The CBB :: View topic - A Night on the Town

#1: A Night on the Town Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:39 pm

Have put this one in here just in case it offends anyone, though will not really get rude or anything It is an alternative reality and the CS from just after Reunion has been transplanted to Leicester in 1987. Prepare to get silly.... Wink

Joey Maynard opened the staffroom door and groaned, shielding her bleary eyes from the sunlight that blared through the windows. Rosalie looked up from where she was slumped over a table, mumbled what could be taken as a greeting, and returned her head to her arms. Various other members of staff were littered around the room in varying states of distress. Only Mdlle looked bright and breezy as she came over proffering a cup of her famous coffee.

Joey took it gratefully and plumped herself down in a nearby chair. “Oh, my head!” she moaned, taking a large gulp of coffee. “Remind me never to drink again. I have a huge blank in my memory of the evening, and Jack’s been eyeing me oddly all morning. Any idea what happened anyone?”

“Not an earthly,” replied Nancy, consuming a bacon sandwich at an alarming rate. “I have vague memories of being in the cab on the way home, but that’s about it. I woke up this morning fully dressed!”

“And Hilda’s not even back yet!” put in Kathie. “Do you think we should be worried?”

Mdlle looked at them all and shook her head. “Honestly chéries, never have I seen sights such as yourselves last night,” she said with mock severity, her eyes twinkling. “What would the girls say…?”

“Oh for goodness sake Jeanne,” cried Ruth Derwent, “will you please stop ragging us and put us out of our misery!”

"Very well,” smiled Mdlle, “If you insist…”

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:09 am; edited 12 times in total

#2: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 4:41 pm

*was privvy to a preview... yay!* cant wait for the rest Jo! Laughing

#3: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 5:04 pm

ooooh this looks good Josie Liz

#4: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 6:52 pm

this looks great fun Josie. Thank you

#5: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:04 pm

Doh! Can a mod remove the above post please? Twas me trying to edit something & I forgot to log in!!!Ta muchly!All done for you Josie!Lesleyx

#6: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 7:11 pm

*giggles* Can't wait to see the rest of this...

#7: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 10:04 pm

Heeheehee this looks intersting! Any more Josie?

#8: Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 10:26 pm

This will be fun! Thankyou Josie - can we have the next bit now please? Very Happy

#9: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:57 pm

Joins the pleas for more!

#10: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 1:41 am

Thank you Josie! Looks very interesting Very Happy

#11: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 3:42 am

Looking good fun! Where's Hilda??? Shocked

#12: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 3:32 pm

Intrigued about what they all got up to!!

#13: Author: claire, Location: South Wales

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 7:58 pm

Ooh great fun - more please

#14: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 10:29 pm

Also waiting to find out what they did get up to

#15: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 12:10 am

Looking interesting! There aren't THAT many places Hilda can have got to in Leicester! ~LadyG

#16: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 1:04 am

Starts the chant Josie JOSIE JOSIE!! please??

#17: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans/Leicester

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:38 pm

A drabble set in Leicester Very Happy

*suddenly feels better about the whole place* So... what happened?

#18: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 8:50 pm

LOL Sarah. Remember though, this is 1987, when the Ritzy and Yatsey's wine bar were still there!! Wink

Leicester was anything but trendy then! (Actually, I don't know if they were, but they were there in 1991 when I got to uni, so am sticking with it!)

“I’m not wearing them, I don’t care what you say!”

“Oh Grizeeeellll,” whined Biddy, “you have to! It’s not a proper hen’s night otherwise! Go on, put them on, do. You won’t even remember you’ve got them on after a while.”

“I suppose none of you are going to give me any rest until I do, are you?” Grizel sighed resignedly.

“Nope!” ginned Jo mischievously, “And we’ll be watching you like a hawk all night, so don’t think of taking them off,” put in Hilary.

“Fine, okay, you win. But let me catch one of you waving around any photos of me and there’ll be trouble let me tell you” and with that, she turned back to the mirror and proceeded to add the veil and learner sign to her evening’s attire, whilst the others turned back to winding Jo’s recent poodle perm, with much difficulty and Shockwave hair gel, into her required headphones.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:12 am; edited 1 time in total

#19: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:25 pm

*Giggling most reprehensibly* :laughing:

#20: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:37 pm

Oh a hen party - that explains everything! Laughing

#21: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 9:46 pm

Jo with a perm!!!!

#22: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 10:19 pm

oooooh a hen night sounds fun - looking forward to some more Liz

#23: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 10:29 pm

*giggles* Looking good Jo! More soon please!

#24: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 10:35 pm

Cazx wrote:

Jo with a perm!!!!

I know!!! That killed me too!! Laughing

#25: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 10:40 pm

Oh my!

~LadyG

#26: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 11:09 pm

*falls on the floor giggling*

#27: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 1:32 am

“Okay, are we all here?”

An hour and several cans of Ellnet later they were all gathered in the Courvoisier’s kitchen at Aldersnest, their little terraced house off the Narborough Road, chatting amongst themselves as Hilary and Biddy poured out the Asti Spumanti.

Kathie did a quick headcount. “We’re one short. Where’s Matey?”

“Well, she was definitely with us when we arrived” frowned Hilda, “she can’t have got lost between the front door and here.”

A squeal, followed by several thumps and a loud yell broke through their chatter. Rushing out into the hall, they found Matey sat ignominiously at the bottom of the steep stairs, legs spread out in front of her and one novelty plastic cow earring caught in her hair. Their cries of “Matey are you alright?” and “Are you hurt?” were silenced by her steely glare. She accepted Nancy’s proffered arm and hauled herself to her feet, teetering precariously.

“I’m perfectly fine thank you, I just needed to go to the little girls room” she said, trying to muster up as much dignity as possible, which, given that her second cow earring was hooked in the shoulder of her loose knit bat-winged emerald jumper, was not very much. “I just got a heel caught on the stair. Now, I believe someone was offering bubbly,” with which she headed, somewhat unsteadily as she found walking in stiletto heels something of a trial, towards the kitchen, leaving the others to follow in her wake.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:15 am; edited 1 time in total

#28: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 1:53 am

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: giggling at Matey so much, it's a good job the rest of the family have gone to bed!

