The CBB :: View topic - A Day In the Life of Jack Maynard

#1: A Day In the Life of Jack Maynard Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 4:35 pm

Jack walked into the Sanatorium.

"Hi, Jack!" said the receptionist. "Dr Russell wants you to get to Ward Seven and see Frances Tresham. She's suffering from a broken leg, remember?"

Jack laughed. "Of course I do!" he said, and walked down the corridor. 'Now I just have to remember where Ward Seven is...' Jack Maynard wasn't the San's best doctor. He was slightly forgetful, when he actually remembered things that he could forget. He relied on Jem to give him a helping hand when he needed to know something, and Jem was generally happy to oblige. Anything to stop Jack from killing a patient...

Jack probably was the most cheerful doctor in the San., and many patients would be heard to ask for Doctor Maynard. Jem was the only doctor reluctant to oblige to these requests. Fortunately for Jack, he bumped into Jem now. "Jem!" he said. "I'm lost! I need to find Ward Seven, and someone called Frank Cresham!"

Jem sighed. "Jack, I worry what would come up if you had a CAT scan! Ward Seven is upstairs on the right, and I assume you mean Frances Tresham, because that's who I asked you to go to."

Jack nodded, and agreed he had probably got it wrong. "The night shift goes to my head! Makes me forget!" said Jack, and Jem sighed.

"Just go, Jack! And find me on Ward Five when you're done! I'm not going to risk giving you more instructions before you've done Frances!"

Jack walked off, and tried to remember where Jem had told him to go. He wandered round the San. aimlessly, and luckily soon saw a sign that said Ward Seven on it. Jack heaved a sigh of relief, and pushed the door open. He looked round for someone with a broken leg, and set to work to attend to her needs. "That was fast!" said Jack in disbelief. "Now, Jem's in Ward Five!" Jack surprisingly found Jem in Ward Five as quickly as any other doctor would have done.

"Surprise!" said Jack when he saw Jem.

"How professional," said Jem. "Now then, Jack, here is a cup of tea with a sedative in it, and here is a mug for you to get some as well, okay? The sedative is for a patient with severe insomnia on Ward Six next door! Harriet King! Now remember, the one with the yellow ring on the cup is yours! The purple one has a sedative in! Make certain-sure you remember that!"

Jack promised he would remember, and went down to the kitchen to fill up the cup with the yellow ring. Having accomplished this, he went up to Ward Six. "Going great!" said Jack, smiling to himself. "What was it Jem said? The one with the yellow ring is for the patient. So this purple one must be mine!" Jack quickly gave the yellow one to the patient, and walked to the staffroom to drink his. The staffroom was empty, and Jack had plenty of time. "This tea tastes nicer than usual!" thought Jack to himself, as he gulped it down.

Just as he was finishing, Jem came into the room. One glance at the cup caused him to exclaim. "Jack! You fool! You've drank the wrong drink! That sedative will make you sleep for a day!"

Jack looked up groggily. "Huh?" he said, as the blackness enfolded him, and he fell from the seat into Jem's waiting arms...

#2: Author: claire, Location: South Wales

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 4:42 pm

Thanks for this Cecelia, presumably Jem keeps him on as he's married to his sister-in-law (or he's funding the San)Got this image of him normally walking round with a piece of paper with a map of the san and the patients names written on the floor plan.Got a feeling that the person with the 'broken leg' he fixed wasn't the one he was meant to be attending to

#3: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 4:44 pm

It's a nice change to see Jack being portrayed as stupid!

#4: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 4:53 pm

Poor Jem having to spend all his time chasing round making sure Jack's not killing patients! Thanks Cecilia Liz

#5: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 5:09 pm

Joey entered the San, to see Jem waiting at the entrance. "Jem!" she said. "I don't understand! What was that phone-call all about?"

Jem sighed. "Joey, Jack messed up again! I gave him two cups of tea, one for him with a yellow ring, one with a strong sedative with a purple ring. You can guess what happened..."

"No!" Joey cried. Then she laughed. "So where is he?"

