The CBB :: View topic - Shocking and Scandalous!

#1: Shocking and Scandalous! Author: Rachel,

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 6:17 pm

OK, so it isn't really, but I *KNEW* Vikki would come dashing in here immediatelyif she saw the title ) I may have to see if I can have a go at a slightly more adult version of Con just for this area. Mwahahahahahahaa!

#2: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 6:20 pm

Well You may have got Vikki, but you got me as well Embarassed

Oh dear, sends self back to bed.... Rolling Eyes

#3: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 6:48 pm

Me too

#4: Author: claire, Location: South Wales

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 7:04 pm

Got 18 of us Embarassed

#5: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 7:10 pm

Well I saw Rachel's name at the beginning of the thread! Razz

#6: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 7:14 pm

Got me too... I wish someone would post something REALLY scandalous... I think the making of this forum has dried up our scandalousness... Smile

Last edited by Kate on Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

#7: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 8:18 pm

I was scandalised, by the fact there is nothing shocking and scandoulous in this thread.

#8: Author: Julie, Location: Edinburgh

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:18 pm

got me too lol although I would have been most disappointed if it hadn't been Rachel who started the thread

#9: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:27 pm

*Had a bit of an idea (basically following my post in Anything Else) so I went with it, though its quite tame really. Anyway, if anyone wants to tell me what happened in Wallflower, I'd love to know!!! Wink

* Matey entered Leafy dormitory on her normal daily rounds, noting that at least the curtains had all been draped correctly and the mattresses stripped. However, she knew that this dormitory contained one of the worst sinners in the whole school and so extra vigilance was needed. So it proved the case as Prudence Dawbarn's drawers looked as if the most recent hurricane had visited them. Once business was done Matey turned to a different pursuit and one which would have caused the girls to stand rooted to the spot if they had seen her. Turning to the nearest bed Matey sat down firmly and squarely on the mattress testing it for its comfiness and then proceeded to pull out a pair of clippers from her uniform pocked, slipped off her shoes and gaily began to cut her toenails sending the clippings flying to all corners of the room. She then got up and moved to another bed. This was not so comfy and Matey knew why, the miscreant, one Frankie Wilford had not turned her mattress over! Well, that young lady was going to have some explaining to do later in the day! Having made her way around the room, Matey made full use of her powers of hearing. Knowing no one was coming, she made a bounding leap and bounced onto Len Maynard's bed. That young lady's bed had proved the bounciest of them all in her tests and Matey let herself go for five glorious minutes before leaving that dormitory and heading towards Wallflower........

#10: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:30 pm

Ally, how dare you write such things, and about Matey, too! Shock, horror! Shocked

#11: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:34 pm

Heheehehehehehheheheeee! Thank you Ally... though still think my idea was better Wink

#12: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:35 pm

Oh yuk!! That's gross, can you imagine one of the girls finding one of matey's toenail clippings in their bed?? vampire

#13: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 9:49 pm

Very shocking and definitely scandalous Ally! Shocked

I can't believe it of Matey though (NOT! Twisted Evil

) oh, and Rachel got me too! Smile

#14: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 10:32 pm

:DBrilliant, Ally!

#15: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 10:48 pm

*sighs disappointedly* You got me too.

#16: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2004 10:50 pm

Thanks Ally - you cheered me up nicely Laughing

#17: Re: Shocking and Scandalous! Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 1:42 am

Rachel wrote:

OI!!!! Slander and libel!!!! Evil or Very Mad

And anyway, I wouldn't class seven and a half hours as immediately!!! Razz

#18: Author: Miss Di, Location: Newcastle, NSW

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:18 am

thanks Ally. It's good to know there are things in the world which I still find shocking and disturbing Laughing

#19: Author: Rachael,

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 10:09 am

Ally wrote:

* and gaily began to cut her toenails sending the clippings flying to all corners of the room.

Eeuuw!

#20: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:48 am

*G* well done Ally, very funny! Shocked at Matey though!

#21: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 12:47 pm

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwww.... I HATE toenails... .*shudders*

#22: Author: Marianne, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 4:48 pm

hehe

#23: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 4:56 pm

Hilda Annersley closed the door of her study, and used the intercom to speak to her secretary, Rosalie Dene. 'Please hold all my calls, Rosalie, tell them I'll call back later. I really must get on with drafting answers to all these letters and get some sixth form essays marked.' Oh hearing Rosalie's agreement, Hilda drew the study curtains, then switched on the desk lamp. Taking out a mirror, she then removed her contact lenses which had started to irritate her eyes. Putting on her glasses, she went over to her private filing cabinet, took out her own bottle of scotch, poured herself a hefty slug, then slumped on the sofa. Ah peace at last. Her final act was to ease off her shoes and put her feet up. That was better. She made a decision. She was really going to have to get her bunions seen to!

#24: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:27 pm

*giggles wildly*Thank you Jennie, truly shocking Shocked

#25: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 5:54 pm

*Giggling in the computer room*

#26: Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 6:14 pm

Kate wrote:

Eeeeeeeeeeewwwww.... I HATE toenails... .*shudders*

I quite like them myself - nice and chewy, and no calories! "Toenails - the toe-tally different snack..." shocking enough for you?! Twisted Evil

#27: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 7:18 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Eeeeeeuuuuuuwwwwww!!!!

#28: Author: Donna, Location: Liverpool

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2004 11:05 pm

at Lisa's suggestion* (nearest smiley i can get!) Lisa, that is horrible! LOL at Hilda though! Thanks Jennie!

#29: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:15 am

Well I think it's all rather boring... Anyone shocked? Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.

#30: Author: Dawn, Location: Leeds, West Yorks

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:18 am

I'm completely shocked and scandalised there's only 2 of us on the board and it's only 1.15am Shocked

eta - now I'm the only one, so I may as well go to bed Rolling Eyes

#31: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 9:33 am

I am shocked and scandalised that the worst things in the forum are (1) Hilda's contact lenses (which need cleaning out) and (2) Matey enjoying the childish pleasure of bouncing on a mattress Rolling Eyes

er, that WAS what she was doing, wasn't it? Shocked

#32: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:02 am

Ciorstaidh wrote:

Matey enjoying the childish pleasure of bouncing on a mattress Rolling Eyes

er, that WAS what she was doing, wasn't it? Shocked

Up to you

And I still don't know what she did in other dormitories! Perhaps you should write something more shocking??

