Wow!
This looks great fun
Waiting in gleeful anticipation for more
| The CBB http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/ | |
| Elinor's Top Chalet Girl http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=4214 |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:29 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Elinor's Top Chalet Girl |
The reality show that is - TOP CHALET GIRL!!! “We’ve read the books. We’ve analyzed the girls. We’ve written alternative endings. We’ve even dropped a few off cliffs and left them stranded in lakes. “But now it’s time to find out who is the Top …Chalet… Girl! “I’m Madge Bettany. Join me as we hunt far and wide, leaving no brown and flame or blue and crimson-clad girl unturned as we look for what it really means to be a Chalet Girl. “The search began in the Austrian Tyrol where we met some old friends from the school’s beginnings from stately Gisela Marani, gorgeous fairy princess-like Wanda and Maria von Eschenau and fiery boyfriend-stealing Dierdre O’Hagan. “But the girl who really stood out was tiny angel Robin Humphries who as far as we know is unable to pronounce J and is calling out “Zoe, Zoe” to this day. “We then moved on to Guernsey where we met the delightful La Rochelle clan. The island air certainly manages to produce some beautiful girls – if we didn’t see it for ourselves we would not have believed there could be so many good- looking ladies in one series. “A little war erupted and we moved onto Armiford in Wales where we caught up on all the hanes from Gwensi Howell at the too-large-to-be-real Plas Howell. “We then floated out to an island in Bristol Channel where Commander and Mrs Carey are certainly managing to make inroads into the money from the pirate loot. Carey-land is almost ready to open with Cherry at the helm. “Finally we went out to Switzerland where, after surviving a harrowing ordeal when the cable car snapped and slid all the way down the mountain, we met Ruey Richardson who showed up brandishing her favorite lacrosse stick, Emerence Hope who fell into a lake and Cecil Maynard who has run off with the doctor who rescued her. “We also met a delightful set of girls called the gang who were busy casting lots for a new leader. “We met them all. We sorted them out. We dodged a few rocks disguised as snowballs. ”And narrowed them down to the final 12 who will compete for the title of Top … Chalet … Girl! “Will it be Joey Bettany, aspiring authoress with untidy hair and a Napolean complex? “Lovely Len Maynard who has achieved her dream of wearing her hair in a ponytail and is looking for fresh worlds to conquer. “The one and only Mary-Lou Trelawney who certainly makes an impression. But will her confidence be her downfall? “Pitted against her is Grizel Cochrane whose sarcastic tongue has made more than one girl cry. But what deep pain is she hiding? “Tall Bride Bettany, seeped in the traditions of the Chalet School, and finally coming out from the shadow of her elder sister. “Boyish Tom Gay who is a real gentleman. But will her dark secret stop her from being the top Chalet girl? “Next is aspiring mechanic Jack Lambert who is always looking for new trees to master. “Or will it be actressy Jane Carew who is just too darling for words? “Red-haired Copper Ansell who is forever looking over her shoulder. What is she afraid of? “Margia Stevens is next. Her piano playing skills are formidable but can she overtake Joey as leader of the Middles? “Orphaned Daisy Venables is the typical school girl. But can she be more than just a jolly hockey stick? “Finally we have Prudence Dawbarn. Separated from her twin, she has the chance to strike out on her own wicked way. “Helping me on the judge’s panel will be Helena “Bill” Wilson whose sarcastic tongue is looking forward to having free rein and Hilda “Abbess” Annersley whose keen grey/blue/green eyes have never needed glasses. “We are all looking forward to hearing her lovely voice reach the far corners of the room. “Guiding the girls through their journey will be Matron “Matey” Lloyd who will ensure that they shed any spineless jellyfish tendencies. “Come with me as the girls tell their secrets, shed their inhibitions and pay slang fines in the quest to become Elinor’s Top Chalet Girl!” |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 5:54 pm ] |
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Wow!
This looks great fun
Waiting in gleeful anticipation for more
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| Author: | Elbee [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:11 pm ] |
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Hmmm, who would I like to win? Looking forward to more, Joyce
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 6:35 pm ] |
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A good start |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 8:59 pm ] |
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This looks great! 
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| Author: | Liz K [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 9:07 pm ] |
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Sombody's been watching too many reality shows. But this should be good! |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Mar 23, 2008 9:58 pm ] |
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Looking good!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 2:11 am ] |
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Golly, we normally avoid reality TV just on principle. But I think you've finally made the show which will get me hooked! |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 12:58 pm ] |
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Brilliant! Am looking forward to more
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| Author: | Tor [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 5:32 pm ] |
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will you let us have public votes to decide who makes it through the next round? How exciting! Double post deleted - Elle (wearing her fetching mod hat). |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 5:39 pm ] |
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This is intriguing. I wonder who will win? |
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| Author: | Mona [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 6:14 pm ] |
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Ooh, what fun! Thank you! |
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| Author: | Jennie [ Mon Mar 24, 2008 10:16 pm ] |
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Well, I'm not voting for OOAO, not unless it's to bury the hatchet - deep into her skull. |
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| Author: | Sarah J [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 12:19 pm ] |
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Excellent - looking forward to more of this. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 12:49 pm ] |
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Hi, It's a really really good idea for the readers to vote, but unfortunately I have already written the whole thing and had fun playing God. Hope you enjoy the next section. Cheers, Joyce [b]The First Challenge[/b] All 12 girls met up and squealed loudly as they greeted each other and got on the bus to their new home in the Tyrol. VO confessional: Bride "Of course I am happy to see everyone. But I don't forget that this is a competition and I intend to win. After all, who else here has practically grown up in the traditions of the Chalet School? Except Joey of course. I think she is going to be the biggest threat to me." The girls arrive at the chalet and go up to the dormitory where they will sleep, bathe and hump mattresses for the next 10 weeks. Matey is there to greet them. "Welcome girls. Unlike normal Chalet School tradition there are no assigned beds..." Matey looked round - all the girls had gone and were now streaking down the room, scrambling, fighting and screaming at each other as they tussled over the corner cubicle with the big window and special light. "I was here first," Mary-Lou struggled to get the words out as her curls were tugged. "Leggo my hair, Copper!" "I want the window!" Prudence managed to gasp. "My entire school life I never once got a window cubey. All the rest of you did!" There was silence as the other girls digested this. This was true after all and Jack felt a mild stirring of conscience. "Who cares?!" screamed Grizel bringing them back to their senses and the fighting began again. Matey grabbed a nearby hand bell and rang it vigorously. "As I was saying," she shouted. "There are no assigned beds. Instead, you will choose a number from this hat and go to the corresponding bed. There will be no changing, no swapping, no night time shenanigans or the judges will hear about it. Now I will pass the hat round." One by one the girls silently picked a number. "Oh f*** - I mean, how delightful," Tom said when she realized her cubey had no window. "Oh tophole!" Joey said when she saw her cubey had a half share of a window. "Joey, no slang!" Joey looked aghast. "Tom, what was that word you said?" she whispered urgently. Obviously she would have to learn some new words if she wanted to stay in the game. The girls went their beds but the big corner cubey stayed unclaimed. "Matey, who gets the corner cubey?" Mary-Lou plucked up the courage to ask. "I do." The girls looked at each other. "Ummm.... what did you say?" Len asked slowly. "I have the corner cubey, Len," Matey said. "Now please wash and come down for dinner. Tomorrow will be a long day. Your first challenge starts straight after breakfast." The girls washed slowly and in silence, the whole time dreading what the night would bring. Was all they had heard of Matey's nocturnal habits true? *** |
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| Author: | Smile :) [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:13 pm ] |
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Oooh this looks good Joyce, thanks. |
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| Author: | Lolly [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 1:16 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: where they will sleep, bathe and hump mattresses for the next 10 weeks.
*** !!!
*struggles to extricate mind from gutter* |
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| Author: | Jennie [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 4:23 pm ] |
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Joins Lolly's mind in the gutter. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 7:06 pm ] |
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Quote: I have the corner cubey, Len," Matey said. "Now please wash and come down for dinner. Tomorrow will be a long day. Your first challenge starts straight after breakfast." The girls washed slowly and in silence, the whole time dreading what the night would bring. Was all they had heard of Matey's nocturnal habits true? What are Matey's night time habits I wonder???? 
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 8:05 pm ] |
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Love that Tom's word was ignored while Joey got pulled up for slang! Of course Oh f*** was probably not known at the CS! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 8:08 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: . . . the dormitory where they will sleep, bathe and hump mattresses for the next 10 weeks
. . . Was all they had heard of Matey's nocturnal habits true? The mind boggles - and it's in the gutter doing it, along with Lolly and Jennie
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| Author: | Pat [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 8:41 pm ] |
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This is looking very good. More please. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:06 pm ] |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:20 am ] |
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My workmates are wondering what I am doing shrieking with laughter at such an innocuous (sp?) looking site! |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:59 am ] |
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Fantastic - thanks
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| Author: | Joyce [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:44 pm ] |
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The next day the girls came down yawning and barely daring to look at each other. The unfortunate Jane who had the cubey next to Matey was practically in tears. VO confessional: Jane "She didn't shut up the entire night. She kept coming into my cubey and telling me I hadn't folded my plumeau properly, or my clothes were on the floor or my hair was too long and blond. I can't help that - it has to be that way for play plots. But I'm strong to endure. They don't get rid of me that easily." VO confessional: Margia "I feel sorry for Jane of course. But noone is going to swap beds with her even if we were allowed to. If Matey keeps her awake and she's too tired to do the challenges - well, that's a tough break. But it could have been any of us." VO confessional: Joey "Matey went round to ALL our cubeys, not just Jane's, though I admit she got the worst of it. Why she didn't just pin the curtains together and prevent Matey from getting out, is beyond me." *** |
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| Author: | Sarah [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:46 pm ] |
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Fantastic!
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| Author: | Mona [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 3:55 pm ] |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 6:50 pm ] |
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((Jane)) hope she gets some rest during the day, and finds a way to stop Matey.
 Matey 
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 6:55 pm ] |
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Lovely!! :lol:
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| Author: | Lesley [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:26 pm ] |
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Hope Jane manages to nobble Matey.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:31 pm ] |
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If only all reality shows could be like this.......
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Vick [ Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:31 pm ] |
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Very interesting. Looking forward to reading more. Thanks Joyce.
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| Author: | Smile :) [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 1:55 pm ] |
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Thanks
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| Author: | Joyce [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:21 pm ] |
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Breakfast over the girls met the three judges. "Congratulations girls," Madge said brightly. "Out of hundreds, you have been chosen as one of the final 12. But it's time for the first challenge after which one of you will be eliminated. "Now as you know one of the main activities of the Chalet School is walking and rambling so the first challenge is to go on a long walk." The girls looked at each other. That's all? There had to be a catch. "Your backpacks with lunch and first aid kits are waiting for you outside and Matey will show you the route. Good luck!" Madge whirled away. Back upstairs the girls grabbed walking sticks and eau de cologne. With a memory of a previous ramble Mary-Lou stuffed her backpack with a kodak, chocolate, whistle and nightlight. "I'll be the best prepared," she thought confidently. The route plotted out for them was daunting but by no means beyond their abilities. The girls strode confidently along the banks of the Inn, past Innsbruck and into Liechtenstein waving cheerfully to the Schloss Vaduz overlooking the capital. "Almost lunchtime, girls," Matey called out. "As soon as we hit Davos." The girls were looking slightly bedraggled by now but soldiered on manfully. As they reached the ski resort town, Mary-Lou who had long ago decided she had overpacked surreptitiously tossed the whistle and nightlight down the mountain side. Lunch and a chance to rest. But not for long. "C'mon girls, up you get. Mary-Lou, is that yours? Pick it up." Mary-Lou looked in horror at the nightlight and whistle neatly laid out on the ground next to her. How the heck? She missed the grins that passed between Tom and Bride who had scrambled down the mountain, grabbed her things and raced back up before Matey had noticed. "Oh f****," Joey said cheerfully. "Someone give me a hand up." The girls continued to walk but it was obvious the weak were starting to tire. Soon, very soon, one would be eliminated. Mary-Lou bashed the other girls’ legs with her nightlight and stuffed her face with chocolate as they climbed up the Swiss Alps and down the other side, passed by towns and hamlets and finally walked into Geneva. "The UN building," Prudence sighed. "I'm going in. Surely this walk is against some kind of human rights convention." The girls hurried on leaving Prudence to run after them calling out "This is cruelty to girls! Look it says so right here." Walk, walk, walk, tramp, trap, tramp. As the Eiffel Tower came into view the girls slowly realised what the real challenge was. To stay alive. Prudence looked up toward the tower and swayed. Her eyesight blurred. Her legs buckled under her. She fell. The girls stood around and watched anxiously as Matey took her pulse. "Is she dead?" Joey shrieked. "Can we go home now?" *** |
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| Author: | Sarah [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:24 pm ] |
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I love it!
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:26 pm ] |
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Brilliant - thank you
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:31 pm ] |
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The mind boggles at the number of miles they walked before tea. Wonder how they are to get back, or are they doing a tour of Chalet School sites??? |
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| Author: | Mona [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:40 pm ] |
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Thank you, this is brilliant!
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| Author: | Jenefer [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:10 pm ] |
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Thank you this is wonderful after a stressful day at work |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:17 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce - really enjoying this
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:49 pm ] |
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This is brilliant, thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:13 pm ] |
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Love Joey's new word!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:47 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce! This is fab! |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:34 am ] |
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Brilliant. The mind boggles. Does the boggle mind? |
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| Author: | Smile :) [ Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:37 pm ] |
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This is fab Joyce
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| Author: | leahbelle [ Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:20 pm ] |
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Just caught up with this. It's fantastic! Thank you. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Fri Mar 28, 2008 6:29 pm ] |
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This is Brilliant. thanks Joyce. Haven't laughed so much for ages.
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| Author: | Kadi [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:25 am ] |
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This has been a great laugh. I can't wait for the next instalment. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:09 am ] |
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*** Five days later the girls gathered for the judging. "Girls now you have recovered from your little walk (the girls rolled their eyes at each other), we have to have to discuss the results of the first challenge," Madge said. "Unfortunately Prudence cannot be with us as she is still in hospital hooked to a life support system." The girls snickered then looked serious as Bill glared at them. "I am a little disappointed in all of you,” Hilda took over the tale. “The walk was supposed to take you to the English Channel for a little swim but after Prudence collapsed you all decided that was it and turned back. “There was nothing to stop the rest of you from going on but you could not find the strength to continue. That defeatist attitude will have to be conquered if you are to succeed as real Chalet girls." Madge looked at them all closely. The majority were looking down and Len was winking furiously as she tried not to cry. Bill nodded - the lesson had been driven home. The girls were starting to see what was really required of them to win. "Well, I am sure you will all try to do better in the next challenge which starts tomorrow. For now we will wish you good night," Bill said. "But ... the elimination?" Grizel asked. "Oh sorry. Prudence lost by default," Madge said. "She was told this just as she was taken away in the ambulance." VO confessional: Mary-Lou "I guess we deserved what she said. After all, we weren't told we could stop, we just assumed it. I am a bit disappointed in myself actually. The other girls are not a patch on me when it comes to swimming and I could have easily beaten them across the Channel." That night the 11 subdued girls went wearily to bed and Margia played the Moonlight Sonata to help them sleep. That act of courtesy saved her from having an apple pie bed made for her by Jack. Tired as they were they remembered to lock out Matey before dropping off to sleep. |
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| Author: | Liz K [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:22 am ] |
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Jennie wrote: Well, I'm not voting for OOAO, not unless it's to bury the hatchet - deep into her skull.
I'll hold her down, Jennie.......................................................
This is absolutely brilliant, can't wait for more. Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:25 am ] |
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Love the aside that they locked out Matey!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 12:07 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: ***
Tired as they were they remembered to lock out Matey before dropping off to sleep. *giggles* Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:00 pm ] |
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Loved the apple pie bed that wasn't, as well as lcoking out Matey
Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:49 pm ] |
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Thank you
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:09 pm ] |
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So considerate of them to inform Prudence she'd been eliminated while she was being rushed to hospital
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:18 pm ] |
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LOL!! It's very typical of OOAO to think she could have easily carried on. Looking forward to the next challenge! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 12:27 pm ] |
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The second challenge The next day the 11 girls came cheerfully down to breakfast to meet a grim faced Matey. "I suppose you all think you were smart," she said. The girls grinned - yes they did. "Well, it won’t happen again. The door will be taken off its hinges during the day." VO confessional: Jane "Oh well, it was good while it lasted." The girls went before the judging panel. "The last challenge was fairly easy to get you warmed up. But from now on it will get harder," Madge warned. "The second challenge starts today. "When the Chalet girls are not walking, they stay indoors and play paper games. So this afternoon you will be taken to the school room next door and given a special quiz to test how much you know on how a real Chalet girl thinks. Needless to say you will be on your honor not to discuss the questions or your answers." VO confessional: Daisy "It sounds easy, but then we thought the walk would be simple as well. I better brush up on my 'kate' words." VO confessional: Joey "Oh goody, goody, goody. I am f***ing good at these games. I ALWAYS win at home when we play Book Titles. Though I prefer Battleships, I just love taking Jem under." *** |
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| Author: | Sarah J [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 2:03 pm ] |
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This is great.