#29: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 6:18 am

Wonderful - so Matey was already pi...drunk then? Laughing

#30: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 9:49 am

*sympathizing with Matey about walking in stilletoes and wondering if she'll last the evening in them* Liz

#31: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 12:41 pm

#32: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 4:58 pm

LOLOLOLOLOL Oh dear!!! The things this is doing to my poor little brain!

#33: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 5:23 pm

Poodle earphones and Matey wobbling all over in her stilettos! That conjures up a real picture!

#34: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 6:06 pm

*Visions on Matey, stilettos, and her uniform* !!!! Shocked

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

#35: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans/Leicester

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 7:24 pm

The perm made me actually laugh out loud (bit difficult to explain to the confused girl next to me too!) Of course Matey's cow earrings made me giggle too but I think they've just written me off as odd now Very Happy

(Thanks Josie)

#36: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2004 11:22 pm

Matey in cow earings, for some reason that has reminded of the episode in blackadder where Nursey dresses up as a cow!

#37: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:00 am

How tacky would you think it if you came across a house with a name like Aldersnest anywhere other than the Gornetz Platz. Throws a whole new light on the Courvoisiers!

#38: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 11:59 am

Wonderful!!! Laughing

Look forward to finding out more about their evening...glad Mlle stayed sober enough to remember so that we can find out!

#39: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 12:48 pm

Joey raised her glass. “To Grizel. May your last night out as a single woman be a memorable one!”

“To Grizel” came the chorused reply, and they all proceeded to down their glasses of Asti. Bill, finding herself without a glass, made do with emptying the half-full bottle she found on the sideboard, spilling it down the front of her lilac shellsuit as she did so.

“So,” queried Nancy, adjusting her puffball skirt, “What’s the plan?”

Biddy grinned. “Well, we thought Yates’s, then the Ritzy and then a curry at the Raj Doot as it’s opened til 4am. We’ve booked tickets for the Ritzy as Jason Donovan is performing tonight and you know how much Grizel loves him.”

Ruth turned to Hilary and in an aside muttered “Was that wise given Matey’s obsession?”

Hilary grimaced. “I know. Jo and I totally forgot when we went to book, and by the time we remembered it was too late! We’ll just have to hang on to her and hope she behaves herself. We really don’t need a repeat of last time!” and they both cringed as they recalled the concert at De Montfort Hall where the school’s renowned tyrant had lost her head at the sight of her idol and run up on stage before anyone could stop her, shoving Kylie out of the way and planting a great sloppy kiss on him before being dragged away kicking and screaming by a burly security guard.

A horn fantasia outside alerted them that their cabs had arrived, and they all made their way down the hall and out of the front door. Kathie and Matron Graves, walking at the back, noticed that Hilda’s mini-skirt was tucked in her pants, but they were giggling far too much to let her know and Hilda proceeded out into the street oblivious.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:18 am; edited 1 time in total

#40: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 1:17 pm

Oh my gosh!!!Jason Donovan... Hilda's mini-skirt... sloppy kisses....*laughing too hard for speech*

#41: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:21 pm

LOLOLOLOL! Josie! What are you on?????

#42: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:34 pm

*howling with laughter* love it Josie, ty

#43: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:40 pm

Vikki wrote:

LOLOLOLOL! Josie! What are you on?????

want some Vikki? Wink

#44: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:56 pm

*slides elegantly off the chair with a huge thud to the surprise and intrigue of onlookers**sniggers*Very glad you managed to get Jason and Kylie into this Jo )

#45: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:59 pm

Never again will Matey be able to terrify me with her glare - I shall just picture her being hauled away from Jason Donavan!And if I get sent for a Head's report I shall imagine Miss A with her knickers showing! ROFL

looking forward to more revelationsLiz

#46: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 3:39 pm

*Giggles*Miss A in a mini skirt, I'll never be able to think of her in the same way again!

#47: Author: dramafreak, Location: Leicester

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 3:42 pm

Brilliant setting it in my home town and town where I still live. Can't really remember Ritzy's (although it may have been where Creation now is!) We still have a Yates'! Smile

What was Mdlle still doing sober?

#48: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:01 pm

:8oo:Wonderful! May I have some of it please Jo???

#49: Author: Abi, Location: Alton, Hants

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:09 pm

#50: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 4:34 pm

*giggling hysterically* This is so funny. I think my family think I'm insane as I couldnt really explain to them why I'm laughing so much!

#51: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 5:35 pm

*grinning inanely at the computer* *getting weird looks from colleagues* *off to pretend that I'm doing some work* hilarious, love the shell-suits and the idea of Matey as a jason fan!

#52: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:02 pm

Hilda in a mini-skirt?

#53: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 7:15 pm

I was wondering where Ritzy's was too! Hehehehe.... Jason Donovan and Matey's obsession - sounds worrying!

#54: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 7:16 pm

The phrase "legs that had never yet needed support tights" has just popped into my head...

#55: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 7:36 pm

dramafreak wrote:

What was Mdlle still doing sober?

Maybe she was the designated driver? Liz

#56: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 8:15 pm

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

:laughing: Wonderful images!

#57: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 9:27 pm

Ann wrote:

The phrase "legs that had never yet needed support tights" has just popped into my head...

*falls about in stitches, muct to amusement of the cat who just got sprayed by a mouthful of malibu and coke Embarassed

:laughing:* Thanks Jo! Just what I needed after a day of xmas shoppers hounding me!

#58: Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland

Posted: Tue Nov 16, 2004 10:48 pm

brilliant - the staff will never seem the same again

#59: Author: MissPrint, Location: Edinburgh

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:02 am

It's not the first time the image of Cher as Joey has crept into my mind, but somehow, the poodle perm earphones have done it. Oh dear, now I won't be able to take her seriously ever again. I believe I have the pattern for Matey's emerald batwing sweater in my knitting files. Did it in mustard synthetic mohair, for my sins. Only chucked it out last year. Embarassed

What can I say, I survived the eighties! The phrase "legs that had never yet needed support tights" is definitely going to catch on. More please Josie!

#60: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:05 am

I believe Ritzy used to be on Humberstone St, or possibly Haymarket - it's been a while since I was last there so mind's a bit fuzzy! It got closed down in 1991 after a bouncer punched a member of the public and badly hurt them, and they lost their licence. No idea what's there now.

As they walked into Yatsey’s, Hilda was followed by wolf-whistles and shouts of “nice pegs” from the various groups of men dotted around.