#33: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 12:49 pm

Meanwhile, over at Feudesheim (is that how you spell it?), Jack Maynard was enjoying a day off from the San. The younger members of his lengthy brood were out with Anna, visiting her sister, and Joey had gone over to the school to see Hilda, who always welcomed a little chat. After a week of hard work, Jack decided that he deserved a little quiet time to himself. Climbing the stairs to the bedrooms, he paused on the corridor. 'What mood am I in today?' he muttered to himself after a brief pause, he made his way into Joey's dressing room. Leafing through the clothes in her wardrobe, he hummed and hawed as he fingered the different textures- silky, or a rough wool- before his eyes lit on the lime-green twinset and skirt that Jo particularly liked. Taking it down reverentially, he quickly undressed and was soon attired in the fetching garments, which he accesorised with some snakeskin high heels and a mauve satin scarf. Feeling a million dollars, he paraded round in front of the mirror. Thank God, reflected Jack, that he had included 'tall' in his marriage criteria- Jo's clothes were a reasonable fit, if a little tight here and there. Wandering down to the kitchen, looked around. He took great pleasure in the fact that he actually did more housework than Jo had ever done, but today was not a day for housework it was the wrong outfit for that. Instead, he made a pot of tea and took it to sip in the drawing room. Twisted Evil

#34: Author: Rachael,

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 1:43 pm

Now that is seriously funny!! I'm not quite sure that I'll be able to view Jack in the same light again! Rolling Eyes

(BTW - it's Freudesheim ... but Feudesheim has a definite ring to it!! Wink

)

#35: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 4:37 pm

Gives Ally's avatar location a whole new meaning!!! *g* *ducks and runs*

#36: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 4:42 pm

Shouldn't you be worrying about your father, Lenny dearest?? Ok, I admit it I have a penchant for lime green and Jack looks so good in it! Wink

*sighs about cats escaping from bags*

#37: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 5:26 pm

Anna smilingly waved to the Maynards as they set off in the minibus to travel to their summer home in the Tyrol. Thank goodness she wasn't going with them this year. She had pretended to be very sorry, but she really had to rest, she hadn't been feeling well for some time. A week spent doing very little would restore her, then she could take her time in turning out the house so it would be lovely for when they came home. As soon as the minibus disappeared round the corner, she removed the handkerchief from her eyes, went inside and locked the door. Damn the Maynards her accomplices were arriving with a large van in the middle of the night to remove all the most valuable pieces of furniture from the house. They were going to fence them in France and Spain, well away from Switzerland, just to lay a false trail. While the rest of them were doing that, she, Anna, was off to a nice Klinik she'd found out about whilst reading Jack Maynard's letters, a little restoration job on her face, then whooee! She and her accomplices had spent years in what seemed like penal servitude whilst they slowly built up and profited handsomely from their drugs ring, and now they were off to spend their ill-gotten gains, living in a beautiful villa on a Caribbean island. and wouldn't it be a shock for the Chalet School to come back at the start of next term to find out that they didn't have a devoted cook and maids any longer?

#38: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 5:50 pm

The Maynards were very glad that their old maid Anna had not gone with them on this holiday. For years now Jack and Joey had been dying to go to the nudist colony in the south of France, but had only made it on odd weekends, giving the excuse of bilious attacks so their children wouldn't come home for the weekend. Of course, the babies were used to it now, but they had had a hard time talking the elder children into it. Much to their suprise, Con had been very enthusiatic about the idea! Anyway, it all would have been too much for poor old Anna, with her staunch catholic upbringing. She was far better off having a rest and getting the house spotless for their return. They had a great singsong on the first leg of their journey, with 'Roll me over in the Clover' and 'She sits among the cabbages and leeks'. Of course, there had been one or two hair-raising moments, and Jack, who was driving, couldn't think why all the lorry drivers on the autobahn kept honking their horns. Len and Margot were very giggly on the back seat, and the various rustleings of clothing from that direction were causing him some consternation.

#39: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 6:52 pm

Speechless !!!!

#40: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:45 pm

- Also speechless!

#41: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 7:58 pm

Well, we wanted Shocking and Scandalous, all we need to find out now is that St Mildred's isn't as innocent a finishing school as it seems...... Wink

JackieJ

#42: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 9:18 pm

On arrival at the St. Mildred's holiday resort at a secluded spot on the Mediterannean coast, Jack got out of Minnie. How wonderful to be stripped from the confines of a doctor's outfit for four whole weeks! Checking in with a cheeky wink at Gillian Culver, the receptionist, he noted some of the group activities - after all, the whole family wanted to enjoy themselves, and there was something for all ages. He took particular notice of the "Swing Classes"......

#43: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 9:42 pm

*reads thread* *chokes* *giggles* Does anyone remember the drabble where Len and Reg ended up at a nudist resort for their honeymoon by mistake?

#44: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:16 pm

Ally wrote:

Shouldn't you be worrying about your father, Lenny dearest??

How d'you think he got such a good sense of fashion? Not from Joey, that's for sure! Wink

#45: Author: nickyj, Location: Essex, England

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:16 pm

Coming back out to the bus to collect the bag containing their toothbrushes and sunscreen which was all they had brought with them, Jack was surprised to find that only half of his family had disembarked. Ushering Joey out of the way he clambered aboard, to find that Con had somehow managed to get herself wedged in the space between the back seats, pressed up against the back window. Len and Margot, still giggling, were trying to pull her free and small Cecil was gleefully waving what appeared to be a bra in the air. Jack looked twice at his second daughter and realised why they had had such attention from lorry drivers on that motorway....

#46: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2004 11:34 pm

*giggles uncontrollably* Such nicely brought up girls....!

#47: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:10 am

Hee hee hee hee. Once Con had been freed from between the back seats, and was standing on the tarmac looking very sorry for herself, Joey decided it was time to have a serious word with her second daughter. "Now Con, it's usually Margot who forgets herself in this kind of way. Now you girls are getting older, it's time you started thinking about your actions. Who knows what chain of events you've been setting off by flaunting yourself out of the windows in this manner- as your father will tell you, lorry drivers put in this position have awful symptoms, such as palpitaions and stiffening of joints. There could have been a terrible accident, from which we of course would be saved, but others may have been injured! Really Con!" Con looked very ashamed, and her fellow triplets looked on in sympathy. Luckily for her, however, as Joey was just opening her mouth to deliver another lecture, Nell Wilson strode up. Everyone was shocked when, contrary to her usual sarcasm which could only be bettered by the gentle irony of Hilda Annersley, she spoke bluntly: "Shut up Joey. Since they are going to be wandering around in the buff anyway, I think your daughters are ok to have their boobs out in the car, don't you?" Joey was left gob-smacked by her former misstresses use of slang, and the rest of the family wandered off after Nell, except Jack who had disappered to the saunas with a few old English Public School chums who just happened to be there.

