The CBB :: View topic - The meaning of my life is she

#1: The meaning of my life is she Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 9:56 pm

Disclaimer: lyrics belong to Elvis Costello, not mine, oh no.

She may be the face I can’t forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She may be the song the summer sings
May be the chill the autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

He could no longer remember when he first began to love her, it had happened so slowly, creeping up on him until one day he could no longer remember not loving her. He had watched her from a distance, learning her by heart until he no longer needed to see her to know her. He had admired her to begin with; she seemed so strong, so independent yet so gentle and caring. Everybody loved her, taking everything thrown at her with a gentle fairness and justice, it was impossible to not like her. He could no longer pinpoint the moment she had begun to haunt his dreams and waking thoughts. He believed that she would never know; how could he expect her to throw away everything she had worked so hard for? How could he take away all she had built up in starting her new life? It had taken so much, this was her life and yet it was so much more – it was her. Could he hope that she would give up everything that made her the person she was? He never wanted to change her, never wanted to take away the very essence of her being.

She may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem inside her shell

And so he continued to love her from a distance, hoping that one day, maybe she would confess that she loved him too. He watched her growing and changing, becoming ever more the strong and independent woman. His love grew and she continued to haunt him. Some days it felt as though she was mocking him, taunting, questioning how he thought he could love her. It was always on the hardest days that she taunted him; those grey days when the rain lashed down incessantly, the fall of the raindrops echoing in the endless labyrinth of his thoughts, the howling wind her mocking laugh. But then there were the good days when the mocking subsided; in the first days of spring when hope was new and permitted, in the long days of a perfect summer when the breeze seemed to whisper her name through the trees. And so he waited, watching, ever aware of the time passing by. He knew it was foolish, why would she ever love him?

She who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so crowded and so proud
No one’s allowed to see them when they cry
She may be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
But I’ll remember till the day I die

He knew her so well that he could see what the others missed. He saw beyond her cheerful and sunny exterior to the private pain that nobody else saw. He longed to take her in his arms and soothe away the cares of the world that she carried on her shoulders. Her face gave nothing away, it was in her eyes, the mirror of her soul, that he saw her pain. He’s seen her on troubled days, the ones that she’d played down, laughed off, telling him not to worry. But he couldn’t help worrying, he wanted to help, to be there for her with the reassurance that she no longer needed to hide her tears. But how could he tell her? The mocking laugh on the wind continued to haunt him. He’d seen her at her most fragile, when it seemed that she had lost all hope. How he’d longed to tell her it wasn’t so! He’d wanted to reassure her, give that hope back. It cut at him to see someone so strong become so vulnerable, for a moment he believed that she would break down but her strength had brought her back. He’d seen an anxiety in her eyes when she’d been troubled by something that she would not share. How could he tell her that he would always be there for her?

She may be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I’m alive
The one I’ll care for through the rough in many years
Me, I’ll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I’ve got to be
The meaning of my life is she

Jem Russell stood at the front of the church nervously twisting his fingers and awkwardly pacing a tiny area of the floor. He stared around yet taking nothing in. He’d dreamed of this moment for so long it now seemed unreal. Then the panic set in. What if she had decided it wasn’t what she wanted? He knew how hard it was to step away from the school she’d worked so hard to build up from nothing and hand it over to someone else. Maybe she had decided she couldn’t give up after all? He wanted to protect her, to care for her, to love her; but what if she wanted more than he could offer? That mocking laugh echoed in his ears, what if she had been lying all along to make a fool of him? His heart was pounding, the beads of sweat stood out on his forehead and there was a deafening roar in his ears. He became aware of his laboured breathing as somebody laid a hand on his arm and he heard a gasp from somewhere behind him. He turned and everything around him faded, he saw only one thing.

Madge Bettany entered the church and took her final steps with that name.

~
The years have passed since then and still a calming breeze blows around the Tiernsee. So much has changed in the intervening years but in a quiet corner of a churchyard two stones lie side by side. They mark the final resting place of James and Margaret Russell in the Tyrol which stole their hearts and gave them to each other.

#2: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:00 pm

Pimmy, that was beautiful, and lovely, and touching, and wow.

Kiss

Thank you

#3: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:06 pm

oh pim

im so choked up, that's literally all i can say about it

thank you

#4: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:20 pm

Oh Pim, that was truly wonderful - actually brought tears to my eyes and that doesn't happen very often.

#5: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:23 pm

I just loved that, Pim.

#6: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:58 pm

That was just wow Pim. I especially loved the last line. Thank you.

*struggling to see the keyboard through the tears*

#7: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:11 am

Ahhhhhh, beautiful.

Thank you.

#8: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:54 am

Thank you Pim.

Beautiful.

