The CBB :: View topic - Miles Repents

#1: Miles Repents Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 7:53 pm

I wrote this as part of Clem and Tony (In St Agnes FYI), but it doesn't fit with how I've written Miles' character. Being the contrary person I am, I thought I'd post it anyway! Might have to reuse it if he ever does repent!! Hannah x

It isn’t that I mean to hurt them. I know they’re children and trying to have fun. I can’t help it. When they do wrong I get angry. I see a violet mist come hazily over my vision and the rage boils up inside my stomach. I feel sick and twisted inside, explosion seeming imminent. I have never felt my hand connect with him, yet I know some how that it does. It does not seem real. It isn’t me.

I can see his pain and anguish, the screwed up eyes wet with tears, the open wounded face pleading and begging with me. It plays out in my head, as if I am looking through the eyes of another and I cannot escape the vision. So raw, so terrifying. The pleading look frightens me because I know I cannot stop. I have no control over this raging monster. It’s not me you see. It’s something terribly and angry, living inside me. When I am calm and happy it is grumbling down below, when I am riled, it is trying to escape. An ever consuming, controlling force which makes me act the way I do. When it’s over I collapse. Ashamed, confused, trying to picture the scene, hoping, praying that it has stopped before I can’t go back. I have gone back. It hurts. It destroys me to see how betrayed they feel. Until the next time. Miles collapsed onto the sand, weeping into his hands remorsefully. He knew that his usual course of action had only been prevented by the appearance of another adult.

He looked up at the sky, silently thanking God for this servant to help him. He could not entertain the idea that he must contain the beast that lay within him. He must rely on the disapproval of others to control it. With a sigh he wiped his face on his sleeve and walked back to the house.

#2: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 8:30 pm

Hannah, I think you achieved the impossible and made me feel a weensy bit sorry for Miles!

Thanks for posting this

#3: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 8:40 pm

Thanks Hannah for writing that. It is interesting to see Miles knowing about his temper and trying to struggle with it.

#4: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 8:52 pm

Thank you. This Miles needs help to govern his rage, but Clem & Tony are stuck with the Miles who doesn't see any problems about expressing his rage.

#5: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:47 pm

Wow!

That's an incredible insight! Today, Miles would probably have a diagnosis which stuck a label on his problem.

I'm not persuaded that Clem and Tony would have been any better protected though, because the diagnosis would not have happened till the harm had been done, and reported, and acted on.

Just to play devil's advocate, would he have produced such good art today?

#6: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 10:51 pm

It's good to see what makes Miles the way he is.

#7: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 11:30 pm

Interesting insight into Miles's make-up - I suppose such extremes of passion, detachment and anger are just part of his temparament and he needs to learn when to control and when, for want of a better word, unleash them.

Thanks Hannah

#8: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:12 am

Mia wrote:

Hannah, I think you achieved the impossible and made me feel a weensy bit sorry for Miles!

Thanks for posting this

ditto!

#9: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 12:41 pm

Well, at least he knows his problem and is trying, I suppose!

#10: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:32 pm

Thank you guys for all your nice words! I guess I was just starting to dislike Miles rather alot and finding him a bit of a beast to write!! I wanted to think about HIS feelings too, but it didnt seem to fit in with the story!
Rolling Eyes

*thinks too much about her characters*

#11: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 3:43 pm

Thanks Hannah - brilliant to see Miles' conscience at work.

Liz

#12: Re: Miles Repents Author: Sugarplum, Location: second star to the right!

Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:21 pm

aitchemelle wrote:

I see a violet mist come hazily over my vision and the rage boils up inside my stomach. I feel sick and twisted inside, explosion seeming imminent. I have never felt my hand connect with him, yet I know some how that it does. It does not seem real. It isn’t me.

I have no control over this raging monster. It’s not me you see. It’s something terribly and angry, living inside me. When I am calm and happy it is grumbling down below, when I am riled, it is trying to escape. An ever consuming, controlling force which makes me act the way I do. When it’s over I collapse. Ashamed, confused.

Wow ... amazing Thanks Hannah

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