their hospitals,picking up a lot of information on the way.

I had engaged a manservant, Andreas, to look after me. I left it to him to find the rest of the domestic staff for my home, Die Rosen, and the San. If he favoured his own family members, well, who could blame him? They had known enough poverty and want for most of their lives. Now they could earn regular, though modest salaries and help to make sure that their parents and siblings had enough to eat during the winter. From the way that they tackled their work, I was soon assured that my patients would not be reinfected through a lack of hygiene in their surroundings.

I was so busy during this eighteen months that I had no time to be lonely, in fact I had never thought about any form of social life. Oh, I'd heard that a Fraulein had opened a school on the other side of the lake, but if I gave it a thought, I had assumed that she would be some middle-aged, eagle-eyed spinster who would rule her pupils with a rod of iron. Having heard the news, I promptly forgot it in the rush and bustle of admitting my first patients and beginning their treatment.

Life seemed very good and very full. I had patients to treat, colleagues to discuss the treatments with, and I soon found that I was treating the residents and visitors to the area around the Tiernsee when they were taken ill or had accidents. Some of the families couldn't afford to pay anything for their treatment, but regular gifts kept coming my way, just small things, fresh cakes, pats of butter and bunches of flowers, but they all brought tears to my eyes. We had managed so far, but I soon realised that I needed someone with more general experience to help us to cope with these patients.

Then one day, needing to go to the city to order more drugs and equipment, I met my fate in the most unlikely circumstances.

#34: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:04 pm

Oh Jem is so lovely in this! *snuggles him*

Thanks Jennie

#35: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:23 pm

I have just caught up on all this, Jennie. It's fascinating, all this background you have given him.

One can feel his sadness at the way his life has turned out. Crying or Very sad

Thank you.

#36: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 9:34 pm

Thanks Jennie - echoing the others here in that I really love your Jem!

#37: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:41 am

Oh, Jennie, this is lovely!!

#38: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 9:47 am

What a great drabble. I'm loving finding out more about Jem. It's interesting that not all Matrons are as caring as Matey but they still manage to stay in their posts.

#39: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:54 pm

I was returning from the a San in the Dolomites, where I'd been consulting a leading specialist in TB about one of my difficult cases. The train started to make peculiar noises and jerk around. I quickly grabbed my bags, including the all-important medical bag, and braced myself for a collision or de-railment.

I was one of the lucky ones, my carriage did not turn over. I hurried out and back down the length of the train to see if anyone needed my help. A fat, irate woman, dressed in the most hideous clothes was being dragged out of the window of her compartment, protesting loudly. The young woman who was rescuing her had used up her strength, and fainted as soon as her rescuee was safe. I hurried over to her to give what help I could. She had some young girls with her, who were clearly upset about her condition. I was fairly abrupt with them, they were unharmed. Fortunately as I was bendingover the young woman, she came round. It took all my professional ethics not to sweep her up into my arms. I administered whisky and water, when what I really wanted to do was sweep her up into my arms and carry her away.

Once I was sure that she was all right, I had to go to give help to the other passengers who needed it more. The fat woman, who was obviously German, protested loudly that her skirt was missing. I got away from her, there were more important things to worry about than her modesty. After I had helped everyone who needed immediate attention, I was drawn back to my first patient. She was still shaken, but she was managing those girls with a pretty air of dignity and calm.

I took in her beautiful fair skin, her dark eyes and her wonderful dark curly hair. I was a gonner. But this was no time to be pressing my siut. I helped them to find transport to the nearest village, then returned to the other casualties. I soon realised the mistake I had made. I hadn't asked her for her name or where she lived. Then professional matters took over. I was needed to help with medical cases. It seemed as though I was destined never to get to know her.

#40: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:58 pm

That was a lovely peice. Thanks Jennie. I guess he will be seeing her again far sooner than he realises!

#41: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:26 pm

Squeee! I loved the fact he wanted to scoop her up in his arms!

#42: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 1:56 pm

Awwww, love at first sight, how romantic!

#43: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 3:19 pm

Awww thats so lovely, good to see their meeting from Jem's view. Thanks Jennie

#44: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:51 pm

Thank you Jennie!

*wants Jennie's Jem as her SLOC*

#45: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:56 pm

It's lovely to see Jem's first impression of Madge.

#46: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:13 pm

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#47: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 12:36 am

That brought a lump to my throat. Thanks Jennie. Very Happy

#48: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 8:21 am

Jennie, this is absolutely amazing! Thanks!

#49: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 5:08 pm

That was lovely to see things from Jem's point of view, and to see him so in love with her early on.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#50: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:44 pm

I didn't see her again for quite some time. We had an influx of new patients at the San, so I was kept busy with consultations and treatments, but now, instead of going to bed and falling asleep straight away, I would see her face in front of me, and imagine it smiling up at me.

As I was so busy, I had no time to make enquiries about her. I never connected her with 'das Fraulein' who was the owner and headmistress of the school on the other side of the Tiernsee. Once ot twice, Andreas mentioned her to me, generally in admiring tones. Apparently she was a very good employer who treated her staff very well.

My San was getting busy, out reputation was spreading, and I was already considering buying more property to cope with all the new patients. I had not had the time to feel lonely before, but now, even though I was so busy, I felt that I wanted a companion to share my hopes dreams with, to be there with me in my home. I started to look around the house, seeing for the first time that it was almost bare of ornamentation and homely touches. There was no doubt about it, Andreas looked after me very well. I was well fed, my clothes were kept in an immaculate state, and the house was always clean, but it lacked something. I knew, deep inside myself, what it lacked was the young woman whom I'd rescued from the train crash. Once I'd recognised that, the feeling deepened inside me, until it became a constant nagging inside me.

What to do, where to go? In an effort to cheer myself up, I decided to go skating, as the lake was frozen. Some exercise in the fresh air would do me good.

#51: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:06 pm

Thank you Jennie! This is so lovely Very Happy

#52: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:11 pm

Fascinating background, Jennie. Thank you.

#53: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 9:44 pm

I'm loving this Jennie.
Thank you.

Star Wars

#54: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 9:53 pm

It's nice to hear Jem's thoughts of Madge.

#55: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 11:10 pm

I wonder if it will be a nice peaceful, uneventful skating Very Happy

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#56: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:39 am

I'm finding it hard to get from the lovely curly headed girl known for treating her staff well to the control freak and drunk she becomes. But I look forward to Jennie showing us exactly how it happens!

#57: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:14 am

Thanks Jennie. This is lovely from Jem's POV.

#58: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 6:38 am

Thanks Jennie! I'm really enjoying reading this from Jem's POV.

#59: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:09 am

Thank you Jennie! Fairly sure it won't be nice peaceful uneventful skating!

#60: Author: Squirrel, Location: St-Andrews or Dunfermline

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:31 am

Skating... Reminds me of the ice carnival... Only you would think he would mention that there was a carnival happening if we had reached that stage.

Thanks Jennie - looks good.

#61: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 9:32 am

Thanks Jennie, looking forward eagerly to more

#62: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 12:41 pm

I decided to go down to the ice carnival that was being held on the Tiernsee that weekend. Of course, I didn't want to drink beer or join in the festivities, just get in some skating whilst the bonfires were burning so I could see what I was doing and where I was going.

I was gliding along, then I decided to go a bit faster and started to build up some speed as I was on a piece of the lake that was pretty much unoccupied. Then it happened. A young girl went face down on the ice with an awful smack, almost in front of my skates. Luckily, I managed to jump over her outstretched hands, or I might have damaged them severely. When I had stopped, then skated back to them, I realised that she was one of the young girls who had been involved in the train crash. She was pretty winded from landing so heavily, so I picked her up and told the others to lead the way back to where they had come from.

They led me to the school, the Chalet School they called it. They were worrying about what Madame would say. My heart was sinking at that. What if she were married? Still, I carried on.

It was all right, she wasn't married. She was Fraulein Bettany, and my patient was her younger sister, Joey. As I was so near at hand, it was simple for me to become the family doctor; my visits to young Jo were a good reason to spend some time with her sister. Of course, I insisted on a week's bed rest.

During this week of regular visits, I found out some of the important facts about Madge Bettany, including why she had begun this school in the Tyrol. I could only admire her for her courage and determination, in fact, by the end of the week, I was more in love with her than ever.

#63: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:25 pm

Thank you Jennie. Love the enforced bed rest so that he can see more of Madge!