#9: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 11:35 am

oooooo, lovely Crying or Very sad

#10: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 11:36 am

Thank you Pim that was so beautiful and moving.

*luffs Clara*

#11: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:13 pm

*sobs*

*gropes blindly for tissues*

Pimmy, that was SOOOOOOOOOO beautiful! Thank you hunny!

#12: Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 12:53 pm

first thing I've read on the board for over a week...what a way to start catching up!

#13: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:41 pm

*sob* *sob*

Pim that was beeyootiful!!!

Thank you!!

#14: Author: Steph, Location: Blackpool, Lancashire

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:09 pm

Pim, that was lovely and so beautifully written, I had tears in my eyes with the last lines.Thank you!

#15: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:23 pm

Told you it was beautfiful! (Not gloating honest!)

*loved it even more the second time*

Crying or Very sad

but also

#16: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 4:31 pm

That was beautiful Pim and the end gave me goosebumps.

#17: Author: dackel, Location: Wolfenbuettel, Germany/Cambridge, England

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:18 pm

Thank you, Pim, that was lovely!

#18: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:34 pm

Really really lovely Pim - thank you

#19: Author: kateeee,

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 9:43 pm

Wow. That was beautiful. Thank you.

#20: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:41 am

That was different and lovely Pim, thank you.

Only one complaint- I first read this yesterday, and now I have the song going around my head. Didn't realise it was Elvis Costello, I definitely have the Charles Aznavour (sp?) version wiz ze vairrrry 'eavy Frrrench accent.

#21: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:57 am

Nicola wrote:

Only one complaint- I first read this yesterday, and now I have the song going around my head. Didn't realise it was Elvis Costello, I definitely have the Charles Aznavour (sp?) version wiz ze vairrrry 'eavy Frrrench accent.

I didn't know anybody else had done it I have to admit - the only version I have is the Elvis Costello one that he did for Notting Hill. (Yes, this will teach me to not read the booklets that come with CDs to see who wrote etc things...)

#22: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:36 am

Thanks Pimbetula, that was luffly. *wimbles*

#23: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:05 pm

That was wonderful, Pim.

Thank you.

#24: Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire/Bangor

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 5:33 pm

Thank you Pim, that was really lovely. I am really rather fond of one-off scenes like this, as I don't seem to have much chance for long drabbles at the moment....

#25: Author: JoW, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 6:48 pm

Really lovely, Pim. I like it when people fall in love and stay in love. Can't help being sentimental!

#26: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 7:20 am

"Sheeeee....maybezegerrlIcan'tforgeeet..." sorry but that gives you an idea...

#27: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 8:41 pm

Sophoife wrote:

"Sheeeee....maybezegerrlIcan'tforgeeet..." sorry but that gives you an idea...

Aargh! You've got it. But how do I stop him singing it in my head? How do I stop singing it to myself in embarassing public places? The tune is haunting me. Please somebody displace it.

#28: Author: Cath, Location: Cornwall

Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 10:09 pm

That was lovely Pim, thank you. I loved the last few lines especially.

#29: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 10:51 am

Nicola wrote:

Sophoife wrote:

"Sheeeee....maybezegerrlIcan'tforgeeet..." sorry but that gives you an idea...

Aargh! You've got it. But how do I stop him singing it in my head? How do I stop singing it to myself in embarassing public places? The tune is haunting me. Please somebody displace it.

Try anything by Kylie Minogue. Guaranteed to displace any other song. Only problem then is getting rid of Kylie!

#30: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 11:47 am

Nicola wrote:

Sophoife wrote:

"Sheeeee....maybezegerrlIcan'tforgeeet..." sorry but that gives you an idea...

Aargh! You've got it. But how do I stop him singing it in my head? How do I stop singing it to myself in embarassing public places? The tune is haunting me. Please somebody displace it.

Here you go, Nicola: *clears throat and starts to sing*

Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street

That is my "getting rid of" song... Smile

It's a great song to have stuck in your head, its so happy!

(Sorry for hijacking your thread Pimmy!)

#31: Author: Amanda M, Location: Wakefield

Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 11:06 am

Just read this - that was beautiful Pim. Thank you.

Star Wars

#32: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 12:26 pm

I have just seen this, Pim ,and read it over several times because it was so moving and delicious. What beautiful writing. And what a lovely tender side to Jem!

That ending had me in tears. Thank you, Pim

#33: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 8:05 pm

Thanks Pim - that was beautiful

Liz *sniffle*

#34: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:12 pm

Aww Pim. That's got me all cosy and warm in my tummy. It was a beautiful piece of writing.

#35: Author: Susan, Location: Carlisle

Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 1:37 pm

Have just caught up with this. It is wonderful thank you.

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