#48: Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 12:36 pm

Quote:

lorry drivers put in this position have awful symptoms, such as palpitaions and stiffening of joints

!!!!!

!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!! No further comments.... Smile

#49: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 12:48 pm

*feigns shocked expression* Shocked

How totally un-Chalet-ish!!!!!!!!!!!!! ROFL

#50: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 12:56 pm

*shocked*

#51: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 1:05 pm

*falls off of chair, weeping with laughter*

#52: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 2:25 pm

*falls on top and squashes Gem* Shocked

but wonderful!!! ROFL

#53: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 2:35 pm

Ally wrote:

*falls on top and squashes Gem*

Gem lies still, grey, and to all apperances...

#54: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 2:37 pm

*calls Matey to help revive Gem* *tells her to be sure to bring the castor oil........*

#55: Author: Nell, Location: London, England

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 3:16 pm

*decides it will be quicker just to empty a bucket of water over her*

#56: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 5:10 pm

This is the best shocking and scandalous thread I've ever read! Smile

#57: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 5:53 pm

Nell wrote:

*decides it will be quicker just to empty a bucket of water over her*

nothing a hot milk, a quick dose and a rendition of Red Sarafan won't fix *still mildly hysterical from Con's exploits and wonders if Jack wil be wearing the leopard print heels in the sauna Shocked

#58: Author: eilaroc, Location: Winchester

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:15 pm

'Mama' said Len, 'Reg and I..well, we have some news'. Beaming, Joey sat up straighter. Did Len's waistline look a little thicker? Was this the annoucement of the impending birth of the first of her hundred grandchildren? 'Well, you know we've always been a *large* family, and there's a history of multiple births...' Joey sat up even straighter. Could it be..was it twins? Triplets? Even...quads? 'So we've decided we can't afford babies as it would be bound to be at least twins and I've helped bring up at least eight already, so we've both been 'snipped''.

#59: Author: Laura, Location: London (ish)

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 6:20 pm

definitely shocking and scandelous!!

Last edited by Laura on Fri Sep 24, 2004 8:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

#60: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 7:47 pm

Poor Joey! What will she do?! If anyone is reading 'Once more into the breach dear Jo', I think you may safely have found another way to give Joey a near death experience! Wink

#61: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 8:35 pm

Jo launched into an angry tirade. "What the helll do you mean? Why should you get away with not having squalling brats underfoot all day? Do you think I wanted 73 children??? This is SO unfair!!!!!!"

#62: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 9:25 pm

"But Jo," Reg replied, "you didn't HAVE to adopt every goat on the Platz and dress them in pink in the desperation for more daughters! And we, well, we rather want to enjoy ourselves without the consequence of screaming brats." "Cecil!" cried Len, thankfully distracting her mother from inflicting certain death on her son-in-law, "what on earth do you think you're doing?" Cecil was standing by the minibus, eyes squeezed shut, fully clothed.

#63: Author: nickyj, Location: Essex, England

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:00 pm

"They want me to take my clothes off!" Cecil whined, gesturing to where the twins and Mike were dancing in a circle, kicking their discarded garments into the air. "Yes, my precious. It's a nudist camp, after all," Joey said coaxingly. "Look, Len's taken hers off and so have I." Cecil wrapped her arms across her chest. "I can't!" "Oh, don't be a brat!" Reg told her, throwing a 'you wonder why we don't want kids?' look at Joey. He caught Cecil by the arm and held her firmly while Joey peeled off her garments one by one, telling her gently that it was for her own good. She wasn't looking as she did so, being far too busy looking at Reg's muscular body and wondering if it was her duty as a mother to make sure he was in working order before allowing Len to have him. But the sudden silence that fell as she pulled the last piece of clothing from the screaming Cecil made her look down at her fifth daughter. "Oh my God!" she cried. Nobody was close enough to catch her as she fainted dead away, straight into a conveneintly placed gorse bush

#64: Author: Guest,

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:34 pm

Nobody had ever realised the true nature of Cecil's body. Now Joey had fainted in shock at the sight of her daughters boobs - being humungous in size and taped firmly to her chest. "They bounce so!" Cecil whined. "I have to tape them down - I'd permanently look like a boxer otherwise!" Len kicked Reg in the shin. "Stop staring! That's my sister!!" Outraged that Cecil should have such attention, she decided it was about time she showed off her 'wow' tattoo...

#65: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 10:46 pm

that was firmly etched to her inside thigh and which she took great delight is showing everyone, mainly because most people didn't like spiders. However, Joey was not so interested, in a field nearby, she had spotted some very fleecy looking sheep and she took great delight in streaking up and down in their field, her hair, rapidly greying, streaming out behind her. The sheep were wily creatures and so decided to join Jack and his school chums in the sauna.

#66: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:20 pm

You managed to find a home for the sheep then, Ally Wink

#67: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2004 11:26 pm

OK, now I'm shocked! I never thought I'd see the word 'boob' on this board!

#68: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:04 am

Meanwhile, Cecil decided to make the best of a bad job, and, peeling of the gaffer tape that held them down, tied her enormous breasts in a bow under her chin, and set off to join the nude abseiling classes.....

#69: Author: Emily, Location: Land of White Coats and Stethoscopes.

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:54 am

Oh, so this is the sort of thing to which A&C object! Loving it!

#70: Author: nickyj, Location: Essex, England

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:54 pm

Joey, always the first to see her duty as a Good Shepherd, decided to follow the sheep. She was just opening the door of the sauna when she heard a familiar voice say: "Gosh, Jack, now I remember why we used to call you Jigger Maynard!"

#71: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 6:03 pm

Jo turned in her tracks and hurried back in the direction of the sauna, only to see...............

#72: Author: Lisa, Location: South Coast of England

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 8:21 pm

*guffaws hysterically* Laughing

#73: Author: Helen P, Location: Cheshire

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 9:21 pm

I just read through the last few posts of this with Graham Norton on the telly in the background - and I can categorically state that this thread definitely beats Graham in the shocking and scandalous stakes! I love the part about Cecil's breasts tied in a bow under her chin ROFL

#74: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:13 pm

... one of the sheep (she thought she recognised Flossie, but couldn't be sure) tearing past her bleating furiously, followed closely by her husband wearing nothing but an enormous pair of plastic breasts and her leopard print heels. The shock was too much for Joey who swayed dangerously and would have fainted if it wasn't for ...

