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Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2
http://www.the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=8143

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Link to the archived copy of the original thread is here.

Author:  cestina [ Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

So glad you archived the first thread Alison. Some of the lines were completely priceless :D

Author:  moiser30 [ Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Who is going to tell mother that her books have been banned from every school in England, because the schools didn't like them." Con looked at her sisters

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Er, Joey,' Madge looked uncharacteristically shy as she spoke to her sister. 'I don't mean to pry, but you and Jack have been married for 15 years now, with no sign of a baby. I don't like to ask, but - are you sure you know what you're supposed to do?'

Author:  RroseSelavy [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I'm sorry," said Jem. "I was wrong."

Author:  emma t [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey was no longer in favour of the staff of the Chalet School, it was evident upon their faces as she was told to leave by Miss Annersley.
"We can no longer look to you for advice," she said simply as the door closed behind her.

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

After Phil and Geoff were born Jack decided he had to be brave and ask the question that had been bothering him for so long. He took a deep breath and said
"Joey, I had the snip after you had Stephen, so who's the father of all the other kids?"

Author:  cestina [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 4:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Author:  shesings [ Wed Jul 21, 2010 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Of course, the staff think Robin and Lorenz are at Plas Gwyn with me,' laughed Joey, 'but they've gone to a dance at the air base with a couple of US airmen! I don't expect to see them before tomorrow teatime but you're only young once - and besides there's a war on!'

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Mary-Lou, your health screening results came back. You tested positive for crack and PCP."

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"A problem new girl?" asked Joey, frowning slightly. "No, I don't think I do want her to tea, after the last time one of them left weed in the nursery. Anyway, I'm really struggling with the next chapter of my new book, and I don't think I can see anyone for at least a month."

Author:  cestina [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Now girls", said Miss Everett "I've prepared the greenhouses, and put the heating on, so now all you need to do is sow the cannabis seed as I showed you recently"

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Blue velveteen and honeycombing are a bit old hat, really," Hilda said. "I think it's time we introduced something more 1950s."

Author:  moiser30 [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 1:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Plato smiled as he looked at his class, he had been fed up with being told to keep the noice down because of exams happening in the next classroom so today he decided to get his own back. "Today class I will be teaching you how to make a vuvuzela work." He laughed as he took out a vuvuzela.

Author:  emma t [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Matron cheerfully ignored the fact that all the juniors dormitries were a mess, and let them get away with it. The juniors were amazed by the change in her!

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

What had caused this change? was the question on everyone's minds. Matey, who knew everything and was well aware of the puzzlement of the girls, chuckled to herself as she thought of the suprise she would give them when she told the whole school that she was engaged to be married - to Gaudenz!

Author:  Abi [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Gaudenz chuckled as he thought of the scene to come, when he introduced Matey to his other 'fiancee'.

Author:  Nightwing [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len wasn't sure about this whole polygamy thing, especially when Gaudenz's other wife was matey. But, she reasoned, it still couldn't possibly be as bad as marrying Reg.

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"How come you never get invited to any of these medical jollies in exciting places, Jack?" Joey asked crossly.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"How come you never get invited to any of these medical jollies in exciting places, Jack?" Joey asked crossly.


Jack took a measured look at his wife and decided he could never tell her the truth, especially about the highly confidential letter Jem had sent him pleading to keep Joey away at all costs from their colleagues, most of whom had wives who would not appreciate her particular brand of 'tact' and daughters who liked to keep their private lives private. No, he did not fancy professional death before the age of fifty, thank you very much!

Author:  sealpuppy [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I woke up with this bizarre image in my head and am trying to exorcize it.

'Good grief, Joey,' exclaimed Jack. 'What on earth have you been up to?'
'I know,' Joey looked puzzled. 'It's weird, isn't it? I had a headache and mistook one of your little blue pills for an aspirin.'
Jack stared in astonishment (and no little envy) at his wife's 4' long plaits, freed from their earphones and standing up tall and proud.

Author:  emma t [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len loathed Reg with all her heart and wished that he would stop following her like a love-sick puppy making gooey-eyes at her whenever she did not fall into line!

Author:  RubyGates [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
I woke up with this bizarre image in my head and am trying to exorcize it.

'Good grief, Joey,' exclaimed Jack. 'What on earth have you been up to?'
'I know,' Joey looked puzzled. 'It's weird, isn't it? I had a headache and mistook one of your little blue pills for an aspirin.'
Jack stared in astonishment (and no little envy) at his wife's 4' long plaits, freed from their earphones and standing up tall and proud.

Really, sealpuppy! I'm surprised at you :o :o :o
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  sealpuppy [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 3:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RubyGates wrote:
sealpuppy wrote:
I woke up with this bizarre image in my head and am trying to exorcize it.

'Good grief, Joey,' exclaimed Jack. 'What on earth have you been up to?'
'I know,' Joey looked puzzled. 'It's weird, isn't it? I had a headache and mistook one of your little blue pills for an aspirin.'
Jack stared in astonishment (and no little envy) at his wife's 4' long plaits, freed from their earphones and standing up tall and proud.

Really, sealpuppy! I'm surprised at you :o :o :o
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Sorry... :oops: :oops: :oops: Off to detention now...

Author:  midge [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls were suprised to hear that Matey, who they never thought of as a thief, had eaten all of the food in their tuckboxes, all of the sweets that they could only get 2 or 3 a day, and now had become fat.

When one of the Juniors wanted help from Mary-Lou, she found her behind the games shed, snogging Verity-Anne.

Miss Annersley lost her temper with the self-obsessed new girl, and shook her until the girl didn't know which way was left and which way was right.

All the new girls were bullied until there were more new girls.

Jane, Jean and Joan Maynard were exactly the same, and always confused the mistresses until the mistresses were sticking straw in their hair.

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 5:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
All the new girls were bullied until there were more new girls.



:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author:  RoseCloke [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Oxford don sighed as she looked over the student lists with her colleague. "Another girl from the Chalet School?" In response to her companion's nod she exclaimed "Well! That's another remedial class we're going to have to put on. I really wish that blasted Russell chap hadn't got the Vice Chancellor over a barrel with those compromising photos - he's got something on the Cambridge lot too and, my friend tells me, the Sorbonne. Really, those girls are an utter nightmare to supervise - what on earth can they be teaching them in that place?!"

Author:  emma t [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RoseCloke wrote:
The Oxford don sighed as she looked over the student lists with her colleague. "Another girl from the Chalet School?" In response to her companion's nod she exclaimed "Well! That's another remedial class we're going to have to put on. I really wish that blasted Russell chap hadn't got the Vice Chancellor over a barrel with those compromising photos - he's got something on the Cambridge lot too and, my friend tells me, the Sorbonne. Really, those girls are an utter nightmare to supervise - what on earth can they be teaching them in that place?!"


Love it! :rofl:

Joey did not deny having a love-affair with someone else, Madge was rather shocked to discover that the affair had been with a woman, many years her junior.

"Who?" Madge demanded breathlessly to the admisson; Jack had been most upset when he had discovered the liason.
"Mary-lou," Joey replied sweetly, not caring about the storm which was going to follow.

Author:  midge [ Fri Jul 23, 2010 8:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

All of the girls in the school suddenly burst into tears at the news - they could not take it.

The new girls were called Mary, Kate, Michelle, Edith, Yvette, Maria, Mimi, Dora, Susan, Claudia, Ashley, Helga, One, Two, Three, Martha, Eliza, George, Anne, Julia, Jane, Joan, Jean, Darrell, Sally, Alicia, Betty, Clara, Mona, Twinkle and Lisa.

The devil appeared in Upper IVbs classroom, while an angel appeared in the prefects room.

"Innit brav, ya killed it," said the new girl to Matron.

When Emerance swore at Mary-Lou, all the girls cheered and asked for more swear words so they could swear at Mary-Lou, Joey Maynard, Bill, Matron and Miss Annersley.

The delights of all the girls were: Doughnuts fried in cod-liver oil, Sulphur cakes, Castor oil and slugs.

Author:  RubyGates [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 9:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

EBD's editor handed her a dictionary and suggested she look up the definitions of tact, sarcasm and feminism.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'We don't approve of fancy names,' announced Joey as she showed off her triplets: Spam, Ham and Jam. 'And we don't like the names 'Mummy & Daddy', so they're going to call us Dr & Mrs Maynard.'

Which leads me on to:

'I applaud Jo and Jack's determination to avoid fussy names for their children,' sighed Hilda as she and Nell walked home after the christening of the tenth and eleventh Maynards. 'But I do wonder where they got this obsession with food from.' Nell agreed, mentally reviewing the Maynard children:
The triplets:Spam, Ham & Jam, followed by the three boys:Egg, Porridge & Mustard; then the first twins:Strudel & Noodle; singleton girl:Tapioca; and the second twins:Rosti & Baklava.

Author:  midge [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh, God, there's a f*** load of bloody new girls. There's, like, 33 of them. They're called Ariana, Cho, Ginny which I despise, Hermione, Millicent, Bellatrix, Lav-Lav - eugh, Minerva, Narcissa, Charity, Nagini, Petunia, Lily, Dolores, Mafalda, Muriel, Winky - she is tiny -, Luna, Molly, Dromeda, Rita, Hestia, Nymphadora, Fleur, Pat, Isabel, Janet, Bobby, Gwendoline, Mavis, Ameris and to cap it of, Malvina! Some of the names are absurd and I ask them, is this a kind of joke, and they reply no. And Joey won't have anything to do with Malvina! I call it the f***ing edge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Thus Mary-Lou in the prefects room.
"I'd watch your language" Verity said, "Absurd is way too f***ing old-fashioned and despise is a bloody waste of time for the modernistas Chalet School. Anyways, I gotta make love to Draco, see ya,"

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 3:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

With the coming of the new term, the school announced that they would no longer be a tri-lingual school, but rather a penta-lingual school. The languages would be English, Bad English, German, French, and Leetspeak.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey Bettany was one of the healthiest, most robust children around, and often told off her older, frailer sister for standing in cold winds.

Author:  cestina [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 6:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I've heard quite enough of this nonsense Madge" said Dick firmly. "Joey is coming back to India with me next week; you can do whatever you like, but I am not going to allow her to become involved in your delusions of grandeur. Start a school indeed! At your age? I never heard such a load of tripe!"

Author:  emma t [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 7:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Sophie Hamel you really are fat!" Madge looked at her ex-pupil thoughtfully as she started to cry loudly. "Maybe you could spare some to Joey!"

Author:  Abi [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 9:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey's jaw dropped as she gazed around Matey's bedroom, where the wardrobe lay scattered about the floor, the books tottered in untidy heaps and a thick layer of dust covered everything, including the brown, shrivelled potted plants and the unspecified hairy substances that were starting to crawl off their plates.

Author:  RubyGates [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Madge looked at Joey thoughtfully and then said, "Do you know Joey with those earphones you look just like Princess Leia"

Author:  Lesley [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joan," Mary Lou said carefully, "at the Chalet School we don't talk about boys in that way. Come with us on our next school outing to Interlaken - we're seeing the Chippendales and we get much, much more explicit than you've even dreamt of."

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Jul 24, 2010 10:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Lesley wrote:
"Joan," Mary Lou said carefully, "at the Chalet School we don't talk about boys in that way. Come with us on our next school outing to Interlaken - we're seeing the Chippendales and we get much, much more explicit than you've even dreamt of."


:lol: :lol: :lol:

The young men ran backstage breathless and most discomforted. "They get worse every time!" exclaimed one. "It's not the girls I'm worried about," gasped another. "Have you seen the mistresses?! The attitude of their headmistress is frightening! I might need someone to see me back to my lodgings..."

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Jul 25, 2010 2:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Welcome to the SSM," Margot said to the thrilled Elisaveta. "It stands for the Society of Sapphist Middles."

Author:  emma t [ Sun Jul 25, 2010 6:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Can I use the toilet please?' Mary-lou demanded.

Miss Ferrars looked at her pupil whilst the class stared. "Don't you mean May I have a glass of water please?"

Whereat Mary-lou blushed. Did they ever use the toilet? :mrgreen:

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Upcoming books:

Crack Dealers at the Chalet School
The Chalet School in Rehab
Mary-Lou Shoots Some American Tourists and Go to Jail
Joey Is Busy Again

"

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Robert Andrews wrote:
"Upcoming books:

Crack Dealers at the Chalet School
The Chalet School in Rehab
Mary-Lou Shoots Some American Tourists and Go to Jail
Joey Is Busy Again

"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

****

"Joey! What do you mean Jem is the father of the triplets?!"

"Well, Madge, you have to understand... it was a very difficult time for me."

"But - I heard you Joey. You said Jack was your 'solid lump of comfort'."

"And so he was - he was consoling me through my time with Jem and, well, it just seemed better to marry him. I hope you're not too upset. You did say at the time that you were having problems with Jem being overbearing and... Madge? Madge?! Come back!"

Author:  emma t [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I am pregnant!" Joey declared to Len with a grin. "You may tell everyone."

Len looked at her mother. "Does that mean you will not be wearing the shawl, then Mama?"

Joey nodded. "Times are changing, people need to get used to the fact that being pregnant is to embrace woman-hood!"

"Sex, you mean?" Wicked Felicity chimed in with a beaming smile. "Oh Matey has issues with the sex-education classes; you should see the look she gives you when she gives out condoms!"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Gosh, I'm dying for a pee!' exclaimed Mary-Lou, jumping from one foot to another outside the bathroom door.

Joey beamed slightly desperately at the new girls, a howling, malodorous twin in either arm. 'Who wants to come upstairs and help me change some nappies?' she asked jovially.

'I'm sorry, Hilda, you'll have to get someone else to take my classes today,' gasped Joan Bertram, a hot water bottle clasped to her midriff. 'I have period pains that would fell an ox, and Jem keeps telling me the only cure is getting 'busy'!'

'Why, you ask, do even the best-disposed girls go briefly crazy as Middles?' asked Miss Wilson incredulously. 'Hormones, my child! Isn't it obvious?'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Listen, Elinor,' said Elinor Glyn patiently. 'I know you loathed my best seller, Forever Amber, but I'm prepared to forgive you and help you join the 20th century. So, for the last time: Hilda's sick headaches are actually migraines; as are Joan Bertram's - try Feverfew. Sharlie Andrews suffers from hayfever so it's no use isolating the poor girl, just give her some antihistamines. Joey Maynard isn't busy, she's just pregnant and the way to get her off your back is to get Jack to have the snip and to buy Joey a kitten instead.'

Author:  cestina [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"We've decided to do away with the Nativity Play this year" said Hilda to the staff. "Joey has written a French Farce and we are going to incorporate a topless can-can just before the interval. Now who do you think we can use?"

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

cestina wrote:
"We've decided to do away with the Nativity Play this year" said Hilda to the staff. "Joey has written a French Farce and we are going to incorporate a topless can-can just before the interval. Now who do you think we can use?"


:D Following on:

'Oh,' said Nell seriously. 'I think it simply has to be Nancy Wilmot. Nobody else has quite the same effect when they jump up and down.'

Author:  RubyGates [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 9:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

SEALPUPPY! back to detention with you
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  Nightwing [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey and Jack's happy marriage, wonderful marriage and perfect family quickly broke down when Jo discovered her husband was going bald.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Jul 26, 2010 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It was only when Joey discovered Cecil's first word was 'blackjack' that the Maynards realised Anna and Rosli had been operating a covert gambling den on the Platz using the children's many walks as a disguise for their operation.

Author:  emma t [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'I have had enough of all these girls coming and going like they own the place!" Declared an infruiated Jack. "You must stop these silly parties for new girls!"

Author:  RubyGates [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Maynards played "Book Reviews" during the holidays and it was quietly amusing and raised a few gentle smiles but nothing more. No-one yelled or shrieked or slid off their chairs with laughing.

Author:  cestina [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 1:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"No, no, no of course we don't want to look out on a rose garden! I want two beds of leeks, a row of potatoes, three rows of carrots, two of Brussels sprouts and double the number of cabbage rows. See to it please Jack!"

Author:  RoseCloke [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 2:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Jack, now that we've been here a few years, don't you think the San could do without you? I simply yearn for some proper old-fashioned English cooking and scenery. English items are so difficult to find and it's such a slog having to speak German whenever one leaves the Platz. I think the boys would also benefit from us being closer to them and the girls are far too clingy - can't we move home?"

Author:  emma t [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 3:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len, was expelled from the Chalet School much to her triplet sisters horror for smoking pot out of the bedroom window. Matey, doing her rounds had smelt a strange smell, and caught her in the act. When quizzed, Len admitted that they grew it in the garden of Reg's chalet, and his frequent visits, meant he could sneak her some!