#64: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:34 pm

Yay! Go Jem and Madge! Very Happy

#65: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 1:36 pm

YAY for Madge and Jem!! Very Happy

#66: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 2:36 pm

So that's why Jo always had to stay in bed for a long time!

#67: Author: Rosea, Location: Edinburgh

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 4:24 pm

This really is lovely Jennie. And to echo Miss Di's earlier comment so sad to think how it all turns out.

#68: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2005 7:21 pm

Naughty Jem, forcing Jo to stay in bed like that! Laughing

Thanks Jennie.

#69: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 8:36 am

Like the others, *giggling* at the enforced bed rest.

Thanks Jennie

#70: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 10:34 am

Thanks Jennie, this is great.

Star Wars

#71: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 1:14 pm

Well, to cut a long story short, I was successful in my wooing of the woman I loved, and we got engaged. We had to delay the wedding for a year for various reasons. I was still building up the San and Madge wanted to get the Chalet School firmly established and growing before she handed over day to day control to Therese Le Pattre.

Then there was Joey. Madge told her about our engagement and Jo seemed pleased, but we knew that she had to be given time to get used to the idea of our marriage. I cannot hide the fact from myself, I knew that Jo was going to be a problem. She was fast outgrowing the physical frailty that had made Madge so obsessive about her care, but she was also developing a sort of emotional fragility, an inability to deal with the problems of growing up, and, if I dare say it, an unwillingness to let anyone else have her time in the limelight. Madge saw it as natural leadership, but there was something more to it - an unwillingness on Jo's part to assume responsibility, and an assumption that she was always going to be the most important person in Madge's life.

The year of our engagement soon passed, and we were married. I don't mind saying that I often wished that we could have had more time by ourselves, just the two of us, but it wasn't to be. Madge would never have dreamed of not having Jo to live with us, and the Robin, too. So our first summer passed, then Madge gave me the news that we could expect our first child. I was thrilled, and concerned for Madge. At first, she could get down to the school to visit, but as her pregnancy advanced, I put my foot down. the paths were too icy and dangerous for her to risk falling on them. With David's birth, I was the happiest man on earth.

#72: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 1:24 pm

Thank you Jennie!

*Loves being the first person to find new updates*

I can so empathise with Jem over joey, it can't be easy to have the formative years of your relationship being almost taken over by your intended's sister!

#73: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 3:42 pm

Lovely, Jennie! Thank you - I so love Jem in this, and seeing what he thought of Joey.

#74: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 4:27 pm

Very realistic concerns from Jem - thanks Jennie - this gets so under his skin.

#75: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Aug 06, 2005 9:04 pm

Jennie wrote:

Madge would never have dreamed of not having Jo to live with us, and the Robin, too.

This was definitely another great update. Where else were Joey and Robin meant to live? Was Joey meant to live with Dick where it wasn't a good climate for children? Silly Jem.

#76: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 9:05 am

Thanks for the update Jennie Very Happy

#77: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 12:26 pm

Chair wrote:

Jennie wrote:

Madge would never have dreamed of not having Jo to live with us, and the Robin, too.

This was definitely another great update. Where else were Joey and Robin meant to live? Was Joey meant to live with Dick where it wasn't a good climate for children? Silly Jem.

There's a difference between wishing something, and accepting what has to be. These are Jem's private musings on his marriage, so I'm just typing them for him.

#78: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 1:29 pm

Thanks, Jennie. I hope I haven't annoyed you.

#79: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 2:01 pm

Not at all. I think Jem is just behaving like any young, newly-married man. At least they didn't have to take Jo and The Robin with them on honeymoon!

#80: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 5:05 pm

I really like Jem here- I can totally see his point of view about Joey. If he never really liked her that would explain why he was so harsh with her when she landed up in Australia expecting to be the one who put everything rightl.

#81: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:03 am

It wasn't that I really disliked Jo, that came later, much later. I was also coping with the anxiety we all felt over the Robin's health. Fortunately, by then her father had returned from Russia and was working for me as General Secretary to the San.

I made sure that Madge had all the household help that she needed, and it was a good thing that I did. Ours grew to be a large household, far larger than I had anticipated. Because I worked long, hard hours at the San, it threw more responsibility on Madge. And of course, there was always the school. Madge never lost her interest in that, seeing the staff regularly. I was quite happy that we had to give some of the girls a place to stay at half term, it made the house lively.

That was when the first slight cooling started. Sybil was born, a beautiful baby who grew into a far more beautiful child. She was much admired by everyone. Then Jo, on one of her trips to Innsbruck, met my estranged sister. Our household grew by three more people. It sometimes seemed to me that Madge was now more mother and housekeeper than wife. Of course, that was the example that I grew up with, so I didn't know how to change it. Jo was a problem in some ways. She resented having to grow up, and we had a terrible summer with her whan she was told that she had to be Head Girl.

I knew, inside myself, that she would never go to Belsornia to be Elizaveta's lady-in-waiting. When we had to take Dick's children to live with us, that gave her the excuse she needed to stay at home, ostensibly to help out. In reality, she did very little, concentrating on having singing lessons and going down to the school. She was also writing her first book.

By this time I seemed to be further away from Madge than everyone else was. Perhaps it was stupid of me, but I tried to shield her from my worries about the situation in Germany. I was definitely worried about the Nazi party and it's increasingly shrill demands for Lebensraum. The teachers at the school seemed to know nothing about it, and to care very little. Hockey was more important, and skiing, and whether the girls would be able to get out for walks. And I have to admit that I was working longer and longer hours at the San.

Then came the Anschluss. Someone had to take charge, so I moved the school up to the Sonnalpe. Nowadays, I would be criticised for not discussing it thoroughly with Madge, but then, all I could think of was keeping the girls safe.

As the situation worsened, my anxieties grew. Madge was pregnant again, so that was an added worry. It was clear that the School would have to close and the girls sent home. The Nazis had already demanded that we send the German and Austrian girls home, and we had had to comply. So, we began the process of packing up. I had already had several very nasty interviews with the head of the local Nazi party, and I knew that I would not be able to carry on with running the San. It seemed to me that my life's work was being destroyed, but I had to pretend to be strong and decisive, be in control, because I had so many people depending on me.

Then came the news that Jo and the Robin had been involved in defending a poor Jewish watchmaker in Spartz, a dangerous situation, made evn worse by the death of the priest who spirited them away to safety. It soon became clear that if that party was to escape, they would have to do it on foot, heading for a neutral or uninvolved country. I couldn't risk trying to get them out with us, I had Madge, my sister and the children to consider. It was going to be bad enough to pack up and hand over under the eyes of the German soldiers, and I was taking no risks with my pregnant wife.

#82: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:06 am

I do feel sorry for Jem, he's under such a lot of strain!

Thanks Jennie

#83: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:08 pm

The last month of our stay in the Tyrol was a nightmare of fighting for compensation and worry over Jo. Madge fretted for Jo so much that I was worried about the baby, but Madge seemed to care more for her younger sister than for the health of her unborn child. She certainly didn't spend much time with the two we already had. I admit that she was busy with packing up and making decisions about the school, and with seeing off parties of girls who had been given safe-conduct out of Austria. She seemed to get most consolation from Daisy and Primula and often spent hours with them.

The compensation that I finally managed to get out of the Austrian Government was not nearly so much as I had spent, and neither was the money that Madge received for the school. But, it was enough, along with my investments, to make a fresh start somewhere. I managed at last to get Madge to discuss things with me, so we decided on the Channel Islands, Guernsey to be precise. It was quiet clear though that Madge's attention was not fully focussed on me or on our children, or on our predicament. I often caught her out of bed in the middle of the night, looking through the curtains towards Switzerland. At first, I would get up and join her, then gently persuade her back to bed. After a time, I left her to it. I was too deeply sunk in misery. Madge might love me, she might love our children, she was anxious to get away, but I finally had to face up to a major fact. She would never love me with the same depth of love that she gave to her younger sister.

#84: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:17 pm

awww poor Jem

I do feel sory for him - it's easy to see how Mage's overpowering love for Joey might get wearing.

#85: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 2:35 pm

Oh poor Jem! How miserable for him

Thanks Jennie

#86: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 3:21 pm

Poor Jem it must have been such a difficult time for him, and yet he had to be strong for the others. Joey casts such a long shadow. Thanks Jennie.

#87: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 5:26 pm

I had never thought of this from Jem's point of view before. Thanks, Jennie for helping me to see his side.