Pretending to be cross, but really quite flattered with the attention Hilda put her nose in the air and sashayed towards the bar, which almost finished off the following Kathie and Helen Graves who still hadn’t told her about her skirt.

Meanwhile at the bar, Ruth was busy getting the drinks in. “Okay, that’s snakebite and black for Bill, Campari and soda for Joey and Hilary, Liebfraumilch for Matey, Asti for Biddy and the hen, Pina Colada for Rosalie, Nancy and Sharlie. How about you three?”

“Martini and lemonade for Helen and me thanks,” replied Kathie.

“Hilda?”

“Babycham please,” giggled Hilda, still overcome with the attention.

“..and a round of tequila shots please,” finished Ruth.

Jeanne meanwhile, thinking it as well that someone remain at least partially in control of their faculties, ordered a sweet sherry.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:22 am; edited 2 times in total

#61: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:49 am

*picks self up off the floor sobbing with hysterical laughter* *can't wait to see what crops up next Jo )))*

#62: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:50 am

CAn hardly type for laughing. ROFL

Another one to read in private! Shocked

#63: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 1:34 am

*Giggling too much to say anything!* Laughing

#64: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:41 am

Memo to self. Do not read this while answering phone calls from members of the public.

#65: Author: Kathryn, Location: Kyabram (north of Melb)

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 6:42 am

Miss Di wrote:

Memo to self. Do not read this while answering phone calls from members of the public.

What did you say to them?

#66: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:58 am

Miss Di wrote:

Memo to self. Do not read this while answering phone calls from members of the public.

Or while drinking a can of coke Liz *glad that she is the only one in the office so far so can laugh out loud*

#67: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:15 am

Wonderful!!! Thank you Jo!!!

#68: Author: Rachael,

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:38 am

I think this ranks with Ianswythe's gem with the gold lame etc ... ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

Hilarious, Josie! *giggling at Bill's pint of snakebite and black*

#69: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 11:12 am

*giggling merrily* *wipes the tears away* Thank you Josie!!! Now for some more Wink

#70: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:23 pm

*falls off chair laughing - much to alarm of flatmates* Hysterical, Josie! Thank you!!

#71: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:28 pm

A night out on the town with the CS staff sounds so much fun! Looking forward to hearing what they get up to next!

#72: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:48 pm

BTW, should have mentioned it before, but thanks to Pim for helping me sort ideas out! Laughing

A happy couple of hours wiled away the other night discussing pissed antics and 80's music!

“Everyone got salt? On the back of your hand Matey, not in your drink!” said an exasperated Ruth, having already explained this five times. “And where’s your lemon? What do you mean you’ve squeezed it in there too? Oh well, too late now. Okay, all ready? One, two, three, GO!” and with much gagging and face-pulling, the shots were downed.

Jeanne sneakily exchanged her full glass for Kathie’s empty one, and that lady looked at it confused, sure she had already had hers. But there it was full tequila and a slice of lemon. She shrugged her shoulders, put more salt on her hand and fell for Jeanne’s trick hook, line and sinker.

Whilst Joey got the next round of shots in, Sharlie and Bill were chatting when they were interrupted by two men.

The younger one, dressed Michael Jackson-style with leather jacket, glove on one hand and a tight Kevin Keegan perm, took Sharlie’s hand and held it limply. “I think your mother must have been a thief. She stole the stars out of the sky and put them in your eyes,” he cooed smarmily at her.

Being something of a lightweight, the combined Tequila and Pina Colada were already having their effect on Sharlie, and fluttering her eyelashes, she giggled simperingly and shot him a Princess Diana doe-like pose.

The second man, somewhat older and dressed like a member of ZZ Top, eyed Bill up and down. “Get your coat duckie, you’ve pulled.”

“Pulled what?” returned Bill.

This stumped him, as he was a man of little brains (or brawn for that matter) so he stumbled off confused and Bill turned back to the bar and ordered another snakebite.

Thanks Nell! I can't spell for toffee - or any other sweet for that matter!!

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:24 am; edited 3 times in total

#73: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:50 pm

Josie wrote:

hook, like and sinker.

really???? Wonderful...they are going to be so embarrassed when they hear all this from Jeanne!!!

Last edited by Nell on Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

#74: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 2:57 pm

Thank you Bill for the answer to that awful attempt at a chat up line! Love Jeanne's trick with the tequila's - me try that? Never ! Laughing

Liz

#75: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:04 pm

just what I need after a rubbish morning such fun, thanks Josie when do they hit the dance floor then?

#76: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:29 pm

I absolutely love Bill's putdown. It ranks with all those one liners you can't think of when you need them! I do hope Jeanne has a camera with her.

#77: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:38 pm

She does now Pat - thanks! Laughing

An hour and seven shots later they were all very merry, in particular Kathie who still couldn’t workout why shots kept appearing when she thought she had drunk them.

Jeanne smirked and sipped her sherry. This was going to be fun!

“I can’t believe I’ve had all that and I’m not drunk,” declared Rosalie loudly.

“Alright ladies, time to be moving on,” ushered Biddy. “And I believe Jo has a surprise.”

“I do indeed,” that lady rejoined. “Len informed me that Smash Hits had recently published an interview with Jason Donovan in which he said that Josephine M Bettany was his favourite author. So I had my agent call his people and we have backstage passes!”

Grizel was beside herself and hugged Joey and Biddy vociferously, which almost ended in disaster as her veil got caught on several of Joey’s badge collection that she had pinned to her donkey jacket, and much fuss ensued before she was freed, albeit with a cracked learner sign and the demise of one of Joey’s lace fingerless gloves.

Ruth and Hilary, meanwhile, were eyeing Matey with more than a little concern. She had literally flushed scarlet on hearing about the backstage passes and she was grinning inanely.

“You okay Matey?” queried Hilary.

“Wonderful! I’m going to meet Jason,” she replied dreamily. “I brought him a present just in case.”

Hilary’s eyes widened and Ruth grimaced, “Oh blast. She’s not got him another set of cow earrings to match hers has she?”

“Come on then,” interrupted Biddy. “Better get a wriggle on or we won’t be there in time,” and she led the way towards the exit.

Rosalie climbed off her stool and promptly slid to the ground.

“Still think you’re not drunk?” enquired Jeanne, making good use of her Polaroid before helping her up.

