...but even then, he seemed to be the perfect baby, trained not to cry at unspecified times and otherwise placid and contented! The only time he was trouble was when he was teething, wasn't it?

I wonder whether EBD was in fact slightly dismissive of mothers having any sort of 'special' role - I can't remember the book but wasn't it Yseult's mother at some point who is complaining about the huge responsibility of having daughters and how a non-mother can't possibly understand, and Miss Annersley has some thought (or maybe it's just EBD commenting) about how she is in fact responsible for huge numbers of girls - the implication is clear, that she does understand despite not being a mother and that the level of responsibility is the same.

When a mother has to play the father as well, she has a terrible responsibility, Miss Annersley."

"She must have," Miss Annersley said. "Will you have some of this sauce, Mrs. Pertwee?"

"'Ah, thank you, thank you. Yes, though I know you can hardly be expected to realise it yourself, not being a mother. But to be responsible for the care and well being of three young creatures who have no one else to whom to turn is a terrible weight for one poor woman."

Miss Annersley who, for years had been responsible for the care and well being of literally hundreds of young creatures, said exactly nothing. Mlle, sitting at the other side of Mrs. Pertwee, took it up.

"Oh, but, indeed, Madame, I can assure you that we do understand heavy responsibilities," she said in her clear, fluent English. "Figure it to yourself! Year by year we care for a hundred or more girls who, during term time, have also to look to us for care and consolation."

"Oh, but that is entirely different," Mrs. Pertwee told her earnestly. "They are not your own children. That is what makes the difference!"

"Oh, why isn't Joey here?" Nancy muttered to Biddy who was sitting next her. "it takes her to deal with a woman like this.

I also wonder whether EBD treats Joey's mothering as an extension of her attitude to friendships - that it's healthier to have lots of less intense relationships rather than very close special friends. So for Joey, it's healthier to have lots of children, biological and adopted, to which one is attached in a way which is rather similar to the way one might feel about another child who you know and love, rather than a few to whom one is very intensely attached.

It's a shame that Joey is the main mother later in the series. Before that, the reader was always given the Madge/Joey mother-like relationship, which I think EBD wrote remarkably well, with a lot of sensitivity and realism. I would have liked to see it progress more as they got older, I don't think it fair that she allowed them to grow apart, though sadly I can easily picture it happening when their husbands have to go such different ways!

Was EBD's own relationship with her mother terribly claustrophobic or something, that she seems to favour a very shared and part-time form of motherhood...? Or because her own immediate family seemed to have various secrets and shames that she favoured a wide-open, everyone-invited style of family, where there's no apparent difference between biological children, wards, adoptees, and longterm house guests?

I watched an episode of Wife Swap *cough* once where one of the wives/mothers had a mixed family of biological kids and adoptees who she all treated equally and loved and adored her in return; and when she met her 'new' family, her 'new' children quickly found her to be understanding and also formed pretty deep bonds with her. Of course reality tv isn't exactly real life, but I think that it's entirely possible for mother like Joey to exist, and for them to exist without their children resenting them. Improbably, not impossible.

That makes a lot of sense as regards EBD's slightly odd philosophies of parenting! She is always so careful to show all of Joey's children vocally pitying anyone who is an only child, and being terribly enthusiastic about their own sheer numbers - and to show Joey behaving exactly the same to her wards as she does to her biological children - that, while her intention is clearly to show everything in the garden of Maynard family-ness being altogether lovely, the effect seems to be one of watering down the mother-child bond to almost nothing!

One thing about being part of a huge family is the mother-child bond isn't as close. It's too hard as your parents do have to spend time with their other children. I can count on one hand how many times I spent alone with my mother before I was an adult and had left school. Joey it seems prefers that.

It's interesting to me how that seems to mirror Joey's own upbringing - no parents, brought up by her sister / brother / guardian / servants, initially, and then from the age of 12 sharing her sister with her school fellows. We're shown often that she adores Madge but doesn't get to spend much time with her. Madge also adopts a bunch of wards (Grizel, Juliet, Robin, Daisy and Primula, Peggy and Rix etc.). Maybe that's what Jo sees as normal...

Jack's main contribution to child-rearing is "don't worry your mother". Maybe we should have another thread "is Jack a believable father".

Well, EBD herself didn't exactly have a decent father figure to model Jack (or Jem) on...

She only takes her out when all else has failed - and then, after someone's been scalded and a load of people have had their enjoyment of the pantomime spoilt by a screaming kid drowning out what was being said on stage, she lectures Mary-Lou about how having babies means that you have to be prepared to miss out on things!