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:20 pm ] |
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This should be interesting
Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:08 pm ] |
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Wonder who is going to enlighten Joey as to the meaning of that word!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:37 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce - really enjoying this
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Wed Apr 02, 2008 10:09 pm ] |
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Looking forward to the quiz, I guess it won't be quite what they expect. at Joey.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 5:03 am ] |
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Longer post for the weekend - enjoy! That afternoon the girls walked into the school room and were handed a sheet of paper. On top was written "The Cosmo Quiz" "Cosmo?" said Jack. "Do you think they mean Cosmos? Stars and planets and things?" Mary-Lou looked bewildered. She thought she recognised the name but those sort of quizzes were not for normal girls were they? She didn’t read many magazines but vaguely remembered Verity coming home once waving a magazine and very excited because their friend Vi Lucy was on the cover. But didn't that magazine start with a 'P'? Well sitting here reminiscing was not going to get her very far. Mary-Lou read the first question: On the hot-sauce scale of sex appeal, how do you rate? Ketchup: Just a touch of tang will do you Salsa: mild and wild Tabasco: You leave every man's tongue burning Cream cakes – hard on the outside, soft and creamy on the inside. "Well, I like ketchup on hotdogs," Mary-Lou thought. "But then I love cream cakes as well." She wavered before putting tabasco. Needless to state she had no idea what sex appeal was but decided to simply ignore that fact. Question two is too rude to repeat here. Suffice to say that Joey misread it as "how often should you let a man get ahead?" and replied 'always'. She also earned a look of respect from Madge who understood ever after how Joey ended up with 11 children. Question 3: You pass by a bunch of guys at the gym and think: Dear God, please don't let me have sweat stains on the butt of my bike pants Maybe I'll ask one of them to spot me if he doesn't laugh at my 10-pound barbell Ooh, let's pull down that sports bra Are any of you doctors? Grizel was genuinely bewildered. "Why do people need to go to a gym? What's wrong with a set of tennis or a run round a hockey field, colliding with a few ankles along the way? And surely the best way to meet a doctor is to fall off a cliff?" Grizel finally went with 'sports bra' thinking it was a new type of racket. Question 4: If you wanted to break the ice with a guy on an airplane, you'd probably say: "That looks like a great book ..." "So tell me, are you a member of the mile-high club too?" "Um, would you mind getting up so I can go to the bathroom?" Plane? Not a sausage. Margia sighed. This was a lot harder than she thought and completely different from what she anticipated. Looking around she wondered if she dared ask another girl what the mile-high club was. Even better, if they get her into it. Question 5: What sign would make you want to stop flirting with someone at a party? A placard across his chest that says, "I'm gay. Go away!" -- but that's about it If he nervously laughs and starts tapping his cup When you touch him on the arm to emphasize a point, he flinches a little He says “I’m not a doctor.” "Gay," Tom thought. "Like me. But why would he want you to go away just because he's feeling happy?" Tom finally went with the third option after remembering that more than one person had backed away after feeling her manly handshake. Question 6: Do you ever play around with guys you're totally not interested in (male friends, coworkers)? Yeah, why not? -- it's just harmless, horny fun ... and they aren't complaining! Nah -- you wouldn't want to give anyone the wrong idea. Sometimes, but only if you can tell the guy doesn't see it as a "Lezz get it on" call. Only if they ‘slip me a dose’ "What the heck does 'get it on' mean?" Bride thought. "Get what on exactly?" Bride decided the question was unanswerable but went to the dictionary in the front of the room anyway. She needed to look up 'horny'. Question 7: The three flirting props you'd pick to win over a guy: Your three sexy friends -- they're much smoother at chatting up guys than you are Smiles + wicked joke + black dress Cleavage top, coy stares and a lollipop Copy of a Josephine Bettany book, brolly and fine box. Jack frowned. The one time she had spoken to a strange man she had asked him how large his carburetor was. His answer was … unusual. She finally went with the first option. The unnamed man she had spoken to seemed the type to enjoy a foursome. Question 8: Nobody at work comments on your new do. You: Blurt out "Notice anything new?" Feel relieved...you hate attention Would have preferred some compliments but don't really care It’s OK – only the truly trendy can wear earphones. With no experience of being ignored, Mary-Lou look puzzled as she read this question. The day she went from Kenwigses to one plait the entire gang followed suit by the end of the day. It was only surprising that when her hair came out curly after a toboggan accident, that the rest didn’t go and knock themselves out with a tree branch as well. Question 9: When the toasts start at your friend's wedding, you: Stay mum....What if you mess up? Give a brief shout-out too Announce that you're moving in with your guy, and you also want to celebrate Chuck a piece of cake after the departing bride. Daisy realised to her dismay that the test was almost over and her morning's work was wasted. In true Chalet girl spirit she decided not to give in that easily and wrote 'start to procreate' at the bottom. Question 10: Your work meeting ends before you can contribute. You: Yell, "Wait! I have an idea..." Figure you'll chime in next time Memo your boss later on Joey was stunned. Since when were there options other than leaping in through the window to disrupt a meeting? Question 11: Fill in the blank: I demand attention from my family ____: At all times When I'm having a problem As infrequently as possible Jane burst into tears. “My family,” she sobbed. “Are so far away. And my mother…” The other girls rolled their eyes. Jane was such a drama queen. Question 12: You get photos back from a trip you took with your family. You: Email them to everyone you know Keep them to yourself Make a fun one of you and him into your screen saver at work Combine them in a photo album/large box and regale uninterested new girls with them ever after Copper felt breathless. In that one moment she had a flashback. Of herself. In a room. With a woman with strange things over her ears. And photos. Photos. Photos. And .. she … could … not ... get ... out Lucky question 13: You look at your engaged friends/family members and feel: Skeptical. Their blissfully married shelf life won’t last past the first pair of twins. Giddy. You're happy for them but not quite ready yourself Envious. I’ve found a doctor, it’s my turn already! Len wrinkled her brow. And pondered. And wrinkled again. Somehow she could not bring herself to give the third option. And that was the right answer – wasn’t it? Matey poked her head in. “Time’s up girls. Leave the papers on the desk at the front then come outside for a run round the garden.” The girls went outside all right but settled for a smoke and gossip session. Matey watched them and frowned – could she be losing her grip? *** |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:59 am ] |
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| Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:03 am ] |
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Oh wonderful!!! Love Joey's answer - and the respect from Madge because of it!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 8:03 am ] |
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Thanks
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:10 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:09 pm ] |
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Love Tom's misunderstanding of a man being gay!!!! |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:01 pm ] |
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LOL!!! Thanks, Joyce! |
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| Author: | Sal [ Sat Apr 05, 2008 10:43 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: With no experience of being ignored, Mary-Lou look puzzled as she read this question.
The day she went from Kenwigses to one plait the entire gang followed suit by the end of the day. It was only surprising that when her hair came out curly after a toboggan accident, that the rest didn’t go and knock themselves out with a tree branch as well.
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Mon Apr 07, 2008 1:40 am ] |
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Being a real Chalet Girl I didn't understand those questions. No really. 
It's not the weekend anymore, can we have an updates? |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Mon Apr 07, 2008 3:50 pm ] |
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Brilliant Joyce. *giggling over OOAO's "do" thoughts* |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:37 pm ] |
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Elimination. Da dum! “Well girls, we’ve looked through your answers and were quite surprised at some of the answers,” Bill said. “I will also be recommending specialized therapists to a few of you after this session.” She looked significantly at Jane and Copper. “There was however one test that we had particular problems with. Bride, please step forward.” Bride quaked and took a step forward. “A true Chalet girl knows how to do spot quizzes at a moment’s notice but even with the morning to prepare, you fell apart. “Even though it was a multiple choice quiz you gave us long rambling answers with extra padding. And while it is true that a rhino has a horn, that is not exactly what ‘horny’ means. ‘I would also strongly recommend you get help for your Peggy complex. Writing ‘Peggy, Peggy, Peggy’ down the side of your test over and over shows a very unhealthy type of sisterly love. “I’m sorry, but you are out.” Bride nodded feeling numb. She hugged the other girls and left the room even her short brown hair looking dejected. VO confessional: Bride. “I’m really really disappointed. After all that effort to get out from Peggy’s shadow, I’m still not a winner. “I have no choice now but to return to the Quadrant and face the fact I lost. At least Peggy has married her Prince and moved to Transylvania so she won’t be there to gloat. “But I have Mauve to be strong for – maybe I can help her win the next season of Top Chalet Girl.” (NB. Mauve did indeed appear in a later season of Top Chalet girl and carved ‘Bride, Bride, Bride on her bedstead. She was eliminated when she tried to do the same with blowtorch on the wall of a wooden chalet. The curse of the Bettany girls continued.) |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:29 pm ] |
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Poor Bride. And love that Copper and Jane are going to need therapy.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:42 pm ] |
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Only Copper and Jane need therapy!!! The writer of the quiz also needs therapy, but I think every one taking part will need therapy by the end of the contest!! 
:rofl:
:rofl:
::rofl:
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:03 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: (NB. Mauve did indeed appear in a later season of Top Chalet girl and carved ‘Bride, Bride, Bride on her bedstead. She was eliminated when she tried to do the same with blowtorch on the wall of a wooden chalet. The curse of the Bettany girls continued.)
Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | Vick [ Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:54 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:19 am ] |
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This is hysterical Joyce. Thanks! |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:36 pm ] |
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Therapy all round, I think!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Jennie [ Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:00 pm ] |
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They all need therapy. You have to be mad to take part. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Thu Apr 10, 2008 11:14 pm ] |
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| Though am disappointed you got rid of Bride
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:14 pm ] |
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[u]The third challenge [/u] During the three day break between challenges the girls amused themselves in various ways – Joey played with her hair and perfected her ‘Napolean’ stance; Tom left flowers and poems on Daisy’s pillow, Daisy developed a mysterious rash from poison ivy left on her pillow; Copper was taken to a therapist to confront her fear of photos; Jack washed cars and Jane tried not to feel jealous. But by the fourth day, all the girls were ready for the third challenge. “Girls,” Abbess said. “It’s time for makeovers.” The girls squealed and jump around clapping and laughing. Bill grinned at the Abbess – they won’t be so happy when they realize what we are doing to them. The girls were taken to a salon where Madge took out a large book of hair and makeup styles. In the background a sinister looking man clicked large shears. “Now Joey – your hair is such a mess we’ve decided to rid you of it. You’re going bald.” The man leered while Joey did her Napolean impression and tried to be brave. “Len, your ponytail is just too retro. You’re getting a pink Mohawk.” Len looked for the exit. “Mary-Lou, we are keeping the curls but going long - you’ll have the goldilocks look.” Mary-Lou shrugged. She figured if she hated it, another accident would come along sooner or later and give her a new look. “Grizel, you’re going red.” Madge had no idea why. She just decided to mess with Grizel’s head. “Tom, the boyish look is not bad but you need to take it further. We’re giving you a mullet.” Tom, having no idea what this was, decided to give the fish a try. In the corner Jack was taking apart a hair dryer. “Jack, leave that and come here. We are giving you very white-blond hair. It needs a lot of work though – touchups every 13 days will be needed. Decide whether you can commit to your hair to that extent.” Jack nodded. She had managed to get the dryer to suck rather than blow and was too preoccupied watching the results to care. “Jane, we are giving you a layered shag hairstyle with straightened hair.” You know the Rachel? It was originally called the Jane. “Copper, as your hair has already caused problems for you – it’s time to go golden blond.” Copper looked horrified. Now what would she do for a nickname – Blondie? “Margia, we are going to plait your hair in cornrows with beads.” It was a pity that in later years, Margia was to play all over the world EXCEPT in Acapulco. “And finally Daisy, we are going to unplait your hair and iron it straight.” In the background came the strains of a boy band harmonizing. “Good luck girls! We’ll see you soon.” *** |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:21 pm ] |
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| Author: | Elbee [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:37 pm ] |
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oh dear
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Jennie [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:13 pm ] |
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Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Mona [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:21 pm ] |
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| Author: | Lexi [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:04 pm ] |
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Someone's been watching too much America's Next Top Model!
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:33 pm ] |
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Fantastic! Can't wait for the results. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:03 pm ] |
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Thanks that is evil. 
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Apr 11, 2008 7:21 pm ] |
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Wonder how much trouble that hairdryer will cause... Love Tom's crush and Daisy's poison ivy.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Sat Apr 12, 2008 9:04 am ] |
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This is GENIUS!!! |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:40 am ] |
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Would love to see what they all look like with new hairdos
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| Author: | wheelchairprincess [ Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:30 am ] |
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I have just stayed up entirely too late reading this - and I don't care! I agree with whoever said that this is Genius ~ Because it is! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 1:44 pm ] |
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little bit more... *** One by one the girls had their hair washed and got ready for their new looks. Joey’s hair came off with a single snap as she tried not to wince in pain. “Remember Napoleon,” she told herself sternly. “Be a Napoleon.” The bald look had the effect of making her large black eyes look even larger until she was mistake for an alien. All she had to do was dye herself green. In the corner, Grizel was arguing. “Why would I want I want holy water you silly man,” she shrieked. “I want plain old hot water.” “Is there a problem here?” Madge asked. “Grizel, you will take whatever shampoo you are given.” Grizel gave in, grit her teeth and put up with being blessed. The fiery red hair which she really liked made up for it somewhat. Over at the ironing board, Daisy screamed when she saw the steam rising from the iron. “Daisy I’m coming,” Tom yelled, delighted that her ‘rescue’ fantasy was coming true. She crashed through the suck/blow dryer, leaped over several tables and mirrors and nearly impaled herself on a pair of cutting shears. “Tom, I am fine,” Daisy said, trying to look up from the board she was leaning over. “Please just go away.” Tom went sulking back to her hairdresser but ended up with half a mullet when she lost patience half way through and decided she did not want to win that badly. Finally it was over and the girls gathered together at the end and tried very hard not to laugh or indeed cry when they saw each other. “Girls, you look lovely!” Madge said clapping her hands. “Now we have a surprise for you. Tonight we will be having a party for you all to show off your new looks. “When you return to your rooms you will find two sheets and pillowcases on your beds and from them we would like you to make a dress that you think best expresses your new style.” The girls looked at each other. What the hell? Tom thought. |
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| Author: | Mona [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 1:49 pm ] |
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| Author: | Liz K [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 2:23 pm ] |
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Good job I'm sitting on my own reading this, people would be wondering what I'm grinning at! |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 2:25 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Quote: The bald look had the effect of making her large black eyes look even larger until she was mistake for an alien. All she had to do was dye herself green.
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 3:46 pm ] |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 4:40 pm ] |
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Well the outfits should be good! Love Joey's new look.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:29 pm ] |
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Just caught up = Love the hairstyles - Thanks
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| Author: | Smile :) [ Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:33 pm ] |
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Love the hairstyles, thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 3:12 pm ] |
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Back at the chalet, the girls gathered up the sheet, pillowcases and sewing kits and retired to the lounge room to sew. Except Copper who collapsed in tears on her bed and the girls left her to have her cry out. “I hate sewing,” Len grumbled. “And I really hate my hair. I mean, PINK?!” There were sighs of relief around the room. “Oh thank God I am not the only one,” Jane said. “I look ridiculous. No serious actress would be caught dead with hair like this.” “I like my straight hair,” Daisy admitted. “But it needs so much care. When am I going to find time to iron it every night?” “I have to dye my hair almost every night,” Jack said. “And it’s so white I am practically glowing.” “Well, I HAVE NO HAIR,” Joey practically screamed. “I look f*** stupid. In fact, I’ve decided that will be the theme of my dress.” The other girls nodded. They all thought Joey looked f*** stupid as well. The sewing continued in silence until Tom, in a fit of conscience and because it doesn’t take long to make a dress for half a mullet, went upstairs to try and persuade Copper to join them. Copper came down and started sewing but continued to sob at intervals for the rest of the afternoon. She decided on a Barbie doll executive dress with matching accessories to go along with Daisy’s Barbie doll Malibu theme. Mary-Lou had decided on a fairy tale dress of flowing tresses thinking she may as take the Goldilocks look to the extreme. Len sprayed ‘think pink’ up and down her sheets and managed to make a very cute perky hat to match. In the corner Margie was struggling. “I have no idea what this is meant to be” she muttered to herself. “My hair is plaited so I may as well twist the sheets around me and leave it at that. “It’s bad enough to have to make dresses but then we have to walk around in it as well. What is this – America’s Next Top Model?” Margia finally gave up in despair. The sheets and pillowcases were discarded and, as always when she felt bad, she sat down at the piano. The gentle sound of Fur Elise wove its way over to the other girls and they listened in silent appreciation. When she was done Grizel took over and it was obvious she should never have been allowed near a keyboard. “Ummm, Grizel,” Joey said hesitatingly. “Have you ever considered the piano is not for you?” Grizel shrugged. “My father made me learn. I hated it really but he withheld all funds and I had no choice but to agree to take up music as a career.” “Ever heard of a bank? Low interest loan?” Copper said scornfully. “Of course I have,” Grizel snarled. “But what type of bank lends money to a girl straight out of school? “And when I was older, the only thing I was trained to do was teach music. I hated every second of it – listening to generations of girls thumping away on wrong keys, knowing that they hated me as much as I hated them was a nightmare. “My father ruined my life. Well, I’ll pay him back one day!” Grizel’s face twisted into a sneer of pure poison. The other girls quietly returned to their sewing. All of them sitting just a little bit further away from Grizel. Sharp scissors, you know. |
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| Author: | lizziearrnet [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 4:26 pm ] |
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i do love this....lots...cheers me up a great day after an awful day at work! dare i ask for some more..... |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 5:48 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 6:18 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce I think that it will an interesting evening. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Apr 22, 2008 7:25 pm ] |
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Go Grizel - get him!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Wed Apr 23, 2008 4:38 am ] |
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Having just returned from the beautician I don't know if Joey knows how much pain no hair involves... |
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Wed Apr 23, 2008 5:59 pm ] |
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Thanks, Joyce. I would love to be able to see them all with their funny hairstyles - especially a bald Joey! I'm sure it made a change from her earphones!
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Wed Apr 23, 2008 9:43 pm ] |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:35 pm ] |
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I have just discovered this... next time I won't be reading it in a public library!
