The CBB :: View topic

#1: Odette Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 12:32 am

Some of you might remember me mentioning this drabble some time ago. It's been lurking in my brain for months and months now and I wasn't happy about posting it in C&D due to the content.
Please assume that it's been translated from the original French by an incredibly good translator!

“…that ghastly French kid who howls like a baby for her mommy every term” - Margot Maynard, The Chalet School and Theodora

When I was fourteen, I thought Madame de Bersac was the most evil woman to have ever lived. I’m not exaggerating. I never was the sort of girl to do things by halves and I hated Mme de Bersac to the best of my ability. She started it all and if it hadn’t been for her, things might have worked out very differently for me.

Actually, that’s not a very logical place to start. I ought to start by explaining why I’m writing this. It was Con Maynard’s suggestion. She says that sometimes if you can’t make sense of how you’re feeling, putting it into words as though you were telling someone else can help you to understand exactly what’s going on in your head. Of course, Con would think that. She’s both a writer and the daughter of a writer, so she’s bound to set great store by the power of words. All the same, I’m going to try it. Maybe it will be cathartic (Con’s word!) and if I think I’m brave enough, once I understand myself I‘ll try to explain to Con and Ricki. They know what happened, of course, but I could never really explain why I was the person I was. I don’t really know even now. Perhaps I’ll work it out by writing everything down.

Last edited by Ann on Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:21 pm; edited 29 times in total

#2: Author: Squeenie, Location: Harrow, London

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:00 am

This is an interesting start, Ann - looking forward to seeing more.

#3: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 2:10 am

Very interesting beginning Ann

#4: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:42 am

Looking forward to hearing more about this Ann.

#5: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 11:41 am

Interesting - i look foward to seeingmore! Thank you Ann!

#6: Author: pim, Location: Helmel Hampster

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 12:03 pm

*intrigued and eagerly awaiting more* Thanks Ann Very Happy

#7: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:16 pm

Ooh, very intriguing. Looking forward to seeing this develop, Ann. Smile

#8: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 1:22 pm

Also intrigued. Thank you Ann.

Looking forward to more.

#9: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 2:55 pm

Brilliant start Ann! Hope you post more soon Smile

*Huggles for the cold and bad head*

#10: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 3:45 pm

There are some advantages to being ill and off work...

Anyway, back to Mme de Bersac. She was a friend of Maman’s - I don’t know how they met, seeing as Maman didn’t go out very often. I expect Mme de Bersac simply took it upon herself to stick her nose into someone else’s business. She appeared on the scene during the spring that I was fourteen and from then on she came to visit an awful lot. I didn’t mind at first. She seemed nice enough. The trouble only started when Mademoiselle Albert’s stepmother died and she had to leave us to keep house for her father.

Mlle Albert was lovely. She had been my governess for years, and we were always good friends. She was quite strict in lessons but jolly good fun outside of them. I was very upset when she told me she had to leave, but what else could she do? She had six younger brothers and sisters at home and her father couldn’t look after them all on his own.

On that particular morning, I had been helping Mlle to pack. I knew I would miss her terribly once she had gone so I was determined to spend as much time with her as I could. In the process of retrieving some of her belongings from an unused room where they had been stored, I had managed to cover myself from head to toe in dust and Mlle had told me to change before we were summoned to déjeuner. I was on my way downstairs, now wearing a clean frock, when I overheard Maman and Mme de Bersac talking in Maman’s sitting room.

I know what anyone reading this will think, that I was wrong to eavesdrop. Well, until I went to the Chalet School I never knew that it was wrong to eavesdrop. There had only ever been Maman, Mlle and myself in the chateau, apart from the servants, and so I never had much chance to overhear anything I shouldn’t have. Even if I had known, Mme de Bersac’s words drove all other thoughts from my mind.

#11: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:15 pm

This is a really interesting beginning Ann, thank you. Im intrigued as to what Simone said.

#12: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:29 pm

Oooooh *eyes big and round*... is this going to be a 'send her to school, it'll be good for her, don't be so selfish' speech?!

#13: Author: Xanthe, Location: London/Cambridge

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:51 pm

*on tenterhooks*

This looks really good Very Happy

#14: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 5:43 pm

Ooooh - this looks good

Thanks Ann

Liz

#15: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 6:27 pm

Oh can we please hear what Simone said soon please?

#16: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:11 pm

Ooh!
Interesting, Is Simone taking lessons from Jo?

#17: Author: Squeenie, Location: Harrow, London

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:37 pm

Eep!

#18: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 10:58 pm

More please Ann. This is great.

#19: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Mar 11, 2005 11:05 pm

This is very interesting Ann, thank you.

#20: Author: Emily, Location: Land of White Coats and Stethoscopes.

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 12:08 am

Ooooh interesting! Looking forward to more Very Happy

#21: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 12:42 am

Wonderful start Ann, intrigued as to what Simone said - you'd have thought she'd have been more sympathetic considering, but perhaps it's just Odette's perception.

#22: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 6:42 pm

“Oh, la pauvre Odette!” This was the first thing I heard, so you can see how it would attract my attention.

“She does not know, Simone,” Maman said quietly.

“But you must tell her! What if anything were to happen? The poor child should be prepared, Violaine.”

“How can I tell her? She has no father. Her governess is leaving today. It would be too much for her to bear if she were to learn that before long she may not have a mother either.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. My legs gave way and I simply dropped onto the carpet next to the door.

“Now, Violaine, you must not think like that!” Mme de Bersac said in a very serious voice. “The doctor said you may live for years and years to come.”

“But he also said that I may not. I-I can’t help but feel frightened, Simone, and the thought of how Odette would feel if she knew….”

“But Violaine, consider how Odette would feel if… if the worst were to happen and she had not been told of the possibility.”

Maman was upset. “I can’t, Simone, not yet, not when I’ve only just been told myself….”

There was a pause, during which I realised that my heart was beating so furiously that I could hear my pulse. Then Mme de Bersac said something I didn’t hear and Maman replied, “I suppose I ought to find another governess.”

“Have you ever thought about sending Odette to school? Don’t look so horrified!”

“Send her away! How could I? If Odette isn’t here what do I have left?”

“It would be good for her to have some friends of her own age. She so rarely comes into contact with other children, living in such a remote area.”

“I don’t think she would fit in easily at school with other girls,” Maman said doubtfully. “It would be so different to what she is accustomed to.”

“She could go to the Chalet School with my Tessa,” Mme de Bersac suggested. “I went there myself and I can assure you, it’s an excellent establishment. Tessa has been there a year and she enjoys it immensely. Perhaps she could speak to Odette about it?”

Maman never had the chance to reply. The bell rang to announce that déjeuner was served and I suddenly remembered where I was. If the adults’ conversation continued I didn’t hear it, as I scrambled to my feet and fled before I was discovered.

#23: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 6:49 pm

It seems as if Odette is treating Simone rather harshly at the moment...
Good to see more of this Ann! Smile

#24: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 7:04 pm

oooh interesting

((Ann)) cos she's poorly

but the drabble is really good!!

#25: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 7:09 pm

Poor Odette, finding out something like that in that way Crying or Very sad

May we have more please Ann??

#26: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Mar 12, 2005 11:25 pm

Also think Simone is being very good in this.

#27: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:51 am

Poor Odette - I bet she's imagining all sorts of terrible things now. And I can understand her being upset with Simone as she's the bearer of the bad news (as far as Odette's concerned)and the force behind the changes taking place in her life.

Thanks Ann

Liz

#28: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:38 am

Poor Odette Sad

The worst thing is that we know it takes her ages to settle in, would be okay if she was one of the "go to school, settle in within half a term" girls! This is brilliantly written, thank you Ann! Hope you feel better soon (but can still get time off work for drabbling Wink

)

#29: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 3:21 pm

Poor Odette, over hearing a conversation like that would be awful!

*huggles her*

#30: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 5:11 pm

This is good.
I like the bit where Simone says what a good school it is, and forgets how long it took her to stop being homesick.

#31: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:33 pm

It was the most difficult meal I have ever had to sit through. Fortunately Mme de Bersac had decided not to join us, but I still struggled to eat anything. Maman assumed I was upset due to Mlle Albert leaving and so I wasn’t expected to explain myself.

It was so difficult not to tell Maman what I had heard. We had always been ‘all in all’ to one another (as Mrs Maynard says) and I wasn’t used to keeping secrets from her. On the other hand, she was keeping a huge and important secret from me and it was that which prevented me from feeling guilty.

Once Mlle Albert had left, Mme de Bersac obviously put a good deal of pressure on Maman to convince her to send me away. I didn’t overhear any more conversations between them - I didn’t have to, it was clear what was happening. Mme de Bersac began to bring her daughter Tessa with her when she paid Maman a visit and all Tessa talked about was the Chalet School, how much fun she had there, how she couldn’t wait for the Easter holidays to finish so she could see her friends again. I didn’t pay much attention after a while. Tessa was clearly being a dutiful daughter and doing exactly as her mother had instructed her to; and anyway, school life when you are only eleven is bound to be very different to school life for someone who’s fourteen. I had never been to school and even I could see that.

Eventually Maman gave way and agreed that I should go to the Oberland with Tessa in September. I was inconsolable. It had never occurred to me that she would decide to send me away, we had never been parted before and I thought she would be as distressed by the idea as I was. I couldn’t argue with her, not when I knew she was ill, but I refused to be reconciled to this development.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Maman summoned Mme de Bersac in the hope that she could talk me round.