#75: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2004 11:52 pm

Jack, being used to her antics, giving her a sharp slap on the face. "I was hoping for a brandy-laced drink," complained Jo. "Not after the last time," Jack retorted, referring to the binge Joey embarked on the last time she'd tasted a drop of alcohol. Her alcoholism was famous in the Chalet School and the greater educational world, and she was also responsible for the school's reputation of turning out more juvenile delinquents - mainly alcohol and drug related crime- than any other school in the world. Her "English tea" parties were the girls first introduction to her world, however, the "English tea" was actually more akin to Irish coffee. Margot came racing up. "Look what I found," she said, eyeing her father, but deciding to ignore the curious scene. Joey gasped, as she noticed Margot was brandishing a...

#76: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:11 am

... copy of the latest colony newsletter, which she had come across in the foyer while browsing through the free create-your-own-tassles macrame sets. There on the front page, in full technicolour glory was ...

#77: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:56 am

a picture of Miss Annersley, showing that lady to be....

#78: Author: nickyj, Location: Essex, England

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 10:01 am

......actually a man

#79: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:27 pm

which explained why his/her voice was pitched so low. S/he also was wearing a pair of the most hideous multi-coloured spectacles....

#80: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 1:19 pm

which to the assembled company was the most shocking of all. "Her eyes DID need glasses!" exclaimed Joey. "But look!" interrupted Jack, his sharp eyes spotting something else. "A...

#81: Author: Lesley, Location: Allhallows, Kent

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 1:36 pm

#82: Author: Alex as guest,

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 5:40 pm

"....letts study guide to English literature"

#83: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:26 pm

"But, but...." Joey looked bewildered, on top of eberything else, this last shock was just too much, her normally creamy complexion began to resemble the lime green twin set she had accidentally bleached, and she began swaying on her feet, causing Reg to....

#84: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:44 pm

...quickly step out of the way. He'd been caught that way before, you broke her fall, and then ebnded up squashed flat. The woman weighed an absolute ton!!!

#85: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 6:55 pm

Joey lay, still, grey and to all appearances....

#86: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 7:55 pm

DEAD!

#87: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:04 pm

^^ I get the sneaking suspicion that you said that with a certain amount of pleasure, Carolyn P!!

#88: Author: Carolyn P, Location: Lancaster, England

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:12 pm

^ of course I did!

#89: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:16 pm

So Joey was dumped in the sea and a grand party was held, MCed superbly by Mr Annersley, who realised that he had found his true vocation in life for that voice which everywhere. The sheep meanwhile, got up and boogied on the dancefloor, thankful one obstacle was firmly removed.

#90: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:25 pm

*explodes with laughter* (Bits of Kate shoot everywhere, yet her hands remained poised over the keyboard, and her eyes float a perfect distance from the screen.)

#91: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:04 pm

Once they'd gotten rid of Jo's corpse, Jack wasted no time, and quickly contracted an incestuous marriage to Cecil (the enormous boobs were the deciding factor here, Jack was a breast man at heart, and had always been disapointed by the fact that Jo's chest had been practically invisible......)

#92: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 9:50 pm

Cecil happily complied, ensuring that any offspring of her sprees with Stephen, Charles, Mike, roger, Roddy, Winnie's boys (sorry can't remember names) and even Geoff ( Shocked

), not to mention Eugen, Gottfried and 'Hilda' could be labelled legitimate.

#93: Author: Emily, Location: Land of White Coats and Stethoscopes.

Posted: Sun Sep 26, 2004 10:28 pm

*Scarred. Mentally scarred* Laughing

#94: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 10:57 am

It was not until they read Joey's will that the family realised the extent of her iniquities, and the secret of Cecil's enormous boobs. For Cecil was not actually Jack's child.... Joey not only had an interest in sheep, but also in cows.......

#95: Author: Kathye, Location: Laleham

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 12:06 pm

Unable to even expresss feelings / words

#96: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 12:23 pm

Feel struck dumb by this!

#97: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 12:33 pm

*speechless* (which is just as well, since I'm in teh library!!)

#98: Author: Gem as Guest,

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 3:23 pm

josie wrote:

Nell wrote:

*decides it will be quicker just to empty a bucket of water over her*

nothing a hot milk, a quick dose and a rendition of Red Sarafan won't fix

*wails* This is what happens when I go away for three days!!! I get squashed, given castor oil (ugh!!!) and have a bucket of hot water emptied on top of me!!! Thank you Josie - I much prefer your cures Sad

#99: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 4:04 pm

On this discovery Cecil did the only thing natural and went on a rampage

many people died horrible deaths

#100: Author: Josie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 4:07 pm

Gem as Guest wrote:

Thank you Josie - I much prefer your cures Sad

Admit it Gem, you're just after the slug of brandy aren't you Wink

#101: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:01 pm

... by being slowly tortured by being forced to listen to a recording of Jo's real voice singing a Brahm's lullaby. (thought it would make a change from the Red Sarafan) It turned out that all these years she had been miming to someone else's singing.

#102: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:19 pm

The triplets, meanwhile, kept very quiet. They had long known their mother's secret, having become suspicious at such an urge to go on long hikes up the mountain. They had followed her only once and been afraid that they too were not Jack's children. Little did they know .....

#103: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:53 pm

that when she was newly married to Jack, Jo had nurtured a secret passion for the coal-man who had made very regular deliveries to their house.....................and it wasn't just coal he was delivering, it was ...............

#104: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 8:34 pm

............ sound advice on how to deal with the lecherous milkman, who had followed them all the way from Armishire. Joey was not sure this was relevant, as she knew that Biddy Courvoisier (sp?) has been having a long and perverted affair with him. However as he also gave her.........

#105: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 8:38 pm

A quart of snails, which he advised her to cook with garlic and lots of butter, but Jo refused them and said that she would rather..............

#106: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 8:41 pm

...put her collection of kitchen knives to good use

before running off with........

#107: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 9:35 pm

... the herdsman who had such lovely ,,,

#108: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 10:00 pm

thongs. He got these from...

#109: Author: nickyj, Location: Essex, England

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 10:26 pm

.......funnily enough, Jack Maynard (though Joey didn't know it) which was quite ironic really. However, it was none of these who had unknowingly fathered the triplets, it was.......

#110: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Mon Sep 27, 2004 11:46 pm

...Simone, who had then suffered Joey's teasing and hints for many years. She had hidden her real male identity from everyone with the help of Miss Annersley. Joey had found out when...

#111: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:41 am

....she had followed 'Simone' up a ladder. (It really would have been wiser of her NOT to wear g-string underwear...........)

#112: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 11:56 am

In those early days Joey was a complete nympho, which would explain her popularity with the men of the town/ doctors of the san/ herdsmen (who always let her stay in their huts when she was hopelessly lost on the mountainside). In fact, Dr Jem had known about Jacks cross-dressing antics, but had decided that he was willing to overlook leopard print heels and handbags if Jack was willing to marry his extremely loose sister-in-law. Jack took her on knowing of her perversions, but he wasn't unduly worried, as..........