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| Author: | arky72 [ Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:38 pm ] |
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This is fantastic - soooooo funny! |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Thu Apr 24, 2008 8:02 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Tara [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 12:01 am ] |
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Don't know how I've managed to miss this - it's totally hysterical! Love Jack and the dryer. And will no-one warn Joey against her new word!
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:47 am ] |
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That night the chalet glowed with colorful lights and hummed with music as the girls danced and chattered. The judges arrived and congratulated them all on their hard work as they twirled around the room, striking poses at odd intervals. A few of course managed to get tangled up when sheets started to unwind but it was all in good fun. Bill did wonder how Tom managed to entwine Daisy into such a tight embrace, but as Daisy looked more bemused than annoyed, she let it alone. Jack had sprayed her sheets with glow white and was almost invisible as a result. In the end she borrowed some of Len’s spray and left a trail of pink after her. They sat down to dinner which was at least edible starting with a choice of eggs with Osetra Caviar; duo of Foie Gras glazed with strawberry and served with a brochette of pickled vegetables; Foie Gras Ravioli or Frog’s Legs with pear vodka. This was followed by a choice of Bay Scallops; Prime Beef Tenderloin and Foie Gras or Berkshire Pork spiced honey glazed cheeks with red cabbage, rhubarb apple ravioli. A massively laden desert cart was then rolled around followed by the cigar box. And while Madge was somewhat shocked at the amount of alcohol the girls put away she generously allowed they had had a strenuous time lately. “Oh this is the life,” Grizel said leaning back and blowing smoke rings. “Joey, look out. You almost set fire to me!” “Oh really?” Joey growled, still pissed off about her hair and the rich food she had just consumed. “Better roll me in a blanket then.” “I’ll find something better to roll you in if you don’t watch it,” Grizel said glaring. “Girls please!” Abbess interjected at this point. “If this is the affect a good meal has on you, we’ll put you back on cream cakes and lemonade.” Under the horrified looks of the other girls, Joey and Grizel subsided. “Well, I think you have all done a wonderful job,” Madge cooed. “But tomorrow will be the judging so better get to bed now.” The girls politely bade the judges good night and went to bed. After a scolding by Matron who found fault with the mess they left in the bathroom, Joey and Grizel became friends again. And Matey found herself mysteriously locked out on the balcony when she went to check the snail tracks on the window. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:56 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: And Matey found herself mysteriously locked out on the balcony when she went to check the snail tracks on the window
wonderful
Am really enjoying this - thanks Joyce
*giggles hysterically* |
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| Author: | Elle [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 10:26 pm ] |
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Tara wrote: Don't know how I've managed to miss this - it's totally hysterical!
Same here! This is fabulous, I have just read it all the way through and I am already looking forwards to the next bit. Thanks Joyce! |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 10:59 pm ] |
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Quote: “Joey, look out. You almost set fire to me!” “Oh really?” Joey growled ... “Better roll me in a blanket then.” Quote: “If this is the affect a good meal has on you, we’ll put you back on cream cakes and lemonade.” Quote: And Matey found herself mysteriously locked out on the balcony when she went to check the snail tracks on the window.
Wonderful, Joyce. Thanks so much. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:41 pm ] |
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Love that last line!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 6:48 am ] |
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hi guys, glad that you are enjoying the story. little bit more cos I was in a writing mood. Cheers, Joyce Elimination. Dee dum! “Girls, we were very impressed last night,” Madge began. “We know it was not easy to get such drastic makeovers but most of you handled it with grace and Napoleonic-like dignity.” Joey smiled. So they HAD noticed. “However, one of you does have to be eliminated and there was one who we felt did not really get into the spirit of the challenge. “Margia, please step forward.” Margia did with a grimace as her cornrows were hurting. “While your hair is indeed twisted, your dress should have showed more originality,” Bill said sternly. “You could have done a Mexican beach theme or even a rapper look if you wanted to be more daring. “You chose the easy way out and because of that, I’m sorry but you are eliminated.” Margia nodded, she was expecting it and at least now she could get her hair out of the pathetic plaits. The other girls said good bye with real regret. They would miss her playing. VO Confessional: Margia “Well, I am disappointed but mostly I will miss the girls. I would just like to give a special message to Grizel – you CAN’T play! Tell your dad that he should get off your back and let you have your own life. “Well, I’m off to audition for Europe’s Next Top Composer.” (N.B. Margie did indeed win Europe’s Next Top Composer and went on to win many awards for her songs and compositions. Which just goes to show – one reality show’s trash is another reality show’s hall of famer) |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 6:58 am ] |
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Good for Margia - and love her message for Grizel!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 8:49 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: one reality show’s trash is another reality show’s hall of fame
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Mona [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 9:04 am ] |
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Love Margia's message to Grizel!
Thanks! |
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| Author: | Elle [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 3:33 pm ] |
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Nice! Thanks for the update. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 9:39 pm ] |
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Thanks, though you are getting rid of my favourites early. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:44 pm ] |
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Good for Margia - she sounds very relieved! Rather sorry for Grizel .
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Mon Apr 28, 2008 7:51 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: (N.B. Margie did indeed win Europe’s Next Top Composer and went on to win many awards for her songs and compositions. Which just goes to show – one reality show’s trash is another reality show’s hall of famer)
Loving this Joyce. Even if my colleagues think I'm weird. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Mon Apr 28, 2008 6:41 pm ] |
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Thanks I think the ones who get out will be relieved in the long run. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:05 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce, this just keeps getting better. Can't wait to see what the next challenge is. |
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| Author: | Liz K [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 9:17 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce, this is great. Good job I've got a counter to duck down behind so I can have a giggle.
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| Author: | Joyce [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:04 pm ] |
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and it's on to the next challenge .... The fourth challenge Over the next few days, the nine remaining girls tried to get used to their new hair. Some enjoyed playing with different hairstyles and shapes while others gave up completely. But after Daisy left the iron plugged in face down on the ironing board, the girls begged her over the sound of the fire engine sirens to just leave her hair alone. Jack however, had the most fun, realizing that hair streaked white could also be streaked many other colors and decided to experiment. The result was … well, let’s just say it would be hard to lose her in a crowd. Tom shaved her head. The mullet was just not her. And she was feeling jealous of the number of times the other girls were running their hands over Joey’s chrome dome. But then the morning of the fourth challenge dawned, banishing all hair related concerns. “Girls,” the Abbess said. “Madge is not feeling well so I will be in charge of the judging panel for the next challenge. “A true Chalet girl knows how to cook and cooking lessons are an integral part of every Chaletian’s education. Today you will all be given a recipe and given the afternoon to produce it. I don’t say that every recipe is for food – some won’t be. But every girl will be tested on how well she follows the instructions given, her cooperation with the other girls in the kitchen and, of course, the end result.” What the Abbess forgot however was that while every Chalet girl was taught to cook, that did not mean every girl cooked well. What the girls forgot, was they had thought the other challenges were going to be easy as well. *** |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:38 pm ] |
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Quote: Today you will all be given a recipe and given the afternoon to produce it. I don’t say that every recipe is for food – some won’t be.
What the girls forgot, was they had thought the other challenges were going to be easy as well. I can fore see FUN
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:55 pm ] |
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Echoes Pauline
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| Author: | Emma A [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:29 pm ] |
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I dread to think what Joyce will come up with next
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| Author: | Lesley [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:30 pm ] |
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Wonder what the recipes will be for then? Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Wed Apr 30, 2008 6:57 pm ] |
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A cooking episode. This should be fun
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Thu May 01, 2008 12:12 am ] |
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The mind veritably boggles ! This should, indeed, be fun
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu May 01, 2008 2:54 pm ] |
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Oh dear.... mind also boggling
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Thu May 01, 2008 8:35 pm ] |
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Oh dear, what are they going to come up with 
I can't imagine that the cooking will go smoothly!
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat May 03, 2008 6:11 am ] |
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That afternoon the girls gathered, properly aproned with an air of eager expectation. Abbess’ hint that the recipes wouldn’t necessarily be food had interested them. All morning supplies had been arriving in the kitchen in front of the wide-eyed girls, though the large pig complete with head still attached had a few of them taking a running leap backwards. Now all round them they could see a wide range of fruit, sacks of flour, oatmeal and salt and there was even a smell of rosewater and nutmeg in the air. The girls appeared in the kitchen with hair neatly tied up (where possible) and properly aproned. The Abbess appeared holding two large chef’s hats. “OK girls,” she said. “To make this fair I will draw your names at random out of this hat and then the girl in question will draw a recipe at random from this hat,” she said beaming all round. It had taken her all night to work out this selection method and was very proud of it. But the girls simply nodded warily. “All right then,” the Abbess snapped annoyed at their lack of appreciation. “First up – Jane Carew.” Jane stepped forward and took her sweet time selecting a recipe. “Oh get on with it,” Jack said sharply. She knew damn well Jane was trying to avoid the pig as they had all decided that was easily the worse one to get. One by one the other girls selected a recipe some looking scared, others amused and relieved while the grim look on Grizel’s face told them all who had got the pig. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Sat May 03, 2008 7:05 am ] |
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Brilliant, thanks Joyce. Can't wait to see what happens with the pig. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Sat May 03, 2008 1:32 pm ] |
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Brilliant Joyce, such a lot to catch up with. Looking forward to whatever the pig recipe is & also intrigued by the hint that some recipes are non-food. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat May 03, 2008 2:19 pm ] |
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Wonder why a problem with a pig? Sausages, bacon, ham, pork...... Love the Abbess being upset no-one appreciated her efforts.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat May 03, 2008 2:35 pm ] |
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Maybe there's a recipe for something to feed the pig? Thanks Joyce, this is hilarious
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sat May 03, 2008 6:59 pm ] |
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Or may be it is braun, made with a pigs head!!!!!
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Sat May 03, 2008 9:59 pm ] |
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I'm loving the thought of the pig in the kitchen! |
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Sat May 03, 2008 11:06 pm ] |
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Maybe the pig will turn out to be the simplest one. I was amused at Hilda taking all night to come up with the idea of drawing names out of a hat
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sat May 03, 2008 11:18 pm ] |
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And then being miffed because the girls weren't agog with admiration! Great fun, thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sun May 04, 2008 1:25 pm ] |
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Thanks, though am intrigued by the pig like everyone else |
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| Author: | Sal [ Sun May 04, 2008 2:31 pm ] |
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Loving this Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Mon May 05, 2008 4:14 am ] |
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Maybe they are going to do a Nativity play next. Grizel's cooking should be perfect for the obligatory medievil manor scene. Joey's contribution naturally will be her golden voice... The boar's head in hand bear I, Bedeck'd with bays and rosemary. I pray you, my masters, be merry Quot estis in convivio ...wanders off humming |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue May 06, 2008 3:21 pm ] |
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hi, I must say I am intrigued by the fact that, judging by some of the comments, some of you think the pig is still alive! Let me state for the record that the pig is most definitely dead.
And now to cooking .... Cheers, Joyce The girls started with a run towards the storage cupboards with Joey leaving with armfuls of sherry, Jack running off with bottles of sack that Madge had somehow managed to source from a rundown castle and Mary-Lou accidentally spilling rosewater all over the floor before finally managing the juggle the glass bottle on top of her other ingredients. In the corner Grizel was dragging the pig onto a tray. “Humph!” she said, finally slamming the pig onto a massive tray that took up half the table. In fact Grizel had an entire table to herself partly because she needed the space for all the goat’s cheese, chestnuts, ginger, cloves and 24 egg yolks etc she needed, and partly because the other girls could not bear to look the pig in the eye. Grizel took a massive swig of wine out of the bottle by her side and started to chop up the pig’s liver. Daisy was humming as she gently boiled and strained calendula, rosemary, nettle, orange peel, comfrey and chamomile together. The scent was delightful and Daisy was very pleased with the way her recipe for herbal shampoo was coming together. As she slowly added drops of lavender and jojoba oil, Daisy jumped at the sound of sniffing behind her. “Oh hi Tom,” she said leaping back slightly as the other girl’s face appeared at her shoulder. “What are you up to?” “That’s smells great Daisy!” Tom said enthusiastically. “Can I try it?” Before Daisy could stop her Tom had taken a spoon and dipped it into the mixture. “Mmmmm….” Tom said licking the spoon. Daisy looked bemused as Tom turned away to hide the look of disgust on her face while, nearby, Copper scoffed. Tom decided to turn back to her own recipe which was actually one of the easiest of the lot. All she had to do was combine salt, bluing, water and ammonia and pour it over small pieces of rock in a shallow glass bowl. Food colouring was dripped over the top and Tom looked proudly at the result though she had no idea what on earth it was meant to be. Unfortunately the speed with which she was done meant that Tom had time to walk round the room to interf… help the other girls. She threw a heaped handful of sugar into Daisy’s concoction when noone was looking. “I hope that helps it taste better,” Tom thought anxiously moving towards Joey. Joey was getting very red and giggly as she mixed cinnamon, sugar and cocoa in a bowl before turning to a larger bowl where cake mix, eggs, oil, nutmeg and pudding mix were waiting for her. “Sherry,” she thought hiccupping. She held up the half-empty bottle and frowned. “Oh well,” she thought before throwing the lot into the bowl before mixing vigorously. “Tom!” Jane yelled out frantically. “Your … your … thing is coming to life!” she screamed hysterically pointing at the bowl where sure enough something very strange was happening. Tom poked at the things in the bowl and turned back to the recipe. “Crystals will start growing soon. You'll probably want to place dish on a tray or wooden board as crystals grow over the sides of the bowl,” she read. Tom found a spare tray and rescued the crystals but added water which had the unfortunate effect of making the crystals reproduce in even greater profusion. For the rest of the afternoon the other girls watched amused as Tom’s crystals grew out of control and she was forced to start pruning with a pair of dangerous looking scissors. Len was enjoying herself. She had also selected a very easy recipe with salt, water and flour being the main components. She had produced a wonderful playdough and was now using a wide assortment of cookie cutters to cut and shape ornaments. Thinking quite rightly that there had to be an ulterior motive to the easy recipe she had selected, Len started painting her ornaments with scenes from rural England with girls romping round a maypole and sheep escaping from fenced-in hills. A delightful shipwreck scene swirled over a star was to receive plaudits from the judges later on. Across the table Mary-Lou the ambitious had met her match. Though her homemade deodorant cream had turned out beautifully, the stick form required was proving difficult. She rolled and molded. The mass fell apart in her hands. She frowned and tried again. The mass refused to stay together. She swore under the breath and pounded furiously. The mass again fell back onto the tray. Looking desperate now, Mary-Lou grabbed a candle and molded the mixture around it. “There!” she said triumphantly as the mass finally stayed stuck together. VO confessional: Len “Noone in their right mind would want to shove the large lethal-looking candle beneath their armpits. Though if Mary-Lou doesn’t want it afterwards I’ll get it for Reg. It’ll make a nice wedding gift and he’ll accept any old garbage from me.” In the corner Grizel had reached the exciting part. The pig had been stuffed perfectly and sewed up with butcher's twine. The ears, snout and tail had been covered with cooking foil and now it was time to shove it in the oven. Grizel heaved it in, slammed the door shut and sank back wearily on her bench, taking another swig from the bottle in her hand. A smell of burning wafted through the air. “Joey!” came a united cry. Smoke was billowing out of Joey’s oven with a strong smell of sherry. “What .. what,” Joey said startled out of her stupor. “Oh f***” She took out the blackened mass and dumped it in the garbage. “Joey, turn off the oven!” Len yelled leaping forward to do so. “For heaven’s sake woman!” Joey nodded slightly as she stumbled towards the storage cupboard for more sher… ingredients. The other girls rolled their eyes at each other and continued working. Jane was having fun. She had made a great tray of haute canine doggie mixture and was now busy cutting them into fun shapes scorning the suggestion in the recipe that they be put into bone shapes. “How boring,” she thought cutting them into little kitties, squirrels with fluffy tails and ground-churning moles. Though the piece de resistance was easily a large town called Doggydom complete with village green made of kitty litter, a church with edible steeple and a large windmill. Though even Jane admitted this last was more a showpiece than anything practical. Jack had been rather quiet all afternoon. She hated cookery and she had selected a rather alcoholic recipe. The fumes from the gooseberry wine and sack were making her dizzy and more than once she nearly passed out. The sack posset she was being asked to make was also extremely difficult. “What on earth does ‘set it upon a hot harth’ mean?” she thought. In the end Jack was left to frantically throw everything together in a bowl and pray. Fortunately for her, the amount of alcohol and double cream she had put in all but ensured the judges were so befuzzled that they ended up passing her. Once they had sampled her posset … several times. The afternoon wore on and one by one the girls finished. Len hung her ornaments around the room while Tom put the final touches to her large crystal display which looked uncannily like Daisy. Grizel was still busily basting hours later while Joey managed to ruin yet another cake but did not seem to care. Len was stoically standing next to Joey’s oven armed with a fire extinguisher after the girls had been horrified to hear an explosion as Joey accidentally placed the sherry bottle rather than her cake in the oven. By 7pm the kitchen was looking as immaculate as when they had started though the acrid smell of smoking cake, sherry, rosewater and pig would take a while to clear. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue May 06, 2008 6:45 pm ] |
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Love Len's comment especially about her mother Quote: “Joey, turn off the oven!” Len yelled leaping forward to do so. “For heaven’s sake woman!” and Reg Quote: "Noone in their right mind would want to shove the large lethal-looking candle beneath their armpits. Though if Mary-Lou doesn’t want it afterwards I’ll get it for Reg. It’ll make a nice wedding gift and he’ll accept any old garbage from me.”
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Tue May 06, 2008 7:10 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Len was stoically standing next to Joey’s oven armed with a fire extinguisher after the girls had been horrified to hear an explosion as Joey accidentally placed the sherry bottle rather than her cake in the oven.