“I can understand why you are so upset, Odette,” she told me one afternoon as we were drinking coffee in the sitting room. Maman had left the two of us to talk privately. “It’s a big change for you and I expect you don’t know why your mother is sending you away from her after all these years.”

“She says I need the company of other girls my own age.”

Mme de Bersac smiled. “She’s quite right, you know. Don’t you wish you had friends of your own age, Odette, other girls you could talk to?”

“I’ve managed without them until now. Besides, I haven’t spent much time with other girls before. I wouldn’t know how to behave.”

“Oh, you needn’t worry about that! Once you are there, I’m sure you’ll find you settle down quickly and find your feet. Tessa will show you the ropes too, as much as she can. And one of my closest friends, Mrs Maynard, lives just next door to the School. She has triplet daughters who are around your age. You are bound to be in the same form as at least one of them, and I’m sure they will do all they can to help you.”

Triplets! I didn’t say anything to Mme de Bersac, of course, but I instinctively knew that the Maynard triplets would not want me following them around all the time. Each of them had a ready-made little circle of friends due to the circumstances of their birth. Why would they want anyone else?

#32: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:50 pm

This is great Ann. It really sets Odette up very well showing her in much more depth.

#33: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 10:57 pm

Oh poor Odette, its great having her fleshed out, to bring understanding to the girl we think of. Thanks Ann

#34: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:25 pm

Poor Odette, little does she know that Con will prove her wrong, though Margot will undoubtably upset her.

#35: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:29 pm

In a way you can see her logic- having never been in the company of other girls,how is she expected to enjoy it?

Thanks Ann.

#36: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:51 pm

And of course as Odette knows her mother is ill, there is even more reason for her not to go.

#37: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:36 am

And, like most teenage girls, she resents having her friendships decided for her before she's even met them. I have to say the triplets were very well-behaved in that respect, Len in particular.

#38: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 8:05 am

I wonder where you are going that you decided to put it here.

#39: Author: claire, Location: South Wales

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:21 am

Hmm good point Keren, enjoying this though
I assume Odette sees Simone as having taken her away from her mother, (and for letting her know about her mother's illness), probably thinking if it wasn't for her that the two of them would just have carried on together

#40: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 6:55 pm

Margot's behaviour that term is hardly going to have helped Odette with her worries and it is horrible having friends pushed on you.

Will Odette confront her mother about the illness bfore she leaves :S

Thanks Ann

#41: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 11:40 pm

Ann, this is excellent! Thankyou.

Poor Odette. It is lovely to have her character fleshed out a bit more.

#42: Author: pygmy, Location: glasgow

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 4:23 pm

This is great Ann. I've never paid much attention to Odette prior to reading this so it's good to see her in a bit more detail. I'm also wondering why it's in St Hild's. Hmmm, intriguing.

#43: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 7:53 pm

keren wrote:

I wonder where you are going that you decided to put it here.

All will become clear in the next post

The summer simply flew by. Maman and I spent four weeks holidaying at Evian-Les-Bains, near the Swiss border. I think it was intended to convince me that Switzerland wasn’t really all that far away. Then, far sooner than seemed possible, it was almost September and there was so much to do in preparation for my departure - uniform to be fitted and bought, nametapes to be sewn into all my clothing, my trunk to be packed. Mme de Bersac organised everything, Maman and I just drifted along with it all.

On the day I left for the Oberland, Monsieur de Bersac arrived first thing in the morning in his car. He was to take us to the de Bersacs’ home where we would have déjeuner and collect Tessa and her mother, before going on to Paris and the Gare du Nord. Mme de Bersac had wanted us to stay at their chateau overnight but Maman had resisted, saying she wanted one last ‘normal’ night with me at home.

By the time we arrived at the station, I was in floods of tears and Maman wasn’t much better. I felt absolutely awful, leaving her alone. Suppose something happened to her while I was away? By the time the news reached me it might be too late! As I boarded the train and saw her standing alone on the platform - the de Bersacs were standing a short way off, to allow us to say our goodbyes privately - I suddenly realised how frail she looked. I suppose when you see someone everyday, you don’t notice gradual changes, but now I could see how thin and pale she was. I hoped Mme de Bersac would look after her.

I was so preoccupied with keeping Maman in sight that I still hadn’t found a seat when the train pulled out of the station. Tessa had disappeared somewhere with her own friends - so much for her helping me to find my feet! I was left standing next to the carriage door, clutching my case, when a tall girl with curly hair and a friendly-looking face came along and found me.

“Hello there!” she said in fluent French. “You must be a new girl!”

I nodded and she continued, “Welcome to the Chalet School! Oh, I know we’re not actually at the School yet, but welcome all the same! What’s your name? Odette? Well Odette, I’m Mary-Lou Trelawney. I’m one of the prefects. Now let’s see if we can find someone to look after you. I’m sure you’d rather be with people your own age than with a prefect!” And with this she led me off through the train, peeping into the compartments as she passed.

#44: Author: Chelsea, Location: Your Imagination

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 8:25 pm

That wasn't very nice of Tessa Evil or Very Mad

*is curious as to where this is going.

#45: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 8:38 pm

*pokes Tessa*

She could have been a little bit more considerate Evil or Very Mad

Thanks btw Ann!

#46: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:13 pm

Poor Odette, alos think Tessa could have been a little nicer - bet Simone asked her to do more, but she just forgot.

Thank you Ann.

#47: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 11:58 pm

Oh dear poor Odette being stuck with Mary-Lou!

#48: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 9:16 pm

That was a little bit mean, Tessa! Leaving Odette to ML's tender mercies....

Hope Odette will find the girls her own age more to her liking, although I have a feeling she won't

#49: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 9:23 pm

Yes, a bit rotten of Tessa, and you'd think that the escort mistress would have seen that Odette was with girls her own age wouldn't you. Still Mary-Lou will sort it (hopefully, please be knid to OOAO Laughing

)

#50: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Mar 16, 2005 11:00 pm

Just found this, Ann, it's excellent! Very Happy

Looking forward to seeing where it's going.

#51: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 1:14 am

Do feel slightly sorry for Tessa though - having to spend quite a bit of time with her over the summer and then being expected to look after her when they're not the same age and Odette could only be described as a waterspout!

Ok not in the best CS tradition for Tessa to abandon her, but I can understand it

#52: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 1:35 am

Thanks Ann

Wondered for a moment who Monsieur de Bersac is Embarassed

(well everybody always calls him Andre!)

Liz

#53: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 3:06 am

It's interesting to hear what made Odette into such a waterspout! It sounds as if Simone has taken a leaf out of Joey's book and done a thorough butt in!

Another one intrigued by why this should be in St Hild.

#54: Author: Steph, Location: Blackpool, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 5:24 pm

Oooh am liking this Ann!

I'm very intrigued as to what is going to happen. More soon please Smile

#55: Author: Emma A, Location: The Soke of Peterborough

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 7:09 pm

This is great, Ann. I found this today and am really intrigued by Odette's story and the implications of what's already been written.

#56: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 11:39 pm

And so we come to the wibbly part... I have put this in St. Hild's for a reason, some readers may find the following post a bit distressing, although obviously I don't intend to upset anyone.

A short way along the carriage, Mary-Lou paused, then ushered me into a compartment in which three girls of around my own age were sitting. After a brief conversation in English which I couldn’t follow, the prefect introduced me; “These are Francie Wilford, Heather Clayton and Charmian Spence, Odette. They’ll show you the ropes and keep you company.” And with that, she was gone.

It didn’t take me long to work out that the three would not exactly be company for me. Heather was friendly enough but her French was stilted, to say the least. Charmian had very little French at all, and Francie just didn’t seem particularly happy that I had been wished onto them. Any attempt at conversation between the four of us dwindled rapidly, although Heather and Charmian kept smiling companionably at me.

I found it hard to keep the picture of Maman standing on the platform, waving me off, from my mind and I was still very close to tears. However I was determined not to cry in front of these strange girls - especially Francie who seemed a sulky sort of person and not the type to be sympathetic to someone who was upset. What I needed was something to distract me, to hold my attention long enough to forget about Maman and home for a while. I had hoped that my travelling companions would be able to provide me with such a respite, but evidently that wasn’t to be the case.

Some time into the journey - I don’t know where we were or how long we’d been travelling for - I was searching for a hanky in the pocket of my winter coat (if I was going to have to give in and start crying, I would be prepared) and found an old brooch. To this day I don’t know how it got there - it was my broach but the coat was new, bought especially for school.

I don’t know why the thought entered my head, or why I thought it would be a sensible thing to do. I can’t even say I acted without thinking, that it was a silly, spur-of-the-moment decision because I did think, I looked around the compartment to check that none of the others was watching at me. Charmian was asleep and Heather and Francie were talking about something in English, something which involved drawing diagrams on a scrap of paper (looking back now I suppose it was hockey). I didn’t want them to see, which proves that I must have thought about it, I knew they would react badly.

As discreetly as I could, I opened the pin of the brooch. I looked around at the others again, just to make sure, and then I dug the pin into the back of my left hand as hard as I could.

It hurt a lot, but I had wanted it to. I wanted it to hurt so much that I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

I finally removed the pin when my right hand began to ache (which doesn’t make much sense, I s’pose. I wanted to hurt one hand but stopped because the other one was hurting too). A tiny bead of blood had welled up where I’d punctured the skin.

By the time we reached the Gornetz Platz, my hands were covered in tiny red speckles.

Last edited by Ann on Fri Apr 01, 2005 6:37 pm; edited 1 time in total

#57: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 2:30 am

wow...now i can see why you put it here Sad

Poor Odette...i'm interested to see how it was dealt with, if at all...