#88: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:12 pm

Thank you Jennie! It's nice to see this from Jem's point of view Very Happy

#89: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:15 pm

We finally left the Sonnalpe taking all our possessions with us, and glad that we had managed to pack up so much of the school stuff. We made quite a little cavalcade as we all trooped onto the train. I couldn't breathe freely until we had crossed the border into France even though the British Ambassador had insisted that we were given safe conduct out of Austria. My sister's health was giving me some concern, she seemed weaker, less able to do anything, have less energy. It was as though the strain of the past few months had sapped all the life out of her. I was hoping that a return home would help her to get well.

My chief memory of out last few miles' journey in Austria is of Madge's face. With each passing minute she looked bleaker and sadder, craning her neck to look out of the window. Then as we crossed the border, her face, her body, seemed to lose something vital, as though one spark had been extinguished. I knew what it was. As long as we were in Austria, she had hopes of a speedy reunion with her sister. Now, we had left Austria and she didn't know where or when she would see Jo again.

#90: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:18 pm

I feel so sad for Madge worrying whether she'll ever see Joey again.

#91: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:48 pm

We finally made out way to Guernsey, found a house and settled down. Madge was not far from giving birth so I found a doctor for her. Peter Chester became a good friend as well as doctor to our clan, so I was happy for Madge to be in his care. I was spending a lot of time looking for suitable premises to restart the San, and for somewhere large enough for the school. I wanted, desperately, to take Madge's mind away from her worry over Jo.

I needn't have bothered. Jo turned up like the bad penny. She had had a nervous collapse when they reached Switzerland and had had to spend time in bed. She was still feeling fragile when she arrived on the island, or so she told us. She and Jack Maynard had decided to get married as soon as possible, so we had that to organise, and had to help them to find a house.

Josette was born safely, but this event was the start of problems with Sybil. Of course Madge had to spend time in bed to recover so she saw very little of her older daughter. Looking back, I can see that was where we made our mistake. We had been insistent on our children obeying us implicitly, so when we told Sybil to stop making a fuss, we expected her to be obedient. We should have spent time with her, reassuring her that we loved her. This was the start of it. Sybil was beautiful child, and she knew it. For some reason, Jo didn't like her very much. With everything to see to, I had no time to spare for my daughter. We never realised that she was feeling bewildered and left out of everything.

With Jo safely married, I had hoped to be able to spend more time with Madge, wanting to restore our relationship, and at first, everything was fine. Anna Pfeiffen managed to escape from Austria and came to work for Jo, which gave her a lot more time to spend out of her own house. Jo was expecting her first child and Madge worried about her a lot, more than she did about her own children. I began to get some glimmerings of understanding. Madge was taking us for granted. She was assuming that I was happy to come behind Jo, that the children were less important than Jo. I had no idea how to cope with this, so I buried myself in work, reading up on the latest advances in TB care and trying to find new premises.

Then France fell to the Nazis and the invasion of the Channel Islands was looming on the horizon.

#92: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 7:58 pm

I feel sorry for Jem feeling so shut out but I wish they had found a better way to teach Sybil to obey them.

#93: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 8:03 pm

Wow thanks Jennie, you've posted loads today!

Poor Jem, you can see his resentment (is that too strong a word?) of Jo in every line! He did have a lot to deal with during the Anschluss though. I do feel sorry for him.

#94: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:38 pm

Wow, I've finally caught up on the last few days. Thanks Jennie, it is good to see jem's side of this. Listening to the way he talks about Madge putting Joey before the children made me wonder if part of the problem was that Madge saw Joey as one of her children, but Jem didn't, quite natural on both sides.

#95: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 9:46 pm

Thank you Jennie for yet another shiny update! Very Happy

#96: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:42 pm

awww yay - thank you Jennie!

I'm really beginning to understand Jem and his actions...it's awful to see the breakdown of his relationship with Madge

#97: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Aug 08, 2005 11:56 pm

Thanks for all this jennie. So sad, seeing the creeping withdrawal of Madge into "mother and sister". Poor jem.

#98: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:49 am

Carolyn P wrote:

Listening to the way he talks about Madge putting Joey before the children made me wonder if part of the problem was that Madge saw Joey as one of her children, but Jem didn't, quite natural on both sides.

How could Madge not do that, when she had raised Joey from the time of her birth - she was one of Madge's children, and because she was the one out there in danger, she was the one Madge would worry about the most.

But of course, Jem can't see this, only worrying about his own immediate little family, and of course the San. He has no energy left for worrying about Jo.

One can sympathise with both of them, but it is very interesting to see all this from Jem's point of view, Jennie.

#99: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 9:06 am

Fascinating to see the flight from Jem's POV. It's sad that he didn't particularly like Jo already, but it does make sense Sad

#100: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 10:09 am

Just caught up with this. Poor Jem Sad

It's interesting to see things from his point of view.

Thanks Jennie.

Star Wars

#101: Author: Lucy, Location: Leeds

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:06 pm

MaryR wrote:

Carolyn P wrote:

If only Jem had realised just how close the bond was between Madge and Jo from when he first met them. I've always thought that Madge saw Joey as her child, particularly up until the school moved to England. I also always imagined that Madge was Jo's mother figure. Personally, I was always amazed that Joey didn't resent Jem more, he took control in an almost step-father way so many times.

I wonder if Jem was unsure how to deal with a teenager and could feel unspoken resentment from Jo that she had to share Madge with him. This may explain his strong dislike of her during this time.

Do feel sorry for Jem and the way he felt he had to seem to be in control because he was a man during their flight from Austria. Thank you for this Jennie, very interesting and believable from Jem's POV!

#102: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:45 pm

The dogs of war were already howling across the Channel and I could see nothing for it but to find somewhere else for the School and the San. My sister had already slipped out of life, leaving us with no alternative but to take responsibility for her two daughters. I can't say I minded this, as I was genuinely fond of my nieces and wanted them to have a good upbringing.

Jo had by this time given birth to her first children, triplet girls. One of them, Margot, was smaller and frailer than the other two, so she needed more care. She pretended that she didn't care much, as though she were acting the part of an insouciant mother, but for someone who had got to know her well, it was clear that she thought that she had outdone every other mother and had produced the only triplets in the world. During the first few months of their lives, Anna looked absolutely exhausted.

I finally found somewhere for us to live, the Round House near Armiford, and another building that would do to house the San. As luck would have it, we were offered a very large house by a young man who was going off to be a chaplain in the forces, so we took Plas Howell, also near Armiford for the school. As Jack Maynard was working for me, he was also busy looking for a house. he found one, in Howell's village - unfortunately near to the school, but enough distance that Jo could not visit us every day.

I made all the practical arrangements to move both school and San. By this time, it was clear that Germany meant business and U-boats were already patrolling the Channel. The day that I had to send Madge and the children off to the mainland was one of the worst of my life. I think I aged a good ten years during their journey and the sense of relief when I received a telegram telling me of their safe arrival was wonderful.

Jo was to travel on Nigel Willoughby's yacht. I broke the news to her as I was driving her home. her reaction appalled me.

'But Jem, my babies.'

I reminded her that others were having a hard time of it too.

We settled into our new home. Because we were not under the main bombing runs, we were able to settle down with some sense of security. I was exhausted by long days at the San, trying to get the furniture and equipment that we needed and this left Madge to run the house and the small farm which was attached to it.

I think that this was when the trouble with Sybil really started. It was put down to jealousy, and to be honest, it probably was. But it wasn't made any better by the way that we treated her. Instead of giving her love and reassurance, we treated her as though she were being deliberately naughty. There was always something. She never really had any time with us. I was always being called out to an emergency at the San, and she rarely managed to get any of her mother's attention, there was always a problem with one of the other children for Madge to sort out.

Another part of the problem was Sybil's beauty. She was outstandingly lovely and visitors would always comment on it. Jo, of course, said that these people were turning her head and making her vain; she delivered several awful warnings on the subject. She never treated Sybil very well, either, always telling her off.

Looking back, I can see that we could have solved the problem by giving Sybil regular attention and cuddles, but we didn't. That led to a worse problem later.

#103: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 12:56 pm

Jennie wrote:

During the first few months of their lives, Anna looked absolutely exhausted.

This is the best line ever! Laughing

Poor Anna!

#104: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:32 pm

It's really interesting reading the various points of view, Jennie. I can imagine Jem being so wound up about the San and School that he left Madge to bring up the children.

I think he is being harsh on Joey. If I had 3 babies and was told I had to evacuate on a yacht with the possibility of being torpedoes, my reaction might well have been the same.