“Not at all,” Rosalie slurred back. “The floor moved,” and flicking her hair, which did not move an inch due to all the hairspray holding her Crystal Carrington-style hairwings in place, she staggered after the others.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:27 am; edited 1 time in total

#78: Author: Sarah_K, Location: St Albans/Leicester

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:44 pm

Quote:

“Still think you’re not drunk?” enquired Jeanne, making good use of her Polaroid before helping her up. “Not at all,” Rosalie slurred back. “The floor moved,”

*giggle madly* I've herd people use that excuse far too often... not that I've ever used it of course Very Happy

#79: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 3:49 pm

*giggling even more* the speed of posting is much appreciated Josie. Thank you

#80: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:03 pm

Cringe! I recognise my self, without the 80s clothes. Jeanne is a genius- I must try that one night (complete with camera!)....

#81: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:08 pm

I know what excuse I'm going to use when I next fall over due to alcohol Wink

#82: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 7:20 pm

Glad to have influenced this in some way... *hysterical*

#83: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 7:24 pm

*slumps over keyboard, sobbing with laughter!*

#84: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 7:55 pm

Love Bill's response. Jeanne is soooo wicked. Poor Kathie! Laughing

#85: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:07 pm

Got a lovely image in my head of Jason Donavan snuggled up with Kylie reading Cecily holds the fort together Liz

#86: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:08 pm

I can't get over Jo in a poodle perm (earphones just don't describe the effect) wearing a donkey jacket, and lace fingerless gloves. Like Sarah K, I utterly deny ever having used that excuse. Wink

I can't wait to see them backstage. thank you for a good laugh on what has been a crap day ROFL

#87: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 8:56 pm

Oh, what glorious fun, thanks Josie. Liked the excuse about the floor moving, not that I've ever needed an excuse like that of course.

#88: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 9:25 pm

Reading 3 pages of this at once should carry a LARGE health warning! Babycham - that brings back the memories - usually mixed with brandy (if possible in equal quantities Shocked

)

#89: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:01 pm

This is wonderful! I amused myself the other night by reading through several of the communal drabbles from our 'blue' period and nearly had hysterics. Wonderful to have some madness back! *giggling inanely*

#90: Author: Kim, Location: Tipperary, Ireland

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:23 pm

this reads so much better (!) after 3 (large) glasses of wine - storing up excuses for tomorrow at work more please

#91: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:35 pm

I suddenly realised there were two extra pages I must have missed! (I'm putting it down to the large glasses of wine last night) *giggles* This is fantastic! Keep it coming Very Happy

Please?

~LAdyG

#92: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 2:20 am

Kathryn wrote:

Miss Di wrote:

Memo to self. Do not read this while answering phone calls from members of the public.

What did you say to them?

It was more the trying not to laugh while listening to hard luck stories and/or complaints about us! Rolling Eyes

#93: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 10:58 am

Wonderful!! Poor Kathie - tequila is evil, though the floor was very comfy! Glad Jeanne has her camera, hope she kept the photos safe!!

#94: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 11:27 am

Bout time we got some more of this lassie! I wonder when Hilda is going to notice about her skirt?! Who needs friends, eh! Laughing

#95: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 2:52 pm

Am I the only one getting images fo St Trinnians?? Very Happy

#96: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 5:17 pm

patmac wrote:

I can't get over Jo in a poodle perm (earphones just don't describe the effect) wearing a donkey jacket, and lace fingerless gloves.

Imagine the images going round in my head - I know how ALL of them are dressed. Shocked

You have no idea what I'm doing to my own subconcious!! Very Happy

And Nell, you're muddling you're drunks - Kathie's still on her feet - so far! Wink

As they detoured through the marketplace, Bill was moved to begin some rugby songs, and they strolled through the town centre, arms linked, singing a rousing rendition of ‘Roll me over in the clover.”

Just outside the Ritzy, Hilary and Biddy found themselves suddenly jerked back and turned to find Kathie had got her heel stuck in a drain. She was flailing around trying to pull it out again, and as it came free her ring caught Hilary’s hair, and the much-admired lengthy curls that she had twisted up in a banana clip suddenly came loose and were revealed to be a hairpiece. At the sight Kathie and Biddy collapsed in fits of giggles, as Hilary hurriedly picked up the rug and stroked it like a long-lost pet. Then seeing the funny side, she tucked it in her handbag and running her hand over her pink spiky hair led the way toward the club.

They arrived just in time to hear the bouncer say to Hilda “You may want to check your skirt love.”

“My skirt?” returned Hilda. “It’s rather lovely don’t you think? I’ve been getting whistles all night.”

“Er...yeah…you may want to look at your backside in a mirror.”

Bewildered, Hilda looked from the bouncer to the giggling females who had come up behind her. Then looking behind her she noticed that the skirt was tucked in her enormous flesh-coloured elastic support pants. Blushing furiously and thinking that it was going to take several more babychams to get over that embarrassment, she righted her clothing and headed swiftly up the steps into the club, pushing past Rosalie who was trying to negotiate her way in as her enormous hairwings kept getting caught on the doorframe.

Once inside, they headed straight for the roped off area near the stage to await Jason’s appearance. Tiffany’s “I think we’re alone now” came on and Biddy, Joey and Helen Graves indulged in a little formation dancing round their handbags. Sharlie went to the bar with her simpering man in tow, and Nancy followed with ZZ Top man, having figured out that a bit of flirting could get them all free drinks for the night.

Meanwhile Hilary and Ruth stationed themselves either side of Matey and harnessed her effectively by each holding on to one of her jumper’s batwings.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:30 am; edited 3 times in total

#97: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 5:27 pm

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: (still!)

#98: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 6:15 pm

Oh Josie - this is wonderful. Just what I needed after a crappy day. Thank you!

#99: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:01 pm

#100: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:06 pm

None of the smilys do this justice! You are a mad, evil genius, and I'm not sure I can ever read the CS again!

#101: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:40 pm

Words fail me! ROFL

#102: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 8:46 pm

Oh Josie, this is wonderful! Laughing

#103: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 9:03 pm

*can't respond - crying with laughter*

#104: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 11:57 pm

Laughing too much to think of anything to say!

#105: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 11:42 am

Josie wrote:

And Nell, you're muddling you're drunks - Kathie's still on her feet - so far!

Actually I was thinking of the last time I was drinking tequila... just ROFL

#106: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 6:17 pm

fantastic Josie, I laugh more and more each time I read a new part.