Brilliant!
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| Author: | Emma A [ Tue May 06, 2008 8:01 pm ] |
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I hope Grizel gets extra points for cooking the pig so well! These challenges are fantastic - though I think Len and Jane might have scored bonus points for the Chalet-ness of their decorations! |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue May 06, 2008 8:03 pm ] |
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With that amount of alcohol around I'm surprised any of them were upright at the end!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Tue May 06, 2008 9:05 pm ] |
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I can't stop laughing! Thanks, Joyce! |
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Tue May 06, 2008 9:25 pm ] |
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Love the different ways they have risen (or not) to the challenge. Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Tue May 06, 2008 9:44 pm ] |
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Joyce this is brilliant, can't stop laughing
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue May 06, 2008 9:57 pm ] |
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*hooting with laughter* Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | MHE [ Tue May 06, 2008 10:56 pm ] |
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Another who's hooting with laughter. Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Wed May 07, 2008 11:57 am ] |
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Brilliant, thank you, Joyce! It just seems like a normal CS dommy sci lesson...
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| Author: | Caty [ Wed May 07, 2008 12:47 pm ] |
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Glad I only found this now. So much more to read at one go. Thanks Joyce. If it was an evil reality show, Thekla & Betty Wynne Davis would be making an appearance sometime soon.........
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| Author: | Elle [ Wed May 07, 2008 2:48 pm ] |
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I am so glad I am alone when I read this, the high pitched squeals coming from my nose would probably make passing people think I am having a fit! Fantastic updates, thank you. |
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| Author: | Mez [ Thu May 08, 2008 9:04 am ] |
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I'd like to add my thanks. This is inspired! I found it when I was busy writing a very large assignment and decided to take a breather. It was the best break I had! Thank you, can't wait for the next instalment. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu May 08, 2008 3:47 pm ] |
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Brilliant! I think this is the best bit so far!
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| Author: | Tara [ Thu May 08, 2008 11:50 pm ] |
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Love Jane's Doggydom creation and am chuckling at the mayhem. I, too, would have avoided looking that pig in the eye and, um ... shouldn't she have taken the head off before cooking it???
Lovely, Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Fri May 09, 2008 2:47 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat May 10, 2008 6:37 am ] |
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*** Madge and the Abbess entered to look at the end results. They circled the room slowly. A slight smile was given to Jane, an approving nod to Len, a frown to Mary-Lou, while Tom’s sculpture received mild looks of horror. Copper, who had managed to produce a selection of delicious Oriental Delights sweets, was given a beaming smile. The pig however was clearly the star of the show as judges and girls alike looked hungrily at the perfect crackling. “Joey, what is this?” Madge asked holding up a pan in which a half-cooked cake was still bubbling away. “Bundt sherry cake,” Joey mumbled giving up all hope of not being eliminated. A scream rang out and the girls whipped round to look at the doorway where a furious Bill came flying in the room, soaking wet, towels flying every which way while her hair seemed to be stuck together. “Daisy,” she spluttered almost incoherent with anger. “What … was… in… that…. shampoo?” Daisy turned pale and tried to hide while Tom looked at the ceiling whistling. Madge picked up what remained of Daisy’s herbal shampoo and smelled it. Then tasted it. She turned slowly. “Daisy, what on earth possessed you to add sugar?” “I…I didn’t,” Daisy stammered. Then, overcome by the sight of Bill’s hair sticking out in wild tufts, she started laughing. Bill’s face turned even redder. “That’s it!” she shrieked. “No need for a judging – Daisy you are eliminated!” VO Confessional: Daisy still laughing. “I don’t care, I really don’t. The sight of Bill is enough to keep me amused for years to come. She looked like one of the witches from Macbeth. “Judging by Tom’s antics I think she was the one who added the sugar. But she gave me the crystal sculpture to make up for it. I just need to find a garden large enough to put it in.” That night the girls feasted on roast pork, finishing off with Copper’s sweets and the rest of the wine and sherry before tipsily retiring to bed. |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Sat May 10, 2008 6:43 am ] |
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This is brilliant!- Thanks
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat May 10, 2008 8:39 am ] |
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Poor Daisy - hope Tom is suitably ashamed. At least Daisy wasn't that upset - and Joey lives to fight another day!
Thanks Joyce *Giggles at Bill* |
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| Author: | Rosalin [ Sat May 10, 2008 8:43 am ] |
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Glad Daisy was amused by her eviction although I imagine Tom will be regretting trying to help her. Love the picture of Bill
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sat May 10, 2008 11:57 am ] |
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I think Daisy would be relieved rather than sorry to be evicted. Joey did not deserve to stay though. |
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| Author: | Liz K [ Sat May 10, 2008 3:54 pm ] |
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This is getting better and better, can't wait for the next instalment. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat May 10, 2008 5:04 pm ] |
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*giggles madly* high spots: - “Bundt sherry cake,” - - Bill & the shampoo - - Pig roasted to perfection - - Tom's crystal needing a large garden to keep it in - - Daisy's amusement at being booted out - - most of the rest of it really -
Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Sat May 10, 2008 8:52 pm ] |
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Another great update, thanks, Joyce!
I love the idea of Bill looking like one of the witches from 'Macbeth', and that Daisy was kicked out just for laughing! She was obviously never taught: "One does not make fun of one's Headmistresses".
I wonder who will go next
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Sat May 10, 2008 9:48 pm ] |
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Fabulous post, thanks Joyce
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| Author: | jilianb [ Sat May 10, 2008 10:48 pm ] |
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Brilliant, thanks Joyce. Can't wait to see what the next challenge is. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue May 13, 2008 1:31 pm ] |
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It was hard to get rid of Daisy cos I really loved writing about Tom's very obvious crush on her.
And it's on to the next challenge ... Cheers, Joyce The fifth challenge The next day Tom was rather silent as the other girls hung round the chalet or walked off the effects of the potent dinner they had consumed the night before. VO confessional: Tom “I wondered whether to tell the judges. But Daisy seemed OK with me when I went in her room to give her the gift to make up. I guess I shouldn’t say anything. After all, a gentleman should never kiss and tell.” The day of the fifth challenge dawned crisp and clear and the girls were told to dress warmly and meet the judges outdoors underneath a set of pine trees. “Girls,” Madge said. “Facing life-threatening situations is all part and parcel of being a Chalet girl. In fact, so used are they to nearly dying that parents are reminded to take a photo of their child at the train station so they may have a final keepsake. “Today the challenge is simple – you will be asked to give a realistic portrayal of being grey, still and to all appearances dead. "And, in a special guest appearance, Naomi Elton will be joining the judging panel.” A lovely girl appeared from behind a tree. “Hello girls,” she said in a low voice. “I am glad to see you again.” The girls were stunned into silence at the sight of the girl they had dismissed as the ‘cripple’ standing straight and tall before them. “Amazing what modern drugs can do,” Joey muttered. “Well, you would know – the amount that Jack doses you,” Grizel retorted. “Enough girls,” Madge said firmly. “Now you all know what the challenge is. You have an hour to prepare.” Jane started doing deep breathing exercises while Tom looked in admiration at the way her rather large breasts rose and fell. Copper went off to the nearest chemist store while Jack and Joey got into the makeup cabinet and had a tussle over the grey cream. Mary-Lou disappeared to make a phone call. *** |
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| Author: | Elle [ Tue May 13, 2008 2:20 pm ] |
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*splutters loudly* Oh dear Tom, keep your eyes to yourself! |
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| Author: | CeliaV [ Tue May 13, 2008 3:08 pm ] |
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How do you manage to think of this?! It's great, and very funny. Thanks for the updates! |
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| Author: | Sal [ Tue May 13, 2008 3:31 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: In fact, so used are they to nearly dying that parents are reminded to take a photo of their child at the train station so they may have a final keepsake.
Thought the above was especialy brilliant, thanks Joyce
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue May 13, 2008 7:10 pm ] |
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Brilliant Joyce
Thanks |
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| Author: | keren [ Tue May 13, 2008 7:38 pm ] |
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Who is ML phoning? Margot to crash into her again?? |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Tue May 13, 2008 9:23 pm ] |
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Fantastic, thanks
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue May 13, 2008 9:38 pm ] |
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Love Grizel's comment! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | MHE [ Tue May 13, 2008 10:12 pm ] |
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Also wondering who ML is phoning |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed May 14, 2008 3:40 am ] |
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Brilliant! Too many giggle-making lines to mention
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu May 15, 2008 3:06 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: “Amazing what modern drugs can do,” Joey muttered.
“Well, you would know – the amount that Jack doses you,” Grizel retorted. ***
Too, too, funny! |
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Thu May 15, 2008 10:03 pm ] |
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This is still absolutely brilliant - thank you, Joyce! I love Tom's crushes, she seems to have gone beyond Daisy now, eyeing up almost every girl in sight. Not very Chalet-ish behaviour, nor gentleman-like,. although she may be behaving just like a man!
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat May 17, 2008 12:36 am ] |
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The girls reassembled under the trees within an hour. A special table had been brought out into the snow and the judges were seated behind it. Matey was also there armed with first aid kit in case of accidents. Copper went first. She flourished a pill and was about to bite into it when a united scream went up. “No, Copper!” “You're not actually [i]meant[/i] to die!” She looked around from the shocked faces of the girls to the cyanide pill she was holding. “We’re ….not?” she stammered. Then fainted dead away when the realization of how close she had come to being eliminated hit her. “Take her away,” Bill said exasperated. Matey hauled Copper up and gave her a fireman’s lift back to the chalet. While they were gone Jack and Joey had their turn. Both had unfortunately overdone the grey makeup and looked more tank-like than dead. Jack, who had also rubbed the stuff into her hair, ended up spending hours that night getting the sticky mixture out. One by one the other girls tried - Len tried her best and managed to look grey and still but could not manage dead; Tom wriggled at a strategic moment and earned a shake of the head from the judges while Grizel simply dropped to her knees looking bored. “Very ordinary,” Matey thought. “I don’t see a winner yet.” Jane stepped forward and took some deep breaths. “Method acting,” she thought. “How does it feel to be grey?” She sank slowly to the ground and crumpled into a ball and turned a whiter shade of pale. The girls applauded. “Easily the winner,” Matey thought. But then Mary-Lou stepped forward. “Coooooo-eeeee!” she yelled. Suddenly round the corner came Emerence Hope on a sled who bore down on her, gathering speed as she came full tilt down the hill and headed straight for Mary-Lou’s chest. Emerence hit the target perfectly sending Mary-Lou right into a nearby tree. She lay there grey, still and to all appearances, dead. “Not fair!” came the united cry from the other girls. “She had help,” Joey cried. “You never said we could have help!” Matey raced over but Mary-Lou was already up. “You’re just jealous cos you didn’t think of it yourself,” she said to Joey. “Ha!” Matey looked at her sternly. “I will have to discuss this with the judges,” she said. “They will decide whether that little stunt will count.” That night the air was heavy with accusations throughout the house and Mary-Lou retired to bed sulking. VO confessional: Emerence “Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.” |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sat May 17, 2008 12:51 am ] |
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Quote: VO confessional: Emerence
“Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.”
Thanks Joyce, though not happy you eliminated Daisy. Your continually getting rid of all my favourite characters |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat May 17, 2008 6:02 am ] |
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Try again Emerence! Love Copper having to be told that she wasn't actually supposed to die - would think her faint on realising this would be pretty close. Jane will be in the running too - but think they might disqualify Mary Lou. Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Sat May 17, 2008 7:12 am ] |
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Thanks
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| Author: | andi [ Sat May 17, 2008 9:57 am ] |
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ML! ML! ML! Out! Out! Out!
Thanks Joyce! |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sat May 17, 2008 4:28 pm ] |
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And any of the characters can chose a hat to fit!!!! |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat May 17, 2008 7:36 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Mon May 19, 2008 4:22 am ] |
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Go Emerence!!! This is such a hoot |
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| Author: | Elle [ Mon May 19, 2008 7:30 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: VO confessional: Emerence
“Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.” Third time lucky Emerence, have another go! Thanks for the update. |
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| Author: | LizzieC [ Mon May 19, 2008 8:39 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: While they were gone Jack and Joey had their turn. Both had unfortunately overdone the grey makeup and looked more tank-like than dead.
... “Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.”
Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Emma A [ Mon May 19, 2008 1:02 pm ] |
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Love, love, love Emerence's voice-over. Perhaps she ought to have tried gunning OOAO with a bazooka...
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| Author: | MHE [ Mon May 19, 2008 8:43 pm ] |
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Quote: VO confessional: Emerence
“Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.” We have a saying in Wales 'tri chynnig i Gymro/Gymraes' which means that we can have three tries at something before we succed. Here's hoping Emerence has some Welsh blood in her
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue May 20, 2008 2:35 pm ] |
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“Girls we have discussed this,” Madge said. “We never specifically said you could not have help in the challenges. However it was implied you should do it on your own." “But for now we have no choice but to accept Mary-Lou’s explanation that she did not know she could not have help,” Bill said. “Her act will be judged along with the rest. “We are still having problems deciding who to eliminate though so you will gather here again tomorrow morning.” That night another argument erupted between Len and Mary-Lou. “Oh give it a rest,” Mary-Lou said. “The judges said it was OK so you’ll just have to lump it.” The other girls rapidly took sides and soon they were shouting across the living room. “Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!” Tom finally roared over the others. “Who cares? Who really bloody cares?” She burst into wild sobs and sank into a chair while the other girls were shocked into silence. “Ummm…. Tom,” Joey said softly and laying a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “We know you miss Daisy but…” “It’s not that,” Tom said shaking her head. “It’s something much worse.” “Can you tell us? Perhaps we can help,” Len said gently. Tom took a deep breath and looked around. The other girls were looking sympathetic and frankly, curious. “I want to be called Lucinda,” she finally said in despair. “My father always hated me. He wanted a boy. I had to learn cricket and throw a straight ball. I had to stand with my legs apart and with my hands in my pockets. “I would have given anything for one little doll. But he never let me,” Tom sobbed heartrendingly. The other girls gathered around. “Tom, I mean Lucinda, it’s OK to be yourself,” Copper said softly. “You don’t have to be what your father wants you to be.” “Really?” Tom-Lucinda said looking with puffy reddened eyes. “You girls would have liked me if I told you I want to sew and learn how to make fluffy cakes?” “Of course, Tom, sorry Lucinda,” Joey said bracingly. “We like you the way you are.” That night Tom-Lucinda had her first lesson in makeup, plucked her eyebrows and waxed her ahem … other areas. Which drove home to her like nothing else the real pain of being a woman. The next morning she came shyly to breakfast wearing eyelash extensions, bright blue eyeshadow and red glossy lipstick. “I want to thank you girls,” she said. “I really am more comfortable with who I am now. And if I could ask you to try and remember to call me Lucinda I would appreciate it.” The girls tried but the best they could manage was Tom-Lu. VO Confessional: Jack “What is it with Chalet girls and fathers? First Grizel, now Tom. And I heard rumors of some major trauma with parents who took instant obedience a tad too far. “Maybe we should just send them all off into space like Ruey Richardson’s father. He seems to be the only normal one.” *** |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Tue May 20, 2008 2:57 pm ] |
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Just caught up with the last couple of posts Quote: But then Mary-Lou stepped forward. “Coooooo-eeeee!” she yelled. Suddenly round the corner came Emerence Hope on a sled who bore down on her, gathering speed as she came full tilt down the hill and headed straight for Mary-Lou’s chest. Quote: VO confessional: Emerence “Two tries and STILL have not managed to kill Mary-Lou. That woman is indestructible.” Quote: That night Tom-Lucinda had her first lesson in makeup, plucked her eyebrows and waxed her ahem … other areas. Which drove home to her like nothing else the real pain of being a woman.
Fabulous, Joyce
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue May 20, 2008 3:42 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: “Really?” Tom-Lucinda said looking with puffy reddened eyes. “You girls would have liked me if I told you I want to sew and learn how to make fluffy cakes.”
Seriously, HOW do you think of the things???? |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue May 20, 2008 4:34 pm ] |
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Feeling very sorry for Tom-Lu and her sore bits!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue May 20, 2008 5:44 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce.
 Tom/Lucinda
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Tue May 20, 2008 8:09 pm ] |
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Quote: “Maybe we should just send them all off into space like Ruey Richardson’s father. He seems to be the only normal one.” Quote: |
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Tue May 20, 2008 8:14 pm ] |
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Thanks, Joyce. There's too much to single out here - it's all brilliant!
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue May 20, 2008 8:58 pm ] |
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Brilliant again Joyce - Thank you
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Tue May 20, 2008 9:27 pm ] |
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| Poor Tom-Lu! Thanks, Joyce.