#58: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:16 am

Poor child - how on Earth did Matey miss it?

Thanks Ann.

#59: Author: Sarah, Location: Ormskirk, Lancashire

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:21 am

Poor Odette! Sad

huggles

#60: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 10:34 am

Poor Odette

Thanks Ann

Liz

#61: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 11:27 am

Poor Odette.

Thank you Ann.

#62: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 11:39 am

Poor Odette Crying or Very sad

I hope she meets Con soon...

#63: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 12:11 pm

Poor Odette Crying or Very sad

Thank you Ann

#64: Author: Pat, Location: Doncaster

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 1:45 pm

That's dreadful! Poor Odette.

#65: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 4:32 pm

Gosh - I wasn't expecting that. Very powerful.

Thanks Ann

#66: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 5:11 pm

Oh poor Odette. But so realistic that she might do this given the circumstances. Sad

I hope once she makes friends with Con & Richenda, that they'll be able to help her.

Thanks Ann.

#67: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 8:38 pm

Oh poor Odette Sad

Can certainly see why it was put here now.

*echoing thoughts of hoping Con and Richenda help her soon*

#68: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:15 pm

Poor poor Odette. Crying or Very sad

#69: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2005 12:54 am

That explains the placing.

Thank you Ann (for the story and the warning)

#70: Odette Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2005 2:07 pm

Thank you Anne for posting this. I've only just found it but I think it's a problem that needs airing. For all my advanced years it was nothing I'd ever come across until very recently when someone admitted to it and why it had happened. I was very moved by what she said and very thankful for my own relatively happy childhood. I can see why Odette would do this. How do you live with that problem going on in your mind and not do something to try and make the pain go away?

#71: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:59 am

*sympathises and relates*

I'm glad you're writing this. Thank you.

#72: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 4:18 pm

Sorry it's taken me so long to update - for someone who's supposed to be on holiday I don't seem to have much drabbling time! Sections in italics are direct quotes from EBD.

I don’t remember anything of that first night at the Chalet School clearly. From the second the coaches pulled up on the drive I was rushed from here to there by Heather, who seemed to have taken charge of me, and I simply didn’t have the chance to take anything in. Abendessen was difficult, I spent the meal playing with my food and trying to hold back tears. I was horribly confused and lonely - although the School was supposed to be trilingual I couldn’t hear a word of French being spoken anywhere near our table. It was a relief when bedtime came and I could bury myself under my bedclothes, think about home without being disturbed and cry myself to sleep.

The following morning was no better. I was in Pansy dormitory with Heather and as soon as I set foot out of bed she began rushing me around again - something she was clearly used to doing as her French, which had been so lacking when it came to conversation, was now certainly up to the task. Before I knew it, I was up, washed, dressed, plaited and had stripped my bed in what Jo Scott, the dormitory prefect, described as the ‘approved fashion’.

I was just about to knot my tie - something which I never found easy - when I caught sight of the little mosaic brooch we used to fasten our ties in place. I had been too busy to reflect on the events of the previous day, but suddenly it all came rushing back - my worries about Maman, the homesickness, the fear of being in a new place with complete strangers - and my eyes filled with tears. I reached out for pin, needing to find a distraction just as I had on the train.

To my utter horror, just I picked up the brooch, my cubicle curtains were pulled apart and Len Maynard appeared. With an exclamation at how slow I was being, she immediately took charge, knotting my tie for me, flinging the curtains over their rails and pushing me out into the aisle where the others were lined up, waiting to go downstairs. I was too shocked to react for a few minutes but manage to stammer out, “Oh, mais c’est tout effroyable!” as I took my place in the line behind Carmela Walther. I saw a few of the others grin in response and cursed myself for saying something so stupid. The other girls must all think I was some kind of idiot!

“Vous—er—vous accoutumerez tôt,” Jo said, but it didn’t do much to reassure me. Obviously I was going to have to be a lot more careful in future.

#73: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 6:14 pm

Thank you Ann.

Am glad that Len came through the curtains at that moment, though I'm sure it won't happen again Sad

#74: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 6:23 pm

Poor Odette - why was it always considered to be a weaknee to be homesick?

Thanks Ann.

#75: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 8:53 pm

*hugs Odette*

#76: Author: Helen P, Location: Crewe, Cheshire

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 9:53 pm

I must have somehow missed the last-but-one post, where the placing in St. Hild's became clear. Thankyou Ann, this is really interesting, and I'm looking forward (sort of) to seeing where you are going to go with this. I had a friend at school who used to self-harm and I didn't understand it at all at the time. I know a little more about it now and wish I had been more understanding with her then.

Poor Odette - listening out for French and hearing none Sad

She must have felt so alone.

#77: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 10:25 pm

It's a good thing Len didn't appear just a few minutes later. I doubt her reaction would have been particularly helpful!

Poor Odette. What a horrible situation for her.

#78: Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time

Posted: Sat Apr 02, 2005 10:39 pm

This is fantastic Ann.

Dealing with self harm is difficult, and you're doing it really well. Homesickness is seen to be weakness and people often don't understand self harm, but the self harm is a coping mechanism. You're dealing with it very sensitiveky -thank you for that.

Jodi xx
PS which CS book is Odette in?

#79: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 2:41 pm

Jodi wrote:

PS which CS book is Odette in?

She has a fairly prominent role in Richenda and appears occasionally after that as a friend of Con Maynard.

#80: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 12:41 pm

the school are seeing Odette's distress only as homesickness - the poor child must be so worried that she could never see her mother again.

#81: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 5:01 pm

Again some readers might be distressed by the following - I promise it won't get any more graphic than this.

As time went on, I did become accustomed to life at the Chalet School, although I can’t say I was settled, far from it. I simply became used to the daily routine and drifted along with everyone else. New girls traditionally sang very small and I sang even smaller than most. Although I began to pick up some English and German, I wasn’t comfortable speaking in either language and tended to stay quiet on French days too, just because it was easier. If I spoke I might say something stupid and the other girls would laugh at me. I had seen some of my form mates laughing at another new girl, Richenda Fry, on the first morning before Frühstück (I don’t know why they were laughing at her as the conversation was in English, but I could tell from the look on her face and the way Con Maynard reacted that Ricki was being ridiculed in some way). I was determined that it would not happen to me.

I didn’t make many friends in those first few weeks. There was another French girl in Vb, Jeanne Daudet, and we were rather pushed together by the other girls in the form. I suppose that because we were both French and both new girls they felt we’d have some common ground. We partnered each other for walks and so on, but it was never a genuine friendship. I just couldn’t open up to her - I couldn’t open up to anyone - so I was never entirely myself around her and I think she knew it. It can’t be easy to spend all your time trying to have a conversation with someone who barely replies.

After the incident with Len I became much more cautious. My cubey obviously wasn’t as private as I had believed, so I made other arrangements in case of need. I had removed the blade from a pencil sharpener and took to carrying it around in my blazer pocket, wrapped in my hanky. If I was having a particularly difficult day, I could escape to the Splashery, lock myself in a cubicle and - well, I‘ll leave it to your imagination. I was careful not leave a mark anywhere that might be noticeable. As my hands healed in the first few days I was at school, they itched like anything and it was difficult not to draw attention to myself by scratching at them. I couldn’t bear to think what happen if anyone were to notice and realise what I’d done.

It’s hard to describe the feeling of relief that it brought me. My scars were a symbol of how bad I felt and once I bore them, I had no need for tears, the need to cry suddenly vanished. I think my classmates thought I was settling in at school and missing home less as I wasn‘t in tears quite so often.

I was such a coward. I knew I should try to be strong for Maman, but I didn’t know how.

#82: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 7:16 pm

Ann, this story while distressing is well-written and I am not enjoying it but appreciating it if you see what I mean. And it fills in a proper explanation (not EBD's strong point!).

Thank you.

#83: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 7:18 pm

Poor Odette! It must be horrible for a shy new girl.

*hugs Odette*

#84: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 9:01 pm

Thanks Ann

Liz

#85: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Apr 05, 2005 9:18 pm

Poor Odette - and so plausible.

Thanks Ann.

#86: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 12:16 am

Poor poor Odette. This is really well written Ann. I hope she finds some understanding soon.

#87: Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Sat Apr 09, 2005 1:05 am

Have just found this and it's so good. Poor Odette - but a very convincing explanation of why she was as miserable as she was (and not just because she wasn't a good Chalet girl, either!). Am looking forward to more even if gets bleaker...
(would just like to send the girl a big hug!)

#88: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:06 pm

Poor girl, of course if she stopped crying as much the CS girsl would just see that as good. They were never really trained to look for something like this, I don't suppose many people are!

Thanks Ann

#89: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 12:48 am

poor odette - i always felt sorry for ricki when they were laughing at her in the book, but for another painfully shy new girl to see and not hear what happened afterwards it must have been awful.

#90: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester England

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 9:32 am

Poor Odette Crying or Very sad

#91: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 12:01 am

Eventually the mask which I presented to the School in general cracked and my real feelings leaked out. I was the talk of the Chalet for a few days - well, the talk of the Seniors at the very least - and what made it worse was the knowledge that if I’d controlled myself better it wouldn’t have happened.

I was in the habit of marking the passage of time according to what would be happening at home, such as; ‘if I was at home now it would be time for déjeuner’ or ‘if I was at home now I would be having lessons with Mlle Albert’ and then I’d have to stop and reconsider because Mlle Albert wasn’t there anymore. It wasn’t the same home I remembered.