#107: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 7:56 pm

D'oh! Sorry Nell! I have SO been there too! It's amazing how comfy the floor is after a couple of tequila's isn't it?!!

The music stopped and a cheer went up as over the speaker came “Welcome to the Ritzy! Let’s give a big Leicester welcome to Jason Donovan!” and the man himself came on stage to the opening strains of ‘Too Many Broken Hearts”.

“Hello Leicester!!!!”

The staff all screamed and Grizel nearly passed out with excitement.

“Last night you talked about leaving, I said I can’t let you go. It’s not just emotional feeling, I need your body and soul…”

Hilary and Ruth suddenly realised with alarm that they could no longer feel a straining against their hold on the batwings, and looked down just in time to see Matey wriggle herself free of the jumper and sticking two fingers up at them, she disappeared into the crowd.

Meanwhile, Hilda was propping up the bar ordering Babycham number four. Being more of a Rick Astley fan, she wasn’t that interested in the concert, and was having far more fun drowning her sorrows at half of Leicester seeing her pants.

Rosalie appeared beside her. “Phew. Do I need a drink after that! I knew I’d made these hairwings too big! It’s taken me half an hour to get in the door! Two tequila sunrise, four shots of tequila and another babycham for my friend please!” she said to the barman, who was busy trying to look down Hilda’s top. “What’s up Hilda?”

“Skirt was tucked in my pants” came the forlorn reply.

Rosalie giggled and Hilda glared her, downed her babycham and added the bottle to those in her handbag. With tonight’s lot she should manage to add nicely to the wall of babycham bottles she was building in her study.

The drinks arrived and as they knocked back the shots, Rosalie turned to face the stage. “Is that Matey?” she exclaimed, and Hilda turned to see the domestic tyrant hauling herself up onto the corner of the stage.

“You give me one good reason to leave me…” Jason sang.

He stopped suddenly and turned to see a small wiry figure clad in a t-shirt saying ‘Jason – marry me’ rush forward, and then everything went dark. The audience watched in horror, and then guffawed as they saw he was stood on stage with a pair of love heart boxer shorts on his head, I Love Matey scrawled across the crotch in black felt-tip.

“Do you know her?” ZZ Top man enquired of Nancy.

“Never see her before in my life! Do you work out?” she simpered, feeling his biceps.

ZZ Top looked very pleased with himself. “Another drink?”

“I’ll have another Pina Colada please.”

Jeanne waited for the newest Polaroids to develop, smirked, put them in her bag and sipped her Tizer.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:34 am; edited 1 time in total

#108: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 8:23 pm

Nearly choked I was laughing so much!

#109: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 8:25 pm

that's a great start to the weekend. I can't comment on any particular line because: 1. I'd have to reproduce the whole lot 2. I'm laughing too much 3. I've already started on the wine Wink

#110: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2004 9:58 pm

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! Oh Jo!!!! I'm seriously concerned for your sanity!!!! Wink

#111: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 12:01 am

Well, you're certainly well qualified to do so, Vikki! Very Happy

#112: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 12:28 am

It's all brilliant, but this line had me in hysterics:

Josie wrote:

Rosalie giggled and Hilda glared her, downed her babycham and added the bottle to those in her handbag. With tonight’s lot she should manage to add nicely to the wall of babycham bottles she was building in her study.

*ROFL*

#113: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 1:41 am

I LOVE the idea of Hilda having a BabyCham bottle wall in her study! My neighbours in first year made a beer can Christmas tree... *nostalgic* *giggling appreciatively* (also love all the corny chat up lines... Very Happy

)

#114: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Sat Nov 20, 2004 1:09 pm

I dont know how you come up with these ideas Jo, its amazing. Poor poor Matey, her hearts going to break

#115: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 10:57 pm

Vikki, I once applied for a job under the pseudonym 'Gareth the Yak'. Think my sanity's been gone a while! Very Happy

Hilary came out of the ladies just in time to see Matey being carried past by two burly bouncers, legs flailing around, yelling “You can’t do this to me! Nobody puts Matey in the corner!”

Hilary shook her head and wandered towards the bar, wondering why people were giving her curious looks. As Rosalie and Hilda greeted her normally, she decided she must be imagining it. Jeanne spluttered, Tizer coming out of her nose, and she hurriedly picked up her Polaroid. Hilary had decided to replace her hairpiece, but had somehow managed to contrive to put it on upside down, banana clip on top of her head.

Having finished off with a rousing rendition of ‘Sealed with a Kiss’ that had made Grizel cry, Jason had taken his leave from the stage, not forgetting to take his new boxer shorts with him.

Kathie came running up. “Come on! We’re going backstage. Who’s coming?”

Grabbing their drinks, they all got up to go except Hilda, who ordered another Babycham and turned to the spotty youth sat next to her. “What’s your name?”

“Tristram. And you are?”

“I’m Hilda. What do you do Tristram?”

“I’m an English student at the Poly.”

“Really? How interesting! How about I buy you a drink and you tell me all about it.”

Tristram looked her up and down. She had nice legs, and he liked an older woman. “Sure, beer please.”

Hilda ordered them both a drink and looked at him. Bit spotty, but he’d do for the evening.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:36 am; edited 1 time in total

#116: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2004 11:07 pm

Josie wrote:

Vikki, I once applied for a job under the pseudonym 'Gareth the Yak'. Think my sanity's been gone a while! Very Happy

Josie, I'd love to hear the whys and wherefores of that... ... as well as more of this side-splittingly funny drabble! ROFL

Liz

#117: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:39 am

Go Hilda!

Josie, this made me laugh so much I had a coughing fit! Laughing

#118: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 10:27 am

*Has slid off the chair and is now sitting on the floor in tears* Thank you Josie!!! *Humming Jason Donovan tunes to herself*

#119: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:35 am

LizB wrote:

Josie wrote:

Vikki, I once applied for a job under the pseudonym 'Gareth the Yak'. Think my sanity's been gone a while! Very Happy

Josie, I'd love to hear the whys and wherefores of that... ... as well as more of this side-splittingly funny drabble! ROFL

Liz

Umm, well, it was for the job of Editor-in-chief of the old football magazine Goal. A friend of mine was the Editor and he was moaning that they'd had some really awful people apply and that a farmyard animal could do a better job. So a friend and I sent in an application from Gareth the Yak, because Yak's are more interesting than cows and pigs, including an entire proposal for the inclusion of a special feature on the Yak and Camel league of outer Outer Mongolia and one-off interviews with various bovine stars. We actually got an interview too! As I said, not so sane... Confused

#120: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:03 pm

Nutter!