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Everyone thought Joey was really friendly and hospitable to have the new girls over for tea so early in their first term, but the truth was she was using them as a source of HP sauce and digestive biscuits.

'Welcome to Freudesheim! cried Joey, standing in the doorway with her hands held out, wrapped from neck to knee in a Union Jack shawl.

'And here are my twelfth and thirteenth babies, the twins Boudicca and Britannicus!' said Joey proudly.

Author:  cestina [ Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Cosimo's Jackal wrote:
Everyone thought Joey was really friendly and hospitable to have the new girls over for tea so early in their first term, but the truth was she was using them as a source of HP sauce and digestive biscuits.


Now that I can well believe as someone who lives abroad and craves various items! Don't forget the marmite and marmalade!!!!

Author:  alicat [ Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"We just have to face it Madge, the Chalet School's become too old fashioned for anyone to send their daughters there unless they are like us and get a family discount on the fees," said Joey gloomily.

Author:  emma t [ Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!' Margot yelled, her devil coming to the fore. "Just because we have a big house, why does Mama keep on insisting on having more babies, and adopting every stray that comes by!'

Len nodded in agreement. "You are right,time to call a family conference. Mama has just adopted quads, even though we are leaving for universitys soon, that still leaves her with such alot; and Dad is getting no say in it at all."

Con gurgled. "Maybe we should put a sign on the front door saying ' All welcome, especially babies, to stay for good. Are we really that rich?"

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:31 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Jack, we have a crisis!" bemoaned Joey over dinner that evening. The look on his face begged her not to tell him that she was to be busy again soon. "No, not that. The school are stopping reduced fees for all Maynard girls and wards as of next term. What are we to do?"

Author:  cestina [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 10:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

And following on from the above - or possibly preceding it:

"Jem, I don't know what to do - we're being hauled before the Swiss financial authorities for giving an unfair advantage to certain shareholders in the company by allowing them free school places, to the detriment of those who are childless....."

Author:  emma t [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"No more babies, Jo, I mean it!" Jack snapped at Joey who was bemoaning the fact that she had so many pretty baby frocks left that needed wearing out. "The finances will not stand to it anymore!"

"But Jack, they won't need clothes, we have those already!"

"School fees, food, really Joey, use your common sense!"

"But we get free school places, Jack, please let me be busy again soon!" She pleaded.

Author:  shesings [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I'm beginning to wish we hadn't raised the school fees issue", groaned Hilda to Nell. "It's good to have the extra cash but now Joey wants the triplets coached for all these scholarships!"
"I see your problem", said Nell. "Fond as I am of the three of them I have to admit that if brains were hats they'd each be wearing a split pea with a chinstrap!"

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

shesings wrote:
" "I see your problem", said Nell. "Fond as I am of the three of them I have to admit that if brains were hats they'd each be wearing a split pea with a chinstrap!"


ROFL - Shesings, if EBD could hear you now!

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'It's up to you, Hilda,' said Matey firmly. 'You're going to have to tell Tom to stop sending those rubbishy houses and villages for the Sale. They all fall apart after five minutes, and there've been complaints about children getting bloodpoisoning from being scratched by the exposed nails. We'll have Health & Safety down on us soon.'

Author:  JennieP [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 1:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

With the advent of sex, drugs, and rock n'roll, not a single pupil would be seen dead entering the Dolls House competition, and even Joey, who had embraced the swinging sixties, had to be blackmailed into "winning" it under threat of Jack bring told what she and Reg got up to in their spare moments.

Author:  cestina [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'It's up to you, Hilda,' said Matey firmly. 'You're going to have to tell Tom to stop sending those rubbishy houses and villages for the Sale. They all fall apart after five minutes, and there've been complaints about children getting bloodpoisoning from being scratched by the exposed nails. We'll have Health & Safety down on us soon.'
Hmm - more accurately perhaps:

"I really don't understand this, Jo" said Hilda rather crossly "I have a letter here from Tom saying she really can't afford to keep sending us her dolls houses for nothing since she can sell them for around £750 a time at international dolls house fairs. Apparently one miniature chest of drawers can fetch over £100 by itself. So there'll be no more coming from her. Where's her sense of duty?"

Author:  emma t [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

cestina wrote:

"I really don't understand this, Jo" said Hilda rather crossly "I have a letter here from Tom saying she really can't afford to keep sending us her dolls houses for nothing since she can sell them for around £750 a time at international dolls house fairs. Apparently one miniature chest of drawers can fetch over £100 by itself. So there'll be no more coming from her. Where's her sense of duty?"


"You know Jo,she also states that the lads who help her make this have also decided that they do not like doing them anymore; do they not realise that they are helping a good cause?" Miss Annnersley continued.

"Yes," said a reluctant Jo. "The money raised goes towards my family's school fees!"

Author:  Joyce [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 4:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

1. “The Parable of the what?” said the new head girl as she frantically flipped through her Bible.

2. “You see dear, the mistresses have made friends with the doctors at the san and well, we don’t want any accidents,” Miss Annersley said to the new girl who had been shocked by the box of condoms in the first aid kit.

3. An hour before the annual pantomime, Miss Annersley got out the vodka to help ease the pain of the next few hours.

4. “Oh no. You don’t want to hear about the children,” said Joey.

5. "Busy doing what?"

6. "Oh not another b*** Christmas play," sighed Madge as she got out Playwriting for Idiots.

7. The sale visitors looked at pile of junk the girls had produced over the year and groaned.

8. "The embroidery on this tea cloth is c**," said Mademoiselle. "Shove it at the back and then sell it to Joey when she pops by."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

As Jack went to Mike's rescue, he looked back over his shoulder and sighed. 'Len,' he called. 'Your mother's fainted again. Throw a bucket of cold water over her, will you?'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey! Whatever is the matter?"

"Oh Hilda! Some horrid men from the police have come and taken Erica, Marie-Claire, both sets of twins and Cecil into care! It's all over some ridiculous misunderstanding... a silly woman has claimed I tried to abduct her quads last Tuesday when she was visiting the Platz. The police inspected the house and they said it was no place for children and I couldn't possibly care for eleven! What on earth am I to do?! I need babies and children and their squishy, happy... Hilda? Why are you backing away?"

Author:  Selena [ Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Why on earth do you want to send your daughter to boarding school?!" exclaimed Joey. "Especially when you could send her to your local village school, which i've heard is awfully good."

Author:  Cathy [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 3:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I've decided to change my name to Brittany", said Mary-Lou.
"I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm an extra in some Enid Blyton school story!"

Author:  Joyce [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nancy Wilmot watched with narrowed eyes as Miss Annersley thumped on the bell despairingly as the girls kept on chatting. "Hmmm," she thought. "The old girl's past it."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda Annersley watched with narrowed eyes as Nancy Wilmot and the rest of the staff digested with dismay the government's latest directive: that staff, as well as girls, must conform to a certain BMI. 'Age and cunning will always triumph,' she gloated, remembering her recent hint to the Minister of Health.

Author:  Mel [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Inwardly shuddering, Miss Wilson poured out a cup of strong black tea and passed it to her visitor. Grandma took a sip and pulled a wry face.
"Well, there is a war on," she remarked, smiling bravely. "Earl Grey is so hard to find these days isn't it?"

Author:  RubyGates [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack Lambert came bounding up to Len ready to ask her question. She said, "Len, why is the...?" but got no further. Len firmly interrupted her and said, "Jack, just Google it, kthx, bye"

Author:  Lyanne [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Rosalie Dene looked with horror upon Miss Wilson's find for Jo. When I asked Nell to find a good home for my Rosli, she thought, this was not what I had in mind. Still, I hope no-one notices the similarity in names and our looks and puts two and two together.

Author:  emma t [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Is it true?" Samaris whispered to Sam.

"Is what true?" Sam whispered back.

"That Miss Annersley is having sex with Jack Maynard?"

"Yes, it is very true," said the stern voice of Jack Maynard himself coming up behind them, arm in arm with the head. "Oh and we have a three some with Joey when she is not busy!"

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Yes, the prospectus mentioned remembering the day of the week," replied the new girl. "And it promised that we could only have cold baths - I got mother to ring the head and insist on warm, bubbly ones for myself. She said I may do so."

Author:  Joyce [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Prunella looked at the waters of Lake Lucerne where Margot's head could just be seen bobbing above the surface. "Too cold," she muttered.

Author:  cestina [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joyce wrote:
Prunella looked at the waters of Lake Lucerne where Margot's head could just be seen bobbing above the surface. "Too cold," she muttered.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Huzza!

Author:  midge [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:18 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Mary Constance Two Jean Eliza Maynard, what have you been doing to yourself? Your hair's purple, you've got tonnes of make-up on, you're bigger than me when I'm pregnant, you've had your ears and nose pierced, you're wearing a mini-skirt and you're always late home, with breath smelling of alcohol. Why can't you go into plain sewing like Margot or stay in the background like Helena?" Asked Joey.
The teenage Con smiled wickedly and shouted "I'm rebelling!"

Author:  ivohenry [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 11:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

All the Chalet girls hated sewing except Joey, whose skill at embroidery was only matched by her artistic ability, which delighted Herr Laubach. She was also an extremely able mathematician, but her attempts at language learning were abysmal.

Author:  Lyanne [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Gosh, I wish Phil Craven hadn't left the school, so many of us miss her.'

Author:  cestina [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Thekla and Eustacia were both so popular in their first terms that they were always surrounded by an admiring group of girls, jostling for their attention.

Author:  Lyanne [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 2:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

cestina wrote:
Thekla and Eustacia were both so popular in their first terms that they were always surrounded by an admiring group of girls, jostling for their attention.


Much to Joey's disgust, who was always last to be picked as a partner on a walk, and was only included in games as the girls felt sorry for her.

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Miss Annersley leaned back in her seat. "Basically, I don't care two figs what you did this time. You obviously learned your lesson so get out of here.

Author:  emma t [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 3:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls turned up, at 3am; having been to a Beatles concert in Zurich. They had given the authorities a run for their money when they were there for half term break, and it had been Con Maynard's idea to go!

"All I can say, is I wish I had been there!" Sighed Joey as she heard about the exploit. "I would have loved to have seen them in action!"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Grizel's gone off up the Tiernjoch?' cried Joey. 'I must tell Madge to form a searchparty of experienced mountaineers at once!'

'The Saints are skating on dangerous ice?' cried Joey. 'I must call Mademoiselle to get together some experienced local skaters and a doctor at once!'

'An open door letting in a cold winter breeze!' cried Joey. 'I had better not go near it, or I may get ill and worry Madge!'

Author:  George [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 4:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"We've had to move you to one of our new dormitories Len", explained Matey, coming to a halt beside a door at the far end of the corridor. "Pansy and Tulip are both full, so I've put you in here with your sisters". Len opened the door to behold the usual arrangement of cubicles, each hung with curtains of cretonne bespattered with a delicate design of skulls and roses.

Author:  Jennie [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Your new drumkit has arrived, Margot, and your saxophone is here at last, Ruey.' beamed JoMaynard. 'They're in the practice room, right next to the nursery.'

Author:  emma t [ Sat Jul 31, 2010 7:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls decided not to throw the Sale this year, for no-one could come up with any original ideas, everything had been used more than once, and the subsequently, the ward was closed down that year due to lack of funds.

Author:  Jenefer [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"What do you mean, you're not going to marry Reg" Joey said "You're five months pregnant"
Helena shrugged " It's not his" she said.

Author:  emma t [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'So when are you going to join the convent, Margot?" Joey asked.

"Never. I gave up on that idea long ago; I had a string of affairs at university, and I know you have to be a virgin to become a nun. The offers were so tempting!" Margot said wickedly.

"There is more," said Len coming to join in. "I am not going to be a teacher like everyone expects me to be. I am going to be a..."

"A what?!"

That was another story as Kipling would say!

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh no," Madge assured the shocked hairdresser. "My charge is most devout and believes she can only fully devote herself to Our Lord if she washes exclusively in holy water. Our hairdresser in England orders it specially - is there a church nearby?"

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Send my Princess to a mere English boarding school?" gasped the shock Crown Prince. "Never! She'd be kidnapped and killed. The king would never allow it! She stays here with me."

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Inwardly seething at Miss Browne's attitude towards the Chalet School, Madge sat down at her desk and picked up the telephone receiver. "Hello? Miss Fritton? How nice to speak to you again! I know how much your girls enjoyed their exchange with the Chalet School and, whilst we are unfortunately full this term, there is another English school that has opened up on the lakeside. Yes, by all means, I am sure they would be delighted to hear from you..."

As she hung up the 'phone Madge felt a grim sense of satisfaction. Gambling was, naturally, a sin but she didn't think the St. Scholastika girls would last more than two days.

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Miss Annersley peered sternly over her desk at the defiant girl. "Thekla, what is your major malfunction!?"

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jenefer wrote:
"What do you mean, you're not going to marry Reg" Joey said "You're five months pregnant"
Helena shrugged " It's not his" she said.


:D Love it!

Author:  Selena [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Mary-Lou could see that something was amiss between Margot and Ted. She decided to mind her own business and let them sort it out for themselves.

Author:  Abi [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

When Miss Annersley came back from an 'English Tea' party at Freudesheim wearing an ankle length leather coat, knee-high platforms, a black lacy top and black hair and make-up, the girls began to wonder whether Joey could possibly be as dull as she had always seemed.

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Aug 01, 2010 10:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"But which is the real Minette?" Len gasped.

"I r reel kitteh," said one.

"Original cat is original!" replied the other.

Len's eyes rolled back into her head as she fainted. Miss Annersley shook her head. At least Ceiling Cat was no longer watching her pee.

Author:  Joyce [ Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"[i]Of course[/i], having one child is a real family," Joey said to Simone. "In fact I wish I had thought it of sooner."

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Mon Aug 02, 2010 1:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The staff announced, "To improve class performance, from now on, Kaffee und Kuchen has been changed to Kokain und Kuchen."

Author:  Lyanne [ Mon Aug 02, 2010 4:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Whilst the idea of English Tea at Freudeshiem was all very well when one missed a nice cup of tea, Biddy and Hilary's Guinness and Whiskey parties over at the Aldernest were more popular with the younger mistresses.

Author:  Joyce [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 6:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"And finally," Miss Annersley said reading out the morning announcements. "The new girls' tea at Freudesheim has been cancelled due to lack of interest."

Author:  Llywela [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 9:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh, bugger - not again!" sighed Joey, as yet another pregnancy was confirmed.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Get married?" snorted Grizel. "Why on earth should I want to do that? No, it might have been a difficult few months, but I'm taking my money from the shop and having a jolly good time with it in England, thankyou!"

Author:  Jenefer [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 3:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"So what are you going to do?" Joey asked "What about the father, will he marry you?"
"No idea" Helena said "I haven't told him yet and I'm not sure I want to get married anyway"

Author:  chattie [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 4:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Lime green? Can't stand the colour," said Joey with a shudder.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 6:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'I don't know why you all keep going on about Nina Rutherford being the school genius,' said Joey sulkily. 'My last book was a best-seller, I'll have you know!'

'You needn't bother calling Jem,' said Daisy briskly, pulling out a stethoscope. 'I'm an award-winning doctor myself, you know, and much better-informed on the latest developments!'

'I'm off to bed.' said Anna to Joey, tossing her a teatowel. 'You wash up for a change.'

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Tue Aug 03, 2010 7:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Darn socks?" laughed Madge. "Joey, let me tell you about a wife's real duty in marriage!"

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I don't know what it is about me that inspires such great obsessions," Len said in bemusement. "First Jack Lambert and now Reg Entwistle. It's not as if I've got a very interesting personality, after all."

Author:  alicat [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Grizel wished with all her heart that she had never come to the Chalet School.

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len turned to the new friend she'd made during her first week at Oxford and asked, "So Mary what school did you come from? Cheltenham? Roedean?"
"Oh no," said Mary, "I just went to my local village school, worked my socks off, passed my exams and was accepted here."

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh," replied Len in disappointment. "I thought it was frightfully difficult - Auntie Hilda had to pull so many strings to get me here that she said she felt like a regular puppet master at the end of it!"

Author:  Lolly [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Pay no attention girls" snapped Matron, as Joey lay still, grey and to all appearances dead. "She's only hoping for more brandy"

Author:  midge [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl was pregnant, altough no-one knew until the birth. As everyone thought, "She's seriously got weight problems," until a load of stomach-aches and gave birth to a girl, who was left on Joeys doorstep

Author:  RoseCloke [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Lolly wrote:
"Pay no attention girls" snapped Matron, as Joey lay still, grey and to all appearances dead. "She's only hoping for more brandy"


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Love it!