One Sunday afternoon - a very wet Sunday, so we couldn’t go out - I had gone into our form room to collect my library book which I had left there and I was suddenly struck by a thought. I didn’t know what Maman would be doing at that moment. Usually on a Sunday afternoon she would work at her embroidery while I read aloud to her, or she would talk with Mlle Albert if she was at home. But Mlle Albert had left and I was far away and there was no-one to keep Maman company. She would be terribly lonely. And what if something were to happen to her? Who would look after her, comfort her? All my self-control vanished and I collapsed into a seat, buried my head in my arms and cried and cried and cried.

I don’t know how long I had been there for when I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Ricki Fry, her expression full of concern.

“Qu’avez-vous, Odette?” she asked, sounding very British.

I was crying too hard to answer straight away, but managed to force out the words, “Oh, j’ai mal-au-coeur! Oh, Maman—Maman!”

“What is wrong? Is she ill?”

It was the ideal moment to confide in someone, to share my worries for my mother, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. For one thing I was crying too hard for anything other than brief sentences, and for another, Maman’s illness was still too painful for me to talk about it. It was too deep, too personal. I said nothing.

“Tell me, Odette, and stop crying so much. You will make yourself ill.”

“I wish I could,“ I wailed. “Then Maman would come to me and I should leave this terrible place and go home again!”

“But—why?” Ricki sounded increasingly anxious. “And it is not a terrible place, truly, it is not. Try to stop crying and tell me what is wrong. I may be able to help you.”

“No one can,” I sobbed. Unless Ricki could cure my mother and send me home, I didn’t see how she could help. “I want Maman and I do not want to stay here.”

I don’t remember much of what happened after that. I began to cry so hard I could no longer speak. I couldn’t think of anything but how miserable I was. After a time Mary-Lou, the prefect who had been so nice to me on the train, appeared.

“Hush now, Odette. What has happened? Please tell me why you are so unhappy. I would like to help you, if there’s anything I can do.”

I couldn’t speak, but I clung to her and tried to find comfort in the soothing words she murmured to me. Eventually Matey came and she and Mary-Lou took me upstairs to the San. I don’t remember anything after that.

Last edited by Ann on Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

#92: Author: tiffinata, Location: melbourne, australia

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:59 am

Lyanne wrote:

the school are seeing Odette's distress only as homesickness - the poor child must be so worried that she could never see her mother again.

Odette wasn't supposed to know about her mother. Back when these books were written you kept the 'unpleasant' details of life away from children. Some families still do.
Someone I know took his own life 5 years ago. His sons were told their father died in a 'car accident'.

In'Jane' Hilda says she has been through a similar thing-her mother had a long illness and she wouldn't let another child be unprepared if she should die.

#93: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 10:10 am

Please let Ricki help Odette! She really needs someone to be there for her.

*hugs Odette again*

#94: Author: aitchemelle, Location: West Sussex

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 11:27 am

I've only just found this! Please will someone give Odette many many hugs. I want to!
Please let Ricki help her?

#95: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 2:59 pm

How awful for Odette to be so unhappy and miserable. I hope Ricki can help.

Thanks Ann

#96: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:04 pm

She's also battling against the firmly-fixed idea that it's bad form to be homesick at the Chalet School, and coping with her knowledge about her mother's illness, though she isn't supposed to know about it. Poor child, this is where the CS lets her down.

#97: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 8:16 pm

Poor Odette - thank you Ann. Crying or Very sad

#98: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester England

Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 9:45 pm

(((Odette)))
Thank you Ann

#99: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 7:24 pm

oh wow, poor little odette

#100: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Sun Apr 17, 2005 11:37 pm

to be completely honest girls at the Chalet School had no time to breathe - let alone be homesick!!! I know if I had been a pupil there I wouldn't have had time for it so I suppose it was just a completely alien feeling for them.

((Odette))

I do hope someone can help her.

#101: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:07 am

*Hugs Odette*

#102: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 2:05 pm

Poor Odette. Crying or Very sad

I wonder how much of what's been going on will be discovered, or she will feel able to tell anyone.

Liz

#103: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:27 pm

Thank you to everyone who has posted encouraging comments on this thread - in many ways I regret starting to write this story because it is so bleak, but it's reassuring to know that people are reading it regardless.

I awoke the following morning feeling brighter than I had done in a long time. Looking back, I suppose this was because I’d had a good night’s sleep for the first time in several weeks. Bedtime meant solitude, it meant I was free to worry about Maman without interference and this, coupled with the strangeness of sleeping in a different bed, had disrupted my sleep ever since I had arrived at the Chalet School.

However, it wasn’t to last. Within a few minutes, the previous day’s events came back to me and I began to panic. I was worried what the other girls would think of me, but that thought was driven to the back of my mind as another, more alarming, idea struck me. I was dressed in my pyjamas, so clearly someone had undressed me before putting me to bed in the San. That person must have seen the scars on my arms. I felt a raw feeling in my chest, rather as though someone had smashed me open and displayed my heart for the world to see. My head spun and I couldn’t think clearly.

“So you’re awake?” Matey was standing over me. “Very well, you may sit up provided you wear that bed jacket. I’ll arrange some Frühstück for you, and once you’ve eaten it, Miss Annersley would like to speak with you. She tried to find out why you were so upset yesterday but you were too distraught to answer any of her questions.”

She returned presently with a tray and watched like a hawk as I ate the contents. As soon as I had finished the last bite, Matey departed with the tray, and Miss Annersley appeared to question me on the reason behind my outburst during the previous afternoon.

“I miss my Maman and my home,” I mumbled. I had had it well drummed into me that homesickness wasn’t the done thing at the Chalet School and I knew this wouldn’t be considered an adequate excuse for my behaviour.

The Head sighed. “Odette, you cannot go on upsetting yourself like this. You are not eating or sleeping properly - yes, Matron and I had noticed,” as I looked up in surprise. “Yesterday you were verging on hysteria because you had allowed yourself to become so distressed. At this rate you will make yourself ill, and then how will your Maman feel? She will be upset because you are upset, and I‘m sure you don‘t want that.”

I hung my head in shame, my cheeks burning.

“I know you will think me unsympathetic and unfair,” Miss Annersley went on, “but at least part of your unhappiness is the result of you not allowing yourself to be happy. You are clinging to your thoughts of home when you should be immersing yourself in school life. You should focus on the present, Odette, on seeing new things, making new friends and experiencing new activities. Your home will still be there at half term. Just think how happy Maman will be when you return to her a jolly, healthy schoolgirl, full of stories of your experiences here.” She looked searchingly at me. “You shouldn’t feel guilty for being here. It was Maman’s choice that you should come to the Chalet School. You needn’t feel bad for leaving her.”

I wondered then if Miss Annersley knew about Maman’s illness - and furthermore, did she think that I had been told? Did she realise that I knew?

After a few more encouraging comments, the Head departed for a literature lecture with the Sixths and I was left with Matey. To my horror, she immediately asked the question I had been dreading.

“How did you get those scratches on your arms, Odette?”

“It was Minette, she scratched me,” I lied automatically. I had come up with this story, amongst others, in order to be prepared.

Matron didn’t look convinced, but all she said was; “Did you see Nurse to have iodine put on them?”

“No-o,” I stammered.

“Should it happen again, you must see either Nurse or myself and have your injuries treated properly. We can’t run the risk of infection.” And that was all she said on the subject. I didn’t know whether to feel relieved or not.

#104: Author: Guest,

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 5:56 am

Ann,
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. I'm not willing to post as myself, but I did want to say that I do feel that you've handled this issue in a really sensitive way. Thank you for bringing it up ... its something that needs to be hidden away far less.

#105: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:39 am

I don't blame you for having doubts about posting this, Ann - it must be very hard to write. Good for you!

I think you are handling it extremely sensitively and realistically. It's good to be reminded that the typical Chalet School, "one-size-fits all" treatment doesn't work for everyone, and can actually be damaging.

I can't quite say I'm looking forward to more... but I do hope you are able to carry on, and I will read with interest.

#106: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:07 am

Just caught up on this again Ann. Beautifully written, and very sensitively handled.

#107: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:39 pm

Thanks Ann

*hugs* 'cos this must be so hard to write.

Liz

#108: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 1:43 pm

I hope Matey will keep a close eye on Odette now.

#109: Author: James,

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:13 pm

Very well-written - thank you Ann, look forward to seeing more. (Not sure that's quite the right choice of words, but hopefully people know what I mean.)

#110: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 6:36 pm

Thanks Ann.... it must be quite distressing to write as well.

*still hopinh Ricki or Con get to Odette soon*

#111: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:00 pm

Matey kept me out of school for the rest of the day, and when I returned to the normal routine on Tuesday I felt that things had changed. Ricki Fry - Richenda, as I knew her then - seemed to have become especially friendly and volunteered to partner me for walks regularly. I appreciated her efforts, although it was hard to hold a conversation as her French was at about the same level as my English. Still, it was good to feel that I had a friend. At times, I had really resented the other girls. They must have seen how unhappy I was and yet they made no attempt to befriend me! At the same time, a little voice kept telling me that I wasn’t being very sociable myself, so why should they bother with me? But now I had Richenda making a genuine effort to be friendly towards me and it made a difference.

Despite this, I still wasn’t happy. Miss Annersley’s words of wisdom had little effect on me. I knew that I should follow her advice and try to be happy but it was much easier said than done. It wasn’t just homesickness and Maman’s illness which distressed me now, but the knowledge that if people discovered my secret, they would look on me with some degree of suspicion. The thought had occurred to me that I must be mad. I didn’t know if there had ever been a mad girl at the Chalet School before and I worried what would become of me if the truth became known.