#113: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:26 pm

.... her frequent absences left him with time to .....

#114: Author: Kathryn, Location: Kyabram (north of Melb)

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:34 pm

:laughing: ROFL

#115: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:55 pm

*chokes* *giggles* *gets funny looks from other people in the library* *glares at these poor people who haven't discovered the joys of the CBB* *giggles some more*

#116: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 1:34 pm

... continue with his Frankenstien-style research. His first attempt, had not been as successful as he hoped, but he was hoping his next effort would be an improvement on Mary-Lou.

#117: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:02 pm

LizB wrote:

... continue with his Frankenstien-style research. His first attempt, had not been as successful as he hoped, but he was hoping his next effort would be an improvement on Mary-Lou.

... who had insisted on calling him Uncle, which was not quite what he had in mind Wink

. He also had a penchant for curly hair and was most disappointed when her's grew straight. She was, however, much improved after the transplant of curly hair after her accident. But she became a nuisance with her threats of blackmail so he arranged ....

#118: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 2:40 pm

.... for Matey, the well known gangster famed for her methods of torture and pant-sniffing activities, to drown Mary-Lou in the Amazon, and pretend it was the natives. This tactic was often employed by the school at large in response to difficult characters- Margot in particular would have been shocked to know that Emmy had been subject to a horrific fate for not being as clever as the other CS girls. Having been tortured for years by not being moved up a form, ever, she was finally stufffed into a waste pipe and left there (she caused endless problems with the drainage systems.). Matey, thoroughly excited by her latest job, went bounding into Mr Annersley's study to find.........

#119: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 3:59 pm

The esteemed head intimately engaged with Bruno, Jo Maynard's St Bernard, who was in fact, not a dog, but a donkey in drag.....

#120: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 7:16 pm

*choking with laughter* *slides off chair clutching sides* My roommates are staring at me like I've gone mad...

#121: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:18 pm

...Matey's jaw dropped to the floor, smashing to smithereens and thus rendering her totally speechless. Unable to protest verbally about the appropriation of her donkey, missing for ten long years, she.....

#122: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 8:23 pm

...resorted to her favoured method of getting things done. Whipping out her AK47, she cried "Die bitch die!" and blew Mr A to a bloody pulp.

#123: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2004 9:17 pm

Matey beamed in satisfaction. She loved this part of the job. It made such a nice big bang and had the added advantage of supplying a lot of strawberry jam for the Sale. With a contented sigh, she knelt down and began to shovel the mess into the whisky decanter she'd pinched from the cupboard, just as ....

#124: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 8:29 am

Rosalie Dene walked in, not wearing a pretty twin set, but a ...

#125: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 10:03 am

...smile.

#126: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 10:11 am

oh, it hurts so much! *Picks herself back up off the floor and feels lots of sympathy with Gem* .....cape and a mask of Zorro. She struck the pose, and looked rather surprised when Matey let rip with the AK47, leaving just her head intact. matey attached this to her girdle by the hair, and left the room. After all this, she needed to find her old donkey again..... although the first person she met was in for a shock.......

#127: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 3:00 pm

Unbeknownst to most at the Chalet, Nell Wilson had been carrying on with Rosalie for some time. The Zorro 'outfit' had actually been for Nell's benefit. At the sight of her lover's head dangling at Matey's waist, Nell snapped. Brandishing a scalpel in each hand she lunged forward and...

#128: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 4:39 pm

......fell over a pair of middles who seemed to be indulging in a free fight on the corridor. With a cry of 'Bugger' she fell at the feet of her foe. Matey's eyes gleamed, and her hand rose but just then......

#129: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 5:02 pm

The silence bell rang, making her jump and drop the AK47, which was promptly picked up by Minette (who really was just the school cat) who climbed a pine tree and left it lodged where even Jack Lambert couldn't reach it. Matey gave a cry of distress at the loss of her favourite toy and ran off to find a cliff (no shortage of those around) to jump off. Meanwhile, Nell Wilson got to her feet and looking dazedly around her saw....

#130: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 5:14 pm

...that the Middles had formed a circle around her and were closing in. She searched frantically for her scalpels but they were nowhere to be seen. Slowly she became aware that the Middles were armed with a sparkling array of kitchen knives (Karen's distress when she saw what the girls had done to her beautiful knives led to incarceration in the local asylum - known locally as the San) and were advancing on her, murmuring unpleasant suggestions as to what should be done to that infamous sarcastic tongue...

#131: Author: Lisa_T, Location: Belfast

Posted: Wed Sep 29, 2004 9:53 pm

*snickering madly* the return of the murderous middles AND CBB madness! Hurray!

#132: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:27 am

The middles made short work of Miss Wilson, and set off to find the real object of their hatred. This was the woman who had indoctrinated them into the strange and bizarre sexual practices of the school, who had over-seen their initiation into the devil-worshiping cult of the Chalet School. She was evil and her name was........

#133: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:08 am

Joey!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :laughing:

#134: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:25 am

*giggling madly* ROFL

#135: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:34 am

*falls off chair laughing*

#136: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:52 am

Even after being thrown to the waves in the Mediterranian, Joey was back, proving that you can't keep a good plot device down. Certain of the Middles had seen her floating around, even whiter of complexion than usual, and with her dark hair flowing around her. She had been spotted wafting down the corridors, intoning phrases from the past in slightly less than golden tones (the piranhas has been at her vocal cords), and the scholl was driven to gibbering madness by such incantations as 'Daniel bit the lions' and 'You certainly can, but may you'. The prefects ran screaming, for the mountains, only to find themselves chased by numerous enraged goats and pigs which Joey had bred specially for this purpose. They would have been quite normal looking animals were it not for their rooling red eyes, and the wicked-looking steel claws emerging from their hooves.

#137: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:31 pm

*Incredibly scared.... decides to disappear for a few days until CBB sanity returns* Aaaarrrrrggggghhhh..... :hiding:

#138: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 1:36 pm

Don't be scared Kat.... the evil goats and pigs won't come after you...... vampire

#139: Author: Kat in ECDL,

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 3:51 pm

*Kat now even more terrifed!!*

#140: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:35 pm

Kat wrote:

*Incredibly scared.... decides to disappear for a few days until CBB sanity returns*

'CBB sanity' - when has that ever existed?