It's easy to see from this point of view how the resentment on all sides could build up.

#105: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 4:48 pm

I'm beginning to sympathise with Jem a lot more than I used to. Never will I see his relationship with Joey in the same light!

Thanks Jennie (and I love the line too!)

#106: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:25 pm

Thanks for all the lovely posts, Jennie - it is really interesting seeing this from Jem's POV, and seeing a different view of Joey.

#107: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:36 pm

I am sympathising with Jem but I did feel sorry for Joey over Jem's feelings about not wanting to live too close.

#108: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Tue Aug 09, 2005 6:58 pm

The trouble is, one feels sorry for ALL of them, each with their own set of problems, and Jem is beginning to appreciate that he made mistakes himself.

Thanks, Jennie.

#109: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 12:56 am

"The trouble is, one feels sorry for ALL of them, each with their own set of problems"

That's the thing, though; life is composed of multiple points of view...
THanks Jennie, this is great.

#110: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 8:14 pm

It'll be very interesting to see Jem's view of the problems with Sybil. I always thought Jo (and EBD) disliked Sybil for some reason - she's never portrayed in a particularly positive way in the books.

#111: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:56 am

As Mary R wrote, one does feel sorry for them all because Jennie writes from each one's perspective. (EDB didn't though, she wrote from the perspective of the ones she was interested in & liked.)

Jennie, are you going to write Anna's story too?

Quote:

Anna looked absolutely exhausted

I'll run away to hide now before you can ask me if I'm going to finish Nan's story Embarassed

#112: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:03 am

I honestly don't know whether I shall write Anna's story, it depends on the PBs.

ETA: Don't forget that Nigel Willoughby and his crew were putting their own lives at risk to evacuate Jo from Guernsey, and Nigel had several young children of his own.

#113: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 8:57 am

Jennie wrote:

I was about to mention that I thought Nigel was very brave. I was reading Goes to It the other day and got annoyed at Jo's fussing that he can't help her with the babies on board! Rolling Eyes

I hope your PBs continue to bite! Very Happy

#114: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:38 am

Apologies for the spreeing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It couldn't have come at a worse time. Madge was pregnant again, with a baby who later proved to be Ailie, and Jo's first son was a few months old. Just before the start of term, we received the news that four of the school staff had been injured in a bus crash. Hilda, the headmistress, was the worst of the lot with a severe head injury. I felt that I had to go down to see that she was treated properly. In the meantime, Madge was desperately trying to make arrangements for the school to open on time. By advertising, she was was able to find a new Head, a Miss Bubb.

But all this meant that there was no-one to supervise all the children's activities, as the work had to be done. Sybil was not supposed to be in the kitchen and was definitely not allowed to touch the kettle, but she did. She filled it and switched it on. As it was coming up to the boil, she turned it round, just as Josette ran into her. Of course, Sybil got the blame for all of it, though, looking back, Josette was equally to blame. I was furious, as Sybil had undressed Josette and taken skin away with the clothes.

But now I see that Sybil was too young to bear the weight of the blame. She didn't know about scalds, why should she?

Of course, Madge insisted on doing most of the nursing herself. I was furious with Sybil and made that plain. Sybil was in a dreadful state, punishing herself. Looking back on it, I ought to have punished her, then told her that it was over and done with. I ought to have made sure that no-one ever held it against her. This was a major error on my part. We were very busy at the San, so I didn't know the worst of it for a long time.

Jo was loud in her condemnation of Sybil, and attributed it all to vanity. Whether that was the cause or not, she made Sybil feel so bad about it by her continual remarks and lectures that the poor child hardly dared breathe. When I discovered this, I was furious. My poor oldest daughter grew up with a complex about her looks. I did wonder later if it was jealousy on Jo's part; she was not pretty by any means and her daughters, though they were pretty girls, couldn't hold a candle to Sybil. When I did discover this, it was too late to do anything about it. Sybil was engaged to Hugh by then, and was able to appreciate her own good looks. What I never told anyone was that Sybil was the image of my own mother, which made it harder for me to accept her leaving Australia. Perhaps, inside myself, I'd expected her to be as submissive as my own mother had been.

However, as time went by, and I had some inkling of what Jo was doing to Sybil, I began to wonder why she continued with it, especially as she seemed to be having very little success with curing her own Margot of her temper. What Jo was mainly concerned with was making sure that Jack didn't learn about it, so he had very lttle idea of his daughter's real nature.

Jo had a large family by now, and clearly thought that she knew all there was to know about child-rearing. I often found this annoying, as she was given to pronouncing about other people's children.

There were times when I liked her very much, but there were times when I disliked her intensely. She was always going on about making the best of everything, being a good Chalet School girl, being brave and sporting, but when the crunch came, she failed miserably. Jack was reported as dead, washed overboard from a troopship in high seas. Jo went to pieces. This might sound harsh, but she was quite melodramatic about it. The worst of it was that she ignored her little girls for several days. They were unhappy and confused. Of course they had Anna, and Daisy and Robin looked after them, but their Mamma was absent from their lives.

This might sound harsh, but it was wartime. Men were dying and leaving their families every day. Women were facing up to widowhood with far more courage than Jo showed. The East End of London was taking the brunt of the Blitz, families were being bombed out, whole families were being killed in the blast, children were being orphaned. Some women had to see the sight of their child's school in ruins, knowing that all their children were dead under the rubble, they had no home, and no income. Though I felt Jack's loss very keenly, loving him like the brother I had never had, I also knew that Jo had to be snapped out of this state of mind. Harsh, perhaps, cruel, perhaps, but I also knew that she was inclined to wallow in her emotions, and that if she were not to stay in this state she would have to be brought to some realisation of her responsibilites. Fortunately, she came out of it fairly quickly. Of course, it proved later that Jack was not dead, and no-one was better pleased than I was. His head injury meant that he was unfit for the Services, so he was able to return to the San.

Of course, this dispassionate view is a new thing. It's only as I sit here in Melbourne, looking back, that I've really begun to analyse my true feelings. If I'd done this earlier, perhaps things wouldn't be as they are now. Of course, attitudes have changed. we went off to Canada, taking Margot with us, but leaving Sybil behind. We didn't see her for over a year, and didn't see David for longer. It amazes me now, the way we used to despatch the children from our lives, as though it didn't matter who looked after them. We thought we had done well by providing our children with nannies and maids to look after them. John Bowlby changed all that, but when his book came out, I dismissed his ideas, they were so different from my own. It's only looking back through the perspective of what has happened, that I realise that he was right.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John Bowlby - 'Child Care And The Growth Of Love' 1953

#115: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:43 am

It's interesting to read Jem's ideas on child rearing and see him admit where he went wrong with Sybil. Thanks, Jennie.

#116: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:57 am

Well, it was too good to last. Our sojourn in Canada was not the solo expedition that I had wanted, if I am being honest with myself. We got the girls settled into a good convent school run by French nuns, which would be good for their languages. The greatest improvemnt was in Madge. she seemed to return to her old self, witty, vigorous, more like the Madge Bettany I fell in love with. She became pregnant again, and this time it was twins.

Then it seemed that Jack would need to come out here, so Jo came too, bringing all the family. Madge wouldn't hear of finding a house for them, so they had to live with us. For someone who makes much of flying, and boasts about it when she does, Jo seems to have a horror of it. Instead of a flight, she chose to come by sea. Then, typically, she expected us all to meet her on the quayside in St John's. No way was I allowing Madge to travel all that distance and dragging all the children with us. Jack went of course.

It was almost like the days in the Tyrol, having Jo living with us again. Madge didn't lose her sparkle, I was glad of that, but she went back to being a mother and sister again, especially when Jo had her own twins. I admit it, I might have been busy with my work, but when I got home, I wanted some of my wife's undivided attention. But there were never just the two of us at the dinner table. I suppose it might seem to be a sad state of affairs, a man of my age feeling the pangs of jealousy again, but sometimes they're as sharp as they were then. The point I'm making is that Jo never once realised, for all her much-vaunted sensitivity, that I might want my wife to myself.

She might listen when Jack and I said something about our work, but the conversation always swung around to domestic issues, usually led by Jo. What really grieved me was that Madge didn't seem to notice my feelings. It was as though she felt complete only if Jo were near her. I'm beginning to wonder if the root of the problems today is that Australia is so far away form Switzerland, and Madge drinks too much because Jo isn't near her. In most ways, Madge has been a good wife, I can't complain about the way she ran the house, and she was always very good on the social side, but apart from the first couple of weeks of our marriage, I've never felt that I had her whole attention. I love her deeply and truly. I had to have her admitted to that clinic because I was afraid of losing her. Now I'm afraid that I'll never get her back again, not as she was. I know we're older, but I still love her more than anyone else; I just want to feel that Madge, the essential Madge, stll loves me and wants to be with me.