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| Author: | Tara [ Tue May 20, 2008 11:56 pm ] |
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Oh, what sacrilege! Tom in eyelash extensions - not to mention the rest
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| Author: | Miss Di [ Fri May 23, 2008 6:03 am ] |
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Joyce, you are quite quite mad. In a good way of course. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri May 23, 2008 3:51 pm ] |
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Elimination time. I have to admit I like this part ... Cheers, Joyce Elimination! After the events of the night before the girls were mentally exhausted but showed up gamely for elimination. Madge looked at them all then shook her head slightly. “Girls, this should have been the most fun … I mean, interesting challenge but I have the feeling you simply did not take it seriously.” The girls looked at each other. Not taken it seriously!? Copper had almost swallowed cyanide – that’s how seriously they had taken it. The young faces looked mutinous as they turned back to Madge. “Yes,.. well,” she said taken aback by the stern faces. “Let’s begin.” One by one Naomi went through the list of girls outlining what they had done well and where they had failed to meet expectations. Every now and then though she had to turn away to hide the fact that she was close to hysterics. Her soft voice shook through with suppressed laughter. “Of all the things that the Chalet School has done, this is the dumbest,” she thought. “I just had to be here.” Naomi thought of several girls she had met during the course of her modeling career and vowed to tell them all about Top Chalet Girl. She was sure that none of them, dim witted as they were, could invent anything to match it for sheer inanity. “Finally,” she said trying to look grave and not daring to glance in Tom’s direction. “Grizel please step forward. “Falling to your knees is all very well in church and pleading at the tax office, but it earned you no points here. I’m sorry but your attempt was very lame and you are therefore eliminated.” Grizel turned and shrugged at the other girls. They, in turn, were surprised to feel sorry to see her go. She wasn’t pleasant, but she was amusing in a sarcastic way and a definite change from the usual sugar-sweet Chalet girls. VO confessional: Grizel “I’m suppose I am lucky to have survived this long given that I am one of the ‘bad’ Chalet girls. “Well, I am off to New Zealand to open a nightclub.” (NB: Grizel’s nightclub Sally Go Round the Moon was a great success and later she was to add pole dancing lessons given by … Daisy.) |
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| Author: | Billie [ Fri May 23, 2008 6:01 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri May 23, 2008 6:18 pm ] |
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Well done Grizel.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | roversgirl [ Fri May 23, 2008 7:47 pm ] |
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Thanks!
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| Author: | LauraMcC [ Fri May 23, 2008 8:08 pm ] |
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I'm glad that Grizel's night club was a success!
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Fri May 23, 2008 8:19 pm ] |
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Go Grizel & Daisy
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Fri May 23, 2008 9:39 pm ] |
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Glad Grizel and Daisy found an outlet for their imaginations. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Fri May 23, 2008 10:30 pm ] |
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Love the idea of a nightclub run by Grizel - and Daisy giving pole dancing lessons!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Tara [ Fri May 23, 2008 11:10 pm ] |
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Quote: Falling to your knees is all very well in church and pleading at the tax office
Splendid, Joyce! |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu May 29, 2008 3:53 pm ] |
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Cheers for Grizel! Finally, a career after her own heart! |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Fri May 30, 2008 12:54 pm ] |
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Am absolutely loveing this. This is fabulous even though you are eliminating all my favourites, (except for Prudence). Love Tom wanting to be a girl and called Lucinda |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat May 31, 2008 1:45 pm ] |
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Sorry for the delay - I had to go on a business trip for a week. So here's a double posting to make up. [u]The sixth challenge [/u] The remaining seven girls spent the rest of the week amusing themselves. By Friday however Joey was restless. “What’s taking them so long?” she asked the other girls who were gambling in the living room. “We should know the next challenge by now.” The girls dropped their cards on the table –Tom with a thankful sigh as she losing big time. “Let’s hunt round the judge’ chalet,” Len suggested. “We might get some ideas.” She and Joey slowly crept over the other chalet on hands and knees. “Keep the torch covered,” Joey hissed. Len carefully poked her head over the window sill but saw nothing to worry her. “They are just sitting there having coffee,” she whispered. “Let me look,” Joey said. Joey slowly put her head up and gazed through the window. What she saw made her dark eyes widen. “What is SHE doing here?” she thought in shock. *** The next day the girls were reassembled before the judges still unaware of what was about to happen. The night before Len had told the others that nothing unusual was to be seen in the other chalet and Joey was too shaken to contradict her. The door opened and the three judges walked in accompanied by a tall blond girl with a hard stern face. “Girls, this is Thekla von Stift,” Madge said waving an airy hand. There was a united gasp as the girls met the girl who had made herself a legend in the school. “The first to be expelled” “Almost set herself on fire” “The one who didn’t like mountain flowers” the girls muttered while Joey simply shook her head and refused to look up. “Now that’s enough! Be quiet!” Thekla said her voice like a whipshot. Joey’s head shot up. “Since when was your English so good?” she asked unable to stop herself. Thekla smiled craftily at Joey. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” she said moving sinuously over to her. “I had some help from a veeery friendly English doctor.” “Thekla,” Bill said warningly. “Oh all right,” Thekla said. “I’ll behave. But she’s so oblivious anyway. I could have a baby right on front of her and she would not even notice I was pregnant.” Madge cleared her throat. Perhaps it was a mistake to tell Thekla that story. “Well girls,” she said quickly. “The fifth challenge is quite easy. Tonight Thekla will be sharing your chalet with you. You have to survive a night with her without giving way to her ahem… stories.” The girls left puzzled. It seemed so easy. Only Joey who knew what a night with Thekla could mean had an inkling of what was ahead of them. *** |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sat May 31, 2008 1:49 pm ] |
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Hope they've provided Thekla with plenty of raw bacon
Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat May 31, 2008 2:07 pm ] |
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Which Doctor I wonder?
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Sandra [ Sat May 31, 2008 3:57 pm ] |
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Quote: “I had some help from a veeery friendly English doctor.”
Has Jack been a naughty boy? |
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| Author: | Kadi [ Sun Jun 01, 2008 9:42 am ] |
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Sandra wrote: Quote: “I had some help from a veeery friendly English doctor.” Has Jack been a naughty boy? I was wondering that myself. |
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| Author: | Elle [ Sun Jun 01, 2008 3:57 pm ] |
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Kadi wrote: Sandra wrote: Quote: “I had some help from a veeery friendly English doctor.” Has Jack been a naughty boy? I was wondering that myself. Me too! |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Jun 01, 2008 8:58 pm ] |
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Elle wrote: Kadi wrote: Sandra wrote: Quote: “I had some help from a veeery friendly English doctor.” Has Jack been a naughty boy? I was wondering that myself. Me too! Yes, just what I was thinking too
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| Author: | Abi [ Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:15 pm ] |
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Am slightly worried by Joey's night with Thekla
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Tue Jun 03, 2008 10:01 pm ] |
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Sounds like it's going to be an interesting night..... |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:29 pm ] |
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That night after dinner the girls gathered again in the living room. “So… where’s Thekla?” Len said looking round. “Here,” a voice said from doorway. “Please come in,” Tom said uneasily. This was too simple - how could it even be a challenge? The girls broke up into couples or threes and Thekla moved from group to group talking to them about the challenges so far in her most pleasant manner. But every time she left a group there was scowling and low muttering in her wake. “What’s wrong with my eyeshadow?” Tom thought sorrowfully going to the nearest mirror to check. “The other girls said blue was wonderfully suited to my brown eyes. Were they lying to make me feel better?” “Being the eldest does not mean I have a take charge complex,” Len thought rebelliously. “Though I agree Mama and Papa – stupid names anyway – are really overdoing the number of children. Surely they could have stopped at five and then there would be more money to go round.” “What did she mean that the gang had elected another leader?” Mary-Lou thought furiously writing a long letter to Verity giving her her latest instructions. “Since when did we have elections?” Jack looked at her hands. “Mechanic’s hands,” she thought proudly. “They can cut jigsaws and sprinkle bath powder. So what if they can’t help me get out of a tree?” “I just wanted to wash a car,” Jane muttered in a low voice. “Anyone would think I’d started another war.” She glared across the room at Jack who for some reason was fascinated with her hands. Soon the room was filled with paranoid mutterings as the girls looked at each other sideways and remembered feuds of times past. Joey alone sat complacently in a corner reading. Thekla went over and started talking. Joey smiled and nodded, oblivious to what she was saying – the earplugs were working perfectly. By bedtime the tension in the room was unbearable. VO confessional: Joey “I have had some experience with Thekla which is something noone else here has. I suppose I should have shared what I know of her with the other girls – but why should I? This is a competition after all. “I am impressed though. By the end of the night she had spread enough gossip and discord among the others that if there had been a knife in the room, a real backstabbing would have taken place.” |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:50 pm ] |
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Nasty Thekla - but well done Joey.
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:10 pm ] |
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| Thekla but one to Joey.
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| Author: | Clare [ Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:35 pm ] |
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*Wonders if Joey will be disqualified if the ear plugs are found* Really enjoying this Joyce, thank you. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:50 pm ] |
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That night Thekla waited till she heard the sounds of deep easy breathing. “Now,” she thought. “It’s time.” She slowly eased out of bed and pushed the curtains aside to the right. “Joey,” she thought. “Hmmm….” Annoyed as she was that Joey had ignored her completely in the living room she was impressed at the other girl’s fortitude when she hinted that a woman in Chile had given birth to septuplets. At the age of 80. She walked round the room and pushing aside curtains as she went. She knelt next to Tom’s bed and shook her shoulder. Tom rolled over and Thekla almost took a flying leap backwards. Obviously the other girls had not informed Tom that makeup should be removed before going to bed. “Come with me,” she said quietly. “Don’t want to,” Tom said bluntly and went back to sleep. Whatever else had changed, Tom’s ability to get her point across had not. Thekla moved onto Joey and then saw the earmuffs. Thekla swore under her breath – so that was it! She tried to ease them off and jumped when she saw two black eyes glaring at her. “Oh…” she said backing off swiftly. Thekla continued round the room and one by one tried the other girls failing to get even one girl to go with her. Len was awake but too preoccupied with thinking of all the things she had had to go without so that 10 brothers and sisters could be provided for, while Mary-Lou was mentally drawing up a list of potential candidates for campaign manager. Jane and Jack looked mildly interested but Thekla made the mistake of trying to get them to work together which was a nonstarter for both girls. Thinking that plan B – setting fire to the chalet – would have to come into play Thekla hesitated and then saw the final bed. Copper woke up suddenly to see her sitting at the end of her bed. “Come,” Thekla said beckoning. As if in a trance Copper got out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown. “OK” Joey glanced up and noticed two shadows moving towards the door. “She got Copper,” she thought sleepily. “Oh well,” and rolled over back to sleep. Outside Copper caught up with Thekla. “Is it robbers?” she said eagerly. “My dad’s a copper so I could help you catch them.” Thekla grinned. This was so easy. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Jun 08, 2008 3:52 pm ] |
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Poor Copper - hope she smacks Thekla - love the total unconcern from everyone else!
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sun Jun 08, 2008 5:33 pm ] |
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Hope Copper can upset Thelka, rather than the other way round!!!!! |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Tue Jun 10, 2008 6:56 am ] |
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PaulineS wrote: Hope Copper can upset Thelka, rather than the other way round!!!!!
So do I!! But i think she'll be the next to go. Loved to read all the damage Thekla was able to do |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:12 am ] |
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*** The next morning the girls woke up and went down to breakfast. “Umm,,, where’s Copper?” Mary-Lou asked thickly through a mouthful of eggs. The girls looked round and then out the window. There was a gasp and Joey looked a bit guilty. Outside tied to a tree was Copper. The other girls went to rescue her and she stumbled back inside with them. Her hands had been painted different colours – one purple, one blue – while her face was streaked with grey and pink. Her hair was a mess and her voice was hoarse. Slowly the girls got the whole story – Thekla had said a robber was in the area and she was going to head him off from the chalet; Copper was to raise her hands if she saw anything and sing loudly; and, to make her hands easier to see, they had been painted. At this several girls groaned and sank into chairs. “And your face?” Joey asked. “Cam… camouflage,” Copper sobbed. “Then when she got back with no robbers she tied me to the tree to stay awake. I was to sing loudly to scare them off.” She broke off. “But …but then she never came back.” “No kidding,” Len said sarcastically. Copper went upstairs to clean up. From the window she could see the judges and a triumphant Thekla walking over to the chalet. She started to pack. VO confessional: Copper “OK, OK, I know what you are all thinking.” (NB – Thekla moved to Hollywood where her ability to manipulate was considered normal and her imagination helped her became a screenwriter. She is known for such epics as the Austin Powers series and the fantastically unbelievable Bridget Jones.) |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:40 am ] |
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I think Copper is packing too quickly. Joey has more cause for concern if Thelka tells about the ear muffs. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Sat Jun 14, 2008 2:20 pm ] |
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Brilliant, thanks Joyce. Love that Thekla is considered normal in hollywood. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:47 pm ] |
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Copper = guilibility+++++
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rachel [ Sat Jun 14, 2008 8:38 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: The other girls nodded. They all thought Joey looked f*** stupid as well.
Out of the whole drabble, this line stands out to me - works on SO many levels!!! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:06 pm ] |
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The seventh challenge VO confessional: Matron “I’m sorry about Copper. But she was not really that memorable. I’m not even sure the other girls even remembered who she was the next day.” The remaining six girls were sitting upstairs on their beds ignoring Matey’s black frowns. “What exactly is wrong with sitting on a bed anyway,” Joey said idly. “I mean, we sleep in it. So what’s wrong with sitting up in it?” The other girls shrugged and obviously could not care less as they continued to smoke. “Only six left,” Len said after she had blown a perfect smoke ring to admiring looks. “But we are obviously the best.” Joey was frowning slightly. “What’s left?” she said. “I’ve been racking my brains and I can’t think of what is left for us to do. What else do typical Chalet girls do?” “Put on a Christmas play?” Mary-Lou suggested. “Oh don’t be silly” Tom snapped. “With only six of us?” “We could take on several roles each,” Jack said grinning. “I could pretend to give birth AND then run out to the hillside and wait for angels to appear.” “Mary-Lou could be the ass,” Joey said sweetly. Before Mary-Lou could retort that she knew who the real ass among them was, the three judges appeared at the doorway. Madge frowned but the Abbess simply shrugged. Smoking was at least better than speaking slang. “Girls,” Madge said clearing her throat and waving her arms around like a windmill to clear the smoky air. “This challenge will also take place outside. Please come with me.” *** |
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| Author: | Elle [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:26 pm ] |
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Hmm, outside, what could that involve? A mountain rescue by a doctor maybe???
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| Author: | Rachel [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 1:27 pm ] |
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Heh heh heh - smoking is SO much better than slang. Typical CS logic there! Look forward to finding out what they have to do next. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:32 pm ] |
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love that smoking is better than slang! maybe they have to find their way home in a blizzard next? |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:22 pm ] |
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Keeps getting better, thanks Joyce. Can't wait for the challenge |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:59 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:58 pm ] |
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Cant wait to find out what the next challenge is! Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:28 pm ] |
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I can't wait to see what happens next |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:57 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Tara [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 12:15 am ] |
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I was going to quote the smoking/slang bit, too. Lovely! Rather like the idea of finding their way home in a blizzard .
This is great fun, Joyce, thank you. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:37 pm ] |
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actually I should have got them lost in a blizzard, but I figured they had been on one insanely long walk already. Here's the next bit - hope you like it. Cheers, Joyce *** Once outside the girls started walking through newly fallen snow enjoying the crisp fresh air and the brisk exercise. They halted at a swiftly running stream then gasped in horror. THIS WAS A CHALLENGE!??!! Stranded in the middle of the fast flowing stream were six St Bernard puppies. Each was on its own flat stone and every now and then a braver one would try lean over the edge and touch the water with a paw before withdrawing it. Another had simply given up the ghost and was howling forlornly while a third started barking hopefully when it saw the group by the water, which naturally started the others off. All six turned accusing eyes to the judges. "How could you!?" "Those poor dogs!" "What were you thinking?" came the outcry. The judges blanched slightly as they realised that somehow they had managed to whittle the girls down to six dog lovers. "Girls!" Madge yelled over the barks and howls (of the puppies, of course). "The longer you stand here arguing, the longer those dogs will stay out there. Get to it!" "And what," Joey said with gritted teeth and increasing sarcasm "Happens if we fail the challenge? How do you plan to get the puppies back?" Bill looked thoughtful. She hadn't thought of that part and she now saw that it had been a lapse of judgment on her part to not have considered it as a possibility. But, ever unable to admit to a mistake, she said brightly "you'll just have to make sure you don't fail. How hard could it be?" How hard could it be? thought Jane looking fearfully at the water. Try close to impossible. |
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| Author: | Rachel [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 3:43 pm ] |
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Poor lickle puppies! |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 6:18 pm ] |
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Oh no poor puppies |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 7:02 pm ] |
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Not bothered about the people - just the puppies! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 9:08 pm ] |
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Me, too! They ought to make Nell into a bridge and walk on her . And I'll have to wait a fortnight to find out if they survive  .
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| Author: | Kadi [ Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:53 pm ] |
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What I want to know is: How did they get those puppies out there in the first place? |
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| Author: | Rachel [ Sat Jun 21, 2008 2:21 pm ] |
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Maybe they threw them! |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Sat Jun 21, 2008 9:11 pm ] |
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You can drown the girls but get the puppies back.