"When he drank it, he was alone in the staffroom. I entered just as he finished it, so fortunately he was saved much trouble. I managed to take him to a small isolation room that is barely used. There certainly would have been a enquiry otherwise. Would you like to go and see him?"

Joey assented, and they climbed the stairs together up to the top floor of the San. Jem turned the handle, and they entered the room. "So, how long has he been asleep now, Jem?" she asked.

"He's been here since about nine last night, so about 13 hours. He'll be here until tonight at least!"

Joey stared incredulously. "How strong was it, Jem?"

Jem laughed. "Trust Jack to take that particular sedative. The average is a day, could be longer though!" Jem and Joey both looked at each other, then burst into laughter.

Joey went to sit on the seat by Jack's bed. "Really, Jack! You're the biggest fool I know! You're like a big baby, really!" And Joey ruffled his hair, then followed Jem out of the room.

"I'm really quite glad to have him out of action, Jo! He get's everything wrong! I would fire him if it wasn't for you, and the fact that he really does love being a doctor!"

"Well, Jem, I must fly! I'm going to relieve Anna of Stephen and Charles! Goodbye Jem! Let me know when Jack decides he's ready to come home!"

"Goodbye, Joey!" said Jem. He really was worried about Jack Maynard. Jem went down the corridor, and entered the conference that he was holding. "Now, all I have to do is not bring up the subject of Jack Maynard..."

#6: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 5:41 pm

"Jack!"

Joey stepped back from the door. "Why didn't Jem ring me?" They embraced each other, and Joey led Jack into the front room.

"Hi, Jo! I don't know, why did Jem need to ring you?"

Joey sighed. "He said he would tell me when you're coming home!"

"Well, here I am!" Jack said, and smiled. Joey went to see where Anna was, because it was her duty to miraculously know when visitors came to the house, and appear with a plate of just-out-the-oven cream cakes.

The phone rang. "Hello?" Jack answered.

"Jack, is that you?" It was Jem.

"Yes! Hi Jem!" Jack yawned, then said "Why do you ring?" Jem sighed, but before he could say anything Jack continued, "Why are you sighing, Jem? Everyone seems to sigh whenever I say anything! Why?"

"Because, Jack, you invariably do somethng stupid that makes people groan! Anyway, I rang because I went up to your room in the San. and you weren't there! I need you to come into work!"

"Why?" Jack moaned. "I've only just got home!"

"Yes," Jem said drily. "Because you were stupid enough to take a sedative and knock yourself out for a day!"

"Oh," Jack groaned. "All right, Jem, I'm coming!"

"Wait, Jack! One thing! Have you still got those shears you used to chop off Mary-Lou's Kenwigses?"

"If I can find them!" said Jack wearily. "Why?"

"We're going to need them," said Jem mysteriously. "I have a plan..."

#7: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 6:03 pm

Awww, I like this Jack. He's just like a big kid who keep trying to help but never quite gets it right!

#8: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 7:06 pm

*Wonder's what Jem's plan is*

#9: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 7:13 pm

*also wonders what Jem's plan is* Razz

#10: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 7:25 pm

"Jem!" Jack hissed.

Jem wondered how he had ever hired such a stupid man."What is it this time?" he said. Jack didn't reply for a while. Then,

"I'm stuck!"

Jem sighed louder than ever before, and then turned the torch round to shine on the hole that Jem had just come through. Sure enough, Jack, whatever way he twisted and turned, was stuck.

"Jack! You total fool!"

Jack didn't seem to hear."Jem!" he said. "I'm scared!"

Jem didn't bother replying. He set to work manoevering Jack out of the cleft. Finally, Jack came thorugh, and the force made Jem fall over. Jack fell neatly on top of him.

"Thanks!" he said. Jem groaned, and Jack quickly got off him. "So," said Jack. "What do we do next?" Jem briefly explained the outline of the plan, and Jack nodded in agreement. Whatever Jem said must be right, Jack knew that much.

"So," said Jack, "once we've got through here, I'd better find my way back and get the equipment!" Jem decided to let Jack do that, and hope that he would find the way back.