It didn’t take long for Richenda’s efforts to rub off on someone else - Len Maynard. Con would later inform me that Len was in the habit of ‘butting-in’ if she thought someone was in need of her help or support, “just like Mamma and Mary-Lou”. Personally, I felt that Len’s actions resulted from a feeling of duty, whereas Ricki was genuinely concerned for my well being, although I suppose I might just be judging Len more harshly as a result of what happened later. At any rate, I was still wary of her after that first morning when she had burst unannounced into my cubey.

Len’s ‘butting-in’ began on a ramble one Sunday afternoon - a week after my crying fit. I had been daydreaming about home, reminiscing about Mlle Albert’s birthday party during the spring when we had held a picnic in the garden. It was a happy memory and for once I was thinking about home without becoming upset. I suppose I was starting to gradually get over my homesickness.

I was brought back to the present by a cry from Len and realised that I had not been looking where I was going and had drifted dangerously close to the edge of a cliff. I jumped back and in a second Len was at my side.

“What were you thinking about?” she demanded, giving me a gentle shake. “You might have fallen over the edge! Stay with us now, and don’t wander off by yourself. Anyhow, you’re as much too far ahead as we are. We must wait for Ferry and the others.”

“I should have seen that you were alone,” Ricki said, and I glowed inwardly at the implication that she felt I was her responsibility. “Stay with us, Odette.”

I peered over the edge of the mountainside and realised what a narrow escape I had had. “I never saw! I might have been killed! And what would Maman say then?”

“That you’d been ghastly careless, I should think,” Len remarked. “Honestly, Odette, you can’t go on dreaming about up here. You must look where you’re going.”

Miss Ferrars caught up with us at this point and lectured us for wandering off too far ahead. Once she had departed, Len announced that she and ‘Ricki’ would only speak to me in English from that point onwards.

“I—I do not understand. Who is Ricki?”

“Me,” Richenda informed me. “Len says my name’s too long, so she’s pitched on that for a short. There’s one thing, Len. You can’t shorted Odette!”

“We might call her ‘O’,” proposed Len.

“But that is not a name at all,” I said suspiciously. Was Len mocking me?

“Shorts usually aren’t. Now you try to talk English. And I’ll tell you what! We’ll talk French and you talk English and we can correct each other. It’ll help us no end!”

“You don’t need any help in French. You talk as well as Odette does.” Richenda grumbled. “But I’ll be awfully grateful if you will help me, Odette.”

“But I would like to help you, Richenda—but no; you say Ricki. You have been kind to me.” I said, feeling rather shy.

“What rot! I haven’t done a thing,” Ricki protested, but she had. She might not have done an awful lot but she had done enough to a make a difference and I thought she was wonderful.

#112: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:06 pm

*hugs Ann*

this is really amazing, and it must be so hard to write. it's not something people are willing to talk about, so you're really brave for posting it here. thank you so much.

#113: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:22 pm

Yay for Rikki!
Thanks Ann!

#114: Author: Liane, Location: Manchester England

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 8:32 pm

Thank you Ann, this is fantastic. It must be so hard to write.

#115: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:57 pm

This is truly incredible, Ann. Poor Odette. *hugs her*

#116: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 7:32 am

This is awesome Ann!

(((Odette))) and (Ricki) for being so nice!

#117: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 8:17 am

Lovely to see their friendship begin. Thanks Ann *hugs*

#118: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 12:34 pm

Thank you, Ann. This is amazingly well & sensitively written.

#119: Author: MaryR, Location: Sale Cheshire

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 6:26 pm

This is beautifully done, Ann. Thank you.

#120: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:14 pm

Thank you Ann - lovely posts, sensitively handled.

#121: Author: Steph, Location: Blackpool, Lancashire

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:00 pm

Ann, this is wonderfully and sensitively written, thank you

#122: Author: Emma A, Location: The Soke of Peterborough

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 5:36 pm

Just read several updates, Ann - this is very well done, and I find myself agreeing with everyone else who has posted replies. Poor Odette - I'm so glad that Ricki (and Con, later) could help her, just by being friendly. I'll read those books in whch she features with more attention now.

#123: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:46 pm

Poor Odette, although yay for Ricki for being friendly and not just ignoring her loneliness. The CS are so naive in some ways- Odette's excuse about Minette, so easy to do because no one would suspect.

#124: Author: Jodi, Location: Glasgow most of the time

Posted: Thu Apr 28, 2005 3:05 pm

it makes me so angry that it's just dismissed. these are real feelings that she has, and telling her to get on with it is going to help no-one. I understand the feeling of being so alone and it seems to me that the level of naivity about her self harm is appalling. If they even showed one iota of sympathy she might open up. And I'm talking about this in RL too. It's such a real likfe situatiuon and feelings shouldn't be simply dismissed. Self harm is such a taboo subject, it's looked down uopn as if doing it makes you weak.

It's brilliantly dealt with Ann.

ETA sorry for the rant

#125: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 6:32 pm

Looking back, that Sunday afternoon ramble stands out in my mind as one of the happiest times I had at the Chalet School. It was eventful, and that’s not a good ‘eventful’ - a tremendous thunderstorm caught us by surprise and we had to take cover in a barn which was very nearly struck by lightning. Once the rain had passed, we set off home again and found that a stream had flooded and we had to wade across the bridge through the rushing waters. I wasn’t as scared by all this as I probably would have been otherwise. For once I was part of the group, I was included. Len and Ricki had helped me when I fell and they kept me close throughout the time in the barn and on the walk home. I had friends and from time to time I felt truly happy in spite of everything.

It didn’t last long - it never does, in my experience. The next weekend I received an invitation to have ‘afternoon tea’ with Mrs Maynard at Freudesheim, her home.

“She likes to meet all the new girls,” Len explained when I questioned the invite. “Especially when they’re friends of ours” - my heart swelled again - “and she would have had you over earlier in the term but she isn’t feeling up to large parties just at present.”

Jeanne had also been invited, and on Sunday afternoon, we made our way across to the chalet next door, passing from the school grounds into the Maynard’s garden through a gate in the fence as we were instructed to do by Len. At the door of the chalet was a tall lady who called out to us in French.

“Welcome to Freudesheim, both of you! I’m sorry I haven’t been able to invite you over and welcome you properly until now, but with a family like mine, things often don’t run to plan! Come along inside - there’s a glorious fire in the Salon and it’s none too warm out there today!”

Mrs Maynard chattered away to us almost incessantly for the entire length of our visit. Jeanne responded to her remarks and answered her questions readily and cheerfully, but I was much more guarded. A nagging little voice at the back of my head had suggested that anything I said might be reported back to Len or Con, or even the staff at the School. I made appropriate comments when we were introduced to baby Cecil and was polite, but I wasn’t forthcoming.

“We had two girls named Mercier at the School in the Dark Ages - Suzanne and Yvette,” Mrs Maynard remarked as we were eating cream cakes and drinking tea. “Are they any relation to you?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. There were some cousins of my father’s out there somewhere, but I knew nothing about them. As Maman had once remarked, “They never made any effort to keep in touch while your father was alive. Why should they bother now?”

Mrs Maynard looked sombre. “Poor Suzanne died during the War. So sad.” There was a pause, then, recalling herself to the present, she turned to me again. “And I understand that you know one of my greatest friends, Simone de Bersac?”

I nodded.

Mrs Maynard smiled. “We have been friends for many years now, Simone and I, ever since the School first opened at the Tiernsee. She’s a lovely woman, isn’t she?”

I remained tactfully silent and Mrs Maynard, understanding it to mean that I agreed with her last statement, proceeded to reminisce at length about her own schooldays and about the time when Mme de Bersac, then Simone Lecoutier, had chopped her hair off in a fit of jealousy. I was appalled. You have to remember that up until I went to school, I had never had any real friends and I was unsure as to how friendship worked. I knew that Mrs Maynard and Mme de Bersac considered themselves close friends for both of them had told me so, but here was Mrs Maynard, telling embarrassing stories about her friend to two mere schoolgirls and laughing over the memory! Surely Mme de Bersac would be angry if she found out? Was this the way friends should treat each other?

I returned to the School that evening in some confusion and avoided both Ricki and Len, just to be on the safe side.

#126: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:40 pm

Poor Odette, yet to someone that had not had close friends before, it was a valid way of thinking. Now she'll reject Len and the others, thinking they will only embarrass her.

Thanks Ann.

#127: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 7:46 pm

((Odette))

she must be finding this all so overwhelming - and Joey, lovely as she is, isn't helping

#128: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 10:16 pm

Poor Odette, it's so sad that she had so few happy school days, and that her Father's family never bothered to keep in touch.

#129: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 11:42 pm

Poor Odette - even more confusion for her.

I hope she is able to learn how close friendships work.

Thanks Ann

Liz

#130: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 11:59 pm

We went to the Valais at half term. I had been hoping to go home, but Maman had written to say it was too far to travel for such a short space of time and she looked forward to seeing me at Christmas. I tried to comfort myself with the thought that Ricki and Len would also be going on the expedition, only to learn that Ricki had been invited to spend the holiday at Freudesheim with the triplets as her father had not given consent for her to go on the trip and she couldn’t remain at the School. My heart raged at this. I knew Ricki was not to blame - her father was trying to punish her for some sort of disobedience - but the knowledge that my friends would be together and I would not be with them was a blow. I reacted to this in much the same way that I did everything else, and later had to deliberately spill ink over the sleeve of my blouse to hide the evidence. Matey was absolutely raging, but the alternative would have been much worse.