Author:  emma t [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Lolly wrote:
"Pay no attention girls" snapped Matron, as Joey lay still, grey and to all appearances dead. "She's only hoping for more brandy"

:lol: :lol:

'No more old girls should be allowed to become members of staff!' declared one disgruntled applicant had discovered she'd been turned down in favour of Len Maynard. 'It's down right favourtism!'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

After a couple of days Matron revised her initial diagnosis and admitted that Joey probably was actually dead, so she drank the brandy herself.

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda conceded that Joan Baker had a point about the need for male partners at Chalet School dances, and invited a selection of approved doctors over from the San the following Saturday. The event was marred by Reg Entwistle starting a brawl with a handsome anaesthetist whom he'd seen waltzing with Len Maynard, but the incident did have the happy effect of making Len realise what an unpleasant character Reg was and refusing ever to have anything to do with him again.

Author:  Nightwing [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 10:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey's childhood, while adventurous, had had the unfortunate effect of making her afraid of mountains, thunderstorms, fire, rocky paths, buses, trains, ice-skating, lakes, large women, foreign men, tunnels, caves, salt and doctors.

Author:  Lolly [ Wed Aug 04, 2010 11:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'No, none of Anna's lemon biscuits for me Joey' said Hilda briskly 'they give me dreadful wind'.

Author:  Cathy [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 3:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"These are delicious Joey, where did they come from?" exclaimed Hilda Annersley (relieved not to have to chew her way through any more lemon biscuits).

"Oh they're some new recipe of Anna's" replied Joey Maynard.

Anna moved away from the door and chortling, went to hide the Tim Tam wrapper, before someone spotted it. Thank goodness Arnotts had stopped making those dreadful lemon curd biscuits..

Author:  midge [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 4:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Lens too pious, Mary-Lou too bossy, hell too fiery and the new teachers face too spotty, thought Con as she listened to Heavy Metal.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Fed up with Mary-Lou's incessant whispers about how much she was meant to put in the San collection, the meaning of the Head Girl's reading and praise for the Chalet School prayers system, the new girl snapped. Her ensuing "Stop being such a God-Botherer!" at a slightly louder pitch than she intended, caused the pianist to falter, Hall to fall silent and Miss Annersley, along with some of the more devout girls, to treat them to a lavish fainting display.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'My mother is an Anglican bishop,' remarked the new girl, causing the entire school, staff and all, to swoon in horror.

Author:  judithR [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'My mother is an Anglican bishop,' remarked the new girl, causing the entire school, staff and all, to swoon in horror.


Love it!
:shock: :shock: :shock:

Author:  JennieP [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Well, *my* father's a Cardinal," snapped back the other new girl "and *we* don't recognise Anglican Orders."

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 5:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"And I'm an atheist," chirped a third, "Daddy says you're all delusional but the Chalet School's Oxbridge record is so good I have to come here."

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 7:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh no, why does she always have to show us up like this?" Margot groaned to her triplet sisters as Joey gatecrashed Spot Supper yet again.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 8:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'I simply love fluffy little kittens and flowers and lovely hymns,' announced the new girl, whereupon the entire staff heaved a sigh of relief.

Author:  Lesley [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'I simply love fluffy little kittens and flowers and lovely hymns,' announced the new girl, whereupon the entire staff heaved a sigh of relief.



"On toast," she added.

Author:  Selena [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Lesley wrote:
sealpuppy wrote:
'I simply love fluffy little kittens and flowers and lovely hymns,' announced the new girl, whereupon the entire staff heaved a sigh of relief.



"On toast," she added.


:shock: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


“Actually I prefer to be called Josephine,” she said, “I simply hate the habit of shortening people’s Christian names.”


The new girl looked around Madge’s salon, with its bowls full of dainty summer blooms, and remarked: “I thought it was illegal to pick wild flowers?!”

Author:  Llywela [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I need to talk to you, Mamma," said Felicity, very seriously. "It's about my future. I really can't stay at the Chalet School - I just can't get the ballet training I need here. I should be training every day, not just having a lesson or two a week after school. I want to go to dance school."

Author:  Abi [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 9:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Look, Mum," said Felicity, slumping back on the settee. "I was about nine when I said I wanted to be a ballet dancer; I've, like, grown out of it now. I don't think I can really be bothered to have a job at all."

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 10:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"What's the point in any of us working hard?" Len asked. "If we go to university and get degrees and jobs we'll only end up packing it all in to get married and have hundreds of kids. Look at Julie Lucy - she could have spent that extra year she had at school out drinking and partying instead."

Author:  Nightwing [ Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Miss Stone looked at the photograph of the triplets carefully. "They all look quite stupid," she said after a moment.

"Well what do you expect?" Biddy demanded. "Their mother's a bleeding moron!"

Author:  Cathy [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Ted?" said Theodora incredulously. "No I don't think so, thank you". All my friends already call me Buffy -- I was going to talk to the headmistress about it. Er -- who are you again?"

Author:  Cathy [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:56 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Reg is missing? Thank goodness!" said Len.

Author:  RubyGates [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nightwing wrote:
Miss Stone looked at the photograph of the triplets carefully. "They all look quite stupid," she said after a moment.

"Well what do you expect?" Biddy demanded. "Their mother's a bleeding moron!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  andi [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Miss Annersley was notorious for never being able to find her glasses.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:28 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Sarcasm," said Bill stiffly, "is the lowest form of wit."

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I don't understand why 'embiggen' is considered slang. It's a perfectly cromulent word."

Author:  ivohenry [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Robert Andrews wrote:
"I don't understand why 'embiggen' is considered slang. It's a perfectly cromulent word."


"And I got fined for using 'pulchritudinous' yesterday, which is also cromulent."

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
"Sarcasm," said Bill stiffly, "is the lowest form of wit."
:lol:

"My old english teacher said that a lot," The new girl said to the others later. "But then my old maths teacher said to us that it still was a form of wit. The moons come out and it's full? Oh God!" and she sped out of the school grounds into a forest nearby, stripping as she went.

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 4:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Changing the uniform to mark the school's coming of age? What a wonderful idea!" Hilda exclaimed. "The uniform we've got at the moment's at least 20 years out of date: the girls'll never attract doctors if they go around looking like that."

"Oh for heaven's sake, Reg, the fact that I've seen you in bed doesn't mean that we're engaged," Len said irritably. "In fact, the sight's put me off the idea completely."

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 5:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

There were many new girls, and a zombie, a fairy and a dwarf were 3 of the many pupils of the school.

Joey wolfwhistled on hearing the news that Dr. Jem was going to marry someone.

Hilda Annersley was wondering why so many girls were pregnant. What was even more shocking was that the fathers of all the babies were married doctors, mainly Jack Maynard.

Joey hit the burgular over the head with a frying pan.

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls heard noises in the night that could only be burglars. They all hid their heads under the blankets and went back to sleep.

Author:  emma t [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 6:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Can I go you mean?' Miss Annersley said wickedly to a shocked set of pupils. 'Of course you can!'

Author:  Abi [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Bad luck," said Miss Annersley to the weeping girl in front of her. "I've run out of fresh, clean hankies. You'll have to use your sleeve."

Author:  Selena [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

emma t wrote:
'Can I go you mean?' Miss Annersley said wickedly to a shocked set of pupils. 'Of course you can!'


:D


"This is the splashery," said Len to the new girl. "Our lockers and pegs are over there, you can see the wash basins in front of us, and that row of cubicles over there are the new lavatories. They're new this term. Matron got the Abbess to have them installed as the domestic staff said they just couldn't cope with clearing up all the puddles on the floor anymore."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda was delighted with the new games master. Yes, Bear Grylls was proving a great success with the girls who had taken to his unorthodox teaching methods with great enthusiasm. I must caution him though, Hilda decided, against getting them to drink their own urine again, even if they are stuck halfway up a mountain with no hope of rescue. One or two of Inter Vb thought that was great and now the juniors are wanting to try. And Karen is on strike about the demand for creepy crawlies on the menu.

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 8:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Everyone dies eventually," said anyone.

"I'm very sorry to say that she's dead," said Jem. "It was my fault,"
"What do I tell the girls? One of their favourite leaders has just..." and Madge burst into tears.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 9:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

And she lay there, still, grey and to all appearances... "Oh don't fuss so," said the new girl crossly, as she sat up. "It was only a bump!"

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Hooray, it worked!" Ailie Russell danced round the room with joy. "We've all got Head's Reports and so none of us'll have to sit through yet another of those awful St Mildred's pantomimes!

Author:  Nightwing [ Fri Aug 06, 2010 10:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I wish Hilda hadn't gone to see 'Annie'," Rosalie sighed. "I can't get her to stop drinking gin and singing about how she hates girls."

Author:  midge [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 7:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh my God!" said Madge.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 8:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Thus ended a perfectly ordinary term at the Chalet School, where nobody got lost, had life threatening accidents, or attempted to stop a burglar.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey! I can't believe you tried to get rid of Miss Bubb behind my back!"

"But Madge! The catalogue of errors... Gay, poor Rosalie, trying to work the girls too hard... Bill and Hilda simply had to come back and you were far too distracted to help, understandably."

"Well Jo, you can just swallow some humble pie. I've had an interview with Miss Bubb and she has explained Gay's situation. I find her side of things reasonable and I'm very impressed with the results she's been getting. If the Chalet School wants to make a good academic showing then she is the guardian we need at the helm. I've hired her for another year and written to Hilda Annersley asking her to take the time for relaxation and recuperation. As for Rosalie, good secretaries are two a penny these days... Joey? Joey! Jem, come quickly dear, Joey's fainted again!"

Author:  cestina [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Miss Bubb stood on the platform, looking sternly down at the girls.

"Now everyone," she said grimly "I have been most impressed by the free and easy atmosphere of the school and the lack of attention paid to academic prowess. I intend to take this ethos forward into my next post when, with great regret, I leave you next week. In the meantime I am granting you the rest of the week off"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Gosh, Madge,' cried Joey, the second she arrived at Die Rosen for halfterm. 'Is that a cushion up your dress, or am I getting a new niece or nephew soon?'

'Take it from me, Len,' said Joan Baker, to whom all the other girls tended to take their man troubles. 'That Reg is a pillock.'

Mary-Lou was determined not to be guilt-tripped into taking on any more problem new girls, so she resolutely ignored Joey's references to how busy she was going to be, the knitting of little matinee jackets, and pregnancy testing kits Joey kept strewing around on the coffee table, all with clear blue lines visible.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

And following on from the above:

Mary Lou retaliated by scattering leaflets from the Family Planning Association on Joey's coffee table.

Author:  Myth Tree [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Don't bother with slippers or dressing gowns girls,' Laughed Matey ' It's perfectly warm enough and none of you have anything different to anyone else'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Form a Guide pack?" Madge laughed. "I've never heard anything so ridiculous! Not at all the sort of thing we want for our young ladies."

Author:  emma t [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Help! Help! HELP!" Yelled Mary-Lou. "I really don't know what to do! Oh help!"

For as one, the Gang decided that she was not going to be their leader. All that confidence in being able to sort people's troubles out was a farse. In fact, deep inside, Mary-Lou was putting on a preformance, and was a quivering wreck.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Aug 07, 2010 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The school listened warily as their new Head outlined her plans for the future. It all sounded fine, but why was Miss Wilmot wearing such an unusual garment at Prayers?
'And the last item on the agenda,' announced Nancy. 'Is the school uniform. I'm doing away with it as of today. In fact,' she cried, throwing off her dressing gown. 'I'm doing away with clothes altogether! Come and join me, girls, let's throw aside all our inhibitions and roll naked in the snow.'

(Later: Matey (who was literally suffering from shock and didn't like being literally naked) was literally blanketed with snow - and literally lay there, still and grey and to all intents and purposes, literally dead.)

Author:  RubyGates [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 10:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Madge looked very seriously at Joey and said "Jo, I know I said any daughters of yours could have a free place at my school but I thought you would only have one or two daughters at the most. I never dreamed you'd have six of them; you're going to have to start paying the fees."

Author:  lizco [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 4:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack looked up from his copy of The Lancet, "Joey, there's been this amazing medical breakthrough - it's called The Pill".

Author:  Jennie [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 4:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack woke up feeling groggy, to find Phil Graves looking down at him with a snarl on his face.

'We've all had enough of that wife of yours boasting about the size and number of your children. So, we've given you The Snip, mate!'


Stephen Maynard muttered to his younger brothers. 'Keep the noise down, you know we don't get many chances to smuggle booze into the house, and Gaudenz charged me a fortune for this.'

Author:  midge [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I'm a baby" said anyone.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

lizco wrote:
Jack looked up from his copy of The Lancet, "Joey, there's been this amazing medical breakthrough - it's called The Pill".


'But we're Catholics, and it's a major-league sin!' cried Joey in great relief, casting on stitches for another little matinee jacket. How else would she have managed to express her 'wholesale' personality? Thank heavens Vatican II saw it her way!

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"My aunts and Jem's aunts are all coming to stay this weekend," Madge said. "It's so important for families to keep in touch."

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 9:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Call me Ishmael," said Tom Gay defiantly.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sun Aug 08, 2010 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Of course I'm qualified to be matron of a girls' school,' Matron told the Ofsted Inspector defiantly. 'I began my career at Holloway Prison then I spent 15 years as Matron of a reform school.'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jennie wrote:
Jack woke up feeling groggy, to find Phil Graves looking down at him with a snarl on his face.

'We've all had enough of that wife of yours boasting about the size and number of your children. So, we've given you The Snip, mate!'


:lol: :lol: :lol:

"So you see Jo, Phil and the others just attacked me. I'm still not feeling well but I know you'll stand by me and... sweetheart? Why have you pulled your case out?"

"I'm sorry Jack. You've been a solid lump of comfort these past years, but I want babies, need them. I'll pack you some clothes and you can stay at the San. I'll advertise for a replacement tomorrow and send you the divorce papers as soon as I can."

Author:  Lolly [ Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nightwing wrote:
"Call me Ishmael," said Tom Gay defiantly.


Very funny!!!

Author:  lizco [ Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Gay by name and gay by nature" said Tom.

Author:  Chatelaine [ Mon Aug 09, 2010 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey," said Madge tentatively, "Jack's been missing in action for over a year now, so how come you've only just had a baby?"


"Oh bugger off, Mary-Lou!" said Verity-Anne crossly, "I can tie my own bloody hair-ribbons, thank you very much!"


"Oh please just call me Mary!" said Mary-Lou. "Life's too short to be saying 'Mary-Lou' all the time!"

From the moment she arrived at the Chalet School, Elisaveta was a nightmare, marching around with her nose in the air and demanding that everyone - including the staff - curtsey when they saw her and only address her as "Your Highness".

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Aug 09, 2010 9:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"So, three of your sisters are called Len, Phil, and ... er, Cecil," Felicity's new friend said in bemusement. "What are your brothers called - Mary-Jane and Peggy-Sue?"

Author:  Lolly [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"hello clouds, hello sky!"

Author:  emma t [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 6:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Madge fell out of the tree whilst waiting for Jem to come along to kiss her.

Author:  Elle [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Stuff waiting for the wedding night!" cried Madge as she grappled with Jem's flies.

Author:  emma t [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Elle wrote:
"Stuff waiting for the wedding night!" cried Madge as she grappled with Jem's flies.


Joey looked at Madge as she saw her sister the following morning after the wedding, the couple had elected to delay their honey moon until someone could be found to look after Joey.
"You don't look any different," she stated.

Madge glared. "Why should I look any different?"
"Because you had sex last night, that is why!"
"Well, if you must know, that happened along time ago!" Madge was delighted with the shocked expression on her little sister's face.

Author:  Elle [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

emma t wrote:
Elle wrote:
"Stuff waiting for the wedding night!" cried Madge as she grappled with Jem's flies.


Joey looked at Madge as she saw her sister the following morning after the wedding, the couple had elected to delay their honey moon until someone could be found to look after Joey.
"You don't look any different," she stated.

Madge glared. "Why should I look any different?"
"Because you had sex last night, that is why!"
"Well, if you must know, that happened along time ago!" Madge was delighted with the shocked expression on her little sister's face.


There was a thud as Joey promptly fainted at hearing what Madge said. Madge took the opportunity to kick her in the head several times, before summoning Jem to have a kick too.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 10:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Oh, I only let them think these are the best seats!' said Herr Braun, smiling to himself as he led the CS party to a table so close to the Tzigane that the Middles all had tinnitus for a week.

'A lime-green twinset, fifty pots of solidified jam and five dozen scrapbooks?' said the Interlaken charity shop volunteer gloomily. 'There was a Chalet School Sale yesterday, wasn't there?'