#141: Author: Matthew, Location: Birmingham, England

Posted: Thu Sep 30, 2004 11:45 pm

Have just read this in one sitting and have been helpless with laughter all the way through! The insanity is back! ROFL

#142: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 12:05 pm

Sorry to carry on but I'm reeeeeeeaaaly hungover at work (we threw the first event I've ever organised last night!) so need none work 'puter action! Joey snickerred in a really irritating way, causing those who were not running aroung screaming to want to hit her. An irate Rosalind Yolland, who had been happily testing models for the nude male drawing class, came storming down the corridor. "Joey!", the usually sweet tempered mistress screamed, "I have told you before to kindly not interrupt my classes!" She flinched a little when her eyes met Jo's, as the latter had developed eyes like gimlets (the dwarf who ran the local deli), and had bits of skin dropping off her face. "Right", said Miss Yolland in an undertone, "there's only one thing for it. Only one person can defeat Joey now, just as he did all those years ago, and we have to bring him back...."

#143: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 1:51 pm

'Yes but how do we go about doing that?' queried Nancy Wilmot, 'and are you sure it's a good idea?' Rosalind nodded grimly. 'I know it's not very safe, but it is the only chance we have.' Nancy was no longer listening, as her attention had been caught by the nude models, who were taking the opportunity of the absence of Rosalind and her whip to escape from the art room. 'Nancy' the whip cracked 'will you pay attention to me! You must gather what remains of the staff and we will meet at the auberge.'

#144: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 2:44 pm

Ooh-er *wonders why Nancy pays attention to the whip* Also, sneaking that DW reference in there is unfair to people who are sneakily reading this at work Very Happy

JackieJ

#145: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 4:52 pm

Also wondering why Nacy is under the control of the whip- but quite convinced that a ramble up to the Auberge is what is needed to save the day! Sorry JackieJ.... couldn't resist! Embarassed

#146: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 7:34 pm

Ann wrote:

Kat wrote:

*Incredibly scared.... decides to disappear for a few days until CBB sanity returns*

'CBB sanity' - when has that ever existed?

Notice I said 'CBB Sanity' not normal sanity....

#147: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:08 pm

But isn't that the same as insanity Kat? Twisted Evil

JackieJ

#148: Author: Kat, Location: Swansea

Posted: Fri Oct 01, 2004 10:32 pm

It's a whole different level!!

#149: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:12 am

The remaining staff set off, in twos and threes, gathering their equipment before they went. They took: 12 cloves of garlic, (natch) 11 bottles of hot water (the instructions were in German and their German was a little flaky Wink

), 10 nail parings (carefully stored from the target for who knows how many years), 9 bottles of alcohol (to boost their confidence), 8 remaining middles (who might or might be virgins but would have to do Twisted Evil

) 7 more bottles of alcohol (they had their priorities right) 6 nude male models (why not?) 5 carving knives (seemed a good idea at the time) 4 baby Maynards (quads of course) 3 coils of rope (in case someone fell down a cliff and there were no doctors about) 2 flutes (because the echoes are so beautiful) 1 gold ring (they'd all read LOTR)

#150: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 1:41 pm

After making sure that their boots were tied securely, that ALL the Middles understood that they were not to attempt to gather moss, blackberries, fall down holes, etc. which lessons were backed up by the mistresses who flourished the carving knives under their noses, the procession set off. The first clue, or as some would call it, handicap, came when they encountered the Maynard pram. This, as many will remember from the time when Bruno escaped from Freudesheim, was described by PatMac in all its odoriferous detail.

#151: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 3:19 pm

Not even carving knives could persuade the middles to go near it and after a hasty and acrimonious discussion to check if there were any other likely virgins in the school, the staff decided that, since the quads were now 10 years old, they could jolly well walk. Eventually everyone was on their way to the Auberge, the middles madly excited at the unexpected outing and refusing to tell the new girls what awaited them (or rather, what they thought awaited them Twisted Evil

). The quads were unable to keep up with the rest - never having walked before - and sat down and howled. Can't blame them really, their little knitted bootees weren't designed for walking along alpine paths. Unfortunately, along came Pat's LRRH (still hanging around after the aformentioned Bruno drabble) and she : Once more the maiden's eyelid flickered She pulled a pistol from her knickers she aimed it at the creatures' heads And bang, bang bang, she shot them dead!

#152: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 8:34 pm

"Gosh, look!" The staff turned ruond to see the middles jumping up and down and squeaking with excitement. The cause was soon apparent. The quads lay. still, grey and to all appearences turning to liquid in front of their eyes.Soon all that remained was a grimy puddle. "Come along girls, the excitement's over, said Miss Yolland, somewhat prematurely, as the puddle began to steam, gently at first, and then more strongly as the puddle began to boil.One of the middles, Attilla the Hungry, was moved to toss a potato into the liquid, in the hope that it would cook.That proved to be a big mistake.(edited for typos)

Last edited by Ellie on Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:21 pm; edited 2 times in total

#153: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 8:54 pm

As it produced a fatal chemical reaction (obviously, as anyone who's listened to Miss Wilson knows, Potassium and Maynard quads do not a baked spud make!) which caused a giant explosion from which the echoes could be heard for days. The surviving members of the party started to run for the hut (whereupon the author decided it was time to go to another section of the story..... Twisted Evil

) Meanwhile, back at St Mildred's, the trips had decided to go and join in Grace Nalders dancing class, as they felt like re-living their lost youths with a spot of country dancing, albeit naked. However, when they reached the hall they were puzzled by the large number of metal poles stretching from the ceiling to the tops of the several round tables scattered around the place, and also by the fact that the girls who were ..... for a better word.... dancing, were in fact not naked, although the scraps of leather and lace they seemed to be wearing didn't really cover that much up!

#154: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 9:26 pm

JackieJ wrote:

)

... but in the great tradition of CBB drabbles, yet another author picked up this thread, thus confusing all readers Twisted Evil

*pause while said raconteur stqaggers up the basement steps and replenishes glass to gather courage to tell the dread tale* (It's along way up those stairs) Joey, hearing the despairing cries of her beloved last born, swooped down on the puddle which contained their essential elements. With a strength derived from her deviant sexuality, she brought her will to bear on the situation and transformed said puddle into a SUPERBEING against which no mere mortal could stand. The new creation swelled and swelled and gradually took the form of viking

- no not a Viking, vampire

- no not a vampire, but .................. OOAML clad only in scraps of leather and lace and leading the St Mildred's dancing.

#155: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 10:41 pm

I think we need a 'screaming in terror' smiley at this point... At the sight of this monstrosity, many of the Millies fell off their tabletops and impersonated spineless jellyfish to the best of their abilities. As OOAOML-Joey bore down open them, slavering openly at the thought of all those poor souls needing spiritual guidance, Grace Nalder sprang forward, brandishing one of her pointy stiletto heels. "Get away from us, you fiend!" "Mwahahaha!" thundered the atrocity. "What chance do you have of escape? Not a sausage!Mwahahaha!"