#117: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:08 am

Oh poor Jem! I do feel so sorry for him. He doesn't want very much after all. No wonder he felt so resentful of Jo - it's very understandable.

Thanks Jennie

#118: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:16 am

I wonder if Jem and Joey will ever talk things through and reach a better understanding?

#119: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:23 am

*hugs Jem* Im glad he has come this far to be able to admit to these things. Thanks Jennie

#120: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:51 am

Oh, I do hope Madge married Jem because she loved him as much as he loves her. And I hope she can find that love again.

#121: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:46 pm

Great posts Jennie. I could see several points there where Jem is beating himself up over things that weren't really his fault alone, but that is what people do when they look back as he is doing now and feel they have failed in some way. The big difference is that he is actually trying to put some of the things right, as best he can.

We might keep you going forever on this tangled web (bunny permitting of course) because I'm wondering how Jack, Joey and Madge saw all those incidents.

*secretly feeds bunny with chocolate coated carrots*

*Places mug of tea by Jennie's elbow when she's not looking*

#122: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:56 pm

*dodges mug of tea as Jennie unknowingly knocks it with her elbow*

Have just caught up on this from the beginning Jennie - so lovely to see how much in love Jem is with Madge. That, and the way he is considering what has happened throughout their marriage gives me a lot of hope for them. Thanks

Liz

#123: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:38 pm

poor poor Jem - it's so sad to see him looking back and thinking "if only...."

#124: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:24 pm

Feeling very concerned here as to whether Madge will ever forgive Jem, and whether she loves him as much as he loves her. The only good thing is that, hopefully, Joey would be able to talk to her properly now as she has made her own transformation.

Thanks Jennie - loving this.

#125: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:13 pm

*adds lots of carrots for the bunny and caffine for Jennie*
Any chance of Madges side?
*Ducks as Jennie throws coffee at me*

#126: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 12:54 pm

Wonderful posts, Jennie, thank you.

Poor Jem.

#127: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 2:07 pm

Thanks for the flowers, guys. Whether there is any more of this Russell universe depends on whether the plot bunnies bite and whether I can consume enough tea to keep me hydrated whilst I type.

ETA: I'm finding this very, very sad, it's the hardest so far, Jem's misery and introspection are very painful to transmit.

Last edited by Jennie on Sat Aug 13, 2005 2:53 pm; edited 1 time in total

#128: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 2:52 pm

(((((Jennie)))))

Been there, Jennie - you have my sympathy - you are starting to feel what your characters are feeling.

#129: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 2:58 pm

*secretly feeds bunny with chocolate coated carrots*

*Places mug of tea by Jennie's elbow when she's not looking*[/quote]

I'm sending the PB's to you in Halifax so you can spoil them as much as you want to, PatMac.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We came back from Canada and life went on. Then, as we couldn't re-open the San in Austria, we managed to get permission to open one in Switzerland. We eventually found somewhere on the Gornetz Platz with suitable buildings. The air quality was good, an absolute essential for our work. Of course, we had to agree to opening some general wards as well, so we could act as a hospital for the area, otherwise we wouldn't have got permission from the government.

Madge decided to re-establish the School out there as an adjunct to the San, and there were suitable buildings at the other end of the Platz, one a large hotel and the other a guest -house. I would have loved to be the one to go out there, but Madge was against it. I think that she didn't want to go out to the Alps again and not be Headmistress. Hilda Annersley could have stayed in Wales as head of the UK branch, but Madge didn't seem to want that.

As far as I was concerned, I would have been quite happy for Madge to take up the reins again, but she seemed to shy away from it. So, there were only two choices left to me. Either I appointed Jack Maynard as Head of the Swiss San, or I found someone else as qualified as he was.

Jo was the problem here. She definitely wanted to go out to Switzerland, so Jack bought the guest-house for his family to live in. Personally, I thught her obsession with the school and with staying in close touch with it was bordering on the unhealthy. As long as she insisted on maintaining the close link, she would never fully grow up, and by now, she had quite a large family.

That was her excuse for not flying out there. The flight would have taken four hours at the most, her journey took four days, travelling by train and ferry, staying with people. I know it was a chance to see her old friends again, but it would have been far less tiring for the children, and for everyone else. And as for the luggage she insisted on taking with her, well, she could have stayed with us for a few days and sent all her bedlinen and china away with the removal van and not have had all those trunks to manage. But Jo had her own way as usual.

Of course, our three girls went to the school, though I would have been happier to keep them at Glendower House so they could come home for the weekend. Madge insisted that they should go to the Platz, saying that they would have some home life with their aunt. If I'd known how Jo treated Sybil, I'd have got her a governess.

It was after Jo's departure that Madge started to drink. At first, it seemed relatively harmless, a glass of sherry before lunch, and before dinner. We also drink wine more often with dinner, but I put that down to the relaxation of rationing after the war. it seemed good to have that as a little treat after having to manage with very short commons.

I had hoped that Jo's departure for Switzerland would make Madge turn to me. Instead, we seemed to grow further apart. Outwardly, we were happy enough, but inside myself, I knew that my wife was growing away from me. I'll admit it, I buried myself in my work because it was the only consolation that I had. Whenever I asked her, Madge had filled her days with activities that seemed to reward her, but I grieved inside for the loss of the real woman I'd married.

As her drinking seemed manageable, I did nothing about it. I admit it, it was a no-go area whenever we talked. There were some things that we simply didn't discuss, and, I'll be honest, I didn't want to talk about them because I was afraid of what might be said.

Sybil was proving to be a brilliant needlewoman, so we promised her that if she worked hard and did well in her exams, we would send her to the School of Art Needlework for training. Josette was far brighter, and wanted to read Economics, so she applied for a place at LSE and got one.

Then came the invitation to go out to Australia. I would be looking at the provision of places for treating TB out there, as well as lecturing and helping to train specialists. All was going swimmingly. Mr Hope managed to let us have a good apartment in Melbourne so we would move into it on arrival. Then Madge started to worry about being lonely out there. That was the beginning of her determination to dominate every aspect of our lives. She insisted that Sybil and Josette should accompany us, so she wouldn't be lonely. She almost made herself ill over it, so I was forced to tell the girls that they would be coming with us to keep their mother company. I could see the disappointment on their faces, but I hid what I was feeling, telling myself that I didn't really want my two elder daughters to live in London anyway, and they would be bound to get married and have families, so why go to all the trouble and expense of paying for their training?

We went out there. It was a good voyage on a very nice liner,paid for by the Australian Government. But it was on this long sea voyage that Madge was introduced to the delights of a nice long gin and tonic.

#130: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 4:10 pm

It's good to learn more about the Russell family and it's interesting to find out how Madge started drinking.

#131: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:47 pm

Thanks jennie, really enjoying this

#132: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 6:54 pm

Jennie wrote:

I'm sending the PB's to you in Halifax so you can spoil them as much as you want to, PatMac.

*Help!* I'll just send them back all feisty and ready to bite Wink

I'd never thought of Jem as wanting to go to Switzerland and Madge not wanting to! That's very plausible and so is Madge's deterioration after Jo's departure.

(((Jennie))) for the pain this writing is causing.

#133: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 7:36 pm

Interesting that Jem wanted to go to Switzerland. Why couldn;'t Madge manage without her girls? She'd done so all the time they had been at School! Evil or Very Mad

Thanks Jennie.

#134: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:02 pm

I quite agree, Lesley.

Thanks, Jennie, keep up the good work.

#135: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 9:36 pm

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#136: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 10:22 pm

Madge is being really selfish here! Poor Jem - he should have just put his foot down.

Thanks Jennie

*leaves nourishing treats for Jennie and her bunnies*

#137: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:39 pm

This is just fabulous Jennie, one of my favourites Very Happy

#138: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:30 am

Please, Patmac, just a few nights of unbroken sleep, I beg you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, the gins got longer and the tonics shorter. By the time we reached Australia, she was well and truly hooked on them. I protested at first, but Madge kept complaining that I wasn't any fun. So, I felt that I couldn't do anything unless she actually started staggering around and slurring her words.