During the half term break, I found myself somehow claimed by Ros Lilly and Jo Scott. They had obviously seen that I was alone and made an effort to draw me into the group. I appreciated their efforts, but it just didn’t work. Len had charged in and given me no option but to fall in with her; Ricki had shown through several acts of kindness that she genuinely cared about me. Jo and Ros, nice though they both were, weren’t forceful enough to make much of an impression on me and I just drifted along with the rest of the Fifths, trying to enjoy the holiday.

On the Wednesday after half term, just after Abendessen, I found Con Maynard sitting alone in our form room in the dark. I had been looking for Len and Ricki and I had the shock of my life when I noticed her at her desk. She didn’t seem to have noticed me and was staring into space with a troubled expression on her face. I couldn’t just leave her sitting there; I knew all too well how it felt to be worried and alone. I sat down at the desk next to her and asked if she was all right.

Con turned towards me and heaved a huge sigh. “My Mamma isn’t well, Odette,” she said quietly. “She is going to England tomorrow to visit one of Papa‘s colleagues to find out what is wrong.”

Once again, an ideal opportunity had presented itself to me, a chance to explain my unhappiness to someone who would understand. But just as I had found it too difficult to tell Ricki about my Maman, I found I couldn’t tell Con either. I wasn’t entirely sure she would understand my situation anyway - that little voice in my head pointed out that she had her father, her brothers and sisters, her aunts, uncles and cousins, all of whom would be there for her if anything were to happen to Mrs Maynard. I had no-one. I felt awful for thinking such things and tried to concentrate on Con instead.

“But it is good that she will see this doctor, is it not? Your father is a doctor and he will know which other doctors are able to help your Mamma.”

“I hope so,” Con chewed her lower lip. “I-I’m scared, Odette, I’m scared of what Sir James Talbot might find.”

I laid a hand on her arm, suddenly struck with a sense of how Ricki must have felt on that Sunday afternoon. “He might find that whatever is making her ill is easy to put right.”

“I know. And I know that’s it’s by far the best thing for her to have it seen to.” She sighed again. “Papa doesn’t think it’s anything to worry about anyhow.”

“Then you must trust him. I’m sure your parents would not hide the truth from you.”

It was strange, how I could find the words to comfort Con and yet I couldn’t soothe my own feelings without resorting to extreme measures.

#131: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 12:18 am

How lovely of Odette to comfort Con like that though, when she has similar worries she feels unable to share.

Thanks Ann

Liz

#132: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 4:03 am

Echoes Liz - such a pity Odette couldn't open up to Con though.

((((Odette.))))

Thanks Ann.

#133: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 8:42 am

Thank you Ann. Im glad that Odette can find compassion for others, but I wish she felt that she could share her worries.

#134: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Tue May 03, 2005 2:09 pm

Perhaps looking after Con and helping her might at least let Odette feel more part of things. I hope she can open up to Con or Rikki soon.

#135: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 9:52 pm

((((((Odette))))))

(((Con)))

#136: Author: Joey, Location: Cambridge

Posted: Wed May 04, 2005 10:59 pm

Thank you for two wonderful written posts, Ann. Odette is so lovely! How sad that she has no-one to talk to, and doesn't understand that friends can tease each other.

#137: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 2:36 pm

The thing is that there were some similarities to the early Simone and Odette.

#138: Author: Emma A, Location: The Soke of Peterborough

Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 1:27 pm

Lovely updates, Ann. Poor Con and poor Odette. Hugs to them both.

#139: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sat May 07, 2005 11:11 pm

Just caught up on this again. Thanks Ann, it's wonderfully written.

Poor Odette, being so scared of real friendship that she's unable to share her feelings.

#140: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 12:16 am

I'm sorry I haven't updated for a bit - I don't really like leaving this drabble for any length of time due to the content, to be honest I want to get it finished as soon as I can. Due to RL, which has an uncanny and cruel sense of irony, I'm finding it hard to write any more at the moment. More soon, hopefully.

#141: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:57 am

*hugs Ann*

Hope RL is soon better

Liz

#142: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 9:03 pm

*sneaks into thread and stealth huggles Ann*

#143: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 8:41 pm

Thanks for the hugs, Vikki and Liz. This is another unpleasant post, I'm afraid.

I was right, Con’s situation was very different to my own. Although Mrs Maynard had to have an operation to correct whatever was wrong with her, she soon recovered and any doubts about her health were removed during the following summer when she had a second set of twins. I was acutely jealous; not, of course, that I admitted as much to anyone but myself. I was starting to realise that I genuinely did not like the person I had become, a fact which I became more aware of towards the end of term when Ricki’s accident happened. Whilst visiting the dentist in Interlaken - I wasn’t there, as my teeth were fine - a small boy squirted some sort of chemical into Ricki’s eyes and almost blinded her. She had to have treatment at the Augenklinik in Berne and was out of school for several weeks, during which time I missed her terribly. Len, Con and Ros Lilly couldn’t quite replace her somehow.

One might think that Ricki’s accident and Mrs Maynard’s illness would give me some sense of perspective. If only! If the truth be told, these events only made me worse. I hated myself for feeling jealous of the triplets as each nugget of good news about their mother was relayed across from England. Ricki’s suffering reminded me that there were people in the world who were much worse off than I was - and that I must be an awful person to feel so unhappy despite knowing that to be true. I felt that I deserved to be punished, that I deserved the pain I inflicted upon myself. It might make me a better person; the realisation that I was such an awful, selfish creature might motivate me to improve myself.

By the time I went home for Christmas, I was so confused and fragile that I felt sure Maman would notice how changed I was from the moment I stepped off the train. Even now, I don’t understand how it was that she didn’t notice, or if she was aware that something was wrong, why she didn’t mention it to me. I wonder if she was too preoccupied about herself to pick up on how upset I felt.

#144: Author: nikkie, Location: Cumbria

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 8:56 pm

Don't know what to say other than poor Odette.
Thanks Ann.

#145: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 9:25 pm

Golly. I don't know what to say, either, other than "poor Odette".

Thank you (((Ann)))

#146: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue May 10, 2005 11:21 pm

Thanks Ann (no more words)

Liz

#147: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 10:47 pm

I returned to School in January in much the same state of mind as I had left it in December, despite the respite of the holidays. Maman had not mentioned her illness to me during my time at home and I was, if possible, even more worried than I had been last term. I was sure her condition had not improved - she had often complained of tiredness and had needed to rest and was frequently lost in thought. Leaving her again was difficult and I found it hard to keep my emotions under control once I was back at the Chalet.

“I wonder if it might be better for you not to go home at all, Odette,” Con sighed on one occasion when I was particularly upset and was sobbing on her shoulder. “You’re much more homesick now than you were before Christmas.”

I had vowed during the holidays to give up the unpleasant habit which I had acquired last term, but I found it much harder than I had expected. Any time anything went wrong, even something as unimportant as getting an answer wrong when called upon in a lesson, I resorted to the same method of…well, distraction, I suppose. It varied between distraction from the stresses of my life - something I could focus on to the exclusion of all else - and punishment for some stupid, thoughtless or selfish thing I had done. I just couldn’t stop. If I did, what would I fall back on in times of need? I simply couldn’t comprehend how other people managed to get through life.

I couldn’t go on like this forever, of course, although I didn’t realise it then. Eventually the truth came to light, mainly thanks to Margot Maynard who was completely oblivious to the whole thing - still is as far as I know.

On that particular day, Margot seemed to have woken up ’ready to fight with a feather’ as Len put it. It later transpired that she was starting scarlet fever, but we didn’t know that at the time. All we knew was that she was in a vile temper and had argued with anyone who had so much as looked at her all day. It was my turn to be snapped at after Prep that evening. I was walking down the corridor towards the Senior Common Room, following Margot, who was stalking along, clearly enraged. As she reached the door she marched through it and slammed it behind her. I hadn’t been expecting this and had reached for the door; as it swung backwards it caught my hand and I cried out in pain and shock.

Upon hearing me yell, Margot wrenched the door open again and glared at me. “What’s the matter with you?”

“My hand,” I gasped in my own language. “You banged it with the door.”

“It can’t have been much more than a knock,” Margot said scornfully.

“It hurts,” I protested, my eyes filling with tears partly because of the pain, partly because Margot hadn’t troubled to keep her voice down and I could see various people in the room beyond her peering across to see what was going on. Unfortunately Margot noticed.

“You’re crying again!” she snapped. “What on earth is wrong with you? Don’t you ever dry up? It was only a knock, there’s no need to start bawling like a KG baby!”

I fled. I couldn’t face Margot’s mocking tones any more. If I stayed, I would only get more upset and Margot would get more insulting. I ran off, blindly at first, before realising that I was near our form room and making my way there.

The room was empty, fortunately, everyone having left as quickly as they could once Prep had finished. I closed the door behind me, sat at my desk and took my pencil sharpener blade, wrapped in its hanky, out of my pocket. I then removed my blazer and rolled up the left sleeve of my blouse.

I was holding the blade above my forearm, remembering the faces of the girls in the common room looking at me with round eyes, when the door burst open. I was too caught up in the whirling of my thoughts to register what had happened straight away and it wasn’t until I heard a voice calling my name that I looked up to see Len, Con and Ricki staring at me in horror.

#148: Author: Katie, Location: A Yorkshire lass in London

Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 11:34 pm

Oooh. Hopefully they can help her... Poor Odette.