#156: Author: Mora, Location: Lancaster

Posted: Sat Oct 02, 2004 11:04 pm

Owwwww howling with laughter and screaming in terror do not mix well with coughing. That said... laughter is the best cure (when there's no brandy about) Twisted Evil

#157: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 5:53 pm

Fortunately there had for some time been a Slayer on the platz - she had escaped from an unfinished drabble or two. Thrusting Grace aside she seized the stiletto and advanced on the beast.... Unfotunately, little Buffy was no match for OOAO...

#158: Author: Vikki, Location: Sitting on an iceberg, freezing to death!!!

Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 8:02 pm

However, 'little Buffy' had friends........

#159: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 8:08 pm

......who were sadly unconditioned to helping her because they had been sat around for far to long waiting to be remembered. Anyway, they knew that they tended to help Buffy when she got into trouble (which was surprisingly often for a slayer) so they tried and failed and ended up as lunch for the very persistent middles. The mistress on duty seeing her girls success felt very proud of her charges and so allowed them to hurl a person of their choice off the Auberge to hear the beauty of human scream bouncing back as pretty fairy song. Sadly for the mistress, she was the one who was chosen.

#160: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:53 am

*sniggers reprehensibly* :laughing:

#161: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:38 am

But fortunately for her, along came a sqaud of unmarried doctors from the san. Ok so some of them were approaching retirement, but when you're a teacher any doctor is better than none! With many an 'ouch' for aching backs and knees the doctors made their way down the cliff to the frail pine tree Miss Derwent was hanging on to. The roots were slowly releasing their clinging hold on the rock face and it was a race against time for the geriatric doctors. Just as it seemed all was lost and Ruth would be hurled to a cruel death on the rocks below help appeared in the form of...

#162: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 2:52 pm

A drabble trampoline!!!

#163: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:09 pm

Ruth gratefully dropped onto the trampoline, and then found herself :jump: :red: :jump: :red: :jump: :red: back up to the top of the cliff. This puzzled the geriatric doctors, who were also amazed to see that Ruth's underwear was a very exiguous thong. One of the doctors, who had forgotten to replace the battery in his pacemaker..............

#164: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 5:27 pm

.... fell to his death in the raging torrent beneath, causing much amazement 3,000,000 years later (predictions of global warming having been a result of an inverted sign in an equation) when he was recovered from the Jomanard glacier (the name thought to be a corruption of Jo man hard and presumed to be an ancient warrior from the 20th Century, graphically described Wink

#165: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:12 pm

Meanwhile, Ros Yolland had been been eyeing the drabble trampoline, and her eyes lit up as she had an idea. To the great surprise of the Middles, and the detriment of a few more doctors who dropped off when they saw her artistic knickers (the Chalet School had an interesting supply of catalogues in the staff room), she took a running jump off the cliff, bounced off the trampoline, and came to land on the rampantly curly hair of the giant and monstrous OOAOML........

#166: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 6:16 pm

Who promptly overbalanced and landed on top of Freudesheim, squashing it to matchsticks.

#167: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:01 pm

Unfortunately, apart from a few minor scratches and bruises, the gigantic OOAOML was completely unaffected by Ruth's actions. The

* fared less well, being turned into* Find the trampoline here - or just copy this url and place it inside the [img] tabs. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/sport/sport-smiley-025.gif

#168: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2004 11:25 pm

A very very very small thing, unidentifiable to the naked eye. Unfortunately Miss Annersley, whose keen eyesight would no doubt have been able to penetrate the mysery, was no longer in this world she did die a few pages back didn't she? and the residents of the Platz, and a few CBBers who came looking for it, where unable to say what the smallsmallthingwhichhadformallybeenatrampoline now was. The Swiss government established a think tank (and several subcommittees) and recruited great minds from all the corners of the globe for the sole purpose of identifying the smallsmallthingwhichhadformallybeenatrampoline. Meanwhile back at site of Freudesheim, OOAL was.... ETA for missing word

#169: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 2:31 pm

Dancing a jig on the remains of Jo's old house. At each leap, the earth shook, and casms opened up which did away with most of the geriatric doctors who were left. It was a truely terrifying sight, especially as OOAOML had reverted to the sturdyness of her childhood, and her massive thighs wobbled as she danced. The middles watched, horrified (although one or two were licking their lips at the sight of so much flesh- it had been a long day and they were hungry), and Miss Yolland, who had hung on for grim death, was bouncing around with an expression on her face which reduced the remaining staff into fits of giggles bawling

. The air was full of flying feathers as OOAOML's costume began to fall apart, and those at the Auberge watched fascinated as.......

#170: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 2:39 pm

she split neatly into two revealing the true reason why she had an annoying name. Mary turned to stare at Louise and Louise returned the look with interest as the horror of the situation dawned both on them and their audience. Now there was no longer one and only, there was two of them!!

#171: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 3:14 pm

"Goody, goody!" cried the middles. "Not only is there Mitagessen here, there's dinner too!" And they set to work on the tree trunks that were Mary's legs. Ros and Ruth saw this as their chance for escape. Softly, softly, they backed away towards the Bahnhof that served the Platz. "Look," whispered Ros, "there's a train just leaving!" Just as the train moved off and they thought they were safe...

#172: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 3:20 pm

As any fan of horror films will tell you, evil characters Never Really Die. And so it was then, just as Ruth and Ros were settling into their seats with sighs of relief, they saw Matey making her way down the aisle, heading straight for them...

#173: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 4:14 pm

She was certainly grey, and to all appearances dead, but she was not still, and this really worried Ros and Ruth. However, at that moment, Matey came to a stop- she had seen something that was far more horrible than even NOAOAMML (work it out)- and far more threatening to Ros and Ruths safety. For, hanging from the top of the train, face peering through the window, was...

#174: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 5:12 pm

Madge Russell!

#175: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 5:43 pm

No longer Madame but MADAMN, changed in subtle ways. Her hair now a writhing mass of serpents. Her eyes now slitted and bloodcurdling. Her tongue slid between her pointed teeth. Her pendulous ........ ETA OK, I know that's not really 'subtle'.

#176: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 6:03 pm

.... earings clattering against her wasted cheeks. She tapped a long and overly painted fingernail against the glass, and smiled in a way that boded ill for the two mistresses..

#177: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:13 pm

...although it was possible, thought Ros, clinging desperately to the last strands of hope, that she just had wind.