'Margot, I'm sorry,' admitted Con sheepishly. 'All these years, the voice you thought was your devil was just me, whispering in your ear when you were looking the other way and then looking dozy so you wouldn't suspect!'

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Someone who speaks as many languages as I do is wasted at the Chalet School," Sally Denny said. "It's not even as if I ever get to go on expeditions and be rescued by doctors. Well, I've been offered a job at the UN in Geneva and I'm taking it. Tristan'll have to move into the staff accommodation at the school if he isn't capable of looking after himself."

:lol: :lol: :lol: at the charity shop volunteer.

Author:  Nightwing [ Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey's as wholesale as ever," Nancy chuckled. "Her brats are all named after the place where they were conceived. There's Bedroom 1, 2, and 3 - triplets! - Anna's Pantry, The Backseat of The Runabout, The San, and the twins, Flight CA675 and Airport Lounge. That was a bit of a difficult birth," she added as an afterthought.

"Well!" Winnie exclaimed. "That quite puts me and my six little Broom-closets to shame!

Author:  Abi [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Jem stood on the railway bank and watched as the train burned. Shame about that pretty girl, really, but he didn't want to get soot on his trousers.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 10:44 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Abi wrote:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Jem stood on the railway bank and watched as the train burned. Shame about that pretty girl, really, but he didn't want to get soot on his trousers.


:D :D :D

'Dear Mr Kettlewell (or may I say James?) I accept your proposal with thanks,' wrote Madge, who was already pretty tired of running a school.

The Robin, sick of being cooed over as an 'Engelkind' by random strangers, had taken to wearing a balaclava when they went for walks.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 11:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

There was an evil glint in the Robin's eye but she managed to sound girly as she gasped: 'Oh, Tante Marguerite, I am so frightened,' in answer to Madge's announcement that the village was out of bounds. This was because of a mad bomber whose signature was a tiny angel dolly left at the scene of the crime - this had led to the bomber being nicknamed: Das Engelkind.

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 1:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

After two years in Austria with no more pupils than Joey and Grizel, Madge had to admit defeat; the Chalet School had failed epically. When Madge told Joey they were returning to England Joey was horrified and asked, "but how will we survive? we've got no income!". Madge tutted and said "You're 14 now, you can get a job in a factory."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'To be honest, Professor Richardson,' frowned Jack. 'When you said you were going to work in an unnamed country, I supposed you meant somewhere a tad more far-flung than working in a fish and chip shop in Rhyl.'

Edited to spell Rhyl correctly! (Thank you, MHE :D )

Author:  whitequeen [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"nuqDaq 'oH wIj paq?" asked Joey, who had collected yet another language.

Author:  PaulineS [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

?????? :rofl: :rofl:

Author:  whitequeen [ Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It's Klingon :lol:

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:45 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"It's Klingon," sighed Margot, tossing her curls and rolling her eyes in a typically teenage manner. "Honestly, Auntie Hilda, you're just not with it. You should retire soon - innit?"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:20 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

whitequeen wrote:
It's Klingon :lol:


Joey had badgered the mysterious new girls into teaching her ten words each a day, so by the time Professor Richardson surprised everyone by being the first to make official contact with extra-terrestrials, Joey was in the perfect position to be the Federation interpreter to the Vulcans and Klingons. So she was much too busy to notice Jack.

Author:  midge [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new subject was Target Practice, and the girls cheered when they heard what the first 3 targets were: The Go-Compare man, the Money Supermarket man and a particularily irate talking meercat who talked all the time of Compare the Meercat and Compare the Market.

Author:  cal562301 [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

whitequeen wrote:
It's Klingon :lol:


I knew that. Does that make me a sad Trekkie? :lol: :shock:

Author:  judithR [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

cal562301 wrote:
whitequeen wrote:
It's Klingon :lol:


I knew that. Does that make me a sad Trekkie? :lol: :shock:


Me too

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 12:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
The new subject was Target Practice, and the girls cheered when they heard what the first 3 targets were: The Go-Compare man, the Money Supermarket man and a particularily irate talking meercat who talked all the time of Compare the Meercat and Compare the Market.


I'd like to join this class ...

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The VIth Form English Literature class was wildly oversubscribed when news leaked out that Colin Firth had been hired to read Pride & Prejudice to the girls.
Miss Annersley congratulated herself on the success of this venture but vowed never to reveal, even to Nell, that she had Alan Rickman locked in a cupboard in her room, ready for the private reading, later that night, of Sense & Sensibility that she had commissioned.

Author:  judithR [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
Miss Annersley congratulated herself on the success of this venture but vowed never to reveal, even to Nell, that she had Alan Rickman locked in a cupboard in her room, ready for the private reading, later that night, of Sense & Sensibility that she had commissioned


Go directly to detention, do not pass "Go", do not collect £200...

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 2:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
The VIth Form English Literature class was wildly oversubscribed when news leaked out that Colin Firth had been hired to read Pride & Prejudice to the girls.
Miss Annersley congratulated herself on the success of this venture but vowed never to reveal, even to Nell, that she had Alan Rickman locked in a cupboard in her room, ready for the private reading, later that night, of Sense & Sensibility that she had commissioned.


Unfortunately she had forgotten Rosalie Dene's propensity to casually eavesdrop on telephone calls and so, at the appointed hour, she found herself securely bundled into another cupboard whilst her secretary made free with Rickman in the Head's private sitting room. Asked later what she had been thinking, Rosalie merely replied, "That voice". Conceding that succumbing to The Voice was only human, Hilda forgave her, but privately decided to arrange the Greg Wise reading by post.

Author:  midge [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Disclaimer: The Chalet School does not exist, nor are any of the girls based on real life characters

"The cake is a lie?" Asked Nell when the new Portal-obsessed teacher had said this 500 times.

"The Chamber of Peanuts has been opened. Enimies of the Allnut and Chelsea Bunn Families, go and pack your books. I give you - One Day!" was the writing on the wall this time. Miss Annersley had regretted adding the Harry Potter books to the library. Even the prefects had started to act like Percy Weasley.

Madge Bettany had regretted not having toilets - last lesson, 14 girls bowels had burst at the exact same time.

The new girl died before even starting to travel to the Chalet School - she didn't want to go and had hung herself.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
Madge Bettany had regretted not having toilets - last lesson, 14 girls bowels had burst at the exact same time.

The new girl died before even starting to travel to the Chalet School - she didn't want to go and had hung herself.


:shock: :D Snigger!

Author:  Squirrel [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl rolled her eyes as Matron continued to lecture her on the iniquities of wandering round with her hair "looking like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards..." How did that happen? she wondered, and who did the dragging?

Eventually she sighed, and as the woman paused in her tirade for a moment she responded. "Errrrr, Matron... it's a new style. It's Meant to look like that!" she told her and smiled sweetly, before wandering off about her usual lawful concerns.

Author:  Jenefer [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Reg what do you mean you're engaged to Len" Sharlie asked "I thought we had a future together"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Chalet School food was so notoriously awful the girls practically lived for the arrival of tuck parcels from home.

'No offence intended, Auntie Hilda,' said Margot, looking at the designs for the new uniform. '"Dainty" isn't a look the average teenager really aspires to.'

'Gosh, Yseult, you really are a much better actress than Mary-Lou!!' cried Miss Derwent, plucking the cardboard crown from the golden-brown curls and setting it instead on the 'artistic' loose hair. 'Mary-Lou, you can be Noises Off this year.'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'So why were you expelled, Ted?' Len asked.
'Oh, the usual,' Ted shrugged. 'Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll, but mostly it was because I was dealing. You girls OK for skunk? smack?'

Author:  midge [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len went to get some Crack from Mary-Lou - she was fed up of being the very good and responsible eldest.

The old girls asked the new girls what they wanted to do in the future.
"I want to be a DJ," said one of them.
"I want to shag as many men as I can!" said the next.
The third just looked blank and said "I just want to kill myself," she said, looking at the scars where she had slit herself with her pair of compasses.

"I would like one of those half-moony things," said most of the seniors with a maths exam in two days time to the stationary prefect. "Oh, and while I remember, got any of those weird things that make circles?"
The stationary prefect sighed about this. After all, kids like Margot Maynard who are only 8 know enough to signal a protractor and a pair of compasses. These people will never pass their exams.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I told them I was becoming a nun," sniggered Robin over a glass of whiskey. "I had to get away from being the perfect little angel somehow."

Author:  midge [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"That view is pulch- ummm, pulch-, oh, you know what I mean. The long word. Peoples oranges are very loving - not icky!" the new girl said.

"Who the blazes is calling when I've got Inter V!" Miss Ferrars shouted, fumbling for her mobile.
"This is Kathleen Ferrars. Who are you and what do you want,"
The other person spoke. Then Miss Ferrars spoke again.
"Emerence Hope and Heather Clayton, Detention, 2000 hours, my office," and she hung up.

"Reg, I'd rather marry Gaudenz than you," Len said icily, and walked away.

Author:  Abi [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Ah, Len," said Miss Annersley over the telephone. "I was wondering whether you knew where Reg was? Len? Why are you giggling like that? Who's that I can hear? Are you hurt? Len, is that Gaudenz's voice?"

Author:  Nightwing [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I'm worried by the growing propensity of Len/Gaudenz relationship hints... *nudges plot bunny away with foot*

The Chalet School's consistently high exam results took a sudden dive when Rosalie started remembering to lock the exam papers in her office at night.

Author:  whitequeen [ Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new Games mistress, Ziva David, was teaching Mossad-approved self-defence techniques, and encouraged the girls to use them when faced with unwanted attentions from the San doctors.

Author:  Elle [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Sorry Joey," said Jack firmly, "I can't marry you. Despite fleeing Austria together, I am in fact in love with Grizel."

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"So, Mamma, what did you and Auntie Madge do for the war effort?" Geoff Maynard asked.

Author:  Nightwing [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Elle wrote:
"Sorry Joey," said Jack firmly, "I can't marry you. Despite fleeing Austria together, I am in fact in love with Grizel."


"Love shmove," Joey snapped. "You got me pregnant, and now you have to marry me. Don't think I'm any happier about this than you are!"

Author:  Abi [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Hello, Jack," said Joey with a dangerous smile, a wooden stake in her hand. "Let me introduce you to Mr Pointy."

Author:  Chatelaine [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

julieanne1811 wrote:
midge wrote:
The new subject was Target Practice, and the girls cheered when they heard what the first 3 targets were: The Go-Compare man, the Money Supermarket man and a particularily irate talking meercat who talked all the time of Compare the Meercat and Compare the Market.


I'd like to join this class ...


I'd like to volunteer to be Human Shield for poor Aleksandr Orlov, whose great-grandfather did not go through all that history just for Aleksandr to be shot by a bunch of marauding schoolgirls! :D

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack and Jem both got rather defensive and blustery when a visiting doctor, with a single glance, diagnosed Con Maynard's lifelong dreaminess as being mild narcolpesy.

'OK, Joey,' said Jack, holding his hands up. 'I admit the minibus lottery ticket story was a lie. I had a big win on the gees. Gaudenz gave me a good tip.'

'After ten years of therapy, I think I'm finally ready to say it,' said Len to her shrink, taking a deep breath. 'My mother is a monster!'

Author:  JS [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I feel really unsure of myself," said Joey.

"Gosh, I just don't know," said Mary-Lou. "Why don't you try a counsellor."

"Yes Joey," said Rosalie, when asked why she was unmarried. "There has been and still is someone - you!"

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 13, 2010 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Go to that San? No thank you. The leader of the English branch, Sir James Russell, is so pompous and conceited, and the Swiss Branch leader Dr. Jack Maynard, is thoughtless and crazy. Rumour has it he sniffs and goes straight to the loo at any time," Daisy's patient said.

A whole load of Death Eaters went to the Chalet School, but the girls made all of the Death Eaters wands backfire. The other half of the school were burying Mad-Eye Moody, who had fell straight into the Lower IVs garden. His mad eye was missing.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

[quote="JS"]"I feel really unsure of myself," said Joey.

"Gosh, I just don't know," said Mary-Lou. "Why don't you try a counsellor."


:D :D

'Pluck a chicken? Are you crazy?' said Eilunedd suspiciously.

'A message telling me only to go to the art room? On a Saturday? From a teacher who's never in at the weekend? Just before a tennis match for which I'm a reserve?' said Blossom Willoughby suspiciously.

'

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 3:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda was ready to give the girls their heads for a few minutes and then to raise her hand for quiet, but her announcement was met with deathly silence. The girls were not wildly enthusiastic about the idea. One and all, they were not longing to begin.


Jack Lambert bounced to her feet. "Three cheers for Mrs Maynard!" she shouted excitedly.
"Jacynth Lambert, sit back down at once!" Hilda snapped. "I've never heard such a fuss over a few jars of jam. Get a life, girl!"

Author:  Abi [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda Annersley was short, clumsy and a slow thinker.

Author:  Elle [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Jack, as a doctor, you should know about contraception," said Joey, "I have no desire to be busy again."

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Aug 14, 2010 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I'm sorry, Len, but you can't start teaching here as soon as you graduate," Hilda said. "We haven't got a vacancy, and anyway we've decided that we employ enough Old Girls as it is."

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:12 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len's tutor stared for a moment before quickly recovering. "So, your father sometimes drugs your mother?"

Len laughed. "When you put it like that, it sounds awful! Don't worry - Papa's a doctor and he only does it when Mamma really needs rest. It's the same for all of us and Uncle Jem does it with his crew. Why, when my sister was kidnapped I honestly thought..."

As she listened, in increasing horror, the tutor made up her mind. Much later, having fortified herself with a cigarette, she picked up the 'phone. "Hello! Harry? Yes, it's me. Look, do you still know that chap on the GMC? Only I've got a rather worrying case of ethical misconduct that I'd like someone to look into..."

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 10:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey died shortly afterwards from dehydration. She had developed a lifelong fear of any drink after one of Jack's doses went wrong.

Author:  Lindsay [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 1:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RubyGates wrote:
Madge looked at Joey thoughtfully and then said, "Do you know Joey with those earphones you look just like Princess Leia"


Joey sighed in frustration as she finally succeeded in pinning her immaculate earphones in place. She loved her husband very much, but had to admit that indulging him in his ridiculous obsession was somewhat trying. When he had insisted that they bring up the children in his religion, Jedi wasn't quite what she'd had in mind, and she'd never really quite understood all that stuff about mastering the "force". Loud cries from the nursery interrupted her thoughts, and Jo went to attend to the needs of the latest addition to the family, little Mary-Chewbacca, cursing on the way as she tripped over Jack's new walking stick with its curiously luminous design.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'I hate this Sanatorium, Arthur, all the people in it are mad!'
'I know what you mean, Napoleon, but that poor chap over there is worse off than we are. At least we can have our re-runs of the battle of Waterloo (in which I beat you yet again), but that tall fair chap insists he's the director of the San.'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 3:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"A mere girl a piano genius? Don't get above yourself Nina. Your father was a very ill man who encouraged you to make himself feel better. I know it's an unpleasant truth but this is the last straw and we really cannot have you upsetting the other girls with your demands. Now, dry your tears, tidy yourself up and head back to class - I'm sure a couple of hours of gymnastics will do you the world of good."

Author:  George [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl had only been at the Chalet school for two weeks when news arrived that all her remaining relatives had been killed in a car accident somewhere up the Amazon. "Bother and blast", said Margot. "That's another one Mamma is sure to take her in until she's old enough to start out on her own. We really don't have the space in our room for another bed. You'll have to top-and-tail with her in the holidays, Len". "Bugger that", said Len. "She can sleep on the floor".

Author:  tiffinata [ Sun Aug 15, 2010 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'You're wet.'
'Yes, its raining.'

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, was a school.

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 9:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl had only been at the Chalet school for two weeks when news arrived that all her remaining relatives had been killed in a car accident somewhere up the Amazon.
'Rosalie, will you get on to Social Services in the UK? We need to arrange her return to the UK - she hasn't any relatives or money so they'll have to sort it out.' Hilda Annersely said as she thought 'we're not getting stuck with another girl who has no relatives. We're and educational institution, not a social care facility!'

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I'd like everyone in VIa to remain behind after assembly for a discussion about filling in university application forms," Hilda announced. "You can't just expect to get a place automatically, you know."

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 12:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

When it was obvious Joey was completely oblivious to hints about the behaviour of her massive, uncontrolled Bruno, new girls attending 'English tea' at Freudesheim were provided with lightweight Tasers.