We settled in, it was a nice, spacious apartment, and I thought that we could be happy there. Josette was unhappy, so, after making some enquiries, we allowed her to start reading for a degree in Economics at Victoria University. Sybil was busy with her embroidery, and even found a place where she could learn some new techniques, so both seemed happier.

Madge did not like the Australian way of speech, finding it alien and not what she wanted for her girls. But what I really think started her off on her determination to be in control of everything in our lives, was her realisation that life in Australia was freer and easier than in England and Austria. She started to turn her nose up at their lack of traditions.

As an aside, let me say that I was pleased when the Queen made me a baronet, but I felt that I was getting it symbolically, for the work that I'd done, as a recognition of our efforts in combatting TB. Madge pretended to be embarrassed about being Lady Russell when we were in England, but out in Melbourne she made the most of it. I think she expected the girls' friends to curtsey to her. Certainly, when they brought friends home, Madge was no more than icily polite to them. This was such a contrast to earlier days.

We had always been careful about our children's friends, I admit that. We wanted our children to have a childhood, not to be pressured into growing up before their time, and we certainly didn't want them to have any silly ideas about boys and make-up before they were ready for them. I suppose we were keeping them artificially young, but we honestly thought it was for the best.

Things were very different in Australia. People were far less class-conscious and enjoyed themselves in less sedate ways. The effect this had on Madge was to turn her into a snob of the first water. We were invited out to lots of places, some of them very big houses belonging to very rich people indeed. Madge was in her element. she made every attempt to ensure that Sybil and Josette went out with the young people from this sort of background, and was definitely unwelcoming when Josette brought friends home from University. She wasn't rude, just frigidly polite, but making it clear that they were not on the same level that we were. I hope it was the gin talking, not Madge's real feelings coming out. She also made it plain to both girls that she was expecting them to get married to suitable young men.

I was very busy, visiting hospitals, giving lectures and seminars. I helped to organise a symposium on TB, and even conferences lasting for a week or more. So, I didn't really notice what was going on so much. What I did see was that every time I came home, the girls were a little less spontaneous, a little more afraid of their mother, and that Madge was a little more determined, a little more controlling, and shriller. Meal times were awkward, the atmosphere was tenser.

Then Sybil met Hugh Lyall. Madge took against him. She seemed bound and determined that their relationship was not going to be easy. She even introduced Sybil to another young man, Peter, who was a doctor, and made it clear that she wanted Sybil to marry him and go to live in a small town where Peter was going to be working in a small hospital. But Sybil continued to see Hugh, even though Madge made remarks about fortune-hunting, trying to convince Hugh that Sybil wanted him for his money. She managed to come between them for a time, and I could see how unhappy Sybil was, but I didn't know how to put it right.

Josette met with more approval. At a party one day, she met John, who seemed very taken with her. She started going out with him and he proposed. I think that what Madge liked about him was that he didn't want a wife who worked, or studied when she was married. His wife was going to be a housewife and mother. He was ten years' older than Josette, so I had my doubts, but I felt that I had to keep them to myself for the sake of peace in the house.

Then Sybil met Hugh again. They obviously made up their differences, they got engaged and set a date for their wedding. That was when the fireworks really started.

#139: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 12:52 pm

It's interesting to see how much Madge had changed in this drabble.

#140: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 1:17 pm

Can see it as such a feasible way for things to happen too! Thanks for this Jennie - Jem's own part in this is understandable too.

Really hope that Madge will, eventually, return to the person we all loved from the earliest books.

#141: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:08 pm

Just catching up with this story. Thanks Jennie, it's good to see Jem reflecting on how things went wrong.

Star Wars

#142: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:30 pm

Madge soon started to dictate what the wedding was going to be like. She had made a definite plan of the dresses, the service, the reception. The chief guest was to be Jo, with her triplets as bridesmaids. The air-fares for the four of them was going to be the major expense, so Sybil's dress was to be failrly modest.

Then Sybil started to rebel. The first thing that she told us was that she did not want her aunt to be present at the ceremony, and she certainly wasn't having her cousins as bridesmaids. We had quite a few rows over that, but Sybil was adamant. She even told us that she would marry in a register office rather than have them there.

Then there was the dress. Madge's choice didn't suit Sybil's notions of what she wanted to look like on her wedding day. She insisted that she should choose everything and wanted a certain designer to to make the dress to her ideas. I wanted peace in the house, and Madge was nagging, so I supported her. After all, we had guided the girls for so many years, we couldn't be wrong. I tried to put my foot down, to make Sybil see that her mother was right, but it was no good.

The next thing that I knew, Hugh was there with Sybil, telling us that if we didn't let Sybil have her own way over the wedding, he would pay for everything, dress, flowers, ceremony, reception, the lot. We had to give in. Hugh was a rich young man, and we knew that he meant what he said. so Sybil had her wedding dress made. Madge tried to dictate what Josette wore, but Sybil and Hugh chose some material together. Madge was one long round of complaints. Sybil would look far too sophisticated on her wedding day. I think that we had forgotten that she was twenty-one by that time, old enough to walk out of our apartment and get married. We also forgot that if she was old enough to marry, she was old enough to make her own decisions.

I think that Madge had a fixed idea that she would still be deciding the important things in Sybil's life, even if she were married. Sybil thought differently, and so did Hugh. We had to give in, and the wedding cost me a pretty penny. I've never seen Sybil look so beautiful as she did on her wedding day, but what she said and did made me reassess her life with us, and how we had treated her.

I was shocked, stunned would be a better idea of how I felt. I managed to keep my wits about me, in spite of the deep sense of shame that I felt. Madge seemed to accept what Sybil had said, but in reality, she was still just the same inside.

I shall never forget the morning after Sybil's marriage when Madge made such a scene at the hotel, so early in the morning. To discover that my daughter had left Australia on her wedding night rather than face life near us was a real eye-opener. What was worse; Josette's unhappiness was becoming more and more obvious.

#143: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 2:56 pm

I'm sorry that Madge and Sybil have fallen out. I hope Josette will be ok.

#144: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:07 pm

Chair - you need to read Jennie's other drabbles - they will tell you about what happened. - Look for Josette's Dilemma - currently on page 4 of St Therese's to find out.

Jennie this is excellent - thank you.

#145: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 3:22 pm

Thanks, Lesley.

#146: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 4:07 pm

Thank you Jennie. This is so believable.

I'm sorry about the broken nights but I'm having enough trouble with my own bunnies to help with yours. Rabbit stew is beginning to look quite appealing Shocked

#147: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:56 pm

Madge really went to town in a big way, didn't she, determined to have her own way in everything? Crying or Very sad

Thanks, Jennie

#148: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 8:06 pm

Thanks Jennie, its really interesting to see just how Madge's problem grew and why Sybil and Josette has to go to Australia.

#149: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 1:18 am

Poor all of them. Jem wondering where he went wrong, and Madge lost in a lonely alcohol-filled world, Josette and Sybil so unhappy.....at least we know some good things happened. Thanks for persevering with this Jennie, especially given how painful it can be.

#150: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:04 am

Thanks Jennie

#151: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:57 am

Thanks Jennie. Poor Jem.

#152: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 12:23 pm

Just caught up on heaps of this. Is fab, Jennie, thanks.
Very Happy

#153: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:05 pm

Thank you Jennie! Have just caught up with the last few pages and am really enjoying it! As many other people have said, it's so believable!

#154: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 6:30 pm

Thank you Jennie

It would seem that Jem was beginning to feel uneasy about Madge right from Sybil's wedding. It's just a shame he didn't do anything sooner.

#155: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:06 am

patmac wrote:

I'm sorry about the broken nights but I'm having enough trouble with my own bunnies to help with yours. Rabbit stew is beginning to look quite appealing Shocked

Plenty of onions and garlic, Patmac, then please invite me so I can throw mine into the pot with yours.

#156: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:48 am

This post may upset or offend some people, but I hope they will understand that I am transmitting the views of a middle-aged man, brought up in the early years of the Twentieth Century, who received a massive shock which forced him to rethink his life and his attitudes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madge was so upset and dictatorial about it that I had to employ a private detective to find out where they'd gone. Sybil and Hugh had sailed on the SS Corinthia on the evening of their wedding. I was annoyed at the time, but now I can see that it was the only thing that they could have done. They would never have been able to live their lives in the way that they wanted to, not with Madge around telling them what to do and when to do it.