#178: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:56 pm

to Alex! .... The mistreses then thought they had been saved for the (not) still and to all appearances, etc Matey caught sight of the pendulous earings and cried in a voice too horrible to reproduce in print ..... "My earings! I will kill for them! Jem gave them to ME!!!!!" Whereupon the apparition clinging by her prehensile toes to the roof of the carriage, snarled "He loved me and my winsome ways! All your aphrodisiac nostrums were to no avail against the powers of Medusa, the original Goddess of power Evil or Very Mad

." The mistresses realised, a little late (Duh!) that the battle between these mythological creatures could be a little dangerous for anyone caught in the middle. Wibbling madly just like (name no names Wink

), they cowered in their seats. Just then, the train entered a tunnel and .....

#179: Author: Ann, Location: Newcastle upon Tyne, England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:06 am

...neatly decapitated Madamn, who obviously wasn't all that bright or she would have seen the tunnel ahead of her (duh!) Inside the now blood-splattered carriage, Ros and Ruth breathed sighs of relief (a bit prematurely, no doubt, as we have already established that bad guys have a habit of coming back as undead monsters). But they had forgotten Matey. Shrieking with rage at the loss of the coveted earrings she lurched through the carriage...

#180: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 8:47 am

'Mine,' she snarled. 'Mine.' She made a grab at Ros and Ruth, but just then the train gave an enormous lurch.

#181: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 10:40 am

... propelling the monstrous figure straight through three carriages and into the guards van. Only mildy stunned by this the undead matey rose to her feet and (pausing only to set her starched cap straight) burst back into the carriages only to be met by ....

#182: Author: Gem, Location: Saltash/Aberystwyth

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:46 pm

*sobbing with laughter* *falls off chair*

#183: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:40 pm

Mademoiselle Lachenais, bearing a huge pot of 'the nectar she calls coffee', which in reality had nothing to do with coffee at all. She waved the pot at Matey, who immediately calmed down and followed her submissively of the train onto the platform (the train having reversed back to it's starting point).

#184: Author: Elzbie, Location: London

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 4:54 pm

It was not just Matey who was suddenly dolice in the face of the "nectar"... Ros and Ruth (who were quite surprised that they were still alive) also followed Madmoiselle like the bisto twins. They were all overcome by the terrible urge to light up a cigarette and......

#185: Author: JackieJ, Location: Kingston upon Hull

Posted: Thu Oct 07, 2004 5:22 pm

start complaning about the latest new girl and Lower IVB's terrible work. However they were met by Nancy, who had apparently snapped, grabbed the whip for herself, and chased them to where The giant Mary and Louise were. Upon seeing their former torturer's, these gigantic scary beasts promptly.....

#186: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 12:28 am

...advanced upon them. Each gigantic footstep, set up minor earth tremors, terrifying the residents of the Oberland. This wouldn't have mattered, hadn't the terrible two decided to despatch their tormenters by the simple method of jumping on top of them. As they landed in unison, the earth gave up the unequal struggle, mighty chasms appeared, swallowing up large parts of the neighbourhood, and the magnicent Jungfrau toppled in a heap of grimy ice and boulders, landing on top of...

#187: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 3:59 am

Mademoiselle's coffee pot which began to bubble with tremendous force, forcing up through the rocks and finally erupting in a tremendous explosion which resulted in a lava flow which flowed down the Alps on both sides, annihilating all in it's path, including ....

#188: Author: Ally, Location: Jack Maynard's Dressing Room!!

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:25 pm

the procession of ducklings that Joey, the mother hen, was leading on a wild journey across the Platz. Sadly they forgot they had wings at a crucial moment and the ducks got a little squashed.

#189: Author: LizB, Location: Oxon, England

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 5:40 pm

Under the wheels of Minnie, the Maynard minibus, which was driving itself around the Platz.

#190: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 7:41 pm

... Having just congratulated itself (himself/herself?) on not having to duck from falling trees or screech to a halt to let a sick St Bernard out, or listen to any more of those oh, so jolly songs. Minnie was mortified that it (s/he) had run over baby ducklings and, with a roar of engine, a clash of gears and no signals at all, drove off a cliff in despair and landed on ....

#191: Author: Alex, Location: Hunts, UK

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 7:43 pm

Mary. Or was it Louise? It was getting so hard to tell....

#192: Author: Ciorstaidh, Location: London

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:41 pm

Minnie peered up at the hair of the giant Mary/Louise and discovered it was Mary. When they had split in two, Mary had taken Kenwigses and Louise short curls...so one down, one to go. Mary was dead - sort of.

#193: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 8:53 pm

Except, from the remains of Mary, grew two more OOAOs, Ma and Ry, easily distinguished because they had got mangled up with the squishy remains of the poor little baby ducklings, Ma had a bill, and Ry had webbed feet.

#194: Author: pim, Location: the Derbyshire wilderness

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:41 pm

*mildly terrified by all these ML's!* *but laughing like a loon anyway*

#195: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:01 pm

the various mistresses and middles who were still left (are we still at the auberge?) recognised their one and only chance of escape in the form of Minnie. In a huge stampede, that resulted in at least two middles being trampled horribly to death in, they made their way desperately to the little bus...

#196: Author: Ellie, Location: Lincolnshire

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:14 pm

(Good to see you Nicci} ...Atilla the hungry eyed the litle bits of squashed duckling speculatively, but she was dragged away by her friends who were only too aware that they were in danger of....

#197: Author: Nicci, Location: UK

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 8:25 pm

being caught in a nasty blizzard which had appeared out of nowhere and caught everybody off guard. The middles grumbled a lot they were understandably sick and tired of such 'adventures' which usually resulted in them spending the night on the floor of a cramped and smelly hut with nothing to drink except some cheap and disgusting coffee. They were also unimpressed with the mistresses lack of prediction about the weather, having been under the misguided impression that all chalet school mistresses were well trained at reading weather signs (though naturally always far too late). As the first drops of rain/snow fell, the mistresses realised with horror that they were all wearing white shirts. The doctors realised with less horror, that the mistresses were all wearing white shirts. They cheered loudly (and some might say scandalously)

#198: Author: patmac, Location: Yorkshire England

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 10:01 pm

In fact, they not so much cheered as leered (which reduced their numbers by 3 - who really should not have had so much excitement with their blood pressure level). The surviving doctors were even more aroused as the white blouses became more transparent. They chased after the mistresses who maintained a steady pace to prolong the chase without actually causing any more heart attacks among the pursuing doctors. Eventually .....

#199: Author: Jennie, Location: Cambridgeshire

Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:01 pm

They all reached Minnie and jumped in, apart from two of the doctors who managed to slither under the wheels, and who were crunched to bits when Minnie took off with a great revving of its engine. The situation in the mini-bus grew even more tense when some of the doctors made a lunge for.....................

#200: Author: Kate, Location: Ireland

Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2004 3:22 pm