Author:  Jenefer [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

" When I get my hands on Reg Entwistle, I'll have his guts for garters" Matron burst into the study and slammed the door
"You heard about the engagement then" Hilda said
"Indeed I have. He's a two timing little *******. Sharlie's in her room, crying her eyes out because he told her she was the one. Rosemary's in the staffroom crying her eyes out because she thought she was the one. Joan's hit the Baileys and is threatening to go and sort him out. Len is making a big mistake in my opinion"

Author:  JS [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

:lol:

Sounds like he's more than TWO-timing :)

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

As the curtain fell for a final time, the girls lined up behind it, breathless and eager for the applause from the audience which, owing to the weather, had been mostly comprised of patients and locals instead of parents and friends. Unfortunately you could have heard a pin drop and, after waiting several moments, Miss Ferrars finally raised the house lights only to catch the last few visitors shuffling out and shaking their heads. One of them even had the temerity to pop their hand back in the bowl and remove an earlier donation!

Much later, having spent several hours consoling crying girls, Hilda Annersley walked into the staff room with a face like a thundercloud. "That," she declared, her blue eyes flashing, "Is the last time I let Joey write a play! It's generic musicals from here on in! Even the village priest told me he thought the religious content was 'a bit heavily emphasised for a school production'!"

Author:  bonnie [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Valerie Gardiner grinned at Samantha. "Is Samaris a relation of yours, by the way? You have names fairly alike."

The two Sams looked at each other.

"Is Gay Lambert related to Tom Gay?" asked Samaris. "They have names fairly alike."

"Well, no," began Val, "but..."

"And is Janice Chester related to Janet Scott?" asked Samantha. "Those are quite similar names, aren't they?"

"Um, no," said Val.

"And is Val Pertwee related to you?" questioned Samaris. "I mean, you two have the same name! Surely she's a relation of your."

"No she isn't," replied Val, sharply.

"Well then," demanded Samantha, "why the hell does everyone ask if Sam and I are related just because our names are a little bit similar?! It's completely illogical and it's really starting to bug me!"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Len,' snapped Ruey, pulling up the covers. 'I really appreciate your parents taking us in, but I didn't sign up for nightly little lectures about hair-brushing and prayers, all right? Just so we're clear.'

The next moment, Peggy herself was flying up to her, grabbing her hands and shaking them fervently. “Hester! My dear, you’re fatter than ever!”
'And you are ruder than ever,' said Hester, dropping Peggy's hand as if it was a slug. 'I should ask for classes in normal politeness now you're at a finishing school if I were you, seeing as you clearly didn't get them at home.'

'I have absolutely no intention of keeping quiet about how your insane sister tried to brain my best friend!' hissed Alicia at Len. 'And I'll be telling the press how you tried to cover it up as well!'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 2:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'There must be something very peculiar about the Maynard marriage,' mused Rosalie as she tiptoed into the Freudesheim soft fruit garden with her latest 'mistake'. 'I mean, what kind of doctor is Jack, if he seriously believes babies turn up under gooseberry bushes? Still,' she smiled, admiring the baby's beautiful almond eyes, 'It's been very convenient for me, but I do wonder if I'm pushing my luck with this one. Somebody might do the maths and count back to my trip to Tokyo.' :shock:

Author:  Jenefer [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 2:51 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey, this is Snork Maiden" Margia said "She's from Finland"

Author:  Elle [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I would like everybody to submit their lesson plans from now on," said Hilda to the horror of the staff.

Author:  Abi [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 5:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You're seriously telling me you don't have toilets here?" said the new girl in horror.

"Why else do you think we'd all spend so much time over at Freudesheim?" said her sheepdog.

Author:  lizco [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh no" said Joey to her new friend. "You will have to wait until you meet the children to see what they are like. It would be awful to give them labels like "the dreamy one", "the responsible one" which would follow them around all their life".

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 6:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Er, Jack?' Joey looked shifty. 'You know all those light country wines I'm always offering people at meals? Well, I've never actually admitted to you just how many countries that covers. There's France, Italy, Spain, Germany, Chile, California, Australia, South Africa and New Zealand, and that was only over the weekend. I'm off to rehab for a month or two.'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Tue Aug 17, 2010 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Look Nancy, I don't mind how you do it, but you simply must!"

"Hilda! I've no desire to start a feud with a schoolgirl and especially not with a new arrival! She's only been here three weeks but she's a Chalet Girl through and through. In fact I've been really pleased with the way our girls have settled in this term - no squabbles, no clashes with previous education or between different backgrounds, wonderful girls all round and the weather's been marvellous - neither too hot nor too cold. Joey was even telling me the other day that there aren't any serious cases at the San and no family problems worth mentioning."

Miss Annersley gave a heartfelt groan and sank back in her chair. "I know! That's precisely the problem! Joey's been coming 'round or calling at least six times a day to see if there's anything she can do. This morning alone I've had three calls and she threatened me with a - here she is!" With that, the usually-dignified mistress leapt from her chair, scuttled across the study and, hissing a final 'Do something!' at her junior, sought pastures where she would be most unlikely to bump into Mrs Maynard.

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 3:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Len, Con, I've got fantastic news" said Joey, "I always felt I missed out by not going to university when I was younger so I applied to Oxford and I've been accepted as a mature student! I'll be coming with you two, isn't that wonderful?"

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 3:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"What do you mean, you applied?" Len asked, a puzzled look on her face. "Don't you just have to turn up? There isn't any more to getting into university than that, is there?"

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 4:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"What do you mean, you applied?" Len asked, a puzzled look on her face. "Don't you just have to turn up? There isn't any more to getting into university than that, is there?"


Oops, my bad! I forgot that :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  RoseCloke [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 6:12 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RubyGates wrote:
"Len, Con, I've got fantastic news" said Joey, "I always felt I missed out by not going to university when I was younger so I applied to Oxford and I've been accepted as a mature student! I'll be coming with you two, isn't that wonderful?"


"Con? Why are you packing an extra suitcase?"

Con dropped the clothes, looked carefully around, then lowered her voice. "Listen Len, don't tell Mamma, but I simply have to have my own life. I was speaking to one of the doctors and he went to Cambridge so I got him to ring up a friend and I'm going there instead. I'll go with you as far as London and then I'm off. The Chalet School has been wonderful but what kind of spineless jellyfish wants to surround themselves with the same people and places all the time?"

Author:  Elle [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda summoned an emergency staff briefing.

"What's this all about?" asked Nell.

"Ofsted," groaned Hilda.

Author:  whitequeen [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack was somewhat surprised when Reg sauntered in to work, leather jacket slung casually over one shoulder and the last of a stream of smoke drifting from his lips. "Hey there daddy-o, what's shakin'?" he uttered.

Author:  cestina [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 8:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I haven't been on line much for the past few days - what a wonderful crop! :lol: :lol:

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 9:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh dry up!" snapped Hilda. "No spineless jellyfish, I said, yet every girl I have in here cries. Honestly!"

Author:  Abi [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 10:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
"Oh dry up!" snapped Hilda. "No spineless jellyfish, I said, yet every girl I have in here cries. Honestly!"


"Another spineless jellyfish?" said Hilda, as the Middle dissolved in front of her. "Oh well, chuck her in the tank with the others."

Author:  Nightwing [ Wed Aug 18, 2010 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Honestly," Margot snarled, "Just exactly what does a girl have to do around here to get herself expelled? Blackmail - attempted murder, twice - and still, nothing!"

and

"These are my septuplets," Joey beamed. "I was at a complete loss for names, but I thought, well, everyone knows the triplets by their character traits, so why not just go the whole hog? This is Dozy, and this is Bashful. Next to him is Grumpy - this little fellow is Sneezy..."

or

"These are my octuplets," Joey beamed. "I got their names from that beautiful poem the girls always ask me to recite. Prancer and Blitzen, come shake hands. Comet, did you leave this puzzle out? Oh, it was you Dasher?..."

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Aug 19, 2010 9:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It took Madge most of the night to calm Joey down. Eventually it emerged that she'd had a terrible nightmare, in which she became Jack Maynard's wife with eleven children, numerous wards and a continuing attachment to the school. She couldn't, she declared, imagine anything worse.

Author:  JS [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 1:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Quote:
It took Madge most of the night to calm Joey down. Eventually it emerged that she'd had a terrible nightmare, in which she became Jack Maynard's wife with eleven children, numerous wards and a continuing attachment to the school. She couldn't, she declared, imagine anything worse.


And then Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower and it had all been a terrible dream....

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 3:08 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Sod off! I'm playing Call Of Duty, then Portal, then Civilisation IV, and I'm on this board called "The Chalet School - Not as good as it seems," started by someone called Thekla. I'm chatting to all of my mates at the same time on MSN. I don't want to go to the CS and so I warn you!"

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 3:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Jack, I've got something to tell you," a beaming Joey said. "Dr Hunter and I are getting married!"

Oh bugger, Jack thought. That was what you got for waiting around for a girl to realise what a solid lump of comfort you were.

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls were listening and singing songs the teachers had deemed as inappropriate.

Author:  Jenefer [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 5:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I hate the Chalet School" said Felicity "I don't like hockey, Hobbies Club is boring and there are no boys"

Author:  RoseCloke [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 5:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey looked anxiously at the midwife. "Two more?!"

"Yes dear, two more... come on!"

Several hours afterwards, with three wriggling bundles clasped in her arms, Joey greeted her sister cheerfully. "Hullo Madge! Triplets! I've no idea what we're going to do in a few years though - imagine finding three sets of fees for our sons! If only they'd been girls..."

Two weeks later Hilda Annersley received a letter from Madge Russell declaring that, in a brave educational experiment, she would make the Chalet School a co-educational institution. No reason was given.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Fri Aug 20, 2010 5:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"Jack, I've got something to tell you," a beaming Joey said. "Dr Hunter and I are getting married!"

Oh bugger, Jack thought. That was what you got for waiting around for a girl to realise what a solid lump of comfort you were.


:D :D

The Chalet girls who came up to Oxford for their first term at Somerville soon provoked everyone by their air of slightly superior surprise when they discovered everyone else had actually had to apply.

'My dear Miss Maynard,' said her tutor to Con, 'Your essay on Milton would be considerably better if you didn't start so many sentences with "Mamma always says"...'

'Look, Mary-Lou,' said one of the third years gently. 'Everyone knows you were never in your life in a punt until yesterday, so you should really stop issuing quite so much advice about punting techniques and bending your knees when you raise the pole. People get a bit cross, and I don't blame them.'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Aug 21, 2010 2:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'So, Miss Mabel Bubb; you're an Oxbridge classics graduate with a reputation for getting girls through exams? Tell us, what are you going to do for Britain's Got Talent?'
'Well, Simon', (simpers). 'I'm going to play my own version of Elgar's Cello Symphony, orchestrated for spoons and handsaw.'

Author:  Abi [ Sat Aug 21, 2010 6:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I don't know why you're getting jealous, Con," said Len irritably. "Gaudenz is just a friend."

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Aug 22, 2010 1:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Abi wrote:
"I don't know why you're getting jealous, Con," said Len irritably. "Gaudenz is just a friend."


"Oh I know all about you and your 'friends'," Con shot back nastily. "Just exactly how many do you need?"

Margot sighed. Len and Con had such terrible tempers. Clearly it wasn't the time to tell them what she and Emerence had been up to behind the bike shed.

Author:  RubyGates [ Sun Aug 22, 2010 10:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It was half way through the maths lesson when the door suddenly slammed open and Reg Entwhistle, dressed in a white Navy uniform, strode over to Len, picked up her up out of her chair and carried her out of the school. He gently placed her in his car, presented her with a dozen red roses then drove off to an expensive restaurant for a romantic, candle-lit meal.

(with apologies to An Officer and a Gentleman for the first bit)

Author:  midge [ Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl was constantly sucking her thumb.

Author:  Alison H [ Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I quite agree with Miss Bubb," said Hilda. "My father wouldn't have been hit the roof if I'd left school with no qualifications because I'd spent all my time going on picnics or rehearsing for nativity plays. Exam results matter."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sun Aug 22, 2010 7:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RubyGates wrote:
It was half way through the maths lesson when the door suddenly slammed open and Reg Entwhistle, dressed in a white Navy uniform, strode over to Len, picked up her up out of her chair and carried her out of the school. He gently placed her in his car, presented her with a dozen red roses then drove off to an expensive restaurant for a romantic, candle-lit meal.


'For God's sake, Reg,' snapped Len. 'How many times do I have to tell you? Red roses are naff, specially when you bought them on sale at the petrol station. Also, are you aware that impersonating a naval officer is a criminal offence? And that I'm about to ring the police to inform on you?' She shook her head in disbelief. 'And you can jolly well let me out of this car right this minute. May I remind you that you can't drive anyway? Because you failed your driving test sixteen times?'

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Reg sat and stared at the computer screen, wishing he'd never found this CBB website.

"Oh, f**k," he said.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
Reg sat and stared at the computer screen, wishing he'd never found this CBB website.

"Oh, f**k," he said.

:D :D :D :D :D

Author:  tiffinata [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are standing in a row!' said Joey showing off her latest offspring

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

tiffinata wrote:
'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Here they are standing in a row!' said Joey showing off her latest offspring


Splutter! That one needed a warning, Tiffinata. Luckily I'd put my cup down before I clicked on to this thread. :D

Author:  Alison H [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 9:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Miss Wilson, Miss Wilmot and I will all be available over the phone to help anyone who doesn't get the A-level or GCSE results she needs," Hilda announced in the end-of-year assembly. "We understand that these things aren't a foregone conclusion and we're here to give any advice you might need."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 10:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The registrar of Russell-Maynard College, Oxford received a panic phone call from the registrar of Redbrick University.
'I've had an application from some kid who seems to have done School Certificate. Know anything about that?'

'From the Chalet School, I presume? Yes?'

'How on earth do they do it?' commented the caller. 'And they don't seem to have the least idea that they should apply to separate colleges; all of them just say Redbrick on the form.'

'Oh, I know,' sighed the Oxonian. 'But I wouldn't worry, they behave themselves, get down to the work and don't need much pastoral care, apart from the occasional cup of cocoa, even if their essays are pedestrian in the extreme.'

Author:  Emma A [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:15 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Do you know," said Sybil thoughtfully, "you're right that I shouldn't be ashamed of my good looks. I will come to London and model for Vogue, after all!"

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 12:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

When Doris Bratley of St Hilda's mentioned her plans to become a mannequin, there was a great general exclamation of approbation. The Chalet girls had never even dreamed of so exciting a career! That evening the 'discreet' makeup that Va and the Sixths were allowed to wear looked rather less discreet than usual, everyone passed on having a second bread twist at Kaffee und Kuchen, and it was obvious that several people were practising their hips-out catwalk strut on their way up to bed.

Author:  Jenefer [ Tue Aug 24, 2010 2:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Helena! you've been engaged for three years and you're still a virgin!"
Con said
"Well you haven't missed much" Margot said "Reg is hopeless. Roger on the other hand...."
"Margo's right" added Con "And Roger is amazing"

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

In topical mode:

'Jack, I see the Prime Minister has a new baby. I want one!'
'Don't be ridiculous, Joey. You're 91 and I get birthday telegrams from the Queen. Besides, it's 30 years since Freudesheim was turned into a twilight home for retired doctors and their demented spouses; there isn't a nursery anymore.'

Author:  cal562301 [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 12:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
In topical mode:

'Jack, I see the Prime Minister has a new baby. I want one!'
'Don't be ridiculous, Joey. You're 91 and I get birthday telegrams from the Queen. Besides, it's 30 years since Freudesheim was turned into a twilight home for retired doctors and their demented spouses; there isn't a nursery anymore.'


Love it. :lol:

'Maybe I should run for Prime Minister. I have more children than Tony Blair, Gordon Brown and David Cameron added together!' said Joey.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 12:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It took a good forty years for those at the Chalet School to comprehend Joey's diabolical plans. By then, well into her retirement, she had children and adoptees in government, medicine, the arts and various important institutions. Constantly aware of the latest global developments, always invited to the latest cultural events and generally never having to pay for travel or experiencing bureaucratic delays, she was the envy of many a friend and acquaintance.

Author:  Abi [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"The girls of the Chalet School speak drawlinge, they are phlegmatique, skins pale and livid; slow, and dull, heavy of Spirit: hereabout is but little Prep or hard labour, they only milk Cowes and make Cheese; they feed chiefly on Milke meates, which cooles their Braines too much, and hurts their Inventions. These Circumstances make them Melancholy, contemplative, and malicious... And by the same reason they are generally more apt to be Fanatiques."

(With thanks to John Aubrey)

Author:  Myth Tree [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The entire Maynard Clan spent the summer with their feet up watching television. Jeremy Kyle was the highpoint of their day.