#121: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 2:57 pm

*collapses in the corner and sobs weakly with laughter*

#122: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2004 10:56 am

Hilda and a spotty youth-priceless!

#123: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 10:45 am

Wonderful! And yes to the floor, wall....etc. being comfy after a couple of tequila's!!

#124: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 3:46 pm

Josie wrote:

“You can’t do this to me! Nobody puts Matey in the corner!”

that has to be my all time favourite line (have you seen the new orange advert at the cinema where patrick swayze is trying to pitch a film and when he walks out the orange guys start saying things like 'Nobody puts Swayze in the corner, even if I have had the time of my life, which I owe it all to you...' brilliant stuff Josie, keep it coming!

#125: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Thu Nov 25, 2004 4:22 pm

Wonderful wonderful, this gets madder by the minute. Did you go to the job interview?

#126: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:15 pm

Backstage turned out to be a broom cupboard and a door out into the back alley. A burly security guard ushered Jo, Biddy and Grizel into Jason’s ‘dressing room’ and the others stood there not sure what to do. Suddenly they heard a noise coming from behind the ‘Exit’ door. Nancy opened it and they were treated to the sight of Matey dangling from the wire fence, one of her batwings caught on a snag.

“What on earth are you doing?” Nancy exclaimed, as Kathie and Ruth dissolved in to giggles behind her.

“Ssshhh for god’s sake. You’ll have that monkey out here in a second. Stop giggling like idiots and help me down.”

Nancy and Ruth moved forward to pull her down, Nancy laddering her fishnets on the edge of the bin as she passed.

Meanwhile, in the broom cupboard, Joey stepped over Grizel who had fainted on the spot, and picked up the book that was laying on Jason’s dressing table.

“Werner of the Alps? Gosh, you really are a fan.”

“Will you sign it for me?”

“Of course Mr Donovan! It would be my pleasure. And I think my friend here wanted you to sign something for her if you don’t mind.”

Jo bent down to scrawl a message in the book, and when she turned back around, Jason was sat there with a stunned look on his face, as if his eyes were going to pop out of his head, and Biddy was wearing a big grin.

“Come on then Jo, you get Grizel’s feet and I’ll get her head. We should be getting back. Thanks Jason.”

“What did you get him to sign?” asked Jo, still staring at Jason who appeared to be stunned.

“Oh, only my boobs!” returned Biddy. “You’d think he’d never seen any before,” and with that she took hold of Grizel’s hands and dragged her out of the room, banging the fainted woman’s head against the doorframe as she went.

The others had managed to drag Matey free of the fence, and hiding her under Rosalie’s very full Laura Ashley skirt they all went back into the club and headed for the bar where Helen Graves instigated some tequila shot boat races. They noted that Tristram’s hand had moved to Hilda’s knee and she had gone all coy, her babycham bottles now spilling out of handbag and a cocktail umbrella behind her ear.

Suddenly the Locomotion came on. They all looked at Bill, who stood up and flexed her shoulders. This was her forté. She’d practised for hours and now she was going to show what she was made of. And to resounding cheers from the rest and the flash of Jeanne’s camera she made her way to the dancefloor.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:40 am; edited 1 time in total

#127: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 3:25 pm

*rolls around on the floor* Oooowww, my sides!!!!!!!

#128: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 4:03 pm

*grinning madly* So many wonderful lines Jo.

#129: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 4:39 pm

Oohh oww how I ache from laughing!!! Thank you Josie Very Happy

#130: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 5:42 pm

fantastic love the idea of matey hiding under rosalies laura ashley dress, and can just picture the cocktail umbrella behind hilda's ear (just as well those eyes had never yet needed glasses, wouldn't have been room for specs and a cocktail stick!) *wonders what jeanne is going to do with the polaroids* Shocked

#131: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 7:25 pm

Fantastic. This is so so funny! I imagine you must have had a lot of drunken nights Josie!

#132: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 7:58 pm

Too much to single out any one line - absolutely marvellous!!!! Laughing

#133: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:43 pm

Oh Jo!!!!! I'm aching with laughter!!! More soon please!!!

#134: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 9:11 pm

#135: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 9:35 pm

**sides splitting from laughter** you should put a health warning on this! it's sooooo funny!!!! am desperate to hear more about bill....

#136: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 10:56 pm

This is inspired Josie ROFL

Liz *laughing to much to type any more*

#137: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2004 11:18 pm

The neighbours are complaining because they think we are having a party with the noise of my laughing! I can't pick one line as a favourite. A re-read to choose one will cause the police to be called.

#138: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 2:32 am

francesn wrote:

am desperate to hear more about bill....

Your wish is my command! Wink

Thanks to Kathye for 'lyrics research' Laughing

The other dancers formed a circle round Bill, cheering her on as her hips swayed and arms chugged along to the music. She’d practised this so many times in front of the mirror, and finally her moment in the spotlight was here.

“…Everybody’s learning the ABC, so come on come on, do the Locomotion with me-e.”

Bill could really feel the meaning of Kylie’s words. They spoke to her.

Suddenly she realised that the crowd were dispersing. Looking over their heads she saw a man in a baby blue shellsuit. Her nemesis. And he was daring to Locomote at the same time as her! She redoubled her efforts for the end of the song and the crowd were torn.

As Kylie’s dulcet tones died away, a sense of anticipation hung in the air. The nightclub clientele held it’s collective breath as the man walked across to her and eyed her up and down.

“You, dance-off, now!” he barked.

Well Bill didn’t need telling twice. “Fine, my choice of song” she returned, and walking to the DJ’s booth, she whispered something in his ear.“

Derderder Jitterbug.. .. .. derderder Jitterbug.. .. ..”

She’d gone for the killer blow. She’d picked Wham!

“You put the boom boom into my heart, You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts…”

She ripped off the top of her lilac shellsuit to reveal a purple bustier (“Where did she get that?” asked Sharlie admiringly) and she was off. Every turn she took the cheers got louder and louder, she was obviously winning.

“Take me dancing tonight. I wanna hit that high…”

She jittered and bugged like a mad thing. The Staff held their breath. Would the dodgy foot hold out?