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Jun 22, 2008 12:06 pm ] |
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thought I'd put you out of your misery and tell you what happens to the dogs. Cheers, Joyce *** Joey started off but only got a few steps into the water when she was swept off her feet and had to scramble back to shore. Mary-Lou had untied her guide rope from around her waist and was trying to lasso her puppy. Though she managed to get it round the dog's head, the puppy shook it off clearly deciding that there was not much to choose between drowning or choking to death. Jack was running down the banks of the stream but came back with the discouraging news that a speedboat was nowhere to be seen. But she had seen a helipad ... Len yelled as her puppy decided to be brave and make a go at jumping into the water. It was swept downstream and she ran after it screaming until it was fortunately caught up in a tree root and she was able to reach out and grab it. She was the soon back with her shivering dog and set about drying it. Seeing that that was relatively easy to get the dogs back that way, the other girls started encouraging their own dogs to also make a jump for it. "C'mon" Mary-Lou cooed. "It's not that hard. Just make sure you aim for the tree root." Her puppy, clearly deciding that Mary-Lou was intent on killing him (first the lasso, now the swim of death) looked back scornfully. Mary-Lou, who did not lack courage whatever her other failings, tied her guide rope to a tree branch and managed to lasso an opposite tree. Very very gingerly holding the rope with one hand, she stepped into the water. Slipping, sliding and definitely cursing she made it to the puppy which bit her in gratitude. However, again showing the spirit that made her an OAO, she hung on and the second puppy was back safely, though Mary-Lou was no longer the dog lover she was previously. Jane suddenly had a brainwave and ran back to the chalet where she broke into the kitchen. Sure enough her haute couture doggy biscuits were still there and she started randomly grabbing at them before dashing back out to the stream. A sudden loud whirling noise was heard above them. A helicopter came into sight, the wind causing the tree branches to lash about every which way. As it came closer they could see Jack very much in her element as pilot complete with a rather dashing cap, at the controls. The door opened and Tom was winched down. Jack hovered over her own puppy. Tom reached out for her puppy and the two tussled in mid air. "Tom! Get mine first," Jack yelled. "No!" Tom shouted back. "Mine!" Clearly Tom was a woman of action rather than words. Jack glared, but controlling a helicopter and yelling at the same time was not as easy as it had looked on The A-team, so she moved over to Tom's puppy. One dog was taken safely back up to the helicopter. But then disaster! As Tom went back down for the second puppy, the first decided he wanted a better view, leaned out of the helicopter and fell out. Screaming in horror, Tom looked over to see her puppy fall straight into the arms of Joey. With Jack's puppy safety on board the two girls returned the helicopter and went back to the stream. Tom held out her hands to Joey for her dog. "Umm... this is mine," Joey said hesitating knowing she was about to do a rather despicable thing but frankly not caring. "Yours is still out there." Tom glared. Joey stood defiantly. "Possession is nine-tenths of the law," she started. Tom said a rather rude word which left none of them in any doubt of what she thought of the law and everything connected with it. The judges conferred while the girls argued among themselves over the howls of the other abandoned puppy. The Abbess, with the knowledge she had gleaned from all the Scripture lessons she gave to help her, made the most practical decision. Turning back to the girls, she said calmly. "We'll cut it in half." "Fine by me," Joey said. "OK," Tom agreed. The Abbess frowned. That wasn't the way it was supposed to go. Len, who possibly possessed the only common sense remaining in the group, sighed. As always she would have to be the sensible one. "Why don't you work together to rescue the other dog, then you'll both have one? After all, Tom you had help to get that puppy so it's only fair you help rescue the other one as well." Tom looked at her thoughtfully. "OK" she finally said. "I have longer arms, so Joey, you go into the water and reach for the puppy and I'll hold onto you from the bank." The other girls hid their grins as they watched Joey struggle to find an alternative suggestion and fail. Then she stepped out again into the water. Cries of "Careful!" "Oh that was close!" filled the air as Joey inched her way over to the puppy while gripping like grim death to Tom's hand. She managed to grab it by the scruff of its neck and was on her way back when Tom (accidentally of course) let go. Joey splashed straight into the water while the puppy flew into the air. Tom caught it deftly then watched as Joey spluttered her way back to the bank. "Bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger," she said. And then "bugger" just in case any of them failed to get the message. "Sorry," Tom said grinning as Joey glared at her. "But you got the puppy." Joey turned to go and dry the puppy by the fire that Mary-Lou had built, but her mutterings regarding where Tom could put her apology were audible through the still air. Meanwhile what had happened to Jane? |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Jun 22, 2008 12:51 pm ] |
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Quote: Turning back to the girls, she said calmly. "We'll cut it in half."
"Fine by me," Joey said. "OK," Tom agreed. Yes, Judgement of Solomon went out the window there!
Love it - now, what's happened to Jane???? |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Jun 22, 2008 3:34 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce - love it! |
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| Author: | Rachel [ Sun Jun 22, 2008 7:08 pm ] |
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Love the idea of cutting the puppy in half!
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| Author: | Elbee [ Sun Jun 22, 2008 8:10 pm ] |
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Wonderful
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Mon Jun 23, 2008 9:05 pm ] |
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Fabulous
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue Jun 24, 2008 3:49 pm ] |
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Love the fact that Len is the only one with any common sense! So will Jane get her puppy? |
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Tue Jun 24, 2008 8:49 pm ] |
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Fantastic as ever, Joyce! I do wonder where Jane is though... |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Tue Jun 24, 2008 9:33 pm ] |
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| Author: | Clare [ Tue Jun 24, 2008 11:06 pm ] |
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This is inspired! Thanks Joyce, I'm looking forward to the next installment. |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:38 pm ] |
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Jane had returned long ago with her biscuits and had been holding them out enticingly to her puppy who ignored her. She decided to toss one over. It landed on the stone. The puppy ate it and promptly keeled over and expired. "Oh dear," Jane thought. In all the excitement with the helicopter and the Joey/Tom argument, the judges and the other girls had failed to see what happened. Now however they gathered round Jane. "Jane?" Bill asked her tone full of meaning. "I was just trying to entice the puppy over with my biscuits," Jane sobbed. She held them up and the girls gasped. "Jane you fool!" Jack bellowed. "The biscuits are meant for decoration and people stupid enough to pay thousands for a doggy treat. You are not meant to actually eat them! Why do you think they are glazed with cyanide?" Jane sobbed harder and the other girls formed a chain to cross the stream and rescue the puppy. And if you think that they should have just done that in the first place to rescue all the dogs, then you are only echoing the thoughts of Madge Bettany. The mournful possession made its way back to the Chalet with Joey carrying Jane's puppy. Jane packed her bags with a heavy heart and left without waiting for the elimination. That night Jane's puppy made a full recovery. Vo confessional: Joey “We decided that since Jane left of her own accord there was no need to tell her that her dog was alive so she hadn't actually been eliminated. I mean, noone told her to leave, she could have called in a vet first.” |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Jun 28, 2008 12:52 pm ] |
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Puppy resurrected from the dead!!!!! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:55 pm ] |
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| Poor Jane!
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Elbee [ Sat Jun 28, 2008 1:55 pm ] |
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So the puppy was just grey and to all appearances dead
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Sat Jun 28, 2008 10:07 pm ] |
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Yay, the puppies alive! thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu Jul 03, 2008 3:13 pm ] |
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*phew* no dead puppies!
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| Author: | crystaltips [ Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:27 pm ] |
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Joyce, is it too soon to ask for the next instalment? Please? Pretty please? With a cherry? |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 2:50 pm ] |
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[b] The eighth challenge[/b] For the rest of the week the girls enjoyed playing with the six puppies with Mary-Lou gradually forgiving hers when she realised it could be trained to sneak into the kitchen to grab food. "Catch 'em young, train 'em up," she muttered as Bandit arrived with yet another filched roast chicken in his mouth and pushing a plate of jelly with his nose. So it was with heavy hearts that the girls waved goodbye as the dogs were taken back to the animal shelter for adoption so they could concentrate on their next task. "Girls," Madge said one day entering the room and trying to ignore the cigarette smoke. "Other than a severe complex to generations of musical Chalet girls, what is the lasting legacy Grizel Cochrane left on the school?" "Hobbies!!" Joey yelled. "I was there! Grizel said she wanted a club and then I said you wanted us to have a jolly time with our collections and do proper swapping and have proper shows and then Grizel mentioned leatherwork and I said I wanted to have more Napoleon stuff and Margia started a music book which was my idea too ...." Joey's voice slowed down as she realised that, as always, she had lost her captive audience. "As I was saying," Madge said through gritted shiny white teeth. "Grizel suggested we start a hobbies club. "Since then thousands of Chalet girls have learned how to sew pretty little flowers onto bits of cloth, risked life and several limbs on fretsaws and a multitude of other useless tasks designed to keep them amused till they get a husband. "So your next challenge will be to pursue a new hobby." Silence! "Oh c'mon," Mary-Lou said somewhat rudely. "What's the catch?" "No catch," Madge smiling her I'm-lying-and-you-are-a-fool-to-believe-me smile. "You simply have to take up a new hobby. One that will be chosen for you." The girls groaned and grimaced at one another. "Madge, I mean Madame, can't we pick out of a hat like the recipes?" Joey pleaded. "Joey, you will take up cookery," Madge continued as if Joey had not spoken. "And produce a 10-course meal for everyone here and the judges. You will also personally sample every course before it is served." Joey abandoned her poison idea. "Tom, you will embroider a nursery rhyme scene onto a tablecloth, the rhyme to be of your choosing but it must be at least 10 lines long." Tom fainted. "Mary-Lou, you will take up singing and composing and write and perform a full-length opera." M ary-Lou looked amused. This was a joke right? "Len - you will take apart a motorcycle and learn how to reassemble it." Len looked mildly relieved - "Then you will ride it cross country over the Alps." "Jack," Madge mused slightly. What about Jack? "Jack you will learn Elvish and produce a poem written in that language which will also be performed by you." Jack swore in good plain English. "All right girls, you have 10 days. Get to work." |
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| Author: | Lexi [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 3:35 pm ] |
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*snorts* Joyce, this is brill! |
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| Author: | Rachel [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:26 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: "No catch," Madge smiling her I'm-lying-and-you-are-a-fool-to-believe-me smile.
Fabulous image! |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 6:35 pm ] |
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Excellent Joyce , chuckles madly.
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| Author: | Rebecca [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:33 pm ] |
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I love the choice of hobbies!
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:14 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:43 pm ] |
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Wonderful - thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Vick [ Mon Jul 07, 2008 8:08 pm ] |
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Love Tom's reaction to her hobby "choice".
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Mon Jul 07, 2008 9:39 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. Love to see who gets knocked out of this one |
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue Jul 08, 2008 3:16 pm ] |
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Ha ha! Would love to see Jack trying to learn Elvish!!! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:51 pm ] |
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*** The girls dashed for the library where Joey immersed herself in the cookery section where she found a very useful book by Mrs Beeton. "Strong stock, anchovy toast," she muttered. "Sauce? Hmmm...is sauce a course? It is now. Hot tomato sauce. A roast beef sirloin. Sweetbreads. Dainty pig pettitoes. A lovely boiled calf's head with skin. A giblet pie. A widgeon, whatever that is. And various vegetables including asparagus, artichokes and wild mushrooms. And finally dessert - cherry brandy." Her menu organised, Joey set about wondering how she was to obtain the various items required. Meanwhile Len had discovered [i]Popular Mechanics[/i] and the very good looking men on the pages within. "Oh my," she thought turning the magazine this way and that and completely forgetting the task at hand. "Oh oh my. Look at that engine." Mary-Lou, having been convinced that it was not a joke decided that rather than compose an opera from scratch she would beg, borrow and steal from other works of art. "After all, there is nothing new under the sun," she thought feverishly copying from the [i]Marriage of Figaro[/i], [i]Aida [/i]and [i]Cats [/i]at the same time. Tom was confuddled. Confounded. And even worse confused. Nursery rhymes she could just about handle. But sew it onto a tea cloth? What the heck? What IS a tea cloth anyway? A cloth to have tea on? Or a cloth to have tea with? And is there a difference? With such ponderings was Tom occupied as the minutes ticked by. Jack was still swearing. "There's no such thing as elvish," she screamed as she threw the copy of [i]So you think you know Tolkien?[/i] to the ground. "There's lots of different elvish languages! Oh d****." "Jack, calm down," Len said still turning her magazines this way and that and slightly pink in the cheek area. "Just pick the most commonly spoken one." Jack turned and was about to swear at her when the sheer common sense of the idea hit her. "Ummm... thanks Len," she said awkwardly. "Do you need any help with the motorcycle?" "What?" Oh, no thanks," Len said giggling schoolgirlishly. "I'm fine." "Well, let me know," Jack said somewhat bemused. After all she had read [i]Popular Mechanics [/i]many times and could see nothing to get so red over. *** |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:06 pm ] |
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Joey's menu sounds a nightmare. As for Len and her reaction to "Popular Mechanics" and Tom not knowing what a Tea cloth is!!! I think the judges are going to have a difficult task. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu Jul 10, 2008 9:43 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: ***
Meanwhile Len had discovered Popular Mechanics and the very good looking men on the pages within. "Oh my," she thought turning the magazine this way and that and completely forgetting the task at hand. "Oh oh my. Look at that engine." ***
I dread to think what Mary-Lou's opera will sound like!!!!!!!! |
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| Author: | MHE [ Thu Jul 10, 2008 10:27 pm ] |
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[/b]PaulineS said Quote: Joey's menu sounds a nightmare.
I'm glad I'm not a judge or one of the girls if they have to eat what Joey's planning - always assuming that she manages to produce anything edible!!!!
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| Author: | Lesley [ Thu Jul 10, 2008 10:36 pm ] |
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Think Len's getting quite an education there!
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Jul 13, 2008 6:29 am ] |
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*** For the rest of the week, the girls plotted, planned and downright cheated in their attempts to get their tasks done. Joey broke out the black Amex credit card and called a catering agency which promised to produce the needed items which she could then warm up and pretend she had cooked. VO confessional: Joey (whispering) “To lend credence to the idea that it was all my own work, I’ve been going out with a basket to pick mushrooms and I also took a bow and arrow and have managed to bring down a widgeon or two. They are actually quite cute birds and I am thinking of having them stuffed and mounted for my rose garden.” Mary-Lou locked herself into a music room to practice The Marriage of Figaro set in Egypt with appearances by a Cat. The strong strains of the [i]Triumphal March [/i]mixed with Figaro measuring out a room and the [i]Porgi amor aria[/i] and then finally the words to [i]Memory [/i]could be heard. The girls looked at each other puzzled as Mary-Lou would never had been able to produce the fluttery trills and rills that emanated from the little room. "Oh," said Tom, as the truth dawned. "She plans to lip synch. Clever." Tom was impressed. And slightly mad that she was not able to cheat in a similar way on her tea cloth. Although ... never underestimate Tom-Lu. Jack went for a walk and tracked down Len in the garage where she had daintily laid out all the motorcycle bits and pieces on a large white sheet. However despite going through all the [i]Popular Mechanics [/i]she could get her hands on, Len was in tears as she realised there was no way she could so much as screw two bolts together. Jack had been equally struggling with her poem and had discovered the sheer pain that a white sheet of paper can cause. "I guess I should have photographed the bike before I took it apart," Len said sighing. "What do I do with this?" she continued holding up the seat. "The poem is not going to happen," Jack said flatly taking the seat from Len and connecting it to the main body of the cycle. "I can't even think of a theme. Or a title." "Make the theme something basic that the judges can't argue with like friendship or summertime. Make it modern so it doesn't have to rhyme. And who's to say whether elves can rhyme anyway? Write it out in English first and use easy phrases like "friends are for life."" Len suggested. Jack looked down at her hands. Half the motorcycle was already done. "Ummm ... Len," she said slowly. "I have an idea." *** |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Jul 13, 2008 8:43 am ] |
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Yes, that springs to mind straight away - but will any of those who are 'cheating' be considered 'true Chalet Girls' because they used their brains? Feel sorry for poor Tom! Thanks Joyce.
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| Author: | Abi [ Sun Jul 13, 2008 3:13 pm ] |
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In that case they'll all be disqualified! Think Jack may have a very good idea there...
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| Author: | Tara [ Mon Jul 14, 2008 12:34 am ] |
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Yes, a very good idea, though one that could turn round and bite them! This is splendid, Joyce, thanks again. |
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| Author: | Vick [ Mon Jul 14, 2008 1:53 pm ] |
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Like the idea that Jack & Len could swap tasks & claim them as their own. Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Wed Jul 16, 2008 2:14 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce, can't wait to see more |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 2:22 pm ] |
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*** The week rolled by. Joey was bored and had actually tried cooking some of the mushrooms she had picked. Though the stench was enough for her to pour the lot in the garbage where a passing widgeon ate them and died. Having enough for her garden, Joey picked it up to serve as the table centerpiece. Mary-Lou was looking smug as her work was long done. "Who says operas are hard work," she said going into the living room. In the corner Tom was threading black wool through one end of a cloth and pulling it through the other end. Even by Tom's non-embroidery standards it looked hideous. "Tom?" Mary-Lou said. "What the heck?" "Baa baa black sheep," Tom replied. "This is the wool. They didn't say I had to illustrate the WHOLE rhyme. So this represents part of it." Mary-Lou left the room before her better self could rise up and tell Tom a significant problem with Baa Baa Black Sheep. *** |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sat Jul 19, 2008 5:49 pm ] |
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Poor Tom - she really has drawn the short straw. Hope the Judges work out Joey's plan. Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 12:31 am ] |
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Yay, an update! Poor widgeon - and poor Tom! Wonder what Mary-Lou has produced with such ease ... Thank you, Joyce. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:29 pm ] |
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I'm also wondering what Tom has produced but am laying odds that she's the next to go. Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 2:56 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Mary-Lou left the room before her better self could rise up and tell Tom a significant problem with Baa Baa Black Sheep.
which was . . .? Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Abi [ Sun Jul 20, 2008 7:38 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Though the stench was enough for her to pour the lot in the garbage where a passing widgeon ate them and died. Having enough for her garden, Joey picked it up to serve as the table centerpiece.