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Myth Tree wrote:
The entire Maynard Clan spent the summer with their feet up watching television. Jeremy Kyle was the highpoint of their day.


Especially when they were invited to appear on the show, along with the Russells and the Bettanys. They all had plenty to say.

Author:  George [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Matey let out a horrified gasp as she entered the head's private quarters and saw Gaudenz handcuffed to the bed frame.

Author:  charli [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

George wrote:
Matey let out a horrified gasp as she entered the head's private quarters and saw Gaudenz handcuffed to the bed frame.

:shock: :shock: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Good thing i'd just put my mug down!

Author:  ivohenry [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 10:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Matron Besley was the kindest and most sympathetic of all the matrons the Chalet School ever had. The girls all cried buckets, especially Robin, when she was replaced by the harsh uncaring Matron Gould/Lloyd.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Wed Aug 25, 2010 11:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

George wrote:
Matey let out a horrified gasp as she entered the head's private quarters and saw Gaudenz handcuffed to the bed frame.


"Matey!" Cried Miss Annersley. "Thank goodness you've come! Gaudenz said he had some etchings he wanted to show me - and you know how much I admire good art work - but no sooner had we walked into the room than he pounced on me! I simply grabbed the nearest object I could. What a blessing the girls are doing a play about convicts this year..."

Author:  JennieP [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

RoseCloke wrote:
George wrote:
Matey let out a horrified gasp as she entered the head's private quarters and saw Gaudenz handcuffed to the bed frame.


"Matey!" Cried Miss Annersley. "Thank goodness you've come! Gaudenz said he had some etchings he wanted to show me - and you know how much I admire good art work - but no sooner had we walked into the room than he pounced on me! I simply grabbed the nearest object I could. What a blessing the girls are doing a play about convicts this year..."


"That's what she said." muttered Matey...

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 12:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len, on hearing of Gaudenz's latest exploits, spent the rest of the day crying in the splashery and raging jealously against her headmistress.

Author:  JennieP [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Margot, on the other hand, took the opportunity presented by her brevet-aunt's preoccupation and sister's distress, and broke bounds for an assignation with Phil Graves and Eugen Courvoisier, both suffering from 'busy' wives.

Author:  midge [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 4:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Catholic staff were shocked when no girls turned up to prayers.
Later, Miss Annersley said "The Catholic prayers have been cancelled due to lack of interest,"
The Schools Catholic Chapel was turned into a music studio.

Author:  Liz K [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
The Catholic staff were shocked when no girls turned up to prayers.
Later, Miss Annersley said "The Catholic prayers have been cancelled due to lack of interest,"
The Schools Catholic Chapel was turned into a music studio.


:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Author:  cestina [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 6:10 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Abi wrote:
"The girls of the Chalet School speak drawlinge, they are phlegmatique, skins pale and livid; slow, and dull, heavy of Spirit: hereabout is but little Prep or hard labour, they only milk Cowes and make Cheese; they feed chiefly on Milke meates, which cooles their Braines too much, and hurts their Inventions. These Circumstances make them Melancholy, contemplative, and malicious... And by the same reason they are generally more apt to be Fanatiques."

(With thanks to John Aubrey)

:D

Author:  Abi [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I've decided to emigrate to Australia," said Gaudenz, who had become very pale and hunted-looking in recent months.

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Aug 27, 2010 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Notice on the staffroom door:

STAFF ONLY

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:33 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Abi wrote:
"I've decided to emigrate to Australia," said Gaudenz, who had become very pale and hunted-looking in recent months.


At the chorus of "I'll come with you!" from various staff and students, he turned an interesting shade, before shaking his way out of the room. It came as little surprise to Matey when his bed was found empty the next morning and, despite the many girls who went 'on holiday' to Australia, he was never heard from again. She took the secret of a small farm in the south of France to her grave.

Author:  Naomila [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 12:42 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Love this thread!

midge wrote:
The Catholic staff were shocked when no girls turned up to prayers.
Later, Miss Annersley said "The Catholic prayers have been cancelled due to lack of interest,"
The Schools Catholic Chapel was turned into a music studio.


The mistresses did not realise that the girls had been listening to a song some bright spark had found on the net, entitled 'Pope Song'

Author:  midge [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

When a Old Girl of the CS decides to move house, this sign is found: House for sale by owner because my neighbours an a**hole.

A sign was above the newest machine at the San: Caution! This machine has no brain. Use your own.

(Sorry, couldn't resist! :D )

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

As Miss Annersley gave her beginning-of-term address to a hall full of enthralled girls, Miss Wilson turned to the stunned new mistress and gave a chuckle, her eyes twinkling. "She's got rather an awful voice hasn't she? Don't worry about the girls - we tend to slip something into the soup to keep them docile. From tomorrow it'll be in the kaffee. New girls take a while to adjust but it does wonders for discipline!"

Author:  Abi [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 2:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You had a princess here?" said the new girl, sounding bored. "Whatever. I once met Madonna."

Author:  emma t [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 8:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Oh my goodness!' declared Joey. 'I tasted something sweet there. Does that mean you have taken liberties to drug my tea without my permission,Jack?'

Author:  Naomila [ Sat Aug 28, 2010 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"It sucks to be me."

Joey was showing off her 12th-15th babies, Alvin, Alvina, Melvin, and Malvina.

Author:  Jenefer [ Sun Aug 29, 2010 10:36 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Helena opened her door at college to her sister
"Are you doing anything on Saturday" Con asked "Fancy coming on a blind date with me?"
"Oh I don't know"
"Come on Len, live a little. I won't tell Reg"
"Maybe, what are you doing?"
"You know I've beeen going out with David Elliot at Balliol. His cousin Guy is visiting this weekend.....

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Aug 29, 2010 8:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Children?" sniffed Joey, shutting the nursery door firmly. "Can't stand the noisy, messy, hideous creatures, but if I say no to anymore Jack just doses me."

Author:  emma t [ Sun Aug 29, 2010 8:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
"Children?" sniffed Joey, shutting the nursery door firmly. "Can't stand the noisy, messy, hideous creatures, but if I say no to anymore Jack just doses me."

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Jack had run out of doses, so Joey was able to laugh hestericly, and ended up seducing him there and then. He did not object.

Author:  Nightwing [ Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda's latest effort to avoid Joey - turning off all the lights and hiding behind the sofa - was foiled when she realised that Joey was already behind the sofa, waiting for her.

Author:  cestina [ Sun Aug 29, 2010 11:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh yes, those of us with shoulder length hair or longer wash it every day" said Frieda to the new girl "It means we have to miss three lessons whilst it is drying but cleanliness is next to godliness you know"

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda was shocked when a new girl pointed out that Karen's famous delicious creamy confection was actually Strawberry Angel Delight.
And Karen's reputation took another body-blow when the school was snowed-in for a week; the girls realised that the cook and Minette, the famous mouser, were in cahoots to provide the nutritious meaty stews that appeared on the second day of the 'famine'. :shock:

Author:  Emma A [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Triplets did all they could to avoid being sent to the Swiss branch of the Chalet School - Margot slacked off, Con went about in a dream and wrote several bad poems, and Len lost her temper with one of her friends and slapped her. Their marks descended in a startling rush, and were inexplicably cheerful when Miss Annersley informed them, with sadness, that they were not to go to Switzerland after all.

Author:  Nightwing [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"The bad news is that Jem wants me at the Swiss San," Jack told his wife. "But the good news is we won't be able to take the triplets with us."

"Oh Jack," Joey said with tears in her eyes, "This is the happiest day of my life."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 1:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack handed Joey his library book, The Midwich Cuckoos, by John Wyndham. 'I think you ought to read this, Jo. See if anything strikes you as familiar.'
After reading the book, Joey was aghast. 'Oh, Jack, it explains so much,' she gasped. 'The way the children all arrive in multiples of three or two - nine months after an inexplicable power black-out that rendered both of us unconscious.'
'Yes,' Jack agreed. 'And it explains the staring eyes and strange helmet-hairstyles, cut with a fringe.' He cheered up. 'At least we know what do do about it,' he consoled her. 'Ring up the army and get them over here with some heavy artillery. We'll copy the book and nuke the lot of 'em.'

Author:  Abi [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
Jack handed Joey his library book, The Midwich Cuckoos, by John Wyndham. 'I think you ought to read this, Jo. See if anything strikes you as familiar.'
After reading the book, Joey was aghast. 'Oh, Jack, it explains so much,' she gasped. 'The way the children all arrive in multiples of three or two - nine months after an inexplicable power black-out that rendered both of us unconscious.'
'Yes,' Jack agreed. 'And it explains the staring eyes and strange helmet-hairstyles, cut with a fringe.' He cheered up. 'At least we know what do do about it,' he consoled her. 'Ring up the army and get them over here with some heavy artillery. We'll copy the book and nuke the lot of 'em.'


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  emma t [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 7:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl was not to be made welcome, and she was beaten up by The Gang once the staff had gone off duty. The prefects in charge did not batter an eye lid, and cheered them on.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'And that's Miss Annersley's private wing, with the study and her bedroom,' explained Mary-Lou to the new girl. 'Miss Dene sleeps there too, and so does Gaudenz, only we're not supposed to know that. Apparently it's for when the boilers need stoking at night.'

'Actually none of us take morning baths,' explained Jack cheerfully. 'Much too cold and rushed - we just run the water, make a splashing noise, and run back to the dormy looking pink and healthy - no ever notices.'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Cosimo's Jackal wrote:
'Actually none of us take morning baths,' explained Jack cheerfully. 'Much too cold and rushed - we just run the water, make a splashing noise, and run back to the dormy looking pink and healthy - no ever notices.'


Jack didn't explain about the Sixth Form hot water racket, by which the maids supplemented their income as they smuggled hot water upstairs every morning, mostly because the more desperate you were for a hot bath the more you were likely to pay. The profits from the last few terms had topped up the San funds quite nicely. It was the only way they could keep up with fund-raising any more.

Author:  Myth Tree [ Tue Aug 31, 2010 8:16 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

As the phone rang at six a.m Jack snuggled further under the bedclothes 'I'm not at home'
'Neither am I' said Jo.
No-one answered the persistant ringing.

Author:  emma t [ Tue Aug 31, 2010 3:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'What, no more babies?' Madge looked at Joey in shock. "That is not like you!'
'Well, we've run out of room, and we frankly can't afford any more mouths to feed!' Joey said with a shrug.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Aug 31, 2010 9:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'You know what?' Hilda looked round at the weary staff. 'I'm sick to death of kids. There's only six weeks to the end of term; what say we go for the old 'Oh-dearie-me-the drains-are-causing-terrible-illnesses-we'll-have-to-shut-the-school' wheeze?'
'Great idea,' applauded Bill. 'We haven't done that one for about ten years. Where shall we go? South of France again? Or a cruise on that new luxury liner?'
As one woman, the staff voted for the cruise and Rosalie dashed to the office to start typing the Emergency Closure notices.

Author:  Lesley [ Tue Aug 31, 2010 10:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'You know what?' Hilda looked round at the weary staff. 'I'm sick to death of kids. There's only six weeks to the end of term; what say we go for the old 'Oh-dearie-me-the drains-are-causing-terrible-illnesses-we'll-have-to-shut-the-school' wheeze?'
'Great idea,' applauded Bill. 'We haven't done that one for about ten years. Where shall we go? South of France again? Or a cruise on that new luxury liner?'
As one woman, the staff voted for the cruise and Rosalie dashed to the office to start typing the Emergency Closure notices.




Now this seems perfectly feasible :lol:

Author:  emma t [ Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Joey is ill again?' said Matron with a sigh. ' Nothing new there then. Tell her to wrap up the next time she goes out!'

Author:  Nightwing [ Wed Sep 01, 2010 10:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You may have forgotten," Joey told the assembled girls, who were still looking at the new rowboats in awe, "But we once had four school houses. Gryffindor - Ravenclaw - Hufflepuff - and Slytherin..."

Author:  Elder in Ontario [ Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I'm not about to emulate any of you with a stunning set of lines of my own, but I did just want to come on here and say how much I"m enjoying all your efforts - they are wonderful day-brighteners!! :) :)

Thank you all.

Author:  emma t [ Thu Sep 02, 2010 10:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey won't help," said Miss Annersely. "She is far too busy being Lady Muck these days ever since Jack was knighted. It has gone to her head some what."

Author:  Chatelaine [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:27 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Who on earth is that piece of insipidity?" asked one of the newer mistresses of her neighbour, as the Lady Visitor declared, in a faded voice, that the School Sale was now open.

"Oh, that's Lady Maynard, the School's oldest OG" whispered Miss Ferrars in reply. "Such a sweet woman! Very self-effacing, I don't think I've ever met anyone more modest and retiring in my life. She simply hates being the centre of attention, I wonder how she was persuaded to open the Sale?"

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 1:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

NOTICE:

It is forbidden for men to read schoolgirl stories. If you are female or a man who would not do such a thing, please ignore this notice.

Author:  Tawny [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 2:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Am I bovvered?

Author:  Chatelaine [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Tawny wrote:
Am I bovvered?
asked Len of Miss Annersley.

:lol:

Author:  midge [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 6:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"If you act like that you're going to go to hell," said Miss Annersley as she looked at the weeping Middle in front of her.

Author:  Abi [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
"If you act like that you're going to go to hell," said Miss Annersley as she looked at the weeping Middle in front of her.


"I don't care!" sobbed the Middle. "I'm only crying because I'm so bored of you going on at me all the time."

Author:  mumofone1 [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 8:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls knelt at the mountain stream for a long drink, as the cheesy smoky milk hadn't quenched their thirst in the slightest!

Author:  Nightwing [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 9:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You know how the new Matron is a existentialist?" Margia said excitedly. "Well, let's do that."

"Only if you're prepared to write out that speech of MacBeth's fifty times," Joey replied. "You know - tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, bleeds on the petty pace from day to day..."

Author:  Naomila [ Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Can I have sex yet?"

Author:  ivohenry [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 12:46 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Naomila wrote:
"Can I have sex yet?"


May I have sex yet! Miss Annersley frowned at the girl standing before her.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ivohenry wrote:
Naomila wrote:
"Can I have sex yet?"


May I have sex yet! Miss Annersley frowned at the girl standing before her.


'No thanks, Miss Annersley,' replied the girl. 'You're not my type.'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 3:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

mumofone1 wrote:
The girls knelt at the mountain stream for a long drink, as the cheesy smoky milk hadn't quenched their thirst in the slightest!


Miss Ferrars failed to pass on the warning about typhoid and not drinking from streams, that she'd received earlier. It was only Inter Vb, after all. Who cared about them anyway?

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 4:48 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
mumofone1 wrote:
The girls knelt at the mountain stream for a long drink, as the cheesy smoky milk hadn't quenched their thirst in the slightest!


Miss Ferrars failed to pass on the warning about typhoid and not drinking from streams, that she'd received earlier. It was only Inter Vb, after all. Who cared about them anyway?


"Well, thank goodness for that! I was at my wit's end trying to fit in that new school with the mysterious termite infestation. They have two geniuses and some excellent sportswomen. We'll shoot up the League Tables in no time!" Thus decided, Miss Annersley sat down and began to dictate letters of regret to the parents of the deceased.

Author:  midge [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 7:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Clara Pepper's dad was a doctor.

Author:  lavender [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 7:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"What are your plans for the summer, Joan?" asked Josette.

"Well," replied Big Joan Baker, "I'm going into the Big Brother House, and then I'm hoping for a deal with Nuts Magazine. The pools winnings are dwindling I'm afraid.

Author:  emma t [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 9:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Codoms in the dormitries?' Joey was not surprised. 'Maybe one of the girls was sneaking in the latest boyfriend after hours.'

The condom had been found under a chair in one of the cubicles which was currently occupied by Ruey Richardson. Miss Annersely wondered if Joey had heard her say whos bed it was under; or that she was in self denial.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Condoms in dormies?" sniffed Len Maynard disapprovingly. "I thought Matey had everyone on the Pill now."

Author:  Naomila [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Notice:
Put down your drink before reading this notice or it will go everywhere you muggle-****ers! Message: You are all expected to LOL right now.

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Sep 04, 2010 10:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"We've decided that country dancing's a bit old hat now," Hilda announced. "From now on, you'll be learning the Twist and the Hand Jive."

Author:  Naomila [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:52 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Is there a vegetarian option?" askd the new girl.
"There is a vegetarian option. You can f*** off," replied the old girl.

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 05, 2010 3:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Since the arrival of computers at the CS, the girls had encountered many error messages with glee, examples:
"Error: The operation completed successfully."
"Error: An error has occurred."
"Error: No error."
"An error occurred because an error occurred"
"Unholy Error"
"Wrong Button! This button doesn't work. Solution: Try another."
"Cookie: X is a cookie!"
"Oops. You're screwed."
"Keyboard failure error - press F1 to continue."
"A weird Error has occurred"
"You don't exist. Go away."
"You are beyond help."