Unfortunately, that left Josette alone with us; I could see the poor girl getting more and more unhappy, especially as Madge was determined to manage every single detail of Josette's wedding, and her life after that. My poor daughter was escaping to the university, just to get away from home. I knew I had to do something to help her, I just didn't know what to do. What provided the impetus for me to get up off my backside and do something was a letter from David. It was such a shock, my son, a homosexual. I must admit, I've never understood them, but I'm trying desperately to understand and accept that my eldest son has spent years trying to fight against his own nature, and has now decided to be true to himself. I couldn't force him to go back to pretending, I was too far away, for one thing. Then I realised that I was also forcing Josette into pretending that she was happy.

I wish now that I had never taken my children for granted as I did. It leads to misery, for them to begin with, and later for the parents. I had lost my eldest daughter, I just prayed that I wouldn't lose any more. My only slim chance was to cling to the hope that Sybil might relent enough to let me know where she was and how she was getting on. Then I had an idea. If I could only get Josette to talk to me, I might be able to find out something about her and what she wanted. There was no hope of doing that at home, Madge would never allow it to happen, for one thing, and with her mother there, Josette would never dare open up about what she actually wanted. Then she came home one evening, and it was perfectly clear to me that she had been crying. I knew why, and I felt ashamed.

So, I asked her to have lunch with me. She agreed, so I picked her up one day and drove to a nice little restaurant. Well, the conversation we had was an eye-opener. I actually asked my daughter what she wanted to do, and I found out. I found myself determined to give her what she wanted out of life, and by the time we had actually finished lunch, I was sincerely beginning to doubt whether John, her fiance, was part of her future.

My heart bled for her, but that made me even more determined that my daughter was not going to get married just so that she could escape from home. We'd spent quite a long time talking about things so we were later home than I'd thought we would be. Josette's courage in talking to me honestly for the first time in our lives gave me the strength that I needed. I decided to tackle Madge about her drinking. But I couldn't do it in front of Josette, so I gave her some money and told her to go out with her friends.

Madge was sodden with gin when I got home, and I realised that I couldn't take any more, and the amount that she was packing away every day would soon be affecting her health. It was now or never, for I knew that I'd never have the courage or the determination again. I picked up the phone and called a small, private clinic. They sent an ambulance and Madge was taken away to be dried out and treated. I thanked God that Josette hadn't seen the sight of her mother on that stretcher. Then I went back upstairs to ponder the wreck of my hopes and my life.

Coming to terms with one's own failure is never easy. But I was better off than many. I had four beacons to guide me: Josette, Ailie, Kevin and Kester. I made a vow there and then. I would not fail them as I had failed their sisters.

#157: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:52 am

I think Jem's views are pretty understandable considering when he was born. Thanks Jennie

#158: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:05 pm

Jem is trying to do the best for his family, even if not everyone would agree with his views.

#159: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:35 pm

Thanks Jennie

Now Jem has realised his failures and responsibilities he's certainly facing up to them in a wholesale manner.

Liz

#160: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:01 pm

I had to tell Josette about her mother as soon as she came home. She seemed relieved, as though she had been carrying an intolerable burden that had been lifted from her. That was another lesson for me. You can guide your children, bring them up, but don't overload them with your expectations. They are themselves, not just little appendages of their parents.

That was a very hard lesson for me to learn. I wrote to David, assuring him of my love and support, then telling him about his mother. Surprisingly, Josette was an immense support to me. I finally got to know her, my own daughter. It was great. I already knew that she was a good-natured, clever girl, but I hadn't known what a sense of humour she had, and how she could make mundane chores seem enjoyable. She taught me to cook.

I was bothered about how she was going to spend the summer, which brought me to the awkward topic of what I was going to do with the three younger children for two months. but then fate, in the person of Janie Lucy, threw me a lifeline. The Lucys wanted someone younger to help out with their children. Whoever it was who took the job would be looking after the younger Lucys, Chesters and Ozannes, a bunch or rascals if there ever were one. Whoever took the job would be staying at Les Arbres and would get board, lodging and a small salary. It would be perfect for Josette, so I discussed it with her.

When she agreed to it, I wrote to Janie, telling her about our problems and asking if Ailie and the twins could stay with the families as paying guests. That would be one problem solved.

Then there was Josette's major problem - her fiance, John. He had been working out of town, but when he came back, he wasn't much in evidence, and Josette seemed to be going out with her friends more than she saw him. I could foresee that she was going to have to do something soon, as she wanted to go to Guernsey.

Then came another problem, one that I really didn't need. Jo announced her intention of coming out to Australia.

#161: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:03 pm

I see trouble ahead with Jo coming out to Australia. I'm glad Josette and Jem are getting closer and Jem has written to David.

#162: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:41 pm

I know I've said it before, but I'm really enjoying reading all the different points of view in this situation.

Thank you for persevering, Jennie.

#163: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 4:54 pm

Wot Patmac said!! Thank you Jennie!

#164: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 6:53 pm

Thanks Jennie - as the others have said, wonderful seeing Jem's POV - as to his opinions - I think they are exceptionally enlightened for the time (late 1950's?) and Jem's upbringing.

#165: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 10:09 pm

Thanks Jennie - Jem is a lot more sympathetic in this drabble than he appears in you other ones

#166: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 8:19 pm

(((Jennie))))

Thankyou for continuing to write this - I've just read it all and it is so eye opening, as many others have said I love seeing the different POV of everyone involved in the tragedy and it's great to see how they are all coming to terms with it and changing

Starts a conveyor belt of mugs of tea for Jennie

#167: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:53 am

Adds biscuits.

#168: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:22 am

Awww... at least he's trying! Smile

#169: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:44 am

Apparently, Jo had had a big royalty cheque from her publisher, so she had decided to come out to Melbourne to 'liberate' Madge from the prison clinic that I'd dumped her in. Letters were useless, phone calls were futile. I told her that she couldn't stay with us, but nothing did any good. she even had the nerve to rant down the phone at Josette one evening, as if the poor girl had anything to do with it.

By this time, Josette had phoned John to tell him that their engagement was over, and she was spending a lot of time with her friends, going out and enjoying herself. She had been offered a place at LSE, and Nigel Willoughby was looking out for a small flat for her. That might seem an imposition, but Nigel knew lots of people in the property business, so it was really just hearing of something, then going to look at the possible places. He was quite happy to do that for us, so that was one weight off my mind. I could trust Nigel's judgement about what was suitable.

I suggested that Josette gave a party for some of her friends, to take place on one evening when I had a professional dinner. That was the evening of Jo's arrival. She walked into the middle of Josette's party, told her friends to go away, then began to order Josette around as though she were a housemaid. I'm very proud that my daughter stood up for herself. I walked in on the latter part of Jo's arrival, so I took her off to my study. It was quite clear from what she said that she was still fossilised in the first half of the 20th Century. She intended to manage everything, including going to see John to insist that he married Josette.

I made several things very clear to her. She wasn't staying with us, she wasn't to interfere in Josette's life, and she wasn't going to see Madge and free her from the clinic. I found her a hotel room and put her into a taxi to go to it, telling her that she could pay for it herself.

What did she do? She spent a fortune on phoning every hospital and clinic in the phone book, trying to find Madge. Then she expected me to pay her phone bill for her. I had two rather nasty arguments with her. I'm adhamed to say it, but I came as close then to striking a woman as I have ever done. Fortunately she had been able to get a flight back to Switzerland within a few days, because that gave me one less thing to worry about.

Madge was refusing food and drink as well as refusing to have therapy for her problem. Josette and I went out there one evening. I could do nothing with Madge, my pleas for her to try to get well were ignored. Josette made the breakthrough, and that gave me the courage to tell Madge that she co-operated with her treatment, or she went into a public hospital. Since then, she has at least been talking to her psychiatrist, evn if he hasn't managed to get her to tell him the root of her problem. I can only hope that she will start to sort it out, and return to me.

I doubt if she will ever be exactly the same, and I'm certainly not the same man. I think I've learned a lot in the past few months. I've actually got to know one of my children, discovering that she is a clever, kind-hearted, generous girl with a wonderful sense of humour. I think that she liked her new father too. It was good to see her as relaxed with me as she was with her friends. And it was good to see that she wanted Ailie and the twins to share things with her. She didn't just want new clothes for herself, but for them. Me, in a t-shirt shop. I live and learn.

I had a letter from Jack the other day. Things were bad at the Maynards' house for quite a time. Anna had a heart attack, she'll never be able to work again, Rosli gave in her notice because she was worried about having to do all the housework and childcare, and Jo was unwilling to cope with the house and children. It seems that she's had to learn to cope, so perhaps she'll grow up completely some time in the future.