And poor Tom - mine would be about the same!! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Jul 25, 2008 1:47 pm ] |
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Finally the great feast day arrived. Joey had sneaked out in the early morning to meet the catering van and came back loaded with trays of pigs trotters, a sizzling roast sirloin, bottles of cherry brandy, a massive giblet pie, a whole calf head (that had caused a few raised eyebrows at Caterers R Us) and scaringly, bottles of bright red tomato sauce. "Joey!" Madge sang out. "We've come to watch you cook." "Just a minute," Joey yelled back shoving the giblet pie tray into the preheated oven. "Won't be a sec," she said slipping slightly under the weight of 12 fat pig trotters. "Ok, nearly there," she shouted slamming the bottles of brandy into the fridge. "Ladies," she said opening the door sounding slightly breathless. "Please come in. I've just got my pie in the oven, the sweetbreads ummm... on the grill, and the pig pettitoes ready for dressing." "Is that a widgeon?" Bill asked pointing at the dead bird which still let out a small peep every now and again. All right, not entirely dead then. "Uhhh, yes," Joey said skipping over to display its trussed up very dead cooked kin. "I caught two. One is for cooking and the other will be a wonderful centerpiece to delight the eye and cleanse the palate. After all, not all food is for eating. Some is meant simply to be looked at and appreciated for the pure art form ... “ Madge looked up nauseated. "What is this?" she said looking at the calf's head. "It's got eyes!" "Oh that," Joey said throwing an airy hand in the air. "That is a whole calf head cooked in ... chicken broth and braised with cabbages. I am thinking of having a competition for who gets to eat the brain." Madge left the room quickly her stomach heaving at the thought of mounds of cabbage. The other judges backed out slowly. "Joey, maybe we can skip the dinner," Abbess said slowly. "Or just serve the stock and the," she looked around and thankfully her eyes alighted on the mounds of ... "anchovy toast." "And the cherry brandy," Bill said looking in the fridge and licking her lips. Joey attempted to look downcast. "Oh all right. But it still means I pass the challenge even if not all the courses are served," she said defiantly. "Of course dear," Abbess said as Bill popped the cork on a cherry brandy bottle and started guzzling. That night they feasted delicately on a bizarre mixture of stock, anchovy toast and hot tomato sauce. Later the girls devoured the sirloin and then got deliciously drunk on the left over cherries. The rest of the food mysteriously vanished though Mary-Lou forever wondered about the massive bonfire she saw on a distant mountain range the following night. |
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| Author: | LizzieC [ Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:28 pm ] |
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Oh goody
Thank you for more of this Joyce
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Jul 25, 2008 2:54 pm ] |
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So they didn't twig then? Not much good as Judges then!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:41 pm ] |
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Quote: Is that a widgeon?" Bill asked pointing at the dead bird which still let out a small peep every now and again. All right, not entirely dead then.
Joyce!
Enjoyed Madge and the cabbages, too. Thanks for the update. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Sat Jul 26, 2008 9:37 pm ] |
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Nice one Joey!!! Poor little widgeon.... |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Sun Jul 27, 2008 7:09 am ] |
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Brilliant Joyce, thanks. Looking forward to how the others get on. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Jul 27, 2008 8:54 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Vick [ Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:33 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:58 pm ] |
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The next day was Len's turn. All week she had been practicing the trick she had planned with Jack but even so she was still not sure it would work. "Now, one more time," Jack said. "You know how to take it apart, that bit's easy. Then you say ..." "For my next trick," Len said trying to sound confident. "I will then pull down the curtain and turn out the lights. In the confusion ..." Jack continued to outline the plan and such was her assurance that Len started to feel better. That afternoon they all gathered in the living room where a stage with curtains and footlights had been set up. Len took apart the bike piece by grubby piece trying to make it as dramatic as possible. As the very last bolt was unscrewed and neatly laid on the sheet she stood up. "For my next trick!" she shouted waving her arms. Nothing happened. "For ... my ... next ... trick," she tried again. Again nothing and Len started to sweat. Back stage Jack was tangled in curtains and swearing viciously. Then suddenly the whole backdrop descended onto Len. "ARRRRR!!!!!!" she screamed and scrambled to get off the stage. A tangled up Jack looking somewhat mummy-like also appeared. "Oh my gosh, help me!" she said as she scattered pieces of motorcycle every which way. At that point the whole backdrop descended gracefully onto both girls as the audience, finally realising help was required ran forward. "Jack! Stop kicking," Mary-Lou said trying to untangle the other girl. Len was hysterically screaming and Bill was forced to go for the first aid kit and the wide variety of sedatives inside. Plunging the needle deep into Len's arm, the girl slowly calmed down and was carried away to the dormitory to sleep it off. By this time Jack was also back on her feet and managed to give a garbled if somewhat misleading account of what she was doing backstage. The judges frowned. "It wasn't really Len's fault," Madge said. "She was ready to put the bike together. How was she to know the stage would fall on her? Could happen to anyone." The other two judges agreed and to Jack's relief Len was disqualified from the challenge but not out of the competition all together. VO confessional: Tom "I don't think that's actually very fair. But I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're a Maynard." VO confessional: Len sitting up in bed. "OK, OK the hysterical fit was a bit of a con. But I knew the minute Jack appeared that the game was up. And the judges believed me so I guess it was worth it. "But damn that injection hurt, Bill really shoved it in. I suppose I ought to be grateful she didn't aim it at my neck." That night Jack snuck into Len's partition. Hearing the other girl approach the bed, Len opened her eyes and grinned at her. "Sorry about the curtains," Jack said. "That's OK," Len said. "I love the way you sent all the motorcycle pieces flying. Especially when you managed to hit Joey on the head with the carburetor. "Now your turn," Len continued. "This is the poem, and Con has arranged everything. They only said you have to perform it - they didn't say how. What we have planned will take their minds off any slight deficiencies in cadence." Jack slowly read the poem. "Oh ummm ... Len," she said. "We have a problem." *** |
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| Author: | Sarah [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 2:10 pm ] |
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hehehe! I love it!
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| Author: | Clare [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 7:33 pm ] |
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*On edge of seat wondering what the problem is* Thanks for the update, typical Maynard favouritism! |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:10 pm ] |
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Oooooh! Cheating Len - love it!
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:26 pm ] |
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Wondering too what Jack's 'problem' is
Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Tara [ Tue Jul 29, 2008 8:35 pm ] |
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Oh more, more! Len got out of that very neatly . Loved the first aid kit full of sedatives. And Jack's problem is??????????
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | snowmaiden [ Wed Jul 30, 2008 4:23 pm ] |
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Hilarious. Loving the idea of Len's fake hysterics and the whole drug cupboard of sedatives. *Joins the chants for more*
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| Author: | Becky [ Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:25 pm ] |
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Have just read all this in one go and it's fab - thanks Joyce! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:06 pm ] |
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The following night was performance night and Mary-Lou and Jack prepared to battle it out. Jack was first. As we heard in yesterday's cliffhanger, she had some concerns with the masterpiece Con had produced. It was quite simple really - the poem, as you will see below, was very Con Maynard but never in a million years would a Jack Lambert have written it. However, given how easily fooled the judges were by Len's acting the day before Jack decided to give it a bash. Behind her was an array of props, namely a selection of Con's amateur dramatic society friends arrayed in various angel outfits complete with halos and wings and the odd spear, ready to back Jack up. "Ready Jack," one whispered. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained," she muttered. The haloed ones went out on the stage. A single harp played and they started to sing: I ngîl cennin erthiel Ne menel aduial, Ha glingant be vîr Síliel moe. I ngîl cennin firiel Ne menel aduial, And-dúr naun i fuin a galad firn Naegriel moe. An i natha An i naun ului A chuil, ann-cuiannen Am meleth, perónen. They were joined by more haloed, winged and the occasional speared one for the next section. Ne geel ken-neen air-thee-ell Nay men-ell ah-dwee-all Hah glin-gahnt bay veer Seel-ee-ell moe. Ee geel ken-neen fear-ee-ell Nay men-ell ah-dwee-all Ahnd-dure noun ee foo-een ah gah-lahd feern Nigh-gree-ell moe. The voices swelled into a crescendo as the beautifully trained voices reached the final verse. The audience however looked stunned and Jack's worse fears were realised - they weren't buying it. Ahn ee nah-thah Ahn ee noun oo-lwee Ah hweel, ahn-koo-ee-ahn-nehn Ahm mel-ehth, pair-oh-nehn. Jack took a deep breath and went out on stage. She muttered: I saw a star rise high in the Evening sky, It hung like a jewel, Softly shining. Her voice got softer and softer as the sheer humiliation of the moment hit her. She was going to be a world class racing driver for gosh sakes. World class racing drivers do NOT go around talking bosh about evening stars. I saw a star fade in the Evening sky, The dark was too deep and so light died, Softly pining. It was almost over, and in many ways it was a pity that Jack was not as good an actress as Len because she really could have had some fun with: For what might have been, For what never was. For a life, long lived For a love half given. The choir left the stage as Jack stood there red with shame. "Oh dear God," she prayed. "Please don't let anyone here have a tape they can send to ESPN." Madge stood up. "Jack, we need a word." Jack groaned slightly as she got off the stage to stand bravely before the judges. But just as she opened her mouth to tell them the truth … a miracle ... "Jack that was wonderful," Bill said tears in her eyes. "Such depth, such beauty, such understanding of the night sky ... such ... such ..." Bill broke off sobbing while Jack stood there stunned. "It was wonderful Jack," Abbess said. "You really have a gift. Why don't you reconsider the racing car driver idea? Because you certainly have a future in Elvish poetry writing." VO confessional: Jack "Elvish poetry writing!?" *** |
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| Author: | Sarah [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:32 pm ] |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:19 pm ] |
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Brilliant
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 5:43 pm ] |
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Brilliant, thank you! |
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| Author: | snowmaiden [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:01 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce, so very funny. |
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| Author: | MHE [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 7:39 pm ] |
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I read this first at work and rather worringly found myself understanding several words!!! Off to check passport re nationality
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| Author: | Vick [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:11 pm ] |
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Lovely, especially, Len's dramatics Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu Jul 31, 2008 8:50 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: "It was wonderful Jack," Abbess said. "You really have a gift. Why don't you reconsider the racing car driver idea? Because you certainly have a future in Elvish poetry writing."
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| Author: | Tara [ Fri Aug 01, 2008 12:52 am ] |
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Oh dear, the judges are really not very astute are they . Positively shocked at Bill!
Great (again!), Joyce. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Aug 01, 2008 10:46 am ] |
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Has Bill been at the whiskey?
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:29 pm ] |
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Brilliant Joyce, thank you |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:13 pm ] |
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Mary-Lou meanwhile had managed to set up the stage for her production of Marriage of Figaro to Aida with Cat. The first act was very simple. Figaro travels to Egypt where he meets Aida and they fall in love. A cat walks across the stage. The second act was more complex as Figaro and Aida get lost in the temple of Isis and they overhear a duchess plot to swap roles with her serving maid and a military commander sentenced to be buried alive. A cat walks across the stage. The third act sees Figaro and Aida arguing over which plot is the more believable. A cat walks across the stage. For the fourth and final act Mary-Lou really went to town. Elephants battled it out with duchesses, entire armies from Ethiopia raced along the Nile accidentally falling in when the bridge proved to be the collapsible kind and the commander gets locked up in a vault to die, only for it to be hacked open when the emperor realises that the only key to the ice cream storage cupboard was inside. The final scene showed Figaro and Aida standing alone among the carnage as, of course, a cat walked across the stage. If you thought the audience was stunned by Jack, it was nothing to the reaction Mary-Lou received. Ovation after ovation and encore after encore as the elephant trumpeted triumphantly and Figaro, Aida and the newly freed commander took bow after bow. "Well," Madge said. "That was truly a wonderful evening and both you girls have done a magnificent job. Tomorrow we will see what Tom has for us and the final decision will be made." VO confessional: Mary-Lou "I guess you are all wondering how I did that. Well, too bad cos I'm not telling." Evil cackle. *** |
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| Author: | Abi [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 2:26 pm ] |
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Wow - sounds like an opera I would love to see
So, how did Mary-Lou do it??????? Thanks Joyce!! |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 4:42 pm ] |
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Briliiant Joyce, thanks
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 6:24 pm ] |
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Wonderful! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 9:40 pm ] |
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I love the cat continually walking accross the stage
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| Author: | Tara [ Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:57 pm ] |
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Adored the cat - and the key to the icecream storage cupboard! Not to mention the elephants and the armies ...
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| Author: | Emma A [ Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:08 pm ] |
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I think I'd pay to see that opera! Thanks, Joyce - this is still hilarious.
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| Author: | jilianb [ Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:29 pm ] |
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Just keeps getting better. Thanks Joyce.
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:05 pm ] |
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| Genius! Thanks, Joyce.
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| Author: | Joyce [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 4:00 pm ] |
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*** The next day after breakfast they gathered in the living room to hear Tom. She stood up. "umm...this is it," holding up a piece of cloth with black wool all over it. "It's based on Baa Baa Black Sheep - this is supposed to be the wool before the sheep puts it in the three bags for distribution." Madge picked up the rag and was speechless. "Tom," she said carefully. "I appreciate you tried but stringing bits of wool across a piece of cloth is not really embroidery." "Madge, there is one other problem," Bill interrupted. "How many lines are there in Baa Baa Black Sheep?" The girls considered. Joey started absentmindedly humming the tune until brought up short by a glare from Jack. "Eight. There’s supposed to be 10," Tom finally said sadly. "I forgot that part." "Tom, I'm sorry but you are eliminated," Madge said softly. The other girls gathered round sadly. Despite her many idiosyncrasies Tom was a favourite and the others were in tears at the thought of losing her. VO Confessional: Tom "Well, I did my best and it was nice to see how upset the other girls were to see me go. "To be frank once I saw Mary-Lou's elephant, I knew I didn't really stand a chance.” Tom went home and was later spotted by a fashion designer who needed tall girls for his new fashion venture - Galliano on Ice. For her first show she was teamed up with ... Bride. *** BTW, in case anyone didn't get it, ML's little 'problem' with Baa Baa Black Sheep was that she also realised there were only 8 lines.
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| Author: | Vick [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 4:06 pm ] |
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Poor Tom. Love the fact that she's found another job afterwards though... Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | jilianb [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 5:03 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. Sorry to see Tom go but glad she's teamed up with Bride again |
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| Author: | Abi [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:17 pm ] |
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Poor Tom, she was always going to fail that one!
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| Author: | Lesley [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 7:06 pm ] |
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Good for Tom!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Aug 07, 2008 8:04 pm ] |
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I'd forgotten the nursery rhyme had to be at least 10 lines long 
Thanks Joyce - this continues to be an absolute hoot
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:12 pm ] |
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| Poor Tom!
Loving this, Joyce, thanks. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sat Aug 09, 2008 2:19 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce, I thought she'd go but I really liked Tom |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:08 am ] |
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[b]The final challenge [/b] And so we are down to the final four girls. Joey - the best headgirl the school ever had, Len - who ran her a close second, Mary-Lou - the one and only and Jack - who should really have been a boy. For three days the four girls gossiped like loons, smoked copiously and did each other's hair and makeup. Matey had simply given up trying to stop them from acting like normal human beings and had retired to her bedroom with the photos of various doctors who never fell in love with her because they happened to see a mistress first. But all good things come to an end and on the morning of the fourth day the three judges asked to see them after breakfast. They trooped into the living room and Madge looked them up and down appraisingly. "Girls, we are very proud of you all for getting this far. But it is time to choose the winner. After the next challenge, two girls will be eliminated and a special guest judge will choose from the final two. "Now I'm sure you have heard of a show called [i]Sex and the City[/i]." Blank faces all round. "It's a very popular television show and hit movie about four women in New York City," Madge persisted. "Surely you have seen it? It's got racks of beautiful clothes and shoes?" Still nothing and Madge started to get annoyed with Sybil who had conned her into watching the show the summer before by telling her she could not be a trendy grandmother without knowing something about it. "Oh well, never mind," Bill said thinking that Madge was trying to hard. She would NEVER get a man that way. "We have the complete series on DVD here - one set for each of you. You have one week to watch, observe and absorb the themes and storylines of the show and in particular the lives of the four women in it. "You will then have to spend a lunch hour pretending to be one of the girls. Mary-Lou you will be Carrie, Len you will be Charlotte, Jack you will be Miranda and finally Joey, you will be Samantha." The four nodded and left the room little knowing they were about to get the shock of their lives. That night the girls sat down to watch season one, each with notepad in hand ready to take notes. By the end of the first episode the pens had stopped moving across the pages. By the third episode, pads had fallen to the ground. Mouths were wide agape and speechless was the only way to describe them though Joey gave little yelps every time Samantha ... well, Samantha behaved like Samantha. "I can't do that," she gasped as the season ended on a rather high orgasmic note for Sam. "Noone could," Len managed to stammer. "And we still have five seasons to watch." Joey whimpered and looked lost. "We only have to behave like them for a lunch time," Mary-Lou said comfortingly. "I'm sure nothing ... else will be required of us." For the next three days, the girls frantically watched DVDs and tried to get into their ultra-egos. Joey could be seen trying to make a back massager do well… other things, while Mary-Lou learned to how to walk in ridiculously sky-high heels. Len read [i]The Rules[/i] religiously while Jack, well, Jack just acted like her usual sarcastic self. *** |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:15 am ] |
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Oh wonderful!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | Abi [ Sun Aug 10, 2008 3:12 pm ] |
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Have only ever seen about five episodes of this but it's enough!!! Can't wait to see how they manage it! And who will win? I reckon Joey. |
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| Author: | Vick [ Mon Aug 11, 2008 3:25 pm ] |
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Oh dear! Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Tara [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 12:02 am ] |
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Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City Will wait to be enlightened .
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| Author: | Kadi [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 5:31 am ] |
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Tara wrote: Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City
Will wait to be enlightened .No. You're not the only one. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 10:44 am ] |
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Kadi wrote: Tara wrote: Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City Will wait to be enlightened .No. You're not the only one. There may be even more of us . . .
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| Author: | Becky [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 11:54 am ] |
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Excellent, am looking forward to seeing how they manage that! Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | Dawn [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 4:13 pm ] |
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abbeybufo wrote: Kadi wrote: Tara wrote: Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City Will wait to be enlightened .No. You're not the only one. There may be even more of us . . . and another one
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| Author: | Pat [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:43 pm ] |
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Dawn wrote: abbeybufo wrote: Kadi wrote: Tara wrote: Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City Will wait to be enlightened .No. You're not the only one. There may be even more of us . . . and another one I haven't seen it either. So this will be totally new - haven't the foggiest what to expect. |
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| Author: | MHE [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:59 pm ] |
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Pat wrote: Dawn wrote: abbeybufo wrote: Kadi wrote: Tara wrote: Am I the only person in the world who's never seen Sex and the City Will wait to be enlightened .No. You're not the only one. There may be even more of us . . . and another one I haven't seen it either. So this will be totally new - haven't the foggiest what to expect. I'm another owning up to never having seen it.