Author:  Robert Andrews [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 1:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
Since the arrival of computers at the CS, the girls had encountered many error messages with glee, examples:
"Error: The operation completed successfully."
"Error: An error has occurred."
"Error: No error."
"An error occurred because an error occurred"
"Unholy Error"
"Wrong Button! This button doesn't work. Solution: Try another."
"Cookie: X is a cookie!"
"Oops. You're screwed."
"Keyboard failure error - press F1 to continue."
"A weird Error has occurred"
"You don't exist. Go away."
"You are beyond help."


Possibly surprisingly, some of these error messages actually exist in software. "Error: The operation completed successfully." is an infamous error message in some versions of Windows that indicate that an application programmer is trying to display an error but the error code has already been cleared by the system, and "You don't exist. Go away.", is displayed by some UNIX utilities when your userid doesn't match a valid user account.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I see. And then Enid...?"

"She looked at Mary's work, Miss Annersley. Can I - "

"May..."

"May I leave now please?"

"Certainly. Please send in the next girl as you do." Hilda sighed and leant back in her chair. Policing the school had become much easier since they'd done away with prefects and started rewarding sneaking.

Author:  midge [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 5:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Robert Andrews wrote:
Possibly surprisingly, some of these error messages actually exist in software. "Error: The operation completed successfully." is an infamous error message in some versions of Windows that indicate that an application programmer is trying to display an error but the error code has already been cleared by the system, and "You don't exist. Go away.", is displayed by some UNIX utilities when your userid doesn't match a valid user account.


I know :D !

"I hate chocolate!" the new girl proclaimed.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Cream? With coffee? You heathens!" The new girl flounced off, scattering bemused Juniors in her wake.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack invited all the doctors from the San to a dinner party where they were impressed (and surprised) to find Joey dishing up a delicious dinner and serving Cherries Jubilee for pudding. 'Oh yes,' she replied to a query from Phil Graves. 'I love nothing better than being a good and obedient wife to my darling Jack.'
As they left Freudesheim that evening, each man thoughtfully examined the copy of 'Stepford Wives' that Jack had kindly given them.

Author:  emma t [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls decided that they did not want to eat any more cream cakes, as they knew they would become fat, for they were not allowed to go for a brisk walk afterwards.

Author:  Jennie [ Mon Sep 06, 2010 9:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

All the girls hated the Robin so much for her unsympathetic, sneaking ways, that they finally succeeded in drowning her in the stream, when she had gone there to play with the paper dolls that she had stolen from Simone.

Author:  Myth Tree [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:47 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'You do know this is real life, don't you?' said Miss Annersley. 'We only pretend people are reading about us in books.'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 1:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Inspired by a thread elsewhere!

Mrs Maynard senior was appalled when Jack's new girlfriend was introduced to her.
'Pleased to meet you, I'm sure,' said Josephine. 'What a lovely lounge you have, I'll sit on the couch if I may? A cup of tea? Thank you, I'll just put the milk in first, and have you a doiley to rest the saucer on? Oh, and I'll have some preserves too, please. No, don't worry, I'll use my knife.'
Jack was aware of his mother's discomfort and winced himself when Joey asked for the cruet at dinner, talked about her parents who had passed over, and asked Jack to pick up her serviette. There was nothing for it, he'd have to kill her, which - after all - was a perfectly U thing to do.

Author:  emma t [ Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
Inspired by a thread elsewhere!

Mrs Maynard senior was appalled when Jack's new girlfriend was introduced to her.
'Pleased to meet you, I'm sure,' said Josephine. 'What a lovely lounge you have, I'll sit on the couch if I may? A cup of tea? Thank you, I'll just put the milk in first, and have you a doiley to rest the saucer on? Oh, and I'll have some preserves too, please. No, don't worry, I'll use my knife.'
Jack was aware of his mother's discomfort and winced himself when Joey asked for the cruet at dinner, talked about her parents who had passed over, and asked Jack to pick up her serviette. There was nothing for it, he'd have to kill her, which - after all - was a perfectly U thing to do.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

'To be frank, Joey Maynard is the most outrageous snob there ever was!' Declared Freida as her once best friend lorded it over every one since she had become Lady Joesphine Maynard. 'Well, I think I will publish a book of her letters that I have kept over the years and see how she likes it!'
For Joey had refused to allow another child to be named after her, and suggested that she be called after Madge instead.

Author:  Llywela [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 1:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You mean to say they don't serve chips here? Not even once a week?" gasped the new girl, horrified.

Author:  cal562301 [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 2:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Llywela wrote:
"You mean to say they don't serve chips here? Not even once a week?" gasped the new girl, horrified.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Loved this one as we only get chips once a week on a Friday. Usually with either fish or pizza.

Author:  PaulineS [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"There is no battered fish or mushy peas," either said Mary Lou.
'Not even on Friday's" The new girl threatened to leave at once.

Author:  Jenefer [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"What is Matron doing with the Sixth Form this afternoon" Kathy asked
"I think she is giving a talk on periods" Nancy replied "Why?"
"She has just gone into their room with several cucumbers and a box of condoms..."

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'That's not something you see every day,' remarked Nancy to Kathie as they watched Hilda riding an elephant naked into Hall for prayers.

Author:  RoseCloke [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'That's not something you see every day,' remarked Nancy to Kathie as they watched Hilda riding an elephant naked into Hall for prayers.


'Well, he is only available once a week', Kathie replied.

Author:  JennyWren [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 10:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Think carefully about marrying a doctor," Madge advised her sister, "he'll always be dashing off in the middle of the night and you'll never see him."

Author:  Abi [ Thu Sep 09, 2010 10:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Goodness, Joey," said Jack, staring at his wife in some surprise. "I know you said you were going for a new look, but I never imagined you were going to shave your head."

Author:  Nightwing [ Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Everyone was completely surprised when Matey threw off her disguise and revealed that all these years she had been hiding a dangerous secret; she was not human at all; she was, in fact, a jellyfish; and that as a jelllyfish she had no spine, no spine at all.

Author:  midge [ Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh, come on, it was only a laugh," said the Middle looking at the HP-sauce-covered mistress.

Author:  Llywela [ Fri Sep 10, 2010 9:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh, whatever," sighed the new girl upon being ticked off for insolence. "Am I bovvered?"

Author:  Jennie [ Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Hilda was very fond of bright, rich colours herself, but even she found the scarlet flocked wallpaper and bright yellow paint in Jo's lounge hard on the eye. Especially when Jo was wearing her emerald green low-cut top and chandelier earrings.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Mon Sep 13, 2010 6:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Madame?' Nell Wilson was uncharacteristically diffident as she took tea at Die Rosen with Mrs Russell. 'I'm not convinced Joey ought to be in the higher class for anything. She seems...er...challenged, in so many subjects.'
'Oh, don't worry about it, Nell,' was Madge's breezy answer. 'Jo's as thick as a brick, we've always known it. Our cunning plan is to hoodwink Dr Maynard into marrying her before he spots that her brain is an inch across.' She smiled complacently as she watched her 3 year old son complete the Times crossword in five minutes. 'Jack's pretty thick too, heaven only knows how their children will turn out.'

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Sep 14, 2010 6:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl looked around her cubicle in undisguised horror. With its greyish curtains, bare floorboards and pancake-thin mattress, it looked more like something from a Borstal than an expensive Swiss boarding school.

Mary-Lou gazed reverently at the mountains, and opened her mouth: 'I will lift-'
'Oh, do put a sock in it,' said Kathie Ferrars. The rest of the Gang exchanged glances and decided the new mistress was quite an acquisition.

'For the next Saturday evening, we're going to have a traffic light party,' announced Miss Annersley at Prayers. 'Wear red if you're in a relationship, lime green if you're up for some fun, and orange if you're more of a maybe.'

Author:  Cel [ Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Cosimo's Jackal wrote:
'For the next Saturday evening, we're going to have a traffic light party,' announced Miss Annersley at Prayers. 'Wear red if you're in a relationship, lime green if you're up for some fun, and orange if you're more of a maybe.'


:D :D :D

Author:  Tawny [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 10:49 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll, The Middles are so grown up this year' sighed Miss Wilson.

Author:  alicat [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Oh for goodness sake, Joey" said Jack. "Why on earth do you keep bringng these waifs and strays home? With all this help the school gives that orphanage, surely they can find space for them?"

Author:  RubyGates [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 1:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nella and Vanna Ozanne were horrified to receive a letter from their father which read
"You two are going to have to buckle down to some work, get some qualifications. You've got to get jobs after you leave school as I can't support you two forever. I'm not made of money you know."

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I don't think it's worth my staying on here for another year whilst I wait to go to university, Auntie Hilda," Len said seriously. "I want to practise my German and see some more of the places that Mamma and Papa talk about, so I've got a job in Tyrol for a year. I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing, but I assume it'll be very similar to here because they said they were looking for Chalet Girls."

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
" I assume it'll be very similar to here because they said they were looking for Chalet Girls."


:D :D :D

'I'm sure you're exactly what they're looking for,' replied Miss Annersley, inwardly wondering how groups of boozy British ski-iers would cope with being lectured about night-time hair-brushing, looking trig on the slopes, and being grateful to God for that day's powder.

Author:  midge [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 4:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Honey and Nut cake? No thanks, I'm allergic to nuts. Never give me a peanut,"
The girls resolved to hide their new comic books entitled Peanuts.

Author:  Nightwing [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey's invention of removable hat lining made her a millionaire. With her newfound riches, she was able to withdraw her daughters from the Chalet School, and pay for them to go to a really decent school in England.

Author:  Abi [ Wed Sep 15, 2010 8:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nightwing wrote:
Joey's invention of removable hat lining made her a millionaire. With her newfound riches, she was able to withdraw her daughters from the Chalet School, and pay for them to go to a really decent school in England.


:lol: :lol: :lol:

"Ha! Rumbled another Midnight," said Matey, crowing with triumph as she entered the staffroom bearing an enormous pile of assorted food and drink, which the staff seized on with delight.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Thu Sep 16, 2010 2:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nobody ever queried Jeanne de Lachennais' gardening hobby until the police raided her darkened greenhouse. It was only then that the staff realised that it wasn't her coffee that was nectar, but the dainty little cakes she invariably served with them, that gave them that impression. To a woman, they were bereft, until Hilda suggested turning the chapels over to marijuana production.

Author:  midge [ Thu Sep 16, 2010 4:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spam," was sung throughout the school.

Madge and Hilda ended up meeting Dame Yasmin Bevan on a holiday.

Author:  honey lamb [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Anna came into the dining room in Freudesheim carrying four square boxes. "Bitte, meine Frau" she said to Joey. "I couldn't be bothered cooking today, so I ordered in pizzas"

Author:  Jenefer [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 5:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Len, it's your turn to read Forever" Con said handing her the book. "Make sure Matron doesn't find it"

Author:  midge [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 7:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

About 90-95% of the school celebrated Eid and so the girls who didn't had a great time with games and computers.

"Oh, and the Juniors protested about always being angels or fairies in our plays, so now they get to do one of their own," explained the sheepdog.

All the girls in the hall faced the front with a finger between nose and lip. The other hand was in the air. Miss Braun was really happy about this.

Author:  Abi [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"You know," said Kathie Ferrars, "I really think it's time we stopped pretending we enjoy the girls' Staff Evenings. Why don't we just skip it this time and go to that club in Interlaken instead?"

Author:  midge [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

There was an enrichment centre next to the Chalet School where all the problem new girls went. None came out until a girl named Chell defeated the system that ran the centre, known as GLaDOS.

Author:  emma t [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Why is the school in the middle of the mountains?" Grumbled Mary-lou. "It's miles away from any decent night club!"

Nina Ruthered grinned at her. "We could start a secret one in a barn somewhere," she suggested. "Of course, we would have to ask permisson, but I am sure it would be granted."

Author:  midge [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777777" said the new girl.
The girls faces were all :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:

Author:  RoseCloke [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 9:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

After the fifth girl in a month had a ridiculous, completely avoidable, accident that necessitated a stay in the San, Hilda Annersley became suspicious. Her opinion hardened when, upon visiting the latest victim, she met the group of dashing new young doctors that Jack Maynard had taken on a few weeks prior.

Shortly afterwards, having decided that sex education classes were a better fate than broken limbs and lawsuits, the Chalet School became co-educational.

Author:  sealpuppy [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 9:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Um, Hilda?' Rosalie was looking anxious. 'You know you told the girls the tale of how Simone cut her hair off, and you said you hoped they wouldn't be so stupid? I think you'd better come to San, urgently.'
Miss Annersley was ashen as she surveyed the sorry remnants of the Fourth Year Art Class, each sporting a bloodstained bandage on her left ear. 'Oh for heaven's sake, Miss Yolland. I thought I told you not to tell them about Van Gogh after last year's fiasco?' Jack Lambert however, who was dyslexic, had chopped off her right ear.

Author:  Abi [ Fri Sep 17, 2010 10:05 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

sealpuppy wrote:
'Um, Hilda?' Rosalie was looking anxious. 'You know you told the girls the tale of how Simone cut her hair off, and you said you hoped they wouldn't be so stupid? I think you'd better come to San, urgently.'
Miss Annersley was ashen as she surveyed the sorry remnants of the Fourth Year Art Class, each sporting a bloodstained bandage on her left ear. 'Oh for heaven's sake, Miss Yolland. I thought I told you not to tell them about Van Gogh after last year's fiasco?' Jack Lambert however, who was dyslexic, had chopped off her right ear.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  Naomila [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 12:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl was weird.

Author:  Emma A [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 8:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Judy looked distastefully at the food on her plate. "I can has cheezburger?" she asked, plaintively.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 8:37 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Emma A wrote:
Judy looked distastefully at the food on her plate. "I can has cheezburger?" she asked, plaintively.


:lol: :lol:

Author:  tiffinata [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Overheard in a Domestic Science class

'Frau Mieders, can I lick the bowl clean?'
'No, flush it like everyone else.'

Author:  RoseCloke [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:23 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Rosalie fought her way past six more reporters and ducked into the Head's study. "Hilda! What on earth...?"

Miss Annersley let out a chuckle. "Joey told me she was expecting quads this time, so I called every newspaper I could think of. She's got four more months of this to go - hopefully that'll be the last of her 'long family'!"

Author:  midge [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 4:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The school had taken a bullying manner on Eustacia so both the prefects and the staff stepped in on the matter

Author:  moiser30 [ Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:52 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Matron looked straight at Joey Bettany. "Why did you tell me that I had to go straight round to Madge to see her? I spend 6 hours there only too find out I wasn't wanted at all."

Author:  Naomila [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls were so bored they started playing 1D Tetris.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 9:26 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Naomila wrote:
The girls were so bored they started playing 1D Tetris.


They did this by slotting themselves in a variety of odd positions around each other, having cleared the chairs and other objects to the sides of the room, in a way that made Matey gasp in horror when she was presented with the spectacle.

Author:  moiser30 [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Mary-Lou Twellany why did you have too date a bank robber?" Joey asked suddenly. "Why couldn't you date a doctor like everyone else?"

"Joey I wanted to be different, I wanted too change tradition, besides how real is it if every Chalet School girl married a doctor, I don't know who writes this but how come all the girls marry a doctor and live happily ever after it just doesn't always happen that way." Mary-Lou looked straight at Joey before storming off.

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 12:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The Chalet Film Company was going swimmingly, and payed for 15 CS Scholarships.

Author:  Lindsay [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Mary-Lou was delighted with the general reaction to the new hairstyle she was sporting as she came back to school after her horrific accident. Her friends exclaimed over her longed-for curls, though they privately admitted that they weren't so sure about the colour. Electric blue seemed an unusual choice, but Mary-Lou thought it set off her nose-ring nicely.

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The art lesson was chaos - The real teacher taught the girls for exactly 1 lesson before disappearing mysteriously, so they had supplies for the rest of the year. There were only 5 girls in the class who behaved, who had no influence over the rest, who madly darted around and didn't do anything except mess around. All of the supply teachers at the CS were either too weak or too strong.
(Pretty much sums up our Year 8 art)

Author:  moiser30 [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 6:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

At the beginning of the book Mary-Lou said. "What you are about to read doesn't represent a typical day at the Chalet School."

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Everyone who attended the CS for more than a term was perfect in every way.

Author:  julieanne1811 [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:28 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The most famous Old Girl of the Chalet School was Mary Poppins.