When Jack (miraculously) arrived home, he was seen to be hunting throughout the house, and anyone who passed him would hear him muttering to himself,"A pair of shorts, a mace and some sausages, a pair of shorts, a mace, and some sausages..."

#11: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 8:40 pm

"Where, O where have my sausages gone? I think they've been crushed with a mace!"

Jack Maynard chanted over and over, until Jem felt that if he hadn't needed Jack for the plan he would have crushed him with a mace. "Where are the shorts, Jack?" he said, trying to distract him.

"Oh," said Jack. "I'm wearing them. Don't worry, I brought some spare trousers!"

And Jem groaned. Why couldn't Jack do the normal thing and wear the trousers, whilst carrying the shorts? "Go through there to change, Jack, and be quick!" Jem pointed to a short tunnel leading to a smaller part of the cave. Jack went off, and Jem was left alone. He heard his pager go off.

'ALERTING DR RUSSELL. BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT PATIENT HAS HAD LEG PLASTERED BY A FOOL OF A DOCTOR. PLEASE SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.'

Jem didn't need to think twice about who the fool of a doctor was. "Jack?" he called down the tunnel. Jack came out, with a pull of the trousers. "Why have you been plastering bone marrow patients legs?"

Jack stared at Jem. "I haven't! ther only plastering I've done recently was that lady's leg when you told me too before I drank that tea a few days ago..."

Jem groaned, a common thing when in the presence of Jack. "I really want to fire you on the spot Jack! How many mistakes are you going to make before someone finds out what a bad doctor you are?"

Jack winced. It wasn't like Jem to be really angry with him, just sarcastic usually. "But Jem, I don't mean to, I'm just a bit forgetful, I don't mean to be!"

And as usual Jem broke down before the eager man in front of him. However bad a doctor Jack Maynard was, he was by far the most dedicated on the team. Jem turned back to his work, and Jack took up the chant again.

"Where, O Where have my sausages gone? I think they've been crushed with a mace!"

Jem clenched his fist, but put his anger into crushing the sausages. "Here, Jack, I've crushed the sausages, now will you do the next bit?" Jack nodded, and the two doctors got their plan underway...

#12: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 9:10 pm

still have no idea what the plan is... and it has to involve sausages, a mace and a pair of shorts now.... Crying or Very sad

what have i let myself in for? Razz

#13: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 9:14 pm

Cecilia wrote:

"Where, O Where have my sausages gone? I think they've been crushed with a mace!"

*crying with laughter* I haven't got a clue what's happening but I want more please, Cecilia!

#14: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Sun Feb 20, 2005 9:27 pm

"Jack!" Jem called.

Jack who had been drowsing comfortably for the last half-hour, decided to answer. "What, Jem?"

"Why were you just saying that?"

Jack rolled over to look at him. "What? Oh, that, I just made it up! Where has my ring gone, precious? And O, where is my trainer? Upstairs or downstairs? They're in the lady's chamber!"

Jem couldn't even be bothered to groan. He contented himself with saying, "Jack you are the worlds biggest fool!" and then decided to pull together the first of many Jem & Jack plans (well, the second. Mary-Lou's antennae chopping had been the first). "Jack! Next step of the plan, hoy!"

"I'm on it, Jem!" Jack left the cave. "Now then, what was that plan Jem was on about?"

#15: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 4:20 pm

The next time Jack saw Jem, they were in the company of an enormous metal box, with various levers and buttons attached.

"It works!" said Jem triumphantly. "Jack, look! It works!" Jack watched as Jem put some sausages on a tray at one end. Soon, he could see them come through a plastic tube in the centre of the machine. Then, after a lot of groaning and creaking, a pair of shorts came out of the other side of the machine.

Jack stared in astonishment. He picked up the shorts. "They feel just like real ones too!" he exclaimed.

Jem looked exuberant. "Isn't it amazing, Jack? It's wonderful! It'll earn us a fortune!" And Jem went off into a dream of him being Sir James, and having a big house with lots of money...