#149: Author: Catherine_B, Location: Oxford, UK

Posted: Wed May 11, 2005 11:49 pm

Oh! Poor Odette Crying or Very sad

I do hope they can help her... though can't imagine they'd have much preparation in those days for what they've just witnessed Confused

#150: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 4:39 am

Please let the fact that they have discovered it be of help to Odette.

Thanks Ann.

#151: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 7:33 am

At least they know I suppose. *hugs to all four of them*

#152: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 8:00 am

Ohhh. Poor Odette.

Quite right, Len/Con/Ricki would have no idea what to do - they all need hugs!

#153: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 8:27 am

Oh poor Odette, I hope they will be able to help her, but it will be a shock to them too. Thank you Ann.

#154: Author: Emma A, Location: The Soke of Peterborough

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 1:14 pm

((((Odette))))

I really hope Len and Con and Ricki can help her, and that she can admit how worried she is about her mother.

Thank-you, Ann. This is so sad but good.

#155: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Thu May 12, 2005 5:24 pm

I do hope that the three girls can help Odette!
Margot is such a madam, it really annoys me that she can get away with murder because she's a Maynard! Evil or Very Mad

#156: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 12:06 am

i hope they can help her!

#157: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 8:39 am

Thanks Ann

I hope that this is the turning point for Odette.

Liz

#158: Author: keren, Location: Israel

Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 2:04 pm

A cliff here......
Please continue
thanks
I am sure this is a hard drabble to write.

#159: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans

Posted: Fri May 13, 2005 5:20 pm

Thanks for writing this Ann, it can't be easy. I hope the girls can offer some kind of help to Oddette. *hugs the lot of them*

#160: Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England

Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 5:46 pm

Oh goodness! I have just found this and read the whole lot (it is fantastic, by the way!) and now it is on the biggest cliff of all ...

Very sensitively and realistically written - well done and thank you Smile

#161: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 12:49 am

Ann - I haven't commented on this recently becuase it's a very tough subject at the moment but I just wanted to say you're handling a diffificult topic very sensitively and please do keep writing.

#162: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Mon May 16, 2005 11:21 am

Oh *crosses fingers and hopes they can help*

#163: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 1:08 am

*huggles francesn and Ann and Odette... and anyone else who wants it*

I used to do the same as Odette - and I've only stopped in the last few months. You're writing this so well, Ann, it's really incredible. Thank you so much.

#164: Author: Sarah, Location: Ormskirk, Lancashire

Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 2:14 pm

Huggles for everyone.
Well done Kate. I know what it's like too.

#165: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 5:53 pm

Thank you for all the encouraging comments. I'm really sorry if this has brought up any distressing memories or feelings for anyone reading it.

Sorry again for the delay - there is ongoing situation in RL which is making this very awkward to write, in addition to which I am generally quite busy and don't have much free time for drabbling.

From that point onwards, I remember it all with a chilling clarity. I had been dreading this moment for months, expecting to panic when all was exposed, but in truth the moment became the single sharp focus of the entire world. There was nothing outside that room. I was strangely calm, I felt as though the many layers of self I had created to protect myself had been ripped away and there I was, the real me, no pretence any more.

I saw their eyes, wide, round, staring at my arm, the tracks which revealed my true self: the most recent red, the result of my embarrassment at dropping my glass in the Speisesaal last week; purple, a physical symbol of my whirling feelings just before Christmas; silvery white threads dating back to September. The blade still hovering above my arm. I lifted the blade away and placed it on the desk. This movement seemed to break the spell.

“What…what on earth…” Ricki stammered, her face a white mask, glasses magnifying her eyes until they looked like saucers. Con looked distinctly green.

“I’ll get Matey,” said Len, sounding grim, and I leapt up from my seat and cried out.

“No!”

“I have to,” protested Len. “You need to be looked at…”

“No! You can’t!”

“I have to, it’s the right thing to do, your arm…”

“No! If you do, I-I’ll do something worse!”

It was a low blow and I knew it. I hated myself as the words left my mouth but what else could I do? I had nothing else to bargain with.

It had the desired effect. Len froze, Ricki and Con looked even more horrified, a feat I hadn’t thought possible. I wanted to laugh, it was so ridiculous.

“But we have to tell someone,” Len said desperately.

“No. Don’t tell anyone. Please.”

Con chipped in. “But Odette…”

“No!” I cried. “You mustn’t tell anyone, you mustn’t! I don’t want to be locked away!”

“Locked away?”

“I don’t want them to put me in a madhouse!”

“No one would do that,” Con said uncertainly.

“How do you know? How do you know what they would do with me?”

None of them could answer that.

“But Odette, why?” Con asked, after an uncomfortable pause. She gestured towards my arm, “Why this?”

“I-I don’t know,” I lied. I couldn’t tell them truth - apart from anything else, it’s only now, some time later, that I’m really starting to understand why I did it.

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Ricki asked, and I wanted to laugh again.

“Of course it hurts!” I could hardly explain that it was partly because of the pain that I did it. They wouldn’t have understood.

At that point, the bell rang for Abendessen. I rolled down my sleeve, picked up my blazer and dropped the blade back into the pocket, the other three watching me, unsure what to say. This time I was the one to break the silence. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone. Please?”

“I promise,” said Con instantly, and Ricki nodded in agreement.

I turned to Len, who was chewing her lower lip.

“Len!” Ricki hissed. “You must!”

“Someone should know. This isn’t normal, something ought to be done about it.”

I gripped the edge of the desk and looked directly at her. “I thought it was honourable to keep the secrets of a friend.”

“But this is different!” Len was appalled. “Honour doesn’t come into it!”

“Len, how can you? You don’t know what would happen to Odette if we told someone,” pleaded Ricki. “Please just promise you won’t report it!”

Len sighed deeply. “Very well. I give my word I won’t tell anyone as long as you give your word that you’ll stop.”

I stared at her. “But I-I can’t promise that, you don’t understand…”

“Then I can’t make that promise, Odette. I’m sorry.” And she left the room.

#166: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 6:01 pm

Thanks Ann.

#167: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 6:08 pm

Thank you Ann - hope that should Len tell someone, it's someone who will be able to help Odette.

#168: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 9:03 pm

Lesley wrote:

Thank you Ann - hope that should Len tell someone, it's someone who will be able to help Odette.

Ditto.

Poor Odette. Sad

Thanks for the update, Ann. Hope RL starts being a little kinder to you soon.

#169: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 10:44 pm

I hope Len doesn't tell someone wholly inappropriate!Actually, I hope she doesn't tell anyone at all, but I don't think she'd listen to me!

Thanks for writing more of this - I know it must be hard.

*hugs all round*

#170: Author: Sophoife, Location: down under Down Under

Posted: Sat May 28, 2005 11:14 pm

(((Ann)))

Also hoping Len reports to someone who can really help Odette.

#171: Author: Cath V-P, Location: Newcastle NSW

Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 2:09 am

Having been in Len's position at much the same age, I can appreciate the terrible dilemma she faces. Hugs for everybody. Ann, this is so sensitively done.

#172: Author: Rosie, Location: Huntingdonshire/Bangor

Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 12:30 pm

I'm glad Len didn't make that promise, but i hope she tells someone so that things get better for Odette, not worse, which is what I'm afraid will happen.

*sends hugs for Ann*

#173: Author: Alice, Location: London, England

Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 3:29 pm

Cath V-P wrote:

Having been in Len's position at much the same age, I can appreciate the terrible dilemma she faces. Hugs for everybody. Ann, this is so sensitively done.

This is bringing back some memories for me to. It's so hard to know what to do when a friend has such problems.

#174: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun May 29, 2005 7:24 pm

Thanks Ann

*hugs*

Liz

#175: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Mon May 30, 2005 1:30 am

yeah, i was also in the same position as Len at a similar age. She needs to tell someone who can help Odette.

#176: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Mon May 30, 2005 10:26 am

Thank you Ann.

#177: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:46 pm

The plot bunny has suddenly decided to go wandering off down a path it had previously been ignoring. This is just a short update while I decide which path to take.

The rest of that evening was a real struggle. Every time I lost sight of Len, I panicked, thinking she must have gone to report me. Con and Ricki were absolute rocks, I don’t think I appreciated at the time just how upset they must have been by it all, but they stuck with me all night. We didn’t discuss what had happened and I was relieved that they had dropped the subject.

Luck was on my side. Len didn’t tell anyone during the evening - why, I never found out - and that night Margot began showing signs of having scarlet fever. Before we knew it, half of the School was quarantined and the whole place was in chaos. Fortunately I had had scarlet fever as a very small child and so escaped being whisked away by Matey who would certainly have seen my scars and begun to draw some conclusions. Len and Con also avoided the fever - rather surprising, given that virtually all of their siblings had fallen victim. Ricki became ill within the first week of quarantine, leaving me no option but to get by without her again.

I suppose Len felt that Matey and the rest of the staff were too busy with the scarlet fever epidemic to warrant telling them about me. Although she maintained her intention to approach someone whenever questioned on the subject, no repercussions ever came so I assume she didn’t tell anyone. All the same, it was a tremendous thing to have hanging over my head each day.

During the course of the term, there was an obvious shift in loyalties within Vb. Last term Len and Ricki had spent a good deal of time together, with Con and I on the fringes. Now Len was spending most of her time with Ros Lilly, while Con, Ricki and I formed a group of our own. Whether or not the other members of the form were aware that anything had happened between us, I didn’t know.