I don't regret being so harsh with her, not when I think about it. It was choice between her and my daughter, and I chose Josette. I believe that if I had let Jo stay with us and do as she wanted, I would have lost the trust that Josette had in me, and I never want to do that.

I've got to make sure, somehow, that Ailie, Kester and Kevin learn to trust me. I think David will, eventually. I'm going to keep writing to him, giving him the family news, anything rather than lose him for ever.

#170: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:36 pm

Poor Jem - he's really going through the mill at the moment. I hope Madge shows some positive progress soon.

Thanks Jennie

Liz

#171: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 12:43 pm

Thanks Jennie.

#172: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:28 pm

Thank you Jennie, this is so interesting

#173: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 1:52 pm

Poor Jem.... hope the twins and Ailie are receptive, and David too.

#174: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 3:27 pm

Poor Jem, I feel for him in this drabble.

THank you Jennie! Very Happy

#175: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:54 pm

Thanks Jennie - so nice seeing this through Jem's eyes.

#176: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:03 pm

I can understand everything that Jem said but I can't understand why he wouldn't let Joey see Madge. Sorry if I'm being really stupid here.

#177: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 7:13 pm

Chair, Jo didn't just want to see Madge. She didn't believe she was alcoholic and wanted to 'rescue' her from the Clinic. It's in 'Josette's Dilemma' on about page 4 of St Therese's House. You could probably do with reading that and it will all become clear. Jem is remembering what we read there and we are seeing the story from his point of view now.

#178: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:06 pm

Thanks Jennie, good for Jem realising he has changed and that he wants to continue that path Very Happy

#179: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 8:28 pm

Thanks for explaining it to me, Patmac.

#180: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:17 pm

Poor Jem - it's evidently been a long hard journey for him

#181: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:26 am

Thanks Jennie. Jem has evaluated his past in a very balanced way, and has clearly come to terms with his own contribution to the problems. Hopefully, he will forge new and stronger relationships with his children.

#182: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:43 pm

As the time grew nearer for Josette to fly off to England, I found it harder to stay cheerful and positive. I knew that I was going to miss her a great deal, not just for the meals that we had shared, but for the sense of having another living being who was close to me. I decided to show her how much I appreciated what she had done for me, so I bought her a present to unwrap on the plane - a gold bracelet with her initials on it.

Although I've been doing a lot of thinking just recently, going over the past, trying to see where I made my mistakes and wondering where I might have done something different, taken another course, I haven't neglected myself. I've been eating well, even cooking for myself, and yes, I'm proud of that. I've been going out quite a lot. I've discovered Melbourne's parks, though some of them are small, they're all interesting, with something different to see in each of them; it gets me out and it's good exercise.

I've been writing regular letters to David and he's been writing back, so at least I'm keeping the lines of communication open. I'll be writing to the youngest three regularly too. I might get a postcard in return, knowing those three, they'll be too full of things to do to have time for more than that.

#183: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:47 pm

I'm glad David is writing back. Thanks Jennie

#184: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 12:57 pm

Thanks Jennie

At least he's bound to have something back from Ailie after the summer, even if only the CS compulsory weekly letter home Wink

But hope it's more than that.

Liz

#185: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:06 pm

Thank you Jennie. I'm glad Jem is feeling a little more positive now Smile

#186: Author: ali, Location: medway, kent

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 1:10 pm

I know its a lot to ask, but when do we get more of Davids story?

#187: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 5:28 pm

And what's happening with Madge?

Thanks Jennie.

#188: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:02 pm

Jennie this is wonderful - do you have plans to extend it to every member of the family? No pressure but it would be absolutely fantastic to see the thoughts of other members of the family.

*feeds the bunnies yummy treats*

*provides Jennie with many cups of tea*

#189: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 7:21 pm

I'm glad Jem is showing Josette how much he appreciates everything she's doing but I hope the younger ones won't feel left out.

#190: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:29 pm

Seeing Josette's plane take off and disappear was one of the worst days of my life, but her absence has given me the chance to think back over my life and see where I went wrong. I can see it clearly, but I can also stop 'beating myself up' about it.

I admit it, I was a product of my upbringing, my education and my training. It's hard to change when you're middle-aged and you're used to being the one who's in charge. But at least something good has come out of this. I know I can be a better father to four of my children.

I've had several letters from Josette, all of them are friendly and chatty, and a pleasure to read. She's obviously been making the others write as well, I've had letters from the twins and from Ailie, and they've been good to read. Mind you, I do wonder a bit why I'm paying for their education, some of the howlers they come out with. But one thing was quite clear, I did the right thing by sending them to Guernsey for the summer. They had a good time by the sounds of it, I also had letters from the other children, thanking me for the gifts I'd sent. T-shirts are a hit. I'll have to send some more soon.

My greatest pleasure has been Sybil. I had a letter from her. No-one could imagine how I felt when I opened that letter and read it. She is well and very happy with Hugh. They have a house and Sybil is doing it up to suit them both. She's finally doing her course at the School of Art Needlework. She and Hugh went out to Guernsey for a week to stay at Les Arbres and she and Josette have made up their differences.

We must have misjudged Hugh, apparently he was the sensation of the week and Ailie is thrilled to bits with her new brother. His beach games seem to be the most exciting they've ever played. Poor man, he must have been exhausted by the time they got on the ferry to go home. Still, it's good to know that Josette has someone she can rely on in London. Sybil and Hugh have been good to her, helping her to settle in, and she's enjoying her work at LSE.

I still hear from Jack. he unloaded all his misery about Anna onto my shoulders, but lately, his letters have been more cheerful. They've managed to get the house running fairly smoothly, and Jo still has time to write, so at least I don't have to worry about appointing a new head for the San.

So that leaves me with one major problem; Madge. I desperately want her to get well, to come out of that Clinic, to be the woman she once was. I miss her every moment of the day. If only I could get some inkling of the root of her problem. Is it her separation from Jo, or is she missing the school? If only could find the answer to that, my problem might be solved. After this lucrative contract, I could afford to retire, we could live well on what our investments bring in.

Perhaps we could even go back to Austria where it all began. I could be a doctor, up in the mountains and Madge could start another little school. Idle dreams, idle fantasies, perhaps as useful as trying to turn the clock back, but who knows? There has to be an end to this, so all I can do is hope and pray.

When I go to see Madge this evening, I'm going to tell her about my new part-time job. I'm working as a volunteer doctor for two days a week at a families clinic in one of the poorer suburbs of Melbourne. Surprisingly enough, I'm enjoying it a lot. Trying to give something back when I've had so much is easy really and it's better than sitting here glooming away to myself.

I've been fortunate for most of my life, this time out of the sun has taught me a lot. I'd always thought of myself as a caring person, but now, after all these worries, I really know the meaning of caritas. And who knows, tonight I might actually reach Madge, and we could begin a new era, find a way to communicate. If we can do that, it will be the same as renewing our wedding vows, or even taking them for the first time.

Above all, I have to remember one thing. I still have hope.

#191: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:44 pm

What a lovely final post to this drabble, Jennie. Thank you

#192: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 2:49 pm

Thank you Jennie. I hope he can get through to Madge - but I was wondering, if he is thinking they could both start again, from the beginning - how old are they both now?

#193: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 3:40 pm

I'm sorry to see this drabble end - I've really enjoyed reading it. I hope everything works out for the Russell family.

#194: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 4:21 pm

Lovely Jennie. Thank you. (((hugs)))

#195: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 6:34 pm

*Caritas*

A most wonderful word.

May Jem find his hope and his love eventually fulfilled.

Thanks, Jennie.

#196: Author: Alice, Location: London, England

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 8:35 pm

Thank you Jennie, that was wonderful. Who are you going to write about next? :hint: :hint: Smile

#197: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 9:37 pm

Quote:

I might actually reach Madge, and we could begin a new era, find a way to communicate. If we can do that, it will be the same as renewing our wedding vows, or even taking them for the first time.

Oh Jennie, that's so sad. Because Jem's admitting that maybe their feelings at first were not what they thought they were. Crying or Very sad

#198: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 12:01 pm

I've been catching up with this. Thanks Jennie, it's also lovely to see that Jem still deeply loves Madge and hoping that the old Madge will come back to him.

That was lovely Jennie.

Star Wars

#199: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 12:05 pm

So far, I've no plans to write about any other member of the family, and the PBs have been leaving me alone, yay, a good night's sleep last night.

#200: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 7:36 pm