Author:  Squirrel [ Sun Sep 19, 2010 11:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
Everyone who attended the CS for more than a term was perfect in every way.

julieanne1811 wrote:
The most famous Old Girl of the Chalet School was Mary Poppins.


You two have managed to get me a song stuck in my head between you!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mind... Mary Poppins obviously wasn't the most wonderful of the CS girls... she was only 'practically perfect in every way.'

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Led by Joey's golden soprano, the girls' clear voices rang out in that lovely old English round 'Summer is Icumen In', as they marched, swaying, up the mountain shelf to where Reg Entwistle was immured inside a giant wicker man.

Author:  janetbrown23 [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Oh if only that were true Cosimo's Jackal.

Author:  RubyGates [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:16 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Matey realised that in 25 years of the Chalet School's existence no-one had ever checked the girls for head lice so she phoned the nit nurse to come round straightaway.

Author:  Jenefer [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Jack came into the Saal, his face grim and troubled.
"What's happened" Joey asked
"That was Mike's school on the phone. He's on his way home, I'm afraid. They found him with a girl in his room"

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The transferable vote system was introduced for the election of head girls.

Author:  cestina [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 3:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
The transferable vote system was introduced for the election of head girls.


and following on:

Mary Lou came in last

Author:  midge [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:40 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls, fed up of the good weather, all went on rainymood.com so they could have the sound of rain every night.

"You're right. I'm not Gertrude Becker. I'm a tabloid journalist and now I'm ready for the greatest move in my career! The Chalet School: Not as good as it seems,"

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Sep 20, 2010 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Each to their own, that's what I say," Joey remarked to Mary-Lou. "How people dress, whether or not they wear make-up, whether or not they believe in God, whether or not they have big families - it's all a matter of personal choice, isn't it?"

Author:  midge [ Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Anna! This is not even tramp standard! You're going to make this meal again, and properly this time!"
"You know what? I won't! I resign! I hate you," screamed Anna.
"Sorry, but Anna is right. If you want something well or properly done, do it yourself. Oh, Rosannas crying. Wait, I resign too, so I don't have to do anything about it,"
Rosli and Anna left the room and Joey had to calm all of the 15 babies she had.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:03 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"Each to their own, that's what I say," Joey remarked to Mary-Lou. "How people dress, whether or not they wear make-up, whether or not they believe in God, whether or not they have big families - it's all a matter of personal choice, isn't it?"


'Exactly,' replied Mary-Lou. 'All you can really do is mind your own business and let other people go their own way, as they see fit, without outside interference. At least, that's always been my philosophy.'

Author:  sealpuppy [ Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:09 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Now, Jack,' Joey shook her head at her fainting husband. 'I can see you're worn out with all the emotional drama at the San. Take this dose and go and lie down for two days. I'll sort everything out for you; you're much too delicate to cope on your own.'

Author:  midge [ Wed Sep 22, 2010 4:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"This place is a tasteless tomb and sitting on the chairs are the sufferers and mourners of this - this - food!" the new girl described.
"Yes, thanks for that. Karen and co. are useless at cooking. We'll put that in the Chaletian gossip page and hope The Abbess reads it!" said one of the older girls.
"You forget this has to go to the Governors now," replied another old girl.
But two days later the kitchen staff went on strike and the girls had really delicious food.

Author:  Abi [ Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:45 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"This is a sword," said Miss Wilson, looming dangerously over the new girl, a glint in her eye. "Would you like me to demonstrate how to use it?"

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Sep 22, 2010 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl, who seemed to like sharp, pointy objects a little too much, was received rather nervously by her sheepdog, who wasn't quite sure what to make of the rapier she had brought in her hand luggage.

Author:  cestina [ Wed Sep 22, 2010 9:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Fine, just put it over there with the others" sighed Matey wearily as the new girl pulled a scimitar from her trunk.

Author:  janetbrown23 [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:01 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Of course you may bring your sword to all classes" said Matron, "it is part of the uniform after all."

Author:  lizco [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 1:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"No Joey" said Hilda wearily, "You can't have the new girls to tea until your CRB check comes through".

Author:  cestina [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

lizco wrote:
"No Joey" said Hilda wearily, "You can't have the new girls to tea until your CRB check comes through".

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"But you can't do a CRB!" wailed Joey. "I - it - it was a misunderstanding!"

Author:  JennieP [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:46 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
"But you can't do a CRB!" wailed Joey. "I - it - it was a misunderstanding!"


*Snort*

Author:  cal562301 [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:39 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Just be thankful that the new ISA Vetting and Barring Scheme has been put on hold, or you really would be in trouble,' added Miss Annersley.

*written by someone who has to deal with CRB checks and the related bureaucracy frequently! :banghead: *

Author:  midge [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Ooh, isn't the Doctor hot?" said one of the girls watching Doctor Who on iPlayer.
"Yes," said another dreamily, "He is,"

Author:  Abi [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

It was all very well Joey getting a CRB, but that didn't help her when an over-enthusiastic new girl accidentally ran her uniform scimatar straight through her middle.

Author:  janetbrown23 [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:31 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Luckily Matron was able to sterilise the scimitar in her new autoclave.

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"So if I don't join the Guides I have to hem sheets instead, and all I'm allowed to do in the Hobbies Club is make things to sell at a school sale?" the new girl asked in bewilderment. "What is this, a school or a prison?"

Author:  Nightwing [ Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joan Baker had never fit in at the Chalet School. She was uninterested in swords, and her boots knives were, at best, cheaply pretty.

Author:  chattie [ Fri Sep 24, 2010 8:50 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nightwing wrote:
Joan Baker had never fit in at the Chalet School. She was uninterested in swords, and her boots knives were, at best, cheaply pretty.


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Brilliant!

Author:  JennieP [ Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Nightwing wrote:
Joan Baker had never fit in at the Chalet School. She was uninterested in swords, and her boots knives were, at best, cheaply pretty.


She had, however, made some extremely close friends among the younger - and indeed, not so young - doctors at the San.

Author:  moiser30 [ Fri Sep 24, 2010 10:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joey Bettany was arrested after hitting Mary-Lou on the head with a frying pan because she was sick of people saying Mary-Lou was like her.

Author:  cestina [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 8:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Oh yes," said Madge to Frau Mensch "your Frieda has always been the leader in that set of four, ably supported by Simone. Joey and Marie really just follow whatever the others suggest, though occasionally Marie does show a spark of life as well. Joey however......"

Author:  Squirrel [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:17 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Len burst into her form room on a swelteringly hot day. Ignoring the mistress who was attempting to find out exactly where she had been and why she was so late to class she called out "bikini party and water fight on the lawn in 15 minutes! Round up the youngsters someone and we can get started!!!"

Nancy Wilmot just watched as the girls quickly vacated the classroom. There was no point in trying to stop them, none of the girls ever listened to what the staff told them, and this years 6th were worse than normal for forcing days off and as even Hilda went along with what they said there was no hope for anyone else.

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 6:27 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joan used her numerous connections at the San. to have decent food smuggled into the school, which made her very popular with those who knew of it, as most of the school couldn't stand Karen's cooking.

Author:  midge [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 8:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Ever since the CS was Coed, there had been many papers going round about the other gender. Example:

Proof that girls are evil.

First we state that girls require time and money.
Girls=Time x Money

And as we all know "Time is money"
Time = Money

Therefore
Girls = Money x Money = (Money)2

And because "Money is the root of all evil"
Money = /evil

therefore
Girls = (/evil)2

And we are forced to conclude that
Girls = evil

Author:  Abi [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Actually," said a rather tipsy Grizel to Miss Wilson one evening in the bar, "Jack only asked Joey to marry him on the rebound after I refused him."

Author:  Alison H [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 9:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Abi wrote:
"Actually," said a rather tipsy Grizel to Miss Wilson one evening in the bar, "Jack only asked Joey to marry him on the rebound after I refused him."


"What, you as well!" Nell exclaimed.

Author:  Nightwing [ Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Is Dick really getting married?" Jo asked Madge doubtfully. "He always said he never would."

"It's quite true, Joey-baba. Here, you can read his letter for yourself." Jo's eyes darted quickly over her brother's boyish handwriting.

"Madge, what's a shotgun wedding?"

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The girls really enjoyed writing cinquains and Haikus, they didn't have to find rhyming words for the syllable based poems.

One of the girls just wrote a poem and she had no idea what type it was. It went:
Mary-Lou
Had no clue
On what she was to do
...because it did not follow cinquain or haiku structure.

Author:  emma t [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

midge wrote:
The girls really enjoyed writing cinquains and Haikus, they didn't have to find rhyming words for the syllable based poems.

One of the girls just wrote a poem and she had no idea what type it was. It went:
Mary-Lou
Had no clue
On what she was to do
...because it did not follow cinquain or haiku structure.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Love it!!

"Now Hilda, can we should let the prefects call us by our Christian names in front of the rest of the school -can you see their faces?!" Rosalie asked with a delighted giggle.
Hilda had a twinkle in her eye and rang a bell to summon Len Maynard to her. "Ah Len, from now on, you can call me Hilda, infact, you can and not may call every mistress by their first names - in fact you can shout at us if we misbehave!"
Len scuttled off when she saw that she was being serious to inform the stunned prefects what the new regime was which her mother had kept secret all along.

Author:  midge [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The CS encouraged the girls who were rather dumb and unattractive to Doctors to become lesbians.

Virgy was constantly teased because of her nickname, so she changed it to Ginny, which sounded much nicer and less posh.

One of the Old Girls was now running a joke shop.

All the doctors split up with their CS girl wives because the wives were boring and useless.

Jem and Jack were gays.

The girls were well taught in making and using weaponry, understanding and using many different codes, fixing electrical objects, using a radio transmitter, and spy catching.

All of the staff, barring teachers, secretary, and Matey were Ood.

The new girl looked at the mistress and said "What's the point? We're all gonna die anyway,"

Author:  lizco [ Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Joey" said Jack "I don't give a damn what the Pope says, I want a divorce".

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

lizco wrote:
"Joey" said Jack "I don't give a damn what the Pope says, I want a divorce".


"I have to get through at least another five wives if I have a hope of living up to my hero," he continued thoughtfully. "I need somebody who no-one will notice when she's beheaded. Who do you suggest?"

Author:  lizco [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Chubby Monkey wrote:

Quote:
I'll have to get through at least another five wives if I am to have a hope of living up to my hero" he said thoughtfully, "I need someone who, no-one will miss when she is beheaded. Who do you suggest?


Jem paused for thought, "How about Joan Baker? No-one will miss that cheaply pretty face".

(Apologies, couldn't make quote function work - or maybe I just don't understand it!)

Author:  Alison H [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 3:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

(I've fixed it: it had quotation marks instead of a square bracket.]

Both Mr Denny and Herr Anserl were given a formal warning for their aggressive behaviour towards their pupils.

Author:  lavender [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
(I've fixed it: it had quotation marks instead of a square bracket.]

Both Mr Denny and Herr Anserl were given a formal warning for their aggressive behaviour towards their pupils.


Herr Laubach smiled inwardly. He'd got away with it again.

Author:  janetbrown23 [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:35 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Little did Herr Laubach know but his CRB had come back and Miss Annersley would dismiss him later that day.

Author:  Abi [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 8:55 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

However, he had his revenge a week later when he burned the school to the ground, having first lured Len away from Gaudenz's wily clutches.

Author:  lavender [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:22 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

He'd always been amazed that they had believed the story about the consumptive wife.

Author:  Nightwing [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 9:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

When Mike became the fourth of her children to declare he was not going to have ten children of his own, Joey finally had to give up on her dream of one day having a thousand great-grandkids.

Author:  lizco [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Thanks Alison for fixing my incompetence!

Author:  janetbrown23 [ Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

St Hild, the Staff House, had a reputation on the Gornetz Platz as the place to go for lap dancing and pole dancing every evening. The drinks were cheap and plentiful and the younger Mistresses anything but prim.

Author:  Cosimo's Jackal [ Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'My devil is making me write a sonnet instead of doing my prep,' said Con, her large brown eyes dreamy. Two could play at that game, she decided.

'My devil untidied my drawers after I'd left them immaculate,' chimed in Len, not to be left out.

'Where do I apply to get a devil?' wondered Francie Wilford, who wondered if Margot would like her better if she had one.

Author:  midge [ Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:49 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Cosimo's Jackal wrote:
'My devil is making me write a sonnet instead of doing my prep,' said Con, her large brown eyes dreamy. Two could play at that game, she decided.

'My devil untidied my drawers after I'd left them immaculate,' chimed in Len, not to be left out.

'Where do I apply to get a devil?' wondered Francie Wilford, who wondered if Margot would like her better if she had one.


"Hell, of course! Where else?" said Con.
"I was thinking my old school..." Francie said.

Author:  whitequeen [ Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:07 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Mary-Lou practised archaeology in the school gardens and managed to uncover a Stargate.

Author:  emma t [ Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Gwen Cooper was sent under cover as a teacher to the Chalet School, and Len Maynard was shocked to hear : 'One of the girls must be an alien in disguise,' into a mobile phone, which were not invented as yet...

Author:  Llywela [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 6:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I've got my eye on the oldest Maynard girl," Gwen continued, shocking Len all the more. "Simply too good to be true. Something's not right there."

Author:  tiffinata [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 7:30 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

'Oh f*** off Joey! Can't you see I'm busy? snarled Hilda

Author:  ChubbyMonkey [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:38 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"And yes," she added, "Gaudenz is the father!"

Author:  Llywela [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 2:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl's neon pink mohawk, black lipstick and multiple body piercings created quite a stir at the Chalet School.

Author:  Jenefer [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 3:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Stephen handed the manuscript back to his mother
"It's a smashing story Mum. I enjoyed reading it" he said " but you should change the boy's name"
"Why" asked Joey "What is wrong with John Thomas?"

Author:  Alison H [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 3:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I've invited some of my friends round for afternoon tea," said Jack.

Author:  Llywela [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"I've invited some of my friends round for afternoon tea," said Jack.

Joey blinked at him in shock. "Your friends," she slowly repeated, as if he had spoken in a foreign tongue. "I don't understand."

Author:  Nightwing [ Wed Sep 29, 2010 9:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Llywela wrote:
Joey blinked at him in shock. "Your friends," she slowly repeated, as if he had spoken in a foreign tongue. "I don't understand."


"Oh, OK," Jack said reluctantly, "We both know I don't have any friends. But I did invite over a bunch of plague-ridden patients."

AND

Len may have been a dull child, but her prehensile feet and tail clearly marked her as the Alpha Chalet Girl.

Author:  Alison H [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 4:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"I think we should stop giving copies of Joey's books as prizes and start giving copies of some of the classics instead," Hilda said.

"We can't do that!" Nell exclaimed in horror. "Joey relies on the hundreds of prizes we give every year to boost her sales figures."

Author:  midge [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

The new girl was very annoying.

Author:  lizco [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 5:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Joan Baker adjusted her feathers before going on stage to perform the most famous French dance of all. She suddenly giggled to herself - she bet her former headmistress would have insisted it being called "The May-May".

Author:  emma t [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

They hated Joey on sight; Len was surprised to find her mother in tears.
"What is wrong, Mama?" She demanded.
"It's the new girls, they don't like me and said I was stuck up! I can't bear it!" Joey wailed.
Jack Maynard grinned happily as he heard the news,and that there were to be no visits from the girls from the school as it was deemed not the decent thing to do. "That is fabulous!" He declared, ignoring the fact that his wife was crying. "Peacefull evenings when I am not called out to work!"

Author:  whitequeen [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 7:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"But I have been saying my prayers," the new girl objected, glaring at Len, "and God told me to tell you to shut up!"

Author:  Abi [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

Alison H wrote:
"I think we should stop giving copies of Joey's books as prizes and start giving copies of some of the classics instead," Hilda said.

"We can't do that!" Nell exclaimed in horror. "Joey relies on the hundreds of prizes we give every year to boost her sales figures."


:lol: :lol: :lol:


"Why, what a splendid idea," said Madge on hearing Mr Sindon's idea to film the girls as part of the Life in the Austrian Tyrol film. "I'm always up for a bit of publicity and we can certainly do with the cash. Plus, I've always wanted to be a film star."

Author:  cestina [ Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

lizco wrote:
She suddenly giggled to herself - she bet her former headmistress would have insisted it being called "The May-May".

:lol: :lol: :lol: That's fabulous!!!!

Author:  midge [ Fri Oct 01, 2010 6:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

"Are you Protestant, Church of England or Catholic?" the normal and very tedious question came out.
"No," the new girl said.
"What is your religion?"
"Muslim," she smiled.

Author:  Alison H [ Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Lines unlikely to be seen in a CS novel, 2

I love the may-may :lol: :lol: .

I'm going to lock this now because it's on its 25th page.

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