#178: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 10:16 pm

Thanks Ann, wonder if Len did that deliberately - move toward Ros Lilley?

#179: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:24 am

Thanks Ann

Wonder if Len has told somebody, but they have decided to watch from a distance, and only intervene if it is needed in future?

Liz

#180: Author: gypsum,

Posted: Wed Jun 08, 2005 11:23 pm

Quote:

hope that should Len tell someone, it's someone who will be able to help Odette.

Like several others here, having had far too much experience of the self harm issue, I can tell you with certainity that the only person who can help Odette is herself. She has to want to stop what she is doing and be comfortable with that choice. No one else can do that for her, and if they try then they can do more harm than good.

Cutting can often be a way to control situations that people feel they have no control over (like being sent to school or illness in the family) and to force someone to stop cutting only means that they feel they have less control over their situation. It can make all those things that drove someone to cut ten times worse.

Jess

#181: Author: Kelly, Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 2:37 am

Ann, this is a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you for going about this so sensitively.

Last edited by Kelly on Thu Jun 09, 2005 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total

#182: Author: Nicola, Location: Derbyshire

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 8:30 am

Thanks, Jess, for putting that so eloquently. It's important that people try to understand the issues here.

I've been reading but not commenting on this, Ann, as it's far too pertinent at the moment.

May I suggest that anyone currently in this situation- discovering a friend self harming- thinks very carefully about what their reaction is. In my experience, many of the common reactions: horror, disgust, denial of the whole issue, and particularly being asked to promise to stop are all likely to worsen the impulse to SH. Unconditional love and acceptance go some way to helping. And ask the person what they want from you- nothing is worse than having people making assumptions about your feelings and needs.

A website which may be helpful if you're dealing with another's SH for the first time is NSHN, particularly the page below:

www.nshn.co.uk/facts.html

which in my opinion does a reasonable job of debunking some myths.

Sorry for hijacking your story, Ann, but I suspect this is affecting a lot of people on this board. If anyone wants to PM feel free. I have no wise answers whatsoever, but I'm always prepared to listen, and reply.

#183: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 10:39 am

Nicola wrote:

In my experience, many of the common reactions: horror, disgust, denial of the whole issue, and particularly being asked to promise to stop are all likely to worsen the impulse to SH. Unconditional love and acceptance go some way to helping. And ask the person what they want from you- nothing is worse than having people making assumptions about your feelings and needs.

Exxxactly. Thank you. Smile

#184: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 11:09 am

Kate wrote:

Nicola wrote:

Exxxactly. Thank you. Smile

Couldn't have said it better!

Let's hope that's exactly what Con and Ricki are able to offer Odette.

#185: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2005 6:11 pm

Just caught up again. Thanks Ann. Wonderful as ever. This is so well woven round the books - it fits seemlessly.

#186: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2005 11:36 pm

It was a very strange term, all things considered. The scarlet fever episode knocked us out of the usual scheme of things until half term, during which some of the Sixth Form were trapped by an avalanche, and then, at the end of March, there was a flood which disrupted everything all over again. At the very end of term the St Mildred’s pantomime took place, and immediately after the performance, Naomi Elton, one of the Sixth Form, was involved in a terrible motorbike accident and was almost killed. It felt as though we were lurching from one crisis to another at times, but I was kept busy and that was a blessing. With so much going on around me, I had less time to dwell on my personal problems. Last term Miss Annersley had told me to throw myself into school life and I hadn’t felt able to follow her advice. This term, it seemed, school life had thrown itself upon me and as a result I was… well, not happy, exactly, but I definitely felt that the burden had lifted slightly.

Although the three who knew my secret rarely brought the subject up in conversation, I could see that it had affected the way they saw me. During Hobbies Club meetings where scissors and craft knives were in abundance; whenever sharp knives were used in Domestic Science lessons, I saw them watching me, trying to be discreet. My reaction to this was mixed. On the one hand, I resented their interference - I was hardly likely to deliberately slice myself up in front of Frau Meiders, was I? - but it also gave me a little warm glow, knowing that they were looking out for me. They were thinking of me, and that was reassuring in some way. I wasn’t as lonely as I had been during the previous term.

On those occasions when the matter was discussed, it remained on a superficial level. Rather than go into the whys and wherefores - I had maintained whenever asked that I didn’t know why I did it - only the practical aspects were considered.

“What will you do during the summer?” Con asked one day as Easter approached.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we’ll wear short sleeves when the weather gets really hot. Your arms won’t be covered.”

In fact, this thought had already occurred to me. I had shifted my attention away from my arms and my most recent scars were hidden away on my upper thighs. I hoped that the older scars would have healed to pale white threads, ageless and easily explained away, by the time the fine weather arrived. I was also cutting myself much less frequently now that I seemed to have less spare time.

“I’m going to try to stop. I hope I’ll have stopped by then.”

“Really?” Ricki’s eyes lit up. This was the first time I had suggested that I wanted to stop.

“Yes. Will you help me?”

“Of course,” said Con, looking determined. “We’ll do whatever you need us to do.”

#187: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:35 am

Wonder if this will work.

Thanks Ann.

#188: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:46 am

Thanks Ann

Hope they are able to help Odette

Liz

#189: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 8:52 am

Really hoping they can help Odette.

Thanks Ann.

#190: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 12:44 pm

Thank you Ann. Im glad she has felt able to ask them. I really hope they will be able to help.

#191: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 6:03 pm

Good for Odette! Smile

Hope they can help rather than hinder!

#192: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 9:38 pm

thank you Ann

I hope Odette really means that she plans to stop, and she's not jut saying it to deflect suspicion

#193: Author: Mia, Location: London

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 9:42 am

Thanks Ann, I hope Odette really means to stop too

#194: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 6:47 pm

The story is very moving so far. I feel really sorry for Odette having to go through this. You are doing very well at writing the story, Ann.

It is a long time since I have read Richenda. What was the incident that made everyone laugh at Richenda at the beginning of term?

#195: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Jun 21, 2005 10:42 pm

Quote:

"German? But I don’t know a word of it!" Richenda gasped.
"Oh, you know two, don’t you?" Alicia said soothingly. "You know that we call supper ‘Abendessen’ And breakfast is ‘Frühstück’."
"And she knows that ‘Sauerkraut’ means ‘sour cabbage’," Betty added with dancing eyes.
"Anyhow, lots of German words sound more or less like English," Rosamund put in soothingly. "For instance, ‘Father’ is ‘Vater’ and ‘Mother’ is ‘Mutter’."
"Ah, but let’s hear you spell them!" Len said teasingly.
Before Rosamund could do anything about it, Primrose was up again. "No; you know now. Let’s hear Richenda spell them. Go on, Richenda! I dare you!"
Richenda gasped again. She had no idea of the vagaries of German spelling. But she could never refuse a dare, so she plunged headlong into it.
"F-a-h-t-e-r," she spelled slowly. "M-o-o-t-e-r. That’s how you said them, anyway."
"Wrong!" they chorused gleefully.

I always thought it was rather cruel. Apologies for the lack of new posts, I just don't seem to have enough time for drabbling at the moment.

#196: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 6:42 pm

I wish I had had the option of learning German. I have German friends and their English is really good whereas my German is practically non existent.

#197: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:52 am

I've finally managed to write a bit more. As I've said before, I'm not finding this easy to write, partly because I don't seem to have time, partly because once I'd started posting it, a situation arose in RL which is far too close to life imitating art for comfort. Thank you for being patient, I will get this story finished.

I honestly did mean to change. I’d had enough of knowing I was different and trying to hide the truth. It was a good thing I didn’t know at the time of this declaration of my intentions what was ahead of me during the holidays and the summer term. Had I know the trials ahead, I doubt I would have had the courage to attempt to break the habit.

When I returned home for the Easter holidays it was plain that Maman’s condition - whatever that condition was - had worsened. She spent much of her time resting, had no appetite and looked pale and drawn. I did eventually manage to muster enough courage to ask her what was wrong and the response was inconclusive. “I feel slightly under the weather,” she told me. “I expect I’m just run down. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Easier said than done.

Mme de Bersac was a frequent visitor and I gradually became aware that she faced something of dilemma. She clearly thought I ought to be told the truth, but didn’t feel it was her place to do so. She did tell me that I could speak to her any time I needed to about anything that was troubling me, but as I knew she wouldn’t answer my questions, I didn’t see the point.

As a result, I returned to School in a state of barely suppressed anxiety. I had, of course, been worried almost to distraction about Maman for the past year, but now I sensed that a crisis was imminent and I feared that I wouldn’t be able to cope when that crisis came.

Back at School, some fairly significant changes had taken place. Firstly Len seemed to be spending all her time with a new girl in Inter V, one Ted Grantley. This was no bad thing as far as I was concerned, the less time I had to spend in her company the better. However, just to balance things out, Margot had been promoted to Vb. I wasn’t exactly happy at this, I had always been wary of the youngest triplet as I was convinced that she didn’t like me. Consequently I felt somewhat uncomfortable in her presence. Fortunately, with Ricki and Con around, I found I could avoid speaking to her for fairly long periods of time. I wish now I’d made more of effort to be friendly towards her. Maybe if I had, some of the trouble which occurred later in the term could have been avoided.

#198: Author: Chair, Location: Rochester, Kent, England

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:55 am

It's nice to have this back. Thanks, Ann. I'm sorry that in RL life is imitating art.

#199: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 1:17 am

Thanks Ann *hugs bigly*

I hope Odette doesn't blame herself for the hoohah at half-term.

Liz

#200: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 1:38 am