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| Author: | clair [ Thu Aug 14, 2008 9:14 pm ] |
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Same here - I watch very little tv so quite impressed I'm enjoying this having never seen any reality tv either! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:34 am ] |
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hey, I obviously watch FAR too much tv. Or at least too much Sex and the City! Unfortunately if you have never watched the show then the following bit will be a bit over your head. but i hope you still enjoy it!
Cheers, Joyce *** Finally the great day arrived. A perfectly round table was set up waiting for the four ladies to appear. The judges trooped in and sat down to watch and wonder. Four cosmopolitans stood waiting, cool beads of water winking at the brim. They were not the only things sweating. Mary-Lou arrived tottering on heels while wearing along blue coat and sparkling underpants. And that was pretty much it. Given that Carrie had an unrealistically large wardrobe of clothes to choose from, why, thought Madge, would Mary-Lou choose the one outfit where she's half naked? Len arrived looking cool and collected in a white linen suit, immaculate makeup and her hair pulled back in a pony tail. Bill nodded approvingly. Jack showed up, unshowered, her hair unkempt and with a baby she had borrowed from somewhere. It promptly threw up and started screaming. Len looked in the other direction, while Mary-Lou eyed the four cocktails. Finally Joey arrived. Obviously deciding that Samantha was an anything goes kind of woman, Joey had gone to town. Lime green was the order of the day and she sparkled with it from the earrings in the shape of lettuces, to the shiny florescent handbag and hair band. But it was her outfit that made the most comment as Joey had made Kermit the frog her muse and her dress had flippers attached. The four ladies sat down and waited. And waited. And waited. Half an hour went by. "Is there a problem ladies?" Abbess asked. "Do we address each other by our real names or the character's names?" Jack asked. Silence! "Oh bugger, didn't think of that," Madge thought. "Oh let's just get this over with," Mary-Lou snapped. Let it be said here and now that she had consumed all four of the cocktails and she clearly was a mean drunk. "I'll start. Sam, what's with the flippers?" Joey looked down at the baby. "Miranda," she started. Jack looked down at the baby. "Oh don't mind him. Think of it as a big handbag." "Your handbag just threw up," Len said sipping water calmly. "I've been reading a book that says I should not spend so much time around dysfunctional single women." "I'm not dysfunctional," Joey protested swinging her bag up on to the table. "Says the woman wearing flippers," said Mary-Lou. "Well, I got a letter in the mail asking me to a singles event. Dear single ..." "Dear single? You don't even get a name?" Jack protested. "I'm single. I don't deserve one," Mary-Lou deadpanned. "By the way Sam what's with the flippers?" Joey looked round. "Oh cute waiter," she said as one arrived to serve the soup. "I think I've slept with him." "Oh THAT guy," Jack said having shoved a dummy in the baby's mouth and nearly choked it. "What do you ladies want to do tonight? Because of course given our extremely busy lives in such an incredibly vibrant city, we have nothing better to do than get together. " Len stirred her soup. She looked up, started to say something then went back to stirring. Jack looked confused. "Ummm.... I wanted to show you girls my new vibrator," Joey said airily pulling it out and laying it on the table as the waiter came by to dish out the main course. "It's called the rabbit." “Joey, ummm….. Sam. Oh whatever. No vibrators on the table,” Len said, her nose wrinkling. “So this is instead of men,” Jack asked picking it up. “Cute… but just as well given the wrong guys Carrie picks.” “I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me,” Mary-Lou said. “So what, you're like a fly strip for dysfunctional men?” Jack snapped still playing with the Rabbit. ”Yeah, but one of those really pretty floral scented ones,” Mary-Lou said grabbing it back. “Fine, I tried to get the sex talk started. But if you are not interested let’s talk clothes instead,” Joey said angrily. Silence again and Bill glanced at Madge. This was going REALLY badly. “When I first moved to NY and I was totally broke, sometimes I would buy [i]Vogue [/i]instead of dinner. I just felt it fed me more,” Mary-Lou mused. “Oh this is stupid. And I'm starving! Where's the food?” Joey said looking round for the waiter who had been waylaid by Matey. ”We’re supposed to be WASPs. There's never food, only booze,” Jack said. ”Fine. One martini, six olives,” Joey said. “Ummm… Charlotte. You planning on saying anything this lunch time?” Jack said thinking it was completely unfair that Len was simply sitting there looking pretty. Len flicked a nonexistent speck from her immaculate suit. “I wish I had bigger breasts,” she said dreamily. Dead silence. “OK, that finishes you,” Jack said. The girls looked at each other. The challenge was clearly a flop. Best to end it now. "Well, nice to see you girls, got to go," Joey said standing up with immense difficulty and nearly slipping over a flipper. "SAM, FOR THE LAST TIME, WHAT'S WITH THE FLIPPERS?" Mary-Lou roared. "OH, WHY THE F*** NOT?" The judges were as flabbergasted as the four girls bowed. And then the inevitable happened. Mary-Lou pitched headfirst off the stage, long legs went head over heels and, for a moment, the world was filled with sparkly pants. "Ouuffff," said Mary-Lou as her head hit the ground. She got up and watched the other three try not to laugh. "All right, all right. I guess you were right. The Heidi costume for the picnic in the park would have been better." *** |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sun Aug 17, 2008 10:30 am ] |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:18 pm ] |
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Only just seen this - hilarious!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:33 pm ] |
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Even though I can't look for resonances as I've never seen the original
Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:48 pm ] |
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There's only one response ...
Len was amazing - as, indeed, were Joey's flippers and Mary-Lou's spangly pants!!!!!!!! |
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| Author: | Abi [ Mon Aug 18, 2008 12:33 am ] |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:17 am ] |
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Brilliant, thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | JennieP [ Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:23 pm ] |
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Love the spangly pants! |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:39 am ] |
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The judges deliberated. Then drew names out of a hat. Because after all, who really knows how reality show winners are decided? "Jack and Mary-Lou, thank you very much for playing," Madge said. "But you have both been eliminated." Mary-Lou looked stunned though whether it was because of her recent fall or the shock of elimination, noone ever bothered to find out. Jack simply grinned at everyone and left the room. VO Confessional: Jack "Not entirely sure Len should have won. She turned up looking good and then stirred soup. “But thank God I am well out of it. Now my racing career can really begin." Jack was indeed to become a famous car driver with her gang as the pit crew. Wanda was exceptionally good at 'distracting' the other drivers. Mary-Lou had one too many bumps on the head and reverted to a childlike state in which she called everyone 'moke' and tried to butt in where she wasn't wanted - which is a dangerous thing to do in a war zone. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:13 am ] |
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Joyce wrote: ... and tried to butt in where she wasn't wanted - which is a dangerous thing to do in a war zone.
So it's all down to Joey v Len - Mother v Daughter....can't wait! Thanks Joyce. |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 11:27 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce - can't wait for the play-off
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| Author: | Clare [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 12:49 pm ] |
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The tension mounts... *Go Len!!* |
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| Author: | Abi [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:32 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: The judges deliberated. Then drew names out of a hat. Because after all, who really knows how reality show winners are decided?
Can't wait to see who finally wins! Thanks Joyce! |
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| Author: | Vick [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:10 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce, looking forward to seeing how the winner is decided...
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:55 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Wanda was exceptionally good at 'distracting' the other drivers.
The mind boggles! Thanks, Joyce |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:18 am ] |
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| - as I seem to have said before!
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:23 am ] |
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Must admit I had thought it would be ML versus Joey but Len and Joey will be even more interesting. Thanks Joyce |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:01 pm ] |
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[b]The final two or The REAL last challenge[/b] Joey versus Len. Len versus Joey. We all know this can only end badly. The judges entered. “Girls. You have been wonderful and you are so close to winning,” Madge said smiling sweetly. VO confessional: Joey “I saw the smile and groaned. That was a BAD smile.” “The final challenge is to write an essay entitled “Why my opponent should lose,” Madge continued. “You are to simply list the top 10 faults of the other. You have the afternoon to write it and then the judges will read both and deliberate.” VO confessional: Joey and Len Joey wailing - “This is NOT happening.” Len sighing – “I thought it was nearly over.” That afternoon the two girls shut themselves into the dormitory ignoring the sounds coming from Matey’s room as she got acquainted with her waiter friend. “Promise you won’t take it personally,” Len begged as she wrote down fault number 5. “I think you are a great person.” “Oh thank you Len,” Joey cooed as she finished her essay with her flourish (well, after she IS meant to be a fast writer.) “I too hope you will also take this in the spirit with which it is intended.” That night the two essays were presented. Joey’s list of Len’s top 10 faults: 1. Forever reminding people she’s the eldest of triplets 2. Ponytail 3. Can’t remember simple instructions like “we are meeting on the fifth floor of the department store.” 4. Marvellous!!! 5. Not a bad head girl, but obviously not her own woman 6. Not Matey’s favourite. Enough said. 7. Untidy drawers – tut tut 8. Bad at maths 9. Looks like settling for the first and only guy she’s ever gone out with to marry 10. ummm…. Sorry, 9 will have to do. Len’s list of Joey’s top 10 faults: 1. Forever reminding people she gave birth to triplets 2. Earphone hair 3. Can’t remember simple instructions like “use contraception.” 4. Tophole!!! 5. Not a bad head girl, but obviously chosen because she was well… you know, connected. 6. Anyone who is Matey’s favourite has to have something wrong with her. 7. Untidy drawers 8. Bad at maths 9. Settled for the first and only guy she ever went out with to marry 10. ummmm…. I can’t think of anymore. Bill, Abbess and Madge read both and smiled. Sighed. Admired the penmanship. “Well this is impossible to decide,” Bill said. “So to help us we have a special guest judge…” |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 2:19 pm ] |
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Oh!
Went sailing right over that cliff
Thanks Joyce - looking forward to the end even though I don't want it to end, if you see what I mean
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 7:15 pm ] |
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abbeybufo wrote: Thanks Joyce - looking forward to the end even though I don't want it to end, if you see what I mean
Same
And I could think of a lot more faults for Joey than that
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| Author: | Lesley [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:07 pm ] |
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Love it! |
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| Author: | Clare [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:57 pm ] |
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Bites fingernails in anticipation... |
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| Author: | Elle [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 9:27 pm ] |
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*joins in the nail biting* I don't want this to end! |
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| Author: | Vick [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 9:36 pm ] |
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Hmmmm.... who is the mystery judge? Thanks Joyce
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Thu Aug 28, 2008 11:29 pm ] |
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Like mother, like daughter in more ways than one! Thanks Joyce. Can't wait to see who the guest judge is. |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Fri Aug 29, 2008 7:42 am ] |
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Excellent Joyce, can't wait to see who the mystery judge is |
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| Author: | miss_maeve [ Fri Aug 29, 2008 8:51 am ] |
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May I just say, I've read this through in one whole wedge last night, being unable to sleep, and I laughed so much I woke up poor SLOC! This is excellent. I now am on tenterhooks...... |
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| Author: | Abi [ Fri Aug 29, 2008 6:15 pm ] |
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| Love the fact that the lists are practically the same!!!! Wonder who the special guest judge will be (and how they will decide!).
Thanks Joyce! |
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| Author: | Tara [ Sat Aug 30, 2008 4:51 pm ] |
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Like mother, like daughter indeed . Waiting to see who the mystery judge is ...
Thanks, Joyce. |
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| Author: | cara [ Sat Aug 30, 2008 5:13 pm ] |
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Come on now Joyce, 48 hours is long enough to keep us in suspense
waiting (im) patiently for the final final |
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| Author: | Joyce [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 2:01 pm ] |
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well, it's finally over. I do hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading! Cheers, Joyce *** A small plain woman entered the room. Despite her dowdy appearance, she had an awe-inspiring effect on the women in the room who practically bowed as she passed. In her wake came the 11 other finalists who took their places silently at the back of the room. Creator and creation looked at each other. “You have all done amazingly well and I am so proud of what you have become,” Elinor said looking around. “You are, all of you, Chalet girls. “Over the past few weeks as I have watched you all, I have been thinking about the relationship I have had with the many Chalet girls over the years. Through you all I have become more open and created another world for thousands, young and old, to embrace. “You have become old and familiar friends and yet every time I sit down to write about your adventures, I discover new depths in every one of you. For showing me the true meaning of friendship and making me a part of your lives, I thank you.” By now there was not a dry eye in the room. “But the relationship I have enjoyed the most has been with the readers and I would like now to speak directly to them. “You have laughed with me, cried with me and sometimes I am sure got very exasperated with me. But you have stayed with me on a very long and winding road. My hope is that every time you opened a Chalet book whether for the first time or the hundredth time, you found what you were looking for - some fun, some adventure, some friendship and some comfort within the pages. “My goal was never to write great literature, I never aspired to be a Nobel Laureate or a Pulitzer Prize winner, I simply wanted the voices of the Chalet girls to be heard. But if I have managed to entertain you along the way, even a little, then I have succeeded.” Elinor glanced around. Joey was sobbing now and about to become hysterical. She realized she had better wrap things up. “Every girl who has ever passed though the doors of the Chalet school, is a Chalet girl at heart. That is why it is so hard to find a winner. “But there is one girl has been with us from the beginning. We may have loved her, loved to hate her, got incredibly annoyed with her, wondered why she never took birth control or changed her hairstyle – but we were never able to get rid of her. “The relationship we have had with her has been a long hard slog, but it was also been, if I may say so, a fabulous one. “Joey – you are the Top Chalet Girl!” The other girls burst into applause and the judges gathered round to embrace her. “Joey, I am so proud,” Madge said looking at her little sister. “That's great Joey,” Grizel said for once able to put the jealousy aside. “Let’s have a party,” Jack yelled getting straight to the point. *** That night the Chalet rang with laughter and chatter as the girls celebrated with Joey. Throughout the night more old Chalet girls appeared and reunions took place well into the small hours. Elinor found herself being dragged here, there and everywhere and a good many ghosts came out of the closet for a final airing. When Joey finally got to the bed that night she felt supremely satisfied. It was over and she was, as she had always known she was, the top Chalet Girl. “Oh f*** she suddenly thought sitting bolt upright. ”I forgot to turn off the oven.” |
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| Author: | Chris S [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 3:31 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. I suppose there could only be one winner and without Joey there would have been no Chalet School. A great and funny read, I'm sorry it's over.
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| Author: | miss_maeve [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:47 pm ] |
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Now THAT was unexpected (by me, anyway!) Good ending though. And I love the final line....it made me LOL. Well done! |
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| Author: | Elbee [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 6:07 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce, this has been most entertaining! |
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| Author: | Abi [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:22 pm ] |
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Joyce wrote: Let’s have a party,” Jack yelled getting straight to the point.
I second that!!!!! 
What a brilliant idea to have EBD do the final judging - that never even occurred to me. Wonderful speech from her too and of course it had to be Joey in the end. Oh, and I LOVED the last line!
This has been a great read, Joyce. Hope to see more from you soon! |
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| Author: | Clare [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 7:30 pm ] |
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awww, EBD's speech was lovely and so fitting. I suppose there really was only one conclusion for 'Top Chalet girl'. Thanks Joyce, really enjoyed this story! |
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| Author: | PaulineS [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 8:10 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce for a convoluted and interesting drabble. |
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| Author: | Lesley [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:46 pm ] |
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Love the last line!
Thanks Joyce for a wonderful drabble! |
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| Author: | Aquabird [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 10:44 pm ] |
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Thanks for a brilliant drabble Joyce. I was feeling all warm and fuzzy with EBD's speech, and then I LOL'd at the last line!
Will there perhaps be a Series 2? 
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| Author: | Elle [ Tue Sep 02, 2008 11:15 pm ] |
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Also loved the last line. Thanks Joyce, this has been a fantastic drabble. |
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| Author: | Tara [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 12:11 am ] |
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Oh, that was lovely! What a brilliant ending and, yes, it had to be. Also loved the last line, of course .
Thanks, Joyce, it's been great. |
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| Author: | Mez [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:25 am ] |
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Thank you Joyce. I have to confess to feeling a bit teary at EBD's speech (I think I would be a spineless jellyfish), but also loved the last line, and Joey's enthusiastic adoption of swearing! Do you think it's the result of years of slang repression? |
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| Author: | keren [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 11:20 am ] |
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The story was great and very enjoyable But the ending was very moving keep that speech! |
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| Author: | Jenefer [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:22 pm ] |
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Thanks Joyce. I have enjoyed reading this and the ending is wonderful |
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| Author: | jilianb [ Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:24 pm ] |
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Many thanks Joyce. I've loved this and what wonderful way to end. |
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| Author: | Fiona Mc [ Thu Sep 04, 2008 6:51 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce, this has been funny and wonderful reading
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| Author: | cara [ Thu Sep 04, 2008 11:42 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce, It has been a truly remarkable drabble, I've really enjoyed it. |
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| Author: | Dawn [ Sat Sep 06, 2008 7:15 pm ] |
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I have so enjoyed reading this - thankyou Joyce |
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| Author: | abbeybufo [ Thu Sep 11, 2008 11:38 am ] |
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Thanks Joyce - loved it! Just catching up with everything after our trip on the Rhine
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| Author: | JS [ Thu Sep 11, 2008 5:28 pm ] |
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Just caught up with this - laughed out loud so many times to the bemusement of my new greyhound who keeps looking at me as if I'm mad! Thanks so much - too many highlights to mention. |
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| Author: | Vick [ Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:38 pm ] |
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It had to be Joey really didn't it! Thanks Joyce
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