"Jem!" Jack interrupted. "A quick question! You might have noticed I've become quite interested in poetry recently, and there's one I don't get!"

Jem muttered "There are probably millions that you don't get!" and then said, "What is it Jack?"

Jack recited, "Jack Sprat would eat no fat, His wife would eat Noleen! I mean, was his wife a cannibal? I just don't understand!"

Jem considered his options. "Yes, Jack Sprat's wife was a cannibal!"

Jack winced. "Really? I'm glad my surname's not Sprat..."

#16: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 11:24 pm

this is so so so funny! *huggles the poor stupid jack*

#17: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 4:53 pm

stuck now... jack is confusing me... Razz

wil post more later!

#18: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 5:05 pm

I'll bet all the lady patients 'of a certain age' want to mother Jack. I can imagine them all covering up for him when he gets things wrong! I hope you are not stuck for long. This is a first on the board - a bumbling fool of a Jack ROFL

#19: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 5:25 pm

there isn't allowed to be a (dun dun durn!) STUPID! character in the chalet school... EBD is going to haunt me...

#20: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 5:48 pm

Jem was basking in the fame that came from inventing a machine that turns sausages into shorts. Trust Jack to ruin it...

"Jem!" he said, running into the room where Jem was having a press conference. "My book is published!" Jem looked up, to see Jack thrust a green book into his face. 'Jack Maynard - Quite the poet' it read.

Jem groaned, then, seeing how happy Jack was, said, "Yes Jack, that's fabulous, but I'm in the middle of a press conference -" Jem turned his head to see the press swerve their desk rond and start interviewing Jack. Jem buried his head in his hands.

Then Jack began to read out some of his poems. "Where, O Where have my sausages gone? I think they've been crushed with a mace! No, no, no, stupid! The dog put them in your pencil-case!"

Jem left the room, muttering to himself, "I didn't think that poem could get any worse!" The press went wild that week, with a couple who were both authors. Jem's machine was forgotten...

#21: Author: Cecilia being slow,

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 9:09 pm

post - post - post! a new page will come soon *trembles with excitement* whoever thought such a stupid story would last so long? Razz

ooh the excitement! please pm me if u have a good idea for anything Jack might do! He's already done so many stupid things, there can't be much left!

#22: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:03 pm

*ROFL*

I love the Jack Sprat conversation!

#23: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 6:46 pm

Jem and Madge had had another argument, and Jem was staying with Jack and Joey. As this happened at least twice a month, neither party was unduly worried; it was becoming rather a ritual.
Jem wearily went into the house. Joey and Jack werer talking in the kitchen.
"Jem!" said Jack. "Would you like a shoe of tea?" Jem was about to accept, when he realised what Jack had just said.
"A shoe?" He recognised another joke, one of many Jack and Joey had been making recently.
"Yes, a shoe!" said Jack. "Come on, give me your shoe. All the cups are under Con's bed growing mould!" Joey, meanwhile, had dissolved into hysterics.
"A boot will be fine for me, Jack! Sandal full of sugar!" Jem left the kitchen with a sigh, and went up the stairs to his bedroom. He suddenly turned in at Con's room, and peeped under the bed. Removing a cup, he muttered to himself,
"Hmm, interesting. I think I'll have to get this mould for the San.!"

#24: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 9:21 pm

but why are the cups growing mould under con's bed?!

Last edited by francesn on Thu Mar 10, 2005 9:01 pm; edited 1 time in total

#25: Author: Cecilia, Location: Brum

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:48 pm

She's a naughty, lazy girl who couldn't be bothered to bring them back to the kitchen!

#26: A Day In the Life of Jack Maynard Author: Swati,

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 4:48 pm

I am guessing Jem is about to invent penicillin

#27: Re: A Day In the Life of Jack Maynard Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 8:54 pm

Swati wrote:

I am guessing Jem is about to invent penicillin

or Jack(by accident of course) Laughing

#28: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2005 10:05 am

Actually, it sounds like Con's achievement Laughing

Liz

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