“Cuddle up, baby, move in tight. We'll go dancing tomorrow night…”

She stood to the side watching as he gyrated, losing time to the music. She knew this last chorus could clinch it for her.

“Wake me up before you go-go..”

... and here it was. She was Irene Cara in Fame, Kevin Bacon in Footloose, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever all rolled into one. She span round, jumped up touching her knees to her chest and came down in the perfect splits.

And suddenly the “Jitterbug’s” were fading. She had done it. She’d won.

The blue shellsuit skulked away and the Staff ordered double tequilas all round.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:43 am; edited 1 time in total

#139: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 2:50 am

Knew I shouldn't have read this when the rest fo the family were asleep & I'm menat to be quiet - suffocating to say the least Laughing

#140: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 3:21 am

Also suffocating here, but don't let that stop you Josie! :laughing: Liz

#141: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 8:14 am

*Weak from laughing! :laughing: ROFL

#142: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 10:55 am

The images spinning around in my head at this present moment!!! :laughing: ROFL

:laughing: ROFL

I love it!!

#143: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 11:52 am

Ah! The memories! Good for Bill. Once again, I can't pick one line as a favourite. Superb ROFL

#144: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 12:15 pm

Brilliant! You go Nell, show them how it's done!

#145: Author: LadyGuinevere, Location: Leicester

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 1:27 pm

I can't stop giggling! Fantastic!! ~LadyG

#146: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 2:48 pm

*moans weakly with laughter* *will never be able to view those songs in the same light again...*

#147: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 5:09 pm

Go Bill!!!It occured to me last night that Hilda was missing in the morning wasn't she?? Did she go off with the spotty youth??? Shocked

Will never ever be able to see her in the same light again if she did!! lol. Fantastic Josie.

#148: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 5:40 pm

It just keeps getting better and better, thanks Jo Wink

#149: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 6:48 pm

I think the purple bustier is almost funnier than the dancing. ROFL

#150: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Sat Nov 27, 2004 9:28 pm

Fantastic Josie! I'm not sure I'll ever be able to think of Bill in the same way when I read the books!

#151: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 12:28 am

Jo, you are MAD!!! *Giggles weakly*

#152: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Nov 28, 2004 7:33 pm

*lays in a heap and sobs with laughter*

#153: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 10:56 am

Wonderful!!! This just gets funnier!!

#154: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:05 am

note to self - do not read this at work!!!

#155: Author: Elle,

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 4:20 pm

francesn wrote:

note to self - do not read this at work!!!

Or whilst teaching yr 7!

#156: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 5:07 pm

purple bustier??? *spluttering into cup of tea* fantastic!

#157: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Nov 29, 2004 11:43 pm

more more more please Very Happy

#158: Author: Steph, Location: Blackpool, Lancashire

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 5:46 pm

Absolutely brilliant Josie!! So many good lines- am loving Bills purple shell suit ROFL

More please!

#159: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 7:10 pm

Hey come on where is the rest ??? No updates for 4 days !! Shocked

This is not good enough Wink

#160: Author: Ella, Location: Staffordshire

Posted: Wed Dec 01, 2004 9:23 pm

Only just found this.... and read it all so far.... will now pick self up off the floor and attempt to stop giggling. Bill and the Locomotion finished off the hysteria! ROFL

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: ROFL

Josie - what a mind! Brilliant! Any more, please?

#161: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:12 pm

where did hilda get to????

#162: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:13 am

francesn wrote:

where did hilda get to????

All will be revealed anon.... Twisted Evil

In the spirit of preserving their friend’s dignity (though in reality purely because they were nosey) Bill and Grizel had decided that more needed to be known about Hilda’s spotty youth, so they stationed themselves either side of her and asked to be introduced.

“Nell, Grizel, this is my Mr Darcy,” giggled Hilda, the babychams now taking full hold of her senses.

“I say, Mr Darcy, where’s your lake?” said Grizel, sniggering and nudging Bill in the ribs.

“Well, Mummy and Daddy have a lake on the estate at home. Is that what you mean?” replied Tristram, totally missing the joke.

“Seriously, a Mr Darcy with his own lake?” exclaimed Bill in astonishment. “Is your name really Mr Darcy?”

“Of course,” replied Tristram, confused as to why this mattered. “Tristram Darcy. Pleased to meet you.”

“Oh Hilda,” Grizel giggled, “our work here is done,” and with that both she and Bill turned back the others, both convulsed with laughter.

In their absence, Helen Graves had been moved to instigate a game of Fuzzy Duck, and after several attempts, all of which saw the disastrous mixing up of F’s and D’s, Biddy had foregone the group and wandered off.

Jo, meanwhile, was in her element, and was rather perturbed to feel a tap on her shoulder. Turning round suddenly, she sent several people flying at the flick of her hair, which had unwound from its earphones and had now become a 4ft afro. She found herself face-to-face with a Mediterranean looking fellow wearing tight black trousers and two-inch high Cuban heels.

Before she could speak he grabbed her hand and uttered the words “Me gusta bien tu caniche permanente.”

“What’d he say?” asked Ruth, while Sharlie simpered, Mr Slime forgotten momentarily at the sight of a camp Spanish man in two-inch high heels.

“I think he just said ‘I really like your poodle perm’,” replied Jo, rather overcome at the attention. Jack had had reservations about her latest ‘do’, primarily because it tended to take up most of the bed space, especially if she hadn’t tied it back properly.

At that moment a familiar shriek cut across the conversation at the exact moment the music went dead, and the staff turned round on mass, dumbstruck at the sight before them...

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:47 am; edited 3 times in total

#163: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:22 am

LOL at the 4 ft afro!!!!!!

#164: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 1:51 am

o dear, Hilda! but at least he should be able to buy her enough bottles of babycham to complete that wall in her study.....

#165: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 2:16 am

*ROFL* at the 4ft afro line

#166: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 6:54 am

'A familiar shriek' - sounds ominous but not unexpected! Laughing

Love Hilda's 'Mr Darcy'and the 4ft afro.

#167: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 8:51 am

Could that be Matey? Love the 4 ft Afro taking up most of the bed! ROFL

#168: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 10:23 am

Also love the afro and Hilda's Mr Darcy!!! Very Happy

#169: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 10:44 am

Wonderful! Love the afro and Mr Darcy....is the shriek Matey or Biddy whose also wandered off??? ROFL

:laughing:

#170: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:03 am

Thanks Jo, cant wait to see what happens next....hint......hint Wink

#171: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:12 am

Love the 4ft afro. Thanks jo

#172: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:20 am

:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing: Love the 4ft afro! And the Mr Darcy refs... and I remember trying to find the Spanish for poodle perm now... *giggles*

#173: Author: Robin, Location: London

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 3:07 pm

4ft afro!!! ROFL

#174: Author: Elle,

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 4:08 pm

Please! more! More! More! Mexican Wave

#175: Author: Cazx, Location: Swansea/Bristol

Posted: Fri Dec 03, 2004 5:03 pm

This is great! Looking forward to finding out who shrieked, was it Jason Donovan by any chance!

#176: Author: Lyanne, Location: Ipswich, England

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 3:43 pm

My money's on Mary-Lou. no idea why she should be there but after the way she laid into allie (oops different drabble) i think she wiould be horrified

#177: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Sun Dec 05, 2004 10:36 pm

What still no more? Liz *forgetting sore throat and starting to chant for more*

#178: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:05 am

*joins in chant enthusiastically*

#179: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:19 am

*joins in chant enthusiastically*

#180: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:44 am

*adds to the chant*

#181: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 12:27 pm

Four-foot afro ROFL

*adds to chant enthusiastically*

#182: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Tue Dec 14, 2004 10:43 pm

Jo, get your butt back to St Hild's and post some more...... Starts a very loud and insistent chant for more Trumpet

#183: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 8:54 am

*joins in the chant* *finds that Kathye has nicked all the muscial instruments so :jump: instead* Liz

#184: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:25 am

Offers Liz a choice of the guitar, piano or trumpet I can only play the drums so I'll keep them Wink

#185: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:27 am

If it's still available I'll take the trumpet - can't play it but I'm sure the noise I make will be enought to bring Jo rushing back if only to shut me up!!! Trumpet

#186: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 10:33 am

Ok Liz Piano or guitar left, take your pick *runs away again before Jo catchs up with me Laughing

#187: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:17 pm

I could take the piano, I did learn when I was a wee thing piano

JackieJ Edited to change instrument as I'm an eejit!

#188: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 2:38 pm

I can strum a few chords on the guitar, so I'll take that - thanks Kathye Liz

#189: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 5:56 pm

*shouts loudly in an imitation of singing* MORE....MORE.....MORE

#190: Author: Mihiri, Location: surrey england

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 6:26 pm

*joins Frances in the shouting* Please please please please post more Jo

#191: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Dec 15, 2004 8:26 pm

*joins in with the shouting megaphone

#192: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:16 am

Borrows sons drumkit and makes a horrendous cacophony! Very Happy

#193: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:35 am

What sweet music you all make! Did you want something?

#194: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:40 am

Jo, you did say on MSN this morning that you planned to write an update this afternoon... *sniffles pathetically*

#195: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 12:40 am

*wails* I thought that would be more!

#196: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:26 am

*shakes head* I don't know, I'm just too good to you all (choosing to conveniently ignore the fact it's been 3 weeks since my last post Embarassed

) Here's an update, if only to stop you all being arrested by the noise police! Wink

As I'm feeling extra generous, there'll be another one first thing in the morning. Very Happy

“Oi did meet Jason Donovan, so Oi’ll have you know” screeched Biddy in a wildly exaggerated Oirish accent, despite the fact she had not even had a lilt for the last 13 years and had not visited her mother country since the age of eight.

Jo appeared at her shoulder. “Biddy my dear, how many times do I have to tell you that Irish people really don’t sound like Sean Connery in the Untouchables?”

Biddy cursed her friend under her breath, then turned back to the woman who had been haranguing her. “I can prove it if you want?”

“Go on then, I’ll bet you a tenner that you’re lying.”

“So will I!”

“Me too” the chorus came from all around them.

Nancy appeared in the middle of the throng brandishing ZZ Top’s baseball cap, which when removed from his head had revealed him to in fact have a mousy-brown comb-over, his mullet being made of nylon and stitched onto the back of the cap.

“Come on then, money in the cap before she reveals all!”

By now the whole club was watching, and in no time at all the cap was stuffed full of notes of all denominations.

“Okay Biddy, over to you,” and the diminutive Bridget was up on the table and in a flash had pulled open the front of her orange terry-toweling shirt-dress to proudly display the autograph that he had signed for her.

Cheers and wolf-whistles rang out, as Biddy smiled proudly and shouted “See, I told you so!” and Jeanne’s Polaroid flashed away in the distance.

Next minute she found herself being lifted off the table by two burly bouncers who had picked their tongues up off the floor and realised that this sort of thing just wasn’t on.

“Sorry love, we’re going to have to ask you to leave. None of that round ‘ere, some of our punters have dicky hearts you know.”

Joey leapt to her defense “But you can’t throw us out. Don’t you know who I am?”

The bouncers looked her up and down, taking in the afro as they did so. “Hair Bear?”

“I’m Josephine M. Bettany! Author of such esteemed works as Cecily Holds the Fort and Tessa in Tyrol! Surely you’ve heard of me.”

“I couldn’t care less if you were Elinor Brent-Dyer, darlin’,” the elder one returned, “you’re all still heading out on your ears,” and next minute they all found themselves stood outside on the steps.

Biddy set about making herself presentable again, whilst Nancy and Ruth emptied the money out on the floor and began to count.

“Ninety-eight quid, Biddy!” exclaimed Ruth grinning broadly. “Nice work! That’ll pay for the curry then,” and without further ado, they all set off towards the town centre and the delights of the Raj Doot.

Last edited by Josie on Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:51 am; edited 2 times in total

#197: Author: francesn, Location: away with the faeries

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:33 am

*cries with laughter* this is just brilliant!!!!

#198: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 2:49 am

“I’m Josephine M. Bettany! Author of such esteemed works as Cecily Holds the Fort and Tessa in Tyrol! Surely you’ve heard of me.” “I couldn’t care less if you were Elinor Brent-Dyer, darlin’,” the elder one returned, “you’re all still heading out on your ears” and next minute they all found themselves stood outside on the steps.

Lays head on desk and weeps gently into the hard unyielding keyboard.

#199: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 7:16 am

:laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: :laughing: Worth waiting three weeks - and did you notice sneaky Jeanne's polaroid?

#200: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Dec 16, 2004 8:22 am